1 00:00:05,150 --> 00:00:07,600 Ah... Three more, Cocktail Johnny. 2 00:00:07,618 --> 00:00:10,200 Schmidt, that is melon-flavored liquor. 3 00:00:10,225 --> 00:00:13,461 It's 4 proof, okay? That is safe to drink while you're pregnant. 4 00:00:13,486 --> 00:00:15,029 - Melon balls. - Schmidt, no matter 5 00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:16,399 how much you get drunk, 6 00:00:16,522 --> 00:00:18,315 - Cece's still gonna be engaged. - Cece? 7 00:00:18,333 --> 00:00:20,588 - Now, I know you're down about it. - I'm not down about Cece. 8 00:00:20,601 --> 00:00:24,665 - This is, this is a mess. - Listen, there are plenty of things to be down about: 9 00:00:24,684 --> 00:00:26,786 The air pollution in China, the deficit, 10 00:00:26,811 --> 00:00:28,735 The Hobbit wasn't very good. If I want to see 11 00:00:28,753 --> 00:00:31,014 dwarves in a real-time dinner scene, I would've gone 12 00:00:31,033 --> 00:00:33,161 to Koreatown. Booyah! Ball me. 13 00:00:33,181 --> 00:00:34,982 - Ball you? - Ball me! 14 00:00:35,173 --> 00:00:36,414 What are you... 15 00:00:36,431 --> 00:00:38,311 How do you get these toppy things off, Nick? 16 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:40,031 Oh, Schmidt... You look like a lab rat. 17 00:00:40,042 --> 00:00:41,075 Okay, you know what? 18 00:00:41,093 --> 00:00:42,342 I'm adding that to your bill. 19 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,256 What the hell is this? 20 00:00:45,632 --> 00:00:47,734 What? You're giving us a check? 21 00:00:47,764 --> 00:00:50,035 - No more free drinks. - I didn't even know you had these here. 22 00:00:50,064 --> 00:00:52,498 - Take all of my money and then get out - You guys, come on. 23 00:00:52,516 --> 00:00:54,248 Show a little respect. This is my job. 24 00:00:54,278 --> 00:00:56,194 - Nick, I saw you pee in the register. - Yeah, once. 25 00:00:56,219 --> 00:00:57,800 - You think I was sober for that? - You once put 26 00:00:57,818 --> 00:00:59,887 a sign out that said "Take a Drink, Leave a Drink." 27 00:00:59,905 --> 00:01:03,787 Okay, it's the only job I have, and I'm trying to be... good. 28 00:01:04,116 --> 00:01:07,033 Okay? It's about time I got a little responsibility. 29 00:01:07,621 --> 00:01:09,889 - Responsibility? - I thought of a new promotion— 30 00:01:10,076 --> 00:01:13,245 it's like Ladies' Night but it's the opposite: It's Guys' Night. 31 00:01:13,289 --> 00:01:16,003 The new manager loved the idea, and if it goes well— 32 00:01:16,022 --> 00:01:17,212 Maybe there's a promotion; 33 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:18,808 I can start moving up in the world. 34 00:01:22,686 --> 00:01:23,740 What? 35 00:01:23,883 --> 00:01:25,107 I want him. 36 00:01:25,681 --> 00:01:26,712 I want him... 37 00:01:27,230 --> 00:01:28,118 bad. 38 00:01:31,910 --> 00:01:35,570 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 39 00:01:36,968 --> 00:01:37,981 What is this? 40 00:01:37,999 --> 00:01:42,730 I think Nick being ambitious and driven about the bar is making me... 41 00:01:42,781 --> 00:01:45,116 want him more. Is that, like, a thing? 42 00:01:45,128 --> 00:01:48,730 No. No woman's ever been attracted to power and success. 43 00:01:48,755 --> 00:01:49,874 It's just like... 44 00:01:49,917 --> 00:01:52,285 I thought it was one kiss and then it was over. 45 00:01:53,236 --> 00:01:54,945 Hey, sorry, I'm just putting a load on. 46 00:01:54,975 --> 00:01:56,070 Got a shift at the bar. 47 00:01:56,089 --> 00:01:58,714 You know that there's a separate compartment to put the soap in? 48 00:02:03,822 --> 00:02:04,972 I didn't know that. 49 00:02:05,078 --> 00:02:06,344 Little soap house. 50 00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:08,500 Anyway, I'm getting this mess cleaned up. 51 00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:10,672 I gotta say, it feels really good. 52 00:02:10,707 --> 00:02:13,007 Do any of you guys know where the iron is? 53 00:02:13,681 --> 00:02:15,644 - Get out! - What? I want to iron my button-down. 54 00:02:15,656 --> 00:02:17,887 - Get out, Nick! - What is happening right now? 55 00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:19,882 - Get out! Get out! - Why are you being so mean to me? 56 00:02:19,894 --> 00:02:22,047 What is going on with you? 57 00:02:26,075 --> 00:02:28,275 There's a new manager; That's why I'm making you guys pay. 58 00:02:28,293 --> 00:02:30,378 And you actually care about what he thinks? 59 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,418 - Hey, Shane. - Hey. 60 00:02:32,435 --> 00:02:34,120 Hey, guys. This is Shane. This is my new manager. 61 00:02:34,133 --> 00:02:36,273 - Oh, got it. - I'm really excited to have her here. 62 00:02:36,298 --> 00:02:38,879 We're really getting this place in order. We're, uh... 63 00:02:40,698 --> 00:02:42,164 Makes a lot more sense now. 64 00:02:43,094 --> 00:02:45,456 God, I can't stop thinking about the other night. 65 00:02:45,487 --> 00:02:47,712 Hope you gave that bar an extra wipe-down. 66 00:02:47,731 --> 00:02:49,665 - Yeah. - You're just like the opposite 67 00:02:49,689 --> 00:02:51,234 of everyone I went to business school with. 68 00:02:51,253 --> 00:02:54,084 - I mean, look at you. You're just... You're so real. - Yeah. 69 00:02:54,109 --> 00:02:55,647 - Oh, yeah. - He's incredibly real. 70 00:02:55,660 --> 00:02:57,111 - As real as they get. - Yeah, the realest. 71 00:02:57,129 --> 00:02:58,864 - Shut up, both of you. - You're a mess. 72 00:02:58,883 --> 00:03:01,417 - Yeah. - I got dirt on my face after we made out. 73 00:03:01,436 --> 00:03:03,680 God, I loved it. Get back to work. 74 00:03:03,698 --> 00:03:05,731 - You got it. - Get back to work! 75 00:03:05,911 --> 00:03:08,396 - I'm joking. No, but seriously, - Yeah. Joke. Seriously, 76 00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:10,491 - get back to work. Yeah. - Get back to work. Yeah. 77 00:03:11,009 --> 00:03:12,859 I know this isn't gonna end well, 78 00:03:12,871 --> 00:03:15,011 but the whole middle part's gonna be awesome. 79 00:03:15,042 --> 00:03:17,157 - Good for you. - What? 80 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,698 Schmidt, stop drinking that. 81 00:03:20,486 --> 00:03:22,020 I'm gonna take care of this. 82 00:03:22,088 --> 00:03:23,989 If I feel down, I come here. 83 00:03:24,031 --> 00:03:26,996 I love this place, man. You know, the sound of bubbles, 84 00:03:27,015 --> 00:03:28,605 soothing synth music. 85 00:03:28,630 --> 00:03:31,689 If this place doesn't take your mind off of Cece, then I don't know, man. 86 00:03:31,751 --> 00:03:33,577 Look at that. 87 00:03:36,726 --> 00:03:38,001 So beautiful. 88 00:03:38,283 --> 00:03:39,676 And exotic. 89 00:03:39,932 --> 00:03:41,284 Perfect curves. 90 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:43,511 Giant almond eyes. 91 00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:45,645 Caramel-colored stripes. 92 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:47,402 Sumptuous lips. 93 00:03:48,701 --> 00:03:50,748 Are you talking about the fish? 94 00:03:51,673 --> 00:03:53,581 Excuse me. You, sir, that works here. 95 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,735 What is this fish— the one that floats like an angel? 96 00:03:55,753 --> 00:03:56,658 How much for this one? 97 00:03:56,676 --> 00:04:00,189 Ah, that is the lovely but elusive California lionfish. 98 00:04:00,201 --> 00:04:01,359 It's perfect. I must have it. 99 00:04:02,161 --> 00:04:03,328 S-Sadly, sir, you can't. 100 00:04:03,347 --> 00:04:05,436 - What do you mean I can't? - It's... illegal, sir. 101 00:04:05,461 --> 00:04:08,028 This fish is protected by the great state of California. 102 00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:09,483 Gimme it! 103 00:04:09,633 --> 00:04:10,641 No...? 104 00:04:13,190 --> 00:04:15,886 What are you doing? Why can't I have the things that I want? 105 00:04:15,903 --> 00:04:17,417 - Sorry about that. - Don't look at the fish, kids. 106 00:04:17,441 --> 00:04:19,883 You can't have any of them! None of them are for sale! 107 00:04:20,140 --> 00:04:21,555 Love is a lie. It is. 108 00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:23,981 - Calm down! - Love is a lie. Love is a lie. 109 00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:25,558 We're leaving. We're leaving. 110 00:04:28,639 --> 00:04:31,194 Oh, you've got to be kidding me. 111 00:04:31,239 --> 00:04:33,636 Schmidt, no. Absolutely not. 112 00:04:33,642 --> 00:04:35,679 No! I don't trust fish. 113 00:04:35,714 --> 00:04:37,324 They breathe water— that's crazy. 114 00:04:37,337 --> 00:04:38,787 Yeah, he's got a whole thing going. 115 00:04:38,805 --> 00:04:40,570 Schmidt— an aquarium? 116 00:04:40,657 --> 00:04:42,109 When did you become a Bond villain 117 00:04:42,128 --> 00:04:43,813 that couldn't afford not to live with roommates? 118 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,122 This is where I will keep my lionfish. 119 00:04:45,141 --> 00:04:47,075 - Your lionfish? - A rare beauty. 120 00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:48,684 The result of generations 121 00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:50,081 of interracial fish breeding. 122 00:04:50,106 --> 00:04:52,657 Just undulating in that water with that wry smile. 123 00:04:52,819 --> 00:04:54,109 Perfect, round fish breasts. 124 00:04:54,131 --> 00:04:55,967 - Pull it together. - What is this hat? 125 00:04:55,992 --> 00:04:57,498 They say it'll be impossible for me to have it. 126 00:04:57,539 --> 00:04:59,267 But I'll get it. She will be mine, and... 127 00:04:59,336 --> 00:05:00,603 we will create a life together. 128 00:05:02,634 --> 00:05:04,423 - We're not talking about fish here, are we? - No. 129 00:05:04,454 --> 00:05:05,982 - Clearly talking about Cece. - Yes. 130 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,129 Yeah, 'cause he said "fish breasts." 131 00:05:07,135 --> 00:05:09,111 - He said "fish breasts." - Yeah. 132 00:05:09,274 --> 00:05:11,162 I mean, fish don't have boobs. 133 00:05:12,289 --> 00:05:13,243 Hmm? 134 00:05:13,305 --> 00:05:15,803 - Hey, Jess. - That's my name. What's yours? 135 00:05:15,828 --> 00:05:17,808 Just kidding. I know what it is. It's Nick. 136 00:05:18,910 --> 00:05:20,312 You okay? 137 00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:22,247 - Yeah. - You haven't stopped moving 138 00:05:22,266 --> 00:05:24,183 - since we've been talking. - Hmm? 139 00:05:24,205 --> 00:05:25,940 It's a nice-looking dress. You look good in it. 140 00:05:26,196 --> 00:05:28,613 Oh, God. Okay. 141 00:05:33,073 --> 00:05:36,223 Jess! Jess, wait! 142 00:05:36,412 --> 00:05:40,013 Jess... Jess, would you please wait? 143 00:05:40,542 --> 00:05:42,706 Hey, I was wondering, can I get a ride to the hardware store? 144 00:05:42,752 --> 00:05:46,038 I want to throw a punching bag up at the bar for Guys' Night, 145 00:05:46,049 --> 00:05:47,750 but my car's not working, so can I get a ride? 146 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:51,559 - No. Mm-mm. No. - Come on, can I please have a ride? 147 00:05:51,950 --> 00:05:54,402 Wait, hold on. Don't move. Hold on. 148 00:05:55,527 --> 00:05:57,485 - You got an eyelash. - Why do you smell so good? 149 00:05:57,506 --> 00:05:58,655 It's 'cause I did laundry. 150 00:05:58,674 --> 00:06:00,606 Ah. I smell like a baby in a damn meadow. 151 00:06:00,699 --> 00:06:04,035 - Look at this. My underwear. - What? What? 152 00:06:04,066 --> 00:06:06,991 - They're blue now. I think it's 'cause I put colors in the whites. - Uh-huh. 153 00:06:07,011 --> 00:06:09,479 I'm still figuring it out, but I'm really excited about laundry. 154 00:06:09,498 --> 00:06:11,820 - Good job. - Hey, how do you put your underwear back in? 155 00:06:11,898 --> 00:06:14,207 Just... I feel like it's too big to get back in now. 156 00:06:14,968 --> 00:06:16,131 It's tricky to get it in. 157 00:06:17,705 --> 00:06:19,134 - Fine! - Thank you. 158 00:06:19,165 --> 00:06:20,863 Do you mind if we stop along the way? I'm thinking of getting 159 00:06:20,875 --> 00:06:24,333 a salad 'cause I want to eat healthier. - Oh! God! Nick! 160 00:06:24,358 --> 00:06:28,021 - I'm thinking of taking a vitamin today. - Oh, God! Shut up! 161 00:06:39,829 --> 00:06:41,362 It's good. 162 00:06:47,035 --> 00:06:48,589 Yeah. 163 00:06:48,673 --> 00:06:51,105 Yank that chain. 164 00:06:51,747 --> 00:06:53,489 Yank it. 165 00:07:01,117 --> 00:07:03,987 I feel like Russell Crowe in every movie he's ever done. 166 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:07,060 - All right, Nick. Um, we have to go. - We just got here. 167 00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:09,515 - We have tons of stuff we need to get. - Fine. 168 00:07:09,539 --> 00:07:12,330 - Let me see what we have left. - A whole bunch of stuff. 169 00:07:12,402 --> 00:07:15,383 Long-shafted... drive drill? 170 00:07:16,093 --> 00:07:17,743 New nut wrench? 171 00:07:17,774 --> 00:07:18,902 Our old nut wrench is bad. 172 00:07:18,921 --> 00:07:20,879 Quick-hardening... caulk. 173 00:07:20,891 --> 00:07:22,756 You don't want to wait forever for that caulk to harden. 174 00:07:22,774 --> 00:07:25,040 Lube for... drill shaft. 175 00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:28,079 - And we— also, can we get a box of gummy sharks? - 176 00:07:32,141 --> 00:07:35,487 Just remember... you caught him pleasuring himself 177 00:07:35,499 --> 00:07:37,934 to a mail-order steak catalogue. 178 00:07:39,378 --> 00:07:41,073 Hey, Jess, I need the cart! 179 00:07:43,579 --> 00:07:44,585 Look what I found! 180 00:07:44,611 --> 00:07:46,556 Look at this big ol' pipe. 181 00:07:53,937 --> 00:07:56,361 Check it out, Schmidt— I got you a clownfish. 182 00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:59,960 I don't want some janky freshwater bitch fish, Winston. 183 00:08:00,364 --> 00:08:02,593 - I want a lionfish. - Let's just cut through the crap, 184 00:08:02,604 --> 00:08:05,718 okay, Schmidt? We both know what you really want is Cece. 185 00:08:05,747 --> 00:08:07,388 - Cece the woman? - Yeah. 186 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,704 You can't put a woman in a fish tank, Winston. 187 00:08:09,751 --> 00:08:11,113 That doesn't make any sense. 188 00:08:11,137 --> 00:08:14,834 Look, Winston, if there was one thing that stood between you and happiness, 189 00:08:14,846 --> 00:08:16,769 don't you think I would be there to help you get it? 190 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,530 - No matter how stupid it was? - You're right, Schmidt. 191 00:08:19,637 --> 00:08:22,107 If I was doing something stupid, you definitely would be involved. 192 00:08:22,125 --> 00:08:24,009 Yeah, you're damn right I would be. 193 00:08:24,094 --> 00:08:26,462 And I would probably be there to make it even stupider. 194 00:08:26,867 --> 00:08:30,016 Now, I'm going to walk out that door, 195 00:08:30,127 --> 00:08:33,162 and I'm gonna pursue the object of my dreams. 196 00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:36,573 And if you don't want to join me, then I'm gonna carry that weight alone. 197 00:08:37,794 --> 00:08:38,924 I'm in. 198 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,737 Let's get you a lionfish. Where do we start? 199 00:08:40,748 --> 00:08:42,737 - We're gonna start at the source. - The ocean. 200 00:08:43,582 --> 00:08:45,550 That's an even better idea. 201 00:08:50,347 --> 00:08:52,002 Hey, Jess. 202 00:08:52,133 --> 00:08:53,548 I got some hot soup. 203 00:08:53,573 --> 00:08:56,331 I feel good... 204 00:08:56,466 --> 00:08:58,676 Jessy feel good... 205 00:08:59,832 --> 00:09:00,910 Mmm. 206 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:03,348 I like to say words with my mouth. 207 00:09:03,389 --> 00:09:05,101 Well, your jaw is super bruised, 208 00:09:05,118 --> 00:09:08,215 so you need to get some rest. But you have some fun pain meds. 209 00:09:08,957 --> 00:09:09,856 Right? 210 00:09:10,093 --> 00:09:12,471 - I like you. - Yeah, I like you, too, Jess. 211 00:09:12,496 --> 00:09:16,706 - Yeah... and I like, your little bubble belly. - Oh, thank you. 212 00:09:16,772 --> 00:09:19,431 Blows up like a... bubble. 213 00:09:19,456 --> 00:09:20,994 Yeah, that's what it does. 214 00:09:21,224 --> 00:09:24,604 I want to have sex with you! 215 00:09:24,628 --> 00:09:25,673 Okay. 216 00:09:25,708 --> 00:09:28,126 I want to have sex with you. 217 00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:30,318 Whoa, do you know what you're saying right now, Jess? 218 00:09:30,345 --> 00:09:32,180 Yeah. 219 00:09:32,216 --> 00:09:33,356 Are you sure? 220 00:09:33,392 --> 00:09:35,454 I want to have sex with you. 221 00:09:35,758 --> 00:09:39,215 Sexy time for you, says me. 222 00:09:39,254 --> 00:09:43,257 You are a beautiful white man, Nick Miller. 223 00:09:43,281 --> 00:09:43,967 Okay. 224 00:09:43,973 --> 00:09:45,833 - Read all about it. - Yeah. 225 00:09:45,857 --> 00:09:48,539 - I'm Judy Garland. - Yeah, so it's the pills. 226 00:09:48,551 --> 00:09:49,604 This is nonsense. 227 00:09:49,619 --> 00:09:52,180 Whoa! Jess, hey, hey, hey, no, no, no, no, no... 228 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,046 Heck, no... no... 229 00:09:54,418 --> 00:09:57,288 - Don't do this right now. - I'm Judy Garland. 230 00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:59,446 Hey, Judy, let's get you to bed, doll. 231 00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:03,118 Whoa, whoa! You are way too drugged-up for this... okay... 232 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:04,811 This little piggy went to the market. 233 00:10:04,823 --> 00:10:08,182 - That little piggy can't be touched by you right now. - This little piggy 234 00:10:08,201 --> 00:10:11,046 went... this little piggy went to market! 235 00:10:13,958 --> 00:10:16,469 It's hot! I put my hand in the hot soup! 236 00:10:16,562 --> 00:10:18,617 Ow! You... aah! 237 00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:24,867 Hey, Nick! 238 00:10:24,909 --> 00:10:28,646 Will you be a doll and get me some mustard? 239 00:10:31,472 --> 00:10:34,116 That is not flattering on you. You're an incredibly lovely man. 240 00:10:34,135 --> 00:10:36,316 - Are you calling my phone? - Yeah, I'm calling it right now, Winston. 241 00:10:36,339 --> 00:10:38,375 I can't find it. 242 00:10:39,025 --> 00:10:41,138 Are you kidding me? Damn it, Winston! 243 00:10:41,163 --> 00:10:43,802 - It took me 20 minutes to fit this thing over your hips. - Whoa, okay. Hey! Hey! 244 00:10:43,821 --> 00:10:45,703 - Careful! Hey! What are you... - Why is your waist so weird? 245 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,604 - That's my ass cheek! Sch-Schmidt! - I'm getting your phone. 246 00:10:48,622 --> 00:10:50,221 - That kind of tickles. - Hey! Stop saying 247 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,335 "That's my ass cheek" and stop touching his butt! 248 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,510 - Look at that shiner. - Not cool! 249 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:57,226 Somebody messes with my boy, that means we mean "bid-ness"! 250 00:10:57,326 --> 00:10:59,597 We doing this? Let's do this! 251 00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,454 Are we not... are we not doing it? It doesn't feel like 252 00:11:01,485 --> 00:11:02,599 - you guys want to do it. - Let's just say 253 00:11:02,611 --> 00:11:06,008 hypothetically that a girl says something to you while she's on painkillers. 254 00:11:06,026 --> 00:11:07,705 - Mm-hmm. - And that girl says that she might want 255 00:11:07,729 --> 00:11:10,711 to have sexual intercourse with you. 256 00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:12,245 Please tell me we're not talking about Jess. 257 00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:14,447 And you had no idea that's how she felt. 258 00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:17,219 Like, no idea. You thought the door was closed. 259 00:11:17,262 --> 00:11:18,583 In fact, you thought that door was 260 00:11:18,596 --> 00:11:21,386 so closed that you went out to another door, 261 00:11:21,404 --> 00:11:23,475 but had I known that the first door was open, 262 00:11:23,494 --> 00:11:24,700 that's the door I wanted to walk through. 263 00:11:24,715 --> 00:11:26,331 - Wait, okay, wait... - I would've walked through that door. 264 00:11:26,532 --> 00:11:28,515 - Do you see how I'm in a tough spot? - Can we stop calling it 265 00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:30,216 "walking through a door"? Because for me, I feel like it's 266 00:11:30,247 --> 00:11:32,483 more like sliding past a drape. - Okay, if a girl on painkillers 267 00:11:32,495 --> 00:11:33,992 says that she wants to have sex with you, 268 00:11:34,022 --> 00:11:35,795 - Mm-hmm. - Is that the drugs or is that real? 269 00:11:35,814 --> 00:11:36,734 And if so, 270 00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:39,587 how do I end it with Shane before Jess finds out? 271 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,609 I-I-I meant the door. 272 00:11:42,552 --> 00:11:43,503 Nick, Jess... 273 00:11:43,515 --> 00:11:44,926 All right, good talking, guys. 274 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:45,932 - Good stuff. Yeah, I love that. - Hey, guys. 275 00:11:45,957 --> 00:11:47,086 What happened to your eye? 276 00:11:47,092 --> 00:11:49,903 You smashed me in the face, remember? 277 00:11:49,922 --> 00:11:51,171 - Right here. - That's funny. 278 00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:52,485 Seriously, what happened? 279 00:11:52,497 --> 00:11:53,921 Is your jaw okay? I bit my face. 280 00:11:53,933 --> 00:11:55,025 Oh, you know what? 281 00:11:55,042 --> 00:11:56,791 I can't even feel it. 282 00:11:56,809 --> 00:11:59,427 The doctor's got me so goofy on these painkillers, 283 00:11:59,445 --> 00:12:00,986 it's like it never happened. 284 00:12:01,013 --> 00:12:02,441 It's like it never happened. 285 00:12:02,453 --> 00:12:04,305 But I sure got a chin shiner. 286 00:12:04,309 --> 00:12:06,316 - Yeah, you do. - Right? 287 00:12:06,623 --> 00:12:07,707 So, I'll see you at Guys' Night. 288 00:12:07,725 --> 00:12:09,189 - Uh, no, no, no, you... - I don't... 289 00:12:09,201 --> 00:12:11,686 - I think you should rest. - Yeah, girl, you gotta protect that face. 290 00:12:11,710 --> 00:12:14,144 Yeah, hey, for real, you should stay home and you should rest, Jess. 291 00:12:14,162 --> 00:12:15,363 That's so sweet. 292 00:12:15,389 --> 00:12:16,365 Thanks, guys. 293 00:12:22,292 --> 00:12:23,725 What are doing out here? 294 00:12:24,538 --> 00:12:25,441 This is crazy. 295 00:12:25,466 --> 00:12:26,988 We've been standing in the ocean for two hours 296 00:12:26,994 --> 00:12:28,700 trying to steal an illegal fish. 297 00:12:28,938 --> 00:12:31,433 I don't know why you want that damn fish so bad. 298 00:12:31,591 --> 00:12:34,352 But what I do know is that it's gonna make you happy. 299 00:12:34,409 --> 00:12:35,709 And that's all I care about. 300 00:12:35,741 --> 00:12:37,063 Remember, I'm the one who shaved your shoulders 301 00:12:37,088 --> 00:12:38,476 after you got that scoop-neck sweater. 302 00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:40,757 - I appreciate it. - I'd do the same to find 303 00:12:40,775 --> 00:12:42,925 whatever it is that makes you happy. 304 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,025 You want to lose that last 55 pounds, 305 00:12:45,169 --> 00:12:46,166 I'll help you do that. 306 00:12:46,179 --> 00:12:47,641 I don't got 50 pounds to lose. 307 00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:48,982 It's very evident in this outfit. 308 00:12:49,031 --> 00:12:50,009 Right there. I see something. 309 00:12:50,032 --> 00:12:51,444 Lionfish! 310 00:12:51,662 --> 00:12:53,147 Son of a... 311 00:12:57,189 --> 00:12:58,167 - What the...? - Jellyfish! 312 00:12:58,191 --> 00:12:59,437 - What? - Jellyfish! 313 00:12:59,638 --> 00:13:00,937 - Whoa, Schmidt. - Jellyfish! 314 00:13:00,971 --> 00:13:01,920 - What happened? 315 00:13:02,757 --> 00:13:04,373 - It got me, it got me! - What do I do? 316 00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:05,689 - It got me, Winston! - What do I do? 317 00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,292 - It burns! - Okay! 318 00:13:07,297 --> 00:13:09,103 - Burns! - So what do I do? 319 00:13:09,127 --> 00:13:10,895 - I need you to pee on my face. - What? 320 00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:12,448 - You need to pee on my face. - I can't. 321 00:13:12,467 --> 00:13:14,114 It will sterilize the wound. Please do it, Winston. 322 00:13:14,132 --> 00:13:15,373 I can not pee on your face. 323 00:13:15,392 --> 00:13:16,679 I thought you were with me to the end. 324 00:13:16,690 --> 00:13:19,262 - I just peed in the ocean, so I'm all out. - You peed in the ocean? 325 00:13:19,291 --> 00:13:20,609 - Yeah, look... - Disgusting! 326 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,019 Okay, look, look, I know this is a dumb question, 327 00:13:23,206 --> 00:13:24,573 but will number two help? 328 00:13:24,946 --> 00:13:25,781 What? 329 00:13:29,902 --> 00:13:32,138 Free beers, Gorilla Bowl of nachos. 330 00:13:32,155 --> 00:13:33,959 Gonna be two dozen dollars, boys. 331 00:13:34,535 --> 00:13:37,393 Didn't realize we could make a $22 profit on nachos. 332 00:13:37,418 --> 00:13:39,774 - Guys' Night is genius. - Right? 333 00:13:39,837 --> 00:13:43,179 Hey, um, look, uh, I think you're great, 334 00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:45,400 I just, uh, I can't keep... 335 00:13:46,934 --> 00:13:50,808 I can't keep running to get cheese every time somebody orders nachos. 336 00:13:50,832 --> 00:13:52,492 I love how worked up you get over cheese. 337 00:13:52,510 --> 00:13:54,194 Get down there. Run. 338 00:13:55,583 --> 00:13:56,860 Ooh... 339 00:13:57,090 --> 00:14:00,037 who do I have to do around here to get a bucket of nachos? 340 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:01,660 Right here. Right here. How you doing? 341 00:14:01,673 --> 00:14:03,696 - I wasn't serious. - Wendell. Hi. 342 00:14:03,714 --> 00:14:05,337 - Gentlemen... - There's a really literal 343 00:14:05,375 --> 00:14:07,108 - vibe around here. - What are you doing here? 344 00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:08,704 This morning you said you weren't coming, Jess. 345 00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,748 I actually don't remember this morning at all. 346 00:14:10,785 --> 00:14:13,461 - But I would never miss this. I'm so proud of you. - Free beers! 347 00:14:13,636 --> 00:14:14,716 Free beer. 348 00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:16,097 You guys went through those! 349 00:14:16,115 --> 00:14:17,626 - Wait a minute... - More free beers. 350 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,615 Guys' Night is men drink for free? 351 00:14:20,633 --> 00:14:23,487 - Well, it's Guys' Night. - Oh. 352 00:14:23,744 --> 00:14:25,179 You know... 353 00:14:25,427 --> 00:14:26,889 I... 354 00:14:27,427 --> 00:14:29,761 it's not a really good idea. 355 00:14:30,142 --> 00:14:34,074 You know, because women won't show up, and... 356 00:14:34,619 --> 00:14:35,332 You know? 357 00:14:35,363 --> 00:14:37,117 He's our little idea man. 358 00:14:37,198 --> 00:14:39,276 - Hey... So full of ideas. 359 00:14:39,301 --> 00:14:41,668 - She just slap your ass? - Sure. She's like a... 360 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,444 she's my boss and like a coach. 361 00:14:43,613 --> 00:14:44,613 We're a team here. 362 00:14:44,625 --> 00:14:46,953 We all slap each ether's butts all the time. 363 00:14:46,965 --> 00:14:49,138 Right here! Keep up the good work! 364 00:14:49,538 --> 00:14:51,737 Why don't you go get us some ice, Big Bob? 365 00:14:52,311 --> 00:14:53,890 Just slap my butt, Big Bob. 366 00:14:53,914 --> 00:14:55,045 Show me some butt love. 367 00:14:55,063 --> 00:14:56,641 - Fire me off! - Some butt love? 368 00:14:56,659 --> 00:14:57,878 Take a slice of that. 369 00:14:57,903 --> 00:14:59,464 Oh, you got right up in there. 370 00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:00,782 Hey, hey... 371 00:15:00,853 --> 00:15:02,951 - Oh, Shane, Shane, Shane... - Wait... 372 00:15:03,892 --> 00:15:04,643 Is she...? 373 00:15:04,661 --> 00:15:05,948 - No. - Uh, yeah. 374 00:15:05,967 --> 00:15:07,457 - Are you...? - No. Yeah. Yeah. 375 00:15:07,479 --> 00:15:08,743 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're sleeping together. 376 00:15:08,762 --> 00:15:11,246 - So what? - We're all sleeping together. 377 00:15:11,295 --> 00:15:12,856 Big Bob is... 378 00:15:15,177 --> 00:15:16,292 I'm sorry, Jess. 379 00:15:16,317 --> 00:15:17,256 Why... I mean, 380 00:15:17,275 --> 00:15:18,344 why are you sorry? 381 00:15:18,362 --> 00:15:19,385 You're a free man. 382 00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:22,151 Just... you're just... you know... getting some stank on it. 383 00:15:22,163 --> 00:15:25,169 Did you really just say that to me in my own bar? 384 00:15:25,187 --> 00:15:26,619 - Nick, who is this? - Yeah, Nick, 385 00:15:26,631 --> 00:15:27,899 who am I? 386 00:15:28,180 --> 00:15:29,780 Shane, this is Jess. 387 00:15:30,635 --> 00:15:32,403 She's my, uh... 388 00:15:33,378 --> 00:15:34,146 - Yeah. - Yeah? 389 00:15:34,180 --> 00:15:34,946 Yeah. 390 00:15:35,291 --> 00:15:38,431 Hmm... my room... friend. 391 00:15:39,207 --> 00:15:42,007 I'm your "room friend," Nick? 392 00:15:42,019 --> 00:15:43,495 Jess, don't... 393 00:15:44,174 --> 00:15:45,586 I'm sleeping with Nick, too. 394 00:15:45,616 --> 00:15:47,403 You don't have to do this, Bob. 395 00:15:47,716 --> 00:15:48,816 I have to go. 396 00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:50,921 Big Bob, that was really sweet. 397 00:15:51,161 --> 00:15:53,397 Thank you, Bob! Jess, wait! 398 00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:58,927 - Hey, hey. - What are you doing here? 399 00:15:58,951 --> 00:16:00,694 He left me a voicemail from the ambulance. 400 00:16:00,712 --> 00:16:02,726 He was rambling a lot, but I brought him this. 401 00:16:02,749 --> 00:16:03,773 Whoa, where'd you get that? 402 00:16:03,799 --> 00:16:05,387 You know, one of the perks of being a model. 403 00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:07,089 You get to meet a lot of sketchy people. 404 00:16:07,107 --> 00:16:09,320 The guy who got me this also said he could get me 405 00:16:09,338 --> 00:16:12,465 a box of dolphin steaks or a mostly white baby. 406 00:16:12,497 --> 00:16:13,630 Good to know. 407 00:16:13,717 --> 00:16:14,750 How's he doing? 408 00:16:15,562 --> 00:16:16,988 Uh, hey, 409 00:16:17,064 --> 00:16:19,369 listen, I think it might be good for him 410 00:16:19,505 --> 00:16:21,285 if you just gave him some space. 411 00:16:21,717 --> 00:16:22,680 Space? 412 00:16:23,884 --> 00:16:25,608 Cece, you're getting married. 413 00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,183 It's killing him. 414 00:16:30,462 --> 00:16:31,405 - Okay. - Yeah. 415 00:16:31,428 --> 00:16:33,618 - Um, just tell him I came... - Mm-hmm. 416 00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:36,912 - ... by, or... or not. - Uh-huh. 417 00:16:39,018 --> 00:16:40,538 He's waking up. You should go. 418 00:16:40,587 --> 00:16:43,504 - Okay. - You know... roommate. 419 00:16:52,438 --> 00:16:53,639 Winston. 420 00:16:53,975 --> 00:16:55,144 Hmm? 421 00:16:56,144 --> 00:16:58,185 I just realized something. 422 00:16:58,496 --> 00:17:00,397 It was never about a fish. 423 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:02,858 It was a metaphor. 424 00:17:03,782 --> 00:17:05,045 It was about Cece. 425 00:17:05,417 --> 00:17:06,782 Don't feel bad about not seeing it. 426 00:17:06,806 --> 00:17:08,476 Look, man, it was subtle as hell. 427 00:17:08,501 --> 00:17:10,835 Oh, my God, is that a lionfish? 428 00:17:10,991 --> 00:17:12,024 Where'd that come from? 429 00:17:13,172 --> 00:17:14,423 The... The lion... the lionfish? 430 00:17:14,441 --> 00:17:16,219 You. That came from you. 431 00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:17,899 When the paramedics came, you... 432 00:17:18,031 --> 00:17:19,009 you had it in your hand. 433 00:17:19,027 --> 00:17:20,616 They were like, "Whoa, you can't get one of these." 434 00:17:20,641 --> 00:17:21,846 And I was like, "He caught it 435 00:17:21,858 --> 00:17:24,541 in a..." You did it. 436 00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:27,718 Hello, fish Cece. 437 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:29,784 Gonna put you back in the sea. 438 00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:30,951 - I'm sorry, what? - Look, Winston, 439 00:17:30,975 --> 00:17:32,626 I don't know if it was the jellyfish's venom 440 00:17:32,651 --> 00:17:34,120 or the paramedic's urine, but 441 00:17:34,134 --> 00:17:35,626 it made me realize... 442 00:17:36,944 --> 00:17:38,511 she's not mine to keep. 443 00:17:38,692 --> 00:17:40,017 She belongs out there. 444 00:17:40,035 --> 00:17:41,768 In the great, wide open ocean. 445 00:17:44,569 --> 00:17:45,512 Uh, Schmidt, 446 00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:47,000 that don't go to the ocean. 447 00:17:47,380 --> 00:17:49,351 What are you, the city planner? 448 00:17:55,276 --> 00:17:56,443 Hi. 449 00:17:59,886 --> 00:18:01,322 Well, I've got some explaining to do. 450 00:18:01,340 --> 00:18:02,759 Shut up. 451 00:18:05,458 --> 00:18:07,491 I'm really happy her name is Shane. 452 00:18:07,515 --> 00:18:08,869 - Mm... mm-hmm. - Who's next? 453 00:18:08,907 --> 00:18:09,841 Cody? 454 00:18:10,958 --> 00:18:12,791 - Tex? The sheriff? - Mm. 455 00:18:14,043 --> 00:18:15,343 Hey, Jess... 456 00:18:15,673 --> 00:18:16,840 last night, 457 00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:18,537 when you were on pills... 458 00:18:19,594 --> 00:18:20,738 you said you want me. 459 00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:21,721 Shut up. 460 00:18:21,746 --> 00:18:23,601 You put your hand in my pocket. 461 00:18:23,629 --> 00:18:25,434 - No, I didn't... - You said, "This little piggy wants to go to the market." 462 00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:26,878 - Shut up, Nick. - It's something you were 463 00:18:26,896 --> 00:18:28,598 just saying, that's fine, that's cool, 464 00:18:28,616 --> 00:18:29,998 we'll move on and not talk about it, 465 00:18:30,010 --> 00:18:32,086 but it is something that I've thought a lot about. 466 00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,586 But you were never clear about that, 467 00:18:33,618 --> 00:18:34,970 so that there were other options. 468 00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:36,927 And this little piggy ran around to different markets, 469 00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:38,713 but he didn't know. - What are you talking about? 470 00:18:38,725 --> 00:18:41,052 Do you want to have sex with me, yes or no? 471 00:18:41,083 --> 00:18:41,921 Yes! 472 00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:45,853 No! Yes! I mean, I did. 473 00:18:45,895 --> 00:18:46,946 But that was before I knew 474 00:18:46,971 --> 00:18:48,677 that you were... you were doing all that 475 00:18:48,703 --> 00:18:52,006 for your boss, so you sleep with her. - Fine, forget-forget the boss. 476 00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:54,116 Okay. Well, I just, you know, I thought it was... 477 00:18:54,143 --> 00:18:58,226 it was nice to see you actually trying at something. 478 00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,306 So... 479 00:19:00,417 --> 00:19:02,443 That's why you were more attracted to me? 480 00:19:03,049 --> 00:19:04,590 - Wait a second. - I thought it was 481 00:19:04,608 --> 00:19:06,378 - attractive that you were trying. - That's why? 482 00:19:06,406 --> 00:19:08,099 You're a frickin' gold digger, Jess. 483 00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:10,011 - What? - I think that's what you just said. 484 00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:11,595 If I were a gold digger, 485 00:19:11,605 --> 00:19:13,403 do you think I'd be interested in you? 486 00:19:13,409 --> 00:19:17,089 - I would be the worst gold digger in the world. - You're a friggin' gold digger. 487 00:19:17,113 --> 00:19:19,986 - No, I'm not, Nick. Shut up! - I'm so disappointed in you. 488 00:19:20,012 --> 00:19:22,080 I'm not a gold digger. 489 00:19:24,088 --> 00:19:25,722 Then prove it. 490 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,811 - Ow! My jaw. - What? 491 00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:47,719 - Then move your damn head. - Then kiss me like a man! 492 00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:51,910 Damn it! 493 00:19:51,922 --> 00:19:54,592 - What's wrong with your hand? - I burnt it in your damn soup. 494 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,667 - Is that what you wanted... - Well, who burns their hand in soup? 495 00:19:56,685 --> 00:19:57,953 I do! 496 00:19:58,351 --> 00:19:59,258 You're a mess! 497 00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:01,461 You are so annoying with your little shorts. 498 00:20:01,485 --> 00:20:03,536 Why are you so angry all the time? 499 00:20:03,556 --> 00:20:05,241 I told you, shut up. 500 00:20:05,253 --> 00:20:06,650 Shut up and take off your clothes right now. 501 00:20:06,656 --> 00:20:08,264 And I mean it, take off your clothes. 502 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,869 You're just chaotic. Everywhere you go. 503 00:20:10,893 --> 00:20:12,191 Stop talking! 504 00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:13,482 - Wherever you go! - You are—This is not 505 00:20:13,501 --> 00:20:15,865 the time to talk, that is the stupidest thing... 506 00:20:16,605 --> 00:20:17,804 Oh... 507 00:20:27,543 --> 00:20:29,410 I'm gonna grab some paper towels. 508 00:20:29,965 --> 00:20:32,713 An aquarium the size of a sixth grader just broke, 509 00:20:32,730 --> 00:20:34,510 and you're grabbing paper towels? 510 00:20:34,529 --> 00:20:36,444 - Yes, I'm getting paper towels. - What are you thinking? 511 00:20:36,461 --> 00:20:37,270 Okay, you know what? 512 00:20:37,288 --> 00:20:39,284 - I'm out. - You can't clean this up with paper towels. 513 00:20:39,296 --> 00:20:40,650 - I'm not... - You don't want to clean it up. 514 00:20:40,662 --> 00:20:41,844 - No, that's not what it is. - Well, you know what? 515 00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,363 - If you're not cleaning it up, - I do not want to be told... 516 00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,537 - I'm not cleaning it up. - ... what to do, by you, right this second! 517 00:20:45,561 --> 00:20:47,732 - I'm not... just 'cause I'm a woman? - That's it! I'm out! 518 00:20:47,822 --> 00:20:49,021 Please. 519 00:20:59,687 --> 00:21:01,855 - You piss me off! - This is a bad idea. 520 00:21:03,858 --> 00:21:06,513 I know you're going out into the ocean lionfish, but... 521 00:21:06,540 --> 00:21:08,353 I ever see you again, then... 522 00:21:08,472 --> 00:21:10,101 well... 523 00:21:11,810 --> 00:21:14,070 And should you meet a charming... 524 00:21:15,528 --> 00:21:18,329 physically fit, what— I don't know, whatever kind of fish 525 00:21:18,341 --> 00:21:19,729 gefilte fish come from... 526 00:21:21,011 --> 00:21:22,186 Treat him well. 527 00:21:25,204 --> 00:21:26,262 Be careful. 528 00:21:30,889 --> 00:21:32,258 You gotta be kidding me! 529 00:21:32,277 --> 00:21:33,508 - Oh, shoot. - Stay alive! 530 00:21:33,517 --> 00:21:36,208 Stay alive! Cece! 531 00:21:36,726 --> 00:21:41,726 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther