1 00:00:02,034 --> 00:00:03,035 Okay, great. 2 00:00:03,118 --> 00:00:04,971 Um, as you guys know, I'm moving in with Caroline, 3 00:00:04,995 --> 00:00:07,664 and I'm glad we can talk about this like adults. 4 00:00:07,748 --> 00:00:09,458 Caroline is, uh, quite the baker. 5 00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:11,543 Anything else, anyone? 6 00:00:11,626 --> 00:00:14,963 You're making a huge, life-ruining mistake by moving in 7 00:00:15,047 --> 00:00:17,758 with a woman who turned you into an agoraphobic, 8 00:00:17,841 --> 00:00:20,010 turtle-faced, borderline alcoholic. 9 00:00:21,178 --> 00:00:24,556 I'm gonna start over, 'cause this did not go the way I had planned. 10 00:00:25,557 --> 00:00:27,225 As you guys know, I'm leaving, 11 00:00:27,309 --> 00:00:28,911 so there are some things we need to work out. 12 00:00:28,935 --> 00:00:30,371 Yeah, like, what am I going to do with all that 13 00:00:30,395 --> 00:00:32,832 extra money I have now that I don't have to cover for you anymore? 14 00:00:32,856 --> 00:00:33,857 Okay. 15 00:00:33,940 --> 00:00:35,752 - Maybe I'll buy a city. - Oh, and you can open a mall 16 00:00:35,776 --> 00:00:37,319 and call it Winston's Corners. 17 00:00:37,402 --> 00:00:40,214 What are you guys doing? You're just sitting here and letting this happen? 18 00:00:40,238 --> 00:00:41,341 What else are we going to do? 19 00:00:41,365 --> 00:00:42,717 - The guy obviously knows what he wants. - I do. 20 00:00:42,741 --> 00:00:45,035 When Nick leaves, I'm going to call a plumber and just 21 00:00:45,118 --> 00:00:46,995 throw cash at him while he works. 22 00:00:47,079 --> 00:00:48,705 Fitties and hunnits, hunnits, hunnits. 23 00:00:48,789 --> 00:00:51,017 Look, while you're at it, can you please call an exterminator 24 00:00:51,041 --> 00:00:52,518 so we can get rid of that crime against nature? 25 00:00:52,542 --> 00:00:54,086 Yeah, he's not fooling anyone. 26 00:00:54,169 --> 00:00:57,172 You think, just 'cause he's a snappy dresser, the mice don't see the hammer? 27 00:00:57,255 --> 00:00:59,091 Mice come from all over the building 28 00:00:59,174 --> 00:01:00,801 to laugh at that dummy witch. 29 00:01:00,884 --> 00:01:02,344 Is this a freaking carob chip? 30 00:01:02,427 --> 00:01:05,180 What, are you trying to buy our love with hippie chocolate? 31 00:01:05,263 --> 00:01:06,390 You idiot. 32 00:01:07,474 --> 00:01:08,975 Aren't you going to miss this, Nick? 33 00:01:09,184 --> 00:01:10,435 Who's that girl? 34 00:01:10,519 --> 00:01:11,812 Who's that girl? 35 00:01:11,895 --> 00:01:13,021 Who's that girl? 36 00:01:13,105 --> 00:01:14,106 Who's that girl? 37 00:01:14,189 --> 00:01:15,190 It's Jess! 38 00:01:16,942 --> 00:01:18,711 Winston, can you take me to the doctor tomorrow? 39 00:01:18,735 --> 00:01:20,612 - He's taking the bandages off. - Wow. 40 00:01:20,695 --> 00:01:22,322 The old Washington monument. 41 00:01:22,406 --> 00:01:24,449 Ready to serve this great nation once again. 42 00:01:24,533 --> 00:01:26,034 - Can you stop? - What? 43 00:01:26,118 --> 00:01:27,911 It's time to make this horse into a unicorn. 44 00:01:27,994 --> 00:01:29,597 Can we save this talk until after we're done 45 00:01:29,621 --> 00:01:31,415 interviewing Neil here to take Nick's room? 46 00:01:31,540 --> 00:01:33,417 Hey, don't worry about me. 47 00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,544 I could talk about my dingus all night long. 48 00:01:35,669 --> 00:01:38,046 Neil, tell us about yourself, you know, uh, 49 00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:39,565 anything we should know, aside from the fact 50 00:01:39,589 --> 00:01:42,217 that you responded to our craigslist ad with a fax? 51 00:01:42,342 --> 00:01:44,386 Well, um, yeah, my name is Neil. 52 00:01:44,469 --> 00:01:48,014 Um, just coming out of a pretty hairy divorce. 53 00:01:48,098 --> 00:01:49,683 I am in human resources. 54 00:01:49,766 --> 00:01:52,561 Well, I used to be. I had the unique, uh, experience 55 00:01:52,644 --> 00:01:54,730 of having to let myself go. 56 00:01:55,188 --> 00:01:58,066 - I did not take it well. - Let me ask you a question. 57 00:01:58,150 --> 00:02:00,253 I would love for you to save your questions till the end. 58 00:02:00,277 --> 00:02:01,837 Are you going to be a wuss about things 59 00:02:01,903 --> 00:02:04,364 - like crabs and bedbugs? - Like, crabs from Maine? 60 00:02:04,448 --> 00:02:06,033 I hope you like feminist rants, 61 00:02:06,116 --> 00:02:07,367 'cause that's kind of my thing. 62 00:02:07,451 --> 00:02:09,161 Neil, she's just saying this to scare you. 63 00:02:09,286 --> 00:02:10,996 What are you… 64 00:02:11,079 --> 00:02:12,664 - What are you doing? - Shut up. 65 00:02:12,789 --> 00:02:14,499 I'm a cutter. 66 00:02:14,583 --> 00:02:16,394 Neil, uh, I want you to give us a minute, okay? 67 00:02:16,418 --> 00:02:17,919 I got to go talk to my roommates 68 00:02:18,003 --> 00:02:19,480 - in the bathroom. Guys? - Okay. Oh, yeah. 69 00:02:19,504 --> 00:02:20,839 You're acting insane. 70 00:02:20,922 --> 00:02:23,341 I'm acting insane? That guy's insane. 71 00:02:23,425 --> 00:02:25,969 Look, Jess, when you moved in, we all had to roll with it. 72 00:02:26,053 --> 00:02:27,054 To be fair 73 00:02:27,137 --> 00:02:28,805 you do some pretty weird stuff. 74 00:02:28,889 --> 00:02:30,199 You know, I still can't get used to the way 75 00:02:30,223 --> 00:02:32,100 you let us know when you're using the toilet. 76 00:02:36,188 --> 00:02:37,230 I'm good with Neil. 77 00:02:37,314 --> 00:02:39,733 - I am, too. - What are you guys doing? 78 00:02:40,358 --> 00:02:42,027 Nick's leaving. 79 00:02:42,110 --> 00:02:43,278 You're his friends. 80 00:02:43,361 --> 00:02:45,489 Aren't you going to fight for him to stay? 81 00:02:45,822 --> 00:02:46,865 You're in. 82 00:02:47,115 --> 00:02:48,700 Ah, yes! Okay. 83 00:02:48,784 --> 00:02:50,035 And get ready for songs, 84 00:02:50,118 --> 00:02:52,537 'cause I am kind of a troubadour. 85 00:02:52,621 --> 00:02:55,374 This is happening, Nick. This is happening. 86 00:02:55,874 --> 00:02:57,876 Whoa, whoa! Why you taking back your lamp? 87 00:02:57,959 --> 00:02:59,294 I think you just answered that 88 00:02:59,378 --> 00:03:00,521 when you called it "my lamp." 89 00:03:00,545 --> 00:03:02,547 No, man. Squatters' rights. 90 00:03:02,631 --> 00:03:04,311 What's wrong? You still afraid of the dark? 91 00:03:04,383 --> 00:03:05,425 What? No. Dude. 92 00:03:05,509 --> 00:03:06,718 'Cause, if you are, 93 00:03:07,010 --> 00:03:08,303 I'll leave this behind. 94 00:03:08,387 --> 00:03:10,514 Nick, first of all, I'm not afraid of the dark. 95 00:03:10,597 --> 00:03:11,917 But if I were afraid of the dark, 96 00:03:11,973 --> 00:03:13,642 that would be a totally rational, 97 00:03:13,725 --> 00:03:15,352 adaptive evolutionary response. 98 00:03:15,435 --> 00:03:17,187 - Good night, Winston. - That's ridiculous. 99 00:03:17,270 --> 00:03:18,331 I'm not afraid of the dark. 100 00:03:18,355 --> 00:03:19,564 Good night, sweetheart. 101 00:03:20,357 --> 00:03:23,026 Unless the monsters get you. 102 00:03:28,657 --> 00:03:29,991 Hey. 103 00:03:30,325 --> 00:03:31,993 You came. 104 00:03:34,121 --> 00:03:35,288 Whoa. 105 00:03:35,372 --> 00:03:36,373 What you got in there? 106 00:03:36,456 --> 00:03:37,499 It's a hard cast. 107 00:03:38,291 --> 00:03:39,418 Yeah, things didn't go 108 00:03:39,501 --> 00:03:41,420 quite like we had hoped at the doctor. 109 00:03:41,503 --> 00:03:43,630 Yeah, so I told the guy I had never been snowmobiling 110 00:03:43,714 --> 00:03:44,965 in my life, you know, and… 111 00:03:45,048 --> 00:03:47,092 Oh, god! 112 00:03:47,467 --> 00:03:48,468 That's not my penis. 113 00:03:48,719 --> 00:03:50,095 But look, on the bright side, 114 00:03:50,178 --> 00:03:52,681 it is impossible for me to get aroused in this thing. 115 00:03:52,764 --> 00:03:54,244 Here, watch. Say something hot to me. 116 00:03:56,643 --> 00:03:59,563 Fresh-pressed linens. 117 00:04:01,648 --> 00:04:03,400 Nope, nothing. 118 00:04:03,483 --> 00:04:04,776 Not an inch. 119 00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:06,611 - Like a swaddled baby. - Hey, Cece. 120 00:04:06,987 --> 00:04:08,363 - They're ready for us. - Oh, okay. 121 00:04:08,447 --> 00:04:10,365 Just hang out, okay? Have fun. 122 00:04:15,328 --> 00:04:17,039 That's right. Ride that missile. 123 00:04:17,122 --> 00:04:18,123 Grip it. Yeah. 124 00:04:18,206 --> 00:04:20,375 You've got a whole tank full of jet fuel. 125 00:04:20,459 --> 00:04:21,811 You're heading straight for the sun. 126 00:04:21,835 --> 00:04:23,378 What the hell-war is this? 127 00:04:23,462 --> 00:04:25,314 - All right, turn around and face him. - Am… Am I… 128 00:04:25,338 --> 00:04:27,090 Am I supposed to want to buy a missile? 129 00:04:27,466 --> 00:04:28,592 I don't understand. 130 00:04:28,925 --> 00:04:30,302 Just pounding the drum of war. 131 00:04:30,427 --> 00:04:33,013 What… What, did no one listen to Eisenhower? 132 00:04:34,681 --> 00:04:36,016 All right, so that's everything. 133 00:04:36,099 --> 00:04:37,976 I took my fair share of rubber bands, 134 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:39,728 so I don't want to hear about it. 135 00:04:39,853 --> 00:04:41,980 In my room, you will find a shoe box. 136 00:04:42,898 --> 00:04:45,442 In that box, there is a guinea pig 137 00:04:45,525 --> 00:04:47,445 that I said I would bury, so please deal with it. 138 00:04:47,527 --> 00:04:48,629 There's a corpse in your room? 139 00:04:48,653 --> 00:04:50,173 All right, guys, well, thanks for helping me move. 140 00:04:50,197 --> 00:04:51,424 What are we standing in a circle for, huh? 141 00:04:51,448 --> 00:04:52,717 Like a bunch of weirdos? Let's go. 142 00:04:52,741 --> 00:04:53,742 Hey, Nick? 143 00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:55,077 Yeah. 144 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:56,453 Why are you rushing this? 145 00:04:56,870 --> 00:04:58,080 You have so much time. 146 00:04:58,163 --> 00:04:59,373 Why not just… 147 00:04:59,456 --> 00:05:01,708 Take a second and think about this? 148 00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:03,001 I feel confident. 149 00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:04,711 I couldn't be more confident, Jess. 150 00:05:04,795 --> 00:05:05,837 Are you? 151 00:05:06,713 --> 00:05:07,923 Yeah. 152 00:05:08,215 --> 00:05:09,841 - Are you? - Yes. 153 00:05:09,925 --> 00:05:11,009 Are you really? 154 00:05:11,510 --> 00:05:12,969 Thanks for helping me move. 155 00:05:26,274 --> 00:05:28,110 I love the way he smelled. 156 00:05:29,653 --> 00:05:32,239 Caroline and I are starting a whole new life together. 157 00:05:32,364 --> 00:05:33,740 Right now, we're trying to decide 158 00:05:33,824 --> 00:05:36,910 between eggshell and soft mint for the walls. 159 00:05:36,993 --> 00:05:40,163 My gut says that eggshell is trying too hard, 160 00:05:40,247 --> 00:05:43,166 but soft mint is really tricky to match. 161 00:05:43,333 --> 00:05:45,311 Have I told you guys about the bay windows I'm going to have? 162 00:05:45,335 --> 00:05:46,479 - Yes, you have. - Yeah, you just did. 163 00:05:46,503 --> 00:05:48,714 They are stunning, right? 164 00:05:48,797 --> 00:05:51,508 I'm going to curl up in those like a damn cat. 165 00:05:52,634 --> 00:05:54,886 - That's the place. - That's the place right there? 166 00:05:54,970 --> 00:05:56,346 Right there, yeah. 167 00:05:56,763 --> 00:05:57,889 Aren't you going to stop? 168 00:05:57,973 --> 00:05:59,433 Yeah, seems like I should. 169 00:05:59,766 --> 00:06:01,017 Um, hey… Hey, Nick. 170 00:06:01,101 --> 00:06:02,436 - Yeah. - What are you doing? 171 00:06:02,519 --> 00:06:05,897 - I'm freaking out! Yeah! - What are you… 172 00:06:05,981 --> 00:06:07,315 Oh, no. 173 00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:09,025 Oh, Nick Miller's freaking out again! 174 00:06:09,109 --> 00:06:10,318 Whoop-de-whoo. 175 00:06:10,402 --> 00:06:11,820 What's new? 176 00:06:20,579 --> 00:06:21,621 Come on! 177 00:06:22,122 --> 00:06:23,599 What the hell? You think he's okay, man? 178 00:06:23,623 --> 00:06:25,333 Oh, no, no, no, he's totally fine. 179 00:06:25,417 --> 00:06:27,836 We do this every day. We just never invite you, Winston. 180 00:06:29,087 --> 00:06:30,881 What have I done? 181 00:06:30,964 --> 00:06:32,090 Hey, Nick, I'm pretty sure 182 00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:35,093 you overshot the apartment by like 140 miles! 183 00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:36,497 Let's just hop back in the truck, 184 00:06:36,845 --> 00:06:38,180 turn around and go home. 185 00:06:38,263 --> 00:06:39,639 Yeah, yeah, you're right. 186 00:06:40,057 --> 00:06:41,391 - Okay? - Okay. 187 00:06:41,475 --> 00:06:43,894 - This is crazy that I drove out here. - Yeah, it is. 188 00:06:43,977 --> 00:06:45,580 Give me the keys. I'll drive you back to Caroline. 189 00:06:45,604 --> 00:06:47,856 Caroline… No! 190 00:06:49,608 --> 00:06:51,359 Well, that was unexpected. 191 00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:55,447 I like to move in, move in I like to move in, move in 192 00:06:55,530 --> 00:06:57,949 I like to move in 193 00:06:58,075 --> 00:07:00,619 I like it quiet, quiet. 194 00:07:03,622 --> 00:07:05,874 Okay, I rode up in the elevator with that guy, 195 00:07:05,957 --> 00:07:07,876 and something growled in that box. 196 00:07:08,126 --> 00:07:10,003 I hope he has a pet. That would cheer me up. 197 00:07:10,087 --> 00:07:11,213 Um, is Schmidt here? 198 00:07:11,296 --> 00:07:14,508 No, he's helping Nick move, but, uh, Neil is. 199 00:07:14,591 --> 00:07:16,343 Do you want to do a sex-only thing with him? 200 00:07:16,426 --> 00:07:20,639 He came by my shoot earlier and was so jealous. 201 00:07:20,722 --> 00:07:23,058 He was freaking out the entire time. 202 00:07:23,141 --> 00:07:24,601 Oh. 203 00:07:24,935 --> 00:07:26,478 It's him, so… 204 00:07:27,396 --> 00:07:29,815 Hi, Schmidt. How's it going? 205 00:07:29,898 --> 00:07:31,066 How's the new apartment? 206 00:07:31,149 --> 00:07:33,069 Does it smell like, uh, new paint and compromise? 207 00:07:33,944 --> 00:07:34,945 What? 208 00:07:35,195 --> 00:07:36,279 Where? 209 00:07:36,655 --> 00:07:37,906 There's not much sunlight left. 210 00:07:37,989 --> 00:07:39,258 What are you afraid of, the dark? 211 00:07:39,282 --> 00:07:40,659 No, I'm not afraid of the dark. 212 00:07:40,742 --> 00:07:42,095 Worried about Schmidt. He's a Jew in the desert. 213 00:07:42,119 --> 00:07:44,037 I don't want him to wander. 214 00:07:44,788 --> 00:07:46,307 That's Caroline. Now, what do I tell her? 215 00:07:46,331 --> 00:07:48,333 Tell her there's freaking fire ants everywhere. 216 00:07:48,959 --> 00:07:50,877 Give me a sec. Hey. 217 00:07:50,961 --> 00:07:52,254 Nick, where are you? 218 00:07:52,504 --> 00:07:53,588 In the desert. 219 00:07:53,672 --> 00:07:55,799 - The what? - Yeah, I kind of… 220 00:07:56,883 --> 00:07:58,093 I kind of freaked out. 221 00:07:59,302 --> 00:08:01,346 Look, I know it's a lot. 222 00:08:03,014 --> 00:08:05,517 Just get back here as soon as you can, and we'll… 223 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:06,768 We'll figure it out. 224 00:08:06,852 --> 00:08:08,562 Really? 225 00:08:09,062 --> 00:08:10,397 I love you. 226 00:08:11,106 --> 00:08:12,566 I love you, too. 227 00:08:18,530 --> 00:08:20,490 I think I overreacted by throwing my keys earlier. 228 00:08:20,699 --> 00:08:22,093 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. I don't know why 229 00:08:22,117 --> 00:08:24,161 I ever doubted Caroline. She's the best. 230 00:08:24,244 --> 00:08:25,328 So, why the hell would you 231 00:08:25,412 --> 00:08:27,414 - throw your damn keys away? - I deserve this. 232 00:08:27,497 --> 00:08:29,666 - I'm going to kill you! - Hey, Winston, no. 233 00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:31,752 - The sun is going down! - All right, all right. 234 00:08:31,835 --> 00:08:34,212 - Calm down. Nick! - I'll kill you! I'll kill you! 235 00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:35,839 Enough! 236 00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:38,258 Would you stop it? There's violence everywhere! 237 00:08:38,341 --> 00:08:39,941 Why are we fighting? Why are we fighting? 238 00:08:42,429 --> 00:08:43,847 Oh, good. 239 00:08:43,930 --> 00:08:45,182 Oh, thank God. 240 00:08:45,265 --> 00:08:47,142 Hey, Jess! What took you so long? 241 00:08:47,225 --> 00:08:48,703 Let me tell you something, you never want 242 00:08:48,727 --> 00:08:49,954 to lose a race against the night. 243 00:08:49,978 --> 00:08:51,521 Nice new place, Nick. 244 00:08:51,605 --> 00:08:53,485 - It's very spacious. - Yes, I'm an idiot, Jess. 245 00:08:53,565 --> 00:08:54,983 - Really nice. - Hey. 246 00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:56,109 That's for you. 247 00:08:57,069 --> 00:08:58,278 What happened at the shoot? 248 00:08:58,361 --> 00:09:00,757 You… You kind of left before I had a chance to say goodbye. 249 00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:02,115 Good stuff, sure. 250 00:09:02,199 --> 00:09:03,700 It was hard to tell where you stopped 251 00:09:03,784 --> 00:09:06,286 and Goggles McHardbody began. 252 00:09:06,370 --> 00:09:07,829 That's my job. 253 00:09:08,205 --> 00:09:10,415 Gino is just some guy that I see around the office, 254 00:09:10,499 --> 00:09:12,709 except for, in my office, they rub us down 255 00:09:12,793 --> 00:09:14,771 - with baby oil before we start. - Yeah, I get that. 256 00:09:14,795 --> 00:09:17,047 Look, your business is selling sex. 257 00:09:17,130 --> 00:09:18,965 Sure, you're a sex worker. 258 00:09:19,049 --> 00:09:20,342 You're an idiot. 259 00:09:21,468 --> 00:09:22,844 If we leave right now, 260 00:09:22,928 --> 00:09:24,388 I can get back to Caroline by 8:00. 261 00:09:24,888 --> 00:09:25,889 Caroline? 262 00:09:25,972 --> 00:09:28,266 Yeah, I changed my mind. Gonna move in. 263 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,078 Yeah, and I actually don't even care about this truck. 264 00:09:30,102 --> 00:09:31,287 I'll come back and get it tomorrow. 265 00:09:31,311 --> 00:09:32,437 I say we just leave now, 266 00:09:32,521 --> 00:09:33,956 - get out of the desert. - Sounds good. 267 00:09:33,980 --> 00:09:34,981 Here's my question. 268 00:09:35,065 --> 00:09:37,192 - What's that? - How are you going to get there? 269 00:09:37,275 --> 00:09:38,669 Uh, I think you're going to drive me. 270 00:09:38,693 --> 00:09:40,404 - Oh, I don't think so. - Wait. What? 271 00:09:40,487 --> 00:09:41,798 - Then why'd you come out to the desert? - What? 272 00:09:41,822 --> 00:09:43,365 - What? What are you doing? - Jess. 273 00:09:43,448 --> 00:09:44,449 Jess! 274 00:09:44,533 --> 00:09:46,535 No! Come on! 275 00:09:46,868 --> 00:09:48,328 People, just please listen to me. 276 00:09:48,412 --> 00:09:50,914 Stop throwing your damn keys! 277 00:09:50,997 --> 00:09:52,582 The werewolves come out at night, man. 278 00:09:52,666 --> 00:09:54,418 I don't want nobody to eat me! 279 00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:56,878 - I got big thighs. I got a fat ass. - Relax. 280 00:09:56,962 --> 00:09:58,762 We are in the middle of the desert, and nobody 281 00:09:58,839 --> 00:10:00,215 is going to find our bodies! 282 00:10:00,298 --> 00:10:01,299 - Come here. - What? 283 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:02,443 You're having a nervous breakdown. 284 00:10:02,467 --> 00:10:03,827 You're having a nervous breakdown. 285 00:10:06,346 --> 00:10:07,973 The tow truck can't come until tomorrow. 286 00:10:08,056 --> 00:10:09,576 Aren't you glad I stole all this beer? 287 00:10:09,641 --> 00:10:11,768 Hello. Look what I found. 288 00:10:11,852 --> 00:10:12,894 Don't. Put that away. 289 00:10:12,978 --> 00:10:13,979 No, I have to hear it. 290 00:10:14,062 --> 00:10:16,040 I'm begging you to put that away. It's humiliating. 291 00:10:16,064 --> 00:10:17,274 I made that when I was 14. 292 00:10:17,357 --> 00:10:19,401 - Nick, I have to hear this. - Turn it up. 293 00:10:19,484 --> 00:10:20,586 This next song goes out to… 294 00:10:20,610 --> 00:10:21,611 No, please. 295 00:10:21,695 --> 00:10:23,447 A very special girl, Gwen Bressler. 296 00:10:23,530 --> 00:10:25,699 I know you like breakfast, but how do you feel about. 297 00:10:25,782 --> 00:10:27,760 - Breakfast at Tiffany's? - Breakfast at Tiffany's. 298 00:10:27,784 --> 00:10:29,703 Oh, that is a terrible song. 299 00:10:29,786 --> 00:10:31,538 This is a great song. 300 00:10:31,621 --> 00:10:33,290 You guys are crazy. Listen to the lyrics. 301 00:10:33,373 --> 00:10:35,834 Oh, man. I feel it in my body. 302 00:10:35,917 --> 00:10:37,586 Oh… 303 00:10:38,462 --> 00:10:40,630 Are you kidding me? This is in my bones. 304 00:10:40,714 --> 00:10:43,592 I said, "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's"? 305 00:10:43,675 --> 00:10:46,511 - No! - Something, something. 306 00:10:46,595 --> 00:10:48,722 Da da-da da-ta. 307 00:10:52,225 --> 00:10:54,478 Gwen, you don't even know my name, do you? 308 00:10:54,561 --> 00:10:55,771 How Bizarre. 309 00:10:55,896 --> 00:10:59,232 Oh, yes, this is where Nick got cool again. 310 00:10:59,399 --> 00:11:01,068 Oh, not you, too. 311 00:11:06,239 --> 00:11:07,908 God, I'm like, I'm back. 312 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,594 Thank you for doing this, actually. 313 00:11:09,618 --> 00:11:11,036 Make fun of me all you want. 314 00:11:11,119 --> 00:11:12,579 I'm back! I'm back! 315 00:11:12,662 --> 00:11:13,914 Thank you for doing this. 316 00:11:17,292 --> 00:11:19,086 In the hot, hot sun. 317 00:11:19,169 --> 00:11:22,255 Suddenly, red-blue lights flash us from behind. 318 00:11:22,714 --> 00:11:24,007 Loud voice booming… 319 00:11:26,051 --> 00:11:28,220 I'm gonna miss this, you guys. 320 00:11:28,804 --> 00:11:31,014 Just all of us, together, 321 00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:32,766 making fun of Nick. 322 00:11:34,601 --> 00:11:35,769 Okay. 323 00:11:39,606 --> 00:11:40,857 All right, I did it. 324 00:11:41,274 --> 00:11:42,526 I'm an idiot. 325 00:11:42,609 --> 00:11:45,028 I see what you guys are doing. I get it. 326 00:11:45,112 --> 00:11:47,131 You're trying to force me to remember how great it is 327 00:11:47,155 --> 00:11:49,366 when we're all hanging out so I don't want to leave. 328 00:11:49,449 --> 00:11:50,718 - We're just having fun. - I get it. 329 00:11:50,742 --> 00:11:52,553 You guys think I'm dumb and I make bad decisions, 330 00:11:52,577 --> 00:11:53,870 - but this isn't that. - No. 331 00:11:53,995 --> 00:11:55,080 - What? - Come on. 332 00:11:55,163 --> 00:11:56,723 You're being crazy. Where are you going? 333 00:11:56,748 --> 00:11:57,975 - To get my keys. - Dude, where you going? 334 00:11:57,999 --> 00:11:59,418 You're never gonna find your keys. 335 00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:04,464 What's wrong with you? 336 00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:06,883 You're stress-eating meat. 337 00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:08,468 Hey, Jess. 338 00:12:08,844 --> 00:12:10,137 How many have you had? 339 00:12:10,220 --> 00:12:12,514 - Like, three. - That's a lot of pig parts. 340 00:12:12,681 --> 00:12:13,890 It's just Cece. 341 00:12:14,307 --> 00:12:16,187 I thought it was going so well between you guys. 342 00:12:16,268 --> 00:12:17,436 Yeah. 343 00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:19,312 You know, she's a good egg. 344 00:12:21,064 --> 00:12:23,224 She's never gonna be happy with somebody like me, Jess. 345 00:12:23,316 --> 00:12:24,818 What? That's crazy. 346 00:12:24,901 --> 00:12:26,462 That's why I'm gonna have to white fang her. 347 00:12:26,486 --> 00:12:27,946 Schmidt, come on! 348 00:12:28,029 --> 00:12:30,032 Look, I try not to judge what you guys do, 349 00:12:30,115 --> 00:12:31,950 but please don't tell me things like that. 350 00:12:32,034 --> 00:12:33,952 No, no, Jess, Jess. 351 00:12:34,161 --> 00:12:36,163 The book White Fang. 352 00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:37,456 - Oh. - This guy 353 00:12:37,748 --> 00:12:40,000 befriends a wild creature. 354 00:12:40,083 --> 00:12:41,877 But he must… He must set the animal free 355 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,336 because that's what's best for it. 356 00:12:43,420 --> 00:12:44,605 I know the plot of White Fang. 357 00:12:44,629 --> 00:12:45,797 But the animal won't go. 358 00:12:45,881 --> 00:12:46,965 So with a breaking heart, 359 00:12:47,049 --> 00:12:49,217 he throws stones at it until it runs away. 360 00:12:49,676 --> 00:12:51,720 You… You want Cece to go away? 361 00:12:52,179 --> 00:12:53,180 No. 362 00:12:54,723 --> 00:12:56,349 I want her to be happy. 363 00:12:57,392 --> 00:12:59,603 'Cause when… When you care about somebody, 364 00:12:59,686 --> 00:13:01,646 you do what's… what's best for them. 365 00:13:02,105 --> 00:13:04,357 Even if it sucks for you. 366 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:09,112 Even if they're just a woof. 367 00:13:09,196 --> 00:13:10,364 A wolf? 368 00:13:10,447 --> 00:13:11,698 - A woof. - A wolf. 369 00:13:11,782 --> 00:13:13,051 Yeah, that's what I said, a woof. 370 00:13:13,075 --> 00:13:14,368 A wolf. 371 00:13:14,451 --> 00:13:15,577 A woof. 372 00:13:15,702 --> 00:13:16,953 Come on, keys. 373 00:13:17,037 --> 00:13:18,080 Hey, Nick? 374 00:13:18,163 --> 00:13:19,307 Come on, they could be anywhere. 375 00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:20,391 Let's come back in the morning. 376 00:13:20,415 --> 00:13:22,376 I don't want to come back in the morning, Jess. 377 00:13:22,459 --> 00:13:25,837 Okay, I want to be in my new bed, in my new apartment, 378 00:13:25,921 --> 00:13:27,589 with my new old girlfriend. 379 00:13:27,923 --> 00:13:29,966 Okay, just, look, I know I've been… 380 00:13:30,092 --> 00:13:31,134 What? 381 00:13:32,761 --> 00:13:33,762 Oh, my God. 382 00:13:41,061 --> 00:13:42,145 Oh, my God. 383 00:13:43,105 --> 00:13:44,791 Okay, just be cool. What do we do? What do we do? 384 00:13:44,815 --> 00:13:46,042 I don't know, I don't know what to do! 385 00:13:46,066 --> 00:13:48,443 - Okay, but, Jess, we have to do something! - Shh. 386 00:13:51,029 --> 00:13:52,155 Meep-meep! 387 00:13:52,239 --> 00:13:53,841 - What are you doing? - Like the Road Runner. 388 00:13:53,865 --> 00:13:54,967 I know it's like the Road Runner. 389 00:13:54,991 --> 00:13:56,135 Why would you do the Road Runner? 390 00:13:56,159 --> 00:13:57,679 - Because he's… - Don't do that, Jess. 391 00:13:57,703 --> 00:13:58,787 Meep-meep! 392 00:13:58,870 --> 00:14:01,373 Jess, honestly, don't do the Road Runner to a coyote! 393 00:14:01,456 --> 00:14:02,958 That's how you deal with coyotes. 394 00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:04,042 Coyotes hate roadrunners! 395 00:14:04,126 --> 00:14:05,186 That's how you deal with them. 396 00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:06,586 Coyotes want to kill roadrunners! 397 00:14:09,214 --> 00:14:10,465 - Meep-meep! - Oh, you… 398 00:14:13,009 --> 00:14:14,344 No disrespect. 399 00:14:15,137 --> 00:14:18,306 It's watching us. It's watching us. 400 00:14:24,771 --> 00:14:25,939 We need to talk. 401 00:14:26,022 --> 00:14:27,023 All right. 402 00:14:27,107 --> 00:14:28,525 This is not another one of those. 403 00:14:28,608 --> 00:14:30,420 "Merlot is the whore of the vineyard" talks, is it? 404 00:14:30,444 --> 00:14:31,862 This isn't working out. 405 00:14:34,072 --> 00:14:36,241 Are you kidding right now? 406 00:14:36,533 --> 00:14:38,326 Are you trying to end this with me? 407 00:14:50,505 --> 00:14:51,757 Now go on! 408 00:14:53,341 --> 00:14:55,343 You heard me! Go on! 409 00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:56,636 Go on, scram! 410 00:14:57,137 --> 00:14:58,972 Go! I hate you! Go! 411 00:15:03,894 --> 00:15:05,145 Go back to your kind! 412 00:15:05,228 --> 00:15:06,521 Are you white-fanging me? 413 00:15:06,813 --> 00:15:07,814 Sorry, what? 414 00:15:07,898 --> 00:15:10,400 White Fang, Schmidt. 415 00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:12,569 The only book on your Kindle. 416 00:15:12,944 --> 00:15:14,297 The one that you wouldn't stop talking about. 417 00:15:14,321 --> 00:15:16,865 Remember, I said, "Please, stop talking about White Fang." 418 00:15:16,948 --> 00:15:20,369 And you said, "Someday, I'm gonna do this to somebody." 419 00:15:20,869 --> 00:15:22,371 That White Fang. Uh-huh. 420 00:15:23,372 --> 00:15:25,207 Why are you trying to push me away? 421 00:15:28,085 --> 00:15:29,586 I saw your phone, Cece. 422 00:15:30,170 --> 00:15:32,506 I saw the text message from Gino. 423 00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:34,049 Your colleague. 424 00:15:34,174 --> 00:15:35,425 You went through my phone? 425 00:15:35,509 --> 00:15:36,676 What? No. 426 00:15:37,010 --> 00:15:39,179 Winston… Winston went through your phone. 427 00:15:39,262 --> 00:15:41,598 That is not okay. 428 00:15:42,599 --> 00:15:45,894 This is about trust, Schmidt, okay? 429 00:15:45,977 --> 00:15:48,480 It's about trust. And I told you how this was gonna be, 430 00:15:48,563 --> 00:15:50,315 and I asked you to get okay with it. 431 00:15:50,399 --> 00:15:52,150 How am I supposed to trust you, Cece? 432 00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:55,529 You slept with me. I mean, that doesn't say much about your taste in men. 433 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,126 And I have more than one book on my Kindle. 434 00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:11,253 And a subscription to Cricket. 435 00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:13,714 And a lot of pdfs! 436 00:16:15,924 --> 00:16:17,204 Doesn't he have somewhere to be? 437 00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:19,177 Well, this is a disaster. 438 00:16:19,594 --> 00:16:21,388 Why did you keep driving? 439 00:16:21,471 --> 00:16:23,199 I don't want to talk to you about this, Jess. 440 00:16:23,223 --> 00:16:24,909 I know what you're gonna say, and I don't want to hear it. 441 00:16:24,933 --> 00:16:25,976 No. 442 00:16:26,643 --> 00:16:28,729 No, you don't know what I'm gonna say. 443 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,524 I want you to be happy. 444 00:16:33,608 --> 00:16:35,986 And if that means moving in with Caroline, 445 00:16:36,403 --> 00:16:38,113 then I think you should do it. 446 00:16:41,241 --> 00:16:42,534 That's what you think? 447 00:16:44,286 --> 00:16:45,454 I think you need me too much. 448 00:16:45,537 --> 00:16:47,539 No, I'm gonna be fine. I am. 449 00:16:47,622 --> 00:16:48,850 - I don't think so. - You know why? 450 00:16:48,874 --> 00:16:49,958 Why? 451 00:16:52,377 --> 00:16:53,545 'Cause I met you. 452 00:16:57,215 --> 00:16:58,759 That's why I'm okay. 453 00:17:02,637 --> 00:17:05,223 That's why I can do this. 454 00:17:05,849 --> 00:17:06,892 What are you doing? 455 00:17:07,184 --> 00:17:11,480 To beat the coyote, you have to be the coyote. 456 00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:12,707 That's what I thought you were gonna say. 457 00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:13,958 That's a very dumb idea. Don't do this. 458 00:17:13,982 --> 00:17:15,067 I'm not with her on this. 459 00:17:15,150 --> 00:17:16,651 This is her move, not mine, sir. 460 00:17:19,321 --> 00:17:20,322 No. 461 00:17:28,205 --> 00:17:29,790 - Oh, my God. - I did it! 462 00:17:29,873 --> 00:17:30,999 Oh, my God. 463 00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:33,269 I did it! I have so much dirt in my mouth, and I did it! 464 00:17:33,293 --> 00:17:34,836 - Come here, come here. - I did it! 465 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,880 - Nice job! - I did it! 466 00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:43,095 Oh, my God. Schmidt? 467 00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:44,221 Hello? 468 00:17:44,513 --> 00:17:45,639 Winston? 469 00:17:45,722 --> 00:17:46,890 Oh, my goodness! 470 00:17:46,973 --> 00:17:47,974 Oh, my goodness! 471 00:17:48,058 --> 00:17:49,684 - Oh, my goodness! - He'll be fine. 472 00:17:53,355 --> 00:17:54,648 I don't know. 473 00:17:54,731 --> 00:17:56,358 You guys want some candy or something? 474 00:17:56,441 --> 00:17:57,526 Found it in the truck. 475 00:17:57,609 --> 00:17:58,610 No. 476 00:17:58,693 --> 00:17:59,986 I don't want your dirty lolly. 477 00:18:00,070 --> 00:18:01,071 Guys! 478 00:18:01,446 --> 00:18:02,698 - Ah! - Whoo! 479 00:18:03,281 --> 00:18:06,118 I survived, man. I made it out alive. 480 00:18:06,201 --> 00:18:07,929 - Wait, wait, don't touch me. There's… - Don't touch… 481 00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:09,180 There's, uh, there's pee everywhere. 482 00:18:09,204 --> 00:18:10,789 Like everywhere. 483 00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:12,207 It's everywhere? 484 00:18:12,290 --> 00:18:13,667 Well, I didn't just pee on me. 485 00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:14,960 I peed… Well, I peed on me, 486 00:18:15,043 --> 00:18:16,837 but other… Other things peed on me, too. 487 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,255 I saw things, man. 488 00:18:18,922 --> 00:18:20,382 I had an experience. 489 00:18:21,007 --> 00:18:22,968 I think I made out with the side of a dune. 490 00:18:23,093 --> 00:18:24,261 Hey! 491 00:18:25,011 --> 00:18:26,263 Look, I found my keys! 492 00:18:26,346 --> 00:18:27,597 Ah! Thank God! 493 00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:36,314 We still on for brunch? 494 00:18:36,398 --> 00:18:38,233 Gonna come help me unload my stuff tomorrow? 495 00:18:38,316 --> 00:18:39,317 No, not a chance. 496 00:18:39,401 --> 00:18:41,319 - No, yeah, so we can't do brunch. - Probably. 497 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,041 Just go. 498 00:18:54,374 --> 00:18:55,375 Get in the car. 499 00:18:57,544 --> 00:18:58,920 Unacceptable. 500 00:18:59,504 --> 00:19:01,548 Good luck. 501 00:19:08,513 --> 00:19:09,556 Well… 502 00:19:10,223 --> 00:19:11,475 Well… 503 00:19:14,144 --> 00:19:15,353 All right, I'll see you. 504 00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:21,276 See ya. 505 00:19:33,789 --> 00:19:34,915 Wow. 506 00:19:34,998 --> 00:19:37,376 Look how pronounced Nick's couch hole got. 507 00:19:38,293 --> 00:19:39,378 All this time 508 00:19:39,503 --> 00:19:40,605 I thought he was just sitting here 509 00:19:40,629 --> 00:19:42,005 drinking beer and complaining, 510 00:19:42,589 --> 00:19:44,925 he was making something. 511 00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:56,395 Hey. 512 00:19:57,771 --> 00:19:59,189 What do you think? 513 00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:27,801 Hey, W-N-I-C-K listeners, 514 00:20:27,884 --> 00:20:29,845 this one is going out to all the ladies 515 00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:31,388 I'm gonna meet when I grow up. 516 00:20:31,763 --> 00:20:32,889 - Not. - Not. 517 00:20:47,154 --> 00:20:48,280 Hey. 518 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,828 Welcome back, you clown. 519 00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:07,340 She was a fast machine She kept her motor clean. 520 00:21:07,424 --> 00:21:11,219 She was the best damn woman that I ever seen. 521 00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:15,098 She had the sightless eyes, telling me no lies. 522 00:21:15,557 --> 00:21:18,810 Knocking me out with those American thighs. 523 00:21:18,894 --> 00:21:22,647 Taking more than her share Had me fighting for air. 524 00:21:22,856 --> 00:21:26,359 She told me to come but I was already there 525 00:21:26,443 --> 00:21:28,487 'Cause the walls start shaking. 526 00:21:28,570 --> 00:21:31,782 The earth was quaking My mind was aching 527 00:21:31,865 --> 00:21:32,866 Nick, turn it off! 528 00:21:32,949 --> 00:21:34,409 And we were making it. 529 00:21:34,493 --> 00:21:36,787 And you shook me. 530 00:21:36,870 --> 00:21:39,039 All night long. 531 00:21:40,290 --> 00:21:42,125 Yeah, you shook me. 532 00:21:43,835 --> 00:21:45,921 Yeah, you shook me. 533 00:21:47,422 --> 00:21:50,133 All night long