1 00:00:01,310 --> 00:00:03,979 It's our first wedding together, so we need nicknames. 2 00:00:04,063 --> 00:00:07,316 Nick is Knickknack, or Mr. Suspenders. 3 00:00:07,399 --> 00:00:10,652 No nicknames. Your only job tonight is to be Nick's girlfriend, okay? 4 00:00:10,736 --> 00:00:13,155 And make sure that he stays out of trouble with Caroline. 5 00:00:13,238 --> 00:00:15,532 - Why can't you and Winston help? - We've tried. 6 00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:16,992 He doesn't listen to us anymore. 7 00:00:17,076 --> 00:00:20,120 Look, she's not coming back. 8 00:00:20,204 --> 00:00:21,330 He's right. I don't. 9 00:00:21,413 --> 00:00:22,956 Da, da-da, dah! 10 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:25,209 - No! - That is the ugliest dress 11 00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:27,169 I have ever seen, Jess. 12 00:00:27,252 --> 00:00:29,588 I'm really gonna need you to step it up tonight, okay? 13 00:00:29,671 --> 00:00:31,632 When I see you, I want to be thinking, 14 00:00:31,715 --> 00:00:34,426 "Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?" 15 00:00:34,510 --> 00:00:36,970 Probably the slut butler, right? 16 00:00:37,054 --> 00:00:39,640 Yo, let's go. We can't be late. 17 00:00:39,723 --> 00:00:42,309 - I am in the wedding. - You're the usher, so relax. 18 00:00:42,393 --> 00:00:44,478 I'll be busy. That way, I won't have to sit around 19 00:00:44,561 --> 00:00:46,438 answering a bunch of stupid questions all day. 20 00:00:46,522 --> 00:00:48,023 Like, do you have a job? 21 00:00:48,107 --> 00:00:49,525 Are you still playing basketball? 22 00:00:49,608 --> 00:00:52,611 Does it look like I'm still playing overseas basketball? 23 00:00:52,695 --> 00:00:54,154 What is the matter with you? 24 00:00:54,238 --> 00:00:56,073 This is the first job I've had in two months. 25 00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:58,867 I really want to get in there and ush this wedding in the face! 26 00:00:58,951 --> 00:01:00,369 You're gonna be great, man. 27 00:01:00,452 --> 00:01:03,163 When we do the chicken dance, I do it a little bit differently. 28 00:01:03,247 --> 00:01:04,832 I know that it usually goes, like… 29 00:01:04,915 --> 00:01:07,334 Da-da, da-da, da-da, da Da-da, da-da, da-da, da. 30 00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:11,672 But instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. 31 00:01:11,755 --> 00:01:13,424 'Cause it's more realistic. 32 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:14,967 No chicken dance! 33 00:01:15,050 --> 00:01:16,635 Look, we're not trying to be mean. 34 00:01:16,719 --> 00:01:19,972 We just don't want you to be yourself…in any way. 35 00:01:20,431 --> 00:01:23,642 Okay. Suppress the Jess. Got it. 36 00:01:24,393 --> 00:01:25,728 Did you use my hair gel? 37 00:01:25,936 --> 00:01:27,896 - Did I use your hair gel? - I'm not gonna be mad. 38 00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:29,523 Just let me know if you did. 39 00:01:29,606 --> 00:01:30,858 - No. - You sure? 40 00:01:31,608 --> 00:01:33,610 - I used your hair gel. - Are you serious? 41 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,946 Yeah. It's… 42 00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:39,533 Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house? 43 00:01:39,616 --> 00:01:41,994 Wow. You look great. 44 00:01:42,077 --> 00:01:45,080 Let's go knock biscuits, brother-cousins. 45 00:01:45,164 --> 00:01:47,124 - No! - No teeth, Jess. 46 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:49,710 - You can't use prop teeth. - Come on, guys. 47 00:01:49,793 --> 00:01:52,379 These are hilarious. Kids love these. 48 00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:55,340 Who's that girl? 49 00:01:55,424 --> 00:01:57,593 - Who's that girl? - It's Jess! 50 00:02:04,933 --> 00:02:06,977 You want to know one of my beauty secrets? 51 00:02:07,061 --> 00:02:08,854 The only way I could fit in this dress 52 00:02:08,937 --> 00:02:11,690 was by wearing little girl's bicycle shorts underneath. 53 00:02:11,774 --> 00:02:13,108 They are tight 54 00:02:13,192 --> 00:02:15,235 I will not be peeing tonight! 55 00:02:15,319 --> 00:02:16,445 Oh, my God, bubbles. 56 00:02:16,528 --> 00:02:18,530 No, no, no, Jess. No bubbles, no bubbles, please. 57 00:02:18,614 --> 00:02:21,909 Ooh, a lot of big game here tonight. Yo. 58 00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:25,579 - Oh. Oh, there's Brooke. - Who's Brooke? 59 00:02:25,662 --> 00:02:27,373 He's been into her since freshman year. 60 00:02:27,456 --> 00:02:29,458 She used to get drunk and pass out on our porch. 61 00:02:29,541 --> 00:02:31,168 It was like having a hot, alcoholic cat. 62 00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:32,651 I'd always leave water out for her. 63 00:02:32,711 --> 00:02:34,671 Okay. Tonight just got real. 64 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,507 She goes on top of the kill list. 65 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,802 Is that because you're gonna attempt to kill her by having sex with her? 66 00:02:39,885 --> 00:02:41,303 More or less, yeah. 67 00:02:41,387 --> 00:02:43,806 Oh, Schmidt, one day you're gonna kill the nicest girl. 68 00:02:46,517 --> 00:02:50,688 Look at my new boyfriend. So fancy in his big boy tie. 69 00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:52,272 Jess, would you please stop? 70 00:02:52,356 --> 00:02:54,900 What is it with Caroline? You're like a different person. 71 00:02:54,983 --> 00:02:57,611 Just focus on getting through today, please. 72 00:02:57,695 --> 00:03:01,115 - Okay, Mr. Boy T. Friend. - What did I tell you? 73 00:03:01,198 --> 00:03:02,825 - Don't be myself. - Yes. 74 00:03:02,908 --> 00:03:05,994 That's what I love about our relationship. You never let me be myself. 75 00:03:08,497 --> 00:03:09,748 Hey! 76 00:03:09,832 --> 00:03:12,126 - Winston! - Hey. 77 00:03:12,209 --> 00:03:13,794 - You're back. - Yeah. 78 00:03:13,877 --> 00:03:15,754 What are you up to? Where you working at? 79 00:03:15,838 --> 00:03:18,132 Here. As an usher. 80 00:03:18,215 --> 00:03:20,634 Hi. What a beautiful dress. 81 00:03:20,718 --> 00:03:24,012 I'm surprised you noticed the dress. I was distracted by the woman inside. 82 00:03:25,681 --> 00:03:28,684 - Jimmy Longjam, alternate usher. - Alternate usher. 83 00:03:28,767 --> 00:03:30,561 I mean, I'm here. I'm the usher. 84 00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,164 You were late. It's called commitment. 85 00:03:32,229 --> 00:03:33,856 Look it up in a typewriter, old man. 86 00:03:33,939 --> 00:03:35,858 - What? - How much money do you make? 87 00:03:35,941 --> 00:03:36,942 Where is your mother? 88 00:03:37,026 --> 00:03:39,403 - Can someone help me? - Hello. Bride or groom? 89 00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:40,821 Oh, thank you. 90 00:03:47,536 --> 00:03:49,496 Oh, no. No, not tonight. 91 00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:50,873 No! 92 00:03:52,207 --> 00:03:54,043 - Who is that? - It's Gretchen Nelson. 93 00:03:54,126 --> 00:03:56,170 She's a terrible person. We can't stand each other. 94 00:03:56,253 --> 00:03:59,465 At every wedding, we end up… Having sex. 95 00:04:09,892 --> 00:04:11,310 I mean, look, the sex is amazing. 96 00:04:11,977 --> 00:04:14,855 - Oh, she's coming over. - Hey, there are those people that we know. 97 00:04:14,938 --> 00:04:16,106 Oh, what people? 98 00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:19,651 Hello, Gretchen. 99 00:04:19,735 --> 00:04:20,944 Mmm-hmm. 100 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,388 I see you wore the pantsuit again. 101 00:04:22,446 --> 00:04:23,655 This is a new one. 102 00:04:23,739 --> 00:04:26,909 It's got way more stretch…in the pants. 103 00:04:26,992 --> 00:04:28,869 - That's horrible. - Are you ready for tonight? 104 00:04:28,952 --> 00:04:32,748 I'm gonna tie you down and show you pictures of my river rafting trip. 105 00:04:32,831 --> 00:04:34,333 Oh, my God, how many are there? 106 00:04:34,416 --> 00:04:35,918 It's a two-hour slideshow. 107 00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:37,961 No, Gretchen. We can't do this anymore, okay? 108 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,338 It's not… It's not healthy. 109 00:04:39,421 --> 00:04:40,881 - All right? Please, no more. - Yeah. 110 00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:44,760 There she is. There she is. 111 00:04:44,843 --> 00:04:46,553 She's right over there. There she is. 112 00:04:46,637 --> 00:04:48,555 She's right over here. She's right… 113 00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:50,599 - Just be cool… - Okay, okay. 114 00:04:50,682 --> 00:04:51,684 Hi. 115 00:04:51,767 --> 00:04:54,728 Hey, Caroline. Wow. I didn't know you were gonna be here. 116 00:04:54,812 --> 00:04:55,979 Great to see you. 117 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,690 Nicholas, you have to introduce me. 118 00:04:57,773 --> 00:04:59,233 Uh, yeah, of course. 119 00:04:59,316 --> 00:05:01,318 Uh, Jess, this is Caroline. 120 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,987 - Hi. - One more time. Cara-lee? 121 00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:05,656 - Uh, Caroline. - Caraloo? 122 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,282 - Coraline? - Caroline. 123 00:05:07,366 --> 00:05:09,910 Okay. Fancy. 124 00:05:10,536 --> 00:05:14,039 Well, I'm Nicholas's girlfriend. We just started dating, 125 00:05:14,123 --> 00:05:17,376 so we're still in that honeymoon phase. 126 00:05:17,459 --> 00:05:19,503 I barely sleep. So much doing it. 127 00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,630 So much doing it. It's crazy. 128 00:05:21,714 --> 00:05:23,549 He's so soft, like a towel. 129 00:05:23,632 --> 00:05:25,676 Well, uh, it was nice to meet you. 130 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,636 So nice to meet you, too, Carol. 131 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:28,721 Caroline. 132 00:05:28,804 --> 00:05:31,974 - I give up! - I guess I'll see you later. 133 00:05:32,057 --> 00:05:33,434 For sure. For sure. For… 134 00:05:37,646 --> 00:05:39,231 Oh, my God. Was she jealous? 135 00:05:39,314 --> 00:05:41,900 I think she was jealous. You did so good. 136 00:05:41,984 --> 00:05:43,360 That was remarkable. 137 00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:46,238 I just done what my mama learnt me. 138 00:05:46,321 --> 00:05:47,322 Give me the teeth. 139 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:01,795 Brooke. 140 00:06:01,879 --> 00:06:03,672 Hi. Wow. 141 00:06:03,756 --> 00:06:04,923 Schmidt. 142 00:06:05,841 --> 00:06:07,926 You used to borrow my poncho freshman year. 143 00:06:08,010 --> 00:06:09,178 Remember that? No. 144 00:06:12,181 --> 00:06:13,599 Fat Schmidt? 145 00:06:14,266 --> 00:06:15,351 Fat Schmidt! 146 00:06:15,434 --> 00:06:17,186 - Of course! Wow. - Yeah. 147 00:06:17,561 --> 00:06:19,104 You look great. 148 00:06:19,188 --> 00:06:21,106 You, also, for sure. 149 00:06:21,190 --> 00:06:22,649 Um, how are your classes? 150 00:06:22,733 --> 00:06:25,027 Not that we're… Not that we're in school anymore. 151 00:06:25,110 --> 00:06:26,153 I know that. 152 00:06:26,236 --> 00:06:28,405 What are you drinking? White wine? 153 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:31,533 I'm not drinking. I'm sober, six months. 154 00:06:31,617 --> 00:06:33,035 Can I get a seltzer, please? 155 00:06:33,118 --> 00:06:34,453 Me, too. 156 00:06:34,536 --> 00:06:37,247 - You're six months sober, also? - Seven months. One more. 157 00:06:37,331 --> 00:06:40,751 Wow. That's great. Congratulations. 158 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:41,936 Here's your, uh, white wine. 159 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,922 What? What? That's a mistake. No, I didn't order that. No! 160 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,173 No, sir! 161 00:06:46,256 --> 00:06:48,092 Even the… Even smell of it. 162 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,802 I'm gonna run back to my table. 163 00:06:50,636 --> 00:06:53,055 But you can come talk to me if you need to. 164 00:06:53,138 --> 00:06:54,932 Oh. Okay, thank you. 165 00:06:56,934 --> 00:06:58,435 So what I need you to do is this. 166 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:01,146 I need you to put vodka in a water bottle, okay? 167 00:07:01,230 --> 00:07:03,691 Then rendezvous with me in the restroom, okay? 168 00:07:05,067 --> 00:07:07,361 Same page? Same page? 169 00:07:10,823 --> 00:07:12,783 This kid is pushing my buttons. 170 00:07:13,325 --> 00:07:15,577 Winston, he's just a little boy. Relax. 171 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,996 If Brooke asks, I'm six months clean and sober, 172 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,331 and looking to settle down. 173 00:07:19,415 --> 00:07:21,500 Great. Schmidt's sober. 174 00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:24,795 - What are you doing? - She's looking at us. 175 00:07:27,673 --> 00:07:30,134 Your head is shaped like a yam. 176 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,927 Yeah, I know. I can't wear soft hats. 177 00:07:32,010 --> 00:07:33,721 - Uh-huh. - Hey, when she comes here, 178 00:07:33,804 --> 00:07:35,764 - I want to talk to her by myself. - Are you sure? 179 00:07:35,848 --> 00:07:36,890 Jess, I'm fine, for real. 180 00:07:36,974 --> 00:07:38,016 Hi. 181 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:40,394 Could that ceremony have lasted any longer? 182 00:07:40,477 --> 00:07:42,021 - It really was… - Ha, ha. We loved it. 183 00:07:42,104 --> 00:07:44,565 Taking notes in case Mr. Commitment-Phobe over here 184 00:07:44,648 --> 00:07:46,442 decides to make an honest woman out of me. 185 00:07:46,525 --> 00:07:48,694 - Oh. - Hey, Jess, 186 00:07:48,777 --> 00:07:50,988 did you want to go do that thing from… 187 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,781 - Yes, I did. - I want to do it very badly. 188 00:07:52,865 --> 00:07:53,949 - Yup. - Thank you. 189 00:07:54,033 --> 00:08:00,414 And now, for the first time ever, Mr. and Mrs. Handelman-Pyong. 190 00:08:06,336 --> 00:08:09,757 Yay! Bride and groom! 191 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,592 Make way! 192 00:08:11,675 --> 00:08:15,054 Huzzah! Celebrate love! 193 00:08:15,137 --> 00:08:19,892 Get ready for a wonderful life of merriment and joy. 194 00:08:21,685 --> 00:08:23,562 Jess is…great. 195 00:08:23,645 --> 00:08:26,023 The best. Yeah, so happy. 196 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,233 Are you guys pretty serious, or… 197 00:08:28,317 --> 00:08:30,736 Yeah, we are pretty serious. 198 00:08:30,819 --> 00:08:32,237 Yeah, we live together. 199 00:08:32,321 --> 00:08:34,323 I mean, different bedrooms, but shared bathroom, 200 00:08:34,406 --> 00:08:35,824 so that's something. 201 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,535 Alcohol. Any kind of alcohol you have. 202 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,079 Just give me anything. 203 00:08:41,663 --> 00:08:42,831 - Thank you. - Give me that. 204 00:08:42,915 --> 00:08:44,083 Oh, God. 205 00:08:45,542 --> 00:08:47,336 It's like you're lapping it out of a puddle. 206 00:08:47,419 --> 00:08:50,547 Ugh! Where'd you get those boots, off a lady hiker? 207 00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:53,258 Look at those earrings. Are they clip-ons? 208 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,302 I'm gonna make you wear them. 209 00:08:58,430 --> 00:09:00,766 - Huh? No. - No? 210 00:09:05,187 --> 00:09:06,897 Is it bad that I can't feel my legs? 211 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,066 Yes. Now let's talk about my problems. 212 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,276 Jess, I have to go home with Brooke tonight. 213 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,529 I deserve someone like Brooke. She's perfect. 214 00:09:13,612 --> 00:09:16,365 And it doesn't matter that I have gymnastic, 215 00:09:16,448 --> 00:09:19,576 mean-spirited, highly educational sex with Gretchen. 216 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,579 It's just, that's not what I want to do anymore, okay? Not tonight. 217 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,103 What's so bad about liking Gretchen? 218 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,625 I mean, you guys obviously have, like, a weird connection. 219 00:09:26,709 --> 00:09:28,585 No, no, no, no, I want to connect with Brooke. 220 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:31,088 I want to connect with her in the shower, on the floor… 221 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,215 - Okay, you know what? - …sitting Indian style. 222 00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:35,718 Keep talking, but I'm going to put my hands over my ears. 223 00:09:35,801 --> 00:09:37,553 - We got a problem. - What? 224 00:09:39,138 --> 00:09:40,764 Jess, what did you do? 225 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:43,016 What? They're fine, they're just talking. 226 00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:46,729 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. With Caroline he is not fine. 227 00:09:46,812 --> 00:09:49,231 Okay, he ran into her at a party two months ago, 228 00:09:49,314 --> 00:09:51,859 then sent me a ten-page e-mail about what she meant 229 00:09:51,942 --> 00:09:53,527 when she said, "I'll see you soon." 230 00:09:53,819 --> 00:09:57,740 She will flirt with him until she knows she can have him. 231 00:09:57,823 --> 00:09:59,491 It's like he's her backup plan. 232 00:09:59,575 --> 00:10:00,701 I didn't know that. 233 00:10:00,784 --> 00:10:01,952 You want to live with Nick 234 00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:04,163 when he's not showering and crying all day? 235 00:10:04,246 --> 00:10:05,831 He sounds like this. 236 00:10:05,914 --> 00:10:08,542 Ever heard a grown man sob and listen to Simon and Garfunkel? 237 00:10:08,625 --> 00:10:09,668 - Yeah, my dad. - Yeah. 238 00:10:09,752 --> 00:10:11,628 Okay, I get it. But I just… 239 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,505 These bicycle shorts are really tight. 240 00:10:13,589 --> 00:10:17,342 - Come on, work through it, woman. - Okay, okay. 241 00:10:17,926 --> 00:10:19,053 Okay. 242 00:10:20,596 --> 00:10:21,930 It's all on you, Jess. 243 00:10:27,519 --> 00:10:28,896 Come on in, honey. 244 00:10:29,855 --> 00:10:30,856 The water's fine. 245 00:10:30,939 --> 00:10:32,816 Jess, you know I don't dance. 246 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:35,527 Oh, but you didn't know that I did this. 247 00:10:35,611 --> 00:10:37,154 I'm mime-walking. 248 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,906 I'm Mime-chael Jackson. 249 00:10:38,989 --> 00:10:40,258 - I'm gonna get a drink. - Me, too. 250 00:10:40,282 --> 00:10:41,575 Nick, wait, no. 251 00:10:41,658 --> 00:10:43,077 Jess, relax, this is good. 252 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,621 I may actually have a chance, and it's all because of you, 253 00:10:45,704 --> 00:10:47,873 - so thank you. - No, Nick, that wasn't my intention. 254 00:10:47,956 --> 00:10:50,042 - Nick… - Oh, hi. 255 00:10:50,125 --> 00:10:53,337 I don't feel like dancing right now. I'm sorry. 256 00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,843 I'm really uncomfortable right now. 257 00:11:01,136 --> 00:11:02,888 Oh, Winston, thank God! Nick got away. 258 00:11:02,971 --> 00:11:05,391 Nick can wait. This… 259 00:11:05,808 --> 00:11:07,017 This is about honor. 260 00:11:11,188 --> 00:11:13,774 And…it looks like we have a dance-off! 261 00:11:18,862 --> 00:11:19,863 What? 262 00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:22,324 Oh, my God, what are you doing? 263 00:11:22,408 --> 00:11:23,450 Mommy? 264 00:11:27,871 --> 00:11:30,374 Nick? Nick? 265 00:11:34,169 --> 00:11:35,421 A chocolate fountain. 266 00:11:35,504 --> 00:11:38,090 Reminds me of the one in Tuscany. You ever been? 267 00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:40,426 Yeah. I was just there for New Year's. 268 00:11:40,509 --> 00:11:42,052 Where's the chocolate fountain? 269 00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:45,305 I don't know, I've never been. I'm just fascinated with the culture. 270 00:11:45,389 --> 00:11:50,144 Schmidt! Schmidt, I need you to help me get these off so I can go find Nick! 271 00:11:50,227 --> 00:11:52,104 God, are you friends with that girl? 272 00:11:53,605 --> 00:11:55,983 - Schmidt! - Okay, look, I… 273 00:11:56,066 --> 00:11:58,819 I didn't want to have to tell you this, but… 274 00:11:58,902 --> 00:12:01,947 She was a mistake I made when I hit rock bottom. 275 00:12:02,031 --> 00:12:04,033 It was like I was her Sid and she was my Nancy, 276 00:12:04,116 --> 00:12:06,243 and then I got sober and she couldn't deal with it, 277 00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:09,038 and the poor thing just went… She went crazy. 278 00:12:09,121 --> 00:12:11,123 I need you to come help me slap my thighs around! 279 00:12:11,206 --> 00:12:14,543 I don't want to scare you, but she can be really dangerous when she drinks. 280 00:12:14,626 --> 00:12:18,005 Okay? I shouldn't even be in the same room with her, it's just… 281 00:12:18,297 --> 00:12:20,340 It feels so good talking to you. 282 00:12:20,424 --> 00:12:22,718 Maybe we should get you out of here. 283 00:12:22,801 --> 00:12:24,011 What a great idea. Yes! 284 00:12:24,094 --> 00:12:26,096 I just have to go to the bathroom really quickly. 285 00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,682 Whatever… Whatever you need. Whatever… Of course. 286 00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:31,310 Ready? No lips. 287 00:12:31,643 --> 00:12:34,646 - Name one, name one. - Do, uh, wind tunnel. 288 00:12:34,730 --> 00:12:35,939 Super high driver's license. 289 00:12:37,608 --> 00:12:40,152 Can we stay in here all night? 290 00:12:44,615 --> 00:12:46,367 Oh, hi. 291 00:12:46,450 --> 00:12:48,577 Schmidt is very fond of you. 292 00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:49,995 Um, look, I don't… 293 00:12:50,079 --> 00:12:52,915 I, uh… I don't even really know him that well, okay? 294 00:12:52,998 --> 00:12:55,959 Oh. I'm just cutting off my underwear. You know. 295 00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:57,127 Girl stuff. 296 00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,552 So tight. 297 00:13:06,178 --> 00:13:09,264 Well, it's been really nice chatting with you. 298 00:13:09,348 --> 00:13:12,851 But I've got a pretend boyfriend to hunt down. I think he's cheating on me. 299 00:13:14,103 --> 00:13:17,398 Oh, and don't break Schmidt's heart, or you'll have me to deal with. 300 00:13:21,402 --> 00:13:22,986 This is fun. 301 00:13:24,321 --> 00:13:27,199 A-ha! I trusted you! 302 00:13:27,282 --> 00:13:28,826 - Get out of here. - Nothing happened. 303 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,036 - After everything we built. - Go away, Jess, please. 304 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,830 - Who are you? - No. 305 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,915 Really, nothing happened. I have a boyfriend. 306 00:13:35,457 --> 00:13:38,377 Wait, you have a boyfriend? 307 00:13:38,460 --> 00:13:39,688 Yeah, I've been seeing someone. 308 00:13:39,712 --> 00:13:42,423 I didn't bring him because I didn't want to hurt your feelings, 309 00:13:42,506 --> 00:13:45,008 - but now I know that you have Jess… - Yeah, he has me. 310 00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:46,510 And our baby! 311 00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,846 Okay, I'm just gonna let you guys… 312 00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,432 And our other baby! 313 00:13:51,515 --> 00:13:53,016 Jess, what happened with Brooke? 314 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,536 - What? - She just left here in tears 315 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:56,812 because she said that you threatened her with a knife? 316 00:13:56,895 --> 00:13:58,856 No, I was talking you up! 317 00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,459 You shouldn't have been talking me up. 318 00:14:00,524 --> 00:14:02,860 You should have been taking care of Nick. 319 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,487 Why is it so hard to do one thing? 320 00:14:05,571 --> 00:14:07,531 - How is this my fault? - Ruiner. 321 00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:10,951 Did you just call me a ruiner? 322 00:14:11,035 --> 00:14:12,036 Yeah. 323 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:16,623 Okay, you know what? Forget it. I'm not helping you guys anymore. 324 00:14:16,707 --> 00:14:18,250 - Give me my teeth back. - Stop it. 325 00:14:18,333 --> 00:14:20,461 - You don't appreciate them. - Cool it! 326 00:14:20,836 --> 00:14:22,296 Give them back. 327 00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:26,467 I'm gonna have fun, 'cause there's nothing wrong with who I am, 328 00:14:26,550 --> 00:14:28,510 and I like having fun at weddings. 329 00:14:28,594 --> 00:14:29,845 And I like dancing. 330 00:14:29,928 --> 00:14:33,557 And if you don't like that, then tough tater tots, tooter. 331 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:35,809 Jess is back! 332 00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:44,651 Oh, you're going home with me, aren't you? 333 00:14:46,028 --> 00:14:47,363 Oh… 334 00:14:49,698 --> 00:14:51,116 Good boy. 335 00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:04,421 That's Caroline and that's me. 336 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,090 Four years. 337 00:15:06,882 --> 00:15:08,675 Four years together, so… 338 00:15:09,551 --> 00:15:13,764 It doesn't matter to me. It's just, what matters is respect. 339 00:15:13,847 --> 00:15:16,725 I'm just so alone right now, man. 340 00:15:16,809 --> 00:15:18,519 It is a real bad situation. 341 00:15:18,602 --> 00:15:19,853 Uh, Steve and Bree, babe. 342 00:15:19,937 --> 00:15:22,856 Steve and Bree, 'cause that's what this is about. I agree with you. 343 00:15:22,940 --> 00:15:24,775 You're good at your job, babe. 344 00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:27,069 I'm so happy for you two. 345 00:15:27,152 --> 00:15:28,404 You look great. 346 00:15:28,487 --> 00:15:30,864 It feels a little bit like you're rubbing it in my face, 347 00:15:30,948 --> 00:15:32,950 your little happiness, but let's be honest, Bree, 348 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,285 this doesn't look great on you, this. 349 00:15:35,911 --> 00:15:37,788 That's not a great look, Bree! 350 00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:40,708 Congratulations, Steve. Nice fedora. 351 00:15:40,791 --> 00:15:42,710 And no open bar, Steve? 352 00:15:42,793 --> 00:15:45,462 Don't you understand that's tacky? 353 00:15:45,546 --> 00:15:49,299 Your dad's rich, you're a lawyer, man. 354 00:15:50,426 --> 00:15:51,510 Yeah! 355 00:15:51,593 --> 00:15:53,137 That happened! 356 00:15:57,933 --> 00:16:00,769 The photo booth is a liar, FYI. 357 00:16:00,853 --> 00:16:04,023 Oh, hey, ladies, you guys want to see a grown man cry? 358 00:16:04,106 --> 00:16:05,566 No? Then get out! 359 00:16:06,483 --> 00:16:09,528 I think I saw a single doctor looking at you! 360 00:16:09,611 --> 00:16:11,822 This is gonna take a while, Orange. 361 00:16:19,663 --> 00:16:21,248 Hi, there, partner. 362 00:16:27,588 --> 00:16:30,382 Hey, can I tell you something you promise to never tell Schmidt? 363 00:16:31,467 --> 00:16:32,968 I love bubbles. 364 00:16:33,052 --> 00:16:36,805 I don't know why, I just always have. 365 00:16:36,889 --> 00:16:38,348 You see that? 366 00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:39,808 - That was like two in one. - Oh! 367 00:16:42,603 --> 00:16:43,645 You okay? 368 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:45,647 Yeah, I'm fine. 369 00:16:45,731 --> 00:16:47,358 Those guys were jerks. 370 00:16:48,150 --> 00:16:49,902 But I know they're glad you're around. 371 00:16:50,778 --> 00:16:52,946 - Really? - Yeah! 372 00:16:53,030 --> 00:16:55,199 They're not just gonna come out and say it, though. 373 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:58,452 Especially Nick, you know, but they're all thinking it. 374 00:16:58,535 --> 00:16:59,620 Even me. 375 00:17:00,329 --> 00:17:01,747 Most of the time. 376 00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:08,587 It was weird when I was stuck in a freak sandwich 377 00:17:08,670 --> 00:17:10,631 between you and that eight-year-old. 378 00:17:10,714 --> 00:17:12,132 Do you want to talk about that? 379 00:17:12,758 --> 00:17:16,345 You know, it's just that he got to be a bit annoying, so… 380 00:17:16,428 --> 00:17:19,932 I kind of took my feelings out with dance… 381 00:17:21,517 --> 00:17:24,186 Okay, so, uh, we have a situation. 382 00:17:24,269 --> 00:17:27,898 But I'm gonna leave the booth to clowns, but I'm not gonna leave it, so… 383 00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:29,608 Hey, Nick. How you doing, buddy? 384 00:17:29,692 --> 00:17:33,320 They want me to leave the booth, but I'm staying. 385 00:17:33,404 --> 00:17:36,490 This is my home now. It's got everything that I need. 386 00:17:36,573 --> 00:17:38,283 You can see by looking at these pictures 387 00:17:38,367 --> 00:17:40,953 that he's experiencing a variety of different emotions. 388 00:17:41,036 --> 00:17:43,706 This one is… Well, that's actually his butt. 389 00:17:43,789 --> 00:17:44,998 He just keeps saying "Jess." 390 00:17:45,082 --> 00:17:49,461 Jess, the fact is that I was a mean person 391 00:17:49,545 --> 00:17:51,338 and I'm sorry, okay? 392 00:17:55,467 --> 00:17:56,844 Hi, Nicholas. 393 00:17:56,927 --> 00:17:58,804 Hey, Jess, I live in a photo booth now. 394 00:17:58,887 --> 00:18:00,264 - Oh, is that so? - Yep. 395 00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:02,266 Come on in, come on in. 396 00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:03,827 - Thank you. - That's the kitchen area. 397 00:18:03,851 --> 00:18:05,602 - Very nice. - This is the common area. 398 00:18:05,686 --> 00:18:07,146 - Okay. - Dining room, living room, 399 00:18:07,229 --> 00:18:10,065 - kind of everything. - It's very nice. 400 00:18:10,607 --> 00:18:11,817 Hey. 401 00:18:13,110 --> 00:18:14,528 - She has a boyfriend. - Yeah. 402 00:18:14,611 --> 00:18:17,364 She shouldn't have been flirting with you all night. 403 00:18:17,448 --> 00:18:19,783 You can't be her backup plan. 404 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,077 You have to let each other go. 405 00:18:22,578 --> 00:18:25,289 So, now, you have to make a decision. 406 00:18:25,748 --> 00:18:29,626 "Am I gonna stay locked in a photo booth for the next hour," 407 00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:34,214 "or am I gonna get out there, take my shoes off," 408 00:18:34,298 --> 00:18:36,383 "and dance my face off?" 409 00:18:38,260 --> 00:18:39,803 Come on, it's up to you. 410 00:18:45,601 --> 00:18:46,769 Oh, man. 411 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,355 All right. 412 00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:53,442 I love you, photo booth. 413 00:19:02,618 --> 00:19:04,536 Yo, look at him. 414 00:19:05,996 --> 00:19:07,289 He looks better. 415 00:19:07,373 --> 00:19:09,166 I can't do this anymore. 416 00:19:10,542 --> 00:19:13,545 I have to let you go, Caroline, for real. 417 00:19:13,629 --> 00:19:15,047 It has to be over. 418 00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:22,471 Goodbye. 419 00:19:22,554 --> 00:19:24,556 Good luck and everything. 420 00:19:28,519 --> 00:19:29,770 Goodbye. 421 00:19:31,146 --> 00:19:35,067 All right, um, I've got to… Excuse me. 422 00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:45,661 When I'm feeling blue… 423 00:19:46,370 --> 00:19:48,288 - Come on, Jess. - What? 424 00:19:48,372 --> 00:19:50,624 Just please… Just come with me right now. 425 00:19:50,708 --> 00:19:52,334 - Okay. - Thank you. 426 00:19:52,418 --> 00:19:55,796 Then I'm not so blue. 427 00:19:55,879 --> 00:19:58,841 When you're close to me 428 00:19:58,924 --> 00:20:02,636 I can feel your heart beat 429 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:09,143 I can hear you breathing in my ear. 430 00:20:09,226 --> 00:20:12,396 Wouldn't you agree? 431 00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:18,694 Baby, you and me got a groovy kind of love… 432 00:20:18,777 --> 00:20:20,821 That looks like so much fun. 433 00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:25,576 Anytime you want to. 434 00:20:26,744 --> 00:20:30,456 You can turn me on to anything you want to… 435 00:20:30,539 --> 00:20:31,623 Okay. 436 00:20:32,416 --> 00:20:35,753 Anytime at all. 437 00:20:35,836 --> 00:20:39,089 When I kiss your lips. 438 00:20:39,173 --> 00:20:42,384 Ooh, I start to shiver. 439 00:20:42,468 --> 00:20:48,974 Can't control the quivering inside. 440 00:20:49,058 --> 00:20:52,227 Wouldn't you agree? 441 00:20:52,311 --> 00:20:56,148 Baby, you and me got a groovy kind of love… 442 00:20:56,231 --> 00:20:57,691 Check out my beaks. 443 00:20:58,776 --> 00:21:00,402 Stop copying my beaks. 444 00:21:09,203 --> 00:21:13,332 Gretchen, you think that, like, hooking up at all these weddings… 445 00:21:13,415 --> 00:21:15,959 I mean, one of these times, we can go on an actual date? 446 00:21:16,543 --> 00:21:19,880 No. I'm just using you for your body. 447 00:21:21,006 --> 00:21:24,468 Oh. Okay. Cool. 448 00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:25,928 How many more of these things? 449 00:21:26,595 --> 00:21:28,263 We're just getting started. 450 00:21:30,182 --> 00:21:32,476 - That yellow helmet is… Ugh! - Mmm. 451 00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:36,480 Tonight I'm gonna get certified on the River Schmidt.