1
00:00:01,173 --> 00:00:05,431
Aww, goodbye, drawer dedicated
to batteries and takeout menus.

2
00:00:05,849 --> 00:00:07,310
And goodbye, wall dent,

3
00:00:07,352 --> 00:00:10,441
from when we thought Lily
was a trombone prodigy.

4
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:12,780
Mitchell!

5
00:00:12,821 --> 00:00:15,243
That was your last
eye roll in this house!

6
00:00:15,326 --> 00:00:16,495
You know what, when the new baby comes,

7
00:00:16,536 --> 00:00:17,957
can you not do it as much?

8
00:00:17,998 --> 00:00:20,545
Because, you know,
you did it around Lily a lot, and...

9
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:24,135
Okay... hey, hey, no, no, no.
Don't throw those away.

10
00:00:24,177 --> 00:00:25,221
I-I might want to use those

11
00:00:25,263 --> 00:00:27,392
for my big baby reveal to the family.

12
00:00:27,433 --> 00:00:30,022
If he's bald, I can do
a whole Elton John thing.

13
00:00:30,106 --> 00:00:31,191
Not only are we moving,

14
00:00:31,233 --> 00:00:33,780
but we're adopting a baby
that's due in two weeks.

15
00:00:33,822 --> 00:00:37,245
And that is stressing me out
because eleven years ago,

16
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,457
I revealed Lily with "The Lion King,"

17
00:00:39,583 --> 00:00:41,003
and there's a lot of pressure...

18
00:00:41,044 --> 00:00:42,631
- Self-imposed.
- ... to top myself.

19
00:00:42,673 --> 00:00:45,554
So, I've been workshopping a few ideas.

20
00:00:45,637 --> 00:00:48,058
I hope everyone here likes...

21
00:00:48,142 --> 00:00:49,227
baby!

22
00:00:50,146 --> 00:00:52,025
I can see that taking
everyone's breath away, no?

23
00:00:52,150 --> 00:00:55,156
Uh, I'm more concerned about
the city taking our baby away.

24
00:00:59,247 --> 00:01:04,466
- Subtitles by explosiveskull
corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com

25
00:01:08,767 --> 00:01:10,979
Okay, the repair guys are
gonna be here in five minutes.

26
00:01:11,313 --> 00:01:12,858
I can't believe I'm saying this,

27
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:14,527
but we might actually
be getting away with...

28
00:01:14,570 --> 00:01:17,325
- Hey!
- Hey! What are you guys doing home?

29
00:01:17,366 --> 00:01:18,703
Yeah, I thought you went
to that beach cleanup.

30
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,916
Well, we tried,
but the beach yoga people

31
00:01:20,999 --> 00:01:22,711
wouldn't even move a hundred feet down.

32
00:01:22,795 --> 00:01:24,632
You'd think they'd have
been a little more flexible.

33
00:01:24,715 --> 00:01:25,884
Oh, Phil.

34
00:01:25,967 --> 00:01:28,138
The good news is,
we're back and we are here

35
00:01:28,180 --> 00:01:30,226
to help you set up
for the twins' Easter party.

36
00:01:30,267 --> 00:01:31,436
Um, we're good.

37
00:01:31,478 --> 00:01:32,773
Anyway, we got this covered.

38
00:01:32,856 --> 00:01:34,902
And you guys had such a long morning,

39
00:01:34,985 --> 00:01:36,906
why don't Gamma and Grampy grab a nap

40
00:01:36,948 --> 00:01:39,077
so that they're fresh
for the party, huh?

41
00:01:39,119 --> 00:01:40,162
Okay.

42
00:01:40,204 --> 00:01:41,958
- Okay.
- But I...

43
00:01:41,999 --> 00:01:43,753
It's all good. We got it.

44
00:01:43,795 --> 00:01:44,922
Last weekend, Mom and Dad

45
00:01:44,964 --> 00:01:46,801
went to the artichoke
festival in Monterey.

46
00:01:46,801 --> 00:01:48,136
And Dylan's mom had the twins,

47
00:01:48,178 --> 00:01:50,391
so we took the opportunity
to have a little party,

48
00:01:50,432 --> 00:01:52,436
just to see if we still had it in us.

49
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:53,565
We did.

50
00:01:53,606 --> 00:01:55,359
I'm trackin' the pizza guy,

51
00:01:55,401 --> 00:01:57,196
the pizza guy, the pizza guy!

52
00:01:57,238 --> 00:01:58,950
His name is Ibrahim!

53
00:01:58,992 --> 00:02:01,956
Don't forget the garlic knots,
garlic knots, garlic knots!

54
00:02:01,998 --> 00:02:04,628
Yo! This party is the GOAT:

55
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,006
Greatest of all time.

56
00:02:06,047 --> 00:02:07,843
I'm Doug,
your across-the-street neighbor.

57
00:02:07,885 --> 00:02:09,805
I was just curbin' my bins,
heard the party noise,

58
00:02:09,847 --> 00:02:11,266
thought I'd join up.

59
00:02:11,349 --> 00:02:12,561
Want a refill on that?

60
00:02:12,603 --> 00:02:15,316
There is no scenario where
I accept a drink from you.

61
00:02:15,399 --> 00:02:16,484
Lit.

62
00:02:18,155 --> 00:02:21,704
Nice to see the Dunphy name
still carries some party clout.

63
00:02:21,954 --> 00:02:23,081
Ah!

64
00:02:23,206 --> 00:02:24,960
You know,
we're running low on jungle juice.

65
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,340
Just soak it up with a towel
and wring it back into your cup.

66
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,595
Mm. Okay.

67
00:02:29,637 --> 00:02:30,764
Cool!

68
00:02:30,805 --> 00:02:31,891
What kind is that?

69
00:02:31,933 --> 00:02:33,978
Uch. Can I have one conversation tonight

70
00:02:33,978 --> 00:02:36,609
without someone asking
me about my snake?

71
00:02:36,859 --> 00:02:38,863
Ohh! Good Lord!

72
00:02:38,905 --> 00:02:41,661
- What happened?
- I slipped on that drink you spilled.

73
00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:44,875
Oh! Hurt my ankle really bad.

74
00:02:44,917 --> 00:02:47,964
I mean, I don't want to sue you,
but I don't really see any other option.

75
00:02:48,131 --> 00:02:49,175
Do you?

76
00:02:50,511 --> 00:02:52,264
So now I work for Doug.

77
00:02:52,348 --> 00:02:54,603
Hey, everybody!

78
00:02:54,687 --> 00:02:56,607
Ibrahim has arrived, has a...

79
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,701
Don't stare at it! Put it out!

80
00:03:03,830 --> 00:03:05,457
We made some temporary fixes

81
00:03:05,499 --> 00:03:07,044
and scheduled repairs for today,

82
00:03:07,044 --> 00:03:09,424
when Mom and Dad said
they'd be at the beach.

83
00:03:09,465 --> 00:03:11,094
Then they came home early.

84
00:03:11,136 --> 00:03:14,058
It's just hard when you
can't trust family members.

85
00:03:14,434 --> 00:03:17,273
"Don't Gamma and Grampy
want to take a nap?"

86
00:03:17,314 --> 00:03:18,609
That's not insulting to you?

87
00:03:19,277 --> 00:03:20,320
Phil.

88
00:03:20,404 --> 00:03:22,283
- Phil!
- I... wasn't sleeping. I was listening.

89
00:03:22,324 --> 00:03:25,665
And g-good for you. That is...
That is a lot of steps for one day.

90
00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:27,878
I was talking about the kids.

91
00:03:27,961 --> 00:03:29,840
They're treating us
like actual grandparents

92
00:03:29,923 --> 00:03:31,594
instead of the... the...

93
00:03:31,635 --> 00:03:34,390
premature grandparents we clearly are.

94
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,519
I'm the only one in
my aqua aerobics class

95
00:03:36,519 --> 00:03:38,148
who doesn't need two noodles.

96
00:03:38,816 --> 00:03:41,989
I put the eggs in a cute
basket for the Easter egg hunt.

97
00:03:42,031 --> 00:03:44,035
- I saw it in a magazine.
- Cute.

98
00:03:44,076 --> 00:03:45,370
- Haley.
- Oh, no.

99
00:03:45,412 --> 00:03:47,374
Honey, your dad and I
didn't feel like taking a nap.

100
00:03:47,416 --> 00:03:48,920
Why don't you give us
a job for the party?

101
00:03:49,045 --> 00:03:51,257
Uh, well, we could use
some help dyeing these eggs.

102
00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:53,094
But why don't you change
for the party first?

103
00:03:53,136 --> 00:03:54,848
- Oh, good idea!
- Yes!

104
00:03:54,932 --> 00:03:56,769
Phil, wakey, wakey!

105
00:03:56,852 --> 00:03:58,188
Okay, we got sixty seconds, people.

106
00:03:58,230 --> 00:03:59,357
We gotta move fast. Come on. Come on.

107
00:03:59,398 --> 00:04:00,610
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on!

108
00:04:00,652 --> 00:04:02,488
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

109
00:04:02,530 --> 00:04:04,116
Come on, move faster!

110
00:04:04,242 --> 00:04:07,122
Let's go, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go!

111
00:04:07,582 --> 00:04:09,001
Would you hurry it up a little bit?

112
00:04:09,043 --> 00:04:12,759
Oh, come on!
Get out of here now! Go, go, go!

113
00:04:12,801 --> 00:04:15,097
Thank you so much.
I love you guys so much. Bye!

114
00:04:15,807 --> 00:04:18,646
Okay. I think
we actually got away with it.

115
00:04:18,688 --> 00:04:21,067
- Oh, no.
- I have to stop saying that.

116
00:04:21,067 --> 00:04:23,781
That dude from the party said
that his python was pregnant.

117
00:04:23,823 --> 00:04:25,158
Do you think those could be her eggs?

118
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,954
Oh, my God!

119
00:04:26,954 --> 00:04:28,498
Is one of them hatching?

120
00:04:28,541 --> 00:04:29,626
- That's so disgusting!
- Ohh.

121
00:04:29,668 --> 00:04:31,087
We have to cancel the party!

122
00:04:31,129 --> 00:04:33,676
What? No way! We just got back in
with this parent group

123
00:04:33,718 --> 00:04:35,638
after our daughter's biting spree.

124
00:04:35,722 --> 00:04:37,308
If they didn't love
their kids being gummed

125
00:04:37,349 --> 00:04:39,270
by an adorable toddler,
I don't think they're gonna

126
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:41,274
love their kids getting
punctured by a python!

127
00:04:41,316 --> 00:04:42,526
Calm down.

128
00:04:42,526 --> 00:04:44,530
Snakes lay all their eggs
in one dark place.

129
00:04:44,656 --> 00:04:46,744
I've got them all here.
I'm gonna run them by the pet store.

130
00:04:46,827 --> 00:04:48,413
Oh, my God. Is one of them moving?
Get them out of here.

131
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,125
They're so gross.
Gross, gross, gross, gross.

132
00:04:52,338 --> 00:04:54,885
Hey, where you running off to,
little buddy?

133
00:04:57,348 --> 00:05:00,437
And where are you
running off to, big buddy?

134
00:05:04,445 --> 00:05:05,782
Hey, stranger!

135
00:05:05,823 --> 00:05:08,411
Going out again?
I barely see you these days.

136
00:05:08,453 --> 00:05:10,666
I'd love to hang out, Jay,
but I've got a wine club meeting.

137
00:05:10,708 --> 00:05:12,503
What, are you into wine? I love wine!

138
00:05:12,629 --> 00:05:14,340
- Okay. See ya.
- Wait a minute!

139
00:05:14,423 --> 00:05:15,676
I'm gonna open a bottle later on.

140
00:05:15,718 --> 00:05:18,098
Why don't you bring one
and we'll have a little tasting?

141
00:05:18,181 --> 00:05:19,350
I guess I wouldn't mind that.

142
00:05:19,433 --> 00:05:21,354
I'll stop by the store on my way back.

143
00:05:21,437 --> 00:05:24,235
While you're there, would you be
a prince and pick me up a soda?

144
00:05:24,276 --> 00:05:25,613
I've got homework.

145
00:05:25,696 --> 00:05:26,782
Where'd you get a fifty?

146
00:05:26,907 --> 00:05:28,201
Don't worry about it.

147
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:32,961
Welcome to your new house!

148
00:05:33,044 --> 00:05:36,384
I don't remember this room
feeling so stark and cold.

149
00:05:36,509 --> 00:05:39,014
Luckily this is a smart house.

150
00:05:39,140 --> 00:05:41,435
Adam, warm light mode.

151
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:42,689
Initiating.

152
00:05:42,730 --> 00:05:44,066
- Oh!
- Oh, no... no!

153
00:05:44,150 --> 00:05:46,487
No, that just brings out the
molding around the windows.

154
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:49,410
I... Does it feel like
we're in a nursing home?

155
00:05:49,493 --> 00:05:51,080
Adam, party mode!

156
00:05:51,414 --> 00:05:52,457
Initiating.

157
00:05:53,418 --> 00:05:55,840
Oh, God. No!
No, that's... that's even worse.

158
00:05:55,882 --> 00:05:57,134
I'm... I'm sorry, I just...

159
00:05:57,175 --> 00:05:59,346
I don't feel like I've ever
been in this house before.

160
00:05:59,430 --> 00:06:00,850
Adam, I swear to God!

161
00:06:00,892 --> 00:06:02,019
Initiating.

162
00:06:02,102 --> 00:06:03,772
Did we just make a huge mistake?

163
00:06:03,939 --> 00:06:05,358
Mitchell, you know you hate change.

164
00:06:05,442 --> 00:06:06,653
Remember when you shaved your beard?

165
00:06:06,737 --> 00:06:09,450
You screamed in the mirror,
"Oh, my God, you look hideous!"

166
00:06:09,533 --> 00:06:10,578
That was you.

167
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:14,001
I mean, you have been
a crab all day long.

168
00:06:14,043 --> 00:06:16,380
How do you know?
You haven't even been around us!

169
00:06:16,505 --> 00:06:18,051
I took a crazy guess.

170
00:06:18,134 --> 00:06:20,263
Look, this is buyer's remorse.

171
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:23,729
I learned that from my mentor,
Phil Dunphy,

172
00:06:23,812 --> 00:06:25,273
and I know how to fix it.

173
00:06:25,691 --> 00:06:27,654
Come with me if you want to live...

174
00:06:27,695 --> 00:06:30,993
in this house...
and not be a bummer to everyone.

175
00:06:31,035 --> 00:06:32,830
Lily, you need to help me
start unpacking.

176
00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:35,001
We need to work on my baby reveal.

177
00:06:35,043 --> 00:06:37,172
Adam, thinking mode.

178
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:38,592
Initiating.

179
00:06:43,235 --> 00:06:46,701
I know it sounds crazy, but it works.

180
00:06:46,742 --> 00:06:49,288
In order to accept the new house,

181
00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:52,211
you have to properly say
goodbye to this place.

182
00:06:52,253 --> 00:06:54,675
Okay, I'm not talking to a house. Okay?

183
00:06:54,717 --> 00:06:56,887
And... And why are the movers
just sitting out there?

184
00:06:56,971 --> 00:06:59,017
Don't worry about them.
I'll handle them.

185
00:06:59,142 --> 00:07:00,562
I used to be a mover.

186
00:07:00,603 --> 00:07:03,735
I kind of fell into it when
I helped an ex-boyfriend

187
00:07:03,818 --> 00:07:06,031
steal his brother's refrigerator.

188
00:07:06,072 --> 00:07:08,493
Okay, wait, so you've been a cab driver,
a hairdresser,

189
00:07:08,535 --> 00:07:10,999
a spokesmodel, and a mover.

190
00:07:11,041 --> 00:07:12,627
I-Is your life real?

191
00:07:12,711 --> 00:07:13,963
Is anything real?

192
00:07:14,088 --> 00:07:15,800
That was a question that I asked myself

193
00:07:15,842 --> 00:07:18,180
when I was a philosophy professor.

194
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:21,812
Now, say goodbye to the house.

195
00:07:21,937 --> 00:07:24,902
Tell it how much it meant to you.

196
00:07:24,985 --> 00:07:28,075
Be honest with each other,
like two lovers

197
00:07:28,116 --> 00:07:31,749
that know that the time has come
when they must part ways.

198
00:07:31,791 --> 00:07:32,918
Okay, well, usually, I would just

199
00:07:32,959 --> 00:07:34,588
take my gym membership off his keychain

200
00:07:34,630 --> 00:07:35,924
and then introduce him to my mother.

201
00:07:41,017 --> 00:07:42,228
Hey, house.

202
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:43,898
Hey, you humps!

203
00:07:43,981 --> 00:07:45,568
We're paying you by the hour!

204
00:07:45,610 --> 00:07:46,904
We're on a coffee break, lady.

205
00:07:47,029 --> 00:07:48,406
Oh, don't give me that.

206
00:07:48,448 --> 00:07:49,868
I used to do your job.

207
00:07:49,993 --> 00:07:53,333
And this attitude,
this is why people hate movers.

208
00:07:53,416 --> 00:07:55,295
That and all the stealing.

209
00:07:55,337 --> 00:07:57,258
Whoa! You think you can do better?

210
00:07:57,759 --> 00:07:59,680
I hate to burst your bubble wrap,

211
00:07:59,721 --> 00:08:01,474
but I know I can.

212
00:08:01,559 --> 00:08:04,188
We actually double booked today,
so this works out.

213
00:08:04,272 --> 00:08:06,317
- Have at it.
- Oh, no, no, no, no! Ay, wait!

214
00:08:06,401 --> 00:08:08,823
Come back, humps!

215
00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:10,033
What are you doing with the cat?

216
00:08:10,117 --> 00:08:14,125
Okay, don't worry. On the day,
I will replace Larry with the baby.

217
00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:16,212
Once the family is all
seated around the table,

218
00:08:16,254 --> 00:08:18,383
I'll undo the security rope

219
00:08:18,551 --> 00:08:20,680
and then let the baby
hover above the table

220
00:08:20,722 --> 00:08:22,726
for all the family to marvel at.

221
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:25,565
Wait. Phone's ringing.

222
00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:27,067
Hello?

223
00:08:27,192 --> 00:08:29,113
Yes, speaking.

224
00:08:29,155 --> 00:08:30,365
What?

225
00:08:32,954 --> 00:08:33,998
No!

226
00:08:37,379 --> 00:08:39,593
Oh, honey, did you just take a sip
from the paintbrush water?

227
00:08:39,635 --> 00:08:41,972
I think I'd know if I did, Claire.

228
00:08:42,056 --> 00:08:44,853
Oh! This must be
the grandparents' table!

229
00:08:44,895 --> 00:08:46,439
- I wouldn't say that.
- No, I d... I don't think...

230
00:08:46,481 --> 00:08:50,238
These are the kids' grandparents,
Gamma and Grampy.

231
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:52,034
Oh, nice to meet you.

232
00:08:52,076 --> 00:08:53,871
I'm Meemaw. This is Bobo.

233
00:08:53,954 --> 00:08:56,084
Have you met GimGim and Mimsy?

234
00:08:56,167 --> 00:08:58,004
Oh, you know what?
Why don't you take our seats?

235
00:08:58,046 --> 00:08:59,925
I think we're at the wrong table.

236
00:08:59,966 --> 00:09:01,260
Oh! My back!

237
00:09:01,302 --> 00:09:03,181
Oh, it happens to me all the time.

238
00:09:03,223 --> 00:09:04,266
Oh.

239
00:09:04,308 --> 00:09:06,855
I'm gonna get you
the name of these shoes.

240
00:09:06,939 --> 00:09:08,525
Doug, I have cooked for you,

241
00:09:08,609 --> 00:09:10,070
spray tanned you,

242
00:09:10,153 --> 00:09:12,533
taken two of your sign spinning shifts.

243
00:09:12,575 --> 00:09:14,537
Are we seriously not even yet?

244
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:16,290
I think you're making
too big a deal about this.

245
00:09:16,332 --> 00:09:18,253
I just need you to dress up
like Harley Quinn

246
00:09:18,336 --> 00:09:20,758
and give a foot massage
to the winner of my game night.

247
00:09:20,842 --> 00:09:21,927
Don't worry.

248
00:09:21,969 --> 00:09:23,388
I'm gonna win.

249
00:09:26,310 --> 00:09:29,568
And get this, Gerald fell again.

250
00:09:29,693 --> 00:09:30,903
Wrist this time.

251
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,742
That man's got more pins in him
than a tailor's mouth.

252
00:09:34,995 --> 00:09:37,499
He never learned
how to fall the right way.

253
00:09:37,584 --> 00:09:40,213
- Too proud.
- Wait, there's a right way to fall?

254
00:09:40,255 --> 00:09:41,842
Really? A follow-up?

255
00:09:41,884 --> 00:09:45,683
Resist the temptation
to break the fall with the hands.

256
00:09:45,808 --> 00:09:47,311
Land on your bottom.

257
00:09:47,394 --> 00:09:49,691
Aim for the meat, not the bone.

258
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:51,027
Oh... Mimsy!

259
00:09:52,780 --> 00:09:54,450
See? Good as new.

260
00:09:54,533 --> 00:09:56,747
My dear husband, such a gentleman.

261
00:09:56,872 --> 00:09:59,961
He always opens the bathtub door for me.

262
00:10:00,003 --> 00:10:02,424
Yeah. Would you excuse us just a second?

263
00:10:06,516 --> 00:10:07,560
'Cause she was.

264
00:10:07,602 --> 00:10:08,729
It's not good.

265
00:10:08,771 --> 00:10:10,942
Oh, totally!

266
00:10:10,983 --> 00:10:12,612
We're just remembering
something that happened

267
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,616
on our last Negroni crawl in Frogtown.

268
00:10:14,658 --> 00:10:16,285
Oh, Frogtown!

269
00:10:16,327 --> 00:10:18,081
- Oh, "Bird on a bird!"
- "Bird on a bird!"

270
00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:20,628
Oh, you all got the TikTok invite

271
00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:22,339
Bridget from Quibi sent out
for her matcha pop-up

272
00:10:22,381 --> 00:10:23,884
on Thursday, right?

273
00:10:23,926 --> 00:10:26,389
- You guys down?
- Oh, yeah, that sounds...

274
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,184
frosty.

275
00:10:29,019 --> 00:10:30,105
Small hiccup.

276
00:10:30,188 --> 00:10:32,401
When I got to the pet store,
I was down one python egg,

277
00:10:32,484 --> 00:10:34,071
- which means...
- There's one still here.

278
00:10:34,113 --> 00:10:36,367
Yeah, and I just checked
the living room, and it's not there.

279
00:10:36,409 --> 00:10:38,580
Okay, nuggets! Everyone outside!

280
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:40,584
It's time for the egg hunt!

281
00:10:41,628 --> 00:10:43,757
Hey. Small hiccup.

282
00:10:43,882 --> 00:10:45,427
Now it's time for the bottle I brought.

283
00:10:45,468 --> 00:10:46,638
Unh-unh-unh!

284
00:10:46,722 --> 00:10:48,851
Fresh glasses.

285
00:10:48,892 --> 00:10:52,524
This, my friend,
is a 2009 Chateau Trotanoy.

286
00:10:52,567 --> 00:10:53,986
You might want to cinch your belt up.

287
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:55,865
It's liable to blow your trousers off.

288
00:10:56,616 --> 00:10:58,036
Mm.

289
00:10:58,579 --> 00:11:00,415
- It's nice.
- "Nice"?

290
00:11:00,498 --> 00:11:02,044
I understand why you would like it,

291
00:11:02,085 --> 00:11:04,256
but... this is what my wine club friends

292
00:11:04,339 --> 00:11:05,676
would call "an obvious choice."

293
00:11:05,718 --> 00:11:08,640
I get it. You haven't developed
a taste for fine wine yet.

294
00:11:08,724 --> 00:11:10,143
Um, I hate to say it,

295
00:11:10,185 --> 00:11:12,522
but I probably know more
about wine than you do.

296
00:11:12,648 --> 00:11:14,652
Two months ago, you couldn't drink rosé

297
00:11:14,694 --> 00:11:16,405
unless it was mixed with Snapple.

298
00:11:16,865 --> 00:11:18,451
There's only one way to settle this...

299
00:11:18,493 --> 00:11:20,623
are you up for a little
blind taste test?

300
00:11:20,706 --> 00:11:21,457
Bring it.

301
00:11:21,499 --> 00:11:25,633
Joe, go to the wine cellar,
pick out five random bottles.

302
00:11:25,716 --> 00:11:27,469
- We have a wine cellar?
- What's a wine cellar?

303
00:11:27,511 --> 00:11:28,722
You were my first.

304
00:11:28,764 --> 00:11:31,102
And we'd both been through so much.

305
00:11:31,143 --> 00:11:32,563
I mean, I was neurotic.

306
00:11:32,605 --> 00:11:35,861
You had a-a bathroom off the kitchen.

307
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:38,241
But we both found each other.

308
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,453
Anyway, I...

309
00:11:40,495 --> 00:11:43,292
I-I-I feel like, um,
I have to say something.

310
00:11:43,334 --> 00:11:45,004
It's not you. It's... It's me.

311
00:11:45,046 --> 00:11:46,675
I just, um...

312
00:11:46,758 --> 00:11:48,469
I need more space.

313
00:11:49,764 --> 00:11:51,977
But we could still
remember the good times.

314
00:11:52,018 --> 00:11:53,521
Um, like... like when I first moved in

315
00:11:53,564 --> 00:11:55,275
and all I had was that boombox.

316
00:11:56,945 --> 00:11:59,491
Yeah, um... what do you say? Yeah.

317
00:11:59,576 --> 00:12:01,287
Huh?

318
00:12:01,412 --> 00:12:03,040
One more time?

319
00:12:20,491 --> 00:12:22,705
What do you say? Huh?

320
00:12:22,747 --> 00:12:24,374
Takes you right back, right?

321
00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:26,211
To Valentine's Day 2003...

322
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,717
and four.

323
00:12:31,765 --> 00:12:32,725
Gloria was right.

324
00:12:32,808 --> 00:12:35,814
Once I said goodbye,
I was able to embrace this new house

325
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,737
and spend the next few weeks
getting ready for the baby.

326
00:12:38,820 --> 00:12:40,616
I just needed closure.

327
00:12:40,699 --> 00:12:42,243
And... And s... And so did the drapes.

328
00:12:42,285 --> 00:12:45,751
Because the... the dancing got, uh...
g-got pretty dirty.

329
00:13:04,664 --> 00:13:06,291
The baby's here. He's early.

330
00:13:06,333 --> 00:13:08,129
What? I-I'm not ready!

331
00:13:08,170 --> 00:13:09,256
Well, get ready.

332
00:13:09,297 --> 00:13:10,634
And we will be discussing why you were

333
00:13:10,676 --> 00:13:12,429
"Time-of-my-Life-ing" without me.

334
00:13:16,959 --> 00:13:19,631
The uneducated palate would
identify this as a Cabernet,

335
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:23,346
when, in fact,
it is a Merlot from Bordeaux.

336
00:13:23,388 --> 00:13:25,434
- Correct.
- Oh! Lucky guess.

337
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:26,645
In my twenties, I befriended

338
00:13:26,687 --> 00:13:29,400
a sommelier from Paris... Marcel Caron.

339
00:13:29,484 --> 00:13:31,070
In fact, I went to stay with him.

340
00:13:31,154 --> 00:13:33,533
We'd drink wine all night
and fall asleep

341
00:13:33,576 --> 00:13:37,166
to the sound of an accordion
on the Rue de Montparnasse.

342
00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:40,130
Much like this wine,
that story has too many fruity notes.

343
00:13:40,172 --> 00:13:41,257
Next glass.

344
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:43,470
And... sip.

345
00:13:46,810 --> 00:13:48,856
Mm.

346
00:13:48,981 --> 00:13:53,448
That is a mature Napa Valley Cabernet.

347
00:13:53,532 --> 00:13:55,369
- Correct.
- Unh! Eat that, old man!

348
00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:57,331
You know,
you don't have to spike the football

349
00:13:57,331 --> 00:13:58,751
every time you get an answer right.

350
00:13:58,793 --> 00:14:00,880
Only you could make talking about wine

351
00:14:00,922 --> 00:14:02,634
into something obnoxious.

352
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,596
Score is tied, two-two.

353
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,516
Time now for the final wine.

354
00:14:12,069 --> 00:14:14,532
And to reveal the answer...

355
00:14:14,575 --> 00:14:15,868
Wait a minute.

356
00:14:15,910 --> 00:14:16,954
Maybe we shouldn't.

357
00:14:17,037 --> 00:14:18,916
Before we turned this
into a competition,

358
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,212
we were both having fun, right?

359
00:14:21,296 --> 00:14:23,216
We were doing something we both liked.

360
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:25,095
It did occur to me that
this whole afternoon,

361
00:14:25,137 --> 00:14:27,224
neither one of us
checked our watch once.

362
00:14:27,349 --> 00:14:29,395
And if we flip this over,
one of us is gonna feel bad

363
00:14:29,437 --> 00:14:30,439
and it could ruin the thing.

364
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,111
I mean, let's face it,
we don't have a ton in common,

365
00:14:33,194 --> 00:14:36,159
but today I saw
a little bit of me in you.

366
00:14:36,451 --> 00:14:38,413
You can be a competitive jerk.

367
00:14:38,455 --> 00:14:40,167
And based on that summer in Paris story,

368
00:14:40,208 --> 00:14:42,714
you can be kind of a sensitive,
even perfumy type of...

369
00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:43,924
That'll do.

370
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,012
Look, when you get back from your trip,

371
00:14:46,054 --> 00:14:47,849
why don't we make this a thing?

372
00:14:47,932 --> 00:14:50,103
We'll have a wine
tasting once a month...

373
00:14:50,187 --> 00:14:51,815
without the competition.

374
00:14:52,399 --> 00:14:53,443
I'm in.

375
00:14:59,497 --> 00:15:00,833
Damn it!

376
00:15:02,670 --> 00:15:04,674
Competitive bastard.

377
00:15:04,758 --> 00:15:07,179
Oh, I love that kid.

378
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,020
Time to face facts, honey.

379
00:15:11,104 --> 00:15:13,441
It's the grandparent's table for us.

380
00:15:13,525 --> 00:15:15,613
- Grandpa Phil, huh?
- Mm.

381
00:15:15,696 --> 00:15:18,284
Guess I could get used
to shaving naked at the gym.

382
00:15:18,326 --> 00:15:19,411
Mm.

383
00:15:19,495 --> 00:15:22,000
The hardest part is, our kids
aren't gonna need us anymore.

384
00:15:22,126 --> 00:15:24,505
And it does means we raised them right.

385
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:27,762
On the bright side, one of them actually
vacuumed the living room rug,

386
00:15:27,804 --> 00:15:29,473
and... looks brand new.

387
00:15:29,558 --> 00:15:31,895
- Guys, help!
- Don't listen to her! I need you more!

388
00:15:31,937 --> 00:15:33,481
- I spilled my drink at the party, and Doug came
- We had a huge party, and a snake guy came,

389
00:15:33,523 --> 00:15:35,485
- and slipped and hurt his ankle, and now
- and the snake laid eggs, and it accidentally

390
00:15:35,527 --> 00:15:37,114
- he's gonna sue us unless I...
- got mixed in with the Easter eggs... - Shut up!

391
00:15:37,156 --> 00:15:39,535
Mom, I know you told me not
to buy expensive sunglasses

392
00:15:39,578 --> 00:15:40,955
because I'd only lose them,
but then I...

393
00:15:41,038 --> 00:15:42,374
They're on your head.

394
00:15:43,418 --> 00:15:45,631
Oh. Cool.

395
00:15:47,009 --> 00:15:48,219
Hey! You find it?

396
00:15:48,261 --> 00:15:49,388
No, but I just realized

397
00:15:49,430 --> 00:15:52,227
why they call rolling two ones
with dice "snake eggs."

398
00:15:52,269 --> 00:15:53,354
That's snake eyes.

399
00:15:53,438 --> 00:15:54,983
Oh. Then what did I realize?

400
00:15:55,066 --> 00:15:56,695
Don't worry. I got this.

401
00:15:56,737 --> 00:15:57,906
What's with the bunny suit?

402
00:15:57,906 --> 00:15:59,951
Well, I needed a plausible
reason to be out in the yard.

403
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:02,414
- It's your house.
- Okay, I-I like the costume.

404
00:16:02,456 --> 00:16:03,584
I found one!

405
00:16:03,626 --> 00:16:05,630
- Oh, no!
- On it!

406
00:16:05,755 --> 00:16:06,798
Ooh!

407
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,136
I've never seen so many pretty ones.

408
00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:10,221
Mama!

409
00:16:10,263 --> 00:16:12,644
The Easter Bunny stole my basket!

410
00:16:12,685 --> 00:16:15,231
T-That's because I'm the Easter Bandit.

411
00:16:15,315 --> 00:16:16,985
You were a little bad last year.

412
00:16:17,069 --> 00:16:18,321
I know.

413
00:16:18,529 --> 00:16:20,408
I have five now!

414
00:16:20,450 --> 00:16:22,287
Five eggs?

415
00:16:22,329 --> 00:16:24,793
Well, congratulations!

416
00:16:24,834 --> 00:16:28,174
You get to trade these five eggs

417
00:16:28,216 --> 00:16:29,468
for one...

418
00:16:29,552 --> 00:16:31,682
solar path light!

419
00:16:31,723 --> 00:16:33,101
This egg's moving!

420
00:16:33,101 --> 00:16:34,144
Wait, wait, wait!

421
00:16:34,562 --> 00:16:36,315
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

422
00:16:36,357 --> 00:16:39,530
That is a magic egg.

423
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:41,242
Ohh!

424
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:43,204
Close your eyes and make a wish.

425
00:16:45,751 --> 00:16:46,795
Okay.

426
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,718
- Where's my egg?
- Disappeared. Gotta go!

427
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:52,557
Uh, can I at least
get a picture with you?

428
00:16:52,598 --> 00:16:54,393
- Uh...
- Grandpa!

429
00:16:56,355 --> 00:16:57,441
Uh-oh.

430
00:16:59,194 --> 00:17:01,198
One very quick pic.

431
00:17:02,577 --> 00:17:04,037
Uhp! Got my own finger. Sorry.

432
00:17:04,706 --> 00:17:05,791
Ah.

433
00:17:05,833 --> 00:17:07,795
Well, that's me. How'd I do that?

434
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,006
Here we go.

435
00:17:09,841 --> 00:17:11,887
Wait. I'm getting a call.

436
00:17:11,970 --> 00:17:13,222
Who do I know in Delaware?

437
00:17:13,264 --> 00:17:14,601
Let it go to voicemail, Jim!

438
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:15,728
Okay.

439
00:17:15,853 --> 00:17:17,607
Stop squirming, Easter Bunny!

440
00:17:17,648 --> 00:17:18,942
And one...

441
00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:19,778
Three!

442
00:17:19,819 --> 00:17:21,740
- Got it.
- Have a good year, everybody!

443
00:17:21,823 --> 00:17:23,577
Be good! Especially you!

444
00:17:26,332 --> 00:17:28,044
What is the big emergency, Alex?

445
00:17:28,085 --> 00:17:29,964
I was using my Shop-Vac
to give myself a hickey

446
00:17:30,006 --> 00:17:31,175
to show the guys at game night.

447
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,137
Hello, Doug.

448
00:17:33,179 --> 00:17:35,225
Oh. The mother.

449
00:17:35,308 --> 00:17:37,354
Look, Alex isn't coming to game night.

450
00:17:37,437 --> 00:17:40,109
She's also not cooking you ribs,
doing your laundry,

451
00:17:40,151 --> 00:17:42,322
or getting you an online M.B.A.

452
00:17:42,364 --> 00:17:43,491
Actually, I might finish that.

453
00:17:43,533 --> 00:17:45,036
- I really think we could make the Dean's List.
- Tch!

454
00:17:45,036 --> 00:17:46,540
Well, we had a deal,

455
00:17:46,581 --> 00:17:48,292
so if she's not gonna keep up her end,

456
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:49,712
I guess I'll just have to sue.

457
00:17:49,796 --> 00:17:51,006
Oh, no, no, no, Doug.

458
00:17:51,048 --> 00:17:53,344
I think that we can work that out

459
00:17:53,386 --> 00:17:56,517
right here, right now.

460
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,273
What do you think...

461
00:17:59,356 --> 00:18:00,734
of this number?

462
00:18:00,859 --> 00:18:03,197
I'd like it a lot better
with another zero on the end.

463
00:18:03,281 --> 00:18:05,034
- Oh. Okay.
- Yeah.

464
00:18:05,076 --> 00:18:07,205
Well... I blame myself.

465
00:18:07,665 --> 00:18:08,959
You... You try to instill

466
00:18:09,001 --> 00:18:12,173
a sense of responsibility
in your children, and...

467
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,635
obviously, I failed.

468
00:18:14,846 --> 00:18:16,056
I don't know why I'm surprised.

469
00:18:16,140 --> 00:18:17,602
It's the story of my life.

470
00:18:18,895 --> 00:18:22,485
Loveless marriage, no job, and now...

471
00:18:22,612 --> 00:18:23,947
Some reason,
I thought that being a mother

472
00:18:24,031 --> 00:18:26,703
would be the one thing I got right.

473
00:18:26,786 --> 00:18:27,872
Well...

474
00:18:29,626 --> 00:18:31,796
Could you at least wait
till Wednesday to cash this?

475
00:18:33,382 --> 00:18:34,468
Um...

476
00:18:34,635 --> 00:18:36,305
No.

477
00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:38,100
Sorry about your miserable life.

478
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,355
I have faith that
you'll get it together.

479
00:18:40,396 --> 00:18:41,816
- Ohh!
- Oh, Mom!

480
00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:43,987
Oh! Oh, my wrist!

481
00:18:44,029 --> 00:18:45,073
- My wrist!
- Oh, my God.

482
00:18:45,114 --> 00:18:46,450
It's broken! He pushed me!

483
00:18:46,533 --> 00:18:49,289
- No, I didn't!
- Yes! You did! I saw it.

484
00:18:49,331 --> 00:18:51,210
That's elder abuse.

485
00:18:51,293 --> 00:18:53,799
You messed with the wrong Gamma.

486
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:57,514
Long story short,
Doug and I decided to call it even.

487
00:18:57,556 --> 00:19:00,436
And, thanks to me,
not one child got bit.

488
00:19:00,854 --> 00:19:02,190
Are you really gonna keep that thing?

489
00:19:02,232 --> 00:19:05,363
Do we always have
to talk about my snake?

490
00:19:05,488 --> 00:19:06,532
Okay, this is too soon.

491
00:19:06,532 --> 00:19:08,285
She wasn't supposed to give birth
for two more weeks.

492
00:19:08,327 --> 00:19:09,747
Yeah, and, you know,
not to be critical of women,

493
00:19:09,789 --> 00:19:12,502
but how hard is it just to hold it in?

494
00:19:12,628 --> 00:19:13,588
You know, I had that giant coffee

495
00:19:13,588 --> 00:19:15,634
and sat through Manny's
one-man "Uncle Vanya."

496
00:19:15,717 --> 00:19:17,178
We... We...
We still haven't baby-proofed.

497
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:18,765
We don't...
We don't have a changing table.

498
00:19:18,765 --> 00:19:21,061
I haven't even started painting
the mural above the baby's crib yet.

499
00:19:21,145 --> 00:19:22,773
Okay, so I guess
there are some positives.

500
00:19:22,898 --> 00:19:24,777
- Guys! - Oh!
- Oh! Oh!

501
00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:26,698
Lily, I'm so sorry.
I forgot you're back there.

502
00:19:26,739 --> 00:19:29,494
And every time you speak,
it's like a... a ghost popping out.

503
00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:30,914
There's no carseat back here.

504
00:19:30,956 --> 00:19:32,877
Okay, Lily, you don't need a carseat.

505
00:19:32,918 --> 00:19:34,337
Honey, not everything
is about you! Come on!

506
00:19:34,421 --> 00:19:36,008
For the baby!

507
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,845
Oh. Oh, my G... Oh, my God!

508
00:19:37,887 --> 00:19:40,141
It's packed away.
It's... It's in the moving truck.

509
00:19:40,224 --> 00:19:41,895
Okay, but can... can you hurry?

510
00:19:41,936 --> 00:19:43,397
Sorry I was late.

511
00:19:43,439 --> 00:19:45,526
A smokey set up a bear trap,

512
00:19:45,569 --> 00:19:47,823
and I had to back off the hammer.

513
00:19:47,907 --> 00:19:49,952
I'll get your carseat in no time.

514
00:19:49,994 --> 00:19:51,038
Where are the movers?

515
00:19:52,457 --> 00:19:55,463
Those were no movers.
They were just men carrying boxes.

516
00:19:58,762 --> 00:20:01,391
Those things were broken
before we packed them, huh?

517
00:20:02,060 --> 00:20:03,563
Are we sure we put the carseat in right?

518
00:20:03,605 --> 00:20:06,276
What do you mean, we?
I-I-I don't know. It felt shaky!

519
00:20:06,318 --> 00:20:07,780
Oh, God, this is bad.
This is really bad.

520
00:20:07,821 --> 00:20:09,241
We don't have diapers,
we don't have formula...

521
00:20:09,282 --> 00:20:10,201
I don't even know where we live.

522
00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:11,913
If somebody asks for an address,
what am I supposed to say?

523
00:20:11,955 --> 00:20:13,207
"Some new house someplace"?

524
00:20:13,249 --> 00:20:14,543
- Guys.
- Aaah! - Ohhh, my gosh!

525
00:20:14,627 --> 00:20:17,256
O-O-Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We're awful.

526
00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:18,467
We haven't even checked in with you.

527
00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:20,221
You... You must be freaking out, too.

528
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:23,143
No, I'm not, and neither are you.

529
00:20:23,227 --> 00:20:24,855
This is just your process.

530
00:20:24,939 --> 00:20:26,441
You get hysterical,

531
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:27,945
you worry about every detail,

532
00:20:27,987 --> 00:20:29,364
then you turn on each other...

533
00:20:29,447 --> 00:20:30,826
- No, we don't!
- Yes, we do.

534
00:20:30,909 --> 00:20:33,455
- How dare you.
- And after all that craziness,

535
00:20:33,497 --> 00:20:35,836
when it really matters the most, you...

536
00:20:35,877 --> 00:20:38,007
- W-What?
- W-W-What do we do?

537
00:20:43,267 --> 00:20:44,812
Our son.

538
00:20:44,937 --> 00:20:46,106
He's beautiful.

539
00:20:47,818 --> 00:20:49,195
We got this.

540
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:50,741
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

541
00:20:54,356 --> 00:20:57,404
Okay, so, Gloria said she set up
Joe's old bassinet in our bedroom,

542
00:20:57,487 --> 00:21:00,243
and I think we have enough
diapers to last us till morning.

543
00:21:00,410 --> 00:21:01,705
D-Don't forget to support his head.

544
00:21:01,746 --> 00:21:03,709
I will. It's not my first rodeo.

545
00:21:04,126 --> 00:21:06,297
Oh, I can't wait
to take him to his first rodeo.

546
00:21:06,756 --> 00:21:08,426
Okay, um, she's asking what time

547
00:21:08,509 --> 00:21:10,806
she should bring everyone by
for the baby reveal.

548
00:21:10,848 --> 00:21:12,267
I don't know, may...

549
00:21:12,309 --> 00:21:14,438
Maybe it should just be the
four of us tonight, huh?

550
00:21:14,814 --> 00:21:16,275
Aww.

551
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:18,404
You know, I... think I finally realized

552
00:21:18,446 --> 00:21:20,450
what this house
has been missing all along.

553
00:21:22,914 --> 00:21:24,542
- Recessed lighting.
- Totally.

554
00:21:24,584 --> 00:21:29,802
- Subtitles by explosiveskull
corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com