Hey ... I just caught
a glimpse of our pilot,
and he looks
exactly like Sully.
I-I think
it is Sully.
I think
that's a woman.
No, it's a ...
Yeah.
Oh, I know
what you're doing.
You're testing
the limits of my feminism.
I will have
you know that I am
perfectly fine putting
my life in the hands
of a female pilot.
Hi, folks.
This is your captain.
Oh, thank God.
Mm-hmm.
Our flight time
to Turks and Caicos
is six hours, 24 minutes.
Flight attendants,
prepare for takeoff.
All right.
Time to take
that special flying medicine
Ronaldo gave us.
Yes, what does
"cuidado" mean?
I think it means
"sleep tight"?
I don't know.
Oh, well, cheers!
Cuidado.
Mm.
Okay.
What happened?
Did we land?
Oh, man,
that stuff is good.
Bad news, folks, we have
some mechanical issues.
We need to head back
to the gate.
Okay, any time you head back
to the gate,
that means your flight's
not taking off.
All right,
gather your things.
We're gonna need
to scramble
to find another one.
Okay, Mr. Pritchett,
there is a connecting flight
through Dallas that leaves
in five minutes.
You can catch it
if you hurry.
I don't want
to go to Dallas.
We're going
to Turks and Caicos.
Dallas is just where
you make your connection.
I'm sorry, I'm having
a really hard time
processing information
right now.
We took sleeping pills.
Just make your way
over to gate 32.
Okay.
I can... wow.
Wait, why do
these say "Dallas"?
I have no idea.
Ma'am, sorry, there's been
a horrible mistake.
We don't want
to go to Dallas.
Okay.
Listen carefully ...
you're connecting in Dallas
to Turks and Caicos.
You need to be at gate 32 in
four minutes, do you understand?
Yes.
I'm not an idiot.
Okay, we have to be
at gate 4 in 32 minutes.
No, gate 32,
write it down.
Okay.
Why is she so angry?
Isn't it obvious?
She's totally into me.
She gave me a marker. Mmm!
Makes sense.
All right.
Okay.
I'm just gonna
follow you. Okay.
Yeah.
Wrong!
I knew it.
Instinct.
Okay, yes.
Wait, no, my bag.
My bag's gone.
Okay, okay.
It has my passport
in it.
Wait, that guy ...
he has my bag.
Excuse me, sir.
Nice try stealing my bag.
I see you've already painted it.
Cam, it... it's back
on your shoulder!
Oh, my God.
You are good.
Cam, listen to me,
listen to me, listen to me.
If we're gonna have any chance
of getting to Dallas
and then surviving there,
we are going to need hats.
Hats.
Excuse me, sir,
sir, sir, sir,
are you the proprietor
of this haberdashery?
Can you point me
in the direction
of your finest sports caps?
What team?
Gay ... I'm not sure
why that's relevant.
Oh.
Okay.
I'll just ...
Yeah, I have
a question for you.
When you're outside
the workplace, do you wear hats?
Or does that just
kind of make you feel
like you're always
in the office?
Oh, you know what, I think
I am going to get these.
No, Mitchell, we can't ...
Oh, look,
little girls' hats.
Ooh.
We should get one for Linda.
Who?
Um, our daughter?
No, it's Lily.
Oh, I love that name.
Mitchell, why do you have
32 written on your arm?
I have no idea.
Maybe it's some sort of code,
or maybe it's my age.
Do I look 32 to you?
Tell me the truth.
No, you know what ... don't.
Well, if we wrote it down,
it must be something important.
Hey, we should write
down other stuff
that seems important
so we don't forget.
Yeah, okay.
Um, well, hats.
Hats, obviously.
Obviously.
Okay.
Ah, what else?
I feel like there was a ...
A number.
there was ... 32.
32.
Attention, please.
Passengers Mitchell Pritchett
and Cameron Tucker...
You're hearing that, right?
Yeah.
please report to gate 32
immediately.
Are we in trouble?
I don't know.
He sounds mad.
He does.
Hey.
No, no, no.
Cam, don't.
Don't you dare.
Don't ... Don't you dare.
No, I ... they just look
so soft and inviting.
I-I don't think
I can go on.
Tell Linda
I love her.
No, you're gonna tell
Linda yourself, okay?
I cannot go to Dallas
without you.
The portions
there are so big.
Ooh.
I'm just so tired.
I'm so very tired.
I just need
to close my eyes.
Oh!
Knock it off!
Ow!
You're gonna suck it up.
You're gonna pull
your act together.
And you're coming with me
to gate 3232.
That can't be right.
We're just never
gonna make it.
Oh, my God.
You're right.
We're gonna die
in this airport.
Ah.
Oh.
Final boarding call for flight
224 to Dallas at gate 32.
Wait, there's still time.
Sir, stop!
Stop!
Is there a way that
you can take us
to gate 32?
32, yeah.
I guess.
Okay, wow.
Thank you so much.
You are a life saver.
Please hurry.
Okay.
We're here.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Mitch and Cam.
Hi!
Hi, we're Mitch and Cam!
I'm Mitch, he's Cam.
Mr. Tucker, Mr. Pritchett ...
you made it just in time.
Okay.
Oh, my gosh.
Thank you.
Lucy, her name is Lucy.
We're coming home, Lucy!
Hey, everyone,
we are firing up the hologram
to the Starship Enterprise
in five minutes.
Be there
or be square.
I don't think he had
to "or" that one.
You know, honey,
now that we're here,
I'm not sure
it's such a great idea
to barge in on Alex.
Claire, I'm worried.
She's not returning texts.
Her friend says
she never goes out.
This is the first act
of every Lifetime movie
about college girl meltdowns.
Yeah, but maybe we should give
her a little head's up.
That's what Alicia Silverstone's
mom, Judith Light,
thought in "From Straight A's
to a Straight Jacket."
Trust me, this is
the best way to make sure
she's not spending
her nights holed up
and depressed.
Alex? Honey,
it's Mom and Dad.
Oh, well, maybe
this is a good sign.
Maybe she's already out with
friends, just like a normal ...
Hey!
What are you
guys doing here?
Thought we'd pop by, say hi,
maybe take you out for a bite.
Unless you've already got
fun group dinner plans?
My burrito's ready.
You're drinking?
Wine helps
me sleep sometimes.
You know, I really wish
you guys had called.
I'm so busy
with school stuff right now,
and this place is a mess.
Aww, there you are.
You got a cat?
It's not mine.
You stole a cat?
Just like Neve Campbell
in "From Yale to Jail."
Oh, God.
Honey,
are you sure you're okay?
It's Saturday night.
You're drinking wine
in your bathrobe
with a
come-from-nowhere cat.
What's wrong
with that?
Take away the cat,
and I'm basically you.
Mm.
Honey,
I know what it's like
to be an outsider in college.
Mm-hmm.
The cool kids and I
used to try
to make them feel better
by leaving banana bread
outside their door.
We'd knock and then run off
and hide behind a bush
and watch them just to see
the expression on their faces ...
Phil.
Your dad and I
are just concerned
'cause you've been
so distant lately.
I told you
I've been busy.
Nobody's saying you
don't lead a full life.
Mm-hmm.
You study, you make burritos.
Maybe ... maybe you're just
a little lonely or depressed.
I'm fine, mom.
'Cause we could always get
you back into therapy.
Yes.
Or have you move home with us.
Uh-huh.
God, stop.
Why do you guys always just
assume I'm some depressed loser?
Did it ever occur to you
that maybe I've been so distant
because I've been busy
with my own life?
Maybe I'm doing great.
Maybe I'm spending time
with someone special.
Ah!
Yeah.
Whoa.
That's right.
Ben, what are you doing?
I told you to stay in there.
I'm sorry ... I thought you were,
like, building to a big reveal.
I wasn't.
You and Ben and ...
Honey, isn't he 50?
He's 26.
It runs in my family.
I'm gonna look like this
until the day I die.
So, this is why you
haven't been coming home?
You've been dating
your mom's assistant?
Oh.
I'm actually
a marketing manager.
Unh-unh.
You know what?
This might go better
for everyone if
you throw a towel on.
Okay, yeah.
That makes sense.
Claire, co... um,
could you not fire me?
Ugh, how long have
you two been sneaking around?
A couple of months.
We took a break when
I went to San Diego.
What? We did?
Just ...
Is this okay?
Um, yeah, yeah,
we put it in for her.
It's a feline burrito.
Wait a minute.
I knew I recognized that thing.
You should know ...
He brings that cat to work
and apparently on dates.
He thought it was time
to bring together
the two most special ladies
in his life.
Well, I cannot go
to work every day
and wonder why he's got
that stupid smile on his face.
Why are you making
this all about you?
This is the first
adult relationship
I've had in... ever.
But it's with Ben.
It's okay. It's okay.
She didn't mean that.
Claire, can I talk
to you for a second?
Oh, you can agree with me
in front of everyone.
Actually, I think you're
overreacting a little.
What?
We came here thinking
our daughter was in
some sort of a depression,
and it turns out
she's dating someone.
And he's actually
pretty sweet and harmless.
Are you, Ben?
Are you harmless?
Please don't, don't.
He kissed me.
You kissed my mom?
You kissed my wife?
Dude, I thought I had to
or I would lose my job, okay?
That's not ...
Mnh-mnh.
That's for real.
We were working late.
It was just the two of us.
She reached over to grab
a spring roll, I guess,
but she got right in my face,
and she whispered,
"Mmm, Mama's hungry."
I have to say, Claire,
this one might be on you.
Like I would abuse my position
to take advantage of you
and not Tony
from the warehouse?
Who's Tony
from the warehouse?
Just ...
The kiss was
an honest mistake.
Maybe, but it was still
a little off,
like most things
are with Ben.
Maybe I like a little off.
And that's not all he is.
He's an amazing person
who somehow gets me.
He's thoughtful and smart,
and I feel like
I can be myself
around him.
And his nose does this little
wiggly thing when he sleeps.
You watch me sleep?
Dude, I watch
you sleep.
I'm really glad that
this is finally out
and I can tell people
how I feel about you.
I really like you, Ben.
Like, a lot.
And I have never loved
anyone as much as you.
Don't make this weird.
Oh, yeah.
She's not sad
and lonely.
No, it's so much worse.
Look at her, Claire.
Have you ever seen
her look so happy?
Crap.
3, 2, 1.
Aw!
That's my hand, Ben.
Oh, sorry.
Mm-hmm.
My bad.
Speed it up, Manny.
The movie starts
in five minutes.
Sorry, but I'm not going
over 20 miles an hour
with this cappuccino machine
not strapped in.
Once I perfect
my foam art skills,
my freshman dorm will be
the place to be.
I think we can put off that talk
about using protection.
Mm, look, there's
a spot right there.
Looks tight, but
I'll give it a try.
You're too close to the curb.
You're gonna hit it.
Oh!
What'd I tell you?
It's okay, Papi,
you can do it.
Ugh.
Go around.
Oh, really?
Well, here's a bouquet of them!
Okay, let's try
this again.
Ah!
Ugh, okay.
Get out, I'll do it.
Surprise, surprise.
What was that?
Nothing, I was just saying
that I am surprised
that you want to take over
like you usually do.
But I am not.
What are you cagey for?
What did I do?
Okay, this spot's
not happening.
Well, I didn't want
to say anything,
but the other night, when
we were at Jeff and Sally's,
I was in the middle
of telling a story,
you just took over
and told the ending,
and that was very rude.
Okay, this one
looks good ... It's huge.
That's what's bothering you?
I jumped in to save you!
You were flailing.
You were drowning in a sea
of unnecessary details.
Ah! How?
That's the way I like
to tell a story.
I like to paint
a picture.
A story should be
short and simple.
Don't tell me anything
I don't need to know.
I am taking you
on a journey.
I am not teaching you
how to build a bookcase.
Seriously?
You saw me waiting.
You couldn't tell me
you weren't leaving?
You brought your
own shopping bags,
but you left
your manners at home.
I'm just saying your story
would be easier to follow
if you didn't take
so many side trips
and you thought about
the build a little bit.
You're with me on this,
aren't you, Manny?
I like Mom's stories.
See?
I'm just gonna pull
in here.
12 bucks? No wonder
the middle class is so angry.
There's no way you would be able
to follow her story.
Yes, he would have.
Fine. Tell it again.
A couple of weeks ago,
I go to the grocery store ...
the one on Washington
that has the tiny little
wine bar to the right.
So, I come in, I'm looking
for paper towels.
And I think, "Mmm,
I'm gonna treat myself
with some wine and some cheese."
'Cause why not?
So, I order my drink,
and when I look up,
I thought I saw
Sandra Bullock.
Stop. Right there,
you just said you thought
you saw Sandra Bullock.
I already know the ending.
It wasn't her.
End of story.
Yeah, but you don't even know
who it really was.
I know it's
not Sandra Bullock,
so I'm not invested.
You know, I really loved her
in that movie "Gravity."
Who cares?
She wasn't there.
Oh, please be leaving.
May I finish
my story?
So, I start following
Sandra Bullock...
Not Sandra Bullock.
around the grocery store.
She goes first to
the frozen section,
then she goes to
the detergent aisle.
I'm thinking to myself
this whole time,
"I am gonna go
and introduce myself,
but it has to be
at the right time."
So I keep following her.
Eventually, she leaves
the store.
She goes outside,
which was actually really hot
to be January, because,
remember, last year ...
We know the month,
we know the weather,
we know it's
not Sandra Bullock.
Are you leaving?
I want your spot.
Oh, please.
Don't flatter
yourself, lady.
Manny,
are you listening?
No, sorry.
I wasn't paying attention.
Because you're not holding
his attention.
And this is what
I've been talking about ...
too many useless details.
Get on with it.
So, she turns around,
she takes her sunglasses off,
which was really weird,
because it was
the exact same pair
that I bought last year that
I lost on that plane ride ...
Nobody cares about
your sunglasses.
Just get to the end.
I don't want to now.
The woman turns to
your mother and says,
"Oh, my God.
Are you Salma Hayek?"
Here we go.
I'm just trying
to help you.
Put on blinker,
check mirrors,
watch jerk steal your spot,
regret quitting karate
in 4th grade.
You know what, Jay,
this is not about
who tells the best story.
This is about
you jumping in that night
like you just wanted me
to stop talking because
I was embarrassing
you or something.
You made me feel stupid.
You think it's nothing,
but you hurt my feelings.
Gloria, that's the last thing
I meant to happen.
You're just saying that.
You don't really understand.
No, I'm sorry.
Hell, I'm the last guy
who wants to make somebody
feel like
they sound stupid.
Did I ever tell you
about the little boy
from my neighborhood
who stuttered?
He was real self-conscious
about it.
What kid wouldn't be?
At school, when the teacher
would ask him a question,
he tried so hard
to get the words out,
but it just wouldn't come.
Rest of the kids
stared at him,
which only made
the stuttering worse.
They'd whisper behind
his back and laugh.
Finally, got to the point
when the teacher called on him
to answer a question,
even if he knew the answer,
he'd just say,
"I don't know."
Then the teacher would shake
his head and say,
"Next time,
study harder, Jay."
You were that little kid?
So sad.
That must have been
very hard for you.
It was.
We're parked.
Okay, the movie's
about to start.
Let's go.
Man, I haven't thought
about that in years.
That was really moving.
'Cause that's
how you tell a story.
Hi, could you bring out
the birthday cake
in like five, minutes?
Sure, do you want
the whole song and everything?
Oh, that would be great.
I only ask because
we don't love doing it.
Okay, thanks.
Hey.
So, birthday boy,
how you feeling?
Um, a little nervous,
actually.
Why?
Uh, well...
Oh, my God.
Haley, when I woke up
this morning,
I just had
this feeling.
And I know
this is sudden,
but like any mid-to-large
market weatherman,
I trust my instincts.
And it might have something
to do with turning 45,
but today my instincts told me
not to wait another second
to spend the rest of my life
with the woman I love.
Haley Gwendolyn Dunphy,
will you marry me?
Yes.
Yes, I'll marry you.
Really? You will?
Yeah!
Oh!
It just feels right, you know?
I don't want to over-think it.
That's what I love about you.
You don't over-think anything.
Aww.
Oh, you've made me
the happiest man in the world.
I don't know how to say this
without sounding superficial,
but I need a closer look
at this ring.
Yeah, sit down,
sit down.
It was my grandmother's.
She hid it in
her hollowed-out wooden foot
during the
Great Depression.
So crazy, my grandmother's
on Snapchat.
It's beautiful.
I didn't ruin
the surprise, did I?
I mean, I was trying to act
normal through dinner.
I just couldn't hide
how nervous I was.
It's how I imagine fans feel
when they come up and meet me.
No, I didn't expect
it at all.
I just thought you were nervous
because the light's
on the right side
of your face.
Yeah.
Oh, look at me ...
I can't stop smiling.
Yeah!
Usually I like to save
my smiles for on-camera
because they come off
more real that way.
Oh, yeah.
But this is worth it.
Mm.
That's odd.
What's wrong?
It's raining.
I didn't predict that.
I called for
clear skies tonight.
Hmm.
Ooh, should we order
some champagne to celebrate?
I can't believe
my forecast was wrong.
Oh, don't beat
yourself up about it.
If it helps, my weather app
didn't predict rain either.
Your what?
Nothing.
My God, look
at those winds.
They must register at least
a 10 on the Beaufort Scale.
Think of all
the sun roofs left open.
Think of all the freshly
blown-out hair de-volumizing.
How could I not see
this coming?
Rainer.
Is this the only thing
I was off about today?
What do you mean?
Well, let's face it, Haley.
I did not think this through.
I mean, where are
we gonna live?
My place only has one walk-in
closet, which would stay mine.
And how's my daughter gonna feel
about us getting married?
Are you gonna want
to have children?
Can I even have
more children?
I've spent a lot of
time in tanning beds.
Um, I think
you're spinning a little.
Look, sometimes when
I'm reorganizing my closet,
I feel overwhelmed, like I'm
never gonna get through it all.
So I force myself to look
at things in smaller sections.
I arrange five pairs
of shoes at a time.
12 hours later,
I'm done.
So, that's
what we'll do.
We'll take things
five years at a time.
In five years, I'll be 50.
What?
What did you think
45 plus 5 was?
Well, until today,
you were 44,
which I had basically
convinced myself was 40,
and now suddenly we're talking
about 50, which is basically 60.
Wait, wait.
Why are you panicking?
I'm the one who can't mess up
another marriage.
I mean, you mess up
the first one, fine.
It's a mulligan.
But the second one fails,
and suddenly I'm the problem.
I lose my chance
at being the spokesperson
for Blue Monsoon
Korean Energy Drink.
Let's just
take a breath.
It's natural to freak out
a little bit.
We're making a lifetime
commitment.
We're going to
be together forever.
Just you and me.
Forever.
You just said that.
I know.
Because ...
because it's great.
That's what every
girl wants, right?
I mean, sure, I'm still really
young and there's obviously
so much more I thought I'd do
before I tied myself down
to one person for
the rest of my life.
But does anyone ever truly feel
ready to get married?
I mean, probably.
Haley.
But it's not like I'm dying.
I just won't
be single anymore.
I'll won't ever go
on a first date again.
I won't ever have
a first kiss.
I won't ever dance
near a deejay booth
hoping someone will like
what they see
and offer me
a ride home.
Oh, my ... is it - is it me?
Or is it just
crazy hot in here?
Can somebody open
a window, please?
No, no, they can't because,
as I did not predict,
it's raining outside.
Ew, my finger
is swelling up.
Oh, why is your grandmother's
Depression ring so tight?
Give me that butter.
Here, let me help
you with that.
Ugh.
I got it.
Ow!
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
Nope, it's okay.
I'm fine.
At least the ring
came off.
Ow.
Yeah, um, feels better.
Look, um...
maybe you're right.
Maybe we should rethink
this whole marriage thing.
I don't remember
saying that.
It's clear
you're having doubts.
We both are.
Let's just keep dating
and see where it goes.
I don't want to do that.
I mean, I ... clearly,
I've had some commitment issues,
and I know I had
a momentary freak out there,
but I was ... I had
no idea that you w...
Haley, I know
it's unfair.
I guess I was just hoping
you'd be sure enough
for the both of us.
You're right.
It isn't fair.
You're really giving
this back?
Just for now.
Haley, I'm 45 years old.
I-I don't want to just date
and see where things go.
That's not where
I am in my life.
What are you saying?
Well, I think
we're both saying it.
No, no, don't.
Oh, good.
Do you want to blow out
the candles?
Sir?
Sir.
Wh-what happened?
Are we in Dallas yet?
No, we've left Dallas.
We're in Turks and Caicos.
We need to clean the plane.
What?
Do you remember
being in Dallas?
No, we must have slept
through it.
You're wearing a cowboy hat.
So are you.
What is this?
I don't think we're supposed
to have that.
So, it appears I've gotten
a piercing.
What?
Mm-hmm.
"Murray."
Why does your arm say "Murray"?
Who... whose dog is this?
What do you mean
"whose dog"?
You refused to board
without him.
I did?
Okay, well, let's go.
I don't remember
my bag being this heavy.
Uh-oh.
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