1 00:00:02,805 --> 00:00:05,015 What's cooking? 2 00:00:05,015 --> 00:00:07,351 My mother's recipe ... 3 00:00:05,015 --> 00:00:07,351 guinea-pig pie. 4 00:00:07,477 --> 00:00:08,644 Smells good. 5 00:00:08,728 --> 00:00:10,354 You just accept that? 6 00:00:08,728 --> 00:00:10,354 It's pecan. 7 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:12,523 How cuckoo do you think 8 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:12,523 my country is? 9 00:00:12,523 --> 00:00:13,733 It's come to this ... 10 00:00:13,816 --> 00:00:15,192 "What's cooking" 11 00:00:13,816 --> 00:00:15,192 and "smells good" 12 00:00:15,317 --> 00:00:16,652 gets me in trouble? 13 00:00:16,736 --> 00:00:17,695 Mom, you're already 14 00:00:16,736 --> 00:00:17,695 cooking for tomorrow? 15 00:00:17,820 --> 00:00:18,863 Don't make a big deal. 16 00:00:18,863 --> 00:00:20,656 My baby's graduating. 17 00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:23,408 He won the award for 18 00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:23,408 Integrity and Character. 19 00:00:23,534 --> 00:00:25,745 "No absents, no tardies, 20 00:00:25,745 --> 00:00:28,581 respectful to students 21 00:00:25,745 --> 00:00:28,581 and teachers alike." 22 00:00:28,706 --> 00:00:29,790 My school 23 00:00:28,706 --> 00:00:29,790 had an award like that, 24 00:00:29,874 --> 00:00:31,416 but instead of a sash, 25 00:00:29,874 --> 00:00:31,416 that kid 26 00:00:31,416 --> 00:00:32,459 got a punch in the mouth. 27 00:00:32,543 --> 00:00:34,044 Proud of you, though. 28 00:00:34,128 --> 00:00:35,963 Why do all your stories 29 00:00:34,128 --> 00:00:35,963 involve a punch in the face, 30 00:00:36,046 --> 00:00:38,465 a shifty European, or a broad 31 00:00:36,046 --> 00:00:38,465 who's been around the block? 32 00:00:38,549 --> 00:00:41,093 That reminds me of when I had to 33 00:00:38,549 --> 00:00:41,093 rough up this Italian kid 34 00:00:41,218 --> 00:00:42,553 because he didn't want me 35 00:00:41,218 --> 00:00:42,553 dating his sister. 36 00:00:42,637 --> 00:00:44,472 She was no nun! 37 00:00:44,555 --> 00:00:45,931 Jay, can you please 38 00:00:44,555 --> 00:00:45,931 take care of the steaks? 39 00:00:44,555 --> 00:00:45,931 Sure. 40 00:00:46,056 --> 00:00:47,725 On the eve 41 00:00:46,056 --> 00:00:47,725 of your big day, 42 00:00:47,808 --> 00:00:49,477 we're celebrating 43 00:00:47,808 --> 00:00:49,477 with rib eyes, 44 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,812 and you and I are gonna have 45 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,812 our first scotch. 46 00:00:51,896 --> 00:00:53,313 Really? 47 00:00:51,896 --> 00:00:53,313 Yeah. 48 00:00:53,397 --> 00:00:55,733 I've been waiting to open 49 00:00:53,397 --> 00:00:55,733 a special bottle. 50 00:00:55,816 --> 00:00:58,569 Huh. Looks like 51 00:00:55,816 --> 00:00:58,569 the mice got into it. 52 00:00:58,653 --> 00:01:00,655 Hello, hello? 53 00:00:58,653 --> 00:01:00,655 Where's my son? 54 00:01:00,738 --> 00:01:01,947 - Dad! 55 00:01:00,738 --> 00:01:01,947 - Ha ha ha! 56 00:01:01,947 --> 00:01:03,323 What, 57 00:01:01,947 --> 00:01:03,323 did he hop the gate? 58 00:01:03,448 --> 00:01:04,825 You came! 59 00:01:04,950 --> 00:01:05,993 I said I'd come. 60 00:01:05,993 --> 00:01:07,452 I know, but you came! 61 00:01:07,537 --> 00:01:08,663 How could I miss it? 62 00:01:08,788 --> 00:01:10,665 Manny, the first member 63 00:01:08,788 --> 00:01:10,665 of my family 64 00:01:10,665 --> 00:01:12,500 to ever graduate 65 00:01:10,665 --> 00:01:12,500 from high school. 66 00:01:10,665 --> 00:01:12,500 Wait a minute. 67 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:15,545 Don't you have a brother 68 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:15,545 in Colombia who's a doctor? 69 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:15,545 Yes. 70 00:01:15,628 --> 00:01:18,673 He just does orthopedic surgery, 71 00:01:15,628 --> 00:01:18,673 no brain or heart. 72 00:01:18,798 --> 00:01:19,882 Think of it ... 73 00:01:18,798 --> 00:01:19,882 Tomorrow, I will watch you 74 00:01:19,965 --> 00:01:21,801 stride across the stage 75 00:01:19,965 --> 00:01:21,801 with a sash, 76 00:01:21,884 --> 00:01:23,218 like a rebel's bandolier 77 00:01:23,302 --> 00:01:26,346 telling the world 78 00:01:23,302 --> 00:01:26,346 "No absents, no tardies." 79 00:01:26,346 --> 00:01:27,723 Manny and I were 80 00:01:26,346 --> 00:01:27,723 gonna grill some steaks 81 00:01:27,807 --> 00:01:29,809 and drink 82 00:01:27,807 --> 00:01:29,809 some, um, beers. 83 00:01:29,892 --> 00:01:31,811 Thank you, Jay, 84 00:01:29,892 --> 00:01:31,811 but if it's all right with you, 85 00:01:31,894 --> 00:01:33,187 I would like 86 00:01:31,894 --> 00:01:33,187 to take Manny out 87 00:01:33,187 --> 00:01:35,856 for a special 88 00:01:33,187 --> 00:01:35,856 father-son celebration. 89 00:01:35,981 --> 00:01:37,357 Is that okay? 90 00:01:37,483 --> 00:01:40,861 Ah, sure. I mean, he... 91 00:01:37,483 --> 00:01:40,861 made the effort to come. 92 00:01:40,861 --> 00:01:42,237 Didn't have time to button 93 00:01:40,861 --> 00:01:42,237 his shirt all the way up. 94 00:01:42,321 --> 00:01:44,239 But... go ahead. 95 00:01:44,323 --> 00:01:45,575 Perfect! 96 00:01:44,323 --> 00:01:45,575 The night begins. 97 00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:47,785 But first... here. 98 00:01:49,286 --> 00:01:50,788 Walk through this. 99 00:01:52,707 --> 00:01:54,041 I know 100 00:01:52,707 --> 00:01:54,041 that smells terrible, 101 00:01:54,124 --> 00:01:57,587 but I've never seen that man 102 00:01:54,124 --> 00:01:57,587 get a mosquito bite. 103 00:01:58,879 --> 00:02:02,633 There he is ... the graduate. 104 00:02:02,717 --> 00:02:05,803 I have one word for you, Luke ... 105 00:02:02,717 --> 00:02:05,803 plastics. 106 00:02:05,886 --> 00:02:07,054 I don't think 107 00:02:05,886 --> 00:02:07,054 he knows that movie, honey. 108 00:02:07,137 --> 00:02:09,098 Mrs. Dunphy, 109 00:02:07,137 --> 00:02:09,098 you're trying to seduce me. 110 00:02:09,223 --> 00:02:11,266 Okay, let's just give him 111 00:02:09,223 --> 00:02:11,266 the gift, all right? 112 00:02:11,266 --> 00:02:12,727 Okay, but first, 113 00:02:11,266 --> 00:02:12,727 gather around, everybody! 114 00:02:12,810 --> 00:02:14,729 Riddle me this ... 115 00:02:14,812 --> 00:02:17,773 What has two hands, is wound 116 00:02:14,812 --> 00:02:17,773 tight, and has a lot of ticks? 117 00:02:17,898 --> 00:02:18,941 Alex? 118 00:02:19,066 --> 00:02:20,150 Good guess, but no. 119 00:02:20,234 --> 00:02:21,443 This was made 120 00:02:20,234 --> 00:02:21,443 in Switzerland, 121 00:02:21,443 --> 00:02:23,153 not in 122 00:02:21,443 --> 00:02:23,153 the Disneyland Hotel. 123 00:02:23,821 --> 00:02:25,114 Awesome! A watch! 124 00:02:25,239 --> 00:02:26,448 We wanted 125 00:02:25,239 --> 00:02:26,448 to give it to you early 126 00:02:26,448 --> 00:02:28,158 so you could wear it 127 00:02:26,448 --> 00:02:28,158 to graduation today. 128 00:02:28,158 --> 00:02:29,451 Yeah. 129 00:02:28,158 --> 00:02:29,451 It's shockproof. 130 00:02:29,535 --> 00:02:31,161 Oh, good. You can 131 00:02:29,535 --> 00:02:31,161 show it your grades. 132 00:02:31,161 --> 00:02:32,538 I love it. 133 00:02:31,161 --> 00:02:32,538 What time is it? 134 00:02:32,622 --> 00:02:34,373 Time for my little man 135 00:02:34,456 --> 00:02:36,542 to go out in the world 136 00:02:34,456 --> 00:02:36,542 and make his mark 137 00:02:36,626 --> 00:02:38,335 like the tiny trouper 138 00:02:36,626 --> 00:02:38,335 he used to be. 139 00:02:38,460 --> 00:02:39,504 Hold on. 140 00:02:38,460 --> 00:02:39,504 I'll be right back. 141 00:02:39,629 --> 00:02:40,671 I remember 142 00:02:39,629 --> 00:02:40,671 when he was so small, 143 00:02:40,671 --> 00:02:42,507 we'd give him a bath 144 00:02:40,671 --> 00:02:42,507 in the sink. 145 00:02:42,507 --> 00:02:44,550 Here we go. 146 00:02:42,507 --> 00:02:44,550 Dad, we really got to 147 00:02:42,507 --> 00:02:44,550 talk about the crying. 148 00:02:44,634 --> 00:02:47,011 When we graduated, you were 149 00:02:44,634 --> 00:02:47,011 a mess, and it was humiliating. 150 00:02:47,136 --> 00:02:49,555 Showing emotion is part 151 00:02:47,136 --> 00:02:49,555 of being a sexy modern man. 152 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:51,557 Ask anyone who was 153 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:51,557 raised on Alan Alda. 154 00:02:51,641 --> 00:02:52,975 I don't think 155 00:02:51,641 --> 00:02:52,975 we have to worry 156 00:02:53,058 --> 00:02:54,852 about him going anywhere 157 00:02:53,058 --> 00:02:54,852 anytime soon. 158 00:02:54,852 --> 00:02:57,187 He just installed a mini fridge 159 00:02:54,852 --> 00:02:57,187 and a hammock in his room. 160 00:02:57,187 --> 00:02:59,899 Mom, Dad, 161 00:02:57,187 --> 00:02:59,899 you did all the hard work 162 00:02:59,982 --> 00:03:01,358 getting me 163 00:02:59,982 --> 00:03:01,358 through high school. 164 00:03:01,358 --> 00:03:02,693 You deserve a gift. 165 00:03:02,818 --> 00:03:05,696 But what do you get 166 00:03:02,818 --> 00:03:05,696 the Cadillac of parents? 167 00:03:05,821 --> 00:03:07,156 A Rolls-Royce. 168 00:03:07,239 --> 00:03:08,783 Oh, my goodness! 169 00:03:08,866 --> 00:03:09,909 How did you 170 00:03:08,866 --> 00:03:09,909 afford that? 171 00:03:10,034 --> 00:03:12,036 - It was only $2,000. 172 00:03:10,034 --> 00:03:12,036 - Huh. 173 00:03:12,119 --> 00:03:15,414 Judge Thompson, from the club, 174 00:03:12,119 --> 00:03:15,414 got me into a police auction. 175 00:03:15,414 --> 00:03:18,125 If I had 40 more dollars, 176 00:03:15,414 --> 00:03:18,125 you'd be looking at a speedboat. 177 00:03:18,208 --> 00:03:19,627 So, what do you think? 178 00:03:19,710 --> 00:03:22,588 It's... It's wow. 179 00:03:22,588 --> 00:03:23,798 Right? 180 00:03:22,588 --> 00:03:23,798 Hmm. 181 00:03:23,881 --> 00:03:25,090 I loved the macaroni necklace 182 00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:26,717 he made me in first grade, 183 00:03:26,801 --> 00:03:29,261 and I even used the perfume 184 00:03:26,801 --> 00:03:29,261 he gave me in fifth grade, 185 00:03:29,386 --> 00:03:31,889 but this car is so gaudy. 186 00:03:31,972 --> 00:03:34,767 People are gonna think I played 187 00:03:31,972 --> 00:03:34,767 for the Knicks in the '70s. 188 00:03:34,767 --> 00:03:37,269 It's the most 189 00:03:34,767 --> 00:03:37,269 beautiful gesture 190 00:03:37,394 --> 00:03:38,771 I have ever seen. 191 00:03:38,771 --> 00:03:40,606 It's 100% class. 192 00:03:40,606 --> 00:03:42,650 Hey, Mom, didn't you say 193 00:03:40,606 --> 00:03:42,650 you had some errands to run? 194 00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:47,112 Oh. I ... 195 00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:47,112 In a little while. 196 00:03:47,112 --> 00:03:48,781 Uh, s... Yeah, but ... 197 00:03:47,112 --> 00:03:48,781 Um, gosh, it's got fur. Wow. 198 00:03:48,906 --> 00:03:51,534 It's like driving a lion. 199 00:03:51,617 --> 00:03:53,828 Hey, before you go, 200 00:03:51,617 --> 00:03:53,828 give us a honk. 201 00:03:53,953 --> 00:03:55,496 All right. 202 00:03:55,496 --> 00:03:59,041 (horn honks to the tune 203 00:03:55,496 --> 00:03:59,041 of "We're in the Money") 204 00:03:59,124 --> 00:04:01,627 The horn doesn't help, 205 00:03:59,124 --> 00:04:01,627 does it? 206 00:04:15,307 --> 00:04:16,391 So, I've narrowed it down to 207 00:04:16,476 --> 00:04:17,977 Swiss Coffee 208 00:04:16,476 --> 00:04:17,977 and Whispering White. 209 00:04:18,060 --> 00:04:20,354 But I can't decide 210 00:04:18,060 --> 00:04:20,354 between matte or satin. 211 00:04:20,354 --> 00:04:21,564 I thought we landed 212 00:04:20,354 --> 00:04:21,564 on Eggshell. 213 00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:23,232 We decided 214 00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:23,232 against Eggshell. 215 00:04:23,315 --> 00:04:24,692 W-Why don't we just 216 00:04:23,315 --> 00:04:24,692 sell the house? 217 00:04:24,692 --> 00:04:25,901 Why don't we just paint 218 00:04:24,692 --> 00:04:25,901 the floor Eggshell 219 00:04:25,985 --> 00:04:27,319 since that's what 220 00:04:25,985 --> 00:04:27,319 I'm walking on. 221 00:04:27,402 --> 00:04:29,029 Okay. 222 00:04:27,402 --> 00:04:29,029 I forgot to 223 00:04:27,402 --> 00:04:29,029 give this to you. 224 00:04:29,029 --> 00:04:30,405 Oh, thank you. Have a good day 225 00:04:29,029 --> 00:04:30,405 at school, sweetie. 226 00:04:30,490 --> 00:04:32,282 Bye, sweetie. 227 00:04:30,490 --> 00:04:32,282 It's fourth grade. 228 00:04:32,366 --> 00:04:34,952 We're all just 229 00:04:32,366 --> 00:04:34,952 treading water. 230 00:04:32,366 --> 00:04:34,952 What is it? 231 00:04:35,035 --> 00:04:37,246 Ah, well, it's ... it's 232 00:04:35,035 --> 00:04:37,246 from the principal's office. 233 00:04:37,246 --> 00:04:38,789 Is she in trouble? 234 00:04:38,873 --> 00:04:41,375 No! 235 00:04:38,873 --> 00:04:41,375 She's... smart. 236 00:04:41,458 --> 00:04:42,960 She is? 237 00:04:41,458 --> 00:04:42,960 That's what it says. 238 00:04:43,043 --> 00:04:44,253 Are you sure it's not 239 00:04:43,043 --> 00:04:44,253 for Lily Rosen? 240 00:04:44,253 --> 00:04:45,420 You were at 241 00:04:44,253 --> 00:04:45,420 that science fair. 242 00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:46,589 She brought that frog 243 00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:46,589 back to life! 244 00:04:46,714 --> 00:04:48,048 This is for our Lily. 245 00:04:48,132 --> 00:04:49,550 T-They're suggesting 246 00:04:48,132 --> 00:04:49,550 that she skip fifth grade 247 00:04:49,634 --> 00:04:51,594 and go right into middle school 248 00:04:49,634 --> 00:04:51,594 next year. 249 00:04:51,594 --> 00:04:54,096 "Lily is testing far above 250 00:04:51,594 --> 00:04:54,096 her grade level... 251 00:04:51,594 --> 00:04:54,096 What? 252 00:04:54,221 --> 00:04:55,640 and we feel 253 00:04:54,221 --> 00:04:55,640 she would benefit 254 00:04:55,723 --> 00:04:57,558 from a more challenging 255 00:04:55,723 --> 00:04:57,558 curriculum." 256 00:04:57,642 --> 00:04:59,644 - Huh. 257 00:04:57,642 --> 00:04:59,644 - I know! 258 00:04:59,727 --> 00:05:01,812 All these years we thought 259 00:04:59,727 --> 00:05:01,812 that she was, uh ... 260 00:05:01,896 --> 00:05:03,063 God, what's the word? 261 00:05:03,147 --> 00:05:05,483 Different? Peculiar? 262 00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,109 Odd? Mean? 263 00:05:07,234 --> 00:05:09,945 So many words. 264 00:05:07,234 --> 00:05:09,945 But she was just really smart. 265 00:05:09,945 --> 00:05:11,947 Holed up in her room every day 266 00:05:09,945 --> 00:05:11,947 after school, she wasn't ... 267 00:05:12,072 --> 00:05:14,449 Plotting to kill us? 268 00:05:12,072 --> 00:05:14,449 I was gonna say 269 00:05:12,072 --> 00:05:14,449 daydreaming. 270 00:05:14,534 --> 00:05:16,827 They ... They want us to tour 271 00:05:14,534 --> 00:05:16,827 the school today if possible. 272 00:05:16,952 --> 00:05:18,496 This is so exciting. 273 00:05:16,952 --> 00:05:18,496 I know. 274 00:05:18,621 --> 00:05:20,330 Our little baby's 275 00:05:18,621 --> 00:05:20,330 a genius! 276 00:05:20,455 --> 00:05:23,167 You know, um, 277 00:05:20,455 --> 00:05:23,167 I also skipped a grade. 278 00:05:23,292 --> 00:05:24,835 I'm not saying 279 00:05:23,292 --> 00:05:24,835 I was a genius, but ... 280 00:05:24,835 --> 00:05:26,671 Good, because we're getting 281 00:05:24,835 --> 00:05:26,671 along so well right now. 282 00:05:26,671 --> 00:05:27,630 Oh, hey. 283 00:05:26,671 --> 00:05:27,630 Hi. Hey. Hi. 284 00:05:27,713 --> 00:05:29,006 Hey. Hi. 285 00:05:27,713 --> 00:05:29,006 Mwah! 286 00:05:29,006 --> 00:05:30,841 Here you go. Yeah. 287 00:05:29,006 --> 00:05:30,841 Thanks so much. 288 00:05:30,841 --> 00:05:32,677 Hey, guess what. 289 00:05:30,841 --> 00:05:32,677 They want Lily 290 00:05:30,841 --> 00:05:32,677 to skip fifth grade. 291 00:05:32,677 --> 00:05:34,344 Traditionally, the person 292 00:05:32,677 --> 00:05:34,344 who says "guess what" 293 00:05:34,344 --> 00:05:35,513 also gets to say 294 00:05:34,344 --> 00:05:35,513 the what. 295 00:05:35,638 --> 00:05:37,515 Wait a second. 296 00:05:35,638 --> 00:05:37,515 Lily's smart? 297 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,349 Look. 298 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,349 I mean, 299 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,349 there's proof of that? 300 00:05:39,475 --> 00:05:41,018 Yeah. Right there. 301 00:05:39,475 --> 00:05:41,018 Yes. 302 00:05:41,143 --> 00:05:42,728 Huh. They asked Alex 303 00:05:41,143 --> 00:05:42,728 to skip a grade, too... 304 00:05:42,812 --> 00:05:44,730 It's not a competition, 305 00:05:42,812 --> 00:05:44,730 Claire. 306 00:05:42,812 --> 00:05:44,730 but we felt 307 00:05:44,814 --> 00:05:45,981 that it would be 308 00:05:44,814 --> 00:05:45,981 too much stress 309 00:05:46,065 --> 00:05:47,983 to have her 310 00:05:46,065 --> 00:05:47,983 with kids so much older. 311 00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:50,027 Good for Lily! 312 00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:50,027 Yeah. 313 00:05:50,152 --> 00:05:54,156 I just always thought 314 00:05:50,152 --> 00:05:54,156 she was, you know... 315 00:05:54,239 --> 00:05:56,116 So did we. Yeah. 316 00:05:54,239 --> 00:05:56,116 Us too. Yeah. 317 00:05:58,035 --> 00:05:59,203 How was your big night 318 00:05:58,035 --> 00:05:59,203 with Javier? 319 00:05:59,286 --> 00:06:01,371 I overindulged. 320 00:06:01,455 --> 00:06:03,290 Booze or burgers? 321 00:06:01,455 --> 00:06:03,290 Booze. 322 00:06:03,373 --> 00:06:05,585 I drank so much, 323 00:06:03,373 --> 00:06:05,585 I had an angry slap fight 324 00:06:05,585 --> 00:06:06,961 with what turned out 325 00:06:05,585 --> 00:06:06,961 to be a mirror. 326 00:06:07,044 --> 00:06:08,713 Do I hear my Manny? 327 00:06:08,796 --> 00:06:11,632 When you're hungover, 328 00:06:08,796 --> 00:06:11,632 it's like a car alarm. 329 00:06:11,716 --> 00:06:13,092 Ay. IHola, papi! 330 00:06:13,217 --> 00:06:14,760 Happy graduation day! 331 00:06:17,054 --> 00:06:18,138 That's delightful. 332 00:06:18,222 --> 00:06:19,932 I need your sash 333 00:06:18,222 --> 00:06:19,932 and your gown. 334 00:06:19,932 --> 00:06:21,266 So that I can press it. 335 00:06:21,266 --> 00:06:22,810 I don't want anyone 336 00:06:21,266 --> 00:06:22,810 looking wrinkly. 337 00:06:24,436 --> 00:06:25,938 I don't mean you, but it's fun 338 00:06:24,436 --> 00:06:25,938 that you're right there. 339 00:06:25,938 --> 00:06:28,232 I, uh, left them at school. 340 00:06:25,938 --> 00:06:28,232 I'll run over there. 341 00:06:28,315 --> 00:06:32,945 Mama, 342 00:06:28,315 --> 00:06:32,945 I have a stomachache. 343 00:06:32,945 --> 00:06:35,447 And my ankle is broken. 344 00:06:35,447 --> 00:06:38,784 And you can walk 345 00:06:35,447 --> 00:06:38,784 with your broken ankle? 346 00:06:41,537 --> 00:06:43,330 I had a cousin got out 347 00:06:41,537 --> 00:06:43,330 of Vietnam that way. 348 00:06:43,455 --> 00:06:45,290 Whenever Manny's getting 349 00:06:45,374 --> 00:06:46,375 a lot of attention, 350 00:06:46,458 --> 00:06:48,335 Joe gets very needy ... 351 00:06:48,335 --> 00:06:49,837 "my head,"my arm." 352 00:06:49,837 --> 00:06:51,380 In Colombia, we say, 353 00:06:51,463 --> 00:06:54,174 "If it's not bleeding, 354 00:06:51,463 --> 00:06:54,174 shut your guinea-pig hole." 355 00:06:54,174 --> 00:06:56,468 We actually do eat guinea pig. 356 00:06:56,552 --> 00:06:58,137 Call me back, Dad! 357 00:06:58,220 --> 00:06:59,680 It's an emergency! 358 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,056 What's wrong? 359 00:07:01,140 --> 00:07:03,684 I kind of misplaced 360 00:07:01,140 --> 00:07:03,684 my cap and gown and sash. 361 00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:05,645 Maybe they're at that strip club 362 00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:05,645 you went to last night. 363 00:07:05,728 --> 00:07:07,563 Shh! How did you know? 364 00:07:07,647 --> 00:07:10,190 It's all over your face. 365 00:07:07,647 --> 00:07:10,190 My shame? 366 00:07:10,315 --> 00:07:11,484 Glitter. 367 00:07:10,315 --> 00:07:11,484 Ohh. 368 00:07:11,567 --> 00:07:13,235 Tell me what happened. 369 00:07:11,567 --> 00:07:13,235 We picked up 370 00:07:13,318 --> 00:07:15,195 my graduation stuff 371 00:07:13,318 --> 00:07:15,195 on the way, and ... 372 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,532 I don't know. I guess the tassel 373 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,532 got my dad thinking. 374 00:07:17,532 --> 00:07:18,949 Why didn't you leave them 375 00:07:17,532 --> 00:07:18,949 in the car? 376 00:07:19,033 --> 00:07:20,576 I didn't want them 377 00:07:19,033 --> 00:07:20,576 to get stolen. 378 00:07:20,701 --> 00:07:22,202 And I may have 379 00:07:20,701 --> 00:07:22,202 taken it out 380 00:07:22,286 --> 00:07:24,246 to impress a certain Chyna 381 00:07:22,286 --> 00:07:24,246 with a "Y." 382 00:07:24,246 --> 00:07:25,706 I think 383 00:07:24,246 --> 00:07:25,706 she really liked me. 384 00:07:25,790 --> 00:07:27,416 I'm not gonna spoil 385 00:07:25,790 --> 00:07:27,416 that one for ya. 386 00:07:27,542 --> 00:07:28,751 I graduate in five hours! 387 00:07:28,876 --> 00:07:30,419 We'll get you 388 00:07:28,876 --> 00:07:30,419 another cap and gown. 389 00:07:30,545 --> 00:07:32,963 That sash has been worn 390 00:07:30,545 --> 00:07:32,963 by every honoree for decades. 391 00:07:33,047 --> 00:07:34,464 I'm not gonna be 392 00:07:33,047 --> 00:07:34,464 the one to lose it 393 00:07:34,549 --> 00:07:36,216 after it's survived 394 00:07:34,549 --> 00:07:36,216 earthquakes and wars 395 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:38,260 and the lunchroom gravy fire 396 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:38,260 of '64! 397 00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:40,262 Fine. Where is this place? 398 00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:40,262 I don't know! 399 00:07:40,262 --> 00:07:42,264 I remember there was 400 00:07:40,262 --> 00:07:42,264 a lot of brass and mirrors 401 00:07:42,264 --> 00:07:43,474 and loud '80s music. 402 00:07:43,558 --> 00:07:44,892 Well, that narrows it down. 403 00:07:44,892 --> 00:07:46,644 Wait. 404 00:07:44,892 --> 00:07:46,644 Uh, it was by the airport. 405 00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:48,437 All right. We'll find it. 406 00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:48,437 I'll take you. 407 00:07:48,563 --> 00:07:50,105 Don't worry. 408 00:07:48,563 --> 00:07:50,105 It'll be our little secret. 409 00:07:50,230 --> 00:07:51,774 Thank you, Jay. 410 00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:55,110 What happened to him? 411 00:08:01,116 --> 00:08:02,827 I'm back. 412 00:08:02,827 --> 00:08:04,495 We need to talk to you. 413 00:08:02,827 --> 00:08:04,495 Sit down. 414 00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:06,997 What's going on? 415 00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:06,997 Don't say anything. 416 00:08:06,997 --> 00:08:09,166 Just watch. 417 00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:10,501 Baby pictures of Luke? 418 00:08:10,626 --> 00:08:12,169 More than baby pictures. 419 00:08:12,169 --> 00:08:14,379 You're gonna watch Luke grow up 420 00:08:12,169 --> 00:08:14,379 to sappy music. 421 00:08:15,380 --> 00:08:17,341 Why are you doing this? 422 00:08:17,341 --> 00:08:18,676 To get all the crying 423 00:08:17,341 --> 00:08:18,676 out of your system 424 00:08:18,801 --> 00:08:20,052 so you don't melt down 425 00:08:18,801 --> 00:08:20,052 at the graduation. 426 00:08:20,135 --> 00:08:21,512 It's like when 427 00:08:20,135 --> 00:08:21,512 you drink too much 428 00:08:21,512 --> 00:08:22,972 and your friends 429 00:08:21,512 --> 00:08:22,972 get you super-wasted 430 00:08:23,055 --> 00:08:25,558 so you never drink again 431 00:08:23,055 --> 00:08:25,558 for the rest of the week. 432 00:08:25,641 --> 00:08:27,518 It's the first time he saw snow. 433 00:08:27,643 --> 00:08:29,019 Oh, here, Dad. 434 00:08:29,019 --> 00:08:30,896 Thank you. 435 00:08:31,814 --> 00:08:35,025 His baby blanket? Why? 436 00:08:39,489 --> 00:08:41,866 Hey, nice car, 437 00:08:39,489 --> 00:08:41,866 Grey Gardens! 438 00:08:41,866 --> 00:08:45,077 It was a gift 439 00:08:41,866 --> 00:08:45,077 from my son! 440 00:08:45,202 --> 00:08:47,246 Ugh. 441 00:08:49,582 --> 00:08:51,751 What the hell? 442 00:09:01,969 --> 00:09:03,471 Rawrrr! 443 00:09:03,554 --> 00:09:05,598 You call that a tiger? 444 00:09:05,723 --> 00:09:09,810 R-a-a-a-awrrr! 445 00:09:11,395 --> 00:09:12,563 And we're very proud 446 00:09:12,647 --> 00:09:14,148 of our state-of-the-art 447 00:09:12,647 --> 00:09:14,148 computer lab. 448 00:09:14,231 --> 00:09:16,609 It's so weird ... Every time 449 00:09:14,231 --> 00:09:16,609 I step into a middle school, 450 00:09:16,609 --> 00:09:18,778 I feel like I'm 14 451 00:09:16,609 --> 00:09:18,778 ag-a-in. 452 00:09:18,778 --> 00:09:21,321 That... was on me. 453 00:09:18,778 --> 00:09:21,321 He wasn't gonna do anything. 454 00:09:21,405 --> 00:09:23,574 How much is his therapy 455 00:09:21,405 --> 00:09:23,574 costing again? 456 00:09:23,658 --> 00:09:25,660 We used to think 457 00:09:23,658 --> 00:09:25,660 that was snark. 458 00:09:25,785 --> 00:09:27,202 Now we know it's wit. 459 00:09:25,785 --> 00:09:27,202 Yeah. 460 00:09:27,286 --> 00:09:29,705 Uh, Mr. Peterson, 461 00:09:27,286 --> 00:09:29,705 we just want to be certain 462 00:09:29,789 --> 00:09:31,957 that this environment's 463 00:09:29,789 --> 00:09:31,957 the right fit for Lily. 464 00:09:32,041 --> 00:09:33,501 We have 465 00:09:32,041 --> 00:09:33,501 a lot of experience 466 00:09:33,501 --> 00:09:35,503 dealing with 467 00:09:33,501 --> 00:09:35,503 accelerated students. 468 00:09:35,628 --> 00:09:37,212 But if Lily 469 00:09:35,628 --> 00:09:37,212 really is gifted, 470 00:09:37,296 --> 00:09:40,215 then maybe there's another 471 00:09:37,296 --> 00:09:40,215 path ... private schools. 472 00:09:40,299 --> 00:09:42,885 Although, I do love the 473 00:09:40,299 --> 00:09:42,885 diversity of a public school. 474 00:09:42,968 --> 00:09:44,804 On the other hand, 475 00:09:42,968 --> 00:09:44,804 I do wonder ... 476 00:09:42,968 --> 00:09:44,804 Okay, you know what? 477 00:09:44,887 --> 00:09:47,181 We're just deciding 478 00:09:44,887 --> 00:09:47,181 if she's gonna skip a grade. 479 00:09:47,306 --> 00:09:48,808 We're not charting out 480 00:09:47,306 --> 00:09:48,808 the next 20 years of her life. 481 00:09:48,891 --> 00:09:50,685 Well, no, choices 482 00:09:48,891 --> 00:09:50,685 have consequences. 483 00:09:50,685 --> 00:09:52,186 If we don't do this right, 484 00:09:52,186 --> 00:09:54,188 she could lose all interest 485 00:09:52,186 --> 00:09:54,188 in school and drop out, 486 00:09:54,313 --> 00:09:55,856 and the next thing you know, 487 00:09:54,313 --> 00:09:55,856 we're supporting her 488 00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:57,399 and her deadbeat boyfriend 489 00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:57,399 and our savings are drained, 490 00:09:57,483 --> 00:09:58,693 and then we have to 491 00:09:57,483 --> 00:09:58,693 sell the house! 492 00:09:58,818 --> 00:10:00,360 Okay, why do all 493 00:09:58,818 --> 00:10:00,360 your meltdowns have to do 494 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,029 with us 495 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,029 selling the house? 496 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,029 I'm just saying ... 497 00:10:02,029 --> 00:10:03,322 We're gonna give you guys 498 00:10:02,029 --> 00:10:03,322 a minute, okay? 499 00:10:02,029 --> 00:10:03,322 Okay. 500 00:10:03,405 --> 00:10:05,741 Lily, do you want to see 501 00:10:03,405 --> 00:10:05,741 the computer lab? 502 00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:09,453 This feels like a good time 503 00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:09,453 to tell you I'm adopted. 504 00:10:09,537 --> 00:10:11,080 Maybe Claire's right. 505 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,915 Maybe it's too much pressure 506 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,915 for her to skip a grade. 507 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,750 I did it, and I'm fine. 508 00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:15,876 Uh-huh. 509 00:10:17,377 --> 00:10:19,755 I'm sorry. Um ... 510 00:10:17,377 --> 00:10:19,755 Hey, w-what does "uh-huh" mean? 511 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,049 Well, perhaps you're not 512 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,049 the... best advertisement 513 00:10:22,132 --> 00:10:23,759 for skipping a grade. 514 00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:26,471 So, wait. You're afraid 515 00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:26,471 Lily's gonna turn out like me? 516 00:10:26,554 --> 00:10:28,931 I'm just saying that 517 00:10:26,554 --> 00:10:28,931 maybe you skipping a grade 518 00:10:28,931 --> 00:10:30,265 put too much pressure 519 00:10:28,931 --> 00:10:30,265 on you, 520 00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:32,434 and it exacerbated 521 00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:32,434 your neurotic tendencies, 522 00:10:32,434 --> 00:10:35,062 and now you can't even make 523 00:10:32,434 --> 00:10:35,062 a tiny, little decision 524 00:10:35,145 --> 00:10:37,732 about, you know... 525 00:10:35,145 --> 00:10:37,732 paint. 526 00:10:37,815 --> 00:10:40,568 Wow! I can... 527 00:10:40,651 --> 00:10:43,445 Y-You ... 528 00:10:40,651 --> 00:10:43,445 I don't have to just st... 529 00:10:43,571 --> 00:10:45,906 Oh, you think 530 00:10:43,571 --> 00:10:45,906 you are so s... 531 00:10:45,990 --> 00:10:47,950 You can't decide 532 00:10:45,990 --> 00:10:47,950 how to storm off, can you? 533 00:10:48,033 --> 00:10:50,495 I am... 534 00:10:52,788 --> 00:10:54,832 Luke's first haircut. 535 00:10:54,832 --> 00:10:57,710 He gave me bangs. 536 00:10:57,793 --> 00:10:59,003 Well, that's it. 537 00:10:59,128 --> 00:11:00,880 Hopefully 538 00:10:59,128 --> 00:11:00,880 you're all cried out. 539 00:11:00,963 --> 00:11:03,508 You remember when he hid that 540 00:11:00,963 --> 00:11:03,508 mouse trap under the pillow 541 00:11:03,633 --> 00:11:05,342 to catch the tooth fairy? 542 00:11:06,969 --> 00:11:08,846 Dad, we got to start getting 543 00:11:06,969 --> 00:11:08,846 ready for the graduation. 544 00:11:08,971 --> 00:11:11,390 Yeah, so maybe splash 545 00:11:08,971 --> 00:11:11,390 some cold water on your face 546 00:11:11,474 --> 00:11:12,892 and wrap it up. 547 00:11:12,975 --> 00:11:16,020 Do you guys remember that 548 00:11:12,975 --> 00:11:16,020 "Luke Loves Daddy" rap? 549 00:11:22,485 --> 00:11:23,986 I thought you said 550 00:11:22,485 --> 00:11:23,986 he'd be cried out by now. 551 00:11:24,069 --> 00:11:26,030 Dad, please, 552 00:11:24,069 --> 00:11:26,030 you really got to stop. 553 00:11:26,030 --> 00:11:29,366 That's what he said when 554 00:11:26,030 --> 00:11:29,366 I was the tickle monster! 555 00:11:29,449 --> 00:11:32,452 Ohh! 556 00:11:32,537 --> 00:11:35,623 Mama, 557 00:11:32,537 --> 00:11:35,623 now my tooth hurts. 558 00:11:35,706 --> 00:11:38,125 Well, I guess you can't 559 00:11:35,706 --> 00:11:38,125 have cake today. 560 00:11:38,208 --> 00:11:40,252 What if it's my leg? 561 00:11:40,377 --> 00:11:42,963 Claire, I guess I'm picking up 562 00:11:40,377 --> 00:11:42,963 the cake myself, 563 00:11:43,047 --> 00:11:45,716 because you didn't answer 564 00:11:43,047 --> 00:11:45,716 my messages. 565 00:11:48,886 --> 00:11:50,930 Grawr! 566 00:11:51,055 --> 00:11:53,057 Gr-a-a-awr! 567 00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:56,894 Hey, Claire, are you 568 00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:56,894 having fun at the Gym Town? 569 00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:58,729 As a matter of fact, 570 00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:58,729 I am. 571 00:11:58,813 --> 00:12:01,816 This is my new friend, 572 00:11:58,813 --> 00:12:01,816 Charlie. 573 00:12:01,899 --> 00:12:03,150 He loves dinosaurs, 574 00:12:03,233 --> 00:12:04,610 and tomorrow we're both 575 00:12:03,233 --> 00:12:04,610 gonna have pink eye. 576 00:12:04,735 --> 00:12:06,111 Hi, Charlie! 577 00:12:06,111 --> 00:12:07,780 Can you go and find 578 00:12:06,111 --> 00:12:07,780 the negligent adult 579 00:12:07,780 --> 00:12:08,906 that brought you here? 580 00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:10,783 Oh, do you 581 00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:10,783 have to go so soon? 582 00:12:10,908 --> 00:12:12,660 He smells so good! 583 00:12:12,785 --> 00:12:15,204 Yeah, you're like two sniffs 584 00:12:12,785 --> 00:12:15,204 away from a felony. 585 00:12:16,664 --> 00:12:17,998 What is going on? 586 00:12:18,123 --> 00:12:20,334 I gave Phil such a hard time 587 00:12:20,334 --> 00:12:22,127 for being too emotional 588 00:12:20,334 --> 00:12:22,127 about Luke's graduation, 589 00:12:22,211 --> 00:12:25,881 but I think it's hitting me 590 00:12:22,211 --> 00:12:25,881 more than I want to admit. 591 00:12:25,965 --> 00:12:27,675 I know. 592 00:12:25,965 --> 00:12:27,675 It happens so fast. 593 00:12:27,675 --> 00:12:29,635 Luke used to love 594 00:12:27,675 --> 00:12:29,635 coming here. 595 00:12:29,719 --> 00:12:32,387 Today he gave us 596 00:12:29,719 --> 00:12:32,387 a Rolls-Royce. 597 00:12:32,472 --> 00:12:33,973 The one outside 598 00:12:32,472 --> 00:12:33,973 is yours? 599 00:12:34,056 --> 00:12:35,516 I thought 600 00:12:34,056 --> 00:12:35,516 I was gonna be able 601 00:12:35,516 --> 00:12:37,560 to meet 602 00:12:35,516 --> 00:12:37,560 Mr. Burt Reynolds! 603 00:12:37,643 --> 00:12:41,355 You're lucky. When Manny goes, 604 00:12:37,643 --> 00:12:41,355 you still have Joe. 605 00:12:41,355 --> 00:12:43,649 Yeah, but it doesn't 606 00:12:41,355 --> 00:12:43,649 make it hurt any less. 607 00:12:43,733 --> 00:12:45,192 We just have face it ... 608 00:12:45,192 --> 00:12:47,487 They're not boys anymore. 609 00:12:45,192 --> 00:12:47,487 They're men. 610 00:12:47,570 --> 00:12:49,864 Luke has a job, 611 00:12:47,570 --> 00:12:49,864 and he's dating. 612 00:12:49,989 --> 00:12:52,658 He can serve on a jury. 613 00:12:49,989 --> 00:12:52,658 God, that's terrifying. 614 00:12:52,742 --> 00:12:56,120 I know. Manny ditched us 615 00:12:52,742 --> 00:12:56,120 last night to go drinking. 616 00:12:56,203 --> 00:12:58,205 He thinks I don't know, 617 00:12:56,203 --> 00:12:58,205 but I know. 618 00:12:58,288 --> 00:13:00,958 He smelled like 619 00:12:58,288 --> 00:13:00,958 a sweaty peppermint. 620 00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:04,211 I saw the pictures that he 621 00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:04,211 texted Luke from the strip club. 622 00:13:05,254 --> 00:13:06,589 Is that where 623 00:13:05,254 --> 00:13:06,589 Javier took him? 624 00:13:06,714 --> 00:13:09,258 Oh. You did not know that. 625 00:13:06,714 --> 00:13:09,258 I'm sorry. 626 00:13:09,258 --> 00:13:12,887 But it ... it looked like one 627 00:13:09,258 --> 00:13:12,887 of the classier establishments. 628 00:13:12,970 --> 00:13:15,097 The girl that was 629 00:13:12,970 --> 00:13:15,097 sitting on Manny's lap 630 00:13:12,970 --> 00:13:15,097 had on a really cute top, 631 00:13:15,222 --> 00:13:17,475 at ... at least 632 00:13:15,222 --> 00:13:17,475 in the first picture. 633 00:13:17,558 --> 00:13:18,893 The one time 634 00:13:17,558 --> 00:13:18,893 that I thought 635 00:13:18,976 --> 00:13:20,728 that he was going to 636 00:13:18,976 --> 00:13:20,728 be a good father, 637 00:13:20,811 --> 00:13:22,980 and he teaches Manny 638 00:13:20,811 --> 00:13:22,980 how to be a dog! 639 00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:24,148 I'm gonna kill him! 640 00:13:24,231 --> 00:13:25,399 Hey, look at me! 641 00:13:25,483 --> 00:13:27,777 I'm about to talk 642 00:13:25,483 --> 00:13:27,777 to a stranger! 643 00:13:31,781 --> 00:13:34,116 Oh, yes. This is it. 644 00:13:31,781 --> 00:13:34,116 This is the one. 645 00:13:34,116 --> 00:13:36,494 Ugh. It wasn't this depressing 646 00:13:34,116 --> 00:13:36,494 last night. 647 00:13:36,494 --> 00:13:37,995 The lunch scene 648 00:13:36,494 --> 00:13:37,995 in a strip joint 649 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,998 is like a refugee camp 650 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,998 with less hope. 651 00:13:40,998 --> 00:13:42,332 Excuse me. 652 00:13:42,332 --> 00:13:43,959 Uh, my friend left 653 00:13:44,043 --> 00:13:46,128 some personal belongings here 654 00:13:44,043 --> 00:13:46,128 last night. 655 00:13:46,211 --> 00:13:48,964 Anything left behind, uh, 656 00:13:46,211 --> 00:13:48,964 goes in the lost and found. 657 00:13:49,048 --> 00:13:50,340 There we go. Thank you. 658 00:13:50,465 --> 00:13:53,302 There's a jacket... 659 00:13:50,465 --> 00:13:53,302 glasses... 660 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,514 hairpiece, I hope... 661 00:13:56,514 --> 00:13:58,641 What about my stuff? 662 00:13:56,514 --> 00:13:58,641 Nope. 663 00:13:58,724 --> 00:14:00,976 There's a lot of wedding rings 664 00:13:58,724 --> 00:14:00,976 in here, though. 665 00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:02,520 Sir, we're in a big hurry. 666 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,146 Have you seen a cap and gown 667 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,146 and sash? 668 00:14:04,229 --> 00:14:06,857 Gentlemen, 669 00:14:04,229 --> 00:14:06,857 put your hands together for... 670 00:14:06,857 --> 00:14:10,152 Val the Dictorian! 671 00:14:10,235 --> 00:14:12,988 (electronica version of 672 00:14:10,235 --> 00:14:12,988 "Pomp and Circumstance" plays) 673 00:14:16,408 --> 00:14:19,119 She definitely looks like 674 00:14:16,408 --> 00:14:19,119 she knows stuff. 675 00:14:24,792 --> 00:14:26,376 Credit where credit is due ... 676 00:14:26,460 --> 00:14:28,921 She put together a pretty solid 677 00:14:26,460 --> 00:14:28,921 act in very little time. 678 00:14:28,921 --> 00:14:30,923 Can you just please help me 679 00:14:28,921 --> 00:14:30,923 get my stuff back? 680 00:14:31,048 --> 00:14:32,550 (electronica version of 681 00:14:31,048 --> 00:14:32,550 "Pomp and Circumstance" plays) 682 00:14:31,048 --> 00:14:32,550 Miss? 683 00:14:32,633 --> 00:14:35,302 Miss? Val? 684 00:14:35,385 --> 00:14:36,804 Hi. Heh. 685 00:14:35,385 --> 00:14:36,804 Here's the thing. 686 00:14:36,887 --> 00:14:38,222 The gown, everything ... 687 00:14:38,305 --> 00:14:40,099 He actually left them here 688 00:14:38,305 --> 00:14:40,099 last night. 689 00:14:40,099 --> 00:14:42,392 I was having 690 00:14:40,099 --> 00:14:42,392 a tete-a-tete with Chyna. 691 00:14:42,477 --> 00:14:44,604 She probably mentioned me. 692 00:14:42,477 --> 00:14:44,604 Hope I didn't lead her on. 693 00:14:44,729 --> 00:14:46,396 See, I'm going 694 00:14:44,729 --> 00:14:46,396 to college soon, and I ... 695 00:14:46,481 --> 00:14:47,940 and I don't want 696 00:14:46,481 --> 00:14:47,940 any loose ends. 697 00:14:48,065 --> 00:14:49,775 I'm in the middle of my act. 698 00:14:49,775 --> 00:14:51,318 Sure, but the thing is 699 00:14:49,775 --> 00:14:51,318 he's got to get it back, 700 00:14:51,401 --> 00:14:53,571 so if you could strip a little 701 00:14:51,401 --> 00:14:53,571 more in our direction... 702 00:14:56,491 --> 00:14:58,200 I'm such a screw-up. 703 00:15:00,786 --> 00:15:02,329 Huh. "Integrity." 704 00:15:02,329 --> 00:15:06,333 It should say 705 00:15:02,329 --> 00:15:06,333 "Perverted Schnapps Maniac." 706 00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:07,668 Oh, God. 707 00:15:07,668 --> 00:15:09,670 It smells like 708 00:15:07,668 --> 00:15:09,670 Miss Dictorian's perfume. 709 00:15:10,796 --> 00:15:13,173 I can't wear this. 710 00:15:10,796 --> 00:15:13,173 I'm a fraud. 711 00:15:13,173 --> 00:15:16,969 No absents? Oh, I've got 712 00:15:13,173 --> 00:15:16,969 one big absent ... my soul. 713 00:15:17,052 --> 00:15:19,054 Manny, you've spent your whole 714 00:15:17,052 --> 00:15:19,054 life trying to be perfect, 715 00:15:19,138 --> 00:15:21,348 and this is throwing you 716 00:15:19,138 --> 00:15:21,348 for a loop ... I get it. 717 00:15:21,348 --> 00:15:23,350 But if you just 718 00:15:21,348 --> 00:15:23,350 look around this room, 719 00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:26,311 you'll realize 720 00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:26,311 people make mistakes. 721 00:15:29,398 --> 00:15:31,150 You could do way worse 722 00:15:29,398 --> 00:15:31,150 than you did last night, 723 00:15:31,233 --> 00:15:32,860 and it ain't gonna 724 00:15:31,233 --> 00:15:32,860 change a thing. 725 00:15:32,860 --> 00:15:36,155 So my advice ... try to be 726 00:15:32,860 --> 00:15:36,155 a little easier on yourself. 727 00:15:37,406 --> 00:15:39,909 Thanks, Jay. 728 00:15:39,909 --> 00:15:42,452 Oh, God, there's Chyna. 729 00:15:42,537 --> 00:15:43,954 Pretending to ignore me! 730 00:15:44,038 --> 00:15:46,791 She's as transparent 731 00:15:44,038 --> 00:15:46,791 as her pumps. 732 00:15:48,250 --> 00:15:51,045 James Earl Carter. 733 00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,923 Have you seen 734 00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,923 my booboo? 735 00:15:54,048 --> 00:15:56,466 Ohh! Poor baby! 736 00:15:54,048 --> 00:15:56,466 Mwah. 737 00:15:56,551 --> 00:15:59,428 Vice principal: 738 00:15:56,551 --> 00:15:59,428 Nicole Ingrid Cortez. 739 00:16:02,222 --> 00:16:06,101 Can you please move over? 740 00:16:02,222 --> 00:16:06,101 I have to kill someone. 741 00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,228 Vice principal: 742 00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,228 Charles Mark Coleson. 743 00:16:08,312 --> 00:16:10,314 I hope that you had fun 744 00:16:08,312 --> 00:16:10,314 last night. 745 00:16:10,397 --> 00:16:12,441 Oh, I did. 746 00:16:10,397 --> 00:16:12,441 It was a magical time. 747 00:16:12,567 --> 00:16:14,234 Lucy Coleson. 748 00:16:12,567 --> 00:16:14,234 I can't believe that you ... 749 00:16:14,318 --> 00:16:16,111 Me either. Look at our son 750 00:16:14,318 --> 00:16:16,111 over there, eh? 751 00:16:16,111 --> 00:16:18,614 He's perfect. 752 00:16:16,111 --> 00:16:18,614 Yeah, and then 753 00:16:16,111 --> 00:16:18,614 you come along 754 00:16:18,739 --> 00:16:20,407 and you expose him 755 00:16:18,739 --> 00:16:20,407 to all this ... 756 00:16:18,739 --> 00:16:20,407 Me? 757 00:16:20,491 --> 00:16:23,368 It was you who exposed him 758 00:16:20,491 --> 00:16:23,368 to so many amazing things. 759 00:16:23,452 --> 00:16:26,038 You raised him to be a 760 00:16:23,452 --> 00:16:26,038 wonderful man without my help. 761 00:16:26,121 --> 00:16:28,541 Every single thing that is good 762 00:16:26,121 --> 00:16:28,541 about him is because of you. 763 00:16:28,624 --> 00:16:29,625 Henry Coruthers. 764 00:16:28,624 --> 00:16:29,625 I'm sorry? 765 00:16:29,709 --> 00:16:31,335 I'm sorry. 766 00:16:31,335 --> 00:16:32,712 Thank you for being the 767 00:16:31,335 --> 00:16:32,712 finest mother to our son. 768 00:16:32,795 --> 00:16:34,213 Hmm? 769 00:16:34,296 --> 00:16:36,882 Damn it. 770 00:16:34,296 --> 00:16:36,882 You're welcome. 771 00:16:36,966 --> 00:16:38,509 I'm sorry about earlier. 772 00:16:38,634 --> 00:16:40,010 It's not that I don't want Lily 773 00:16:38,634 --> 00:16:40,010 to be like you ... 774 00:16:40,135 --> 00:16:42,012 No, no. Hey. 775 00:16:40,135 --> 00:16:42,012 You're right, okay? 776 00:16:42,012 --> 00:16:43,514 I'm an indecisive mess. 777 00:16:43,514 --> 00:16:44,682 Of course I don't want that 778 00:16:43,514 --> 00:16:44,682 for her. 779 00:16:44,807 --> 00:16:46,016 And for the record, 780 00:16:46,141 --> 00:16:47,560 I don't want her to be 781 00:16:46,141 --> 00:16:47,560 like me, either. 782 00:16:47,643 --> 00:16:49,186 Ohh! 783 00:16:47,643 --> 00:16:49,186 It's not like I'm 784 00:16:47,643 --> 00:16:49,186 exactly an overachiever. 785 00:16:49,311 --> 00:16:50,563 That's true. 786 00:16:50,646 --> 00:16:52,231 Yeah, you jumped on that one 787 00:16:50,646 --> 00:16:52,231 pretty quick. 788 00:16:52,314 --> 00:16:54,191 If you care about 789 00:16:52,314 --> 00:16:54,191 what I think... 790 00:16:54,316 --> 00:16:55,317 I want to skip. 791 00:16:54,316 --> 00:16:55,317 Vice principal: 792 00:16:54,316 --> 00:16:55,317 Jacob Marcus Dalton. 793 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:56,527 Are you sure, sweetie? 794 00:16:56,527 --> 00:16:58,028 Because it's 795 00:16:56,527 --> 00:16:58,028 a lot of pressure. 796 00:16:58,153 --> 00:17:00,531 I can handle it. 797 00:16:58,153 --> 00:17:00,531 But what about 798 00:16:58,153 --> 00:17:00,531 all your friends? 799 00:17:00,531 --> 00:17:01,991 Vice principal: 800 00:17:00,531 --> 00:17:01,991 Phillip Thomas Darrow. 801 00:17:00,531 --> 00:17:01,991 I mean, look at ... 802 00:17:00,531 --> 00:17:01,991 look at these kids. 803 00:17:02,074 --> 00:17:04,118 A lot of them have known 804 00:17:02,074 --> 00:17:04,118 each other since kindergarten. 805 00:17:04,201 --> 00:17:07,371 I'll make new friends. 806 00:17:04,201 --> 00:17:07,371 Kids really like me. 807 00:17:07,454 --> 00:17:09,874 So... she's popular? 808 00:17:09,957 --> 00:17:11,416 Vice principal: 809 00:17:09,957 --> 00:17:11,416 Brittany Willa Darrow. 810 00:17:11,416 --> 00:17:13,753 Phil, I'm sorry 811 00:17:11,416 --> 00:17:13,753 I gave you grief earlier. 812 00:17:13,753 --> 00:17:15,796 Today has hit me much harder 813 00:17:13,753 --> 00:17:15,796 than I thought it would. 814 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,047 It's okay to be emotional. 815 00:17:17,131 --> 00:17:19,091 It's too late. 816 00:17:17,131 --> 00:17:19,091 I'm all cried out. 817 00:17:19,216 --> 00:17:21,719 It's like there's no more 818 00:17:19,216 --> 00:17:21,719 moisture left in my body. 819 00:17:19,216 --> 00:17:21,719 Tiffany Dean. 820 00:17:21,802 --> 00:17:24,597 I'm afraid if I blink, 821 00:17:21,802 --> 00:17:24,597 my eyes will get stuck. 822 00:17:24,722 --> 00:17:26,932 Hmm. Really? 823 00:17:26,932 --> 00:17:29,894 Do you remember that video 824 00:17:26,932 --> 00:17:29,894 where the lion greets the man... 825 00:17:29,977 --> 00:17:32,772 and hugs him 'cause he 826 00:17:29,977 --> 00:17:32,772 hasn't seen him in 20 years? 827 00:17:32,772 --> 00:17:36,441 Yep. I sure do. 828 00:17:32,772 --> 00:17:36,441 I am... dead inside. 829 00:17:36,441 --> 00:17:38,443 Vice principal: 830 00:17:36,441 --> 00:17:38,443 Manuel Alberto Delgado. 831 00:17:38,569 --> 00:17:41,280 Bravo, Manny! Baby! 832 00:17:41,405 --> 00:17:43,240 Mwah! 833 00:17:41,405 --> 00:17:43,240 You did it, buddy! 834 00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:45,785 Vice principal: 835 00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:45,785 Lucas Phillip Dunphy. 836 00:17:45,868 --> 00:17:47,327 Yeah! 837 00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:50,205 Whoo! 838 00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:50,205 My baby, my baby! 839 00:17:50,289 --> 00:17:52,041 Well done, son. 840 00:17:52,124 --> 00:17:53,626 Remember how cute he was 841 00:17:53,709 --> 00:17:55,628 in his little 842 00:17:53,709 --> 00:17:55,628 Buzz Lightyear costume? 843 00:17:55,711 --> 00:17:58,047 Or how he used to say 844 00:17:55,711 --> 00:17:58,047 "burfday" and "li-bary"? 845 00:17:58,130 --> 00:18:00,550 He still does. 846 00:18:00,633 --> 00:18:03,135 This is... 847 00:18:00,633 --> 00:18:03,135 tearing me up. 848 00:18:03,218 --> 00:18:05,721 Vice principal: 849 00:18:03,218 --> 00:18:05,721 Margaret Ruth Everts. 850 00:18:03,218 --> 00:18:05,721 Congrats, buddy. 851 00:18:05,805 --> 00:18:08,808 Why does your gown smell 852 00:18:05,805 --> 00:18:08,808 like Haley's perfume? 853 00:18:09,975 --> 00:18:12,978 This is a fun game, 854 00:18:09,975 --> 00:18:12,978 isn't it? But you know what? 855 00:18:13,062 --> 00:18:17,191 Maybe one where 856 00:18:13,062 --> 00:18:17,191 we just sat at a table... 857 00:18:17,191 --> 00:18:18,901 Hey. 858 00:18:18,984 --> 00:18:21,403 Hey. 859 00:18:21,487 --> 00:18:24,156 Congratulations 860 00:18:21,487 --> 00:18:24,156 on the first 861 00:18:24,239 --> 00:18:25,991 of what I'm sure 862 00:18:24,239 --> 00:18:25,991 will be many diplomas. 863 00:18:26,075 --> 00:18:27,577 Unless you want 864 00:18:26,075 --> 00:18:27,577 to skip all that 865 00:18:27,577 --> 00:18:29,787 and move to Colombia 866 00:18:27,577 --> 00:18:29,787 and become a radiologist. 867 00:18:30,913 --> 00:18:33,415 Thanks for helping me with 868 00:18:30,913 --> 00:18:33,415 the cap-and-gown mess. 869 00:18:33,415 --> 00:18:34,917 I don't know what I would 870 00:18:33,415 --> 00:18:34,917 have done without you. 871 00:18:35,042 --> 00:18:36,418 I'm just happy 872 00:18:35,042 --> 00:18:36,418 you and your dad 873 00:18:36,544 --> 00:18:38,378 got to have some 874 00:18:36,544 --> 00:18:38,378 father-son time last night. 875 00:18:39,589 --> 00:18:41,716 Yeah. 876 00:18:41,799 --> 00:18:42,925 What? 877 00:18:44,426 --> 00:18:47,221 It's just with me graduating 878 00:18:44,426 --> 00:18:47,221 and everything, 879 00:18:47,304 --> 00:18:49,264 I kind of wanted to say ... 880 00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:51,559 you and me today, you know, 881 00:18:51,642 --> 00:18:54,394 that's what I think of 882 00:18:51,642 --> 00:18:54,394 as father-son time. 883 00:18:55,896 --> 00:18:58,774 Let me tell you 884 00:18:55,896 --> 00:18:58,774 something. 885 00:18:58,774 --> 00:19:00,818 After my divorce, 886 00:19:00,901 --> 00:19:02,945 my rule for dating 887 00:19:00,901 --> 00:19:02,945 was no kids. 888 00:19:02,945 --> 00:19:05,948 And then you and your mom 889 00:19:02,945 --> 00:19:05,948 came along, 890 00:19:06,073 --> 00:19:07,575 and all of that 891 00:19:06,073 --> 00:19:07,575 went right out the window. 892 00:19:09,118 --> 00:19:11,286 What I'm trying to say is... 893 00:19:13,288 --> 00:19:15,833 here's to you, son. 894 00:19:15,958 --> 00:19:18,168 You know, I'm still 895 00:19:15,958 --> 00:19:18,168 kind of hungover. 896 00:19:18,293 --> 00:19:20,838 You're a man now! 897 00:19:18,293 --> 00:19:20,838 Power through! 898 00:19:20,963 --> 00:19:23,215 The thing is, 899 00:19:20,963 --> 00:19:23,215 we love the car. 900 00:19:23,298 --> 00:19:25,676 We were so moved 901 00:19:23,298 --> 00:19:25,676 by the gesture. 902 00:19:25,676 --> 00:19:27,386 So moved. 903 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,221 Hey! I'm back! 904 00:19:29,304 --> 00:19:31,181 I guess I just needed 905 00:19:29,304 --> 00:19:31,181 to rehydrate. 906 00:19:31,181 --> 00:19:32,391 Ohh. 907 00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,685 But we can't keep it. 908 00:19:34,685 --> 00:19:37,021 Honey, it's just ... 909 00:19:34,685 --> 00:19:37,021 It's too generous. 910 00:19:37,146 --> 00:19:38,648 But I love you guys 911 00:19:37,146 --> 00:19:38,648 so much. 912 00:19:38,731 --> 00:19:41,734 You're the graduate. 913 00:19:38,731 --> 00:19:41,734 You need the car. It's yours. 914 00:19:43,694 --> 00:19:46,030 I don't know what to say. 915 00:19:46,030 --> 00:19:47,573 How 'bout "nailed it"? 916 00:19:47,657 --> 00:19:49,700 I wanted that sweet ride 917 00:19:47,657 --> 00:19:49,700 from the moment I saw it, 918 00:19:49,825 --> 00:19:52,119 but I knew my parents 919 00:19:49,825 --> 00:19:52,119 would never let me get it. 920 00:19:52,202 --> 00:19:56,040 I also knew they'd never keep it 921 00:19:52,202 --> 00:19:56,040 if I gave it to them, so... 922 00:19:56,123 --> 00:19:57,708 If there were 923 00:19:56,123 --> 00:19:57,708 any S.A.T. questions 924 00:19:57,792 --> 00:20:01,045 about tricking your parents, 925 00:19:57,792 --> 00:20:01,045 I'd be going to college. 926 00:20:01,128 --> 00:20:03,881 Come on, you guys. 927 00:20:01,128 --> 00:20:03,881 Let's roll. 928 00:20:03,964 --> 00:20:05,049 You guys 929 00:20:03,964 --> 00:20:05,049 leaving already? 930 00:20:05,132 --> 00:20:06,216 Yeah, we all have plans. 931 00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:07,593 Wait. Lily? 932 00:20:07,593 --> 00:20:09,053 There are nine girls 933 00:20:07,593 --> 00:20:09,053 who will freak 934 00:20:09,136 --> 00:20:10,930 if I don't make 935 00:20:09,136 --> 00:20:10,930 an appearance at Jenna's. 936 00:20:10,930 --> 00:20:13,432 I'm confused. 937 00:20:10,930 --> 00:20:13,432 I-Is she fun? 938 00:20:13,432 --> 00:20:16,561 Hang on. 939 00:20:17,895 --> 00:20:19,772 Ooh, nice ride! 940 00:20:19,897 --> 00:20:21,148 Bye-bye! 941 00:20:21,231 --> 00:20:23,275 See ya later! 942 00:20:21,231 --> 00:20:23,275 Bye! 943 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:24,401 - Bye! 944 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:24,401 - Bye! 945 00:20:24,485 --> 00:20:25,653 Oh, my gosh! 946 00:20:24,485 --> 00:20:25,653 Luke is driving! 947 00:20:25,736 --> 00:20:27,822 They didn't even stay 948 00:20:25,736 --> 00:20:27,822 for dessert! 949 00:20:27,905 --> 00:20:28,906 (horn honks to the tune 950 00:20:27,905 --> 00:20:28,906 of "We're in the Money") 951 00:20:28,989 --> 00:20:30,240 Oh, God. 952 00:20:28,989 --> 00:20:30,240 They're really gone. 953 00:20:30,324 --> 00:20:31,492 It's so sad. 954 00:20:31,576 --> 00:20:32,827 But isn't it 955 00:20:31,576 --> 00:20:32,827 what we hoped for? 956 00:20:32,952 --> 00:20:33,869 - Yeah. 957 00:20:32,952 --> 00:20:33,869 - Yeah. 958 00:20:33,953 --> 00:20:35,663 A toast. 959 00:20:35,788 --> 00:20:38,332 We raised them 960 00:20:35,788 --> 00:20:38,332 to be independent, 961 00:20:38,332 --> 00:20:39,333 and now they're out in the world 962 00:20:38,332 --> 00:20:39,333 having their own lives. 963 00:20:39,458 --> 00:20:40,375 We did it. 964 00:20:40,459 --> 00:20:41,669 iSalud! 965 00:20:40,459 --> 00:20:41,669 To us! 966 00:20:41,794 --> 00:20:43,128 Oh, sorry I missed 967 00:20:41,794 --> 00:20:43,128 the first part, 968 00:20:43,212 --> 00:20:44,463 but I'll drink to whatever 969 00:20:43,212 --> 00:20:44,463 you're toasting. 970 00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,048 Top me off! 971 00:20:49,802 --> 00:20:50,845 Uh... what are you doing? 972 00:20:50,845 --> 00:20:52,387 Well, I'm just 973 00:20:50,845 --> 00:20:52,387 trying to see 974 00:20:52,472 --> 00:20:55,057 if there's anything else 975 00:20:52,472 --> 00:20:55,057 about Lily we haven't noticed. 976 00:20:55,140 --> 00:20:57,392 Like ... she plays golf? 977 00:20:57,477 --> 00:20:59,353 No, we would know. 978 00:20:57,477 --> 00:20:59,353 Aren't there greens fees? 979 00:20:59,353 --> 00:21:00,855 And what about this? 980 00:20:59,353 --> 00:21:00,855 Huh? 981 00:21:00,980 --> 00:21:02,147 "La Dolce Vita"? 982 00:21:02,231 --> 00:21:03,315 She likes Italian films? 983 00:21:03,398 --> 00:21:04,692 Well, no wonder 984 00:21:03,398 --> 00:21:04,692 she thought 985 00:21:04,817 --> 00:21:06,569 "Ice Age: Collision Course" 986 00:21:04,817 --> 00:21:06,569 was boring. 987 00:21:06,652 --> 00:21:07,570 I liked it. 988 00:21:07,653 --> 00:21:09,822 Okay. What else? 989 00:21:09,905 --> 00:21:12,407 A photo of Lily shaking 990 00:21:09,905 --> 00:21:12,407 hands with the governor? 991 00:21:12,492 --> 00:21:13,909 What? When? 992 00:21:14,034 --> 00:21:15,745 Okay, maybe we need to 993 00:21:14,034 --> 00:21:15,745 start paying more attention. 994 00:21:15,870 --> 00:21:18,080 Or if it ain't broke... 995 00:21:18,205 --> 00:21:20,415 Yeah, she's fine. 996 00:21:18,205 --> 00:21:20,415 She's fine. 997 00:21:23,377 --> 00:21:26,338 Captions by VITAC :