1 00:00:03,195 --> 00:00:05,779 Guys, I am nailing my seating chart. 2 00:00:07,518 --> 00:00:09,720 Can you not put me near Luke? I can't with the chewing. 3 00:00:09,822 --> 00:00:10,957 You are a spoiled city kid. 4 00:00:11,059 --> 00:00:13,595 I was 11 before I got to sit at the people table. 5 00:00:14,255 --> 00:00:16,067 Cam. Cam, I've asked you 10 times. 6 00:00:16,136 --> 00:00:17,436 Why haven't you sent me our itinerary 7 00:00:17,538 --> 00:00:18,838 for your trip to your parents' house? 8 00:00:18,941 --> 00:00:20,008 Been a little busy. 9 00:00:20,077 --> 00:00:22,379 Okay, well, you spent three hours making a JibJab 10 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:24,383 of you, me, and Lily dancing in Santa's Twerkshop. 11 00:00:24,762 --> 00:00:25,519 Look at our butts. 12 00:00:25,621 --> 00:00:27,356 - Yeah. - Merry Christmas! 13 00:00:27,458 --> 00:00:28,658 - Merry Christmas. - Hello. 14 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:29,995 So, who's going to get me a drink? 15 00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:31,107 Mama's done breast-feeding. 16 00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:32,533 These babies are all mine again, 17 00:00:32,635 --> 00:00:34,069 and I'm ready to fill 'em up with wine. 18 00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:35,940 Ooh. Well, not how the human body works, 19 00:00:36,042 --> 00:00:37,476 but I'm very happy for you. 20 00:00:37,578 --> 00:00:39,981 - Ah! I've missed Old Haley! - Ohh! Me too. 21 00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:42,819 Oh, hey, can you move Haley away from me and the twins? 22 00:00:42,923 --> 00:00:45,525 My present to her is the night off from Mommy duties, so... 23 00:00:45,627 --> 00:00:47,663 Okay, well, I would've appreciated a little heads-up, 24 00:00:47,765 --> 00:00:49,500 but it's a thoughtful gift, so... 25 00:00:49,602 --> 00:00:51,003 It's also free, which is helpful 26 00:00:51,105 --> 00:00:53,241 because I forgot my ATM pin last summer. 27 00:00:53,343 --> 00:00:56,013 Any chance I ever mentioned my four favorite numbers to you? 28 00:00:56,115 --> 00:00:57,282 - No. - Oh, no. 29 00:00:57,384 --> 00:00:59,520 Please move me away from Gloria. It'll be weird. 30 00:00:59,867 --> 00:01:01,190 Gloria's been working for my dad. 31 00:01:01,636 --> 00:01:04,063 He totally mentored her, and then the other day, 32 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,701 I caught her interviewing with his competitors. 33 00:01:06,803 --> 00:01:08,104 So, if I come on board, 34 00:01:08,206 --> 00:01:10,609 do I have to change my hairstyle? 35 00:01:12,916 --> 00:01:14,416 - We'll talk about it. - It's kind of our thing. 36 00:01:17,707 --> 00:01:18,892 Word to the wise... 37 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,999 I'm like the last five Matthew McConaughey movies. 38 00:01:22,101 --> 00:01:23,167 You never saw me. 39 00:01:25,807 --> 00:01:27,376 Fine. 40 00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:29,146 Merry Christmas! 41 00:01:29,248 --> 00:01:30,749 - Hello. - Wow! 42 00:01:30,852 --> 00:01:33,454 Now, this is what a Christmas table should look like. 43 00:01:33,556 --> 00:01:34,657 - Huh. - No offense, honey. 44 00:01:34,759 --> 00:01:36,895 I also love your whole "who cares" approach. 45 00:01:37,866 --> 00:01:39,852 Um... Cam? 46 00:01:39,887 --> 00:01:41,337 I can't sit next to Dad. 47 00:01:41,439 --> 00:01:43,608 I think he's gonna ask me to work for his stupid dog bed company. 48 00:01:43,710 --> 00:01:45,011 Ugh. Claire! 49 00:01:45,113 --> 00:01:46,147 What? 50 00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:48,309 I can't break his heart on Christmas. 51 00:01:48,344 --> 00:01:51,223 You know how the holiday makes him so sweet and vulnerable. 52 00:01:51,326 --> 00:01:52,626 I hate this damn scarf! 53 00:01:52,728 --> 00:01:54,430 I look like Anjelica Huston! 54 00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:56,334 Cam bought it! You wear it! 55 00:01:56,436 --> 00:01:57,569 Hey! 56 00:01:57,671 --> 00:02:00,287 Love the scarf! I feel like a movie star! 57 00:02:00,322 --> 00:02:02,312 Cam, put me next to Claire, okay? 58 00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:03,882 I want to talk to her about something. 59 00:02:03,984 --> 00:02:05,352 There she is! 60 00:02:05,454 --> 00:02:06,754 I can't wait to give you your gift. 61 00:02:06,857 --> 00:02:08,424 Should we open it now? Let's open it now. 62 00:02:08,526 --> 00:02:09,994 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 63 00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:11,464 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 64 00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:13,064 Huh? 65 00:02:13,099 --> 00:02:14,279 You get it? 66 00:02:14,314 --> 00:02:15,840 2020 vision. 67 00:02:15,942 --> 00:02:17,342 It works two ways. 68 00:02:17,444 --> 00:02:19,146 You are gonna be on so many bus benches. 69 00:02:19,248 --> 00:02:20,983 And in a different way than when you had to go somewhere 70 00:02:21,085 --> 00:02:22,685 before you married Jay. 71 00:02:22,737 --> 00:02:25,541 Wow. Dad, that is a lovely gesture. 72 00:02:25,643 --> 00:02:26,810 Thank you, Alex. 73 00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:29,549 You always know what to say and what not to say. 74 00:02:29,651 --> 00:02:31,286 Phil, you're amazing. 75 00:02:31,355 --> 00:02:33,390 Which is ironic, I think, 76 00:02:33,492 --> 00:02:36,697 because your son might be a sociopath. 77 00:02:36,799 --> 00:02:38,902 Wait. W-What's all this, then? 78 00:02:39,004 --> 00:02:40,271 Why don't you ask him? 79 00:02:40,373 --> 00:02:41,807 Luke, what happened? 80 00:02:41,910 --> 00:02:44,379 I will tell you what happened. 81 00:02:44,448 --> 00:02:47,452 Instead of helping Manny get Sherry back, 82 00:02:47,554 --> 00:02:49,957 he stole her for himself! 83 00:02:51,362 --> 00:02:53,330 It's true. Sherry and I are a thing. 84 00:02:53,432 --> 00:02:55,568 - What? - Oh, my God. Wow. - Seriously? 85 00:02:55,670 --> 00:02:57,038 Cam, take Manny off. 86 00:02:57,140 --> 00:02:58,340 He's not coming. 87 00:02:58,442 --> 00:03:00,378 Okay, fine. Everybody just sit wherever they want, 88 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,250 like a bunch of hobos around a barrel fire. 89 00:03:16,677 --> 00:03:18,283 Luke, how could you do this? 90 00:03:18,343 --> 00:03:19,510 And to Manny, of all people? 91 00:03:19,612 --> 00:03:22,917 I feel bad, but this thing with Sherry is... 92 00:03:23,019 --> 00:03:24,286 special. 93 00:03:24,388 --> 00:03:26,290 This isn't my usual hit it and quit it. 94 00:03:26,392 --> 00:03:27,693 - That's rough on the ears. - Charming. 95 00:03:27,795 --> 00:03:29,530 Plus, Sherry doesn't want to be with Manny, 96 00:03:29,632 --> 00:03:31,902 and we really connect. 97 00:03:32,770 --> 00:03:35,943 Well, I... I guess if you really care about her that much... 98 00:03:36,045 --> 00:03:38,681 I do. She's smart and cool, 99 00:03:38,783 --> 00:03:39,817 and, man, does she make me laugh. 100 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:40,953 I get it. 101 00:03:40,955 --> 00:03:42,622 Nothing sexier than a funny woman. 102 00:03:43,526 --> 00:03:45,228 Or an organized one. 103 00:03:45,330 --> 00:03:47,466 So, what's up with you and Cam? 104 00:03:47,568 --> 00:03:48,735 I'm sensing tension. 105 00:03:48,837 --> 00:03:50,171 I didn't sense any tension. 106 00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,674 I was just looking for some drama 107 00:03:51,776 --> 00:03:53,211 and figured it was a safe bet. 108 00:03:53,313 --> 00:03:54,747 - There is tension! - Mm! 109 00:03:54,850 --> 00:03:56,852 Okay, so, first of all, 110 00:03:56,954 --> 00:03:59,223 he's being extra crazy about this dinner. 111 00:03:59,325 --> 00:04:00,825 - Uh-huh. - But now get this... 112 00:04:00,928 --> 00:04:02,295 Every Christmas, I complain about 113 00:04:02,398 --> 00:04:04,833 having to go home with him to... to see his family, 114 00:04:04,936 --> 00:04:06,972 and this year, he said I don't have to go. 115 00:04:07,074 --> 00:04:08,741 And he was totally cool about it. 116 00:04:08,844 --> 00:04:10,812 Oh, no. Super fishy. 117 00:04:10,915 --> 00:04:13,084 So, you didn't find any clues when you went through his luggage? 118 00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,787 I... didn't go through his luggage. 119 00:04:14,890 --> 00:04:16,624 It's like you want your marriage to fall apart. 120 00:04:16,726 --> 00:04:18,728 Come on. Ugh. 121 00:04:20,033 --> 00:04:22,035 What are we gonna do about Luke and Manny? 122 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,972 Nothing. The last thing I want 123 00:04:24,074 --> 00:04:25,508 is to get into a whole thing with Gloria. 124 00:04:25,610 --> 00:04:26,644 Hey, hon, got a minute? 125 00:04:26,646 --> 00:04:27,914 Ugh. Second to last. 126 00:04:28,016 --> 00:04:29,918 Sorry, Dad! I gotta get into a whole thing with Gloria. 127 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,520 Or nobody gets into anything with anybody 128 00:04:31,622 --> 00:04:33,224 and we have a storybook Christmas. 129 00:04:33,326 --> 00:04:34,560 - How about a mini cheeseball? - Mnh-mnh. 130 00:04:34,662 --> 00:04:36,797 Is Luke going to break up with Sherry? 131 00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:39,670 Gloria, I am sorry that Manny is so upset, 132 00:04:39,772 --> 00:04:41,507 but Luke's feelings are sincere. 133 00:04:41,609 --> 00:04:43,411 He's already beating himself up. 134 00:04:43,513 --> 00:04:45,482 Please, don't be mad at him. 135 00:04:45,584 --> 00:04:47,385 You're right. I shouldn't be mad at Luke. 136 00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:48,922 He didn't raise himself. 137 00:04:49,024 --> 00:04:50,358 Uh... 138 00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:51,527 one more time? 139 00:04:51,629 --> 00:04:54,166 Based on the stories from your past, 140 00:04:54,268 --> 00:04:58,241 you've rarely denied yourself the pleasures of the flesh. 141 00:04:58,343 --> 00:04:59,376 - Okay! Time... - Wow! 142 00:04:59,478 --> 00:05:01,146 - Time out! Time out! - Cam? Cam! 143 00:05:01,249 --> 00:05:03,684 Why do you have a first-class ticket to Missouri? 144 00:05:03,786 --> 00:05:06,323 Okay, not now. And why are you digging through my suitcase? 145 00:05:06,425 --> 00:05:07,459 - Uh... - Hey, Dad? 146 00:05:07,461 --> 00:05:08,628 Are you just gonna stand there 147 00:05:08,730 --> 00:05:10,331 while your wife calls me a tramp? 148 00:05:10,433 --> 00:05:12,636 I feel this is a risky time to weigh in. 149 00:05:12,738 --> 00:05:13,838 Agreed. No more fighting. 150 00:05:13,941 --> 00:05:16,243 Let's just all enjoy a cheeseball! 151 00:05:16,345 --> 00:05:18,414 - Mnh. - It's my grandma's 100-year-old recipe, 152 00:05:18,516 --> 00:05:20,685 except I use cayenne pepper instead of cocaine. 153 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:21,855 I'm sorry, Gloria. 154 00:05:21,957 --> 00:05:23,658 No one calls my wife loose. 155 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,430 In her day, did she enjoy the company of a few men? Sure. 156 00:05:26,532 --> 00:05:27,599 Is it hard to leave the house 157 00:05:27,701 --> 00:05:29,369 without running into one of her ex-lovers? 158 00:05:29,471 --> 00:05:30,605 Depends on what city we're in. 159 00:05:30,707 --> 00:05:31,774 Do you have an end to this? 160 00:05:31,877 --> 00:05:33,644 Her body, her choices, 161 00:05:33,713 --> 00:05:35,682 all over this beautiful planet! 162 00:05:35,784 --> 00:05:37,686 - Can we get back to the first-class ticket thing? - Yeah. Yeah. 163 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,056 What are we hiding? 164 00:05:39,158 --> 00:05:40,391 Okay, I'm not sure what you have to do with this, 165 00:05:40,493 --> 00:05:42,195 but my parents bought me that ticket. 166 00:05:42,264 --> 00:05:44,333 Your parents? The people whose idea of fancy 167 00:05:44,435 --> 00:05:46,537 is dropping a Certs into a jar of schnapps? 168 00:05:46,639 --> 00:05:48,708 I'll have you know that Grandma's Mint Rockets 169 00:05:48,776 --> 00:05:51,113 are the cocktail of choice at the governor's mansion. 170 00:05:51,215 --> 00:05:52,616 You coddle Manny. 171 00:05:52,718 --> 00:05:54,419 He should already be over Sherry. 172 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,690 But I guess that's what happens when you let a kid 173 00:05:56,759 --> 00:05:58,694 sleep in your bed till he's... 15. 174 00:05:58,796 --> 00:05:59,864 13. 175 00:05:59,866 --> 00:06:01,367 Why are we talking about Manny, anyway, 176 00:06:01,469 --> 00:06:03,104 when this is clearly Phil's fault? 177 00:06:03,206 --> 00:06:04,106 - What? - What? 178 00:06:04,108 --> 00:06:05,174 Well, I mean, you obviously 179 00:06:05,243 --> 00:06:07,078 didn't teach Luke about the gentlemen's code. 180 00:06:07,180 --> 00:06:08,214 I did so! 181 00:06:08,316 --> 00:06:09,716 Never leave a high-five hanging, 182 00:06:09,818 --> 00:06:12,188 no hug is too tight if you slap the guy's back... 183 00:06:12,290 --> 00:06:14,159 It's never steal a broad from a friend, 184 00:06:14,228 --> 00:06:15,495 never let him grow a mustache 185 00:06:15,597 --> 00:06:17,098 unless they're a first responder. 186 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:20,238 Okay. That is some high horse you're on there, Dad. 187 00:06:20,340 --> 00:06:22,709 Accusing Phil of dropping the parenting ball? 188 00:06:22,811 --> 00:06:23,912 Here we go. 189 00:06:24,014 --> 00:06:25,715 Name two of my friends growing up. 190 00:06:25,817 --> 00:06:27,285 The mean one and the heavy one. 191 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:31,426 - Hey, just a heads-up... Manny's here. - What? 192 00:06:31,429 --> 00:06:33,531 That shows how brave he is. 193 00:06:33,633 --> 00:06:35,634 Eh, but let's talk about something else. 194 00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:39,492 The last thing he wants is to make all this a big deal. 195 00:06:41,933 --> 00:06:43,334 Hello, all. 196 00:06:44,973 --> 00:06:46,573 Forgive my somber drapings, 197 00:06:46,675 --> 00:06:48,912 but like Masha in Chekhov's "The Seagull," 198 00:06:49,014 --> 00:06:50,781 I am in mourning for my life. 199 00:06:51,853 --> 00:06:53,787 And don't worry. I don't want any trouble. 200 00:06:53,890 --> 00:06:56,326 Today is not about me. It's about family. 201 00:06:56,428 --> 00:06:57,896 Our family. 202 00:06:57,999 --> 00:06:59,632 And the deep, profound love we share. 203 00:06:59,735 --> 00:07:01,236 Man, that's cheesy. 204 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:03,007 Maybe, but it's how I feel. 205 00:07:03,109 --> 00:07:06,747 Thank you, Manny, for reminding us all what's important 206 00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:09,887 and how this should be the most memorable Christmas. 207 00:07:09,989 --> 00:07:12,725 Manny, would you care for a champagne cocktail? 208 00:07:12,827 --> 00:07:14,864 Please. I do love champagne. 209 00:07:14,966 --> 00:07:16,733 And maybe when I turn my back, 210 00:07:16,835 --> 00:07:18,938 Luke can put his tongue all over it. 211 00:07:23,482 --> 00:07:25,101 Everything hurts! 212 00:07:26,509 --> 00:07:27,961 Luke, I think you should go. 213 00:07:28,008 --> 00:07:29,976 No. He is not going anywhere. 214 00:07:30,078 --> 00:07:33,950 Every family has a bad seed that needs to be cast out 215 00:07:34,002 --> 00:07:36,171 so that they can find their way back. 216 00:07:36,273 --> 00:07:38,709 I thought that ours was going to be Haley, 217 00:07:38,811 --> 00:07:40,746 but an accidental pregnancy 218 00:07:40,815 --> 00:07:43,385 saved her from a life of degradation. 219 00:07:43,487 --> 00:07:44,590 Aww! 220 00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:46,325 - W... - Nobody has to leave. 221 00:07:46,427 --> 00:07:48,362 I can spend one evening with the people I love 222 00:07:48,464 --> 00:07:49,664 and a shifty lecher 223 00:07:49,766 --> 00:07:51,568 who sleeps in a shower cap filled with mayonnaise. 224 00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:52,704 It gives me my sheen. 225 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,607 And I told you that in confidence, you hump! 226 00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:56,211 Okay! Knock it off! 227 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,148 It is time for some farm justice. 228 00:07:58,250 --> 00:08:00,286 Back home, when we have two alpha bulls, 229 00:08:00,388 --> 00:08:03,492 we lock 'em in a pen and let them fight it out. 230 00:08:03,544 --> 00:08:06,047 This is between Manny and Luke. 231 00:08:06,149 --> 00:08:08,251 Come on! Let's go. Hyah! Hyah! 232 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,589 Oh, and help yourself to a gingerbread person. 233 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,560 They're both gluten and gender free. 234 00:08:12,662 --> 00:08:14,063 Ohh! 235 00:08:14,165 --> 00:08:16,768 - Oh. - Isn't they a cutie? 236 00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:20,075 Do not come out of this room until this is settled. 237 00:08:20,177 --> 00:08:22,948 I will tell you what I tell the bulls, gentlemen... 238 00:08:23,050 --> 00:08:24,217 I love you both, 239 00:08:24,319 --> 00:08:27,189 but don't make me regret letting you keep your testicles. 240 00:08:30,197 --> 00:08:31,264 Okay. Punch me. 241 00:08:31,366 --> 00:08:32,833 I know it sounds crazy, but I think... 242 00:08:33,938 --> 00:08:35,572 Whoa! Amazing! 243 00:08:36,092 --> 00:08:37,409 I can't believe you did that! 244 00:08:37,478 --> 00:08:39,915 Me neither. And it didn't make me feel better, by the way. 245 00:08:40,017 --> 00:08:41,886 Maybe kick him or jab him in the eye. 246 00:08:41,978 --> 00:08:42,988 Manny, I'm sorry. 247 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,190 I wish it were someone else, 248 00:08:44,292 --> 00:08:46,194 but I really do care about Sherry. 249 00:08:46,263 --> 00:08:47,898 I go to sleep thinking about her. 250 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,734 I wake up thinking about her. 251 00:08:50,037 --> 00:08:51,404 When I see her, it's like... 252 00:08:51,506 --> 00:08:53,141 my heart is smiling. 253 00:08:53,243 --> 00:08:55,980 Wow. I didn't think this house could get any gayer. 254 00:08:56,082 --> 00:08:58,986 Well, I care about her, too, and I want her to be happy. 255 00:08:59,088 --> 00:09:00,388 So... 256 00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,059 make sure she knows how you feel. 257 00:09:02,161 --> 00:09:04,330 She's the kind of girl who needs to hear that. 258 00:09:04,757 --> 00:09:07,369 I don't know. I'm not good at that stuff. 259 00:09:07,388 --> 00:09:09,423 I'm better off just playing it cool. 260 00:09:10,694 --> 00:09:12,329 Can't believe I'm saying this... 261 00:09:12,398 --> 00:09:13,431 but I can help. 262 00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:14,968 I'll talk, you type. 263 00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,074 Are you being nice to make me feel worser? 264 00:09:18,176 --> 00:09:20,445 Okay, I'll talk and type. 265 00:09:21,549 --> 00:09:22,682 Honey, there you are! 266 00:09:22,785 --> 00:09:24,186 I've been wanting to talk to you about something... 267 00:09:24,288 --> 00:09:27,025 About the greatest golf shot you ever made? 268 00:09:27,127 --> 00:09:28,628 - What was that? - Oh, man. 269 00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:30,598 - 10th hole at Riviera. - Mm-hmm? 270 00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:32,135 - I had a decision to make. - Yeah? 271 00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:34,540 I could go left and stay out of trouble or... 272 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:35,976 Can't do it. Is Phil calling me? 273 00:09:36,079 --> 00:09:38,314 Listen, before you run, I have a professional opportunity 274 00:09:38,383 --> 00:09:39,683 - I'd like you to think... - I-I'd love to hear it. 275 00:09:39,785 --> 00:09:41,554 J... I'm just a little stuffy. Let me get some air. 276 00:09:42,292 --> 00:09:43,658 Are you aware that there are 277 00:09:43,726 --> 00:09:46,763 15 times more dogs in the world than Italians? 278 00:09:46,832 --> 00:09:48,000 Feels offensive. Not sure why. 279 00:09:48,102 --> 00:09:49,135 - Should we be mingling? - Listen. 280 00:09:49,204 --> 00:09:51,006 - I'm not gonna do a big spiel. - Mm-hmm. 281 00:09:51,108 --> 00:09:53,744 Suffice to say that science has shown us 282 00:09:53,847 --> 00:09:57,418 that having a well-rested dog improves our earning potential 283 00:09:57,521 --> 00:09:59,022 more than attending college. 284 00:09:59,091 --> 00:10:01,660 Dad? Can we play with my trucks now? 285 00:10:01,762 --> 00:10:03,330 Give me a couple of minutes, buddy, okay? 286 00:10:03,399 --> 00:10:06,905 'Cause I'm talking to the new VP of Dog Beds by Stella. 287 00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:09,877 Claire? 288 00:10:11,649 --> 00:10:12,983 Claire? 289 00:10:13,954 --> 00:10:15,187 Do you really think that Cam's parents 290 00:10:15,290 --> 00:10:16,623 bought him a first-class ticket? 291 00:10:16,725 --> 00:10:17,759 Aren't they poor? 292 00:10:17,862 --> 00:10:19,229 Don't they, like, eat plants and animals 293 00:10:19,331 --> 00:10:20,431 they find in their yard? 294 00:10:20,533 --> 00:10:22,402 They're farmers, yes. 295 00:10:22,494 --> 00:10:23,504 We gotta dig deeper. 296 00:10:23,506 --> 00:10:25,174 Get Cam's phone. Check his texts. 297 00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:26,878 That's an invasion of his privacy. 298 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,547 Plus, I don't even know his passcode. 299 00:10:28,616 --> 00:10:29,984 Well, I just need his face. 300 00:10:30,086 --> 00:10:32,021 I break into Dylan's phone all the time while he's sleeping. 301 00:10:32,123 --> 00:10:33,190 Not that I need to. 302 00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:35,194 All he does is Google water parks. 303 00:10:35,596 --> 00:10:37,798 Ooh! Uncle Cam! 304 00:10:37,901 --> 00:10:39,970 I forgot my phone in my car, 305 00:10:40,072 --> 00:10:42,241 and I want to take a Boomerang of me and my favorite uncle 306 00:10:42,343 --> 00:10:43,677 at his gorgeous Christmas dinner. 307 00:10:43,745 --> 00:10:45,481 - Can I use yours? - Well, that's very flattering, 308 00:10:45,583 --> 00:10:47,651 - but I'm a little busy with... - A-5, 6, 7, 8. 309 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,257 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 310 00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:53,063 Aha! It's gonna be huge. I'm gonna text it to myself. 311 00:10:53,065 --> 00:10:54,131 Okay, well, thank you. 312 00:10:54,134 --> 00:10:55,367 We're in. Bring the wine. 313 00:10:55,469 --> 00:10:57,404 Ooh, do Lily next. I'm worried she's vaping. 314 00:10:57,507 --> 00:10:59,575 Dad? What are you doing over here by yourself? 315 00:10:59,677 --> 00:11:00,744 Are you okay? 316 00:11:00,847 --> 00:11:03,183 Oh, I'm... I'm worried this Luke and Manny thing 317 00:11:03,285 --> 00:11:04,987 will affect me and Gloria at work. 318 00:11:05,089 --> 00:11:07,024 We've been having such a great time. 319 00:11:07,126 --> 00:11:09,228 I call us "Chica and the Man." 320 00:11:12,503 --> 00:11:14,438 Dad, I have to tell you something. 321 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,275 - Tell him what? - How? 322 00:11:16,277 --> 00:11:18,613 Hey, everybody, look who's friends again. 323 00:11:18,715 --> 00:11:19,722 That's right. 324 00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:21,987 Luke's gonna date Sherry, Manny's okay. 325 00:11:22,089 --> 00:11:24,425 Problem solved, farm-style! 326 00:11:24,527 --> 00:11:25,594 Moooo... 327 00:11:25,696 --> 00:11:26,796 Sorry about that. 328 00:11:26,899 --> 00:11:28,266 Back home, when someone would yell "farm-style," 329 00:11:28,335 --> 00:11:29,368 we'd all moo together. 330 00:11:29,370 --> 00:11:30,470 It's a sign of good breeding. 331 00:11:30,572 --> 00:11:33,476 Anyway, come. Sit, sit. Let's go. Sit down. 332 00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,148 How do you call yourself Colombian 333 00:11:36,251 --> 00:11:39,655 after letting that skunk off the hook so easily? 334 00:11:39,757 --> 00:11:42,361 Tell me, at least, that you have one of his toes in your pocket. 335 00:11:42,463 --> 00:11:45,033 Come on, now, Gloria. This is good news. 336 00:11:45,135 --> 00:11:47,304 Disloyalty being rewarded? 337 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:49,375 Disloyalty? Really? 338 00:11:49,477 --> 00:11:52,381 Dad, I caught Gloria interviewing for a job with another Realtor. 339 00:11:52,483 --> 00:11:53,716 What? 340 00:11:53,818 --> 00:11:57,324 - Chica! How could you? - There she is. 341 00:11:57,393 --> 00:12:00,363 The woman that threw herself out the window to avoid me. 342 00:12:00,465 --> 00:12:02,667 No, Dad. Don't be silly. I-I fell. 343 00:12:02,719 --> 00:12:03,854 No, no, no, honey. I get it. 344 00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:06,592 You don't want to come and work for me, and I think I know why. 345 00:12:06,594 --> 00:12:08,162 Dad, I'm sorry. 346 00:12:08,264 --> 00:12:09,731 No, you don't want to let me down again, 347 00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:13,372 like with that whole... Ezravision fiasco. 348 00:12:13,474 --> 00:12:14,552 What? 349 00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:17,214 Oh, insensitive old white men. 350 00:12:17,316 --> 00:12:18,951 What would Christmas be without one? 351 00:12:19,053 --> 00:12:22,157 We seem to have insensitive people of all ethnicities! 352 00:12:22,259 --> 00:12:24,261 Was that a shot at me? I've been good. 353 00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:26,599 You can't believe the stuff I haven't said today. 354 00:12:26,701 --> 00:12:28,269 Cam, what's up with your trip home? 355 00:12:28,371 --> 00:12:29,972 Your parents aren't even there. 356 00:12:29,974 --> 00:12:32,110 "Merry Christmas. Not Happy Holidays. 357 00:12:32,212 --> 00:12:33,345 - From Galveston." - Okay, 358 00:12:33,447 --> 00:12:35,483 how are you snooping through my phone? 359 00:12:35,976 --> 00:12:37,955 You! That was a false Boomerang? 360 00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:40,092 Well... You know what? Forget it. Forgiven. 361 00:12:40,161 --> 00:12:42,865 I just want today to be a special Christmas. 362 00:12:42,967 --> 00:12:44,401 Now, please, everyone sit down. 363 00:12:44,503 --> 00:12:47,273 We'll grab hands, say grace, have a lovely meal. 364 00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:50,713 Okay. Grab the person to your left and right. 365 00:12:51,332 --> 00:12:52,183 Dear Lord... 366 00:12:52,185 --> 00:12:54,354 I knew you were still pissed about that Ezravision thing. 367 00:12:54,456 --> 00:12:55,756 - Claire, we are praying. - Mm-hmm. 368 00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,393 Thank you for this food... 369 00:12:57,462 --> 00:13:00,299 You signed off on that whole deal, buddy! 370 00:13:00,401 --> 00:13:02,972 And I am not afraid of disappointing you. 371 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:06,144 and for our family as we rise above petty grievances... 372 00:13:06,213 --> 00:13:08,515 It's because novelty dog beds are stupid. 373 00:13:08,618 --> 00:13:11,021 Dogs don't care if they're sleeping in a pineapple! 374 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,459 The Piña Colassie got four woofs on Whelp! 375 00:13:13,561 --> 00:13:14,794 That just makes you sound like some... 376 00:13:14,897 --> 00:13:16,331 Please, Lord, help us not use terms 377 00:13:16,433 --> 00:13:18,937 like "imbecile" or "senile old man." 378 00:13:19,039 --> 00:13:21,441 This is the thanks I get for getting you back into the workplace? 379 00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:22,643 Nice line, Jay. 380 00:13:22,646 --> 00:13:24,214 I could say the same thing to your wife. 381 00:13:24,316 --> 00:13:26,718 I can't believe that you ratted me out. 382 00:13:26,810 --> 00:13:27,820 I'm not afraid of you! 383 00:13:27,822 --> 00:13:28,890 With... everyone else around. 384 00:13:28,992 --> 00:13:30,293 Okay. That's enough. 385 00:13:30,395 --> 00:13:32,297 I can't believe you all couldn't hold it together 386 00:13:32,399 --> 00:13:35,002 for one meal and not argue! 387 00:13:35,104 --> 00:13:37,407 Cam, this is what we always do on the holidays. 388 00:13:37,509 --> 00:13:38,676 What's the big deal? 389 00:13:38,778 --> 00:13:39,879 The big deal is that... 390 00:13:39,981 --> 00:13:41,715 this could be our last Christmas together. 391 00:13:41,817 --> 00:13:43,252 - What? - Last Christmas? 392 00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:44,354 - Stop being so dramatic. - What do you mean? 393 00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:45,991 Oh, my God. You're dying? 394 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:48,162 No, I'm not dying. It's something else. 395 00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,609 Is he pausing to be dramatic? 396 00:13:56,084 --> 00:13:57,380 What do you think? 397 00:14:04,015 --> 00:14:05,861 - Will you j... - It all started last fall. 398 00:14:05,964 --> 00:14:08,333 A scout came to one of my games and liked what he saw, 399 00:14:08,402 --> 00:14:10,671 and now I'm one of two finalists 400 00:14:10,773 --> 00:14:12,007 for the head coaching position 401 00:14:12,076 --> 00:14:14,612 at the University of North Central Missouri. 402 00:14:14,714 --> 00:14:16,616 - What? - What do you mean? 403 00:14:16,685 --> 00:14:17,886 Hey, that's a big deal. 404 00:14:17,988 --> 00:14:19,755 Yeah, they're flying me out to, uh, 405 00:14:19,858 --> 00:14:22,828 meet the athletic director, and if all goes well... 406 00:14:22,931 --> 00:14:24,298 I could start this spring. 407 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,502 W-Why didn't you just tell me? 408 00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:27,838 'Cause I-I didn't want to stress you out 409 00:14:27,941 --> 00:14:29,341 until it was... it was real. 410 00:14:30,004 --> 00:14:31,670 So... wait. 411 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,049 W-Would you guys really move? 412 00:14:33,151 --> 00:14:34,318 Mitchell's not moving to Missouri. 413 00:14:34,420 --> 00:14:36,823 What would he do for work? Prosecute Otis, the town drunk? 414 00:14:36,926 --> 00:14:38,059 Excuse me. It's not Mayberry. 415 00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:40,263 And I'll have you know, our town ne'er-do-well 416 00:14:40,365 --> 00:14:43,703 is a female who's addicted to prescription nasal spray, so... 417 00:14:43,805 --> 00:14:46,476 Okay, and... and... and just for the record, I... 418 00:14:47,225 --> 00:14:48,455 I would go. 419 00:14:48,490 --> 00:14:50,968 I mean, it's only fair. Cam's been here forever. 420 00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:52,981 I don't like this. 421 00:14:53,174 --> 00:14:54,241 I know, you guys. 422 00:14:54,343 --> 00:14:56,378 But this is an incredible opportunity for him. 423 00:14:56,481 --> 00:14:57,747 How could I say no? 424 00:14:57,851 --> 00:14:59,017 You guys can't go! 425 00:14:59,086 --> 00:15:01,155 I don't want my babies growing up without you. 426 00:15:01,257 --> 00:15:03,326 They're never gonna believe my stories! 427 00:15:03,394 --> 00:15:05,797 See, this is why I kept it a secret. 428 00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:07,834 Here I was, worried about you all ruining Christmas, 429 00:15:07,904 --> 00:15:09,939 and... now I've done it. 430 00:15:10,041 --> 00:15:11,877 I'm sorry, everyone. 431 00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:13,446 You have no reason to be sorry. 432 00:15:13,548 --> 00:15:15,083 Yes, I do. I break up families. 433 00:15:15,185 --> 00:15:16,192 I'm Liz Taylor. 434 00:15:16,220 --> 00:15:17,621 Why is it never a man? 435 00:15:17,723 --> 00:15:19,091 For what it's worth, Uncle Cam, 436 00:15:19,193 --> 00:15:20,627 my company has an office in New York, 437 00:15:20,695 --> 00:15:22,297 and I said I'd be open to transferring, 438 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:24,368 so I could easily break up the family. 439 00:15:24,470 --> 00:15:26,572 You... You never mentioned this to us. 440 00:15:26,624 --> 00:15:28,559 Yeah, and I told NERP that I would be 441 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,363 open to working at the Paris office. 442 00:15:30,465 --> 00:15:32,333 I mean, Dylan and I have always wanted to live there. 443 00:15:32,897 --> 00:15:35,473 Wait. Y-You'd take the babies to France? 444 00:15:35,575 --> 00:15:37,544 We... We... We've talked about it. 445 00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:39,949 Sorry. I get nervous when you're all looking at me. 446 00:15:41,353 --> 00:15:42,855 A-And I applied 447 00:15:42,924 --> 00:15:45,059 to the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts in London. 448 00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:46,361 I could end up there. 449 00:15:46,430 --> 00:15:47,998 Yeah, that's a real possibility. 450 00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:49,234 Listen, if everyone's taking off, 451 00:15:49,336 --> 00:15:51,038 maybe we buy that house in Palm Springs, 452 00:15:51,106 --> 00:15:52,307 spend a little more time there. 453 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,377 And that means next Christmas would be 454 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,250 me and Phil and some sad little ham? 455 00:15:57,352 --> 00:15:59,821 Oh, wouldn't Joe go with Grandpa and Gloria? 456 00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:03,462 Sorry, sweetie. I'm just drunk and upset. 457 00:16:04,015 --> 00:16:05,716 This got sad. 458 00:16:05,818 --> 00:16:08,055 - Right. Well, no... no one's leaving now. - Yeah. 459 00:16:08,157 --> 00:16:10,259 You know, so let's just enjoy each other while we still can. 460 00:16:10,361 --> 00:16:12,330 - Right? - Yes. Help me with the salads, Mitch. 461 00:16:12,422 --> 00:16:13,432 - Yes. Okay. - Yes. 462 00:16:13,434 --> 00:16:14,467 We'll be right back. 463 00:16:19,947 --> 00:16:21,147 Hey. 464 00:16:21,249 --> 00:16:23,418 Phil... 465 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,890 I took that interview because I love you, 466 00:16:25,959 --> 00:16:28,562 and I don't want to screw up our relationship. 467 00:16:28,664 --> 00:16:31,634 I don't want to end up like Claire and Jay. 468 00:16:31,737 --> 00:16:34,107 Please. You and I have been doing great. 469 00:16:34,175 --> 00:16:35,409 Because I hold back. 470 00:16:35,511 --> 00:16:37,113 I have strong opinions 471 00:16:37,215 --> 00:16:39,918 that I don't tell you because I want to get along. 472 00:16:40,021 --> 00:16:41,221 Like what? 473 00:16:41,323 --> 00:16:42,891 You can tell me anything. 474 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,794 Like that bus bench sign. 475 00:16:44,897 --> 00:16:46,531 I think it's goofy. 476 00:16:46,633 --> 00:16:51,474 If we have 20/20 vision, why are we wearing glasses? 477 00:16:51,576 --> 00:16:52,777 I get it. 478 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,013 I just wanted to bring a little joy to our country 479 00:16:54,115 --> 00:16:55,349 in this tumultuous time, but you're not from here, 480 00:16:55,451 --> 00:16:56,952 so maybe it doesn't matter as much to you. 481 00:16:57,055 --> 00:16:58,154 You see? 482 00:16:58,156 --> 00:16:59,724 Yes. 483 00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:01,494 Yes. I'm sensitive. 484 00:17:02,417 --> 00:17:04,367 But I-I need this. 485 00:17:04,469 --> 00:17:07,740 New ideas, someone... someone to push up against me. 486 00:17:07,843 --> 00:17:09,343 And honestly, I can't think of anyone 487 00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:12,049 I'd rather have pushing up against me than you. 488 00:17:12,151 --> 00:17:13,718 Ay, Phil, it's been years. 489 00:17:13,821 --> 00:17:16,424 I can't pretend I don't hear those anymore. 490 00:17:16,526 --> 00:17:17,928 Hear what? 491 00:17:18,965 --> 00:17:20,766 Yeah. You're right. 492 00:17:20,869 --> 00:17:24,607 I did sign off on that whole... Ezravision thing. 493 00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:25,877 - Mm-hmm. - It's not your fault. 494 00:17:26,585 --> 00:17:27,780 Well, I, uh... 495 00:17:27,883 --> 00:17:32,456 I might be a little defensive because I feel responsible. 496 00:17:32,558 --> 00:17:34,995 And dog beds aren't... they're not stupid. 497 00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:37,433 People are happy when their dogs are happy, right? 498 00:17:37,535 --> 00:17:39,470 Well, I'm definitely saving lives, 499 00:17:39,572 --> 00:17:42,743 but, I mean, they're not... exactly flying off the shelf. 500 00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,915 You were trying to bring me aboard a sinking ship? 501 00:17:45,017 --> 00:17:47,153 Well, I was bringing you aboard to... to save it, 502 00:17:47,255 --> 00:17:50,259 or even if you couldn't, I-I... 503 00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:52,463 I just miss working together. 504 00:17:52,565 --> 00:17:55,669 I feel it gave me a second chance with you. 505 00:17:57,254 --> 00:17:58,943 It did. It did, Dad. 506 00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,914 And we're good now. 507 00:18:01,016 --> 00:18:03,285 So, it's time for me to go and prove myself on my own. 508 00:18:04,522 --> 00:18:05,622 Look at this. 509 00:18:06,417 --> 00:18:08,104 10 seconds ago, that was you. 510 00:18:08,998 --> 00:18:11,334 I gotta make sure he and I don't need a second chance. 511 00:18:11,436 --> 00:18:12,569 Yeah. Well, watch out. 512 00:18:12,671 --> 00:18:14,273 Pretty soon, he's gonna be working for you. 513 00:18:14,375 --> 00:18:15,910 You know, I don't know if he has the head for it. 514 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,581 He pitched a dog bed the other day in the shape of a cat. 515 00:18:19,061 --> 00:18:20,887 I mean, who wants to sleep in your enemy? 516 00:18:20,989 --> 00:18:22,957 It would be like me napping in Jon Voight. 517 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,063 - I told you that story... - Yeah. Yeah. 518 00:18:26,165 --> 00:18:28,735 Look at that. You got what you wanted for Christmas. 519 00:18:28,837 --> 00:18:30,840 Yes, and can I just say, everyone is exactly 520 00:18:30,942 --> 00:18:32,609 where I put them in the first place? 521 00:18:37,087 --> 00:18:40,893 What is it about the holidays that makes us so emotional? 522 00:18:42,331 --> 00:18:44,366 Is it watching our kids grow up? 523 00:18:44,468 --> 00:18:45,870 Who's gonna get it? 524 00:18:49,011 --> 00:18:51,547 Is it how we put our disagreements aside? 525 00:18:51,649 --> 00:18:55,121 What if instead, I am Cher, you are Sonny, 526 00:18:55,223 --> 00:18:57,894 and it says "We've got you, babe"? 527 00:18:57,996 --> 00:19:01,200 Gloria, I-I don't know how to say this, but that is 528 00:19:01,302 --> 00:19:05,075 the freshest damn idea I have ever heard! 529 00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:06,611 I love it! 530 00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:09,817 Is it just being with people you can't imagine life without? 531 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,187 Oh, look, sweetie. 532 00:19:11,289 --> 00:19:13,993 It says that this Missouri town has a lively art scene. 533 00:19:14,095 --> 00:19:16,163 It says "ark scene." 534 00:19:16,265 --> 00:19:19,103 They're preparing for the Lord's next flood? 535 00:19:19,205 --> 00:19:20,238 Oh. 536 00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:21,340 Fun. 537 00:19:21,342 --> 00:19:22,476 Or is it... 538 00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,881 Enough! Can we just take this picture already? 539 00:19:25,490 --> 00:19:27,419 Excuse me for wanting to cherish you all 540 00:19:27,521 --> 00:19:28,755 as long as I can. 541 00:19:28,858 --> 00:19:30,759 You don't even have the job yet. 542 00:19:30,862 --> 00:19:33,464 Alright, the timer's set, everyone. We have 15 seconds! 543 00:19:33,566 --> 00:19:34,767 Let's go, everybody. Hurry up. 544 00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:35,870 Oh, my God. 545 00:19:35,872 --> 00:19:37,339 Sherry broke up with me. 546 00:19:37,870 --> 00:19:38,341 Oh. 547 00:19:38,346 --> 00:19:40,812 After I texted her all those nice things you told me to say to her. 548 00:19:40,915 --> 00:19:42,315 Oh, yeah, that's right! 549 00:19:42,418 --> 00:19:44,553 She hates it when guys move too fast. 550 00:19:44,655 --> 00:19:46,457 Oh, well. Better to have loved and lost. 551 00:19:46,559 --> 00:19:48,795 There's my Colombian boy! 552 00:19:53,334 --> 00:19:54,401 Hey! I'm back! 553 00:19:54,404 --> 00:19:55,938 Hi! 554 00:19:56,041 --> 00:19:57,842 So, have you heard anything about the job yet? 555 00:19:57,844 --> 00:19:58,978 No. No, not yet. 556 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,982 And I may not for a couple months, but... 557 00:20:01,084 --> 00:20:02,919 it's out of my control, and I'm just... 558 00:20:03,021 --> 00:20:04,487 I'm letting go. 559 00:20:04,488 --> 00:20:05,489 - This is killing me! 560 00:20:05,490 --> 00:20:07,410 Our whole future hangs in the balance, 561 00:20:07,411 --> 00:20:08,913 and, these people... they don't care. 562 00:20:09,012 --> 00:20:10,212 They don't care! 563 00:20:10,314 --> 00:20:11,614 - I'm better now. 564 00:20:11,717 --> 00:20:13,218 Whatever happens, happens. 565 00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:14,320 - G-Give me my damn phone. 566 00:20:14,322 --> 00:20:15,723 I'm gonna call the sadists, 567 00:20:15,825 --> 00:20:17,793 and I'm gonna ask them why they hate me! 568 00:20:17,897 --> 00:20:19,531 - You know what? Screw them. 569 00:20:19,633 --> 00:20:21,568 I love what we have. 570 00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:22,670 Mwah! 571 00:20:22,672 --> 00:20:23,739 Mwah! 572 00:20:24,671 --> 00:20:25,977 I'm so blessed. 573 00:20:26,079 --> 00:20:28,282 - It's like, no matter what I do, 574 00:20:28,384 --> 00:20:30,486 I'm always gonna have a B-plus life. 575 00:20:30,588 --> 00:20:32,056 Never an A. 576 00:20:32,158 --> 00:20:34,327 And... happy New Year to you, too. 577 00:20:40,140 --> 00:20:42,219 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com