1 00:00:00,606 --> 00:00:03,693 I wish I had a river 2 00:00:03,776 --> 00:00:07,530 I could skate away on. 3 00:00:08,948 --> 00:00:10,032 Hey, Jess. 4 00:00:10,116 --> 00:00:11,450 I brought you some tea. 5 00:00:11,534 --> 00:00:13,703 Just gonna leave it right here, okay? 6 00:00:13,786 --> 00:00:14,954 There you go. 7 00:00:15,538 --> 00:00:16,664 So, Russell… 8 00:00:16,747 --> 00:00:17,957 Ouch. 9 00:00:18,332 --> 00:00:19,959 Right? I mean, who saw that coming? 10 00:00:20,042 --> 00:00:21,168 Not me. 11 00:00:21,252 --> 00:00:23,504 Certainly not Russell. 12 00:00:23,587 --> 00:00:25,631 I guess, I guess you saw it coming. 13 00:00:25,715 --> 00:00:27,150 I mean, 'cause you're the one who broke up with him. 14 00:00:27,174 --> 00:00:28,318 - Leave, Schmidt. - All right, fine. 15 00:00:28,342 --> 00:00:29,542 I'll leave. But you know what? 16 00:00:30,261 --> 00:00:32,823 Know this, you're not the only one that's hurting here, Jessica Day. 17 00:00:32,847 --> 00:00:34,098 The economy stinks, 18 00:00:34,181 --> 00:00:37,727 bees are dying, movies are pretty much all sequels now, and I… 19 00:00:37,810 --> 00:00:40,354 - Don't say broken penis. - Have a broken penis. 20 00:00:40,438 --> 00:00:42,106 Don't pretend to know my pain. 21 00:00:45,735 --> 00:00:46,736 Hey, Jess. 22 00:00:46,819 --> 00:00:48,612 - Hi. - What's this song called? 23 00:00:48,738 --> 00:00:50,197 - The River. - Hmm. 24 00:00:50,281 --> 00:00:51,883 - Do you like it? - Yeah, yeah, I liked it when 25 00:00:51,907 --> 00:00:54,035 you played it for the first time at 10:00 last night. 26 00:00:54,118 --> 00:00:56,287 I liked it a little bit less at 2:00 a.m. 27 00:00:56,454 --> 00:00:57,705 And now I'm kind of hoping that 28 00:00:57,788 --> 00:01:00,666 the sun comes up, thaws that river and that woman drowns. 29 00:01:00,750 --> 00:01:01,792 Get out! 30 00:01:09,050 --> 00:01:11,635 Russell was perfect. What's wrong with me? 31 00:01:11,761 --> 00:01:14,597 Am I self-sabotaging? Am I secretly a Cylon? 32 00:01:15,014 --> 00:01:16,515 You just didn't love him. 33 00:01:16,599 --> 00:01:17,725 But what if it's me? 34 00:01:17,808 --> 00:01:19,852 What if I have some idea of love in my head 35 00:01:19,977 --> 00:01:21,228 and it's just totally wrong? 36 00:01:21,395 --> 00:01:23,773 Do not second-guess yourself, okay? 37 00:01:23,856 --> 00:01:27,109 It was a tough choice, but it was the right choice. 38 00:01:27,693 --> 00:01:28,736 Yeah, mmm-hmm. 39 00:01:30,279 --> 00:01:32,323 So what do you think about turning off that song? 40 00:01:32,406 --> 00:01:34,366 - I just feel like I should… - Off. Turn it off. 41 00:01:36,869 --> 00:01:37,870 Ow. 42 00:01:37,953 --> 00:01:40,539 It's coming on Christmas… 43 00:01:40,623 --> 00:01:42,750 - Oh, my God, she's dead! - Oh, no, no, come on! 44 00:01:42,833 --> 00:01:44,752 Eighty more times! I get it now! It's a river! 45 00:01:44,835 --> 00:01:47,963 All right, now let's go and get a drink 46 00:01:48,047 --> 00:01:50,591 because you really need to get out of this room. 47 00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:51,676 I'm not ready. 48 00:01:51,759 --> 00:01:53,010 Turn that song back on! 49 00:01:53,094 --> 00:01:55,262 Caroline and I made up a dance routine to cheer you up. 50 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:56,990 - No, you didn't. - Yeah, well, I'm gonna dance, 51 00:01:57,014 --> 00:01:58,700 - and Nick's gonna clap. Okay. - I'll just clap. 52 00:01:58,724 --> 00:02:00,685 You about ready now? 53 00:02:00,768 --> 00:02:02,436 - Yeah, I'm ready now. - Yeah, let's go. 54 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:03,604 Uh, feel it. Uh, uh. 55 00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:04,957 Get it, Caroline! Get it, Caroline! 56 00:02:04,981 --> 00:02:06,649 Born to dance. 57 00:02:06,732 --> 00:02:07,733 Dance the bump. 58 00:02:10,444 --> 00:02:11,654 Who's that girl? 59 00:02:11,737 --> 00:02:13,072 Who's that girl? 60 00:02:13,155 --> 00:02:14,365 Who's that girl? 61 00:02:14,448 --> 00:02:15,449 Who's that girl? 62 00:02:15,533 --> 00:02:16,534 It's Jess! 63 00:02:17,576 --> 00:02:18,911 I'm gonna end up alone. 64 00:02:18,995 --> 00:02:22,081 I'm gonna be a single old lady flashing people on the subway. 65 00:02:22,164 --> 00:02:24,375 Jess, first of all, you're never gonna be old, 66 00:02:24,458 --> 00:02:27,461 because humans, we're gonna be immortal by 2026. 67 00:02:27,545 --> 00:02:30,047 - And second of all, give me your phone. - Why? 68 00:02:30,131 --> 00:02:31,716 Do you want to drunkenly call Russell 69 00:02:31,799 --> 00:02:33,694 tonight and tell him what a huge mistake you made? 70 00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:34,903 You don't want to backslide, trust me. 71 00:02:34,927 --> 00:02:37,346 Be quiet. Your life is too perfect to talk to anyone 72 00:02:37,430 --> 00:02:38,931 in Jess' condition right now. 73 00:02:39,015 --> 00:02:40,599 Look, Jess, backsliding 74 00:02:40,683 --> 00:02:42,143 is what happens after a clean break. 75 00:02:42,226 --> 00:02:45,104 When you, when you freak out and you go crawling back 76 00:02:45,187 --> 00:02:47,273 and you just make everything messy and horrible. 77 00:02:47,356 --> 00:02:49,317 - I'm not gonna do that. - You have backslider 78 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,651 written all over you. 79 00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,194 Did I tell you guys that my boss 80 00:02:52,278 --> 00:02:54,155 invited me to play poker with him tonight? 81 00:02:54,238 --> 00:02:55,781 Crazy thing, he never invites anybody 82 00:02:55,865 --> 00:02:56,866 to play poker with him. 83 00:02:56,949 --> 00:02:58,552 I mean, come on, I'm in the prime of my life, baby. 84 00:02:58,576 --> 00:02:59,736 - Winston, shut up! - Shut up! 85 00:02:59,785 --> 00:03:01,787 - Schmidt, I actually need my phone back. - No. 86 00:03:01,912 --> 00:03:03,098 I need to call Russell to just 87 00:03:03,122 --> 00:03:04,665 tell him I left my pajamas there. 88 00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:06,269 The fact that you were wearing pajamas 89 00:03:06,334 --> 00:03:07,644 in the presence of your lover tells me 90 00:03:07,668 --> 00:03:09,730 that that relationship was doomed from the start. No way. 91 00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:10,963 Disgusting. 92 00:03:11,047 --> 00:03:12,548 Don't fake me… Don't fake me out. 93 00:03:12,631 --> 00:03:13,692 Are you guys playing a game? 94 00:03:13,716 --> 00:03:14,800 - No. - Just chillin'. 95 00:03:14,925 --> 00:03:16,594 - Hey, good-lookin'. - Hey. 96 00:03:16,677 --> 00:03:17,678 What can I get you? 97 00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:19,448 How about one of those Nick Miller Manhattans? 98 00:03:19,472 --> 00:03:21,349 Ah, straight bourbon in a plastic cup. 99 00:03:22,516 --> 00:03:23,559 Come with me. 100 00:03:26,437 --> 00:03:27,748 Think we should show him the DVD? 101 00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:28,856 What DVD? 102 00:03:29,857 --> 00:03:31,067 Nick made a DVD 103 00:03:31,150 --> 00:03:33,069 after the last time Caroline broke up with him. 104 00:03:33,152 --> 00:03:35,433 It's all the reasons why they shouldn't get back together. 105 00:03:35,488 --> 00:03:36,590 We hid it somewhere in the loft. 106 00:03:36,614 --> 00:03:39,533 Ooh. Intrigue. Mama like. 107 00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:40,844 I don't know that we should… 108 00:03:40,868 --> 00:03:42,036 Cece's here. 109 00:03:42,119 --> 00:03:44,455 Why is she dressed like a women's studies major? 110 00:03:44,538 --> 00:03:45,665 It's precautionary. 111 00:03:45,748 --> 00:03:46,832 Just until my junk heals. 112 00:03:47,083 --> 00:03:49,543 Ow. Owie. Damn it. 113 00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:51,754 - You okay? - No, I'm not okay. 114 00:03:51,837 --> 00:03:53,089 What is going on, Jess? 115 00:03:53,172 --> 00:03:55,466 I was just thinking about this word 116 00:03:55,549 --> 00:03:56,926 that I learned from Schmidt. 117 00:03:57,426 --> 00:03:58,844 Backsliding. 118 00:03:58,928 --> 00:04:00,721 Oh, so you're saying I'm a backslider. 119 00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:02,699 I don't know what we're supposed to do together anymore. 120 00:04:02,723 --> 00:04:04,809 Everything seems to turn you on. 121 00:04:05,059 --> 00:04:07,895 Oh, look, Cece, a bird. Ow. Ah, damn it! 122 00:04:08,479 --> 00:04:10,606 Schmidt, it's a mother bird in her nest! 123 00:04:10,690 --> 00:04:12,149 Must I say it, Cece? 124 00:04:12,233 --> 00:04:13,234 What? 125 00:04:13,317 --> 00:04:14,527 - Eggs. - Okay. 126 00:04:16,779 --> 00:04:18,280 Okay, sure, look, did Caroline 127 00:04:18,364 --> 00:04:22,493 physically, mentally and emotionally abuse me for years? 128 00:04:22,576 --> 00:04:23,577 Yes! 129 00:04:24,328 --> 00:04:25,496 But she changed. 130 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,415 It's about timing. 131 00:04:27,498 --> 00:04:29,779 And the first time around, we weren't ready to work at it, 132 00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,293 and now we are. 133 00:04:31,419 --> 00:04:32,420 And besides, 134 00:04:32,503 --> 00:04:34,255 Caroline is way hotter than 135 00:04:34,338 --> 00:04:37,550 that voice in my head who sounds like Tom Waits 136 00:04:37,633 --> 00:04:40,344 and tells me I'm a failure and that I look bad in hats. 137 00:04:40,428 --> 00:04:42,471 I don't wanna spend my whole life with him. 138 00:04:42,555 --> 00:04:44,265 You know what I mean? 139 00:04:44,348 --> 00:04:45,766 Okay. 140 00:04:45,933 --> 00:04:47,768 At least you'll get a break from me tomorrow. 141 00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:49,186 I've gotta go visit my dadi. 142 00:04:49,645 --> 00:04:51,439 - What? - It's my grandmother. 143 00:04:51,522 --> 00:04:53,065 - Oh, your bubbe? - Yes, my… 144 00:04:53,149 --> 00:04:54,400 Oh, I have a bubbe. 145 00:04:54,483 --> 00:04:56,485 - Uh, my bubbe is in a home. - Yeah. 146 00:04:56,569 --> 00:04:58,112 Old people freak me out. 147 00:04:58,195 --> 00:05:00,990 With their hands and their legs. 148 00:05:01,073 --> 00:05:03,868 Just, they're like the human version of pleated pants. 149 00:05:04,493 --> 00:05:05,494 - Really? - Not for me. 150 00:05:05,578 --> 00:05:06,579 - Hey, Schmidt. - Hey. 151 00:05:06,662 --> 00:05:07,663 Can I borrow your jacket? 152 00:05:07,747 --> 00:05:08,914 - Yeah, sure. - Thanks. 153 00:05:08,998 --> 00:05:10,458 Like, aren't into old people? 154 00:05:10,541 --> 00:05:11,709 Not at all. 155 00:05:11,792 --> 00:05:12,835 I mean, just, just horr… 156 00:05:12,918 --> 00:05:14,253 Like giant walking raisins. 157 00:05:14,337 --> 00:05:15,379 They're in a home… 158 00:05:15,463 --> 00:05:16,630 It's me. 159 00:05:17,214 --> 00:05:19,508 I've been thinking a lot about you. 160 00:05:19,717 --> 00:05:22,011 - Jess. - Hmm? 161 00:05:22,094 --> 00:05:23,304 I can't feel my arm. 162 00:05:27,433 --> 00:05:28,684 Oh. 163 00:05:28,934 --> 00:05:30,227 Whoa. 164 00:05:30,311 --> 00:05:32,897 - I really can't feel it at all. - Hmm. 165 00:05:33,147 --> 00:05:34,273 Wake up, fella. 166 00:05:34,357 --> 00:05:36,359 You're gonna be late for school. 167 00:05:37,943 --> 00:05:39,779 Genzlinger. 168 00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:46,869 What is that? 169 00:05:47,203 --> 00:05:48,963 It's an earring, man. What does it look like? 170 00:05:48,996 --> 00:05:50,998 Got kind of wasted last night with Joe, 171 00:05:51,082 --> 00:05:52,642 and so, you know, I got my ear pierced. 172 00:05:52,875 --> 00:05:54,001 This is the perfect moment. 173 00:05:54,085 --> 00:05:56,629 Wait, I'm gonna do it. 174 00:05:56,712 --> 00:05:58,231 - I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. - Wait, what? 175 00:05:58,255 --> 00:06:00,049 See, this is when it gets weird between us. 176 00:06:00,132 --> 00:06:01,133 One, two, three. 177 00:06:03,177 --> 00:06:05,971 You know, traditionally, the male of the species is more glamorous. 178 00:06:06,097 --> 00:06:07,157 When's it coming out, by the way? 179 00:06:07,181 --> 00:06:08,849 - The earring? - No, no, the smooth jazz 180 00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:09,934 album you're dropping. 181 00:06:12,228 --> 00:06:15,564 Hey, guys. You remember, um, Paul. 182 00:06:15,648 --> 00:06:17,149 Mercedes-genz! 183 00:06:17,233 --> 00:06:18,734 Genzel Washington. 184 00:06:18,901 --> 00:06:21,278 It's the genz of the world as we know it. 185 00:06:21,362 --> 00:06:23,990 All right, everybody, put down your genz and your genzils. 186 00:06:24,156 --> 00:06:25,741 Hey, Schmidt. What's up, Washington? 187 00:06:27,326 --> 00:06:28,369 - Um, hey. - Hey. 188 00:06:28,452 --> 00:06:30,329 So maybe… Okay. 189 00:06:30,413 --> 00:06:32,140 - We'll definitely, yeah. - All right, that sounds… 190 00:06:32,164 --> 00:06:33,374 Okay. 191 00:06:34,041 --> 00:06:35,042 Okay. 192 00:06:35,251 --> 00:06:36,544 - Okay. - All right. 193 00:06:39,213 --> 00:06:40,548 - Backslider! - Don't. 194 00:06:40,631 --> 00:06:41,674 - You backslid. - Come on. 195 00:06:41,757 --> 00:06:43,676 You backslid all the way 196 00:06:43,759 --> 00:06:46,220 down the hill and back into the parking lot. 197 00:06:46,595 --> 00:06:47,847 Take off your skis and wait 198 00:06:47,930 --> 00:06:49,724 for your family in the lodge, Jessica Day. 199 00:06:49,807 --> 00:06:51,267 Look, I think this could be good. 200 00:06:51,559 --> 00:06:53,853 Paul and I had really bad timing before, 201 00:06:53,936 --> 00:06:56,147 and maybe I should just give it another shot. 202 00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:57,356 Such an ugly crier. 203 00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,066 He is the all-time worst crier. 204 00:07:07,199 --> 00:07:09,577 It's like he's a slow-motion sneeze. 205 00:07:10,119 --> 00:07:11,829 Winston, what is in your ear? 206 00:07:11,912 --> 00:07:14,032 - It's hot and I love it. - Does that feed information 207 00:07:14,081 --> 00:07:16,375 back to Shelby to keep track of your migration patterns? 208 00:07:16,459 --> 00:07:17,835 - Drop it. - Please, Jess. 209 00:07:17,918 --> 00:07:18,979 He just got back from carnival. 210 00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:20,004 Know what? 211 00:07:22,923 --> 00:07:24,550 These people are disgusting. 212 00:07:24,633 --> 00:07:26,153 I've never been more flaccid in my life. 213 00:07:26,177 --> 00:07:27,928 Thank God. 214 00:07:28,929 --> 00:07:31,140 I mean, this place is a cardigan gold mine. 215 00:07:31,223 --> 00:07:32,383 Can I get you anything, Dadi? 216 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:33,976 A hot-blooded man 217 00:07:34,060 --> 00:07:35,978 and a hotel room would be nice. 218 00:07:37,104 --> 00:07:38,856 Oh, just get me a puzzle. 219 00:07:40,941 --> 00:07:41,942 Yeah? 220 00:07:42,026 --> 00:07:43,319 I raised that girl. 221 00:07:44,153 --> 00:07:45,696 She is my life. 222 00:07:46,614 --> 00:07:48,949 And she's not as tough as she looks. 223 00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:50,576 If you hurt her, 224 00:07:50,660 --> 00:07:54,288 I will let myself die and then I will haunt you. 225 00:07:55,873 --> 00:07:58,668 Whoa, look at this fireplace. It's huge. 226 00:07:58,751 --> 00:08:01,128 Caroline, that is not a fireplace, that is, like, 227 00:08:01,212 --> 00:08:02,880 a room you could safely set on fire. 228 00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:05,424 Yeah, this is really nice. 229 00:08:05,508 --> 00:08:06,759 - It is. - So grown up. 230 00:08:06,842 --> 00:08:08,844 But where's all your stuff gonna go? 231 00:08:08,928 --> 00:08:11,972 Like, where will the Grateful Dead bears dance? 232 00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:13,766 Oh, I didn't realize I lived here, too. 233 00:08:13,849 --> 00:08:16,185 Seriously, though, what do you think about moving in? 234 00:08:16,977 --> 00:08:18,646 Wait, you wanna move in together? 235 00:08:18,729 --> 00:08:21,232 Yeah, I mean, I feel like if we're gonna do this again, 236 00:08:21,315 --> 00:08:23,526 we should do it for real this time, you know? 237 00:08:23,609 --> 00:08:25,987 - Right. - I mean, I'm 33 years old. 238 00:08:26,112 --> 00:08:28,090 You're 30 years old, we're the same age, you knucklehead. 239 00:08:28,114 --> 00:08:29,949 No, I lied about that. I'm 33. 240 00:08:31,701 --> 00:08:33,741 I don't wanna start at the beginning again with you. 241 00:08:34,245 --> 00:08:36,080 I mean, you're not 242 00:08:37,540 --> 00:08:39,709 not making sense. 243 00:08:40,918 --> 00:08:41,919 Knock-knock. 244 00:08:42,169 --> 00:08:43,170 Hi. 245 00:08:43,254 --> 00:08:44,422 Hi back. 246 00:08:45,006 --> 00:08:46,257 - Um… - Hey. 247 00:08:46,340 --> 00:08:47,693 - I want to tell you… - I have something to tell you. 248 00:08:47,717 --> 00:08:49,557 - Oh, sorry, you go first. - Oh, I'll go first. 249 00:08:49,719 --> 00:08:52,013 Um, I was thinking a lot about, um… 250 00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:56,809 You and last night. 251 00:08:57,018 --> 00:08:58,060 Right. 252 00:08:58,144 --> 00:09:01,439 And we have something good. 253 00:09:01,522 --> 00:09:03,107 Jess, I have a girlfriend. 254 00:09:04,859 --> 00:09:05,860 - What? - Yep. 255 00:09:06,193 --> 00:09:07,695 Very serious girlfriend. 256 00:09:08,779 --> 00:09:11,115 Oh, my God. Why didn't you tell me? 257 00:09:11,198 --> 00:09:13,659 When you called me last night, we had just gotten 258 00:09:13,743 --> 00:09:16,120 into this huge fight, and I was really confused. 259 00:09:16,203 --> 00:09:18,080 You cheating on her with me? 260 00:09:18,164 --> 00:09:19,498 Is that bad? That's bad. 261 00:09:19,582 --> 00:09:20,958 It's really bad. 262 00:09:21,042 --> 00:09:22,793 Oh, no, that's really bad. 263 00:09:23,002 --> 00:09:24,253 Why would you do that? 264 00:09:24,337 --> 00:09:26,255 Now I know what Bill Clinton feels like. 265 00:09:26,339 --> 00:09:28,466 Now I know how Monica Lewinsky feels! 266 00:09:28,549 --> 00:09:30,801 I'm sorry I made you feel like Monica Lewinsky. 267 00:09:30,885 --> 00:09:31,886 Stop crying! 268 00:09:31,969 --> 00:09:33,095 You are literally 269 00:09:33,179 --> 00:09:36,140 the ugliest crier I have ever seen! 270 00:09:36,223 --> 00:09:37,433 You cry smile. 271 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:38,744 Hey, babe, I'm here for lunch. 272 00:09:38,768 --> 00:09:39,852 - Oh! - Oh. 273 00:09:40,603 --> 00:09:43,606 Oh, no, are you crying? Is everything okay? 274 00:09:45,816 --> 00:09:47,276 There's… There's… 275 00:09:48,235 --> 00:09:50,363 I'm sorry to have to break it to you, 276 00:09:50,446 --> 00:09:51,781 but that is the way 277 00:09:51,864 --> 00:09:53,574 the electoral college works, man. 278 00:09:53,824 --> 00:09:56,243 It… It just seems so unfair. 279 00:09:56,327 --> 00:09:58,329 So votes don't mean as much. 280 00:09:58,412 --> 00:09:59,413 It upsets me, too. 281 00:10:06,462 --> 00:10:07,755 I'm gonna miss you, Winston. 282 00:10:08,047 --> 00:10:09,358 - What do you mean? - I'm gonna miss you 283 00:10:09,382 --> 00:10:11,300 when your caravan moves on to the next village. 284 00:10:12,468 --> 00:10:14,095 Oh, my God! 285 00:10:14,804 --> 00:10:16,263 He has a girlfriend! 286 00:10:16,597 --> 00:10:19,350 He cheated on his girlfriend with me. 287 00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:20,810 I'm a cheater. 288 00:10:20,893 --> 00:10:22,103 P. Genz played you? 289 00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:25,898 I saw her. She looks like an Asian me. 290 00:10:25,982 --> 00:10:28,150 Asian Jess. Wow… Ow. 291 00:10:28,734 --> 00:10:30,027 I can't even backslide right. 292 00:10:30,236 --> 00:10:32,738 I've been her. I've been Asian me before. 293 00:10:32,822 --> 00:10:34,341 Are you gonna keep calling her "Asian me," 294 00:10:34,365 --> 00:10:35,925 because it's becoming a problem for me. 295 00:10:35,950 --> 00:10:37,243 I don't know her name, Schmidt. 296 00:10:37,326 --> 00:10:39,537 But I do know that if I were her, 297 00:10:39,954 --> 00:10:42,248 I would wanna know what kind of person I was dating. 298 00:10:42,331 --> 00:10:43,958 And that's why I have to tell her. 299 00:10:44,041 --> 00:10:45,394 - What? No, don't do that. - Please don't do that. 300 00:10:45,418 --> 00:10:47,336 - Mmm-mmm. - Sometimes when you make a mistake 301 00:10:47,420 --> 00:10:49,630 all you can do is own up to it, all right? 302 00:10:49,714 --> 00:10:52,425 Because it's something you can't fix. Knowledge. 303 00:10:52,508 --> 00:10:54,093 Take it easy, black George Michael. 304 00:10:54,176 --> 00:10:56,512 I have to do it. I have to tell her. 305 00:10:57,138 --> 00:10:59,557 Sixty-one years we've been together. 306 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,183 Fourteen presidents 307 00:11:01,267 --> 00:11:02,643 and four different Batmen. 308 00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:04,437 Why don't we go for a walk? 309 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:06,290 I'm just gonna go get your sweater. I'll be back in a second. 310 00:11:06,314 --> 00:11:07,916 - Oh, thanks, sweetie. - Give me one second. 311 00:11:07,940 --> 00:11:11,485 Wow, so you guys are like real live Yodas, huh? 312 00:11:11,861 --> 00:11:13,112 Can I ask you a question? 313 00:11:13,195 --> 00:11:14,905 - Yeah. - Shoot, cowboy. 314 00:11:14,989 --> 00:11:16,258 How do you build a relationship? 315 00:11:16,282 --> 00:11:17,491 How about Viagra? 316 00:11:17,575 --> 00:11:19,785 I use it just to keep from falling out of bed. 317 00:11:20,161 --> 00:11:21,746 How does a guy like me have a chance 318 00:11:21,829 --> 00:11:23,622 at making someone like Cece happy? 319 00:11:23,706 --> 00:11:26,250 You don't. Not with all those moles on your face. 320 00:11:27,001 --> 00:11:28,794 - I should just give up, huh? - That's crazy! 321 00:11:28,878 --> 00:11:29,879 She needs you! 322 00:11:32,089 --> 00:11:35,301 You are exactly what she needs. 323 00:11:38,054 --> 00:11:40,097 - Here's your sweater, Dadi. - Oh, thank you. 324 00:11:40,181 --> 00:11:42,224 Um, I'll meet you out there in a second, okay? 325 00:11:42,308 --> 00:11:43,601 Okay. 326 00:11:44,894 --> 00:11:46,062 Take it easy, Burt. 327 00:11:49,148 --> 00:11:50,584 You know, for the first time in my life 328 00:11:50,608 --> 00:11:53,653 I actually feel like I want something that lasts. 329 00:11:56,530 --> 00:11:57,948 And I want it with you. 330 00:11:58,032 --> 00:12:01,827 I feel the same way. 331 00:12:01,994 --> 00:12:03,788 You do? 332 00:12:05,956 --> 00:12:07,225 - It hurts so bad, because… - What's turning you on? 333 00:12:07,249 --> 00:12:09,335 - Oh… - The queen of diamonds? 334 00:12:09,627 --> 00:12:10,753 - The bow? - Oh, my God. 335 00:12:10,836 --> 00:12:12,004 The teeth in the glass? 336 00:12:12,088 --> 00:12:13,339 I care about you so much. 337 00:12:13,422 --> 00:12:14,757 - The leaf painting? - But… 338 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,885 Is emotional intimacy turning you on? 339 00:12:20,179 --> 00:12:22,264 Are you in that much pain? 340 00:12:23,057 --> 00:12:24,725 He passed out. We need help! 341 00:12:25,101 --> 00:12:26,602 Yo. What's up, man? 342 00:12:26,686 --> 00:12:28,187 - How'd the audition go? - What? 343 00:12:28,396 --> 00:12:30,398 For the Disney pirate movie? 344 00:12:30,481 --> 00:12:33,484 Hey, Mr. T called. He wants to punch you because that earring looks stupid. 345 00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:34,628 I mean, Lil Wayne wears it, so… 346 00:12:34,652 --> 00:12:36,320 Oh, little Wayne Gonzales from Brazil, 347 00:12:36,862 --> 00:12:39,407 who came to the United States to dance and be free? 348 00:12:39,490 --> 00:12:41,610 You can't touch me, baby. I'm in the prime of my life. 349 00:12:41,659 --> 00:12:43,512 Tell me, what are you doing? What you been doing all day? 350 00:12:43,536 --> 00:12:45,997 Oh, I'm actually looking for an apartment. It's for Caroline. 351 00:12:46,122 --> 00:12:47,683 She's looking for a new apartment, and she asked me 352 00:12:47,707 --> 00:12:49,977 if I wanted to move in with her, and I'm thinking about it. 353 00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:52,503 Cool! Cool, cool, sounds like so much fun. 354 00:12:52,586 --> 00:12:54,523 I'm really glad that's your reaction, because I thought 355 00:12:54,547 --> 00:12:56,191 you were going to tell me I was making a huge mistake. 356 00:12:56,215 --> 00:12:57,484 Honestly, I didn't want to hear that. 357 00:12:57,508 --> 00:12:59,677 Wouldn't do that, that'd be silly. 358 00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:06,892 - What are you doing? - Huh? What? 359 00:13:06,976 --> 00:13:08,269 - No, Nick… - No, no, no! No! 360 00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:11,063 - Nick. Nick. Nick, Nick! Nick! - Don't! 361 00:13:11,314 --> 00:13:12,315 It's for your own good. 362 00:13:12,398 --> 00:13:14,209 - Get out of there! - What are you… No, Schmidt! 363 00:13:14,233 --> 00:13:15,526 - Grab him! - Okay, grab him. 364 00:13:15,609 --> 00:13:16,610 You got him? 365 00:13:16,694 --> 00:13:17,921 - Watch the television. - You got him? 366 00:13:17,945 --> 00:13:19,155 Watch it. Watch it. 367 00:13:19,238 --> 00:13:20,823 Watch the television. Watch the TV. 368 00:13:20,906 --> 00:13:22,217 All right, all right, watch the TV. 369 00:13:22,241 --> 00:13:23,242 - Hello, Nick… - No! 370 00:13:23,326 --> 00:13:24,618 In all its glory, watch it. 371 00:13:25,077 --> 00:13:26,871 - You magnificent dumb-ass. - Come on. 372 00:13:27,413 --> 00:13:28,789 If you're watching this, 373 00:13:28,873 --> 00:13:30,873 it's because you decided to get back with Caroline. 374 00:13:30,916 --> 00:13:32,585 Yes, Nick. I did. 375 00:13:32,668 --> 00:13:34,545 Well, congratulations, you idiot. 376 00:13:34,712 --> 00:13:37,006 - She destroyed you. - You don't know me, you jerk! 377 00:13:37,089 --> 00:13:38,966 These, my dumb friend, are your tears. 378 00:13:39,175 --> 00:13:41,177 - And you saved them all. - I got him, I got him. 379 00:13:41,260 --> 00:13:42,487 - Think back, Nick… - Stay still. 380 00:13:42,511 --> 00:13:43,822 Or whatever they call you in your time. 381 00:13:43,846 --> 00:13:45,681 Who dumped you three times? 382 00:13:45,973 --> 00:13:48,118 Once before you had to speak at your brother's wedding. 383 00:13:48,142 --> 00:13:49,786 Well, he's divorced now, so I'll get another shot. 384 00:13:49,810 --> 00:13:51,747 - This is a poem you wrote about Caroline. - I don't want the poem. 385 00:13:51,771 --> 00:13:52,956 - I don't want the poem. - You're getting the poem. 386 00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:54,899 But you're too emotional to read it right now. 387 00:13:54,982 --> 00:13:57,485 You're gonna give it to Schmidt for safekeeping. 388 00:14:01,072 --> 00:14:02,365 This is your doing, Caroline. 389 00:14:02,448 --> 00:14:03,949 You were right to have trusted me. 390 00:14:04,033 --> 00:14:05,743 Two years I held this thing. 391 00:14:06,327 --> 00:14:08,037 - Read it. - Here they come. 392 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:09,413 Okay. 393 00:14:09,580 --> 00:14:13,084 "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" 394 00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:15,711 "No, a summer's day is not a bitch." 395 00:14:16,170 --> 00:14:17,630 Really, Nick? 396 00:14:18,047 --> 00:14:19,483 That's how you wanna talk about Caroline? 397 00:14:19,507 --> 00:14:20,966 I can't move, my earring is stuck. 398 00:14:21,050 --> 00:14:22,527 But there's something I wanna do to you, then. 399 00:14:22,551 --> 00:14:24,112 Don't move, don't move. Don't move, Nick, don't move! 400 00:14:24,136 --> 00:14:26,198 Let's have a conversation like men! Let's act like men, Nick! 401 00:14:26,222 --> 00:14:27,658 You wanna act like men, let's act like men. 402 00:14:27,682 --> 00:14:30,059 Look at how far you've come, Nick. 403 00:14:30,142 --> 00:14:32,537 - Wanna be a bartender forever, pal? - I'm still a bartender. 404 00:14:32,561 --> 00:14:33,938 You wanna be a grown man 405 00:14:34,021 --> 00:14:37,108 who dresses like an unsponsored professional skateboarder? 406 00:14:37,191 --> 00:14:39,485 You don't wanna live like this. You're moving on. 407 00:14:39,735 --> 00:14:41,588 I'm here to tell you you're doing the right thing, 408 00:14:41,612 --> 00:14:42,697 so just keep going. 409 00:14:42,822 --> 00:14:44,542 Can I talk to you Nick to Nick for a second? 410 00:14:45,908 --> 00:14:48,035 I respect you, man. You're rocking the hell 411 00:14:48,119 --> 00:14:50,329 out of that beard, and the long hair looks good, 412 00:14:50,413 --> 00:14:52,013 despite what other people are gonna say. 413 00:14:52,081 --> 00:14:54,417 Look, the Caroline that broke your heart, 414 00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,210 I get why you don't like her. 415 00:14:56,293 --> 00:14:58,021 But it's a different Caroline that's picking me up 416 00:14:58,045 --> 00:14:59,922 in five minutes, Nick. 417 00:15:00,381 --> 00:15:03,467 Do you want me to live alone in this loft for the rest of my life? 418 00:15:04,135 --> 00:15:06,595 Hey, what's the difference between me and Bill Cosby? 419 00:15:07,388 --> 00:15:09,548 Well, thanks, guys. You helped me figure something out. 420 00:15:10,057 --> 00:15:11,058 All right, well, look, 421 00:15:11,142 --> 00:15:13,102 I think this was a really nice talk, future Nick. 422 00:15:13,185 --> 00:15:15,505 I hope you got something from it, 'cause I know that I did. 423 00:15:17,773 --> 00:15:19,191 I'm gonna call her. 424 00:15:19,275 --> 00:15:21,360 - I have to call… - No! Damn it, give me the phone. 425 00:15:21,444 --> 00:15:23,338 - I have to call… - Coach! He's calling her again. 426 00:15:23,362 --> 00:15:26,449 - We lost him. - We sure did, Captain Black Sparrow. 427 00:15:27,241 --> 00:15:28,617 - Hey, Paul. - Hey. 428 00:15:28,701 --> 00:15:30,461 I'm not gonna let you lie to your girlfriend. 429 00:15:30,494 --> 00:15:32,663 Okay? It's not fair to her. 430 00:15:32,747 --> 00:15:35,291 So you have to tell her what happened between us. 431 00:15:35,374 --> 00:15:36,500 Or I will. 432 00:15:36,709 --> 00:15:38,502 All right. You're right. 433 00:15:38,753 --> 00:15:40,504 - I have to tell her. - Yeah. 434 00:15:40,588 --> 00:15:42,923 I'm so scared, though. I don't want to lose her, Jess. 435 00:15:43,007 --> 00:15:44,300 She's my soul mate. 436 00:15:44,383 --> 00:15:46,653 For someone with a soul mate, you sure did have sex with me. 437 00:15:46,677 --> 00:15:49,013 I know. I know, and I don't expect you to believe me. 438 00:15:49,263 --> 00:15:51,015 I wouldn't believe me if I were you. 439 00:15:51,182 --> 00:15:53,059 But check it out. 440 00:15:53,142 --> 00:15:55,603 I even bought her an engagement ring. 441 00:15:56,937 --> 00:15:58,105 Oh. 442 00:15:58,606 --> 00:16:00,566 That's… That's really beautiful. 443 00:16:00,650 --> 00:16:02,586 I've been carrying it around in my pocket for two weeks, 444 00:16:02,610 --> 00:16:04,450 trying to find the right way to propose to her. 445 00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:06,656 And I just started panicking, and I got… 446 00:16:06,989 --> 00:16:09,533 I don't know, I got scared, and… and really confused, 447 00:16:09,617 --> 00:16:11,327 and I'm so sorry to drag you into this, 448 00:16:11,410 --> 00:16:12,929 but this was the biggest mistake of my life. 449 00:16:12,953 --> 00:16:15,414 God, Paul, don't make me feel sorry for you. 450 00:16:15,498 --> 00:16:16,499 I know. I messed up. 451 00:16:16,582 --> 00:16:17,833 Big time. 452 00:16:18,125 --> 00:16:19,293 And I'm gonna lose her. 453 00:16:19,377 --> 00:16:20,961 Oh, God, I can't lose her! 454 00:16:21,379 --> 00:16:23,297 Hey, babe, you left your tuner in my car. 455 00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:26,384 Oh. Hi! You're Jess, right? 456 00:16:26,467 --> 00:16:27,468 I'm Jenn. 457 00:16:28,219 --> 00:16:29,428 Jenn. 458 00:16:32,515 --> 00:16:33,891 Well, I was just leaving. 459 00:16:33,974 --> 00:16:36,560 - Jess and I slept together. - Oh, God. 460 00:16:36,977 --> 00:16:38,830 - What? - I wanna be completely honest with you. 461 00:16:38,854 --> 00:16:41,023 It happened two days ago, and we did lots of stuff. 462 00:16:41,107 --> 00:16:42,584 There was talking, and there were hands, 463 00:16:42,608 --> 00:16:44,402 and I think we ruined a throw pillow. 464 00:16:44,485 --> 00:16:46,487 He's making it sound a lot more erotic than it was. 465 00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:49,115 It was just, like, lying there and… Blah. 466 00:16:49,198 --> 00:16:50,241 I am so sorry. 467 00:16:50,324 --> 00:16:52,535 I'm… I'm begging you to forgive me. 468 00:16:52,743 --> 00:16:54,662 I thought you loved me. 469 00:16:54,745 --> 00:16:55,997 I'm so sorry. 470 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,416 I'm an idiot! 471 00:16:59,625 --> 00:17:02,211 - I'm an idiot, I'm so sorry. - Oh, my God. No… 472 00:17:02,294 --> 00:17:05,006 Yeah, I'm such an idiot. 473 00:17:05,214 --> 00:17:06,507 Goodbye, Paul. 474 00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:08,718 - Oh, no. - Wait. Wait. Jenn? 475 00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:10,469 Haven't you done enough? 476 00:17:10,636 --> 00:17:13,597 Yeah, I have. I have done enough, but… 477 00:17:16,350 --> 00:17:17,560 I know how you feel. 478 00:17:18,811 --> 00:17:21,147 I've been there. I've been cheated on before, 479 00:17:21,230 --> 00:17:22,940 and it feels like someone 480 00:17:23,024 --> 00:17:24,692 dropped an anvil on your heart. 481 00:17:25,234 --> 00:17:26,610 Um, but… 482 00:17:27,695 --> 00:17:29,238 That guy wasn't right for me. 483 00:17:30,448 --> 00:17:31,615 You guys… 484 00:17:31,699 --> 00:17:33,826 You guys are perfect together. 485 00:17:34,452 --> 00:17:35,828 I thought you were Asian me, 486 00:17:35,911 --> 00:17:38,539 but now I realize I'm just Caucasian you. 487 00:17:39,165 --> 00:17:40,541 - What? - What? 488 00:17:40,666 --> 00:17:42,209 Paul was scared. 489 00:17:42,293 --> 00:17:43,377 And when you're scared, 490 00:17:44,211 --> 00:17:45,504 you do stupid things. 491 00:17:45,588 --> 00:17:47,423 He made a really terrible mistake. 492 00:17:47,798 --> 00:17:49,342 Really terrible. 493 00:17:49,425 --> 00:17:51,802 The things that we did 48 hours ago were so dark… 494 00:17:51,886 --> 00:17:53,346 - I'm handling this. - Sorry. 495 00:17:54,096 --> 00:17:55,514 Jenn… 496 00:17:56,515 --> 00:17:57,516 You love Paul. 497 00:17:58,601 --> 00:18:00,561 I know that because you're still standing here. 498 00:18:01,020 --> 00:18:02,480 What you guys have… 499 00:18:03,397 --> 00:18:04,690 It's way bigger than me. 500 00:18:05,608 --> 00:18:06,901 And I think… 501 00:18:07,193 --> 00:18:08,944 I think Paul has something to ask you. 502 00:18:10,821 --> 00:18:13,032 I know this is not the right time to do this, 503 00:18:13,115 --> 00:18:15,284 in fact this is a terrible time to do this, 504 00:18:15,368 --> 00:18:16,452 but I don't care. 505 00:18:16,744 --> 00:18:18,496 I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, 506 00:18:18,579 --> 00:18:20,331 Jennifer Ruth Toyogi. 507 00:18:21,457 --> 00:18:22,708 I know that now more than ever. 508 00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:24,085 Now that you slept with her. 509 00:18:24,168 --> 00:18:25,795 - Happy to help. - Uh-huh. 510 00:18:27,088 --> 00:18:30,549 If… If you still love me at all… 511 00:18:30,966 --> 00:18:33,761 Of course I still do. I… 512 00:18:34,762 --> 00:18:36,806 Oh, yeah. Um… 513 00:18:38,599 --> 00:18:39,600 Ooh… 514 00:18:39,684 --> 00:18:41,143 Will you… Will you… 515 00:18:41,227 --> 00:18:43,145 Will you, will you marry him? 516 00:18:43,312 --> 00:18:44,563 Yeah. 517 00:18:51,529 --> 00:18:53,155 - Is that a yes? - Yes! 518 00:19:07,878 --> 00:19:10,172 So you and Cece are staying away from each other. 519 00:19:10,256 --> 00:19:11,632 Only until my penis stops looking 520 00:19:11,716 --> 00:19:13,426 like a knotted wizard's staff. 521 00:19:13,509 --> 00:19:15,720 - That sounds tough, man. - Guys like us, 522 00:19:15,803 --> 00:19:18,597 Nick, too, we're warriors. 523 00:19:18,681 --> 00:19:20,683 We just keep on fighting, and holding on, 524 00:19:20,766 --> 00:19:23,310 even when we know we're just making a big mistake. 525 00:19:23,394 --> 00:19:24,770 Like Nick and Caroline. 526 00:19:24,854 --> 00:19:26,748 - And that earring. - I'm not giving this thing up. 527 00:19:26,772 --> 00:19:28,458 You look like you were caught by a fly fisherman. 528 00:19:28,482 --> 00:19:29,835 Dude, I've had it with the earring jokes. 529 00:19:29,859 --> 00:19:31,295 You look like you should be standing in line 530 00:19:31,319 --> 00:19:32,921 to get into Shaquille O'Neal's birthday party. 531 00:19:32,945 --> 00:19:33,988 Oh, my God, you guys. 532 00:19:34,071 --> 00:19:35,948 The most exciting thing just happened. 533 00:19:36,032 --> 00:19:38,826 I helped Paul propose to his girlfriend. They are engaged. 534 00:19:38,909 --> 00:19:40,053 - Awesome. - I feel like you're leaving out 535 00:19:40,077 --> 00:19:42,237 - part of that story. - Where's Nick? I wanna tell him. 536 00:19:42,663 --> 00:19:44,165 This should be fun. Um… 537 00:19:44,582 --> 00:19:46,542 Yeah, Nick has something to tell you, too. 538 00:19:46,625 --> 00:19:48,169 - He's in the bathroom. - Oh, great. 539 00:19:49,587 --> 00:19:51,589 - Really? - She's gonna find out anyway. 540 00:19:51,672 --> 00:19:53,674 Nick! Nick! 541 00:19:54,091 --> 00:19:55,384 - Hey. - What, Jess? 542 00:19:55,926 --> 00:19:59,555 Um, Paul proposed to his girlfriend in front of me. 543 00:20:00,389 --> 00:20:01,450 That sounds pretty awkward. 544 00:20:01,474 --> 00:20:03,684 She said yes, and it was… It was really… 545 00:20:03,768 --> 00:20:05,519 It was really beautiful. 546 00:20:05,603 --> 00:20:07,188 And it made me realize something. 547 00:20:07,271 --> 00:20:09,857 You're wrong. All the stuff you said about Caroline, 548 00:20:10,399 --> 00:20:11,734 being about timing, 549 00:20:11,817 --> 00:20:13,402 and it just making sense? 550 00:20:15,446 --> 00:20:20,159 No. Because if you really love someone, it's simple. 551 00:20:21,410 --> 00:20:23,263 Okay. Well, I understand what you're saying, but… 552 00:20:23,287 --> 00:20:24,664 You deserve something amazing. 553 00:20:25,915 --> 00:20:27,750 And you deserve love. 554 00:20:29,293 --> 00:20:31,212 I know you don't wanna be alone, 555 00:20:31,295 --> 00:20:32,630 but I'm gonna be there, 556 00:20:32,713 --> 00:20:36,092 and I'll tell that Tom Waits voice in your head to shut up. 557 00:20:38,719 --> 00:20:40,971 We don't have to settle, 558 00:20:41,263 --> 00:20:42,932 Nick. 559 00:20:43,015 --> 00:20:44,433 You're the best. 560 00:20:46,894 --> 00:20:48,020 I'm moving in with Caroline. 561 00:20:52,650 --> 00:20:53,890 We signed a lease this morning. 562 00:20:55,111 --> 00:20:57,071 Thanks for saying all that stuff. 563 00:21:08,290 --> 00:21:10,418 Now that I got your attention, future Nick, 564 00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:13,671 there's a few things I'd like to talk to you about. 565 00:21:13,754 --> 00:21:15,756 Be nicer to your mom when she calls. 566 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:17,109 Stop giving yourself high fives. 567 00:21:17,133 --> 00:21:19,176 Put your head underwater, you two-year-old. 568 00:21:19,260 --> 00:21:21,846 Be nicer to Coach, or he's gonna take off, 569 00:21:21,929 --> 00:21:23,723 live with a bunch of other white people. 570 00:21:23,806 --> 00:21:24,974 I know fake karate. 571 00:21:25,057 --> 00:21:26,559 I'm Nick, I'm grumpy. 572 00:21:26,642 --> 00:21:27,911 I'm going to put my baby hood on. 573 00:21:27,935 --> 00:21:29,895 Sex is a sprint, not a marathon. 574 00:21:30,146 --> 00:21:31,981 You are special You are special. 575 00:21:32,064 --> 00:21:33,983 You. 576 00:21:34,066 --> 00:21:35,985 We'll see each other in the future 577 00:21:36,068 --> 00:21:38,279 unless I see you first. Nick Miller!