1 00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:06,610 Welcome. Most of you know me as Acting Vice Principal Tucker, 2 00:00:06,645 --> 00:00:11,748 but today... I am your guide to the future... 3 00:00:11,784 --> 00:00:13,083 the future... the future. 4 00:00:13,118 --> 00:00:15,485 Okay, so you didn't take my note on the echo. 5 00:00:15,521 --> 00:00:17,621 Mitchell, I can't take another negative voice in my head. 6 00:00:17,656 --> 00:00:19,856 I'm already freaking out about Principal Brown. 7 00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:22,459 I kind of have a bully at school. 8 00:00:23,829 --> 00:00:24,995 You gonna eat all that? 9 00:00:25,030 --> 00:00:26,363 I-I guess not. 10 00:00:26,398 --> 00:00:27,464 Okay. 11 00:00:27,499 --> 00:00:29,066 Saw your plans for the seminar tomorrow. 12 00:00:29,101 --> 00:00:31,101 Oh, you like it? Y-You know, I think the kids 13 00:00:31,136 --> 00:00:33,437 will really benefit from hearing from four graduates 14 00:00:33,472 --> 00:00:35,305 that have taken such different paths. 15 00:00:35,341 --> 00:00:37,541 I've got traditional college, gap year... 16 00:00:37,576 --> 00:00:40,644 Wrong! We're pushing one path here... college. 17 00:00:40,679 --> 00:00:42,646 Well, yeah, but college isn't necessarily 18 00:00:42,681 --> 00:00:44,247 the right path for every... 19 00:00:44,283 --> 00:00:46,383 Tucker, are you familiar with the term "Golden Apple"? 20 00:00:46,418 --> 00:00:47,651 I am. I'm a little surprised 21 00:00:47,686 --> 00:00:49,486 it's made its way into the straight vernacular. 22 00:00:49,521 --> 00:00:51,655 It's still illegal in Alabama. 23 00:00:51,690 --> 00:00:53,457 No, no, no, Golden Apple status is awarded to schools 24 00:00:53,492 --> 00:00:55,826 that reach a minimum of 60% college acceptance. 25 00:00:55,861 --> 00:00:58,595 If we dip below that, I'm back to teaching night school. 26 00:00:58,630 --> 00:01:00,530 If you think the lunch ladies are mean, 27 00:01:00,566 --> 00:01:01,665 you should meet the dinner ladies. 28 00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:03,700 Yeah, but what about the students that... 29 00:01:03,736 --> 00:01:07,237 Play ball, Acting Vice Principal Tucker, and you might just find yourself... 30 00:01:07,272 --> 00:01:08,238 Vice principal? 31 00:01:08,273 --> 00:01:09,188 Mm-hmm. 32 00:01:10,576 --> 00:01:12,342 I just don't know if I can preach something 33 00:01:12,378 --> 00:01:14,010 that I don't believe. 34 00:01:14,046 --> 00:01:15,379 - Ha! Play ball. - Seems like a thing 35 00:01:15,414 --> 00:01:16,898 no one was saying, and now everyone is. 36 00:01:16,949 --> 00:01:18,315 You know what I'm doing right now? 37 00:01:18,350 --> 00:01:19,549 I'm making 100 cupcakes 38 00:01:19,585 --> 00:01:22,919 because the D.A. lost his caterer for his kid's party 39 00:01:22,955 --> 00:01:24,254 and asked if I could help out. 40 00:01:24,289 --> 00:01:27,031 But if it puts me, uh, higher up on his radar, 41 00:01:27,226 --> 00:01:28,925 then so be it. 42 00:01:28,961 --> 00:01:31,628 I'm just saying sometimes you need to compromise 43 00:01:31,663 --> 00:01:32,696 to... to get ahead. 44 00:01:32,731 --> 00:01:34,431 Maybe it's our time now. 45 00:01:34,466 --> 00:01:36,066 Ooh, I like that. 46 00:01:36,101 --> 00:01:38,635 Hey, world, there's a new power couple on the horizon. 47 00:01:38,670 --> 00:01:39,469 Yeah. 48 00:01:39,505 --> 00:01:40,771 Cam and Mitch. 49 00:01:40,806 --> 00:01:42,939 Citch... No, that sounds weird. 50 00:01:42,975 --> 00:01:43,740 Mam... 51 00:01:43,776 --> 00:01:45,041 We'll find it. 52 00:01:59,491 --> 00:02:01,816 Hey, Dad, our video conference is about to start. 53 00:02:01,861 --> 00:02:04,828 Can we make it fast? I have that sales meeting offsite. 54 00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:07,264 Hence the power threads and box of cigars. 55 00:02:07,299 --> 00:02:08,932 Whoa! Dad, it's 10:00 in the morning. 56 00:02:08,967 --> 00:02:09,800 - Mm. - Ohh! 57 00:02:09,835 --> 00:02:11,001 I don't swallow it. 58 00:02:11,036 --> 00:02:13,737 He smells it on my breath, he lets his guard down. 59 00:02:13,772 --> 00:02:15,172 In 20 minutes, I'm taking him 60 00:02:15,207 --> 00:02:16,907 in a way that would make a prison guard blush. 61 00:02:17,339 --> 00:02:18,909 It's the way gentlemen do business. 62 00:02:18,944 --> 00:02:22,312 Well, I am sorry to ruin your Glengarry, Glenlivet fun, 63 00:02:22,347 --> 00:02:23,914 but that meeting got canceled. 64 00:02:23,949 --> 00:02:25,849 What? I was looking forward to it. 65 00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:27,684 Nick took care of it by Skype this morning. 66 00:02:27,719 --> 00:02:29,886 Log on. Our meeting's about to start. 67 00:02:32,433 --> 00:02:34,558 Okay, let's begin. 68 00:02:34,593 --> 00:02:35,892 So, Nick, where are we 69 00:02:35,928 --> 00:02:37,694 with the interactive closet with the voice prompts? 70 00:02:37,729 --> 00:02:39,095 Here's a demo. 71 00:02:39,131 --> 00:02:41,698 Went with a Christopher Walken soundalike voice. 72 00:02:41,733 --> 00:02:44,201 Forecast is... chilly. 73 00:02:44,236 --> 00:02:46,102 Put... on some pants. 74 00:02:46,138 --> 00:02:48,071 I think we all fell in love with the idea of calling it 75 00:02:48,106 --> 00:02:51,208 a Walken closet, but this just isn't working. 76 00:02:51,243 --> 00:02:54,044 Hey, Claire, I don't see your dad on the video conference. 77 00:02:54,079 --> 00:02:54,945 Damn it! 78 00:02:54,980 --> 00:02:56,980 My computer's busted again. 79 00:02:57,015 --> 00:02:59,015 Or your caps lock is on. 80 00:02:59,051 --> 00:03:01,051 Can't we have this meeting in the conference room? 81 00:03:01,086 --> 00:03:02,886 You know, where we all sit around a table, 82 00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:04,521 there's a nice breakfast spread? 83 00:03:04,556 --> 00:03:07,093 I am tired of having to keep cream cheese in my desk. 84 00:03:07,193 --> 00:03:08,725 Dad, you know why we do it this way. 85 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,320 We have people working here. 86 00:03:10,362 --> 00:03:11,862 We've got people working from home. 87 00:03:11,897 --> 00:03:13,864 We've got people working all over the world. 88 00:03:13,899 --> 00:03:16,066 Tiffany is in Berlin at KlausetSchvarg. 89 00:03:16,101 --> 00:03:17,712 They still have that conference? 90 00:03:17,747 --> 00:03:19,336 I thought they shut that down in the '80s 91 00:03:19,371 --> 00:03:22,105 after we used that sweater hutch to smuggle that dissident out 92 00:03:22,140 --> 00:03:23,340 during East KlausetSchvarg. 93 00:03:24,409 --> 00:03:26,309 You're good. Just talk into the camera. 94 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,012 Hoo! Sorry about that. 95 00:03:30,047 --> 00:03:32,549 All right. How about an update on our 3-D printing? 96 00:03:32,584 --> 00:03:34,084 I think everybody knows Eduardo. 97 00:03:34,119 --> 00:03:35,218 Jay, have you two met? 98 00:03:35,254 --> 00:03:36,853 I can't see the camera! 99 00:03:36,889 --> 00:03:39,122 Dad, you're, uh... 100 00:03:39,157 --> 00:03:40,690 you're kind of smushed up against it. 101 00:03:40,726 --> 00:03:43,260 You might want to just step back a skosh. 102 00:03:43,295 --> 00:03:46,096 Using a 3-D printer to manufacture our closets 103 00:03:46,131 --> 00:03:47,464 will triple revenue. 104 00:03:47,499 --> 00:03:48,865 I can't hear you! 105 00:03:49,902 --> 00:03:52,002 Volume up, Dad. 106 00:03:52,037 --> 00:03:53,470 In our first year alone... 107 00:03:53,505 --> 00:03:55,505 What the hell? 108 00:03:55,541 --> 00:03:56,640 Dad, "undo." Just... 109 00:03:56,675 --> 00:03:58,174 I know! I know! 110 00:03:58,210 --> 00:03:59,476 Double-click. 111 00:04:03,415 --> 00:04:05,015 No! No! 112 00:04:05,050 --> 00:04:07,017 Have your stupid meeting! I'm outta here! 113 00:04:08,253 --> 00:04:10,554 Margaret, I'm going to the park across the street. 114 00:04:10,589 --> 00:04:11,673 I need a walk! 115 00:04:11,723 --> 00:04:13,223 Aah! 116 00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:17,160 Thank you so much for helping out with Joe. 117 00:04:17,195 --> 00:04:18,728 You don't think it's too flashy? 118 00:04:18,764 --> 00:04:20,931 What are you talking about? You're taking a magic class. 119 00:04:20,966 --> 00:04:22,532 You want to show them you're serious. 120 00:04:22,568 --> 00:04:25,101 It's abracadabra, not abraca-drab-ra. 121 00:04:26,438 --> 00:04:29,172 Look at that! An open casting call. 122 00:04:29,207 --> 00:04:31,908 Excuse me, what is this for? 123 00:04:31,944 --> 00:04:34,578 We are looking for real families to be the new faces 124 00:04:34,613 --> 00:04:35,912 of the Glen Valley Mall. 125 00:04:35,948 --> 00:04:37,547 You guys are adorable. Want to sign up? 126 00:04:37,583 --> 00:04:38,848 Oh, we're not a-a real... 127 00:04:38,884 --> 00:04:40,050 Oh, we would love to! 128 00:04:40,085 --> 00:04:43,653 What a cool and a spontaneous thing to do! 129 00:04:43,689 --> 00:04:45,589 I saw that poster last week. 130 00:04:45,624 --> 00:04:48,058 It kind of reminded me of a long time ago 131 00:04:48,093 --> 00:04:49,926 when I used to do a little modeling. 132 00:04:49,962 --> 00:04:51,394 I guess I miss it. 133 00:04:51,430 --> 00:04:53,330 I tricked Phil into going to the mall 134 00:04:53,365 --> 00:04:55,599 because I knew that Jay wouldn't do it with me. 135 00:04:55,634 --> 00:04:58,335 Oh, come on, guys. This is gonna be so much fun. 136 00:04:58,370 --> 00:05:02,005 I don't know. This kid in my class did a cough syrup commercial. 137 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,207 Now he's always going to the teachers' lounge 138 00:05:04,242 --> 00:05:05,475 to call his manager. 139 00:05:05,510 --> 00:05:06,543 He's the worst. 140 00:05:06,792 --> 00:05:08,548 And I teach a real-estate class at 5:00. 141 00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:10,080 I have to show up early to limber up. 142 00:05:10,115 --> 00:05:11,414 Um... 143 00:05:11,450 --> 00:05:14,618 I think that this could help a lot with Joe's self-esteem. 144 00:05:14,653 --> 00:05:16,386 He's had a rough week. 145 00:05:16,421 --> 00:05:19,623 You know how they treat kids that are into magic. 146 00:05:19,658 --> 00:05:22,325 Oh, you tell him when he gets to high school, that all changes. 147 00:05:22,361 --> 00:05:24,494 I don't like lying to him. 148 00:05:24,529 --> 00:05:26,196 Look, this isn't really my thing, and I'm... 149 00:05:26,231 --> 00:05:27,464 I'm feeling a little under the weather. 150 00:05:27,499 --> 00:05:28,965 Don't... Don't I look a little pale? 151 00:05:29,001 --> 00:05:30,667 - We will do it! - Great. 152 00:05:30,702 --> 00:05:34,704 Our P.A. will set you up with wardrobe for some test shots. 153 00:05:34,740 --> 00:05:36,339 Hey, team. Can I get you anything? 154 00:05:36,375 --> 00:05:38,808 Uh, coffee? Water? Still or sparkling? 155 00:05:38,844 --> 00:05:40,110 Ooh, I-I'd take a sparkling. 156 00:05:40,145 --> 00:05:41,745 Talent wants sparkling. 157 00:05:42,162 --> 00:05:43,313 Did you hear that, Phil? 158 00:05:43,348 --> 00:05:45,115 They call us talent! 159 00:05:45,150 --> 00:05:46,916 Let's not get carried away. We're still reg... 160 00:05:46,952 --> 00:05:48,451 I said sparkling. 161 00:05:51,657 --> 00:05:54,658 Well, looks like you're gonna get a pretty solid turnout, Tucker. 162 00:05:54,693 --> 00:05:56,092 Now close the deal. 163 00:05:56,128 --> 00:05:58,194 Hey, what is, uh, "whanex"? 164 00:05:58,230 --> 00:06:00,263 It's the way the kids say "What's next?" 165 00:06:00,298 --> 00:06:01,665 You know, if you want to reach them, 166 00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:03,500 you have to learn to speak their language. 167 00:06:03,535 --> 00:06:05,035 Massive screw-up at the print shop. 168 00:06:05,070 --> 00:06:07,337 I-I have no idea how it happened! 169 00:06:07,372 --> 00:06:09,239 Yeah, that's right. The banner should read... 170 00:06:09,274 --> 00:06:11,408 whanex. Okay. 171 00:06:11,443 --> 00:06:13,510 Yeah, whanex. Uh-huh. 172 00:06:13,545 --> 00:06:16,913 Welcome, students, to the first annual "whanex" seminar. 173 00:06:16,948 --> 00:06:19,616 Let's, uh, just jump right into it and meet our panelists. 174 00:06:19,651 --> 00:06:23,219 We have two bright, young people who chose the college path 175 00:06:23,255 --> 00:06:24,521 and two wayward souls 176 00:06:24,556 --> 00:06:26,790 whose mistakes we can only hope to learn from. 177 00:06:26,825 --> 00:06:28,558 'Sup, Dolphins? 178 00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,891 Nick, I'm so sorry about my dad this morning. 179 00:06:35,926 --> 00:06:36,892 - Hi. - Please forget it. 180 00:06:36,927 --> 00:06:38,627 - We've got a bigger problem. - Hmm? 181 00:06:38,662 --> 00:06:40,996 We have to find a new voice for the virtual closet assistant. 182 00:06:41,031 --> 00:06:43,298 We're thinking... female. 183 00:06:43,334 --> 00:06:45,133 Yeah, I was wondering about that myself. 184 00:06:45,169 --> 00:06:46,301 Hold on a second. 185 00:06:46,337 --> 00:06:49,304 Claire has a great voice... commanding but alluring. 186 00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:50,772 Oh, come on. I don't know about... 187 00:06:50,808 --> 00:06:51,974 alluring. 188 00:06:52,009 --> 00:06:53,008 You're right. 189 00:06:53,043 --> 00:06:54,610 You're right. I can totally hear it. 190 00:06:54,645 --> 00:06:55,744 Guys, guys... 191 00:06:55,779 --> 00:06:57,679 you're embarrassing me. 192 00:06:57,715 --> 00:06:59,214 Where have you been hiding this? 193 00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:01,750 Within half an hour, I had recorded all the voice prompts 194 00:07:01,785 --> 00:07:03,719 for the new smart-closet, and they installed it 195 00:07:03,754 --> 00:07:05,587 in the prototype right in the office. 196 00:07:05,623 --> 00:07:08,957 Everyone seemed really happy, but I don't get it. 197 00:07:08,993 --> 00:07:10,192 I mean... 198 00:07:10,261 --> 00:07:12,394 a voice is just a voice. 199 00:07:14,698 --> 00:07:16,265 Oh, good. Dad, you're back. 200 00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:20,269 Please step into our new smart-closet prototype. 201 00:07:20,304 --> 00:07:22,537 So you can yell at me for bailing on the meeting this morning? 202 00:07:22,573 --> 00:07:24,039 Just... You'll see. 203 00:07:25,142 --> 00:07:26,541 Oh. 204 00:07:26,577 --> 00:07:28,110 May I help choose an outfit for you? 205 00:07:28,145 --> 00:07:29,378 'Cause I'm some old fossil 206 00:07:29,413 --> 00:07:31,146 that still puts on a suit to go to work? 207 00:07:31,181 --> 00:07:32,347 Let's start over. 208 00:07:32,383 --> 00:07:33,615 Why don't we? 209 00:07:33,651 --> 00:07:35,617 What level of comfort are you looking for? 210 00:07:35,653 --> 00:07:38,720 Same thing I've had for the last 40 years... 211 00:07:38,756 --> 00:07:40,922 a workplace where you interact with actual people 212 00:07:40,958 --> 00:07:43,361 every once in a while, like we're doing right now. 213 00:07:43,790 --> 00:07:44,893 I used to love sales calls. 214 00:07:44,928 --> 00:07:46,194 Now we don't even do them anymore. 215 00:07:46,230 --> 00:07:47,829 I mean, put yourself in my shoes. 216 00:07:47,865 --> 00:07:49,431 Dress or casual? 217 00:07:49,466 --> 00:07:50,832 Why do you sound like Lauren Bacall? 218 00:07:50,868 --> 00:07:52,200 I don't understand. 219 00:07:52,236 --> 00:07:55,270 Right, because now, like everything, my references are old and out of step. 220 00:07:55,306 --> 00:07:56,471 Why are you yelling? 221 00:07:56,507 --> 00:07:58,707 If you don't get it by now, you're never gonna get it! 222 00:07:58,742 --> 00:08:00,742 Well, somebody's panties are in a bunch. 223 00:08:00,778 --> 00:08:03,312 May I offer you a different pair? 224 00:08:03,347 --> 00:08:05,547 That's just weird. 225 00:08:08,185 --> 00:08:09,985 Ooh! Very good. 226 00:08:11,751 --> 00:08:14,617 I had an hour to make 100 cupcakes for my boss's son's party, 227 00:08:14,659 --> 00:08:16,104 but it was all gonna be worth it. 228 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:19,795 He was gonna be so grateful, the next big promotion would be mine. 229 00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:21,697 You ungrateful monster! 230 00:08:21,732 --> 00:08:24,266 Two sisters, two paths. 231 00:08:24,301 --> 00:08:25,734 Graduation... 232 00:08:25,769 --> 00:08:27,202 procreation. 233 00:08:27,237 --> 00:08:29,037 The world on a string... 234 00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:31,640 a baby and no ring. 235 00:08:31,675 --> 00:08:34,009 Uh, you... you said you were happy for me. 236 00:08:34,044 --> 00:08:36,278 You said a baby would bring me limitless joy. 237 00:08:36,313 --> 00:08:37,179 And a limited bank account. 238 00:08:37,214 --> 00:08:40,615 Now, Manny, no one can doubt the real-world value of an art degree, 239 00:08:40,651 --> 00:08:42,984 but talk a little bit about the exciting social scene. 240 00:08:43,020 --> 00:08:45,387 It's funny you ask... I went to a wine and cheese mixer 241 00:08:45,422 --> 00:08:46,888 at the Dean's house the other night. 242 00:08:46,924 --> 00:08:49,324 He collects instruments of indigenous people. 243 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,060 And by the time we killed the last bit of a chewy Zinfandel, 244 00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:55,230 our jam sesh started to sound like a didgeri-don't. 245 00:08:56,734 --> 00:08:58,033 Thank you. 246 00:08:58,068 --> 00:08:59,701 Could I please pipe in here? 247 00:08:59,737 --> 00:09:00,736 Yes, please. Alex. 248 00:09:00,771 --> 00:09:03,638 I genuinely appreciate the opportunity to come back here, 249 00:09:03,674 --> 00:09:07,142 where I had the pleasure of serving as co-valedictorian, 250 00:09:07,177 --> 00:09:09,511 to offer a message of hope 251 00:09:09,546 --> 00:09:13,181 to those oft-marginalized overachievers out there. 252 00:09:13,217 --> 00:09:17,619 I... see... you. 253 00:09:17,654 --> 00:09:20,481 Well, I can't be the only one with goose bumps in here. 254 00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:22,323 Oh. Excuse me. Oh. 255 00:09:22,347 --> 00:09:23,792 Yes, let's open it up for questions. 256 00:09:23,827 --> 00:09:25,360 Right here in the front row. Go ahead. 257 00:09:25,396 --> 00:09:26,795 I still don't get "whanex." 258 00:09:26,830 --> 00:09:29,364 It sounds like my grandparents' long-distance carrier in Oregon. 259 00:09:30,601 --> 00:09:31,967 Okay, okay. You know what? I have to take this. 260 00:09:32,002 --> 00:09:33,702 Uh, Luke, Haley, talk a little bit 261 00:09:33,737 --> 00:09:36,671 about how you still live at home with your parents. 262 00:09:37,473 --> 00:09:39,141 Hey, what's up? I'm in the middle of my thing. 263 00:09:39,591 --> 00:09:40,475 Flip what I said before. 264 00:09:40,511 --> 00:09:42,010 Start talking up the dummies. 265 00:09:42,045 --> 00:09:43,111 What? 266 00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:44,880 Um, I just got a text from work. 267 00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:47,082 My boss gave that big case to someone else! 268 00:09:47,117 --> 00:09:50,685 Meanwhile, I'm still on the hook for these stupid cupcakes! 269 00:09:51,889 --> 00:09:54,089 M-My heart is racing, my... my hands are numb. 270 00:09:54,124 --> 00:09:57,058 Plus, I-I think I have a case of airborne diabetes! 271 00:09:57,094 --> 00:09:58,427 Wait. Are you saying I-I should... 272 00:09:58,462 --> 00:10:00,862 Look, if those college application numbers fall, 273 00:10:00,898 --> 00:10:02,664 Principal Brown, he gets fired. 274 00:10:02,699 --> 00:10:04,933 Guess who's up next. Principal Tucker. 275 00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:08,036 I've never dared dream of such a thing. 276 00:10:08,071 --> 00:10:09,104 More money, 277 00:10:09,139 --> 00:10:10,672 better parking space, 278 00:10:10,707 --> 00:10:12,574 plus you get to pick the prom theme. 279 00:10:12,609 --> 00:10:15,510 I can finally make my Enchanted Bayou a reality. 280 00:10:15,546 --> 00:10:17,045 Okay, t-talk... talk soon. 281 00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:18,880 What's great about art school 282 00:10:18,916 --> 00:10:21,016 is that a lot of the faculty work in the industry. 283 00:10:21,051 --> 00:10:24,920 My film studies professor has led tours at every major studio. 284 00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:26,521 All right, thank you, Manny. 285 00:10:26,557 --> 00:10:28,323 And for those of you still awake, 286 00:10:28,358 --> 00:10:31,493 I think what we've learned here today is... college, 287 00:10:31,528 --> 00:10:33,195 a dead end. 288 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,133 Okay, up next. 289 00:10:38,168 --> 00:10:40,202 Philip, Gloria, and Joe. 290 00:10:40,237 --> 00:10:41,503 Same setup. 291 00:10:41,538 --> 00:10:43,805 Dad playing catch with his son. Mom laying out a picnic. 292 00:10:43,841 --> 00:10:45,907 So, just real natural. Like I'm not even here. 293 00:10:45,943 --> 00:10:47,309 You got it. 294 00:10:50,314 --> 00:10:51,246 Maybe not so sexy. 295 00:10:51,281 --> 00:10:52,147 My bad. 296 00:10:52,182 --> 00:10:53,348 He was talking to Mom. 297 00:10:53,383 --> 00:10:55,517 You can just lay out the food in a normal way. 298 00:10:55,552 --> 00:10:57,552 Copy that. No divas here. 299 00:10:59,356 --> 00:11:01,323 Her head is doing something weird. 300 00:11:01,358 --> 00:11:02,624 Can we straighten that up? 301 00:11:02,659 --> 00:11:03,925 Hang on, guys. 302 00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:07,429 Why are they whispering? 303 00:11:07,464 --> 00:11:08,897 You think I look too young for you? 304 00:11:08,932 --> 00:11:10,432 Why? Are my crow's feet showing? 305 00:11:10,467 --> 00:11:12,400 I knew makeup was going too light on the concealer. 306 00:11:12,436 --> 00:11:14,469 Guys, we're just mixing and matching today, 307 00:11:14,505 --> 00:11:16,805 so we're thinking about swapping out one of you. 308 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,073 No, we're a team. 309 00:11:18,108 --> 00:11:20,442 You get rid of one of us, and you lose all of us. 310 00:11:20,477 --> 00:11:21,309 It's the kid. 311 00:11:21,345 --> 00:11:22,344 Okay. 312 00:11:23,847 --> 00:11:25,413 I thought this was supposed to be for Joe. 313 00:11:25,449 --> 00:11:27,082 Obviously, he's terrible at it, 314 00:11:27,117 --> 00:11:29,885 so how is that gonna help him with his self-esteem? 315 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,219 Hi, I'm Tyler. 316 00:11:32,387 --> 00:11:33,427 Oh, this is not good. 317 00:11:33,462 --> 00:11:34,456 Tyler, don't get too comfortable. 318 00:11:34,491 --> 00:11:36,658 I think we want to try something different. 319 00:11:36,693 --> 00:11:37,959 - Hey, Sean, could you step up here? - Yep. 320 00:11:37,995 --> 00:11:38,960 I'm so sorry, Phil. 321 00:11:38,996 --> 00:11:40,795 No, we want to look at two dads. 322 00:11:41,211 --> 00:11:42,397 I can't play the kid. 323 00:11:42,432 --> 00:11:44,199 Looks like you're out. Here we go. 324 00:11:44,234 --> 00:11:45,233 - Sean, was it? - Yeah. Hey. 325 00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:46,635 - How are you? - Good. 326 00:11:46,670 --> 00:11:49,437 Hmm. Not feeling that chemistry. 327 00:11:49,506 --> 00:11:50,739 Maybe we should kiss? 328 00:11:50,774 --> 00:11:52,741 We could just wait for them to tell us what to do. 329 00:11:52,776 --> 00:11:54,543 Let's try Sean and a mom. 330 00:11:54,578 --> 00:11:55,544 Move, Phil. 331 00:11:55,579 --> 00:11:57,579 No, we meant Lydia. 332 00:11:59,616 --> 00:12:01,883 All right, almost there. 333 00:12:01,919 --> 00:12:03,685 Hey, Joe, hop up here for me. 334 00:12:05,756 --> 00:12:08,423 Yes! That's our family. 335 00:12:08,458 --> 00:12:10,091 The new faces of Glen Valley Mall. 336 00:12:10,127 --> 00:12:12,460 Everyone else can go. Thank you. 337 00:12:13,027 --> 00:12:14,429 Nice working with you guys. 338 00:12:14,464 --> 00:12:17,065 I have an audition across town. 339 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,066 For what? 340 00:12:18,101 --> 00:12:19,401 Do they need grownups? 341 00:12:21,217 --> 00:12:23,696 All right. We heard from our college-going sheep. 342 00:12:23,697 --> 00:12:26,999 Now, Luke, you wisely took a gap year, 343 00:12:27,034 --> 00:12:30,169 got a job, made mad stacks, and invested a little, correct? 344 00:12:30,204 --> 00:12:31,136 Totally. 345 00:12:31,172 --> 00:12:33,672 I own 300 microrubels, 346 00:12:33,707 --> 00:12:35,741 a Russian cryptocurrency I heard about on Facebook, 347 00:12:35,776 --> 00:12:37,376 which currently, you can only use 348 00:12:37,411 --> 00:12:39,678 to buy a Chechen party drug called Frankenstein. 349 00:12:39,713 --> 00:12:41,213 Okay, Haley, uh... 350 00:12:41,248 --> 00:12:43,482 hot boyfriend, job, baby on the way... 351 00:12:43,517 --> 00:12:46,418 You seem to have it all, yet you took a very different path 352 00:12:46,454 --> 00:12:47,719 than your older sister, Alex. 353 00:12:47,755 --> 00:12:48,687 I'm younger! 354 00:12:48,722 --> 00:12:49,726 Oh, wow. Okay. 355 00:12:49,824 --> 00:12:52,124 I guess that's why they call studying "the new smoking." 356 00:12:52,673 --> 00:12:53,613 No one says that. 357 00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:54,460 Can I add... 358 00:12:54,495 --> 00:12:56,123 I'm sure you can, but it won't help in the real world. 359 00:12:56,230 --> 00:12:58,085 Anyway, thank you all for coming. 360 00:12:58,166 --> 00:13:00,299 Have a good afternoon. Thank you. 361 00:13:00,334 --> 00:13:01,467 Cam, what the hell? 362 00:13:01,502 --> 00:13:02,801 I learned a lot. 363 00:13:03,804 --> 00:13:04,837 Tucker! 364 00:13:04,872 --> 00:13:08,106 I wasn't picking up a lot of Uber fares, so I came back here early 365 00:13:08,142 --> 00:13:09,608 and I heard the end of your little presentation. 366 00:13:09,643 --> 00:13:11,043 I know what you're trying to do. 367 00:13:11,078 --> 00:13:13,245 Hey, I just need to talk to him for... for one second. 368 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,746 Hey, hey. Guess what. 369 00:13:14,782 --> 00:13:17,616 I just dropped off the cupcakes at my boss's house. 370 00:13:17,651 --> 00:13:20,385 Turns out he... he didn't give me the case I wanted 371 00:13:20,421 --> 00:13:22,488 because he had an even better one for me. 372 00:13:22,523 --> 00:13:23,534 Really? T-That's amazing. 373 00:13:23,624 --> 00:13:25,031 And he didn't want me to make cupcakes. 374 00:13:25,092 --> 00:13:26,598 He just wanted me to recommend a new caterer. 375 00:13:26,627 --> 00:13:29,962 So we had a big laugh about that. 376 00:13:29,997 --> 00:13:31,630 But just goes to show, 377 00:13:31,665 --> 00:13:32,731 don't play games. 378 00:13:32,766 --> 00:13:34,366 Do your job, and you'll be recognized. 379 00:13:34,401 --> 00:13:36,435 - Yeah, but you said... - No, ah! Forget what I said. 380 00:13:36,470 --> 00:13:38,670 T-There's no one path to success. 381 00:13:38,706 --> 00:13:41,240 I mean, that's what you should be telling these kids. 382 00:13:41,275 --> 00:13:42,875 Yeah, that's what I was going to tell these kids... 383 00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:45,611 Damn it, Tucker! I can't hold my alpha power stance this long. 384 00:13:45,646 --> 00:13:47,713 My calves are starting to cramp. 385 00:13:47,748 --> 00:13:50,649 - Okay, well, first of all... - No, can it! Okay? 386 00:13:50,684 --> 00:13:52,851 You thought you could bury me by killing college applications, 387 00:13:52,887 --> 00:13:54,119 didn't you? Hmm? 388 00:13:54,154 --> 00:13:56,288 I will clean out my half of the desk that I share. 389 00:13:56,323 --> 00:13:58,924 Oh, no, it's... I'm so sorry. T-This is... This is my fault. 390 00:13:58,959 --> 00:14:00,626 I tried to play ball at work. 391 00:14:00,661 --> 00:14:02,895 There was a lot of unnecessary baking. 392 00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:04,062 D... 393 00:14:04,098 --> 00:14:06,910 The point is, I-I put these ideas into his head, so... 394 00:14:06,934 --> 00:14:07,800 Oh. 395 00:14:07,850 --> 00:14:09,768 So you're so weak and without conviction 396 00:14:09,803 --> 00:14:11,904 that somebody suggests some stupid idea to you 397 00:14:11,939 --> 00:14:14,773 and without even thinking, you just abandon all your values 398 00:14:14,808 --> 00:14:16,808 and fold like a cheap Chinese fan, huh? 399 00:14:16,844 --> 00:14:19,411 Yes, sir. I am a worm. 400 00:14:19,446 --> 00:14:21,547 That is exactly what I'm looking for. 401 00:14:21,582 --> 00:14:22,887 No threat to me at all. 402 00:14:23,350 --> 00:14:25,884 Well, congratulations, permanent Vice Principal Tucker. 403 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:26,785 - Really? - Yes. 404 00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:27,853 Thank you! I love you! 405 00:14:27,888 --> 00:14:28,875 I love you, too. 406 00:14:28,989 --> 00:14:31,323 Now, first order of business... fix what you did here. 407 00:14:31,358 --> 00:14:33,559 You are gonna give me a Golden Apple. 408 00:14:33,594 --> 00:14:36,094 Hey, hey! We are in a committed relationship! 409 00:14:36,130 --> 00:14:38,030 No, no, no. It's not the same thing we saw at Pepper's bachelor party. 410 00:14:38,065 --> 00:14:40,032 - It's not? - No. 411 00:14:40,067 --> 00:14:42,634 After fighting with everybody all day, 412 00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:46,104 I was starting to think maybe... I was the jerk. 413 00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:48,373 So I ended up back at the old office, you know, 414 00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:52,678 trying to figure out what it was about going to work there 415 00:14:52,713 --> 00:14:54,580 that I loved so much. 416 00:14:57,151 --> 00:14:58,817 Congratulations. 417 00:14:58,852 --> 00:15:02,154 You've been hired at Pritchett's Closets, Blinds, and Waterbeds. 418 00:15:02,189 --> 00:15:03,488 I'm Jay Pritchett. 419 00:15:03,524 --> 00:15:04,923 Welcome to the team. 420 00:15:05,766 --> 00:15:06,525 You hear that? 421 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,160 They're cheering for you already. 422 00:15:08,195 --> 00:15:11,363 That's something we value here... teamwork. 423 00:15:11,398 --> 00:15:13,298 And whether you're in sales or shipping 424 00:15:13,334 --> 00:15:15,767 or one of those cute tomatoes in the steno pool, 425 00:15:15,803 --> 00:15:17,235 you're important, 426 00:15:17,271 --> 00:15:18,971 'cause we're family here. 427 00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:21,940 Wait a minute! Who's this new employee? 428 00:15:21,976 --> 00:15:23,208 It's me... Claire, Daddy. 429 00:15:23,243 --> 00:15:25,544 Oh, right! It's Claire! 430 00:15:31,611 --> 00:15:32,877 Nice hands. 431 00:15:33,037 --> 00:15:35,729 Reminds me why our softball team never won a game. 432 00:15:35,823 --> 00:15:38,156 Look who they let out of the fancy corporate office. 433 00:15:38,192 --> 00:15:40,892 Hey, that wife of yours get smart and leave you yet? 434 00:15:40,928 --> 00:15:42,794 Eh, actually, she did. It's been rough. 435 00:15:42,830 --> 00:15:44,162 - Oh. I'm so sorry. - I... We didn't know. 436 00:15:44,198 --> 00:15:46,164 Ah, you mutts, I'm screwing with you! 437 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,199 Where's she going? 438 00:15:50,748 --> 00:15:52,838 I knew my dad was going through something, 439 00:15:52,873 --> 00:15:54,706 and when I saw his car at the old office, 440 00:15:54,742 --> 00:15:56,545 I-I stopped by to check on him. 441 00:15:57,077 --> 00:15:58,310 Are you feeling shy, Claire? 442 00:15:58,345 --> 00:15:59,678 Uh... 443 00:15:59,713 --> 00:16:01,146 yeah, I guess I am a little. 444 00:16:01,181 --> 00:16:03,582 - Um... - How old are you? 445 00:16:03,617 --> 00:16:05,951 You're right. Just come out and say it. 446 00:16:05,986 --> 00:16:07,319 Um... 447 00:16:07,354 --> 00:16:10,055 I'm worried that you're unhappy we sold the company 448 00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:11,456 and you're blaming it on me. 449 00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:13,692 You're making that face like you have to go potty. 450 00:16:14,375 --> 00:16:16,395 I'm anxious and... 451 00:16:16,430 --> 00:16:17,829 How can you even see my face? 452 00:16:18,446 --> 00:16:20,032 She's my daughter. 453 00:16:20,067 --> 00:16:21,366 She thinks she runs the place. 454 00:16:28,842 --> 00:16:30,242 You said he wouldn't do it. 455 00:16:30,277 --> 00:16:32,010 You're damn right, I did it. 456 00:16:32,046 --> 00:16:33,345 Boss is still the best, huh? 457 00:16:35,883 --> 00:16:38,283 My dad was homesick. 458 00:16:38,318 --> 00:16:40,919 That is one photogenic butt, Jay. 459 00:16:40,955 --> 00:16:42,921 Take it with you. You can kiss it at home, too. 460 00:16:46,126 --> 00:16:47,492 - Hey, guys. Hi. - Hey! 461 00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:49,394 - Hi, Dad. - Hey, what are you doing here? 462 00:16:49,430 --> 00:16:51,329 I, uh, saw your car. 463 00:16:51,793 --> 00:16:52,641 Look... 464 00:16:52,722 --> 00:16:55,033 I know you've been frustrated at work lately. 465 00:16:55,069 --> 00:16:56,435 Don't worry about that. 466 00:16:56,470 --> 00:16:57,836 You're doing great, though, huh? 467 00:16:58,352 --> 00:16:59,671 Yeah, I kind of love it. 468 00:16:59,707 --> 00:17:03,008 But it doesn't feel right if you hate it. 469 00:17:03,043 --> 00:17:05,214 Dad, we can bail on the whole thing. 470 00:17:05,246 --> 00:17:06,611 You know what I need to bail on? 471 00:17:07,755 --> 00:17:09,681 Being such a little peach. 472 00:17:09,717 --> 00:17:10,816 - Hmm? - What? 473 00:17:10,851 --> 00:17:13,151 They bruise easily. It could be an expression. I don't know. 474 00:17:13,220 --> 00:17:15,387 The point is, when I was here, I reached out more. 475 00:17:15,422 --> 00:17:17,756 I made videos greeting people. 476 00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:19,124 I built real relationships. 477 00:17:19,159 --> 00:17:21,226 Those three guys... I knew two of their names. 478 00:17:22,071 --> 00:17:24,629 I think maybe I need to try to be a little bit more like you 479 00:17:24,665 --> 00:17:26,965 and give this new thing a chance. 480 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,067 You know, they're not so bad when you get past the... 481 00:17:29,103 --> 00:17:32,137 the hipster beards and the sweaty handshakes. 482 00:17:32,172 --> 00:17:33,739 Tell me about that printer guy, Eduardo. 483 00:17:33,774 --> 00:17:35,574 What the hell is 3-D printing anyway? 484 00:17:35,609 --> 00:17:36,942 Look at you trying. 485 00:17:36,977 --> 00:17:38,060 Oh, Dad! 486 00:17:38,145 --> 00:17:40,779 Okay, 3-D printing is when you take three lasers 487 00:17:40,814 --> 00:17:42,280 and you can scan any object you want. 488 00:17:42,316 --> 00:17:43,482 You... 489 00:17:43,517 --> 00:17:45,050 You want to 3-D print your butt, don't you? 490 00:17:45,085 --> 00:17:47,152 We want them to like me, don't we? 491 00:17:47,187 --> 00:17:48,386 Ohh... 492 00:17:48,422 --> 00:17:50,655 Okay, baby, have fun at your play date. 493 00:17:50,691 --> 00:17:52,187 I'll pick you up in two hours. 494 00:17:52,626 --> 00:17:55,393 Can you believe I'm a model now? 495 00:17:55,429 --> 00:17:57,195 Crazy world. 496 00:17:57,231 --> 00:17:58,063 See you, buddy. 497 00:17:58,098 --> 00:17:59,998 - Bye, baby. - Bye, Mom! 498 00:18:00,811 --> 00:18:02,437 Gosh, I'm so happy for that kid. 499 00:18:02,470 --> 00:18:05,170 Yeah, we keep saying that. 500 00:18:05,205 --> 00:18:07,506 I feel, uh, silly I got so invested 501 00:18:07,541 --> 00:18:10,709 in modeling for some mall poster no one's ever gonna see. 502 00:18:10,744 --> 00:18:11,910 You want to feel better? 503 00:18:11,945 --> 00:18:13,612 I'll show you something that is gonna make me 504 00:18:13,647 --> 00:18:16,248 look more pathetic than you do. 505 00:18:16,283 --> 00:18:18,517 I think I said "silly," but, um... 506 00:18:18,552 --> 00:18:19,885 yeah, okay. 507 00:18:22,990 --> 00:18:24,589 That was me 20 years ago. 508 00:18:25,199 --> 00:18:27,125 That's amazing. 509 00:18:27,161 --> 00:18:28,660 But what are you so upset about? 510 00:18:28,695 --> 00:18:30,695 You're just as beautiful now as you were then. 511 00:18:30,731 --> 00:18:32,798 Aww. I know. 512 00:18:32,833 --> 00:18:34,699 It's just that it was a time in my life 513 00:18:34,735 --> 00:18:37,636 where I was out there hustling, 514 00:18:37,671 --> 00:18:40,205 modeling, driving a taxi, 515 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,175 selling bacon-wrapped hot dogs outside a nightclub. 516 00:18:44,378 --> 00:18:47,179 Seeing them taking it down made me feel like 517 00:18:47,214 --> 00:18:50,081 that version of me is gone forever. 518 00:18:50,117 --> 00:18:52,317 So that's why you wanted to start modeling again. 519 00:18:52,352 --> 00:18:55,787 I just miss being passionate about something again. 520 00:18:55,823 --> 00:18:58,356 The way that you feel passionate about real estate. 521 00:18:58,392 --> 00:19:00,926 - Mm. - You always seem, like, so alive, 522 00:19:00,961 --> 00:19:03,395 making new deals, meeting new people. 523 00:19:03,430 --> 00:19:06,832 Have you ever thought about becoming a Realtor? 524 00:19:06,867 --> 00:19:09,334 - Who hasn't? - That's true. 525 00:19:09,369 --> 00:19:12,037 I bought a book one time to learn how to do it, 526 00:19:12,072 --> 00:19:13,805 but you know how it is. 527 00:19:13,841 --> 00:19:17,108 Sometimes in life, you just get stuck. 528 00:19:17,144 --> 00:19:19,110 I think you'd be great at it. Really. 529 00:19:19,146 --> 00:19:20,745 I'd buy anything from you. 530 00:19:20,781 --> 00:19:22,380 I'm thinking about getting my chompers bleached, 531 00:19:22,416 --> 00:19:23,782 and there's only half of you up there. 532 00:19:23,817 --> 00:19:26,284 - Really? - Yeah. 533 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,254 It can be scary to ask yourself what's next. 534 00:19:29,289 --> 00:19:31,857 All the doubts start to creep in. 535 00:19:32,378 --> 00:19:34,893 Are people going to like me? 536 00:19:34,928 --> 00:19:36,194 Ooh, still hot. 537 00:19:36,230 --> 00:19:37,829 Thank you! 538 00:19:37,865 --> 00:19:39,865 I throw a tractor tire around the backyard 539 00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:40,999 a couple days a week. 540 00:19:42,236 --> 00:19:44,436 Can I handle the challenge? 541 00:19:47,741 --> 00:19:49,241 Dude. 542 00:19:51,612 --> 00:19:54,112 You can ask these questions forever, 543 00:19:54,147 --> 00:19:56,715 or you can just take the first step. 544 00:19:56,750 --> 00:20:00,051 Here is your five-point checklist for any open house. 545 00:20:00,087 --> 00:20:01,086 Number one... 546 00:20:03,624 --> 00:20:05,156 Sorry, professor. 547 00:20:09,401 --> 00:20:11,308 Phil, honey. What are you doing here? 548 00:20:11,364 --> 00:20:13,735 Hey. I thought I'd surprise you and take you out to dinner. 549 00:20:13,766 --> 00:20:14,631 Ooh! 550 00:20:14,683 --> 00:20:17,067 Spontaneous. You know I like that. 551 00:20:17,102 --> 00:20:19,069 Well, um, let me just make sure everybody's gone. 552 00:20:19,104 --> 00:20:20,270 I'll grab my bag and lock up. 553 00:20:20,305 --> 00:20:21,371 Awesome. 554 00:20:24,943 --> 00:20:27,544 May I help you with your clothes? 555 00:20:27,579 --> 00:20:29,045 Ooh. 556 00:20:29,081 --> 00:20:31,348 I guess we are the only ones here. 557 00:20:31,383 --> 00:20:34,117 Perhaps we'll start with the pants. 558 00:20:34,152 --> 00:20:34,985 Wow. 559 00:20:36,188 --> 00:20:37,821 Normally, you like a little... 560 00:20:37,856 --> 00:20:39,189 slow shirt unbuttoning, 561 00:20:39,224 --> 00:20:43,059 but I guess we... are cutting to the chase. 562 00:20:44,238 --> 00:20:46,945 Dad, are you still looking for a place to leave that butt? 563 00:20:46,997 --> 00:20:47,897 It's so gross. 564 00:20:48,003 --> 00:20:50,002 There's nothing better for office camaraderie 565 00:20:50,057 --> 00:20:51,071 than a practical joke. 566 00:20:51,114 --> 00:20:53,073 It lifts people's spirits. 567 00:20:53,116 --> 00:20:54,074 Mm. 568 00:20:58,165 --> 00:20:59,209 Well played. 569 00:21:03,877 --> 00:21:06,015 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com