1 00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:06,736 Are... Are you awake? 2 00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,197 I slept for six minutes two hours ago. 3 00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:10,734 I'm gonna have to take a sleeping pill, 4 00:00:10,804 --> 00:00:12,169 which means you're gonna have to hide my car keys, 5 00:00:12,274 --> 00:00:13,808 laptop, and Reba McEntire wig. 6 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:16,508 It's been a crazy couple days. 7 00:00:16,578 --> 00:00:18,011 Uh, yesterday, I found out I didn't get 8 00:00:18,081 --> 00:00:20,812 the college football coaching job that I had been chasing. 9 00:00:20,918 --> 00:00:22,248 I was... I was devastated. 10 00:00:22,318 --> 00:00:23,990 And moments before that, we got a phone call 11 00:00:24,060 --> 00:00:26,245 from our old adoption agency with the opportunity 12 00:00:26,315 --> 00:00:27,611 for us to adopt a baby boy. 13 00:00:27,682 --> 00:00:29,388 So, a door closes... 14 00:00:29,493 --> 00:00:30,618 - A window opens. - Yeah. 15 00:00:30,723 --> 00:00:32,019 But do you answer it? 16 00:00:32,089 --> 00:00:34,034 You don't answer windows. 17 00:00:34,105 --> 00:00:36,460 Well, how fun for you. Cam made a little mistake. 18 00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:40,526 I keep making lists of all the pros and cons in my head. 19 00:00:40,597 --> 00:00:42,678 Uh, the... the way a baby smells is on both. 20 00:00:42,783 --> 00:00:44,728 Okay, alright. Pros, go. 21 00:00:44,799 --> 00:00:47,734 Okay, well, a baby to love. The sound of giggling. 22 00:00:48,227 --> 00:00:49,580 You know, a bigger family, 23 00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,381 an extra vote on whether to pull the plug on us when we get old. 24 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:54,260 I'm worried that Lily has an itchy trigger finger. 25 00:00:54,331 --> 00:00:55,832 Yeah, and another child would help us figure out 26 00:00:55,869 --> 00:00:58,463 how much of Lily's personality is our fault and what's on her. 27 00:00:58,568 --> 00:00:59,658 It would be nice to be vindicated. 28 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:01,470 Okay, other pros... Christmases. 29 00:01:02,599 --> 00:01:04,100 Dipping little toes into the ocean 30 00:01:04,205 --> 00:01:05,330 for the first time, 31 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,619 the way a toddler run towards the door 32 00:01:07,690 --> 00:01:10,037 in their jammies saying, "Daddy!" 33 00:01:10,081 --> 00:01:11,241 Okay, you'd better hit me with some cons. 34 00:01:11,345 --> 00:01:12,374 I'm practically ovulating. 35 00:01:12,404 --> 00:01:15,717 Okay, no sleep, car seats, diapers, 36 00:01:15,786 --> 00:01:18,586 coughs and colds, all... all the doctor's appointments, 37 00:01:18,691 --> 00:01:20,944 - plastic toys everywhere. - Everywhere. 38 00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,823 Our... Our place is already too small. 39 00:01:22,927 --> 00:01:23,960 We don't have enough bedrooms. 40 00:01:24,055 --> 00:01:25,419 Mnh-mnh. 41 00:01:25,490 --> 00:01:27,025 Oh, God, the clock is ticking. 42 00:01:27,096 --> 00:01:28,665 We have half a day to give them an answer. 43 00:01:28,770 --> 00:01:30,442 Okay, you know what, no thinking. 44 00:01:30,546 --> 00:01:34,507 On the count of three, say yes or no. 45 00:01:34,611 --> 00:01:36,421 One, two, three... 46 00:01:37,721 --> 00:01:39,580 - I don't know. - I can't decide! 47 00:01:53,842 --> 00:01:56,676 Hey, why is there a black Suburban outside with a driver? 48 00:01:56,778 --> 00:01:58,411 My company sent it. 49 00:01:58,514 --> 00:02:00,480 I'm manning the Helo Dynamics booth 50 00:02:00,582 --> 00:02:02,082 for the job recruitment fair at Caltech. 51 00:02:02,184 --> 00:02:03,250 Wow! 52 00:02:03,352 --> 00:02:07,187 Look at you, being chauffeured in a giant SUV. 53 00:02:07,289 --> 00:02:09,623 When I picture you driving, you're crying in a Prius. 54 00:02:09,725 --> 00:02:11,591 I do cry less when I'm driven. 55 00:02:11,693 --> 00:02:13,827 And that outfit is on point. 56 00:02:13,929 --> 00:02:16,897 Well, I mean, it's... it's sort of a triumphant return for me. 57 00:02:16,999 --> 00:02:19,699 I spent four years there in sweats, with greasy hair, 58 00:02:19,801 --> 00:02:21,601 caring only about grades. 59 00:02:21,703 --> 00:02:23,069 The only time anyone ever noticed me was when 60 00:02:23,171 --> 00:02:26,206 I pulled out all my eyebrows during finals week. 61 00:02:26,308 --> 00:02:29,442 Now I have a big job, swanky apartment, 62 00:02:29,545 --> 00:02:31,611 shoes that cost more than my first laptop... 63 00:02:31,713 --> 00:02:33,346 Oh, it's like a Rom-com... 64 00:02:33,448 --> 00:02:35,982 You left a nerd and returned a hot nerd. 65 00:02:37,085 --> 00:02:38,184 Ooh! Speaking of hot people, 66 00:02:38,287 --> 00:02:40,320 maybe I should go and recruit for NERP: 67 00:02:40,422 --> 00:02:42,255 For legal reasons, we need a science-y person 68 00:02:42,357 --> 00:02:43,790 to endorse product. 69 00:02:43,892 --> 00:02:45,892 Considering we're all a bunch of people who didn't graduate college, 70 00:02:45,994 --> 00:02:48,261 we sell a lot of products that go inside of you. 71 00:02:48,363 --> 00:02:50,764 Yeah, no, it doesn't really work that way. 72 00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:52,399 A, you have to be invited, 73 00:02:52,501 --> 00:02:54,534 and B, no self-respecting scientist 74 00:02:54,636 --> 00:02:56,937 is going to endorse the nonsense your company is pushing. 75 00:02:57,039 --> 00:02:59,639 Excuse me, but our copper-infused toothpaste 76 00:02:59,741 --> 00:03:02,609 is on the FDA's top ten items to watch, so... 77 00:03:05,147 --> 00:03:07,314 Phil! Phil, can you come in here? 78 00:03:07,416 --> 00:03:09,549 I've worked up a little presentation 79 00:03:09,651 --> 00:03:12,052 for my Skype interview, and I would love to get your feedback. 80 00:03:12,154 --> 00:03:13,453 Yes, please! 81 00:03:13,555 --> 00:03:15,922 You've been such a cheerleader for me with all my magic shows 82 00:03:16,024 --> 00:03:17,991 and SCARB dinners, I'd love to be yours. 83 00:03:18,193 --> 00:03:19,241 Hit it. 84 00:03:19,795 --> 00:03:21,861 I'm gonna stop you right there. 85 00:03:21,964 --> 00:03:23,997 I've been out of work for a few months, 86 00:03:24,099 --> 00:03:25,699 and I've gotten kinda antsy. 87 00:03:25,801 --> 00:03:29,235 To channel my anxiety, I have cleaned, I have organized. 88 00:03:29,338 --> 00:03:31,104 Perhaps a bit obsessively. 89 00:03:31,206 --> 00:03:32,339 Doctors were consulted. 90 00:03:32,441 --> 00:03:34,708 One... a therapist, so not even a real doctor. 91 00:03:34,810 --> 00:03:36,676 But meds were quickly dismissed. 92 00:03:36,778 --> 00:03:38,979 We didn't want the sexual side effects. 93 00:03:39,081 --> 00:03:40,380 Anyway... 94 00:03:40,482 --> 00:03:43,650 I am going to channel my anxiety into a career. 95 00:03:43,752 --> 00:03:46,019 I am interviewing for my dream job... 96 00:03:46,121 --> 00:03:50,457 Senior VP of my favorite organizing chain store, 97 00:03:50,559 --> 00:03:51,658 Organize 'Em! 98 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,226 I'm so excited, I could have an organaz... 99 00:03:53,328 --> 00:03:54,961 You're better than that. 100 00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:58,732 So, throughout the call, I'm gonna be referring 101 00:03:58,834 --> 00:04:00,266 to this organizational system 102 00:04:00,369 --> 00:04:03,603 that I created using the Organize 'Em products. 103 00:04:03,705 --> 00:04:05,405 - Smart. - Yeah. Watch. 104 00:04:06,238 --> 00:04:08,341 Oh, Ms. Beckman, what an interesting point. 105 00:04:08,443 --> 00:04:11,511 I should jot that down. 106 00:04:11,613 --> 00:04:12,679 Boop. 107 00:04:12,781 --> 00:04:13,931 Bop. 108 00:04:14,249 --> 00:04:15,749 Bam. 109 00:04:18,639 --> 00:04:20,020 What the hell is that? 110 00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:23,256 Oh, my God. What? 111 00:04:23,358 --> 00:04:26,092 Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, your dad came over to help me. 112 00:04:26,194 --> 00:04:28,428 - I gotta fix that step. - It splintered. 113 00:04:28,530 --> 00:04:30,397 I wiped out this morning and landed on my head. 114 00:04:30,499 --> 00:04:31,731 Yeah, but my call. 115 00:04:31,833 --> 00:04:33,976 We gotta take care of that before someone gets hurt. 116 00:04:34,011 --> 00:04:34,768 Someone did. 117 00:04:34,870 --> 00:04:36,636 I mean, what if it was Haley with the babies? Or Dylan? 118 00:04:36,738 --> 00:04:38,405 - Or...? - Or me. I threw up. 119 00:04:38,507 --> 00:04:41,441 Holy Moses. Gloria was here yesterday in heels. 120 00:04:41,543 --> 00:04:42,575 That could've been ugly. 121 00:04:42,947 --> 00:04:43,994 I'm sleepy. 122 00:04:44,029 --> 00:04:46,246 Buddy, you gotta move. Someone's gonna trip over you. 123 00:04:46,348 --> 00:04:48,314 Hey, guys, we can't do this right now, okay? 124 00:04:48,417 --> 00:04:50,850 I've got... I've got an interview at 1:23. 125 00:04:50,952 --> 00:04:53,853 - Well, that's specific. - No, not for Audrey Beckman. 126 00:04:53,955 --> 00:04:56,022 Her whole life is scheduled down to the second. 127 00:04:56,124 --> 00:04:57,824 She's a god to OCD people. 128 00:04:57,926 --> 00:04:59,192 Why do you think I've got that bumper sticker 129 00:04:59,294 --> 00:05:01,961 that says "Straighten It Like Beckman"? 130 00:05:02,064 --> 00:05:03,329 Can I come down now? 131 00:05:03,432 --> 00:05:04,831 If I don't have the babies' bottles 132 00:05:04,933 --> 00:05:06,266 when they wake up, they're mean. 133 00:05:06,368 --> 00:05:08,768 You're not even in the terrible twos yet. 134 00:05:08,870 --> 00:05:10,036 Oh, when do those start? 135 00:05:10,138 --> 00:05:11,604 Okay, look, it's almost time. 136 00:05:11,707 --> 00:05:14,774 Just please, nobody make any noise, nobody go in that office. 137 00:05:14,876 --> 00:05:16,509 I have all my ducks in a row. 138 00:05:16,611 --> 00:05:18,344 I'm just gonna run upstairs and change my shirt. 139 00:05:18,447 --> 00:05:19,476 Oh, okay, but be careful. 140 00:05:19,548 --> 00:05:21,347 I know what I'm doing, I have got this. 141 00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:23,683 - Oh! - Oh! Oh, boy! Oh, God! 142 00:05:23,785 --> 00:05:24,918 My leg is stuck! 143 00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,486 Somebody do something! 144 00:05:26,588 --> 00:05:27,921 I'm really good at getting rings off. 145 00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:30,023 Do you want me to butter your thighs? 146 00:05:30,092 --> 00:05:32,092 Hey, Dylan, sometimes I like to play things out 147 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,827 in my head first, if that's helpful. 148 00:05:36,565 --> 00:05:39,233 Hey, honey, uh, we need to talk to you about something. 149 00:05:39,615 --> 00:05:41,163 Sweetie, this is something pretty big, 150 00:05:41,198 --> 00:05:42,572 and I... I want you to brace yourself. 151 00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:47,073 - The adoption agency called... - I'm not going back! 152 00:05:47,142 --> 00:05:50,377 Do you know what happens to soft, entitled kids in Da Nang? 153 00:05:50,412 --> 00:05:51,466 No, no, no, no, no, no! No, no. 154 00:05:51,536 --> 00:05:53,697 N-No. No. 155 00:05:54,527 --> 00:05:56,050 There's a baby boy... 156 00:05:56,085 --> 00:05:57,341 Ohhh. 157 00:05:57,376 --> 00:05:58,738 I think you should do it. 158 00:05:58,773 --> 00:06:00,178 - Really? Just... Just like that? - What? 159 00:06:00,247 --> 00:06:02,651 Whatever stops you dropping by my sleepovers. 160 00:06:02,686 --> 00:06:04,560 You guys are way too focused on me. 161 00:06:04,595 --> 00:06:06,506 Plus, I think it'd be fun to have a baby brother. 162 00:06:06,541 --> 00:06:07,789 - Oh? - Although... 163 00:06:07,893 --> 00:06:09,141 Although what? 164 00:06:09,245 --> 00:06:11,935 Aren't you guys kind of old to be having a baby? 165 00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:14,254 I'm getting into the juicy part of my teen years. 166 00:06:14,289 --> 00:06:16,097 I don't want to have to take over for you. 167 00:06:16,132 --> 00:06:19,416 - Okay, we are not that old. - You're like 50. 168 00:06:19,519 --> 00:06:21,308 Oh, my God! No! 169 00:06:21,411 --> 00:06:23,403 Daddy's 44, and I'm 48. 170 00:06:23,507 --> 00:06:26,208 You do realize when the baby's a senior in high school, 171 00:06:26,311 --> 00:06:27,797 you guys will be senior citizens? 172 00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:29,588 We will not be senior c... 173 00:06:29,691 --> 00:06:31,582 - Cam. - Sixty-six. 174 00:06:31,685 --> 00:06:33,711 - I'll be sixty-six. - And I'll be sixty-one. 175 00:06:33,814 --> 00:06:36,099 - Well, sixty-two. - Not until June! 176 00:06:39,211 --> 00:06:42,540 It's not working! My leg is really stuck in there! 177 00:06:42,642 --> 00:06:44,408 It might be time to return to my idea. 178 00:06:44,477 --> 00:06:45,918 I'm not cutting my leg off. 179 00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:48,049 Think about how fast you would run with a robot leg. 180 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,832 Luke, your mom's not getting a robot leg! 181 00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:52,928 She'd need two, or she'd just run in circles. 182 00:06:52,999 --> 00:06:54,200 Come on, let's check under the stairs. 183 00:06:54,305 --> 00:06:56,159 Yes, please, and hurry! 184 00:06:56,229 --> 00:06:58,496 What the hell's the matter with this house? 185 00:06:58,566 --> 00:07:00,386 How could two steps be broken? 186 00:07:03,377 --> 00:07:06,433 My God, the humidity. My hair's gonna frizz out. 187 00:07:06,538 --> 00:07:08,427 That's why I never show any pictures from 'Nam. 188 00:07:08,463 --> 00:07:10,764 Oh, no, I totally forgot about the humidifier 189 00:07:10,869 --> 00:07:12,276 for my mushroom log. 190 00:07:13,309 --> 00:07:14,818 It needed darkness and moisture. 191 00:07:14,890 --> 00:07:16,605 It must have rotted the wood. 192 00:07:18,841 --> 00:07:21,588 Wow, honey, you're really wedged in here tight. 193 00:07:21,693 --> 00:07:22,997 Yeah, no kidding. 194 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,197 Why can't you buy your mushrooms at a store, 195 00:07:25,302 --> 00:07:26,776 like a normal person? 196 00:07:26,848 --> 00:07:28,082 Store-bought mushrooms? 197 00:07:28,153 --> 00:07:30,694 You really don't get my generation, Boomer. 198 00:07:30,765 --> 00:07:32,275 Maybe this'll enlighten you. 199 00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:34,440 - Open up. - Get your hand away from my... 200 00:07:34,442 --> 00:07:35,884 Open up! 201 00:07:39,596 --> 00:07:41,038 That's damn good. 202 00:07:41,108 --> 00:07:43,203 Why do I always default to "no"? 203 00:07:43,308 --> 00:07:46,708 Is Gloria right? Should I try slim-cut jeans? 204 00:07:47,672 --> 00:07:49,595 Guys! What's going on down there? 205 00:07:49,631 --> 00:07:51,793 Your foot's stuck between two copper pipes. 206 00:07:51,898 --> 00:07:53,649 We're gonna have to cut it. 207 00:07:53,754 --> 00:07:54,921 It might take a while. 208 00:07:55,026 --> 00:07:56,639 I don't have a while! 209 00:07:56,675 --> 00:07:58,907 I can't believe this. I'm going to miss my interview. 210 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,935 And this was my dream job! 211 00:08:01,006 --> 00:08:03,168 I was gonna get to organize the whole world. 212 00:08:03,239 --> 00:08:05,436 And now everything is gonna stay so messy. 213 00:08:05,507 --> 00:08:06,707 Can't you just reschedule it? 214 00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:09,285 No! Phil, I'd look like a flake! 215 00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:10,797 This is an organizational company, 216 00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:12,928 not the loosey-goosey world of real estate, 217 00:08:12,999 --> 00:08:15,315 where everything's "See you noon to three, 218 00:08:15,350 --> 00:08:16,420 and I'll bring the cookies"! 219 00:08:16,984 --> 00:08:18,082 Sorry. I'm lashing out. 220 00:08:18,187 --> 00:08:19,560 No, it's okay. The lion doesn't lose sleep 221 00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:20,728 over the opinions of sheep. 222 00:08:20,799 --> 00:08:23,237 Honey, just take the call from there. 223 00:08:23,308 --> 00:08:26,261 How ridiculous would I look taking a call on stairs? 224 00:08:26,366 --> 00:08:28,803 Plus, I need my shelves, 'cause I had this whole thing 225 00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:30,350 worked out with the products and... 226 00:08:30,455 --> 00:08:32,034 You don't need gimmicks! 227 00:08:32,104 --> 00:08:33,340 You were the C.E.O. 228 00:08:33,410 --> 00:08:35,092 for Pritchett's freakin' Closets. 229 00:08:35,163 --> 00:08:36,914 You know how many people can say that? 230 00:08:37,019 --> 00:08:38,151 Me and you! 231 00:08:38,222 --> 00:08:39,868 And Margaret every five years, 232 00:08:39,940 --> 00:08:42,240 when I went under for my colonoscopy. 233 00:08:42,310 --> 00:08:44,302 Fine. Give me my phone. 234 00:08:44,372 --> 00:08:46,742 I'll bomb the interview from right here. 235 00:08:48,703 --> 00:08:51,072 She's lost her confidence. She needs those shelves. 236 00:08:51,143 --> 00:08:52,858 You know what, if she can't get to the office, 237 00:08:52,929 --> 00:08:54,473 we can bring the office to her. 238 00:08:56,743 --> 00:08:58,219 You're staring. 239 00:08:58,324 --> 00:09:00,095 I'm frizzing, aren't I? 240 00:09:01,703 --> 00:09:04,925 I've got to admit, walking onto that campus... 241 00:09:05,030 --> 00:09:07,496 All those eyes on me, the adoration... 242 00:09:07,567 --> 00:09:09,554 It felt good. It felt right. 243 00:09:09,659 --> 00:09:12,470 Like I had earned everything that was coming my way. 244 00:09:12,979 --> 00:09:14,458 You suck! 245 00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:17,167 No! You! 246 00:09:17,272 --> 00:09:20,459 - What? - Helo Dynamics is evil! 247 00:09:20,530 --> 00:09:22,414 Excuse me? We help people. 248 00:09:22,519 --> 00:09:25,775 Yeah! People like fascists, dictators, oligarchs. 249 00:09:25,845 --> 00:09:27,352 What are you talking about? 250 00:09:27,422 --> 00:09:28,964 We make things like facial scanners 251 00:09:29,034 --> 00:09:31,432 that detect predisposition to genetic diseases. 252 00:09:31,503 --> 00:09:32,907 Which oppressive governments use 253 00:09:32,978 --> 00:09:35,067 to identify political dissidents. 254 00:09:35,771 --> 00:09:39,148 Well, I mean, it's also used on video chats 255 00:09:39,219 --> 00:09:40,623 to turn yourself into a unicorn. 256 00:09:40,728 --> 00:09:42,200 Name one thing more fun! 257 00:09:42,271 --> 00:09:45,252 Why don't you walk your fancy shoes outta here, you sellout? 258 00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:47,173 Why is someone wearing socks and sandals 259 00:09:47,278 --> 00:09:48,510 yelling at your fabulous shoes? 260 00:09:48,581 --> 00:09:49,744 - Sellout! - I don't know! 261 00:09:49,849 --> 00:09:51,150 And what are you doing here? 262 00:09:51,221 --> 00:09:52,591 Well, I'm recruiting for NERP. 263 00:09:52,696 --> 00:09:54,511 I told you I need a science-y person. 264 00:09:54,582 --> 00:09:57,151 You can't just saunter in here. You have to be approved. 265 00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,552 Oh. Hey, kid. You don't care what you look like. You must be smart. 266 00:09:59,588 --> 00:10:01,163 Want to work at a place that has a lot of hot girls? 267 00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:04,216 Stop it! Could you make this horrible situation any worse? 268 00:10:04,287 --> 00:10:08,228 Hell no, Helo! It's time you go! 269 00:10:08,298 --> 00:10:11,382 - I didn't do that. - Hell no, Helo, it's time you go! 270 00:10:11,419 --> 00:10:13,380 - Hell no, Helo, it's time you go! - I've never seen nerds swarm like this before! 271 00:10:13,455 --> 00:10:15,704 We're not typically a clustering people. 272 00:10:15,809 --> 00:10:17,075 Oh, my God. It's Arvin. 273 00:10:17,180 --> 00:10:18,961 Oh, no. I emailed him I'd be here. 274 00:10:19,032 --> 00:10:21,293 Oh, this is gonna be so awkward for me! 275 00:10:21,363 --> 00:10:23,247 The last time I saw him, I broke his heart. 276 00:10:23,352 --> 00:10:24,585 Awkward for you? 277 00:10:24,655 --> 00:10:28,152 These people hate me so much, they're making eye contact! 278 00:10:28,221 --> 00:10:29,626 Alex? Hi! 279 00:10:29,731 --> 00:10:31,238 What's all the com... 280 00:10:31,343 --> 00:10:32,644 Haley. 281 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,496 Arvin. Hi. 282 00:10:34,566 --> 00:10:35,936 I didn't know you'd be here. 283 00:10:36,007 --> 00:10:37,856 This isn't going to be easy to say. 284 00:10:37,961 --> 00:10:39,433 I got married, and I have twins. 285 00:10:39,504 --> 00:10:40,771 I know. Yes. 286 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:43,548 It was the lead story in Dylan's holiday newsletter. 287 00:10:43,619 --> 00:10:45,983 You sure you haven't been stalking a little? 288 00:10:46,054 --> 00:10:47,458 No. No, that's why. 289 00:10:49,655 --> 00:10:51,230 Alex, is this directed at you? 290 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,288 Yes. Yes, it is. 291 00:10:53,393 --> 00:10:55,448 And they are so mean! 292 00:10:55,518 --> 00:10:56,716 Hell no, Helo! 293 00:10:56,821 --> 00:10:58,053 Uh, excuse me. 294 00:10:58,124 --> 00:11:01,346 Uh, you... you all know I'm a cool guy, right? 295 00:11:01,416 --> 00:11:03,438 I'm chill with you calling me Arvin. 296 00:11:03,509 --> 00:11:07,381 We had class outside that one time. 297 00:11:07,486 --> 00:11:08,890 Hmm? Will you just give us a minute? 298 00:11:08,961 --> 00:11:12,971 I assure you, she will feel the full effects of my rage. 299 00:11:14,345 --> 00:11:16,023 - So, how have you been? - Not so great. 300 00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:17,635 They're not fans of your employer? 301 00:11:17,740 --> 00:11:19,856 Which is so unfair! 302 00:11:20,038 --> 00:11:21,338 I'm doing very advanced research 303 00:11:21,409 --> 00:11:23,053 that could have far-reaching implications. 304 00:11:23,124 --> 00:11:25,247 Yeah. Of course you are. One sec. 305 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,614 How do you sleep at night? 306 00:11:27,719 --> 00:11:28,985 Okay, so, you, too? 307 00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:30,219 No, of course not. 308 00:11:30,325 --> 00:11:32,861 I am not here to judge you or your boss... 309 00:11:32,965 --> 00:11:34,026 Satan! 310 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,759 Anyway, I just thought I'd drop by and say a quick hello. 311 00:11:38,829 --> 00:11:39,959 Haley, lovely to see you. 312 00:11:40,064 --> 00:11:41,433 You have to move on. 313 00:11:41,538 --> 00:11:43,559 Alex, I wish you nothing but the best. 314 00:11:43,664 --> 00:11:47,538 Okay. Right, guys. Now with feeling. 315 00:11:47,608 --> 00:11:50,901 Hell no, Helo! It's time you go! 316 00:11:51,071 --> 00:11:54,057 Hell no, Helo! It's time you go! 317 00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:55,363 What Lily said really got to us. 318 00:11:55,434 --> 00:11:57,914 Maybe we are too old to have a new baby. 319 00:11:58,017 --> 00:11:59,987 Yesterday, I found hairs on my ears 320 00:12:00,091 --> 00:12:01,517 and I yelled at the local news. 321 00:12:01,586 --> 00:12:03,624 And I called Seinfeld "Steinfeld." 322 00:12:05,123 --> 00:12:06,650 You know, but on the other hand, there are a lot 323 00:12:06,754 --> 00:12:08,486 of men our age having babies. 324 00:12:08,556 --> 00:12:11,307 Yes, but... but they have second wives and nannies... 325 00:12:11,411 --> 00:12:12,871 who are often the same person. 326 00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,945 We just needed to talk to a... a parent 327 00:12:15,049 --> 00:12:17,052 that had a baby when they were old. 328 00:12:17,661 --> 00:12:20,452 You must be mistaken, because I had Joe when I was 35. 329 00:12:20,772 --> 00:12:22,368 No, I remember. You had just turned... 330 00:12:22,472 --> 00:12:23,591 She's not gonna budge. 331 00:12:23,661 --> 00:12:26,005 Okay, j-just tell us, how hard is it? 332 00:12:26,075 --> 00:12:28,792 Well, are there nights where you don't sleep 333 00:12:28,896 --> 00:12:30,288 and you want to kill yourself? 334 00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:31,410 Of course. 335 00:12:31,412 --> 00:12:33,518 Are there shooting pains in your back 336 00:12:33,588 --> 00:12:37,019 from picking the baby and putting him down? 337 00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,481 Constantly. 338 00:12:38,585 --> 00:12:40,045 Okay, well, is there a but? 339 00:12:40,114 --> 00:12:42,357 It's hanging in there, but it's not the same. 340 00:12:42,426 --> 00:12:45,620 Look, I know that you guys worry that you're too old 341 00:12:45,689 --> 00:12:49,053 or too slow to have a baby at this age. 342 00:12:49,497 --> 00:12:51,330 But guess what. 343 00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:53,337 - You can! - Aah! 344 00:12:53,407 --> 00:12:55,648 - What the hell was that? - A doll. 345 00:12:55,719 --> 00:12:57,960 It was supposed to prove that you guys were ready 346 00:12:58,064 --> 00:12:59,422 to have a baby, 347 00:12:59,526 --> 00:13:02,481 but if this was a real one, you would have killed it. 348 00:13:02,585 --> 00:13:05,201 Well, wouldn't it be your fault for throwing it? 349 00:13:05,305 --> 00:13:07,342 Give me a break. I was trying something. 350 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,415 I'm in the middle of selling a house. 351 00:13:09,486 --> 00:13:10,742 Oh, yeah, it's very cute, by the way. 352 00:13:10,846 --> 00:13:11,999 How many bedrooms is it? 353 00:13:12,103 --> 00:13:14,277 - Three and a den. - Oh, that's one more than we have. 354 00:13:14,348 --> 00:13:15,705 Mitchell, this house, huh? 355 00:13:15,809 --> 00:13:17,711 Cam, I can't even begin to think about a house 356 00:13:17,815 --> 00:13:19,954 when we haven't even made a decision about whether or not 357 00:13:20,024 --> 00:13:21,416 - we're going to... - But maybe it's a sign. 358 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,558 You know, the new job goes away, a baby comes along, 359 00:13:23,662 --> 00:13:24,985 and all of a sudden, we're standing in a charming 360 00:13:25,089 --> 00:13:27,059 - three-bedroom... - Three and a half bath. 361 00:13:27,163 --> 00:13:29,405 Which, holy cow, we could afford if we just switch back 362 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,765 - to grocery store face cream. - No. 363 00:13:30,869 --> 00:13:33,110 And it's in a great school district. 364 00:13:33,214 --> 00:13:34,504 You know what? She's right about that. 365 00:13:34,608 --> 00:13:35,864 They have a full-time nurse. 366 00:13:35,968 --> 00:13:37,971 We have a Band-Aid jar and a can of ginger ale. 367 00:13:38,076 --> 00:13:39,773 Okay, we already have too much on our plate. 368 00:13:39,877 --> 00:13:41,167 We're not buying this house! 369 00:13:41,271 --> 00:13:44,056 Oh, and in the basement, they have a karaoke room 370 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:46,436 for people that want to impersonate divas 371 00:13:46,540 --> 00:13:48,646 without their fathers seeing them. 372 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,697 Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to look. 373 00:13:54,754 --> 00:13:57,565 I don't know, guys. Does it really look like I'm in my office? 374 00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:59,685 Jaws wasn't a real shark, but I still wouldn't 375 00:13:59,754 --> 00:14:01,354 sit on a toilet seat for months. 376 00:14:01,629 --> 00:14:03,089 How's this angle, Mom? 377 00:14:03,158 --> 00:14:05,280 Um, uh, fine, I guess. 378 00:14:05,317 --> 00:14:07,987 My cheek is itching! Is there something on my face? 379 00:14:08,058 --> 00:14:11,003 Admiral Ackbar, what the hell happened to you? 380 00:14:11,073 --> 00:14:12,853 I'll bet it was your stupid mushrooms! 381 00:14:12,923 --> 00:14:14,258 Why do I try new things? 382 00:14:14,328 --> 00:14:16,177 I'm sticking to my Brett Favre jeans! 383 00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:18,233 Oh, God! That's her! That's her! 384 00:14:18,338 --> 00:14:19,432 Shh! Everybody quiet! 385 00:14:19,537 --> 00:14:20,974 Wait, I have to get up there with the babies... 386 00:14:21,079 --> 00:14:22,140 Shh! Sit! 387 00:14:23,547 --> 00:14:24,709 Hi, Ms. Beckman. 388 00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,628 Thank you so much for this... 389 00:14:26,698 --> 00:14:28,444 - Achoo! - Choo! 390 00:14:28,515 --> 00:14:29,541 opportunity. 391 00:14:30,142 --> 00:14:31,563 You're welcome. Achoo! 392 00:14:32,627 --> 00:14:33,858 I... I wasn't mocking you. 393 00:14:33,963 --> 00:14:35,778 It's just that whenever I hear someone sneeze, 394 00:14:35,848 --> 00:14:38,211 I have to sneeze, too, so that it's an even number. 395 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,855 It's... it's perfectly normal. 396 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,808 Oh, no, I completely understand. 397 00:14:41,879 --> 00:14:44,687 A few years ago, I forgot to tap the towel rod twice 398 00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:45,851 when I got out of the shower, 399 00:14:45,957 --> 00:14:48,284 and we lost George Michael that day, so... 400 00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:50,067 That was you? 401 00:14:50,137 --> 00:14:52,260 Let me tell you a little bit about our company. 402 00:14:52,364 --> 00:14:54,008 Oh! I'd love that. 403 00:14:54,077 --> 00:14:55,995 But first, I'd like to take some notes. 404 00:14:57,984 --> 00:14:59,045 Tilt up! 405 00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:01,135 That's what I love about this industry... 406 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,362 never a "dull" moment. 407 00:15:03,433 --> 00:15:04,562 It's not plugged in. 408 00:15:09,361 --> 00:15:11,038 We like to think of "Organize 'Em" 409 00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:13,848 - as a wellness company... - Achoo! 410 00:15:13,919 --> 00:15:14,978 - Choo! - Achoo! 411 00:15:15,049 --> 00:15:16,624 A mindfulness company. 412 00:15:17,962 --> 00:15:19,844 Are your shelves shaking? 413 00:15:19,949 --> 00:15:21,900 Uh... yeah. 414 00:15:21,971 --> 00:15:23,956 Yeah, I think we're having a little earthquake. 415 00:15:24,027 --> 00:15:25,063 You know what? Why don't I tell you 416 00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:27,075 a little something about myself? 417 00:15:28,989 --> 00:15:30,847 I like to think that I am the kind of person 418 00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:32,766 who can see where the consumer... 419 00:15:32,870 --> 00:15:34,822 trends are leaning, 420 00:15:34,926 --> 00:15:36,603 adjust quickly, 421 00:15:36,708 --> 00:15:38,659 and lean back the other direction. 422 00:15:41,293 --> 00:15:42,351 Oh, my God! 423 00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:45,924 Do I love organizing! 424 00:15:45,994 --> 00:15:47,671 Baby, do I love it! 425 00:15:47,742 --> 00:15:50,104 M-Ms. Dunphy, have you been drinking? 426 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,606 Just lie. She can't smell your breath. 427 00:15:52,710 --> 00:15:54,113 No, Poppy, no! 428 00:16:00,456 --> 00:16:02,058 What the hell is happening? 429 00:16:02,093 --> 00:16:03,291 I'm calling it. 430 00:16:03,326 --> 00:16:06,519 I'm sorry, Ms. Beckman. This was a terrible idea. 431 00:16:06,624 --> 00:16:08,370 I... Okay. 432 00:16:08,441 --> 00:16:11,351 I fell through a step, and my leg is stuck. 433 00:16:11,422 --> 00:16:15,051 And listen, there's no company I would rather work for. 434 00:16:15,122 --> 00:16:17,656 I didn't want to cancel on you, so I asked my family 435 00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:21,870 to make it look like this was my office. 436 00:16:21,941 --> 00:16:24,612 Jay Pritchett, closeteer, but you probably know that. 437 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,325 - Achoo! - Achoo! 438 00:16:26,396 --> 00:16:29,650 Could you just please get him out of my ear shot? 439 00:16:29,754 --> 00:16:31,294 Yeah, yeah, sure. 440 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:34,310 Listen, I wanted you to think that I was a person 441 00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:36,057 who had it all together, but I'm not. 442 00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:38,799 The reality is I live in chaos! 443 00:16:38,869 --> 00:16:40,889 But that's why I love your products. 444 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,430 When... When my kids are fighting 445 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,939 or... or the grandkids are crying 446 00:16:44,009 --> 00:16:47,879 or my husband is making pancakes on a pogo stick, 447 00:16:47,984 --> 00:16:50,518 I know that I can go into my office 448 00:16:50,589 --> 00:16:53,602 and file bills in a color-coded divider 449 00:16:53,673 --> 00:16:56,548 and experience one moment of peace. 450 00:16:57,682 --> 00:17:00,078 I know I'm what your company needs, 451 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:02,374 because I know how much I need your company. 452 00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:06,932 Wow. 453 00:17:07,002 --> 00:17:08,371 I got the job! 454 00:17:08,475 --> 00:17:10,084 I'm so proud of her! 455 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,900 I guess it's our lucky step. 456 00:17:14,824 --> 00:17:16,389 Don't worry. It's just me. 457 00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:17,934 - Oh. - See? 458 00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:24,250 You know what? You could have defended me! 459 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:25,893 Mm. Should I have? 460 00:17:25,997 --> 00:17:27,638 Are you saying you agree with them? 461 00:17:27,743 --> 00:17:29,589 I found their chant rather simplistic. 462 00:17:29,659 --> 00:17:31,916 You know, I would have probably gone with something like... 463 00:17:32,021 --> 00:17:34,551 "Helo Dynamics is a multinational corporation 464 00:17:34,656 --> 00:17:37,563 that prioritizes profits over ethics." 465 00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:39,890 I knew it. You are judging me. 466 00:17:39,994 --> 00:17:42,114 Do you judge all of your students like this? 467 00:17:42,219 --> 00:17:43,551 Alex... 468 00:17:43,622 --> 00:17:47,110 all my students don't have the potential you do! 469 00:17:47,181 --> 00:17:48,548 You were extraordinary! 470 00:17:48,653 --> 00:17:51,970 You were meant to change the world! 471 00:17:52,041 --> 00:17:54,195 And it's not just me that thinks it. 472 00:17:54,265 --> 00:17:55,974 Dylan said so in his newsletter. 473 00:17:56,079 --> 00:17:57,309 Oh, spare me. 474 00:17:57,379 --> 00:17:59,911 The sanctimonious academic, looking down on the star pupil 475 00:18:00,015 --> 00:18:02,340 because of her thousand-dollar shoes! 476 00:18:02,410 --> 00:18:04,154 Those shoes were a thousand dollars? 477 00:18:04,224 --> 00:18:06,550 - Damn it. - Do they come with medicine for a village? 478 00:18:06,654 --> 00:18:08,260 You know what? I hate to say it, 479 00:18:08,331 --> 00:18:11,307 but I don't need your approval, because I love what I do. 480 00:18:11,376 --> 00:18:14,528 - Ah. Well, I am sorry to hear that. - Don't be. 481 00:18:14,529 --> 00:18:17,029 I'm sorry because I am assembling a research team 482 00:18:17,092 --> 00:18:19,349 to create A.I. capable of everything 483 00:18:19,419 --> 00:18:21,984 from discovering exoplanets in deep space 484 00:18:22,054 --> 00:18:24,242 to biomarkers of disease in humans. 485 00:18:24,347 --> 00:18:28,520 And you would've been a superb addition 486 00:18:28,625 --> 00:18:30,368 to an exceptional team. 487 00:18:30,473 --> 00:18:31,499 But pbht! 488 00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,927 Well, Professor... 489 00:18:33,998 --> 00:18:36,391 you can take that job... 490 00:18:36,496 --> 00:18:38,376 and give it to me. 491 00:18:38,481 --> 00:18:40,121 But I'm going to need you to match my salary! 492 00:18:40,192 --> 00:18:41,593 I'm not sure we have that kind of money. 493 00:18:41,698 --> 00:18:42,791 Deal. 494 00:18:44,436 --> 00:18:46,340 I'm gonna go see if I can still return these. 495 00:18:48,285 --> 00:18:50,619 And finally, back to the beautiful family room. 496 00:18:50,722 --> 00:18:52,209 It's great. 497 00:18:52,279 --> 00:18:53,298 I mean, it is beautiful. 498 00:18:53,328 --> 00:18:54,409 I can see you both 499 00:18:54,478 --> 00:18:57,929 having a delightful misunderstanding here. 500 00:18:58,032 --> 00:18:59,248 - Okay, now, Mitchell. - Hmm? 501 00:18:59,352 --> 00:19:01,583 You know I'm not usually impulsive... 502 00:19:01,687 --> 00:19:03,648 Please. You never go to the grocery store alone 503 00:19:03,718 --> 00:19:04,866 and not come home with a balloon. 504 00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:07,066 But that bathroom upstairs is amazing. 505 00:19:07,136 --> 00:19:10,078 Yeah, and I... I do love the idea of me having my own sink. 506 00:19:10,147 --> 00:19:12,481 Our housekeeper would finally realize who the real villain is. 507 00:19:12,550 --> 00:19:13,766 Okay, so we should... we should do it! 508 00:19:13,871 --> 00:19:15,222 Let's do it! 509 00:19:15,292 --> 00:19:16,812 - Buy this house? - Yeah. 510 00:19:16,882 --> 00:19:19,114 We haven't even made a decision about the baby yet. 511 00:19:19,218 --> 00:19:22,498 Oh. Another broker just sent me a text. 512 00:19:22,602 --> 00:19:25,225 An offer is coming at six o'clock. 513 00:19:25,260 --> 00:19:26,661 Great. Another ticking clock. 514 00:19:26,764 --> 00:19:28,716 Let's also disarm a time bomb 515 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,191 while buying Beyoncé tickets online with an expired credit card. 516 00:19:31,226 --> 00:19:33,221 Okay, that one got to me. I'm having hard time breathing. 517 00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:34,498 I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack! 518 00:19:34,533 --> 00:19:37,393 And this big family room with the cozy fireplace 519 00:19:37,428 --> 00:19:39,013 is the perfect place to have that. 520 00:19:39,117 --> 00:19:40,708 Okay, you know what, Gloria? Stop. 521 00:19:40,743 --> 00:19:42,698 We... We... We need to think. 522 00:19:42,767 --> 00:19:44,051 No, no, no, we do not need to think. 523 00:19:44,154 --> 00:19:45,913 We need to stop this. 524 00:19:45,982 --> 00:19:47,503 Okay, within the span of eighteen hours, 525 00:19:47,572 --> 00:19:50,346 we're supposed to completely and utterly change our lives? 526 00:19:50,415 --> 00:19:52,545 No... No big, life-altering decision 527 00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:53,798 should be made that way. 528 00:19:54,816 --> 00:19:58,738 You're right. Here, let's... Then let's not. 529 00:19:58,843 --> 00:20:00,499 - Okay. - It's just way too much. 530 00:20:00,568 --> 00:20:01,583 When things are right, 531 00:20:01,685 --> 00:20:03,781 I-it shouldn't be a struggle like this. 532 00:20:03,885 --> 00:20:04,966 You just know it. 533 00:20:04,968 --> 00:20:06,252 Yeah. I know. 534 00:20:06,322 --> 00:20:08,384 That little boy, he's gonna find an amazing family, right? 535 00:20:08,488 --> 00:20:11,295 - Of course he is. - Yeah. Yeah. 536 00:20:11,399 --> 00:20:13,055 You... You know what? I already... 537 00:20:13,158 --> 00:20:14,509 I already feel a little lighter. 538 00:20:14,925 --> 00:20:16,101 And we don't need the stress of moving. 539 00:20:16,204 --> 00:20:17,454 - No. - Because you know what? 540 00:20:17,557 --> 00:20:18,943 - I love our house. - I do, too. 541 00:20:19,046 --> 00:20:20,872 - It is not perfect. But neither are we. - No. We aren't. 542 00:20:20,975 --> 00:20:22,565 And neither is your car. 543 00:20:22,668 --> 00:20:25,170 Can you please remove that thing from the driveway? 544 00:20:25,274 --> 00:20:27,505 I'm trying to sell a lifestyle here. 545 00:20:28,366 --> 00:20:30,585 Is that the adoption agency? 546 00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:31,837 Yep. 547 00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:33,090 Um... 548 00:20:33,193 --> 00:20:34,240 I'll... I'll tell them. 549 00:20:34,242 --> 00:20:36,172 Yeah. Yeah. Hello. 550 00:20:41,622 --> 00:20:44,768 Uh, yes, my husband and I would love to adopt him. 551 00:20:44,871 --> 00:20:46,019 Let's write up an offer. 552 00:20:55,256 --> 00:20:57,323 - Dad. Wake up. - Oh, what... what... what... 553 00:20:57,425 --> 00:20:59,558 I think Daddy took a sleeping pill again. 554 00:21:00,555 --> 00:21:01,961 - Is he... Okay. - Yep. 555 00:21:10,071 --> 00:21:12,341 Come on, sing it with me, Tucson! 556 00:21:16,477 --> 00:21:19,337 Hey, Mitchell. I have a dozen wings for Reba. 557 00:21:19,338 --> 00:21:22,238 Yeah, okay. Thank you so much, Cory. We'll see you next time. 558 00:21:22,252 --> 00:21:24,853 Tony, I'm getting a little feedback in my ear here. 559 00:21:24,955 --> 00:21:26,688 Tony Hammond, ladies and gentlemen! 560 00:21:30,026 --> 00:21:32,696 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com