1 00:00:02,199 --> 00:00:04,577 I can't believe Jess got me roller skates for Christmas. 2 00:00:04,660 --> 00:00:06,370 I feel so free. 3 00:00:06,787 --> 00:00:08,247 - Don't. - See this. 4 00:00:08,581 --> 00:00:09,832 "Merry Christmas, Brendan." 5 00:00:09,915 --> 00:00:11,542 "Don't swallow these. Love, Uncle Nick." 6 00:00:11,625 --> 00:00:13,419 It's a great gift. He's a 12-year-old kid. 7 00:00:13,502 --> 00:00:14,980 It's a bunch of tacks. He's going to love 'em. 8 00:00:15,004 --> 00:00:16,589 - Give it to me. - I hate Christmas. 9 00:00:16,672 --> 00:00:18,758 First of all, it means that Hanukkah is over. 10 00:00:18,841 --> 00:00:20,777 Second of all, I hate it when you guys leave and go home. 11 00:00:20,801 --> 00:00:21,844 When are you leaving? 12 00:00:21,927 --> 00:00:23,030 - I think 4:00 a.m. - Tomorrow at 3:00 p.m. 13 00:00:23,054 --> 00:00:24,430 Is that it? 14 00:00:24,513 --> 00:00:25,574 Schmidt, don't worry about it, man. 15 00:00:25,598 --> 00:00:27,075 We're all gonna hang out tonight at your office party. 16 00:00:27,099 --> 00:00:29,661 Please tell me you're not dressing up like Santa this year. Are you? 17 00:00:29,685 --> 00:00:32,456 I'm the only man in the office. Of course I'm gonna dress up like Santa. 18 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:33,481 Look, I like it. 19 00:00:33,564 --> 00:00:35,149 I get all this dirt on my coworkers. 20 00:00:35,232 --> 00:00:38,152 They get drunk and they whisper what they want for Christmas in my ear, 21 00:00:38,235 --> 00:00:40,696 and then I use that information to subtly undermine them 22 00:00:40,780 --> 00:00:42,382 and control them for the rest of the year. 23 00:00:42,406 --> 00:00:44,241 Ah, the true spirit of Christmas. 24 00:00:44,575 --> 00:00:47,328 Winston, you'd better watch it, man, because I will take you down. 25 00:00:47,411 --> 00:00:49,171 - Oh, you want to go? You want to go? - Yeah. 26 00:00:49,205 --> 00:00:50,557 - You're gonna take me down? - I had figure skating lessons 27 00:00:50,581 --> 00:00:52,958 until I was 13, and then my mom sobered up 28 00:00:53,042 --> 00:00:55,002 and realized I was a boy. Let's do this. 29 00:00:55,086 --> 00:00:56,646 - You should not have said that. - Hey, guys. Guys! 30 00:00:56,670 --> 00:00:57,671 - Don't fight. - Let's go. 31 00:00:57,755 --> 00:00:59,131 You're wearing roller skates. 32 00:00:59,215 --> 00:01:00,442 - On the floor. - I'm telling you, man. 33 00:01:00,466 --> 00:01:01,651 Both of you, enough. Hey, hey. 34 00:01:01,675 --> 00:01:03,236 Nothing's smart about what you guys are doing. 35 00:01:03,260 --> 00:01:05,346 Why don't you both act like grown-ups? 36 00:01:05,429 --> 00:01:07,223 - No, no. - I need your help right now. 37 00:01:07,306 --> 00:01:09,809 I need you guys to get in my car and come with me to the mall 38 00:01:09,892 --> 00:01:12,478 'cause I really need to figure out what to buy Paul for… 39 00:01:13,562 --> 00:01:16,107 You guys are all wearing the holiday gifts I gave you. 40 00:01:16,190 --> 00:01:17,817 - No, I… - That is so sweet. 41 00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:19,026 I need to take a picture. 42 00:01:19,110 --> 00:01:20,337 Jess, don't take a photo right now. 43 00:01:20,361 --> 00:01:22,238 - So cute. - Don't do the photo. 44 00:01:22,321 --> 00:01:23,799 - Please, no pictures. - So cute, so cute. 45 00:01:23,823 --> 00:01:24,990 Who's that girl? 46 00:01:25,074 --> 00:01:26,325 Who's that girl? 47 00:01:26,409 --> 00:01:27,827 Who's that girl? 48 00:01:27,910 --> 00:01:29,995 - Who's that girl? - It's Jess! 49 00:01:30,788 --> 00:01:33,141 So why can't you figure out what to get your boyfriend Paul? 50 00:01:33,165 --> 00:01:35,042 I don't know. 51 00:01:35,126 --> 00:01:37,270 Maybe 'cause we've only been going out for, like, a month, 52 00:01:37,294 --> 00:01:39,004 so I know it's not something fancy. 53 00:01:39,088 --> 00:01:41,632 But do I get him a gag gift or do I get him something sweet? 54 00:01:41,716 --> 00:01:43,801 - I don't know. - Well, I think you got to figure out 55 00:01:43,884 --> 00:01:46,113 what you feel about him and then get a gift that reflects it. 56 00:01:46,137 --> 00:01:47,280 I think that's kind of the move. 57 00:01:47,304 --> 00:01:52,184 My initial thought was to get him a gift certificate for piping hot sex. 58 00:01:52,268 --> 00:01:53,370 Really… Oh, you're being serious? 59 00:01:53,394 --> 00:01:55,831 But I don't want him to think that I'm using him for his body. 60 00:01:55,855 --> 00:01:57,690 I'm sure he'd be okay with that. 61 00:01:59,066 --> 00:02:01,235 "Nerdy weird sex that works for both of us." 62 00:02:01,318 --> 00:02:02,504 - Wait. Give it back. - This is amazing. 63 00:02:02,528 --> 00:02:03,988 - No, come on. - I'm gonna keep this. 64 00:02:04,071 --> 00:02:05,257 I'm gonna cash this in one night 65 00:02:05,281 --> 00:02:06,633 - and get some weird nerd sex with it. - No, but it's not for you. 66 00:02:06,657 --> 00:02:07,950 Oh, my God, thank you. 67 00:02:08,034 --> 00:02:09,434 Now I know what I'm getting my mom. 68 00:02:09,493 --> 00:02:11,495 - Oh, my God, Nick. - It's going right to my mom. 69 00:02:11,579 --> 00:02:13,748 Now, why do we have to go to this office party tonight? 70 00:02:13,831 --> 00:02:17,084 Because it's the last night before you guys go home to your families, 71 00:02:17,168 --> 00:02:18,794 and we got to blow this thing out, man. 72 00:02:18,878 --> 00:02:21,547 Plus, it'll be a good opportunity for you to do some networking. 73 00:02:21,630 --> 00:02:23,174 Help with the job search. 74 00:02:23,257 --> 00:02:24,776 I'm telling you, everybody's hitting the nog, 75 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,427 having a good time, letting loose. 76 00:02:26,510 --> 00:02:29,638 You swoop in there, and then boom, new job, man. 77 00:02:29,722 --> 00:02:31,265 That's how things work. 78 00:02:31,348 --> 00:02:34,226 You know, Benjamins in your pocket, La Pen-si-own, 79 00:02:34,310 --> 00:02:36,562 little four-to-the-oh- to-the-one-to-the-kay. 80 00:02:36,645 --> 00:02:38,481 You're making me want to stay broke. 81 00:02:38,939 --> 00:02:40,232 So what'd you get Paul? 82 00:02:40,316 --> 00:02:43,152 I'm not telling you, but, um, I'll give you a hint. 83 00:02:43,235 --> 00:02:44,236 It's fuzzy. 84 00:02:44,570 --> 00:02:46,048 Well, I hope you didn't listen to Nick. 85 00:02:46,072 --> 00:02:47,615 He's the worst gift giver ever. 86 00:02:53,162 --> 00:02:54,372 You're welcome. 87 00:02:55,915 --> 00:02:57,083 Where are we, Jess? 88 00:02:57,166 --> 00:02:59,293 We are on Candy Cane Lane. 89 00:02:59,377 --> 00:03:01,962 At night, the whole block lights up with Christmas decorations. 90 00:03:02,046 --> 00:03:03,339 It's so beautiful. 91 00:03:03,631 --> 00:03:05,591 Oh, my God, it's so beautiful. 92 00:03:05,674 --> 00:03:08,427 What fun, what wonderful fun. 93 00:03:08,511 --> 00:03:10,221 Okay, whatever. 94 00:03:10,304 --> 00:03:13,224 We have to come back later 'cause you'll see what I'm talking about. 95 00:03:13,307 --> 00:03:14,493 Oh, no, we're not gonna have time. 96 00:03:14,517 --> 00:03:16,203 We have to go straight from the party to the airport. 97 00:03:16,227 --> 00:03:17,547 - No. - Yes, I've missed my flight 98 00:03:17,603 --> 00:03:19,063 four years in a row. 99 00:03:19,146 --> 00:03:20,986 If I miss it this year, my mom's gonna kill me. 100 00:03:21,065 --> 00:03:23,109 Schmidt, it's a menorah, for you. 101 00:03:23,192 --> 00:03:25,820 Oh, a menorah. 102 00:03:25,903 --> 00:03:27,405 Judaism, son. 103 00:03:32,243 --> 00:03:34,495 Hey. Hi. 104 00:03:35,121 --> 00:03:36,288 You look awesome. 105 00:03:36,372 --> 00:03:38,749 It's a before and after for a Bolivian diet pill. 106 00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:40,543 El Glatrax? Yeah, I've taken that. 107 00:03:40,626 --> 00:03:41,877 I'm "before." 108 00:03:41,961 --> 00:03:43,671 Su… Sure, you are. Look at that. 109 00:03:43,754 --> 00:03:45,756 So you said you wanted to see me for something? 110 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,634 Yes, I brought you a gift. 111 00:03:48,718 --> 00:03:51,678 I hope you appreciate that I have kept eye contact with you this whole time 112 00:03:51,721 --> 00:03:53,949 and made no reference to the fact that you are basically naked. 113 00:03:53,973 --> 00:03:55,141 Very proud of you, Schmidt. 114 00:03:55,224 --> 00:03:56,809 Hey, sweetie. Hey. 115 00:03:58,853 --> 00:04:01,272 Oh, lot of tongue. 116 00:04:01,355 --> 00:04:02,898 - Done with her hair? - With her… 117 00:04:02,982 --> 00:04:04,167 No, I'm not the hair guy, man. 118 00:04:04,191 --> 00:04:06,485 Oh, no, no, no. This is my very good friend Schmidt, 119 00:04:06,569 --> 00:04:08,988 and he just came by to bring me a gift, so… 120 00:04:10,239 --> 00:04:11,574 It's perfume. 121 00:04:11,991 --> 00:04:14,577 Why does it say "Cecilia Number 5"? 122 00:04:14,660 --> 00:04:16,954 Actually, it says that because… You know, I ma… 123 00:04:17,038 --> 00:04:18,706 I made it specifically for you. 124 00:04:18,789 --> 00:04:20,100 Yeah, I found this place on Third Street 125 00:04:20,124 --> 00:04:21,959 where you can design your own perfume. 126 00:04:22,043 --> 00:04:24,920 Base notes of cocoa because of your brown, uh… 127 00:04:25,379 --> 00:04:26,380 Ness. 128 00:04:26,464 --> 00:04:29,008 Sea salt, because it kind of sounds like Cece. 129 00:04:29,091 --> 00:04:30,968 Uh, and sandalwood… 130 00:04:31,052 --> 00:04:33,804 Sandalwood… Always up to no good. 131 00:04:35,347 --> 00:04:37,349 - That's, um… - Ha! 132 00:04:38,434 --> 00:04:39,852 - Thank you. - Yeah. 133 00:04:39,935 --> 00:04:41,729 - Thanks. - Neat. 134 00:04:41,812 --> 00:04:43,105 Let's get back to work. 135 00:04:43,564 --> 00:04:45,691 Yeah. Okay, um… 136 00:04:46,734 --> 00:04:47,934 - I'll see you tonight. - Yeah. 137 00:04:47,985 --> 00:04:50,279 - Yeah, I'll just… I'll see you there. - We'll do that. 138 00:04:52,073 --> 00:04:53,866 Three, two, one. 139 00:04:53,949 --> 00:04:54,950 Go. 140 00:04:55,034 --> 00:04:56,035 Envelope. 141 00:04:56,118 --> 00:04:57,220 - Festive bag. - I was afraid 142 00:04:57,244 --> 00:04:59,330 you were going to get me jewelry, so… 143 00:04:59,997 --> 00:05:01,749 - Oh, no. - What is it? 144 00:05:02,166 --> 00:05:03,250 Oh, my God. 145 00:05:04,043 --> 00:05:09,840 Oh, my God, two tickets to Vienna and passes to the Salzburg Music Festival? 146 00:05:09,924 --> 00:05:11,675 That's, like, incredible. I'm… 147 00:05:11,759 --> 00:05:13,344 - You're gonna love it. - Speechless. 148 00:05:13,427 --> 00:05:16,722 And, um, all I got you was… 149 00:05:16,806 --> 00:05:21,227 "Anatomically correct heart of a 50-year-old nonsmoker." 150 00:05:25,773 --> 00:05:26,816 You know what? 151 00:05:26,899 --> 00:05:29,360 Normally I'm, like, really good at giving gifts, 152 00:05:29,443 --> 00:05:33,114 and I thought that was romantic, but it's just… so creepy. 153 00:05:33,197 --> 00:05:35,199 I… I'm sorry, I have to get you something better. 154 00:05:35,282 --> 00:05:37,076 No, it's great. I love it. 155 00:05:37,159 --> 00:05:42,206 It's funny and… And quirky, and… And so sweet. 156 00:05:42,832 --> 00:05:44,083 It's like you. 157 00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:45,668 And that's why I love it. 158 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:46,961 I love it. 159 00:05:47,044 --> 00:05:48,504 Thank you, I love it. 160 00:05:48,838 --> 00:05:49,964 I… 161 00:05:50,715 --> 00:05:52,091 I love you. 162 00:05:59,807 --> 00:06:01,892 Thank you. 163 00:06:04,812 --> 00:06:06,188 You're very welcome. 164 00:06:06,272 --> 00:06:07,898 You're welcome. 165 00:06:16,532 --> 00:06:17,950 Look at you, all dressed up. 166 00:06:18,034 --> 00:06:19,428 What, are you in The Temptations tonight? 167 00:06:19,452 --> 00:06:22,538 That's so cute, Nick. You're intimidated by my style. 168 00:06:22,621 --> 00:06:25,301 But I'll tell you what, one of us is walking out of here with a job. 169 00:06:25,332 --> 00:06:26,417 Where you going? 170 00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:28,586 - You wore my present. - I did. 171 00:06:28,669 --> 00:06:30,629 - Thank you, I love it. - Yay! 172 00:06:30,713 --> 00:06:33,132 She's seen it now, so maybe you can take it off. 173 00:06:33,215 --> 00:06:35,217 - You look like a man. - I know, right? 174 00:06:35,301 --> 00:06:37,981 - That's what's freaking me out. - Good humor and fun… God forbid. 175 00:06:39,138 --> 00:06:41,098 - Is that Schmidt? - Ugh. 176 00:06:41,766 --> 00:06:42,767 What the… 177 00:06:43,434 --> 00:06:45,352 - Hey, guys! - Whoa, whoa! 178 00:06:45,436 --> 00:06:47,897 Schmidt, Santa voice. This isn't temple. 179 00:06:48,189 --> 00:06:49,690 Ho, ho, ho. 180 00:06:51,275 --> 00:06:52,985 Are those my shorts? 181 00:06:59,575 --> 00:07:01,577 - Hey, what's wrong, Jess? - Hey, Nick. 182 00:07:03,454 --> 00:07:04,872 Paul told me he loved me. 183 00:07:04,955 --> 00:07:07,124 - Mmm. - And I couldn't say it back, 184 00:07:07,208 --> 00:07:10,127 so I, um, said, "Thank you…" 185 00:07:10,795 --> 00:07:12,505 Which was horrible. 186 00:07:12,588 --> 00:07:17,093 I don't know what to do because I am always the one who loves more. 187 00:07:17,176 --> 00:07:18,761 That's my thing. 188 00:07:18,844 --> 00:07:20,346 One time I went on a date 189 00:07:20,429 --> 00:07:23,391 and by 11:00 p.m., I gave the guy my ATM code. 190 00:07:23,474 --> 00:07:24,475 What is your ATM code? 191 00:07:24,558 --> 00:07:25,684 42… 192 00:07:25,976 --> 00:07:27,061 Very funny. 193 00:07:27,144 --> 00:07:28,938 Very good try, but no. 194 00:07:29,021 --> 00:07:30,147 Not a try, I got it. 195 00:07:30,898 --> 00:07:33,001 If you don't have feelings for Paul, you got to tell him. 196 00:07:33,025 --> 00:07:35,152 I can't do that to someone on Christmas. 197 00:07:35,236 --> 00:07:36,445 And then it's New Year's. 198 00:07:36,529 --> 00:07:40,533 Then it's going to be Valentine's Day, and then, whoa, it's Presidents' Day. 199 00:07:40,616 --> 00:07:43,327 Hard to argue with that logic, but just tell him. 200 00:07:43,411 --> 00:07:45,579 Don't lead him on. You'll just hurt him more. 201 00:07:46,664 --> 00:07:47,790 Okay. 202 00:07:48,249 --> 00:07:50,251 I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna tell him. 203 00:07:50,334 --> 00:07:51,627 - You are? - Yeah. 204 00:07:55,631 --> 00:07:57,675 Hey, what are you doing in here? 205 00:07:59,385 --> 00:08:00,678 Kyle's being a jerk. 206 00:08:00,761 --> 00:08:01,929 What are you doing in here? 207 00:08:02,012 --> 00:08:04,598 Eating cookies and avoiding confrontation. 208 00:08:04,682 --> 00:08:07,160 Remember when Christmas used to be fun and all I had to do was worry 209 00:08:07,184 --> 00:08:10,187 - about my drunk uncle asking me out? - Yes, Uncle Pardeep. 210 00:08:10,271 --> 00:08:12,815 - He thought I was a boy. - Such a weirdo. 211 00:08:19,071 --> 00:08:20,197 Okay. 212 00:08:25,661 --> 00:08:27,038 - Hey, man. - Hey. 213 00:08:27,788 --> 00:08:29,415 - How you doing, Paul? - Good. 214 00:08:30,249 --> 00:08:31,417 Has Jess not talked to you? 215 00:08:31,792 --> 00:08:32,918 Oh, yeah, no, we talked. 216 00:08:33,002 --> 00:08:34,522 - She did? Okay. - Yeah, yeah. No, I… 217 00:08:34,587 --> 00:08:36,922 Yeah, it's hard, you know. It's really tricky. 218 00:08:37,006 --> 00:08:39,842 It's like she doesn't love you right now, Paul, 219 00:08:39,925 --> 00:08:42,362 but that's not to say she might not fall in love with you later. 220 00:08:42,386 --> 00:08:44,306 I think that's the positive way of looking at it, 221 00:08:44,388 --> 00:08:46,807 but it's hard, man, believe me. 222 00:08:46,891 --> 00:08:48,309 We talk… 223 00:08:48,392 --> 00:08:51,771 Talked about how we might have to drive you to the airport 224 00:08:51,854 --> 00:08:53,522 'cause you're gonna miss your flight. 225 00:08:55,191 --> 00:08:58,194 Yeah, that was probably all you guys talked about, so I'm joking. 226 00:08:58,277 --> 00:09:00,362 - W… Wait a minute. - Because she hasn't… 227 00:09:00,446 --> 00:09:02,948 - Wait a minute… - Yeah, I know. Guess what, Paul. 228 00:09:03,032 --> 00:09:04,825 Don't even think right now. I'm drunk. 229 00:09:04,909 --> 00:09:07,203 - Did… Jess tell you… - I'm so drunk. 230 00:09:07,286 --> 00:09:09,723 - That she doesn't love me? - What's happ… No, shut up, you goofball. 231 00:09:09,747 --> 00:09:11,999 I'm… This conversation didn't happen. 232 00:09:12,083 --> 00:09:13,603 Did Jess tell you she doesn't love me? 233 00:09:17,546 --> 00:09:18,964 Joke. 234 00:09:21,008 --> 00:09:22,843 But he's the best guy, Cece. 235 00:09:22,927 --> 00:09:24,553 Maybe I should just make it work. 236 00:09:24,637 --> 00:09:28,808 Yeah, no, Jess, you can't just dive into something like this right now. 237 00:09:29,308 --> 00:09:32,645 Yeah, I just wish I could stay in this bathroom all night. 238 00:09:32,728 --> 00:09:33,771 Me, too. 239 00:09:36,190 --> 00:09:40,694 Whoo, that eggnog is deadly. 240 00:09:43,239 --> 00:09:44,407 We got to get out of here. 241 00:09:44,490 --> 00:09:45,825 Yeah, we do. 242 00:09:45,908 --> 00:09:48,703 I should just put it off till later, after the holidays. 243 00:09:48,786 --> 00:09:49,787 You coming? 244 00:09:49,870 --> 00:09:52,081 Yeah, I'll be out in a sec. Uh… 245 00:09:52,164 --> 00:09:53,624 Kyle wants to go to this party. 246 00:09:53,708 --> 00:09:56,335 Ugh, Kyle is the living worst. 247 00:09:56,419 --> 00:09:57,545 Yeah, I know. 248 00:09:57,628 --> 00:09:59,463 Did he even get you a gift? 249 00:10:01,257 --> 00:10:02,341 No. 250 00:10:14,603 --> 00:10:16,147 Who wants to sit at a desk all day? 251 00:10:16,230 --> 00:10:18,190 Not me. I don't want to have to do that. 252 00:10:18,274 --> 00:10:20,401 I don't want to call Wednesday "hump day." 253 00:10:20,484 --> 00:10:22,361 I don't even know how to network. 254 00:10:23,779 --> 00:10:25,281 So what's your deal, man? 255 00:10:25,364 --> 00:10:26,758 Why are you sitting here by yourself? 256 00:10:26,782 --> 00:10:28,868 Mommy won't let me sit in Santa's lap. 257 00:10:28,951 --> 00:10:30,661 You have a smart mommy. 258 00:10:30,745 --> 00:10:31,746 Yeah. 259 00:10:31,829 --> 00:10:34,498 Hi, I'm the genius who brought my kid to this Christmas party. 260 00:10:34,582 --> 00:10:37,543 Looking forward to years of therapy over Dirty Santa. 261 00:10:38,002 --> 00:10:39,646 I can't believe that he's even talking to you. 262 00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:40,713 He doesn't like anyone. 263 00:10:40,796 --> 00:10:42,423 Yeah, I don't like anyone. 264 00:10:42,506 --> 00:10:43,734 Yeah, but we're really working on that. 265 00:10:43,758 --> 00:10:45,092 No, she's working on that. 266 00:10:47,303 --> 00:10:48,512 My man. 267 00:10:48,596 --> 00:10:49,722 - Okay? - You think it's fun? 268 00:10:49,805 --> 00:10:50,907 - Do it. - I do think it's fun. 269 00:10:50,931 --> 00:10:52,099 Do it then. 270 00:10:52,183 --> 00:10:53,267 Do it. 271 00:10:54,852 --> 00:10:55,853 Okay. 272 00:10:57,188 --> 00:10:58,439 What are you doing, Santa? 273 00:10:58,522 --> 00:11:00,816 - I have a really bad case of Santa lap. - Mmm. 274 00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:02,818 The entire marketing department is wearing wool. 275 00:11:02,902 --> 00:11:04,570 It's not good down there. 276 00:11:04,653 --> 00:11:06,364 Well, get back to work soon. 277 00:11:06,447 --> 00:11:08,449 - Boom! - Ow! Why would you… 278 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,701 There are so many bobby pins up there. 279 00:11:10,785 --> 00:11:13,388 - Everything's attached… - Does she always talk to you like that? 280 00:11:13,412 --> 00:11:14,663 Yeah, kind of. 281 00:11:14,747 --> 00:11:16,791 You like dressing up like Santa? 282 00:11:16,874 --> 00:11:18,459 Sexy Santa. 283 00:11:18,542 --> 00:11:20,378 No. The truth is, no, I don't. 284 00:11:20,461 --> 00:11:22,501 You know, you don't deserve to be treated like that. 285 00:11:22,546 --> 00:11:23,672 You just got to tell her no. 286 00:11:23,756 --> 00:11:26,967 Otherwise, all she'll do is see you as a pretty face and a hot body. 287 00:11:27,551 --> 00:11:28,636 I'm sorry, what was that? 288 00:11:29,178 --> 00:11:30,655 - You have a pretty face. - No, no, no, the… 289 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:31,847 'Cause the second part. 290 00:11:31,931 --> 00:11:33,617 And then I'd like you to say it, like, in an accent, 291 00:11:33,641 --> 00:11:35,369 - but make direct eye contact. - Yes, Schmidt, 292 00:11:35,393 --> 00:11:36,593 do not push your luck with me. 293 00:11:37,645 --> 00:11:39,605 What's that smell? 294 00:11:39,688 --> 00:11:41,190 That's your perfume. 295 00:11:41,565 --> 00:11:42,566 You wore it? 296 00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:44,276 Yeah, and it smells terrible. 297 00:11:44,443 --> 00:11:45,444 Ha! 298 00:11:45,736 --> 00:11:48,572 It does smell terrible. It's like a dirty dish towel. 299 00:11:48,656 --> 00:11:49,907 Santa voice! 300 00:11:50,950 --> 00:11:52,493 Please just tell me what she said. 301 00:11:52,576 --> 00:11:55,037 She said the sex is really great, 302 00:11:55,121 --> 00:11:56,973 but she just doesn't want to jump into anything. 303 00:11:56,997 --> 00:11:58,916 - Why am I talking about this? - Oh, my God, 304 00:11:58,999 --> 00:12:00,918 the sex is great, it's amazing. 305 00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:03,129 - Great. - We had amazing sex this morning, 306 00:12:03,212 --> 00:12:05,047 and then we ate taro chips. 307 00:12:05,715 --> 00:12:08,050 - Oh, my God. Oh, no. - Oh, God. I… 308 00:12:08,134 --> 00:12:11,345 I feel like such a terrible guy for saying that to you, man. 309 00:12:11,429 --> 00:12:13,347 - Oh, my God. - You're a good guy, Genzlinger. 310 00:12:13,431 --> 00:12:15,057 Hey, man, just let it go. 311 00:12:15,141 --> 00:12:17,327 You know what I mean? Just let it brush off your shoulders, dude. 312 00:12:17,351 --> 00:12:18,352 Oh, man. 313 00:12:18,436 --> 00:12:20,146 - What has happened to my life? - Hey. 314 00:12:21,647 --> 00:12:23,190 Why are you guys hugging? 315 00:12:23,274 --> 00:12:25,067 - Just guy-talkin'. - Okay. Yeah. 316 00:12:25,151 --> 00:12:26,736 - Yeah? - Everything's fine. 317 00:12:26,819 --> 00:12:28,612 - We're just talking. - Just talking. 318 00:12:28,696 --> 00:12:29,822 About, uh… 319 00:12:30,364 --> 00:12:34,160 How moved we are by jazz music. 320 00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:36,162 That's a lie. 321 00:12:36,662 --> 00:12:38,330 I told him you didn't love him, Jess. 322 00:12:38,414 --> 00:12:39,415 - What? - Because I… 323 00:12:39,498 --> 00:12:42,376 - But he said it nicely. - What? Are you kidding me? 324 00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:44,146 - It's not your information to share. - I totally agree, and I regret it. 325 00:12:44,170 --> 00:12:45,355 - It is not your information… - You guys… 326 00:12:45,379 --> 00:12:46,648 - Why would you do that? - I apologize. 327 00:12:46,672 --> 00:12:48,752 - You guys have a lot to do. I'm sorry. - Nick. Nick. 328 00:12:49,550 --> 00:12:50,718 Oh, my God. 329 00:12:50,801 --> 00:12:52,636 Please! This is my nightmare! 330 00:12:53,596 --> 00:12:54,764 Winston! 331 00:12:54,847 --> 00:12:56,098 Schmidt! 332 00:12:56,182 --> 00:12:57,933 Help me! 333 00:13:01,896 --> 00:13:03,981 Paul, I really care about you. 334 00:13:04,065 --> 00:13:05,274 I think I just… 335 00:13:05,357 --> 00:13:07,610 I think I just feel really overwhelmed. 336 00:13:07,693 --> 00:13:10,362 Yeah. Yeah, I know. Nicholas told m… 337 00:13:10,446 --> 00:13:11,781 Damn it. 338 00:13:11,864 --> 00:13:13,991 Hey, guys, just pretend I'm not here, 339 00:13:14,075 --> 00:13:15,594 and just do whatever you two guys are doing. 340 00:13:15,618 --> 00:13:17,370 I'm not here. I'm not even listening. 341 00:13:17,578 --> 00:13:19,246 This is my nightmare. 342 00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:21,791 I… I knew you were getting out of a long relationship. 343 00:13:21,874 --> 00:13:23,018 You told me all about Spencer. 344 00:13:23,042 --> 00:13:24,043 I just thought… 345 00:13:24,126 --> 00:13:26,104 I thought we were feeling the same things for each other. 346 00:13:26,128 --> 00:13:27,505 You… You seemed like you were. 347 00:13:27,588 --> 00:13:29,715 I was. I just… 348 00:13:30,424 --> 00:13:33,969 I feel like maybe you were feeling them a little bit more than me. 349 00:13:34,053 --> 00:13:35,096 Nick! 350 00:13:35,179 --> 00:13:37,640 You started this. Sit down and be quiet! 351 00:13:40,643 --> 00:13:43,771 I just… I got really hurt, and I… 352 00:13:43,854 --> 00:13:46,315 I'm trying really hard not to get hurt again. 353 00:13:46,399 --> 00:13:48,192 I'm not gonna hurt you. 354 00:13:49,443 --> 00:13:51,070 Oh. 355 00:13:51,987 --> 00:13:53,197 Oh… 356 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,074 I am so sorry. 357 00:13:55,491 --> 00:13:57,702 This is as rude as it gets. 358 00:13:57,910 --> 00:13:59,995 It is my mom, though. 359 00:14:00,079 --> 00:14:02,456 I… Hey, Ma. How you doing? 360 00:14:02,540 --> 00:14:05,668 I can't talk right now. I'm in a real weird situation. 361 00:14:05,751 --> 00:14:07,420 - Are you high? - No, Ma, I'm not high. 362 00:14:07,503 --> 00:14:09,046 I'm done with that phase. 363 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,757 I promise you I won't miss my flight. 364 00:14:11,841 --> 00:14:13,676 Okay. I love you, Mama. Bye. 365 00:14:14,343 --> 00:14:15,886 - You done? - Mmm-hmm. 366 00:14:17,763 --> 00:14:19,056 Can we just 367 00:14:19,849 --> 00:14:22,810 can we just keep going but take it a little bit slow? 368 00:14:22,893 --> 00:14:24,687 I… I don't know if I can do that. 369 00:14:24,770 --> 00:14:27,273 I don't know how with you. 370 00:14:27,356 --> 00:14:28,858 I just… It's just not how I feel. 371 00:14:28,941 --> 00:14:30,752 Well, all she's asking you to do is slow it down a little bit. 372 00:14:30,776 --> 00:14:31,944 - How's that hard? - Nick. 373 00:14:32,027 --> 00:14:33,195 Yeah. 374 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,865 All right, everybody leave the room. 375 00:14:35,948 --> 00:14:37,366 I need to talk to Kim. 376 00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:38,993 Okay, you know what? 377 00:14:39,076 --> 00:14:41,829 Actually, stay. This'll be good for you guys to hear this, too. 378 00:14:41,912 --> 00:14:43,497 - Why d… Don't… - Come on. 379 00:14:43,581 --> 00:14:46,292 - I just told… - There are two hours left in this party. 380 00:14:46,375 --> 00:14:47,668 What are you doing, Santa? 381 00:14:47,752 --> 00:14:49,795 Kim, I'm not gonna be Sexy Santa anymore. 382 00:14:49,879 --> 00:14:52,798 It's over. Santa's dead. I killed him. 383 00:14:54,508 --> 00:14:55,509 Oh, my God. 384 00:14:55,593 --> 00:14:57,887 No, no, no, don't worry. That's just Gina's cowardly son. 385 00:14:57,970 --> 00:14:59,764 He is a scream machine. 386 00:14:59,847 --> 00:15:01,724 Kim, I'm not a sex object, all right? 387 00:15:01,807 --> 00:15:03,350 I'm your employee. 388 00:15:03,434 --> 00:15:04,769 And I work harder than anyone. 389 00:15:04,852 --> 00:15:06,854 I'm the first one to show up every morning. 390 00:15:06,937 --> 00:15:09,106 - No, you're not. - There's never a parking space. 391 00:15:09,190 --> 00:15:10,417 That's because everyone's already here, Nick. 392 00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:11,585 Okay, you're so off topic right now. 393 00:15:11,609 --> 00:15:12,919 - You're missing the point. - What? 394 00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:14,987 You need to take me seriously, Kim. 395 00:15:15,071 --> 00:15:18,366 Does that mean no more… Sexy Easter Bunny? 396 00:15:18,449 --> 00:15:19,492 No more Sexy Easter Bunny. 397 00:15:19,575 --> 00:15:21,911 What about, uh, Cinco de Sexy? 398 00:15:21,994 --> 00:15:23,120 No Cinco de Sexy. 399 00:15:23,204 --> 00:15:24,663 And no Sexy Martin Luther King? 400 00:15:24,747 --> 00:15:25,915 I could never get the voice, 401 00:15:25,998 --> 00:15:27,838 I never really felt like I had the authority… 402 00:15:27,875 --> 00:15:30,044 I can't believe it took you five years to say that. 403 00:15:30,836 --> 00:15:34,090 Well, I guess I'm gonna have to be Sexy Santa next year. 404 00:15:34,173 --> 00:15:35,758 Yeah, just got to jingle bell rock. 405 00:15:35,841 --> 00:15:37,343 You know what I mean? 406 00:15:37,426 --> 00:15:39,261 That is so inappropriate. 407 00:15:39,345 --> 00:15:41,626 I get it… So you can dish it out, but you can't take it. 408 00:15:42,223 --> 00:15:43,303 Yeah, how's that feel, Kim? 409 00:15:44,975 --> 00:15:46,102 I like it. 410 00:15:47,353 --> 00:15:49,313 Both these machines need toner. 411 00:15:50,022 --> 00:15:52,483 They need… I'm gonna put the toner in the… 412 00:15:52,566 --> 00:15:53,901 In the machine. 413 00:15:53,984 --> 00:15:57,405 Mrs. Miller, I told you, I will get Nick to his flight on time. 414 00:15:57,488 --> 00:15:58,489 No worries. 415 00:15:58,572 --> 00:16:00,133 I can't find Elvin. I've looked everywhere. 416 00:16:00,157 --> 00:16:02,201 - I… I have no idea. - Uh, you know what? 417 00:16:02,284 --> 00:16:04,304 I got to go. Um, I'm sure he's around here somewhere. 418 00:16:04,328 --> 00:16:05,705 - We'll find him. - Elvin! 419 00:16:05,788 --> 00:16:08,499 I'll tell you what, you go that way, I'll go that way. 420 00:16:08,582 --> 00:16:10,435 This is Schmidt's fault. I don't know how, but it is. 421 00:16:10,459 --> 00:16:11,544 Elvin? 422 00:16:11,627 --> 00:16:13,212 I'm sorry, Jess, I just… 423 00:16:13,629 --> 00:16:16,090 I don't want to slow down… with you. 424 00:16:16,173 --> 00:16:18,759 It's just not natural. So if you need to, then… 425 00:16:18,843 --> 00:16:20,636 I don't think I can do this anymore. 426 00:16:24,265 --> 00:16:25,433 Okay. 427 00:16:26,475 --> 00:16:27,977 Come on, Paul! 428 00:16:28,352 --> 00:16:29,603 It's Christmas! 429 00:16:29,687 --> 00:16:31,248 - Don't break up with her… - Hey, Nick… 430 00:16:31,272 --> 00:16:32,815 It's okay. 431 00:16:35,651 --> 00:16:37,891 Hey, have you guys seen a little kid running around here? 432 00:16:41,741 --> 00:16:42,825 Thank you. 433 00:16:52,084 --> 00:16:54,837 Ah. I see you found Santa's house. 434 00:16:55,296 --> 00:16:56,464 I was looking for it. 435 00:16:56,547 --> 00:16:58,716 The man with no shirt killed Santa. 436 00:16:58,799 --> 00:17:00,718 Oh, you mean Schmidt. 437 00:17:00,801 --> 00:17:02,595 Well, he was just dressing up like Santa. 438 00:17:02,678 --> 00:17:04,305 Then why didn't he have a shirt? 439 00:17:04,388 --> 00:17:06,974 You know, we ask ourselves that question every single day. 440 00:17:07,058 --> 00:17:09,810 Is it because he's a D-bag? Mommy says he's a D-bag. 441 00:17:09,894 --> 00:17:12,063 You know something? 442 00:17:12,146 --> 00:17:13,856 You're a really smart kid. 443 00:17:13,939 --> 00:17:17,151 And for that, Santa's gonna bring you extra presents this year. 444 00:17:17,234 --> 00:17:19,028 - Really? - Yeah. 445 00:17:19,111 --> 00:17:20,321 Thank you, LeBron. 446 00:17:22,031 --> 00:17:23,407 Okay, cool, I'll be him. 447 00:17:23,491 --> 00:17:24,492 You found him! 448 00:17:24,575 --> 00:17:26,410 - Yeah. - Hi! 449 00:17:27,078 --> 00:17:28,621 Extra gifts this year. 450 00:17:28,704 --> 00:17:31,207 You're really good at this. Seriously. 451 00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:33,834 If you ever want to hang out with Elvin again… 452 00:17:34,627 --> 00:17:36,045 I will pay you a lot of money. 453 00:17:36,128 --> 00:17:37,213 Let's go. 454 00:17:38,172 --> 00:17:39,215 A lot. 455 00:17:39,298 --> 00:17:40,466 Thank you. 456 00:17:40,549 --> 00:17:44,345 Like, whatever you're thinking, add money to that, 'cause that's what I… 457 00:17:44,428 --> 00:17:45,971 Like, a lot. 458 00:17:46,055 --> 00:17:47,765 - Bye, Elvin. - Bye, LeBron. 459 00:17:49,016 --> 00:17:50,142 Yep. 460 00:17:54,897 --> 00:17:56,273 What up, Mrs. Miller? 461 00:17:56,774 --> 00:17:59,819 Yes, yes. Actually, we're on our way right now, so just go back to sleep. 462 00:17:59,902 --> 00:18:01,612 We're getting Nick to the airport, okay? 463 00:18:01,946 --> 00:18:04,174 What kind of airline has flights that leave at 4:00 a.m.? 464 00:18:04,198 --> 00:18:06,158 Oh, the kind that I can afford. 465 00:18:06,242 --> 00:18:07,618 Actually, what's that smell? 466 00:18:07,702 --> 00:18:09,620 - It's nothing. Oh. - That's my perfume. 467 00:18:09,704 --> 00:18:11,997 Oh, God, that is bad. 468 00:18:12,373 --> 00:18:15,626 But the weird kind of bad that makes you want to smell it again. 469 00:18:20,589 --> 00:18:22,425 Okay, there's something that we got to do. 470 00:18:22,508 --> 00:18:23,634 Sorry. 471 00:18:23,718 --> 00:18:26,137 What are you doing, man! 472 00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:27,531 Hold on, you're going in the wrong direction! 473 00:18:27,555 --> 00:18:29,598 You do this every single year, man! 474 00:18:32,017 --> 00:18:33,811 I think we're too late, Nick. 475 00:18:33,894 --> 00:18:36,188 Yeah, this was supposed to be your gift, Jess. 476 00:18:36,272 --> 00:18:38,107 I screwed it up. 477 00:18:38,190 --> 00:18:39,191 I'm sorry. 478 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,656 Candy Cane Lane is shut down! 479 00:18:46,198 --> 00:18:48,242 Should've got her perfume, man. 480 00:18:48,325 --> 00:18:49,618 Nice, Schmidt. 481 00:18:54,498 --> 00:18:56,459 - Man. - Yeah. 482 00:18:57,585 --> 00:19:00,671 I have the worst timing. 483 00:19:02,173 --> 00:19:04,216 I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time. 484 00:19:07,344 --> 00:19:10,097 - Let's go. We should go. - No, we don't… 485 00:19:11,515 --> 00:19:12,516 Jess, no. 486 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,000 It's Christmas. It's our Christmas. 487 00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:15,853 We came here to see the lights. 488 00:19:16,270 --> 00:19:18,105 Well, what are we gonna do? 489 00:19:19,148 --> 00:19:21,609 - Yeah, what are you doing? - What are you doing? 490 00:19:21,692 --> 00:19:23,170 - Nick, come on, man, get in the car. - It's 2:00 a.m. 491 00:19:23,194 --> 00:19:24,254 Why would they turn them off? 492 00:19:24,278 --> 00:19:25,338 - It doesn't make sense to me. - Nick! 493 00:19:25,362 --> 00:19:26,947 We don't got time for this. 494 00:19:27,031 --> 00:19:28,240 Excuse me, guys? 495 00:19:28,324 --> 00:19:29,325 Oh, hell, no! 496 00:19:29,408 --> 00:19:32,286 Excuse me, we got a girl out here who'd really like to see the lights! 497 00:19:32,370 --> 00:19:34,121 Sorry to wake you! This is rude! 498 00:19:34,205 --> 00:19:36,665 Make it the Candy Cane Lane or whatever! 499 00:19:36,749 --> 00:19:41,045 You spend all this time to show off and do it, so show off, you got an audience! 500 00:19:41,128 --> 00:19:42,880 This whole neighborhood is ridiculous! 501 00:19:42,963 --> 00:19:45,466 You all show off, so turn on the lights! 502 00:19:45,716 --> 00:19:47,802 Just go in the shed or whatever and turn 503 00:19:47,885 --> 00:19:49,571 - your damn lights on, you show-offs! - Come on, come on. 504 00:19:49,595 --> 00:19:51,448 - Turn on your lights! - Turn on the lights! Come on! 505 00:19:51,472 --> 00:19:52,765 Turn on your lights! 506 00:19:54,141 --> 00:19:56,560 - Lights! - Turn on your lights! 507 00:19:56,644 --> 00:19:58,729 - Turn on your lights! - Yes! Turn on your lights! 508 00:19:58,813 --> 00:20:01,482 Turn on your lights! 509 00:20:01,565 --> 00:20:03,150 Turn on the lights, everybody! 510 00:20:03,234 --> 00:20:07,321 I'll be home for Christmas. 511 00:20:09,532 --> 00:20:13,661 You can count on me. 512 00:20:13,744 --> 00:20:15,996 Oh! Oh! 513 00:20:17,998 --> 00:20:25,005 Please have snow and mistletoe. 514 00:20:25,089 --> 00:20:28,384 And presents on the tree. 515 00:20:28,467 --> 00:20:29,844 Oh, my God! 516 00:20:30,886 --> 00:20:33,472 Yes! Yes! 517 00:20:34,056 --> 00:20:41,063 Christmas Eve will find me… 518 00:20:43,649 --> 00:20:45,317 Merry Christmas! 519 00:20:45,401 --> 00:20:47,486 - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas, boys! 520 00:20:47,570 --> 00:20:50,448 - Merry Christmas, everyone! - Merry Hanukkah! 521 00:20:52,158 --> 00:20:54,035 Merry Christmas! 522 00:20:54,618 --> 00:20:56,704 Merry Christmas! 523 00:20:56,787 --> 00:20:59,582 Now stop yelling before I call the cops! 524 00:20:59,665 --> 00:21:00,916 Oh, my God. 525 00:21:02,460 --> 00:21:04,712 Appreciate your Christmas, buddy. 526 00:21:07,006 --> 00:21:09,633 Candy Cane Lane is the creme de la creme 527 00:21:09,717 --> 00:21:12,344 - of decorated streets. - It is… amazing. 528 00:21:12,428 --> 00:21:14,889 - Hey, Ma! How are you? - Shh! It's his mom. 529 00:21:14,972 --> 00:21:17,600 Yeah. No, I'm gonna miss my flight. 530 00:21:17,683 --> 00:21:19,143 Yeah, I'm sorry. No. 531 00:21:19,226 --> 00:21:22,021 Ma, stop yelling at me. Please stop yelling. It's… 532 00:21:22,104 --> 00:21:23,814 Ma, I'm not high! Stop yelling! 533 00:21:23,898 --> 00:21:25,483 I'm driving a car. I can't talk. 534 00:21:25,566 --> 00:21:27,109 Hey, remember Winston? 535 00:21:27,193 --> 00:21:28,611 Winston, it's my ma. Talk to her. 536 00:21:28,694 --> 00:21:30,654 Hey, what up, Mrs. Miller? 537 00:21:30,738 --> 00:21:33,282 You know, I wrote a poem about you. You want to hear it?