1 00:00:05,237 --> 00:00:06,238 Cece! 2 00:00:08,865 --> 00:00:09,866 Beep-beep. 3 00:00:13,453 --> 00:00:14,496 Beep-beep. 4 00:00:14,830 --> 00:00:15,831 Sorry. 5 00:00:16,498 --> 00:00:19,167 These traffic patterns are really… 6 00:00:19,501 --> 00:00:21,336 Counterintuitive! 7 00:00:22,671 --> 00:00:23,880 Really… 8 00:00:24,089 --> 00:00:28,009 Catch-as-catch-can as far as footpaths go over here! 9 00:00:30,929 --> 00:00:31,930 Cece! 10 00:00:32,723 --> 00:00:34,516 I got your text. Are you ready to go home? 11 00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:36,393 Thank you for coming. 12 00:00:36,476 --> 00:00:38,687 Jess, he was making out with another girl. 13 00:00:39,020 --> 00:00:41,690 You…get away from here. 14 00:00:41,773 --> 00:00:43,400 Okay, who are you, Miss Pajama, okay? 15 00:00:43,483 --> 00:00:45,123 You're blocking my booth. Get out of here! 16 00:00:45,193 --> 00:00:47,474 Don't talk to her like that, okay? That is my best friend! 17 00:00:48,947 --> 00:00:50,282 Oh! Cece… 18 00:00:50,365 --> 00:00:52,367 You ripped my deep V! 19 00:00:52,451 --> 00:00:54,411 This is my favorite deep V! 20 00:00:54,494 --> 00:00:56,705 It's just a deeper V. 21 00:00:57,539 --> 00:00:59,207 Thanks for picking me up, Jess. 22 00:00:59,291 --> 00:01:01,543 I really felt that Gavin was different. 23 00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:03,628 Didn't you feel like he was different? 24 00:01:04,337 --> 00:01:07,507 Yeah. I mean, he seemed like a really nice… 25 00:01:07,591 --> 00:01:09,509 European DJ with a face tattoo. 26 00:01:10,761 --> 00:01:12,179 Whoo! Hey, guys. 27 00:01:12,262 --> 00:01:14,139 I think, Jess… I think these guys are into you. 28 00:01:14,222 --> 00:01:16,224 We should… We should just go back, right? 29 00:01:16,308 --> 00:01:17,428 We should totally head back. 30 00:01:17,476 --> 00:01:19,061 Where am I taking you? 31 00:01:19,686 --> 00:01:23,356 No, can't go home because Gavin's, like, staying at my place. 32 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,650 You've known him for three weeks. 33 00:01:25,734 --> 00:01:28,320 Can I just crash with you for a couple days? Please? 34 00:01:28,403 --> 00:01:32,616 I don't know. It's Friday night. The guys probably have big plans. 35 00:01:41,917 --> 00:01:44,461 Friday night, gentlemen. It's on. 36 00:01:44,795 --> 00:01:47,798 - What happened to you? - It's on and poppin' up in here, you feel? 37 00:01:47,881 --> 00:01:49,025 - What happened to you? - What? 38 00:01:49,049 --> 00:01:50,526 You didn't use to be like this, Schmidt. 39 00:01:50,550 --> 00:01:52,278 - What are you talking about? - You've gotten so much worse. 40 00:01:52,302 --> 00:01:53,678 It's on and poppin'! 41 00:01:53,762 --> 00:01:54,846 Who's that girl? 42 00:01:54,930 --> 00:01:56,306 Who's that girl? 43 00:01:56,390 --> 00:01:57,849 Who's that girl? 44 00:01:57,933 --> 00:01:59,476 - Who's that girl? - It's Jess! 45 00:02:00,310 --> 00:02:02,020 Yes. I told you I'd come through. 46 00:02:02,104 --> 00:02:04,231 Okay, Benjamin just invited us to a very cool party. 47 00:02:04,314 --> 00:02:06,417 No, I just got off three back-to-back shifts at the bar. 48 00:02:06,441 --> 00:02:09,319 I just want to sit here all weekend in silence, playing this game, 49 00:02:09,403 --> 00:02:11,988 then I want to go in my room and do weird stuff on my computer. 50 00:02:12,072 --> 00:02:14,783 Are you even wearing underwear? What is between you and that chair? 51 00:02:14,866 --> 00:02:16,451 Just a little bit of sunshine. 52 00:02:16,535 --> 00:02:18,578 All right, take off that kimono, please. 53 00:02:18,662 --> 00:02:20,247 It's my leisure wear, Winston. 54 00:02:20,330 --> 00:02:22,290 Look, I worked 80 hours this week. 55 00:02:22,374 --> 00:02:24,376 I just want to come home, put on my 'mono 56 00:02:24,459 --> 00:02:26,336 and just hang loose, man. 57 00:02:26,420 --> 00:02:28,020 Okay? If you had a job, you'd understand. 58 00:02:29,798 --> 00:02:32,634 R… Really? Wow. It just got real in here. 59 00:02:32,718 --> 00:02:34,153 Okay, you're not gonna take the kimono off? 60 00:02:34,177 --> 00:02:36,179 Fine. Then I'm not wearing any pants. 61 00:02:36,430 --> 00:02:38,223 Boom! Bam! 62 00:02:38,306 --> 00:02:40,600 Mmm-hmm. Everybody want to just walk around this house 63 00:02:40,684 --> 00:02:43,564 wearing all kinds of stupid stuff, then guess what I'm gonna do, Schmidt. 64 00:02:43,603 --> 00:02:46,648 I'm wearing a napkin on my face. 65 00:02:46,732 --> 00:02:48,400 Bam! How you like that? 66 00:02:48,483 --> 00:02:49,752 That doesn't even make any sense, Winston. 67 00:02:49,776 --> 00:02:51,570 It makes perfect sense. 68 00:02:51,653 --> 00:02:53,047 Totally different than me wearing my kimono. 69 00:02:53,071 --> 00:02:56,324 You are laughing in the face of thousands of years of samurai culture, 70 00:02:56,408 --> 00:02:57,802 and it's an affront, Winston. It's an affront. 71 00:02:57,826 --> 00:02:58,910 Look at me now, huh? 72 00:02:58,994 --> 00:03:00,680 This is the vibe we have in the house now because of you. 73 00:03:00,704 --> 00:03:01,973 You want to walk around here looking silly. 74 00:03:01,997 --> 00:03:03,623 This is handcrafted! 75 00:03:03,707 --> 00:03:04,708 In China. 76 00:03:08,295 --> 00:03:10,422 Schmidt, I think you should take the kimono off. 77 00:03:13,759 --> 00:03:16,595 Um, Cece, can you not do your usual thing? 78 00:03:16,678 --> 00:03:19,723 These are really good guys. Best behavior. 79 00:03:19,806 --> 00:03:20,807 Sure. 80 00:03:20,891 --> 00:03:22,642 Hey, guys, I brought… 81 00:03:22,726 --> 00:03:24,227 You brought this on yourself! 82 00:03:25,353 --> 00:03:26,646 What you doing? 83 00:03:28,231 --> 00:03:29,816 Oh, you know, we're just chillin'. 84 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:30,942 Just chillin'. 85 00:03:31,485 --> 00:03:33,487 Just doing this. You know, Friday night. 86 00:03:33,570 --> 00:03:35,197 I'm gonna use the ladies'. 87 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:36,281 What's up, Cecelia? 88 00:03:36,865 --> 00:03:38,450 Where's the tequila? 89 00:03:39,618 --> 00:03:41,536 Guys. 90 00:03:41,620 --> 00:03:42,746 Oh. 91 00:03:42,829 --> 00:03:44,331 Okay. 92 00:03:44,414 --> 00:03:48,251 I would normally never bring her here, but Cece's really vulnerable right now, 93 00:03:48,335 --> 00:03:50,962 and when she's drunk, she has no boundaries. 94 00:03:51,046 --> 00:03:55,092 So she's really grabby, really physical, she's really loose with her body. 95 00:03:55,175 --> 00:04:00,263 So I just want to apologize in advance for anything that she might do. 96 00:04:00,347 --> 00:04:02,116 - That's good to know. - Yeah, thanks for telling us. 97 00:04:02,140 --> 00:04:04,518 - Thank you, guys. You're the best. - Aw. 98 00:04:04,643 --> 00:04:05,644 Mmm. 99 00:04:13,276 --> 00:04:15,237 This is the opposite of being alone! 100 00:04:16,655 --> 00:04:19,032 This is the opposite of what I wanted this weekend. 101 00:04:19,825 --> 00:04:21,993 Wow, how'd this happen? 102 00:04:22,452 --> 00:04:25,455 Okay, I'm not a part of this, Schmidt. I'm not a part of it. 103 00:04:25,747 --> 00:04:29,334 Hi, Cece. I'm gonna make you a bed on the couch, okay? 104 00:04:29,418 --> 00:04:31,461 So You're gonna have to stop dancing, okay, 105 00:04:31,545 --> 00:04:32,671 so you can go to sleep. 106 00:04:32,754 --> 00:04:34,954 You know, Cece, I think you should dance if you want to. 107 00:04:35,006 --> 00:04:36,258 Why are you talking like that? 108 00:04:36,341 --> 00:04:37,926 Like what? I'm just hanging out. 109 00:04:38,009 --> 00:04:39,803 - You get up. - Really? Him? 110 00:04:39,886 --> 00:04:41,471 But I'm doing this. 111 00:04:43,473 --> 00:04:44,951 - Come on, get up! - No, I don't dance. 112 00:04:44,975 --> 00:04:47,620 - I'm from the town in Footloose. - Cece. He doesn't want to dance, Cece. 113 00:04:47,644 --> 00:04:48,830 I don't wanna dance. I'm really good. 114 00:04:48,854 --> 00:04:50,814 - Schmidt dances… - Whoa! What the… 115 00:04:50,897 --> 00:04:52,107 All right, you know what, 116 00:04:52,190 --> 00:04:54,026 - I'm gonna go to bed. Good night. - Yeah. 117 00:04:54,109 --> 00:04:56,045 What just happened? That's really not great under here. 118 00:04:56,069 --> 00:04:57,070 You have to love hair. 119 00:04:58,655 --> 00:04:59,948 I think it's time for bed. 120 00:05:00,032 --> 00:05:01,092 You can use my bed. I'll sleep on the couch. 121 00:05:01,116 --> 00:05:03,452 - Over here. Over here, Cece. - Uh… Oh. 122 00:05:03,535 --> 00:05:05,454 - Over here. Over here. - Oh. 123 00:05:05,746 --> 00:05:07,247 Are you sheepdogging her? 124 00:05:07,330 --> 00:05:09,010 Over here, over here. Over here, over here. 125 00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:10,208 - Oh. - Not here. Here we go. 126 00:05:12,669 --> 00:05:14,337 Good night, Cece. 127 00:05:16,965 --> 00:05:17,966 Yes! Yes. 128 00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:19,885 She is sleeping on my sheets right now. 129 00:05:19,968 --> 00:05:21,678 Not yours, bro. Mine! 130 00:05:23,597 --> 00:05:24,765 Parkour! 131 00:05:28,310 --> 00:05:30,790 You know what? I think I might actually have a chance with her. 132 00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:33,565 I just have to be cooler than that guy. 133 00:05:33,815 --> 00:05:34,816 Parkour! 134 00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:36,985 A wise man once foretold of a magical night 135 00:05:37,069 --> 00:05:40,530 where I would engage in nonsexual foreplay with a model, my friends. 136 00:05:40,614 --> 00:05:42,008 - And tonight… - Don't say it's that night. 137 00:05:42,032 --> 00:05:44,576 - …Is that night. - No, not a chance. Never gonna happen. 138 00:05:44,659 --> 00:05:45,660 You're not a closer. 139 00:05:45,744 --> 00:05:48,705 Oh, I'm a closer. I'm gonna close this conversation right now, my brother. 140 00:05:48,789 --> 00:05:51,124 Watch this. Boom, bam, closed. 141 00:05:51,792 --> 00:05:52,793 Parkour! 142 00:05:52,876 --> 00:05:54,795 Short track speed skating. 143 00:05:54,878 --> 00:05:56,338 Apolo Ohno. 144 00:05:59,841 --> 00:06:02,511 Well, at least this tires him out, right? 145 00:06:02,594 --> 00:06:03,595 Yeah. 146 00:06:06,723 --> 00:06:08,326 Look, she's great. You're gonna love her. 147 00:06:08,350 --> 00:06:10,644 - Do you want some eggs? - No, I've got my own breakfast. 148 00:06:10,727 --> 00:06:12,562 - I don't need you to… - What? 149 00:06:12,646 --> 00:06:13,846 I don't know. Take care of me. 150 00:06:15,190 --> 00:06:18,151 - Just stop being so nice. - Your mother's being so nice. 151 00:06:19,903 --> 00:06:21,488 Slam on my mother. 152 00:06:21,571 --> 00:06:23,171 Your mother's gonna slam on your mother. 153 00:06:29,871 --> 00:06:32,999 And 4,000. Yeah. 154 00:06:33,792 --> 00:06:34,918 Oh, my God. 155 00:06:35,460 --> 00:06:36,670 Willkommen. 156 00:06:37,170 --> 00:06:38,296 You're covered in oil? 157 00:06:38,630 --> 00:06:41,133 What, oil? No. This is just, uh… 158 00:06:44,052 --> 00:06:45,303 You okay? 159 00:06:45,804 --> 00:06:47,013 Schmidt. 160 00:06:47,097 --> 00:06:48,515 Hey, are you okay? 161 00:06:48,598 --> 00:06:50,517 Whoa. Whoa. 162 00:06:50,934 --> 00:06:53,687 I just blacked out for a second. Anything weird happen? 163 00:06:53,770 --> 00:06:56,231 Okay, I need some water, so can you move? 164 00:06:56,314 --> 00:06:57,709 Yeah, that's not gonna happen, honey. 165 00:06:57,733 --> 00:06:59,776 Just, you know, slide me like a curtain, okay? 166 00:07:01,945 --> 00:07:03,905 There you go. I'm good. I'm good. 167 00:07:04,322 --> 00:07:05,323 Sweet. 168 00:07:05,407 --> 00:07:07,284 Hey, can you get me a coff… 169 00:07:20,005 --> 00:07:21,065 What's going on, guys? I was… 170 00:07:21,089 --> 00:07:22,090 Hey. 171 00:07:22,174 --> 00:07:23,508 Oh, you're all in here. 172 00:07:23,592 --> 00:07:25,552 Um, does the water get any hotter than this? 173 00:07:25,969 --> 00:07:27,929 Uh, do you want me… 174 00:07:28,013 --> 00:07:30,932 Uh, I mean, I… I could give you, if… 175 00:07:31,016 --> 00:07:32,267 I could… I'm good at fixing… 176 00:07:32,350 --> 00:07:34,352 Yeah, I can fix it, also. 177 00:07:34,436 --> 00:07:36,289 Actually, you know what, I'll just figure it out myself. 178 00:07:36,313 --> 00:07:37,981 But do you guys have any actual soap? 179 00:07:38,065 --> 00:07:40,359 Because all I can find in here is body gelato. 180 00:07:40,442 --> 00:07:41,711 - That would be Schmidt's. - Schmidt's gelato. 181 00:07:41,735 --> 00:07:43,838 Body gelato's mine. If you could just… Don't use it all. 182 00:07:43,862 --> 00:07:45,405 - I'll just not touch it. - Okay. 183 00:07:45,489 --> 00:07:47,616 Hey. Why are you guys all in here? 184 00:07:47,699 --> 00:07:49,427 - I'm brushing my teeth! - D… Doing the thing. 185 00:07:49,451 --> 00:07:51,620 She hogging the shower? Cece, come on. Hurry up. 186 00:07:51,703 --> 00:07:54,873 Sorry, I just… I can't find any bigger towels for some reason. 187 00:07:59,711 --> 00:08:02,273 You have a really beautiful body, Cece. I really appreciate that about you. 188 00:08:02,297 --> 00:08:03,465 Okay, come on. 189 00:08:03,548 --> 00:08:05,175 - I made you breakfast. - You did? 190 00:08:05,258 --> 00:08:07,344 - Yeah. - Sorry. I just… 191 00:08:12,182 --> 00:08:14,935 Disappointed with all of you. Especially you. 192 00:08:15,018 --> 00:08:16,496 - It was a bad moment. - I thought you were better than that. 193 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,605 I know. I am, sometimes. 194 00:08:19,147 --> 00:08:20,607 Did you see that cleavage? 195 00:08:20,691 --> 00:08:22,442 I just want to get my arm stuck down there. 196 00:08:22,526 --> 00:08:24,361 127 Hours style. 197 00:08:24,444 --> 00:08:26,488 And then… And then… 198 00:08:27,114 --> 00:08:29,994 Just cut it for days. I don't care. I'll cut through the bone, the nerve. 199 00:08:30,826 --> 00:08:31,868 Schmidt! 200 00:08:31,952 --> 00:08:34,371 You weren't upset 'cause I was dancing with Nick, right? 201 00:08:34,454 --> 00:08:35,747 No, of course not. 202 00:08:36,331 --> 00:08:37,771 'Cause I think he's really into you. 203 00:08:38,041 --> 00:08:40,293 Nick? No, no. 204 00:08:40,377 --> 00:08:42,421 Come on, Jess. This is classic Eduardo. 205 00:08:44,715 --> 00:08:46,466 You want this to go to Cece, right? 206 00:08:46,550 --> 00:08:47,634 Jess. 207 00:08:47,718 --> 00:08:49,469 Okay, I'll give it to Cece. 208 00:08:49,553 --> 00:08:51,805 No. Jess! 209 00:08:51,888 --> 00:08:53,282 You don't want me to give it to Cece? 210 00:08:53,306 --> 00:08:55,809 Sí, sí… Uh, for you. 211 00:08:55,892 --> 00:08:56,893 For me? 212 00:08:57,310 --> 00:08:58,311 To give to Cece. 213 00:09:00,939 --> 00:09:01,940 We're just friends. 214 00:09:02,024 --> 00:09:03,859 You can't be friends with these guys. 215 00:09:03,942 --> 00:09:05,461 You don't think that every single one of them 216 00:09:05,485 --> 00:09:06,671 has thought about sleeping with you? 217 00:09:06,695 --> 00:09:09,823 No, you just think everyone wants to sleep with everyone all the time. 218 00:09:09,906 --> 00:09:11,450 They do. That's why I think that. 219 00:09:11,533 --> 00:09:13,368 Don't you hear how he says your name? 220 00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:14,619 Jess. 221 00:09:14,703 --> 00:09:18,040 He's from Chicago. That's how people from Chicago say Jess. 222 00:09:18,123 --> 00:09:21,793 Like "bears" and "milk" and "Let's go visit the Sears Tower." 223 00:09:23,587 --> 00:09:25,815 Hey, Jess. I'm going to the drugstore. You need anything? 224 00:09:25,839 --> 00:09:27,799 Yes. Jess, you should go with him, 225 00:09:27,883 --> 00:09:30,427 'cause then you can get that thing that you really need. 226 00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:33,470 - Oh, I wonder what that is. - She'll be right out. 227 00:09:34,723 --> 00:09:35,766 Just… 228 00:09:36,808 --> 00:09:38,643 No. No! 229 00:09:38,894 --> 00:09:41,146 No, you are not coming in here and ruining all this. 230 00:09:41,229 --> 00:09:42,314 I'm happy. 231 00:09:42,397 --> 00:09:45,277 I like these guys, and I think they're actually starting to like me, too. 232 00:09:45,317 --> 00:09:47,319 Who did you tell me was your perfect man? 233 00:09:47,402 --> 00:09:49,154 Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men. 234 00:09:49,237 --> 00:09:50,614 And I could be girl Jack Lemmon. 235 00:09:50,697 --> 00:09:53,617 He's a total Matthau! I'm telling you, he gets you. 236 00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:56,328 And did you see his feet? A guy's feet point at what they want. 237 00:09:56,411 --> 00:09:57,597 His feet were pointing right at you. 238 00:09:57,621 --> 00:09:58,806 Why wouldn't his feet point at me? 239 00:09:58,830 --> 00:10:00,624 Otherwise, he's standing like a duck. 240 00:10:00,707 --> 00:10:01,987 Just come on. Go. Get out there. 241 00:10:02,042 --> 00:10:03,418 Hey, you ready? Come on! 242 00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:05,462 Be there in a sec, bro! 243 00:10:05,545 --> 00:10:06,588 You just call me "bro"? 244 00:10:08,465 --> 00:10:09,466 Yeah. 245 00:10:10,217 --> 00:10:11,927 Well, how long is she staying? 246 00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:13,929 Oh, not long. 247 00:10:14,012 --> 00:10:15,722 I know she can be tough to deal with. 248 00:10:15,806 --> 00:10:19,017 Sometimes she just calls me up and she's like, "Bitch, I love you." 249 00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:20,268 And then she just hangs up. 250 00:10:20,352 --> 00:10:22,521 - No other information. - Weird. 251 00:10:25,816 --> 00:10:27,877 But I don't know, I kind of like it when she calls me "bitch." 252 00:10:27,901 --> 00:10:29,611 It makes me feel like Janis Joplin. 253 00:10:30,028 --> 00:10:32,489 Fine, but does she have to stay with us? 254 00:10:34,241 --> 00:10:36,702 What? I'm sorry. What… What did you say? 255 00:10:36,785 --> 00:10:38,704 I'm saying stop trying to take care of everyone. 256 00:10:39,621 --> 00:10:40,789 - Oh, my God. - What? 257 00:10:40,872 --> 00:10:41,873 - What? - What? 258 00:10:41,957 --> 00:10:43,750 - Nothing. What? - What? 259 00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:46,294 What are you doing? 260 00:10:49,464 --> 00:10:52,068 I know she's your best friend, but… I didn't… I didn't mean to insult you. 261 00:10:52,092 --> 00:10:54,012 - Just, you don't have to take care of her… - No… 262 00:10:54,469 --> 00:10:55,595 Okay. 263 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:57,681 Yes. 264 00:10:57,764 --> 00:10:59,200 - What are you doing? - What are you doing? 265 00:10:59,224 --> 00:11:01,244 I'm sorry, I'm just checking… I just want to make sure… 266 00:11:01,268 --> 00:11:02,436 If I insulted you, I'm sorry. 267 00:11:02,519 --> 00:11:04,497 - But what are you doing right now? - Everything's in its place. 268 00:11:04,521 --> 00:11:05,814 - What does that mean? - Okay. 269 00:11:05,897 --> 00:11:08,066 I'm just walking like a friend. 270 00:11:08,150 --> 00:11:09,901 Okay, you know what, forget this. 271 00:11:09,985 --> 00:11:11,778 Let's get out of here. Last on the list… 272 00:11:11,862 --> 00:11:15,115 - Toilet paper. - Um, I don't use it. 273 00:11:15,824 --> 00:11:17,534 You don't use toilet paper? 274 00:11:19,828 --> 00:11:21,329 I mean… 275 00:11:21,413 --> 00:11:22,789 That's not what I meant. 276 00:11:22,873 --> 00:11:24,058 That's what your mother meant. 277 00:11:24,082 --> 00:11:25,876 What? Did my mother call? What did she say? 278 00:11:25,959 --> 00:11:29,880 No, Jess, I was… Jess, I was joking. 279 00:11:35,010 --> 00:11:36,511 Look at her. 280 00:11:37,012 --> 00:11:39,347 Go for it, man. You know, go do your thing. 281 00:11:39,431 --> 00:11:41,558 I don't like the roof, man. There's a cat up here. 282 00:11:41,641 --> 00:11:43,852 It's crazy. It was raised by birds. 283 00:11:43,935 --> 00:11:46,205 You mean to tell me you're going to let a cat stop you from all that? 284 00:11:46,229 --> 00:11:47,355 It's a bird-cat, man. 285 00:11:47,439 --> 00:11:49,250 It's very dangerous. Look it up. Double rabies. 286 00:11:49,274 --> 00:11:50,692 Right. You can't close. 287 00:11:54,946 --> 00:11:57,282 You just said the magic words, son. 288 00:11:58,033 --> 00:11:59,868 Baby, baby, don't cry. 289 00:11:59,951 --> 00:12:03,497 Look, I get it. I was the best lover you ever had. 290 00:12:03,580 --> 00:12:07,793 Yeah. A 90-minute session's pretty standard for me. 291 00:12:10,212 --> 00:12:11,797 It was god what? 292 00:12:12,255 --> 00:12:13,757 Oh, it was godlike. 293 00:12:14,508 --> 00:12:16,593 Very sweet of you to say. 294 00:12:18,678 --> 00:12:19,846 My bad. 295 00:12:20,138 --> 00:12:21,223 Pocket-dialed you. 296 00:12:21,473 --> 00:12:24,976 I got dropped calls, then Winston calls. It's crazy. 297 00:12:25,060 --> 00:12:27,437 Uh, the roof, you know what I mean? 298 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:31,626 Hey, look, if he's ever bothering you… 299 00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:34,111 - You both are. - Cool, that's cool. 300 00:12:40,117 --> 00:12:41,743 Okay, what's going on with you, Jess? 301 00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,412 - Why do you have to do that? - Do what? 302 00:12:43,495 --> 00:12:45,539 Why do you have to say my name like that? "Jess." 303 00:12:45,622 --> 00:12:47,850 And why do you have to wear old man clothes all the time? 304 00:12:47,874 --> 00:12:49,835 I don't wear old man clothes. 305 00:12:49,918 --> 00:12:51,962 - You don't like the way I dress? - No, I just… 306 00:12:52,045 --> 00:12:54,631 - Did I do something to you? - No, I just need air. 307 00:12:54,715 --> 00:12:55,716 Okay… 308 00:12:56,174 --> 00:12:57,342 Rose for the lady? 309 00:12:57,426 --> 00:12:58,611 - No, it's okay. - Okay, I'll buy you one. 310 00:12:58,635 --> 00:12:59,904 - What? No. No. - Or… Or two. They come as two? 311 00:12:59,928 --> 00:13:01,531 - I'll buy two. Great. Thank you. - No, no. 312 00:13:01,555 --> 00:13:02,740 What do you mean, "no"? Here, take some roses. 313 00:13:02,764 --> 00:13:04,599 You want 'em? It's $2. It's not a big deal. 314 00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,327 - I want them to go. No. - They're nice roses… 315 00:13:06,351 --> 00:13:08,687 Hey, what are you doing? Where are you going? 316 00:13:08,770 --> 00:13:10,188 Jess, it was a joke. 317 00:13:10,272 --> 00:13:11,898 What are you doing? Get back in the car. 318 00:13:13,150 --> 00:13:15,027 Where are you going? 319 00:13:19,823 --> 00:13:21,658 That's not the way home. 320 00:13:25,787 --> 00:13:28,040 Just working on a Saturday. 321 00:13:28,123 --> 00:13:30,333 You know, pulling in them ducats. It's crazy. 322 00:13:30,417 --> 00:13:32,270 It's like golden handcuffs, you know what I mean? 323 00:13:32,294 --> 00:13:34,588 It's like, on one hand I'm killing myself, 324 00:13:34,671 --> 00:13:36,965 and on the other hand, I'm making all this baller dough. 325 00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:38,175 Ow! 326 00:13:38,258 --> 00:13:40,177 Sunburn. 327 00:13:40,260 --> 00:13:42,929 I told you to take that oil off. 328 00:13:43,013 --> 00:13:44,765 It's cool, man. It's just a little color. 329 00:13:44,848 --> 00:13:46,892 In a couple days I'll be brown just like you, Cece. 330 00:13:48,643 --> 00:13:51,021 - Because… Because your culture is… - What is my culture? 331 00:13:51,313 --> 00:13:54,441 It's, um… You're… F… Uh… 332 00:13:54,858 --> 00:13:57,402 Um… J… Jaflan… 333 00:13:57,986 --> 00:13:59,363 Jafanese? 334 00:13:59,696 --> 00:14:01,281 Uh, Sa… Saudi… 335 00:14:01,365 --> 00:14:03,492 Saudiboo… Um… 336 00:14:04,868 --> 00:14:05,869 Monga… 337 00:14:05,952 --> 00:14:09,456 - My parents were born in India. - India. Totally. Love India. 338 00:14:09,539 --> 00:14:10,707 He really does. 339 00:14:10,791 --> 00:14:13,911 Hey, Schmidt, why don't you tell her about all the things you love about India? 340 00:14:16,797 --> 00:14:20,300 Uh, sure. I love, you know, uh… I love Slumdog. 341 00:14:20,842 --> 00:14:25,680 I love naan, uh, pepper, Ben Kingsley, the stories of Rudyard Kipling. 342 00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:28,016 I have respect for cows, of course. 343 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:34,147 I love, uh, the Taj Mahal, Deepak Chopra, anyone named Patel. 344 00:14:34,231 --> 00:14:36,149 I love monsoons. 345 00:14:36,233 --> 00:14:39,861 I love… I love cobras and baskets, Naveen Andrews. 346 00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:43,615 I love mango chutney. Uh, really, any type of chutney. 347 00:14:43,699 --> 00:14:45,301 - Teepees… - Hey, Schmidt, take a lap. Refresh. 348 00:14:45,325 --> 00:14:46,451 Yep. 349 00:14:49,996 --> 00:14:51,498 - That was pretty good. - I know. 350 00:14:51,581 --> 00:14:53,667 You're working a little too hard, though. Watch this. 351 00:14:53,750 --> 00:14:55,043 - Schmidt! - Yo. 352 00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,253 Go up to the roof. 353 00:14:56,336 --> 00:14:58,088 Yeah, I'm going to go up to the roof. 354 00:14:58,171 --> 00:15:01,007 - I'll be there in 10 minutes. - Cool. See you in, like, 10. 355 00:15:01,842 --> 00:15:03,593 - That was absolutely… - Make me a sandwich. 356 00:15:03,677 --> 00:15:04,761 Sandwich. 357 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:07,723 I walked home. 358 00:15:09,015 --> 00:15:11,309 I got out of the car and I walked home. 359 00:15:11,393 --> 00:15:12,519 Why, what happened? 360 00:15:12,602 --> 00:15:15,105 His feet were pointed directly at me the whole time. 361 00:15:15,188 --> 00:15:16,356 - Okay. - Did I do this? 362 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:20,152 Am I dressing too provocatively? Do I need to get thicker pajamas? 363 00:15:20,235 --> 00:15:22,696 Maybe it's my posture. I have really sexy posture. 364 00:15:22,779 --> 00:15:23,965 You know what, don't worry about it. 365 00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,407 - I will talk to him for you. - No! 366 00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:27,075 No, you won't. That would be the worst, 367 00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,553 most life-ruining thing you could possibly… 368 00:15:28,577 --> 00:15:30,370 - Hi, Nick. - Seriously, Jess, 369 00:15:30,454 --> 00:15:31,955 what the hell happened? 370 00:15:32,039 --> 00:15:34,225 I've been driving around for the last hour looking for you. 371 00:15:34,249 --> 00:15:36,477 Everything is okay, and we were hoping to get everything out 372 00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:37,919 on the table. 373 00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:40,088 The table which is not a table. It doesn't exist. 374 00:15:40,172 --> 00:15:41,631 Don't… Don't worry about the table. 375 00:15:41,715 --> 00:15:44,885 We were in the middle of traffic and you just got out and ran away. 376 00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:46,178 I was hot. 377 00:15:46,261 --> 00:15:49,222 You were so hot that you had to jump out of my car and run? 378 00:15:50,807 --> 00:15:51,993 Why are you standing like that? 379 00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:53,143 This is how I stand. 380 00:15:53,226 --> 00:15:54,620 I've never seen you stand like that. 381 00:15:54,644 --> 00:15:57,606 I was really worried something had happened to you, okay? 382 00:15:57,689 --> 00:15:59,569 And you can't just walk around this neighborhood 383 00:15:59,649 --> 00:16:03,153 with bags full of toilet paper, that you don't even use. 384 00:16:03,403 --> 00:16:04,446 What? 385 00:16:05,072 --> 00:16:06,512 I told him I don't use toilet paper. 386 00:16:07,699 --> 00:16:09,576 Okay, do you hear what he is saying to you? 387 00:16:09,659 --> 00:16:11,554 - Yes, I hear what he's saying. - He's trying to tell you 388 00:16:11,578 --> 00:16:13,306 - he cares about you. - No, he doesn't care about me. 389 00:16:13,330 --> 00:16:14,557 So I'm going to make this happen for you. 390 00:16:14,581 --> 00:16:16,476 - He cares about me as a friend. - This is so on, Jess. 391 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:18,877 - No, it is not. No, on it is not. - Oh. 392 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,962 - I'm trying to help you… - No. 393 00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:22,839 - No. - Okay, my face is my job. 394 00:16:22,923 --> 00:16:25,717 My face is my job. Okay… 395 00:16:27,469 --> 00:16:29,304 No! No! 396 00:16:29,721 --> 00:16:31,390 - My earring. - Okay. 397 00:16:32,015 --> 00:16:33,475 It is stuck in your hair. 398 00:16:33,558 --> 00:16:35,977 - Okay, can you get it out? - No. 399 00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:37,771 - Okay, we'll do it on the floor. - Ow… 400 00:16:37,854 --> 00:16:39,457 - We're going to get it on the floor. - Okay. 401 00:16:39,481 --> 00:16:41,000 - Ow. - It'll be okay. All right, here we go. 402 00:16:41,024 --> 00:16:42,025 What is wrong with you? 403 00:16:42,109 --> 00:16:43,503 - I'm trying to help you. - No, what is wrong with you? 404 00:16:43,527 --> 00:16:44,653 No. I don't need your help. 405 00:16:44,736 --> 00:16:46,296 You don't know. Nick and I are friends. 406 00:16:46,363 --> 00:16:48,865 You don't know, 'cause you don't have guy friends at all. 407 00:16:48,949 --> 00:16:50,742 You just hang out with jerks like Gavin. 408 00:16:50,826 --> 00:16:53,203 Oh, I'm sorry, DJ Diabeat It. 409 00:16:53,286 --> 00:16:56,164 - He has diabetes. - Oh, he does? Boo-hoo. 410 00:16:57,249 --> 00:16:59,584 I'm sorry. Is it really bad? I feel really bad. 411 00:16:59,668 --> 00:17:01,169 He's fine. He takes medication. 412 00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:04,047 Why do you just come in and you take over? 413 00:17:04,131 --> 00:17:06,341 It's like you're playing mind games with people. 414 00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:08,111 Don't put this on me, Jess, okay? I'm trying to help you. 415 00:17:08,135 --> 00:17:09,344 You never make a move… 416 00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:10,588 Well, I don't need your help. 417 00:17:10,637 --> 00:17:14,015 I like moving slow. I like being weird and taking my time. 418 00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,685 I'm not like you. I don't just jump in the potato sack 419 00:17:16,768 --> 00:17:19,896 with the first potato that I meet with diabetes. 420 00:17:19,980 --> 00:17:22,691 - Okay, what did you just say? - You heard me, bitch. 421 00:17:27,154 --> 00:17:28,864 Oh. 422 00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:30,699 - What is that? What? - Oh, no. 423 00:17:30,782 --> 00:17:33,368 - What did you do? What did you do? - Oh, no, no, no, no. 424 00:17:46,757 --> 00:17:49,176 Hey, Schmidt. How you doing? 425 00:17:49,801 --> 00:17:52,095 Can I sit with you on your cooler here? 426 00:17:52,179 --> 00:17:54,389 Yeah. Just chillin', hanging with the cat. 427 00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:56,141 Holla. 428 00:17:57,684 --> 00:17:59,227 I'm sorry that Cece did this to you. 429 00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:01,855 That's okay. I'm used to it. 430 00:18:02,397 --> 00:18:04,941 I guess I'll just always be the fat kid with the big dreams. 431 00:18:05,025 --> 00:18:06,276 It's not you. 432 00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,403 I love Cece, but she's not ready for you. 433 00:18:09,279 --> 00:18:10,572 You're a good guy, 434 00:18:10,655 --> 00:18:13,784 You know, if you ignore everything that you do on purpose 435 00:18:13,867 --> 00:18:16,578 and concentrate on all of the things that you do by accident. 436 00:18:17,829 --> 00:18:18,830 Thank you. 437 00:18:20,582 --> 00:18:21,833 She'd eat you up. 438 00:18:24,252 --> 00:18:25,754 You really think she'd eat me up? 439 00:18:25,837 --> 00:18:27,047 Yeah. 440 00:18:27,130 --> 00:18:28,548 Like buffet style? 441 00:18:29,091 --> 00:18:30,425 You know, all you can eat? 442 00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:32,469 'Cause I got that prime rib, yo. 443 00:18:33,387 --> 00:18:38,308 Carving station, plates are warm, sneeze guard, kids eat for free. 444 00:18:38,392 --> 00:18:41,395 I mean, except for the… Except for the last… 445 00:18:41,478 --> 00:18:44,106 All right, let's go. Let's go, Schmidt, okay? 446 00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:45,399 Okay. 447 00:18:49,986 --> 00:18:52,447 Hey, Cece. Um… 448 00:18:52,948 --> 00:18:57,369 Look, I get it. This isn't going to happen. 449 00:18:57,786 --> 00:19:00,122 But the couch is super uncomfortable, 450 00:19:00,789 --> 00:19:05,168 my sunburn's starting to blister, and I just want to sleep in my own bed. 451 00:19:05,585 --> 00:19:06,586 Okay. 452 00:19:25,021 --> 00:19:26,523 I'm sorry for everything. 453 00:19:28,608 --> 00:19:31,028 I can be a jerk, sometimes. 454 00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:40,495 I hate sleeping alone. 455 00:19:42,622 --> 00:19:43,874 Me, too. 456 00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:45,792 Sweet. 457 00:19:49,671 --> 00:19:51,548 Sch-weet… 458 00:19:51,631 --> 00:19:53,884 - Better when you don't talk. - Yeah. 459 00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:04,519 If you tell anyone we held hands, 460 00:20:04,603 --> 00:20:06,772 I have two people in my phone that will kill you. 461 00:20:07,522 --> 00:20:08,732 Literally. 462 00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,500 - Mmm… - Oh. 463 00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:43,934 Hey. 464 00:20:46,686 --> 00:20:50,524 I'm sorry I acted so weird today. Weird! 465 00:20:51,066 --> 00:20:52,150 It's okay. 466 00:21:08,041 --> 00:21:09,418 - Yo. - I did it, man. 467 00:21:09,501 --> 00:21:12,170 I'm holding her hand right now. She's in my bed, and she's asleep. 468 00:21:12,254 --> 00:21:15,257 Wait, so you're in… You're in the room right now? 469 00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:18,301 What is wrong with you? Hang up the phone. 470 00:21:18,385 --> 00:21:20,095 I did it. I closed. 471 00:21:20,512 --> 00:21:22,472 We could have this conversation at anytime. 472 00:21:22,556 --> 00:21:24,850 Shh. Please, shh. 473 00:21:26,184 --> 00:21:27,185 Okay, we're good. 474 00:21:27,269 --> 00:21:29,187 And just so we're clear, when I say "closing," 475 00:21:29,271 --> 00:21:30,581 this is not what I'm talking about. 476 00:21:30,605 --> 00:21:32,041 You're gonna have to define your terms. 477 00:21:32,065 --> 00:21:36,028 Because what I'm doing right now feels an awful lot like closing.