1 00:00:06,822 --> 00:00:08,276 - Hello. - I made you a cake. 2 00:00:08,301 --> 00:00:10,730 Can't. Booked a car show for tomorrow, 3 00:00:10,751 --> 00:00:13,507 and I have been so good this week. 4 00:00:13,551 --> 00:00:15,493 - I lost four pounds. - Oh, come on, Cece. 5 00:00:15,517 --> 00:00:17,865 It's your birthday. We're gonna eat cake, 6 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,885 we're gonna watch Clueless on VHS, 7 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,158 and we're gonna try to make prom dresses out of towels. 8 00:00:22,183 --> 00:00:24,240 Obviously, just like we always do. 9 00:00:24,413 --> 00:00:25,441 As if! 10 00:00:25,618 --> 00:00:29,092 As if is, like, the funniest thing ever. 11 00:00:29,131 --> 00:00:31,106 I wish I had a stepbrother to fall in love with. 12 00:00:31,138 --> 00:00:33,492 I know, right? Paul Rudd. 13 00:00:33,517 --> 00:00:35,628 You know, actually, I thought maybe this year, 14 00:00:35,659 --> 00:00:37,654 we could go out, you know? 15 00:00:37,734 --> 00:00:39,388 We go party tonight. 16 00:00:39,450 --> 00:00:43,465 Let dogs out. Catch gypsy. 17 00:00:43,575 --> 00:00:47,101 Yeah. Yeah, Nadia wants me to go to this last-minute thing 18 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,401 she found out about, so I thought 19 00:00:48,419 --> 00:00:49,988 we could all, you know, just go out tonight. 20 00:00:50,002 --> 00:00:52,527 - You, me, Nadia, the girls. - The models? 21 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:55,008 Yes, Jess, the models. Please? 22 00:00:55,035 --> 00:00:58,043 You and I have never spent my birthday apart, ever. 23 00:00:58,539 --> 00:01:00,020 Except for the one time in seventh grade 24 00:01:00,038 --> 00:01:02,030 where you walked out of my sleepover because 25 00:01:02,050 --> 00:01:04,116 - you claimed... - When you struck me in the breast. 26 00:01:04,141 --> 00:01:06,255 But I didn't even touch boob, because you know, 27 00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,170 - we all knew you were stuffing... - Oh, my God. 28 00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,320 - We were all stuffing. Stuffing? - You've seen my grandmother. 29 00:01:10,353 --> 00:01:12,091 - We all stuffed. Yes, we were. - I was not stuffing. 30 00:01:12,123 --> 00:01:14,148 - It was seventh grade. - I've been like this since I was seven. 31 00:01:14,173 --> 00:01:16,627 - You're... - Come out with us tonight! 32 00:01:16,917 --> 00:01:18,939 - Please, please, please! - Okay. 33 00:01:19,553 --> 00:01:20,579 - Okay. - I'll come. 34 00:01:20,926 --> 00:01:22,226 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 35 00:01:22,357 --> 00:01:23,757 I so excited. 36 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:27,623 I shake this thing that my mama gave me. 37 00:01:28,126 --> 00:01:29,213 YOLO! 38 00:01:33,102 --> 00:01:35,025 Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 39 00:01:35,057 --> 00:01:36,695 Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 40 00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:38,046 Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 41 00:01:38,184 --> 00:01:39,522 The Galapagos tortoise, 42 00:01:39,553 --> 00:01:41,297 - or Galapagos giant tortoise, - Unbelievable... 43 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:42,991 Is the largest living species of tortoise... 44 00:01:43,016 --> 00:01:44,706 Spectacular. 45 00:01:45,229 --> 00:01:46,179 Hey, do you think 46 00:01:46,198 --> 00:01:48,513 Jess would be mad if I got a turtle and named it Jess, 47 00:01:48,531 --> 00:01:50,871 even though I had that name picked out before she moved in? 48 00:01:50,926 --> 00:01:53,195 - A turtle? - Thinking man's best friend, Schmidty. 49 00:01:53,236 --> 00:01:56,266 In our home? Over my turtle-disease-ridden dead body. 50 00:01:56,292 --> 00:01:58,508 Whatever, dream killer. What's this? 51 00:01:58,771 --> 00:01:59,702 Got you a cookie. 52 00:02:00,198 --> 00:02:02,167 What, you have, like...? 53 00:02:02,377 --> 00:02:03,377 Have, like, an extra? 54 00:02:04,209 --> 00:02:05,644 No. 55 00:02:07,270 --> 00:02:08,733 So you just, like, got me a cookie? 56 00:02:08,770 --> 00:02:11,202 Yeah, I was thinking about you. 57 00:02:11,603 --> 00:02:13,260 What do you mean you were thinking about me? 58 00:02:13,315 --> 00:02:15,091 What do you mean? I don't know. I was thinking about you. 59 00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:17,187 Think about you a lot, bro. 60 00:02:19,656 --> 00:02:20,756 Why? 61 00:02:20,832 --> 00:02:24,105 I don't know. Because you're my friend, you're on my mind. 62 00:02:24,670 --> 00:02:26,576 What, do you not think about me? 63 00:02:26,606 --> 00:02:28,663 Of course not! 64 00:02:29,252 --> 00:02:31,058 Oh. 65 00:02:31,774 --> 00:02:33,425 Schmidt got me a cookie. 66 00:02:33,468 --> 00:02:35,913 Oh. Very nice. 67 00:02:37,245 --> 00:02:38,496 What do you guys think? 68 00:02:38,516 --> 00:02:40,144 - Whoa! - - Smokin' hot. 69 00:02:40,169 --> 00:02:42,325 I'm going out tonight with Cece and her model friends, 70 00:02:42,350 --> 00:02:46,484 and I'm going for "promising ballerina turned streetwalker." 71 00:02:46,977 --> 00:02:48,402 You have too much joie de vivre. 72 00:02:48,439 --> 00:02:51,038 Okay, you want to look a little bit more bored, tired. 73 00:02:51,069 --> 00:02:53,000 Just altogether disengaged. 74 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,810 More tired— more, like, sick-like. 75 00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:56,358 Really let your bones prop you up. 76 00:02:56,389 --> 00:02:58,311 Did you put shoe polish on your eyes? 77 00:02:58,540 --> 00:03:00,853 I never understand you women— God. 78 00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:02,684 - Eye shadow, man. - That's...? 79 00:03:02,728 --> 00:03:03,746 Oh, that's makeup? 80 00:03:03,871 --> 00:03:05,121 I would take that off. 81 00:03:05,145 --> 00:03:06,018 That looks crazy. 82 00:03:06,049 --> 00:03:07,013 Can't believe I have to deal 83 00:03:07,032 --> 00:03:08,662 with the models just to hang out with Cece. 84 00:03:08,693 --> 00:03:10,706 Last time we hung out, it was awful. 85 00:03:10,749 --> 00:03:11,953 I figure the best way to talk 86 00:03:11,978 --> 00:03:14,167 to models is just point to objects and describe them. 87 00:03:14,690 --> 00:03:16,566 The table is round. 88 00:03:16,752 --> 00:03:18,709 It's also flat. 89 00:03:18,922 --> 00:03:22,649 Yes, the table is round, and it's flat. 90 00:03:22,806 --> 00:03:23,848 Oh, look, a lamp. 91 00:03:25,068 --> 00:03:27,837 I love Cece, and these are Cece's friends, 92 00:03:27,855 --> 00:03:29,513 so I should be able to get along with them. 93 00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:31,552 I should be able to deal with the fact 94 00:03:31,573 --> 00:03:34,601 that they think I look like a monkey... 95 00:03:35,470 --> 00:03:37,299 from a Russian cracker ad. 96 00:03:45,882 --> 00:03:47,414 Whatever. 97 00:03:47,710 --> 00:03:49,751 It's Cece's birthday. It's her special night. 98 00:03:49,795 --> 00:03:51,530 I can get drunk, point at furniture 99 00:03:51,555 --> 00:03:54,469 if that means I can spend some quality time with my BFF. 100 00:03:54,660 --> 00:03:57,973 Hey, is it totally obvious that I'm not wearing underwear? 101 00:03:59,937 --> 00:04:01,411 And that makes two of us. 102 00:04:01,488 --> 00:04:04,240 Hey! 103 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:06,085 - You made it! - Sorry I'm late. 104 00:04:06,109 --> 00:04:08,721 They let in a lot of people ahead of me— like, a lot. 105 00:04:08,918 --> 00:04:10,703 Saving the best for last. 106 00:04:10,759 --> 00:04:11,761 Monkey cracker. 107 00:04:11,794 --> 00:04:13,197 Monkey cracker. 108 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,035 Monkey, 109 00:04:15,072 --> 00:04:17,779 monkey, where you keep the crackers? 110 00:04:17,873 --> 00:04:19,774 This is so much fun. 111 00:04:22,456 --> 00:04:23,448 Schmidt? 112 00:04:23,498 --> 00:04:24,903 So, it turns out 113 00:04:25,009 --> 00:04:27,012 there's more than one type of turtle. 114 00:04:27,089 --> 00:04:30,014 I could go Eastern Box, or spur thighed, 115 00:04:30,038 --> 00:04:31,433 or nearsighted loner. 116 00:04:33,415 --> 00:04:34,898 What was that? You just grunt at me? 117 00:04:34,927 --> 00:04:36,748 - Wasn't a grunt. - That was a grunt, Schmidt. 118 00:04:36,773 --> 00:04:39,337 - It was a "hurumph." Hurumph. 119 00:04:39,367 --> 00:04:41,258 I'm sorry if you took it the wrong way; it was not a grunt. 120 00:04:41,289 --> 00:04:42,728 Serena Williams. That was a grunt. 121 00:04:42,807 --> 00:04:44,349 It's all good, man, all right? 122 00:04:44,444 --> 00:04:46,079 It's all "smoove in the groove." 123 00:04:46,149 --> 00:04:48,140 Mellow, man. 124 00:04:48,328 --> 00:04:50,328 Mega-mellow. 125 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,381 Okay. 126 00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:04,049 Schmidt, what the hell are you doing? 127 00:05:05,743 --> 00:05:06,759 You don't think about me? 128 00:05:06,767 --> 00:05:09,086 - What are you talking about? - Earlier today, when I gave you the cookie, 129 00:05:09,104 --> 00:05:11,476 I heard very clearly, "I don't think about you, Schmidt." 130 00:05:11,501 --> 00:05:14,576 - Why would I think about you? - Because we're friends, we're not animals. 131 00:05:14,607 --> 00:05:17,716 We're men, Schmidt! The only time a man is allowed to think 132 00:05:17,747 --> 00:05:20,727 about another man is when that man is Jay Cutler. 133 00:05:20,764 --> 00:05:22,330 I don't know who Jay Cutler is! 134 00:05:22,348 --> 00:05:24,001 Why are you saying "Cutler" like that? 135 00:05:24,020 --> 00:05:25,564 And I also don't know what is allowed 136 00:05:25,585 --> 00:05:27,559 in the Cold-Hearted Republic of Nick Miller, 137 00:05:27,679 --> 00:05:28,734 but I do know how I feel. 138 00:05:28,772 --> 00:05:30,750 - Ugh! - And I know how much you love cookies. 139 00:05:30,795 --> 00:05:32,149 And I saw it there behind the glass, 140 00:05:32,180 --> 00:05:33,863 and I thought, "Nick Miller— I'm gonna buy him that." 141 00:05:33,894 --> 00:05:36,111 If I could give you that cookie back, I would. 142 00:05:36,191 --> 00:05:39,175 Nothing would make me happier than to throw it up, 143 00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:43,010 mash it into cookie-shape, and shove it down your throat! 144 00:05:43,066 --> 00:05:45,655 - You wanna mama-bird me the cookie? - No, that's not... 145 00:05:45,675 --> 00:05:47,457 - You wanna mama-bird me the cookie? - No. 146 00:05:47,482 --> 00:05:49,579 You're not mama-birding anybody any cookie. 147 00:05:49,651 --> 00:05:51,921 Schmidt, I don't want to mama-bird you a cookie. 148 00:05:52,927 --> 00:05:54,246 What is your problem, Schmidt? 149 00:05:54,275 --> 00:05:56,733 No mama-birding here! 150 00:06:09,483 --> 00:06:10,644 - Whoo. - You know what? 151 00:06:10,682 --> 00:06:13,924 The dance is surprisingly sexual for a children's cracker. 152 00:06:13,943 --> 00:06:17,173 - Do song again— "Dance Monkey." - I don't want to dance... 153 00:06:17,408 --> 00:06:19,342 "Dance Monkey." 154 00:06:24,762 --> 00:06:26,438 - Dance monkey. - Cracker, please! 155 00:06:26,464 --> 00:06:28,521 Monkey! Monkey! - No. You know what? 156 00:06:28,530 --> 00:06:29,550 Monkey! Monkey! 157 00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:31,922 Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! 158 00:06:31,941 --> 00:06:33,185 Monkey, monkey, monkey! 159 00:06:33,217 --> 00:06:36,454 - Dance Monkey... - - You know what? No! Stop it! 160 00:06:36,701 --> 00:06:39,151 I don't want to, okay? I'm done. 161 00:06:39,259 --> 00:06:40,959 You guys are the worst! 162 00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:42,910 You're the worst. I'm sorry, but it's true. 163 00:06:42,934 --> 00:06:45,811 All these racist in-jokes about Romanians. 164 00:06:45,842 --> 00:06:48,488 Well, guess what? I'm one-eighth Romanian! 165 00:06:48,519 --> 00:06:51,632 - Monkey, no! - And I don't know why Cece would want to spend her birthday here. 166 00:06:51,673 --> 00:06:55,165 It's like years of modeling have made her dumber. 167 00:06:55,254 --> 00:06:57,885 - Nice, Jess. - No! Cece. 168 00:06:57,942 --> 00:06:59,921 No, I'm sorry. I didn't... 169 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:01,164 It's official. 170 00:07:01,195 --> 00:07:02,883 We got to turtle-proof this loft. 171 00:07:02,908 --> 00:07:04,428 Schmidt cares about you so much, man, 172 00:07:04,452 --> 00:07:06,134 and you don't even think about him. 173 00:07:06,462 --> 00:07:08,098 Are you being serious right now? 174 00:07:08,188 --> 00:07:10,009 Are you really taking Schmidt's side on this? 175 00:07:10,034 --> 00:07:11,613 I am, because I know how you are. 176 00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:14,654 I just don't know why he would run away. 177 00:07:14,894 --> 00:07:16,927 All I ever did was love him. 178 00:07:17,546 --> 00:07:19,178 This rock is so round. 179 00:07:19,209 --> 00:07:21,415 I'm gonna go put it in a jar. 180 00:07:21,799 --> 00:07:24,475 And nothing has changed. Nothing has changed, Nick. 181 00:07:24,506 --> 00:07:25,381 You think Schmidt is 182 00:07:25,406 --> 00:07:26,773 in the right, and I am in the wrong here? 183 00:07:26,804 --> 00:07:29,074 You realize I say good night to you every night, 184 00:07:29,108 --> 00:07:31,273 and you never say good night back? 185 00:07:31,291 --> 00:07:33,529 - No. - What is the problem, Nick? 186 00:07:33,730 --> 00:07:35,089 Do you not want me to have a good night? 187 00:07:35,126 --> 00:07:37,760 I can't just go around saying good night to everyone, 188 00:07:37,829 --> 00:07:39,276 and buying people cookies. 189 00:07:39,307 --> 00:07:41,459 I am not a titan of finance, sir. 190 00:07:41,496 --> 00:07:44,735 Do you know, once a week he goes into your room and cleans it, 191 00:07:44,759 --> 00:07:46,408 and then returns everything the way he found it? 192 00:07:46,445 --> 00:07:49,433 - And I'm weird in this situation? - The dirty old T-shirts, which he washes. 193 00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,384 I didn't ask for that— I like living in my filthy messes. 194 00:07:51,415 --> 00:07:54,392 That's the point, man. You didn't have to ask. 195 00:07:56,457 --> 00:07:59,796 Nobody buys people cookies for no reason. 196 00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:00,845 You still don't get it, do you? 197 00:08:00,863 --> 00:08:03,479 - Nobody. - That wasn't a cookie, damn it! That was a... 198 00:08:03,577 --> 00:08:05,965 - What? - Man, that was a piece of his heart. 199 00:08:06,198 --> 00:08:10,253 Now, if you don't mind, good... night. 200 00:08:12,768 --> 00:08:15,713 I'm sorry, but in my defense, Nadia just spent an hour 201 00:08:15,751 --> 00:08:18,101 explaining to me how to drink vodka with my butt. 202 00:08:18,132 --> 00:08:20,130 You just embarrassed me in front of my colleagues. 203 00:08:20,156 --> 00:08:22,798 Are you kidding me? It's not like you work in the UN. 204 00:08:22,854 --> 00:08:24,852 You judge me for being a model. 205 00:08:24,877 --> 00:08:26,436 - Yes, I do. - You always have. 206 00:08:26,466 --> 00:08:28,274 It's your birthday, and you won't eat cake. 207 00:08:28,298 --> 00:08:30,762 Cece, you're better than that; you really are. 208 00:08:30,925 --> 00:08:33,920 I just... I just feel sorry for you sometimes. 209 00:08:34,702 --> 00:08:37,285 You feel sorry for me? 210 00:08:41,111 --> 00:08:42,573 You just hit me in the boob. 211 00:08:42,593 --> 00:08:45,212 - It was an accident. - It was not an accident. 212 00:08:45,289 --> 00:08:46,714 Fine. It wasn't. 213 00:08:46,766 --> 00:08:49,204 Oh... my... God! 214 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:50,559 Ho, ho. 215 00:08:50,593 --> 00:08:51,947 What? Huh? 216 00:08:52,034 --> 00:08:53,547 - Huh? - You want that? 217 00:08:53,979 --> 00:08:56,409 - Go. Just go. - Ugh! Uh! 218 00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:57,883 What you gonna do now, huh? 219 00:08:57,953 --> 00:08:59,795 - Just... - What? 220 00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:01,546 - What? What? What? - What? 221 00:09:01,596 --> 00:09:03,268 - What? What? - What? 222 00:09:07,081 --> 00:09:08,409 You should go. 223 00:09:08,437 --> 00:09:10,437 Thanks for a great birthday. 224 00:09:18,316 --> 00:09:19,322 Cece? 225 00:09:19,353 --> 00:09:20,998 You drink with mouth? 226 00:09:21,048 --> 00:09:23,223 Tonight, I drink with mouth. 227 00:09:26,415 --> 00:09:28,996 Well, guess who's not getting a turtle? 228 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:30,543 They were out of turtles. 229 00:09:30,588 --> 00:09:33,119 I bought a tiny cowboy hat for nothing. 230 00:09:33,543 --> 00:09:35,837 - Schmidt's not talking to you right now. - We're still on this? 231 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,868 Schmidt is tired of doing things for you that go unnoticed. 232 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,286 Lining your shoes up at the door... 233 00:09:41,323 --> 00:09:42,791 Don't line my shoes up at the door any more. 234 00:09:42,821 --> 00:09:44,739 - ... Recording your favorite TV shows... - I appreciate that. 235 00:09:44,757 --> 00:09:47,514 - ... The turn-down service. - The turn-down service is weird 236 00:09:47,558 --> 00:09:50,264 - And I never asked you to do that. - Well, I guess those chocolate mints 237 00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,702 - Just disappeared on their own. - Oh, I thought we weren't talking. 238 00:09:52,727 --> 00:09:54,508 - We're not. - Then why do I hear words 239 00:09:54,533 --> 00:09:56,098 Coming out that stupid hole in your face? 240 00:09:56,123 --> 00:09:58,632 I'm a human being, and I'm entitled to my emotions. 241 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,027 Are you crying? 242 00:10:00,045 --> 00:10:01,303 No. 243 00:10:01,543 --> 00:10:03,593 Are you seriously crying, Schmidt? 244 00:10:03,613 --> 00:10:05,131 I'm not crying. 245 00:10:11,735 --> 00:10:13,066 Rough night, you guys. 246 00:10:13,121 --> 00:10:14,584 I forgot to take out my contacts. 247 00:10:14,603 --> 00:10:16,585 I think they're fused to my eyeballs. 248 00:10:19,216 --> 00:10:20,427 What's going on? 249 00:10:21,465 --> 00:10:23,117 Did you guys watch porn together again? 250 00:10:23,142 --> 00:10:24,317 Why do you keep doing that? 251 00:10:24,354 --> 00:10:25,895 It's always awkward. 252 00:10:29,093 --> 00:10:31,134 Oh, wow. 253 00:10:31,677 --> 00:10:32,779 What the hell was that? 254 00:10:32,810 --> 00:10:34,880 In March, I will have been living 255 00:10:34,898 --> 00:10:36,774 with Schmidt for ten years. 256 00:10:36,855 --> 00:10:37,562 I know that 257 00:10:37,580 --> 00:10:39,115 because he sent me an e-mail asking 258 00:10:39,134 --> 00:10:41,667 how I want to celebrate our "tin anniversary." 259 00:10:41,731 --> 00:10:43,714 How did you guys become friends? 260 00:10:43,752 --> 00:10:44,630 Was it an accident? 261 00:10:44,661 --> 00:10:45,936 Did you hit him with your car 262 00:10:45,968 --> 00:10:47,549 and you became his reluctant caretaker? 263 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,049 He lived in my freshman dorm. 264 00:10:49,072 --> 00:10:51,702 And one day, he was just there. 265 00:10:53,747 --> 00:10:55,939 Hey, hey, whoa, man, what are you doing in here? 266 00:10:55,971 --> 00:10:56,934 That's my ramen. 267 00:10:57,515 --> 00:10:58,646 It's better this way. 268 00:10:58,688 --> 00:11:00,667 Y-You add water to it, you weirdo. 269 00:11:00,787 --> 00:11:03,256 It's not a dry treat, it's a soup. 270 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:04,908 - Who are you? - Schmidt. 271 00:11:04,973 --> 00:11:06,438 You freak me out, man. 272 00:11:08,494 --> 00:11:10,325 This is cool. We got a good vibe going, man. 273 00:11:10,350 --> 00:11:11,913 You're a super weird guy. 274 00:11:15,945 --> 00:11:17,859 Hey, sit there while I throw things at you. 275 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,159 - Body slam! - No! 276 00:11:19,184 --> 00:11:20,849 Don't do this! No! 277 00:11:20,867 --> 00:11:22,887 And then he was always there. 278 00:11:23,864 --> 00:11:25,838 And the truth is, is, 279 00:11:26,370 --> 00:11:28,841 Schmidt loves me so much, 280 00:11:28,957 --> 00:11:31,613 and to be honest, Jess, it scares me. 281 00:11:31,666 --> 00:11:32,862 I mean, I don't think I deserve 282 00:11:32,891 --> 00:11:33,892 all of Schmidt's love. 283 00:11:33,937 --> 00:11:35,410 All I do is tease him. 284 00:11:35,441 --> 00:11:37,052 I mean, of course you do. 285 00:11:37,083 --> 00:11:38,565 That's all you can do. 286 00:11:38,618 --> 00:11:40,368 Do you think I'm a bad friend? 287 00:11:40,615 --> 00:11:42,865 No, no, I'm a bad friend. 288 00:11:43,340 --> 00:11:45,243 I got mad at Cece for being a model. 289 00:11:45,274 --> 00:11:46,156 It's a dumb thing to be. 290 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,196 We got in a boob fight. 291 00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:50,953 - Feels like I fell forward on a treadmill. - I'm just gonna say this— 292 00:11:50,998 --> 00:11:52,506 I find that arousing, and let's move on. 293 00:11:52,531 --> 00:11:55,005 Just, she's smart, you know, and she's interesting 294 00:11:55,017 --> 00:11:56,943 and she could be doing anything else with her life 295 00:11:56,973 --> 00:11:58,250 or at least trying. 296 00:11:58,287 --> 00:11:59,331 You know, the weird thing is, 297 00:11:59,362 --> 00:12:01,177 I was actually there when she got discovered. 298 00:12:01,502 --> 00:12:03,405 You, take your glasses off. 299 00:12:03,615 --> 00:12:05,615 Okay. 300 00:12:08,934 --> 00:12:11,293 I can take my glasses off. 301 00:12:14,026 --> 00:12:15,716 I guess I was always disappointed 302 00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:17,917 with her for calling that lady. 303 00:12:17,967 --> 00:12:20,092 It's just, when I hear all the stuff 304 00:12:20,117 --> 00:12:21,324 about Cece's profession— 305 00:12:21,348 --> 00:12:24,237 like, the dieting— it's crazy— 306 00:12:24,255 --> 00:12:26,321 and the butt drinking and the... 307 00:12:26,352 --> 00:12:27,445 Did you say "butt drinking"? 308 00:12:27,470 --> 00:12:28,820 - Yeah. - You can't say "butt drinking" 309 00:12:28,857 --> 00:12:30,295 - And then not explain what it is. - Yeah. 310 00:12:30,327 --> 00:12:32,093 It has two of my four favorite things. 311 00:12:32,124 --> 00:12:35,102 - I just feel like we have nothing in common, you know? - Yeah. 312 00:12:35,318 --> 00:12:36,551 Do you ever wonder why we're friends 313 00:12:36,569 --> 00:12:38,089 with these people, Jess? 314 00:12:38,146 --> 00:12:40,490 And, worse, if we met them now, 315 00:12:40,571 --> 00:12:42,203 you think we'd still be friends with them? 316 00:12:42,645 --> 00:12:44,644 Maybe not. 317 00:12:47,018 --> 00:12:48,449 I should go talk to her. 318 00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:53,577 Well, Nick, I'm out of tears— plumb out. 319 00:12:53,621 --> 00:12:57,616 All that's left is just yellowish goo. 320 00:12:57,780 --> 00:13:00,355 That's right, Nick— goo. 321 00:13:03,317 --> 00:13:05,329 That's a third of my life. 322 00:13:05,862 --> 00:13:06,912 Cece. 323 00:13:06,963 --> 00:13:08,515 Oh, hey, Nadia, sorry. 324 00:13:08,565 --> 00:13:10,565 This Wilmer Valderrama. 325 00:13:14,478 --> 00:13:16,915 Um, Nadia, that's not— 326 00:13:16,971 --> 00:13:21,602 I mean— or what I thought he would look like 327 00:13:21,846 --> 00:13:22,904 in person. 328 00:13:22,941 --> 00:13:23,920 Nice to meet you. 329 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:24,632 Big fan. 330 00:13:24,657 --> 00:13:25,601 Where's Cece? 331 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:27,073 Cece drink too much. 332 00:13:27,226 --> 00:13:29,098 She puke, puke, puke. 333 00:13:29,123 --> 00:13:29,939 She puke, 334 00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:31,693 cry, puke, cry. 335 00:13:31,724 --> 00:13:33,029 She's so weak. 336 00:13:33,272 --> 00:13:35,897 You put on pajama, Wilmer Valderrama, 337 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:37,108 top only. 338 00:13:37,127 --> 00:13:39,738 Then, you make me salad, bitch. 339 00:13:40,242 --> 00:13:43,060 Let's, let's get you into bed, okay? 340 00:13:43,110 --> 00:13:45,401 I don't think we're doing any modeling today. 341 00:13:45,461 --> 00:13:47,815 No, I have to go, Jess, I have to go. 342 00:13:47,846 --> 00:13:49,904 It's my job, all right? 343 00:13:50,323 --> 00:13:51,348 You know what, Cece? 344 00:13:51,387 --> 00:13:53,684 I'm so sorry about last night. 345 00:13:53,715 --> 00:13:56,757 I know that you're... 346 00:13:58,590 --> 00:14:00,798 I know you're an intelligent person, 347 00:14:00,829 --> 00:14:02,258 and sometimes I just... 348 00:14:05,874 --> 00:14:07,392 I just get mixed up, you know, 349 00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,699 And I think that you're like me. 350 00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:12,211 Don't, don't worry, I'm here. 351 00:14:12,270 --> 00:14:14,066 Just tell me where to stand and what we're selling. 352 00:14:14,091 --> 00:14:15,745 I'm gonna give it everything I got. 353 00:14:17,830 --> 00:14:18,863 I'm calling your agency. 354 00:14:18,889 --> 00:14:20,520 This is totally unprofessional. 355 00:14:20,551 --> 00:14:21,854 Don't call my agency. 356 00:14:21,976 --> 00:14:22,881 Just tell me where to stand. 357 00:14:22,919 --> 00:14:24,450 Up on the spinning platform. 358 00:14:24,483 --> 00:14:27,128 - Yeah, I can't do that. - Okay. 359 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,569 - Please, no, seriously don't. I can't lose this job. - No. 360 00:14:29,622 --> 00:14:30,941 Don't call the agency, okay? 361 00:14:30,965 --> 00:14:32,965 - I'll do it. - What? 362 00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:36,295 I'm actually a model, too, mostly in Japan. 363 00:14:36,394 --> 00:14:40,947 Um, they call me Giggle Bangs Rice Bowl. 364 00:14:41,170 --> 00:14:43,177 I know you're lying and I just don't care. 365 00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:44,828 Get over to hair and makeup now. 366 00:14:44,852 --> 00:14:46,827 Cool. 367 00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:01,860 These things are heavy. 368 00:15:01,885 --> 00:15:03,345 It's like chain mail on my eyes. 369 00:15:03,364 --> 00:15:05,052 So, your job is to highlight the features of the car 370 00:15:05,067 --> 00:15:06,761 - We need you to be fun and sexy and American. 371 00:15:06,798 --> 00:15:08,430 Then he's gonna move to the EcoBoost engine 372 00:15:08,462 --> 00:15:09,593 and the new interior styling. 373 00:15:09,614 --> 00:15:11,278 For the EcoBoost engine, give me something 374 00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:12,934 - mischievous. - Mischievous. 375 00:15:12,965 --> 00:15:14,962 - Mischievous. - Show me mischievous. 376 00:15:15,411 --> 00:15:16,667 Okay, and at the end, just say, 377 00:15:16,704 --> 00:15:18,677 "Ford. Go further." 378 00:15:19,221 --> 00:15:20,353 Do I have to wear those? 379 00:15:20,388 --> 00:15:22,370 Hey, everybody, my name's Gary, and I want 380 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:26,636 to introduce you to the all-new 2013 Ford Fusion. 381 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,275 Say hello to my good friend Jessica. 382 00:15:35,154 --> 00:15:38,308 The all-new Fusion has been totally redesigned 383 00:15:38,358 --> 00:15:40,407 inside and out. 384 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:43,392 All-new styling, 18-inch aluminum wheels, 385 00:15:43,512 --> 00:15:45,795 three-year, bumper-to-bumper warranty, 386 00:15:45,813 --> 00:15:47,116 five-year power train, 387 00:15:47,183 --> 00:15:49,033 available Active Park, 388 00:15:49,070 --> 00:15:51,333 available lane-keeping system, 389 00:15:51,402 --> 00:15:53,911 standard voice-activated SYNC. 390 00:15:53,947 --> 00:15:56,680 Your co-workers will be jealous. 391 00:15:56,743 --> 00:15:59,543 From power plants that enhance efficiency 392 00:15:59,575 --> 00:16:02,031 the high-voltage lithium-ion battery pack 393 00:16:02,056 --> 00:16:05,426 provides enough power to operate in all-electric mode 394 00:16:05,443 --> 00:16:08,418 for short commutes— very smart. 395 00:16:08,452 --> 00:16:12,409 The Ford Fusion is designed to be environmentally conscious. 396 00:16:12,585 --> 00:16:15,123 Fusion Hybrid and the Fusion Energi are each powered 397 00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,818 by a combination high-voltage electric motor 398 00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:22,368 that utilizes... recycled material. 399 00:16:27,141 --> 00:16:30,540 The Fusion is available with an EcoBoost engine... 400 00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:32,252 a hybrid, 401 00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:34,810 and a plug-in hybrid. 402 00:16:35,406 --> 00:16:39,189 The SE Hybrid is available with eco-friendly cloth seating. 403 00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:43,252 No matter what color your seats— ha!-- they'll be green. 404 00:16:43,322 --> 00:16:46,461 Smoother rides, more fuel efficiency... 405 00:16:46,496 --> 00:16:47,074 Gary... 406 00:16:47,099 --> 00:16:49,599 The hybrid gets 47 miles to the gallon, 407 00:16:49,627 --> 00:16:52,221 - so you're gonna be filling up your tank less. - Gary... Gary...! 408 00:16:52,243 --> 00:16:53,499 - When you do... - I can't get out. 409 00:16:53,518 --> 00:16:55,937 Hey, man, it's your old pal Jessica. 410 00:16:55,968 --> 00:16:57,675 And it's not that difficult to get out. 411 00:16:57,705 --> 00:16:59,867 There's also the available auto start-stop 412 00:16:59,898 --> 00:17:00,931 That... 413 00:17:00,974 --> 00:17:03,486 - Use the handle. - What's happening? 414 00:17:03,510 --> 00:17:05,812 Further, go further. 415 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:11,720 Hey. 416 00:17:13,707 --> 00:17:16,031 Uh, Schmidt, I got you something, man. 417 00:17:24,326 --> 00:17:26,870 Uh, they didn't have a Jewish star at the store, 418 00:17:26,931 --> 00:17:28,693 so I got you a regular cookie 419 00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:31,256 and I made the star myself by breaking off the pieces. 420 00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:34,309 It's meant to celebrate your Jewish heritage. 421 00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:35,412 What is this? 422 00:17:35,439 --> 00:17:36,572 A Jewish star— I just said that. 423 00:17:36,603 --> 00:17:38,466 - Hey, hey, Schmidt, just... - This... 424 00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:42,461 Is so terrible! 425 00:17:42,636 --> 00:17:45,205 You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie. 426 00:17:45,414 --> 00:17:47,456 You gave me a cookie, gave you cookie. 427 00:17:49,156 --> 00:17:51,451 Gave me cookie, got you cookie! 428 00:17:51,639 --> 00:17:54,642 You gave me cookie, I got you cookie, man! 429 00:17:54,924 --> 00:17:56,249 Gave me cookie, got you cookie! 430 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,313 We're even! We're even, Schmidt! 431 00:17:59,865 --> 00:18:01,746 I mean, what do you want from me? 432 00:18:01,885 --> 00:18:03,434 What do you want, Schmidt? 433 00:18:03,619 --> 00:18:06,577 I've been racking my brain all day. 434 00:18:06,647 --> 00:18:08,410 I walked around the grocery store, man, 435 00:18:08,456 --> 00:18:10,596 for 45 minutes. 436 00:18:10,795 --> 00:18:12,151 I didn't know what to get you. 437 00:18:12,535 --> 00:18:14,549 And then I was thinking I was gonna get you ramen 438 00:18:14,581 --> 00:18:17,085 like we used to eat, but you probably eat, like, 439 00:18:17,125 --> 00:18:19,405 fancy ramen now with, like, figs in it. 440 00:18:19,487 --> 00:18:21,458 I don't know, man. 441 00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:24,587 You love me too much, Schmidt, 442 00:18:24,997 --> 00:18:27,328 and you picked the wrong guy. 443 00:18:27,970 --> 00:18:29,713 And when are you gonna get that 444 00:18:29,861 --> 00:18:31,885 through that giant head of yours? 445 00:18:33,922 --> 00:18:36,373 I'm just gonna let you down, man. 446 00:18:41,239 --> 00:18:42,664 Are you crying? 447 00:18:42,692 --> 00:18:43,998 I'm not crying, man. 448 00:18:44,029 --> 00:18:46,011 Yeah, you are crying. 449 00:18:46,051 --> 00:18:46,824 Oh, my God. 450 00:18:46,849 --> 00:18:48,648 I'm not crying, guys. Just drop it. 451 00:18:48,685 --> 00:18:50,436 I just felt like I did something nice. 452 00:18:50,461 --> 00:18:51,901 Yes, you are, and that's okay. 453 00:18:51,932 --> 00:18:53,655 Don't say that, man, 'cause that... 454 00:18:53,687 --> 00:18:55,193 You know what I mean? Like... 455 00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:56,303 Just let it rain, man. 456 00:18:56,327 --> 00:18:57,352 I got you the cookie, Schmidt. 457 00:18:57,402 --> 00:18:58,754 It's the best I can do, man. 458 00:19:01,126 --> 00:19:02,621 What about the turtle? 459 00:19:04,675 --> 00:19:07,120 You're the only turtle I want. 460 00:19:07,752 --> 00:19:09,334 You're the turtle, man. 461 00:19:09,397 --> 00:19:10,975 I knew I was the turtle. 462 00:19:12,668 --> 00:19:14,709 Yeah, man, you're the turtle. 463 00:19:14,856 --> 00:19:16,090 I knew I was the turtle. 464 00:19:18,745 --> 00:19:20,931 You guys are the best, man. I love you guys. 465 00:19:20,997 --> 00:19:23,005 I'm sorry, sorry, man. 466 00:19:26,089 --> 00:19:28,121 Hey, yeah. 467 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,830 - I'm going to, uh... - Yeah, I've got... 468 00:19:33,850 --> 00:19:35,475 I'm gonna eat my sandwich. 469 00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:36,773 This is a good sandwich. 470 00:19:37,123 --> 00:19:39,148 - See you guys. - This needed to happen. 471 00:19:39,264 --> 00:19:41,996 Wow, they gave you the, the huge lashes. 472 00:19:42,033 --> 00:19:43,252 Like, those are the magnums. 473 00:19:43,277 --> 00:19:44,594 Yeah, I actually like 'em. 474 00:19:44,619 --> 00:19:46,030 I think I'm just gonna keep 'em on. 475 00:19:46,055 --> 00:19:47,123 You're afraid to take the glue off. 476 00:19:47,148 --> 00:19:49,198 Yeah, I'm terrified. 477 00:19:50,415 --> 00:19:52,435 I'm really sorry about what I said last night 478 00:19:52,474 --> 00:19:55,532 'cause... this is hard. 479 00:19:55,983 --> 00:19:57,626 It is just pointing at stuff, 480 00:19:57,657 --> 00:19:59,529 but it is— it's hard. 481 00:19:59,554 --> 00:20:00,596 Why is it so hard? 482 00:20:00,619 --> 00:20:02,510 You make it look a lot harder. 483 00:20:02,529 --> 00:20:04,528 No, you're brave. 484 00:20:04,759 --> 00:20:06,701 You've always been braver than me. 485 00:20:13,724 --> 00:20:16,502 Okay, what did you do to me last night? 486 00:20:16,533 --> 00:20:19,260 I mean, can you sprain someone's chest? 487 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:21,318 You should see the other guys. 488 00:20:24,052 --> 00:20:26,458 Dionne asking Tai for sex advice? 489 00:20:26,494 --> 00:20:28,019 I'm so full. 490 00:20:28,055 --> 00:20:29,883 This really is your best cake ever. 491 00:20:29,901 --> 00:20:30,833 - Do you think so? - Mm-hmm. 492 00:20:30,871 --> 00:20:31,870 We all think so. 493 00:20:31,953 --> 00:20:33,639 Hey, that's gross. 494 00:20:33,687 --> 00:20:35,340 - Get a fork, man. - I got two 495 00:20:35,365 --> 00:20:37,610 Perfectly good forks at the end of my arms. 496 00:20:37,661 --> 00:20:38,778 Hey, man, you do what you do. 497 00:20:38,809 --> 00:20:40,747 - Be you, man. - I'd eat out of your hands, Nick. 498 00:20:40,783 --> 00:20:42,087 - Cake on your face. - Petting zoo style. 499 00:20:42,124 --> 00:20:43,374 - Yeah, yeah. - Cake all day. 500 00:20:43,405 --> 00:20:44,868 Talkin' about cake! 501 00:20:44,905 --> 00:20:46,933 - Frickin' cake dudes. - Look at you. 502 00:20:46,958 --> 00:20:48,177 - Look at you. Frosting face. - Hey. 503 00:20:48,202 --> 00:20:49,864 - Want cake on your face? - I don't really care. 504 00:20:49,950 --> 00:20:54,673 Do you think, if we met today, we would still be friends? 505 00:20:54,710 --> 00:20:56,591 - I could watch you eat cake all day. - Couple of guys eating cake. 506 00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:57,712 I'm gonna have to do so much cardio tomorrow. 507 00:20:57,740 --> 00:21:00,746 I don't know, but we're friends now. 508 00:21:02,603 --> 00:21:04,615 Happy birthday, Cece. 509 00:21:04,647 --> 00:21:06,778 Oh, man! That's messy. 510 00:21:06,838 --> 00:21:08,516 - You like rap music? - Yeah, sure do. 511 00:21:08,578 --> 00:21:11,529 - Who's your favorite rapper? - Brian Austin Green. 512 00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:13,706 - He's cool. - He's awesome. 513 00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:15,739 Go like this. 514 00:21:17,751 --> 00:21:20,229 Try to catch the Pop-Tart, you big boy. 515 00:21:20,260 --> 00:21:21,692 Good, I love Pop-Tarts. 516 00:21:21,961 --> 00:21:23,292 Oh! 517 00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:24,604 Now close your eyes. 518 00:21:26,409 --> 00:21:27,990 - Did you get me? - Yeah. 519 00:21:28,027 --> 00:21:29,596 - Good job. - Ready? 520 00:21:32,313 --> 00:21:33,651 - Ready? - Yeah. 521 00:21:34,246 --> 00:21:36,874 Aah, we did it! 522 00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:42,046 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther