1 00:00:01,745 --> 00:00:03,443 I can't believe they're playing these old matches. 2 00:00:03,461 --> 00:00:05,531 - Man, these were legendary. - Camel clutch! 3 00:00:06,041 --> 00:00:07,116 That's not a camel clutch. 4 00:00:07,148 --> 00:00:08,241 That is a camel clutch. 5 00:00:08,434 --> 00:00:10,240 Gentlemen, hi. 6 00:00:10,507 --> 00:00:11,741 I'd just like a moment of your time. 7 00:00:11,775 --> 00:00:13,338 - Jess, you can't turn that off. - If I may. 8 00:00:14,103 --> 00:00:15,587 I have a word that's gonna change your life. 9 00:00:15,612 --> 00:00:16,831 The answer is already "no." 10 00:00:16,939 --> 00:00:18,640 - Bathtub. - Bathtub's two words. 11 00:00:18,688 --> 00:00:20,232 - It's one word. - Bathtub is two words. 12 00:00:20,263 --> 00:00:21,432 How come I'm James Brown? 13 00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:23,689 When you don't smile for my pictures, you get replaced. 14 00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:26,748 You come home after a long, hard day at work. 15 00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:28,844 - Tired. - You want to relax, but how? 16 00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:32,627 How about soaking in a glorious bubbly pool for one? 17 00:00:32,663 --> 00:00:35,276 Sipping the nectar of the gods. 18 00:00:35,401 --> 00:00:36,826 I don't get it— is this bath water? 19 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:38,251 Might as well be; It's rosé. 20 00:00:38,427 --> 00:00:39,974 Burn notice, France. 21 00:00:41,445 --> 00:00:43,059 - Now that I'm working again, - Don't do this. 22 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,947 I'd really love to come home and soak in a beautiful bathtub. 23 00:00:45,985 --> 00:00:48,804 Bathtubs are Medieval filth cauldrons— pass. 24 00:00:48,835 --> 00:00:50,331 Yeah, it's a waste of money, Jess. 25 00:00:50,355 --> 00:00:53,881 I'm not interested in simmering in testicle tea for 20 minutes. 26 00:00:54,284 --> 00:00:55,217 Loft vote. 27 00:00:55,258 --> 00:00:56,447 - No. - No. 28 00:00:56,484 --> 00:00:58,522 Feel like I'm at a garden party, haven't even left home. 29 00:00:58,546 --> 00:01:00,328 Winston, what are you talking about— loft vote, no. 30 00:01:00,369 --> 00:01:02,224 What, yeah, no, duh, of course. 31 00:01:02,326 --> 00:01:04,761 - Okay, you know what— loft vote... - Nay. 32 00:01:04,795 --> 00:01:06,451 - Loft vote. - Nay. 33 00:01:06,486 --> 00:01:08,386 Loft vote, I'm turning wrestling back on. 34 00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,368 - Yeah. - Yeah. 35 00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:11,270 - Camel clutch! Camel clutch! - No. 36 00:01:15,412 --> 00:01:19,212 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 37 00:01:20,945 --> 00:01:22,070 Hey, Schmidt. 38 00:01:22,146 --> 00:01:24,320 - Ooh, hey. - Want to pitch on the new Double V campaign? 39 00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:25,671 I'm all about the Double V— what is that? 40 00:01:25,696 --> 00:01:26,881 It's a new vodka, yeah. 41 00:01:26,898 --> 00:01:28,866 Filled with vitamins— Double V? 42 00:01:29,235 --> 00:01:30,069 What do you think? 43 00:01:30,099 --> 00:01:31,271 You know, I've never been considered 44 00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:32,490 to run an account before. 45 00:01:32,835 --> 00:01:35,896 Wait a min... Wait, is this just 46 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,682 is this because we used to... bingity-bangity? 47 00:01:38,703 --> 00:01:39,973 No, of course not. 48 00:01:41,464 --> 00:01:42,665 Take a look at the specs 49 00:01:43,005 --> 00:01:45,196 and come into my office tomorrow in your best suit, 50 00:01:45,223 --> 00:01:47,324 and, uh, blow me away with your take. 51 00:01:47,383 --> 00:01:49,812 My best suit— I can put on my best suit. 52 00:01:52,273 --> 00:01:53,307 Okay. 53 00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:57,204 Wasted project, Nick, huh? 54 00:01:58,948 --> 00:02:00,049 Herringbone? 55 00:02:01,009 --> 00:02:02,643 How did you get in here? 56 00:02:10,236 --> 00:02:11,386 To schmidt. 57 00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:12,831 Sleeping his way to the top. 58 00:02:12,864 --> 00:02:14,632 Cheers to me. 59 00:02:16,064 --> 00:02:17,331 I hope you like it. 60 00:02:17,384 --> 00:02:18,918 I poured that one for you. 61 00:02:20,122 --> 00:02:21,390 Drink it up. 62 00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:23,274 This is coming off weird— it's creepy, right? 63 00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,523 - Go get her. - I can't do that. 64 00:02:24,554 --> 00:02:25,985 - I can't talk to thirsty. - Thirsty? 65 00:02:26,003 --> 00:02:28,415 I don't know her name, so I call her Thirsty. 66 00:02:28,818 --> 00:02:30,658 - Thirsty Mendelson. - Oh, you made her Jewish? 67 00:02:30,676 --> 00:02:32,627 - I didn't make her Jewish. - Mendelson? She's not Jewish? 68 00:02:32,651 --> 00:02:34,775 - Well, Thirsty. - If her last name's Mendelson, she's Jewish. 69 00:02:34,795 --> 00:02:36,389 Tell you what her first name is, too— It's Rachel. 70 00:02:36,420 --> 00:02:38,486 Get out of my head— you're kind of ruining my thing right now. 71 00:02:38,514 --> 00:02:40,334 What I have with thirsty is perfect. 72 00:02:40,396 --> 00:02:42,363 She's surly like I'm surly, 73 00:02:42,398 --> 00:02:44,364 and she rolls her eyes at everybody 74 00:02:44,395 --> 00:02:46,012 like I roll my eyes at everybody. 75 00:02:46,053 --> 00:02:47,962 She likes to drink in the afternoon. 76 00:02:48,044 --> 00:02:49,364 And I like to drink in the afternoon. 77 00:02:49,395 --> 00:02:50,994 - Go talk to her. - No, I can't. 78 00:02:51,024 --> 00:02:52,650 That breaks the first rule 79 00:02:52,690 --> 00:02:54,858 of bartending— never cross the bar. 80 00:02:54,905 --> 00:02:57,399 'Cause once you cross the bar, it gets messy. 81 00:02:57,553 --> 00:02:59,821 Rudy just wants her $200 back. 82 00:02:59,887 --> 00:03:02,388 Come on, neither of you has the right bra for this. 83 00:03:02,454 --> 00:03:04,022 Excuse me, have you seen Rhonda? 84 00:03:04,249 --> 00:03:06,150 Have you seen the ferret lady? 85 00:03:06,385 --> 00:03:08,219 Why am I doing this? 86 00:03:10,788 --> 00:03:12,644 Never cross the bar. 87 00:03:12,665 --> 00:03:14,499 Your rules have gotten you so far. 88 00:03:14,608 --> 00:03:16,242 - Classic Nick Miller. - You got it. 89 00:03:16,282 --> 00:03:17,523 Jess. 90 00:03:17,747 --> 00:03:19,685 You want to help me at the jukebox really quick? 91 00:03:19,710 --> 00:03:21,685 Oh, my God, yes— I've always wanted to do this with you. 92 00:03:21,717 --> 00:03:23,710 Well, I was gonna go "Raspberry Beret," but... 93 00:03:23,741 --> 00:03:25,401 If we're gonna go Prince, I think we should go, like— 94 00:03:25,426 --> 00:03:27,960 Jess, I want to talk to you about your bathtub pitch. 95 00:03:28,134 --> 00:03:29,597 I love baths— I do. 96 00:03:29,629 --> 00:03:32,230 Back in Latvia, we had a great tub. 97 00:03:37,672 --> 00:03:39,378 But I tell you what— there are parts of my butt 98 00:03:39,402 --> 00:03:40,770 only a tub can clean. 99 00:03:40,795 --> 00:03:41,775 Ew, but okay! 100 00:03:41,812 --> 00:03:43,993 Okay, here's what we're gonna do, so the guys don't know. 101 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:45,756 We're gonna split the 400 bucks for the tub. 102 00:03:45,852 --> 00:03:47,386 Then we can hide it on the roof 103 00:03:47,421 --> 00:03:49,041 and install it in the middle of the night, and then 104 00:03:49,059 --> 00:03:51,182 we can just pretend like you did it without our permission. 105 00:03:51,285 --> 00:03:52,752 Or we could just... 106 00:03:52,813 --> 00:03:54,413 say that you wanted a tub, too. 107 00:03:54,463 --> 00:03:56,770 How about we just keep this a Jess and Winston thing? 108 00:03:58,352 --> 00:03:59,892 - Hey, Cece, you okay? - Yeah, I'm good. 109 00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:02,034 I'm good; Just broke up with Robby. 110 00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:04,675 I'll make you a drink. 111 00:04:04,879 --> 00:04:06,733 - What ha... what happened? - Um, 112 00:04:06,772 --> 00:04:09,229 I told him I had to start getting serious 113 00:04:09,270 --> 00:04:13,368 about having kids and he said, "Okay, that's cool." 114 00:04:13,829 --> 00:04:16,533 But then that's all he said for the next eight hours, 115 00:04:16,568 --> 00:04:19,537 and he hasn't said anything to me since. 116 00:04:19,586 --> 00:04:20,491 So terrible. 117 00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:22,404 I just, I can't even... 118 00:04:22,459 --> 00:04:23,678 - Mm-hmm. - Wow. 119 00:04:23,712 --> 00:04:25,076 I mean that's... but I mean... 120 00:04:25,126 --> 00:04:28,061 There's... cool. It's cool. 121 00:04:28,239 --> 00:04:30,711 - 'Cause you're single. You're single. - Really subtle stuff. 122 00:04:30,742 --> 00:04:33,155 - She's single now; technically, you're single... are you not single? - Schmidt! 123 00:04:33,181 --> 00:04:34,805 I have to get serious about my future, 124 00:04:34,836 --> 00:04:36,498 otherwise my mom is going to set me up 125 00:04:36,522 --> 00:04:39,472 with a hundred sweet, gentle, painfully boring Indian guys. 126 00:04:39,517 --> 00:04:40,803 Oh, my God, your mother. 127 00:04:40,828 --> 00:04:42,465 I want to control your life. 128 00:04:42,502 --> 00:04:43,996 That's how my parents met and they had 129 00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:45,988 a beautiful, healthy marriage. 130 00:04:46,026 --> 00:04:48,050 I respect your parents— I do. 131 00:04:48,082 --> 00:04:50,241 I respect everything that— look what they've created. 132 00:04:50,272 --> 00:04:52,845 Look at that... look at your beauty, with your hair. 133 00:04:52,882 --> 00:04:54,593 I'd eat it out of a bowl, your hair. 134 00:04:54,614 --> 00:04:56,377 I'd put it in a bowl and I'd eat your hair. 135 00:04:56,434 --> 00:04:57,822 Oh, my God. 136 00:05:01,163 --> 00:05:02,931 Hey, Cece. 137 00:05:03,573 --> 00:05:05,707 I-I know it's unexpected that I'm here. 138 00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:08,089 It's because I wanted to tell you something. 139 00:05:09,051 --> 00:05:10,748 You're my boo. 140 00:05:11,157 --> 00:05:13,126 You're my boo and I'm... and I'm... 141 00:05:13,165 --> 00:05:15,000 I been missing you. 142 00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:18,515 I been missing you oh, so long. 143 00:05:18,543 --> 00:05:20,299 You know what's weird? I don't find this weird anymore. 144 00:05:20,323 --> 00:05:22,315 What's your problem, Nick— how long you been standing there? 145 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:23,697 How much of that did you hear? 146 00:05:25,147 --> 00:05:26,864 I'm in love, man. 147 00:05:27,656 --> 00:05:28,519 I'm in love with Cece. 148 00:05:28,550 --> 00:05:30,096 Everyone knows that, you dumb-ass. 149 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,019 - You always have been. - I gotta tell her, man. 150 00:05:32,043 --> 00:05:33,948 You should do that, Schmidty, that sounds great. 151 00:05:34,135 --> 00:05:36,055 - Do I have your blessing? - Do you have my blessing? 152 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,032 Yeah. I don't think you need my blessing, big guy. 153 00:05:38,057 --> 00:05:40,266 - Just kind of do your thing. - I would like your blessing. You're my best friend. 154 00:05:40,297 --> 00:05:42,991 - I want your blessing. - Schmidt, fine, you got my blessing, okay? Just... 155 00:05:43,032 --> 00:05:43,901 What is this? 156 00:05:43,928 --> 00:05:46,663 Give me a hug. Give me a hug. I need this. 157 00:05:49,755 --> 00:05:51,520 Come on, please, give me, give me a hug, Nick. 158 00:05:51,543 --> 00:05:53,676 Please, just give me a hug! I want— Ow! 159 00:05:55,581 --> 00:05:56,994 Good stuff. 160 00:05:58,671 --> 00:06:00,205 - Thank you, Nick. - Come on! 161 00:06:00,247 --> 00:06:02,548 All right, looks good— no leaks. 162 00:06:03,167 --> 00:06:04,745 - We did it. - Yeah, we did. 163 00:06:06,737 --> 00:06:08,672 Oh, my God! Oh, my God. 164 00:06:09,140 --> 00:06:10,072 It's flooding! 165 00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:11,708 - Do something! - No, no, no, no, no! 166 00:06:11,743 --> 00:06:15,263 I've never wished I was dead more. 167 00:06:15,511 --> 00:06:17,778 Schmidt's gonna freak out. 168 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,735 He once told me he spent $300 on a pocket square. 169 00:06:23,455 --> 00:06:25,918 No! 170 00:06:28,232 --> 00:06:30,426 - Am I overreacting? - Eh, that's about right. 171 00:06:33,857 --> 00:06:36,175 There you go... good as new. 172 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,994 So, I've, uh, handled this one-man job, 173 00:06:41,014 --> 00:06:43,099 any two-man jobs you want us to tackle? 174 00:06:43,123 --> 00:06:44,471 I think we're good. Thanks, Remy. 175 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:47,060 You sure there's not something else that needs fixing? 176 00:06:47,085 --> 00:06:49,935 Maybe in the... lady's bedroom? 177 00:06:52,555 --> 00:06:55,147 Uh, yeah, I think we're done— thank you, Remy. 178 00:06:55,189 --> 00:06:57,618 I will return your ladder when I feel like it. 179 00:06:57,647 --> 00:06:59,314 Thank you, bye. 180 00:06:59,348 --> 00:07:00,448 He's so weird. 181 00:07:00,591 --> 00:07:02,903 Um, okay, so, phase two. 182 00:07:02,958 --> 00:07:05,582 Didn't Schmidt make us get renter's insurance 183 00:07:05,613 --> 00:07:08,116 when he almost tore down that rafter with the sex swing? 184 00:07:08,146 --> 00:07:10,046 Jess, we fake a robbery. 185 00:07:10,207 --> 00:07:11,788 We fake a robbery for the insurance. 186 00:07:11,813 --> 00:07:12,817 That's a great idea. 187 00:07:12,841 --> 00:07:13,981 We're a couple of meth-heads. 188 00:07:14,004 --> 00:07:15,238 - Oh, yeah. - Boom. 189 00:07:15,411 --> 00:07:17,646 Got any meth? 190 00:07:18,213 --> 00:07:19,548 Got any rings on your fingers? 191 00:07:19,584 --> 00:07:21,474 I need them for meth. 192 00:07:21,998 --> 00:07:24,721 Get it all, get it all, get it all, get it all, get it all. 193 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,766 Whoa! Do we have to steal my moustache trimmer? 194 00:07:26,796 --> 00:07:30,253 This is worth three bowls of sweet, sweet meth. 195 00:07:31,716 --> 00:07:33,093 - This? This? - No. 196 00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:34,775 No. This? 197 00:07:34,810 --> 00:07:36,079 I just don't think the meth-heads 198 00:07:36,098 --> 00:07:37,918 would want anything in this room. 199 00:07:40,414 --> 00:07:41,420 What about this? 200 00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:42,362 A land line? 201 00:07:42,408 --> 00:07:44,646 To me, it looks like a meth sandwich. 202 00:07:45,401 --> 00:07:47,368 Don't hog all the meth, daddy. 203 00:07:48,694 --> 00:07:49,961 Did you hit this already? 204 00:07:50,004 --> 00:07:51,483 - No, did you? - No. 205 00:07:53,366 --> 00:07:54,829 What are you doing? 206 00:07:54,854 --> 00:07:56,255 You're smothering me, all right? 207 00:07:56,316 --> 00:07:57,435 I'm done with this! 208 00:07:57,460 --> 00:07:59,027 At least leave your wallet! 209 00:07:59,052 --> 00:08:00,793 I'm out of here! 210 00:08:21,411 --> 00:08:22,912 Would you like a whiskey? 211 00:08:24,229 --> 00:08:25,030 What? 212 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,531 I said that because I know you like whiskey. 213 00:08:27,929 --> 00:08:29,965 You're a whiskey girl, like me. 214 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:32,902 You're a whiskey girl? 215 00:08:33,695 --> 00:08:34,662 I'm Nick. 216 00:08:35,128 --> 00:08:36,196 I'm Angie. 217 00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:38,546 Angie... Angie, Angie. 218 00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:40,034 Well, what are you standing there for? 219 00:08:40,277 --> 00:08:42,083 Go grab a bottle and get me drunk, idiot. 220 00:08:42,112 --> 00:08:44,413 Well, I-I couldn't drink with you— I work here. 221 00:08:44,581 --> 00:08:46,282 Just kidding, I get drunk, like, all the time. 222 00:08:46,312 --> 00:08:47,793 I've got a drinking thing. 223 00:08:48,955 --> 00:08:50,106 You got it. 224 00:08:51,652 --> 00:08:54,845 I also have all the access to pistachios if you want, like, a full... 225 00:08:55,051 --> 00:08:56,452 I'll make my own mind up on that. 226 00:08:58,456 --> 00:09:00,901 He took my doctor's appointment suit! 227 00:09:01,564 --> 00:09:03,724 He took El Capitan! 228 00:09:03,839 --> 00:09:04,738 Damn it! 229 00:09:04,899 --> 00:09:06,667 The only thing he left was my summer suit 230 00:09:06,696 --> 00:09:07,943 with the lightning bolt on the back. 231 00:09:07,994 --> 00:09:09,746 I keep that in my summer bin along with 232 00:09:09,777 --> 00:09:12,098 my summer condoms— citrus-flavored, 233 00:09:12,122 --> 00:09:13,889 for a more refreshing summer experience. 234 00:09:13,925 --> 00:09:16,058 - That's a jar... - Jar for sure, yeah. 235 00:09:17,446 --> 00:09:19,354 Look at this— took my suits. 236 00:09:19,439 --> 00:09:21,165 Left the... left the douche bag jar. 237 00:09:21,268 --> 00:09:22,367 Typical meth-head. 238 00:09:22,385 --> 00:09:23,790 - Typical meth-head. - Yeah, it's a shame. 239 00:09:23,814 --> 00:09:25,912 Good thing that I have a security camera in there. 240 00:09:25,953 --> 00:09:27,354 I'm gonna download the footage 241 00:09:27,421 --> 00:09:28,855 and I.D. this S.O.B. 242 00:09:28,897 --> 00:09:30,193 He's going down. 243 00:09:32,327 --> 00:09:33,963 I respect the amount you drink— 244 00:09:33,996 --> 00:09:35,265 - Oh, - FYI these drinks 245 00:09:35,290 --> 00:09:36,326 - aren't free. - Wow, well, joke's 246 00:09:36,351 --> 00:09:38,564 on you 'cause Mike left with all my money. 247 00:09:38,589 --> 00:09:39,577 Oh, really! 248 00:09:39,608 --> 00:09:41,333 Then how you gonna pay for the drinks? 249 00:09:41,365 --> 00:09:44,404 Oh... probably with sex? 250 00:09:46,891 --> 00:09:48,425 Sorry... 251 00:09:49,599 --> 00:09:50,878 That is not pretty. 252 00:09:51,338 --> 00:09:52,004 Well... 253 00:09:52,029 --> 00:09:53,526 I was gonna let you have sex with Mike. 254 00:09:53,553 --> 00:09:55,688 - Oh... - What? It's good. 255 00:09:55,719 --> 00:09:57,300 That was an old switcheroo. 256 00:09:58,455 --> 00:10:00,644 I just want to say you two, uh... 257 00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:02,320 What? 258 00:10:02,357 --> 00:10:03,890 - No, no, I don't want to say. - Come on, what? 259 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,714 I don't want to say. I don't feel like it's— 260 00:10:05,740 --> 00:10:07,447 - The point is it's not my... - What are you afraid of? 261 00:10:07,472 --> 00:10:09,952 - You're thinking it. - I'm not afraid, but... He's kind of an ass— damn it! 262 00:10:10,397 --> 00:10:12,853 You think I should break up with Mike? 263 00:10:12,875 --> 00:10:14,998 No, no, that is not my place to... 264 00:10:15,034 --> 00:10:17,293 - Well, you did; it is your place. - But I've been drinking with you, 265 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:20,376 and I feel like you're luring me in... Dump his ass! 266 00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:24,422 Damn it. 267 00:10:25,382 --> 00:10:27,517 I can't believe you'd say that to me. 268 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,107 You should mind your own business. 269 00:10:31,026 --> 00:10:32,626 So many years of footage. 270 00:10:32,743 --> 00:10:34,144 This is from last May. 271 00:10:34,193 --> 00:10:36,019 I was trying to add an extra ab muscle. 272 00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:36,975 Jess, I can't take this... 273 00:10:36,999 --> 00:10:38,756 This is when I was experimenting with faux hawks. 274 00:10:38,797 --> 00:10:41,264 - I can't, I can't, I can't take it, Jess. - You can. 275 00:10:41,295 --> 00:10:43,194 - You're gonna blow this. - My face is numb. 276 00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:45,062 This is when I was lowering my bar sexually. 277 00:10:45,093 --> 00:10:47,228 - Why is my face numb? - Okay, I'm gonna say this once. 278 00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:48,908 - Tighten up. - Okay, yeah. 279 00:10:48,932 --> 00:10:50,254 I can't believe this is happening. 280 00:10:50,366 --> 00:10:51,555 It's such an important day. 281 00:10:51,597 --> 00:10:52,907 What's happening today? 282 00:10:53,083 --> 00:10:54,318 I just have to look good. 283 00:10:54,336 --> 00:10:57,074 Okay? Not like some Ukrainian dentist. 284 00:11:01,144 --> 00:11:02,345 Oh, my God. 285 00:11:04,712 --> 00:11:06,075 - Jess, I'm dying. - What's wrong with you. 286 00:11:06,116 --> 00:11:07,230 I'm dying, Jess. 287 00:11:08,622 --> 00:11:10,690 Jess, pretend you're not seeing this... 288 00:11:11,052 --> 00:11:13,719 Schmidt, this isn't a good time. 289 00:11:14,462 --> 00:11:15,835 Cece, please. 290 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,316 Just... just open the box. 291 00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:24,025 You brought a pigeon into my house? 292 00:11:24,049 --> 00:11:26,337 I couldn't find a dove. Come on, Beatty. 293 00:11:29,228 --> 00:11:31,264 It's... it was supposed to fly out when you opened up the lid. 294 00:11:31,289 --> 00:11:34,053 - What are you doing? - I love you, Cece. 295 00:11:35,232 --> 00:11:39,459 And I have been in love with you for so long. 296 00:11:40,858 --> 00:11:44,440 I used to think it was just a heavy like, but... 297 00:11:45,723 --> 00:11:47,190 it's love. 298 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,789 - There it goes. - Is this real? 299 00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:53,705 For you? 300 00:11:53,825 --> 00:11:55,333 Yes. 301 00:11:57,089 --> 00:11:59,459 Cece, I'm ready for a serious commitment. 302 00:11:59,526 --> 00:12:01,691 I'm up for a huge promotion at work. 303 00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:04,432 I'm ready to have kids with you, if that's what you want. 304 00:12:04,989 --> 00:12:05,926 You want to have kids? 305 00:12:05,956 --> 00:12:07,545 Let's go right now, let's go make a kid. 306 00:12:07,884 --> 00:12:08,971 Take your top off. 307 00:12:09,690 --> 00:12:11,140 Schmidt, my mother... 308 00:12:11,261 --> 00:12:13,000 she's gonna hate you. 309 00:12:13,082 --> 00:12:15,119 Okay? You're Jewish. 310 00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:17,500 She hates Jews; I mean, she really hates them. 311 00:12:17,523 --> 00:12:19,057 Everybody hates the Jews. 312 00:12:19,256 --> 00:12:20,769 Your mom's in the majority. 313 00:12:21,859 --> 00:12:23,909 I'll convert to Indianism. 314 00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:26,596 Hindi... Hindi-is... eh? 315 00:12:26,983 --> 00:12:29,837 Indiani-Indi... Indi-Buddhi-ism? 316 00:12:30,693 --> 00:12:34,196 Schmidt, we have so much going against us. 317 00:12:34,316 --> 00:12:36,422 Let's have dinner. Tonight. 318 00:12:40,715 --> 00:12:41,472 Okay. 319 00:12:41,557 --> 00:12:42,790 Cool. No, yeah, cool. 320 00:12:43,839 --> 00:12:45,107 Just give me a second. 321 00:12:48,543 --> 00:12:52,116 Ah... yes! 322 00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,314 I'm sorry. 323 00:12:57,680 --> 00:13:00,703 - Wiston, are you out of your head? - Security camera. 324 00:13:00,740 --> 00:13:02,334 What are you doing? Schmidt has a security camera. 325 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,323 Why did I think he didn't have a security camera? 326 00:13:04,759 --> 00:13:06,422 Oh. You're a briefs man. 327 00:13:06,472 --> 00:13:07,728 I was hoping I'd never find out. 328 00:13:07,752 --> 00:13:09,941 Oh, my goodness, we should not have gone for that tub. 329 00:13:10,022 --> 00:13:11,990 I just like bubbles so much... 330 00:13:12,139 --> 00:13:13,996 Winston, I think you're having a panic attack. 331 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:15,100 Hmm? 332 00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:18,290 Shut up, hey, Jess, no. 333 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:21,983 I'm, uh... this is just the willies. 334 00:13:22,099 --> 00:13:24,231 The w... the what? The... the willies? 335 00:13:24,268 --> 00:13:25,467 The willies, yeah. It's the same thing 336 00:13:25,491 --> 00:13:27,171 that happened when I took my driver's test. 337 00:13:27,338 --> 00:13:28,739 Go ahead and start the car. 338 00:13:30,576 --> 00:13:33,097 No! No! 339 00:13:37,078 --> 00:13:38,672 A lot of people get panic attacks. 340 00:13:38,699 --> 00:13:40,430 - The willies. - My dad used to get them all the time. 341 00:13:40,458 --> 00:13:42,412 Like, every time he had to make a left turn. 342 00:13:42,437 --> 00:13:43,812 It would take him two and a half hours 343 00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:44,760 to drive me to school. 344 00:13:44,784 --> 00:13:46,894 We'd just drive all around Portland, making right turns. 345 00:13:48,856 --> 00:13:50,290 - Okay. - It's okay. 346 00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:52,821 - Okay. - It's really okay. 347 00:13:53,276 --> 00:13:54,839 Are you going to tell anybody about my underwear? 348 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:57,178 Look, I really want to. 349 00:13:57,553 --> 00:13:59,154 But I won't. 350 00:13:59,852 --> 00:14:01,117 - Where is he? - It's over, Mike. 351 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,875 - Where's Nick? - Just stop... just stop it. 352 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,356 Hey. You Nick? 353 00:14:06,241 --> 00:14:07,754 Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not Nick. 354 00:14:07,809 --> 00:14:09,493 Nick has pinkeye! I'm Ricardo! 355 00:14:09,530 --> 00:14:11,467 - Let Nick go! - Ricardo? Ricardo? This is Nick, huh? 356 00:14:11,499 --> 00:14:13,866 You're a dead man! 357 00:14:15,452 --> 00:14:16,440 I had it handled! 358 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,643 He was gonna kill you. I've seen him do it. 359 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:20,736 - I know someone at work who can stitch him up. - Okay, let's get him 360 00:14:20,755 --> 00:14:22,493 - stitched up right now. This is disgusting. - Okay. 361 00:14:22,539 --> 00:14:23,773 I'm out there every night, 362 00:14:23,815 --> 00:14:26,484 balling to the max, and you expect me to do what, 363 00:14:26,502 --> 00:14:29,571 just stop and chew up some cherry-flavored multi-V? 364 00:14:29,652 --> 00:14:30,896 No, thanks. 365 00:14:30,998 --> 00:14:33,679 I'll take my vitamins on the rocks. Double V. 366 00:14:33,727 --> 00:14:36,805 Heart. Spirit. Body. Party. 367 00:14:37,012 --> 00:14:39,193 You gotta get specific about this vodka. 368 00:14:39,289 --> 00:14:40,877 - Have you tried Double V? - No. 369 00:14:40,952 --> 00:14:42,039 Let's open up this bitch. 370 00:14:42,074 --> 00:14:43,472 Let's open up... okay. 371 00:14:43,497 --> 00:14:45,775 - Um... I kind of... - We're going to do every vitamin, 372 00:14:45,803 --> 00:14:48,474 in alphabetical order. Each shot that you do, 373 00:14:48,515 --> 00:14:50,449 makes me know you're going that extra mile. 374 00:14:50,948 --> 00:14:53,592 - Emma, I really... - Is there something more important than work? 375 00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:55,479 - What? - Okay. 376 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,793 - But you said— - No, I... no, no, no. 377 00:14:56,818 --> 00:14:58,268 Let's-let's just... all right, we'll do it. 378 00:14:58,291 --> 00:14:59,597 Don't feel weird, Winston. 379 00:14:59,645 --> 00:15:01,273 Everybody has their weird thing. 380 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:02,760 Even me. 381 00:15:03,371 --> 00:15:05,596 Look, I'm gonna tell you something about myself. 382 00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:09,641 I am really claustrophobic. 383 00:15:09,671 --> 00:15:11,838 - Jess, I don't believe you. - No, seriously, watch. 384 00:15:16,586 --> 00:15:18,759 - You seem fine to me. - I seem fine, 385 00:15:18,790 --> 00:15:21,459 but if I close the door, 386 00:15:21,845 --> 00:15:24,881 it's gonna feel like I'm dying... 387 00:15:25,266 --> 00:15:27,397 even more than 388 00:15:27,584 --> 00:15:28,509 a real death. 389 00:15:28,527 --> 00:15:32,515 It just feels like death... plus more death. 390 00:15:32,589 --> 00:15:34,064 Okay, this is silly. Just come on. 391 00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:35,784 But I'm gonna be okay, because I know you're out there. 392 00:15:35,825 --> 00:15:37,426 - Mm-hmm. - And you can help me... 393 00:15:38,119 --> 00:15:39,387 Oh, my God... 394 00:15:39,528 --> 00:15:40,629 Okay... 395 00:15:42,077 --> 00:15:44,402 - Oh, my God. Let me out! - Jess, this is not... this is not funny, Jess. 396 00:15:44,439 --> 00:15:45,834 - Can you open up the door? - Jess? 397 00:15:45,965 --> 00:15:47,053 It's closed! 398 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:48,591 Oh, my God, Jess, the door is stuck. 399 00:15:48,672 --> 00:15:50,847 - Jess, the door is stuck! - It's so hot in here! 400 00:15:50,922 --> 00:15:53,223 - Oh, my God! - Jess, come on, now, this is not funny. 401 00:15:53,270 --> 00:15:56,172 - Oh, my God... Oh, my God... Oh! - Jess, this is not... oh, my goodness, is it hot? 402 00:15:56,378 --> 00:15:58,512 - So you're not a nurse? - Who said I was a nurse? 403 00:15:58,580 --> 00:16:00,581 Stitches— you said somebody at work can do stitches. 404 00:16:00,610 --> 00:16:02,148 Who does stitches at a strip club? 405 00:16:02,207 --> 00:16:03,407 Someone need stitches? 406 00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:05,301 Let me get my needle and my bifocals. 407 00:16:05,437 --> 00:16:06,505 Be right back. 408 00:16:06,552 --> 00:16:09,121 Okay, let's get you down right next to that dirty pole. 409 00:16:09,165 --> 00:16:10,641 There? That? Okay, good. 410 00:16:11,558 --> 00:16:13,360 Th... really nice place. 411 00:16:13,428 --> 00:16:15,733 Uh, this is where you work. 412 00:16:16,293 --> 00:16:17,225 You the ticket-taker? 413 00:16:17,264 --> 00:16:18,531 - No, I'm a stripper. - Yeah. 414 00:16:18,549 --> 00:16:20,338 But what is it that you do here? 415 00:16:20,368 --> 00:16:22,821 - Stripper. - Because college is so expensive these days... 416 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,708 - I'm a stripper. - But only topless. 417 00:16:25,744 --> 00:16:27,419 - Completely naked. - Mike, where's my taco? 418 00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:28,549 What happened? What happened? 419 00:16:28,578 --> 00:16:31,042 Uh, he remembered that he was married to you, 420 00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:33,233 so he tried to beat the memory out of his brain with a brick. 421 00:16:33,279 --> 00:16:35,222 - Oh, he's married... - You stupid bitch! 422 00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:36,367 Oh, not okay! 423 00:16:37,485 --> 00:16:38,519 Ladies! Stop fighting! 424 00:16:38,541 --> 00:16:41,370 Hey, hey! Stop this now! 425 00:16:41,420 --> 00:16:44,203 Don't stop this! I'm super aroused! 426 00:16:44,234 --> 00:16:45,934 I think I just became a dirt bag. 427 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,073 Why did I cross the bar? 428 00:16:51,434 --> 00:16:52,746 I did it. 429 00:16:52,833 --> 00:16:55,167 - I'm here for dinner. I made it. - It's really late. 430 00:16:55,216 --> 00:16:57,705 We got the account. I was with my boss, we got the account. 431 00:16:57,795 --> 00:17:00,172 - We did it. - You were with your boss? 432 00:17:00,834 --> 00:17:01,638 What? 433 00:17:01,679 --> 00:17:03,667 - No. - The woman who made you sign a contract 434 00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:05,843 - so she could have sex with you, your boss? - No. 435 00:17:05,874 --> 00:17:07,805 No. Uh... 436 00:17:07,879 --> 00:17:09,012 - Yeah. - Yeah. 437 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,545 No... but nothing happened. 438 00:17:10,569 --> 00:17:12,521 She just wanted me to taste the V. 439 00:17:13,293 --> 00:17:14,527 That came out wrong. 440 00:17:14,569 --> 00:17:15,810 - Yeah. - I thought about... 441 00:17:15,845 --> 00:17:18,162 I thought about the boss's boobs once. 442 00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,385 They're still real nice, 443 00:17:20,411 --> 00:17:24,122 but I didn't have no connection to them emotionally, whatsoever. 444 00:17:24,527 --> 00:17:25,702 Nothing. 445 00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:29,999 Cece, I can pay for our baby's college now. 446 00:17:30,128 --> 00:17:31,891 Literally anywhere they want to go. 447 00:17:31,978 --> 00:17:35,080 UCLA, UMass... any of the U schools. 448 00:17:35,117 --> 00:17:37,746 - I love you so much. - You should probably... 449 00:17:38,029 --> 00:17:39,196 Oh, not... 450 00:17:44,389 --> 00:17:45,732 It's okay. 451 00:17:51,739 --> 00:17:53,407 Cece, I'm gonna pee in my summer suit. 452 00:17:53,630 --> 00:17:55,518 Hey, Mom, it's me. 453 00:17:56,431 --> 00:17:58,133 I think I'm ready to have you set me up. 454 00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,178 This is not a prank. Call me back. 455 00:18:04,632 --> 00:18:06,095 - Oh, thank God. - Oh, my goodness. 456 00:18:06,114 --> 00:18:08,256 - Thank you, man. - I see. 457 00:18:08,278 --> 00:18:10,628 If you guys have been playing hard to get, 458 00:18:10,647 --> 00:18:12,883 you don't have to. I am totally ready 459 00:18:12,907 --> 00:18:16,327 to get mixed up in this choco-vanilla shake. 460 00:18:17,727 --> 00:18:18,662 No. 461 00:18:18,712 --> 00:18:20,704 Yeah, you know what I'm talking about here. 462 00:18:20,729 --> 00:18:22,329 - I'm just talking about... - Yes... I know, I know. 463 00:18:22,354 --> 00:18:23,114 We got it. 464 00:18:23,128 --> 00:18:25,376 - We got it, Remy. We got it. Yeah. - ... doing it with-with both of you. 465 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:26,549 Three... 466 00:18:27,365 --> 00:18:29,065 This never happened. 467 00:18:32,375 --> 00:18:34,069 Jess, I just want to say thank you. 468 00:18:34,217 --> 00:18:35,700 You know, I thought I was the only crazy one, 469 00:18:35,736 --> 00:18:37,227 but it turns out you're nuts as well. 470 00:18:37,252 --> 00:18:39,563 Oh, I'm straight-up bananas, Winston. 471 00:18:39,904 --> 00:18:41,415 Next time that happens to you, 472 00:18:41,452 --> 00:18:44,187 just come to me, and I'll help you keep your pants on. 473 00:18:45,087 --> 00:18:47,668 So what are we gonna do about Schmidt's suits? 474 00:18:47,781 --> 00:18:50,212 I feel like there's a very obvious solution. 475 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,495 Oh, come on! Again? 476 00:18:58,401 --> 00:19:00,616 Thank God. The meth-heads came back. 477 00:19:00,641 --> 00:19:03,094 They brought your suits back 'cause they don't fit them. 478 00:19:03,123 --> 00:19:04,688 They did the right thing, 'cause they're 479 00:19:04,709 --> 00:19:06,773 - drug addicts, they're not monsters. - Right. 480 00:19:06,816 --> 00:19:08,483 They actually got them dry-cleaned, um... 481 00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:10,169 deluxe package, very pricey. 482 00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:11,450 Why'd he tie you up? 483 00:19:11,507 --> 00:19:12,374 They kept saying, like, 484 00:19:12,405 --> 00:19:14,844 "Ah, I'm so hungry for more meth," you know? 485 00:19:14,961 --> 00:19:17,155 "Let's get rid of these suits. 486 00:19:17,999 --> 00:19:20,467 These clean... suits." 487 00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:22,026 Jess and I want a tub. 488 00:19:22,075 --> 00:19:23,909 We want candles and bubbles. 489 00:19:24,002 --> 00:19:25,926 Oh, damn it, Schmidt, we want bubbles, man. 490 00:19:25,946 --> 00:19:28,437 I want to cover everything up on my body with bubbles. 491 00:19:28,462 --> 00:19:30,464 You know, and then just blow 'em off like this... 492 00:19:30,708 --> 00:19:32,017 and laugh, like... 493 00:19:32,042 --> 00:19:34,372 Get a tub, man. Let's get a tub; I don't care. 494 00:19:35,204 --> 00:19:36,485 - Hey. - You okay? 495 00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:37,743 What's wrong? 496 00:19:38,517 --> 00:19:40,619 I told Cece that I loved her. 497 00:19:41,638 --> 00:19:44,340 Then I got drunk, and she called her mom, and... 498 00:19:47,345 --> 00:19:49,580 She's going brown. 499 00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:52,990 She wants to marry a brown man. 500 00:19:56,806 --> 00:19:58,592 - Schmidt... - Schmidt! 501 00:19:59,071 --> 00:20:01,172 - Hey, man. - Hey... 502 00:20:01,232 --> 00:20:02,951 - Hey, hey, hey. - Hold it right there. 503 00:20:02,983 --> 00:20:04,450 Let it go, man. 504 00:20:04,549 --> 00:20:06,683 - Let it go. - Okay. 505 00:20:09,865 --> 00:20:12,066 How'd you guys get out of your ties? 506 00:20:17,110 --> 00:20:18,377 Hey... 507 00:20:19,888 --> 00:20:20,556 Hey. 508 00:20:20,581 --> 00:20:21,820 What can I get you to drink, Angie? 509 00:20:21,839 --> 00:20:23,372 Oh, no, I don't... 510 00:20:23,708 --> 00:20:26,747 I just want to... hang out. 511 00:20:27,819 --> 00:20:28,918 I've got this rule. 512 00:20:28,951 --> 00:20:30,418 Never cross the bar. 513 00:20:30,879 --> 00:20:32,981 And I broke that rule, and... 514 00:20:33,717 --> 00:20:35,644 Look, these 18 inches of oak 515 00:20:35,676 --> 00:20:38,394 are the only thing that separates me 516 00:20:38,431 --> 00:20:40,264 from guys like Sid over there. 517 00:20:40,921 --> 00:20:42,822 No disrespect. I got your next round. 518 00:20:42,852 --> 00:20:44,577 Well, I don't have any rules. 519 00:20:46,589 --> 00:20:48,288 Don't do... don't... 520 00:20:48,353 --> 00:20:50,121 No customers... 521 00:20:51,536 --> 00:20:53,118 behind the bar. 522 00:21:00,972 --> 00:21:02,973 Oh, Sid, you gotta... You're killing me. 523 00:21:03,172 --> 00:21:05,373 Sit down and drink your beer. 524 00:21:06,805 --> 00:21:08,505 I'm a man with feelings. 525 00:21:08,761 --> 00:21:11,431 Feelings that are bubbling up inside of me, and... 526 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,071 they're about to explode. 527 00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:16,678 I'd like for those feelings to explode on you. 528 00:21:19,465 --> 00:21:21,428 You got this, dawg. Look at you, dawg. 529 00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,812 Look at you! 530 00:21:22,847 --> 00:21:24,180 Look at your face, dawg! 531 00:21:24,254 --> 00:21:25,522 Look at your face! 532 00:21:25,595 --> 00:21:26,862 You got this, son! 533 00:21:36,636 --> 00:21:41,669 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther