1 00:00:04,323 --> 00:00:05,896 The vet called. 2 00:00:05,998 --> 00:00:07,698 Stella's test results came back. 3 00:00:07,767 --> 00:00:10,634 He wants me to bring her in... today. 4 00:00:10,737 --> 00:00:13,270 Oh, no. Come here, you. 5 00:00:13,339 --> 00:00:14,905 Oh, Jay, I'm so sorry. 6 00:00:14,974 --> 00:00:18,809 That is the bad thing about loving animals, right? 7 00:00:18,878 --> 00:00:22,546 But think about all the wonderful things you gave her, 8 00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:25,549 like a beautiful home, delicious food... 9 00:00:26,074 --> 00:00:27,805 our marital bed. 10 00:00:27,887 --> 00:00:32,256 I'm sorry, Jay, Stella will not be forgotten. 11 00:00:33,526 --> 00:00:35,893 I'm not putting her down, you goblin. 12 00:00:35,962 --> 00:00:37,395 She needs a surgery. 13 00:00:37,430 --> 00:00:40,431 Oh. That is such great news. 14 00:00:40,533 --> 00:00:41,899 Oh, what's wrong with Stella? 15 00:00:41,968 --> 00:00:43,868 She has an elongated soft palate, 16 00:00:43,936 --> 00:00:45,970 which is why sometimes it's hard for her to breathe. 17 00:00:46,072 --> 00:00:47,571 And she snores a lot. 18 00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:49,273 Any chance that they can do you, too? 19 00:00:49,342 --> 00:00:51,509 This is a serious operation. They have to put her out. 20 00:00:51,611 --> 00:00:53,244 What happens if she doesn't wake up? 21 00:00:53,346 --> 00:00:54,378 What would I do? 22 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,713 When I got my wisdom teeth out, 23 00:00:55,782 --> 00:00:57,715 you made me walk the last four blocks to the dentist 24 00:00:57,750 --> 00:01:00,284 so you could get an Egg McMuffin before the 10:30 cut-off. 25 00:01:00,353 --> 00:01:01,519 You're gonna have to let that go. 26 00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:03,120 You know what? I'm not gonna do it. 27 00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:05,055 - She seems fine. - Maybe she just needs 28 00:01:05,158 --> 00:01:06,557 some fresh air to breathe better. 29 00:01:06,626 --> 00:01:08,225 Why don't we take her to the dog park? 30 00:01:08,294 --> 00:01:11,162 That's a great idea. Might be a little muddy out there. 31 00:01:11,264 --> 00:01:12,863 I'm gonna get your boots, gorgeous. 32 00:01:12,899 --> 00:01:14,632 Thank you. 33 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,902 My boots are in the closet, next to the... 34 00:01:18,004 --> 00:01:19,570 Was he just talking to Stella? 35 00:01:19,639 --> 00:01:20,871 Come here, you. 36 00:01:34,058 --> 00:01:37,054 Crown molding wainscoting, crown molding wainscoting, 37 00:01:37,123 --> 00:01:39,356 French door credit score, French door credit score. 38 00:01:39,459 --> 00:01:40,724 You warming up for a big showing? 39 00:01:40,827 --> 00:01:41,759 Very big. 40 00:01:41,861 --> 00:01:43,627 I finally found Pepper his dream house. 41 00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:45,696 I can't believe you're still letting that man waste your time. 42 00:01:45,798 --> 00:01:47,364 How many houses have you shown him? 43 00:01:47,467 --> 00:01:50,701 Pfft, only, like... I don't know, like, uh, 120. 44 00:01:50,803 --> 00:01:52,403 But we have fun. He's a hoot. 45 00:01:52,505 --> 00:01:54,905 Honey, even Mitch and Cam agree that he's impossible, 46 00:01:55,007 --> 00:01:56,507 and he's never gonna buy a house. 47 00:01:56,609 --> 00:01:57,608 - Yes, he will. - No. 48 00:01:57,710 --> 00:01:59,443 He always manages to find something wrong. 49 00:01:59,545 --> 00:02:03,514 The last house, the yoga room was too close to the panic room. 50 00:02:03,616 --> 00:02:05,015 He was willing to live with that, 51 00:02:05,117 --> 00:02:07,685 but the property wasn't zoned for his falcons. 52 00:02:07,787 --> 00:02:10,354 This one today, though, checks every single box. 53 00:02:10,456 --> 00:02:13,691 Great. So if Pepper doesn't buy the house today, 54 00:02:13,793 --> 00:02:16,360 you agree to stop letting him string you along 55 00:02:16,462 --> 00:02:18,195 and drop him as a client. 56 00:02:18,297 --> 00:02:21,765 How long did you string me along before I closed that deal? 57 00:02:21,868 --> 00:02:23,934 Honey, you can't get Pepper pregnant 58 00:02:24,036 --> 00:02:25,870 - and trap him in a house. - You're on. 59 00:02:25,972 --> 00:02:26,871 You remember you need to be home 60 00:02:26,973 --> 00:02:28,706 - by 5:00, right? - Yeah. 61 00:02:28,808 --> 00:02:30,007 Wait, why? 62 00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:32,343 Alex's boyfriend, Bill, has cooked up some invention 63 00:02:32,445 --> 00:02:34,011 he wants us to invest in. 64 00:02:34,113 --> 00:02:35,513 Why us? 65 00:02:35,615 --> 00:02:39,517 Because someone inspired him. 66 00:02:39,619 --> 00:02:45,222 As you can see, my patent-pending Wear-Chair TM, barely noticeable. 67 00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:47,191 - I love it. - Whenever I get tired of standing, 68 00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:49,693 all I have to do... press this button. 69 00:02:50,665 --> 00:02:54,298 A spring-loaded leg jets out to provide me with a comfy seat. 70 00:02:56,372 --> 00:02:57,701 You put it on backwards, didn't you? 71 00:02:58,076 --> 00:02:59,370 My point is, Bill, 72 00:02:59,472 --> 00:03:01,639 there's a great invention inside all of us. 73 00:03:01,741 --> 00:03:03,474 Please, just be home in time. 74 00:03:03,576 --> 00:03:05,109 I don't want to crush a man's dreams on my own. 75 00:03:05,211 --> 00:03:06,143 You have to do it with me. 76 00:03:06,245 --> 00:03:08,579 Who knows? We might love his invention. 77 00:03:08,648 --> 00:03:09,680 It's gonna be stupid. 78 00:03:09,782 --> 00:03:10,948 Good thing you weren't married to George Foreman 79 00:03:11,050 --> 00:03:13,284 or we'd still be grilling our meats one side at a time. 80 00:03:13,386 --> 00:03:14,652 Mm. 81 00:03:15,691 --> 00:03:19,323 So, Lily, how... how are you today? 82 00:03:19,425 --> 00:03:20,591 Lily? 83 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,226 Lily. 84 00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,094 Your father was just asking how you're doing. 85 00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:25,396 Are... Are you all right? 86 00:03:25,498 --> 00:03:26,730 - I'm fine. - Okay. 87 00:03:28,267 --> 00:03:30,501 Yeah. 88 00:03:30,603 --> 00:03:33,904 Okay, uh... I gestured you over here 'cause we need to talk about Lily. 89 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,072 Yes, I puzzled that out. 90 00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:37,174 Also, you don't need to whisper. Watch. 91 00:03:37,276 --> 00:03:38,842 Honey, your father and I may get divorced 92 00:03:38,945 --> 00:03:40,678 because he's thinking about becoming a woman. 93 00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:42,446 That explains a lot. 94 00:03:42,548 --> 00:03:46,483 - I'm in between songs. - Okay, all right. Now out. This way. 95 00:03:46,586 --> 00:03:47,818 What is going on with her? 96 00:03:47,887 --> 00:03:49,787 I don't want to be shut out like this another day. 97 00:03:49,889 --> 00:03:52,156 I know, but let's... let's not get hysterical. 98 00:03:52,258 --> 00:03:53,357 I'm not getting hysterical. 99 00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:54,692 - We're minutes away. - Fair enough. 100 00:03:54,794 --> 00:03:56,560 I just want to see her smile. 101 00:03:56,629 --> 00:03:58,362 Yeah, okay, I'm gonna text Ronaldo again. 102 00:03:58,464 --> 00:04:01,298 Hopefully he got us into that KimmyLoveandStuff party. 103 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,467 KimmyLoveandStuff is an Internet sensation 104 00:04:03,569 --> 00:04:04,935 - that Lily loves. - Yeah. 105 00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:06,604 - Boom! - She tries on clothes, 106 00:04:06,706 --> 00:04:09,006 she cries about bullies and plastic. 107 00:04:09,108 --> 00:04:11,008 You guys, just imagine 108 00:04:11,110 --> 00:04:13,510 if you were a turtle and this happened to you. 109 00:04:13,613 --> 00:04:15,512 Our whole family is obsessed with her. 110 00:04:15,615 --> 00:04:17,848 And that's the great thing about a tween girl 111 00:04:17,950 --> 00:04:19,216 having two gay dads. 112 00:04:19,285 --> 00:04:21,051 I mean, we... we love the same things. 113 00:04:21,153 --> 00:04:23,320 Cute guys, fashion, gossip. 114 00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,656 Oh, my God! Ronaldo, he got us in! 115 00:04:25,758 --> 00:04:27,858 Amazing. Okay, we have to get him a thank-you gift. 116 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,526 No, no, he owes you, okay? 117 00:04:29,629 --> 00:04:31,161 You gave him your bone marrow. 118 00:04:31,263 --> 00:04:32,496 Well, how could I not? 119 00:04:32,565 --> 00:04:35,432 He was still hungry, and I wasn't gonna eat any more of it. 120 00:04:35,501 --> 00:04:39,403 And we make our way back to the formal entryway, 121 00:04:39,505 --> 00:04:41,572 which, according to your checklist, 122 00:04:41,674 --> 00:04:43,774 "must be large enough to make people swoon 123 00:04:43,843 --> 00:04:45,075 when they step inside." 124 00:04:45,177 --> 00:04:47,344 I want to do it again. 125 00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:50,147 Ugh, that Pepper claims to be wealthy, 126 00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:51,315 but I don't believe it for a... 127 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:54,055 Oh, my heavens! We're peasants. 128 00:04:54,186 --> 00:04:55,953 It's got everything on your list... 129 00:04:56,022 --> 00:04:58,589 piano bar, his and his dining rooms, 130 00:04:58,691 --> 00:05:02,159 plus a view of Rihanna's roof, which I never quite understood. 131 00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:04,161 I did a party for her once, and I could feel 132 00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:07,531 those judgy Barbadian eyes looking down on me. 133 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:11,135 Now who's looking down on who, RiRi? 134 00:05:11,203 --> 00:05:14,038 Like they say, location, location, vengeance. 135 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,206 You're funny. 136 00:05:16,308 --> 00:05:18,876 Oh, it's fabulous, Phil. Mother would love it. 137 00:05:18,978 --> 00:05:21,178 It's her generosity and my power of attorney 138 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,213 that are making this purchase possible. 139 00:05:23,282 --> 00:05:26,183 So... are we ready to sign the offer? 140 00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,718 Very close. 141 00:05:27,820 --> 00:05:29,386 I just want to live in it for a bit, 142 00:05:29,488 --> 00:05:30,888 get a feel for the everyday. 143 00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:32,222 You're in no hurry, right? 144 00:05:32,324 --> 00:05:35,959 Oh, no, no, no. If I was in a hurry, would I have shown you over 200 houses? 145 00:05:36,062 --> 00:05:38,262 I can't wait to get to the park. 146 00:05:38,364 --> 00:05:39,596 Hey, there's our mailman. 147 00:05:39,665 --> 00:05:41,065 Hey! Hey! 148 00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:42,199 Settle down, Jay. 149 00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:43,567 Boy, I'm itchy today. 150 00:05:43,636 --> 00:05:45,536 Hey, I hope that dog Bingo's at the park. 151 00:05:45,638 --> 00:05:47,071 He's fun to play with. 152 00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:48,772 What are you doing? You just missed our turn. 153 00:05:48,874 --> 00:05:50,274 I'm just going another way. 154 00:05:50,376 --> 00:05:52,609 There is no other way. 155 00:05:52,712 --> 00:05:54,978 You're not taking us to the park. 156 00:05:55,047 --> 00:05:56,213 We're going to the vet. 157 00:05:56,315 --> 00:05:58,916 The doctor said that she needs this surgery. 158 00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:01,385 - She's gonna be fine. - I feel sick. I need some air. 159 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:09,193 So, here I am on an ordinary day in my new house everyone hates me for 160 00:06:09,228 --> 00:06:12,215 and I'm walking and I'm kvelling... 161 00:06:12,283 --> 00:06:16,319 and we're panting and we're schvitzing... 162 00:06:16,421 --> 00:06:20,323 and we're laughing and we're crying... 163 00:06:20,425 --> 00:06:21,958 and we're thinking. 164 00:06:22,026 --> 00:06:23,559 And I'm putting. 165 00:06:23,628 --> 00:06:24,860 So, you have an entire wardrobe 166 00:06:24,929 --> 00:06:26,362 - in your car? - Shh! 167 00:06:33,171 --> 00:06:34,670 I said loving it. 168 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,542 This is a disaster! 169 00:06:39,644 --> 00:06:41,277 What a fun way to enter a room. 170 00:06:41,346 --> 00:06:43,212 I know Bill's coming over to talk to you guys today, 171 00:06:43,281 --> 00:06:45,147 - and I'm freaking out. - Oh, honey, don't worry. 172 00:06:45,216 --> 00:06:46,782 We're not gonna invest in his invention. 173 00:06:46,884 --> 00:06:48,251 That's not why he wants to talk to you. 174 00:06:48,319 --> 00:06:49,485 It's a cover. 175 00:06:49,554 --> 00:06:51,921 He's going to ask for your blessing to marry me. 176 00:06:52,023 --> 00:06:54,257 - Whoa, what? - And you have to tell him no. 177 00:06:54,325 --> 00:06:55,558 How do you know this? 178 00:06:55,627 --> 00:06:57,960 All of the men in his family propose on Valentine's Day, 179 00:06:58,029 --> 00:06:59,095 which is coming up. 180 00:06:59,163 --> 00:07:02,365 I read a text he sent to his buddy who just got engaged asking for tips 181 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,701 for a good proposal, and my friend saw him coming out of a jewelry store. 182 00:07:05,737 --> 00:07:08,571 So you read his texts and you track his movements. 183 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,506 I can see why he's so eager to lock you down. 184 00:07:10,575 --> 00:07:13,109 Look, I really like being with Bill, 185 00:07:13,177 --> 00:07:14,877 and if I have to turn him down, 186 00:07:14,979 --> 00:07:17,313 that means the end of the relationship 187 00:07:17,415 --> 00:07:20,116 and all that great sex. 188 00:07:20,184 --> 00:07:22,518 Really come out of your shell, haven't you? 189 00:07:24,656 --> 00:07:26,115 Okay. 190 00:07:26,724 --> 00:07:30,426 Okay. Are you ready? Surprise! 191 00:07:30,528 --> 00:07:32,762 I'm gonna need a little bit more information. 192 00:07:32,797 --> 00:07:36,599 - You are at KimmyLoveandStuff's exclusive launch party... - KimmyLoveandStuff. 193 00:07:36,701 --> 00:07:40,036 for her new makeup line, and she's gonna sing 194 00:07:40,104 --> 00:07:41,170 - her hit single... - Single! 195 00:07:41,239 --> 00:07:42,571 - ..."Give Me Love and Stuff." - "Love and Stuff." 196 00:07:42,674 --> 00:07:45,241 Okay. How did you guys do this? 197 00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:48,577 Hello, total strangers. Welcome. 198 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,279 Thank you so much for doing this, Ronaldo. 199 00:07:50,348 --> 00:07:51,580 If anyone asks who you are, 200 00:07:51,616 --> 00:07:53,716 say you were looking for the Garth Brooks book signing. 201 00:07:53,751 --> 00:07:55,318 - Oh. - They'll believe you because of your clothes. 202 00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:57,320 I'm gonna go look for the bathroom. 203 00:07:57,355 --> 00:08:00,356 - Okay. - Oh, look, she is so nervous, it's adorable. 204 00:08:00,425 --> 00:08:02,358 Um, uh, do you think that there's any way 205 00:08:02,393 --> 00:08:04,660 we can get KimmyLoveandStuff to come over and meet Lily? 206 00:08:04,729 --> 00:08:06,729 I'm not allowed to look her in the eye, so no. 207 00:08:07,702 --> 00:08:09,165 This is Ronaldo. 208 00:08:09,267 --> 00:08:11,767 Just pick it up, blow on it, and put it back on the tray. 209 00:08:11,869 --> 00:08:13,469 Are you kidding me with these questions? 210 00:08:14,038 --> 00:08:15,204 We got to get KimmyLoveandStuff 211 00:08:15,273 --> 00:08:18,441 - to say hi to Lily. - Well, there's her dog, Boo, so she's nearby. 212 00:08:18,509 --> 00:08:20,710 Okay, I just got a really sketchy but great idea. 213 00:08:20,778 --> 00:08:23,279 Um, did you pack your jerky? 214 00:08:23,381 --> 00:08:24,413 Turkey, beef, or salmon? 215 00:08:24,515 --> 00:08:25,948 - Here's what we're gonna do. - Oh, please. 216 00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,516 This is not the first time I've lured an animal 217 00:08:27,585 --> 00:08:29,752 away from its owner with my purse jerky. 218 00:08:31,656 --> 00:08:34,357 Boo, come here. Boo, you want some treats? 219 00:08:34,459 --> 00:08:35,658 Good girl. Come here. 220 00:08:36,327 --> 00:08:37,827 Move! Boo! 221 00:08:37,862 --> 00:08:39,729 Does anyone have eyes on Boo? 222 00:08:39,797 --> 00:08:41,530 Those old men snatched her. 223 00:08:41,599 --> 00:08:42,998 Are you trying to steal my dog? 224 00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:44,467 No, no, no, no. I'm so sorry. We were just... 225 00:08:44,535 --> 00:08:45,935 We're just trying to, uh, get your attention. 226 00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:47,536 Yeah, you see, our daughter, Lily, she... 227 00:08:47,638 --> 00:08:48,838 she's a massive fan 228 00:08:48,906 --> 00:08:51,240 and she's a little depressed right now and we just... 229 00:08:51,309 --> 00:08:52,808 we want to see her smile again. 230 00:08:52,877 --> 00:08:55,444 Oh... my... God. 231 00:08:56,981 --> 00:08:59,329 Gay dads are the best! 232 00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:01,150 - That's what we said. - We say that. 233 00:09:01,185 --> 00:09:02,752 I think it's because we love to have fun, 234 00:09:02,820 --> 00:09:04,620 but we're also not afraid to get real. 235 00:09:04,655 --> 00:09:07,523 Aww. I hate the idea of your daughter not smiling. 236 00:09:08,167 --> 00:09:09,258 Let's go make her day. 237 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,559 Okay, well, that's her right there. 238 00:09:10,661 --> 00:09:11,994 Um, that's Lily. 239 00:09:12,096 --> 00:09:12,995 Film this. 240 00:09:13,064 --> 00:09:14,029 I-Is she talking to me? 241 00:09:14,132 --> 00:09:15,030 Yeah. 242 00:09:15,099 --> 00:09:16,836 Of course, Ms. LoveandStuff. 243 00:09:18,202 --> 00:09:20,736 Hey, lovers and stuffers. It's your girl, Kimmy. 244 00:09:20,838 --> 00:09:22,204 We're here at my launch party 245 00:09:22,273 --> 00:09:25,808 where I'm about to surprise my biggest fan. 246 00:09:25,877 --> 00:09:28,544 You ready to see someone's mind kim-plode? 247 00:09:30,748 --> 00:09:33,916 Hey, Lily. You having fun and stuff? 248 00:09:34,289 --> 00:09:35,751 Hey. 249 00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:37,086 Lily, it's KimmyLoveandStuff. 250 00:09:37,155 --> 00:09:38,154 I know. I said "hey." 251 00:09:38,222 --> 00:09:39,455 You know what? I think she's in shock. 252 00:09:39,524 --> 00:09:41,223 Lily, why don't you tell her your favorite video. 253 00:09:41,325 --> 00:09:43,192 Mine was when you tackled racism 254 00:09:43,261 --> 00:09:45,094 and gave yourself that cute fishtail braid. 255 00:09:45,196 --> 00:09:46,429 Uh-huh. And Lily. 256 00:09:46,531 --> 00:09:48,731 I don't watch them anymore. Sorry. Can we go? 257 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,332 Cut! Give me that! 258 00:09:50,435 --> 00:09:52,134 Lily? You're... You're being very rude. 259 00:09:52,203 --> 00:09:53,702 Extra rude! 260 00:09:53,771 --> 00:09:55,905 And who are you people and how did you get in here? 261 00:09:55,973 --> 00:09:58,974 - Garth Brooks. - When I find out, heads will roll. 262 00:09:59,043 --> 00:10:01,544 - I'm so embarrassed. - You're so embarrassed? 263 00:10:01,646 --> 00:10:04,046 You're so embarrassed? 264 00:10:05,082 --> 00:10:06,615 Okay. We're ready for Stella. 265 00:10:06,717 --> 00:10:08,217 Well, I'm not ready. 266 00:10:08,286 --> 00:10:10,152 - Jay, come on. - Ah. 267 00:10:10,254 --> 00:10:12,888 All right. Careful. 268 00:10:14,358 --> 00:10:17,660 Wait a second. I-I have to say something. 269 00:10:17,762 --> 00:10:20,129 Little girl, I know you're scared. 270 00:10:20,198 --> 00:10:22,465 Me too. But you're a fighter. 271 00:10:22,533 --> 00:10:25,134 "Don't worry, Daddy. I'll be fine." 272 00:10:25,203 --> 00:10:26,402 She doesn't sound like that. 273 00:10:26,471 --> 00:10:29,171 Sorry. She'll do great. 274 00:10:29,273 --> 00:10:31,941 What is going on with you? I've never seen you like this. 275 00:10:32,009 --> 00:10:33,175 I don't know. 276 00:10:34,403 --> 00:10:36,278 When I was 10, Dad came home with a rescue, 277 00:10:36,314 --> 00:10:38,347 and I was so damned excited. 278 00:10:38,416 --> 00:10:40,182 But the dog wanted nothing to do with me... 279 00:10:40,218 --> 00:10:43,385 Went straight to my sister and never left her side. 280 00:10:43,454 --> 00:10:47,056 Then years later, we got a puppy who went right to Dede, 281 00:10:47,158 --> 00:10:48,924 growled at me every time I went near her. 282 00:10:49,672 --> 00:10:53,729 But with Stella, I didn't even bother trying, and she chose me. 283 00:10:53,831 --> 00:10:56,665 Now I may never see her again. 284 00:10:56,767 --> 00:10:59,935 I-I-I can't sit here. I need to take a walk. 285 00:11:01,739 --> 00:11:03,606 What kind of surgery? 286 00:11:03,674 --> 00:11:05,541 They just have to fix her breathing. 287 00:11:05,610 --> 00:11:06,742 It's not a big deal. 288 00:11:06,811 --> 00:11:08,677 Hmm. Is that what they told you? 289 00:11:08,746 --> 00:11:10,546 I'd be careful if I were you. 290 00:11:10,648 --> 00:11:11,647 What do you mean? 291 00:11:11,749 --> 00:11:14,416 Men get crazy about their animals. 292 00:11:14,485 --> 00:11:18,120 My husband had this horrible cat with a big lump on its neck. 293 00:11:18,222 --> 00:11:20,890 It was benign, didn't bother my husband, 294 00:11:20,958 --> 00:11:22,658 but I couldn't stand looking at it. 295 00:11:22,727 --> 00:11:24,793 So one day, when my husband was at work, 296 00:11:24,862 --> 00:11:27,062 I brought the cat in here to have them take 297 00:11:27,131 --> 00:11:28,998 that thing off and... Kchhh. 298 00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:31,166 It died right on the table. 299 00:11:31,269 --> 00:11:33,536 Ay, no. Was your husband mad? 300 00:11:33,604 --> 00:11:36,205 Ex-husband, so yeah. 301 00:11:36,307 --> 00:11:39,542 Ay... Damn it. 302 00:11:39,610 --> 00:11:40,943 Hola. 303 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:42,578 Hello? 304 00:11:45,449 --> 00:11:48,984 Well, all righty. I thought I was next. 305 00:11:49,053 --> 00:11:52,588 Well, that's the first time I've slow-cooked ribs for a showing. 306 00:11:52,657 --> 00:11:53,622 Mother's recipe. 307 00:11:53,724 --> 00:11:56,325 So, are you ready to make an offer? 308 00:11:58,195 --> 00:11:59,395 I don't know, Phil. 309 00:11:59,497 --> 00:12:00,496 Don't know what, Pep? 310 00:12:01,566 --> 00:12:03,098 - I'm just not feeling it. - Oh. 311 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,068 - Maybe we should see some more houses? - No problemo. 312 00:12:06,170 --> 00:12:07,870 Um, did you want to look in another neighborhood 313 00:12:07,972 --> 00:12:10,406 or stay right here in Hell? 314 00:12:10,508 --> 00:12:13,242 Aah! Oh! I beg your... 315 00:12:13,344 --> 00:12:17,079 No, I beg. For God's sakes, buy this house. 316 00:12:17,181 --> 00:12:20,149 I've worked harder for you than any client in my entire career. 317 00:12:20,719 --> 00:12:22,151 I don't know if you're indecisive, 318 00:12:22,253 --> 00:12:24,219 sadistic, or just plain crazy. 319 00:12:24,322 --> 00:12:25,220 Hey there, honey. 320 00:12:25,323 --> 00:12:26,455 You're still there, aren't you? 321 00:12:26,557 --> 00:12:28,624 He's just dotting the I's, crossing the T's. 322 00:12:28,726 --> 00:12:31,293 Yanking your chain. Dump him. 323 00:12:31,395 --> 00:12:32,795 Listen, Bill's about to be here any minute, 324 00:12:32,897 --> 00:12:34,897 and the situation has changed. 325 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:36,899 Got to go. 326 00:12:38,369 --> 00:12:41,704 Get back here! I found you a bathroom with a koi pond! 327 00:12:46,778 --> 00:12:48,513 I have Stella! Get in! 328 00:12:52,491 --> 00:12:53,652 Where is she? 329 00:12:53,754 --> 00:12:55,654 - She's in the back. - Is she okay? 330 00:12:55,689 --> 00:12:57,856 I busted her out. I can't make you do this. 331 00:12:57,925 --> 00:13:00,425 If something happens to her, you're never going to forgive me, 332 00:13:00,461 --> 00:13:02,060 and I don't want to lose you like that. 333 00:13:02,096 --> 00:13:04,463 Well, that's touching, but you just blew through a stop sign. 334 00:13:04,531 --> 00:13:06,865 She'd probably be safer at the vet. 335 00:13:08,035 --> 00:13:10,302 Ronaldo. It's Phil Dunphy. 336 00:13:10,371 --> 00:13:11,436 Hello, Phil. 337 00:13:11,505 --> 00:13:13,372 I'm preparing a plate for a diva. 338 00:13:13,474 --> 00:13:14,639 Is everything okay? 339 00:13:14,708 --> 00:13:16,108 Uh, actually, no. 340 00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:17,876 I lost my temper with Pepper when he told me 341 00:13:17,945 --> 00:13:19,478 he wanted to see more houses, and I've been calling 342 00:13:19,546 --> 00:13:21,480 - to apologize, but... - He's not picking up. 343 00:13:21,582 --> 00:13:22,581 How did you know? 344 00:13:22,649 --> 00:13:23,682 It seemed the only possible conclusion 345 00:13:23,751 --> 00:13:25,150 - to your sentence. - Oh. 346 00:13:25,219 --> 00:13:28,253 Phil, do you know the reason I stopped house hunting with Pepper? 347 00:13:28,355 --> 00:13:30,355 Was it when that seller thought Pepper was your grandpa? 348 00:13:30,424 --> 00:13:32,290 He hasn't let me wear sunscreen since. 349 00:13:32,393 --> 00:13:35,660 No. I finally realized he wasn't going to buy a house. 350 00:13:35,696 --> 00:13:38,196 Are you kidding? I've wasted hundreds of hours. 351 00:13:38,232 --> 00:13:41,099 I postponed hernia surgery. Why would he do that to me? 352 00:13:41,201 --> 00:13:42,734 He likes you. 353 00:13:42,836 --> 00:13:44,369 Most straight guys find Pepper annoying, 354 00:13:44,438 --> 00:13:46,138 but you're always so nice with him. 355 00:13:46,206 --> 00:13:47,806 I think he's afraid if he buys a house, 356 00:13:47,841 --> 00:13:49,875 - he'll never see you again. - Really? 357 00:13:49,943 --> 00:13:51,943 Wow, it's so painful keeping everything inside. 358 00:13:52,012 --> 00:13:53,211 It's how he was raised. 359 00:13:53,313 --> 00:13:54,513 No, my truss isn't working. 360 00:13:54,581 --> 00:13:55,847 I've got to schedule that procedure. 361 00:13:55,883 --> 00:13:57,315 Do you know where Pepper is? 362 00:13:57,384 --> 00:13:59,584 He has a special place he goes when he's sad. 363 00:13:59,653 --> 00:14:00,652 It's pretty gay. 364 00:14:00,721 --> 00:14:02,621 Have you ever seen the movie "La La Land"? 365 00:14:02,689 --> 00:14:04,256 Of course. Wait, does he go to the bench 366 00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:06,158 overlooking the city where Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone 367 00:14:06,226 --> 00:14:07,259 tap danced into each other's hearts? 368 00:14:07,361 --> 00:14:09,861 - That's not so gay. - Okay. 369 00:14:10,708 --> 00:14:11,463 No, no, no, no, no, no. 370 00:14:11,532 --> 00:14:13,265 Take those things off, please. 371 00:14:13,333 --> 00:14:16,301 We need to talk about whatever's going on with you right now. 372 00:14:16,403 --> 00:14:18,603 - I'm fine. - No, you're not fine. 373 00:14:18,672 --> 00:14:20,238 You're sullen and aloof and... 374 00:14:20,307 --> 00:14:22,474 and you embarrassed us in front of KimmyLoveandStu... 375 00:14:22,543 --> 00:14:23,642 I can't say it again. I can't. 376 00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:26,878 Okay, we gave you every tween girl's dream day, 377 00:14:26,947 --> 00:14:29,214 and... and you can barely crack a smile. 378 00:14:29,316 --> 00:14:31,850 It's not my dream day. It's yours. 379 00:14:31,885 --> 00:14:34,252 I'm not the same kind of tween girl you guys are. 380 00:14:34,354 --> 00:14:36,254 But we love all the same things. 381 00:14:36,356 --> 00:14:38,223 I've changed. I don't like Beyoncé. 382 00:14:38,742 --> 00:14:39,891 You take that back! 383 00:14:39,927 --> 00:14:40,847 Or Britney. 384 00:14:40,961 --> 00:14:42,263 Or Gaga. 385 00:14:42,329 --> 00:14:44,963 I only fake it 'cause you guys like that stuff. 386 00:14:45,065 --> 00:14:46,598 I'm different. 387 00:14:46,667 --> 00:14:48,400 Well, honey, is it... 388 00:14:48,469 --> 00:14:50,302 is that why you've been feeling so down, because you... 389 00:14:50,404 --> 00:14:51,837 you feel different than us? 390 00:14:51,872 --> 00:14:54,606 I don't know. I guess I feel different than a lot of people. 391 00:14:54,675 --> 00:14:58,610 Well, sweetie, that is one thing your dad and I can relate to. 392 00:14:58,679 --> 00:15:01,713 I guess, well, that's the great thing about having two gay dads. 393 00:15:01,748 --> 00:15:04,116 We... We know what it feels like to be an outsider. 394 00:15:04,184 --> 00:15:05,417 Okay, but here's what happens. 395 00:15:05,486 --> 00:15:08,320 You start finding people who don't quite fit in, 396 00:15:08,388 --> 00:15:11,156 and you start not fitting in together. 397 00:15:11,225 --> 00:15:14,126 We never want you to feel like you have to be someone else for us. 398 00:15:14,228 --> 00:15:15,927 - Never. - I mean... 399 00:15:15,996 --> 00:15:18,029 What is this music you're always listening to? 400 00:15:18,098 --> 00:15:19,131 - Come on. Let us in. - Yeah. 401 00:15:19,199 --> 00:15:20,732 Okay. I like this. 402 00:15:20,834 --> 00:15:22,067 - Okay. - Let's put it on, huh? 403 00:15:22,136 --> 00:15:23,656 All right. Here we go. 404 00:15:28,942 --> 00:15:29,808 - Fun! - Yeah. 405 00:15:29,910 --> 00:15:31,977 Yeah, yeah, I like it. 406 00:15:32,012 --> 00:15:34,179 - She's gonna kill us someday. - Mm-hmm. 407 00:15:35,782 --> 00:15:37,849 Hey. I just want to say, I really appreciate 408 00:15:37,918 --> 00:15:40,118 you wanting to save Stella like that. 409 00:15:40,154 --> 00:15:42,187 Well, Stella is not the only one that choose you. 410 00:15:42,256 --> 00:15:45,957 I choose you every day, and I love her more than I show. 411 00:15:47,161 --> 00:15:49,060 Okay, sweetheart. Let's get you inside. 412 00:15:49,129 --> 00:15:51,329 I'll throw on a couple of steaks for both of us. 413 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,166 What the hell dog is this? 414 00:15:54,268 --> 00:15:56,401 - It's Stella. - No, it's not. 415 00:15:56,503 --> 00:15:58,703 Eight years, you don't recognize our dog? 416 00:15:58,805 --> 00:16:01,473 Well, 10 years, and you don't notice one haircut? 417 00:16:02,910 --> 00:16:05,911 By the time we got through to the vet, the surgery was over. 418 00:16:05,979 --> 00:16:07,212 And Stella was fine. 419 00:16:07,281 --> 00:16:09,147 I just have to say Gloria really stepped up 420 00:16:09,216 --> 00:16:11,082 and nursed my baby back to health. 421 00:16:11,151 --> 00:16:13,185 Only one problem. 422 00:16:13,253 --> 00:16:14,819 Stella choose me now. 423 00:16:14,888 --> 00:16:16,922 It's not real. You give her pain meds. 424 00:16:16,990 --> 00:16:19,457 It's like she's sucking up to her dealer. 425 00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:21,126 Hi, Bill. 426 00:16:21,195 --> 00:16:22,260 - Hey. - Come on in. 427 00:16:22,329 --> 00:16:24,729 Thanks. Is, uh, Mr. Dunphy around, too? 428 00:16:24,765 --> 00:16:26,965 Uh, no, he's probably on his way back, 429 00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:28,633 and we should definitely wait for him. 430 00:16:28,702 --> 00:16:30,402 Oh. I actually have to get to work pretty soon. 431 00:16:30,504 --> 00:16:32,070 Do you think maybe you could just speak for the both of you? 432 00:16:32,139 --> 00:16:34,973 Nope. Phil is very opinionated. 433 00:16:35,075 --> 00:16:37,909 And strict. "What I say goes around here." 434 00:16:38,011 --> 00:16:39,978 He's a very scary customer. 435 00:16:40,047 --> 00:16:42,247 Okay. I don't really have a choice here. 436 00:16:42,316 --> 00:16:43,248 Mm-hmm. 437 00:16:45,385 --> 00:16:47,252 Mr. And Mrs. Dunphy... 438 00:16:47,321 --> 00:16:50,155 would you be willing to take a chance on a guy like me 439 00:16:50,224 --> 00:16:52,624 - and let me... - Alex is too young to get married. 440 00:16:52,659 --> 00:16:54,859 I'm sorry. Phil, who is very quick to anger, 441 00:16:54,928 --> 00:16:55,994 would never allow it. 442 00:16:56,096 --> 00:16:58,096 Oh, I wasn't asking to marry Alex. 443 00:17:00,033 --> 00:17:01,797 What... What's happening? 444 00:17:02,069 --> 00:17:03,868 And then it got weirder. 445 00:17:03,937 --> 00:17:05,470 - Ladies and gentlemen... - Hmm? 446 00:17:05,539 --> 00:17:08,106 I give you my new invention, 447 00:17:08,175 --> 00:17:11,643 the Pull-Yourself-Up- By-Your-Bootstraps-TM. 448 00:17:11,712 --> 00:17:13,311 How many times has this happened to you? 449 00:17:13,413 --> 00:17:14,946 You're in bed, asleep. 450 00:17:15,015 --> 00:17:16,414 All of a sudden... 451 00:17:16,450 --> 00:17:17,849 Oh, no. 452 00:17:17,951 --> 00:17:20,452 It's an earthquake. No time to get dressed. 453 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,855 I'm gonna have to run out into the street naked again. 454 00:17:23,957 --> 00:17:25,957 - Huh. - Unless... 455 00:17:26,059 --> 00:17:27,525 Oh. 456 00:17:31,932 --> 00:17:33,298 And I'm out the door in seconds. 457 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,267 - Oh, okay. - That's it? 458 00:17:35,335 --> 00:17:37,802 You didn't come to ask for my hand in marriage? 459 00:17:37,871 --> 00:17:39,537 Wh... Of course not. 460 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:40,505 What do you mean, "of course not"? 461 00:17:40,574 --> 00:17:41,640 What are we doing, Bill? 462 00:17:41,742 --> 00:17:42,741 Honey, take the win. 463 00:17:42,843 --> 00:17:44,376 Okay, first of all, 464 00:17:44,444 --> 00:17:46,645 you're a super smart, independent woman 465 00:17:46,713 --> 00:17:48,246 with an amazing future ahead of you. 466 00:17:48,382 --> 00:17:49,381 Why would you want to get married right now? 467 00:17:49,483 --> 00:17:50,515 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So, what were you doing 468 00:17:50,584 --> 00:17:51,816 in that jewelry store yesterday? 469 00:17:51,885 --> 00:17:53,785 I was getting a battery for my watch. 470 00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:56,121 - How did you know I was in a jewelry store? - And what about that text you s... 471 00:17:56,223 --> 00:17:57,489 For what it's worth, 472 00:17:57,524 --> 00:17:59,724 if that's what I thought you wanted, I would propose today. 473 00:17:59,793 --> 00:18:02,294 - Hmm. - I'm pretty sure you're my forever someone. 474 00:18:02,396 --> 00:18:04,529 Really? 475 00:18:04,631 --> 00:18:06,531 Alexandra Dunphy... 476 00:18:06,633 --> 00:18:08,166 - would you... - Mom! 477 00:18:08,268 --> 00:18:10,302 Okay, everybody up. All right. 478 00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,203 There we go. A lot of fires to put out. 479 00:18:12,306 --> 00:18:13,938 Next time, I'll get to the end. 480 00:18:14,007 --> 00:18:16,207 Next time, I might be ready. 481 00:18:16,276 --> 00:18:19,577 Ugh. Not a fan of liberated Alex. 482 00:18:21,381 --> 00:18:23,281 Ugh. 483 00:18:26,787 --> 00:18:28,853 Lovely night. 484 00:18:28,889 --> 00:18:30,422 What are you doing here? 485 00:18:30,490 --> 00:18:32,524 I called Ronaldo looking for you. 486 00:18:36,029 --> 00:18:37,896 I come to this place 487 00:18:37,964 --> 00:18:40,999 when life turns out not to be a musical. 488 00:18:41,034 --> 00:18:42,267 I'm up here a lot. 489 00:18:42,336 --> 00:18:44,202 I'm sorry I yelled at you. 490 00:18:44,271 --> 00:18:47,939 Well, Phil, you're not the first person to find me a tad trying. 491 00:18:48,041 --> 00:18:51,643 This may shock you, but I don't have many friends. 492 00:18:54,448 --> 00:18:56,348 Express some shock, Phil. 493 00:18:56,416 --> 00:18:58,283 But you have tons of friends. 494 00:18:58,385 --> 00:19:00,251 Mitch and Cam love you. 495 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,655 Yeah, they're okay in small doses. 496 00:19:03,757 --> 00:19:06,091 And a straight-guy friend, never. 497 00:19:06,193 --> 00:19:08,526 A lot of straight guys find me... 498 00:19:08,628 --> 00:19:10,328 - Annoying? - Intimidating. 499 00:19:10,397 --> 00:19:13,431 Wait for me to finish. This isn't Mad Libs. 500 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,834 Don't you believe that I like you, though, Pepper? 501 00:19:15,936 --> 00:19:21,873 I want to, but maybe I'm just a big, fat mother's purse to you. 502 00:19:21,942 --> 00:19:23,675 I'm your friend, Pepper. 503 00:19:24,369 --> 00:19:25,110 What are you doing? 504 00:19:25,212 --> 00:19:27,746 This is a yellow suit! 505 00:19:29,316 --> 00:19:31,149 You're making a scene! 506 00:19:46,266 --> 00:19:47,999 This is weird. We're people! 507 00:19:48,068 --> 00:19:49,032 Look. 508 00:19:49,169 --> 00:19:50,568 The only way you're ever gonna find out 509 00:19:50,670 --> 00:19:52,670 if we're friends is if you buy that house 510 00:19:52,773 --> 00:19:54,172 and see if I stick around. 511 00:19:54,241 --> 00:19:57,575 Seems like an expensive experiment. 512 00:19:57,677 --> 00:20:00,712 Sign the offer... if you love the house. 513 00:20:01,122 --> 00:20:02,213 Either that or fire me. 514 00:20:02,249 --> 00:20:04,949 It's the only way you're gonna know. 515 00:20:10,690 --> 00:20:12,090 - My heart is in your... - I'll see you. 516 00:20:12,192 --> 00:20:13,958 I knew it. Assassin! 517 00:20:14,027 --> 00:20:15,927 I'm messing with you. 518 00:20:16,029 --> 00:20:17,929 That's what I do with my friends. 519 00:20:18,031 --> 00:20:20,932 Oh. I see. Delightful. 520 00:20:21,034 --> 00:20:23,435 I'm new at straight chummery. 521 00:20:28,208 --> 00:20:31,776 Stop checking your watch, Phil. 522 00:20:35,828 --> 00:20:37,498 Oh, no! 523 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,167 It's the big one! 524 00:20:39,269 --> 00:20:41,502 And I'm not dressed! 525 00:20:41,604 --> 00:20:43,838 Grab the earthquake kit! 526 00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:47,375 Everybody, get under a table! 527 00:20:48,067 --> 00:20:51,112 There's cash in the freezer! 528 00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:56,930 Honey, we got to get in on this. 529 00:20:56,970 --> 00:20:59,240 Ah. My high-school boyfriend could have used that. 530 00:21:00,262 --> 00:21:01,540 You ruined it. 531 00:21:03,607 --> 00:21:05,689 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com