1 00:00:27,122 --> 00:00:29,241 - Oh! - What happened? 2 00:00:29,273 --> 00:00:32,053 Do I call the nine and the one and the other one? 3 00:00:32,086 --> 00:00:35,197 Why is my fridge filled with non-football-related foods 4 00:00:35,230 --> 00:00:36,289 on Super Bowl Sunday? 5 00:00:36,322 --> 00:00:38,109 There's no room for my Jerry Rice pudding. 6 00:00:38,142 --> 00:00:39,597 Haley's baby shower is today. 7 00:00:39,630 --> 00:00:41,417 I cleared it with you, like, a month ago. 8 00:00:41,451 --> 00:00:43,039 Can't you just record the game? 9 00:00:43,072 --> 00:00:44,462 And what? Watch it tomorrow morning? 10 00:00:44,495 --> 00:00:47,374 Look. There's no reason a football game and a baby shower 11 00:00:47,408 --> 00:00:48,831 can't co-exist under the same roof. 12 00:00:48,863 --> 00:00:49,823 Maybe you won't get in my way. 13 00:00:49,856 --> 00:00:51,176 Baby showers are pretty tame. 14 00:00:51,242 --> 00:00:55,482 Who's ready for a baby show-ahhh? 15 00:00:55,515 --> 00:00:56,541 Ha! 16 00:01:09,712 --> 00:01:10,808 Mmm. 17 00:01:12,690 --> 00:01:16,065 I'm making White Russians for the baby show-ahhh. 18 00:01:16,099 --> 00:01:18,944 A little liquid courage makes all the naughty games better. 19 00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:21,329 I think you're mixing up baby shower with bridal shower. 20 00:01:21,354 --> 00:01:24,339 Well, my bridal shower did take place when I was pregnant. 21 00:01:24,371 --> 00:01:25,662 The cops even showed up. 22 00:01:25,695 --> 00:01:27,317 Of course, they weren't real cops. 23 00:01:27,350 --> 00:01:29,634 One of them rubbed his butt against my belly. 24 00:01:29,666 --> 00:01:30,824 Don't tell Haley. 25 00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:32,612 - Or how about, "Don't tell Alex"? - Mm. 26 00:01:33,045 --> 00:01:35,094 Super Bowl squares here! 27 00:01:35,127 --> 00:01:36,781 Get your Super Bowl squares! 28 00:01:36,814 --> 00:01:38,238 No. Not this again. 29 00:01:38,270 --> 00:01:39,826 Uh, actually, we've made some refinements. 30 00:01:39,859 --> 00:01:41,547 Last year, the price was a little high. 31 00:01:41,580 --> 00:01:42,770 The year before, too low. 32 00:01:42,804 --> 00:01:45,386 So this year, we've landed on the perfect number. 33 00:01:45,419 --> 00:01:47,338 $3.75 per square. 34 00:01:47,372 --> 00:01:48,826 I'll do what I did last year. 35 00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:51,244 - Give me 11 squares. - Okay. Easy enough. 36 00:01:51,276 --> 00:01:54,122 - Um... - Uh... 37 00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:57,365 No. No Super Bowl math on the baby shower side. 38 00:01:57,399 --> 00:01:58,952 Go over there. 39 00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:01,070 I'm telling you, you look cute. 40 00:02:01,104 --> 00:02:03,487 You know what's not cute? Lying to me. 41 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:05,604 This gets better once they come out, right? 42 00:02:05,638 --> 00:02:08,053 - What happened? - Well, my last pair of jeans exploded, 43 00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,404 I can't wear skirts because my thighs are growing hair 44 00:02:10,436 --> 00:02:11,694 faster than I can shave it, 45 00:02:11,726 --> 00:02:13,977 so I'm wearing ski pants to my own baby shower. 46 00:02:14,579 --> 00:02:16,723 - I'm telling you, no one's even gonna notice. - Oh... 47 00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:22,019 What's that sound? It's like when the doors on the starship Enterprise open. 48 00:02:22,052 --> 00:02:24,104 Hey, you guys want to buy a Super Bowl square? 49 00:02:24,137 --> 00:02:25,394 Only $3.75. 50 00:02:25,427 --> 00:02:26,949 Cool. Can I take three squares? 51 00:02:26,983 --> 00:02:28,537 Yeah, I need something good today, too. 52 00:02:28,571 --> 00:02:30,358 We'll split five squares. 53 00:02:30,391 --> 00:02:32,344 Uh... do you have quarters? 54 00:02:32,377 --> 00:02:33,535 Oh, I don't carry change 55 00:02:33,568 --> 00:02:35,652 since the last time I got struck by lightning. 56 00:02:39,161 --> 00:02:40,649 Hello, Phillip. 57 00:02:41,183 --> 00:02:42,772 Hello, Manuel. 58 00:02:42,804 --> 00:02:44,261 Against my better judgment, 59 00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:46,511 I wrote a part for Phil in my new movie. 60 00:02:46,545 --> 00:02:49,225 Things got heated, words were exchanged, 61 00:02:49,257 --> 00:02:52,104 which is surprising, considering he had a mouthful of scenery. 62 00:02:52,636 --> 00:02:53,395 Actors. 63 00:02:53,428 --> 00:02:55,710 Writers. They think they're so great. 64 00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,498 "Oh, my words are so precious." 65 00:02:57,531 --> 00:02:59,019 Try listening for once. 66 00:02:59,052 --> 00:03:01,734 Maybe you'll learn how humans actually talk. 67 00:03:01,766 --> 00:03:03,950 Wait, is it... is it "talk" or "speak"? 68 00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:05,440 Oh, that's right. 69 00:03:05,473 --> 00:03:07,195 No one cares! 70 00:03:07,901 --> 00:03:10,238 Hello, hello. I'm here for the Super Bowl. 71 00:03:10,272 --> 00:03:11,892 - And I am here for the baby shower. - Okay, yep. 72 00:03:12,210 --> 00:03:13,944 I'm here for some sort of punishment, I think. 73 00:03:13,977 --> 00:03:16,591 Hmm. Lily and her friend, Christina, got into a huge fight. 74 00:03:16,625 --> 00:03:19,735 And I was hoping we could have the girls sit down and talk it out. 75 00:03:19,768 --> 00:03:21,654 But Mitchell said "no," Christina's in the wrong. 76 00:03:21,688 --> 00:03:24,037 And apparently, Mitchell's the law. 77 00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:27,447 He is. Lily, you're very lucky to have such a wise papa. 78 00:03:27,479 --> 00:03:30,854 - Mm-hmm. - Assistant District Attorney Pritchett is a hero. 79 00:03:30,887 --> 00:03:33,571 Huh. So this one thinks you're cool now? 80 00:03:33,635 --> 00:03:35,819 Okay, Gloria loves crime stories, 81 00:03:35,852 --> 00:03:37,408 especially women who kill their husbands. 82 00:03:37,441 --> 00:03:40,848 And I recently prosecuted the Bel Air Black Widow. 83 00:03:40,882 --> 00:03:42,702 She came to court every single day. 84 00:03:42,735 --> 00:03:45,515 We find the defendant guilty. 85 00:03:45,548 --> 00:03:47,567 Yes! Whoop, whoop! 86 00:03:47,599 --> 00:03:50,280 Hey, Counselor. This isn't over. 87 00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:52,200 Lady, you're like me in high school, 88 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,516 cause you ain't gonna be coming out for 17 years! 89 00:03:54,549 --> 00:03:56,898 Boom goes the dynamite! 90 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:01,498 Cam, have a bowl of my famous chili. 91 00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:03,682 I didn't know you made chili. 92 00:04:03,716 --> 00:04:05,602 I know all about Jay's damn chili. 93 00:04:05,635 --> 00:04:08,084 We talked about it last year on this very day. 94 00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:09,804 Promises were made. 95 00:04:10,025 --> 00:04:11,955 Next year, I'm getting you your own football chair 96 00:04:11,988 --> 00:04:14,040 and you're gonna help me make my famous chili. 97 00:04:14,072 --> 00:04:15,563 5:00 a.m. 98 00:04:15,595 --> 00:04:18,442 Be there or be square. 99 00:04:18,705 --> 00:04:20,888 You know, I never entirely felt Jay's approval, 100 00:04:20,922 --> 00:04:22,544 so this was a big step for us. 101 00:04:22,577 --> 00:04:23,735 I counted the days. 102 00:04:23,767 --> 00:04:25,025 Then Super Bowl Eve, 103 00:04:25,058 --> 00:04:27,376 I went and I bought the finest chili thickeners... 104 00:04:27,409 --> 00:04:29,526 corn flour and potato flour. 105 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,974 And I showed up an hour before dawn. 106 00:04:32,629 --> 00:04:35,615 I called Jay's cell as to not startle Gloria. 107 00:04:35,648 --> 00:04:37,037 Hey, what's up? 108 00:04:37,070 --> 00:04:39,686 He had no idea why I was calling. 109 00:04:39,718 --> 00:04:42,466 Clearly promises made didn't mean as much to him. 110 00:04:42,498 --> 00:04:43,920 But I couldn't let him know that. 111 00:04:43,954 --> 00:04:46,071 Oh, uh, Jay, is th... is that you? 112 00:04:46,106 --> 00:04:48,686 I-I must... I must've butt-dialed you. 113 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,176 Why else would I be calling you so early... 114 00:04:50,210 --> 00:04:52,062 on a regular Sunday morning? 115 00:04:52,352 --> 00:04:53,320 Sorry. 116 00:04:53,353 --> 00:04:54,808 I felt like a jilted lover 117 00:04:54,841 --> 00:04:59,507 standing on his porch, holding those beautiful flours. 118 00:04:59,541 --> 00:05:02,817 - Oh. - You can't hide in here all day. 119 00:05:02,849 --> 00:05:04,141 To me, you've never been hotter, 120 00:05:04,174 --> 00:05:05,960 and I've seen you hitchhike in a bikini. 121 00:05:05,994 --> 00:05:07,152 There you are. 122 00:05:07,186 --> 00:05:09,038 I'm sorry you're having a bad day, uh... 123 00:05:09,072 --> 00:05:12,612 but I thought you should know, I invited Danielle. 124 00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:15,061 Danielle? Ugh, she's so annoying. 125 00:05:15,095 --> 00:05:17,840 Everything she says sounds like a question? 126 00:05:17,874 --> 00:05:19,132 But it's not? 127 00:05:19,165 --> 00:05:20,818 Yeah, but she's in her, like, 128 00:05:20,852 --> 00:05:23,103 thousandth month of pregnancy. 129 00:05:23,136 --> 00:05:24,261 Oh, my God. 130 00:05:24,294 --> 00:05:25,651 That means I won't be the grossest preggo here. 131 00:05:25,683 --> 00:05:28,397 Bless you. Oh. 132 00:05:28,431 --> 00:05:29,920 Thanks. 133 00:05:29,953 --> 00:05:31,706 And thanks for inviting me today. 134 00:05:31,739 --> 00:05:33,725 Of course. You're the baby's father. 135 00:05:33,758 --> 00:05:35,247 Yeah, but it's a family thing, 136 00:05:35,281 --> 00:05:37,067 and I don't always feel like I belong. 137 00:05:37,101 --> 00:05:40,310 Sometimes they look at me like the proverbial bird in the punch bowl. 138 00:05:41,337 --> 00:05:43,289 Almost. 139 00:05:43,322 --> 00:05:44,842 Uh, three times... 140 00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:47,472 I'm sorry, but every way you look at it, Dylan comes up short. 141 00:05:47,486 --> 00:05:50,402 And Haley's totally getting rooked. 142 00:05:50,435 --> 00:05:52,177 Oh! Okay, well, that's interesting. 143 00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,366 Um, they lost track of the Black Widow at the county jail. 144 00:05:54,459 --> 00:05:56,478 - She escaped? - Mm-hmm. 145 00:05:56,511 --> 00:05:58,563 - Are you scared? - What? 146 00:05:58,596 --> 00:06:00,152 Exactly! 147 00:06:00,185 --> 00:06:01,872 - She should be scared of you. - Mm. 148 00:06:01,905 --> 00:06:05,446 If she's smart, that young lady will run and keep running. 149 00:06:05,479 --> 00:06:07,829 Mm-hmm. 150 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:10,410 What spice is in here? 151 00:06:10,443 --> 00:06:12,031 Is it... Is that dill? 152 00:06:12,065 --> 00:06:13,322 Why the hell is dill in here? 153 00:06:13,356 --> 00:06:15,076 It's a... It's a catastrophe. 154 00:06:20,768 --> 00:06:23,051 So, I'm just gonna repurpose some of this hair 155 00:06:23,085 --> 00:06:25,036 to cover the bald spot and zits... 156 00:06:25,070 --> 00:06:28,677 - Zits? - And "zits" gonna look amazing. 157 00:06:28,710 --> 00:06:30,166 Ta da! 158 00:06:30,199 --> 00:06:31,656 - Ta da? - Yeah. 159 00:06:31,688 --> 00:06:33,341 I have a huge gut and a comb-over. 160 00:06:33,414 --> 00:06:35,598 I look like a divorced dentist. 161 00:06:37,253 --> 00:06:38,709 Oh, Danielle! 162 00:06:38,741 --> 00:06:40,991 You look so good. Why? 163 00:06:41,024 --> 00:06:43,837 It's the magic of pregnancy? #Blessed? 164 00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:45,298 What the hell? 165 00:06:45,354 --> 00:06:47,610 Alex said it was okay if I came early? 166 00:06:47,644 --> 00:06:49,988 Haley, I'm so happy for you? 167 00:06:50,087 --> 00:06:51,945 I need Dylan. Where is Dylan? 168 00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:53,368 Where's Dylan? 169 00:06:54,575 --> 00:06:56,710 Haley's not gonna find Dylan. 170 00:06:56,743 --> 00:06:57,770 He's gone, 171 00:06:57,802 --> 00:06:59,820 and it's everybody's fault! 172 00:07:01,608 --> 00:07:03,660 What is up with all the funeral faces? 173 00:07:03,693 --> 00:07:05,050 Come on, people, this is supposed to be 174 00:07:05,084 --> 00:07:06,836 - a baby show-ahhh. - Don't say "show-ahhh". 175 00:07:06,870 --> 00:07:08,763 Nobody wants it. 176 00:07:10,123 --> 00:07:12,428 Okay. So, Dylan misunderstood 177 00:07:12,461 --> 00:07:14,932 a bunch of the things he heard us say, got upset, and ran off. 178 00:07:14,965 --> 00:07:17,036 Let's not pretend this was some mistake 179 00:07:17,069 --> 00:07:19,141 or Dylan being oversensitive. 180 00:07:19,174 --> 00:07:22,214 We've all given him plenty of reasons to feel unwelcome in this family. 181 00:07:22,247 --> 00:07:24,719 And some of us do have a meanness. 182 00:07:24,752 --> 00:07:27,425 I'll leave it at that. A monstrous cruelty. 183 00:07:27,458 --> 00:07:28,780 Enough said. Sadistic. 184 00:07:28,794 --> 00:07:30,597 My family is really chill? 185 00:07:30,631 --> 00:07:31,934 You were a mistake. 186 00:07:32,017 --> 00:07:34,003 Okay, Haley's being occupied by Luke, 187 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:35,209 so we have some time. 188 00:07:35,241 --> 00:07:36,445 We just have to find Dylan 189 00:07:36,478 --> 00:07:38,724 without letting Haley know he's run away. 190 00:07:38,756 --> 00:07:40,612 That kind of sounds like a shower problem, though. 191 00:07:40,645 --> 00:07:41,851 I don't know how fair it is to bring in 192 00:07:41,883 --> 00:07:43,608 - the Super Bowl folk into this. - Hey! 193 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:47,516 My big sister gave me the honor of hosting her shower, 194 00:07:47,548 --> 00:07:49,632 and it's gonna be great. 195 00:07:49,665 --> 00:07:51,260 So, the one person 196 00:07:51,292 --> 00:07:52,920 who might know where Dylan went, Haley, 197 00:07:52,952 --> 00:07:55,167 is the one person who can't know he's missing. 198 00:07:55,199 --> 00:07:56,795 That's what I call a dramatic situation. 199 00:07:57,647 --> 00:07:59,573 Shouldn't you be directing the life out of it? 200 00:07:59,616 --> 00:08:02,173 Joe, where does Dylan like to go when he's depressed? 201 00:08:02,206 --> 00:08:04,440 Alex, he likes him, but it's not like... 202 00:08:04,473 --> 00:08:06,373 Park, pet store, guitar shop. 203 00:08:07,577 --> 00:08:09,401 What? I follow his Instagram. 204 00:08:09,433 --> 00:08:11,054 He finds beauty in the mundane. 205 00:08:11,072 --> 00:08:13,569 Okay. We'll search for Dylan in teams. 206 00:08:13,601 --> 00:08:15,588 - Mitch, Gloria... park. - Score. 207 00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:17,704 - Guitar store... Cam, Jay. - Um... 208 00:08:17,736 --> 00:08:19,755 And the pet store... Phil, Manny, go. 209 00:08:19,787 --> 00:08:21,415 - Actually, could I trade? - Your pretty face 210 00:08:21,449 --> 00:08:23,565 for one that's been freshly whooped? Try me! 211 00:08:23,597 --> 00:08:24,900 Would it be possible if I could... 212 00:08:24,932 --> 00:08:26,951 - Move! - Ah, they'll have a bathroom at the store. 213 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:32,454 He's not stuck in the tube slide. 214 00:08:32,486 --> 00:08:33,789 Ah, it was too much to hope he'd be 215 00:08:33,821 --> 00:08:35,742 where we found him when Mister Rogers died. 216 00:08:36,464 --> 00:08:38,020 Oh. 217 00:08:38,654 --> 00:08:39,682 "You messed with the wrong girl. 218 00:08:39,714 --> 00:08:40,756 I'm coming for you." 219 00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:41,798 Who is this? 220 00:08:41,830 --> 00:08:43,035 310. 221 00:08:43,068 --> 00:08:44,464 That's Bel Air. 222 00:08:44,943 --> 00:08:48,668 The Black Widow is out and already threatening you? 223 00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:49,710 This is good. 224 00:08:49,742 --> 00:08:52,217 You get to catch her and be a hero again. 225 00:08:52,251 --> 00:08:54,594 You know, maybe I should... I should send the Black Widow 226 00:08:54,626 --> 00:08:56,548 a... a "no hard feelings" text. 227 00:08:56,580 --> 00:08:57,687 - No. - No? 228 00:08:57,721 --> 00:08:59,153 What you said in court was right. 229 00:08:59,186 --> 00:09:01,432 That animal deserved no mercy. 230 00:09:01,464 --> 00:09:02,684 She deserves a cage. 231 00:09:02,727 --> 00:09:05,502 Well, you know, I said some things, she said some things. 232 00:09:05,535 --> 00:09:06,576 It's... Wait, um... 233 00:09:06,610 --> 00:09:08,433 "I am not afraid. 234 00:09:08,466 --> 00:09:10,744 - Bring it on." - I... Oh, okay. 235 00:09:10,776 --> 00:09:12,827 All bullies are the same. 236 00:09:12,860 --> 00:09:14,196 They act like they're tough, 237 00:09:14,229 --> 00:09:16,442 but when you punch 'em in the nose, they back down. 238 00:09:16,475 --> 00:09:17,452 Yeah. 239 00:09:20,023 --> 00:09:22,693 "I know where you live. You're dead." 240 00:09:22,726 --> 00:09:24,647 That response is rare. 241 00:09:28,327 --> 00:09:29,433 There he is. 242 00:09:29,466 --> 00:09:30,573 Dylan. 243 00:09:30,605 --> 00:09:32,011 Hey, Dylan! 244 00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:34,253 Oh, sorry. 245 00:09:34,285 --> 00:09:37,248 That's the third time I've made that exact same mistake. 246 00:09:37,281 --> 00:09:39,201 Makes me wonder about some of my dates in 'Nam. 247 00:09:39,888 --> 00:09:41,709 Well, he ain't here. Let's go. 248 00:09:41,741 --> 00:09:45,095 My famous chili has been simmering since 5:00 a.m. 249 00:09:45,128 --> 00:09:46,756 Y-You know, it is funny 250 00:09:46,788 --> 00:09:48,547 that you keep calling your chili "famous" 251 00:09:48,579 --> 00:09:50,760 when I find it a little... 252 00:09:50,793 --> 00:09:51,640 forgettable. 253 00:09:51,648 --> 00:09:54,342 Cam, I'm a successful man. 254 00:09:54,375 --> 00:09:56,001 Captain of industry, 255 00:09:56,035 --> 00:09:57,468 made out with a Gabor sister, 256 00:09:57,501 --> 00:10:00,203 and if I can swing a few more board votes, 257 00:10:00,236 --> 00:10:01,538 we break ground on 258 00:10:01,570 --> 00:10:05,120 the Pritchett School of Closet Science at Ohio State. 259 00:10:05,152 --> 00:10:07,626 Not really sweating your take on my chili. 260 00:10:07,659 --> 00:10:09,873 He'd hurt me deeply. 261 00:10:09,906 --> 00:10:11,526 I kept mentioning chili 'cause, you know, 262 00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:13,019 I was trying to jog his memory, 263 00:10:13,051 --> 00:10:15,136 'cause we were supposed to make it together. 264 00:10:15,168 --> 00:10:18,587 I've waited my whole life for a special Super Bowl buddy, 265 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:21,159 someone who understands it isn't just a game. 266 00:10:21,192 --> 00:10:25,197 It's a 15-hour, 4-meal, 2-shirt, 1-nap experience, 267 00:10:25,229 --> 00:10:27,373 and I thought Cam could be that buddy. 268 00:10:28,164 --> 00:10:29,392 Then I started worrying 269 00:10:29,424 --> 00:10:31,996 Cam might forget a date we set a year ago. 270 00:10:34,309 --> 00:10:35,903 He remembered. 271 00:10:35,937 --> 00:10:38,508 He remembered, Stella! 272 00:10:38,541 --> 00:10:39,721 Be cool. 273 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,350 Hey, what's up? 274 00:10:44,272 --> 00:10:45,444 Oh, butt-dial. 275 00:10:45,476 --> 00:10:47,170 No, I see. 276 00:10:47,202 --> 00:10:48,501 Yeah, take it easy. 277 00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,301 Nose print, man's... face high, 278 00:11:01,334 --> 00:11:03,092 direct eye-line to baby bunnies. 279 00:11:03,124 --> 00:11:04,784 Dylan was here. 280 00:11:04,816 --> 00:11:06,021 This guy's about to have a kid. 281 00:11:06,053 --> 00:11:08,139 - What kind of adult male... - They're waking up. 282 00:11:08,172 --> 00:11:09,344 They're waking up. 283 00:11:10,057 --> 00:11:11,751 Hey, look, he's not here. 284 00:11:11,785 --> 00:11:13,380 Let's just get back to the parties. 285 00:11:13,413 --> 00:11:15,947 Ooh, I got to stop at that laundromat across the street. 286 00:11:16,297 --> 00:11:18,557 It'll take a second. I just need change for my squares. 287 00:11:18,589 --> 00:11:20,836 Funny. You're so focused when it's your passion project. 288 00:11:20,869 --> 00:11:22,790 Y-You know what, Manny? 289 00:11:22,823 --> 00:11:23,800 You're right. 290 00:11:23,832 --> 00:11:26,469 That whole thing was my bad. 291 00:11:26,501 --> 00:11:28,911 Thanks, Phil. 292 00:11:28,943 --> 00:11:32,167 Let me get both these doors so you and your ego can fit inside. 293 00:11:34,056 --> 00:11:37,312 I don't know how you can get mad at me after posting that humiliating video. 294 00:11:37,345 --> 00:11:39,559 - What video? - Don't play dumb. 295 00:11:41,055 --> 00:11:43,596 - Me cold. - Cut! 296 00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:46,657 "I'm so cold." 297 00:11:46,689 --> 00:11:49,587 Not "Me cold." Not "I'm not not cold." 298 00:11:49,619 --> 00:11:51,052 Not "Ice, ice baby." 299 00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:52,810 No humans say those things! 300 00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:55,707 It is so difficult to build a performance 301 00:11:55,741 --> 00:11:58,020 with a constant barrage of notes! 302 00:11:58,052 --> 00:12:00,169 Note! Say the line! 303 00:12:00,202 --> 00:12:01,536 Three words! 304 00:12:01,568 --> 00:12:03,100 You know what three words I'd like to hear? 305 00:12:03,132 --> 00:12:05,119 "Nice death, Phil!" 306 00:12:05,151 --> 00:12:07,397 I'm just trying to help you, 307 00:12:07,429 --> 00:12:09,579 you diva! 308 00:12:09,612 --> 00:12:12,020 And you keep yourself. 309 00:12:12,053 --> 00:12:15,407 Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! 310 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:16,872 Unbelievable! 311 00:12:20,528 --> 00:12:24,224 Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! 312 00:12:24,237 --> 00:12:26,775 Fortunately, it cut off right before I really lost it. 313 00:12:26,808 --> 00:12:31,040 Manny, why would I post a video calling myself a "terrible actor"? 314 00:12:31,074 --> 00:12:33,288 Huh. 315 00:12:33,321 --> 00:12:34,850 Could've been my editor. 316 00:12:34,883 --> 00:12:37,130 During a particularly intense creative discussion, 317 00:12:37,163 --> 00:12:39,800 I may have slapped him in front of his girlfriend. 318 00:12:39,832 --> 00:12:41,167 Phil, I'm sorry. 319 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,219 I think the reason I got frustrated 320 00:12:43,251 --> 00:12:45,823 is only partly due to your infuriating incompetence. 321 00:12:45,856 --> 00:12:47,154 Was that so hard? 322 00:12:47,231 --> 00:12:49,568 Between us, I've applied to transfer 323 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,684 to somewhere I can major in accounting or law. 324 00:12:51,716 --> 00:12:53,345 Something safe. 325 00:12:53,378 --> 00:12:57,545 I've started to question if I have any talent as a filmmaker. 326 00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,109 Let's find out. 327 00:12:59,141 --> 00:13:00,150 You got your film with you? 328 00:13:00,183 --> 00:13:01,192 On my phone. 329 00:13:01,224 --> 00:13:03,276 We have a perfect test audience. 330 00:13:03,309 --> 00:13:04,903 Take a chance. Let's, uh... 331 00:13:04,936 --> 00:13:06,434 Let's see what you got. 332 00:13:06,466 --> 00:13:08,041 Okay. I mean, I got my projector. 333 00:13:08,075 --> 00:13:09,983 And a screen. 334 00:13:10,015 --> 00:13:11,611 - All right. I'll set it up. - Great. 335 00:13:11,643 --> 00:13:13,825 Meanwhile, I'll warm up the crowd with a magic trick. 336 00:13:14,398 --> 00:13:15,876 Excuse me. 337 00:13:15,909 --> 00:13:18,383 I need everyone to put their wallets in this pillow case 338 00:13:18,415 --> 00:13:20,239 and turn and face the wall. 339 00:13:21,997 --> 00:13:24,244 Well, that's it. No one knows where Dylan is. 340 00:13:24,276 --> 00:13:25,546 They better. 341 00:13:25,580 --> 00:13:27,337 Her friends are gonna be here in 20 minutes... 342 00:13:27,369 --> 00:13:29,291 the same ones who at a graduation party 343 00:13:29,323 --> 00:13:31,505 voted her most likely to be pregnant and alone. 344 00:13:31,538 --> 00:13:33,101 - Hmm. - Like I always say... 345 00:13:33,133 --> 00:13:35,477 it's better to have no friends than mean friends. 346 00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:37,301 Well... 347 00:13:37,334 --> 00:13:39,548 Dylan's always been a runner. 348 00:13:39,915 --> 00:13:41,923 God, you remember when he was a blond? 349 00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:44,334 Ugh, I called him "Lady Dye-Job" 350 00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:47,069 and he ran off, and I had to track him down... 351 00:13:47,102 --> 00:13:49,121 I know where Dylan is. I know where he is! 352 00:13:52,376 --> 00:13:53,196 Dylan. 353 00:13:53,282 --> 00:13:55,274 Hey, Dylan, open up. It's Claire. 354 00:13:55,306 --> 00:13:57,064 I... I don't want to talk, Mrs. D. 355 00:13:57,097 --> 00:13:58,627 Look, I realize you're upset. 356 00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:02,176 But those things that Cam and Mitch and Luke and Phil and Gloria said, 357 00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,944 they're... they were just, uh, silly misunderstandings. 358 00:14:04,976 --> 00:14:06,572 Okay. 359 00:14:06,605 --> 00:14:08,754 But what about what you said? 360 00:14:08,786 --> 00:14:10,545 You realize we're gonna have to baby-proof 361 00:14:10,577 --> 00:14:12,302 all the cabinets at home, right? 362 00:14:12,335 --> 00:14:15,069 Think of how cute it'll be watching Dylan try to get into them. 363 00:14:18,489 --> 00:14:20,508 I shouldn't have said that, 364 00:14:20,540 --> 00:14:22,266 and I obviously didn't realize... 365 00:14:22,299 --> 00:14:24,220 What? That I would get that joke? 366 00:14:24,252 --> 00:14:25,782 The insult set it up, Mrs. D. 367 00:14:25,814 --> 00:14:28,452 - "Lady Dye-Job" has feelings. - Oh, Dylan. 368 00:14:28,485 --> 00:14:31,480 Dylan, come on. Honey, the party is starting... 369 00:14:32,177 --> 00:14:35,258 Please. I... I'm sorry. 370 00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:36,429 I'm leaving. 371 00:14:40,695 --> 00:14:42,127 Open up. It's Mr. Gonzales, 372 00:14:42,161 --> 00:14:43,723 the parking attendant. 373 00:14:43,756 --> 00:14:45,318 I'm not an idiot, Mrs. D. 374 00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:47,304 I know you just went to get Mr. Gonzales 375 00:14:47,337 --> 00:14:50,072 so you could run in here when I open the door for him. 376 00:15:03,411 --> 00:15:05,365 Hey. 377 00:15:05,397 --> 00:15:06,992 Hey. Hey, Dylan? 378 00:15:07,025 --> 00:15:08,165 Dylan? Dyl... 379 00:15:08,598 --> 00:15:09,864 Ohh, damn it! 380 00:15:11,026 --> 00:15:14,002 Can we hurry? I want to get back so I can apologize to Christina. 381 00:15:14,035 --> 00:15:16,039 Oh, no. Lily, why risk your heart? 382 00:15:16,073 --> 00:15:17,509 Christina will just hurt you. 383 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:18,752 I couldn't agree more, Lily. 384 00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:21,301 If Christina doesn't appreciate your warmth, your humor, 385 00:15:21,333 --> 00:15:22,673 your great stories, 386 00:15:22,706 --> 00:15:23,980 she's just not worth it. 387 00:15:24,012 --> 00:15:25,875 Oh, maybe she'll regret taking you for granted 388 00:15:25,908 --> 00:15:28,228 when she's old and alone in that big house 389 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:31,822 and realizes all that money can't keep her warm. 390 00:15:31,854 --> 00:15:33,685 What is happening? 391 00:15:33,717 --> 00:15:35,678 Movies in a laundromat now? 392 00:15:35,711 --> 00:15:38,750 Can't hipsters just let a thing be a thing? 393 00:15:38,782 --> 00:15:42,017 There is much I wish to say to you, Alexei, 394 00:15:42,049 --> 00:15:44,696 not just now, but for long time. 395 00:15:44,730 --> 00:15:48,553 How could one slight cost 20 years friendship? 396 00:15:48,585 --> 00:15:52,311 Silly 19th century Russian pride? 397 00:15:52,343 --> 00:15:55,480 Why we not have courage to take chance on love? 398 00:15:55,513 --> 00:15:57,213 Fools, us humans. 399 00:15:57,245 --> 00:15:58,121 It's not too late. 400 00:15:58,194 --> 00:15:59,337 It is for me, 401 00:15:59,370 --> 00:16:01,135 my great, great friend. 402 00:16:01,167 --> 00:16:03,553 I go now to grand Kremlin in the sky. 403 00:16:06,297 --> 00:16:07,637 It's chilly. 404 00:16:08,943 --> 00:16:10,021 Chili. 405 00:16:10,055 --> 00:16:12,146 Why did he have to mention that? 406 00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,630 We were supposed to cook together this morning, Cam. 407 00:16:14,663 --> 00:16:15,600 I waited for you. 408 00:16:15,637 --> 00:16:17,762 But I was there on your front porch with flours. 409 00:16:17,795 --> 00:16:18,971 You remembered the thickeners? 410 00:16:19,003 --> 00:16:20,801 Of course I did. I thought you forgot. 411 00:16:22,174 --> 00:16:24,069 I have an identical one for you! 412 00:16:24,103 --> 00:16:25,735 Oh, Jay, you don't know how much this means to me! 413 00:16:25,768 --> 00:16:28,055 Lily, you... you have to apologize to Christina. 414 00:16:28,089 --> 00:16:29,134 That's right. 415 00:16:29,168 --> 00:16:31,291 Don't be like me and Cam and Sergei and Alexei. 416 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,187 - Pride is poison! - Yes, open your heart! 417 00:16:33,219 --> 00:16:34,983 Let yourself love! 418 00:16:35,015 --> 00:16:36,617 Jay... 419 00:16:36,649 --> 00:16:38,316 So, nobody's wondering why Uncle Phil 420 00:16:38,348 --> 00:16:40,407 is starring in a laundromat movie? 421 00:16:43,186 --> 00:16:45,603 N-No-o-o-o! 422 00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:02,527 So? 423 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:03,736 It's... 424 00:17:03,769 --> 00:17:05,143 not very good. 425 00:17:05,343 --> 00:17:06,967 I knew it. I wasted my time. 426 00:17:07,050 --> 00:17:09,075 But it's much better than the last one, 427 00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:10,906 and there was one moment when Count Ivanovich was... 428 00:17:10,938 --> 00:17:12,801 was playing chess with the bear that really moved me. 429 00:17:12,834 --> 00:17:15,415 Well, that was supposed to be the emotional gestalt of the piece. 430 00:17:15,447 --> 00:17:16,983 You can hear me stifle a sob in the cut 431 00:17:17,016 --> 00:17:18,878 because my boom operator was undermining me. 432 00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:21,787 You had an astonishingly toxic set. 433 00:17:21,819 --> 00:17:23,323 Listen, Manny, if I was your dad, 434 00:17:23,355 --> 00:17:24,989 I might tell you to play it safe with your career. 435 00:17:25,022 --> 00:17:26,362 But as a fan, 436 00:17:26,394 --> 00:17:28,225 I'm dying to see what you come up with next. 437 00:17:28,257 --> 00:17:29,825 - Really? - Yeah. 438 00:17:29,858 --> 00:17:31,982 I've been watching you make up stories since you were this big. 439 00:17:32,014 --> 00:17:33,224 I want to see how it ends. 440 00:17:33,256 --> 00:17:34,303 Not that. 441 00:17:34,336 --> 00:17:37,472 I-I want to see how this ends. 442 00:17:37,505 --> 00:17:38,942 Thanks, Phil. 443 00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:40,577 I would like to keep trying, 444 00:17:40,609 --> 00:17:42,046 maybe something not so commercial. 445 00:17:42,078 --> 00:17:43,909 That's great. 446 00:17:43,941 --> 00:17:46,621 I do think it's the end of the road for me as a thespian, though. 447 00:17:46,654 --> 00:17:47,770 Probably best. 448 00:17:48,126 --> 00:17:50,738 Well, I did have a part in my next film for a guy your age, 449 00:17:50,771 --> 00:17:53,321 but you'd have to grow a Fu Manchu moustache 450 00:17:53,353 --> 00:17:54,889 and gain 40 pounds in two weeks. 451 00:17:54,921 --> 00:17:56,751 I'll be ready Tuesday. 452 00:17:56,783 --> 00:17:58,483 - Cilantro. - Yes. 453 00:17:58,516 --> 00:18:00,869 - Diced red onion? - You are good. 454 00:18:00,901 --> 00:18:02,306 Hey, don't run away with the rest of that. 455 00:18:02,339 --> 00:18:04,757 - Ugh, what am I looking at? - Mmm. 456 00:18:04,790 --> 00:18:07,840 Mitch, come here. Show them how to be a real man. 457 00:18:07,941 --> 00:18:11,782 He has been getting threatening texts all day 458 00:18:11,815 --> 00:18:15,280 from a fugitive, and he hasn't even flinched. 459 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,730 Well, they're lucky they're pretty, right? 460 00:18:18,672 --> 00:18:20,829 Daddy, can I borrow your phone? 461 00:18:20,862 --> 00:18:23,118 I want to apologize to Christina. 462 00:18:23,150 --> 00:18:25,502 Lily, no. His phone might be evidence 463 00:18:25,535 --> 00:18:28,248 - in a murder trial. - Whose? 464 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,189 Sweetie, have you been using Daddy's phone to text your friend? 465 00:18:31,221 --> 00:18:32,658 Yeah, and I said some mean stuff. 466 00:18:32,690 --> 00:18:35,273 She's probably been texting me back. 467 00:18:36,002 --> 00:18:37,920 My God. Okay, okay. 468 00:18:37,952 --> 00:18:39,749 "I'm... I'm right outside your house. 469 00:18:39,783 --> 00:18:40,893 This ends now." 470 00:18:41,711 --> 00:18:42,559 Oh! 471 00:18:42,591 --> 00:18:43,834 "P.S., your hair's ugly." 472 00:18:43,866 --> 00:18:46,155 It's a bluff. She's not out there. 473 00:18:46,187 --> 00:18:48,115 I mean, if you want to go check, check. 474 00:18:48,148 --> 00:18:50,631 You know, us weaklings would feel so much better 475 00:18:50,664 --> 00:18:53,081 - if you would just take a quick look. - Please. 476 00:18:53,115 --> 00:18:55,041 Well, as... as lawman and protector, 477 00:18:55,074 --> 00:18:58,114 that is something that I... I can do. 478 00:19:03,897 --> 00:19:04,844 - Hey. - Ohh! 479 00:19:09,535 --> 00:19:10,987 Thank you for this, Dylan, 480 00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:13,243 and I appreciate you forgiving me 481 00:19:13,276 --> 00:19:15,400 for the dumb thing I said earlier. 482 00:19:15,432 --> 00:19:16,446 Who said I forgave you? 483 00:19:16,478 --> 00:19:17,752 I'm only treating your injury 484 00:19:17,784 --> 00:19:20,856 because you're a guest in my home. 485 00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:24,058 I know it may seem that I haven't always accepted you, 486 00:19:24,093 --> 00:19:25,758 but when I met you, 487 00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,751 you were an 18-year-old in a leather jacket 488 00:19:27,784 --> 00:19:30,006 dating my 15-year-old daughter. 489 00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:31,052 I get it. 490 00:19:31,085 --> 00:19:32,456 You were trying to protect your daughter 491 00:19:32,489 --> 00:19:33,437 from a guy like me, 492 00:19:33,469 --> 00:19:35,927 but I haven't been a guy like me for a long time. 493 00:19:36,018 --> 00:19:37,031 Bend for me. 494 00:19:37,064 --> 00:19:38,076 It's hard, Dylan. 495 00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:39,972 I have been a mama bear for so long... 496 00:19:40,028 --> 00:19:42,750 - No, your elbow. - Oh. 497 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:43,975 Okay. 498 00:19:44,102 --> 00:19:47,194 It's j... It's all happening so fast. 499 00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:48,664 But it is happening. 500 00:19:48,697 --> 00:19:51,898 I'm about to be the father to your grandbabies. 501 00:19:51,932 --> 00:19:53,631 Reach out a little. 502 00:19:53,663 --> 00:19:55,003 I meant emotionally. 503 00:19:55,035 --> 00:19:56,147 Oh. 504 00:19:56,180 --> 00:19:57,520 I can look myself in the mirror 505 00:19:57,552 --> 00:19:58,956 and know that I've tried my hardest 506 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,885 to make our relationship work. 507 00:20:00,917 --> 00:20:02,715 Can you do the same? 508 00:20:04,089 --> 00:20:06,441 Go ahead. 509 00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:08,270 Here, let me give you some light. 510 00:20:09,446 --> 00:20:10,688 Oops, uh, not that one. 511 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,009 No. 512 00:20:13,041 --> 00:20:15,166 There are a lot of ways for a family to grow... 513 00:20:15,198 --> 00:20:19,021 Touchdown! 514 00:20:19,053 --> 00:20:21,798 finding interests you didn't know you shared... 515 00:20:21,831 --> 00:20:23,432 - Eh... - Come on, I've got two weeks! 516 00:20:23,464 --> 00:20:25,099 Blur your eyes. Look at this. 517 00:20:25,131 --> 00:20:29,314 finding new challenges to embark on together... 518 00:20:29,346 --> 00:20:30,784 But it takes a lot of work. 519 00:20:32,157 --> 00:20:36,830 The best way for families to grow is by adding to them. 520 00:20:37,314 --> 00:20:42,021 So this is to the newest members of our family. 521 00:20:42,056 --> 00:20:46,156 I look forward to getting to know all of you. 522 00:20:46,191 --> 00:20:47,765 - Love you. - Cheers. 523 00:20:50,673 --> 00:20:54,314 I'm... f-f... f-freezing. 524 00:20:54,348 --> 00:20:55,208 Cut! 525 00:20:56,419 --> 00:20:58,422 Could it be any colder? 526 00:20:58,456 --> 00:20:59,242 No! 527 00:21:01,378 --> 00:21:03,216 Fur hat weather, no? 528 00:21:03,249 --> 00:21:04,226 No! 529 00:21:04,318 --> 00:21:05,754 "I'm so cold." 530 00:21:05,887 --> 00:21:07,290 "I'm so cold." 531 00:21:07,324 --> 00:21:09,795 "I'm so cold!" And action. 532 00:21:12,100 --> 00:21:14,256 Um... brr, am I right? 533 00:21:14,257 --> 00:21:16,036 You gotta be kidding me! 534 00:21:16,037 --> 00:21:18,140 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com