1 00:00:06,644 --> 00:00:07,770 Ooh. 2 00:00:07,853 --> 00:00:09,313 Scary movie. 3 00:00:09,897 --> 00:00:12,066 I hate scary movies. Why are we watching this? 4 00:00:12,149 --> 00:00:14,068 We're not watching this, Jess. 5 00:00:14,151 --> 00:00:15,861 We're watching it. 6 00:00:25,621 --> 00:00:31,002 So fun, hanging with the dudes, eating ice cream, watching scary movies. 7 00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:33,462 We're not scared, we're dudes. 8 00:00:38,551 --> 00:00:40,428 You know what we should watch? 9 00:00:40,511 --> 00:00:41,887 Have you guys ever seen Fame? 10 00:00:42,763 --> 00:00:45,516 It's about a group of dreamers with talent to spare, 11 00:00:45,599 --> 00:00:49,603 taking New York City by storm, one dance number at a time. 12 00:00:49,687 --> 00:00:51,981 The cafeteria, the street… 13 00:00:53,607 --> 00:00:56,527 That's so much blood. It's spurting! 14 00:00:56,944 --> 00:00:58,571 Mmm, that was good. 15 00:01:00,197 --> 00:01:01,741 That guy's gonna blow himself up. 16 00:01:01,824 --> 00:01:03,034 Wah, wah. 17 00:01:03,117 --> 00:01:04,618 Why would that guy blow himself up? 18 00:01:07,455 --> 00:01:09,123 Sorry. I saw it in the theater. 19 00:01:09,957 --> 00:01:11,375 You know what else we should watch? 20 00:01:11,459 --> 00:01:12,710 An American Tail. 21 00:01:12,793 --> 00:01:15,588 It's about a little Jewish mouse with a great big heart and a… 22 00:01:15,671 --> 00:01:17,548 - All right. - Wait. 23 00:01:17,631 --> 00:01:18,924 Where are you guys going? 24 00:01:19,258 --> 00:01:24,680 Hey, girl, whatcha doing? 25 00:01:24,764 --> 00:01:29,935 Hey, girl, where you going? 26 00:01:30,019 --> 00:01:31,103 Who's that girl? 27 00:01:31,187 --> 00:01:32,521 Who's that girl? 28 00:01:32,605 --> 00:01:34,023 Who's that girl? 29 00:01:34,106 --> 00:01:36,525 - Who's that girl? - It's Jess! 30 00:01:42,031 --> 00:01:44,450 - Do you know where you're taking her? - No. 31 00:01:44,533 --> 00:01:46,327 Do you need a list of my sexiest date spots? 32 00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:48,871 It's been a while for you. Want me to stretch you out? 33 00:01:48,954 --> 00:01:50,498 It's not a date, Schmidt. 34 00:01:50,581 --> 00:01:51,941 Actually, I don't know what it is. 35 00:01:51,999 --> 00:01:54,293 She's, uh… She's a little hard to read. 36 00:01:54,627 --> 00:01:57,088 Wouldn't it be funny if we, like, went out? Like… 37 00:01:57,171 --> 00:01:58,923 - Do you want to go on a date? - Yeah. 38 00:01:59,006 --> 00:02:02,718 We, like, go for dinner, and, like, the two of us, like, do stuff. 39 00:02:02,802 --> 00:02:04,470 - Is that a yes? - I know, right? 40 00:02:04,553 --> 00:02:06,353 - Seriously, wanna get dinner… - No, I know. 41 00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:09,976 Sometimes she's so ironic that I think she's being serious. 42 00:02:10,267 --> 00:02:14,021 I get it. Led Zeppelin is classic, but I mean, it's no, like, Steve Miller Band. 43 00:02:14,105 --> 00:02:16,065 Steve Miller Band? The Joker? 44 00:02:21,153 --> 00:02:24,073 Oh, yeah. No, I love The Steve Miller Band. 45 00:02:24,407 --> 00:02:26,617 Okay, look. You've been out of the game for a while. 46 00:02:26,701 --> 00:02:29,161 I have three date packages. They work every time. 47 00:02:29,245 --> 00:02:32,623 Package A, close-up magic, dinner, drinks. 48 00:02:32,707 --> 00:02:36,085 Package B, close-up magic, drinks. 49 00:02:36,168 --> 00:02:37,712 Package C… 50 00:02:39,213 --> 00:02:40,256 Close-up magic. 51 00:02:40,339 --> 00:02:42,049 You have a date? Fun! 52 00:02:42,133 --> 00:02:43,926 I want to talk to you guys about this stuff. 53 00:02:44,010 --> 00:02:45,011 With Amanda. 54 00:02:45,094 --> 00:02:46,637 - Schmidt. - Amanda? 55 00:02:46,721 --> 00:02:48,597 From the bar? Whoa! 56 00:02:48,681 --> 00:02:49,765 She's a looker. 57 00:02:49,849 --> 00:02:51,309 Hatchie-matchie! 58 00:02:51,392 --> 00:02:53,060 Yeah, I know how hot she is, Jess. 59 00:02:53,144 --> 00:02:55,021 Have you been out with anyone since Caroline? 60 00:02:55,104 --> 00:02:56,105 No. 61 00:02:56,188 --> 00:02:58,899 Whoa! Big-deal alert. 62 00:02:58,983 --> 00:03:00,735 Scary stuff, kids. 63 00:03:00,818 --> 00:03:02,069 Yeesh! 64 00:03:02,153 --> 00:03:04,363 Falling rocks. Bridge out. Duck! 65 00:03:04,447 --> 00:03:05,727 This is why I don't talk to you. 66 00:03:05,781 --> 00:03:07,908 Nick, you're gonna be fine. Don't worry about it. 67 00:03:07,992 --> 00:03:09,410 Just, you know, suck in the gut. 68 00:03:11,078 --> 00:03:12,079 What gut? 69 00:03:12,163 --> 00:03:14,290 The little pooch where you keep your extra cookies. 70 00:03:34,935 --> 00:03:36,270 All right. 71 00:03:43,986 --> 00:03:46,739 Well, you say with this riddim you have a patch? 72 00:03:47,239 --> 00:03:49,283 Yellowman mend it. 73 00:03:49,367 --> 00:03:52,953 And if you haffi done mend it Me set it. 74 00:03:54,622 --> 00:03:57,917 Zungguzungguguzungguzeng. 75 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,086 Zungguzunggugu-zungguzeng. 76 00:04:00,169 --> 00:04:03,172 Seh if yuh have a paper yuh must have a pen. 77 00:04:03,255 --> 00:04:05,966 And if yuh have a start yuh must have a end. 78 00:04:06,050 --> 00:04:08,844 Seh five plus five, it equal to 10. 79 00:04:08,928 --> 00:04:10,179 And if yuh have goat… 80 00:04:10,262 --> 00:04:12,181 I had a lot of adventures in this room 81 00:04:12,264 --> 00:04:14,225 while you were gone, Winston. 82 00:04:14,308 --> 00:04:16,102 How'd the job interview go? 83 00:04:16,185 --> 00:04:17,853 You know, terrible. 84 00:04:18,062 --> 00:04:20,731 Did you see the JWoww retweet and Gaga Twitpic? 85 00:04:22,942 --> 00:04:25,319 I know Word, and I can open a document… 86 00:04:26,404 --> 00:04:29,532 Save it… Save as, print, 87 00:04:30,074 --> 00:04:31,117 print preview… 88 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,036 She just wanted to chitchat about stuff I've never even heard of. 89 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,413 You gotta get up to speed, man. 90 00:04:35,496 --> 00:04:36,998 The chitchat is the interview. 91 00:04:37,081 --> 00:04:39,750 I've spent the last two years of my life in Latvia. 92 00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:42,253 I was playing ball year round. I didn't read the news. 93 00:04:42,336 --> 00:04:44,171 I have no idea what happened in America. 94 00:04:44,255 --> 00:04:46,632 I've got interviews tomorrow. Fill me in. What'd I miss? 95 00:04:46,716 --> 00:04:48,259 From… From the past two years? 96 00:04:48,342 --> 00:04:50,102 - Give me the highlights. - Highlights. Okay. 97 00:04:50,136 --> 00:04:51,804 - Uh, country's broke. - Mmm-hmm. 98 00:04:52,555 --> 00:04:54,056 Betty White's back. 99 00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:56,642 Oh, cool, cool. What about the rest of The Golden Girls? 100 00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:58,602 All dead, man. 101 00:05:00,104 --> 00:05:03,316 Damn. You know what? Give me your computer. 102 00:05:03,399 --> 00:05:05,484 I gotta get started, man. I'm going in. 103 00:05:05,568 --> 00:05:07,820 Lady Ann a yuh so take fe toy. 104 00:05:07,903 --> 00:05:10,364 Playgal all dem call him joy. 105 00:05:10,448 --> 00:05:13,075 Yuh nuh fe call Yellowman nuh bwoy. 106 00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:16,162 Yuh nuh fe call John John nuh bwoy. 107 00:05:16,245 --> 00:05:18,956 Yuh nuh fe take I and I fe bwoy. 108 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,875 Zungguzungguguzungguzeng. 109 00:05:20,958 --> 00:05:21,959 Watch it! 110 00:05:22,877 --> 00:05:23,961 It is what it is. 111 00:05:24,045 --> 00:05:27,673 Zungguzungguguzungguzeng… 112 00:05:27,757 --> 00:05:30,634 Hey, Nick, can you turn down that music? 113 00:05:30,718 --> 00:05:32,511 'Ca Yellowman make yuh feel so fine. 114 00:05:32,595 --> 00:05:35,848 Me chat all me lyric Me chat dem in a rhyme. 115 00:05:35,931 --> 00:05:39,352 Me nuh eat lime it full of a rhyme… 116 00:05:39,685 --> 00:05:40,978 Hey, Nick, can you… 117 00:05:41,771 --> 00:05:44,482 What… What are you… 118 00:05:45,441 --> 00:05:48,027 Oh, my God! 119 00:05:54,450 --> 00:05:56,827 Look at you. You're like an animal. 120 00:05:56,911 --> 00:05:57,951 What are you watching now? 121 00:05:57,995 --> 00:06:00,081 The King's Speech and Human Centipede. 122 00:06:00,164 --> 00:06:04,126 Next up, Precious and David After Dentist. 123 00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:05,970 - I think you're doing a good job. - Test me. 124 00:06:06,045 --> 00:06:09,215 Pretend this is an interview. Hit me with the chitchat. Ask me anything. 125 00:06:09,298 --> 00:06:10,424 Chitchat. Let's go. 126 00:06:10,508 --> 00:06:12,843 - Forget it. - Let's go! What are you waiting for, man? 127 00:06:12,927 --> 00:06:14,247 You're getting intense right now. 128 00:06:14,303 --> 00:06:16,472 - You're the intense one. - You need to bring it down. 129 00:06:16,555 --> 00:06:18,891 Can I talk to you for a sec? 130 00:06:19,850 --> 00:06:20,851 Something's happened. 131 00:06:21,227 --> 00:06:23,479 It was totally an accident. 132 00:06:23,562 --> 00:06:25,314 Not a big deal. 133 00:06:25,398 --> 00:06:28,401 I just want to do the mature thing and come clean about it. 134 00:06:28,484 --> 00:06:32,530 But, um, I accidentally saw Nick's pee-pee. 135 00:06:32,613 --> 00:06:33,906 - What? - What'd she say? 136 00:06:33,990 --> 00:06:38,452 I accidentally saw Nick's pee-pee and his bubbles. 137 00:06:39,203 --> 00:06:40,579 But it's not a big deal. 138 00:06:40,663 --> 00:06:41,664 Ain't no thing. 139 00:06:41,747 --> 00:06:43,290 Ain't no thaaang. 140 00:06:44,458 --> 00:06:46,961 - Oh, Nick, hey. - Hey. 141 00:06:47,712 --> 00:06:49,922 So, that was weird, right? 142 00:06:50,006 --> 00:06:51,246 I'm running out the door, Jess. 143 00:06:51,298 --> 00:06:52,842 I think we should talk about it. 144 00:06:52,925 --> 00:06:53,926 Talk about what? 145 00:06:54,885 --> 00:06:56,637 About me seeing… 146 00:06:57,305 --> 00:06:58,848 Your peen. 147 00:07:01,559 --> 00:07:03,477 The peen what I saw. 148 00:07:04,562 --> 00:07:06,147 Bonjour, le peen. 149 00:07:06,230 --> 00:07:07,231 You're blocking the door. 150 00:07:07,315 --> 00:07:10,276 Okay. Cool. Have fun on your date. 151 00:07:10,568 --> 00:07:12,445 Tell that guy to behave. 152 00:07:13,404 --> 00:07:16,240 - The adventure begins. - Okay. Excuse me, Jess. 153 00:07:24,123 --> 00:07:26,751 That was so horrible. 154 00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:30,379 What am I gonna do? He's never gonna speak to me again. I'm so embarrassed. 155 00:07:30,463 --> 00:07:33,382 It's not a big deal. I've seen Nick's stuff, like, a million times. 156 00:07:33,466 --> 00:07:34,675 You have? 157 00:07:34,759 --> 00:07:36,635 I mean… how? 158 00:07:36,719 --> 00:07:39,263 We grew up together. Locker rooms, swimming pools, 159 00:07:39,347 --> 00:07:41,807 - penis fights… It just happens. - Why haven't I seen it? 160 00:07:42,391 --> 00:07:44,602 - Why do you want to see it? - He's my best friend. 161 00:07:45,519 --> 00:07:47,480 Again, why do you want to see it? 162 00:07:47,563 --> 00:07:50,775 What if Nick gets into an accident? What if he's horribly disfigured, 163 00:07:50,858 --> 00:07:54,987 and I have to identify him, and all that remains are his private parts? 164 00:07:55,071 --> 00:07:59,033 And I'm standing there and I'm saying, "Sorry, Officer, I can't help you," 165 00:07:59,116 --> 00:08:01,577 "because no, I haven't seen his penis." 166 00:08:01,661 --> 00:08:03,621 And then boom, he's buried in an unmarked grave. 167 00:08:04,789 --> 00:08:06,415 Again, why do you want to see it? 168 00:08:06,499 --> 00:08:08,501 - What did it look like? - What do you mean? 169 00:08:08,584 --> 00:08:09,752 Just say when. 170 00:08:09,835 --> 00:08:11,003 Just sa… Serious… 171 00:08:11,087 --> 00:08:13,172 Seriously? Are you se… Are you serious? 172 00:08:13,255 --> 00:08:15,508 Okay, you know what, this is impossible. 173 00:08:15,591 --> 00:08:16,842 I'm starting over. 174 00:08:17,927 --> 00:08:19,679 Schmidt, I need your help. 175 00:08:19,762 --> 00:08:22,723 Okay… All right, Jess, fine. 176 00:08:22,807 --> 00:08:24,308 What happened after you walked in? 177 00:08:24,392 --> 00:08:26,644 I don't know. I kind of laughed. 178 00:08:26,727 --> 00:08:30,648 Jess, you can't laugh at a naked man, and especially Nick. 179 00:08:30,731 --> 00:08:33,526 Nick is delicate, like a flower. 180 00:08:33,609 --> 00:08:35,945 Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself. 181 00:08:36,028 --> 00:08:39,740 Now, listen to me. You're gonna act like this never happened. 182 00:08:39,824 --> 00:08:41,909 We live together. We're a family. 183 00:08:41,993 --> 00:08:43,619 Families talk about things. 184 00:08:43,703 --> 00:08:46,539 No. Families ignore things until they go away. 185 00:08:47,623 --> 00:08:50,292 Hey, Mom. Hey, Mom. Hey, Mom. I'm a bunny, Mom. Mom! 186 00:08:50,668 --> 00:08:53,754 Mom, Mom, Mom. I'm a bunny, Mom. Mom! 187 00:08:53,838 --> 00:08:56,090 No one wants to talk about their feelings, Jess. 188 00:08:56,173 --> 00:08:57,717 Never talk about this again. 189 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,844 Okay. I'll ignore it. 190 00:09:00,886 --> 00:09:02,346 I'm not gonna talk about… 191 00:09:02,430 --> 00:09:03,431 Or sing about it. 192 00:09:03,514 --> 00:09:04,724 The bing-bong 193 00:09:04,807 --> 00:09:05,808 I'm done. 194 00:09:06,851 --> 00:09:08,602 This is my… My chambre. 195 00:09:08,686 --> 00:09:11,230 What does that mean? 196 00:09:11,772 --> 00:09:14,317 You're a good kisser. 197 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,235 Can we… Can we be serious? 198 00:09:16,319 --> 00:09:17,611 Do you mind just being serious? 199 00:09:17,695 --> 00:09:19,135 I'm gonna get serious, on your face. 200 00:09:20,656 --> 00:09:23,409 I have no idea what that means. 201 00:09:23,492 --> 00:09:25,661 Actually, let's not laugh when you're near my penis. 202 00:09:26,495 --> 00:09:27,580 Take it off. 203 00:09:29,123 --> 00:09:30,363 Here, just take your shirt off. 204 00:09:39,925 --> 00:09:40,926 Can't… 205 00:09:41,344 --> 00:09:42,720 Here. Do… 206 00:09:42,803 --> 00:09:44,138 Do you want me to go first? 207 00:09:44,221 --> 00:09:47,058 You're offering just to take your… Oh, my God! 208 00:09:47,725 --> 00:09:49,518 Look at you. 209 00:09:50,186 --> 00:09:51,896 Take off your clothes now. 210 00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:06,160 President Obama. 211 00:10:06,911 --> 00:10:08,329 Yeah, I like him to watch over me. 212 00:10:09,664 --> 00:10:13,250 Do you, like, want to take it slow… or something? 213 00:10:16,379 --> 00:10:18,881 - This is nice. - Yeah. 214 00:10:18,964 --> 00:10:22,718 It's starting to even look like a triple rainbow. 215 00:10:22,802 --> 00:10:25,471 Oh, my God, it's full-on! 216 00:10:28,641 --> 00:10:29,642 Hi, Nick. 217 00:10:31,018 --> 00:10:32,979 So I guess your date went well. 218 00:10:33,771 --> 00:10:35,481 Sleepover party. 219 00:10:36,857 --> 00:10:40,653 I have something from school that, um… Made me think of you. 220 00:10:48,285 --> 00:10:49,870 It's a Feeling Stick. 221 00:10:50,663 --> 00:10:52,999 Whoever's holding a Feeling Stick has permission to say 222 00:10:53,082 --> 00:10:55,376 whatever he or she is feeling without being judged. 223 00:10:55,835 --> 00:10:57,336 I'll go first. Um… 224 00:10:57,420 --> 00:11:02,174 I feel like I want to know what you're feeling. 225 00:11:12,101 --> 00:11:13,894 Believe it or not… 226 00:11:14,687 --> 00:11:17,732 That's not the first time someone's broken my Feeling Stick. 227 00:11:21,569 --> 00:11:23,571 - I have a travel size. - No. 228 00:11:23,863 --> 00:11:25,573 - Mmm-mmm. - Nick, wait! 229 00:11:27,199 --> 00:11:29,076 Nick, we have to talk about this. 230 00:11:30,161 --> 00:11:31,787 What are you doing? 231 00:11:31,871 --> 00:11:34,498 I'm sorry I saw your doojer and your chickadees. 232 00:11:34,582 --> 00:11:36,292 And I didn't mean to laugh. I just… 233 00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:37,752 Then why did you laugh? 234 00:11:37,835 --> 00:11:39,837 Is there something funny about it? 235 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:41,005 No. 236 00:11:41,547 --> 00:11:42,673 Beautiful. 237 00:11:43,257 --> 00:11:44,300 Stately. 238 00:11:44,383 --> 00:11:45,676 A real treat. 239 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:46,927 Oh, my God. 240 00:11:50,931 --> 00:11:53,851 I think it's great you dance naked to Jamaican music. 241 00:11:53,934 --> 00:11:55,353 That's really cool. 242 00:11:55,436 --> 00:11:58,522 You should explore your sexuality. 243 00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:01,776 - Nick? - Excuse me. 244 00:12:02,693 --> 00:12:05,029 Come on, Nick. I dance naked all the time. 245 00:12:05,112 --> 00:12:07,406 We have to talk about this. 246 00:12:08,866 --> 00:12:11,118 Ugh! Nick! 247 00:12:20,169 --> 00:12:21,754 Nick, please talk to me. 248 00:12:21,837 --> 00:12:23,277 Jess, there's nothing to talk about. 249 00:12:23,339 --> 00:12:24,799 You ruined my date. 250 00:12:24,882 --> 00:12:27,385 Every time I tried to take my clothes off, Jess, 251 00:12:27,468 --> 00:12:29,553 I heard your little… 252 00:12:29,637 --> 00:12:31,347 Your little crazy giggle scream. 253 00:12:31,430 --> 00:12:34,266 And all I want to do is have meaningless sex 254 00:12:34,350 --> 00:12:38,270 with a beautiful woman who, yes, talks in mind-bending riddles. 255 00:12:38,354 --> 00:12:41,857 But I can't, because I can't get your little… 256 00:12:41,941 --> 00:12:45,319 Out of my head. 257 00:12:47,989 --> 00:12:50,116 Well, maybe you don't want to have meaningless sex. 258 00:12:50,199 --> 00:12:53,035 - Maybe that's not your style. - I have a bing-bong and chickadees. 259 00:12:53,119 --> 00:12:54,745 It is my style. 260 00:12:55,913 --> 00:12:57,456 Stop following me. 261 00:12:57,540 --> 00:12:59,000 Then stop running away from me. 262 00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:00,751 I just want to have a mature conversation. 263 00:13:00,835 --> 00:13:02,336 How can we have a mature conversation 264 00:13:02,420 --> 00:13:04,296 when you can't even say the word "penis"? 265 00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:06,507 I can say the word "pen…" 266 00:13:06,590 --> 00:13:08,092 - Say it. - I… 267 00:13:08,175 --> 00:13:10,094 Yernyas. 268 00:13:10,469 --> 00:13:12,179 - What? - Peernis. 269 00:13:12,263 --> 00:13:13,264 You said peernis. 270 00:13:14,265 --> 00:13:15,266 Penis. 271 00:13:15,349 --> 00:13:16,434 Not singing. 272 00:13:16,892 --> 00:13:18,602 Penis. 273 00:13:18,686 --> 00:13:19,812 Not like a ghoul. 274 00:13:19,895 --> 00:13:22,356 I… I can say it! 275 00:13:23,983 --> 00:13:26,027 - Pianist. - No, you said "pianist." 276 00:13:26,110 --> 00:13:28,362 - Enispay! - Not pig Latin. 277 00:13:28,446 --> 00:13:30,156 - Peernis. - Okay, not in Swedish. 278 00:13:30,239 --> 00:13:31,657 - Pemo. - Not in fake Italian. 279 00:13:31,741 --> 00:13:33,784 Penis! 280 00:13:33,868 --> 00:13:34,869 Shut up! 281 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,164 - Say it with me. Pe… - Pe 282 00:13:38,247 --> 00:13:40,124 nis… Neers. 283 00:13:40,207 --> 00:13:42,001 Yeah, I'm the one that's immature. 284 00:13:52,345 --> 00:13:54,221 - Hey, man. - Ahhh! 285 00:13:54,305 --> 00:13:55,745 I'm the only one who hasn't seen it. 286 00:13:55,806 --> 00:13:57,308 - What? - Just the gun. 287 00:13:58,017 --> 00:13:59,477 - No. - Just the roses. 288 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:02,146 - What? - Just the hub, where it connects. 289 00:14:02,229 --> 00:14:03,898 - Get out. - Fine! 290 00:14:04,148 --> 00:14:06,400 - I thought we were best friends. - We are. 291 00:14:06,484 --> 00:14:07,652 Apparently not. 292 00:14:08,486 --> 00:14:11,447 - Best friends don't do this, Schmidt. - They do it all the time. 293 00:14:14,909 --> 00:14:17,453 - You laughed? - Yeah, I couldn't help it. 294 00:14:17,536 --> 00:14:19,747 Did you freak out and make that noise? 295 00:14:19,830 --> 00:14:21,791 What? I don't always make a noise. 296 00:14:27,088 --> 00:14:30,716 Fine. I guess I missed the moment when everybody got cool about sex. 297 00:14:33,177 --> 00:14:34,929 I really messed up. 298 00:14:35,179 --> 00:14:36,931 Ah, guys are simple. 299 00:14:37,014 --> 00:14:39,266 You know what I would do? I would just make it even. 300 00:14:39,350 --> 00:14:41,686 You've seen his, show him yours. 301 00:14:41,769 --> 00:14:43,688 No. 302 00:14:43,771 --> 00:14:45,481 I can't do that. 303 00:14:46,357 --> 00:14:47,441 Hey, Winston. 304 00:14:48,109 --> 00:14:49,276 Oh, no. 305 00:14:49,568 --> 00:14:50,861 Oh, man. The interview? 306 00:14:50,945 --> 00:14:54,699 - Did you mess up? - No, I didn't mess up. 307 00:14:54,782 --> 00:14:56,409 Killed it. I was amazing. 308 00:14:56,492 --> 00:15:00,371 At one point, I was on the outside of my body watching myself be amazing. 309 00:15:00,454 --> 00:15:02,456 - That's a good thing, right? - The woman asked me 310 00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:04,583 why I wanted to sell medical supplies. 311 00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:06,127 I had no answer. 312 00:15:06,877 --> 00:15:11,090 I've done anything but play basketball my entire life. 313 00:15:11,173 --> 00:15:13,509 "Winston Bishop is an American basketball player" 314 00:15:13,592 --> 00:15:18,306 "who played professionally in Latvia, and he loves ducks." 315 00:15:18,389 --> 00:15:21,350 Winston, did you write the part about the ducks? 316 00:15:21,851 --> 00:15:24,729 - I don't even like ducks that much, man. - Oh, okay. Look, man. 317 00:15:24,812 --> 00:15:27,398 You got to get off Wikipedia, all right? You're going crazy. 318 00:15:27,481 --> 00:15:30,026 I was the guy who was good enough to play in Latvia. 319 00:15:31,193 --> 00:15:34,405 And then one day, I don't know, man, I just lost it. 320 00:15:34,488 --> 00:15:36,866 They found another black guy. 321 00:15:36,949 --> 00:15:39,493 Labak melno virietis. 322 00:15:39,577 --> 00:15:41,912 - Means "The better black guy." - A better melno? 323 00:15:41,996 --> 00:15:43,956 - You're the best melno. - I don't know, man. 324 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,499 I just don't know what comes next. 325 00:15:45,583 --> 00:15:47,084 You know what you do next? Get up. 326 00:15:47,168 --> 00:15:48,328 Let's get up. Come on, buddy. 327 00:15:48,377 --> 00:15:51,422 We'll get you out of the house, get you moving. It's gonna feel good. 328 00:15:51,505 --> 00:15:53,549 Whoo! This feels good. 329 00:15:53,632 --> 00:15:55,551 Totally. I love it. 330 00:15:56,010 --> 00:15:58,471 You know, I think I was just scared, man. 331 00:15:58,554 --> 00:16:00,681 I've been playing basketball my whole entire life. 332 00:16:00,765 --> 00:16:01,974 What if I was wasting my time? 333 00:16:02,058 --> 00:16:04,393 Maybe I should have been figuring out my life like you. 334 00:16:04,477 --> 00:16:06,354 I don't have anything figured out. 335 00:16:06,437 --> 00:16:08,189 I'm a fully-grown man with roommates. 336 00:16:08,272 --> 00:16:10,441 I have a stupid job. I'm single. 337 00:16:10,524 --> 00:16:12,443 My best friend won't even let me see his penis. 338 00:16:12,526 --> 00:16:16,155 I mean, my whole life is a sham. 339 00:16:16,238 --> 00:16:18,240 I actually feel a lot better. 340 00:16:18,324 --> 00:16:20,493 Thanks, Schmidt. 341 00:16:20,576 --> 00:16:22,036 Winston, my legs! 342 00:16:22,119 --> 00:16:23,829 - Schmidt? - My legs are seizing up. 343 00:16:23,913 --> 00:16:26,040 - Schmidt! - I hate my life. I hate my… 344 00:16:26,123 --> 00:16:29,168 Making new discoveries. I'm a fear-based person, apparently. 345 00:16:29,251 --> 00:16:30,795 Stop it. Go. I need a… 346 00:16:30,878 --> 00:16:32,797 Give me a hug, please. 911. 347 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,340 Ow. Ow. 348 00:16:38,552 --> 00:16:39,637 Hey. 349 00:16:39,971 --> 00:16:40,972 Hey. 350 00:16:41,305 --> 00:16:43,224 I'm sorry about last night, Amanda. 351 00:16:43,307 --> 00:16:46,018 So you're… You're, like, super into cuddling. 352 00:16:46,394 --> 00:16:48,646 No, I'm not super into cuddling. 353 00:16:49,271 --> 00:16:52,274 I'm just getting out of a relationship, and I think I got nervous. 354 00:16:53,859 --> 00:16:58,489 I've heard that I'm not great at talking about what I'm feeling all the time, 355 00:16:59,156 --> 00:17:01,409 and so I'm sorry about last night. 356 00:17:01,826 --> 00:17:02,952 Honesty. 357 00:17:04,996 --> 00:17:06,122 I like that. 358 00:17:20,094 --> 00:17:22,263 Really nice. 359 00:17:22,346 --> 00:17:23,639 Oh, yeah? 360 00:17:27,101 --> 00:17:28,352 Here we go. 361 00:17:28,436 --> 00:17:30,104 - Oh, yeah! - You're so hot. 362 00:17:30,187 --> 00:17:31,772 I can't believe you're into me. 363 00:17:31,856 --> 00:17:33,733 Okay. 364 00:17:33,816 --> 00:17:35,276 - Yeah. - All right. Wow. 365 00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:37,069 - Yeah. - Oh, wow, this is happening. 366 00:17:37,153 --> 00:17:39,530 - Take off your pants. Take off your pants! - Okay, okay. 367 00:17:39,613 --> 00:17:41,365 - Take your pants off. - Take them off? 368 00:17:41,449 --> 00:17:43,075 - Yeah. Take them off. - You want me to? 369 00:17:43,159 --> 00:17:45,161 - Okay. Want me to take these off? - Yeah. 370 00:17:45,244 --> 00:17:46,924 - Lights on, pants off. Here we go. - Okay. 371 00:17:46,954 --> 00:17:48,331 - Okay. - Okay. 372 00:17:48,414 --> 00:17:50,833 Oh, I'm totally cool with this. 373 00:17:51,334 --> 00:17:53,669 - Yeah. - Okay. All right. 374 00:17:53,753 --> 00:17:55,463 - Good. - Okay. 375 00:17:57,757 --> 00:17:58,966 What are you doing? 376 00:17:59,050 --> 00:18:01,218 What is… Who is that? 377 00:18:05,222 --> 00:18:06,724 What are you doing? 378 00:18:11,437 --> 00:18:15,483 Hi. I'm Jess. Welcome to our home. 379 00:18:21,781 --> 00:18:23,824 We live in a world with rules. 380 00:18:24,367 --> 00:18:26,410 We knock. We have doors. 381 00:18:26,494 --> 00:18:29,288 And we knock on those doors. 382 00:18:29,372 --> 00:18:31,290 - I'm sorry, Nick. - Just knock! 383 00:18:36,379 --> 00:18:38,631 Nick… I… 384 00:18:38,714 --> 00:18:40,758 - Put that down. - But we have to talk… 385 00:18:40,841 --> 00:18:42,093 Nothing to talk about. 386 00:18:45,054 --> 00:18:48,849 I feel that Nick is not honoring the Feeling Stick. 387 00:18:51,978 --> 00:18:53,813 I feel me, too. 388 00:18:55,690 --> 00:18:58,567 I feel Schmidt's had a particularly bad day, 389 00:18:58,651 --> 00:19:01,904 and I feel that if Nick is truly Schmidt's friend, 390 00:19:01,988 --> 00:19:04,031 he would show Schmidt what's in his pants. 391 00:19:05,658 --> 00:19:06,826 I feel supported. 392 00:19:06,909 --> 00:19:09,870 What is going on with you two? 393 00:19:09,954 --> 00:19:11,288 What are you doing? 394 00:19:12,748 --> 00:19:13,958 I feel Nick is yelling. 395 00:19:14,041 --> 00:19:15,209 Stop it! 396 00:19:19,338 --> 00:19:23,718 Yo. I just wanted to thank you for taking me running. 397 00:19:23,801 --> 00:19:25,511 Made me feel a lot better. 398 00:19:25,594 --> 00:19:29,265 Now, I might not have a job or anything, but at least I can run a mile. 399 00:19:29,348 --> 00:19:32,643 I mean, watching you try to run, yeah, that was just pathetic. 400 00:19:32,727 --> 00:19:33,728 I needed that. 401 00:19:33,811 --> 00:19:36,063 I suffer from exercise-induced asthma. 402 00:19:36,147 --> 00:19:37,857 Do you suffer from exercise-induced crying? 403 00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:40,359 It's a real thing, man, okay? EIA. 404 00:19:40,443 --> 00:19:42,486 You know what I learned from the Internet? 405 00:19:42,570 --> 00:19:44,322 We got nothing to worry about. 406 00:19:44,697 --> 00:19:46,741 Everybody has their moment. 407 00:19:46,824 --> 00:19:49,869 We might get a cat one day. That cat might play the keyboard. 408 00:19:49,952 --> 00:19:51,537 A bear might fall on our trampoline. 409 00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:53,998 We don't need to have it figured out right now. 410 00:19:55,416 --> 00:19:56,834 Our moments will come. 411 00:19:58,961 --> 00:20:00,129 Hey, man. 412 00:20:00,796 --> 00:20:02,465 Let's keep bro'ing out. 413 00:20:05,176 --> 00:20:06,177 Come in. 414 00:20:07,970 --> 00:20:10,598 Jess, you don't have to knock once you're in the room. 415 00:20:14,018 --> 00:20:15,478 I worked on something for you. 416 00:20:16,062 --> 00:20:17,229 All right. 417 00:20:20,232 --> 00:20:21,317 Penis. 418 00:20:23,235 --> 00:20:24,236 Very good. 419 00:20:24,612 --> 00:20:25,613 Thank you. 420 00:20:26,197 --> 00:20:27,823 Um, so did Amanda call you back? 421 00:20:27,907 --> 00:20:29,450 No, I don't see Amanda calling me back. 422 00:20:29,533 --> 00:20:30,534 I'm sorry. 423 00:20:31,035 --> 00:20:32,745 It's okay. Maybe you were right. 424 00:20:32,828 --> 00:20:35,831 Maybe I'm not ready for meaningless sex with beautiful women. 425 00:20:37,041 --> 00:20:38,751 Well, you know, maybe when you are, 426 00:20:38,834 --> 00:20:42,046 you'll be able to show her your other penis. 427 00:20:42,630 --> 00:20:43,881 Your heart penis. 428 00:20:43,964 --> 00:20:45,591 - Get out of my room. - Okay. 429 00:20:46,008 --> 00:20:47,677 Hey, um… 430 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:54,308 When I was, um, leaving in a hurry, um, did you see… 431 00:20:56,227 --> 00:20:57,228 Everything? 432 00:20:57,687 --> 00:20:58,688 Yup. 433 00:20:59,313 --> 00:21:01,816 Even my… gumbo pot? 434 00:21:02,358 --> 00:21:04,860 Ugh! Gumbo pot? Get out. 435 00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:20,960 Get out, Schmidt. 436 00:21:21,210 --> 00:21:23,337 I'm the only one who hasn't seen it.