1
00:00:02,496 --> 00:00:03,570
One, two, three!

2
00:00:04,936 --> 00:00:07,405
Hey, guys! We're here!

3
00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:08,742
Welcome!

4
00:00:08,844 --> 00:00:10,344
Pool's cool, snacks in the kitchen,

5
00:00:10,448 --> 00:00:13,317
I've had some rosé,
so fun Mitchell is in the house.

6
00:00:13,386 --> 00:00:15,088
Showing quite a bit of leg.

7
00:00:15,190 --> 00:00:16,925
- This is very...
- World-cuppy?

8
00:00:18,229 --> 00:00:19,497
There they are!

9
00:00:19,566 --> 00:00:21,968
My adult children still sponging off me

10
00:00:22,037 --> 00:00:24,206
- after nearly five decades.
- Love it.

11
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:27,278
Sorry, thought I'd bend that
into a joke, but it stayed real.

12
00:00:28,159 --> 00:00:29,827
- Hi, kids!
- Hey, Grandpa.

13
00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:31,096
Come on, Lily. Come on.

14
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,969
Hey, Phil.

15
00:00:34,071 --> 00:00:36,406
What's up his can?

16
00:00:36,476 --> 00:00:37,676
I don't know.

17
00:00:37,745 --> 00:00:39,814
Not easy being a white man these days.

18
00:00:39,916 --> 00:00:41,049
You feel me.

19
00:00:41,118 --> 00:00:43,789
So, I got Dad and Gloria's
anniversary present.

20
00:00:43,891 --> 00:00:45,525
You guys both owe me 40 bucks.

21
00:00:45,595 --> 00:00:46,662
Wait. It's their anniversary?

22
00:00:46,731 --> 00:00:48,264
I-I thought it was Gloria's birthday.

23
00:00:48,333 --> 00:00:49,634
It can't be Gloria's birthday.

24
00:00:49,703 --> 00:00:51,437
She gets mad even if you mention it.

25
00:00:51,540 --> 00:00:52,674
I once asked when it was,

26
00:00:52,776 --> 00:00:54,578
and she left a dismembered
Bratz doll in my purse.

27
00:00:56,817 --> 00:00:58,051
Then why are we here?

28
00:00:58,153 --> 00:01:00,355
You know what? I'm gonna
go check what the cake says.

29
00:01:00,458 --> 00:01:01,892
I'll have a glass of "cake," too.

30
00:01:01,994 --> 00:01:03,261
Okay.

31
00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:05,232
Quick, before she comes back,
I need some relationship advice,

32
00:01:05,334 --> 00:01:07,637
and this is kind of
in a gray area ethically.

33
00:01:07,754 --> 00:01:08,854
And it's okay to ask us

34
00:01:08,956 --> 00:01:10,624
because, as gays, we wouldn't
dare judge anyone

35
00:01:10,726 --> 00:01:12,695
while living such a deviant lifestyle?

36
00:01:12,797 --> 00:01:15,534
Even the most beautiful version
of our love is a mortal stain

37
00:01:15,636 --> 00:01:17,872
compared to the worst thing
you could do?

38
00:01:17,974 --> 00:01:19,074
Maybe I should talk to somebody else.

39
00:01:19,176 --> 00:01:20,744
- No, tell us!
- No! Spill, girl, spill!

40
00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,314
Okay, so just between us,

41
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,318
you know I'm with Arvin and
he's working in Switzerland.

42
00:01:24,420 --> 00:01:25,721
Well, I did something bad.

43
00:01:26,725 --> 00:01:27,726
I kissed Dylan.

44
00:01:27,727 --> 00:01:30,063
Whoa! Whoa, Dylan's still around?

45
00:01:30,165 --> 00:01:32,000
I-I thought he joined
a cult or something.

46
00:01:32,102 --> 00:01:34,338
I heard he ate Mentos and a Coke
and exploded.

47
00:01:34,441 --> 00:01:36,242
I don't know why I did it.
It meant nothing,

48
00:01:36,344 --> 00:01:38,346
but I feel horrible,
and Arvin keeps calling,

49
00:01:38,449 --> 00:01:39,782
but I'm not picking up because, like...

50
00:01:39,885 --> 00:01:41,218
Do I have to tell him?

51
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:44,692
Honey, these things
happen in every relationship.

52
00:01:44,794 --> 00:01:47,397
You absolutely do not need
to tell your partner everything.

53
00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,602
Okay, well, that's a fun thing
to hear your husband say.

54
00:01:49,704 --> 00:01:51,272
Please, do not turn this
into something.

55
00:01:51,374 --> 00:01:53,409
Well, I was going to say,
yes, you need to tell Arvin

56
00:01:53,512 --> 00:01:55,213
because you want your
relationship based on truth,

57
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:56,683
which, apparently, mine is not.

58
00:01:56,785 --> 00:01:58,654
This sucks!
I don't know what to do.

59
00:01:58,756 --> 00:02:00,491
I was counting on you two
to be on the same page.

60
00:02:00,593 --> 00:02:02,828
- Well, we usually are.
- When have you ever seen that?

61
00:02:02,931 --> 00:02:04,331
What are you hens cackling about?

62
00:02:04,433 --> 00:02:06,636
Just asking how they are.

63
00:02:06,738 --> 00:02:08,807
- Gonna jump in the pool.
- Okay, see you.

64
00:02:08,909 --> 00:02:10,711
Haley doesn't care how people are.

65
00:02:10,813 --> 00:02:12,314
- What's going on?
- It's nothing.

66
00:02:12,416 --> 00:02:14,586
She was just asking for some advice.

67
00:02:14,688 --> 00:02:15,721
Why wouldn't she come to me?

68
00:02:15,823 --> 00:02:18,092
I thought we were
finally becoming friends.

69
00:02:18,194 --> 00:02:19,495
Well, you know, think about it, Claire.

70
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,733
All the secrets that
you kept from your mom.

71
00:02:21,835 --> 00:02:23,737
Yeah, but my mom

72
00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:25,674
was an uptight, crazy person.

73
00:02:25,776 --> 00:02:28,513
Let's just slowly back away
as that settles in.

74
00:02:38,703 --> 00:02:43,708
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com

75
00:02:46,384 --> 00:02:47,551
Hey, buddy!

76
00:02:47,654 --> 00:02:50,356
Ready for the best thing
to happen to your mouth since...

77
00:02:50,459 --> 00:02:53,396
I'm gonna bail on that.
I took off without a place to land.

78
00:02:53,499 --> 00:02:55,634
- How about a Mint "Jay-lep"?
- I'll pass,

79
00:02:55,736 --> 00:02:57,805
seeing as I'm not a
hundred-year-old Southern lady.

80
00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:02,481
I finally saw the movie
"Mean Girls."

81
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,217
I know. I'm a middle-aged man.

82
00:03:04,319 --> 00:03:05,821
How'd I wait so long?

83
00:03:05,923 --> 00:03:09,061
The point is, I realized
I have a mean girl in my life...

84
00:03:09,163 --> 00:03:10,229
Jay.

85
00:03:10,331 --> 00:03:11,466
Like last week at this wedding,

86
00:03:11,568 --> 00:03:13,302
I'm rocking my moonwalk, and Jay yells,

87
00:03:13,404 --> 00:03:16,810
"Hey, look, it's Michael Jerkson."

88
00:03:16,912 --> 00:03:18,312
Enough's enough.

89
00:03:18,414 --> 00:03:21,018
How do you get a mean girl
to stop being a mean girl?

90
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,523
Be mean girlier.

91
00:03:23,625 --> 00:03:25,026
No, no, no, no, you're gonna love it.

92
00:03:25,128 --> 00:03:26,963
Mint Jay-leps are all the rage.

93
00:03:27,065 --> 00:03:28,834
You keep saying "Jay-leps."

94
00:03:28,936 --> 00:03:32,073
Yeah, well I made juleps, and...
and... and my name's Jay,

95
00:03:32,175 --> 00:03:33,510
so I call them "Jay-leps."

96
00:03:33,612 --> 00:03:35,246
No, I get it.

97
00:03:36,918 --> 00:03:38,252
It's just a fun thing.

98
00:03:38,354 --> 00:03:40,724
Ooh, are these the Mint Jay-leps
we've been hearing about?

99
00:03:40,826 --> 00:03:42,227
- Yeah.
- Jay-leps.

100
00:03:42,329 --> 00:03:44,264
- Adorbs.
- They are adorbs.

101
00:03:44,366 --> 00:03:45,567
Why do I doubt myself?

102
00:03:45,669 --> 00:03:47,303
Manny!

103
00:03:47,405 --> 00:03:48,540
How was the road trip?

104
00:03:48,642 --> 00:03:51,479
What can I say?
Six weeks, 33 states,

105
00:03:51,581 --> 00:03:53,850
a lot of fake scrotums
on the back of pickup trucks.

106
00:03:53,952 --> 00:03:56,956
And he met a very nice girlfriend,
and he's in love.

107
00:03:57,058 --> 00:03:58,560
Let's see a pic.

108
00:03:58,662 --> 00:03:59,996
Wish I could.

109
00:04:00,098 --> 00:04:01,566
I-I went old-school
and used a film camera,

110
00:04:01,668 --> 00:04:04,070
and the one roll I took of her
fell into the Grand Canyon.

111
00:04:04,173 --> 00:04:05,874
You don't have a single photo of her?

112
00:04:05,976 --> 00:04:08,713
Well, just this blurry one
on my phone.

113
00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:09,749
Let's see.

114
00:04:09,851 --> 00:04:10,852
Look at her.

115
00:04:10,953 --> 00:04:12,020
Yeah, you can't really

116
00:04:12,122 --> 00:04:14,057
make her out, but it captures
her wild spirit.

117
00:04:14,159 --> 00:04:15,727
Yes.

118
00:04:18,034 --> 00:04:19,936
- Is it me, or is Manny dating Bigfoot?
- Yeah.

119
00:04:20,038 --> 00:04:21,071
Let me tell you the difference

120
00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:23,510
between Manny's girlfriend and Bigfoot.

121
00:04:23,612 --> 00:04:24,812
Bigfoot could be real.

122
00:04:24,914 --> 00:04:26,248
She's not a fake girlfriend.

123
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,852
You want to hear the kicker?

124
00:04:27,853 --> 00:04:28,854
She's from Canada.

125
00:04:28,956 --> 00:04:30,389
- No.
- Yikes.

126
00:04:30,492 --> 00:04:33,162
- Stop it!
- Back me up, boys.

127
00:04:33,164 --> 00:04:34,264
You know what, Gloria?

128
00:04:34,366 --> 00:04:36,401
Canada is good for a lot of things,

129
00:04:36,504 --> 00:04:38,840
but their number-one export
is fake girlfriends.

130
00:04:38,909 --> 00:04:40,444
Yeah, it's kind of a thing.

131
00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:41,913
Before Cam and I came out,

132
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,750
we each had Canadian girlfriends.

133
00:04:43,819 --> 00:04:46,088
So, what are you saying now?
That Manny's gay?

134
00:04:46,156 --> 00:04:50,263
We weren't, but he does check
a few of the boxes.

135
00:04:50,365 --> 00:04:51,766
Come on. Look at him.

136
00:04:51,868 --> 00:04:55,440
He's as straight as the swim
from Cartagena to Houston.

137
00:04:55,509 --> 00:04:58,112
The trip was amazing,
and I did the cheekiest thing.

138
00:04:58,214 --> 00:04:59,782
I saw "Oklahoma!" in Oklahoma,

139
00:04:59,851 --> 00:05:01,519
"Chicago" in Chicago, and then,

140
00:05:01,588 --> 00:05:03,957
I got in a little trouble in River City.

141
00:05:04,026 --> 00:05:06,929
Okay, that's the gayest thing
I've ever heard,

142
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,968
and I shampooed dogs in West Hollywood.

143
00:05:09,071 --> 00:05:10,539
He's had so many girlfriends.

144
00:05:10,641 --> 00:05:13,143
The last one was a woman in her 20s.

145
00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:15,247
Yeah, but didn't you say he was
so sweet when she stayed over

146
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:16,349
he offered to sleep on the couch?

147
00:05:16,418 --> 00:05:19,490
So what? My first boyfriend at his age,

148
00:05:19,592 --> 00:05:21,126
he wasn't ready to sleep with me.

149
00:05:21,228 --> 00:05:22,830
And what does he do now?

150
00:05:22,932 --> 00:05:26,069
He runs a very nice bed and breakfast.

151
00:05:26,704 --> 00:05:27,737
- With...?
- With...?

152
00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:29,541
His good friend Steven!

153
00:05:29,643 --> 00:05:30,877
Shut up!

154
00:05:31,847 --> 00:05:34,383
I-I really feel for Manny

155
00:05:34,486 --> 00:05:36,421
if he's wrestling with this secret.

156
00:05:36,524 --> 00:05:37,857
Yet you had
no problem keeping

157
00:05:37,959 --> 00:05:39,828
an indiscretion from me for 16 years.

158
00:05:39,930 --> 00:05:41,064
- And off we go.
- Yeah.

159
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,068
Just like the shorts of
that beefy UPS driver

160
00:05:43,170 --> 00:05:44,504
that delivered you
two packages that day.

161
00:05:44,606 --> 00:05:46,742
Wow, that is not what happened!

162
00:05:46,811 --> 00:05:48,612
So, you admit something happened!

163
00:05:48,657 --> 00:05:49,857
Okay, I'm gonna tell you everything

164
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,861
'cause it is so much tamer
than what's in your head.

165
00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:54,099
- Okay.
- Six weeks into our relationship,

166
00:05:54,201 --> 00:05:56,136
before we decided we were exclusive,

167
00:05:56,205 --> 00:05:58,542
I kissed someone in a bar.

168
00:05:58,611 --> 00:06:00,879
- See, it's not a big deal.
- Okay, yes, it is a big deal,

169
00:06:00,982 --> 00:06:02,883
which is why I rejected

170
00:06:02,986 --> 00:06:05,623
a very similar advance at the same time

171
00:06:05,725 --> 00:06:07,125
from a celebrity,

172
00:06:07,227 --> 00:06:08,327
but I'm not gonna tell you who that is,

173
00:06:08,429 --> 00:06:09,864
because I don't
want you to feel insecure.

174
00:06:09,933 --> 00:06:11,333
Cam, we both know you're seconds away

175
00:06:11,435 --> 00:06:13,972
- from telling me...
- It was Isaac Mizrahi!

176
00:06:14,502 --> 00:06:16,170
Yeah, that's right.

177
00:06:16,272 --> 00:06:17,773
Cindy Crawford's friend!

178
00:06:20,668 --> 00:06:22,603
There you are.

179
00:06:22,672 --> 00:06:24,139
We haven't had a chance
to talk about anything

180
00:06:24,208 --> 00:06:25,543
since you got back.

181
00:06:25,578 --> 00:06:28,482
So, tell me about this
new Canadian girlfriend.

182
00:06:28,551 --> 00:06:30,920
Well, she's brilliant, but humble,

183
00:06:31,022 --> 00:06:32,724
beautiful, but accessible,

184
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:34,293
one of the funniest people
I've ever met,

185
00:06:34,362 --> 00:06:36,531
but, also, deeply serious.

186
00:06:36,541 --> 00:06:39,410
Such lovely, general terms.

187
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,916
She sounds a little bit
too good to be true.

188
00:06:42,426 --> 00:06:43,628
What is her name?

189
00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:44,897
It's Sherry Shaker.

190
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:47,569
Sherry Shaker?

191
00:06:47,604 --> 00:06:50,140
Those are the two things that
are in front of you at this bar.

192
00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:51,844
Delightful!

193
00:06:51,946 --> 00:06:53,046
Manny...

194
00:06:53,115 --> 00:06:55,552
is there anything
that you need to tell me?

195
00:06:55,620 --> 00:06:57,722
Maybe some kind of...

196
00:06:57,825 --> 00:06:59,526
sexual thing?

197
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:00,695
Um...

198
00:07:01,699 --> 00:07:03,701
I really don't want to talk about this.

199
00:07:04,394 --> 00:07:06,229
Okay, papi, but you know I love you

200
00:07:06,331 --> 00:07:07,833
and that you can be honest with me

201
00:07:07,901 --> 00:07:09,570
about anything, right?

202
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,406
In that case...

203
00:07:11,476 --> 00:07:12,876
This is a lot.

204
00:07:12,945 --> 00:07:14,446
I'm pretty desensitized to it,

205
00:07:14,515 --> 00:07:16,115
but I saw Luke walk into a wall.

206
00:07:21,636 --> 00:07:22,969
What are you guys laughing at?

207
00:07:23,038 --> 00:07:24,438
I wouldn't worry about it.

208
00:07:24,541 --> 00:07:26,009
You said something funny, didn't you?

209
00:07:26,077 --> 00:07:27,812
The guy's a joke machine!

210
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,849
- Someone's sitting there.
- Who?

211
00:07:29,889 --> 00:07:32,191
Someone who doesn't ask
a million questions.

212
00:07:33,295 --> 00:07:34,830
Grandpa, you can sit with us.

213
00:07:37,303 --> 00:07:38,304
Great.

214
00:07:38,627 --> 00:07:40,996
It was working, but it was killing me.

215
00:07:41,032 --> 00:07:43,434
I've actually had dreams
where the only thing happening

216
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:45,438
was me sitting with Jay
while he, you know,

217
00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:47,610
tousles my hair, calling me "Sport."

218
00:07:47,712 --> 00:07:49,012
Congrats, honey.

219
00:07:49,114 --> 00:07:51,484
Always proud to celebrate
one of your awards.

220
00:07:51,586 --> 00:07:53,154
I didn't win an award.

221
00:07:53,686 --> 00:07:55,287
Well, then, what are we all doing here?

222
00:07:55,389 --> 00:07:56,724
I'm a busy man!

223
00:07:56,792 --> 00:07:59,295
- Don't you just golf now?
- I work when it's raining.

224
00:07:59,397 --> 00:08:00,798
Why am I defending myself to you?

225
00:08:00,867 --> 00:08:02,101
And why is your father mad at me?

226
00:08:02,203 --> 00:08:03,905
- Did I do something?
- Probably.

227
00:08:03,973 --> 00:08:05,240
Isn't that your relationship?

228
00:08:05,309 --> 00:08:07,712
He's always desperate for your
approval and you shoot him down?

229
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:09,550
It's supposed to be, but
all of a sudden, he's, like...

230
00:08:09,618 --> 00:08:11,820
all cold.

231
00:08:11,889 --> 00:08:13,089
Wouldn't let me sit with him.

232
00:08:13,158 --> 00:08:15,961
So high school.

233
00:08:16,020 --> 00:08:17,488
Dad and I watched "Mean Girls"
the other night,

234
00:08:17,557 --> 00:08:19,091
and I chewed off a piece of my hair

235
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,028
reliving how awful it was.

236
00:08:21,899 --> 00:08:23,066
Wait.

237
00:08:23,134 --> 00:08:25,738
In the movie, the heroine
takes down the head mean girl

238
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,942
by being mean to her.

239
00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:29,707
Maybe that's what Dad is doing to you?

240
00:08:30,845 --> 00:08:32,278
Son of a bitch.

241
00:08:32,347 --> 00:08:34,216
Phil thinks he can "Mean Girls" me?

242
00:08:34,284 --> 00:08:36,086
How lame is that?
Let me tell you something...

243
00:08:36,155 --> 00:08:38,290
I might be a pretty face,
but I fight to win.

244
00:08:38,359 --> 00:08:40,028
Just like "Legally Blonde"!

245
00:08:43,019 --> 00:08:45,021
You're not looking at your phone.

246
00:08:45,123 --> 00:08:47,225
- Is everything okay?
- Yeah, everything's fine.

247
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,229
You know,
if something was on your mind,

248
00:08:49,332 --> 00:08:51,535
I'm an excellent person to confide in.

249
00:08:51,637 --> 00:08:52,804
No judgment.

250
00:08:52,906 --> 00:08:55,408
God knows I've done some stuff
I'm not proud of.

251
00:08:55,511 --> 00:08:57,647
Like what?

252
00:08:58,718 --> 00:09:00,720
J-Just like...

253
00:09:00,788 --> 00:09:02,222
shoplifting.

254
00:09:02,860 --> 00:09:04,929
Wow. Really?

255
00:09:04,997 --> 00:09:06,599
I mean, no judgment here...
I do it, too.

256
00:09:06,701 --> 00:09:08,536
What? You do?

257
00:09:08,605 --> 00:09:10,372
Yeah, but I'm very ethical about it.

258
00:09:10,442 --> 00:09:13,011
I only take things from
companies that use child labor.

259
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,584
That is how my generation
is saving the world.

260
00:09:15,652 --> 00:09:18,556
Haley, I did not raise you to steal.

261
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,092
You just said you do it, too!

262
00:09:20,161 --> 00:09:21,462
I made that up so you would tell me

263
00:09:21,564 --> 00:09:23,198
- what's going on in your life!
- Why would I?

264
00:09:23,267 --> 00:09:24,969
Stuff a couple Pakistani
lipsticks in my purse,

265
00:09:25,037 --> 00:09:26,338
and you freak out at me!

266
00:09:29,895 --> 00:09:32,298
Well, well, well, if it isn't
John, Paul, and George.

267
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,701
Anyone need a Ringo?

268
00:09:33,803 --> 00:09:35,471
Actually, we can get by

269
00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:37,542
without a little help from you, friend.

270
00:09:38,847 --> 00:09:40,080
Well...

271
00:09:40,182 --> 00:09:42,251
pool's so over, anyways.

272
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:45,090
Maybe, the guys want to hit the H2O,

273
00:09:45,192 --> 00:09:46,560
rock some Marco Polo.

274
00:09:46,662 --> 00:09:48,430
Good for you not letting that chest

275
00:09:48,499 --> 00:09:50,200
get in the way of having fun.

276
00:09:50,302 --> 00:09:51,904
Most guys wouldn't go shirtless

277
00:09:52,006 --> 00:09:53,441
until they got a little...

278
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:54,543
muscle.

279
00:09:56,485 --> 00:09:58,119
- We need to talk.
- Wait. Something weird is happening.

280
00:09:58,221 --> 00:09:59,723
I want to see how it plays out.

281
00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:01,660
Who's ready to hit the pool?

282
00:10:01,662 --> 00:10:02,695
Marco!

283
00:10:02,764 --> 00:10:05,100
Solo!

284
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:11,379
Okay, I know emotional slights
usually roll off me

285
00:10:11,448 --> 00:10:13,617
- like water off a mule's back...
- Isn't it "duck"?

286
00:10:13,686 --> 00:10:15,555
A lot of animals bead, Mitchell.

287
00:10:15,623 --> 00:10:17,458
The point is I need to know details.

288
00:10:18,001 --> 00:10:19,903
I need to know what happened...

289
00:10:19,972 --> 00:10:21,339
and with whom.

290
00:10:21,442 --> 00:10:23,477
Was it a peck? Was it with Pepper?

291
00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:24,613
Was he drunk?

292
00:10:24,681 --> 00:10:26,182
Did you get a peck
from a pickled Pepper?

293
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,585
How long have you been sitting on that?

294
00:10:27,654 --> 00:10:29,623
You kissed a man six week...

295
00:10:29,725 --> 00:10:31,426
- Hi.
- Hi.

296
00:10:33,031 --> 00:10:35,400
You kissed a man six weeks
into our relationship

297
00:10:35,470 --> 00:10:37,137
when I'm telling you "I love you."

298
00:10:37,206 --> 00:10:39,308
I'm calling my mom,
telling her I'd met the one

299
00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:42,481
while you're sidled up next to
some cha-cha queen at a urinal.

300
00:10:42,512 --> 00:10:44,413
Okay, this insane reaction is proof

301
00:10:44,483 --> 00:10:45,716
that I did the right thing
not telling you.

302
00:10:45,785 --> 00:10:47,687
Okay, everyone knows this kind of secret

303
00:10:47,789 --> 00:10:49,189
is poison, Mitchell.

304
00:10:49,258 --> 00:10:50,391
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

305
00:10:50,461 --> 00:10:52,028
Let's take it to the room.

306
00:10:52,097 --> 00:10:54,032
Hey, you all heard
that whole conversation, right?

307
00:10:54,101 --> 00:10:55,201
- Of course, yeah.
- Sí.

308
00:10:55,303 --> 00:10:58,141
So, Phil, if Claire kissed someone

309
00:10:58,209 --> 00:11:01,981
very early into the relationship,
should she have told you?

310
00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,602
- Of course.
- No way.

311
00:11:03,671 --> 00:11:05,405
What? Did you kiss someone?

312
00:11:05,508 --> 00:11:08,110
See? Secrets. Tearing them apart.

313
00:11:08,212 --> 00:11:10,114
Mitch and Cam, I just want you to know

314
00:11:10,216 --> 00:11:11,985
that I support your lifestyle,

315
00:11:12,054 --> 00:11:13,889
and I find it very charming

316
00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:16,193
when your people act very emotional

317
00:11:16,262 --> 00:11:18,932
and inappropriate in public.

318
00:11:19,035 --> 00:11:20,904
Okay, so I'm getting
no help from this room.

319
00:11:20,973 --> 00:11:23,208
I'm sorry, but kissing someone
outside of a relationship

320
00:11:23,310 --> 00:11:25,212
is a big deal and you should
fess up right away.

321
00:11:25,314 --> 00:11:26,449
You told them?

322
00:11:26,517 --> 00:11:27,951
Yes! Yes, they told us everything,

323
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,420
and I can't believe you did that!

324
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:32,026
Well, I'm sorry, but Dylan
was a huge part of my life...

325
00:11:32,095 --> 00:11:34,465
You kissed Dylan? That's your secret?

326
00:11:34,533 --> 00:11:35,600
You tricked me!

327
00:11:35,669 --> 00:11:37,336
What are you doing?

328
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,642
You are dating
a world-renowned scientist.

329
00:11:39,710 --> 00:11:41,479
I mean, isn't Dylan still married

330
00:11:41,547 --> 00:11:42,915
and still an idiot?

331
00:11:42,983 --> 00:11:45,252
Hey, he is not still married.

332
00:11:45,354 --> 00:11:48,057
And he's getting his life together.
He's in nursing school.

333
00:11:48,310 --> 00:11:50,514
Good for him. I love Dylan.

334
00:11:50,582 --> 00:11:52,216
Honey, she's dating Arvin.

335
00:11:52,285 --> 00:11:53,553
We love Arvin now.

336
00:11:53,655 --> 00:11:55,089
And wouldn't it be wonderful

337
00:11:55,158 --> 00:11:58,730
if someone called Dylan
loved someone called Arvin?

338
00:11:58,799 --> 00:12:01,334
No one in this room would have
a problem with it.

339
00:12:01,403 --> 00:12:04,040
Am I wrong, or is your mom
trying to get Alex

340
00:12:04,109 --> 00:12:05,242
to come out of the closet?

341
00:12:07,004 --> 00:12:08,371
God, it's Arvin calling.

342
00:12:08,441 --> 00:12:10,876
Quick, a show of hands,
who thinks I have to tell him?

343
00:12:11,514 --> 00:12:12,614
One, two, three, four.

344
00:12:12,716 --> 00:12:14,618
Four out of nine? A frickin' tie?

345
00:12:16,356 --> 00:12:18,792
Yay, I'm so happy I finally reached you!

346
00:12:18,861 --> 00:12:20,028
I know.

347
00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:22,700
How's work? Any major breakthroughs?

348
00:12:22,769 --> 00:12:24,738
Well, I-I made a German laugh.

349
00:12:26,276 --> 00:12:28,111
I miss you terribly.

350
00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:30,315
I miss you, too.

351
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:33,087
Listen, um, we have to talk.

352
00:12:33,154 --> 00:12:36,391
I love you, and this is
really hard for me to say,

353
00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:37,928
but, I, um...

354
00:12:38,030 --> 00:12:39,732
I did something stupid.

355
00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:42,003
I kissed my ex-boyfriend.
It meant nothing, I swear,

356
00:12:42,105 --> 00:12:44,976
and I'm hoping you'll forgive me,
and we can forget this ever happened.

357
00:12:46,915 --> 00:12:48,583
Sorry, love, you froze up.

358
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,887
I-I-I missed the... the whole thing.

359
00:12:51,005 --> 00:12:52,674
That sucks. Um...

360
00:12:54,278 --> 00:12:56,615
This is really hard for me,
but I did something stupid.

361
00:12:56,684 --> 00:12:58,786
I kissed my ex-boyfriend.
It meant nothing, and I...

362
00:12:58,888 --> 00:13:02,092
Sorry, froze up again
in the funniest position.

363
00:13:02,194 --> 00:13:04,129
You look like you'd smelled
something dreadful.

364
00:13:04,231 --> 00:13:05,766
- Have another go.
- Okay.

365
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,204
- I messed up, and I kiss...
- Wait!

366
00:13:08,306 --> 00:13:09,474
Okay, go.

367
00:13:09,576 --> 00:13:10,943
I kissed my ex-boyfriend!

368
00:13:12,449 --> 00:13:15,218
Damn it, stop freezing!

369
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,890
Not frozen.

370
00:13:17,993 --> 00:13:19,928
Shocked.

371
00:13:20,030 --> 00:13:21,698
Very hurt, actually.

372
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,201
I'm so sorry.

373
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,005
It meant nothing. Can...

374
00:13:25,107 --> 00:13:26,441
Can we please move past this?

375
00:13:26,543 --> 00:13:27,577
I don't know.

376
00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:29,647
Um, we said that we loved each other.

377
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:31,551
I-I trusted you.

378
00:13:31,653 --> 00:13:34,023
What I want to do is hang up
on you right now.

379
00:13:34,125 --> 00:13:35,392
Wait, I...

380
00:13:37,309 --> 00:13:39,878
Well, I told him, and it
couldn't have gone worse.

381
00:13:39,946 --> 00:13:41,146
- No.
- I'm sorry.

382
00:13:41,148 --> 00:13:43,250
- He broke up with you.
- Not yet.

383
00:13:43,295 --> 00:13:45,097
He just hung up on me.

384
00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:46,801
Come here, honey.

385
00:13:46,903 --> 00:13:50,007
I'm... I'm so sorry, and I know
why you didn't come to me.

386
00:13:50,076 --> 00:13:52,311
I haven't always been
Dylan's biggest fan.

387
00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:54,048
You pushed him into a beehive.

388
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:55,919
You know, to be fair,
I pushed him off of you,

389
00:13:56,021 --> 00:13:57,789
and he fell into the beehive,

390
00:13:57,866 --> 00:14:01,538
but, regardless,
I want to be supportive.

391
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:03,374
No judgment. I promise. I promise.

392
00:14:03,477 --> 00:14:05,780
I can't believe how stupid I was.

393
00:14:05,848 --> 00:14:07,149
I let Dylan get in my head,

394
00:14:07,217 --> 00:14:08,886
and now I might have ruined
everything with Arvin.

395
00:14:08,954 --> 00:14:10,321
- Mnh.
- So...

396
00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:11,958
what we're learning is that

397
00:14:12,027 --> 00:14:14,129
sometimes it is better
to keep the secret.

398
00:14:14,231 --> 00:14:16,634
You can't be proud of that.

399
00:14:16,724 --> 00:14:18,124
Look, honey, sometimes
these things happen.

400
00:14:18,193 --> 00:14:19,227
They happened with them,

401
00:14:19,295 --> 00:14:20,730
but that turned out to be a good thing.

402
00:14:20,799 --> 00:14:21,932
I'm sorry. In what way?

403
00:14:22,001 --> 00:14:24,471
Because after Mitchell
kissed the guy in the bar,

404
00:14:24,540 --> 00:14:26,107
he called me crying,

405
00:14:26,209 --> 00:14:28,546
so tortured.

406
00:14:29,031 --> 00:14:30,532
He said the second he did it,

407
00:14:30,601 --> 00:14:32,101
he knew he wanted to spend

408
00:14:32,170 --> 00:14:34,406
the rest of his life with Cam.

409
00:14:34,475 --> 00:14:36,009
Mitchell, is that true?
Why didn't you say that?

410
00:14:36,078 --> 00:14:38,815
Because we've been together
for 15 years, Cam.

411
00:14:38,917 --> 00:14:40,619
I got defensive. I'm sorry.

412
00:14:40,688 --> 00:14:43,190
No. I'm sorry.

413
00:14:43,259 --> 00:14:44,460
You know, I freaked out,

414
00:14:44,529 --> 00:14:46,631
and I made this whole day about myself.

415
00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:50,204
And you're right... I can be
self-centered and emotional.

416
00:14:51,338 --> 00:14:52,372
I guess it's, you know,

417
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,844
because of all that time
my daddy spent with his pigs.

418
00:14:54,946 --> 00:14:55,947
Cam. Please.

419
00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:57,082
It's time.

420
00:14:59,489 --> 00:15:01,825
Haley, you're not a bad person.

421
00:15:01,893 --> 00:15:04,262
Maybe this kiss taught you
something you needed to know,

422
00:15:04,331 --> 00:15:06,033
just like it did with Uncle Mitch.

423
00:15:06,102 --> 00:15:07,703
If that's the case,

424
00:15:07,805 --> 00:15:09,874
you need to fight for the man you love

425
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,778
and shut it down with the one you don't.

426
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:14,046
You're right.

427
00:15:14,148 --> 00:15:15,916
- I have to go see Dylan.
- Okay.

428
00:15:17,087 --> 00:15:19,524
Be strong. Don't let him manipulate you.

429
00:15:19,626 --> 00:15:22,663
- He can be a very em...
- She's good.

430
00:15:22,766 --> 00:15:23,966
She's good.

431
00:15:25,972 --> 00:15:28,809
So happy that you came out.

432
00:15:28,878 --> 00:15:30,044
What's going on with you?

433
00:15:30,509 --> 00:15:32,076
Where did you get that raft?

434
00:15:32,145 --> 00:15:35,416
It was in a gift bag from
a very moving Pride benefit

435
00:15:35,486 --> 00:15:37,220
that I went to with Mitch and Cam.

436
00:15:37,289 --> 00:15:39,090
If you want to know if I'm gay,
just ask me.

437
00:15:39,159 --> 00:15:41,428
No, I don't want to be pushy.

438
00:15:41,531 --> 00:15:43,332
I like women, Mom!

439
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:44,902
Why on Earth would you think I'm gay?

440
00:15:44,971 --> 00:15:47,508
In fairness, you do check
a lot of the boxes.

441
00:15:47,577 --> 00:15:49,110
I only thought it because Jay said

442
00:15:49,179 --> 00:15:51,749
that the Canadian girlfriends are fake

443
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:54,120
and that Mitch and Cam had them.

444
00:15:54,196 --> 00:15:55,731
You think my girlfriend is fake?

445
00:15:55,799 --> 00:15:57,333
Well, you didn't have any pictures,

446
00:15:57,402 --> 00:15:59,070
and at the bar, you said that her name

447
00:15:59,139 --> 00:16:02,143
was something like
Olive Cocktail-napkin.

448
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:03,613
It's Sherry Shaker!

449
00:16:03,715 --> 00:16:05,116
I am sorry,

450
00:16:05,218 --> 00:16:08,389
but when I asked you if you
were hiding something from me,

451
00:16:08,458 --> 00:16:11,295
you got all defensive,
and you boob-shamed me.

452
00:16:11,363 --> 00:16:13,299
Because something did happen.

453
00:16:13,401 --> 00:16:15,002
Sherry and I...

454
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:16,873
we joined our...

455
00:16:17,425 --> 00:16:19,026
We crossed that beauteous threshold

456
00:16:19,095 --> 00:16:21,030
into the physical expression of love.

457
00:16:21,099 --> 00:16:23,969
Have you ever heard a straight
guy describe sex that way?

458
00:16:24,072 --> 00:16:25,440
That's what he meant?

459
00:16:25,542 --> 00:16:27,610
Why does that feel worse to me?

460
00:16:28,066 --> 00:16:30,001
Hey, Alex. You're the last virgin.

461
00:16:30,103 --> 00:16:32,874
Please, I'm dating a fireman.

462
00:16:32,976 --> 00:16:34,478
I'm having hotter sex than...

463
00:16:37,519 --> 00:16:38,652
Hey, Dad?

464
00:16:38,754 --> 00:16:40,055
What are you doing?

465
00:16:44,198 --> 00:16:46,568
He wouldn't.

466
00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:50,024
I realized he
was "Mean Girls-ing" me back

467
00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:51,794
with a weird nod to "Legally Blonde,"

468
00:16:51,863 --> 00:16:53,498
which I'll bet he thinks
I didn't notice.

469
00:16:53,567 --> 00:16:55,034
I had to change tactics.

470
00:16:55,136 --> 00:16:56,369
I had to stop acting like a mean girl

471
00:16:56,438 --> 00:16:58,808
and do the last thing Jay
would ever expect me to do...

472
00:16:58,910 --> 00:17:00,845
act like a man.

473
00:17:00,952 --> 00:17:02,119
What the hell are you doing?

474
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,589
Yeah, well, everybody's hungry,

475
00:17:03,691 --> 00:17:05,025
and the prevailing opinion is that

476
00:17:05,127 --> 00:17:06,462
I'm a better griller than you.

477
00:17:06,530 --> 00:17:07,664
No.

478
00:17:07,732 --> 00:17:10,168
Wow. You must think you're pretty tough.

479
00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:12,206
- Not as tough as your meat.
- Claire!

480
00:17:12,308 --> 00:17:14,511
Yes, good, everybody get out here!

481
00:17:14,580 --> 00:17:15,646
What? What's going on?

482
00:17:15,748 --> 00:17:18,184
It's Phil! Phil is grilling!

483
00:17:18,286 --> 00:17:20,121
This bozo just told me

484
00:17:20,190 --> 00:17:22,025
that you think I overcook your meat.

485
00:17:22,087 --> 00:17:23,094
Is that true?

486
00:17:24,566 --> 00:17:25,900
Um...

487
00:17:26,002 --> 00:17:27,302
Luke?

488
00:17:31,901 --> 00:17:33,770
Dad, we love you, but...

489
00:17:34,406 --> 00:17:36,475
you don't know what medium-rare is.

490
00:17:36,544 --> 00:17:37,911
I've... I've given you
a meat thermometer

491
00:17:37,980 --> 00:17:39,247
for three Father's Days in a row.

492
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:40,550
For the love of God, just use one!

493
00:17:40,619 --> 00:17:42,521
Fine. See if I care.

494
00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:44,992
But I don't know what
you have against me today...

495
00:17:45,094 --> 00:17:46,696
kicking a man off his own grill,

496
00:17:46,798 --> 00:17:48,365
making fun of my Mint Jay-leps.

497
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:51,004
You made fun of his Mint Jay-leps?

498
00:17:51,106 --> 00:17:52,774
He did them for you.

499
00:17:53,492 --> 00:17:55,426
- What?
- I don't know what she's talking about.

500
00:17:55,496 --> 00:17:57,798
The minute Jay created the Jay-leps,

501
00:17:57,867 --> 00:18:00,403
all he could keep saying was,

502
00:18:00,506 --> 00:18:02,173
"Phil's gonna get
such a kick out of this."

503
00:18:02,276 --> 00:18:03,911
But he didn't! He said it was dumb!

504
00:18:04,013 --> 00:18:05,714
He said it was an old lady's drink!

505
00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:07,618
Since when do you care what I think?

506
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:08,787
Always!

507
00:18:08,856 --> 00:18:10,356
He thinks that you're
the life of the party.

508
00:18:10,459 --> 00:18:11,626
He wants to be more like you.

509
00:18:11,728 --> 00:18:13,830
All I've said is that sometimes

510
00:18:13,899 --> 00:18:16,469
I envy people
who don't mind being an ass

511
00:18:16,571 --> 00:18:17,872
because they're having fun,

512
00:18:17,941 --> 00:18:19,509
and I guess...

513
00:18:19,611 --> 00:18:21,011
you're one of those people.

514
00:18:21,113 --> 00:18:22,515
Wow, so all this time,

515
00:18:22,617 --> 00:18:25,286
you've been mean to me
because you admire me so much?

516
00:18:25,388 --> 00:18:28,359
Hey, look at me.

517
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,785
I loved those Mint Jay-leps.

518
00:18:30,887 --> 00:18:32,187
- You did?
- Yeah.

519
00:18:32,289 --> 00:18:33,924
Did you hear that, Gloria? He did.

520
00:18:33,993 --> 00:18:35,628
I only trashed them because
of what you called me

521
00:18:35,730 --> 00:18:37,297
when I was dancing at the wedding.

522
00:18:37,414 --> 00:18:40,151
What? Flail Dunphy? Shrill Dummy?

523
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,721
When you dropped your drink...
Spill Bumbly?

524
00:18:41,790 --> 00:18:42,957
Michael Jerkson.

525
00:18:43,026 --> 00:18:44,627
Yeah. I forgot about that one.

526
00:18:44,729 --> 00:18:47,432
- I'm sorry.
- Don't... don't worry about it.

527
00:18:47,535 --> 00:18:48,568
What are we doing?

528
00:18:48,671 --> 00:18:50,572
Did you just call me "Sport"?

529
00:18:52,745 --> 00:18:54,881
Haley.

530
00:18:54,983 --> 00:18:56,551
I had a feeling it was gonna be you.

531
00:18:56,653 --> 00:18:57,887
You buzzed me in the gate.

532
00:18:57,989 --> 00:19:00,158
- Do you have a minute?
- Sure, my roommates and I

533
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:02,629
are just studying
for physiology midterms.

534
00:19:03,027 --> 00:19:05,029
- She cute.
- Thanks, girl.

535
00:19:05,098 --> 00:19:06,165
That hair is on point.

536
00:19:06,267 --> 00:19:08,402
I bought it yesterday.

537
00:19:08,506 --> 00:19:09,873
Can we talk out here?

538
00:19:13,949 --> 00:19:15,451
Listen, I need you to know that

539
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:16,987
that kiss never should have happened.

540
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:19,893
Arvin and I are together,
and you and I are friends,

541
00:19:19,961 --> 00:19:21,563
and that's all we're ever going to be.

542
00:19:21,665 --> 00:19:23,232
No, thank you.

543
00:19:23,334 --> 00:19:25,538
"No, thank you"?
I didn't ask you a question.

544
00:19:25,606 --> 00:19:27,173
Well, let me ask you one.

545
00:19:27,242 --> 00:19:30,046
It's been 10 years,
and I can't move on from you.

546
00:19:30,115 --> 00:19:32,017
Also not a question.

547
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:33,554
Remember the day we met?

548
00:19:33,656 --> 00:19:34,756
I was walking through the halls,

549
00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:36,927
and I saw the most beautiful girl,

550
00:19:36,995 --> 00:19:38,764
and I was like, "Whoa! Who is that?"

551
00:19:38,866 --> 00:19:41,035
And you were like,
"That's Rebecca Salkin."

552
00:19:41,103 --> 00:19:42,905
And then I turned and
saw you for the first time,

553
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:45,444
and I was done with Rebecca Salkin.

554
00:19:45,748 --> 00:19:49,253
Yeah, you were wearing that
cool, beat-up Army jacket,

555
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:52,660
and I was completely jealous
of your eyelashes.

556
00:19:52,729 --> 00:19:54,396
Haley...

557
00:19:54,466 --> 00:19:57,269
I fell in love with you that
day, and I've never stopped.

558
00:19:57,338 --> 00:20:00,643
I'm gonna keep making myself
better until I deserve you.

559
00:20:02,582 --> 00:20:05,185
âª

560
00:20:05,253 --> 00:20:08,525
Why is it so hard
to be honest in relationships?

561
00:20:08,627 --> 00:20:10,295
We play games.

562
00:20:10,397 --> 00:20:11,865
We keep secrets...

563
00:20:13,904 --> 00:20:16,374
I don't remember
crying to you about that kiss.

564
00:20:16,443 --> 00:20:18,211
The truth wasn't moving the needle.

565
00:20:18,313 --> 00:20:19,380
You're welcome.

566
00:20:19,483 --> 00:20:21,016
when all we want to do is connect.

567
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:22,887
Everyone, listen up!

568
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,156
Hi, I'm Sherry.

569
00:20:24,258 --> 00:20:26,728
I'm Manny's real Canadian girlfriend.

570
00:20:26,830 --> 00:20:28,565
This isn't the first time
I've had to do this.

571
00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:29,809
Hi!

572
00:20:29,844 --> 00:20:31,471
- Hey!
- Hola!

573
00:20:32,408 --> 00:20:36,948
I guess we have to start with
being honest with ourselves.

574
00:20:37,050 --> 00:20:38,619
And if I'm being honest...

575
00:20:40,390 --> 00:20:42,493
I love two people.

576
00:20:43,697 --> 00:20:45,031
Damn it!

577
00:20:45,988 --> 00:20:48,211
Can we go?
Are we waiting for cake, or...?

578
00:20:48,246 --> 00:20:50,709
- Is it a birthday?
- Should I make a toast?

579
00:20:50,744 --> 00:20:51,759
- To what?
- To whom?

580
00:20:51,794 --> 00:20:55,357
All right! It's come to my attention
through a series of assumptions,

581
00:20:55,382 --> 00:20:58,093
old e-mails and lazy sheep-like thinking

582
00:20:58,118 --> 00:21:00,656
that we may have gathered for no reason!

583
00:21:00,681 --> 00:21:02,583
So it's not my welcome home party?

584
00:21:02,608 --> 00:21:03,927
- Of course it...
- No!

585
00:21:03,952 --> 00:21:06,101
Your mother thought Alex
won an award she didn't

586
00:21:06,126 --> 00:21:07,483
and the dry spell continues.

587
00:21:07,508 --> 00:21:10,969
Please, the last thing I'm
having is a dry... spell...

588
00:21:12,055 --> 00:21:13,956
People, listen up! There are too many

589
00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:16,063
actual reasons for us to see each other.

590
00:21:16,088 --> 00:21:19,149
We cannot afford to hang out by mistake!

591
00:21:19,174 --> 00:21:21,051
I love you all, now go home.

592
00:21:21,076 --> 00:21:22,165
- Okay.
- Great.

593
00:21:22,190 --> 00:21:27,195
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