1 00:00:01,354 --> 00:00:03,190 Previously on New Girl… 2 00:00:03,273 --> 00:00:04,691 We're at a wedding together. 3 00:00:04,775 --> 00:00:06,169 Guys, guys, shut and listen to me 4 00:00:06,193 --> 00:00:07,587 it's Cece. She doesn't want to get married. 5 00:00:07,611 --> 00:00:10,113 I'm sorry, everyone, but I can't do this. 6 00:00:10,197 --> 00:00:11,948 What I want is to be with someone else. 7 00:00:12,032 --> 00:00:14,117 Are you in love with her or are you in love with me? 8 00:00:14,201 --> 00:00:15,202 You have to decide. 9 00:00:17,412 --> 00:00:19,706 We tried. We had one night. 10 00:00:19,956 --> 00:00:22,125 - Okay, what happened with Jess? - We called it. 11 00:00:22,209 --> 00:00:24,544 Yeah, when things get messy you just run away. 12 00:00:24,628 --> 00:00:26,671 I know you think we should call it. 13 00:00:26,922 --> 00:00:29,841 But I don't want to give up on this. 14 00:00:47,067 --> 00:00:50,403 You know what? I gotta say, Jess, I really like you. 15 00:00:50,487 --> 00:00:52,247 I really, really like you. I really like you. 16 00:00:52,322 --> 00:00:54,074 - I do! - I can't believe this is happening. 17 00:00:54,157 --> 00:00:55,968 I know! I can't believe it either. It's crazy, but it's happening. 18 00:00:55,992 --> 00:00:57,869 It's crazy. I like you so much. 19 00:00:57,953 --> 00:00:59,454 - Yeah, I like you so much. - Like… 20 00:00:59,538 --> 00:01:01,289 Yeah. I'm just… 21 00:01:01,373 --> 00:01:02,624 - What? - I'm in. 22 00:01:02,707 --> 00:01:03,708 - I'm in. - You know? 23 00:01:03,792 --> 00:01:05,043 I'm… 24 00:01:05,127 --> 00:01:06,628 - I'm just all in. - I'm all in. 25 00:01:06,711 --> 00:01:08,046 I'm, like, weirdly all in. 26 00:01:08,130 --> 00:01:09,172 - Hey, Nick… - What? 27 00:01:09,381 --> 00:01:10,423 Pull over. 28 00:01:13,510 --> 00:01:15,220 Well, that was fun. 29 00:01:15,303 --> 00:01:16,763 We finally broke in the Volvo. 30 00:01:16,847 --> 00:01:18,598 Oh, my. 31 00:01:24,062 --> 00:01:25,772 What's next? What do we do now? 32 00:01:25,856 --> 00:01:28,650 I'm really fighting the urge to buy you a lobster dinner. 33 00:01:31,528 --> 00:01:33,196 Do we just go home? 34 00:01:42,789 --> 00:01:44,725 You know, I mean, just how is it actually gonna work? 35 00:01:44,749 --> 00:01:46,668 - Yeah. - We've only been dating for 30 minutes 36 00:01:46,751 --> 00:01:48,378 and we're already living together. 37 00:01:48,462 --> 00:01:50,565 What if you get tired of me, and you have nowhere to go 38 00:01:50,589 --> 00:01:52,692 because we're roommates, and so you have to sleep in your car 39 00:01:52,716 --> 00:01:54,610 - 'cause you just want to go… - Hey. Stop. That's not gonna happen. 40 00:01:54,634 --> 00:01:57,154 I've wanted this for so long. I don't want anything to go wrong. 41 00:01:58,847 --> 00:02:01,433 Oh, it's Schmidt. He's freaking out about Cece. 42 00:02:01,516 --> 00:02:03,244 - He doesn't need to reach you. - I know, but I feel… 43 00:02:03,268 --> 00:02:04,871 You know what? You're right. I'm gonna ignore it for now. 44 00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:06,497 - It's all about us right now. - It's… yeah, yeah. 45 00:02:08,857 --> 00:02:11,109 It's Schmidt. He wants to know where you are. 46 00:02:11,193 --> 00:02:12,837 He texted you to ask where I am? Yeah, I… 47 00:02:12,861 --> 00:02:14,112 That's… ugh. 48 00:02:14,196 --> 00:02:15,906 He just texted I'm a bad friend. 49 00:02:16,323 --> 00:02:18,950 - You know what that is? - Either male genitalia, 50 00:02:19,034 --> 00:02:20,619 or a really big thumbs down. 51 00:02:20,702 --> 00:02:23,097 - Why would he send me male genitalia? - Why can't he talk to Winston? 52 00:02:23,121 --> 00:02:24,891 Well, without me, they get so weird and they fight all the time. 53 00:02:24,915 --> 00:02:26,333 This is what I'm talk… 54 00:02:26,416 --> 00:02:28,585 How many times a day does Schmidt text you? 55 00:02:28,668 --> 00:02:29,920 I don't know, I'll just say 40. 56 00:02:30,337 --> 00:02:31,713 How… 57 00:02:32,088 --> 00:02:33,524 See, this is what I'm talking about. 58 00:02:33,548 --> 00:02:35,634 I feel like we need time alone, 59 00:02:35,717 --> 00:02:37,552 so we can figure out what this is. 60 00:02:37,636 --> 00:02:38,637 Yes. 61 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:39,721 This is what I want. 62 00:02:39,805 --> 00:02:41,807 I want to be with you alone, without anybody else. 63 00:02:41,890 --> 00:02:44,184 - Just you and… - Ugh. Where have you been? 64 00:02:44,267 --> 00:02:45,507 I'm having a major life crisis, 65 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:46,954 and you guys are, what? Just driving around, 66 00:02:46,978 --> 00:02:49,098 French-kissing each other like a couple Dutch hookers? 67 00:02:49,231 --> 00:02:50,625 What is that, Nick? Is that a hickey? 68 00:02:50,649 --> 00:02:52,400 - Disgusting! - Hey, you guys. 69 00:02:52,484 --> 00:02:54,402 Um, I've been doing a lot of thinking. 70 00:02:54,486 --> 00:02:56,404 Now, I know everyone's going through a lot, 71 00:02:56,488 --> 00:02:58,907 but I think it is time for me to start a puzzle. 72 00:02:58,990 --> 00:03:00,033 - A puzzle? - No, it isn't. 73 00:03:00,117 --> 00:03:01,761 What is going on with you two? Are you, like, a couple now? 74 00:03:01,785 --> 00:03:04,538 Have you thought any of this through? Nick, please help me, okay? 75 00:03:04,621 --> 00:03:06,140 Stop being so selfish and just help me. 76 00:03:06,164 --> 00:03:07,958 Okay, you know what? Give me one minute, 77 00:03:08,041 --> 00:03:09,727 - I'll be right inside. - We'll be right in. 78 00:03:09,751 --> 00:03:11,229 - We just got to figure something out. - Yeah. 79 00:03:11,253 --> 00:03:12,855 - All right! - Thanks, man. It's a real puzzle. 80 00:03:12,879 --> 00:03:14,565 - The gang's back. - Yeah, yeah… We'll be right in. 81 00:03:14,589 --> 00:03:16,150 - Yeah, good-bye, guys. - We love you guys. 82 00:03:16,174 --> 00:03:17,425 Run! 83 00:03:17,759 --> 00:03:19,177 Who's that girl? 84 00:03:19,261 --> 00:03:21,346 Who's that girl? It's Jess. 85 00:03:26,351 --> 00:03:29,396 Well, Winston, after 25 unanswered text messages 86 00:03:29,479 --> 00:03:32,232 to Nick and Jess this morning, I finally received a response. 87 00:03:32,691 --> 00:03:35,485 A smiley face. This leaves us with one choice, 88 00:03:36,194 --> 00:03:37,988 - to become best friends. - Huh? Yeah, fine. 89 00:03:38,488 --> 00:03:39,948 For… Okay, great. 90 00:03:40,031 --> 00:03:43,231 Now, as my best friend, I expect you to be willing to sacrifice everything for me 91 00:03:43,285 --> 00:03:44,965 at a moment's notice, including, of course, 92 00:03:44,995 --> 00:03:46,305 unfortunately for you, your dignity. 93 00:03:46,329 --> 00:03:48,457 - Yeah, fine. - Winston, what can I do for you? 94 00:03:48,540 --> 00:03:50,260 Don't talk to me that much, never lie to me, 95 00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:52,294 and never, ever touch my puzzle. 96 00:03:52,377 --> 00:03:54,004 Winston, do we… do we think now 97 00:03:54,087 --> 00:03:56,007 is really the right time to be starting a puzzle? 98 00:03:56,047 --> 00:03:58,300 - I'm great at puzzles. - You're a born puzzler, Winston, 99 00:03:58,383 --> 00:04:00,051 sure, um, but 100 00:04:00,927 --> 00:04:02,387 don't you agree that sometimes, 101 00:04:02,471 --> 00:04:04,198 when you start puzzles, you get a little bit weird? 102 00:04:04,222 --> 00:04:06,975 And, I don't know, intense? 103 00:04:07,058 --> 00:04:08,518 Spend a lot of time humming. 104 00:04:09,352 --> 00:04:12,689 - Also spend a lot of time naked. - I'm gonna do you, puzzle! 105 00:04:12,773 --> 00:04:14,983 Right on the table. As nasty as you want to be. 106 00:04:15,066 --> 00:04:16,294 Hey, Schmidt, what do you think it's gonna look like? 107 00:04:16,318 --> 00:04:17,837 - What do I think it's going to look like? - Yeah, the puzzle. 108 00:04:17,861 --> 00:04:19,321 Winston, it's on the box. 109 00:04:19,988 --> 00:04:22,824 The… the picture's on the box. It's a Japanese garden! 110 00:04:22,908 --> 00:04:24,618 Schmidt, calm down. What is your problem? 111 00:04:26,745 --> 00:04:28,205 Two women are in love with me. 112 00:04:28,497 --> 00:04:30,183 The problem is, is I'm in love with both of them. 113 00:04:30,207 --> 00:04:31,893 Okay, looks like you're gonna have to choose. 114 00:04:31,917 --> 00:04:36,213 Cece and I, we have this connection. You know, it's physical… it's unhealthy. 115 00:04:36,296 --> 00:04:37,690 Look, I don't want to get too graphic with you, 116 00:04:37,714 --> 00:04:39,216 but I'm not just the plug with her. 117 00:04:39,841 --> 00:04:40,842 I'm also a socket. 118 00:04:41,384 --> 00:04:43,136 God… okay, fine. 119 00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:44,805 - Schmidt, choose Cece. - Yeah, but… 120 00:04:45,096 --> 00:04:46,936 - I was dating Elizabeth first, so… - Mm-hmm. 121 00:04:47,599 --> 00:04:49,744 Wait a minute, Winston… I was dating Elizabeth first. 122 00:04:49,768 --> 00:04:51,662 - Look, you want to know what I think? - No, I don't. Done. 123 00:04:51,686 --> 00:04:55,398 Decided. Ha! Cece, out. I was dating Elizabeth first. 124 00:04:55,482 --> 00:04:57,460 - My man! Way to talk that out. - Yeah. Talk it out. 125 00:04:57,484 --> 00:04:58,684 - Best friends. - Best friends. 126 00:04:59,111 --> 00:05:01,631 - This is gonna work out, man. - Yeah, it's gonna work out, man. 127 00:05:05,659 --> 00:05:07,285 Puzzling. 128 00:05:07,577 --> 00:05:10,705 Winston is about To do some puzzling. 129 00:05:10,789 --> 00:05:14,167 About to get into Some puzzle troubling. 130 00:05:15,127 --> 00:05:19,131 So, in conclusion, it's a… you know, it's a very difficult decision 131 00:05:19,214 --> 00:05:22,259 that I've had to… that, you know, that you guys have put me in, here, 132 00:05:22,342 --> 00:05:25,095 - but I just… I'm gonna be candid. - I've been up for 24 hours. 133 00:05:25,178 --> 00:05:28,306 I have to return all of these gifts. So just say it. 134 00:05:28,807 --> 00:05:29,975 You don't want to be with me. 135 00:05:34,813 --> 00:05:36,565 Wh… huh? 136 00:05:39,192 --> 00:05:41,570 Look… look at that. I just looked down and I thought, 137 00:05:41,653 --> 00:05:44,281 "This girl must be wearing sneakers with shoelaces," 138 00:05:44,364 --> 00:05:46,408 "and those shoelaces must be tied together," 139 00:05:46,491 --> 00:05:49,578 "because this girl is straight trippin', yo." 140 00:05:49,744 --> 00:05:51,705 - What? - Of course I want to be with you. 141 00:05:57,502 --> 00:05:59,379 But I feel so terrible for Elizabeth. 142 00:05:59,546 --> 00:06:00,839 How did she take it? 143 00:06:03,258 --> 00:06:06,094 Sh… She took it. 144 00:06:06,261 --> 00:06:08,430 In the marketplace of ideas, where 145 00:06:09,055 --> 00:06:10,390 culture is king, 146 00:06:10,724 --> 00:06:12,726 and data moves faster than people, 147 00:06:12,809 --> 00:06:15,079 where scalable opportunities come from turnkey solutions… 148 00:06:15,103 --> 00:06:17,481 What are you trying to say, Schmidt? Is it over? 149 00:06:18,940 --> 00:06:20,817 No… no. 150 00:06:21,234 --> 00:06:22,986 As if. 151 00:06:23,236 --> 00:06:24,881 Of course I picked you, it wasn't even close. 152 00:06:24,905 --> 00:06:26,573 Come here, you crazy white girl. 153 00:06:30,410 --> 00:06:31,411 There it is. 154 00:06:32,162 --> 00:06:33,163 Poor Cece. 155 00:06:33,246 --> 00:06:35,290 Uh, yeah, okay. 156 00:06:35,582 --> 00:06:37,709 Oh… 157 00:06:38,502 --> 00:06:40,921 Huh. I fell asleep. 158 00:06:41,004 --> 00:06:42,881 How long have you been driving? 159 00:06:45,926 --> 00:06:49,137 Those cops look like they're about 15 and they have huge guns. 160 00:06:50,055 --> 00:06:51,932 Jess, are we in Mexico? 161 00:06:53,350 --> 00:06:55,727 - All in! - We're in Mexico! 162 00:06:55,811 --> 00:06:58,647 Oh, my God, pull over! That pinata's shaped like a monkey! 163 00:07:02,025 --> 00:07:04,486 You know what? It's gonna be weird going back to having sex 164 00:07:04,569 --> 00:07:07,823 without a bunch of feral dogs watching. 165 00:07:07,989 --> 00:07:10,617 Why am I not hungry? I should be hungry. 166 00:07:10,867 --> 00:07:14,162 Remember when we lived in that loft, and, like, we had all those problems? 167 00:07:14,246 --> 00:07:16,957 Yeah. 168 00:07:21,086 --> 00:07:22,504 All in! 169 00:07:23,547 --> 00:07:24,756 Voice mail? 170 00:07:25,674 --> 00:07:28,510 Again? Where have you been? It's been four days, man. 171 00:07:28,927 --> 00:07:31,127 Have you really been doing it with Jess this whole time? 172 00:07:31,179 --> 00:07:32,472 That's disgusting. 173 00:07:33,890 --> 00:07:36,434 Nick, I did something really wrong, and, uh… 174 00:07:37,310 --> 00:07:40,063 I just… I need to talk to you. I need to talk to my friend. 175 00:07:40,439 --> 00:07:41,440 Come home. 176 00:07:45,277 --> 00:07:46,695 Yeah, I should try him again. 177 00:07:47,446 --> 00:07:49,573 Dial best friend… one. 178 00:07:52,951 --> 00:07:55,162 Let's stay here. We're totally out of money. 179 00:07:55,245 --> 00:07:57,432 - We got this great setup. - No, this is not gonna last long. 180 00:07:57,456 --> 00:08:01,042 - It's not gonna last long. It isn't. - This is a badly built shelter. 181 00:08:02,461 --> 00:08:03,587 We'll go right there. 182 00:08:04,087 --> 00:08:05,767 How hard could that place be to sneak into? 183 00:08:05,839 --> 00:08:08,717 - You all in? - Nick, this has been fun, but… 184 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,928 Okay, look, everything that's bad is waiting for us back in the loft. 185 00:08:12,220 --> 00:08:14,681 But here? I'm Paradise Nick. 186 00:08:14,973 --> 00:08:17,476 And Paradise Nick is mega-chill. 187 00:08:17,559 --> 00:08:19,559 - Paradise Jess. - And you're Paradise Jess, right? 188 00:08:19,686 --> 00:08:21,646 We can make food and just… 189 00:08:26,151 --> 00:08:27,486 - All in. - All in. 190 00:08:30,489 --> 00:08:33,033 It don't work like that. If you… uh… 191 00:08:34,951 --> 00:08:37,722 - Hey, man, how'd she take it? - Devastated. I'm sure glad that's settled. 192 00:08:37,746 --> 00:08:39,786 - Hey, man, I'm gonna go shower. - I'm proud of you. 193 00:08:39,873 --> 00:08:41,291 I know it must have been tough. 194 00:08:42,125 --> 00:08:44,406 Hey, Schmidt, who do you call if puzzle pieces are broken? 195 00:08:44,878 --> 00:08:46,880 Oh. Hey, Winston. Is, uh, is Schmidt home? 196 00:08:46,963 --> 00:08:47,964 Cece. 197 00:08:48,715 --> 00:08:50,759 Oh, my goodness. Hi. 198 00:08:51,551 --> 00:08:52,594 Do you need a hug? 199 00:08:53,136 --> 00:08:54,221 All right. 200 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,063 Is Schmidt even here, Winston? 201 00:09:04,564 --> 00:09:08,360 Yeah. Yeah, he's in the shower. Um… Cece, I just want to say, 202 00:09:08,693 --> 00:09:12,072 - on my end, that I am so, so sorry. - Sorry about what? 203 00:09:12,155 --> 00:09:15,492 - You know, uh… Elizabeth. - Well, what about Elizabeth? 204 00:09:15,575 --> 00:09:16,993 He made love to her. 205 00:09:18,537 --> 00:09:20,997 Winston made love to Elizabeth. 206 00:09:24,793 --> 00:09:28,130 After I chose you, Winston was all too quick, 207 00:09:28,213 --> 00:09:29,673 in Elizabeth's vulnerable state, 208 00:09:29,756 --> 00:09:32,050 to rush in there and just get his jollies off. 209 00:09:32,134 --> 00:09:36,596 - His sweaty, disgusting jollies. - Seriously? 210 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,098 I mean, she must have just been 211 00:09:38,181 --> 00:09:39,492 so upset and hurt… I mean, I didn't even know 212 00:09:39,516 --> 00:09:40,934 you were interested in her. 213 00:09:41,017 --> 00:09:43,562 Tell her what you did, Winston, and give her the short version, 214 00:09:43,645 --> 00:09:45,439 which you did not give to Elizabeth. 215 00:09:45,772 --> 00:09:46,773 Wha… 216 00:09:46,857 --> 00:09:48,567 What I did… um… 217 00:09:49,276 --> 00:09:52,154 Okay, well, I drove over there 218 00:09:53,697 --> 00:09:54,698 to seduce her. 219 00:09:56,199 --> 00:09:57,993 And I seduced her 220 00:09:59,035 --> 00:10:00,579 two and a half times. 221 00:10:02,414 --> 00:10:05,083 Puzzle me this, then, Winston 222 00:10:05,584 --> 00:10:06,784 how do you live with yourself? 223 00:10:06,835 --> 00:10:11,548 I have a bit of a hard time believing that Winston would do this. 224 00:10:11,631 --> 00:10:13,550 Well, then, you obviously don't know Winston, 225 00:10:13,633 --> 00:10:16,136 'cause he's a sick, disgusting human being. 226 00:10:16,219 --> 00:10:19,473 Just this morning he asked me for a pair of your underpants. 227 00:10:20,098 --> 00:10:21,349 - Winston? - Hmm? 228 00:10:21,433 --> 00:10:22,601 Is that true? 229 00:10:27,314 --> 00:10:28,398 Yes. 230 00:10:29,608 --> 00:10:33,612 I needed your underwear to 231 00:10:33,695 --> 00:10:36,364 sew into my underwear. 232 00:10:36,698 --> 00:10:38,867 Oh… my… 233 00:10:38,950 --> 00:10:39,951 God. 234 00:10:40,035 --> 00:10:42,245 That is disgusting! You are a pervert! 235 00:10:42,329 --> 00:10:44,289 Oh, I'm so sorry, Cece. Just wait in the car. 236 00:10:44,372 --> 00:10:46,392 You don't have to deal with this disgusting trash person, 237 00:10:46,416 --> 00:10:48,084 - garbage child! - Freak! 238 00:10:52,923 --> 00:10:56,134 You're upset. As you should be. Oh, but that was great, man. 239 00:10:56,218 --> 00:10:58,637 - How long as this been going on, man? - Four days. 240 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,181 Four days, and you didn't tell me? Come on, Schmidt! 241 00:11:01,264 --> 00:11:04,184 - I said, "Don't lie to me." - I'm sorry. All right? 242 00:11:04,267 --> 00:11:06,078 I love both of these women and I couldn't decide. 243 00:11:06,102 --> 00:11:07,342 I needed to buy some more time. 244 00:11:07,395 --> 00:11:08,956 Cece thinks I'm wearing her panties right now! 245 00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:11,060 Well, that's on you, man! You freaked out super hard! 246 00:11:11,191 --> 00:11:13,110 Y-You kidding me? That's so weird. 247 00:11:13,485 --> 00:11:17,030 - Sewing people's panties into underpants. - Look, we're not best friends, Schmidt. 248 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,407 As a matter of fact, we're not friends at all 249 00:11:20,242 --> 00:11:21,284 until you fix this. 250 00:11:21,701 --> 00:11:23,120 Okay, all right, look. 251 00:11:23,411 --> 00:11:24,955 Winston, I'm sorry, man. 252 00:11:25,163 --> 00:11:28,083 W-Winston, you've been working on this puzzle for quite some time now. 253 00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:30,710 You realize a lot of those puzzle pieces are upside down, right? 254 00:11:30,877 --> 00:11:32,237 It's just they're cardboard color. 255 00:11:32,671 --> 00:11:35,632 Is that an almond that you have inserted into one of the pieces? 256 00:11:35,924 --> 00:11:37,360 Are you just eating them, or are you using them as pieces? 257 00:11:37,384 --> 00:11:39,511 You know that's an almond, right? 258 00:11:40,053 --> 00:11:41,221 Schmidt, come here! 259 00:11:47,352 --> 00:11:48,395 Free cocktails. 260 00:11:48,478 --> 00:11:50,522 - No way! - Yeah, fitting right in. 261 00:11:51,982 --> 00:11:53,191 - Oh, my God. - What? 262 00:11:53,275 --> 00:11:54,276 Security guard. Freeze. 263 00:11:54,359 --> 00:11:55,586 Okay, don't freeze. That looks weird. 264 00:11:55,610 --> 00:11:56,921 Did he notice you? Of course he noticed you. 265 00:11:56,945 --> 00:11:58,172 You're the prettiest girl on the damn beach. 266 00:11:58,196 --> 00:11:59,948 - Aw, so sweet. - Shut up. 267 00:12:00,031 --> 00:12:01,759 We need one of these bracelets right away, Jess. 268 00:12:01,783 --> 00:12:02,826 - Bracelet. - Yeah. 269 00:12:03,535 --> 00:12:05,370 Oh, hey! Hey… 270 00:12:05,454 --> 00:12:09,499 Hey, pal. That's a really cool bracelet. Do you think I could try it on? 271 00:12:10,083 --> 00:12:12,002 - No. - Listen, okay? 272 00:12:12,085 --> 00:12:14,125 Will you lean in here for a second and listen to me? 273 00:12:14,379 --> 00:12:16,566 One day, you're gonna meet a girl, you're gonna really like her, 274 00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:18,151 and you're gonna want to give her everything, 275 00:12:18,175 --> 00:12:21,553 but you won't be able to afford it because your life's kind of in shambles 276 00:12:21,636 --> 00:12:22,804 and you don't have money. 277 00:12:24,014 --> 00:12:25,854 Look at you, kid, you got a great-looking face. 278 00:12:25,932 --> 00:12:27,410 I don't know, you might have a tough go of it. 279 00:12:27,434 --> 00:12:29,019 What do I know? Just promise me this, 280 00:12:29,478 --> 00:12:31,598 Promise me you're gonna try to enjoy your life as much 281 00:12:31,646 --> 00:12:34,126 as you can, 'cause one day you're gonna be dead, and, you know. 282 00:12:34,232 --> 00:12:36,818 - Can I have your bracelet, for real? - No. 283 00:12:36,943 --> 00:12:39,583 If you don't give me the bracelet, I'm gonna strangle you to death. 284 00:12:42,491 --> 00:12:43,867 - Thanks, buddy. - Not cool. 285 00:12:43,950 --> 00:12:46,220 But it worked, okay? We got the bracelet, so now we're back in action. 286 00:12:46,244 --> 00:12:47,496 - Hola. - Hola. 287 00:12:47,788 --> 00:12:49,998 - Can I see your bracelets, por favor? - Yes. 288 00:12:50,332 --> 00:12:51,708 Looks pretty on her, right? 289 00:12:52,709 --> 00:12:53,960 Senor? 290 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:56,171 - Run! - No! 291 00:12:57,547 --> 00:12:59,549 I don't speak Spanish, you snake! 292 00:12:59,633 --> 00:13:02,010 What are you gonna do? I'm in the ocean now! 293 00:13:02,093 --> 00:13:04,304 I'm in international waters! 294 00:13:05,764 --> 00:13:06,765 I've got a shell. 295 00:13:06,848 --> 00:13:08,326 Let's just go. Let's just get out of here. 296 00:13:08,350 --> 00:13:09,684 - Point Break style? - No, no, no! 297 00:13:09,768 --> 00:13:12,646 - I will Point Break style this moment! - Nick, let's go! 298 00:13:13,271 --> 00:13:14,481 Nick, stop! 299 00:13:15,482 --> 00:13:16,858 Aah! Ow! 300 00:13:18,276 --> 00:13:22,656 - Ow! Ow, that hurt! - Wait! Where are you taking him? 301 00:13:23,448 --> 00:13:24,908 - Jail. - Aah! 302 00:13:33,041 --> 00:13:34,417 Truce, okay? 303 00:13:36,711 --> 00:13:40,257 Winston, please, come on… Talk to me. I… 304 00:13:41,174 --> 00:13:42,592 I need a friend right now. 305 00:13:42,801 --> 00:13:44,427 I love both of these women, 306 00:13:44,511 --> 00:13:48,056 and I can't lose them, and I can't… hurt them. 307 00:13:49,182 --> 00:13:52,853 - And we made a pact! - No. You lied to me. You're a liar. 308 00:13:52,936 --> 00:13:54,789 Okay, well, then would you like some truth, Winston? 309 00:13:54,813 --> 00:13:57,649 Here's some truth for you, okay? You're terrible at puzzles. 310 00:13:57,816 --> 00:14:00,986 Worst I've ever seen by a mile. What, do you have fly vision? 311 00:14:01,069 --> 00:14:03,738 Look at this puzzle. It's ages six and up. 312 00:14:03,822 --> 00:14:05,949 You are up, Winston. You are way up! 313 00:14:06,032 --> 00:14:08,752 - You want to say that to my face? - This is a corner piece, Winston! 314 00:14:08,785 --> 00:14:10,513 How do you not see that? What are you, blind? 315 00:14:10,537 --> 00:14:13,373 I'm so sorry… actually, a blind man could feel 316 00:14:13,457 --> 00:14:17,669 - the smooth edges of a corner piece! - You are making me so mad. 317 00:14:17,836 --> 00:14:20,380 - Ooh, you are making me so mad. - Oh, yeah? 318 00:14:20,464 --> 00:14:21,816 You're making me, you're making me mad. 319 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:22,984 How am I making you… Am I making you… 320 00:14:23,008 --> 00:14:24,402 - Yes, you're making me mad. - What you want to do? 321 00:14:24,426 --> 00:14:25,778 - What are you doing? - Huh? What are you doing? 322 00:14:25,802 --> 00:14:28,346 - Which way are you going? - What is happening? Huh? 323 00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:30,265 - Ow! - What did you do? 324 00:14:30,348 --> 00:14:34,311 Don't mess with me, man. I'm legit. I'm legit, dude. 325 00:14:34,394 --> 00:14:36,164 - I'm getting very dizzy. - You coming at me, son? 326 00:14:36,188 --> 00:14:38,607 I need all the cash you have and Nick's passport! 327 00:14:39,858 --> 00:14:42,319 - What'd you say? What? - Nick's in trouble? 328 00:14:43,028 --> 00:14:45,155 What are we doing? Nick is in jail? 329 00:14:45,238 --> 00:14:46,823 Nick went to jail before me? 330 00:14:50,452 --> 00:14:52,829 Hey, stop it! Stop it! This is not the time for fighting. 331 00:14:52,913 --> 00:14:54,664 Nick is in a Mexican jail. 332 00:14:54,748 --> 00:14:56,833 We don't know this country. We don't know their laws. 333 00:14:56,917 --> 00:14:58,237 We don't know how to get him out. 334 00:14:58,585 --> 00:15:02,088 I just hope he found somebody who can protect him and take care of him. 335 00:15:02,172 --> 00:15:04,549 - What, you hope he's somebody's bitch? - No, like a mentor. 336 00:15:04,633 --> 00:15:05,913 He'd never be picked as a bitch. 337 00:15:05,967 --> 00:15:07,844 Nick is very attractive. He can be a bitch. 338 00:15:07,928 --> 00:15:09,322 A sissy, perhaps, but a bitch? No way. 339 00:15:09,346 --> 00:15:10,823 - He can be a bitch. - He cannot be a bitch. 340 00:15:10,847 --> 00:15:12,366 - My God, what's a sissy? - Are you insane? 341 00:15:12,390 --> 00:15:13,683 - A chubby gringo? - Stop it! 342 00:15:15,185 --> 00:15:16,561 Nick is my bitch. 343 00:15:17,979 --> 00:15:19,523 - Hola, senors, senora. - Hola. 344 00:15:19,606 --> 00:15:21,233 Hi. Um, we have some questions. 345 00:15:21,316 --> 00:15:23,356 Jess, I got this. I know how to handle these people. 346 00:15:25,195 --> 00:15:26,196 Is this for me? 347 00:15:26,279 --> 00:15:27,799 That's for you to send your kids to college, 348 00:15:27,823 --> 00:15:29,574 or for you to send some fun up your nose. 349 00:15:29,741 --> 00:15:31,076 Your choice, bro. 350 00:15:31,326 --> 00:15:34,121 Don't worry. We're looking for our friend Nick Miller 351 00:15:34,246 --> 00:15:37,040 if he's still alive, and his head… if it's separate. 352 00:15:37,958 --> 00:15:40,418 You know who you should talk to? Manny. 353 00:15:40,752 --> 00:15:41,795 - Manny. - Manny. 354 00:15:42,796 --> 00:15:44,506 Talk to Julio. 355 00:15:45,090 --> 00:15:46,466 - Julio. - Julio. 356 00:15:48,093 --> 00:15:50,387 - Talk to Brad. - I don't really feel right about this. 357 00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:52,764 Oh, Jess, you're so naive. It's a game. 358 00:15:52,848 --> 00:15:56,309 We're working our way up the ladder. Brad is clearly the kingpin. 359 00:15:58,270 --> 00:15:59,521 Thanks so much. 360 00:16:02,399 --> 00:16:04,443 Okay, that didn't work. Next idea. 361 00:16:04,526 --> 00:16:06,862 - Well… - There are no next ideas, Schmidt! 362 00:16:07,446 --> 00:16:09,865 We're out of money! I need to just find somebody. 363 00:16:09,948 --> 00:16:12,075 - Oh, just find somebody? - Yes. 364 00:16:12,159 --> 00:16:14,720 Right, Jess, 'cause the streets down here they run red with hospitality. 365 00:16:14,744 --> 00:16:16,204 Hey! Hey! 366 00:16:16,538 --> 00:16:18,623 Hi. Sorry. I met you yesterday. 367 00:16:18,707 --> 00:16:21,376 - You arrested a man named Nick Miller. - You got money? 368 00:16:21,460 --> 00:16:24,379 Money. No, we don't have any money. But wait, wait, wait! 369 00:16:24,463 --> 00:16:26,315 What about his shoes? Any interest in his shoes? 370 00:16:26,339 --> 00:16:28,925 Hell, no. There's no way you're getting these damn shoes, okay? 371 00:16:29,009 --> 00:16:30,319 These are my favorite brown shoes. 372 00:16:30,343 --> 00:16:32,103 And besides, this is all your fault, Schmidt. 373 00:16:32,137 --> 00:16:34,598 Nick's body's being traded like cigarettes right now! 374 00:16:34,681 --> 00:16:36,409 Winston, those shoes are not brown… they're green. 375 00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:37,618 What the hell you talking about, man? 376 00:16:37,642 --> 00:16:39,412 - Those shoes are green. - You guys are idiots, all right? 377 00:16:39,436 --> 00:16:40,604 They're as brown as money. 378 00:16:40,687 --> 00:16:42,606 - What color is Kermit the Frog? - Brown. 379 00:16:42,814 --> 00:16:43,899 It's a brown frog. 380 00:16:43,982 --> 00:16:45,859 Winston? Winston, you're color-blind, dude. 381 00:16:45,942 --> 00:16:47,545 What? I am not color… I am not color-blind. 382 00:16:47,569 --> 00:16:51,156 Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Sir, I'm so sorry. We have no money. 383 00:16:51,239 --> 00:16:54,159 - We don't even have money for gas. - Oh, you got a car. 384 00:16:55,035 --> 00:16:56,286 Want to trade? 385 00:16:59,748 --> 00:17:00,749 Hey. 386 00:17:00,832 --> 00:17:04,294 Oh, my God, I thought he was taking you to jail. 387 00:17:04,377 --> 00:17:06,087 No, it's resort jail, and it's not so bad. 388 00:17:06,171 --> 00:17:07,506 They let me watch Ugly Betty. 389 00:17:07,589 --> 00:17:10,350 - Here, I brought you your passport. - Winston, enough! Enough for me! 390 00:17:10,425 --> 00:17:11,861 Oh, Nicholas, thank goodness you're alive. Nick! 391 00:17:11,885 --> 00:17:13,261 You brought them? 392 00:17:13,595 --> 00:17:15,013 I needed their help. 393 00:17:15,096 --> 00:17:17,015 - Winston does not get me at all. - What? 394 00:17:17,098 --> 00:17:19,035 And, plus, he's color-blind, which basically makes him crippled. 395 00:17:19,059 --> 00:17:20,060 You're color-blind? 396 00:17:20,143 --> 00:17:21,579 Please, tell me, these shoes are brown, right? 397 00:17:21,603 --> 00:17:23,122 - Those shoes are green. - They're definitely green. 398 00:17:23,146 --> 00:17:24,791 Okay, you both are crazy. Did you text them and tell them to say that? 399 00:17:24,815 --> 00:17:25,899 - Winston! - What? 400 00:17:25,982 --> 00:17:28,860 If you think those shoes are brown, what color do you think you are? 401 00:17:31,905 --> 00:17:33,145 - Jess, I can't do this. - What? 402 00:17:33,198 --> 00:17:35,242 Do you really want to wake up to this every morning? 403 00:17:35,325 --> 00:17:37,410 It doesn't matter, as long as I wake up next to you. 404 00:17:37,494 --> 00:17:38,578 - I got an idea. - What? 405 00:17:38,662 --> 00:17:40,455 - Let's move to Mexico. - What? 406 00:17:40,539 --> 00:17:41,832 - Yeah! - Hell no! 407 00:17:41,915 --> 00:17:43,184 No, no, no. No, Nicolas, I need you. 408 00:17:43,208 --> 00:17:44,811 And then if you leave, then I'm with Winston, and I can't handle that. 409 00:17:44,835 --> 00:17:45,895 You move your ass back to this loft, okay? 410 00:17:45,919 --> 00:17:47,003 You and me, we work here. 411 00:17:47,087 --> 00:17:48,272 If we go back to the loft, we're not gonna make it. 412 00:17:48,296 --> 00:17:50,006 Yes, we are. We are gonna make it. 413 00:17:50,090 --> 00:17:51,359 - You won't. - Yeah, I agree, you won't make it. 414 00:17:51,383 --> 00:17:53,783 - He's 100% right. You will not. - I'm not ready to lose you. 415 00:17:54,553 --> 00:17:56,513 I just got you, Jess. 416 00:17:57,305 --> 00:17:58,765 And I'm not letting you go. 417 00:17:59,516 --> 00:18:00,517 So… 418 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:02,853 I'm all in. 419 00:18:04,438 --> 00:18:07,023 I'm shredding this passport. I'm not leaving Mexico. 420 00:18:07,107 --> 00:18:09,234 - Oh, no, you are not, sir! - No, no, no, wait, wait! 421 00:18:09,317 --> 00:18:10,420 No, no, no! I will put myself in that shredder 422 00:18:10,444 --> 00:18:11,671 before you put your passport in there! 423 00:18:11,695 --> 00:18:12,988 Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, switch! 424 00:18:13,071 --> 00:18:15,049 - Passport, yeah, put yourself in there. - Stop! Stop, Nick! 425 00:18:15,073 --> 00:18:16,741 - I will shred my ear! - I'll do it! 426 00:18:16,825 --> 00:18:18,625 - Your ear could go in! - I will shred myself! 427 00:18:18,702 --> 00:18:20,138 - Your ear could go in. - I will shred myself in the shredder. 428 00:18:20,162 --> 00:18:21,163 Get serious! 429 00:18:21,246 --> 00:18:23,582 Stop. Listen to me. 430 00:18:24,833 --> 00:18:26,251 We're a family. 431 00:18:27,878 --> 00:18:30,422 You can't choose who you love. Sometimes they choose you. 432 00:18:30,505 --> 00:18:34,718 And sometimes, it's just because you got a really great deal on Craigslist. 433 00:18:35,719 --> 00:18:40,015 I got a really great deal on Craigslist. I got all of you. 434 00:18:42,392 --> 00:18:46,062 There is no "us" without Schmidt and Winston. 435 00:18:47,522 --> 00:18:49,399 It's gonna be really, really hard. 436 00:18:49,733 --> 00:18:51,026 But so what, Nick? 437 00:18:51,651 --> 00:18:52,736 So what? 438 00:18:52,986 --> 00:18:54,863 I believe in us. 439 00:18:55,864 --> 00:18:57,365 I'm all in. 440 00:18:58,950 --> 00:19:00,660 I really want to go home. 441 00:19:02,954 --> 00:19:04,998 Come on, man, let's just go home. 442 00:19:07,959 --> 00:19:10,587 - You know what? I love you guys. - Okay. Let's go home. 443 00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:12,923 Great. 444 00:19:13,006 --> 00:19:15,258 Oh, my God! 445 00:19:15,926 --> 00:19:17,969 No! 446 00:19:18,053 --> 00:19:20,639 No! Get it out! Get it out! 447 00:19:20,722 --> 00:19:22,516 Unplug it, Nick! 448 00:19:22,599 --> 00:19:24,142 The shredder shredded it, bro. 449 00:19:24,226 --> 00:19:26,311 No, no, no, no, guys, we're fine. 450 00:19:29,272 --> 00:19:30,816 I can work with this. 451 00:19:34,111 --> 00:19:36,613 Okay, everybody, just be cool, act normal. 452 00:19:38,532 --> 00:19:39,533 U.S. citizens? 453 00:19:39,616 --> 00:19:40,992 Passports, please. 454 00:19:43,036 --> 00:19:44,037 What is this? 455 00:19:47,082 --> 00:19:50,043 Sir, my name is Winston Bishop. 456 00:19:50,919 --> 00:19:53,171 I'm a color-blind American citizen, 457 00:19:53,630 --> 00:19:55,340 and I can't do puzzles. 458 00:19:55,841 --> 00:19:57,467 Now let us go home. 459 00:19:58,135 --> 00:20:00,679 It says "Unatered Stites of Amurica." 460 00:20:07,269 --> 00:20:08,353 You ready? 461 00:20:12,858 --> 00:20:14,651 Hey, I got you something, actually. 462 00:20:14,734 --> 00:20:16,945 - Oh. - I mean, I stole it from a kid, but… 463 00:20:22,951 --> 00:20:23,952 We can do this. 464 00:20:24,035 --> 00:20:25,235 - Yeah, we can do this. - Yeah. 465 00:20:26,746 --> 00:20:27,789 All right. 466 00:20:28,081 --> 00:20:29,332 - Yeah. - Here we go, huh? 467 00:20:30,584 --> 00:20:32,645 It's locked. I think somebody accidentally locked this. 468 00:20:32,669 --> 00:20:34,309 - Where's your key? - I don't carry a key. 469 00:20:34,504 --> 00:20:36,506 - You don't carry a key? - No, I don't carry a… 470 00:20:36,590 --> 00:20:37,910 - Ever? - Why would I carry a key? 471 00:20:37,966 --> 00:20:39,193 - You never carry a key? - There's always somebody home! 472 00:20:39,217 --> 00:20:40,778 - How are you supposed to get the door? - And I know how to jimmy the… 473 00:20:40,802 --> 00:20:41,970 Mmm, my God… 474 00:20:44,306 --> 00:20:45,432 I like you so much. 475 00:20:45,515 --> 00:20:46,659 I like you, too. And I'll start carrying a key. 476 00:20:46,683 --> 00:20:47,923 Okay, I'll carry a key for you. 477 00:20:50,061 --> 00:20:52,123 For the love of God, Winston, please just go unlock the door. 478 00:20:52,147 --> 00:20:53,815 - This is so weird. - Yeah… 479 00:20:54,983 --> 00:20:57,360 Sayonara, masturbation, for the rest of my life. 480 00:20:58,278 --> 00:20:59,529 Hey, Cece, it's Schmidt. 481 00:21:00,238 --> 00:21:01,239 Hi. 482 00:21:01,907 --> 00:21:04,387 You want me to come over tonight? I think I can make that work. 483 00:21:04,451 --> 00:21:06,620 Uh, can you give me, like, five minutes? 484 00:21:06,953 --> 00:21:09,206 Great. Um… ooh, actually, can you hold on one second? 485 00:21:10,874 --> 00:21:14,169 Hi, Elizabeth, my darling. How are you? 486 00:21:14,753 --> 00:21:16,963 Uh, tonight? You want to… tonight. 487 00:21:17,047 --> 00:21:19,317 Um, can you just give me one second so I can check my calendar? 488 00:21:19,341 --> 00:21:20,342 That'd be great. 489 00:21:24,513 --> 00:21:26,681 I just checked it, and, uh 490 00:21:26,765 --> 00:21:29,976 it looks like there's a slight problem. Um… 491 00:21:30,352 --> 00:21:31,728 Puzzling. 492 00:21:32,187 --> 00:21:33,522 I am puzzling… 493 00:21:33,605 --> 00:21:34,731 Looks good to me. 494 00:21:36,525 --> 00:21:39,277 This is my masterpiece