1
00:00:02,951 --> 00:00:04,753
You know, maybe
I found out too early.

2
00:00:04,787 --> 00:00:08,543
I was five years old when "Santa"
gave me my own fire truck

3
00:00:08,562 --> 00:00:09,816
and a teddy bear that smelled

4
00:00:09,841 --> 00:00:11,173
like my dad's cigarettes.

5
00:00:11,347 --> 00:00:12,866
That's not Santa.

6
00:00:12,901 --> 00:00:15,203
I just believe things
and go on believing them.

7
00:00:15,225 --> 00:00:17,640
If someone tells me a fat man's
bringing me dolls every year,

8
00:00:17,664 --> 00:00:19,905
- I just don't question it.
- You would've been my nightmare.

9
00:00:19,929 --> 00:00:22,167
We were on very strict
instructions from Rabbi Schmulie

10
00:00:22,186 --> 00:00:23,523
not to say a word until the last

11
00:00:23,554 --> 00:00:25,088
Christian kid found out
about Santa Claus.

12
00:00:25,141 --> 00:00:27,516
Ruining Christmas,
very bad for our brand.

13
00:00:27,571 --> 00:00:29,363
Well, whether or not
Santa's real, it's just

14
00:00:29,388 --> 00:00:30,922
nice to have something
to believe in.

15
00:00:31,363 --> 00:00:33,661
Did you just say
"Whether or not Santa's real"?

16
00:00:33,697 --> 00:00:35,634
- You don't believe in
Santa Claus, do you? - No.

17
00:00:35,865 --> 00:00:37,446
Do I wish Santa was real?

18
00:00:37,741 --> 00:00:39,259
- I mean, yeah.
- Santa's not real, Winston.

19
00:00:39,292 --> 00:00:40,819
Shut up, stupid!
You're a dummy!

20
00:00:42,682 --> 00:00:45,417
So... and...
I don't even c...

21
00:00:45,484 --> 00:00:47,377
Like, you're the...
Okay, aw, here we go.

22
00:00:47,402 --> 00:00:49,346
You know what, look who's talking.
You're the same guy

23
00:00:49,359 --> 00:00:50,840
who only eats mayonnaise
on game days.

24
00:00:50,867 --> 00:00:52,390
That's how you makee
the Chicago Bears win.

25
00:00:52,415 --> 00:00:54,473
Hey, Winnie,
were you a good boy this year?

26
00:00:55,054 --> 00:00:56,021
Oh, really?

27
00:00:56,036 --> 00:00:57,180
Stop, guys, stop!

28
00:00:57,211 --> 00:00:58,480
Don't throw the cranberries!

29
00:00:58,507 --> 00:00:59,391
- Get him!
- Stop!

30
00:00:59,442 --> 00:01:01,200
- I don't mess around!
- No!

31
00:01:02,883 --> 00:01:04,701
- Go for the eyes!
- Truce! Truce! Truce!

32
00:01:04,739 --> 00:01:05,689
Truce! Truce!

33
00:01:05,737 --> 00:01:07,018
One got stuck in my ear.

34
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:08,598
We got a cranberry in his ear.

35
00:01:08,631 --> 00:01:10,131
How is that even possible?

36
00:01:10,162 --> 00:01:11,462
Why don't you ask
Santa Claus to take

37
00:01:11,487 --> 00:01:13,067
- the cranberry out of your ear?
- Huh?

38
00:01:13,211 --> 00:01:14,855
I said it got stuck in my ear!

39
00:01:14,903 --> 00:01:16,705
Truce! Truce! Truce! Truce!

40
00:01:21,668 --> 00:01:25,604
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

41
00:01:26,601 --> 00:01:28,443
These pieces don't
make a full berry.

42
00:01:28,481 --> 00:01:30,456
There's definitely something
still stuck in there.

43
00:01:30,737 --> 00:01:33,653
Hey, would anybody mind giving me
a ride to the airport tomorrow?

44
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:34,763
Full disclosure:

45
00:01:34,784 --> 00:01:36,854
It's out of San Diego
at 3:00 a.m.

46
00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:39,373
So tonight's our last chance
for a holiday hang-together?

47
00:01:39,398 --> 00:01:41,262
A group hang on the
Saturday before Christmas?

48
00:01:41,287 --> 00:01:43,550
No, sorry, I can't
tonight, Jess. Office party.

49
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:45,520
There are literally millions
of parties. It's a puzzle as...

50
00:01:45,544 --> 00:01:47,164
That's what you guys
are talking about, right?

51
00:01:47,379 --> 00:01:48,935
I mean, it's not like
I can hear anything,

52
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,026
because I got a cranberry
stuck in my ear!

53
00:01:51,045 --> 00:01:52,345
- You're yelling.
- Huh?

54
00:01:52,370 --> 00:01:54,126
Slade and Sienna
are having a house thing.

55
00:01:54,225 --> 00:01:56,306
Oshiro-San is serving
whale meat after midnight.

56
00:01:56,332 --> 00:01:57,916
- Huh? What y'all talking about?
- Shut up.

57
00:01:57,950 --> 00:01:59,913
Sadie is having
a cookie-decorating party.

58
00:01:59,932 --> 00:02:02,263
The gorilla twins
are having a thump-thump.

59
00:02:02,291 --> 00:02:04,329
Let's try to hit all
the parties we can.

60
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,204
Otherwise, I'm just gonna stay
home and try not to call Sam.

61
00:02:07,243 --> 00:02:09,059
- What'd you say?
- I'm gonna die alone.

62
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:10,814
And merry Christmas.

63
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:13,302
- We have to hang out together.
- I hate that idea.

64
00:02:13,322 --> 00:02:14,739
I'll be designated driver.

65
00:02:14,757 --> 00:02:16,208
- I'm in.
- Okay, yeah, let's do it.

66
00:02:16,247 --> 00:02:18,541
The only we make this work
is if we do the Irish good-bye.

67
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:20,133
We leave the parties
without saying good-bye.

68
00:02:20,151 --> 00:02:22,414
And I'm asking you guys
as my friends to not be

69
00:02:22,441 --> 00:02:25,835
so damn awkward around
my stripper girlfriend,

70
00:02:25,865 --> 00:02:27,621
just 'cause she's a stripper.
- You are the most awkward.

71
00:02:27,658 --> 00:02:29,176
You should probably stop calling
her your "stripper girlfriend."

72
00:02:29,194 --> 00:02:31,478
She's unpredictable
and exciting,

73
00:02:31,508 --> 00:02:32,664
and I love that!

74
00:02:32,738 --> 00:02:34,007
Ol' Nick Miller

75
00:02:34,106 --> 00:02:36,441
lives on the edge now.
Vroom! Vroom!

76
00:02:36,543 --> 00:02:39,156
And plus, we haven't had sex yet,
and we might tonight.

77
00:02:41,389 --> 00:02:42,652
I understood that!

78
00:02:42,879 --> 00:02:44,039
Oh, yeah!

79
00:02:44,435 --> 00:02:45,539
What'd you say, though?

80
00:02:50,095 --> 00:02:51,780
Merry Christmas!

81
00:02:51,853 --> 00:02:52,954
Am I talking too loud?

82
00:02:52,988 --> 00:02:54,172
- Schmidt?
- What?

83
00:02:54,198 --> 00:02:55,645
- A word?
- What?

84
00:02:55,727 --> 00:02:58,529
You haven't said one word to
Cece since she got in the car.

85
00:02:58,615 --> 00:03:00,077
I cannot believe
that you invited her.

86
00:03:00,101 --> 00:03:01,158
She's my best friend.

87
00:03:01,190 --> 00:03:03,253
- Hey, can I talk to you a little later?
- Oh, were you hoping that

88
00:03:03,272 --> 00:03:04,692
I still had some soul left
for you to crush?

89
00:03:04,728 --> 00:03:06,709
I'm glad we're gonna be
mature about this.

90
00:03:07,570 --> 00:03:08,808
Whoa, what happened there?

91
00:03:08,860 --> 00:03:11,400
Nothing. He told her
that he loved her...

92
00:03:11,418 --> 00:03:12,869
Okay, I just want
to spend the night

93
00:03:12,894 --> 00:03:15,017
making it with some fatty
in an elf costume.

94
00:03:15,042 --> 00:03:16,625
Is that too much to ask for?

95
00:03:16,995 --> 00:03:18,376
Instead I'm stuck here

96
00:03:18,401 --> 00:03:20,102
at this Lesbian cookie party.

97
00:03:20,295 --> 00:03:22,347
It's all wreaths, no trees.

98
00:03:23,378 --> 00:03:24,897
All right, Jess,
you're on the clock;

99
00:03:24,921 --> 00:03:26,988
You have five minutes
in this party black hole.

100
00:03:27,492 --> 00:03:29,526
- Your friends are cool.
- Yeah, no, no, I like them.

101
00:03:29,591 --> 00:03:30,775
- Yeah, they...
- I live with them.

102
00:03:30,826 --> 00:03:32,794
But being serious,
it's been really fun.

103
00:03:33,278 --> 00:03:36,212
I'm glad we're hanging out and spending
time together and all that good stuff.

104
00:03:36,331 --> 00:03:38,681
You know, to be completely
honest, when I first met you,

105
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,828
I didn't think that
you could handle this.

106
00:03:40,979 --> 00:03:43,042
Handle what? The fact
that you're a stripper?

107
00:03:43,079 --> 00:03:44,505
- Me being... Yeah.
- Are you kidding?

108
00:03:44,537 --> 00:03:46,070
Me?
- Yeah.

109
00:03:46,235 --> 00:03:48,137
Is it good?
You're sweating a little bit.

110
00:03:48,176 --> 00:03:50,695
You know what, lady, I was born
on the wrong side of the tracks.

111
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,918
I've had tetanus
thrice in my life.

112
00:03:52,964 --> 00:03:55,432
- Ew. - And look at what a
badass cookie I made.

113
00:03:55,604 --> 00:03:57,456
That's the kind of cookie
Nick Miller makes.

114
00:03:57,589 --> 00:03:59,365
- Fine, look at my cookie.
- What?

115
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,192
Yeah, but there
are people here.

116
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:06,660
Are you not into having
sex around people?

117
00:04:06,862 --> 00:04:07,929
Who are you talking to?

118
00:04:07,964 --> 00:04:10,081
- Yeah? - I'm so open with
sex, it's ridiculous.

119
00:04:12,005 --> 00:04:13,761
You could at least
take your coat off.

120
00:04:13,786 --> 00:04:15,111
Oh, but I can't.

121
00:04:15,368 --> 00:04:17,069
Pastel walls
give me the chills.

122
00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:18,759
- Hey.
- Hey.

123
00:04:19,875 --> 00:04:21,318
- Oh, my God!
- What?

124
00:04:21,337 --> 00:04:22,968
- What...
- It's Sam! It's Sam! Put your coats on.

125
00:04:22,986 --> 00:04:24,205
- We're leaving.
- Sam Sam? Where?

126
00:04:24,225 --> 00:04:24,992
Yes, he's right over there.

127
00:04:25,019 --> 00:04:26,413
He's talking to a woman
whose sexuality

128
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:27,849
I won't jump to
conclusions about.

129
00:04:27,883 --> 00:04:29,067
What a situation, huh, Jess?

130
00:04:29,101 --> 00:04:30,385
Forced to spend time
with someone

131
00:04:30,428 --> 00:04:32,136
who ruthlessly rejected you

132
00:04:32,221 --> 00:04:33,977
after you told him
how much you cared about him.

133
00:04:34,004 --> 00:04:35,308
- Maybe...
- Damn, he looks good.

134
00:04:35,327 --> 00:04:38,349
Just wants everyone
to get along.

135
00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:39,821
Okay, if he wanted
everybody to get along...

136
00:04:39,852 --> 00:04:41,008
I'm seriously freaking out
right now.

137
00:04:41,026 --> 00:04:43,197
then he wouldn't have acted
like such a callous lady jerk.

138
00:04:43,223 --> 00:04:44,223
- Lady jerk?
- Lady jerk.

139
00:04:44,265 --> 00:04:45,504
I'm seriously
freaking out right now.

140
00:04:45,529 --> 00:04:47,298
- Duck! He's gonna see you.
- Ow. We have to get out

141
00:04:47,336 --> 00:04:48,970
of here, you guys.
Where is everybody?

142
00:04:49,254 --> 00:04:51,598
Yeah, man, see,
when a cranberry gets lodged

143
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,002
in the ear, it hurts.
Look.

144
00:04:54,041 --> 00:04:55,208
- Psst, Winston.
- Hey!

145
00:04:55,231 --> 00:04:56,815
Do you guys know Sam's here?

146
00:04:58,914 --> 00:05:00,982
- Jess? - We're Irish good-bye-ing.
Go! Go!

147
00:05:01,017 --> 00:05:03,101
- Go?
- Go, go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

148
00:05:03,135 --> 00:05:04,866
Go! Go! Go!

149
00:05:04,978 --> 00:05:06,609
All right, Schmidt,
what's the address?

150
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,748
Get ready, last year
this party had acrobats

151
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,109
and caged snow leopards.

152
00:05:10,324 --> 00:05:11,191
What?

153
00:05:15,364 --> 00:05:18,022
We're all here together.
No drama.

154
00:05:18,041 --> 00:05:19,666
- Not bad, Schmidt.
- Thank you.

155
00:05:19,705 --> 00:05:21,718
Are they just gonna play
computer music all night?

156
00:05:21,736 --> 00:05:23,612
What are you talking about?
That's a really respected deejay,

157
00:05:23,630 --> 00:05:25,137
who was also an actor
on Boy Meets World.

158
00:05:25,172 --> 00:05:26,572
- Hey, Jess. Whoa, Sam.
- What?

159
00:05:26,614 --> 00:05:27,278
No!

160
00:05:27,303 --> 00:05:28,903
Why is this happening? No.
Please, I need to talk...

161
00:05:28,934 --> 00:05:29,659
Oh, God.

162
00:05:29,693 --> 00:05:30,803
No. Oh, my...

163
00:05:30,912 --> 00:05:32,237
Oh, I feel like a bird.

164
00:05:32,281 --> 00:05:33,573
Aw, that's just sad.

165
00:05:33,617 --> 00:05:35,286
- How are you here?
- Winston told me

166
00:05:35,324 --> 00:05:37,186
where the party was in
exchange for an ear exam.

167
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:38,578
Winston told you what?

168
00:05:39,254 --> 00:05:39,799
What?

169
00:05:39,877 --> 00:05:41,428
Jess, listen to me.

170
00:05:41,710 --> 00:05:43,545
I want you back, Jess.

171
00:05:45,394 --> 00:05:46,794
Oh.

172
00:05:47,858 --> 00:05:48,959
Oh!

173
00:05:50,703 --> 00:05:53,147
Are none of these doors open?

174
00:05:53,232 --> 00:05:54,082
Oh!

175
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:59,063
What, he just wants a relationship
now, out of the blue?

176
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:01,678
You never just dreamed
about him crawling back to you?

177
00:06:01,703 --> 00:06:03,619
Anybody who's ever been dumped

178
00:06:03,677 --> 00:06:06,148
has dreamed about
that special someone

179
00:06:06,173 --> 00:06:07,899
crawling their way back to them.

180
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:09,935
I mean, come on, right?
It's the dump fantasy.

181
00:06:09,959 --> 00:06:11,364
Let's workshop that term.

182
00:06:11,403 --> 00:06:12,883
Of course I have.

183
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,335
We meet in a hospital, during wartime.

184
00:06:16,808 --> 00:06:18,826
You can forgive a lot
during wartime.

185
00:06:18,852 --> 00:06:20,724
That is a fantasy, Jess.

186
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,205
Okay, people don't change.

187
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:23,958
They just think that they do.

188
00:06:24,214 --> 00:06:25,541
He's a player.
Think about it.

189
00:06:25,566 --> 00:06:27,351
Why would a good-looking
person ever become a doctor?

190
00:06:27,378 --> 00:06:28,662
Jess?

191
00:06:29,165 --> 00:06:30,916
Oh, my God!
Go, go, go, go, go, go!

192
00:06:30,988 --> 00:06:32,358
Go, go, go.

193
00:06:32,421 --> 00:06:34,278
- Door...
- Jess?

194
00:06:36,466 --> 00:06:38,774
Jess, uh, I don't know
if you're in here.

195
00:06:38,817 --> 00:06:40,576
I just wanted to
tell you that...

196
00:06:40,614 --> 00:06:42,248
I messed up.

197
00:06:42,914 --> 00:06:45,383
You know, I-I went
to that party to see you.

198
00:06:45,436 --> 00:06:47,304
I knew you were gonna
be there, 'cause I saw

199
00:06:47,338 --> 00:06:49,807
the comments on the Evite.

200
00:06:50,471 --> 00:06:52,774
"Amazeballs, can't wait."

201
00:06:52,827 --> 00:06:54,708
If you are here, I'm sorry if
this sounds a little rehearsed.

202
00:06:54,732 --> 00:06:56,319
This is the third room
I've done this in.

203
00:06:56,343 --> 00:06:57,911
Hey, what's he saying?

204
00:06:57,944 --> 00:06:59,314
- I want to hear...
- Shut up, Winston.

205
00:06:59,345 --> 00:07:00,262
Jess?

206
00:07:00,683 --> 00:07:02,068
- Jess?
- Yep.

207
00:07:07,209 --> 00:07:07,960
No.

208
00:07:08,057 --> 00:07:09,457
You just think
you can come back

209
00:07:09,488 --> 00:07:10,819
and I'm just gonna be
waiting for you?

210
00:07:10,837 --> 00:07:13,005
No, of course not.
I mean...

211
00:07:13,857 --> 00:07:15,257
I had to at least try.

212
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:16,883
You're too late.

213
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:18,737
I'm in love.

214
00:07:18,761 --> 00:07:19,959
What?

215
00:07:20,605 --> 00:07:21,922
With Winston.

216
00:07:24,721 --> 00:07:25,620
What?

217
00:07:26,188 --> 00:07:27,332
We've lain together.

218
00:07:27,411 --> 00:07:29,053
No, yeah, I don't know
how it happened.

219
00:07:29,077 --> 00:07:32,847
It just got stuck up there
so far, so quickly.

220
00:07:33,484 --> 00:07:34,609
The relationship.

221
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,041
You know, sometimes
when we're hanging out,

222
00:07:36,065 --> 00:07:37,032
it can get a little rough.

223
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:38,898
- Oh, boy, does it.
- Yeah.

224
00:07:38,922 --> 00:07:40,542
All right. Well, I didn't
know that, so...

225
00:07:40,596 --> 00:07:42,596
What's going on? I feel like
I'm missing something.

226
00:07:46,005 --> 00:07:47,341
Snow time.

227
00:07:48,019 --> 00:07:49,500
Hey, what are you doing?
No, no, no.

228
00:07:49,554 --> 00:07:52,002
Hey, everything is so expensive
here, Angie.

229
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:52,974
Don't. Get off that thing.

230
00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:54,424
Why don't you get on?

231
00:07:56,869 --> 00:07:58,088
You know what?

232
00:07:58,135 --> 00:08:00,136
Get in the sleigh, girl.

233
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,063
What happens in the sleigh?

234
00:08:04,844 --> 00:08:06,402
What happens in the sleigh

235
00:08:06,434 --> 00:08:09,102
- is I'll be your reindeer...
- Uh-huh.

236
00:08:09,136 --> 00:08:12,556
And take your toys
up in the sky.

237
00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:15,037
Sexy.

238
00:08:19,676 --> 00:08:22,278
Ooh! Ho ho ho!

239
00:08:22,310 --> 00:08:24,653
Here comes the
chubby Santa boy!

240
00:08:24,758 --> 00:08:26,148
Get in here.

241
00:08:26,954 --> 00:08:28,073
This is real.

242
00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:29,891
We are...
This is...

243
00:08:30,107 --> 00:08:31,513
You are quick to the belt.

244
00:08:31,562 --> 00:08:32,645
Let's do this.

245
00:08:32,690 --> 00:08:34,474
You have been Taken.

246
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:35,722
What's that?

247
00:08:35,769 --> 00:08:37,904
A nearly perfect Liam Neeson.

248
00:08:38,806 --> 00:08:39,883
Whoa!

249
00:08:39,967 --> 00:08:41,134
Oh, no!

250
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:49,087
No! This isn't...

251
00:08:50,636 --> 00:08:54,072
This is my nightmare!

252
00:08:57,910 --> 00:08:59,422
Merry Christmas!

253
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,156
Oh.

254
00:09:08,054 --> 00:09:10,804
Hey. I know... I know
you're trying to avoid me,

255
00:09:10,829 --> 00:09:14,004
but just take this gift
I got you and I will walk away.

256
00:09:14,043 --> 00:09:16,928
I don't celebrate Christmas,
okay? Or as I like to call it,

257
00:09:16,952 --> 00:09:19,058
White Anglo-Saxon Winter
Privilege Night.

258
00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:20,637
I really want us to be friends.

259
00:09:20,668 --> 00:09:22,236
Whenever you're ready.

260
00:09:22,402 --> 00:09:23,927
Because I really do
care about you.

261
00:09:23,953 --> 00:09:25,377
Thank you so much for this.

262
00:09:25,401 --> 00:09:28,216
'Cause this
makes it so much better.

263
00:09:30,726 --> 00:09:33,228
Here. This is for you.

264
00:09:34,071 --> 00:09:35,987
What if you came
home with me tonight?

265
00:09:36,012 --> 00:09:37,985
You look like a hot elf.

266
00:09:40,286 --> 00:09:41,517
- Hold still.
- Uh-huh.

267
00:09:42,948 --> 00:09:43,655
Got it.

268
00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:45,780
Oh, thank you, thank
you, thank you, man.

269
00:09:45,842 --> 00:09:47,721
Now that I think about it,
I mean, I'm not really

270
00:09:47,746 --> 00:09:49,602
surprised by you and...
you know.

271
00:09:49,658 --> 00:09:51,526
I mean, three guy roommates.

272
00:09:51,768 --> 00:09:53,295
If I really am being honest
with you,

273
00:09:53,314 --> 00:09:55,447
you were the only one
that I was really threatened by.

274
00:09:55,784 --> 00:09:57,789
I mean, you got
Metrosexual Jones

275
00:09:57,845 --> 00:09:59,225
and Sweatshirt Guy over there.

276
00:09:59,255 --> 00:10:00,821
What are we talking about here?

277
00:10:00,846 --> 00:10:03,181
Yeah, I would trade places
with you in a heartbeat.

278
00:10:03,278 --> 00:10:05,062
You know,
except for the mustache.

279
00:10:05,329 --> 00:10:08,317
Can I ask you something?
How did you get her?

280
00:10:11,419 --> 00:10:12,788
Oh...

281
00:10:13,502 --> 00:10:14,652
Hmm.

282
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:16,633
Jess.

283
00:10:17,372 --> 00:10:19,678
Yes.
Yes, my love.

284
00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:24,037
Honey, we both know we have been
unhappy for far too long.

285
00:10:24,496 --> 00:10:28,126
I am not just a vehicle you get
to ride to Pleasure Town.

286
00:10:28,634 --> 00:10:30,650
Be gone, honky!

287
00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:33,781
This is for your own good.

288
00:10:33,817 --> 00:10:36,446
Say good-bye
to paradise, honey!

289
00:10:41,847 --> 00:10:43,265
We were never going out.

290
00:10:43,299 --> 00:10:44,818
Yeah, I got that.

291
00:10:46,352 --> 00:10:51,072
I mean, Sam, what am
I supposed to think?

292
00:10:51,213 --> 00:10:53,763
So what? I'm just
supposed to believe you

293
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,552
when all of a sudden
you come back to me,

294
00:10:55,576 --> 00:10:57,260
and you tell me you
want to make it work?

295
00:10:57,333 --> 00:11:00,070
I-I want to believe you,
but I just feel so...

296
00:11:03,341 --> 00:11:04,335
No!

297
00:11:04,470 --> 00:11:08,298
No! Why do you think
you can just kiss me?

298
00:11:08,341 --> 00:11:09,564
I thought that was the right...

299
00:11:09,582 --> 00:11:11,111
That's all this ever was to you.

300
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:12,844
- That's not true, Jess.
- No.

301
00:11:12,879 --> 00:11:15,675
No. I'm always so gullible,
and I'm not doing it.

302
00:11:15,827 --> 00:11:17,640
I'm not doing it anymore.

303
00:11:18,359 --> 00:11:19,310
I'm done.

304
00:11:19,701 --> 00:11:21,245
Oh, I mean, I get it.

305
00:11:21,924 --> 00:11:23,485
I'm... I'm too late.
I messed up.

306
00:11:23,523 --> 00:11:25,188
Yeah, you did.
You messed up.

307
00:11:25,557 --> 00:11:27,058
Well, I'll leave you alone.
Merry Christmas.

308
00:11:27,091 --> 00:11:28,341
No!

309
00:11:28,575 --> 00:11:30,578
I'm leaving you alone.

310
00:11:34,183 --> 00:11:36,071
I know... I know you do this
kind of thing all the time,

311
00:11:36,102 --> 00:11:37,904
but believe it or not, I don't.

312
00:11:37,959 --> 00:11:39,878
What? What does that mean?

313
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:42,967
Look, I know for you,
this kind of stuff is normal.

314
00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:44,574
- Oh.
- Doing it in sleds.

315
00:11:44,627 --> 00:11:46,328
- And...
- Oh, this is because I'm a stripper.

316
00:11:46,362 --> 00:11:47,546
Yeah.

317
00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:48,997
- Are you laughing at me?
- No.

318
00:11:49,031 --> 00:11:52,361
I'm laughing into me.

319
00:11:53,035 --> 00:11:55,466
- Maybe you just can't handle this.
- No. It's great.

320
00:11:55,513 --> 00:11:57,551
You're a stripper for now.
I'm a bartender for now.

321
00:11:57,590 --> 00:11:59,428
- For now?
- We're not gonna be that for...

322
00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:01,653
Okay, well, for now,
I'm just gonna walk away.

323
00:12:01,678 --> 00:12:04,140
For now, you can kiss my ass.

324
00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:09,218
Nick Miller— turning lemonade
into lemons since 1981.

325
00:12:14,287 --> 00:12:15,861
Up on the housetop.

326
00:12:15,899 --> 00:12:17,069
Click, click, click.

327
00:12:17,094 --> 00:12:18,721
You know, I just want
to say what's up to all

328
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:21,088
my girls in the county
looking so lovely,

329
00:12:21,122 --> 00:12:23,974
like you always sometimes do.

330
00:12:28,459 --> 00:12:30,510
- Hey.
- Hey.

331
00:12:30,992 --> 00:12:32,574
What are you doing
in this place?

332
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,287
Um...

333
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:40,475
And we're back,
and I'm Dr. Gavin Daytona.

334
00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:43,245
You are live on the radio.
We got a caller Wendy.

335
00:12:43,266 --> 00:12:45,246
You are on the phone with
the doctor. What have you got?

336
00:12:46,276 --> 00:12:47,608
Hey. Hey, Doctor.

337
00:12:47,630 --> 00:12:50,689
This is Dr. Gavin. You're live
to five million people.

338
00:12:50,719 --> 00:12:53,297
- I actually, I-I had a guy...
- Oh, yeah, you did.

339
00:12:53,384 --> 00:12:56,302
- I really liked him.
- Wah, wah!

340
00:12:57,657 --> 00:13:00,828
I'm right not to
believe him, right?

341
00:13:01,950 --> 00:13:03,285
I don't know, actually.

342
00:13:04,607 --> 00:13:07,070
I think you're the kind of girl
a guy would come back for.

343
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,805
Buh, buh, buh.

344
00:13:19,105 --> 00:13:20,233
It was a bracelet.

345
00:13:20,281 --> 00:13:21,687
I don't even know
what you're talking about.

346
00:13:21,742 --> 00:13:24,243
Tungsten carbide,
because you said

347
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:25,959
that was the most baller metal.

348
00:13:25,988 --> 00:13:27,739
That's what Statham wore
in all the Transporter movies.

349
00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:31,125
I just wanted to try
to find a way to say thank you

350
00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:33,718
for telling me
that you loved me.

351
00:13:34,914 --> 00:13:37,265
Even if I was the wrong person.

352
00:13:38,949 --> 00:13:41,819
You're welcome, Cece.

353
00:13:43,152 --> 00:13:45,504
But love is stupid, okay?

354
00:13:45,528 --> 00:13:47,279
It is a lie.

355
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:50,520
So, bah humbug to you, Cecilia.

356
00:13:50,817 --> 00:13:52,001
Bah humbug.

357
00:13:52,347 --> 00:13:54,382
Bah...

358
00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:56,134
humbug.

359
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,438
Where is your girlfriend?

360
00:14:00,466 --> 00:14:02,150
I blew it.

361
00:14:02,303 --> 00:14:05,555
She's so out there
and adventurous,

362
00:14:05,614 --> 00:14:07,629
and not afraid, and...

363
00:14:07,666 --> 00:14:08,940
She's probably bored
of me already.

364
00:14:08,952 --> 00:14:10,371
I mean, she doesn't
want to be here.

365
00:14:10,729 --> 00:14:12,827
Does Angie ever do anything

366
00:14:12,867 --> 00:14:14,230
she doesn't want to do?

367
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:15,543
No.

368
00:14:16,412 --> 00:14:19,097
What's wrong with a girl that's
fearless? I think that could

369
00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:21,743
be good for you, especially
since you're such a chicken.

370
00:14:23,011 --> 00:14:24,113
Don't.

371
00:14:28,371 --> 00:14:29,755
Go get her.

372
00:14:35,395 --> 00:14:36,646
Is this on?

373
00:14:37,525 --> 00:14:38,809
It's on.

374
00:14:38,843 --> 00:14:40,068
Right on. Cool.

375
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:43,037
Um... Angie?

376
00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:46,679
I just want to say publicly
that I'm an idiot.

377
00:14:47,155 --> 00:14:50,188
I couldn't just put myself
out there all the time.

378
00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:51,788
It's too scary.

379
00:14:51,833 --> 00:14:54,554
I'm not as brave as you,
but here goes.

380
00:14:54,684 --> 00:14:56,351
I'm very poor.

381
00:14:57,159 --> 00:14:59,634
Having a checking account
would be an honor.

382
00:14:59,862 --> 00:15:00,749
I'm a writer.

383
00:15:00,780 --> 00:15:03,557
I've written a zombie book.
It's terrible.

384
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:06,208
I'm a slow runner.

385
00:15:06,632 --> 00:15:08,845
I'm obsessed with karate.

386
00:15:09,424 --> 00:15:10,980
Yeah, yeah.

387
00:15:11,205 --> 00:15:13,630
You are the scariest thing
in the world.

388
00:15:13,678 --> 00:15:16,841
And you're so goofy
to be going out with me.

389
00:15:17,299 --> 00:15:18,799
And I don't want to...

390
00:15:19,350 --> 00:15:21,418
Thank you for...

391
00:15:23,271 --> 00:15:24,196
Winston?

392
00:15:24,228 --> 00:15:26,065
Why don't you do me
a favor, homeboy?

393
00:15:26,102 --> 00:15:27,669
Sorry I called you homeboy.

394
00:15:28,264 --> 00:15:30,382
But turn that damn music up.

395
00:15:31,016 --> 00:15:33,251
'Cause I'm about
to get sexy up in here.

396
00:15:43,632 --> 00:15:46,136
- No. - Weird choice, but
I'm going for it.

397
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:51,963
Yeah.

398
00:15:51,998 --> 00:15:54,079
Good. See, I know
what sexy is.

399
00:15:54,135 --> 00:15:55,777
- What's happening?
- And I'm gonna show you

400
00:15:55,801 --> 00:15:56,702
what kind of...

401
00:15:56,741 --> 00:15:58,976
Huh? Oh.

402
00:15:59,967 --> 00:16:02,196
Oh, no, no. Oh, okay.

403
00:16:02,239 --> 00:16:03,945
Is this, is this a lap dance?

404
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:04,774
This...

405
00:16:04,805 --> 00:16:07,019
This isn't happening.

406
00:16:12,437 --> 00:16:14,520
Oh, yeah, that-that's
the stuff.

407
00:16:14,552 --> 00:16:16,431
That-That's kind of the stuff.

408
00:16:16,481 --> 00:16:17,919
Sexy.

409
00:16:23,410 --> 00:16:25,223
Let me show you how to do it.

410
00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:42,867
Okay, Angie, Angie,
you're doing it all wrong.

411
00:16:42,912 --> 00:16:43,895
Okay, honey?

412
00:16:43,931 --> 00:16:45,131
Let me just...

413
00:16:45,585 --> 00:16:47,345
Eye contact.

414
00:16:51,194 --> 00:16:53,765
What are you doing?
You are as dumb as it gets.

415
00:17:00,007 --> 00:17:01,604
- What the hell?
- What are you doing?

416
00:17:01,648 --> 00:17:04,529
I just... I-I'm sorry, I think
I made a mistake about Sam.

417
00:17:04,553 --> 00:17:06,581
- I think I need to turn around.
- No, you didn't, Jess.

418
00:17:06,605 --> 00:17:08,727
- You did the right thing.
- You're right, you're right.

419
00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:12,190
- Aah, no!
- Oh, come on.

420
00:17:12,215 --> 00:17:14,199
No, no, no.

421
00:17:16,218 --> 00:17:17,892
- No, no, no, no.
- We are so busted.

422
00:17:17,935 --> 00:17:19,208
Oh, Jess, you reek of booze.

423
00:17:19,233 --> 00:17:21,083
Winston threw a drink on me.

424
00:17:21,214 --> 00:17:23,242
- Turn on the waterworks.
- Just take the jacket off.

425
00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:24,739
We are so busted.

426
00:17:24,773 --> 00:17:26,395
There's two of you?
Come on, I thought we were

427
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,770
in the middle
of a budget crisis.

428
00:17:27,816 --> 00:17:29,207
Officer, I understand

429
00:17:29,232 --> 00:17:30,991
how this looks and smells,

430
00:17:31,047 --> 00:17:34,188
but I assure you, I would not
ever get behind the wheel

431
00:17:34,213 --> 00:17:37,599
of a vehicle if I had had
even a drop to drink.

432
00:17:37,928 --> 00:17:40,380
This has just been
the most crazy night.

433
00:17:40,437 --> 00:17:42,347
And I'm not going to cry

434
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,774
because I believe
in traffic violations

435
00:17:44,806 --> 00:17:47,524
and paying your debt to society,
but you have

436
00:17:47,548 --> 00:17:49,633
- to believe...
- I believe you.

437
00:17:50,977 --> 00:17:52,311
You do?

438
00:17:53,227 --> 00:17:54,893
- Why?
- Jess, be cool.

439
00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:56,985
Sometimes people tell the truth.

440
00:17:57,149 --> 00:17:58,483
You drive safely,

441
00:17:58,993 --> 00:18:00,994
and happy holidays.

442
00:18:06,501 --> 00:18:08,018
- Was that...?
- Santa.

443
00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:09,336
- Black Santa.
- We saw Santa.

444
00:18:09,354 --> 00:18:11,388
It was Black Santa.

445
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,006
Santa Claus isn't even real.

446
00:18:13,024 --> 00:18:14,828
We got a black president,
we got a black Santa Claus.

447
00:18:14,853 --> 00:18:16,511
It was not Black Santa Claus!

448
00:18:16,555 --> 00:18:18,623
What a— that's ludicrous.

449
00:18:18,654 --> 00:18:20,411
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

450
00:18:20,449 --> 00:18:21,507
Now, what is he doing?

451
00:18:21,531 --> 00:18:23,332
He should be at home
getting ready.

452
00:18:23,399 --> 00:18:24,700
I believe.

453
00:18:25,530 --> 00:18:27,348
I believe Sam

454
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:29,240
and I want to go see him.

455
00:18:29,291 --> 00:18:30,691
To the Black North Pole!

456
00:18:30,725 --> 00:18:32,209
We saw Black Santa.

457
00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:33,950
Black Santa Claus?

458
00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:35,806
I am so sick of hanging out
with Christians.

459
00:18:35,837 --> 00:18:37,987
This is my last
Christian Christmas.

460
00:18:41,385 --> 00:18:43,564
- Hi, um, I'm here to see, um...
- Do you have

461
00:18:43,595 --> 00:18:45,508
- family members in the hospital?
- Uh, no, uh...

462
00:18:45,533 --> 00:18:46,808
Then, you're not here
to see anyone.

463
00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:49,406
- Visiting hours are over.
- It's Christmas!

464
00:18:53,736 --> 00:18:54,980
Okay, new plan.

465
00:18:55,011 --> 00:18:57,462
We're carolers.

466
00:18:58,391 --> 00:18:59,247
Gum?

467
00:19:01,519 --> 00:19:02,826
Boobs?

468
00:19:03,304 --> 00:19:04,539
Thank you.

469
00:19:05,636 --> 00:19:08,392
FYI, I'm totally fine
with what just happened.

470
00:19:10,093 --> 00:19:11,263
Schmidt, let's go, let's go.

471
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:12,551
Look.

472
00:19:17,331 --> 00:19:19,417
Jess, I still think
this is a mistake.

473
00:19:19,447 --> 00:19:20,725
I mean, what if
he hurts you again?

474
00:19:20,766 --> 00:19:22,485
Sometimes people tell
the truth, Schmidt.

475
00:19:22,525 --> 00:19:25,281
Oh, thank you, Professor Cliché,
just in time for the holidays.

476
00:19:25,339 --> 00:19:27,890
Hold it. Oh, okay,
well, we should...

477
00:19:27,927 --> 00:19:29,210
Um, madrigals.

478
00:20:20,206 --> 00:20:21,315
Good stuff.

479
00:20:21,378 --> 00:20:23,386
Yeah, thanks so much.
Thank you very much.

480
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:25,294
Okay, okay, everyone,
back in your rooms.

481
00:20:25,337 --> 00:20:26,932
It's okay, I know these people.

482
00:20:26,956 --> 00:20:27,906
- It's okay.
- All right.

483
00:20:27,949 --> 00:20:29,683
Thank you.

484
00:20:30,082 --> 00:20:31,301
You came back.

485
00:20:31,393 --> 00:20:33,076
Yeah, um...

486
00:20:33,125 --> 00:20:34,692
Jess, I know that
you don't believe me,

487
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:37,270
but when we met, I...

488
00:20:37,308 --> 00:20:39,465
this girl had screwed me up.

489
00:20:46,352 --> 00:20:47,536
I believe you.

490
00:20:53,581 --> 00:20:55,716
All right, you're
in a hospital, so...

491
00:20:55,756 --> 00:20:56,890
A lot of hands.

492
00:20:56,918 --> 00:20:58,981
All right, Doctor,
ease up, ease up.

493
00:21:02,032 --> 00:21:03,216
Cab it to the next party?

494
00:21:03,493 --> 00:21:04,450
Yes.

495
00:21:04,646 --> 00:21:06,480
Cece, do you want to come?

496
00:21:06,527 --> 00:21:08,996
I mean, I think there's
a cab stand, uh...

497
00:21:09,249 --> 00:21:11,107
Uh, maybe it's down that way.

498
00:21:11,201 --> 00:21:13,777
Could be over there,
I don't know.

499
00:21:14,087 --> 00:21:16,056
I didn't really give it away,
you know.

500
00:21:16,454 --> 00:21:17,587
I'd never do that.

501
00:21:17,928 --> 00:21:19,105
Happy Hanukkah.

502
00:21:19,130 --> 00:21:20,297
Happy Moon Festival, Cece.

503
00:21:20,351 --> 00:21:21,334
Nope, not a thing.

504
00:21:21,836 --> 00:21:22,717
Happy Carnaval.

505
00:21:22,730 --> 00:21:24,274
You should stop
while you're ahead.

506
00:21:24,437 --> 00:21:26,873
Uh, where are Nick and Angie?

507
00:21:28,179 --> 00:21:30,423
Ugh, in a children's hospital.

508
00:21:30,460 --> 00:21:32,248
Sexual animals, sexual animals.

509
00:21:32,273 --> 00:21:35,387
Shameless, just shameless.

510
00:21:36,790 --> 00:21:41,624
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com