1 00:00:02,262 --> 00:00:04,596 Oh, Cece. Are you two kids back together? 2 00:00:04,620 --> 00:00:07,276 - She wishes. - No, plumbing's out— severe clogging. 3 00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:08,967 - I'm sorry I asked. - This is what happens. 4 00:00:08,988 --> 00:00:11,092 Four models with protein deficiencies, 5 00:00:11,117 --> 00:00:12,709 sharing a shower. 6 00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:16,251 They shed like a... like a four-dollar Christmas sweater. 7 00:00:16,276 --> 00:00:17,848 Guys, guess what? 8 00:00:19,644 --> 00:00:21,678 I just made a breakthrough with a student. 9 00:00:21,715 --> 00:00:22,916 Yeah, it's true. 10 00:00:24,571 --> 00:00:26,721 - Don't, please. - Uh, Jess? 11 00:00:29,288 --> 00:00:31,155 You know we love you, we all support you... 12 00:00:32,588 --> 00:00:36,157 but when you do things like this, I'm sorry... bowl. 13 00:00:36,179 --> 00:00:38,063 Okay. 14 00:00:41,685 --> 00:00:42,852 It's just not satisfying. 15 00:00:42,903 --> 00:00:44,019 - I think it is. - Okay. 16 00:00:44,057 --> 00:00:45,301 You said you had a breakthrough. 17 00:00:45,332 --> 00:00:47,551 It's just a whole new world teaching adults. 18 00:00:47,574 --> 00:00:49,080 This week, I gave them an assignment. 19 00:00:49,099 --> 00:00:50,817 I said write whatever you want 20 00:00:50,858 --> 00:00:53,385 just load it up with descriptive imagery. 21 00:00:53,413 --> 00:00:54,919 My fluffy pillow, 22 00:00:54,958 --> 00:00:56,676 my yellowy fluffy pillow, 23 00:00:56,701 --> 00:01:00,301 next to my dog, my hairy dog, my beloved hairy dog, 24 00:01:00,642 --> 00:01:02,317 while I diddle myself. - Excellent. 25 00:01:02,389 --> 00:01:04,467 He was a merman. 26 00:01:04,537 --> 00:01:06,891 He was the last of his kind, 27 00:01:06,927 --> 00:01:10,692 and he needed a mother for his mer-child. 28 00:01:11,148 --> 00:01:14,481 He was not a mer-gentleman. 29 00:01:16,927 --> 00:01:18,272 Can't wait to hear more. 30 00:01:18,298 --> 00:01:20,257 I just can't connect with them and I don't know why. 31 00:01:20,273 --> 00:01:22,639 Look, Jess, you can't teach people how to write. 32 00:01:22,664 --> 00:01:24,267 - Not true. - I say that as a writer. 33 00:01:24,310 --> 00:01:26,126 - Also not true. - A writing class is for 34 00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:28,185 somebody who doesn't think lyrically in terms of, 35 00:01:28,209 --> 00:01:31,632 like, poetic words that just... are strung... 36 00:01:33,069 --> 00:01:34,203 You said you had a breakthrough. 37 00:01:34,237 --> 00:01:35,788 So I have this student whose name 38 00:01:35,807 --> 00:01:37,933 is Edgar and he was not getting it. 39 00:01:37,986 --> 00:01:40,520 And then today he turned in this amazing story. 40 00:01:40,545 --> 00:01:42,033 Nick, actually, you should read this. 41 00:01:42,057 --> 00:01:44,175 Writers don't read— we write. 42 00:01:44,195 --> 00:01:46,266 Jessica Day calls it "A must read." 43 00:01:46,293 --> 00:01:47,823 Look at that font. 44 00:01:48,152 --> 00:01:50,236 What is this amateur hour? 45 00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:52,365 At least use Palatino. 46 00:01:52,405 --> 00:01:54,140 Good evening, everyone. 47 00:01:54,165 --> 00:01:55,874 Or should I say morning? 48 00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:56,905 Hey, Winston. 49 00:01:56,922 --> 00:01:58,099 Do you guys have any agave? 50 00:01:58,124 --> 00:02:00,204 We might have some pressed lentil syrup 51 00:02:00,234 --> 00:02:01,365 in the mixin's cabinet. 52 00:02:01,391 --> 00:02:03,764 Thank you. 53 00:02:08,121 --> 00:02:09,921 - Oh, my goodness. - Okay, uh... 54 00:02:09,956 --> 00:02:11,087 - Okay, you know what? - Hey, look... 55 00:02:11,124 --> 00:02:12,922 I just felt the side, the side 56 00:02:12,943 --> 00:02:14,838 - anyway, so it's... - I didn't mean to... 57 00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:16,317 It's fine, it's... 58 00:02:16,838 --> 00:02:17,840 Other way, now. 59 00:02:17,865 --> 00:02:19,365 - I will fight you, Jack. - No, not again. 60 00:02:19,383 --> 00:02:20,804 Not... no! 61 00:02:20,829 --> 00:02:23,301 - No! - Jump out the way, Jessica? 62 00:02:23,325 --> 00:02:24,888 What the hell is wrong with you just waving 63 00:02:24,906 --> 00:02:26,557 that thing around like an idiot? 64 00:02:30,908 --> 00:02:34,627 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com. Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 65 00:02:35,431 --> 00:02:38,264 Guys, listen to this. 66 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,836 "By day, I'm a plumber. 67 00:02:40,855 --> 00:02:42,306 By night, I'm a stalker." 68 00:02:42,325 --> 00:02:43,408 You read it. 69 00:02:43,434 --> 00:02:44,768 "I sit in the bushes 70 00:02:44,795 --> 00:02:48,423 wearing a gimp costume, stalking my prey." 71 00:02:48,464 --> 00:02:51,414 He's the first person I got to use first person narrative. 72 00:02:53,085 --> 00:02:54,606 - Very engaging, keep going. - I'm hooked. 73 00:02:54,630 --> 00:02:56,983 Okay, "My prey is a deer. 74 00:02:57,099 --> 00:02:58,950 "Her eyes are big, too big. 75 00:02:58,984 --> 00:03:01,590 "Before she can blink those big eyes, 76 00:03:01,617 --> 00:03:03,184 "I'm stabbing her. 77 00:03:03,227 --> 00:03:05,562 "I stab and stab. 78 00:03:05,648 --> 00:03:07,411 I love stabbing." 79 00:03:07,430 --> 00:03:08,517 Sounds like he likes stabbing. 80 00:03:08,551 --> 00:03:10,133 "After all the stabbing..." 81 00:03:10,151 --> 00:03:10,967 It's repetitive, but... 82 00:03:10,995 --> 00:03:13,601 "... I wash my hands in her dark red blood"? 83 00:03:13,625 --> 00:03:14,595 Listen to that detail. 84 00:03:14,645 --> 00:03:16,407 This man is psychotic. 85 00:03:16,438 --> 00:03:17,680 It's fiction. 86 00:03:17,706 --> 00:03:20,386 There's no such thing as a gimp costume. 87 00:03:20,416 --> 00:03:22,166 - No, gimp costume's a real thing. - That's a real thing. 88 00:03:22,181 --> 00:03:23,227 You've seen me in one before. 89 00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:25,008 I just don't think you should be in a room 90 00:03:25,051 --> 00:03:26,851 with this creep, twice a week. 91 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,200 It is not safe. 92 00:03:28,224 --> 00:03:29,588 Are you worried about me, Miller? 93 00:03:29,619 --> 00:03:31,363 Yeah, I'm a little worried about you. 94 00:03:31,552 --> 00:03:35,511 And if you won't do anything about it, then I'm taking into my own hands. 95 00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:37,188 I'm doing a little investigation. 96 00:03:37,206 --> 00:03:38,794 Investigating? Please. 97 00:03:38,812 --> 00:03:40,014 You're just gonna Google his name. 98 00:03:40,038 --> 00:03:43,110 I am way beyond that. 99 00:03:43,619 --> 00:03:44,987 You're typing his name into Google. 100 00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:46,303 We can all see the screen. See the screen, dude. 101 00:03:46,335 --> 00:03:48,920 This is a private investigation! 102 00:03:49,275 --> 00:03:51,754 Are you... I wanted to talk to you about the... 103 00:03:52,095 --> 00:03:53,841 regrettable contact 104 00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:55,417 between Cece's... 105 00:03:55,464 --> 00:03:56,748 her-her down there 106 00:03:56,799 --> 00:03:58,667 and my, uh... 107 00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:00,032 my parts. 108 00:04:00,048 --> 00:04:01,139 You practically shish-kebabbed her. 109 00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:02,955 Is this something I should apologize for? 110 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:03,945 Just let it go, man. 111 00:04:03,969 --> 00:04:05,847 You pogo'd her. 112 00:04:06,568 --> 00:04:08,504 I'm sorry, what did you say, "pogo"? 113 00:04:09,223 --> 00:04:10,747 - I didn't, um... - I heard 114 00:04:10,782 --> 00:04:12,516 "Pogo" — what is that? 115 00:04:13,716 --> 00:04:15,100 Look, Winston, fine. 116 00:04:15,138 --> 00:04:18,509 It's what we call what you did this morning, okay? 117 00:04:19,104 --> 00:04:20,460 It's a short... it's a shorthand. 118 00:04:20,485 --> 00:04:21,616 Why do you have a shorthand, Schmidt, 119 00:04:21,635 --> 00:04:22,641 because it happens so often? 120 00:04:22,657 --> 00:04:23,904 You pogo'd me once. 121 00:04:23,916 --> 00:04:25,760 - You pogo'd Jess twice. - Hey, it's not sexual. 122 00:04:25,772 --> 00:04:27,610 Nick's never been pogo'd directly. 123 00:04:27,648 --> 00:04:29,549 You did get his pizza one time... which, by the way, 124 00:04:29,580 --> 00:04:31,577 is a whole nother debate— how did you not feel that? 125 00:04:31,602 --> 00:04:32,500 Let me get this straight— 126 00:04:32,525 --> 00:04:33,761 you guys sit around and talk about this? 127 00:04:33,792 --> 00:04:35,411 Your penis actually changed the channel, 128 00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:37,285 uh, when we were watching the Bears game once. 129 00:04:37,316 --> 00:04:39,579 You don't think me, Nick and Jess talk about you behind your back? 130 00:04:39,637 --> 00:04:40,563 Because we do. 131 00:04:40,587 --> 00:04:41,920 You have more pogos than anyone. 132 00:04:41,944 --> 00:04:44,220 You are completely misusing the word pogo. 133 00:04:44,245 --> 00:04:47,080 You are the pogo king. 134 00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:51,959 Pogo king. 135 00:04:51,997 --> 00:04:53,750 Pogo king? 136 00:04:53,874 --> 00:04:56,459 So I wanted to talk about your creative imagery assignments. 137 00:04:56,561 --> 00:04:57,786 Wow, guys. 138 00:04:57,810 --> 00:05:01,495 I really felt like I was buried 139 00:05:01,647 --> 00:05:04,466 under a giant, gleaming, powdery 140 00:05:04,490 --> 00:05:06,412 avalanche of adjectives. 141 00:05:07,503 --> 00:05:09,564 Don't mean to interrupt, I just hear you're the best 142 00:05:09,582 --> 00:05:11,025 - teacher of adults? - Oh, no. 143 00:05:11,056 --> 00:05:12,850 - I wonder if there's room for one more? - No! 144 00:05:12,868 --> 00:05:14,561 How you guys doing? I'm Julius Pepperwood. 145 00:05:14,594 --> 00:05:16,726 - Not now, okay? - I'm an ex-cop, ex-Marine. 146 00:05:16,779 --> 00:05:18,689 I'm here to learn how to write short fiction. 147 00:05:18,714 --> 00:05:20,377 Oh, okay, Julius, just... 148 00:05:20,411 --> 00:05:21,578 take a seat and, um, 149 00:05:21,602 --> 00:05:22,280 keep small. 150 00:05:22,305 --> 00:05:23,743 I'm from Chicago. 151 00:05:23,837 --> 00:05:25,630 Thin-crust pizza? No, thank you. 152 00:05:25,648 --> 00:05:26,749 I'm from Chicago. 153 00:05:26,774 --> 00:05:28,380 So, for a fun follow-up... 154 00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:30,809 - Sorry, I'm late. - No, problem, Edgar. 155 00:05:30,843 --> 00:05:32,510 We're just going over our 156 00:05:32,961 --> 00:05:34,930 - descriptive imagery. - I'm sorry, dear, 157 00:05:34,974 --> 00:05:36,530 I can't hear you. Mr. Pepperwood? 158 00:05:36,561 --> 00:05:37,902 I'm gonna move closer, if you don't mind. 159 00:05:37,927 --> 00:05:39,408 No, you don't have to go... stay over there. 160 00:05:39,432 --> 00:05:40,315 How you doing, pal? 161 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,973 - I'm Julius Pepperwood. - Edgar. 162 00:05:41,998 --> 00:05:43,616 What are you doing? If you don't mind me asking, 163 00:05:43,641 --> 00:05:45,380 why are you late today, Edgar? 164 00:05:45,574 --> 00:05:47,949 Uh, traffic, it really killed me. 165 00:05:47,992 --> 00:05:49,767 - It killed you? - Mr. Pepperwood. 166 00:05:49,804 --> 00:05:51,510 Would you say that it stabbed you? 167 00:05:51,626 --> 00:05:53,594 - Say that again? - How about glasses on or off? 168 00:05:53,613 --> 00:05:55,828 Teach, if I keep them on, am I a bad boy? 169 00:05:55,908 --> 00:05:56,758 Hey. 170 00:05:56,786 --> 00:05:58,787 All right, honey, I'll take them off. 171 00:05:59,009 --> 00:06:03,057 Whoa, that's a whole different lens to see that blue dress. 172 00:06:03,728 --> 00:06:04,780 No. 173 00:06:04,988 --> 00:06:06,375 Okay, let's refocus. 174 00:06:06,419 --> 00:06:08,972 Um, let's talk about the, um, 175 00:06:09,112 --> 00:06:11,194 four classifications of conflict. 176 00:06:11,231 --> 00:06:14,225 We talked about it last week. It's in the workbook, um... 177 00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:15,672 Anybody want to help me? 178 00:06:15,690 --> 00:06:17,328 Four classifications of conflict? 179 00:06:17,362 --> 00:06:19,272 Anybody? Anybody... 180 00:06:21,510 --> 00:06:24,158 So, no one has signed up for office hours and I just want 181 00:06:24,174 --> 00:06:26,787 you to know that you can talk to me about anything. 182 00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:28,994 - Adios. - Anything at all. 183 00:06:30,635 --> 00:06:31,629 What are you doing? 184 00:06:31,666 --> 00:06:34,085 Nothing, man, you look good in your Dockers. 185 00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:37,075 What? Nothing happened. I'm Julius Pepperwood. 186 00:06:37,187 --> 00:06:38,318 Let it go. 187 00:06:40,698 --> 00:06:41,529 Whoops. 188 00:06:41,553 --> 00:06:43,303 - Why did you do that? - The wind. 189 00:06:46,684 --> 00:06:48,619 No, no, no, no, no, no. 190 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,612 Is everything all right? 191 00:06:51,643 --> 00:06:53,643 - Yeah, everything's good. - Oh, everything's fine, bro. 192 00:06:53,661 --> 00:06:57,148 - What's happening right now? - Sorry, Edgar, um, I really 193 00:06:57,532 --> 00:06:59,145 loved your story. 194 00:06:59,176 --> 00:07:01,314 Um, I wanted to give you some notes— is there any time 195 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:03,114 you could come in... to office hours? 196 00:07:03,136 --> 00:07:04,323 Yeah, that be really cool. 197 00:07:04,354 --> 00:07:05,504 I'm really excited. 198 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,392 Um, I'm available anytime, so... 199 00:07:07,411 --> 00:07:09,080 - I'll check my calendar. - Yup. 200 00:07:09,142 --> 00:07:10,719 Can't get service around here. 201 00:07:13,510 --> 00:07:15,449 Wednesday I got to go to the bird store. 202 00:07:16,424 --> 00:07:18,737 Uh, what about Wednesday afternoon? 203 00:07:18,845 --> 00:07:20,613 He's my uncle. 204 00:07:22,144 --> 00:07:24,196 Hey, Winston, I'm glad you're home. 205 00:07:24,484 --> 00:07:26,068 I know what my pogo is. 206 00:07:26,140 --> 00:07:28,141 It's that I dance kind of like a sea snake. 207 00:07:33,364 --> 00:07:34,597 Yeah, not even close, Schmidt. 208 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:37,120 What are you talk... I know this it, man. 209 00:07:37,451 --> 00:07:40,076 Is it that I barge into people's showers? 210 00:07:40,116 --> 00:07:42,835 It's my caterpillar eyebrows— well, look. 211 00:07:44,569 --> 00:07:45,807 They're gone. 212 00:07:45,837 --> 00:07:48,641 Nick, you've gone way too far! Way too far. 213 00:07:48,672 --> 00:07:50,691 Well, if you're here for Edgar's notebook, you're too late. 214 00:07:50,725 --> 00:07:53,227 Where's the notebook? 215 00:07:53,251 --> 00:07:54,145 Nick! 216 00:07:54,164 --> 00:07:56,332 What's my one rule? 217 00:07:56,621 --> 00:07:57,921 It's to not steal your yarn. 218 00:07:57,944 --> 00:07:59,678 Don't steal my yarn, man. 219 00:07:59,801 --> 00:08:01,071 It's my one thing. 220 00:08:01,096 --> 00:08:03,140 But look at what was inside of his notebook. 221 00:08:03,165 --> 00:08:04,829 Okay, he was doodling in class, Nick. 222 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,436 Weapons, dripping with blood? 223 00:08:06,468 --> 00:08:07,868 That is not a doodle. 224 00:08:07,890 --> 00:08:09,460 What are you, the doodle police? 225 00:08:11,310 --> 00:08:13,279 - There's no doodle police, are there? - Really? 226 00:08:13,319 --> 00:08:15,119 I can't believe you still don't believe me. 227 00:08:15,149 --> 00:08:16,996 Jessica... 228 00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:18,441 Exhibit D. 229 00:08:18,459 --> 00:08:20,277 He did this. 230 00:08:20,821 --> 00:08:22,540 I'm going to Edgar's house, I'm looking for more proof. 231 00:08:22,564 --> 00:08:24,451 No, Nick, you're not spying on the one student 232 00:08:24,465 --> 00:08:25,510 that I have a connection with. 233 00:08:25,535 --> 00:08:27,129 - I have the address right here. - No. 234 00:08:27,161 --> 00:08:28,196 - Give me the... - No! 235 00:08:28,214 --> 00:08:30,849 - I have the address memorized. - Fine, then I'm coming, too. 236 00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:34,685 To bail you out of jail when you get arrested for trespassing. 237 00:08:34,716 --> 00:08:37,444 - Fine, then you'll see that I was right. - Fine! 238 00:08:37,465 --> 00:08:40,384 And you'll also see who gets there first. 239 00:08:40,597 --> 00:08:42,429 Maybe we should take one car. 240 00:08:42,454 --> 00:08:43,642 Just, like, for the environment. 241 00:08:43,666 --> 00:08:45,146 Yeah, that makes sense— we can drive together. 242 00:08:45,167 --> 00:08:46,851 - Fine! - Fine! 243 00:08:50,742 --> 00:08:51,858 It's my mole, isn't it? 244 00:08:51,909 --> 00:08:53,026 Well, consider it gone. 245 00:08:53,063 --> 00:08:54,612 Game, set, pogo. 246 00:08:54,642 --> 00:08:56,059 Chill out, man, it's not your mole. 247 00:08:56,089 --> 00:08:57,364 Just tell me, this is the worst. 248 00:08:57,394 --> 00:08:59,190 This is not the worst, Schmidt— the worst 249 00:08:59,225 --> 00:09:00,462 is actually knowing. 250 00:09:00,501 --> 00:09:02,818 Knowing that your friends sit around every single night 251 00:09:02,837 --> 00:09:04,581 talking about your pogo. 252 00:09:04,622 --> 00:09:06,514 What's a pogo? 253 00:09:07,231 --> 00:09:08,681 Those brows don't freak you out? 254 00:09:08,752 --> 00:09:09,935 Nah, I've seen worse. 255 00:09:09,961 --> 00:09:12,449 A pogo is what your friends talk about when you leave the room. 256 00:09:12,467 --> 00:09:14,486 Oh, like your barnacle toenails? 257 00:09:19,053 --> 00:09:21,205 Uh... sh... 258 00:09:21,226 --> 00:09:22,393 You guys talk about my toenails? 259 00:09:22,421 --> 00:09:24,455 Never... 260 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,672 talk about your toenails, Sch... Schmidt. 261 00:09:26,697 --> 00:09:30,268 I know my toenails are a little rugged. 262 00:09:30,948 --> 00:09:31,692 Woodsy. 263 00:09:31,716 --> 00:09:33,758 I mean, I have never wondered 264 00:09:33,777 --> 00:09:35,428 if you could shimmy up a palm tree. 265 00:09:35,452 --> 00:09:38,215 But it's because I have a keratin surplus, I mean... 266 00:09:38,489 --> 00:09:40,433 They're not that bad, look at these things. 267 00:09:40,445 --> 00:09:41,715 - Aah! Schmidt! - Ew! 268 00:09:41,746 --> 00:09:43,383 It looks like an open Swiss Army knife. 269 00:09:43,395 --> 00:09:45,307 Most of them are hard, but one of them is really, really soft. 270 00:09:45,313 --> 00:09:48,076 I know, I know, I know— we'll just talk about what my pogo is. 271 00:09:48,111 --> 00:09:49,445 What's my pogo? 272 00:09:49,534 --> 00:09:51,034 Is it the way I say "pan"? 273 00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,287 Pan, pan, pan. 274 00:09:53,311 --> 00:09:55,461 Look, Cece, this is more of just a loft thing. 275 00:09:55,498 --> 00:09:57,126 Just thank your lucky stars that you don't have 276 00:09:57,144 --> 00:09:58,795 calcified mongrel toes! 277 00:10:01,145 --> 00:10:03,458 Things sound like a dang ol' crab. 278 00:10:04,543 --> 00:10:05,694 There it is. 279 00:10:05,719 --> 00:10:07,735 If anything's gonna go down, we need a safe word. 280 00:10:07,765 --> 00:10:10,137 Nothing's gonna go down unless we make it go down. 281 00:10:10,155 --> 00:10:12,608 - If Pepperwood taught me anything— - There's no Pepperwood. 282 00:10:12,633 --> 00:10:15,952 Never get caught without a safe word. 283 00:10:16,427 --> 00:10:17,696 We're gonna go with "apricot." 284 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,302 That's way too normal. We need to, like, 285 00:10:19,325 --> 00:10:21,577 go with something weird, like "dragon slippers." 286 00:10:21,611 --> 00:10:24,130 - What? - I use "apricot" too much in my normal life. 287 00:10:24,153 --> 00:10:26,325 Why do you use "apricot" so much? 288 00:10:26,337 --> 00:10:28,505 What am I supposed to call them— "sweet tangy balls"? 289 00:10:28,539 --> 00:10:30,791 Don't call them "sweet tangy balls," Jessica. 290 00:10:30,822 --> 00:10:32,555 Well, that's why we can't use... 291 00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:36,735 Nick... Nick... 292 00:10:36,812 --> 00:10:38,493 Nick, oh! 293 00:10:39,516 --> 00:10:41,301 Shh! Come on... 294 00:10:41,352 --> 00:10:43,513 - Nick.. - Call me Julius Pepperwood, please. 295 00:10:43,538 --> 00:10:45,389 You look ridiculous. 296 00:10:45,495 --> 00:10:46,833 If we're hiding from people, 297 00:10:46,864 --> 00:10:48,900 - why does it matter what I call you? - I got my eyes 298 00:10:48,924 --> 00:10:50,730 - and you get my six. - No, no, what does this mean? 299 00:10:50,749 --> 00:10:52,843 - I'm pretty sure this... - This means "right turn bicycle." 300 00:10:52,866 --> 00:10:54,698 - No, I'm pretty sure this means "stop... - " It means "right turn." 301 00:10:54,718 --> 00:10:56,612 Nick, seriously— use your words. 302 00:10:56,632 --> 00:10:59,935 - Don't use freaking SWAT sign language. - Okay, these are my words. 303 00:10:59,976 --> 00:11:00,907 Oh! 304 00:11:00,934 --> 00:11:02,134 Apricot, apricot, apricot. 305 00:11:02,249 --> 00:11:04,750 Close your mouth, close your eyes. 306 00:11:09,042 --> 00:11:10,728 - Edgar lives with his mother. - So? 307 00:11:10,728 --> 00:11:13,600 - Of course he does. - A lot of normal people live with their mothers. 308 00:11:13,750 --> 00:11:14,952 Like my Uncle Randy. 309 00:11:14,989 --> 00:11:16,790 - He can't go near parks. - He was cleared. 310 00:11:16,816 --> 00:11:18,822 You've got to... 311 00:11:18,890 --> 00:11:20,242 Apricot! Apricot! 312 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:23,168 Get over here now! 313 00:11:31,780 --> 00:11:33,347 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. 314 00:11:35,620 --> 00:11:37,169 What's in that duffel bag? 315 00:11:38,743 --> 00:11:40,643 He's the plumber from the story. 316 00:11:40,661 --> 00:11:42,867 - How did I not see this before? - What was I saying? 317 00:11:42,892 --> 00:11:44,680 - Oh, my God, you were right. - Yes, say that again, 318 00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,523 - say that again. You were right, you were right, you were right about everything. 319 00:11:46,547 --> 00:11:48,041 - Don't ever forget you're saying it! - Oh, my God, 320 00:11:48,068 --> 00:11:50,214 - I can't believe you were right. - I was a right about everything! 321 00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,260 What the hell is in that duffel bag? 322 00:11:52,285 --> 00:11:55,156 - I don't know. - No, Nick. 323 00:11:55,183 --> 00:11:56,901 - Nick, you're gonna get us killed. - Let's get down. 324 00:11:56,928 --> 00:11:59,379 Nick... Nick... 325 00:11:59,398 --> 00:12:01,225 Shh. 326 00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:06,348 Oh, my... Jessica, turn it off. 327 00:12:06,970 --> 00:12:09,335 - Turn it off! Oh, my God, it's Edgar. - What do I do? 328 00:12:09,358 --> 00:12:10,621 You turn it... Here. 329 00:12:11,308 --> 00:12:12,842 - Turn it off. I don't know how to do this. - Okay. 330 00:12:14,278 --> 00:12:16,538 Oh, my God. Get the hell out of here. 331 00:12:23,653 --> 00:12:25,084 Jess, what are you doing? 332 00:12:25,102 --> 00:12:26,473 That is ridiculous. There was plenty of room. 333 00:12:26,488 --> 00:12:27,438 It seemed like a good idea. 334 00:12:27,464 --> 00:12:28,832 Why would you go under a van? 335 00:12:28,858 --> 00:12:30,408 Let's leave. 336 00:12:33,028 --> 00:12:35,095 - Keep still... - You will not believe what just happened. 337 00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:36,889 - Nick was right. - I was right. 338 00:12:36,917 --> 00:12:38,693 Oh, my God, what happened to your eyebrows? 339 00:12:38,712 --> 00:12:39,912 You look like Audrey Hepburn. 340 00:12:39,934 --> 00:12:41,491 Don't we own an industrial-size paper cutter? 341 00:12:41,497 --> 00:12:43,243 - Ugh! - Oh, whatever. 342 00:12:43,273 --> 00:12:45,081 - What the hell is that? - So close to the eating area! 343 00:12:45,106 --> 00:12:47,662 Winston told me that you guys make fun of my gremlin toenails. 344 00:12:47,838 --> 00:12:50,816 That you call them "clickety- clacks" or "centaur boots." 345 00:12:50,835 --> 00:12:52,135 What is wrong with you, Winston? 346 00:12:52,166 --> 00:12:55,935 What is wrong with me? Besides my pogo. 347 00:12:56,504 --> 00:12:58,424 I told him. It just kind of popped out. 348 00:12:58,448 --> 00:12:59,967 You understand what that's like, right, Winston? 349 00:12:59,986 --> 00:13:01,070 Okay, you know what? Don't act like 350 00:13:01,088 --> 00:13:02,807 we don't talk about you two behind your backs. 351 00:13:02,861 --> 00:13:05,176 Because we do. You both have pogos, my friends. 352 00:13:05,195 --> 00:13:08,015 Okay, let's take a deep breath and ask ourselves 353 00:13:08,062 --> 00:13:12,301 if this conversation is worth ruining our friendships over. 354 00:13:12,378 --> 00:13:13,604 Tell me my pogo. 355 00:13:13,635 --> 00:13:15,061 I need to know my pogo. 356 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:18,863 You guys need to tell me. I can take it. Lay it on me! 357 00:13:18,893 --> 00:13:21,475 You know, it's kind of a loft thing. Is it my pies? 358 00:13:21,494 --> 00:13:22,419 Are they too tart? 359 00:13:22,431 --> 00:13:23,930 Pies can't be a pogo, okay? 360 00:13:23,949 --> 00:13:25,841 My koala claws, now that's a pogo! 361 00:13:25,859 --> 00:13:27,413 At least you can hide your pogo in a shoe. 362 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,845 They make shoes for your penis— they're called pants! 363 00:13:30,906 --> 00:13:32,352 - Tell me my pogo. - Jessica, no. 364 00:13:32,388 --> 00:13:34,823 - Tell me my pogo! - You're a know-it-all! 365 00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:36,181 - Huge know-it-all. - The worst. 366 00:13:36,228 --> 00:13:38,874 Oh, I'm the worst know-it-all in the world? 367 00:13:38,908 --> 00:13:41,978 Please. Hate hyperbolic speak. Please. 368 00:13:42,002 --> 00:13:44,991 Now you know your pogo, you truly know it all. 369 00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,588 There I go being a smart-ass again. 370 00:13:46,613 --> 00:13:48,364 I mean, that, that could be my pogo. 371 00:13:48,407 --> 00:13:49,813 And then there was one. 372 00:13:49,832 --> 00:13:51,883 Oh, no, no, no, I'm sure that you guys have stuff 373 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,791 you laugh at me behind my back. 374 00:13:53,825 --> 00:13:55,443 We don't laugh about your pogo, Nick. 375 00:13:55,462 --> 00:13:57,579 Yeah. We're worried about you. 376 00:13:57,607 --> 00:13:58,755 You're worried about me? 377 00:13:58,778 --> 00:14:00,266 We're worried that you're not gonna make it. 378 00:14:00,319 --> 00:14:02,174 - Make it to what? - Just in general. 379 00:14:02,199 --> 00:14:03,466 'Cause you don't take care of yourself. 380 00:14:03,499 --> 00:14:05,899 Sometimes I'll crumple up vitamins and I'll put them in your food. 381 00:14:05,916 --> 00:14:08,434 We all take turns sneaking money into your pants pockets 382 00:14:08,474 --> 00:14:10,776 before we put them in the dryer. 383 00:14:11,242 --> 00:14:13,155 Yeah? Well, I hope you're happy. 384 00:14:13,199 --> 00:14:14,700 The pogos are out. 385 00:14:14,765 --> 00:14:17,568 The loft dynamic is ruined. 386 00:14:18,576 --> 00:14:20,582 But what if I talk like a baby? 387 00:14:20,621 --> 00:14:22,227 You're still hot. That's all we're gonna talk about. 388 00:14:22,252 --> 00:14:24,600 A tiny little baby! 389 00:14:24,889 --> 00:14:26,390 Cut into these, please. 390 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,668 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 391 00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:39,698 Oh...! A ladder... 392 00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,252 That'll do. 393 00:14:55,579 --> 00:14:57,681 Okay, okay. 394 00:15:01,139 --> 00:15:02,773 Oh, this is bad. 395 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:06,233 Oh, this is... this is very bad. 396 00:15:08,290 --> 00:15:10,671 Oh, no, oh, no— no, no- no-no-no-no— oh, God, oh, God. 397 00:15:12,603 --> 00:15:13,374 Hello. 398 00:15:13,428 --> 00:15:16,119 - Jess, he wants to kill you! - What...? 399 00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:18,046 - I am in his shed right now - What? 400 00:15:18,064 --> 00:15:19,885 And there are drawings on the wall of you, 401 00:15:19,918 --> 00:15:21,953 and bloody weapons 402 00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:23,821 and googly eyes. 403 00:15:24,148 --> 00:15:26,310 Googly eyes are actually kind of sexy, but that's beside... 404 00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:29,366 Jess, I will not let you be in a room alone with this guy. 405 00:15:29,449 --> 00:15:32,318 You're the deer in his story. 406 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:33,701 He wants to kill you. 407 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,023 You're the deer, you're the deer, you're the deer. 408 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,779 I'm at school and I'm doing office hours... 409 00:15:38,798 --> 00:15:41,579 Get out now! Okay, I'll just, I'll just keep you on the line, 410 00:15:41,604 --> 00:15:44,399 and then I'll say the safe word, okay? 411 00:15:44,430 --> 00:15:47,596 I'll just say it like... Apricots! Apricots! 412 00:15:47,633 --> 00:15:49,283 Good. Yeah, yeah, that's what you say if you see Edgar. 413 00:15:49,308 --> 00:15:50,792 Apricots! Really, apricots! 414 00:15:52,036 --> 00:15:53,706 Oh, no. Okay, okay, stop it. 415 00:15:53,739 --> 00:15:54,702 He's there. Okay. 416 00:15:54,729 --> 00:15:56,563 I thought it was gonna be "dragon slippers." 417 00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,282 Is this a bad time or...? 418 00:15:58,697 --> 00:16:01,025 No, no, no, no. I just have a deaf grocer. 419 00:16:01,091 --> 00:16:03,535 Apricots! Apricots! 420 00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,706 And butter. 421 00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:07,571 I'm coming. 422 00:16:07,608 --> 00:16:09,860 Oh! Ho-ho! 423 00:16:16,553 --> 00:16:19,076 Welcome to office hours. Um... 424 00:16:19,643 --> 00:16:22,075 - I found my ending. - Yeah? 425 00:16:22,099 --> 00:16:24,930 It's pretty risky. I'm not sure 426 00:16:24,976 --> 00:16:27,111 I'm gonna be able to get away with it. 427 00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:33,117 Oh! 428 00:16:33,401 --> 00:16:34,617 Remember when you told me 429 00:16:34,629 --> 00:16:37,962 to base my characters on people from my own life? 430 00:16:38,322 --> 00:16:40,205 Well, I based one on you. 431 00:16:40,222 --> 00:16:42,168 - So flattered. - And then I realized 432 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:45,613 that there was only one way for the story to end. 433 00:16:46,074 --> 00:16:48,058 You need to die. 434 00:16:50,026 --> 00:16:52,428 Apricot, apricot. 435 00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:55,180 No! ♪ Hey...! 436 00:17:04,165 --> 00:17:07,674 You said, "Great literature is surprising." 437 00:17:08,617 --> 00:17:12,085 What's more surprising than killing your main character? 438 00:17:12,416 --> 00:17:15,447 What about this— go with me— what if, um, 439 00:17:15,524 --> 00:17:20,466 what if my character lives and the book just goes on? 440 00:17:20,712 --> 00:17:23,126 Imagine coming to the end of the book, 441 00:17:23,151 --> 00:17:25,857 and then just finding a lot more book. 442 00:17:26,782 --> 00:17:29,043 Surprise. 443 00:17:33,795 --> 00:17:35,200 This song is everywhere these days. 444 00:17:35,230 --> 00:17:36,897 Were you at my house? 445 00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:38,741 - Okay, thank you. Good-bye. - No. 446 00:17:38,772 --> 00:17:41,314 - No! No! - I have to go... right now. 447 00:17:41,335 --> 00:17:43,044 Apricot's leaving! Apricot's leaving! 448 00:17:43,064 --> 00:17:45,515 Oh, good. I'm so happy you're alive. 449 00:17:45,535 --> 00:17:47,101 Okay, stay inside and lock the door. 450 00:17:47,113 --> 00:17:50,399 I am coming. I am going to protect you... 451 00:17:50,488 --> 00:17:51,757 Nick? Pepperwood! Nick! 452 00:17:56,412 --> 00:17:58,398 Burglar? He's not a burglar. 453 00:17:58,549 --> 00:18:00,900 He's Julius Pepperwood from Chicago. 454 00:18:00,915 --> 00:18:01,959 Let's get him in the house. 455 00:18:01,978 --> 00:18:04,294 The D.A.'s gonna have my badge for this. 456 00:18:04,426 --> 00:18:06,245 No! Get off of him! 457 00:18:06,268 --> 00:18:08,570 You kill him, you kill me, too! 458 00:18:08,594 --> 00:18:10,351 Get away from my Edgar! 459 00:18:14,235 --> 00:18:15,685 My eyes! Oh! 460 00:18:15,742 --> 00:18:18,367 My giant eyes! 461 00:18:18,375 --> 00:18:19,706 You thought I was a murderer? 462 00:18:19,728 --> 00:18:21,512 You thought I was a murderer of people? 463 00:18:21,527 --> 00:18:23,745 You said you were gonna kill me, so I don't know. 464 00:18:23,766 --> 00:18:26,501 Your character... in my graphic novel. 465 00:18:26,518 --> 00:18:29,117 - He's an excellent artist. - Okay, but your drawings, 466 00:18:29,135 --> 00:18:30,661 they don't have any eyes. 467 00:18:30,695 --> 00:18:32,695 - Hate drawing eyes. It's weird. - He can't draw eyes. 468 00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:34,195 There's a reason for everything. 469 00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:35,308 What about the duffel bag? 470 00:18:35,339 --> 00:18:37,211 Don't ask about the duffel bag! 471 00:18:37,253 --> 00:18:37,887 Bitch. 472 00:18:37,921 --> 00:18:39,589 - Whoa, whoa! - Whoa! Hey, man. 473 00:18:39,607 --> 00:18:41,628 Hey, take this as a compliment, pal. 474 00:18:41,672 --> 00:18:43,612 Your stories are so real. 475 00:18:43,764 --> 00:18:45,765 Well, it's because what you taught me. 476 00:18:47,769 --> 00:18:48,963 You listened? 477 00:18:49,005 --> 00:18:51,645 Well, of course I listened. You were a good teacher. 478 00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,693 Until you thought I was a murderer and you broke into my shed. 479 00:18:54,713 --> 00:18:57,604 Aw! You were my favorite student until 480 00:18:57,641 --> 00:18:59,410 I thought you were a murderer. 481 00:18:59,441 --> 00:19:02,410 - Ah... - Your son's a really great writer. 482 00:19:02,530 --> 00:19:06,114 - He's not my son. - Oh! Are you kidding? 483 00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:07,732 Really? 484 00:19:07,750 --> 00:19:08,978 Real nice, you two. 485 00:19:09,003 --> 00:19:10,953 Come here, baby. 486 00:19:12,137 --> 00:19:14,631 Mm! God, you smell like waffles. 487 00:19:14,724 --> 00:19:16,517 I love it. Did you just make some waffles? 488 00:19:16,579 --> 00:19:18,801 - Want to eat me up? - Yes, I do. 489 00:19:18,829 --> 00:19:20,730 I'll meet you inside. I'm gonna get the duffel bag. 490 00:19:20,748 --> 00:19:22,749 - Yes, do. - Okay. 491 00:19:25,786 --> 00:19:26,753 - Hey, Nick. - Hey. 492 00:19:26,787 --> 00:19:27,904 What are you doing up? 493 00:19:27,922 --> 00:19:29,502 Just taking care of myself. 494 00:19:29,727 --> 00:19:31,640 Are you putting butter on bacon? 495 00:19:31,675 --> 00:19:33,224 I don't want it to stick to the pan. 496 00:19:33,286 --> 00:19:36,155 Okay, did you...? 497 00:19:38,026 --> 00:19:38,951 Great. 498 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,269 It's just what bacon needs, 499 00:19:41,607 --> 00:19:43,325 more fat. 500 00:19:43,665 --> 00:19:45,050 And salt. 501 00:19:45,146 --> 00:19:46,947 - What's this? - Don't read that. I'm not finished... 502 00:19:46,969 --> 00:19:50,217 "Julius Pepperwood: Zombie Detective"? 503 00:19:50,229 --> 00:19:52,030 All his murder victims are already dead, 504 00:19:52,062 --> 00:19:55,131 so they obviously don't need a detective. I'm working on it. 505 00:19:55,165 --> 00:19:57,234 - "The night was inky hot." - Don't do this. 506 00:19:57,265 --> 00:20:01,152 "She strode into his office with a sense of purpose, place, 507 00:20:01,438 --> 00:20:03,063 another word here, question mark." 508 00:20:03,087 --> 00:20:04,454 I'm looking for another "P" word there. 509 00:20:04,483 --> 00:20:06,972 "She had zombie legs that went on for miles. 510 00:20:07,041 --> 00:20:09,743 "They were the kind of legs you could sink your teeth into. 511 00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:13,613 "Pepperwood had two friends— one, if you count his hat. 512 00:20:13,664 --> 00:20:16,497 The other was his gal Friday, Jessica Night." 513 00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:19,586 It's not you, Jess. 514 00:20:19,796 --> 00:20:21,993 "She was small in stature, but not in spunk. 515 00:20:22,011 --> 00:20:25,487 And a super annoying know-it-all." 516 00:20:25,693 --> 00:20:27,287 Good evening. 517 00:20:27,312 --> 00:20:29,502 Hello. 518 00:20:30,267 --> 00:20:31,937 Oh, bacon. 519 00:20:32,652 --> 00:20:34,118 Where the hell did you come from? 520 00:20:34,137 --> 00:20:35,054 I came from my room. 521 00:20:35,055 --> 00:20:37,443 No, I didn't hear the pitter- patter of your disgusting feet. 522 00:20:37,462 --> 00:20:39,710 I cut my toenails. Yeah, the soaking really worked. 523 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,513 Look at that. They're gorgeous now. 524 00:20:41,538 --> 00:20:43,440 - Went down a full shoe size. - Guys! Fire! 525 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:44,797 - Whoa, whoa! - Oh, my God! 526 00:20:44,815 --> 00:20:46,399 Everybody relax! Call a fireman! 527 00:20:46,433 --> 00:20:48,261 - You call the fireman! - I'm the fireman. 528 00:20:49,111 --> 00:20:51,646 You can't put out a grease fire with water! 529 00:20:51,665 --> 00:20:52,826 You have to smother it! 530 00:20:52,855 --> 00:20:54,069 Why didn't you say that before? 531 00:20:54,094 --> 00:20:55,790 I don't want to be a know-it-all! 532 00:20:55,825 --> 00:20:57,626 - You're so stupid! - Shut up! 533 00:20:57,693 --> 00:20:59,428 - Whoo! Oh! - Nice! 534 00:20:59,496 --> 00:21:00,121 Yes! 535 00:21:00,152 --> 00:21:02,415 Amazing, my man! Whoa. Whoa. 536 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,271 Honestly, I didn't know you were gonna put your arm around me. 537 00:21:04,294 --> 00:21:06,137 I'm so sorry. 538 00:21:06,403 --> 00:21:09,270 Oh, you put up your pup tent in front of the fire. 539 00:21:09,295 --> 00:21:10,608 It's involuntary. 540 00:21:10,638 --> 00:21:13,387 It is a combination of adrenaline 541 00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:16,153 and great circulation. 542 00:21:16,211 --> 00:21:18,128 And I'd appreciate it if you don't just hug me randomly! 543 00:21:18,147 --> 00:21:19,665 That's weird and...! 544 00:21:21,754 --> 00:21:24,716 You ever notice... when Winston runs, 545 00:21:24,785 --> 00:21:27,328 - that he kinda farts while he's running? - Yes! 546 00:21:28,323 --> 00:21:29,783 - Sounds like a jalopy. - New pogo. 547 00:21:29,815 --> 00:21:32,576 Oh, we got a great new pogo! 548 00:21:32,632 --> 00:21:34,976 He farts when he runs! 549 00:21:36,163 --> 00:21:41,163 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther