1 00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:04,083 - Daddy. 2 00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:04,083 - What are you doing up? 3 00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:05,875 I can't sleep. 4 00:00:05,958 --> 00:00:08,250 Wait. You eat 5 00:00:05,958 --> 00:00:08,250 while I'm in bed? 6 00:00:08,333 --> 00:00:10,291 Is there a meal 7 00:00:08,333 --> 00:00:10,291 I don't know about? 8 00:00:10,375 --> 00:00:11,375 A couple. 9 00:00:11,458 --> 00:00:12,833 But you need to 10 00:00:11,458 --> 00:00:12,833 hit the hay, buddy. 11 00:00:12,916 --> 00:00:17,208 I need you sawin' logs 12 00:00:12,916 --> 00:00:17,208 until 0700. 13 00:00:17,291 --> 00:00:19,625 I don't know what 14 00:00:17,291 --> 00:00:19,625 any of that means. 15 00:00:19,708 --> 00:00:22,916 Gloria and I are going through 16 00:00:19,708 --> 00:00:22,916 a romantic dry spell. 17 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,083 Luckily, she's out tonight 18 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,083 with her friend, Rebecca, 19 00:00:25,166 --> 00:00:26,791 who is married to a jackass. 20 00:00:26,916 --> 00:00:30,416 Gloria always comes home 21 00:00:26,916 --> 00:00:30,416 ready to show her appreciation. 22 00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:32,458 Suddenly, me going to bed 23 00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:32,458 with socks on 24 00:00:32,541 --> 00:00:34,375 is not such a deal-breaker. 25 00:00:35,208 --> 00:00:37,250 Aw, geez. 26 00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:39,791 I'm home! 27 00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:39,791 Hey, Jay. 28 00:00:39,875 --> 00:00:41,166 How's Rebecca? 29 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,791 She's never 30 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,791 been better. 31 00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:44,416 So, she left her husband 32 00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:44,416 like a month ago, 33 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:48,875 and it's like a weight has been 34 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:48,875 lifted off her shoulders. 35 00:00:48,958 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaking of shoulders, 36 00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,625 are you ready for 37 00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,625 one of my famous massages? 38 00:00:51,708 --> 00:00:52,583 No, I'm good. 39 00:00:54,083 --> 00:00:55,083 It's her. 40 00:00:55,166 --> 00:00:56,083 Hello? 41 00:00:56,166 --> 00:00:59,083 The waiter? 42 00:00:59,166 --> 00:01:01,791 I knew he was 43 00:00:59,166 --> 00:01:01,791 flirting with you! 44 00:01:01,875 --> 00:01:04,583 Don't forget about 45 00:01:01,875 --> 00:01:04,583 that clod she married! 46 00:01:04,666 --> 00:01:06,958 You got one of 47 00:01:04,666 --> 00:01:06,958 the good guys! 48 00:01:07,041 --> 00:01:10,500 And he didn't have to 49 00:01:07,041 --> 00:01:10,500 write down our order, 50 00:01:10,583 --> 00:01:12,833 so you know that he won't 51 00:01:10,583 --> 00:01:12,833 forget your birthday. 52 00:01:12,916 --> 00:01:15,500 Ay! 53 00:01:16,916 --> 00:01:19,291 Joe leaves all his toys 54 00:01:16,916 --> 00:01:19,291 on the floor. 55 00:01:19,375 --> 00:01:22,083 I tell him to pick them up, 56 00:01:19,375 --> 00:01:22,083 but he doesn't listen. 57 00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:26,166 I'm telling you, 58 00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:26,166 it's a disaster in the bedroom. 59 00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:27,833 I don't know 60 00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:27,833 what to do. 61 00:01:27,916 --> 00:01:30,875 It's like he can't remember 62 00:01:27,916 --> 00:01:30,875 where things go. 63 00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:36,875 Eventually, I get so frustrated 64 00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:36,875 that I take care of it myself. 65 00:01:36,958 --> 00:01:38,708 Spanking? 66 00:01:38,791 --> 00:01:40,583 Well, yeah, I guess 67 00:01:38,791 --> 00:01:40,583 we could try that. 68 00:01:40,666 --> 00:01:41,958 Actually, now that 69 00:01:40,666 --> 00:01:41,958 you mention it, 70 00:01:42,041 --> 00:01:45,500 Javier and I tried it 71 00:01:42,041 --> 00:01:45,500 a long time ago. 72 00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:47,791 It was a game-changer. 73 00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:51,333 Ay. Rebecca 74 00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:51,333 is doing so well. 75 00:01:51,416 --> 00:01:52,916 Sounds like 76 00:01:51,416 --> 00:01:52,916 she's having fun. 77 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,666 Navy used to make us watch films 78 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,666 about girls like that. 79 00:01:55,750 --> 00:01:59,291 Well, her husband never really 80 00:01:55,750 --> 00:01:59,291 gave her what she needed. 81 00:01:59,375 --> 00:02:00,708 Did she tell him? 82 00:02:00,791 --> 00:02:03,666 No. But sometimes it's more 83 00:02:00,791 --> 00:02:03,666 exciting to be with someone 84 00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:07,541 that already knows what you want 85 00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:07,541 without you telling them. 86 00:02:07,625 --> 00:02:08,875 Got it. 87 00:02:08,958 --> 00:02:10,250 Ay! Hey! 88 00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:11,708 Wh-What the hell 89 00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:11,708 was that? 90 00:02:11,791 --> 00:02:12,791 Nothing! 91 00:02:11,791 --> 00:02:12,791 You know what? 92 00:02:12,875 --> 00:02:15,458 I think I forgot 93 00:02:12,875 --> 00:02:15,458 to lock the front door. 94 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,708 - There he is. 95 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,708 - Oh, now, don't get mad. 96 00:02:30,791 --> 00:02:32,750 I know I said I was only 97 00:02:30,791 --> 00:02:32,750 getting tulips for the party, 98 00:02:32,833 --> 00:02:34,708 but I splurged 99 00:02:32,833 --> 00:02:34,708 and I got orchids. 100 00:02:34,791 --> 00:02:36,583 Hey, I wanted the party 101 00:02:34,791 --> 00:02:36,583 to be special, too. 102 00:02:34,791 --> 00:02:36,583 Okay. 103 00:02:36,666 --> 00:02:39,333 And in my defense, I didn't know 104 00:02:36,666 --> 00:02:39,333 about the orchids. 105 00:02:39,416 --> 00:02:40,583 I got a piano. 106 00:02:40,666 --> 00:02:42,250 Really, where? 107 00:02:42,333 --> 00:02:44,166 I recently got 108 00:02:42,333 --> 00:02:44,166 a pretty fancy job 109 00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:46,833 working for billionaire 110 00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:46,833 Michael Quinly. 111 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:48,416 It's kind of a big deal. 112 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:48,416 - It is a big deal. 113 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:50,333 Now, admittedly, 114 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:50,333 throwing a party 115 00:02:50,416 --> 00:02:52,333 to celebrate your own 116 00:02:50,416 --> 00:02:52,333 reversal of fortune 117 00:02:52,416 --> 00:02:53,708 could be seen as braggy. 118 00:02:53,791 --> 00:02:55,875 Sort of a rags-to-bitches story, 119 00:02:53,791 --> 00:02:55,875 if you will. 120 00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:57,541 Then again, 121 00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:57,541 for a while now, 122 00:02:57,625 --> 00:02:59,875 when I've been telling my 123 00:02:57,625 --> 00:02:59,875 friends that I was struggling, 124 00:02:59,958 --> 00:03:01,625 they'd give me 125 00:02:59,958 --> 00:03:01,625 "that look" ... 126 00:03:01,708 --> 00:03:03,333 the one that's 127 00:03:01,708 --> 00:03:03,333 mostly sympathetic 128 00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:06,541 with just a touch of 129 00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:06,541 enjoying my pain. 130 00:03:06,625 --> 00:03:09,250 So, today, 131 00:03:06,625 --> 00:03:09,250 I get the other look ... 132 00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:11,666 the one that's mostly 133 00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:11,666 "I'm so happy for you" 134 00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:14,625 with just a hint of 135 00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:14,625 "I am wracked with jealousy." 136 00:03:16,666 --> 00:03:18,291 It'll be good to see 137 00:03:16,666 --> 00:03:18,291 the old gang again. 138 00:03:18,375 --> 00:03:19,791 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 139 00:03:18,375 --> 00:03:19,791 - Yeah. 140 00:03:22,750 --> 00:03:23,833 Hey, you. 141 00:03:23,916 --> 00:03:26,500 What's going on? 142 00:03:23,916 --> 00:03:26,500 You, uh ... you texting a boy? 143 00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:27,833 Just figuring out 144 00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:27,833 my summer plans. 145 00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,291 I remember the summer 146 00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,291 of my junior year. 147 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:32,625 I followed N.W.A. on tour ... 148 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:32,625 Nebraskans With Accordions. 149 00:03:32,708 --> 00:03:35,375 This was before Polka Pete was 150 00:03:32,708 --> 00:03:35,375 brutally murdered, of course. 151 00:03:35,458 --> 00:03:36,875 Yeah, this is 152 00:03:35,458 --> 00:03:36,875 a little different. 153 00:03:36,958 --> 00:03:38,250 I'm actually up for 154 00:03:36,958 --> 00:03:38,250 an internship 155 00:03:38,333 --> 00:03:40,333 researching the minimal 156 00:03:38,333 --> 00:03:40,333 supersymmetric standard model 157 00:03:40,416 --> 00:03:41,250 at M.I.T. 158 00:03:41,333 --> 00:03:44,000 Cool. Beantown. 159 00:03:44,083 --> 00:03:46,375 I don't know why I'm getting 160 00:03:44,083 --> 00:03:46,375 all girly and excited about it. 161 00:03:46,458 --> 00:03:47,583 It's not like I'm 162 00:03:46,458 --> 00:03:47,583 gonna get it anyways. 163 00:03:47,666 --> 00:03:50,166 What's with the quitter talk? 164 00:03:47,666 --> 00:03:50,166 If you want my advice ... 165 00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:51,375 No, I don't, 166 00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:51,375 but thanks. 167 00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:53,208 What is all this junk? 168 00:03:53,291 --> 00:03:55,000 Fruit Roll-ups, chips, 169 00:03:53,291 --> 00:03:55,000 chocolate milk? Ugh. 170 00:03:55,083 --> 00:03:57,291 Th-There's nothing 171 00:03:55,083 --> 00:03:57,291 in the fridge. 172 00:03:58,750 --> 00:03:59,833 I'm packing you a lunch. 173 00:03:59,916 --> 00:04:01,833 I've always heard 174 00:03:59,916 --> 00:04:01,833 there comes a time in life 175 00:04:01,916 --> 00:04:04,625 when the kid starts 176 00:04:01,916 --> 00:04:04,625 parenting the parents. 177 00:04:04,708 --> 00:04:06,375 I thought it would be 178 00:04:04,708 --> 00:04:06,375 when I was in my 40s. 179 00:04:06,458 --> 00:04:08,250 But I'm pretty mature 180 00:04:06,458 --> 00:04:08,250 for my age, 181 00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:10,416 and my dad claps 182 00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:10,416 when he gets waffle fries. 183 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:11,916 What are you even 184 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:11,916 still doing home? 185 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,583 Don't you usually open 186 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,583 your magic shop by now? 187 00:04:13,666 --> 00:04:15,583 Yeah. I'm just going in 188 00:04:13,666 --> 00:04:15,583 a little late. 189 00:04:15,666 --> 00:04:17,166 Doesn't sound good 190 00:04:15,666 --> 00:04:17,166 for business. 191 00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:18,916 And I saw you sneak those 192 00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:18,916 carrots out of your lunch. 193 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,875 I'm trying to avoid one of 194 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,875 the other shop owners. 195 00:04:21,958 --> 00:04:23,458 Kind of an intimidating 196 00:04:21,958 --> 00:04:23,458 character. 197 00:04:23,541 --> 00:04:25,458 It started with a dispute 198 00:04:23,541 --> 00:04:25,458 over a parking space 199 00:04:25,541 --> 00:04:26,625 and escalated 200 00:04:25,541 --> 00:04:26,625 from there. 201 00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:30,125 Hey... we don't avoid bullies 202 00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:30,125 in this family. 203 00:04:30,208 --> 00:04:32,250 We stand up to them. 204 00:04:32,333 --> 00:04:33,708 Off you go. 205 00:04:33,791 --> 00:04:35,916 I don't think you realize what 206 00:04:33,791 --> 00:04:35,916 kind of person I'm up against. 207 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,375 Yesterday, all my 208 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,375 dribble glasses 209 00:04:37,458 --> 00:04:39,041 were replaced 210 00:04:37,458 --> 00:04:39,041 with real ones. 211 00:04:39,125 --> 00:04:40,458 It was humiliating. 212 00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:43,208 So, Long', we have a lot 213 00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:43,208 to catch up on. 214 00:04:43,291 --> 00:04:45,125 What's up? 215 00:04:43,291 --> 00:04:45,125 - Not my weight. 216 00:04:45,208 --> 00:04:47,750 The Tom Brady diet changed 217 00:04:45,208 --> 00:04:47,750 the way I see the world. 218 00:04:47,833 --> 00:04:51,208 Food, not food, 219 00:04:47,833 --> 00:04:51,208 super-food, poison. 220 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,333 Oh, well, okay, 221 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,333 that covers you. 222 00:04:53,416 --> 00:04:54,875 I was going to ask 223 00:04:53,416 --> 00:04:54,875 about you, 224 00:04:54,958 --> 00:04:56,708 but, you know, I'm always 225 00:04:54,958 --> 00:04:56,708 nervous about the answer. 226 00:04:56,791 --> 00:04:58,000 Well, you know what? 227 00:04:56,791 --> 00:04:58,000 Let's roll the dice. 228 00:04:58,083 --> 00:04:59,333 So, it turns out that I ... 229 00:04:58,083 --> 00:04:59,333 - Hey, Mitch. 230 00:04:59,416 --> 00:05:00,625 - Hi. 231 00:04:59,416 --> 00:05:00,625 - Hi. 232 00:05:00,708 --> 00:05:02,666 Where's Cam? Hey. 233 00:05:00,708 --> 00:05:02,666 - Oh. 234 00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:04,333 Claire, what a surprise. 235 00:05:04,416 --> 00:05:05,500 What are you 236 00:05:04,416 --> 00:05:05,500 talking about? 237 00:05:05,583 --> 00:05:06,375 You asked me to bring over 238 00:05:05,583 --> 00:05:06,375 the piano music. 239 00:05:06,458 --> 00:05:07,625 "Party-time Favorites." 240 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,166 Oh, my gosh, 241 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,166 how apropos. 242 00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:12,083 I'll just set these 243 00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:12,083 on our new piano... 244 00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:12,083 Mm. 245 00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:13,583 that I know 246 00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:13,583 how to play. 247 00:05:13,666 --> 00:05:15,583 Great party, boys. 248 00:05:15,666 --> 00:05:17,541 We need to talk about 249 00:05:15,666 --> 00:05:17,541 the piano in the room. 250 00:05:17,625 --> 00:05:19,875 Uh, well, yes, 251 00:05:17,625 --> 00:05:19,875 so, okay, okay. 252 00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:21,458 So, Cam has always 253 00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:21,458 wanted one, 254 00:05:21,541 --> 00:05:23,916 and frankly, it has been 255 00:05:21,541 --> 00:05:23,916 out of our price range 256 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,416 until this week. 257 00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,416 Fun story. 258 00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,416 It turns out that I ... 259 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,250 - Hi. 260 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,250 - I'm being rude. 261 00:05:29,333 --> 00:05:30,583 Sam Turnbull. 262 00:05:30,666 --> 00:05:32,291 Oh! 263 00:05:30,666 --> 00:05:32,291 Claire Dunphy. 264 00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,625 Hi. You are the editor of 265 00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,625 L.A. Woman magazine, right? 266 00:05:34,708 --> 00:05:37,000 I believe it's pronounced 267 00:05:34,708 --> 00:05:37,000 "La Woman." 268 00:05:37,083 --> 00:05:38,458 It isn't. 269 00:05:38,541 --> 00:05:40,625 It's funny because your office 270 00:05:38,541 --> 00:05:40,625 called my business last week. 271 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:43,416 Apparently, 272 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:43,416 I'm on some short list 273 00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,125 for the Women in Business 274 00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,125 issue. 275 00:05:45,208 --> 00:05:46,500 - Closets, right? 276 00:05:45,208 --> 00:05:46,500 - Yeah. 277 00:05:46,583 --> 00:05:48,375 I shattered 278 00:05:46,583 --> 00:05:48,375 the glass ceiling ... 279 00:05:48,458 --> 00:05:51,750 and ironically, we have 280 00:05:48,458 --> 00:05:51,750 a new glass-ceiling closet. 281 00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:53,666 You can see if it's raining 282 00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:53,666 when you're getting dressed. 283 00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,333 Gonna save 284 00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,333 a lot of suede. 285 00:05:55,416 --> 00:05:57,625 Well, it's, um, pretty 286 00:05:55,416 --> 00:05:57,625 competitive this year. 287 00:05:57,708 --> 00:05:58,958 Oh. 288 00:05:59,041 --> 00:06:00,958 Anyway, I'm meeting someone 289 00:05:59,041 --> 00:06:00,958 on the other side of the piano. 290 00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:02,833 I should leave now. 291 00:06:02,916 --> 00:06:04,333 Oh. 292 00:06:04,416 --> 00:06:07,916 I don't even care about 293 00:06:04,416 --> 00:06:07,916 his stupid magazine, 294 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,208 but to be dismissed 295 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,208 like that? 296 00:06:09,291 --> 00:06:13,125 Hey, everyone, everyone. 297 00:06:09,291 --> 00:06:13,125 Thank you so much for coming. 298 00:06:13,208 --> 00:06:14,916 We never get to 299 00:06:13,208 --> 00:06:14,916 see each other anymore, 300 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,541 what with our busy lives. 301 00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:19,500 And Jotham's ambient music 302 00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:19,500 compositions, 303 00:06:19,583 --> 00:06:22,125 and, uh, Deepak's 304 00:06:19,583 --> 00:06:22,125 guerrilla gardening, 305 00:06:22,208 --> 00:06:26,083 and, well, 306 00:06:22,208 --> 00:06:26,083 me and my big new job 307 00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:28,250 working for 308 00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:28,250 Michael Quinly. 309 00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:29,416 Yeah. 310 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,083 The rich guy whose name 311 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,083 is on all those museums? 312 00:06:31,166 --> 00:06:33,916 And hospitals, yeah. 313 00:06:31,166 --> 00:06:33,916 So, to all of us! 314 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,583 Ah, congratulations. 315 00:06:37,666 --> 00:06:39,166 It's really great. 316 00:06:37,666 --> 00:06:39,166 We're all ... 317 00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:40,166 We're all so happy 318 00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:40,166 for you. 319 00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:41,458 Thank you. 320 00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:41,458 Thank you. 321 00:06:41,541 --> 00:06:42,541 Hey, hey. 322 00:06:41,541 --> 00:06:42,541 - Hi. 323 00:06:42,625 --> 00:06:43,833 You saw 324 00:06:42,625 --> 00:06:43,833 the look, right? 325 00:06:42,625 --> 00:06:43,833 Yeah. 326 00:06:43,916 --> 00:06:48,000 Pure love and support 327 00:06:43,916 --> 00:06:48,000 with just a hint of rancid envy. 328 00:06:48,083 --> 00:06:49,500 A word. 329 00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:51,166 But I'm basking. 330 00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:51,166 Um, Cam. 331 00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:53,000 So, while you were talking, 332 00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:53,000 I got online, 333 00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:56,666 and... your new boss 334 00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:56,666 was caught embezzling. 335 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,000 Your company 336 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,000 is crumbling. 337 00:06:58,083 --> 00:07:00,750 No! No! This ... This can't be 338 00:06:58,083 --> 00:07:00,750 happening to me again. 339 00:07:00,833 --> 00:07:02,875 You know what? 340 00:07:00,833 --> 00:07:02,875 You'll find something else. 341 00:07:02,958 --> 00:07:04,541 Oh, my ... Cam, 342 00:07:02,958 --> 00:07:04,541 I literally just bragged 343 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,125 about a job 344 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,125 that doesn't exist. 345 00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:08,083 Okay, okay. 346 00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:08,083 They cannot know, 347 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,291 or else this will turn into 348 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,291 an actual pity party. 349 00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:11,708 Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 350 00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:11,708 I-I got this. 351 00:07:11,791 --> 00:07:12,958 Hi, everyone. 352 00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:15,958 So, we are about to get 353 00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:15,958 to know one another on a deeper, 354 00:07:16,041 --> 00:07:17,791 more personal level. 355 00:07:17,875 --> 00:07:19,750 I think you all know 356 00:07:17,875 --> 00:07:19,750 what the bowl is for. 357 00:07:19,833 --> 00:07:23,583 Hey, no. 358 00:07:19,833 --> 00:07:23,583 Not your keys, Jotham. 359 00:07:23,666 --> 00:07:25,083 Your phones! 360 00:07:25,166 --> 00:07:27,875 We are about to rediscover the 361 00:07:25,166 --> 00:07:27,875 long-lost art of conversation. 362 00:07:27,958 --> 00:07:29,125 What if 363 00:07:27,958 --> 00:07:29,125 the sitter calls? 364 00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:32,083 Your dog will be fine. 365 00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:32,083 Phones, gentlemen, phones. 366 00:07:35,708 --> 00:07:36,916 You're working 367 00:07:35,708 --> 00:07:36,916 on a Saturday? 368 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,708 I've been dealing with 369 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,708 a little problem. 370 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:41,250 In moments like this, 371 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:41,250 there's only one place I turn. 372 00:07:41,333 --> 00:07:44,000 Well, I am flattered, 373 00:07:41,333 --> 00:07:44,000 Dad. 374 00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:45,000 Right. 375 00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:48,416 Hey, but, you know, 376 00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:48,416 since you're here... 377 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:51,000 Uh, it's a 378 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:51,000 difficult subject. 379 00:07:51,083 --> 00:07:52,000 Gloria and I... 380 00:07:52,083 --> 00:07:53,625 Mm-hmm. 381 00:07:53,708 --> 00:07:55,333 having an issue 382 00:07:53,708 --> 00:07:55,333 in the bedroom. 383 00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:56,708 Okay. 384 00:07:56,791 --> 00:07:59,041 There's been a drop-off 385 00:07:56,791 --> 00:07:59,041 of pace and intensity. 386 00:07:56,791 --> 00:07:59,041 Mm-hmm. 387 00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:02,375 I get the impression 388 00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:02,375 she's looking for, maybe, 389 00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:02,375 a little more variety. 390 00:08:02,458 --> 00:08:03,708 - Mm. 391 00:08:02,458 --> 00:08:03,708 - But you can't blame her. 392 00:08:03,791 --> 00:08:05,375 I've been using the same moves 393 00:08:03,791 --> 00:08:05,375 since the '70s. 394 00:08:03,791 --> 00:08:05,375 Hmm. 395 00:08:05,458 --> 00:08:07,250 I may as well be doing 396 00:08:05,458 --> 00:08:07,250 "The Hustle" in there. 397 00:08:07,333 --> 00:08:09,083 I'm just gonna 398 00:08:07,333 --> 00:08:09,083 wet my whistle. 399 00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:10,958 I heard her tell 400 00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:10,958 her friend last night 401 00:08:11,041 --> 00:08:13,416 about wanting 402 00:08:11,041 --> 00:08:13,416 to be spanked. 403 00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:16,833 And later, the opportunity 404 00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:16,833 presented itself, and... 405 00:08:16,916 --> 00:08:18,083 No, you didn't. 406 00:08:16,916 --> 00:08:18,083 You didn't. 407 00:08:18,166 --> 00:08:20,000 - Three times. 408 00:08:18,166 --> 00:08:20,000 - Oh, God. Why three times, Dad? 409 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,750 I don't know. Maybe all those 410 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,750 years of ping-pong 411 00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:24,666 in the warehouse. 412 00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:24,666 I've got very agile wrists. 413 00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:24,666 Mm. 414 00:08:24,750 --> 00:08:26,666 But I don't know how 415 00:08:24,750 --> 00:08:26,666 I come back from this one. 416 00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:29,958 Well, uh, Dad, 417 00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:29,958 when you, um ... 418 00:08:30,041 --> 00:08:31,708 When you did what 419 00:08:30,041 --> 00:08:31,708 you did to Gloria, 420 00:08:31,791 --> 00:08:33,958 you made the sex 421 00:08:31,791 --> 00:08:33,958 all about her body, 422 00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:36,250 and a woman wants it 423 00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:36,250 to be about the mind. 424 00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:39,416 Oh, crap. I was afraid it would 425 00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:39,416 be about that sort of thing. 426 00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:42,166 Look, she is an intelligent, 427 00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:42,166 interesting woman. 428 00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:44,583 And you just need to remind her 429 00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:44,583 that you notice that ... 430 00:08:44,666 --> 00:08:47,250 unlike, say, I don't know, 431 00:08:44,666 --> 00:08:47,250 L.A. Woman magazine, 432 00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:48,791 that only cares about 433 00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:48,791 how a woman looks. 434 00:08:48,875 --> 00:08:50,791 So, we're off 435 00:08:48,875 --> 00:08:50,791 my thing, huh? 436 00:08:50,875 --> 00:08:52,041 Hopefully forever, yes. 437 00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:53,625 I ran into the editor 438 00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:53,625 of that magazine 439 00:08:53,708 --> 00:08:55,958 over at Cam and Mitch's today, 440 00:08:53,708 --> 00:08:55,958 and you know what? 441 00:08:56,041 --> 00:08:57,250 He looks me up and down. 442 00:08:57,333 --> 00:08:59,666 Suddenly, I am off 443 00:08:57,333 --> 00:08:59,666 their women-in-business list. 444 00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:02,000 So, L.A. Woman is 445 00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:02,000 its own magazine now? 446 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,500 I remember when it was 447 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,500 the back page of L.A. Man. 448 00:09:04,583 --> 00:09:07,916 Well, I suppose I'm just not 449 00:09:04,583 --> 00:09:07,916 as glamorous as Linda Vaughn, 450 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,875 the queen of 451 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,875 corrective shoes. 452 00:09:09,958 --> 00:09:11,750 And this has nothing to do 453 00:09:09,958 --> 00:09:11,750 with the fact that you showed up 454 00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:14,375 looking like someone 455 00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:14,375 who just watered some horses? 456 00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:15,916 Who cares? 457 00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:15,916 What about merit? 458 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,750 I hear you. 459 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,750 But you got to play the game. 460 00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:18,875 I didn't get 461 00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:18,875 on the cover 462 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,791 of Closet Time's 463 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,791 September '78 issue 464 00:09:21,875 --> 00:09:25,625 by wearing Jordache jeans 465 00:09:21,875 --> 00:09:25,625 one size too big. 466 00:09:25,708 --> 00:09:26,583 I'm not doing it. 467 00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:28,125 They can keep 468 00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:28,125 their beauty contest. 469 00:09:28,208 --> 00:09:29,166 I don't care. 470 00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:31,375 Before you say "no," 471 00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:31,375 take a look at this. 472 00:09:33,083 --> 00:09:35,000 It's not making the case 473 00:09:33,083 --> 00:09:35,000 you think it's making, Dad. 474 00:09:35,083 --> 00:09:37,333 Oh, God. 475 00:09:39,875 --> 00:09:41,250 Okay, that's all 476 00:09:39,875 --> 00:09:41,250 the phones. 477 00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:43,416 Look, nobody's gonna find out 478 00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:43,416 about you losing your job 479 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:44,583 until after the party. 480 00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:47,416 Okay, I'm ... 481 00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:47,416 I'm gonna get that. 482 00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:48,666 You call someone 483 00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:48,666 about returning the piano 484 00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,083 we can no longer afford. 485 00:09:50,166 --> 00:09:53,791 Well, we couldn't really afford 486 00:09:50,166 --> 00:09:53,791 it with your new job, either. 487 00:09:54,583 --> 00:09:56,916 Why haven't you been 488 00:09:54,583 --> 00:09:56,916 texting me back? 489 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,250 Well, uh ... 490 00:09:58,333 --> 00:10:00,583 You're judging us, 491 00:09:58,333 --> 00:10:00,583 aren't you? 492 00:09:58,333 --> 00:10:00,583 No. 493 00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:03,000 This is nothing compared to 494 00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:03,000 the things that I have heard 495 00:10:03,083 --> 00:10:04,291 that you two do ... 496 00:10:03,083 --> 00:10:04,291 - Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. 497 00:10:04,375 --> 00:10:06,000 I-I never saw 498 00:10:04,375 --> 00:10:06,000 your text, okay? 499 00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:07,375 All of our phones 500 00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:07,375 are in a bowl. 501 00:10:07,458 --> 00:10:09,666 Oh, it's that kind 502 00:10:07,458 --> 00:10:09,666 of party. 503 00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:11,375 What do you think 504 00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:11,375 that we do? 505 00:10:11,458 --> 00:10:12,583 I have a problem. 506 00:10:12,666 --> 00:10:14,041 Well, can it wait? 507 00:10:12,666 --> 00:10:14,041 I have guests. 508 00:10:14,125 --> 00:10:15,833 Your father spanked me. 509 00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,583 Eh, it's a buffet. 510 00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,583 They'll be fine. 511 00:10:17,666 --> 00:10:19,541 Okay, I talked to 512 00:10:17,666 --> 00:10:19,541 the piano company ... 513 00:10:19,625 --> 00:10:21,666 Okay, okay, my dad spanked her. 514 00:10:19,625 --> 00:10:21,666 You're all caught up. 515 00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:23,833 - What? 516 00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:23,833 - What did you do? 517 00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:25,875 I screamed, 518 00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:25,875 he ran away. 519 00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:27,625 And now I think 520 00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:27,625 he's embarrassed. 521 00:10:27,708 --> 00:10:29,041 Okay, okay. 522 00:10:29,125 --> 00:10:31,541 For what it's worth, sometimes 523 00:10:29,125 --> 00:10:31,541 people do things to other people 524 00:10:31,625 --> 00:10:33,333 that they want done 525 00:10:31,625 --> 00:10:33,333 to themselves. 526 00:10:33,416 --> 00:10:34,250 Mm-hmm. 527 00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:36,583 Sometimes, 528 00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:36,583 for years on end. 529 00:10:36,666 --> 00:10:37,833 - Really? 530 00:10:36,666 --> 00:10:37,833 - Mm-hmm. 531 00:10:37,916 --> 00:10:41,666 So, you think that 532 00:10:37,916 --> 00:10:41,666 Jay wants me to spank him? 533 00:10:41,750 --> 00:10:43,166 Well, if he's like 534 00:10:41,750 --> 00:10:43,166 some of the successful, 535 00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:45,375 powerful men 536 00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:45,375 I've been with, yes. 537 00:10:45,458 --> 00:10:48,000 Who are those men? 538 00:10:45,458 --> 00:10:48,000 What are these things 539 00:10:45,458 --> 00:10:48,000 I don't do? 540 00:10:48,083 --> 00:10:50,791 Well, I guess I could ask him 541 00:10:48,083 --> 00:10:50,791 if that's what he wants. 542 00:10:50,875 --> 00:10:52,375 No, no, no, no, no. 543 00:10:50,875 --> 00:10:52,375 Don't do that. 544 00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:54,250 He's probably already 545 00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:54,250 feeling self-conscious. 546 00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:57,083 Act casual, 547 00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:57,083 like it never happened. 548 00:10:57,166 --> 00:10:58,625 I can do that. 549 00:11:00,125 --> 00:11:01,083 I haven't even 550 00:11:00,125 --> 00:11:01,083 said anything 551 00:11:01,166 --> 00:11:03,083 about this gigantic piano 552 00:11:01,166 --> 00:11:03,083 you have here. 553 00:11:03,166 --> 00:11:06,083 Okay. Well, if it doesn't 554 00:11:03,166 --> 00:11:06,083 go back today, we own it, 555 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,416 so the moving company 556 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,416 is on the way. 557 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,750 Okay, well, I think our guests 558 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,750 are gonna notice that, 559 00:11:09,833 --> 00:11:11,375 maybe ask a question 560 00:11:09,833 --> 00:11:11,375 or two. 561 00:11:11,458 --> 00:11:12,333 I've got this. 562 00:11:12,416 --> 00:11:14,708 Hey, guys. 563 00:11:12,416 --> 00:11:14,708 Hi, guys. 564 00:11:14,791 --> 00:11:16,958 Mitchell and I... 565 00:11:14,791 --> 00:11:16,958 Maybe just Cam. 566 00:11:14,791 --> 00:11:16,958 Not sure yet. 567 00:11:17,041 --> 00:11:19,708 are about to remodel our 568 00:11:17,041 --> 00:11:19,708 bathroom, and we were wondering, 569 00:11:19,791 --> 00:11:23,958 does anyone here have strong 570 00:11:19,791 --> 00:11:23,958 opinions about interior design? 571 00:11:24,041 --> 00:11:27,166 Okay. Can you guys, uh, 572 00:11:24,041 --> 00:11:27,166 follow me right this way? 573 00:11:27,958 --> 00:11:30,333 All right, everybody in. 574 00:11:27,958 --> 00:11:30,333 Yep, there's plenty of room. 575 00:11:30,416 --> 00:11:31,791 And I'll ... I'll just 576 00:11:30,416 --> 00:11:31,791 close the door, 577 00:11:31,875 --> 00:11:34,833 give you guys some privacy 578 00:11:31,875 --> 00:11:34,833 so you can speak freely. 579 00:11:34,916 --> 00:11:36,291 There you go. 580 00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:38,250 All right. 581 00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:38,250 And, oh, look at that. 582 00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:40,625 The... doorknob came off. 583 00:11:40,708 --> 00:11:42,750 Sit tight. 584 00:11:40,708 --> 00:11:42,750 I got to fix this. 585 00:11:42,833 --> 00:11:44,458 Hey, Dad. 586 00:11:44,541 --> 00:11:45,708 Hey, sweetie. 587 00:11:44,541 --> 00:11:45,708 What are you doing here? 588 00:11:45,791 --> 00:11:48,083 Did you really think 589 00:11:45,791 --> 00:11:48,083 I wouldn't notice these? 590 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,041 Also, I got 591 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,041 that internship. 592 00:11:50,125 --> 00:11:51,708 I just need your signature 593 00:11:50,125 --> 00:11:51,708 on my insurance form. 594 00:11:51,791 --> 00:11:54,041 I told you 595 00:11:51,791 --> 00:11:54,041 to stay positive. 596 00:11:54,125 --> 00:11:55,875 How much fun 597 00:11:54,125 --> 00:11:55,875 is this gonna be? 598 00:11:55,958 --> 00:11:57,833 It's really not 599 00:11:55,958 --> 00:11:57,833 about fun. 600 00:11:57,916 --> 00:11:59,083 It's gonna be 601 00:11:57,916 --> 00:11:59,083 a lot of hard work. 602 00:11:59,166 --> 00:12:00,375 The pressure's 603 00:11:59,166 --> 00:12:00,375 off the charts. 604 00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:02,458 Well, that would explain 605 00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:02,458 the mental-health waiver. 606 00:12:02,541 --> 00:12:05,333 The last undergrad they let into 607 00:12:02,541 --> 00:12:05,333 the program completely snapped. 608 00:12:05,416 --> 00:12:06,583 They found her 609 00:12:05,416 --> 00:12:06,583 wandering the Freedom Trail 610 00:12:06,666 --> 00:12:08,416 wearing nothing 611 00:12:06,666 --> 00:12:08,416 but her safety goggles. 612 00:12:09,833 --> 00:12:12,708 Dunphy, you're in 613 00:12:09,833 --> 00:12:12,708 my spot again. 614 00:12:12,791 --> 00:12:15,125 That's her. 615 00:12:12,791 --> 00:12:15,125 She's your bully? 616 00:12:15,208 --> 00:12:16,708 You realize she's not even 617 00:12:15,208 --> 00:12:16,708 that big, right? 618 00:12:16,791 --> 00:12:18,958 It's mostly just hair. 619 00:12:16,791 --> 00:12:18,958 - Shh, shh. 620 00:12:19,041 --> 00:12:20,083 Who's the jock? 621 00:12:20,166 --> 00:12:22,666 Oh, Stephanie, 622 00:12:20,166 --> 00:12:22,666 this is my daughter Alex. 623 00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:23,750 Uh, Alex, 624 00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:23,750 this is Stephanie. 625 00:12:23,833 --> 00:12:26,000 She owns the board-game shop 626 00:12:23,833 --> 00:12:26,000 next door. 627 00:12:26,083 --> 00:12:28,208 Yeah. I sell 628 00:12:26,083 --> 00:12:28,208 "The Gathering," 629 00:12:28,291 --> 00:12:30,791 and he sells magic, 630 00:12:28,291 --> 00:12:30,791 and no one is gathering. 631 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,166 Come on. 632 00:12:32,250 --> 00:12:33,750 Dad, remember 633 00:12:32,250 --> 00:12:33,750 what we talked about. 634 00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:35,791 Oh, yeah. 635 00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:35,791 Technically... 636 00:12:38,250 --> 00:12:40,791 spot nine is 637 00:12:38,250 --> 00:12:40,791 a shared parking space. 638 00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:44,625 Ooh, look whose 639 00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:44,625 disappearing balls came back. 640 00:12:44,708 --> 00:12:46,875 What do you say we settle this 641 00:12:44,708 --> 00:12:46,875 once and for all 642 00:12:46,958 --> 00:12:48,750 with the newly released 643 00:12:46,958 --> 00:12:48,750 collector's edition 644 00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:50,125 of "Wizards and Warlocks"? 645 00:12:50,208 --> 00:12:51,500 Set her up. 646 00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:53,166 I'm done being 647 00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:53,166 pushed around by you. 648 00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:55,666 Winner gets the spot. 649 00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:55,666 It's a role-playing game. 650 00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:57,250 I'm Zorel, 651 00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:57,250 a 19th-level wizard 652 00:12:57,333 --> 00:12:59,666 with 30 gold ingots and 653 00:12:57,333 --> 00:12:59,666 a cow who used to be my son. 654 00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:01,750 I'm familiar with the game. 655 00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:01,750 I go to Cal-Tech. 656 00:13:01,833 --> 00:13:03,916 The guy who invented it gave our 657 00:13:01,833 --> 00:13:03,916 commencement speech last year. 658 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,125 Okay, Dunphy. 659 00:13:05,208 --> 00:13:07,500 When we left off, you had just 660 00:13:05,208 --> 00:13:07,500 sold your long sword 661 00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:09,416 for some beans. 662 00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:09,416 - Which could've been magic. 663 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:10,708 There was no indication 664 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:10,708 of that. 665 00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,333 Dad, where's all 666 00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,333 your gold? 667 00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,041 I found that Zorel 668 00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,041 doesn't like to be weighed down 669 00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:15,750 by too many 670 00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:15,750 worldly possessions. 671 00:13:15,833 --> 00:13:17,958 But the key is to pillage early 672 00:13:15,833 --> 00:13:17,958 and trade your gold for weapons 673 00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:20,666 before the Van Wickle gates open 674 00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:20,666 and the ogres are released. 675 00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:23,500 Curse card. 676 00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:23,500 Your hands are now hooves. 677 00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:25,000 Your roll. 678 00:13:25,083 --> 00:13:26,458 Uh, but first, a proposal ... 679 00:13:26,541 --> 00:13:29,333 my shield 680 00:13:26,541 --> 00:13:29,333 for your feathered cap. 681 00:13:29,416 --> 00:13:30,958 I can't watch this. 682 00:13:29,416 --> 00:13:30,958 Give me those. 683 00:13:31,041 --> 00:13:32,166 Up. 684 00:13:33,958 --> 00:13:35,958 Hmm. 685 00:13:36,041 --> 00:13:37,041 Hmm. 686 00:13:37,125 --> 00:13:38,791 Ah, I see where 687 00:13:37,125 --> 00:13:38,791 you're going with this ... 688 00:13:38,916 --> 00:13:41,083 calling for a peace conference 689 00:13:38,916 --> 00:13:41,083 with the council of elders. 690 00:13:41,166 --> 00:13:43,083 No. I'm putting the council 691 00:13:41,166 --> 00:13:43,083 of elders on our ships 692 00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:44,958 and burning them. 693 00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:44,958 Go. 694 00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:49,833 I'm here, casually reading 695 00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:49,833 a magazine, Jay. 696 00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:51,083 There's my brainiac. 697 00:13:51,166 --> 00:13:52,416 You didn't even 698 00:13:51,166 --> 00:13:52,416 have to turn around. 699 00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:53,416 You knew it was me. 700 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,916 Oh, well, 701 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,916 Manny's at school, 702 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,125 and Joe doesn't have a key, 703 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,125 so... 704 00:13:57,208 --> 00:13:58,416 What are you 705 00:13:57,208 --> 00:13:58,416 tearing through? 706 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,000 Nothing. Just, like, 707 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,000 a fashion magazine. 708 00:14:01,083 --> 00:14:03,666 In English, 709 00:14:01,083 --> 00:14:03,666 your second language. 710 00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:05,333 With all that information 711 00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:05,333 in your head, 712 00:14:05,416 --> 00:14:07,833 we should be calling you 713 00:14:05,416 --> 00:14:07,833 "Encyclopedia Brown" ... 714 00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:09,375 which sounds like a slur, 715 00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:09,375 but isn't. 716 00:14:09,458 --> 00:14:11,708 Hey, I'll bet you can 717 00:14:09,458 --> 00:14:11,708 help me with something 718 00:14:09,458 --> 00:14:11,708 I've been struggling with. 719 00:14:11,791 --> 00:14:12,791 I doubt it. 720 00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:14,916 Give me a thrill. 721 00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:14,916 Take a whack at it. 722 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,208 What exactly do you 723 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,208 want me to do? 724 00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:19,875 I'm sure you can 725 00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:19,875 figure out this clue. 726 00:14:19,958 --> 00:14:22,000 Come on, one across. 727 00:14:19,958 --> 00:14:22,000 Help me get started. 728 00:14:24,041 --> 00:14:26,291 Ow! 729 00:14:24,041 --> 00:14:26,291 What the hell? 730 00:14:26,375 --> 00:14:27,583 What the hell? 731 00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:30,708 I'll clean my room, 732 00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:30,708 I promise! 733 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,958 - Ha. 734 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,958 - Damn it. 735 00:14:37,041 --> 00:14:38,625 You made it to 736 00:14:37,041 --> 00:14:38,625 the Summit of Exmore. 737 00:14:38,708 --> 00:14:40,125 It exists? 738 00:14:40,208 --> 00:14:43,083 Whoa. I need to get 739 00:14:40,208 --> 00:14:43,083 these forms in by 5:00 740 00:14:43,166 --> 00:14:44,333 if I'm gonna 741 00:14:43,166 --> 00:14:44,333 take this internship, 742 00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:46,583 which I obviously am because 743 00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:46,583 I've been working for this 744 00:14:46,666 --> 00:14:47,875 my entire life. 745 00:14:47,958 --> 00:14:50,791 Dad, take over. You're basically 746 00:14:47,958 --> 00:14:50,791 in an unlosable position. 747 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,291 You appear to be 748 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,291 at a crossroads ... 749 00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:56,541 battle the guards 750 00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:56,541 at the summit gate 751 00:14:56,625 --> 00:14:58,500 or take a portal 752 00:14:56,625 --> 00:14:58,500 to lands unknown. 753 00:14:58,583 --> 00:15:01,875 This would be so much easier 754 00:14:58,583 --> 00:15:01,875 if it was lands known. 755 00:15:01,958 --> 00:15:03,541 You're not actually struggling 756 00:15:01,958 --> 00:15:03,541 with this, are you? 757 00:15:03,625 --> 00:15:06,375 But what if the portal 758 00:15:03,625 --> 00:15:06,375 leads to someplace really cool? 759 00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:08,416 You win by getting 760 00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:08,416 to the summit. 761 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:11,041 There's a 62% chance that portal 762 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:11,041 leads right back to the meadow. 763 00:15:11,125 --> 00:15:12,500 That's math. 764 00:15:12,583 --> 00:15:16,041 You're in a house 765 00:15:12,583 --> 00:15:16,041 of... magic. 766 00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:17,708 And you're back 767 00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:17,708 in the meadow. 768 00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:18,833 What were you thinking? 769 00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:20,625 It's fine. 770 00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:20,625 You know, legend has it, 771 00:15:20,708 --> 00:15:22,833 there's a shortcut under 772 00:15:20,708 --> 00:15:22,833 one of the toadstools there. 773 00:15:22,875 --> 00:15:25,250 You don't win 774 00:15:22,875 --> 00:15:25,250 by taking shortcuts! 775 00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:28,291 You win by taking the lead ... 776 00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:28,291 which is what I did for you 777 00:15:28,375 --> 00:15:30,125 by methodically 778 00:15:28,375 --> 00:15:30,125 clawing up the mountain, 779 00:15:30,208 --> 00:15:31,916 ruthlessly defeating 780 00:15:30,208 --> 00:15:31,916 your enemies, 781 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,333 and then emerging 782 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,333 victorious ... 783 00:15:33,416 --> 00:15:36,166 not dithering around 784 00:15:33,416 --> 00:15:36,166 in some meadow! 785 00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:37,791 I'm gonna step out 786 00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:37,791 for a vape break 787 00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:40,375 while you two 788 00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:40,375 sort this out. 789 00:15:42,791 --> 00:15:44,125 You know why 790 00:15:42,791 --> 00:15:44,125 I like the meadow? 791 00:15:44,208 --> 00:15:46,625 'Cause it lets me think about 792 00:15:44,208 --> 00:15:46,625 what I want to do next. 793 00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:49,208 Should I battle the ogre 794 00:15:49,291 --> 00:15:52,000 or brave 795 00:15:49,291 --> 00:15:52,000 the Swamps of Despair? 796 00:15:52,083 --> 00:15:56,541 Should I take the super 797 00:15:52,083 --> 00:15:56,541 stressful internship in Boston, 798 00:15:56,625 --> 00:15:59,375 or am I doing that just because 799 00:15:56,625 --> 00:15:59,375 I think I'm supposed to? 800 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:02,750 I beat out 801 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:02,750 hundreds of candidates. 802 00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:05,041 I would be working 803 00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:05,041 with the pre-eminent 804 00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:05,041 scholar in the field. 805 00:16:05,125 --> 00:16:07,000 This is the chance 806 00:16:05,125 --> 00:16:07,000 of a lifetime. 807 00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:09,583 Yeah, but it's 808 00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:09,583 your lifetime. 809 00:16:09,666 --> 00:16:11,000 It's okay to enjoy it. 810 00:16:12,416 --> 00:16:14,000 No one turns this down. 811 00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:18,333 Well, you always liked being 812 00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:18,333 the first one to do something. 813 00:16:18,416 --> 00:16:19,833 Give yourself 814 00:16:18,416 --> 00:16:19,833 the summer you want. 815 00:16:19,916 --> 00:16:21,666 You've collected 816 00:16:19,916 --> 00:16:21,666 enough gold ingots 817 00:16:21,750 --> 00:16:23,291 to buy yourself 818 00:16:21,750 --> 00:16:23,291 some time off. 819 00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:25,083 It won't make me lazy, 820 00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:25,083 will it? 821 00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:29,375 Honey, 822 00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:29,375 you walked at six months, 823 00:16:29,458 --> 00:16:30,708 spoke at a year, 824 00:16:30,791 --> 00:16:34,375 and your first words were "Sorry 825 00:16:30,791 --> 00:16:34,375 it took me so long to walk." 826 00:16:38,791 --> 00:16:41,125 Okay, so, 827 00:16:38,791 --> 00:16:41,125 the piano's gone. 828 00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:42,416 Oh, by the way, 829 00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:42,416 that sound you heard 830 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,833 was the bottom of the truck 831 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,833 scraping against the street, 832 00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:46,083 so... 833 00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:46,083 - Okay, yeah. 834 00:16:46,166 --> 00:16:47,541 Yeah, I don't know, Cam. 835 00:16:46,166 --> 00:16:47,541 Is this really gonna sell it? 836 00:16:47,625 --> 00:16:48,958 Yes, it is. 837 00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,708 I've learned in my 36 years 838 00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,708 that, if you believe a lie, 839 00:16:51,791 --> 00:16:53,041 others will, too. 840 00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:54,833 Okay, 841 00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:54,833 release the guests. 842 00:16:54,916 --> 00:16:56,041 Okay. 843 00:16:57,541 --> 00:16:58,875 Okay, all fixed. 844 00:16:58,958 --> 00:17:01,916 Figures. Just as your Xanax 845 00:16:58,958 --> 00:17:01,916 is kicking in. 846 00:17:03,291 --> 00:17:04,541 Hey, guys, so, listen. 847 00:17:04,625 --> 00:17:07,500 We've kept you cooped up 848 00:17:04,625 --> 00:17:07,500 on this beautiful day. 849 00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:10,625 Why don't we turn this party 850 00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:10,625 into a garden party? 851 00:17:11,791 --> 00:17:13,166 Why is your piano 852 00:17:11,791 --> 00:17:13,166 covered with a sheet? 853 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:15,833 Oh, um, well, 854 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:15,833 because they recommend it. 855 00:17:15,916 --> 00:17:18,791 They say even five minutes of 856 00:17:15,916 --> 00:17:18,791 direct sunlight on a new piano 857 00:17:18,875 --> 00:17:20,958 like this, your keyboard 858 00:17:18,875 --> 00:17:20,958 turns into something like 859 00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,291 an English person's 860 00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,291 teeth, so... 861 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,583 Huh. 862 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,583 Yeah. 863 00:17:23,666 --> 00:17:25,083 Okay, well, so why doesn't 864 00:17:23,666 --> 00:17:25,083 everyone just... 865 00:17:23,666 --> 00:17:25,083 Yeah. 866 00:17:25,166 --> 00:17:27,458 grab some appetizers and any 867 00:17:25,166 --> 00:17:27,458 wine that's already opened... 868 00:17:27,541 --> 00:17:29,541 - Already opened wine. 869 00:17:27,541 --> 00:17:29,541 - ... and we'll ... 870 00:17:29,625 --> 00:17:30,750 Hello, boys. 871 00:17:30,833 --> 00:17:31,750 What are you 872 00:17:30,833 --> 00:17:31,750 doing here? 873 00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:32,791 Didn't you get my text? 874 00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:34,083 No, all of our phones 875 00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:34,083 are in a bowl. 876 00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:36,083 - Ew. 877 00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:36,083 - It's not dirty... 878 00:17:36,166 --> 00:17:37,750 unlike that dress. 879 00:17:37,833 --> 00:17:38,791 Hi, Sam. 880 00:17:38,875 --> 00:17:40,166 Oh, my God. 881 00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:42,208 Okay, you're that desperate 882 00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:42,208 to get into the magazine. 883 00:17:42,291 --> 00:17:44,333 No. I am going to expose him 884 00:17:42,291 --> 00:17:44,333 for the fraud that he is. 885 00:17:44,416 --> 00:17:47,958 He claims that his precious 886 00:17:44,416 --> 00:17:47,958 little list is merit-based. 887 00:17:48,041 --> 00:17:50,541 When I was wearing sweatpants, 888 00:17:48,041 --> 00:17:50,541 he wasn't interested. 889 00:17:50,625 --> 00:17:52,000 Now that I've gussied up 890 00:17:50,625 --> 00:17:52,000 a little... 891 00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:53,666 He's gonna put you 892 00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:53,666 on the cover. 893 00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:55,208 Really? 894 00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:55,208 Do you think? Shut up. 895 00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:57,625 Hey, Cam, there was an article 896 00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:57,625 in an old Details magazine 897 00:17:57,708 --> 00:17:58,833 I was reading 898 00:17:57,708 --> 00:17:58,833 in your bathroom 899 00:17:58,916 --> 00:18:00,833 about the need 900 00:17:58,916 --> 00:18:00,833 to support your friends. 901 00:18:00,916 --> 00:18:03,333 We do want to 902 00:18:00,916 --> 00:18:03,333 hear you play. 903 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,541 - No, you know what? 904 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,541 - Let's not. Let's not. 905 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,083 I just don't even feel like 906 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,083 I'm in the mood anymore. 907 00:18:06,166 --> 00:18:07,916 You're a bigger liar 908 00:18:06,166 --> 00:18:07,916 than your scale. 909 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,291 Come on. 910 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,291 - One song. 911 00:18:09,375 --> 00:18:10,666 No one gets to leave this room 912 00:18:09,375 --> 00:18:10,666 until you do. 913 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:11,708 Okay, well... 914 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,875 I must say, 915 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,875 you do look beautiful. 916 00:18:14,958 --> 00:18:16,375 You remind me of 917 00:18:14,958 --> 00:18:16,375 my first beard. 918 00:18:16,458 --> 00:18:17,750 Thank you. 919 00:18:17,833 --> 00:18:20,708 I'm a lady in the streets and 920 00:18:17,833 --> 00:18:20,708 a freak in the spreadsheets. 921 00:18:20,791 --> 00:18:22,458 It's not a bad caption, 922 00:18:20,791 --> 00:18:22,458 if you're still interested 923 00:18:22,541 --> 00:18:23,958 in using me 924 00:18:22,541 --> 00:18:23,958 in your magazine. 925 00:18:25,333 --> 00:18:27,291 Sounds a little... thin. 926 00:18:27,375 --> 00:18:28,500 Oh, well, 927 00:18:27,375 --> 00:18:28,500 all the best ones do. 928 00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:31,458 You're probably used to 929 00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:31,458 a cheaper, fuller-sounding, 930 00:18:31,541 --> 00:18:33,208 uncovered piano. 931 00:18:38,041 --> 00:18:40,625 Oh, from 932 00:18:38,041 --> 00:18:40,625 "Fabulous Baker Boys." 933 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,041 What a sexy movie. 934 00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,166 When Michelle Pfeiffer 935 00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,166 first... 936 00:18:50,916 --> 00:18:52,375 leapt into 937 00:18:50,916 --> 00:18:52,375 our hearts. 938 00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:57,500 Wait, 939 00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:57,500 where's the piano? 940 00:18:57,583 --> 00:18:59,666 I'm ... I'm fine, 941 00:18:57,583 --> 00:18:59,666 by the way. 942 00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:01,875 So, we did get rid 943 00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:01,875 of the piano. 944 00:19:01,958 --> 00:19:03,500 Um, we ... we can't 945 00:19:01,958 --> 00:19:03,500 afford it anymore. 946 00:19:03,583 --> 00:19:06,500 That great job that I had? 947 00:19:03,583 --> 00:19:06,500 Uh, I lost it. 948 00:19:06,583 --> 00:19:07,875 So... 949 00:19:07,958 --> 00:19:09,958 I couldn't have been more wrong 950 00:19:07,958 --> 00:19:09,958 about our friends. 951 00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:12,791 I mean, yes, yes, 952 00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:12,791 they can be snarky at times, 953 00:19:12,916 --> 00:19:15,041 but when I really 954 00:19:12,916 --> 00:19:15,041 needed their support, 955 00:19:15,125 --> 00:19:16,333 they were completely 956 00:19:15,125 --> 00:19:16,333 there for me. 957 00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:17,666 You know, you should take 958 00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:17,666 a look at your life 959 00:19:17,750 --> 00:19:19,875 and see what happened 960 00:19:17,750 --> 00:19:19,875 to make you so untrusting. 961 00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:21,791 I should. 962 00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:21,791 G-Gaw! 963 00:19:21,875 --> 00:19:23,458 And to think we ... 964 00:19:21,875 --> 00:19:23,458 we locked them in that bathroom 965 00:19:23,541 --> 00:19:24,416 for no reason. 966 00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:25,583 That couldn't have 967 00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:25,583 been fun. 968 00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:26,750 Yeah, I know. 969 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,916 Uh, the same thing happened 970 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,916 to me once, remember? 971 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,750 When that ... the handle 972 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,750 accidentally fell off. 973 00:19:30,833 --> 00:19:32,375 The ... The ... 974 00:19:30,833 --> 00:19:32,375 The night of our first fight. 975 00:19:32,458 --> 00:19:34,583 Yeah. 976 00:19:32,458 --> 00:19:34,583 Yeah, vaguely. 977 00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:38,625 That was 978 00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:38,625 an accident, right? 979 00:19:38,708 --> 00:19:40,916 - Cam. 980 00:19:38,708 --> 00:19:40,916 - Did you fix the doornob yet? 981 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,083 Just another minute, 982 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,083 sweetie. 983 00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:43,375 Cam! 984 00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:46,375 I talked to Joe 985 00:19:46,458 --> 00:19:47,708 about what he saw, 986 00:19:47,791 --> 00:19:49,500 and he's not scared 987 00:19:47,791 --> 00:19:49,500 anymore. 988 00:19:49,583 --> 00:19:51,166 Great. Can you do 989 00:19:49,583 --> 00:19:51,166 the same for me? 990 00:19:51,250 --> 00:19:52,416 I'm sorry I did 991 00:19:51,250 --> 00:19:52,416 that to you, 992 00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:54,625 but I really thought that 993 00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:54,625 that's what you wanted 994 00:19:54,708 --> 00:19:56,125 because that's what 995 00:19:54,708 --> 00:19:56,125 you did to me. 996 00:19:56,208 --> 00:19:59,041 But I heard you tell 997 00:19:56,208 --> 00:19:59,041 Rebecca you thought that 998 00:19:56,208 --> 00:19:59,041 spanking would help. 999 00:19:59,125 --> 00:20:01,500 With Joe and his room. 1000 00:20:01,583 --> 00:20:04,500 So... it was 1001 00:20:01,583 --> 00:20:04,500 a misunderstanding. 1002 00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:05,708 Exactly. 1003 00:20:05,791 --> 00:20:07,291 So, there's nothing missing 1004 00:20:05,791 --> 00:20:07,291 from our love life. 1005 00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:09,125 - Right. 1006 00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:09,125 - Right. 1007 00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:14,458 Yeah, but, you know, 1008 00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:14,458 that nothing is missing 1009 00:20:14,541 --> 00:20:17,416 doesn't mean that we cannot 1010 00:20:14,541 --> 00:20:17,416 add a little something to it. 1011 00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:18,416 Yes, I'm being honest. 1012 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:20,958 I've got a... few requests 1013 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:20,958 for the band. 1014 00:20:21,041 --> 00:20:22,375 Like what? 1015 00:20:23,458 --> 00:20:25,500 You know, I feel weird 1016 00:20:23,458 --> 00:20:25,500 talking about it. 1017 00:20:25,583 --> 00:20:26,958 Why don't we write 1018 00:20:25,583 --> 00:20:26,958 some of this stuff down, 1019 00:20:27,041 --> 00:20:29,125 toss it in a hat, 1020 00:20:27,041 --> 00:20:29,125 and see what we pull out? 1021 00:20:29,208 --> 00:20:30,166 Ah! 1022 00:20:30,250 --> 00:20:31,708 You fired that right off. 1023 00:20:31,791 --> 00:20:34,208 That one sounds fun. 1024 00:20:34,291 --> 00:20:35,375 No peeking. 1025 00:20:35,458 --> 00:20:38,166 Ay, I said I was gonna 1026 00:20:35,458 --> 00:20:38,166 do that one. 1027 00:20:35,458 --> 00:20:38,166 Oh. 1028 00:20:38,250 --> 00:20:40,291 Right. 1029 00:20:40,375 --> 00:20:42,166 Let's take it upstairs. 1030 00:20:40,375 --> 00:20:42,166 - Okay. 1031 00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:48,333 - What's this? 1032 00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:48,333 - Oh, you know what? 1033 00:20:48,416 --> 00:20:50,833 I think that is the hat that 1034 00:20:48,416 --> 00:20:50,833 Manny uses to play charades. 1035 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,958 That's a relief, because I don't 1036 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,958 think I'm flexible enough 1037 00:20:53,041 --> 00:20:55,083 for a 1038 00:20:53,041 --> 00:20:55,083 "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." 1039 00:20:58,583 --> 00:21:01,541 - You ready for round two? 1040 00:20:58,583 --> 00:21:01,541 - Of course, I am. 1041 00:21:03,333 --> 00:21:04,958 What are you doing 1042 00:21:03,333 --> 00:21:04,958 down there? 1043 00:21:05,041 --> 00:21:06,458 It says, 1044 00:21:05,041 --> 00:21:06,458 "My left foot." 1045 00:21:06,541 --> 00:21:08,125 You got another movie. 1046 00:21:09,458 --> 00:21:11,208 God, that was amazing. 1047 00:21:09,458 --> 00:21:11,208 What do you call that? 1048 00:21:11,291 --> 00:21:13,583 That's a 1049 00:21:11,291 --> 00:21:13,583 Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. 1050 00:21:13,666 --> 00:21:14,791 You sure about this? 1051 00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:16,833 Honey, don't give me a chance 1052 00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:16,833 to change my mind. 1053 00:21:16,916 --> 00:21:18,541 I am Zorel, 1054 00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:21,750 fifth-level wizard, 1055 00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:21,750 master of the meadow. 1056 00:21:21,833 --> 00:21:25,083 You can keep the beard, 1057 00:21:21,833 --> 00:21:25,083 but no talking. 1058 00:21:29,458 --> 00:21:32,500 Captions by VITAC :