1
00:00:06,337 --> 00:00:07,903
Shh!

2
00:00:07,972 --> 00:00:09,872
Do you hear that? I can't find my phone.

3
00:00:09,974 --> 00:00:11,840
I think it's coming from the fruit bowl.

4
00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,913
Oh, no.

5
00:00:21,552 --> 00:00:23,218
I've been doing sleep magic again.

6
00:00:24,355 --> 00:00:25,788
You look like you haven't slept at all.

7
00:00:25,856 --> 00:00:27,456
Maybe an hour or two a night.

8
00:00:27,525 --> 00:00:28,991
I've tried everything:

9
00:00:29,093 --> 00:00:31,393
warm shower before bed, meditation,

10
00:00:31,462 --> 00:00:33,796
reading my operating
system's user agreement.

11
00:00:33,831 --> 00:00:35,964
Did you try asking Alex about
the struggles that are unique

12
00:00:36,033 --> 00:00:37,099
to women in science?

13
00:00:37,168 --> 00:00:39,301
Late last night.
I think she's still going.

14
00:00:39,403 --> 00:00:41,070
It's the worst possible timing.

15
00:00:41,138 --> 00:00:42,905
I have a video shoot
for a big listing today,

16
00:00:42,973 --> 00:00:44,106
and I'm supposed to be on camera.

17
00:00:44,208 --> 00:00:45,441
I gotta go.

18
00:00:45,543 --> 00:00:47,209
Dad, your keys.

19
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,146
You know what? I'll drive.

20
00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:54,249
Good luck with your interview.

21
00:00:54,351 --> 00:00:57,453
Oh, you know what?
I decided to pass on that.

22
00:00:57,555 --> 00:00:58,620
Why?

23
00:00:58,722 --> 00:01:01,056
That's an amazing job,
and you were so excited.

24
00:01:01,158 --> 00:01:03,625
I think I was flattered.

25
00:01:03,727 --> 00:01:05,828
Like when you go to a bar
and a guy sends you a drink.

26
00:01:05,930 --> 00:01:08,430
I'm at the leading scientific
university in the country.

27
00:01:08,532 --> 00:01:10,566
Those guys can't even look
their robots in the eye.

28
00:01:10,668 --> 00:01:14,103
I was asked to interview for
CEO of Uncle Ned's Cookies,

29
00:01:14,205 --> 00:01:16,605
a major player in the
snack food industry.

30
00:01:16,707 --> 00:01:18,407
The position opened up
because it turns out

31
00:01:18,509 --> 00:01:21,143
Uncle Ned liked to play
fast and loose with...

32
00:01:21,245 --> 00:01:22,978
his genitals at work.

33
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,214
Mom, you need to take that interview.

34
00:01:25,316 --> 00:01:28,584
Now that they're purging male creeps
from executive positions,

35
00:01:28,686 --> 00:01:31,753
strong women are finally
getting their seat at the table.

36
00:01:31,856 --> 00:01:33,655
Honey, I already have
a seat at the table.

37
00:01:33,757 --> 00:01:35,557
In fact, at the head of the table.

38
00:01:35,659 --> 00:01:36,859
You mean when Grandpa's not there?

39
00:01:36,961 --> 00:01:38,127
Tables have two heads.

40
00:01:38,229 --> 00:01:40,696
I'm only bringing out
my trademark hard truths

41
00:01:40,798 --> 00:01:41,964
because I don't want you to pass up

42
00:01:42,066 --> 00:01:45,100
an amazing opportunity in
deference to the patriarchy.

43
00:01:45,202 --> 00:01:48,103
Honey, I have a lot of amazing
opportunities at my current job.

44
00:01:48,205 --> 00:01:50,439
And isn't Uncle Ned's
basically just stoner food?

45
00:01:50,541 --> 00:01:51,673
We love Uncle Ned's!

46
00:01:51,775 --> 00:01:52,941
I miss those.

47
00:01:54,879 --> 00:01:56,912
Thank you for your concern,
but I'll be fine.

48
00:01:57,014 --> 00:01:59,148
Maybe I'm just projecting
my own frustrations

49
00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:00,616
with the science world.

50
00:02:00,718 --> 00:02:03,252
You know, there are only
three female PhDs...

51
00:02:03,354 --> 00:02:06,155
Sweetheart, I'm sorry,
but I have to stay alert.

52
00:02:20,647 --> 00:02:23,068
Lily, sweetie, open up.
We're gonna be late for school.

53
00:02:23,107 --> 00:02:25,207
I'm not going! Leave me alone!

54
00:02:25,309 --> 00:02:27,176
- Another meltdown.
- She's locked herself in the bathroom.

55
00:02:27,278 --> 00:02:29,178
Now don't you wish you'd let me
build that outhouse?

56
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,245
Still no.

57
00:02:30,347 --> 00:02:31,246
Hey, hey.

58
00:02:31,348 --> 00:02:33,015
W-What is going on with her?

59
00:02:33,117 --> 00:02:34,883
S-She's been so moody recently,

60
00:02:34,985 --> 00:02:36,852
screaming one minute, crying the next.

61
00:02:36,954 --> 00:02:39,388
You know what?
I think I know what this might be.

62
00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:40,622
O-Oh?

63
00:02:40,724 --> 00:02:43,692
She had a volcano due
in science class today,

64
00:02:43,794 --> 00:02:45,460
and when I was her age
and had a big project,

65
00:02:45,563 --> 00:02:47,095
I'd get stressed out
and act just like this.

66
00:02:47,198 --> 00:02:50,365
You know, I still have nightmares about
my War of Northern Aggression diorama.

67
00:02:50,467 --> 00:02:51,900
Okay. What did we say
when we got married?

68
00:02:52,002 --> 00:02:54,503
Never go to bed angry
and you have to call it the Civil War.

69
00:02:54,605 --> 00:02:56,071
Okay, I'll go check and
see how far she's gotten.

70
00:02:56,173 --> 00:02:58,941
Okay, Lily, honey, come on.
Come out, all right?

71
00:02:59,043 --> 00:03:00,876
We can help you fix your volcano,

72
00:03:00,978 --> 00:03:02,778
and... and you'll still
make it to school.

73
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:03,879
Worst comes to worst,

74
00:03:03,981 --> 00:03:05,614
you'll be a little late
for your first period.

75
00:03:05,716 --> 00:03:07,182
Actually, she's a little early.

76
00:03:07,284 --> 00:03:08,183
Hm?

77
00:03:08,285 --> 00:03:09,084
So...

78
00:03:09,186 --> 00:03:10,319
Lily is a menstruator now.

79
00:03:10,421 --> 00:03:11,453
That's not what you call it.

80
00:03:11,555 --> 00:03:12,688
Well, I'm just ashamed to admit

81
00:03:12,790 --> 00:03:14,256
that we never really
prepared her for it.

82
00:03:14,358 --> 00:03:16,358
Hey, we tried that one time.

83
00:03:18,662 --> 00:03:20,262
- Hey, girl. Hey!
- Hey!

84
00:03:20,364 --> 00:03:22,664
So, sweetie,
Daddy and I were wondering if,

85
00:03:22,766 --> 00:03:24,666
now that you're wearing a training bra,

86
00:03:24,768 --> 00:03:27,869
if you had any other questions
about your changing body.

87
00:03:27,972 --> 00:03:28,870
Can we just not?

88
00:03:28,973 --> 00:03:30,505
- Sounds good.
- Yeah, perfect.

89
00:03:30,608 --> 00:03:33,408
I thought you were gonna ask Claire
to talk to Lily about this.

90
00:03:33,510 --> 00:03:35,644
Well, I was, but when I tried,
Claire was in such a mood,

91
00:03:35,746 --> 00:03:36,979
because, ironically...

92
00:03:37,081 --> 00:03:40,215
Okay, we can't screw this up.
We cannot give her a complex.

93
00:03:40,317 --> 00:03:43,018
Okay, you see
if you can track down Claire.

94
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,419
I will go to the pharmacy

95
00:03:44,521 --> 00:03:46,888
and try and conquer my fear
of the feminine care aisle.

96
00:03:47,573 --> 00:03:48,423
Poor Lily.

97
00:03:48,525 --> 00:03:49,791
You know, it could be worse.

98
00:03:49,893 --> 00:03:52,094
If she were a sheep, she'd be
dealing with this every 17 days.

99
00:03:52,196 --> 00:03:53,895
Promise you won't say
that while I'm gone.

100
00:03:55,848 --> 00:03:57,899
All right, let's try the swaddle again.

101
00:03:58,002 --> 00:03:59,835
Our blankets are folded into triangles,

102
00:03:59,937 --> 00:04:01,470
we do a left tuck,

103
00:04:01,572 --> 00:04:02,671
a toe tuck,

104
00:04:02,773 --> 00:04:03,872
a right tuck,

105
00:04:03,974 --> 00:04:06,241
and voil? baby burrito.

106
00:04:06,343 --> 00:04:08,176
Ugh! How did you do yours?

107
00:04:08,279 --> 00:04:10,178
I guess that summer
working at Burrito Basement

108
00:04:10,281 --> 00:04:11,446
was worth the E. coli.

109
00:04:11,548 --> 00:04:14,182
Dylan and I have been
taking a baby care class.

110
00:04:14,285 --> 00:04:16,451
It's frustrating, because
even though he's missed some,

111
00:04:16,553 --> 00:04:17,552
he's crushing it.

112
00:04:17,655 --> 00:04:18,920
The class, not the practice doll.

113
00:04:19,472 --> 00:04:21,823
That was me.

114
00:04:21,859 --> 00:04:24,006
Let's move on. What else
do we have to get down for today?

115
00:04:24,062 --> 00:04:25,538
- Burping.
- Great!

116
00:04:25,630 --> 00:04:29,402
- A bur-bur-burp. Boom. What's next?
- Hold on, Mom.

117
00:04:29,433 --> 00:04:32,567
Do you remember the four other methods
in case over-the-shoulder doesn't work?

118
00:04:32,670 --> 00:04:35,103
Uh, was one scare 'em?

119
00:04:35,205 --> 00:04:36,471
There's over-the-lap,

120
00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:37,639
over-the-knee,

121
00:04:37,708 --> 00:04:39,574
Grandmother's burp, and the bounce burp.

122
00:04:39,643 --> 00:04:41,943
Ugh. Why do I suck at this?

123
00:04:42,012 --> 00:04:44,246
I know it's overwhelming,
but you're gonna get there.

124
00:04:44,348 --> 00:04:45,847
Don't worry.

125
00:04:47,404 --> 00:04:49,084
Stop showing off.

126
00:04:50,254 --> 00:04:51,687
Oh, good. You're sitting down.

127
00:04:51,789 --> 00:04:53,021
We have a problem.

128
00:04:53,057 --> 00:04:55,724
I went on the company website,
and somebody left off

129
00:04:55,793 --> 00:04:58,160
the brushed brass upgrade
on the Executive Premiere.

130
00:04:58,262 --> 00:04:59,995
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I eighty-sixed that.

131
00:05:00,064 --> 00:05:01,163
I already signed off on it.

132
00:05:01,231 --> 00:05:02,964
They probably just wanted
to double-check with me.

133
00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:05,400
You know,
I do have 30 years' experience.

134
00:05:05,469 --> 00:05:07,536
Closet Time Magazine once called me

135
00:05:07,604 --> 00:05:10,939
"The Neil Armstrong of
the storage space race."

136
00:05:11,008 --> 00:05:12,708
Okay, Dad, you work two days a week,

137
00:05:12,776 --> 00:05:14,943
and you spent the entire
last staff meeting

138
00:05:15,012 --> 00:05:16,144
doodling a pineapple.

139
00:05:16,213 --> 00:05:18,180
How about this...
take the helm on the Berkshire line.

140
00:05:18,282 --> 00:05:19,514
I discontinued that.

141
00:05:19,616 --> 00:05:21,383
Yeah, but then Jeff cornered
me in the men's room,

142
00:05:21,485 --> 00:05:22,751
and I relaunched it.

143
00:05:22,853 --> 00:05:25,921
Okay, Dad, you are putting me

144
00:05:25,989 --> 00:05:28,190
in an impossible position.

145
00:05:28,292 --> 00:05:31,059
I make decisions, and then
you go around undermining them.

146
00:05:31,128 --> 00:05:33,428
Everybody values your
opinions around here, Claire.

147
00:05:33,530 --> 00:05:35,297
In fact,
I'd like your opinion right now.

148
00:05:35,399 --> 00:05:37,265
Does this look like an igloo?

149
00:05:38,802 --> 00:05:40,969
Uncle Ned's Cookies
wants me to be their CEO.

150
00:05:41,071 --> 00:05:43,105
What? You're considering Uncle Ned's?

151
00:05:43,207 --> 00:05:44,373
Are you on reefer?

152
00:05:44,475 --> 00:05:46,441
That company has tremendous
growth potential.

153
00:05:46,543 --> 00:05:48,710
It's snacks! This is closets!

154
00:05:48,812 --> 00:05:50,412
You're already at the show!

155
00:05:50,514 --> 00:05:52,180
At least there, I can be the boss

156
00:05:52,282 --> 00:05:54,516
and not just the boss's daughter.

157
00:05:54,618 --> 00:05:56,318
Is this the part where I apologize

158
00:05:56,420 --> 00:05:59,988
for handing you a company
Closet Fancy once called "top shelf"?

159
00:06:00,090 --> 00:06:02,557
No, this is the part
where I take an interview

160
00:06:02,659 --> 00:06:05,961
with people who actually
recognize my value!

161
00:06:07,398 --> 00:06:08,497
Damn whisper slides.

162
00:06:11,007 --> 00:06:12,279
Is Lily still in the bathroom?

163
00:06:12,348 --> 00:06:13,948
No, I used Larry's cat box for fun.

164
00:06:14,050 --> 00:06:14,915
Ew!

165
00:06:15,018 --> 00:06:15,850
Okay.

166
00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:18,185
Really? She needed all of this?

167
00:06:18,287 --> 00:06:19,320
It was totally overwhelming.

168
00:06:19,355 --> 00:06:20,788
I just... I just grabbed
as much as I could.

169
00:06:20,857 --> 00:06:23,891
I have tampons, maxi pads,
variety packs...

170
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,259
Oh, and this thing called a Diva Cup,

171
00:06:25,328 --> 00:06:26,727
'cause, I don't know,
sounded kind of cute.

172
00:06:26,829 --> 00:06:27,695
Mm.

173
00:06:27,764 --> 00:06:29,063
So, what are we supposed to do?

174
00:06:29,132 --> 00:06:31,465
We can't just throw these boxes
in there and wish her good luck.

175
00:06:32,323 --> 00:06:33,134
Oh, thank God.

176
00:06:33,202 --> 00:06:34,402
Is that Claire? Did you reach her?

177
00:06:34,504 --> 00:06:38,172
No, she wasn't answering,
so I... I called for backup.

178
00:06:38,241 --> 00:06:40,708
Thank you for including
me in this special time.

179
00:06:40,777 --> 00:06:43,477
I brought flowers because
our Lily's blossoming!

180
00:06:43,579 --> 00:06:45,246
Well, we really appreciate
you helping us out.

181
00:06:45,348 --> 00:06:46,580
Of course.

182
00:06:46,649 --> 00:06:49,116
This is when it's good to
have a woman in the house.

183
00:06:49,185 --> 00:06:53,421
Not that two men raising a daughter
is unnatural in any way.

184
00:06:53,523 --> 00:06:54,989
Pretty sure no one was thinking that.

185
00:06:56,259 --> 00:06:57,725
Sorry... I-I panicked
and sent a group text

186
00:06:57,827 --> 00:07:00,027
because I didn't know who would respond.

187
00:07:00,096 --> 00:07:01,996
Hey. I brought Lily some pamphlets.

188
00:07:02,065 --> 00:07:03,764
Understanding the biology
will help make her

189
00:07:03,866 --> 00:07:05,633
more comfortable with her menses.

190
00:07:05,735 --> 00:07:08,803
Mensies? How is that
not a gay bar for little men?

191
00:07:08,871 --> 00:07:10,771
- We should...
- We're not buying another domain name.

192
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,406
She doesn't need pamphlets.

193
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:14,108
She needs love and support.

194
00:07:14,210 --> 00:07:15,843
It's a beautiful rite of passage

195
00:07:15,912 --> 00:07:18,446
that is going to connect her
with women everywhere.

196
00:07:18,548 --> 00:07:20,581
Let's not get poetic.
It hurts like hell.

197
00:07:20,650 --> 00:07:22,717
And that's why I brought
all the ingredients

198
00:07:22,785 --> 00:07:25,920
to make her a traditional
Colombian period poultice,

199
00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:28,656
and she can rub it on her belly
when she gets cramps.

200
00:07:28,725 --> 00:07:30,357
Or she could just take some ibuprofen.

201
00:07:30,426 --> 00:07:32,393
Oh, but is that going to
draw out all of her sins?

202
00:07:32,462 --> 00:07:35,029
'Cause that's why women get
their period in the first place.

203
00:07:35,098 --> 00:07:37,898
Okay, very helpful.
Two equally worthy paths.

204
00:07:37,967 --> 00:07:39,867
Yeah, gotta say I'm leaning
toward the pamphlet.

205
00:07:40,339 --> 00:07:41,368
Hey, how's Lily?

206
00:07:41,471 --> 00:07:42,737
Oh, great... more voices.

207
00:07:42,839 --> 00:07:43,938
Where is she?

208
00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:45,172
- She's still locked in the bathroom.
- Damn it!

209
00:07:45,241 --> 00:07:47,775
I have two fetuses
kicking me in the bladder,

210
00:07:47,877 --> 00:07:49,076
and I really have to pee!

211
00:07:49,145 --> 00:07:51,112
Okay, well,
Larry's litter box is on the porch.

212
00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:53,247
She's pregnant!
You can't ask her to go outside

213
00:07:53,316 --> 00:07:54,515
- and squat ov...
- Be right back!

214
00:07:54,617 --> 00:07:56,317
Gross!

215
00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:58,219
You're not better than us, you know.

216
00:08:00,186 --> 00:08:01,655
Why do you think you're not sleeping?

217
00:08:01,724 --> 00:08:02,890
I don't know.

218
00:08:02,992 --> 00:08:04,692
I guess I got a lot on my mind.

219
00:08:04,761 --> 00:08:06,594
Bills, my one numb toe,

220
00:08:06,662 --> 00:08:08,095
is Haley gonna be a terrible mom,

221
00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:09,230
global warming...

222
00:08:09,298 --> 00:08:10,698
Back up, back up, back up.

223
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:11,766
Which toe is numb?

224
00:08:11,834 --> 00:08:13,768
Left foot. The one that goes to market.

225
00:08:13,870 --> 00:08:15,936
And why are you worried about Haley?

226
00:08:16,005 --> 00:08:19,273
At her baby class,
she did not seem ready.

227
00:08:20,030 --> 00:08:21,842
I'm kind of glad Dylan
had to work today.

228
00:08:21,944 --> 00:08:23,377
I'm excited to see what you've learned.

229
00:08:23,446 --> 00:08:26,714
Okay, everybody.
Quick review before we start.

230
00:08:26,783 --> 00:08:29,717
At what age can you first
give babies solid food?

231
00:08:29,786 --> 00:08:31,485
- Six months.
- Two years!

232
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:34,021
And when you put baby down to sleep,
you place him on his...

233
00:08:34,090 --> 00:08:35,322
- Back.
- Mattress.

234
00:08:35,424 --> 00:08:37,124
And the fontanelle is...

235
00:08:37,193 --> 00:08:40,161
- Soft spot.
- A hotel in Miami?

236
00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:42,496
Phil. You ready to sell a house?

237
00:08:42,598 --> 00:08:44,565
Yes. Yes. Let's do this.

238
00:08:44,667 --> 00:08:46,700
Uh, Desmond, this is my director, Luke.

239
00:08:46,803 --> 00:08:47,701
I'm your son.

240
00:08:47,770 --> 00:08:50,142
Aww. You always will be.

241
00:08:50,177 --> 00:08:51,138
Ohh!

242
00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:54,642
- Dad.
- Desmond is the brains

243
00:08:54,710 --> 00:08:57,878
behind the best high-end
real-estate walkthrough videos.

244
00:08:57,947 --> 00:09:00,014
He's helped move more houses than, um...

245
00:09:00,116 --> 00:09:01,549
than, uh...

246
00:09:01,617 --> 00:09:04,952
What's the... What's the crack
that... causes all the earthquakes?

247
00:09:05,021 --> 00:09:06,020
The San Andreas fault.

248
00:09:07,924 --> 00:09:09,523
That's funny.

249
00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:12,293
So, to recap our discussion,

250
00:09:12,361 --> 00:09:13,961
we'll start with the camera
coming down the walk.

251
00:09:14,063 --> 00:09:17,298
You open the door, say
"Welcome to 15683 Canyon Ridge Drive,

252
00:09:17,366 --> 00:09:19,934
a six-bedroom, seven-bathroom,
8,600 square-foot home

253
00:09:20,036 --> 00:09:21,769
in the prestigious 90212 ZIP code."

254
00:09:21,838 --> 00:09:23,804
- Ah.
- You got it?

255
00:09:23,873 --> 00:09:26,540
15683, 15683...

256
00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:27,675
I got it.

257
00:09:27,777 --> 00:09:30,077
Good. Let's try one.

258
00:09:30,179 --> 00:09:31,312
Here we go.

259
00:09:31,414 --> 00:09:32,947
Ready, and...

260
00:09:33,015 --> 00:09:33,881
action.

261
00:09:34,903 --> 00:09:38,085
15683.

262
00:09:40,389 --> 00:09:41,722
- Cut.
- Moving on?

263
00:09:41,791 --> 00:09:42,756
N-No.

264
00:09:42,825 --> 00:09:44,859
No, that wasn't right at all.

265
00:09:44,927 --> 00:09:47,528
Um... pretty sure it was.

266
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:48,829
Phil.

267
00:09:48,931 --> 00:09:50,431
You've got to do the whole thing.

268
00:09:50,533 --> 00:09:51,532
Oh.

269
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,434
Oh, yes. Yeah, of course.

270
00:09:53,536 --> 00:09:54,301
Yeah.

271
00:09:54,403 --> 00:09:55,402
All right.

272
00:09:55,504 --> 00:09:57,705
Back to one.

273
00:09:57,807 --> 00:09:59,874
Ready, and...

274
00:09:59,942 --> 00:10:01,108
action.

275
00:10:06,983 --> 00:10:08,082
Thank you.

276
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:10,117
Claire! Thanks for coming in.

277
00:10:10,186 --> 00:10:11,852
I'm Ben. This is my brother, Evan.

278
00:10:11,954 --> 00:10:12,686
Hi.

279
00:10:12,755 --> 00:10:13,988
Our dad's Uncle Ned.

280
00:10:14,090 --> 00:10:15,623
But we just call him Dad.

281
00:10:15,691 --> 00:10:17,291
We are so happy you're here.

282
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,393
Well, thank you so much for having me.

283
00:10:19,462 --> 00:10:22,363
And can I say...
it smells amazing in here!

284
00:10:22,465 --> 00:10:24,098
It's the cookies.

285
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,524
Yeah.

286
00:10:25,568 --> 00:10:26,934
We are so very impressed

287
00:10:27,003 --> 00:10:29,503
with what your closet company
has done, fiscally speaking.

288
00:10:29,572 --> 00:10:32,306
Well, to be fair, my dad
is the one who built the business.

289
00:10:32,408 --> 00:10:33,540
We can relate to that.

290
00:10:33,643 --> 00:10:35,042
But we mean since you joined.

291
00:10:35,111 --> 00:10:37,611
Many people are saying that's
when it really took off.

292
00:10:37,713 --> 00:10:40,147
It is so nice to be recognized.

293
00:10:40,216 --> 00:10:43,550
I... I see tremendous growth
potential in this company.

294
00:10:43,619 --> 00:10:44,818
We think so.

295
00:10:44,887 --> 00:10:47,054
That is, with the right captain
steering the ship,

296
00:10:47,156 --> 00:10:48,656
fiscally speaking.

297
00:10:48,758 --> 00:10:52,893
Which is why we're prepared
to offer you a big salary,

298
00:10:52,962 --> 00:10:54,194
stock stuff...

299
00:10:54,263 --> 00:10:56,330
And all the cookies you can eat.

300
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,157
I didn't expect this
to be going so fast.

301
00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:02,469
- Um...
- Well, we're kind of on a clock.

302
00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:05,873
You see, the IRS has called
some of our bookkeeping...

303
00:11:05,975 --> 00:11:07,775
"flagrantly illegal."

304
00:11:07,843 --> 00:11:08,943
How could that happen?

305
00:11:09,011 --> 00:11:11,178
We were hoping you could tell us.

306
00:11:12,114 --> 00:11:13,814
We don't know anything about business.

307
00:11:13,916 --> 00:11:15,115
- Fiscally speaking?
- Yeah.

308
00:11:15,184 --> 00:11:16,283
- Mm.
- Exactly.

309
00:11:16,352 --> 00:11:17,885
That was kind of our dad's thing.

310
00:11:17,954 --> 00:11:21,789
Also, making them, selling them,
all that other stuff.

311
00:11:21,857 --> 00:11:25,292
Just to be clear,
what are your roles here?

312
00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:27,294
We used to taste the cookies,

313
00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:29,296
but now we're chairmen of the board.

314
00:11:30,433 --> 00:11:31,465
I see.

315
00:11:31,534 --> 00:11:35,669
As such, we are legally bound to mention
a little situation we have with the FDA.

316
00:11:35,771 --> 00:11:37,171
Thanks to Evan,

317
00:11:37,273 --> 00:11:40,174
we keep failing something called
the "hairs-per-million test."

318
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:43,477
And due to the videotaped
evidence against our father,

319
00:11:43,546 --> 00:11:46,580
we need a highly qualified
woman such as yourself

320
00:11:46,649 --> 00:11:49,316
to testify in front of Congress.

321
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:50,417
Hmm.

322
00:11:50,486 --> 00:11:53,253
Uh... guys, this is a lot to take in.

323
00:11:54,190 --> 00:11:56,790
Well, I think we know what that means.

324
00:11:56,892 --> 00:11:57,958
Yeah.

325
00:11:58,060 --> 00:11:59,793
Welcome to Uncle Ned's.

326
00:12:05,134 --> 00:12:08,369
Whether you're a bachelor,
a couple, or a flamily...

327
00:12:08,951 --> 00:12:11,105
"Flamily"... I just said "flamily."

328
00:12:12,041 --> 00:12:13,540
Wait, is it "flamily"?

329
00:12:13,642 --> 00:12:14,575
All right.

330
00:12:14,677 --> 00:12:16,110
Let's just take it from,

331
00:12:16,178 --> 00:12:19,380
"This is modern California
living at its finest."

332
00:12:19,482 --> 00:12:21,248
And action.

333
00:12:21,317 --> 00:12:24,218
This is modern California
living at its finest.

334
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,353
Stop! You're doing
the British accent again.

335
00:12:26,422 --> 00:12:28,822
I'm not hearing it!

336
00:12:28,924 --> 00:12:30,057
And action.

337
00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:32,326
You'll have state-of-the-art...

338
00:12:32,395 --> 00:12:34,194
appliances...

339
00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:36,163
I'm sorry. I got this.

340
00:12:42,838 --> 00:12:45,205
Imagine life from this perspective.

341
00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:46,774
That thing is gonna hit me!

342
00:12:46,876 --> 00:12:49,743
And best of all,
the entire house is fully automated.

343
00:12:49,845 --> 00:12:51,979
You can turn on the gorgeous
fountains right from your phone.

344
00:12:54,583 --> 00:12:56,216
Shoot. They're not working.

345
00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:58,085
Hey, I can feel my toe!

346
00:12:58,154 --> 00:13:01,588
And this one is about
hormonal fluctuations

347
00:13:01,657 --> 00:13:04,058
that can cause radical mood swings.

348
00:13:04,126 --> 00:13:06,660
One minute, you're totally fine,
and then the next,

349
00:13:06,729 --> 00:13:08,529
- you're just...
- Go home, nerd!

350
00:13:09,632 --> 00:13:11,231
lashing out when someone
is trying to help you.

351
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:12,399
Okay, well, thank you for helping,

352
00:13:12,468 --> 00:13:13,667
and don't take it personally.

353
00:13:13,769 --> 00:13:15,669
At least now we know why
she called my signature cuffs

354
00:13:15,738 --> 00:13:17,671
tackier than the Debbie Reynolds museum.

355
00:13:17,740 --> 00:13:19,706
Y-Yes, that was definitely
the hormones talking.

356
00:13:19,775 --> 00:13:22,409
Look, everyone's taking this
whole thing way too seriously.

357
00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:23,977
When my daughter has
her first Shark Week,

358
00:13:24,046 --> 00:13:25,412
we're just gonna laugh about it.

359
00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:26,613
That's what girls want.

360
00:13:26,715 --> 00:13:29,416
I mean, it is bananas
what happens down there every month.

361
00:13:29,485 --> 00:13:31,885
Only good thing is,
it reminds me to pay my bills.

362
00:13:31,954 --> 00:13:34,188
Oh, that's why my credit
card keeps getting denied.

363
00:13:34,256 --> 00:13:36,023
Hey, if there's somewhere
you need to be...

364
00:13:36,125 --> 00:13:37,624
- Just watch this.
- Mm.

365
00:13:40,029 --> 00:13:40,928
Hey, bitch.

366
00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:41,962
Haley's here?

367
00:13:42,031 --> 00:13:43,497
That's right. And cheer up.

368
00:13:43,566 --> 00:13:45,933
You're missing the whole
silver lining in all of this.

369
00:13:46,001 --> 00:13:50,104
A period is a Get Out Of Jail Free card
for everything.

370
00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:51,338
Didn't study for a test?

371
00:13:51,407 --> 00:13:53,273
"Oh, wah. I have cramps."

372
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:54,575
Don't want to go to gym class?

373
00:13:54,677 --> 00:13:56,376
"Sorry... lady problems."

374
00:13:56,479 --> 00:13:58,879
Wanna eat a whole sheet cake?
Shut down a bad date?

375
00:13:58,981 --> 00:14:01,014
Smuggle some weed into a
concert in your tampon box?

376
00:14:01,083 --> 00:14:02,116
Ain't nobody looking in there.

377
00:14:02,218 --> 00:14:03,584
What is wrong with you?

378
00:14:03,686 --> 00:14:05,652
That's the advice you want
to give your daughter?

379
00:14:05,754 --> 00:14:07,521
I know! I'm a disaster!

380
00:14:07,623 --> 00:14:10,591
How am I going to be a mother?
I can't even make a swaddle!

381
00:14:10,693 --> 00:14:12,793
I'm gonna raise a couple losers,
just like me!

382
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,928
It's not your fault, you sweet dummies!

383
00:14:15,485 --> 00:14:16,597
Lily!

384
00:14:16,699 --> 00:14:18,232
Oh, my God. You too?

385
00:14:18,807 --> 00:14:20,901
I made you a Colombian poultice.

386
00:14:21,003 --> 00:14:23,170
Is that what stinks?
It's making me sick!

387
00:14:23,272 --> 00:14:24,838
We're gonna rub it all over your belly,

388
00:14:24,940 --> 00:14:26,173
and it's gonna make you feel better.

389
00:14:26,275 --> 00:14:29,109
It's also not terrible
on toast with a fried egg.

390
00:14:29,684 --> 00:14:30,978
How many people are out there?

391
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,213
Just a few supportive women.

392
00:14:33,315 --> 00:14:34,548
Hello, sisters.

393
00:14:34,650 --> 00:14:36,183
I must've texted the wrong thread.

394
00:14:36,285 --> 00:14:38,252
Allow me to talk to the Earth Goddess.

395
00:14:38,354 --> 00:14:39,340
U-Um...

396
00:14:39,522 --> 00:14:42,356
Lily? Step-Uncle Manny's here.

397
00:14:42,458 --> 00:14:43,590
Cherish this.

398
00:14:43,692 --> 00:14:46,093
You've been given
the ability to create life.

399
00:14:46,195 --> 00:14:48,795
Each cramp, each migraine
should remind you...

400
00:14:48,898 --> 00:14:51,064
Get the out of here, Manny!

401
00:14:52,801 --> 00:14:54,001
Take care, everybody.

402
00:14:54,103 --> 00:14:55,369
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

403
00:14:57,652 --> 00:14:59,947
Claire, get in here.

404
00:15:00,443 --> 00:15:02,250
How'd the interview go?

405
00:15:02,352 --> 00:15:03,284
Amazing.

406
00:15:03,353 --> 00:15:05,887
First of all,
that place smells delicious.

407
00:15:05,955 --> 00:15:07,922
They made me an offer on the spot.

408
00:15:08,024 --> 00:15:10,324
CEO, travel...

409
00:15:10,427 --> 00:15:12,293
hobnobbing with Congressmen.

410
00:15:12,395 --> 00:15:13,828
Well, I'm not surprised.

411
00:15:13,930 --> 00:15:15,396
You're a terrific candidate.

412
00:15:16,599 --> 00:15:17,832
I turned them down.

413
00:15:18,308 --> 00:15:19,067
Why?

414
00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:21,369
Well, first of all,
because I made a commitment

415
00:15:21,438 --> 00:15:22,737
to everyone here and to you.

416
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:26,007
And it just...
didn't feel right to leave.

417
00:15:26,076 --> 00:15:28,543
That makes what I'm
about to say awkward.

418
00:15:29,479 --> 00:15:30,478
I'm quitting.

419
00:15:30,547 --> 00:15:32,880
Oh, wha... You're that mad at me?

420
00:15:32,982 --> 00:15:35,383
No, I listened to what you said,

421
00:15:35,452 --> 00:15:37,251
and you're never truly
gonna be in charge

422
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,720
until I get out of your way.

423
00:15:38,788 --> 00:15:40,088
You didn't have to do that for me.

424
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:41,322
I didn't do it just for you.

425
00:15:41,424 --> 00:15:43,591
Every good closet man
knows when to hang it up.

426
00:15:43,660 --> 00:15:46,127
And I... I think
I'm ready for a new challenge.

427
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,995
Oh, Dad, not window tinting.

428
00:15:48,064 --> 00:15:51,332
It's like printing money,
but no, it's not for me.

429
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:53,034
Here's what I'm excited about.

430
00:15:53,103 --> 00:15:54,836
Let me show you. Mm.

431
00:15:56,773 --> 00:15:57,939
What am I looking at?

432
00:15:58,007 --> 00:15:59,173
The future.

433
00:15:59,242 --> 00:16:01,209
Fun dog beds.

434
00:16:01,277 --> 00:16:03,778
Oh, my God. This is
the pineapple you were doodling.

435
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,813
Yes! I designed it myself!

436
00:16:05,915 --> 00:16:07,582
Cool. Cool.

437
00:16:07,684 --> 00:16:10,584
So, the pharmacy tracks how all
of your medications interact, right?

438
00:16:10,779 --> 00:16:12,253
Claire, every year,

439
00:16:12,322 --> 00:16:16,157
people in this country spend
$70 billion on their pets.

440
00:16:16,259 --> 00:16:17,525
People or just you?

441
00:16:17,594 --> 00:16:18,926
I got a manufacturer lined up.

442
00:16:18,995 --> 00:16:20,828
I'll sell them online,
keep the overhead low,

443
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,964
go to a bunch of dog shows... super fun.

444
00:16:23,032 --> 00:16:25,767
And if I don't lose all
the money that I made

445
00:16:25,835 --> 00:16:28,503
selling my share of this place,

446
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:29,704
I'm happy.

447
00:16:29,806 --> 00:16:30,838
Wow.

448
00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:32,473
It's kind of the end of an era, huh?

449
00:16:33,543 --> 00:16:35,076
Are you sure you want to do this?

450
00:16:35,145 --> 00:16:37,445
I'd have quit years ago
if you weren't here.

451
00:16:38,681 --> 00:16:40,281
It's gonna be weird
coming to work without you.

452
00:16:40,350 --> 00:16:41,616
Well, if you miss me too much,

453
00:16:41,684 --> 00:16:44,952
there'll always be a position
for you at Dog Beds by Stella.

454
00:16:45,021 --> 00:16:48,456
Thank you, but I think maybe it is time
I prove myself on my own.

455
00:16:48,525 --> 00:16:50,391
You sure? 'Cause this could be huge.

456
00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:52,593
I got a million dog-bed ideas.

457
00:16:52,695 --> 00:16:55,296
I got a hot-dog bun,
I got a space capsule,

458
00:16:55,365 --> 00:16:56,631
I got an igloo.

459
00:16:56,699 --> 00:16:59,433
What about one shaped like a dog bone?

460
00:16:59,536 --> 00:17:00,501
You'll get there.

461
00:17:04,741 --> 00:17:06,140
Hey, how's Lily doing?

462
00:17:06,209 --> 00:17:08,709
Well, I certainly didn't help.
I only made it worse.

463
00:17:09,045 --> 00:17:11,045
What am I gonna do
when our kids need me?

464
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,413
You're overthinking it.

465
00:17:12,482 --> 00:17:14,549
The minute you see a sweet
little face that needs you,

466
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,584
your instincts will kick in,
and you'll know what to do.

467
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:18,419
That's what everybody keeps saying,

468
00:17:18,521 --> 00:17:20,321
but what if it's not true?

469
00:17:22,192 --> 00:17:23,357
Hey, Mr. D.

470
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:25,259
- Hey.
- Are you okay?

471
00:17:25,328 --> 00:17:27,295
I haven't slept for days,

472
00:17:27,397 --> 00:17:29,697
and I screwed up at work today.

473
00:17:29,766 --> 00:17:31,933
Oh, I'm sure it's not
as bad as you think.

474
00:17:32,001 --> 00:17:34,435
Well, the cameraman called it
"Disaster-piece Theatre,"

475
00:17:34,537 --> 00:17:36,103
and everybody was like,
"Good one, Craig."

476
00:17:36,172 --> 00:17:38,940
And you know what? It was.
It was a good one, Craig.

477
00:17:39,008 --> 00:17:40,441
Hey, it's okay.

478
00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:41,876
I had to rehire the crew

479
00:17:41,945 --> 00:17:43,711
to shoot the whole thing again tomorrow.

480
00:17:43,780 --> 00:17:44,779
I'm way over budget.

481
00:17:44,848 --> 00:17:46,080
I'm probably gonna lose the listing...

482
00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:47,315
Shh.

483
00:17:47,383 --> 00:17:48,883
You're just overtired.

484
00:17:48,952 --> 00:17:50,651
Why don't you close your eyes?

485
00:17:50,753 --> 00:17:52,486
Dylan, make some white noise.

486
00:17:52,589 --> 00:17:55,590
I am going to try something.

487
00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:56,891
Oh. That's nice.

488
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,533
Honey.

489
00:18:05,635 --> 00:18:07,635
You're getting really good at this.

490
00:18:07,704 --> 00:18:09,003
You think so?

491
00:18:09,105 --> 00:18:10,671
I do.

492
00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:12,440
Thanks.

493
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,942
All right. You just rest now.

494
00:18:15,044 --> 00:18:17,011
Everything's gonna be okay.

495
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,614
Yeah. It is.

496
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:22,149
Can I stop now? I'm gonna pass out.

497
00:18:25,555 --> 00:18:27,889
We could just pick the lock
and get her out of there.

498
00:18:27,957 --> 00:18:29,724
And then what?
She doesn't want to talk to us.

499
00:18:29,792 --> 00:18:32,360
She never wants to talk to us.
That hasn't stopped us before.

500
00:18:32,462 --> 00:18:34,996
We're only letting it now
because we're uncomfortable, right?

501
00:18:35,064 --> 00:18:36,230
Obviously, you're right.

502
00:18:36,299 --> 00:18:39,367
Why else would I be
devouring Gloria's poultice?

503
00:18:39,435 --> 00:18:40,468
You know what?

504
00:18:40,570 --> 00:18:42,737
Come on. We're her dads.

505
00:18:42,839 --> 00:18:44,171
We'll figure something out.

506
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,307
Hey, honey?

507
00:18:46,409 --> 00:18:47,375
Everyone's gone.

508
00:18:47,443 --> 00:18:49,043
And we're sorry we embarrassed you.

509
00:18:49,145 --> 00:18:51,979
We should've never included
all those people into...

510
00:18:52,081 --> 00:18:53,447
this situation.

511
00:18:53,516 --> 00:18:55,783
And just because we're
boys doesn't mean we...

512
00:18:55,852 --> 00:18:57,818
we can't talk you through your first...

513
00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:00,087
"sloughing off of your
endometrial tissue."

514
00:19:00,156 --> 00:19:02,356
Yeah, "which typically
lasts between two and...

515
00:19:02,458 --> 00:19:04,292
- seven days"?
- Seven?

516
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,394
- Oh, my God.
- That's crazy.

517
00:19:06,462 --> 00:19:08,829
Look, Lily,
your whole life, it's been...

518
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:11,899
it's been the three of us
figuring out stuff together.

519
00:19:12,001 --> 00:19:14,602
Yeah, don't you remember
in the... in the second grade,

520
00:19:14,704 --> 00:19:17,972
when you came home crying
because Julie Kwan made fun

521
00:19:18,041 --> 00:19:20,875
of your Ricky Martin
"She Bangs" lunch box?

522
00:19:20,977 --> 00:19:22,843
You didn't want to talk
about that, but then,

523
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:25,813
when you finally did, you felt better.

524
00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,949
Yeah, you... you don't have
to figure this out alone.

525
00:19:28,017 --> 00:19:30,985
Yeah, we may not have gone
through the exact same thing,

526
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,820
but, you know, in the seventh grade,

527
00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,622
our bodies started changing, too.

528
00:19:34,724 --> 00:19:35,856
Sixth for me.

529
00:19:35,959 --> 00:19:37,258
It's not a competition.

530
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:39,660
And those changes...

531
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:40,928
they were confusing.

532
00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:43,664
Yeah, they were con...
confusing and scary

533
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:46,033
and also, um...

534
00:19:46,135 --> 00:19:49,203
exciting because, um...

535
00:19:49,305 --> 00:19:51,539
you're growing up... Lily.

536
00:19:51,641 --> 00:19:52,940
And we're your parents, okay?

537
00:19:53,042 --> 00:19:54,108
We are gonna make mistakes,

538
00:19:54,210 --> 00:19:56,444
and we are not gonna
have all the answers,

539
00:19:56,546 --> 00:19:59,714
but when you do want to talk about it,

540
00:19:59,816 --> 00:20:01,816
we're... we're here for you.

541
00:20:01,918 --> 00:20:03,117
Yeah.

542
00:20:03,219 --> 00:20:04,552
We love you.

543
00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:15,037
Uh-oh. Here comes The Great Snoozedini.

544
00:20:15,139 --> 00:20:17,973
You see before you three ordinary cups.

545
00:20:18,075 --> 00:20:20,042
Cups you'd find in any kitchen.

546
00:20:20,144 --> 00:20:22,211
Nothing magical about them.

547
00:20:22,313 --> 00:20:24,513
Here, we have one new potato.

548
00:20:24,615 --> 00:20:27,815
Keep your eye on the
cup with the potato.

549
00:20:30,835 --> 00:20:33,011
Anybody here from out of town?

550
00:20:33,055 --> 00:20:35,231
I feel bad. Should we wake him up?

551
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,364
Not until we find out
where the potato is.

552
00:20:37,407 --> 00:20:38,800
It's under that one, right?

553
00:20:38,843 --> 00:20:40,236
Is the potato here?

554
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:43,413
Is the potato here?

555
00:20:44,271 --> 00:20:45,067
Ohh.

556
00:20:45,110 --> 00:20:47,243
This trick's a real...

557
00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:48,244
lemon.

558
00:20:50,377 --> 00:20:52,074
Good night, everyone.

559
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:55,817
Amazing!

560
00:21:02,668 --> 00:21:04,680
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