1 00:00:03,277 --> 00:00:04,361 Listen up. 2 00:00:04,445 --> 00:00:05,821 Any of youse goes stool-pigeon 3 00:00:04,445 --> 00:00:05,821 on me, 4 00:00:05,905 --> 00:00:07,490 you'll find yourself 5 00:00:05,905 --> 00:00:07,490 in a Chicago overcoat. 6 00:00:07,573 --> 00:00:09,158 Honey, you're not 7 00:00:07,573 --> 00:00:09,158 gonna talk like that 8 00:00:09,241 --> 00:00:10,743 all the way to the wedding, 9 00:00:09,241 --> 00:00:10,743 are you? 10 00:00:10,826 --> 00:00:11,661 Or all the way 11 00:00:10,826 --> 00:00:11,661 to that overpass? 12 00:00:11,744 --> 00:00:13,496 Hey, at least 13 00:00:11,744 --> 00:00:13,496 you look cute. 14 00:00:13,579 --> 00:00:14,664 Who picked my outfit? 15 00:00:14,747 --> 00:00:16,499 I did. 16 00:00:16,582 --> 00:00:19,835 My dad and Lorraine decided 17 00:00:16,582 --> 00:00:19,835 to have a 1920s-themed wedding. 18 00:00:19,919 --> 00:00:21,128 Such a romantic time. 19 00:00:21,211 --> 00:00:24,465 Yeah, dust bowls, 20 00:00:21,211 --> 00:00:24,465 the Klan, Prohibition. 21 00:00:26,133 --> 00:00:28,969 Oh, I'm ... I'm sure 22 00:00:26,133 --> 00:00:28,969 they'll have alcohol. 23 00:00:29,053 --> 00:00:30,387 Self-serve? 24 00:00:30,471 --> 00:00:33,390 I guess the grease monkeys 25 00:00:30,471 --> 00:00:33,390 must be out back shooting dice. 26 00:00:33,474 --> 00:00:34,975 Can they come out here 27 00:00:33,474 --> 00:00:34,975 and shoot us? 28 00:00:35,059 --> 00:00:36,268 Oh, God, look down. 29 00:00:36,351 --> 00:00:37,437 Haley? 30 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,063 We're going somewhere 31 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,063 fancy, okay? 32 00:00:39,146 --> 00:00:40,272 Where, the past? 33 00:00:40,355 --> 00:00:41,231 Hi, Kimmy. 34 00:00:41,315 --> 00:00:43,150 You didn't feel like 35 00:00:41,315 --> 00:00:43,150 dressing up, too? 36 00:00:43,233 --> 00:00:44,902 What do you say those 37 00:00:43,233 --> 00:00:44,902 pretty peepers of yours 38 00:00:44,985 --> 00:00:47,029 never saw the famous 39 00:00:44,985 --> 00:00:47,029 gangster Phillinger 40 00:00:47,112 --> 00:00:50,032 and his ex-prostitute 41 00:00:47,112 --> 00:00:50,032 getaway driver? 42 00:00:50,115 --> 00:00:52,535 I think a, uh ... 43 00:00:50,115 --> 00:00:52,535 a sawbuck should do the ... 44 00:00:52,618 --> 00:00:54,829 That's too much. 45 00:00:52,618 --> 00:00:54,829 I'm gonna get some change. 46 00:00:54,912 --> 00:00:58,123 Enjoy dress-up day. 47 00:00:58,207 --> 00:00:59,792 Mom, you need 48 00:00:58,207 --> 00:00:59,792 to control your man. 49 00:00:59,875 --> 00:01:01,419 I cannot listen 50 00:00:59,875 --> 00:01:01,419 to this character all day. 51 00:01:01,502 --> 00:01:04,129 Guys, you know your dad. 52 00:01:01,502 --> 00:01:04,129 You know your dad's dad. 53 00:01:04,213 --> 00:01:07,967 We are up against 54 00:01:04,213 --> 00:01:07,967 unimaginable forces of goofy. 55 00:01:08,050 --> 00:01:11,136 Just remember he does it 56 00:01:08,050 --> 00:01:11,136 out of love. 57 00:01:11,220 --> 00:01:14,139 It's Johnny Law! 58 00:01:11,220 --> 00:01:14,139 Let's hot-foot it! 59 00:01:14,223 --> 00:01:15,433 Ohh! 60 00:01:15,516 --> 00:01:17,893 Phil! 61 00:01:30,781 --> 00:01:32,658 What the hell 62 00:01:30,781 --> 00:01:32,658 is all this? 63 00:01:32,742 --> 00:01:34,201 I got a rush order 64 00:01:32,742 --> 00:01:34,201 for my sauce, 65 00:01:34,284 --> 00:01:36,245 and the kitchen that 66 00:01:34,284 --> 00:01:36,245 I usually use was booked, 67 00:01:36,328 --> 00:01:37,913 so I have to 68 00:01:36,328 --> 00:01:37,913 do everything myself. 69 00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:39,707 You know, I think 70 00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:39,707 I slept funny last night. 71 00:01:39,790 --> 00:01:42,710 No, don't. I know better 72 00:01:39,790 --> 00:01:42,710 than to ask for your help. 73 00:01:42,793 --> 00:01:45,087 Ah, good, 'cause 74 00:01:42,793 --> 00:01:45,087 I have a tee time. 75 00:01:45,170 --> 00:01:47,423 On the way, could you take me 76 00:01:45,170 --> 00:01:47,423 to pick up my prom tux? 77 00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:48,758 That sounds like 78 00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:48,758 something you'd love to do. 79 00:01:49,842 --> 00:01:51,844 I so don't 80 00:01:49,842 --> 00:01:51,844 want to do that. 81 00:01:52,887 --> 00:01:54,388 I'm turning 70 next year. 82 00:01:54,472 --> 00:01:56,098 I know ... I look great. 83 00:01:56,181 --> 00:01:58,017 One of the few perks 84 00:01:56,181 --> 00:01:58,017 of getting up there 85 00:01:58,100 --> 00:02:00,394 is the ability to say no 86 00:01:58,100 --> 00:02:00,394 without guilt. 87 00:02:00,478 --> 00:02:02,522 "Can I have a ride 88 00:02:00,478 --> 00:02:02,522 to the airport?" No. 89 00:02:02,605 --> 00:02:04,106 Do I want to see 90 00:02:02,605 --> 00:02:04,106 your niece's recital? 91 00:02:04,189 --> 00:02:05,232 Nuh-unh. 92 00:02:05,315 --> 00:02:07,026 "Want to do a walk-a-thon 93 00:02:05,315 --> 00:02:07,026 to end global ..." 94 00:02:07,109 --> 00:02:09,111 I'm gonna stop you right there. 95 00:02:09,194 --> 00:02:11,406 Was anyone in 96 00:02:09,194 --> 00:02:11,406 my room last night? 97 00:02:11,489 --> 00:02:12,698 Not after 98 00:02:11,489 --> 00:02:12,698 I tucked you in. 99 00:02:12,782 --> 00:02:15,159 Great. 100 00:02:12,782 --> 00:02:15,159 I have a monster. 101 00:02:15,242 --> 00:02:17,119 I'm sure you're mistaken. 102 00:02:17,202 --> 00:02:20,039 Nope. And we have to catch him 103 00:02:17,202 --> 00:02:20,039 before I go to bed tonight. 104 00:02:20,122 --> 00:02:22,708 Joe, there's 105 00:02:20,122 --> 00:02:22,708 no such thing as monsters. 106 00:02:22,792 --> 00:02:25,461 Calm down. I'm not gonna 107 00:02:22,792 --> 00:02:25,461 ask you to help. 108 00:02:26,629 --> 00:02:29,048 Shaping up like 109 00:02:26,629 --> 00:02:29,048 a pretty good year. 110 00:02:29,131 --> 00:02:31,258 Cake for breakfast? 111 00:02:29,131 --> 00:02:31,258 Now we're talking. 112 00:02:31,341 --> 00:02:32,510 No, don't touch that! 113 00:02:32,593 --> 00:02:33,761 I'm making that 114 00:02:32,593 --> 00:02:33,761 for Uncle Pepper's 115 00:02:33,844 --> 00:02:34,887 costume party tonight. 116 00:02:34,970 --> 00:02:36,472 The theme 117 00:02:34,970 --> 00:02:36,472 is famous movie duos. 118 00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:39,266 Daddy and I are going 119 00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:39,266 as Leo and the "Revenant" bear. 120 00:02:39,349 --> 00:02:40,184 You know what? 121 00:02:40,184 --> 00:02:41,519 Where is Pam? 122 00:02:41,602 --> 00:02:43,228 She said she was gonna 123 00:02:41,602 --> 00:02:43,228 be here two hours ago. 124 00:02:43,312 --> 00:02:44,980 She has no respect 125 00:02:43,312 --> 00:02:44,980 for anyone else's time. 126 00:02:46,356 --> 00:02:49,068 You know, she says she's gonna 127 00:02:46,356 --> 00:02:49,068 pop in for a "short stay." 128 00:02:49,151 --> 00:02:52,112 It's like we're just supposed to 129 00:02:49,151 --> 00:02:52,112 rearrange our lives? 130 00:02:52,196 --> 00:02:54,073 Hmm. 131 00:02:54,156 --> 00:02:56,451 It's taken me a long time, 132 00:02:54,156 --> 00:02:56,451 but I've finally learned 133 00:02:56,534 --> 00:02:58,619 that when it comes to 134 00:02:56,534 --> 00:02:58,619 Cam's sister, 135 00:02:58,703 --> 00:03:02,498 anything I say can and will 136 00:02:58,703 --> 00:03:02,498 be used against me. 137 00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:03,999 Do you think maybe 138 00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:03,999 we should, you know, 139 00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:06,001 have the bartender 140 00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:06,001 cut Pam off? 141 00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:08,671 Oh, God, you know what? She is 142 00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:08,671 getting a little bit messy. 143 00:03:08,754 --> 00:03:10,297 Uh, Pam, Mitchell 144 00:03:08,754 --> 00:03:10,297 thinks you're kind of 145 00:03:10,380 --> 00:03:11,632 making a fool 146 00:03:10,380 --> 00:03:11,632 out of yourself. 147 00:03:11,716 --> 00:03:14,051 Go to hell, Mitchell! 148 00:03:14,134 --> 00:03:17,096 You go straight to hell! 149 00:03:17,179 --> 00:03:19,890 Whoo! 150 00:03:21,183 --> 00:03:24,311 Well, her majesty 151 00:03:21,183 --> 00:03:24,311 has finally arrived. 152 00:03:24,394 --> 00:03:26,188 I can sense 153 00:03:24,394 --> 00:03:26,188 how angry you are. 154 00:03:27,732 --> 00:03:29,358 I know. I know. 155 00:03:27,732 --> 00:03:29,358 I'm late. 156 00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:31,944 No, there's no late 157 00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:31,944 when you're family. 158 00:03:32,027 --> 00:03:33,821 Although Mitchell 159 00:03:32,027 --> 00:03:33,821 was just saying ... 160 00:03:33,904 --> 00:03:35,072 So what brings you 161 00:03:33,904 --> 00:03:35,072 into town? 162 00:03:35,155 --> 00:03:36,532 Modeling. 163 00:03:35,155 --> 00:03:36,532 Oh. 164 00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:37,658 I'm sorry. Modeling? 165 00:03:37,742 --> 00:03:39,118 Real-person modeling. 166 00:03:39,201 --> 00:03:41,954 Back home, they put me on 167 00:03:39,201 --> 00:03:41,954 a billboard for the feed store, 168 00:03:42,037 --> 00:03:42,997 and I caught the bug. 169 00:03:42,037 --> 00:03:42,997 Oh. Wow. 170 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:44,749 Next stop ... Hollywood. 171 00:03:44,832 --> 00:03:45,833 Okay. 172 00:03:44,832 --> 00:03:45,833 wow. 173 00:03:45,916 --> 00:03:47,167 So how long are you 174 00:03:45,916 --> 00:03:47,167 gonna be in town? 175 00:03:47,251 --> 00:03:49,211 Well, who's to say? 176 00:03:49,294 --> 00:03:50,796 Well, I was hoping 177 00:03:49,294 --> 00:03:50,796 it'd be you. 178 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,923 You can't put a date 179 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,923 on a dream. 180 00:03:53,007 --> 00:03:54,550 Mnh-mnh. 181 00:03:53,007 --> 00:03:54,550 Speaking of, 182 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:56,051 we need to take me 183 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:56,051 to an audition, 184 00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:58,012 and I'm a little jittery, 185 00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:58,012 so I was hoping you guys 186 00:03:58,095 --> 00:04:00,389 would want to ride along 187 00:03:58,095 --> 00:04:00,389 for moral support. 188 00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:01,932 Oh, actually, 189 00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:01,932 Mitchell and I have a r... 190 00:04:02,016 --> 00:04:03,809 We have a really busy day. 191 00:04:02,016 --> 00:04:03,809 Isn't that right, Mitchell? 192 00:04:03,893 --> 00:04:04,977 Uh, yeah. 193 00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:07,062 Oh, this won't take long. 194 00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:07,062 Let's go. 195 00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:10,024 On the ride over, I can 196 00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:10,024 practice my joint-pain grimaces. 197 00:04:10,107 --> 00:04:12,693 Hmm. 198 00:04:10,107 --> 00:04:12,693 Oh! Oh. 199 00:04:12,777 --> 00:04:13,611 Ohh! 200 00:04:12,777 --> 00:04:13,611 Are you okay? 201 00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:14,612 I am! I am! 202 00:04:14,695 --> 00:04:16,697 Oh, yeah, I know. 203 00:04:14,695 --> 00:04:16,697 You're good. You're good. 204 00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:24,163 Ohh! 205 00:04:24,246 --> 00:04:25,415 Again? 206 00:04:25,498 --> 00:04:28,042 Joe hasn't slept in that 207 00:04:25,498 --> 00:04:28,042 chewed-up sweater snagger 208 00:04:28,125 --> 00:04:30,753 in years, but Gloria won't 209 00:04:28,125 --> 00:04:30,753 let me get rid of anything 210 00:04:30,836 --> 00:04:33,338 the kid has ever touched, 211 00:04:30,836 --> 00:04:33,338 so I needed a plan. 212 00:04:33,423 --> 00:04:36,216 Fortunately, when you 213 00:04:33,423 --> 00:04:36,216 say no to everything, 214 00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:40,220 it frees up time 215 00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:40,220 to concoct ingenious schemes. 216 00:04:40,304 --> 00:04:42,515 Look, Joe, there's 217 00:04:40,304 --> 00:04:42,515 no monsters anywhere. 218 00:04:42,598 --> 00:04:45,100 There's nothing 219 00:04:42,598 --> 00:04:45,100 underneath the bed, 220 00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:47,352 nothing inside the teepee. 221 00:04:47,437 --> 00:04:48,646 Are you sure? 222 00:04:48,729 --> 00:04:51,231 Yes, monsters need 223 00:04:48,729 --> 00:04:51,231 places to hide. 224 00:04:51,315 --> 00:04:52,942 They're not like 225 00:04:51,315 --> 00:04:52,942 the evil spirits, 226 00:04:53,025 --> 00:04:54,109 which are all around us. 227 00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:55,653 What? 228 00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:55,653 No, no, nothing, baby. 229 00:04:55,736 --> 00:04:58,406 Nothing. 230 00:04:55,736 --> 00:04:58,406 Look, my window's open! 231 00:04:58,489 --> 00:04:59,907 Maybe that's how 232 00:04:58,489 --> 00:04:59,907 he got in. 233 00:04:59,990 --> 00:05:01,158 Impossible. 234 00:05:01,241 --> 00:05:02,618 If he came across the roof, 235 00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:06,456 there'd be broken tiles 236 00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:06,456 or monster prints or... 237 00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:08,040 My monogrammed money clip. 238 00:05:08,123 --> 00:05:11,251 I snuck in through Joe's 239 00:05:08,123 --> 00:05:11,251 window last night because 240 00:05:08,123 --> 00:05:11,251 it was past curfew, 241 00:05:11,335 --> 00:05:13,337 and I must have dropped my clip 242 00:05:11,335 --> 00:05:13,337 on the roof. 243 00:05:13,421 --> 00:05:14,964 I needed to get it 244 00:05:13,421 --> 00:05:14,964 before Mom saw. 245 00:05:15,047 --> 00:05:16,381 I can't afford to get grounded. 246 00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:18,050 David Sedaris 247 00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:18,050 is coming to Barnes and Noble 248 00:05:18,133 --> 00:05:19,218 on a school night. 249 00:05:19,301 --> 00:05:22,179 I guess I can go out on the roof 250 00:05:19,301 --> 00:05:22,179 and check for monster slobber. 251 00:05:22,262 --> 00:05:24,223 Okay. 252 00:05:22,262 --> 00:05:24,223 No! 253 00:05:24,306 --> 00:05:27,142 If he falls from 254 00:05:24,306 --> 00:05:27,142 the roof and dies, 255 00:05:27,226 --> 00:05:29,144 his ghost will 256 00:05:27,226 --> 00:05:29,144 haunt you forever. 257 00:05:29,228 --> 00:05:32,565 Oh, boy. 258 00:05:29,228 --> 00:05:32,565 I do not need a ghost. 259 00:05:32,648 --> 00:05:34,358 Manny, help me out 260 00:05:32,648 --> 00:05:34,358 in the garage. 261 00:05:34,442 --> 00:05:36,360 Do I get to say no to things 262 00:05:34,442 --> 00:05:36,360 I don't want to do? 263 00:05:36,444 --> 00:05:39,447 No, at your age, it's unlikable. 264 00:05:36,444 --> 00:05:39,447 At my age, it's delightful. 265 00:05:39,530 --> 00:05:41,156 Can you get those Easter 266 00:05:39,530 --> 00:05:41,156 decorations down for me? 267 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,575 I don't know 268 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,575 if you remember, 269 00:05:42,658 --> 00:05:44,368 but my back's been bothering me 270 00:05:42,658 --> 00:05:44,368 lately. 271 00:05:44,452 --> 00:05:46,871 Uh, do I need 272 00:05:44,452 --> 00:05:46,871 to change my shirt? 273 00:05:46,954 --> 00:05:48,163 It looks 274 00:05:46,954 --> 00:05:48,163 cobwebby up there. 275 00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:50,124 No, just give it a tug. 276 00:05:50,207 --> 00:05:52,668 You know, I never realized 277 00:05:50,207 --> 00:05:52,668 how close to the edge 278 00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:55,505 that cinder block is to falling 279 00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:55,505 right on this beautiful crib. 280 00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:00,134 Whoa! 281 00:06:00,217 --> 00:06:02,428 Son of a...! 282 00:06:00,217 --> 00:06:02,428 You got to be kidding me! 283 00:06:02,512 --> 00:06:04,680 Come on! 284 00:06:07,933 --> 00:06:09,894 Quite the shindig, 285 00:06:07,933 --> 00:06:09,894 huh? 286 00:06:09,977 --> 00:06:11,311 You mooks 287 00:06:09,977 --> 00:06:11,311 cool your heels. 288 00:06:11,395 --> 00:06:13,022 I'll grab some hooch 289 00:06:11,395 --> 00:06:13,022 for this parakeet. 290 00:06:13,105 --> 00:06:14,023 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 291 00:06:14,106 --> 00:06:16,484 Phil, why are we 292 00:06:14,106 --> 00:06:16,484 the only ones in costume? 293 00:06:16,567 --> 00:06:19,236 Oh, you're right, doll. 294 00:06:16,567 --> 00:06:19,236 Something's screwy. 295 00:06:19,319 --> 00:06:22,031 The invitation clearly said 296 00:06:19,319 --> 00:06:22,031 "gangster attire optional." 297 00:06:22,114 --> 00:06:23,908 Optional? 298 00:06:22,114 --> 00:06:23,908 Ow! 299 00:06:23,991 --> 00:06:25,868 You dumbasses 300 00:06:23,991 --> 00:06:25,868 actually did it! 301 00:06:25,951 --> 00:06:27,787 Jerry, get this! 302 00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:29,288 No, Jerry, don't get this. 303 00:06:29,371 --> 00:06:31,791 Uh, everyone, 304 00:06:29,371 --> 00:06:31,791 this is Lorraine's son, Ray. 305 00:06:31,874 --> 00:06:34,919 Mother-daughter ... 306 00:06:31,874 --> 00:06:34,919 My favorite search category. 307 00:06:35,002 --> 00:06:36,879 Shouldn't you be 308 00:06:35,002 --> 00:06:36,879 partially upright 309 00:06:36,962 --> 00:06:38,548 on a "stages of man" 310 00:06:36,962 --> 00:06:38,548 chart somewhere? 311 00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:40,132 What? 312 00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:40,132 Yeah. 313 00:06:40,215 --> 00:06:42,092 Honey, you need to hear this 314 00:06:40,215 --> 00:06:42,092 right now. 315 00:06:42,176 --> 00:06:43,302 Your family's 316 00:06:42,176 --> 00:06:43,302 embarrassed. 317 00:06:43,385 --> 00:06:44,554 We're the only ones 318 00:06:43,385 --> 00:06:44,554 in costumes. 319 00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:45,721 You do this 320 00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:45,721 all the time. 321 00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,014 I'm wearing 322 00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,014 wool underwear. 323 00:06:47,097 --> 00:06:49,099 That's an extra step 324 00:06:47,097 --> 00:06:49,099 you chose to take. 325 00:06:49,183 --> 00:06:50,893 I'm sorry. 326 00:06:49,183 --> 00:06:50,893 I thought this would be fun. 327 00:06:50,976 --> 00:06:54,354 Yes, but your idea of fun is 328 00:06:50,976 --> 00:06:54,354 often our idea of a horror show. 329 00:06:54,439 --> 00:06:56,649 When you picked me up from 330 00:06:54,439 --> 00:06:56,649 school in that hot-dog car. 331 00:06:56,732 --> 00:06:57,817 Repeatedly screaming, 332 00:06:57,900 --> 00:06:59,944 "That's what I'm talking about!" 333 00:06:57,900 --> 00:06:59,944 at my graduation. 334 00:07:00,027 --> 00:07:01,862 Walking into my 335 00:07:00,027 --> 00:07:01,862 science fair on stilts. 336 00:07:01,946 --> 00:07:04,156 Your exhibit was 337 00:07:01,946 --> 00:07:04,156 on daddy longlegs. 338 00:07:01,946 --> 00:07:04,156 I had no choice! 339 00:07:04,239 --> 00:07:06,325 Oh, honey, you always 340 00:07:04,239 --> 00:07:06,325 have a choice. 341 00:07:06,409 --> 00:07:08,327 You just keep making 342 00:07:06,409 --> 00:07:08,327 the wrong ones. 343 00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:11,205 Guys. 344 00:07:11,288 --> 00:07:12,457 Come on, now. 345 00:07:12,540 --> 00:07:14,917 Well, look, 346 00:07:12,540 --> 00:07:14,917 it's Pretty Boy Dunphy. 347 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,711 Looking good yourself, Pops. 348 00:07:16,794 --> 00:07:18,295 How, uh ... How you doing? 349 00:07:18,378 --> 00:07:20,130 Well, I got my rings, 350 00:07:18,378 --> 00:07:20,130 got my vows. 351 00:07:20,214 --> 00:07:22,216 Now all I need 352 00:07:20,214 --> 00:07:22,216 is a way to escape. 353 00:07:22,299 --> 00:07:23,718 Please, someone help. 354 00:07:23,801 --> 00:07:26,095 I'm kidding, of course. 355 00:07:26,178 --> 00:07:28,514 Actually, I'm really looking 356 00:07:26,178 --> 00:07:28,514 forward to being married. 357 00:07:28,598 --> 00:07:30,099 Then ... Then what's 358 00:07:28,598 --> 00:07:30,099 with the getaway bag? 359 00:07:30,182 --> 00:07:31,809 Oh, I got to ask you 360 00:07:30,182 --> 00:07:31,809 to help me out 361 00:07:31,892 --> 00:07:33,811 with what I think 362 00:07:31,892 --> 00:07:33,811 is a doozy of a surprise. 363 00:07:33,894 --> 00:07:34,729 Come here. 364 00:07:34,770 --> 00:07:37,272 Get this ... Mid-ceremony, 365 00:07:34,770 --> 00:07:37,272 you know, when you ask 366 00:07:37,356 --> 00:07:38,691 if anyone 367 00:07:37,356 --> 00:07:38,691 has any objections? 368 00:07:38,774 --> 00:07:39,984 Yeah? 369 00:07:38,774 --> 00:07:39,984 I'm gonna pull out 370 00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:42,820 a Tommy gun and tell you 371 00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:42,820 to skip that part. 372 00:07:42,903 --> 00:07:44,822 Sweet maple syrup. 373 00:07:42,903 --> 00:07:44,822 I like it. 374 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:46,073 I'm just getting 375 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:46,073 warmed up. 376 00:07:46,156 --> 00:07:48,534 I got a script, prop guns, 377 00:07:46,156 --> 00:07:48,534 exploding paint capsules. 378 00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:51,537 I even hired a few of the local 379 00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:51,537 theater people to help out. 380 00:07:51,621 --> 00:07:54,499 And, uh ... And Lorraine's 381 00:07:51,621 --> 00:07:54,499 cool with all this? 382 00:07:54,582 --> 00:07:56,792 That's the beauty part. 383 00:07:54,582 --> 00:07:56,792 She doesn't know 384 00:07:54,582 --> 00:07:56,792 a thing about it. 385 00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:58,711 80% of comedy 386 00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:58,711 is surprise. 387 00:07:58,794 --> 00:08:01,130 The other 20% 388 00:07:58,794 --> 00:08:01,130 is wordplay. 389 00:08:03,841 --> 00:08:04,967 Something wrong, son? 390 00:08:05,050 --> 00:08:06,886 I think this might be 391 00:08:05,050 --> 00:08:06,886 a terrible idea. 392 00:08:06,969 --> 00:08:07,803 What do you mean? 393 00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:10,139 Lorraine might be one of those 394 00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:10,139 old-fashioned brides 395 00:08:10,222 --> 00:08:12,141 that doesn't want a body count 396 00:08:10,222 --> 00:08:12,141 on her special day. 397 00:08:12,224 --> 00:08:16,270 Dad, you and I like to have fun, 398 00:08:12,224 --> 00:08:16,270 but not everybody's like us. 399 00:08:16,353 --> 00:08:18,022 Some people ... 400 00:08:16,353 --> 00:08:18,022 Some people think 401 00:08:18,105 --> 00:08:19,940 our brand of humor 402 00:08:18,105 --> 00:08:19,940 is embarrassing. 403 00:08:20,024 --> 00:08:22,485 Oh, you're right. 404 00:08:20,024 --> 00:08:22,485 Maybe I do overdo it. 405 00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:24,153 I remember your mother 406 00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:24,153 was really ticked off at me 407 00:08:24,236 --> 00:08:28,115 at your baptism when 408 00:08:24,236 --> 00:08:28,115 I kept pretending the holy water 409 00:08:28,198 --> 00:08:29,617 was boiling. 410 00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:31,201 Ouch! Ouch! 411 00:08:31,285 --> 00:08:33,788 Okay, we don't have to do 412 00:08:31,285 --> 00:08:33,788 anything crazy today. 413 00:08:33,871 --> 00:08:35,706 Don't worry about it. 414 00:08:33,871 --> 00:08:35,706 Thanks, Pops. 415 00:08:35,790 --> 00:08:37,291 But, wait, you're still 416 00:08:35,790 --> 00:08:37,291 gonna do my funeral 417 00:08:37,374 --> 00:08:38,876 the way we talked about, 418 00:08:37,374 --> 00:08:38,876 right? 419 00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:40,711 That recording of you 420 00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:40,711 banging on that piece of wood 421 00:08:40,795 --> 00:08:41,921 screaming, 422 00:08:40,795 --> 00:08:41,921 "Let me out of here!" 423 00:08:42,004 --> 00:08:45,591 It's a real shame 424 00:08:42,004 --> 00:08:45,591 I'm gonna miss that. 425 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:51,764 What are you doing? 426 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:51,764 That accident 427 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:51,764 that Manny caused earlier 428 00:08:51,847 --> 00:08:52,932 gave me quite a start, 429 00:08:51,847 --> 00:08:52,932 so I figured 430 00:08:53,015 --> 00:08:55,435 I'd pull everything out and put 431 00:08:53,015 --> 00:08:55,435 it back in a safer fashion. 432 00:08:55,518 --> 00:08:58,062 Gloria, could you 433 00:08:55,518 --> 00:08:58,062 plug this in for me? 434 00:08:58,145 --> 00:08:59,647 I want to dust off 435 00:08:58,145 --> 00:08:59,647 some of this stuff. 436 00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:00,940 Did you call me outside 437 00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:00,940 just for that? 438 00:09:01,023 --> 00:09:03,067 I got a back situation. 439 00:09:03,150 --> 00:09:04,694 Maybe Manny mentioned it. 440 00:09:07,321 --> 00:09:08,489 Oh, no! Wrong cord! 441 00:09:08,573 --> 00:09:10,700 What have you done? 442 00:09:13,703 --> 00:09:17,122 Geez, it seems like Joe's crib's 443 00:09:13,703 --> 00:09:17,122 damaged beyond repair! 444 00:09:17,206 --> 00:09:18,791 No, no, it's fine. 445 00:09:18,874 --> 00:09:21,168 It just Froggered 446 00:09:18,874 --> 00:09:21,168 across the street. 447 00:09:21,251 --> 00:09:23,421 Leave it there. The garbage man 448 00:09:21,251 --> 00:09:23,421 is coming tomorrow. 449 00:09:23,504 --> 00:09:24,839 And you're fine 450 00:09:23,504 --> 00:09:24,839 with that? 451 00:09:24,922 --> 00:09:27,007 You're attached to everything 452 00:09:24,922 --> 00:09:27,007 related to that kid. 453 00:09:27,091 --> 00:09:28,926 Yeah, but not to that 454 00:09:27,091 --> 00:09:28,926 stupid crib. 455 00:09:29,009 --> 00:09:32,012 Do you know how many clothes 456 00:09:29,009 --> 00:09:32,012 I've ruined walking by it ... 457 00:09:32,096 --> 00:09:34,474 nice dresses, sweaters, 458 00:09:32,096 --> 00:09:34,474 a pair of high heels? 459 00:09:34,557 --> 00:09:35,766 How do you snag 460 00:09:34,557 --> 00:09:35,766 a pair of high heels? 461 00:09:35,850 --> 00:09:37,935 I kicked that stupid thing. 462 00:09:35,850 --> 00:09:37,935 How else? 463 00:09:38,894 --> 00:09:39,895 Oh! 464 00:09:38,894 --> 00:09:39,895 Ay! 465 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:43,608 My trap worked! 466 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:43,608 I caught the monster! 467 00:09:45,150 --> 00:09:47,487 I got you now, monster! 468 00:09:47,570 --> 00:09:49,279 Wait, wait, wait, stop! 469 00:09:47,570 --> 00:09:49,279 It's me ... Manny. 470 00:09:49,363 --> 00:09:51,616 Prove it. 471 00:09:49,363 --> 00:09:51,616 Do I like vegetables? 472 00:09:51,699 --> 00:09:52,992 Only with ketchup. 473 00:09:53,075 --> 00:09:54,994 Manny, what are you 474 00:09:53,075 --> 00:09:54,994 doing here? 475 00:09:55,077 --> 00:09:57,413 Uh, I just needed a place 476 00:09:55,077 --> 00:09:57,413 to practice 477 00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,123 some new dance moves 478 00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,123 for the prom. 479 00:09:59,206 --> 00:10:00,875 Do it. 480 00:10:00,958 --> 00:10:02,835 What? 481 00:10:00,958 --> 00:10:02,835 Do the dance moves. 482 00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,548 Uh... 483 00:10:08,716 --> 00:10:10,551 I have to admit that 484 00:10:08,716 --> 00:10:10,551 that is very good. 485 00:10:10,635 --> 00:10:12,678 But I know 486 00:10:10,635 --> 00:10:12,678 that you're lying. 487 00:10:12,762 --> 00:10:14,639 Fine. 488 00:10:14,722 --> 00:10:16,390 I was the one 489 00:10:14,722 --> 00:10:16,390 in here last night. 490 00:10:16,474 --> 00:10:18,518 I came in through the window 491 00:10:16,474 --> 00:10:18,518 because I broke curfew. 492 00:10:18,601 --> 00:10:19,852 I dropped my money clip, 493 00:10:19,935 --> 00:10:21,228 and I was just trying 494 00:10:19,935 --> 00:10:21,228 to get it back. 495 00:10:21,311 --> 00:10:23,313 Forget about going 496 00:10:21,311 --> 00:10:23,313 to David Sedaris. 497 00:10:25,065 --> 00:10:26,150 I was wrong, Joe. 498 00:10:26,233 --> 00:10:28,360 There is a monster 499 00:10:26,233 --> 00:10:28,360 in this room. 500 00:10:30,362 --> 00:10:32,364 The key to 501 00:10:30,362 --> 00:10:32,364 real-person modeling 502 00:10:32,448 --> 00:10:35,493 is not to attract a lot 503 00:10:32,448 --> 00:10:35,493 of attention to yourself. 504 00:10:36,577 --> 00:10:38,954 This is me thinking 505 00:10:36,577 --> 00:10:38,954 about buying a car. 506 00:10:36,577 --> 00:10:38,954 Uh-huh. 507 00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:41,206 This is me 508 00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:41,206 with a toothache, obviously. 509 00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:41,206 Ah. 510 00:10:41,290 --> 00:10:42,374 Oh, this is me smart. 511 00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:43,959 What was that, Mitchell? 512 00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:43,959 I didn't say anything. 513 00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,961 I thought you said something 514 00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,961 about that we had a busy day. 515 00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:48,005 No. No, I'm just 516 00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:48,005 happy to be here 517 00:10:48,088 --> 00:10:49,549 watching a career 518 00:10:48,088 --> 00:10:49,549 get launched. 519 00:10:49,632 --> 00:10:50,591 Oh. 520 00:10:49,632 --> 00:10:50,591 Yeah. 521 00:10:50,675 --> 00:10:52,217 Hey, tell me if 522 00:10:50,675 --> 00:10:52,217 they call my name. 523 00:10:52,301 --> 00:10:53,385 I'm gonna go pretty down. 524 00:10:53,469 --> 00:10:54,929 Mm. 525 00:10:53,469 --> 00:10:54,929 Okay. 526 00:10:55,012 --> 00:10:56,180 Can you believe her? 527 00:10:56,263 --> 00:10:58,098 She just barges into 528 00:10:56,263 --> 00:10:58,098 our life and expects us 529 00:10:58,182 --> 00:11:00,518 to drop everything and invest 530 00:10:58,182 --> 00:11:00,518 in this crazy dream. 531 00:11:00,601 --> 00:11:02,645 Well, she really does look like 532 00:11:00,601 --> 00:11:02,645 someone who just broke her mop. 533 00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:04,229 Okay, what is 534 00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:04,229 going on with you? 535 00:11:04,313 --> 00:11:06,273 I'm not doing it anymore, 536 00:11:04,313 --> 00:11:06,273 Cam, okay? 537 00:11:06,356 --> 00:11:08,693 Okay, you're too afraid to 538 00:11:06,356 --> 00:11:08,693 confront your big, scary sister, 539 00:11:08,776 --> 00:11:09,944 so you use me to do it. 540 00:11:10,027 --> 00:11:11,236 Well, I'm out, okay? 541 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,489 Until you learn how 542 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,489 to confront her yourself, 543 00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:14,490 you're never gonna 544 00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:14,490 get the respect from her 545 00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,325 that you clearly crave. 546 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:17,535 Okay, you know what? 547 00:11:17,618 --> 00:11:19,620 I am not in the least bit 548 00:11:17,618 --> 00:11:19,620 intimidated by her. 549 00:11:19,704 --> 00:11:20,788 "Her" who? 550 00:11:20,871 --> 00:11:22,289 Oh, the lady at the costume 551 00:11:20,871 --> 00:11:22,289 store that, 552 00:11:22,372 --> 00:11:24,041 uh, M-Mitchell's 553 00:11:22,372 --> 00:11:24,041 pressuring me to go 554 00:11:24,124 --> 00:11:24,959 pick up the costumes 555 00:11:24,124 --> 00:11:24,959 right now. 556 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,001 I go... Okay, 557 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,001 I'm going, Mitchell. 558 00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:27,462 My gosh. My gosh. 559 00:11:27,545 --> 00:11:29,630 Hey, give me a dollar 560 00:11:29,714 --> 00:11:30,965 so I can get me some gum. 561 00:11:29,714 --> 00:11:30,965 Oh. 562 00:11:31,048 --> 00:11:32,967 Here. 563 00:11:31,048 --> 00:11:32,967 Thank you. 564 00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:35,010 My God, you're perfect. 565 00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:36,721 It's happening! 566 00:11:36,804 --> 00:11:39,223 You're absolutely 567 00:11:36,804 --> 00:11:39,223 unremarkable! 568 00:11:39,306 --> 00:11:40,600 Terry, get out here! 569 00:11:40,683 --> 00:11:43,853 This better not be 570 00:11:40,683 --> 00:11:43,853 another false 571 00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:46,564 I can't not take 572 00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:46,564 my eyes off him. 573 00:11:46,647 --> 00:11:48,315 Oh, I'm ... I'm not here 574 00:11:46,647 --> 00:11:48,315 to audition. 575 00:11:48,398 --> 00:11:49,484 Say that again. 576 00:11:49,567 --> 00:11:51,110 Yes, I've already forgotten 577 00:11:49,567 --> 00:11:51,110 what you said. 578 00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:55,239 When they made him, 579 00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:55,239 they kept the mold. 580 00:11:57,908 --> 00:12:00,953 Are you looking at me? 581 00:11:57,908 --> 00:12:00,953 Are you looking at me? 582 00:12:01,036 --> 00:12:02,371 Please tell me you're 583 00:12:01,036 --> 00:12:02,371 doing a scene from a movie 584 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:03,956 and not confused about 585 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:03,956 what a mirror is. 586 00:12:04,039 --> 00:12:05,750 Hi, honey. 587 00:12:04,039 --> 00:12:05,750 What's that? 588 00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:08,127 A bag of plastic guns. 589 00:12:08,210 --> 00:12:10,963 My dad was planning 590 00:12:08,210 --> 00:12:10,963 this crazy stunt at the wedding 591 00:12:11,088 --> 00:12:12,423 that Lorraine didn't 592 00:12:11,088 --> 00:12:12,423 even know about. 593 00:12:12,507 --> 00:12:14,425 There's a whole script 594 00:12:12,507 --> 00:12:14,425 for it and everything. 595 00:12:14,509 --> 00:12:16,636 Don't worry. 596 00:12:14,509 --> 00:12:16,636 I talked him out of it. 597 00:12:16,719 --> 00:12:18,178 No more embarrassing 598 00:12:16,719 --> 00:12:18,178 the Dunphys today. 599 00:12:18,262 --> 00:12:20,848 I heard what you guys said, 600 00:12:18,262 --> 00:12:20,848 and I'm ... I'm truly sorry. 601 00:12:20,931 --> 00:12:22,475 Oh, quick. 602 00:12:22,558 --> 00:12:25,394 What nickname did Jennifer Lopez 603 00:12:22,558 --> 00:12:25,394 steal from Jon Lovitz? 604 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,312 J... Never mind. 605 00:12:27,396 --> 00:12:29,398 Hello? 606 00:12:27,396 --> 00:12:29,398 Yes, the rings. 607 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,359 Wow. 608 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,359 He didn't say "J-Lo." 609 00:12:32,443 --> 00:12:34,487 He also heard that siren 610 00:12:32,443 --> 00:12:34,487 and didn't say, 611 00:12:34,570 --> 00:12:35,655 "There's my ride." 612 00:12:35,738 --> 00:12:36,906 Did we break Dad? 613 00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:38,449 And when was the last time 614 00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:38,449 you saw him 615 00:12:38,533 --> 00:12:39,450 pick up 616 00:12:38,533 --> 00:12:39,450 a can of whipped cream 617 00:12:39,534 --> 00:12:41,952 and not do his 618 00:12:39,534 --> 00:12:41,952 "I've got rabies" gag? 619 00:12:42,036 --> 00:12:43,871 Oh, my God. 620 00:12:42,036 --> 00:12:43,871 Did we go too far? 621 00:12:43,954 --> 00:12:45,372 Have we knocked 622 00:12:43,954 --> 00:12:45,372 the fun out of him? 623 00:12:45,456 --> 00:12:47,249 No, no, no. 624 00:12:45,456 --> 00:12:47,249 Stop this thinking. 625 00:12:47,332 --> 00:12:48,626 We are this close 626 00:12:47,332 --> 00:12:48,626 to having a normal dad, 627 00:12:48,709 --> 00:12:50,085 and you are 628 00:12:48,709 --> 00:12:50,085 not ruining it. 629 00:12:51,336 --> 00:12:53,714 Hey, guys, can I have 630 00:12:51,336 --> 00:12:53,714 Claire for a second? 631 00:12:53,798 --> 00:12:55,550 Sure. 632 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,220 Ew, they're spending their 633 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,220 wedding night right next door? 634 00:13:00,304 --> 00:13:01,889 Calm down. 635 00:13:00,304 --> 00:13:01,889 The loudest noise 636 00:13:01,972 --> 00:13:04,600 you're gonna hear is Grandpa 637 00:13:01,972 --> 00:13:04,600 getting out of a chair. 638 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:05,893 You look great. 639 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:05,893 Oh. 640 00:13:05,976 --> 00:13:07,019 How are you feeling? 641 00:13:07,102 --> 00:13:08,854 Well, you'd think 642 00:13:07,102 --> 00:13:08,854 on my fourth marriage, 643 00:13:08,938 --> 00:13:10,147 I wouldn't be this nervous. 644 00:13:10,230 --> 00:13:12,024 Ah, I guess 645 00:13:10,230 --> 00:13:12,024 it never gets easier. 646 00:13:12,107 --> 00:13:13,067 I remember my wedding. 647 00:13:13,150 --> 00:13:14,652 My stomach was 648 00:13:13,150 --> 00:13:14,652 filled with butterflies. 649 00:13:14,735 --> 00:13:17,530 And Haley. 650 00:13:17,613 --> 00:13:19,323 I've always married 651 00:13:17,613 --> 00:13:19,323 such serious men. 652 00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:21,409 Frank is not that at all. 653 00:13:21,492 --> 00:13:24,244 Oh, I know, but if 654 00:13:21,492 --> 00:13:24,244 you can see past that. 655 00:13:24,328 --> 00:13:25,996 Past that? 656 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:27,873 Yeah, he's got a lot of 657 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:27,873 wonderful qualities, too. 658 00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:29,709 Oh, sweetie, 659 00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:29,709 you're missing it. 660 00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:32,920 All my ex-husbands were 661 00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:32,920 accomplished, serious men, 662 00:13:33,003 --> 00:13:34,589 but bone-dry. 663 00:13:34,672 --> 00:13:37,257 A day hasn't gone by that 664 00:13:34,672 --> 00:13:37,257 Frank hasn't made me laugh. 665 00:13:37,341 --> 00:13:39,635 I hope I keep up. 666 00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,804 Oh. 667 00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,804 But who am I telling? 668 00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:43,263 You got lucky, too. 669 00:13:53,483 --> 00:13:55,651 Sweet victory! 670 00:14:01,365 --> 00:14:03,659 Okay, wait, wait. 671 00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:05,495 Charge! 672 00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:05,495 No, no, no! 673 00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:06,996 Not my hair! 674 00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:08,330 Not my hair! 675 00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:09,499 What are you doing? 676 00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:09,499 What are you...? 677 00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:12,585 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 678 00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:12,585 What's going on? 679 00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:14,962 Oh, nothing. 680 00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:14,962 We're painting Joe's wall 681 00:14:15,045 --> 00:14:17,715 with monster repellent 682 00:14:15,045 --> 00:14:17,715 to protect him. 683 00:14:17,798 --> 00:14:18,883 Looks like you're 684 00:14:17,798 --> 00:14:18,883 having fun, huh? 685 00:14:18,966 --> 00:14:21,427 Honey, don't worry. We're not 686 00:14:18,966 --> 00:14:21,427 gonna ask you to do anything. 687 00:14:21,511 --> 00:14:22,803 The trick to the corners 688 00:14:21,511 --> 00:14:22,803 is if you ... 689 00:14:22,887 --> 00:14:24,054 Yeah, yeah, 690 00:14:22,887 --> 00:14:24,054 we got it. 691 00:14:24,138 --> 00:14:25,931 Go fix yourself 692 00:14:24,138 --> 00:14:25,931 a drink! 693 00:14:27,141 --> 00:14:28,476 "Fix yourself a drink." 694 00:14:28,559 --> 00:14:29,685 Right there, 695 00:14:28,559 --> 00:14:29,685 right there, Joe. 696 00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:34,607 The thing about saying no ... 697 00:14:34,690 --> 00:14:37,568 You say it too much... 698 00:14:37,652 --> 00:14:40,237 people just stop asking. 699 00:14:45,576 --> 00:14:46,994 You stole my dream. 700 00:14:47,077 --> 00:14:49,329 Okay, would you please 701 00:14:47,077 --> 00:14:49,329 stop saying that? 702 00:14:49,414 --> 00:14:51,040 If you hadn't distracted 703 00:14:49,414 --> 00:14:51,040 those ninnies 704 00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,459 with your striking regularness, 705 00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,459 they would have put me 706 00:14:53,543 --> 00:14:56,754 in a national TV ad campaign 707 00:14:53,543 --> 00:14:56,754 instead of neither of us! 708 00:14:56,837 --> 00:14:58,297 Why are you flipping out? 709 00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:00,925 I-I am not in competition 710 00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:00,925 with you. 711 00:15:01,008 --> 00:15:03,260 Oh, so now you think 712 00:15:01,008 --> 00:15:03,260 I'm crazy? 713 00:15:03,343 --> 00:15:04,178 N-No. 714 00:15:04,219 --> 00:15:07,473 Well, maybe I am crazy, 715 00:15:04,219 --> 00:15:07,473 but I have a damn good reason. 716 00:15:07,557 --> 00:15:09,308 Connect the dots, 717 00:15:07,557 --> 00:15:09,308 you dummy. 718 00:15:09,391 --> 00:15:12,770 I'm wearing real loose clothes. 719 00:15:09,391 --> 00:15:12,770 I need money real bad. 720 00:15:12,853 --> 00:15:15,523 My hair is lustrous 721 00:15:12,853 --> 00:15:15,523 like a lion's mane. 722 00:15:15,606 --> 00:15:17,149 Uh, you're in love? 723 00:15:17,232 --> 00:15:19,902 No, the opposite! 724 00:15:17,232 --> 00:15:19,902 I'm pregnant! 725 00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:21,153 Okay. Oh, God. 726 00:15:21,236 --> 00:15:24,239 The family didn't want me 727 00:15:21,236 --> 00:15:24,239 to get back together with Beau 728 00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:26,826 on account of he's 729 00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:26,826 six-parts Chicopee and married, 730 00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:28,494 but I did it anyway, 731 00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:28,494 and now he's in County 732 00:15:28,578 --> 00:15:30,705 for punching a police horse 733 00:15:28,578 --> 00:15:30,705 in the face. 734 00:15:30,788 --> 00:15:32,707 And if they find out, 735 00:15:30,788 --> 00:15:32,707 then they'll just know 736 00:15:32,790 --> 00:15:35,793 that everyone was right 737 00:15:32,790 --> 00:15:35,793 about me being such a screw-up. 738 00:15:35,876 --> 00:15:38,421 Oh, Pam, I-I had no idea. 739 00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,214 I mean, how many months 740 00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,214 along are you? 741 00:15:40,297 --> 00:15:41,424 Oh, all of them. 742 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,926 Yeah, go ahead. 743 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,926 Condemn me. 744 00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:47,096 I can see the judgment all over 745 00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:47,096 that generic face of yours. 746 00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:51,434 This strap is cutting 747 00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:51,434 into me like a piano wire. 748 00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,310 Would you mind going through 749 00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,310 my luggage 750 00:15:53,393 --> 00:15:55,062 and pulling out 751 00:15:53,393 --> 00:15:55,062 my after-dinner bra? 752 00:15:55,145 --> 00:15:56,481 If I must. 753 00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:57,857 I'm home! 754 00:15:57,940 --> 00:16:00,401 I didn't get picked. 755 00:15:57,940 --> 00:16:00,401 Thanks for asking. 756 00:16:00,485 --> 00:16:02,945 Well, I have good news. 757 00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:06,198 Mitchell and I 758 00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:06,198 are early contenders 759 00:16:06,281 --> 00:16:10,870 to win the best costume 760 00:16:06,281 --> 00:16:10,870 in the human/animal category. 761 00:16:12,246 --> 00:16:15,500 What are you doing? 762 00:16:12,246 --> 00:16:15,500 Self-comforting with food. 763 00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,126 I've been working 764 00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,126 on that all morning, 765 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:18,503 and it is for 766 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:18,503 a party tonight. 767 00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,546 What are a bunch of gays 768 00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,546 gonna do with a cake 769 00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:22,840 but stand around screeching 770 00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:22,840 about how pretty it is? 771 00:16:22,923 --> 00:16:24,258 Okay, that's it. 772 00:16:24,341 --> 00:16:26,260 Pam, you are rude. 773 00:16:26,343 --> 00:16:27,887 You are disrespectful. 774 00:16:27,970 --> 00:16:28,804 And you are going in 775 00:16:27,970 --> 00:16:28,804 for another bite? 776 00:16:28,804 --> 00:16:31,306 Put the fork down! 777 00:16:28,804 --> 00:16:31,306 Put it down! 778 00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:34,101 It is high time 779 00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:34,101 that you start thinking 780 00:16:34,184 --> 00:16:36,061 about somebody 781 00:16:34,184 --> 00:16:36,061 other than yourself! 782 00:16:36,145 --> 00:16:38,648 Oh. 783 00:16:36,145 --> 00:16:38,648 So that's how you feel? 784 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:39,982 Yes, it is. 785 00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:42,777 Then I guess it is on! 786 00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:43,819 Don't. No! 787 00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:44,737 You better run! 788 00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:44,737 No! 789 00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:47,407 Get off of me! 790 00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:47,407 I wasn't ready! 791 00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:48,949 Then get ready for this! 792 00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:53,829 Hey! Cut it out! 793 00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,122 Hey! That hurts! 794 00:16:55,205 --> 00:16:56,457 Good, 795 00:16:55,205 --> 00:16:56,457 then it's working! 796 00:16:58,125 --> 00:17:01,295 Oh, cut it out, you faker. 797 00:16:58,125 --> 00:17:01,295 I'm not even touching you. 798 00:17:01,378 --> 00:17:03,088 I assume it's this one. 799 00:17:01,378 --> 00:17:03,088 Oh, what are you doing? 800 00:17:03,172 --> 00:17:04,173 She's pregnant! 801 00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:05,174 What? 802 00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:06,592 Hey! Hey! Cut it out! 803 00:17:06,676 --> 00:17:08,719 Oh! Oh! 804 00:17:06,676 --> 00:17:08,719 Okay, okay. 805 00:17:08,803 --> 00:17:10,888 Oh, no, I think 806 00:17:08,803 --> 00:17:10,888 my water just broke. 807 00:17:10,971 --> 00:17:12,347 Is it on me? 808 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:14,559 I'm fixing to 809 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:14,559 reproduce right now! 810 00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:16,060 Call 811. 811 00:17:16,143 --> 00:17:17,311 No, Mitchell, 812 00:17:16,143 --> 00:17:17,311 that's for livestock. 813 00:17:17,394 --> 00:17:18,563 Call 911. 814 00:17:18,646 --> 00:17:19,647 Yeah, I-I know. 815 00:17:18,646 --> 00:17:19,647 I know. 816 00:17:19,730 --> 00:17:22,483 Pamela, 817 00:17:19,730 --> 00:17:22,483 why didn't you tell me? 818 00:17:22,567 --> 00:17:23,859 Well, why do you think? 819 00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:25,695 I didn't want 820 00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:25,695 to disappoint you. 821 00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:29,156 You know you're the person 822 00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:29,156 I look up to mo-o-o-o-o-st... 823 00:17:29,239 --> 00:17:30,115 Whoa! Oh, my gosh. 824 00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:32,076 in the family. 825 00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:32,076 I am? 826 00:17:32,159 --> 00:17:33,911 Why do you think 827 00:17:32,159 --> 00:17:33,911 I came here? 828 00:17:33,994 --> 00:17:35,370 Oh. 829 00:17:33,994 --> 00:17:35,370 I wanted to be near you 830 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,247 when the baby po... Aah! 831 00:17:37,331 --> 00:17:39,374 Ow! 832 00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,961 But I thought maybe 833 00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,961 if I got a job first, 834 00:17:42,044 --> 00:17:45,089 I wouldn't look like 835 00:17:42,044 --> 00:17:45,089 such a pathetic me-e-e-e-ss! 836 00:17:45,172 --> 00:17:46,424 Ow! 837 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,010 What? 838 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,010 I'm so cold, Cam! 839 00:17:50,094 --> 00:17:51,471 Oh, oh, here, 840 00:17:50,094 --> 00:17:51,471 put on Mitchell's bear costume. 841 00:17:51,554 --> 00:17:53,180 Here you go. Come on. 842 00:17:53,263 --> 00:17:56,559 Okay, so they are gonna 843 00:17:53,263 --> 00:17:56,559 be here in, uh, 10 minutes. 844 00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:57,935 I'll never make it! 845 00:17:58,018 --> 00:17:58,853 Okay. 846 00:17:58,018 --> 00:17:58,853 It's a-coming! 847 00:17:58,853 --> 00:18:01,063 Okay! 848 00:17:58,853 --> 00:18:01,063 Mitchell! Mitchell, okay. 849 00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:02,147 It's all right. 850 00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:02,147 We're here for you. 851 00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:03,148 Help me get her pants off. 852 00:18:03,232 --> 00:18:04,191 Okay. Yes. 853 00:18:03,232 --> 00:18:04,191 All right, we need to get 854 00:18:04,274 --> 00:18:05,485 some pillows 855 00:18:04,274 --> 00:18:05,485 up underneath her hips 856 00:18:05,568 --> 00:18:07,903 to get her birthing canal 857 00:18:05,568 --> 00:18:07,903 properly angled. 858 00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,113 Yeah! 859 00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,113 All right, here we go. 860 00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:09,989 Relax. 861 00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,240 Mitchell! 862 00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:12,157 I want to make sure 863 00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:12,157 that they don't miss the house, 864 00:18:12,241 --> 00:18:14,535 so I'm just gonna... 865 00:18:12,241 --> 00:18:14,535 Breathe, breathe. 866 00:18:14,619 --> 00:18:18,247 Frank and Lorraine, 867 00:18:14,619 --> 00:18:18,247 today marks the public and legal 868 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:21,208 joining of your souls, 869 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:21,208 marriage being above all else, 870 00:18:21,291 --> 00:18:22,209 a contract. 871 00:18:24,336 --> 00:18:26,839 Uh, one of my 872 00:18:24,336 --> 00:18:26,839 favorite authors once wrote, 873 00:18:26,922 --> 00:18:28,966 "If love is not all, 874 00:18:26,922 --> 00:18:28,966 then it is nothing. 875 00:18:29,049 --> 00:18:31,552 This principle, 876 00:18:29,049 --> 00:18:31,552 and its opposite, 877 00:18:31,636 --> 00:18:34,889 collide down all the years of ... 878 00:18:31,636 --> 00:18:34,889 of my breathless tale." 879 00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:39,727 Seeing Phil bomb up there, 880 00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:39,727 I felt like a mama bird 881 00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:41,646 who had just nudged her chick 882 00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:41,646 out of the nest 883 00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:43,898 without a single pun 884 00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:43,898 to break his fall. 885 00:18:43,981 --> 00:18:47,735 "For man can no more 886 00:18:43,981 --> 00:18:47,735 survive without love 887 00:18:47,818 --> 00:18:49,904 than a cooper 888 00:18:47,818 --> 00:18:49,904 without his billhook, 889 00:18:49,987 --> 00:18:52,907 nor a whaler less 890 00:18:49,987 --> 00:18:52,907 his flensing knife." 891 00:18:52,990 --> 00:18:54,324 Words as true today 892 00:18:52,990 --> 00:18:54,324 as they were 893 00:18:54,409 --> 00:18:56,118 when they were written 894 00:18:54,409 --> 00:18:56,118 18,000 years ago. 895 00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:57,119 That can't be right. 896 00:18:57,202 --> 00:19:00,247 Now is the moment 897 00:18:57,202 --> 00:19:00,247 when I ask if anyone here 898 00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:03,834 has reason to object to 899 00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:03,834 the union of these two people. 900 00:19:03,918 --> 00:19:04,877 Thank you. 901 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,421 I object! 902 00:19:06,504 --> 00:19:09,214 I object to you not handing over 903 00:19:06,504 --> 00:19:09,214 those diamond rings, preacher! 904 00:19:09,298 --> 00:19:10,466 You heard her. 905 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:13,594 Hand over the ice, 906 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:13,594 or I fill you full of... leed. 907 00:19:13,678 --> 00:19:15,387 Lead. 908 00:19:13,678 --> 00:19:15,387 Honey, 909 00:19:13,678 --> 00:19:15,387 what are you doing? 910 00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:17,640 Sorry, padre, 911 00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:17,640 you had your chance. 912 00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,099 I now pronounce you dead! 913 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:21,852 When in the world did ... 914 00:19:21,936 --> 00:19:24,146 A lot of questions 915 00:19:21,936 --> 00:19:24,146 for a cadaver! 916 00:19:25,272 --> 00:19:27,149 Ohh! Ohh! 917 00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,693 Don't you see? 918 00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,693 These twos is in on it together! 919 00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:30,653 Mind your own potatoes, 920 00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:30,653 Daisy. 921 00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,822 Ohh! 922 00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,822 Excuse me. 923 00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:35,533 This is my wedding 924 00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:35,533 and your funeral! 925 00:19:35,533 --> 00:19:36,451 Ohh! 926 00:19:36,451 --> 00:19:38,453 And one 927 00:19:36,451 --> 00:19:38,453 for the choir boy! 928 00:19:38,536 --> 00:19:39,995 Missed me. 929 00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:48,087 Hey, uh, you guys feel like 930 00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:48,087 doing one more paint job? 931 00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:50,506 Only all of us this time? 932 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,925 Sure. 933 00:19:53,008 --> 00:19:55,470 Sometimes life can be 934 00:19:53,008 --> 00:19:55,470 simpler than we think. 935 00:19:55,553 --> 00:19:56,762 We're born... 936 00:19:56,846 --> 00:19:58,431 You know, um, maybe we 937 00:19:56,846 --> 00:19:58,431 should let Pam and the baby 938 00:19:58,514 --> 00:20:00,307 stay upstairs 939 00:19:58,514 --> 00:20:00,307 for a little while. 940 00:20:00,390 --> 00:20:03,603 Mitchell was just saying ... 941 00:20:00,390 --> 00:20:03,603 No, he hates when I do that. 942 00:20:03,686 --> 00:20:05,730 I was just saying 943 00:20:03,686 --> 00:20:05,730 that maybe you and the baby 944 00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:07,523 should stay upstairs 945 00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:07,523 for a while? 946 00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,525 Oh, Cam! 947 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:10,610 we die... 948 00:20:10,693 --> 00:20:12,445 You're all mad 949 00:20:10,693 --> 00:20:12,445 with the devil's brew! 950 00:20:12,528 --> 00:20:14,905 and in between... 951 00:20:14,905 --> 00:20:18,534 Ah! 952 00:20:14,905 --> 00:20:18,534 if we're lucky, we laugh... 953 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,705 which makes the journey 954 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,705 worth taking. 955 00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:23,873 With that in mind... 956 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:27,918 Do you, Frank Dunphy, 957 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:27,918 the silliest man I know... 958 00:20:29,378 --> 00:20:31,756 take Lorraine to be 959 00:20:29,378 --> 00:20:31,756 your long-suffering wife? 960 00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:34,091 I do. 961 00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:34,091 Ohh. 962 00:20:34,174 --> 00:20:37,094 You may kiss the tomato. 963 00:20:38,513 --> 00:20:40,264 Yay! 964 00:20:47,605 --> 00:20:50,525 Your bedtime was 965 00:20:47,605 --> 00:20:50,525 an hour ago, senor. 966 00:20:50,608 --> 00:20:52,192 I want to finish this. 967 00:20:52,276 --> 00:20:54,153 You don't even know 968 00:20:52,276 --> 00:20:54,153 how to read. 969 00:20:54,236 --> 00:20:56,656 Stop worrying. 970 00:20:54,236 --> 00:20:56,656 There's no monsters upstairs. 971 00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:57,782 That paint works. 972 00:20:57,865 --> 00:20:59,575 Mommy, can you check it? 973 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,161 Okay. 974 00:21:02,244 --> 00:21:04,747 Your mother won't even 975 00:21:02,244 --> 00:21:04,747 let me get rid of this 976 00:21:02,244 --> 00:21:04,747 sticky, old tarp. 977 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,165 She's attached 978 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,165 to everything. 979 00:21:06,248 --> 00:21:08,333 Someday soon, that will 980 00:21:06,248 --> 00:21:08,333 work in your favor. 981 00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:10,878 Hey, careful 982 00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:10,878 of that cinder block. 983 00:21:10,961 --> 00:21:14,131 Man, you couldn't budge 984 00:21:10,961 --> 00:21:14,131 that thing with a ... Oh! 985 00:21:14,214 --> 00:21:16,258 Whoa! Whoa! 986 00:21:14,214 --> 00:21:16,258 Oh! 987 00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:25,685 Great! 988 00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:25,685 Now I have a swamp monster! 989 00:21:28,479 --> 00:21:30,314 Captions by VITAC :