1 00:00:13,372 --> 00:00:15,374 - Meow. - Meow. 2 00:00:24,341 --> 00:00:26,677 Wait, wait. Are we really gonna do this? 3 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,929 - Yes. Yes! - Okay. 4 00:00:29,012 --> 00:00:32,557 Intercourse, intercourse. 5 00:00:32,641 --> 00:00:33,642 Intercourse. 6 00:00:33,725 --> 00:00:35,018 Intercourse. 7 00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:37,396 Sorry, that was weird. 8 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:38,939 No, no, no. It's okay. 9 00:00:39,022 --> 00:00:41,525 - I have to go to the loo. - Okay. 10 00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:45,112 Hey, tiger. 11 00:00:45,195 --> 00:00:47,030 You're having sex tonight. 12 00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,285 Don't give me that look, just do it. 13 00:00:54,830 --> 00:00:56,498 I'm sorry. 14 00:00:56,581 --> 00:00:57,624 No. 15 00:00:57,708 --> 00:00:59,418 You kidding? Don't worry about it. 16 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,044 It's fine. 17 00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:06,216 I just haven't had sex with anyone but Spencer in six years, 18 00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:07,676 and I get so nervous. 19 00:01:07,759 --> 00:01:11,221 It's like starting a new job with a really weird interview. 20 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,181 Don't worry about it. I'm good. 21 00:01:13,265 --> 00:01:14,599 I'm more than good. 22 00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:15,892 It's okay. 23 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,145 You know what? Tomorrow night. 24 00:01:18,228 --> 00:01:21,023 Let's just go out to dinner and then just nail each other. 25 00:01:21,106 --> 00:01:22,441 Just pound each other. 26 00:01:22,524 --> 00:01:25,193 V-bomb on the P-bomb. 27 00:01:25,277 --> 00:01:28,655 I would have the…P-bomb, right? 28 00:01:29,072 --> 00:01:30,282 Who's that girl? 29 00:01:30,365 --> 00:01:31,742 Who's that girl? 30 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,201 Who's that girl? 31 00:01:33,285 --> 00:01:35,078 - Who's that girl? - It's Jess! 32 00:01:36,788 --> 00:01:38,582 Yes, I'm confirming the appointment. 33 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,250 I made the damn appointment. 34 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:41,585 That's what… Why wouldn't… 35 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,545 Yeah, okay. Appointment confirmed. 36 00:01:43,628 --> 00:01:45,630 Thank you. Thank you very much. 37 00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:47,758 Yeah, there's not a chance I'm going. 38 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,068 Can you not do this to yourself? 39 00:01:49,092 --> 00:01:50,486 Look at your hair, you look ridiculous. 40 00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:51,654 What am I supposed to talk about for an hour? 41 00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:54,056 - It's a haircut. - No, you're trapped. 42 00:01:54,139 --> 00:01:57,201 You can't move, and they're standing behind you with their hands in your hair, 43 00:01:57,225 --> 00:01:59,353 and they expect you to talk back. 44 00:01:59,895 --> 00:02:02,064 Oh, yeah, it's your baby. 45 00:02:02,439 --> 00:02:03,565 It's cute. 46 00:02:04,149 --> 00:02:05,859 Yeah, your baby's cute. 47 00:02:06,777 --> 00:02:08,737 Okay, I tell you what, man, just come to my place. 48 00:02:08,820 --> 00:02:11,031 No, I'm not going to a black barbershop, Winston. 49 00:02:11,114 --> 00:02:13,784 I've seen the movies. I know how fast they talk. 50 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:16,244 I don't need to seem any less cool than I already do. 51 00:02:16,328 --> 00:02:17,871 - Want to go to my salon? - Hey, guys. 52 00:02:17,954 --> 00:02:19,873 - Hey. - So, um… 53 00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:21,750 Heads up, Paul's coming tonight. 54 00:02:22,125 --> 00:02:25,587 And I just wanted to tell you that I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. 55 00:02:25,671 --> 00:02:28,548 I'm gonna be searching for some syrups. 56 00:02:28,632 --> 00:02:29,901 I'm gonna be having sex with him. 57 00:02:29,925 --> 00:02:30,985 - All right. - All right, hey! 58 00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:32,177 Why are you telling us this? 59 00:02:32,260 --> 00:02:33,821 'Cause I want to. I want to give you a heads up. 60 00:02:33,845 --> 00:02:35,347 You nervous? You need tips? 61 00:02:35,430 --> 00:02:37,224 No, I'm not nervous. 62 00:02:37,307 --> 00:02:39,184 Just, you know, I can drive stick. 63 00:02:39,267 --> 00:02:40,769 Yeah, 'cause it seems like 64 00:02:40,852 --> 00:02:43,689 you're freaking out a little bit. With this whole activity. 65 00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:45,172 That's not stick, that's automatic. 66 00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:46,608 That's not automatic. 67 00:02:48,485 --> 00:02:50,487 Another bathroom break, Schmidt? 68 00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,090 You know, I've been timing you all day. 69 00:02:52,114 --> 00:02:53,865 Seven minutes and 23 seconds. 70 00:02:53,949 --> 00:02:55,492 I wonder what was going on in there. 71 00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:57,536 Hmm? You pooped. 72 00:02:57,619 --> 00:02:59,246 Can you stop timing me, please? 73 00:02:59,329 --> 00:03:01,224 - It's ridiculous that you do that. - I will break you. 74 00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:04,084 Hey, Lisa! You were on fire last night, girl! 75 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,502 I'm taking her job. 76 00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:06,795 What did you do last night? 77 00:03:06,878 --> 00:03:09,589 Everyone from the office went to Jill's bachelorette party. 78 00:03:09,673 --> 00:03:11,049 Why don't I get invited places? 79 00:03:11,133 --> 00:03:12,893 Is it because I'm the only man in the office? 80 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,387 - "Man." That's adorable. - How is it… 81 00:03:15,470 --> 00:03:17,347 - You know, Sarah got promoted. - Sarah? 82 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:18,807 With the… With the gums? 83 00:03:18,890 --> 00:03:20,058 - Yeah. - So she's out of the… 84 00:03:20,142 --> 00:03:22,019 That corner cubicle is free. 85 00:03:25,564 --> 00:03:27,149 So much kick-back space. 86 00:03:27,232 --> 00:03:33,155 And, you know, Gina personally invited me to her baby shower tonight. 87 00:03:33,238 --> 00:03:36,908 So that corner cubicle, that's all mine. 88 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:41,163 You like a Bond villain? You just told me your whole plan. 89 00:03:47,502 --> 00:03:50,172 Mr. Darcy's going to love my new bonnet. 90 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,424 Why are we here? 91 00:03:52,507 --> 00:03:55,552 You don't understand. You've never been cheated on before. 92 00:03:55,635 --> 00:04:01,850 Spencer and I never tried anything new, and maybe if I'd been…more erotic… 93 00:04:01,933 --> 00:04:04,686 Spencer cheated on you because he's a total jerk, 94 00:04:04,770 --> 00:04:07,397 - not 'cause you're bad in bed. - It's been six years. 95 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,524 Everything I know about sex, I learned from Spencer 96 00:04:09,608 --> 00:04:11,193 or the Clinton impeachment trials. 97 00:04:11,443 --> 00:04:15,030 He used a cigar as a sexual aid with her in the Oval Office area… 98 00:04:15,113 --> 00:04:16,406 - Jess! - Mom? 99 00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:19,493 I'm not listening to NPR. 100 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:22,162 No. No whistle. 101 00:04:22,245 --> 00:04:24,122 It's terrible! 102 00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:27,542 Uh, excusez-moi. 103 00:04:27,959 --> 00:04:29,544 Can I try this on, please? 104 00:04:29,628 --> 00:04:31,228 Oh, the starfish. You can't try that on. 105 00:04:31,296 --> 00:04:32,297 Health code. 106 00:04:32,964 --> 00:04:34,257 I'll take it! 107 00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:35,342 Ha! 108 00:04:36,593 --> 00:04:42,599 I hope Paul's packing some coral polyps, 'cause this starfish is hungry. 109 00:04:43,809 --> 00:04:45,268 Starfish eat coral polyps. 110 00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:46,603 Just pay, Jess. 111 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:49,106 So, today I'm gonna show you how to cut your own hair. 112 00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,732 Uh, I consider myself… 113 00:04:50,816 --> 00:04:52,919 Oh, whoa! Whoa, whoa! What the hell are you doing, Nick? 114 00:04:52,943 --> 00:04:55,028 It's a haircut! Human interaction. 115 00:04:55,112 --> 00:04:57,447 You're a bartender, you talk to strangers every single day. 116 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,700 I don't like when they touch my head, Winston. 117 00:04:59,783 --> 00:05:00,867 I don't like it. 118 00:05:01,493 --> 00:05:02,953 Go to the damn salon! 119 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,454 No, it's fine, okay? 120 00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,039 I'm learning how to do it myself. 121 00:05:06,123 --> 00:05:07,416 I'm learning from this video. 122 00:05:10,127 --> 00:05:11,628 - Oh! - Oh, my God, man! 123 00:05:14,798 --> 00:05:16,425 I was wondering why it had so many views. 124 00:05:16,508 --> 00:05:17,509 Let's watch it again. 125 00:05:18,093 --> 00:05:19,094 Hey. 126 00:05:19,177 --> 00:05:20,178 What? 127 00:05:20,262 --> 00:05:22,097 You know, Gina, I was just walking by 128 00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:26,309 and, I mean, I was literally pulled in here by the glow. 129 00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:28,663 - What do you want, Schmidt? - I was just working my tail off 130 00:05:28,687 --> 00:05:31,314 at my cubicle, which, between you and me, is surrounded 131 00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:33,191 by a couple of chatty Cathys. 132 00:05:33,275 --> 00:05:34,544 I mean, that's really their names. 133 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:35,608 It's Cathy S. And Cathy G. 134 00:05:35,652 --> 00:05:37,988 Anyway, they won't shut up about a baby shower tonight 135 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,907 for a certain VP VP. 136 00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:44,745 "Very pregnant vice presidente." 137 00:05:44,828 --> 00:05:46,747 You're the worst. Seriously, the worst. 138 00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:47,831 Get out. 139 00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:50,125 Gina, honestly, it would mean so much to me 140 00:05:50,208 --> 00:05:52,294 if you would just let me come to your baby shower. 141 00:05:52,377 --> 00:05:54,254 Okay, fine. Come to my baby shower. 142 00:05:54,338 --> 00:05:56,256 - I can come? So I'm invited? - Yeah. 143 00:05:56,340 --> 00:05:58,234 - Yeah, you're invited. - All right. I saw your registry. 144 00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,069 I'm gonna get you one of those portable baby pumps. 145 00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,846 You're just out there in every day life, but you're pumping yourself 146 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,574 at the same time, you know. Just milking away. 147 00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:05,640 Just… 148 00:06:05,724 --> 00:06:06,964 - Get out. - Okay, I'm gonna go. 149 00:06:09,895 --> 00:06:11,080 Why don't we meet here at 8:00? 150 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:12,272 Great. Okay. 151 00:06:12,356 --> 00:06:13,648 Uh, where's the place? 152 00:06:13,732 --> 00:06:16,360 Um, I think it's in Koreatown. 153 00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:17,486 Let me check. 154 00:06:17,569 --> 00:06:19,196 Ooh, exotic. 155 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,532 Let me see here. 156 00:06:25,243 --> 00:06:26,411 Jess? 157 00:06:26,912 --> 00:06:27,954 What? 158 00:06:28,038 --> 00:06:29,456 Oh, um… 159 00:06:30,248 --> 00:06:31,708 Sorry, uh… 160 00:06:32,042 --> 00:06:33,168 Can I call you back? 161 00:06:33,251 --> 00:06:34,294 Yeah. 162 00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:40,050 Hey, Schmidt! 163 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,843 Can I borrow your computer? 164 00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:45,889 Nick? Winston? 165 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,232 What? 166 00:06:58,860 --> 00:06:59,987 What? 167 00:07:04,574 --> 00:07:05,826 Hey, do you have my comput… 168 00:07:05,909 --> 00:07:07,577 Oh, my computer. 169 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,261 - I have your computer. - I can see that. 170 00:07:09,287 --> 00:07:11,456 Hey, I got to cram for this baby shower. 171 00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:13,166 Can I… Can I have it back? 172 00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:15,127 I've been watching porn. 173 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,504 You… 174 00:07:17,587 --> 00:07:19,631 I found your red folder. 175 00:07:19,715 --> 00:07:21,526 How… How long you been doing that for? Are you okay? 176 00:07:21,550 --> 00:07:23,552 Five and a half hours. 177 00:07:25,429 --> 00:07:27,222 Wow. 178 00:07:27,305 --> 00:07:29,516 You went deep, Jess. Real deep. 179 00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:31,643 Help me, guys. I have 15 minutes. 180 00:07:31,727 --> 00:07:33,437 Teach me how to be good at sex. 181 00:07:36,982 --> 00:07:39,901 I just… I have to go on this date right now and I can't do it. 182 00:07:39,985 --> 00:07:42,446 I'm freaking out, okay? 183 00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,656 I need all of you to sit in front of me 184 00:07:44,740 --> 00:07:46,825 and tell me what guys like in bed, right now. 185 00:07:47,743 --> 00:07:49,286 - What do you want to know? - Okay. 186 00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:51,788 Um, when you're… 187 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,123 If you're in the… 188 00:07:53,582 --> 00:07:55,375 If you're holding the… 189 00:07:55,834 --> 00:07:57,461 Start over. Um… 190 00:07:58,670 --> 00:08:00,881 When you reach… 191 00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:04,551 Completion… 192 00:08:04,634 --> 00:08:06,053 - Yeah, that was it. - Completion? 193 00:08:06,136 --> 00:08:07,322 - No! No, wait. - I can't do this, Jess. 194 00:08:07,346 --> 00:08:08,347 Come on. Come back here. 195 00:08:08,430 --> 00:08:10,807 Jess, guys want to be whisked away. 196 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,369 - They want to be enchanted. - Just take your clothes off, Jess. 197 00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:16,563 Do you think that Paul watches stuff like that? 198 00:08:16,646 --> 00:08:17,939 All the time. For sure. 199 00:08:18,023 --> 00:08:20,275 - Probably watching it right now. - Really? Okay. 200 00:08:20,359 --> 00:08:24,029 I put this on mute, because this girl's… Like, pretty loud. 201 00:08:24,112 --> 00:08:27,157 And, um, my main thing that I took away was, 202 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,535 gosh, that young lady can really multitask. 203 00:08:30,619 --> 00:08:31,721 - Super normal… - She's a pro. 204 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,806 - …what she's doing. - I don't know if every girl's like that, 205 00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:35,150 - but she's a pro. - Was wondering 206 00:08:35,207 --> 00:08:36,458 if there are any trendy moves. 207 00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:39,670 'Cause I've been doing the same four for the last six years, like… 208 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:45,008 - Uh, and you know, like, uh… Ugh. 209 00:08:45,717 --> 00:08:47,761 That one. And I don't know. 210 00:08:47,844 --> 00:08:51,431 Do you think that Paul would be into, like, something like that? 211 00:08:51,515 --> 00:08:53,558 What, a little light choking? 212 00:08:53,642 --> 00:08:55,769 I'm gonna bet Paul is into some pretty dark stuff. 213 00:08:55,852 --> 00:08:57,896 - Light choking, really? - No one's doing that. 214 00:08:57,979 --> 00:08:59,916 You know what, Nick, maybe you're hooking up with the wrong kind of girl. 215 00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:02,140 Apparently, I'm hooking up with the right girl, Schmidt, 216 00:09:02,192 --> 00:09:03,294 because they don't choke me. 217 00:09:03,318 --> 00:09:05,153 Nick is a meat and potatoes kind of guy. 218 00:09:05,237 --> 00:09:06,965 - Winston and I… - Don't want to be a part of this. 219 00:09:06,989 --> 00:09:08,257 - …we're sushi. - So you guys really think 220 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,342 you're better at sex than me. 221 00:09:09,366 --> 00:09:10,367 - Yeah. - Absolutely. 222 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,553 What did you do after you lost your virginity? What did you say to me? 223 00:09:12,577 --> 00:09:14,389 Don't say that right now. You're taking it out of context. 224 00:09:14,413 --> 00:09:17,016 He said, "Winston, is it okay that I didn't get my pants all the way off?" 225 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,601 That's a true story. That really happened. 226 00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:22,462 I was 16 years old. And I've gotten a lot better. 227 00:09:22,546 --> 00:09:23,773 You haven't gotten that much better. 228 00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:26,341 I used to listen to you and Caroline all the time in college. 229 00:09:26,425 --> 00:09:27,819 It was like listening to a rescue crew 230 00:09:27,843 --> 00:09:30,887 trying to communicate with a… With a stranded miner. 231 00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,389 "Are you okay?" 232 00:09:33,056 --> 00:09:35,726 "Yeah. Are you okay?" 233 00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:37,144 "Yeah." 234 00:09:37,227 --> 00:09:39,664 Hey, guys, I don't have much time. Can we get this back on track? 235 00:09:39,688 --> 00:09:40,856 I need to know what to do. 236 00:09:40,939 --> 00:09:43,316 Would flicking be, like, a cool thing? 237 00:09:44,443 --> 00:09:45,485 No. 238 00:09:45,777 --> 00:09:47,195 - No! - Absolutely not. 239 00:09:47,279 --> 00:09:48,999 How about role play? Do you know any voices? 240 00:09:49,031 --> 00:09:51,908 Yes. I can do an old-timey newscaster, like, 241 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,619 "Hey there, son, I'm gonna kick you into next Tuesday, see?" 242 00:09:54,703 --> 00:09:56,997 You're telling me, for the last 15 years, 243 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,361 you've been thinking I'm bad at sex? I'm fantastic at sex. 244 00:09:59,416 --> 00:10:01,209 Dude, you're scared to get a haircut. 245 00:10:01,293 --> 00:10:02,979 Yeah, I don't like getting a haircut! It's too intimate. 246 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,148 - What does that have to do with sex? - Okay, Jess, here's what you're gonna do. 247 00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:07,442 You got a question, just come to me because I'm obviously the best. 248 00:10:07,466 --> 00:10:09,134 No, you're not the best. 249 00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:12,179 Jess, who do you think, of the three of us, is the best at sex? 250 00:10:12,262 --> 00:10:13,305 Yes. 251 00:10:13,388 --> 00:10:14,723 And take emotion out of it. 252 00:10:14,806 --> 00:10:16,868 - No one's feelings are gonna get hurt. - Go with your gut. 253 00:10:16,892 --> 00:10:18,769 Especially, you know, Nick and Winston's. 254 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,062 No, I'm not doing this. 255 00:10:20,145 --> 00:10:21,425 - Say a name. - Go with your gut. 256 00:10:23,065 --> 00:10:24,358 Oh. Oh! 257 00:10:24,441 --> 00:10:26,735 Hey! Paul! Hey, Paul. 258 00:10:29,154 --> 00:10:30,530 - Hey. - Hey. 259 00:10:31,490 --> 00:10:32,574 Hey, goose. 260 00:10:33,158 --> 00:10:34,576 Hey, goose. 261 00:10:37,079 --> 00:10:38,914 I'm gonna go get ready in my room. 262 00:10:38,997 --> 00:10:39,998 - Okay. - I'll be back. 263 00:10:40,082 --> 00:10:41,875 - I'll just hang out with the guys. - Cool. 264 00:10:42,459 --> 00:10:44,419 - Hey, guys. What's up? - What's up? 265 00:10:44,503 --> 00:10:46,397 - What's up, Paul? - Oh, you're looking at me like, "what?" 266 00:10:46,421 --> 00:10:47,547 I should… I should tell you. 267 00:10:47,631 --> 00:10:50,092 Um, "Goose" is short for "me gusta Jess." 268 00:10:50,175 --> 00:10:51,968 - Of course. - Come here, sit down, man. 269 00:11:12,155 --> 00:11:13,156 Thank you. 270 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,867 I am so tired of people being so careful with me. 271 00:11:15,951 --> 00:11:18,078 It's like, I am 40 and I am pregnant. 272 00:11:18,161 --> 00:11:20,706 I am not made out of crackers. 273 00:11:21,707 --> 00:11:24,042 Hey, ladies. What are you guys talking about? 274 00:11:24,126 --> 00:11:25,752 - Afterbirth. - Afterbirth. 275 00:11:25,836 --> 00:11:29,506 That's like the… The party you guys have after…you have the baby… 276 00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:30,629 - Sort of. - You know, I'd… 277 00:11:30,674 --> 00:11:31,859 I'd like to be invited to that. 278 00:11:31,883 --> 00:11:32,968 You know what they say, 279 00:11:33,051 --> 00:11:35,697 "An afterbirth ain't an afterbirth without some Schmidt up in there." 280 00:11:35,721 --> 00:11:38,116 - Schmidt? Come here. - I'm gonna talk to you in a little bit. 281 00:11:38,140 --> 00:11:39,701 - What are you doing? - I'm rocking this party, Beth. 282 00:11:39,725 --> 00:11:40,892 Watch this. 283 00:11:45,147 --> 00:11:47,107 Hi. How's everybody doing? 284 00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:49,985 You know, I just… I just wanted to take a moment to… 285 00:11:50,068 --> 00:11:54,781 Well, to say how honored I am to celebrate the journey of Bogart 286 00:11:54,865 --> 00:11:57,409 through Gina, and out and into the light. 287 00:11:57,492 --> 00:11:59,161 Here's to elective C-sections! 288 00:12:03,707 --> 00:12:04,833 Mmm. 289 00:12:05,334 --> 00:12:07,169 Just face it, baby. 290 00:12:07,252 --> 00:12:08,962 You don't know the first thing about women. 291 00:12:09,046 --> 00:12:10,422 Ah, you're the best, Beth. 292 00:12:10,505 --> 00:12:13,884 I don't know if you know this about me, but I was in two frats in college. 293 00:12:15,010 --> 00:12:16,219 Want to know why? 294 00:12:16,595 --> 00:12:18,013 'Cause I just couldn't decide. 295 00:12:18,263 --> 00:12:21,224 Hey, ladies! Let's get this party started! 296 00:12:25,562 --> 00:12:27,272 We're all getting drunk tonight! 297 00:12:27,356 --> 00:12:30,359 Except for you, Gina. Horribly irresponsible. 298 00:12:37,658 --> 00:12:39,660 So, I'm looking forward to having sex tonight. 299 00:12:39,743 --> 00:12:41,495 Yeah. Me, too. 300 00:12:41,578 --> 00:12:43,413 Sex is the bomb. 301 00:12:44,539 --> 00:12:47,668 Sorry. That sounded like a guy from Entourage. 302 00:12:47,876 --> 00:12:49,169 Do you like porn? 303 00:12:50,962 --> 00:12:52,214 No. Do you? 304 00:12:54,216 --> 00:12:55,509 Yeah, I mean, I… Yeah. 305 00:12:55,592 --> 00:12:57,761 I do… I do like pornos. 306 00:12:57,844 --> 00:13:01,431 Yeah, you know, when my imagination isn't really working… 307 00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:05,310 Or I've exhausted, uh, the bull pen. 308 00:13:05,394 --> 00:13:06,978 I just find it very erotic. 309 00:13:07,062 --> 00:13:09,147 And then I just love, like… 310 00:13:10,107 --> 00:13:12,693 Everything that's erotic. 311 00:13:19,616 --> 00:13:21,284 Yeah, party! 312 00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:23,829 Party, yeah! Yeah, Gina! Yeah! 313 00:13:23,912 --> 00:13:25,872 Baby wants his bottle! Yeah! 314 00:13:25,956 --> 00:13:27,874 Party! 315 00:13:36,675 --> 00:13:38,385 Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt! 316 00:13:38,468 --> 00:13:42,264 Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt! 317 00:13:45,350 --> 00:13:47,185 A-ha! Yeah! 318 00:13:47,269 --> 00:13:49,688 This is so weird! 319 00:13:49,771 --> 00:13:50,772 I love it! 320 00:14:02,784 --> 00:14:05,078 I'm having a baby! 321 00:14:05,537 --> 00:14:08,248 She's having a baby! 322 00:14:12,669 --> 00:14:13,670 Yeah! 323 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,802 …the things people say sometimes, I… I don't really… 324 00:14:21,470 --> 00:14:24,473 Write it, but I think somebody… Are we going to do this? 325 00:14:24,848 --> 00:14:27,059 - Yeah. Definitely. - Sit down. 326 00:14:28,060 --> 00:14:29,186 Okay. 327 00:14:32,481 --> 00:14:34,066 Whoa. Wow. 328 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,943 You are hot, hot, hot. 329 00:14:37,027 --> 00:14:38,153 Thank you. 330 00:14:38,236 --> 00:14:40,072 Hello, weather service? Oh! 331 00:14:40,155 --> 00:14:43,950 There's a heat wave from Portsmouth to Port, Kansas! 332 00:14:44,034 --> 00:14:46,411 I don't know, I don't… What is happening. 333 00:14:46,495 --> 00:14:47,871 We're talking dirty, slim. 334 00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:49,956 Oh, okay. You want me to do… You're doing a voice. 335 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,167 - You want me to do a voice? - Okay, um… 336 00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:56,463 Well, I'm so happy to be here! 337 00:14:56,546 --> 00:14:57,547 Jimmy Stewart? 338 00:14:58,632 --> 00:15:01,593 You look ravishing in your… 339 00:15:01,677 --> 00:15:02,678 Netting… 340 00:15:02,761 --> 00:15:04,262 - Thank you very much. - Contraption. 341 00:15:04,346 --> 00:15:06,556 Now, why don't you let me see your little caboose? 342 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,266 Okay, here. Let me go ahead and… 343 00:15:08,350 --> 00:15:09,685 - Your caboose. - Oh, okay. 344 00:15:09,768 --> 00:15:11,687 - Your butt. - Oh, my butt! Okay. 345 00:15:11,770 --> 00:15:13,146 Here's my caboose! 346 00:15:13,730 --> 00:15:15,982 Oh, happy birthday, me! 347 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,360 - I… Oh. - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 348 00:15:18,443 --> 00:15:20,862 - I'm so sorry. Is that okay? - No, it was great. 349 00:15:20,946 --> 00:15:23,615 It felt so good, and sensual. 350 00:15:23,699 --> 00:15:25,367 - Hey! - You want me to wiggle it around? 351 00:15:25,450 --> 00:15:28,787 How about you help me get a little more comfortable? 352 00:15:28,870 --> 00:15:31,164 Oh. Oh, all right, dear. 353 00:15:31,248 --> 00:15:33,559 - Okay, I just don't know where to… - I'm going to try something different. 354 00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:35,127 Oh. Okay, great. 355 00:15:35,210 --> 00:15:36,837 Young man! 356 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:40,007 Young man, the things I'm gonna do to you! 357 00:15:40,090 --> 00:15:44,428 - Well, I… I can't wait to… - Young man, don't take all day. 358 00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:48,056 Well, I… I understand, ma'am, but you're wearing chain mail here. 359 00:15:48,140 --> 00:15:49,516 I am not getting any younger. 360 00:15:49,599 --> 00:15:51,560 It's like an erotic rope course. 361 00:15:51,643 --> 00:15:54,021 Okay, I… Let me try up here. 362 00:15:54,104 --> 00:15:56,690 - I think it's… - I can't do the voice 363 00:15:56,773 --> 00:15:58,418 - and get this off at the same time… - Okay. 364 00:15:58,442 --> 00:16:00,861 - Oh. Is that… Are you okay? - Yes. 365 00:16:00,944 --> 00:16:02,571 Wow, this is a… 366 00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:06,366 I'm gonna split you like a log! 367 00:16:06,450 --> 00:16:07,826 Okay… 368 00:16:07,909 --> 00:16:09,549 What are you… Wait, hold on. What is that? 369 00:16:10,912 --> 00:16:12,331 It's a lumberjack. 370 00:16:12,414 --> 00:16:13,540 Hold on one second. 371 00:16:13,623 --> 00:16:15,125 Can… Can we just…start over, 372 00:16:15,250 --> 00:16:17,169 and just kind of go back to basics for a minute? 373 00:16:17,252 --> 00:16:18,503 Just you and me. 374 00:16:19,254 --> 00:16:20,255 - Okay. - Okay. 375 00:16:20,339 --> 00:16:22,716 Just our regular voices. 376 00:16:22,799 --> 00:16:23,925 All right. 377 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,484 See? So nice. 378 00:16:41,777 --> 00:16:43,612 So nice… 379 00:16:46,615 --> 00:16:47,616 Ah, you're hurting me. 380 00:16:47,699 --> 00:16:49,409 Oh, my God! 381 00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:51,203 Oh, God. 382 00:16:51,662 --> 00:16:53,306 - Are you okay? - Oh, yeah, I'm good! I'm good! 383 00:16:53,330 --> 00:16:54,915 Let me get you some water. 384 00:16:54,998 --> 00:16:56,434 Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna get some water at home. 385 00:16:56,458 --> 00:16:59,252 - I… I have good water at home. - No, no, no, I have water here. 386 00:16:59,336 --> 00:17:01,546 I have a filter, it's a special ionized filter… 387 00:17:01,630 --> 00:17:02,839 I got at home. 388 00:17:09,554 --> 00:17:11,890 Oh, I'm so glad you convinced me to go to your barbershop. 389 00:17:11,973 --> 00:17:15,435 Wow, man. I… It actually looks really good. 390 00:17:15,519 --> 00:17:17,521 Right? I look good. 391 00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:19,885 And I loved it in there. You think they liked me in there? 392 00:17:19,940 --> 00:17:21,376 I think they loved you in there, man. 393 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,818 Okay, good. 394 00:17:22,901 --> 00:17:25,278 - How'd it go? - Is he still in there, Jess? 395 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:29,658 There's no more tea. 396 00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:31,827 I forgot to buy tea. 397 00:17:44,881 --> 00:17:45,882 Hello. 398 00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:53,640 Where's… Where's the door? 399 00:17:56,768 --> 00:17:57,769 Hey. 400 00:17:57,853 --> 00:17:59,521 What's up, Jess? 401 00:18:00,814 --> 00:18:02,566 You okay, Jess? 402 00:18:03,066 --> 00:18:04,276 I messed up. 403 00:18:04,943 --> 00:18:06,862 He ran away. He got scared. 404 00:18:06,945 --> 00:18:08,488 Why would he be scared? 405 00:18:08,572 --> 00:18:10,449 Because I choked him. 406 00:18:10,532 --> 00:18:12,409 I lightly choked him. 407 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,161 Wow. 408 00:18:14,244 --> 00:18:16,330 That's what happens when you listen to Schmidt. 409 00:18:16,413 --> 00:18:17,956 It's just… When I was with Spencer, 410 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,976 I just didn't even think about this stuff, you know? 411 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,918 - I just did it. - Okay. 412 00:18:23,211 --> 00:18:24,671 Here's the thing. 413 00:18:25,005 --> 00:18:26,715 You gotta stop thinking about it. 414 00:18:26,798 --> 00:18:28,425 Just relax, and be yourself. 415 00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:29,676 You're awesome. 416 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,011 What do you think, Winston? 417 00:18:31,094 --> 00:18:33,013 Why are you asking Winston? 418 00:18:33,096 --> 00:18:34,806 Because, Nick, look at your hair. 419 00:18:34,890 --> 00:18:36,743 You really don't look like someone who's good at sex. 420 00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,477 I can't believe you just said that. 421 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,330 Here's what you do. You're gonna stop worrying about it. 422 00:18:40,354 --> 00:18:42,939 - Completely. - Yeah. That's really good. 423 00:18:43,023 --> 00:18:44,608 That's literally what I just said. 424 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,091 What are you worried about, anyway? 425 00:18:46,151 --> 00:18:48,070 Paul doesn't care what you do. 426 00:18:48,153 --> 00:18:49,988 I've seen the way that boy looks at you. 427 00:18:50,072 --> 00:18:51,823 And he is crazy about you. 428 00:18:51,907 --> 00:18:53,075 - I agree, I… - Shh. 429 00:18:53,158 --> 00:18:55,243 I'm trying to listen to Winston. 430 00:18:59,373 --> 00:19:00,499 - Oh, hi! - Hi. 431 00:19:00,582 --> 00:19:02,084 - Paul. - Hey, Winston. 432 00:19:02,167 --> 00:19:03,502 Can I talk to you for a minute? 433 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,087 Yeah. 434 00:19:05,462 --> 00:19:07,464 We'll… Step into my office. 435 00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:09,466 - Okay. Hey, Nick. - Okay. 436 00:19:12,511 --> 00:19:13,595 Um… 437 00:19:14,846 --> 00:19:16,098 - Hi. - Hi. 438 00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:21,603 - So, last night was, um… - No, I'm so sorry. 439 00:19:21,687 --> 00:19:23,855 - No, no, don't, please… - Unacceptable. 440 00:19:23,939 --> 00:19:25,379 I'm really intimidated by you, Jess. 441 00:19:25,857 --> 00:19:28,944 You're so experienced, and I've never done any of that stuff, 442 00:19:29,027 --> 00:19:31,947 that S & M style… Bondage stuff. 443 00:19:32,030 --> 00:19:34,366 It scares me a little, but I… 444 00:19:34,449 --> 00:19:36,576 Want to do it, because I know that you're into it. 445 00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:39,830 Just please be gentle with me at first, okay? 446 00:19:40,706 --> 00:19:41,999 I really like you. 447 00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:43,792 Really? 448 00:19:44,209 --> 00:19:45,460 Yeah, I do. 449 00:19:45,794 --> 00:19:47,838 And nothing else matters. 450 00:19:49,798 --> 00:19:50,882 Except, just, uh… 451 00:19:50,966 --> 00:19:53,844 No fire, and no handcuffs, please. Please, please, please. 452 00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:56,179 Okay? And I'm allergic to felt. 453 00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:57,806 And most polyurethanes. 454 00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,392 Okay, well, that's it. 455 00:20:03,228 --> 00:20:04,831 And no bugs, too. I don't know if that was… 456 00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:07,441 Paul. Wait. Um… 457 00:20:10,569 --> 00:20:12,404 Last night was kind of a… 458 00:20:12,487 --> 00:20:14,072 Low point for me. I mean… 459 00:20:15,157 --> 00:20:16,908 I'm not really into that stuff. I just… 460 00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:20,912 I thought that whatever I used to do wouldn't be good enough, 461 00:20:20,996 --> 00:20:23,707 or sexy enough, or advanced enough, 462 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,393 - and that's why I did that… - Oh, no! Oh! 463 00:20:25,417 --> 00:20:26,710 - Sorry. - No. No, it's okay. 464 00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:28,211 It just surprised me a little bit. 465 00:20:28,587 --> 00:20:29,963 I just… 466 00:20:30,505 --> 00:20:32,049 I like you. 467 00:20:35,594 --> 00:20:37,054 Well, good. 468 00:20:38,513 --> 00:20:40,182 I'll walk you down. 469 00:20:40,515 --> 00:20:41,641 Okay. 470 00:20:48,148 --> 00:20:51,193 - Oh! Um, the new trombones came in… - Paul… 471 00:21:19,596 --> 00:21:21,598 You know that doesn't speed it up when you do that. 472 00:21:21,682 --> 00:21:22,683 I know, I know. 473 00:21:26,144 --> 00:21:28,206 We're about to go see a movie. You guys want to come? 474 00:21:28,230 --> 00:21:29,272 Sure. 475 00:21:30,899 --> 00:21:33,151 Hey, Jess? Is that your shoe? 476 00:21:37,447 --> 00:21:39,616 Boy, your haircut look like a high-rise. 477 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,079 Where the penthouse at? 478 00:21:44,413 --> 00:21:46,373 Hey, old man, what, did you steal those pants 479 00:21:46,456 --> 00:21:48,125 off of Danny Glover's grandfather? 480 00:21:53,338 --> 00:21:56,133 I am Danny Glover's grandfather. 481 00:21:57,551 --> 00:21:58,760 I'm a big fan of his work. 482 00:21:58,844 --> 00:22:00,429 He's great in the Lethal Weapons. 483 00:22:02,389 --> 00:22:04,433 No, I'm not.