1 00:00:02,657 --> 00:00:05,374 So, all this childhood memorabilia came to me 2 00:00:05,476 --> 00:00:06,776 after your mother died... 3 00:00:06,878 --> 00:00:09,849 diaries, photo albums, adorable drawings. 4 00:00:09,917 --> 00:00:11,786 So, enjoy your stroll down memory lane, 5 00:00:11,888 --> 00:00:13,857 but know that at the end of that lane 6 00:00:13,959 --> 00:00:16,162 - is a dumpster. - Okay. 7 00:00:16,264 --> 00:00:17,271 You have a painting upstairs 8 00:00:17,299 --> 00:00:18,301 by William "The Refrigerator" Perry, 9 00:00:18,368 --> 00:00:20,404 but there's no room for my baby teeth? 10 00:00:20,972 --> 00:00:23,309 I needed to free up some space in the garage. 11 00:00:23,378 --> 00:00:25,045 Because it's not a garage anymore. 12 00:00:25,115 --> 00:00:26,682 It's a warehouse full of dog beds 13 00:00:26,751 --> 00:00:28,051 that nobody wants to buy. 14 00:00:28,121 --> 00:00:29,321 It's been a slow period, 15 00:00:29,390 --> 00:00:31,691 but it should pick up next quarter. 16 00:00:31,694 --> 00:00:32,827 What? 17 00:00:32,896 --> 00:00:35,399 When all the dogs get back their income tax refunds 18 00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:38,405 and they want to go splurge on beds for themselves? 19 00:00:38,507 --> 00:00:39,874 - Joe. - What? 20 00:00:39,943 --> 00:00:41,845 Help me drag some of these things out to my car. 21 00:00:41,914 --> 00:00:44,350 We're gonna do some old-fashioned marketing today. 22 00:00:44,453 --> 00:00:46,488 Oh, my God. The old Atari. 23 00:00:46,557 --> 00:00:48,325 Uh-huh. Remember why we got that? 24 00:00:48,394 --> 00:00:51,030 Yeah. So, we were on our first family vacation ever, okay... 25 00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:52,500 - ... a week at this waterpark resort... - Mm-hmm. 26 00:00:52,569 --> 00:00:54,036 and Dad got bored after, what, 27 00:00:54,139 --> 00:00:55,472 - three days? - Three. 28 00:00:55,524 --> 00:00:56,558 Made us leave early, 29 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:57,893 and he bought us off with this. 30 00:00:57,996 --> 00:00:59,364 Lies and untruths! 31 00:00:59,466 --> 00:01:00,499 We stayed the full week, 32 00:01:00,568 --> 00:01:03,338 and I got you two ingrates that game anyway. 33 00:01:03,356 --> 00:01:05,592 How long are you gonna stick to that story? 34 00:01:05,694 --> 00:01:07,229 Much as you two enjoy portraying me 35 00:01:07,298 --> 00:01:09,133 as some kind of abusive parent... 36 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:10,302 - Whoa! Aah! - Oh! 37 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,906 Relax, Joe. We'll get you out in a second. 38 00:01:12,975 --> 00:01:15,512 Okay, 35 years, and you... ugh, you still can't admit it. 39 00:01:15,581 --> 00:01:17,182 - There's nothing to admit. - I see light! 40 00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:18,551 Should I go towards it? 41 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:19,987 Why would we both remember it one way 42 00:01:20,056 --> 00:01:21,424 if it didn't happen, Dad? 43 00:01:21,526 --> 00:01:22,860 Kids like to make things up. 44 00:01:22,962 --> 00:01:24,696 - Mm. - They like the drama. 45 00:01:24,898 --> 00:01:25,998 Come here, kid. 46 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,404 I was literally about to gnaw my own arm off 47 00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:29,539 to get free. 48 00:01:29,641 --> 00:01:30,675 With those things? 49 00:01:30,743 --> 00:01:32,612 I still have the tooth you lost in a marshmallow. 50 00:01:32,714 --> 00:01:34,516 Okay, so, that one you kept? 51 00:01:48,678 --> 00:01:50,381 I was in Florida visiting my Dad. 52 00:01:50,483 --> 00:01:51,983 I'd gotten a call that he was wandering 53 00:01:52,085 --> 00:01:54,722 around the grocery store he used to run. 54 00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:56,058 I wanted to find out if he was okay, 55 00:01:56,161 --> 00:01:59,299 but... that's not something you can just ask. 56 00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:02,705 You know, your mother and I came here every Sunday 57 00:02:02,807 --> 00:02:04,142 for 44 years. 58 00:02:04,244 --> 00:02:05,578 You miss her, don't you? 59 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,715 It comes and goes. 60 00:02:07,817 --> 00:02:10,019 - Fourth of July is rough. - Really? 61 00:02:10,122 --> 00:02:11,489 I didn't realize she was so patriotic. 62 00:02:11,592 --> 00:02:14,362 Well, it's that hot dog eating contest they have on TV. 63 00:02:14,464 --> 00:02:16,466 You know, I always thought that your mother 64 00:02:16,568 --> 00:02:18,670 could have been a competitive eater. 65 00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,841 No food ever expired in our house. 66 00:02:20,943 --> 00:02:22,745 She'd see that last day pop up 67 00:02:22,847 --> 00:02:25,217 on a pound of bacon or a gallon of milk, 68 00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:26,419 and down it went. 69 00:02:26,421 --> 00:02:27,888 It was personal for her. 70 00:02:29,032 --> 00:02:32,131 Speaking of food, y-you ever head over to your old grocery store? 71 00:02:32,233 --> 00:02:34,936 Hey, listen. Do you remember that? 72 00:02:35,038 --> 00:02:36,806 Oh, yeah. Penguinsquatch. 73 00:02:36,908 --> 00:02:38,877 Put this town on the map. 74 00:02:38,979 --> 00:02:40,614 June 1977. 75 00:02:40,716 --> 00:02:43,120 Teen revelers report massive bird footprints 76 00:02:43,222 --> 00:02:44,389 emerging from Lake Okeechobee. 77 00:02:44,491 --> 00:02:45,758 A crowd gathers, 78 00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:48,430 but the new tide has covered the so-called bird prints, 79 00:02:48,532 --> 00:02:50,167 and the teens are beaten soundly. 80 00:02:50,269 --> 00:02:51,636 Tracks reappear several days later, 81 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:54,642 and once again, word spreads through town. 82 00:02:54,744 --> 00:02:56,179 An ornithologist deems the prints 83 00:02:56,281 --> 00:02:59,318 those of a gigantic penguin, some 15 feet in height. 84 00:02:59,421 --> 00:03:01,122 People come from miles around 85 00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:03,360 to catch a glimpse of the wondrous waddler. 86 00:03:03,462 --> 00:03:05,397 The tracks will appear on and off for years 87 00:03:05,499 --> 00:03:07,368 and then disappear forever, 88 00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:09,972 but not before Olympic gold medalist Mary Lou Retton 89 00:03:10,075 --> 00:03:12,144 makes the trek to place her tiny footprints 90 00:03:12,246 --> 00:03:15,284 inside those of the be-flippered colossus. 91 00:03:15,386 --> 00:03:17,588 Didn't we take a picnic over there a few nights? 92 00:03:17,690 --> 00:03:19,024 Everyone did. 93 00:03:19,127 --> 00:03:22,131 It's the first time I ever saw your mother eat a bag of apples. 94 00:03:23,866 --> 00:03:27,908 So, Dad, I, uh, I w... I wanted to ask you... 95 00:03:28,010 --> 00:03:29,746 Oh, boy. No serious talk, okay? 96 00:03:29,848 --> 00:03:32,518 Yes, I'm taking all my million pills. 97 00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:34,756 You can come over and press my stomach. 98 00:03:34,858 --> 00:03:36,626 I'm starting to feel like a bean bag chair. 99 00:03:38,913 --> 00:03:41,001 Guys, I just saw a ghost. 100 00:03:41,104 --> 00:03:42,404 Okay, girls, grab your things. We're gone. 101 00:03:42,507 --> 00:03:44,342 N-Not a real ghost. 102 00:03:44,444 --> 00:03:46,146 More like a vision from my past. 103 00:03:46,248 --> 00:03:47,281 Brenda Feldman. 104 00:03:47,383 --> 00:03:50,320 An older girl that Manny had a crush on. 105 00:03:50,422 --> 00:03:54,495 He even wrote a poem for her when he was little. 106 00:03:54,597 --> 00:03:55,998 I gave her my heart, 107 00:03:56,101 --> 00:03:59,070 she gave me a picture of me as an old-time sheriff. 108 00:04:00,976 --> 00:04:02,311 Today was my second chance, 109 00:04:02,413 --> 00:04:04,749 but I couldn't even get up the nerve to say "hi." 110 00:04:04,851 --> 00:04:07,488 11-year-old Manny would be disgusted by me. 111 00:04:07,590 --> 00:04:09,258 Well, now you know how 12-year-old Lily feels. 112 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:12,030 Oh. Sorry, this is work. 113 00:04:12,032 --> 00:04:13,200 Hello? 114 00:04:13,302 --> 00:04:14,869 Manny, you know who this family's 115 00:04:14,971 --> 00:04:17,842 resident expert is in interpersonal problems? 116 00:04:17,944 --> 00:04:19,245 I would say no one's especially... 117 00:04:19,347 --> 00:04:20,848 That's right. It's me. 118 00:04:20,950 --> 00:04:23,520 It took a little while, but I finally convinced Manny 119 00:04:23,622 --> 00:04:26,058 the reason he had failed last time with Brenda Feldman 120 00:04:26,161 --> 00:04:28,763 was because of his grand gesture. 121 00:04:28,866 --> 00:04:31,769 Today called for a completely different approach... 122 00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:33,607 a super grand gesture. 123 00:04:33,709 --> 00:04:34,742 Just go to her, okay? 124 00:04:34,744 --> 00:04:36,312 Get in there! Let's go! Come on! 125 00:04:36,732 --> 00:04:38,683 Hyah! 126 00:04:38,785 --> 00:04:41,656 Well, looks like my first house sale 127 00:04:41,758 --> 00:04:43,260 is going to fall through. 128 00:04:43,362 --> 00:04:44,829 Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. You know what? 129 00:04:44,931 --> 00:04:45,998 But things will turn around. 130 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,066 Do not turn around. 131 00:04:47,068 --> 00:04:49,605 Okay, that's Debra Knox. 132 00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,976 She stole my Educator of the Year Award. 133 00:04:52,078 --> 00:04:53,313 - A swooper? - A swooper! 134 00:04:53,415 --> 00:04:55,417 - Lily, grab your things. - Oh, no, no, no, no. 135 00:04:55,519 --> 00:04:58,323 Not a smoke demon that terrorizes farm children. 136 00:04:58,425 --> 00:05:01,095 - Oh. - It's a person that takes things 137 00:05:01,197 --> 00:05:02,965 that are supposed to be yours. 138 00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:04,802 I have one of my own. 139 00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:08,376 I was closing a deal on my very first showing, 140 00:05:08,478 --> 00:05:11,115 and a rival agent swooped in. 141 00:05:11,217 --> 00:05:12,251 What a lovely home. 142 00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:13,987 I mean, maybe not great for kids, you know? 143 00:05:14,090 --> 00:05:15,857 Wait, what? But we're pregnant. 144 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,962 Oh. Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry. I didn't even see you there. 145 00:05:18,064 --> 00:05:19,131 I was... Oh, my. 146 00:05:19,233 --> 00:05:21,369 Is that a California vulture wasp? 147 00:05:21,471 --> 00:05:23,373 A mountain lion must've made a fresh kill. 148 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:28,416 So, the couple agreed to go to her open house later. 149 00:05:36,267 --> 00:05:39,839 I am so glad that Manny stopped doing those embarrassing things. 150 00:05:39,941 --> 00:05:42,444 Oh, come on. Who doesn't love a grand gesture? 151 00:05:43,395 --> 00:05:46,219 - Oh. - In front of my friends, Ronald? 152 00:05:46,321 --> 00:05:48,690 I can't believe I ever let you do my homework! 153 00:05:48,792 --> 00:05:50,761 My g... Oh, gosh. Oh, no, no, Manny! 154 00:05:50,863 --> 00:05:51,963 Manny, abort, abort, abort. 155 00:05:52,065 --> 00:05:53,154 Abort! 156 00:05:53,235 --> 00:05:54,902 Back up! Back up! Back, back, back, back! 157 00:05:55,004 --> 00:05:56,672 - Get going! Get going! - I'm going! 158 00:05:56,775 --> 00:05:57,975 Abort! 159 00:05:58,077 --> 00:05:59,879 Last week, I left some dog beds here, 160 00:05:59,981 --> 00:06:02,751 so now the owners are probably getting swamped with requests. 161 00:06:02,853 --> 00:06:04,121 The other day, I found out 162 00:06:04,223 --> 00:06:06,292 that Joe saved up six months of allowance 163 00:06:06,394 --> 00:06:08,630 and donated it all to charity. 164 00:06:08,732 --> 00:06:11,001 It's one of those rare moments as a dad 165 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:13,673 when you realize you've really dropped the ball. 166 00:06:13,775 --> 00:06:16,813 I mean, the kid needed to learn the basics of business. 167 00:06:17,435 --> 00:06:18,983 Ooh, can I get that dog? 168 00:06:19,052 --> 00:06:20,921 I'll do 50 hours of chores. 169 00:06:21,023 --> 00:06:22,124 - No, a hundred. - Whoa. 170 00:06:22,226 --> 00:06:23,626 Sales lesson number one... 171 00:06:23,728 --> 00:06:26,031 never look desperate in a negotiation. 172 00:06:26,101 --> 00:06:28,636 No emotion. Think of your cousin Lily. 173 00:06:28,738 --> 00:06:30,574 Hey, I noticed the dog beds moved. 174 00:06:30,676 --> 00:06:32,411 They must be pretty popular, huh? 175 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,949 Um, the dogs didn't like them. 176 00:06:35,051 --> 00:06:36,185 What? These are dogs nobody wants. 177 00:06:36,254 --> 00:06:37,554 I mean, what do they have going on? 178 00:06:37,656 --> 00:06:39,725 Don't worry. The cats love them. 179 00:06:39,827 --> 00:06:41,095 Cats? Never. I'm taking them home. 180 00:06:41,197 --> 00:06:43,733 I mean, cat in a pineapple? How does that even make sense? 181 00:06:43,835 --> 00:06:45,904 Maybe... they're from Meow-I? 182 00:06:46,962 --> 00:06:48,510 Get it? 'Cause Hawaii? 183 00:06:48,612 --> 00:06:50,714 - Get in the car. - Okay. 184 00:06:52,748 --> 00:06:55,172 This Atari has quite a dent in it. 185 00:06:55,252 --> 00:06:57,754 - Didn't... Didn't you throw it at me? - No. 186 00:06:57,822 --> 00:06:59,457 Then... Then explain this groove in my head, 'cause... 187 00:06:59,493 --> 00:07:01,795 Yeah, I can... I can fit them together like a puzzle. 188 00:07:01,897 --> 00:07:04,134 Mitchell, you fell down the stairs sleepwalking. 189 00:07:04,202 --> 00:07:05,870 - It's established family history. - Oh. 190 00:07:05,939 --> 00:07:07,640 Unwilling to admit a mistake. 191 00:07:07,709 --> 00:07:09,444 Wonder where you picked that up from. 192 00:07:09,546 --> 00:07:10,746 Look, it drives me nuts, too, 193 00:07:10,815 --> 00:07:12,082 that Dad never cops to his mistakes, 194 00:07:12,185 --> 00:07:13,719 but it's always gonna be our word against his. 195 00:07:13,788 --> 00:07:14,790 - Yeah. - Why did you cut 196 00:07:14,856 --> 00:07:16,458 the necks out of all these sweatshirts? 197 00:07:16,527 --> 00:07:18,695 Oh, I was a big "Flashdance" fan. 198 00:07:18,764 --> 00:07:20,866 How you survived the golden age of bullying, 199 00:07:20,934 --> 00:07:22,102 I will never understand. 200 00:07:22,204 --> 00:07:23,271 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 201 00:07:23,340 --> 00:07:25,208 We are sitting on a treasure trove of evidence 202 00:07:25,277 --> 00:07:28,148 than could prove Dad cut our vacation short, okay? 203 00:07:28,216 --> 00:07:30,352 I mean, you realize that building cases 204 00:07:30,421 --> 00:07:32,690 against society's worst criminals is what I do. 205 00:07:32,758 --> 00:07:34,293 How's that case against the deaf old lady 206 00:07:34,362 --> 00:07:36,898 who sells bacon-wrapped hot dogs outside Laker games going? 207 00:07:36,966 --> 00:07:39,170 She was warned three times. 208 00:07:39,238 --> 00:07:42,442 Okay, how do we prove that Dad made us come home early? 209 00:07:42,444 --> 00:07:44,947 I mean, uh, what was that place we went even called? 210 00:07:45,015 --> 00:07:47,786 Hold on. I just saw a matchbook from there, and... 211 00:07:47,855 --> 00:07:49,323 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here it is, here it is. 212 00:07:49,391 --> 00:07:51,827 "Handelman Waterpark. Celebrating 25 years." 213 00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:54,399 - Ooh. I can get on this CSI train. - So... Yes. 214 00:07:54,468 --> 00:07:58,941 Okay, "Founded in 1958," so that puts us there in '83. 215 00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:00,478 '83, '83. 216 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,716 Locating my diary from '83. 217 00:08:02,818 --> 00:08:05,121 - Okay. - And okay. Here it is. 218 00:08:05,123 --> 00:08:07,792 April 20th. "I think JT likes me. 219 00:08:07,861 --> 00:08:09,262 Makes fun of my head dent." 220 00:08:09,331 --> 00:08:11,466 - So, that's... - Alright, so it had to have been before that, 221 00:08:11,535 --> 00:08:13,036 because we didn't have the video game yet, 222 00:08:13,139 --> 00:08:14,873 and that's what made the d... the... the... 223 00:08:14,975 --> 00:08:16,042 I interrupted. 224 00:08:16,111 --> 00:08:18,347 So, we were there early April, 225 00:08:18,449 --> 00:08:20,418 and, uh, no diary entries from then. 226 00:08:20,486 --> 00:08:24,592 Okay. Okay. But maybe this might help. 227 00:08:24,695 --> 00:08:26,329 - Look at... Aww. - Aww. 228 00:08:26,341 --> 00:08:27,347 Here... Here it is. 229 00:08:27,350 --> 00:08:29,449 - "Day One at Handelman." - Whoa. 230 00:08:29,450 --> 00:08:30,451 Okay. Here we go. 231 00:08:32,426 --> 00:08:34,562 A mariachi band? 232 00:08:34,664 --> 00:08:37,735 If you want the Brenda girl, talk to her like you don't care, 233 00:08:37,837 --> 00:08:40,340 - and then don't call her for a week. - Oh, oh, what? 234 00:08:40,409 --> 00:08:42,043 And present himself as some brooding mystery man 235 00:08:42,146 --> 00:08:44,915 whose dad-like approval she has to work for? 236 00:08:44,984 --> 00:08:47,688 What woman has ever found that attractive? 237 00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:49,658 I'll try it. 238 00:08:50,228 --> 00:08:51,862 Oh, great. There's Debra again. 239 00:08:51,964 --> 00:08:53,299 Probably down there flaunting 240 00:08:53,368 --> 00:08:55,169 her $30 gift card she got with my award. 241 00:08:55,238 --> 00:08:56,672 - It's my award. - Is it go time? 242 00:08:56,741 --> 00:08:58,209 Yeah, you know what? Maybe I will. 243 00:08:58,278 --> 00:08:59,378 I'll just march right up to her, 244 00:08:59,380 --> 00:09:01,682 and give her the classic Tucker stare down. 245 00:09:01,751 --> 00:09:04,287 A dirty look. That's your big plan? 246 00:09:04,306 --> 00:09:05,606 Yeah, she'll see in my eyes 247 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:06,875 that I know exactly what she did, 248 00:09:06,977 --> 00:09:09,079 and trust me, all the free sample 249 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,816 of perfume spritzes in this mall 250 00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,522 won't be able to cover up the stench of guilt on her. 251 00:09:13,591 --> 00:09:15,826 Well, I just made a nice little connection. 252 00:09:15,928 --> 00:09:17,563 Not with Brenda, who barely noticed me, 253 00:09:17,665 --> 00:09:19,501 but with Ronald, who invited me to Panda Express 254 00:09:19,569 --> 00:09:21,003 so we could eat our feelings. 255 00:09:21,496 --> 00:09:22,506 Manny? 256 00:09:22,508 --> 00:09:23,975 Um, you took off 257 00:09:24,044 --> 00:09:25,946 before I could give you my number. 258 00:09:26,015 --> 00:09:28,485 And maybe I could get yours, too? 259 00:09:28,587 --> 00:09:30,054 - Sure. - Yeah? 260 00:09:30,733 --> 00:09:33,361 Do you need my advice with your problem now? 261 00:09:33,430 --> 00:09:35,465 Whatever. 262 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:37,803 See, you should point this thing west 263 00:09:37,905 --> 00:09:40,408 and, uh, come meet your great-grandbabies. 264 00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:42,262 Uh, this spring, I think. 265 00:09:42,347 --> 00:09:45,852 I want to pose them to re-create famous photos from history. 266 00:09:45,954 --> 00:09:49,793 I've got all the outfits, uh, to re-create the VJ-Day kiss, 267 00:09:49,862 --> 00:09:51,230 but I still need the fedora 268 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,200 to pull off Jack Ruby and Lee Harvey Oswald. 269 00:09:53,269 --> 00:09:55,738 - Careful. - Well, obviously, the gun won't be loaded. 270 00:09:55,787 --> 00:09:56,790 No, no, no. There's a pothole. 271 00:09:56,809 --> 00:09:58,277 - Oh. - Oh, geez. 272 00:09:58,379 --> 00:09:59,746 I bet we blew a tire. 273 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,335 Fortunately, one local inventor 274 00:10:02,437 --> 00:10:05,174 has been hard at work on the Presto-Jack TM, 275 00:10:05,243 --> 00:10:07,979 a pneumatic device that both lifts a car 276 00:10:08,048 --> 00:10:09,849 and powers a drill to change lug nuts. 277 00:10:09,918 --> 00:10:12,221 - I don't suppose... - Yep. 278 00:10:12,323 --> 00:10:13,457 - In the trunk. - Yes! 279 00:10:13,526 --> 00:10:15,361 We can finally test it out! 280 00:10:15,430 --> 00:10:16,530 You ready to launch? 281 00:10:16,632 --> 00:10:18,567 Let's do it. 282 00:10:20,038 --> 00:10:24,245 Steady as she goes, and she's up! 283 00:10:24,314 --> 00:10:26,416 It's working! You did it! 284 00:10:26,785 --> 00:10:28,620 It's... Why is it still going? 285 00:10:28,689 --> 00:10:31,259 - How hard did you press start? - Well, that shouldn't matter! 286 00:10:31,328 --> 00:10:33,697 - Well, just press "end task." - Okay. 287 00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:34,999 But only on the right side of the button. 288 00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,538 Why wouldn't you tell me that first? 289 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,409 Sweet maker! 290 00:10:41,548 --> 00:10:42,615 Hmm. 291 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,485 Everybody warned me this would happen. 292 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:50,980 Hello, Debra. 293 00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:52,684 Oh. Hi, Cam. 294 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:53,786 You wish. 295 00:10:53,855 --> 00:10:56,125 I know you'll deny it, but these eyes... 296 00:10:56,194 --> 00:10:57,594 can see right through you. 297 00:10:57,663 --> 00:11:00,667 You mean how I stole the Educator of the Year Award? 298 00:11:00,769 --> 00:11:02,403 Aha! I got you to admit it. 299 00:11:02,422 --> 00:11:03,989 It's a good thing I'm wearing a wire. 300 00:11:04,092 --> 00:11:06,027 - Let me see it. - Damn it. 301 00:11:06,096 --> 00:11:09,167 I'm gonna be the belle of the ball in this dress. 302 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,870 Stealing this award has given me the confidence 303 00:11:10,972 --> 00:11:13,275 to crush everyone in my path. 304 00:11:15,885 --> 00:11:16,915 Permiso. 305 00:11:19,823 --> 00:11:21,658 I never even saw Gloria go into the dressing room, 306 00:11:21,727 --> 00:11:23,261 but there she was, like a superhero, 307 00:11:23,330 --> 00:11:26,735 able to destroy confidence in a single pose. 308 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,697 I'm glad I didn't go with the first dress. 309 00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:30,809 They'll take one look at this one 310 00:11:30,911 --> 00:11:32,446 and make me principal. 311 00:11:32,548 --> 00:11:33,815 Ay-yi-yi. 312 00:11:33,917 --> 00:11:35,753 - Aw, come on! - You know what? 313 00:11:35,855 --> 00:11:37,690 Maybe you should try the dress on that lady's wearing. 314 00:11:40,729 --> 00:11:42,466 Oh, my God. That was brilliant and humbling. 315 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:45,490 You know, I-I pride myself on solving people problems. 316 00:11:45,525 --> 00:11:46,674 You know what? You still have the swooper. 317 00:11:46,777 --> 00:11:48,645 - Maybe I could... - No, thanks. 318 00:11:50,049 --> 00:11:52,018 She just can't accept help, but I can. 319 00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:54,156 I'm thinking about rocking this for my date with Brenda. 320 00:11:54,205 --> 00:11:55,212 Ignore the buttons. 321 00:11:55,260 --> 00:11:56,427 Can you tell this is a woman's coat? 322 00:11:56,979 --> 00:11:58,079 Yes. 323 00:11:58,149 --> 00:12:01,420 Sales lesson number two... create demand. 324 00:12:01,489 --> 00:12:04,126 Leave a few dog beds lying around, dogs fall in love, 325 00:12:04,195 --> 00:12:05,995 your phones start ringing off the hook. 326 00:12:06,807 --> 00:12:08,601 Go ahead. Over there. Go. 327 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,490 Wow. My dog really likes this bed. 328 00:12:11,559 --> 00:12:14,663 I wonder if leaving it here will create demand. 329 00:12:14,731 --> 00:12:16,600 Uh, no, thank you. 330 00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:17,735 Alright, good start. 331 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,172 You could've been a little cuter with that. 332 00:12:19,241 --> 00:12:21,176 - What? - When did you start saying "really likes"? 333 00:12:21,278 --> 00:12:22,479 What happened to "weawwy wikes"? 334 00:12:22,581 --> 00:12:25,251 You paid a speech therapist to shame it out of me. 335 00:12:27,363 --> 00:12:28,377 Still no cell service. 336 00:12:28,426 --> 00:12:30,228 Let's, uh, let's just hitchhike to the barber 337 00:12:30,296 --> 00:12:32,298 and call a tow company from there. 338 00:12:32,466 --> 00:12:34,636 You can't let anything go! 339 00:12:34,704 --> 00:12:37,241 You slept with my sister while I was pregnant. 340 00:12:37,343 --> 00:12:38,443 Not the hot one! 341 00:12:38,545 --> 00:12:39,812 I swear to God... I swear to God, 342 00:12:39,914 --> 00:12:41,516 we are going through with this wedding so that I can kill you, 343 00:12:41,618 --> 00:12:43,320 and then I'm gonna divorce your corpse! 344 00:12:43,422 --> 00:12:45,324 Well, you seem like a nice couple. 345 00:12:45,426 --> 00:12:46,793 Room for two more in there? 346 00:12:46,895 --> 00:12:48,363 My dad's positive attitude 347 00:12:48,465 --> 00:12:51,403 versus a couple bound for a "Dateline" episode? 348 00:12:52,607 --> 00:12:54,007 It wasn't even a fair fight. 349 00:13:00,850 --> 00:13:05,848 Alright. Final lesson... always be willing to walk away. 350 00:13:05,917 --> 00:13:06,927 Hey, Ron. 351 00:13:06,991 --> 00:13:08,654 I'm coming to you first 'cause we're old friends. 352 00:13:08,696 --> 00:13:10,091 - It's Lon. - Yeah. Hey, listen. 353 00:13:10,193 --> 00:13:11,693 It's a steep price on this one, 354 00:13:11,762 --> 00:13:13,130 but don't blame me. 355 00:13:13,199 --> 00:13:15,368 I'm pocketing less than the kids that, you know, made this thing. 356 00:13:15,436 --> 00:13:17,405 The Beagle Has Landed. 357 00:13:17,474 --> 00:13:18,907 Sorry, Jay, none of these are selling. 358 00:13:18,976 --> 00:13:20,311 Even the ones that look like hot cakes? 359 00:13:22,417 --> 00:13:24,352 Maybe a puppy will cheer you up. 360 00:13:24,454 --> 00:13:26,022 I told you, not gonna happen. 361 00:13:26,091 --> 00:13:27,158 You're giving up? 362 00:13:27,577 --> 00:13:29,245 I can't give these things away. 363 00:13:29,314 --> 00:13:31,014 Forget everything I taught you today. 364 00:13:31,083 --> 00:13:33,920 I don't know what I'm talking about. 365 00:13:33,989 --> 00:13:36,426 Hey, mister, my dad was about to give you 366 00:13:36,495 --> 00:13:37,728 the deal of a lifetime... 367 00:13:38,298 --> 00:13:41,001 100 dog beds for a hundred bucks, 368 00:13:41,104 --> 00:13:43,071 so you can give one away with each new dog. 369 00:13:43,174 --> 00:13:44,675 A hundred bucks, huh? 370 00:13:44,744 --> 00:13:47,147 I can see you're not serious. 371 00:13:47,249 --> 00:13:48,716 Slow down that tail, buddy. 372 00:13:48,818 --> 00:13:50,720 This is leaving with me. 373 00:13:51,669 --> 00:13:54,094 Wait, wait. Don't walk away. 374 00:13:54,163 --> 00:13:55,330 Would you do 50 bucks? 375 00:13:55,399 --> 00:13:56,666 Will you throw in a puppy? 376 00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:01,141 I've had two late-in-life projects. 377 00:14:01,210 --> 00:14:03,379 One, dog beds, was a bust. 378 00:14:03,447 --> 00:14:04,692 The other... 379 00:14:05,418 --> 00:14:07,921 is looking pretty promising. 380 00:14:08,023 --> 00:14:09,291 Alright, okay. 381 00:14:09,359 --> 00:14:10,893 So, Handelman closed in '99, 382 00:14:10,995 --> 00:14:13,298 so no guest registry to tell us when we checked out. 383 00:14:13,367 --> 00:14:15,435 Rental car companies are a dead end, 384 00:14:15,538 --> 00:14:17,106 and no credit card receipts. 385 00:14:17,175 --> 00:14:19,477 God, Mitchell, it might be time for us to face some facts. 386 00:14:19,546 --> 00:14:20,979 What? That some people very high up 387 00:14:21,048 --> 00:14:23,451 don't want us to know the truth? 388 00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:25,889 No. That we might have to let Dad skate on this one. 389 00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,385 Never. 390 00:14:27,895 --> 00:14:29,663 Go easy on those bubble-gum cigarettes, Mitchell. 391 00:14:29,722 --> 00:14:30,732 They're gonna kill you. 392 00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:33,137 Look, we tried, right? 393 00:14:34,575 --> 00:14:36,811 I bought a pack of these 394 00:14:36,913 --> 00:14:38,514 the last night we were at that resort 395 00:14:38,583 --> 00:14:39,683 so I could try to look cool 396 00:14:39,752 --> 00:14:42,608 at some... concert that we went to. 397 00:14:42,643 --> 00:14:44,426 Hang on. Where was it? I... 398 00:14:44,495 --> 00:14:47,332 Oh-ho. Bingo. What do you see, huh? 399 00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:49,886 Uh... um, me at the park in a hat 400 00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:52,092 with the name "Maddox" embroidered on it. 401 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,196 Oh, oh, I forgot about my Maddox Pritchett phase. 402 00:14:54,264 --> 00:14:55,765 God, it is a miracle that you didn't need 403 00:14:55,834 --> 00:14:57,658 a police escort to school every day. 404 00:14:57,693 --> 00:14:59,172 Not you, the marquee. 405 00:14:59,241 --> 00:15:02,278 - Uh, "Tonight and Wednesday Only... The Monkees." - Yes! 406 00:15:02,297 --> 00:15:03,897 And according to their website, 407 00:15:03,966 --> 00:15:05,668 they played the 14th and the 16th. 408 00:15:05,736 --> 00:15:07,238 So, if we went the first night, 409 00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:09,742 that means we would have left the 15th, 410 00:15:09,811 --> 00:15:12,648 and we would have left early. 411 00:15:12,717 --> 00:15:13,784 Okay, wait just a second. 412 00:15:13,853 --> 00:15:15,019 I-I remember I was so upset... 413 00:15:15,088 --> 00:15:16,356 - Yes. - ... that our vacation was being cut short 414 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:17,858 that I cheered myself up 415 00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:19,979 by going to the premiere of "Flashdance," 416 00:15:19,997 --> 00:15:21,132 which was on... 417 00:15:21,201 --> 00:15:22,735 Ha! April 15th. 418 00:15:22,803 --> 00:15:24,872 Yea... What is up with you and that movie? 419 00:15:24,941 --> 00:15:26,476 She was so much more than a welder, 420 00:15:26,544 --> 00:15:28,246 and I was so much more than the president 421 00:15:28,315 --> 00:15:30,183 of Students Against TV on Weeknights. 422 00:15:30,202 --> 00:15:31,635 Okay, I know you remember it this way, 423 00:15:31,704 --> 00:15:33,206 but how are we gonna prove it? 424 00:15:33,274 --> 00:15:34,308 Bam! 425 00:15:34,896 --> 00:15:36,945 My ticket, clearly marked "Opening Night." 426 00:15:37,115 --> 00:15:38,449 I'm gonna say "bam" again. 427 00:15:38,451 --> 00:15:39,351 - Bam! - Oh! 428 00:15:39,419 --> 00:15:40,553 I can't believe it. 429 00:15:40,622 --> 00:15:41,989 We might actually see Dad 430 00:15:42,092 --> 00:15:43,959 - admit that he was wrong! - Ah! 431 00:15:44,028 --> 00:15:45,162 Oh, my God, oh, my God! 432 00:15:45,231 --> 00:15:47,267 - Do you think he'll cry? No. - Oof. 433 00:15:47,369 --> 00:15:49,704 Claire, don't do that. Just take the victory. 434 00:15:49,773 --> 00:15:51,275 I mean, why... why was he in such a rush 435 00:15:51,343 --> 00:15:52,577 to get home, you know? 436 00:15:52,646 --> 00:15:55,917 To... To meet his buds at O'Brien's Pub? 437 00:15:56,019 --> 00:15:57,120 I don't know. It's just... 438 00:15:57,622 --> 00:15:58,755 Well, that is a little weird, though. 439 00:15:58,857 --> 00:16:00,592 It says, "To Jay Pritchett, 440 00:16:00,661 --> 00:16:02,163 the greatest bartender in the universe. 441 00:16:02,231 --> 00:16:03,966 - Dean Martin. May 1, 1983." - Oh. 442 00:16:04,034 --> 00:16:06,371 Since when was Dad a bartender? 443 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,110 Wait, and this is right after our trip. 444 00:16:09,712 --> 00:16:11,083 I'm calling work wife. 445 00:16:11,266 --> 00:16:12,269 Hello? 446 00:16:12,318 --> 00:16:13,518 Hey, Margaret, really quick... 447 00:16:13,587 --> 00:16:15,522 Was Dad ever a bartender? 448 00:16:15,591 --> 00:16:17,058 Gosh, who knows? 449 00:16:17,127 --> 00:16:19,497 I wouldn't trust this memory of mine anyway, 450 00:16:19,565 --> 00:16:20,622 and... 451 00:16:20,834 --> 00:16:22,236 This is a bad connec... 452 00:16:22,304 --> 00:16:23,571 - Margaret. - You know... 453 00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:24,840 that's what a bad connection stopped sounding like 454 00:16:24,909 --> 00:16:26,877 when phones stopped having antennas. 455 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,230 Fine. 456 00:16:28,249 --> 00:16:29,883 Early days of the business, 457 00:16:29,985 --> 00:16:31,216 we couldn't make payroll. 458 00:16:31,289 --> 00:16:32,575 He had to come back from a trip 459 00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:35,060 to pay everyone out of his own pocket. 460 00:16:35,129 --> 00:16:37,699 Took the night job to make ends meet. 461 00:16:37,767 --> 00:16:39,269 Why wouldn't he have told us? 462 00:16:39,338 --> 00:16:41,106 Probably didn't want to worry anyone. 463 00:16:41,175 --> 00:16:44,412 Anyway, back to the wall, he did some of his best work. 464 00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:46,983 Came up with a best-selling closet. 465 00:16:47,086 --> 00:16:49,823 "Introducing the Maddox." 466 00:16:52,363 --> 00:16:55,600 And around this corner is the entertainer's kitchen. 467 00:16:55,603 --> 00:16:56,597 What are you doing here? 468 00:16:56,605 --> 00:17:00,110 Oh, I just came through the un-secure back door. 469 00:17:00,874 --> 00:17:02,348 Hello, again. 470 00:17:02,416 --> 00:17:04,218 Hi. We're still interested in your house. 471 00:17:04,287 --> 00:17:06,489 We just might be leaning towards this one. 472 00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:08,226 Oh, I'm very surprised. 473 00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:10,964 People that like cooking so much... 474 00:17:10,966 --> 00:17:12,534 Are you guys going to be happy 475 00:17:12,603 --> 00:17:15,373 with this tiny, little pantry... 476 00:17:15,442 --> 00:17:17,878 that leads to a gigantic pantry? 477 00:17:17,946 --> 00:17:19,548 Are you ready to see the interactive nursery? 478 00:17:19,929 --> 00:17:20,850 The baby just kicked! 479 00:17:20,919 --> 00:17:22,420 - Oh. - Hey. 480 00:17:22,489 --> 00:17:25,126 We... Are... Are you all about to be my new neighbor? 481 00:17:25,674 --> 00:17:27,697 Hope you like to party. My name's Fred. 482 00:17:27,733 --> 00:17:30,537 They call me Peeper because... Well, that doesn't matter. 483 00:17:30,639 --> 00:17:32,440 Oh, you... look, it's chocolate chip cookies! 484 00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:33,643 Kids, get in here! 485 00:17:33,711 --> 00:17:35,580 Get yourself some supper! 486 00:17:36,851 --> 00:17:38,327 These are my blessings. 487 00:17:38,362 --> 00:17:41,157 Do I like ethnic women? Guilty. 488 00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,495 Do you like farm-fresh eggs? 489 00:17:43,564 --> 00:17:48,338 I sold my very first house and destroyed my swooper. 490 00:17:48,407 --> 00:17:50,375 Of course, the only way you can destroy a real swooper 491 00:17:50,477 --> 00:17:52,880 is to stab its reflection during the Harvest Moon. 492 00:17:52,949 --> 00:17:54,984 Enjoy Poland, you two! 493 00:17:55,053 --> 00:17:57,556 Hey, Frank. Afraid I was about to close up. 494 00:17:57,625 --> 00:17:59,694 - Betsy's birthday. - Okay, we'll come back, Don. 495 00:17:59,762 --> 00:18:01,931 Well, h-hang on. I'm... I'm pretty nifty with the shears. 496 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,368 I used to... I used to cut Luke's hair, 497 00:18:03,470 --> 00:18:04,804 and I once trimmed a hedge in our yard 498 00:18:04,872 --> 00:18:07,576 into the spitting image of Doug Henning. 499 00:18:07,678 --> 00:18:08,688 Sold. 500 00:18:08,747 --> 00:18:10,415 - Just lock her up. - Thank you very much. 501 00:18:11,218 --> 00:18:12,886 Hop on up there, young man. 502 00:18:14,421 --> 00:18:16,860 If I'm not mistaken, you saw your first naked lady 503 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,397 - in this barbershop. - You know it. 504 00:18:19,835 --> 00:18:22,037 Hell of a crossing guard, but when she went crazy, 505 00:18:22,140 --> 00:18:23,341 she didn't go halfway. 506 00:18:23,409 --> 00:18:25,009 Well, that was her training. 507 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:29,353 So, Dad, um... 508 00:18:29,455 --> 00:18:31,357 just gonna get this over with. 509 00:18:31,459 --> 00:18:32,792 - Uh... - Oh, boy. 510 00:18:32,828 --> 00:18:34,663 Is this gonna be about me going back to the grocery store? 511 00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:37,202 Well, it... it just seemed a little weird. 512 00:18:37,670 --> 00:18:39,172 I heard you were there for hours. 513 00:18:39,241 --> 00:18:40,508 The place was a mess. 514 00:18:40,576 --> 00:18:42,812 I mean, where is the pride? 515 00:18:42,881 --> 00:18:45,451 Old days, they used to deliver my oranges on Tuesdays. 516 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,388 I could not have built a pyramid faster 517 00:18:47,457 --> 00:18:49,592 with 10,000 Hebrews. 518 00:18:49,694 --> 00:18:51,630 So, you weren't just wandering? 519 00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:54,969 It's just... I miss it, is all. 520 00:18:55,071 --> 00:18:56,773 This takes me to my next question. 521 00:18:56,842 --> 00:19:00,180 Um... did you and Mom ever... 522 00:19:00,549 --> 00:19:02,985 ever want a-a-another child? 523 00:19:03,053 --> 00:19:04,522 Well, I suppose all parents wonder 524 00:19:04,590 --> 00:19:06,759 how things would have changed if they had a different child. 525 00:19:06,861 --> 00:19:08,396 I-I didn't... didn't mean a different one. 526 00:19:08,465 --> 00:19:11,135 I-I mean an additional one. 527 00:19:11,204 --> 00:19:12,471 Why do you ask? 528 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,808 Well, 'cause if you'd had another kid, 529 00:19:14,877 --> 00:19:16,679 maybe... maybe he'd have taken over the business 530 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,048 and... and you wouldn't have had to sell. 531 00:19:18,118 --> 00:19:19,318 I always... 532 00:19:19,386 --> 00:19:21,856 I always felt kind of bad that I didn't. 533 00:19:22,878 --> 00:19:25,730 The answer is no, Phil. Never. 534 00:19:26,183 --> 00:19:27,884 Because... 535 00:19:27,986 --> 00:19:29,921 Well, you did take over the family business, didn't you? 536 00:19:29,990 --> 00:19:33,963 Keeping life light, making it fun for everybody. 537 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:36,969 I learned from the best. 538 00:19:39,276 --> 00:19:41,678 When I was growing up, he was the cool dad. 539 00:19:41,730 --> 00:19:42,864 He was hip. 540 00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:44,601 He knew all the dances from "Grease." 541 00:19:44,703 --> 00:19:46,137 He knew all the expressions. 542 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,108 BFF... best friends forever. 543 00:19:48,177 --> 00:19:49,577 TMI... too much information. 544 00:19:49,679 --> 00:19:51,046 BJ... blue jeans. 545 00:19:51,116 --> 00:19:53,785 It makes me feel lucky. 546 00:19:53,854 --> 00:19:55,823 We didn't do much that day, but... 547 00:19:56,326 --> 00:19:58,027 it might have been one of the... the best days 548 00:19:58,096 --> 00:19:59,764 I ever had with my dad. 549 00:20:01,469 --> 00:20:03,338 I just didn't know it would be the last. 550 00:20:03,968 --> 00:20:05,809 My dad was okay. 551 00:20:05,878 --> 00:20:10,252 And my takeaway from our day... 552 00:20:10,321 --> 00:20:14,427 Don't miss a chance to let the people you appreciate... 553 00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:16,643 know that. 554 00:20:17,234 --> 00:20:18,601 The hard part has been, um, 555 00:20:18,704 --> 00:20:20,906 figuring out a way to pay tribute to my dad, 556 00:20:21,008 --> 00:20:24,012 but something came to me in the garage today. 557 00:20:30,655 --> 00:20:32,363 I think he would have liked it. 558 00:20:44,497 --> 00:20:46,791 He left some big footprints, my old man. 559 00:20:49,717 --> 00:20:52,387 - Look, they're getting along great. - That's not our worry. 560 00:20:52,389 --> 00:20:53,823 Your mother is. 561 00:20:53,925 --> 00:20:56,228 Eight years, she ignored Stella, gave her a complex. 562 00:20:56,330 --> 00:20:58,633 One time, I was clicking a pen. 563 00:20:58,735 --> 00:21:01,272 Stella threw up 'cause she thought high heels were coming. 564 00:21:01,274 --> 00:21:02,374 Hola! 565 00:21:04,313 --> 00:21:05,380 What is this? 566 00:21:06,372 --> 00:21:07,837 He's the grownup. 567 00:21:07,872 --> 00:21:09,321 Honey, we know how you feel about... 568 00:21:09,423 --> 00:21:13,061 It's the cutest thing I've seen in my whole life! 569 00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:16,402 I love you! Oh, my God! 570 00:21:16,504 --> 00:21:18,473 I need a selfie with my best little boy! 571 00:21:18,575 --> 00:21:19,842 I'll be back! 572 00:21:19,944 --> 00:21:21,445 It's not your fault. 573 00:21:22,950 --> 00:21:25,587 It is not your fault. 574 00:21:28,749 --> 00:21:30,895 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com