1
00:00:09,961 --> 00:00:12,632
- Dylan?
- Mr. D. You jog here, too?

2
00:00:12,666 --> 00:00:15,972
I'm a half a block from my house.
Are you wearing boots?

3
00:00:16,006 --> 00:00:18,977
Okay, this is less of
a coincidence than it seems.

4
00:00:19,012 --> 00:00:21,450
I've been following you around
for a few days.

5
00:00:21,484 --> 00:00:22,819
It's about Haley.

6
00:00:22,853 --> 00:00:24,321
I know she's in a relationship,

7
00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:26,259
but I love her,
and I think she loves me.

8
00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:27,920
Dylan, I heard about what happened.

9
00:00:27,954 --> 00:00:30,759
I wouldn't read too much into it.
It was only one kiss.

10
00:00:31,795 --> 00:00:33,932
No.

11
00:00:33,966 --> 00:00:34,967
Two kisses?

12
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:35,996
Okay.

13
00:00:36,007 --> 00:00:38,143
I went to Dylan's house
to tell him it wasn't okay

14
00:00:38,178 --> 00:00:40,649
that we kissed, and I ended up
sleeping with him.

15
00:00:40,683 --> 00:00:42,686
I would go back to his house
to tell him it wasn't okay

16
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,490
we slept together,
but where does that go?

17
00:00:45,526 --> 00:00:47,663
Anyway, I just want to talk to her,

18
00:00:47,697 --> 00:00:48,998
and she won't return my calls.

19
00:00:49,033 --> 00:00:50,334
She's ghosting you?

20
00:00:50,369 --> 00:00:52,506
For an older dude, you always
kept up with the lingo.

21
00:00:52,540 --> 00:00:53,937
Word.

22
00:00:53,939 --> 00:00:55,107
Aw, I'm sorry, man.

23
00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:57,078
You're a good guy. You deserve
better than being ghosted.

24
00:00:57,112 --> 00:00:58,748
- I'll talk to her.
- You'd do that for me?

25
00:00:58,783 --> 00:01:00,752
Yeah, I'll throw her a gab. You stab me?

26
00:01:01,822 --> 00:01:03,792
Darn it. I think Luke's messing with me.

27
00:01:10,874 --> 00:01:15,879
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com

28
00:01:16,816 --> 00:01:17,817
Mama mia!

29
00:01:17,852 --> 00:01:19,587
What is-a wrong-a with-a my arm-a?

30
00:01:19,659 --> 00:01:22,497
Fuggedaboutit!
Youse arm's fine!

31
00:01:22,531 --> 00:01:24,835
Then why-a won't you take
a big-a, juicy bite out of it?

32
00:01:24,869 --> 00:01:27,474
Yo, Luigi, I think what we got here

33
00:01:27,508 --> 00:01:29,511
is a communication problem.

34
00:01:29,545 --> 00:01:34,019
See, when I said I wanted
to eat Italian...

35
00:01:34,054 --> 00:01:35,155
- And scene.
- And scene.

36
00:01:35,189 --> 00:01:36,358
Bravo!

37
00:01:36,392 --> 00:01:38,829
They just made that scene up
as they were going,

38
00:01:38,864 --> 00:01:41,668
and then at the end,
there was a funny twist.

39
00:01:41,703 --> 00:01:43,004
Okay, for this next scene,

40
00:01:43,038 --> 00:01:44,674
Sherry will play a famous person.

41
00:01:44,709 --> 00:01:46,344
Lou Diamond Phillips!

42
00:01:46,379 --> 00:01:48,348
- Excellent.
- And, Jay, I need an occupation.

43
00:01:48,383 --> 00:01:49,851
I agree.

44
00:01:49,886 --> 00:01:53,191
So, it turns out Manny's fake
Canadian girlfriend is real

45
00:01:53,225 --> 00:01:54,861
and annoying.

46
00:01:54,896 --> 00:01:57,199
Until he goes back to school,
she's staying here

47
00:01:57,233 --> 00:01:59,571
and auditioning to be an improv star,

48
00:01:59,605 --> 00:02:02,710
just like, you know, no one ever.

49
00:02:02,745 --> 00:02:05,817
Boy, boy, did that
summer fly by or what?

50
00:02:05,882 --> 00:02:07,718
- Anyway, off you go.
- Bye, Jay.

51
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,522
I miss already you, papi.

52
00:02:09,557 --> 00:02:11,225
He'll be back in three days
to do his laundry.

53
00:02:11,259 --> 00:02:13,196
- I'll miss you, too.
- Come here, Teddy Bear.

54
00:02:13,230 --> 00:02:14,231
- Mwah!
- Mwah!

55
00:02:14,265 --> 00:02:16,268
- See you Saturday.
- I can't wait.

56
00:02:19,075 --> 00:02:22,247
Okay, I'll be upstairs,
doing space work.

57
00:02:26,289 --> 00:02:28,727
Gloria, quick question...

58
00:02:28,761 --> 00:02:30,230
why is that person still here?

59
00:02:30,264 --> 00:02:32,234
Ay! I didn't tell you?

60
00:02:32,268 --> 00:02:35,407
- Don't even.
- The college won't let Sherry

61
00:02:35,442 --> 00:02:37,110
live in the dorm with Manny,

62
00:02:37,144 --> 00:02:38,413
so she's gonna stay here.

63
00:02:38,448 --> 00:02:41,285
I am going to make a delicious
sandwich. You want one?

64
00:02:41,319 --> 00:02:43,590
I don't want a sandwich.
I want her out of my house.

65
00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:44,959
And I kind of want a sandwich.

66
00:02:44,994 --> 00:02:48,266
This is Manny's
first serious relationship.

67
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:49,602
I used to tell him,

68
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,940
"I know that one day
you're gonna find a woman

69
00:02:51,974 --> 00:02:55,146
that will appreciate all your gifts."

70
00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:56,449
But I didn't know.

71
00:02:56,484 --> 00:02:58,620
You're saying you don't
find her annoying?

72
00:02:58,655 --> 00:03:00,958
No. I think she's funny.
And don't worry.

73
00:03:00,992 --> 00:03:02,160
She's only gonna stay here

74
00:03:02,194 --> 00:03:05,133
until she can support herself
doing improv.

75
00:03:05,167 --> 00:03:06,636
Well, put her name on
the answering machine,

76
00:03:06,671 --> 00:03:08,172
'cause she's not going anywhere.

77
00:03:08,206 --> 00:03:11,479
We're only lucky enough to get
one Wayne Brady in a lifetime.

78
00:03:13,228 --> 00:03:15,633
Hey. I just ran into Dylan.

79
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:17,403
He told me what happened
between you two.

80
00:03:17,438 --> 00:03:18,505
- Look, whatever he said...
- Relax.

81
00:03:18,540 --> 00:03:20,141
I know you kissed him again.

82
00:03:20,176 --> 00:03:21,310
Okay.

83
00:03:21,345 --> 00:03:22,413
You clearly inherited

84
00:03:22,448 --> 00:03:24,149
the power of the Dunphy kiss.

85
00:03:24,184 --> 00:03:26,488
Take it from me. That can
really mess with a man.

86
00:03:26,522 --> 00:03:27,824
You need to stop ghosting him.

87
00:03:27,858 --> 00:03:29,995
I know. It's just so hard.

88
00:03:30,029 --> 00:03:31,197
I mean, I'm with Arvin,

89
00:03:31,231 --> 00:03:32,934
who hasn't talked to me since
I told him I kissed Dylan,

90
00:03:32,968 --> 00:03:35,673
and every time I talk to Dylan,
I end up... kissing him.

91
00:03:35,707 --> 00:03:37,009
It's very confusing.

92
00:03:37,043 --> 00:03:38,846
Well, Dylan's a sensitive guy.

93
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:40,348
After all your history together,

94
00:03:40,384 --> 00:03:41,852
he deserves to know where he stands.

95
00:03:41,886 --> 00:03:42,887
You should talk to him.

96
00:03:42,921 --> 00:03:45,191
- Fine.
- I'll tell him to come over.

97
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:47,530
Use the blowfish emoji.

98
00:03:47,564 --> 00:03:49,367
It means, "Brace yourself
for some bad news."

99
00:03:49,402 --> 00:03:51,405
- No, it doesn't.
- Luke.

100
00:03:53,242 --> 00:03:54,878
Hey, hey, no, no.

101
00:03:54,912 --> 00:03:56,882
I said no more screen time today, okay?

102
00:03:56,916 --> 00:03:58,552
What's so fascinating about
truck videos, anyway?

103
00:03:58,586 --> 00:04:00,055
Ooh, firemen.

104
00:04:00,089 --> 00:04:01,391
All right, Lily, let's go.

105
00:04:01,426 --> 00:04:02,560
Okay, how late are we...

106
00:04:02,594 --> 00:04:05,231
"goat loose in the house" late
or "stubborn cow in the road" late?

107
00:04:05,266 --> 00:04:07,570
You've lived here 20 years.
Please use city time.

108
00:04:07,604 --> 00:04:08,939
Cal, Cal, Cal, Cal!

109
00:04:08,973 --> 00:04:10,576
No, you're spilling all over the floor!

110
00:04:11,813 --> 00:04:13,415
Hey, Lily, can you watch
where you're going?

111
00:04:13,450 --> 00:04:15,085
Yeah, I'm the problem.

112
00:04:15,119 --> 00:04:16,755
Now we're gonna have to
change his shoes.

113
00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:17,924
No, he can't wear his other shoes

114
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,293
because he scribbled on those in crayon

115
00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:21,598
and it looks like a swastika,
and in this day and age...

116
00:04:21,632 --> 00:04:23,101
Not just this day and age.

117
00:04:23,135 --> 00:04:25,271
Okay. His shoes are fine.
They have kids.

118
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,008
They know they ruin everything.

119
00:04:28,145 --> 00:04:30,115
- Except your life.
- Yeah.

120
00:04:30,149 --> 00:04:31,451
Nice save.

121
00:04:31,486 --> 00:04:34,624
Another Assistant District
Attorney in my office, Trent,

122
00:04:34,658 --> 00:04:36,661
invited us over for lunch,
which is great

123
00:04:36,696 --> 00:04:39,233
because he is looking for a second chair

124
00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:42,840
on a very high-profile case,
and I want in.

125
00:04:42,875 --> 00:04:44,677
You know, I was second-chair washboard

126
00:04:44,712 --> 00:04:47,048
in the Grasshopper High School
orchestra.

127
00:04:48,653 --> 00:04:49,654
Go on.

128
00:04:49,688 --> 00:04:52,159
So, Trent and I have so much in common.

129
00:04:52,193 --> 00:04:54,664
His husband works in a school,
just like Cam,

130
00:04:54,698 --> 00:04:56,401
and they have two young kids.

131
00:04:56,435 --> 00:04:59,521
I mean, if there was
a gay lawyer dating site,

132
00:04:59,542 --> 00:05:00,543
we'd be a perfect match.

133
00:05:00,577 --> 00:05:04,049
It could be called HungJuries.com.

134
00:05:04,083 --> 00:05:06,220
Good. So, get all that out before we go.

135
00:05:07,256 --> 00:05:09,861
Welcome. Come in. You must be Cam.

136
00:05:09,862 --> 00:05:11,365
Hi. I'm Trent.
This is my husband, Kieran.

137
00:05:11,427 --> 00:05:13,464
Hi. Nice to meet you.
This is Lily and Cal.

138
00:05:13,498 --> 00:05:14,633
Sorry we're late.

139
00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:16,235
These two got into
a little spat in the car,

140
00:05:16,270 --> 00:05:17,572
and we had to pull over, so...

141
00:05:17,606 --> 00:05:19,041
He burped in my face.

142
00:05:19,075 --> 00:05:20,411
You were looking at me.

143
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,547
Great, great. Round 2.

144
00:05:22,683 --> 00:05:23,884
I'm sure you guys get it.

145
00:05:23,919 --> 00:05:26,490
Totally. Our little ones
are even worse in the car.

146
00:05:26,524 --> 00:05:28,994
I'll go get them
so the kids can play.

147
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,567
Wow. Your house, it's...
it's... it's beautiful.

148
00:05:31,601 --> 00:05:33,737
And... My God,
this plate is gorgeous.

149
00:05:33,772 --> 00:05:35,408
Thank you.
Yeah, we got that in Nepal

150
00:05:35,442 --> 00:05:37,845
at a festival celebrating
the child goddess Kumari.

151
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,749
Well, the closest
I've been to a child goddess

152
00:05:39,784 --> 00:05:41,620
was my Drew Barrymore lunch box.

153
00:05:42,852 --> 00:05:44,721
God, your house is so clean!

154
00:05:44,756 --> 00:05:46,291
How do you keep it so clean with kids?

155
00:05:46,325 --> 00:05:47,394
Here they are.

156
00:05:47,428 --> 00:05:48,729
This is Devon and Denise.

157
00:05:49,832 --> 00:05:51,396
Th-Those are your...
Those are your kids.

158
00:05:51,398 --> 00:05:53,033
My God. I did it again.

159
00:05:53,068 --> 00:05:55,204
I'm so used to calling them our kids,

160
00:05:55,239 --> 00:05:56,908
sometimes I forget to clarify.

161
00:05:56,942 --> 00:06:00,047
No. It's fine.
And isn't Devon just a little cutie?

162
00:06:00,082 --> 00:06:01,751
That's Denise. She's the funny one.

163
00:06:01,786 --> 00:06:03,020
Daddy, I'm bored.

164
00:06:03,055 --> 00:06:04,457
Okay, that's not polite, Lily.

165
00:06:04,491 --> 00:06:05,859
Now, hang on, little lady.

166
00:06:05,894 --> 00:06:08,097
I'm about to get your party started.

167
00:06:08,131 --> 00:06:12,038
This is a hand-carved
backgammon set from Sri Lanka.

168
00:06:12,073 --> 00:06:13,442
Use the gloves. Have fun.

169
00:06:13,476 --> 00:06:14,944
And while the kids are playing...

170
00:06:14,979 --> 00:06:16,146
Or choking.

171
00:06:16,181 --> 00:06:18,284
why don't you guys join us in the
kitchen? I'll grab us some wine.

172
00:06:18,372 --> 00:06:19,506
I hope you don't mind white.

173
00:06:19,541 --> 00:06:21,176
We lost a couch to a Cabernet incident,

174
00:06:21,210 --> 00:06:23,180
and Trent still gets flashbacks.

175
00:06:23,214 --> 00:06:24,883
Okay. Go have fun, kids.

176
00:06:24,888 --> 00:06:25,889
- Yes!
- Okay, okay.

177
00:06:25,896 --> 00:06:27,556
First of all, no drinking juice.

178
00:06:27,590 --> 00:06:28,858
Let me pat him down.

179
00:06:28,892 --> 00:06:31,697
All right. Let me check you.
All right, he is clean.

180
00:06:31,731 --> 00:06:33,601
Wait. What is this?

181
00:06:33,635 --> 00:06:35,371
How did that get in there?

182
00:06:35,406 --> 00:06:37,208
Okay, okay, look. Hey, come here.

183
00:06:37,242 --> 00:06:39,646
Just sit here. Do not move.

184
00:06:39,681 --> 00:06:41,550
You can play with Devon... ise.

185
00:06:41,585 --> 00:06:42,920
You can watch your truck videos.

186
00:06:42,958 --> 00:06:44,761
Hey, don't take your eyes off of him.

187
00:06:44,795 --> 00:06:48,134
So, just to be clear,
I don't get any childhood?

188
00:06:48,168 --> 00:06:50,707
Please. Last week, we taught
you how to make flan.

189
00:06:52,878 --> 00:06:54,080
That's Dylan.

190
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,416
You need me to stick around?

191
00:06:55,451 --> 00:06:57,721
Nope. I was just downstairs
practicing what to say,

192
00:06:57,755 --> 00:07:00,493
and I am prepared for
every possible scenario.

193
00:07:02,732 --> 00:07:03,899
Okay.

194
00:07:03,934 --> 00:07:06,438
- Hello, love!
- No.

195
00:07:06,473 --> 00:07:08,041
I missed you, too, Haley.

196
00:07:08,075 --> 00:07:09,711
Surprise!

197
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:12,384
Arvin called me from Switzerland 'cause
he wanted to surprise you,

198
00:07:12,418 --> 00:07:13,886
so I snuck to the airport
and picked him up.

199
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,224
I can't believe we got away with it!

200
00:07:16,258 --> 00:07:17,894
Good. This again.

201
00:07:17,928 --> 00:07:18,929
Yeah!

202
00:07:21,936 --> 00:07:23,739
Come inside! Look at me!

203
00:07:23,774 --> 00:07:25,108
I'm gonna go make some tea!

204
00:07:25,143 --> 00:07:27,112
Yeah, look at him!

205
00:07:28,651 --> 00:07:31,087
- Get away from that door!
- Hey, Mr. Dunphy.

206
00:07:31,121 --> 00:07:33,526
You broke my heart.

207
00:07:42,186 --> 00:07:43,488
Look, Dylan...

208
00:07:43,522 --> 00:07:45,792
No explanation necessary, Mr. D.

209
00:07:45,826 --> 00:07:47,563
If you had to rough me up
and take me hostage,

210
00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:48,965
I'm sure you had your reasons.

211
00:07:48,999 --> 00:07:51,637
Okay, Dylan, first, we have
to talk about your costume.

212
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:54,008
- Do you love it?
- It's fantastic!

213
00:07:54,043 --> 00:07:55,845
But the timing couldn't be worse.

214
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,183
- Why?
- Have a seat.

215
00:08:04,365 --> 00:08:06,701
You know what? Standing's fine.

216
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:10,241
Listen. Arvin's here.

217
00:08:10,276 --> 00:08:12,380
He flew back from Switzerland
to surprise Haley.

218
00:08:12,414 --> 00:08:16,253
Wow. I'm up against
another grand gesture.

219
00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:17,590
What's he dressed as?

220
00:08:17,624 --> 00:08:19,427
Nothing. Just... Just himself.

221
00:08:19,461 --> 00:08:21,531
I like my chances.

222
00:08:23,125 --> 00:08:24,761
I'm sorry I didn't call you back.

223
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:28,436
I just needed time to process
the whole Dylan thing.

224
00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:30,907
That's totally understandable.

225
00:08:30,941 --> 00:08:32,911
Mom, got it from here.

226
00:08:32,945 --> 00:08:34,781
Of course.

227
00:08:34,816 --> 00:08:36,452
We really got her?

228
00:08:36,486 --> 00:08:37,754
Forgive me. I can't anymore.

229
00:08:37,788 --> 00:08:39,458
- I just... I can't.
- Okay. Okay.

230
00:08:41,128 --> 00:08:43,466
Haley, I need to tell you something.

231
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:44,835
I transgressed.

232
00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:46,137
You were a woman?

233
00:08:46,172 --> 00:08:47,741
No. No.

234
00:08:47,775 --> 00:08:49,812
After you told me about your kiss, um,

235
00:08:49,846 --> 00:08:52,985
I headed straight to a pub
frequented by other scientists

236
00:08:53,019 --> 00:08:55,357
and, long story short,

237
00:08:55,391 --> 00:08:57,661
I kissed a nuclear physicist.

238
00:08:57,695 --> 00:08:59,330
I know it's not PC to say,

239
00:08:59,366 --> 00:09:02,871
but they really are the loosest
of the scientific disciplines.

240
00:09:02,906 --> 00:09:05,711
- I forgive you.
- Just like that, so fast?

241
00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:07,750
Yeah. Why not? Let's just agree
we're both equally guilty,

242
00:09:07,784 --> 00:09:09,487
move on, and never talk about it again.

243
00:09:09,521 --> 00:09:11,891
For the record, it could
have gone further.

244
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:13,728
I-I just want a little credit for that.

245
00:09:13,763 --> 00:09:15,264
Okay.

246
00:09:18,439 --> 00:09:19,774
Mom!

247
00:09:19,808 --> 00:09:20,909
What?

248
00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:22,613
I do this every day at 3:00.

249
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:36,810
Harpo, what are you doing?

250
00:09:36,845 --> 00:09:40,017
Studying you, creating a character.
Imagine I'm not here.

251
00:09:40,051 --> 00:09:42,822
I'm not that creative.
Maybe you could help me.

252
00:09:42,857 --> 00:09:45,662
So gruff. Love it.

253
00:09:45,696 --> 00:09:47,264
- I'm leaving.
- I'm leaving.

254
00:09:47,299 --> 00:09:48,501
Good. You go.

255
00:09:48,535 --> 00:09:52,609
Look at you, mis dos amigos!

256
00:09:52,643 --> 00:09:57,251
Look at...
Look at you, mis dos amigos!

257
00:09:57,285 --> 00:09:59,389
That does sound like me.

258
00:09:59,424 --> 00:10:02,027
You're so talented.

259
00:10:02,062 --> 00:10:03,564
Okay, that was strange.

260
00:10:03,599 --> 00:10:05,301
Gloria hates when people imitate her.

261
00:10:05,345 --> 00:10:08,351
And then Gloria says,
"Where are my 'chews'?

262
00:10:08,385 --> 00:10:10,455
I cannot go to the club
without my 'chews.'

263
00:10:10,489 --> 00:10:13,026
Your stupid doggie chews my 'chews'!"

264
00:10:15,466 --> 00:10:17,134
Ay, funny.

265
00:10:17,169 --> 00:10:20,307
Manny, come rub my ankles, papi!

266
00:10:20,342 --> 00:10:21,610
Good, good.

267
00:10:21,645 --> 00:10:25,652
But how is your funny old man
character coming?

268
00:10:25,686 --> 00:10:27,823
Somebody get me a scotch

269
00:10:27,857 --> 00:10:29,325
that's as stiff as my back.

270
00:10:29,361 --> 00:10:31,464
Do that again!

271
00:10:31,485 --> 00:10:32,486
That's the money!

272
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,102
How did you know she was doing that?

273
00:10:34,136 --> 00:10:37,205
She is so
supportive. It was her idea.

274
00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:38,764
And there it was.

275
00:10:38,798 --> 00:10:41,403
Gloria didn't want that weirdo
here any more than I did.

276
00:10:41,437 --> 00:10:43,407
She just wanted me to be the bad guy.

277
00:10:43,441 --> 00:10:47,280
But the joke's on her, because,
for short bursts of time,

278
00:10:47,315 --> 00:10:49,084
I can be quite nice.

279
00:10:49,119 --> 00:10:51,690
We're trying out
a new recipe for risotto.

280
00:10:51,724 --> 00:10:53,427
We went truffle hunting in Tuscany,

281
00:10:53,461 --> 00:10:55,765
and we brought back
a few more than we declared.

282
00:10:55,799 --> 00:10:59,740
And you, an officer of the court.
So naughty.

283
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,563
Don't worry. We're cool.

284
00:11:01,597 --> 00:11:03,199
We get our Propecia in Mexico.

285
00:11:05,237 --> 00:11:06,606
Tell us more about Tuscany.

286
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,109
Remember when we were
saving up to go there?

287
00:11:08,143 --> 00:11:09,545
What did we end up
blowing that money on?

288
00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:10,714
- Lily.
- Right.

289
00:11:10,748 --> 00:11:12,918
Well, your life sounds so exciting.

290
00:11:12,953 --> 00:11:14,087
Pbht!

291
00:11:14,122 --> 00:11:16,493
Your house is so beautiful,
with such nice things.

292
00:11:16,527 --> 00:11:18,396
Well, they don't have to spend
their money on orthodontia,

293
00:11:18,431 --> 00:11:19,899
- ballet lessons, and college funds.
- Yeah.

294
00:11:19,933 --> 00:11:21,335
The grass is greener.

295
00:11:21,370 --> 00:11:22,404
Your grass is greener.

296
00:11:22,439 --> 00:11:24,408
We can't seem to get Cal to pee indoors.

297
00:11:24,443 --> 00:11:25,911
Well, your family seems great.

298
00:11:25,945 --> 00:11:27,982
And, Mitchell, you are killing
it at the office.

299
00:11:28,016 --> 00:11:29,117
Really?

300
00:11:29,152 --> 00:11:31,088
Because I-I feel like
I'm kind of getting

301
00:11:31,122 --> 00:11:32,825
more low-profile, starter cases.

302
00:11:32,889 --> 00:11:34,190
I wouldn't worry about that.

303
00:11:34,224 --> 00:11:36,562
There's actually a big case
that I am working on,

304
00:11:36,597 --> 00:11:38,533
I think you will...

305
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:39,568
My God.

306
00:11:39,603 --> 00:11:41,372
- What was that?
- Go! Go!

307
00:11:41,406 --> 00:11:43,743
Please let it be one of their kids.

308
00:11:43,777 --> 00:11:45,413
There you are!

309
00:11:45,448 --> 00:11:47,618
Hey. Haley, do you have a sec?

310
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,244
If you don't mind, we were kind of
in the middle of something.

311
00:11:50,278 --> 00:11:52,916
Phil, what are you doing
intruding on these two?

312
00:11:54,119 --> 00:11:55,755
I just need to show Haley
something in my office.

313
00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:57,258
I was doing a little cleaning,
and I came across

314
00:11:57,292 --> 00:12:00,264
this old doll that used to
mean a lot to her.

315
00:12:00,298 --> 00:12:02,603
Can't you just get rid of the doll?

316
00:12:02,637 --> 00:12:04,105
I started to,
but it really seems like

317
00:12:04,139 --> 00:12:06,511
something you should do,
you know, for closure.

318
00:12:07,919 --> 00:12:09,053
You're right.

319
00:12:09,088 --> 00:12:11,324
Wait. You need closure from a doll?

320
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:12,694
That seems odd.

321
00:12:12,729 --> 00:12:14,894
Well, I did sleep with that
thing since I was like 16.

322
00:12:14,929 --> 00:12:17,131
- 16?
- 16?

323
00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:18,205
No.

324
00:12:19,743 --> 00:12:20,877
Dylan.

325
00:12:20,912 --> 00:12:23,516
What is Dylan doing here?

326
00:12:23,550 --> 00:12:24,852
He's making a grand gesture.

327
00:12:24,886 --> 00:12:26,555
He won't leave until he talks to Haley.

328
00:12:26,590 --> 00:12:28,693
My God. It was one kiss.

329
00:12:28,727 --> 00:12:31,031
Poor, naive Claire.

330
00:12:31,065 --> 00:12:32,434
It was two kisses.

331
00:12:32,468 --> 00:12:33,736
You have something to do with this?

332
00:12:33,771 --> 00:12:35,039
Haley was ghosting him.

333
00:12:35,073 --> 00:12:37,878
- What does that mean?
- You are so not hip.

334
00:12:37,912 --> 00:12:39,213
She wouldn't call him back,

335
00:12:39,248 --> 00:12:41,251
so I told her to do
the right thing and end it,

336
00:12:41,285 --> 00:12:43,055
or whatever, in person.

337
00:12:43,089 --> 00:12:44,592
"Or whatever"? No "or whatever."

338
00:12:44,665 --> 00:12:47,035
She's been "or whatever-ing"
since puberty.

339
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:49,708
It is time for her to grow up.

340
00:12:49,742 --> 00:12:51,343
Doesn't matter. Look, we both want

341
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,147
the same thing for her in the end.

342
00:12:53,182 --> 00:12:54,384
- Absolutely.
- Right.

343
00:12:54,388 --> 00:12:55,389
For her to make her own decision.

344
00:12:55,490 --> 00:12:57,660
Of course. The only decision is...

345
00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,298
- Arvin.
- I agree. Arvin is very impressive.

346
00:13:00,332 --> 00:13:02,135
Buyou should know Dylan has been

347
00:13:02,169 --> 00:13:04,039
putting himself through nursing school,

348
00:13:04,073 --> 00:13:07,178
working at the hospital, running.

349
00:13:07,213 --> 00:13:08,982
You're not honestly making
a case for that guy?

350
00:13:09,016 --> 00:13:10,819
That guy would take a bullet for Haley.

351
00:13:10,853 --> 00:13:12,322
Why are you so invested in him?

352
00:13:12,357 --> 00:13:13,525
Because I was that guy!

353
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,696
I was the underdog with
every girl I ever liked.

354
00:13:15,730 --> 00:13:17,666
That's very sweet.

355
00:13:17,701 --> 00:13:19,169
But this isn't about you.

356
00:13:19,203 --> 00:13:21,173
This is about Haley

357
00:13:21,207 --> 00:13:24,780
being with a respected,
charming scientist

358
00:13:24,815 --> 00:13:27,920
versus a guy who Lily convinced
to eat a box of crayons.

359
00:13:27,954 --> 00:13:29,289
It was one bite out of one crayon.

360
00:13:29,323 --> 00:13:30,659
It was only because he was blindfolded

361
00:13:30,693 --> 00:13:32,796
and trapped in a Chese finger puzzle.

362
00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:36,604
I had no idea Arvin was going to be here

363
00:13:36,639 --> 00:13:38,608
but can we please do this another time?

364
00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:41,079
I won't have the costume
another time, Haley.

365
00:13:41,114 --> 00:13:45,254
So, this is the doll you slept with.

366
00:13:45,289 --> 00:13:47,893
Hey, you're pretty handsome yourself.

367
00:13:49,081 --> 00:13:51,242
So many questions.

368
00:13:51,703 --> 00:13:54,040
First, why have you snuck 'round to see

369
00:13:54,074 --> 00:13:57,213
the bloke you supposedly
feel terrible about kissing?

370
00:13:57,247 --> 00:13:59,819
Yo, I hope this doesn't sound
braggy, but for the most part,

371
00:13:59,837 --> 00:14:02,307
people do not feel terrible
about kissing me.

372
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,811
Okay, guys, stop.

373
00:14:03,845 --> 00:14:06,817
Listen to me, my simple friend.

374
00:14:06,851 --> 00:14:09,489
I just spent 14 hours in a middle seat.

375
00:14:09,523 --> 00:14:11,493
I suggest you get out of my space.

376
00:14:11,527 --> 00:14:14,499
Well, I suggest, next time,
you ask about an exit row.

377
00:14:14,533 --> 00:14:16,694
It could still be a middle seat,
but you'd have more leg room.

378
00:14:17,343 --> 00:14:18,645
You have to go!

379
00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:24,156
Enough! Stop fighting
or whatever this is.

380
00:14:24,190 --> 00:14:26,661
Arvin! There you are!

381
00:14:26,696 --> 00:14:28,498
Hi, Dylan.

382
00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:31,170
Radiant as ever, Mrs. D.

383
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,673
Haley, tell him to leave.

384
00:14:32,708 --> 00:14:34,377
Let me see if I can defuse
the situation.

385
00:14:34,411 --> 00:14:36,514
Mom, Dad, stop meddling in my life.

386
00:14:36,549 --> 00:14:37,683
Outside now!

387
00:14:37,718 --> 00:14:38,719
- All right.
- Now!

388
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:40,556
Okay. Okay.

389
00:14:42,059 --> 00:14:44,229
Help me. I don't know what to do.

390
00:14:44,699 --> 00:14:46,334
My mask!

391
00:14:46,369 --> 00:14:48,171
We are so, so sorry.

392
00:14:48,205 --> 00:14:49,340
I tried to block him.

393
00:14:49,375 --> 00:14:51,177
He faked going for the glass frog.

394
00:14:51,211 --> 00:14:52,714
I can't believe it.

395
00:14:52,748 --> 00:14:54,851
Breathe, honey. Breathe.

396
00:14:54,886 --> 00:14:56,020
Can we fix it?

397
00:14:56,055 --> 00:14:57,691
I don't know.
Do you happen to have any clay

398
00:14:57,725 --> 00:14:59,361
from the melted runoff of Kilimanjaro?

399
00:14:59,395 --> 00:15:00,697
Because that's what it's made of!

400
00:15:00,731 --> 00:15:02,567
We got it on our first trip to Tanzania.

401
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,237
It was blessed by the shaman
that healed his psoriasis.

402
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:07,107
Of course we'll be happy
to pay to replace it.

403
00:15:07,142 --> 00:15:08,577
It's irreplaceable!

404
00:15:08,612 --> 00:15:10,581
My God.

405
00:15:10,616 --> 00:15:12,519
It's back.

406
00:15:12,553 --> 00:15:14,857
We cannot apologize enough.

407
00:15:14,891 --> 00:15:16,192
That's probably true.

408
00:15:16,227 --> 00:15:18,364
I'll go get lunch.

409
00:15:18,399 --> 00:15:19,533
Okay, this is a disaster.

410
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:21,537
I know, but is any part of you
still hearing

411
00:15:21,571 --> 00:15:23,040
"first trip to Tanzania"?

412
00:15:23,074 --> 00:15:24,877
He was just about to offer me
the case I want.

413
00:15:24,911 --> 00:15:25,912
Well, there'll be other cases.

414
00:15:25,946 --> 00:15:27,883
No. This one involves a music producer,

415
00:15:27,917 --> 00:15:29,453
an escort, and illegal arms sales, okay?

416
00:15:29,482 --> 00:15:31,250
I want to bring them to justice.

417
00:15:31,284 --> 00:15:32,587
Plus, they've already
sold the movie rights.

418
00:15:32,621 --> 00:15:34,591
I could be played by Ryan Gosling.

419
00:15:34,625 --> 00:15:36,093
That's it, honey. Aim high.

420
00:15:36,128 --> 00:15:38,198
My God. What can we do?
What can we do?

421
00:15:38,255 --> 00:15:39,724
Whoa.

422
00:15:41,763 --> 00:15:44,233
- Quick. Bite my ankle.
- Excuse me?

423
00:15:44,267 --> 00:15:45,569
Hurry, before they come back.
I'm gonna tell them

424
00:15:45,604 --> 00:15:47,105
the dog did it.
It'll cancel out the mask.

425
00:15:47,140 --> 00:15:49,109
Just do it.

426
00:15:49,144 --> 00:15:50,245
Harder. It needs to scar me.

427
00:15:50,279 --> 00:15:51,748
It's definitely scarring me.

428
00:15:51,783 --> 00:15:52,917
They need to believe a dog did it.

429
00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:54,788
Psst.

430
00:15:57,795 --> 00:15:58,796
Well, if you're

431
00:15:58,797 --> 00:16:00,265
you're gonna make us wait
so long to eat,

432
00:16:00,299 --> 00:16:02,738
this shouldn't come as a surprise.

433
00:16:04,341 --> 00:16:05,677
Gloria, come here!

434
00:16:05,711 --> 00:16:08,148
You got to see this. She's on fire.

435
00:16:08,183 --> 00:16:09,184
Now, check this out.

436
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,154
I can throw anything at her,

437
00:16:11,189 --> 00:16:13,827
and she can make comedy gold out of it.

438
00:16:13,861 --> 00:16:15,029
Here. Um...

439
00:16:15,063 --> 00:16:18,035
John Travolta in a submarine.

440
00:16:21,377 --> 00:16:22,878
Yeah, because a submarine is small.

441
00:16:22,912 --> 00:16:26,218
You were right, Gloria. She's hilarious.

442
00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:28,541
Do another one. Um...

443
00:16:28,576 --> 00:16:31,414
T. rex in a volleyball game.

444
00:16:32,751 --> 00:16:35,154
Look at that.

445
00:16:35,189 --> 00:16:37,693
It's hard to spike with little arms.

446
00:16:37,728 --> 00:16:40,031
Jay, can I talk to you
in there for a second?

447
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:42,670
Yeah, yeah. All right.
I'll be right back.

448
00:16:42,730 --> 00:16:44,031
What a hoot!

449
00:16:44,065 --> 00:16:45,535
What is your game, old man?

450
00:16:45,569 --> 00:16:47,204
Nothing. I'm loving this.

451
00:16:47,238 --> 00:16:50,043
My only fear is that she might
hit it big and leave us.

452
00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:53,384
You think I'm an idiot?
Nobody thinks that that is funny.

453
00:16:53,418 --> 00:16:56,055
Be honest, you want her out
of here more than I do.

454
00:16:56,089 --> 00:16:58,059
Okay, fine, but I don't want
to be the mother

455
00:16:58,093 --> 00:17:00,063
that hates her son's girlfriend.

456
00:17:00,097 --> 00:17:01,400
I don't want to be the villain anymore.

457
00:17:01,434 --> 00:17:05,073
But that's your job.
I am the quiet and fun one.

458
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,412
Have you not heard her
impression of you? It's dead-on.

459
00:17:07,447 --> 00:17:09,082
You want to get rid of her, you do it.

460
00:17:09,116 --> 00:17:11,420
I won't have to, because I can pretend

461
00:17:11,455 --> 00:17:14,460
that I like Sherry longer than you can.

462
00:17:14,494 --> 00:17:16,597
You will crack first.

463
00:17:16,631 --> 00:17:18,266
You will crack first!

464
00:17:18,301 --> 00:17:20,438
Sherry, you cannot stay here.

465
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:21,741
What? Why?

466
00:17:21,799 --> 00:17:24,102
Because you're driving me crazy.

467
00:17:24,137 --> 00:17:25,439
But I thought you liked me.

468
00:17:25,473 --> 00:17:28,612
What can I say, kid? She's rough.
Let me get your bag.

469
00:17:28,646 --> 00:17:30,616
Hey, I'm back! Guess what.

470
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,486
All that calligraphy I've done
for the dean paid off.

471
00:17:32,521 --> 00:17:33,531
He said you can stay with me.

472
00:17:33,532 --> 00:17:36,169
Your mom just told me she hates me.

473
00:17:36,203 --> 00:17:37,706
Mom, why would you say that?

474
00:17:39,143 --> 00:17:40,512
And scene!

475
00:17:41,915 --> 00:17:43,718
Why can't I tell Dylan to leave?

476
00:17:43,752 --> 00:17:45,722
Because you are scared

477
00:17:45,756 --> 00:17:48,561
of the first real, adult relationship

478
00:17:48,596 --> 00:17:51,601
with the perfect man,
and you're clinging to the past.

479
00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:53,771
Or you and Dylan
have a special connection

480
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:54,907
and you still love him.

481
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:55,942
Not helping.

482
00:17:55,977 --> 00:17:57,946
God, they're both such great guys,

483
00:17:57,981 --> 00:17:59,082
but they're so different.

484
00:17:59,116 --> 00:18:02,255
How am I supposed to choose?
How did you guys do it?

485
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:05,027
Well, sweetheart, I...
I'm not gonna be any help here.

486
00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,924
From the minute I met your mom,
there was no choice.

487
00:18:07,958 --> 00:18:10,462
She was smart.
She was strong.

488
00:18:10,497 --> 00:18:13,100
She resented her father just
enough to go for a guy like me.

489
00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:15,806
She... She gave my life balance,

490
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,777
and now I can't imagine it without her.

491
00:18:17,811 --> 00:18:20,917
Also, she's... she's crazy hot.

492
00:18:20,951 --> 00:18:23,556
- Mom?
- Well, first of all, um,

493
00:18:23,590 --> 00:18:27,229
I'm a sucker for guys
who say things like that.

494
00:18:27,263 --> 00:18:30,068
Your dad is the nicest,
most positive person I know,

495
00:18:30,102 --> 00:18:32,407
and he always helps me find
the fun in life.

496
00:18:32,441 --> 00:18:35,580
And, he is still real easy
on the peepers.

497
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,617
Aww. We really are lucky.

498
00:18:37,651 --> 00:18:38,919
I know.

499
00:18:38,954 --> 00:18:41,090
I forgot what
we were even fighting about.

500
00:18:41,124 --> 00:18:42,126
Me too.

501
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,996
You weren't fighting. We were
talking about my problem.

502
00:18:44,031 --> 00:18:45,694
- Yeah.
- Honey,

503
00:18:45,719 --> 00:18:47,722
you should probably just
ignore eveyothing we said

504
00:18:47,756 --> 00:18:51,062
and try to imagine your life
with each of them.

505
00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:52,365
What do you see?

506
00:18:54,737 --> 00:18:58,744
I guess, with Arvin, I see
a big, beautiful house...

507
00:18:58,778 --> 00:19:02,051
Arvin! Arvin, wait!

508
00:19:02,151 --> 00:19:03,454
lined with books,

509
00:19:03,488 --> 00:19:05,991
interesting people coming in and out,

510
00:19:06,026 --> 00:19:08,497
raising kids with a brilliant man.

511
00:19:08,531 --> 00:19:11,335
I'm so sorry. I...

512
00:19:11,370 --> 00:19:13,139
Well.

513
00:19:13,173 --> 00:19:15,811
Now I may have to use
my genius for evil.

514
00:19:15,846 --> 00:19:17,815
You're my origin story.

515
00:19:17,850 --> 00:19:19,017
What?

516
00:19:19,052 --> 00:19:22,224
Every supervillain has
a reason they're so...

517
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:25,698
You know, maybe this is for the best.

518
00:19:27,201 --> 00:19:30,708
With Dylan, I see us
in a cute, little place

519
00:19:30,742 --> 00:19:33,212
that needs a ton of work.

520
00:19:34,383 --> 00:19:35,851
We may not have all the nicest things,

521
00:19:35,886 --> 00:19:40,193
but there's music and laughing,

522
00:19:40,227 --> 00:19:43,065
and I know I can always be myself,

523
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:44,234
anhe'll always love me for it.

524
00:19:44,269 --> 00:19:45,270
Um...

525
00:19:46,407 --> 00:19:48,544
I just got out of a relationship.

526
00:19:48,578 --> 00:19:51,750
I'm, like, a complete mess.

527
00:19:51,784 --> 00:19:54,556
That's perfect. I love messes.

528
00:19:54,590 --> 00:19:57,929
Can we, take a step back

529
00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:59,566
and just go out on a date?

530
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,403
Sure.

531
00:20:01,437 --> 00:20:02,739
Your chariot awaits.

532
00:20:02,773 --> 00:20:05,444
I couldn't fit in my car, you know.

533
00:20:08,702 --> 00:20:10,838
Okay, how do I do it? I'll just...!

534
00:20:12,041 --> 00:20:14,679
We're never gonna be able
to retire, are we?

535
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:15,848
Nope.

536
00:20:25,931 --> 00:20:28,936
I'm sorry the juicy trial
didn't work out. Are you okay?

537
00:20:28,970 --> 00:20:31,107
Yeah. I-I guess if I had
to do it all over again,

538
00:20:31,141 --> 00:20:32,477
I wouldn't have told you to bite me.

539
00:20:32,511 --> 00:20:35,783
Weird how I just went along
with that, no questions.

540
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,954
And speaking of doing it
all over again,

541
00:20:37,988 --> 00:20:39,624
do you ever regret having kids?

542
00:20:39,659 --> 00:20:40,826
Of course not.

543
00:20:40,861 --> 00:20:42,964
I mean, do I sometimes look back

544
00:20:42,998 --> 00:20:44,501
and wish everything was different?

545
00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:46,137
If you say "yes," that is regret.

546
00:20:46,171 --> 00:20:49,310
Then, no, because if we didn't have them

547
00:20:49,344 --> 00:20:52,015
I would be Trent, an uptight lunatic

548
00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:54,354
who falls apart over a broken tchotchke.

549
00:20:54,388 --> 00:20:56,324
I mean, kids give you perspective.

550
00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:59,163
You realize what's important,
to let go of...

551
00:21:00,734 --> 00:21:02,837
And there goes our last nice thing.

552
00:21:02,871 --> 00:21:05,743
Thank God we're free now.

553
00:21:05,768 --> 00:21:10,773
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