1 00:00:05,095 --> 00:00:06,693 Oh, my God! What is that? 2 00:00:06,705 --> 00:00:08,922 I don't want to hear it, okay? My mother sent it to me. 3 00:00:08,947 --> 00:00:10,052 It belonged to my father. 4 00:00:10,088 --> 00:00:11,321 We have the same exact butt. 5 00:00:11,336 --> 00:00:13,702 - What are you wearing? - What are you wearing? 6 00:00:13,727 --> 00:00:16,570 I'm dressed for my Booty Burn Boot Camp class. I know what you're thinking. 7 00:00:16,594 --> 00:00:18,802 It's not because I need it. I go to inspire the others. 8 00:00:18,851 --> 00:00:21,070 Please take that thing off. You look like a homeless pencil. 9 00:00:21,095 --> 00:00:22,681 I will not take it off. I have a pass. 10 00:00:22,693 --> 00:00:25,564 - A pass? What kind of pass? - A Dead Dad Pass. 11 00:00:25,672 --> 00:00:27,562 Which means I can do what I want when I want 12 00:00:27,580 --> 00:00:29,136 and no one can say anything about it. 13 00:00:29,153 --> 00:00:32,529 Like right now, I want to tap dance, and you, Jess, 14 00:00:32,548 --> 00:00:34,933 you cannot tell me that this isn't tap. 15 00:00:40,037 --> 00:00:41,553 Nick, that's just not tap! 16 00:00:41,565 --> 00:00:43,793 - My dad died! - I'm sorry. It's just not. 17 00:00:43,824 --> 00:00:46,838 Hey, y'all. Look at these fancy invites. 18 00:00:46,869 --> 00:00:49,694 Do you think it's to a gala event? I've always wanted to go to a gala event. 19 00:00:49,733 --> 00:00:51,914 - Yeah. - What the hell are you wearing? 20 00:00:51,957 --> 00:00:54,841 - Dead Dad Pass. - Oh, my God! It's Cece's wedding. 21 00:00:54,882 --> 00:00:55,999 Wait a minute. 22 00:00:56,316 --> 00:00:58,103 It's in three weeks? 23 00:00:58,307 --> 00:01:00,931 - She didn't tell me it was in three weeks. - Cece didn't give me a plus-one. 24 00:01:00,950 --> 00:01:02,458 How dare she not give me a plus-one. 25 00:01:02,474 --> 00:01:04,509 You can't invite an ex to a wedding and not give him 26 00:01:04,527 --> 00:01:07,437 the dignity of consolation sex. Girl better recognize. 27 00:01:07,457 --> 00:01:09,288 Schmidty gonna go get his plus-one. 28 00:01:11,118 --> 00:01:13,579 Ew, Nick, what are you doing? 29 00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:15,743 Dead Dad Pass. 30 00:01:33,275 --> 00:01:37,291 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 31 00:01:37,694 --> 00:01:40,563 I have not technically been asked to be maid of honor, 32 00:01:40,599 --> 00:01:44,523 but I am throwing Cece's surprise bachelorette party here tonight, 33 00:01:44,541 --> 00:01:46,957 and the only males invited are strippers, 34 00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:49,366 so oil up or get out, guys. 35 00:01:50,075 --> 00:01:52,194 Seriously though, this is a really big deal for her. 36 00:01:52,206 --> 00:01:54,140 Some girls plan their weddings, 37 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,100 Cece planned her bachelorette party. 38 00:01:56,133 --> 00:01:58,761 I want to have the dirtiest bachelorette party of all time. 39 00:01:58,773 --> 00:02:00,963 Then you better have it in a pigpen. 40 00:02:02,796 --> 00:02:05,508 No, I mean I want strippers and a mechanical bull 41 00:02:05,527 --> 00:02:07,262 and balloons in the shape of ding dongs, 42 00:02:07,364 --> 00:02:09,995 and I want to wear the kind of underwear that goes between your cheeks. 43 00:02:10,703 --> 00:02:12,033 I'm also gonna need your help. 44 00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:13,619 - Oh, God. We could've left. - See. You know what? 45 00:02:13,643 --> 00:02:14,798 We had ample opportunity to leave. 46 00:02:14,828 --> 00:02:16,552 - I saw it coming miles away and did nothing. - Me, too. 47 00:02:16,573 --> 00:02:19,704 No. I just need you to kidnap Shivrang so I can get Cece alone. 48 00:02:19,717 --> 00:02:21,540 Roughhouse him a little bit, drop him off in the desert 49 00:02:21,564 --> 00:02:22,911 till he don't breathe no more? 50 00:02:23,742 --> 00:02:25,326 What? 51 00:02:26,203 --> 00:02:28,209 I'm so happy you guys could come help. 52 00:02:28,271 --> 00:02:29,890 All the way from India. 53 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:35,175 Aw, look at all the ladies bonding. 54 00:02:35,426 --> 00:02:37,971 This is so exciting. You know, Grandmother 55 00:02:38,002 --> 00:02:40,560 and Ankita Auntie just couldn't wait to meet you. 56 00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:41,828 Yeah... 57 00:02:43,425 --> 00:02:44,697 Just a little overwhelmed. 58 00:02:44,722 --> 00:02:46,662 - I'm gonna take a... - I know. 59 00:02:47,392 --> 00:02:49,436 Wait, listen. Look, babe. 60 00:02:49,551 --> 00:02:50,608 Just think. 61 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:53,916 When all of this madness is over, you and I will finally get to, you know... 62 00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:56,977 What are you doing? 63 00:02:57,027 --> 00:02:59,169 - Freaking me out. - You know, make love. 64 00:02:59,188 --> 00:03:01,498 Which I am personally looking forward to greatly. 65 00:03:01,531 --> 00:03:03,492 And we'll already be married forever. 66 00:03:04,482 --> 00:03:06,326 I'll-I'll get it. 67 00:03:07,842 --> 00:03:09,897 Hello... Shivrang? What are you doing here? 68 00:03:09,928 --> 00:03:11,854 I, uh... You stole my question. 69 00:03:11,878 --> 00:03:14,790 Hi. How are you doing? My invitation didn't have a plus-one. 70 00:03:14,809 --> 00:03:16,481 If this is a mistake, I would just like an apology 71 00:03:16,506 --> 00:03:17,672 for the pain that you've caused me. 72 00:03:17,690 --> 00:03:19,549 Also reimbursement for all travel expenses. 73 00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:21,472 Not a mistake. There's no plus-one. 74 00:03:21,484 --> 00:03:23,394 - Who is this? - I'm Gérard Depardieu. 75 00:03:23,423 --> 00:03:25,155 Do you think I am, lady? I'm Schmidt. 76 00:03:25,169 --> 00:03:28,250 - Get in my room right now, Schmidt. Move. - I'm going to your room right now. 77 00:03:30,438 --> 00:03:32,494 Hey, you listen to me. That is my future family, okay? 78 00:03:32,519 --> 00:03:34,492 You cannot speak like that in front of them. 79 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,977 And, no, you cannot have a plus-one. 80 00:03:38,002 --> 00:03:39,813 This wedding has a budget. 81 00:03:39,839 --> 00:03:43,968 Plus-ones are for spouses and serious partners only. 82 00:03:43,987 --> 00:03:46,443 So you just assume that I won't have a serious partner by then? 83 00:03:46,462 --> 00:03:49,174 I know for a fact you won't, okay? You're not a relationship guy, and that is fine. 84 00:03:49,193 --> 00:03:50,706 I can do anything I put my mind to. 85 00:03:50,718 --> 00:03:52,532 I once figured out Alyssa Milano's phone number 86 00:03:52,544 --> 00:03:54,134 just by randomly choosing numbers. 87 00:03:54,175 --> 00:03:56,378 Every girl that I've ever slept with 88 00:03:56,390 --> 00:03:58,399 wants to be my girlfriend. It's just the way that it is. 89 00:03:58,423 --> 00:04:00,950 If you have a real girlfriend by the time of the wedding, 90 00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:02,825 - I will happily give you a plus-one. - Challenge accepted. 91 00:04:02,851 --> 00:04:05,256 - Not a challenge. - Time to go make some dreams come true. 92 00:04:05,274 --> 00:04:06,928 I... 93 00:04:07,050 --> 00:04:08,298 Hey, ladies. 94 00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:10,982 I just want to thank you all for coming on such short notice 95 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,684 - for Cece's last night of freedom. - Hi, models. 96 00:04:13,702 --> 00:04:15,371 - Hi. - Hi. - I'm a lawyer. 97 00:04:15,401 --> 00:04:16,331 Hi. 98 00:04:16,354 --> 00:04:18,144 I'm Sadie. I'm a lesbian. 99 00:04:18,169 --> 00:04:19,555 - Hey. - Hi. - Hi, lesbian. 100 00:04:19,567 --> 00:04:23,228 I'm 39 weeks large right now. 101 00:04:23,253 --> 00:04:25,581 I can't stand for more than 60 seconds 102 00:04:25,587 --> 00:04:29,056 but just wanted to say I'm-I'm so excited to be raging 103 00:04:29,142 --> 00:04:30,548 with you all. 104 00:04:30,581 --> 00:04:33,906 So bring on the cranberry juice, right? 105 00:04:34,014 --> 00:04:36,482 - I need this. - It's really weird. 106 00:04:36,942 --> 00:04:38,242 You're acting really weird. 107 00:04:38,276 --> 00:04:41,359 - So many models. So many. - I know. I know. 108 00:04:41,377 --> 00:04:43,259 You can look. Don't touch. 109 00:04:43,281 --> 00:04:45,518 One more thing? I am a doctor 110 00:04:45,537 --> 00:04:48,321 if anyone's got any areas they want... looked at. 111 00:04:48,337 --> 00:04:50,568 I'm fine to take a peek. That's too much. 112 00:04:50,580 --> 00:04:52,664 Don't make me call your wife. 113 00:04:52,769 --> 00:04:54,244 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 114 00:04:54,263 --> 00:04:58,008 Cece's here. Everybody assume surprise positions! 115 00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,970 She's coming. Cece'soming. 116 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,964 I don't get what's happening. 117 00:05:06,026 --> 00:05:08,916 I'm just gonna run upstairs and quickly grab a CD from Jess. 118 00:05:08,935 --> 00:05:11,944 - I'll come, too. - That's okay. I... I'll be really fast. 119 00:05:11,968 --> 00:05:13,542 I want to see what your friends are like. 120 00:05:13,567 --> 00:05:15,139 - Have fun. - Okay. 121 00:05:15,163 --> 00:05:17,999 - It's gonna be great. It's just Jess. - Okay. 122 00:05:18,757 --> 00:05:20,225 Bye. 123 00:05:20,616 --> 00:05:22,306 I-I'll be right here. 124 00:05:26,361 --> 00:05:27,728 - Hey. - Whoa. 125 00:05:27,746 --> 00:05:29,761 Hey, Nick. Sorry, I thought you were Jane Lynch. 126 00:05:29,785 --> 00:05:32,441 - Jane Lynch. Nice... nice wheels, man. - Yeah, thank you. 127 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:35,644 - I'm a bit of a car man myself. Well, you know I decided to... - Right on. Good for you. 128 00:05:35,671 --> 00:05:38,072 Too far! 129 00:05:38,090 --> 00:05:39,740 - Oh, take the car. Take the car. - Winston! 130 00:05:39,758 --> 00:05:41,876 I'm gonna beat your ass with an athletic stick, boy! 131 00:05:41,891 --> 00:05:43,917 Winston! Winston! 132 00:05:43,923 --> 00:05:46,025 Jess said to kidnap him, so that's what I'm doing. 133 00:05:46,043 --> 00:05:47,841 It's a figure of speech, you idiot. 134 00:05:47,878 --> 00:05:49,528 - You nervous? - Uh-huh. 135 00:05:50,935 --> 00:05:53,323 - Surprise! - Surprise! 136 00:05:54,088 --> 00:05:55,298 It's your bachelorette party! 137 00:05:55,317 --> 00:05:57,375 - Jess, I... - Love it? I know. 138 00:05:57,394 --> 00:05:59,086 Complete with your favorite game, 139 00:05:59,098 --> 00:06:00,915 Pin the Dong on the Shivrang! 140 00:06:01,291 --> 00:06:05,604 Pin the dong! Pin the dong! 141 00:06:05,914 --> 00:06:07,781 - Oh. Hello. - Oh. 142 00:06:07,851 --> 00:06:11,089 Um, Jess, this is Ankita-ji, 143 00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:14,511 Shivrang's aunt all the way from India. 144 00:06:14,626 --> 00:06:15,751 Hello. 145 00:06:15,764 --> 00:06:17,521 Ankita-ji, this is Jess, 146 00:06:17,552 --> 00:06:19,523 my non-blood related best friend. 147 00:06:19,739 --> 00:06:21,380 Welcome... 148 00:06:21,679 --> 00:06:23,309 to California. 149 00:06:23,748 --> 00:06:25,386 May I please use your restroom? 150 00:06:25,404 --> 00:06:26,934 I need to wash my hands. 151 00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:29,245 Yes, of course. It's down the hall. Um, also 152 00:06:29,270 --> 00:06:32,426 there's a very sexually aggressive message on the mirror 153 00:06:32,445 --> 00:06:34,209 and I apologize for that. 154 00:06:36,316 --> 00:06:38,041 Pin the dong. 155 00:06:38,097 --> 00:06:39,613 - Pin it. - I can't. 156 00:06:39,631 --> 00:06:41,785 Come on, Cece. Get the bull's-eye. 157 00:06:43,014 --> 00:06:44,707 I haven't seen Shivrang's penis. 158 00:06:48,376 --> 00:06:49,239 Oh. 159 00:06:49,257 --> 00:06:50,849 It's that small? 160 00:06:52,187 --> 00:06:54,747 You still know where it goes though. 161 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:58,633 It just hit me. 162 00:06:58,649 --> 00:07:01,249 I'm about to commit the rest of my life to a man that I have never seen naked. 163 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,353 Cece, chances are he has, like, 164 00:07:03,365 --> 00:07:06,144 a standard garden-variety penis. 165 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,922 And if we're all really honest with ourselves, 166 00:07:08,947 --> 00:07:11,430 isn't it all about the gonads? 167 00:07:11,554 --> 00:07:14,339 - Am I right, ladies? - No. - No. 168 00:07:14,389 --> 00:07:16,191 I'm trying to make her feel better. 169 00:07:16,222 --> 00:07:19,099 And Ankita cannot hear anything about this, all right? 170 00:07:19,124 --> 00:07:21,768 She will not understand. You guys have to promise 171 00:07:21,793 --> 00:07:23,997 to keep it G-rated tonight. 172 00:07:24,022 --> 00:07:26,055 Cece, you've dreamt of this party your whole life. 173 00:07:26,075 --> 00:07:28,513 - I wouldn't want to change it. — No. 174 00:07:28,932 --> 00:07:30,379 - Really? - I can't. 175 00:07:30,454 --> 00:07:32,511 - Really? - I can't. 176 00:07:34,048 --> 00:07:36,992 - Okay. - Cece, what if it looks like an old carrot? 177 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:38,836 What if it's curly? 178 00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:40,587 - Oh, God. - If he's using it right, 179 00:07:40,611 --> 00:07:43,182 no one's seeing his penis. 180 00:07:43,944 --> 00:07:46,418 Okay, I'm gonna fix this. 181 00:07:46,546 --> 00:07:49,776 So, if Jess is throwing Cece a surprise bachelorette party, 182 00:07:49,798 --> 00:07:52,235 does that make this my surprise bachelor party? 183 00:07:52,247 --> 00:07:53,865 You shut that pretty mouth of yours, Romeo, 184 00:07:53,889 --> 00:07:55,271 before I fill it with fire! 185 00:07:55,295 --> 00:07:57,546 Hey, you got to ease up, Winston. 186 00:07:58,650 --> 00:07:59,637 I got to go. 187 00:07:59,661 --> 00:08:02,602 - Oh, no, no, no. No, don't. Please. - I got a call. 188 00:08:04,739 --> 00:08:07,458 I need a picture of Shivrang's penis. 189 00:08:07,471 --> 00:08:10,760 - Dead Dad Pass! New topic! - Cece's really freaking out. 190 00:08:10,785 --> 00:08:13,424 - She hasn't seen his penis. - For the love of God, 191 00:08:13,530 --> 00:08:14,583 Dead Dad Pass. 192 00:08:14,588 --> 00:08:17,392 And I need it to scale, so please put, like, 193 00:08:17,419 --> 00:08:20,102 a nickel or a big toe 194 00:08:20,146 --> 00:08:22,982 or a golf pencil in there for reference. 195 00:08:23,009 --> 00:08:24,555 It's not gonna happen! 196 00:08:24,574 --> 00:08:26,061 One picture and you can come home. 197 00:08:26,079 --> 00:08:28,113 Give me 20 minutes. 198 00:08:28,953 --> 00:08:31,696 If you want to end this, we need to get a photo of Shivrang's penis. 199 00:08:31,861 --> 00:08:33,211 There it is. 200 00:08:33,273 --> 00:08:34,111 Cool. 201 00:08:34,132 --> 00:08:37,050 Hey, Shivrang! We're liars, man! 202 00:08:37,062 --> 00:08:41,268 We are throwing you a good old-fashioned American bachelor party! 203 00:08:41,286 --> 00:08:42,635 - Whoops! - Yeah! 204 00:08:42,654 --> 00:08:43,785 Bachelor party! 205 00:08:44,011 --> 00:08:46,014 Whoa! Whoa! Hey! What are you... 206 00:08:47,364 --> 00:08:48,595 What is wrong with you? 207 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:52,851 I know. 208 00:08:52,882 --> 00:08:54,879 Why don't we talk about some of the things 209 00:08:54,903 --> 00:08:56,572 that we love about Shivrang? 210 00:08:56,835 --> 00:08:58,286 I'll start. Um... 211 00:08:58,463 --> 00:09:00,231 he has really good taste in magazines. 212 00:09:00,245 --> 00:09:02,496 - This sucks! - Boring! 213 00:09:02,526 --> 00:09:05,544 - So lame. - Jess, let's put in the slideshow that you made for Cece. 214 00:09:05,563 --> 00:09:06,986 No, I don't think that's a good idea. 215 00:09:06,998 --> 00:09:09,483 - Yes! Time for porn cinema. - No! 216 00:09:10,305 --> 00:09:11,468 Oh, my God, no! 217 00:09:11,505 --> 00:09:14,449 - Oh... - Oh, my God. No. Guys, guys... 218 00:09:15,544 --> 00:09:17,874 How are we gonna get a picture of Shivrang's junk? 219 00:09:19,598 --> 00:09:21,328 Well, spoiler alert: 220 00:09:21,368 --> 00:09:22,993 - Women are liars. - Yeah. Yeah. 221 00:09:23,005 --> 00:09:25,098 They're supposed to want commitment, right? 222 00:09:25,513 --> 00:09:28,157 But then I offer it to them on a silver platter 223 00:09:28,181 --> 00:09:30,276 and they throw it back in my face like a comedy pie. 224 00:09:30,342 --> 00:09:32,403 I know this is awkward because we slept together, 225 00:09:32,415 --> 00:09:35,013 and I never returned any of your phone calls, 226 00:09:35,038 --> 00:09:37,308 so this might come as a shock to you, but... 227 00:09:38,032 --> 00:09:39,987 will you be my girlfriend? 228 00:09:40,185 --> 00:09:41,790 Oh, God. 229 00:09:41,876 --> 00:09:44,983 I thought you had herpes. 230 00:09:45,254 --> 00:09:48,023 But no to the girlfriend, you dick. 231 00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:52,871 Do you remember two years ago when we were watching coverage of the BP oil spill 232 00:09:52,889 --> 00:09:54,653 and doing it during the commercials 233 00:09:54,676 --> 00:09:56,665 and then you asked me if I wanted a serious relationship 234 00:09:56,685 --> 00:09:58,916 and I laughed in your face? 235 00:09:59,673 --> 00:10:01,498 Well, my new answer... 236 00:10:01,554 --> 00:10:03,271 is yes. 237 00:10:05,507 --> 00:10:06,446 Be my girlfriend! 238 00:10:09,727 --> 00:10:11,711 What's that all about? 239 00:10:13,453 --> 00:10:15,193 Cream cheese in bulk? 240 00:10:15,345 --> 00:10:17,083 I mean, it's possible that Cece's right. 241 00:10:17,108 --> 00:10:18,575 I mean, maybe I'm just not 242 00:10:18,615 --> 00:10:20,633 a serious relationship kind of guy. 243 00:10:20,651 --> 00:10:21,977 What are you talking about? 244 00:10:22,013 --> 00:10:23,938 You dated Elizabeth for, like... 245 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,555 - for years. - Yeah. 246 00:10:25,568 --> 00:10:26,944 Elizabeth? 247 00:10:27,056 --> 00:10:29,007 Yeah, but Elizabeth doesn't count. 248 00:10:29,183 --> 00:10:30,803 She was during my "Big Guy" period. 249 00:10:32,016 --> 00:10:34,421 So you like the foot rub? Softer? Harder? 250 00:10:34,439 --> 00:10:36,339 That's perfect, Big Guy. 251 00:10:36,445 --> 00:10:37,975 Look at all these little toes. 252 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,805 All my little toesies feel so good when you rub 'em, though. 253 00:10:41,699 --> 00:10:43,805 This little... this little one went to market. 254 00:10:44,082 --> 00:10:45,295 If Elizabeth doesn't count, 255 00:10:45,319 --> 00:10:47,851 then why is it seared into my brain forever? 256 00:10:47,907 --> 00:10:50,082 - You were awfully salty about that. - She counts. 257 00:10:50,106 --> 00:10:52,961 We need to make Cece jealous, and I don't think that's the route we want to take. 258 00:10:53,008 --> 00:10:54,379 Then go to the wedding alone. 259 00:10:54,391 --> 00:10:56,084 - Oh. - Well, then, go with Elizabeth. 260 00:10:56,109 --> 00:10:58,099 Great idea, Winston. I'm gonna ask Elizabeth. 261 00:10:58,124 --> 00:10:59,937 Yeah. You were of no help to me, Nick. 262 00:10:59,971 --> 00:11:01,600 That's what... my whole thing about the whole thing 263 00:11:01,625 --> 00:11:03,253 with Elizabeth was that I was also suggesting... 264 00:11:03,277 --> 00:11:05,750 - Thanks, guys. - You're an idiot, dude. - You're the worst. 265 00:11:05,810 --> 00:11:07,635 - You guys were... - How did you know we were here? 266 00:11:07,647 --> 00:11:10,156 Oh! Oh, I just couldn't decide. 267 00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:12,535 Your country's refusal to embrace Robbie Williams 268 00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:13,604 will forever baffle me. 269 00:11:13,635 --> 00:11:15,098 Well, I got to say, we're really glad 270 00:11:15,116 --> 00:11:16,876 you're back at the table with us, Shivrang. 271 00:11:16,894 --> 00:11:18,639 - Shivrung. - Let's play a classic 272 00:11:18,664 --> 00:11:20,878 - bachelor party game right now. - Mm-hmm, all right. 273 00:11:20,890 --> 00:11:23,082 - I'm gonna take a photo of my junk. - Oh, no, you're not. 274 00:11:23,104 --> 00:11:25,606 - Yeah, I am. 'Cause this is what we do in America, Shivrang. - What? 275 00:11:25,624 --> 00:11:26,855 Oh, you guys... 276 00:11:26,875 --> 00:11:29,432 - I work here. It doesn't matter. They're not gonna fire me. - Oh, okay. 277 00:11:29,462 --> 00:11:31,234 - Yeah, yeah, it's fine. - Okay. 278 00:11:31,755 --> 00:11:33,898 - That is my junk in a photo. - Yup. - Just... 279 00:11:33,929 --> 00:11:35,646 Okay. It's your turn, Shivrang. 280 00:11:35,670 --> 00:11:37,209 - Take a photo of your junk. - Oh, no. No, thanks. 281 00:11:37,236 --> 00:11:38,935 - We're all doing it. - No, it's not... Absolutely not. 282 00:11:38,947 --> 00:11:41,042 - I'm begging you. - But I will get us another round of drinks. 283 00:11:41,055 --> 00:11:42,437 - Take the photo... - Take the picture, Shivrang. 284 00:11:42,455 --> 00:11:43,942 Who fancies a shandy? 285 00:11:43,976 --> 00:11:45,985 - What the hell is that? - It's a drink. 286 00:11:46,926 --> 00:11:49,878 Two for you guys coming right up. 287 00:11:50,481 --> 00:11:52,099 Cece actually designed that toilet. 288 00:11:53,163 --> 00:11:55,339 Cece was a volunteer nurse, and, um... 289 00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:57,744 No bottoms? 290 00:11:58,564 --> 00:12:01,626 You know, what-what happens in Orlando stays in Orlando. 291 00:12:02,029 --> 00:12:04,345 Nadia, seriously, turn it off. 292 00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:08,693 Cece, is this how you like to spend time with your friends? 293 00:12:08,736 --> 00:12:10,405 Is this the kind of wife you want to be? 294 00:12:10,417 --> 00:12:12,214 No, no. It's not at all, okay? 295 00:12:12,233 --> 00:12:13,864 I didn't even know this party was happening. 296 00:12:13,876 --> 00:12:15,551 It was a surprise. 297 00:12:15,670 --> 00:12:18,382 I promise you, this is so not me. 298 00:12:18,417 --> 00:12:20,985 I didn't want any of it. 299 00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:28,795 Cece, you wanted a bachelorette party ever since I've known you. 300 00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,652 Why do you have to pretend to be somebody you're not? 301 00:12:30,671 --> 00:12:33,919 - What are you saying? - I'm just saying, this is all moving really, really fast, 302 00:12:33,931 --> 00:12:35,850 and maybe you need to get to know Shivrang a little bit more, 303 00:12:35,868 --> 00:12:38,877 and maybe you need to slow this down so he can get to know you. 304 00:12:38,904 --> 00:12:40,225 I'm getting married in three weeks. 305 00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:43,137 - Are you saying that I shouldn't get married in three weeks? - No. I'm just saying 306 00:12:43,155 --> 00:12:44,655 that maybe you should... - I knew it! I knew it! 307 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:47,536 You have been against this wedding from the beginning. 308 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:50,507 Fine! I don't think you should marry Shivrang 309 00:12:50,538 --> 00:12:53,268 if it means you have to change who you are. - 310 00:12:55,915 --> 00:12:57,997 Yeah, well, I don't need to take relationship advice 311 00:12:58,022 --> 00:12:59,877 from a girl who's in the middle of a seventh grade debacle 312 00:12:59,889 --> 00:13:01,322 with a boy across the hall! 313 00:13:01,350 --> 00:13:03,962 - Oh! - "Oh, I'm a single adult, and I kissed another 314 00:13:03,978 --> 00:13:06,241 "single adult. What's gonna happen? 315 00:13:06,260 --> 00:13:07,216 "Does Nick like me? 316 00:13:07,228 --> 00:13:08,845 "I better go pick out a party dress. 317 00:13:08,883 --> 00:13:10,945 - I wear pajama sets!" - You question 318 00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:13,409 my pajamas, you make me question our entire friendship. 319 00:13:13,421 --> 00:13:15,992 - Let's say it, Jess! - You never asked me to be your maid of honor. 320 00:13:16,011 --> 00:13:17,376 It's awful hot in here. 321 00:13:17,394 --> 00:13:19,489 Who wants to cool down with a double scoop 322 00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,042 of Alfredo? 323 00:13:21,191 --> 00:13:23,604 - Not now, Alfredo! - Seriously? 324 00:13:35,478 --> 00:13:37,746 Congratulations, Cece. 325 00:13:40,802 --> 00:13:42,963 Well, chaps, I guess we'll just have to make our own. 326 00:13:42,985 --> 00:13:45,303 But first, I have to use the bathroom. 327 00:13:45,394 --> 00:13:47,919 See you in a minute. This is fun. 328 00:13:47,945 --> 00:13:49,515 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 329 00:13:50,181 --> 00:13:51,264 Yeah. 330 00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,045 - Fire...! - Oh! 331 00:13:54,057 --> 00:13:56,038 - Real fire. This fire is real. - Fire! 332 00:13:56,050 --> 00:13:57,619 - Whoa! - What are you doing? 333 00:13:57,644 --> 00:14:00,538 - You were supposed to take the picture. - Aah! It's burning so fast! 334 00:14:00,550 --> 00:14:02,110 Go put it out! 335 00:14:02,135 --> 00:14:03,329 You... Oh! 336 00:14:03,348 --> 00:14:05,470 Look, you guys are acting really, really peculiar. 337 00:14:05,482 --> 00:14:06,338 What is going on? 338 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,427 What is going on... 339 00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:10,280 is that, uh... 340 00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:12,681 recently I've been one-half orphaned. 341 00:14:12,835 --> 00:14:15,479 - I'm sorry. - My-my dad passed away. 342 00:14:15,503 --> 00:14:18,347 - We orphans, man! - And it would mean the world 343 00:14:18,365 --> 00:14:20,500 to us— not so much— 344 00:14:20,533 --> 00:14:22,295 - if, uh... - I miss Walt so much. 345 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,892 If we can get a photo of your penis. 346 00:14:23,927 --> 00:14:25,171 Wait. What? I'm sor... 347 00:14:25,184 --> 00:14:26,999 It would help with the grieving, it would just... 348 00:14:27,011 --> 00:14:28,905 - For Walt, man. - All right, all right, enough! 349 00:14:28,930 --> 00:14:30,199 Okay. 350 00:14:30,354 --> 00:14:32,928 We need a photo for... 351 00:14:33,309 --> 00:14:34,603 for Cece. 352 00:14:34,719 --> 00:14:37,530 - Cece? - Yeah. She's freaking out 'cause she's never seen you naked. 353 00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:39,502 And she's afraid it looks all funky. 354 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,277 So just show us that it looks regular, and we all go home. 355 00:14:42,321 --> 00:14:43,955 She's freaking out? 356 00:14:44,026 --> 00:14:46,492 Look, guys, I've-I've got to go. 357 00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:48,093 I have... I have to talk to her. 358 00:14:48,118 --> 00:14:50,735 Oh, you're... We're all in the same car. Ugh! 359 00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:53,164 - You know, I'm gonna take care of this. - How are you gonna take of this? 360 00:14:53,189 --> 00:14:55,817 Crop, rotate, rotate... and send. 361 00:14:55,826 --> 00:14:57,101 - What are you doing? - I mean, this. 362 00:14:57,114 --> 00:14:58,842 - I just send a picture of your penis to Jess... - No! 363 00:14:58,867 --> 00:15:00,367 - ... and told her it was Shivrang's. - No! 364 00:15:00,389 --> 00:15:02,535 - So now, we good. - You did not just do that. 365 00:15:02,711 --> 00:15:04,145 Oh. 366 00:15:04,889 --> 00:15:07,632 - Shivrang. - What, Shivrang? Shivrang, what? 367 00:15:07,658 --> 00:15:09,435 - What? - No, nothing. It's nothing. Don't. 368 00:15:09,454 --> 00:15:11,196 - Oh, my God. - "Shivrang's Shiv"? 369 00:15:11,219 --> 00:15:13,400 You got your idiot roommates to kidnap 370 00:15:13,425 --> 00:15:15,581 - my fiancé to take a picture of his penis? - Well, you were freaking out! 371 00:15:15,612 --> 00:15:17,812 Well, see... Three more weeks of winter. 372 00:15:17,822 --> 00:15:19,129 Oh, my God. 373 00:15:19,663 --> 00:15:21,914 - What are you doing? - Get out! 374 00:15:21,938 --> 00:15:25,241 Sorry. I'm so sorry. I immediately regret that. 375 00:15:25,251 --> 00:15:27,011 - Show me! - Okay. 376 00:15:34,804 --> 00:15:38,771 You are scared because you haven't seen your future husband's manhood? 377 00:15:39,141 --> 00:15:42,494 Where I come from, women cry about this for days. 378 00:16:03,291 --> 00:16:04,572 This is real. 379 00:16:04,626 --> 00:16:06,361 This is not a dream. 380 00:16:07,510 --> 00:16:09,542 Look, I've kept off the weight. 381 00:16:09,741 --> 00:16:13,944 You knew me when action sandals were my necessary footwear. 382 00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:16,058 - What do you want? - Why do you think I want something? 383 00:16:16,077 --> 00:16:17,664 Because I dated you for four years. 384 00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:20,056 I know when you want something. What do you want? 385 00:16:20,068 --> 00:16:22,735 I would like to take you to a wedding, because I miss you so much... 386 00:16:22,754 --> 00:16:26,098 No, I can't take you seriously when you're wearing such tight pants. 387 00:16:26,429 --> 00:16:27,566 Get to the point. 388 00:16:27,605 --> 00:16:31,629 Okay, look, my model ex-girlfriend 389 00:16:31,654 --> 00:16:33,895 is getting married to some small little Indian man 390 00:16:33,914 --> 00:16:35,592 who I just don't understand. 391 00:16:35,705 --> 00:16:38,982 Okay, and I want you to pretend to be my girlfriend 392 00:16:39,013 --> 00:16:41,155 so she gets very sad, and then, breaks off the wedding, 393 00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:42,343 and then, runs away with me. 394 00:16:42,366 --> 00:16:43,694 - No. Not a chance. - No? 395 00:16:44,058 --> 00:16:45,514 Wait, wait, wait, please. 396 00:16:45,593 --> 00:16:48,056 - Elizabeth? - I'm only gonna say this once. 397 00:16:48,366 --> 00:16:50,897 You were the greatest boyfriend. 398 00:16:51,073 --> 00:16:52,704 I loved Big Guy. 399 00:16:52,808 --> 00:16:56,508 But then, you lost weight, and you got mean. 400 00:16:58,370 --> 00:17:00,139 You stopped listening to me. 401 00:17:00,161 --> 00:17:01,911 You changed completely. 402 00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:04,068 You stopped paying for my dinner. 403 00:17:05,772 --> 00:17:07,537 Elizabeth, to be fair, 404 00:17:07,553 --> 00:17:10,341 at that point, you were eating the lion's share of the food. 405 00:17:10,366 --> 00:17:12,839 And you were sitting there eating one basil leaf, 406 00:17:12,851 --> 00:17:14,750 looking like an idiot panda bear. 407 00:17:14,783 --> 00:17:18,052 - Well... - Look, I loved Big Guy 408 00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:19,590 with all my heart. 409 00:17:19,673 --> 00:17:23,679 But I have no interest in helping the guy who's standing in front of me now. 410 00:17:24,312 --> 00:17:26,226 I hate your hair. 411 00:17:27,316 --> 00:17:31,211 And I looked, and I looked, and I couldn't find it. Where is it? 412 00:17:31,323 --> 00:17:32,706 And then, I realized, 413 00:17:32,997 --> 00:17:34,680 uh-oh. 414 00:17:34,883 --> 00:17:36,396 That is not his leg. 415 00:17:40,439 --> 00:17:43,039 Oh, hey, uh, Jess, uh, please tell me... 416 00:17:43,070 --> 00:17:45,050 that nobody's looked at your photos in your phone. - Hey... 417 00:17:45,062 --> 00:17:46,308 Um... 418 00:17:46,502 --> 00:17:47,539 you're too late. 419 00:17:47,581 --> 00:17:48,625 Cece looked at it. 420 00:17:48,656 --> 00:17:50,541 We all looked at it. 421 00:17:51,541 --> 00:17:52,723 Prize hog, Shivrang. 422 00:17:52,747 --> 00:17:54,008 - Yeah... 423 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,348 - I'm so sorry they made you do it. - Oh, it's okay. 424 00:17:56,365 --> 00:17:58,472 Actually, it wasn't mine. 425 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,022 - What? Whose was it? - What? 426 00:18:00,051 --> 00:18:01,277 It was mine. 427 00:18:01,296 --> 00:18:03,368 What? No way! 428 00:18:03,393 --> 00:18:05,324 - Yeah, it was, uh... Those were my privates. - Are you serious? 429 00:18:05,349 --> 00:18:08,072 I'm serious. Give me my phone. I want it back now. 430 00:18:08,103 --> 00:18:08,991 I have a Dead Dad Pass! 431 00:18:09,008 --> 00:18:10,496 - I have a Dead Dad Pass! - No! No! It's my property! 432 00:18:10,515 --> 00:18:13,998 What is going on here? And why is Alfredo crying in the elevator? 433 00:18:14,071 --> 00:18:16,950 - Hello, Jew. - What's up, Nadia? 434 00:18:19,410 --> 00:18:20,629 It's just... 435 00:18:20,694 --> 00:18:22,900 it's just that there's so much we don't know about each other, and I... 436 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,623 It's fine. That's it. I'm showing it to you. 437 00:18:24,641 --> 00:18:26,071 I'm showing you my software. 438 00:18:26,096 --> 00:18:27,908 No, no, no! No, no! 439 00:18:27,934 --> 00:18:29,344 - It's called hardware, Jack. - Yeah. 440 00:18:29,362 --> 00:18:30,963 If it run, I catch it. 441 00:18:30,982 --> 00:18:32,351 I mean, I don't want to see it. I do. 442 00:18:32,369 --> 00:18:34,949 - Okay. - But not-not... not here. 443 00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:37,102 I'm sorry. 444 00:18:37,252 --> 00:18:39,174 It's just, you know, I-I... 445 00:18:39,192 --> 00:18:40,949 Sometimes it feels like we're just moving so fast, 446 00:18:40,955 --> 00:18:43,204 and I feel crazy that we're just... 447 00:18:43,507 --> 00:18:46,176 jumping in blindly. 448 00:18:46,978 --> 00:18:49,763 But maybe that's what makes this special. 449 00:18:50,687 --> 00:18:53,114 It's just a real leap of faith, Shivrang. 450 00:18:53,528 --> 00:18:55,660 Yeah, uh, but look, the first thing 451 00:18:55,678 --> 00:18:57,598 that you need to know about me is 452 00:18:57,617 --> 00:19:00,689 that it's actually pronounced Shivrung. 453 00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:03,395 - I don't know how to pronounce your name? - No, no. 454 00:19:03,407 --> 00:19:05,228 You were just so pretty, I didn't want to correct you. 455 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,776 But look, the most important thing is that I am gonna do my best 456 00:19:08,788 --> 00:19:11,905 to make you the happiest woman on the face of the earth. 457 00:19:19,761 --> 00:19:21,979 Shavvy's getting nasty. 458 00:19:22,688 --> 00:19:24,105 Shavvy a dog. 459 00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:25,304 Shavvy? 460 00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:26,742 We're friends now. 461 00:19:26,813 --> 00:19:28,480 Dead Dad Pass. 462 00:19:32,827 --> 00:19:33,834 Hey. 463 00:19:35,029 --> 00:19:36,947 Look, Cece... 464 00:19:37,164 --> 00:19:38,745 I just wanted to say that 465 00:19:38,757 --> 00:19:41,004 if I was ever selfish in our relationship... 466 00:19:41,023 --> 00:19:44,233 What do you mean, "if," and what do you mean, "relationship"? 467 00:19:44,598 --> 00:19:47,098 That's fair. Um... 468 00:19:47,344 --> 00:19:49,418 if I was... 469 00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,887 I sincerely apologize. 470 00:19:52,251 --> 00:19:55,775 So, challenge unaccepted. I don't want a plus-one. 471 00:19:57,188 --> 00:19:58,764 I'm really happy for you. 472 00:19:58,799 --> 00:20:00,458 Thank you. 473 00:20:04,672 --> 00:20:06,024 Good night, Schmidt. 474 00:20:06,076 --> 00:20:07,766 Schmidty out. 475 00:20:09,002 --> 00:20:10,015 - Hey. - Hey. 476 00:20:10,027 --> 00:20:12,635 I just want to say, um, I'm really sorry about... 477 00:20:12,654 --> 00:20:15,175 No. I'm-I'm... I'm sorry. 478 00:20:15,825 --> 00:20:17,059 And there's, uh... 479 00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,510 There's something I've been wanting to ask you. 480 00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:23,182 It's not traditional in Indian weddings to have a maid of honor, but... 481 00:20:23,970 --> 00:20:26,471 I would really love it if you would be mine. 482 00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:29,382 Yeah. I mean, I don't know... 483 00:20:29,413 --> 00:20:30,648 What? 484 00:20:30,712 --> 00:20:34,832 Yes! Oh, my God, thank you so much for asking me! 485 00:20:37,214 --> 00:20:39,802 I paid. All yours, no judgments. 486 00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:41,213 Why'd you come back, Schmidt? 487 00:20:41,231 --> 00:20:42,797 The Big Guy is... 488 00:20:42,843 --> 00:20:45,606 Well, he's still somewhere inside this... 489 00:20:46,384 --> 00:20:48,072 perfect body. 490 00:20:48,312 --> 00:20:50,515 He needs you to coax him out a little bit. 491 00:20:50,596 --> 00:20:52,393 Please tell him what to do next. 492 00:20:52,494 --> 00:20:53,574 Eat the pizza. 493 00:20:53,630 --> 00:20:55,413 Eat all the pizza... 494 00:20:55,567 --> 00:20:58,068 while I watch... right now. 495 00:20:59,786 --> 00:21:01,238 Okay. 496 00:21:03,013 --> 00:21:04,811 Oh. It's so greasy. 497 00:21:05,068 --> 00:21:06,489 So many carbs. 498 00:21:07,388 --> 00:21:09,609 Hey guys... Oh boy. 499 00:21:11,335 --> 00:21:14,137 Welcome home, melted cheese. 500 00:21:14,546 --> 00:21:16,221 Oh. 501 00:21:20,103 --> 00:21:22,462 I don't even know what pepperoni's made of. 502 00:21:22,730 --> 00:21:24,483 It's so good. 503 00:21:24,853 --> 00:21:26,572 Is that your happy dance, big boy? 504 00:21:26,591 --> 00:21:28,239 I love it. 505 00:21:28,677 --> 00:21:30,745 - Oh, there he is. - Yup. 506 00:21:30,776 --> 00:21:32,528 There's my big guy. 507 00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:34,785 It's like waking up from a bad salad dream. 508 00:21:36,993 --> 00:21:41,993 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther