1 00:00:04,032 --> 00:00:05,399 Damn, man. 2 00:00:05,434 --> 00:00:07,168 You look tired. Your eyes are puffy as hell. 3 00:00:07,202 --> 00:00:10,004 I'm unwell, Winston. 4 00:00:10,038 --> 00:00:12,573 I'm just torn up about this whole Cece and Elizabeth thing. 5 00:00:12,607 --> 00:00:15,009 I feel so guilty, I can't even look at myself in the mirror. 6 00:00:15,043 --> 00:00:16,510 Do you think that I'm good person? 7 00:00:16,545 --> 00:00:18,412 I'm gonna... 8 00:00:18,447 --> 00:00:19,680 Hey, guys, do you guys think that I'm a good person? 9 00:00:19,715 --> 00:00:20,681 You're a terrible person. 10 00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:23,351 - It's hilarious. - You cheated on my best friend, Schmidt. 11 00:00:23,385 --> 00:00:26,354 F-Fair enough. Okay. Well, I'm better than Winston. 12 00:00:26,388 --> 00:00:28,756 You're better at things than Winston, but he's a better person. 13 00:00:28,790 --> 00:00:31,156 - Winston freakin' stinks! - Okay, why am I being dragged into this? 14 00:00:31,183 --> 00:00:33,089 Because I'm mad, Winston. 15 00:00:33,587 --> 00:00:36,031 And I'm tired. And... 16 00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:37,606 I'm a good... 17 00:00:37,878 --> 00:00:39,534 I'm a good man. 18 00:00:39,666 --> 00:00:41,342 Are you crying? 19 00:00:46,907 --> 00:00:48,508 I got a package for Nick Miller. 20 00:00:48,542 --> 00:00:51,055 There's nobody here by that name. 21 00:00:51,512 --> 00:00:53,479 I got this. 22 00:00:53,514 --> 00:00:55,481 I saw that. 23 00:00:55,516 --> 00:00:57,116 - Run, Nick! Run! - Aah! 24 00:00:57,151 --> 00:00:58,422 What? 25 00:00:58,457 --> 00:01:00,785 Relax, I'm with your late father's estate. 26 00:01:00,988 --> 00:01:02,522 - Pop-pop? - This is for him. 27 00:01:06,026 --> 00:01:08,127 What's in there? 28 00:01:08,162 --> 00:01:09,629 It's a hand, isn't it? Just tell me if it's a hand. 29 00:01:09,663 --> 00:01:11,197 Oh, my God! 30 00:01:11,231 --> 00:01:13,633 - It is a hand. - It's a... I knew it. 31 00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:15,668 It's a hand. What does that mean, though? 32 00:01:15,702 --> 00:01:18,037 Full of dollar bills, y'all! 33 00:01:18,071 --> 00:01:20,072 You are rich, man! 34 00:01:26,346 --> 00:01:29,348 I can't believe Nick's dad left him $8,000. 35 00:01:29,383 --> 00:01:31,851 I've never seen someone burn through money so fast. 36 00:01:31,885 --> 00:01:33,986 - I should say something. 37 00:01:34,021 --> 00:01:35,388 Some of these shoes aren't even his size. 38 00:01:35,422 --> 00:01:38,157 Look, Jess, you don't want to talk to Nick about money, okay? 39 00:01:38,192 --> 00:01:40,393 It is a very touchy subject. 40 00:01:40,427 --> 00:01:42,361 I'm gonna check out this fancy picture place. 41 00:01:42,396 --> 00:01:44,864 Seems like rich guys always have pictures of themselves. 42 00:01:44,898 --> 00:01:47,967 My man. Do you, baby. 43 00:01:48,001 --> 00:01:50,369 I'm gonna be honest with you. Nick owes me 44 00:01:50,404 --> 00:01:53,639 1,900 bucks, so this here is my opportunity to get it back. 45 00:01:53,674 --> 00:01:55,675 How are you expecting to get your money back 46 00:01:55,709 --> 00:01:57,643 if he blows it all on stupid stuff? 47 00:01:57,678 --> 00:01:59,745 Oh, don't worry, Jess. I have a plan. 48 00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:01,347 Hey, listen, you know you don't have to con him 49 00:02:01,381 --> 00:02:03,983 if he actually owes you money. You can just ask him. 50 00:02:08,889 --> 00:02:11,691 I just told you to ask him for the money. 51 00:02:12,693 --> 00:02:13,659 Smile... 52 00:02:14,862 --> 00:02:17,029 Do the crystals make it look too glamorous? 53 00:02:17,064 --> 00:02:18,402 It's really glamorous. 54 00:02:18,489 --> 00:02:20,203 I don't even know. I don't know what's cool anymore. 55 00:02:20,238 --> 00:02:22,268 It could be a good time to start a bank account. 56 00:02:22,302 --> 00:02:24,070 Yeah, or I could just flush it down the toilet. 57 00:02:24,104 --> 00:02:25,638 It's not really the same thing, but... 58 00:02:25,672 --> 00:02:28,774 A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls. 59 00:02:28,809 --> 00:02:31,644 That's all it is. I'm gonna keep my money where my mouth is. 60 00:02:31,678 --> 00:02:34,080 Um, under my nose. 61 00:02:34,114 --> 00:02:36,549 That saying actually does work. 62 00:02:42,356 --> 00:02:44,257 - What is that? - This is my box. 63 00:02:44,291 --> 00:02:47,460 It's where I keep all my junk that I don't feel like dealing with. 64 00:02:47,494 --> 00:02:50,029 That looks like a lot of bills. It's... mostly bills. 65 00:02:50,063 --> 00:02:51,564 Like I said, it's junk. 66 00:02:51,598 --> 00:02:53,132 You know, I'm just brainstorming here, 67 00:02:53,166 --> 00:02:54,567 but what if you paid some of those bills 68 00:02:54,601 --> 00:02:56,168 with the money you just got? 69 00:02:56,203 --> 00:02:59,071 Yeah. I'm gonna "pay my bill." 70 00:02:59,106 --> 00:03:02,341 And what's next? I'm gonna go to the doctor and get a checkup. 71 00:03:02,376 --> 00:03:04,544 Give them $500 to check my bones. 72 00:03:04,578 --> 00:03:06,178 You're being funny. 73 00:03:13,053 --> 00:03:15,288 So, yeah, I was dating both of them at the same time. 74 00:03:15,322 --> 00:03:18,691 I'm a mess. I can't sleep. I urinate constantly. 75 00:03:18,725 --> 00:03:21,961 I cried the other day listening to a techno song. 76 00:03:21,995 --> 00:03:23,863 My tweets have been extremely literal. 77 00:03:23,897 --> 00:03:25,598 Were the girls Jewish? 78 00:03:25,632 --> 00:03:27,600 One Indian, one regular. Do you want to see a picture? 79 00:03:27,634 --> 00:03:29,435 I-I don't even know why you're here. 80 00:03:29,469 --> 00:03:31,904 You come in and say, "Do you have a minute?" 81 00:03:31,939 --> 00:03:33,806 Okay, I'm-I'm sorry, Rabbi. It's just that... 82 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,809 Okay, it's much more simple. 83 00:03:36,843 --> 00:03:38,644 How can I be a better person? 84 00:03:38,679 --> 00:03:40,580 Oh. 85 00:03:40,614 --> 00:03:42,982 Well, you seem awfully concerned with yourself. 86 00:03:43,016 --> 00:03:46,052 You might want to start thinking about the needs of others. 87 00:03:46,086 --> 00:03:47,453 I think about others all the time. 88 00:03:47,487 --> 00:03:50,089 What-what I can get from them, how they can give me pleasure, 89 00:03:50,123 --> 00:03:51,257 do they have a silly little walk 90 00:03:51,291 --> 00:03:53,192 - that I can make fun of? - No, th-that's... 91 00:03:53,226 --> 00:03:56,929 It's where you actually care about somebody else. 92 00:03:56,964 --> 00:03:59,665 You put their needs ahead of your own. 93 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,667 This is one of the few times that I wish I was Catholic. 94 00:04:01,702 --> 00:04:04,236 Couple Hail Marys and I'd be off the hook. 95 00:04:04,271 --> 00:04:05,905 Huh? 96 00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:15,214 Oh, God. Whoa. 97 00:04:15,248 --> 00:04:17,283 Are you choking? You're choking. Okay. 98 00:04:17,317 --> 00:04:20,353 Uh... What, are you biking and eating? 99 00:04:20,387 --> 00:04:22,455 All right, I got you, I got you. 100 00:04:22,489 --> 00:04:24,523 Come on! Live! Live! 101 00:04:24,558 --> 00:04:25,925 Live, biker! 102 00:04:25,959 --> 00:04:27,760 - Ew. Yeah! - Thank you. 103 00:04:27,794 --> 00:04:29,061 You saved my life. 104 00:04:29,096 --> 00:04:30,630 What? 105 00:04:30,664 --> 00:04:31,931 You saved my life. 106 00:04:33,467 --> 00:04:34,533 You saved my life. 107 00:04:36,236 --> 00:04:40,206 - I did. Yes. Yes. - Thank you... Thank you... 108 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,942 Yes! Dude! 109 00:04:42,976 --> 00:04:45,878 This is exactly what I needed. Oh, my God. 110 00:04:45,912 --> 00:04:48,114 Let us rejoice in song. 111 00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:55,783 - Please call 911. I'm hurt. - Oh, yeah, no, that's a great idea. 112 00:04:55,922 --> 00:04:57,456 I'm gonna call 911. 113 00:04:57,491 --> 00:04:59,091 I hope you don't have a dance recital later. 114 00:04:59,126 --> 00:05:00,960 I'm just kidding. Don't look at your legs. 115 00:05:02,429 --> 00:05:05,631 That's, uh, $900 to the Parking Authority of Los Angeles. 116 00:05:05,666 --> 00:05:08,968 Oh, is it okay to mail cash? 117 00:05:09,002 --> 00:05:11,937 I'm gonna do it anyway. All right, it's on its way. 118 00:05:18,812 --> 00:05:20,613 - Sliders are beautiful. - I know, man. 119 00:05:20,647 --> 00:05:22,948 - I knew you would think that. - I love 'em, dude. 120 00:05:22,983 --> 00:05:24,283 That's why I made 'em. 121 00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:27,820 What is that? 122 00:05:27,854 --> 00:05:30,322 Brotherhood. Brotherhood, man. 123 00:05:30,357 --> 00:05:32,525 All right, man. I respect you, man, no matter what. 124 00:05:32,559 --> 00:05:35,528 That's what it's about, man. Yeah, and, um... 125 00:05:35,562 --> 00:05:37,530 in the spirit of brotherhood... 126 00:05:37,564 --> 00:05:39,432 just 'cause we on that level right now... I was just thinking 127 00:05:39,466 --> 00:05:42,268 - maybe, I don't know, um... - Anything, man. Shoot. 128 00:05:42,302 --> 00:05:44,036 Oh, man. 129 00:05:44,071 --> 00:05:46,739 Maybe you can just pay me back that money that you owe me. 130 00:05:46,773 --> 00:05:48,741 Remember? 'Cause you owe me that money...? 131 00:05:50,110 --> 00:05:53,012 - Uh, Nick? Nick? - Oh... 132 00:05:53,046 --> 00:05:57,016 - Nick? Nick? Hey, Nick. - Oh, you stink! 133 00:05:57,050 --> 00:05:59,452 - Um, can we...? - You son of... 134 00:05:59,486 --> 00:06:02,421 - You son of a bitch, Winston! - Can we... can we... 135 00:06:02,456 --> 00:06:03,522 That's what this is about? 136 00:06:03,557 --> 00:06:06,292 Nick, it's my money, okay? Give it back to me! 137 00:06:06,326 --> 00:06:08,227 I make a little bit of money and you come 138 00:06:08,261 --> 00:06:09,762 slipping out of the "woodword"! 139 00:06:09,796 --> 00:06:11,564 You mean "woodwork"? 140 00:06:11,598 --> 00:06:12,765 What is "woodwork"? 141 00:06:12,799 --> 00:06:13,766 What's "woodword"? 142 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,267 Wood! Word! Wood! Word! 143 00:06:15,302 --> 00:06:17,703 That's where people like you come crawling out of 144 00:06:17,738 --> 00:06:19,138 when people like me have money! 145 00:06:19,172 --> 00:06:21,107 - But you owe me that money! - Stay out of my damn box 146 00:06:21,141 --> 00:06:23,042 - is the point, man! - I'm not in your box! 147 00:06:23,076 --> 00:06:25,211 Jess gets it, right? 148 00:06:25,245 --> 00:06:27,113 Yeah, what's... What the hell, dude? 149 00:06:27,114 --> 00:06:29,014 I'm gonna go to the bar to blow off some steam. 150 00:06:29,082 --> 00:06:30,583 That's a great idea. Go get loaded. 151 00:06:30,617 --> 00:06:32,418 You deserve it. Black out. 152 00:06:32,452 --> 00:06:34,687 You are the only one that I trust around here. 153 00:06:53,473 --> 00:06:55,074 Oh... 154 00:06:57,144 --> 00:06:59,378 You went through Nick's box. 155 00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:06,150 Look, it was so much worse than I thought. 156 00:07:06,185 --> 00:07:08,019 - Why does he have the deed 157 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:10,688 - to an old Mercury Cougar in there? - Oh, yeah, he lost that. 158 00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:12,523 For crying out loud, where is it? We've been looking for hours. 159 00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:14,726 - It's done. - What about your car, Nick? 160 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,644 I said it's done. 161 00:07:17,795 --> 00:07:19,188 I'll just get the money back. 162 00:07:19,226 --> 00:07:21,202 Bill collectors are reasonable people, right? 163 00:07:21,273 --> 00:07:24,202 - That makes sense. - You better keep your mouth shut! 164 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,404 I'll make you a deal. I'll keep my mouth shut 165 00:07:26,438 --> 00:07:28,573 if you pay me the money Nick owes me. 166 00:07:28,607 --> 00:07:31,943 Are you trying to blackmail me? 167 00:07:34,747 --> 00:07:37,181 You don't scare me, Jess. 168 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,422 How much does Nick owe you? 169 00:07:44,456 --> 00:07:47,859 $1,900. 170 00:07:47,893 --> 00:07:50,361 But what is money anyway? 171 00:07:50,395 --> 00:07:53,464 You know, it's just paper that some king on the mountains 172 00:07:53,499 --> 00:07:55,733 said was worth something. 173 00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:58,369 You know? Gold, I understand. 174 00:07:58,403 --> 00:08:01,939 It's shiny and you can make jewelry out of it. 175 00:08:01,974 --> 00:08:03,875 Silver? 176 00:08:03,909 --> 00:08:07,078 Put a werewolf in front of me, he's dead. 177 00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:10,248 Brass creates the bells 178 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:13,151 that make sound throughout the land. 179 00:08:13,185 --> 00:08:16,821 But we kill each other for paper. 180 00:08:16,855 --> 00:08:19,423 I gotta tell you, man, that's sad. 181 00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:22,960 You give me $50, I'll show you my private parts. 182 00:08:27,432 --> 00:08:29,400 Nicholas, good yontef. 183 00:08:29,434 --> 00:08:31,769 - Are you well? - No, but good yontef. 184 00:08:31,804 --> 00:08:33,137 You know, I'm all steamed up. 185 00:08:33,172 --> 00:08:35,506 This money thing is tearing me apart, Schmidt. 186 00:08:35,541 --> 00:08:37,775 All right, if it's bothering you that much, why don't you just give it away? 187 00:08:37,810 --> 00:08:39,277 Son of a bitch! 188 00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:41,179 Not, not to me, Nick, to charity, 189 00:08:41,213 --> 00:08:43,114 or tzedakah as my people call it. 190 00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,749 - That's what your people do? - Yeah. 191 00:08:44,783 --> 00:08:47,151 - You beautiful genius. 192 00:08:47,186 --> 00:08:49,587 I like that. That frees me of my worries. 193 00:08:49,621 --> 00:08:51,289 Oh, look at that! Another mitzvah! I'm two for two today. 194 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:53,591 - Yeah! Mitzvah! - I saved a man. 195 00:08:53,625 --> 00:08:55,359 You know, there was a lowly bike messenger. 196 00:08:55,394 --> 00:08:57,195 Was just riding along, choking on his gum. 197 00:08:57,229 --> 00:09:00,097 And I performed Heimlich's maneuver on him, rescued him. 198 00:09:00,132 --> 00:09:01,599 - Great. - Yeah, who's the good man now? 199 00:09:01,633 --> 00:09:03,686 You're almost forced to admit it. 200 00:09:04,636 --> 00:09:07,471 Almost... You're almost forced to admit it. 201 00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:09,340 - Yeah, I know. - I'm a hero, Nick, now... 202 00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,675 Just tell me that I'm a good man. 203 00:09:10,709 --> 00:09:12,043 I really need to hear it. 204 00:09:12,077 --> 00:09:14,412 I don't even know if I'm a good person. I'm not the guy to ask. 205 00:09:14,446 --> 00:09:16,347 - I have my moods. - But we're not talking about you. 206 00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:18,583 We're talking about me right now and how I'm a good person, 207 00:09:18,617 --> 00:09:20,151 so it'd be really nice if you could say that. 208 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,219 - I'm ready to do a tzatziki. - Tzedakah. 209 00:09:21,253 --> 00:09:22,920 This is not about tzedakah right now. 210 00:09:22,955 --> 00:09:25,022 This is about me being a good man and you telling me that. 211 00:09:25,057 --> 00:09:26,858 - Absolutely. - So, well, say it. 212 00:09:26,892 --> 00:09:29,160 - You got it. - S-Say that I'm a good man. 213 00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:30,695 I'm giving away my money. I've been trying to listen 214 00:09:30,729 --> 00:09:31,996 - to you this whole time! - Damn it, Nick, 215 00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,365 you are so drunk right now 216 00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:35,900 - and at the bar you work at, no less. - Yeah. 217 00:09:35,934 --> 00:09:37,168 What happens with the rest of your day? 218 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,402 Do you even think about that? 219 00:09:38,437 --> 00:09:40,371 You don't understand drinking at all. 220 00:09:42,641 --> 00:09:44,075 Don't go. 221 00:09:45,110 --> 00:09:47,211 Heathcliff. 222 00:09:47,246 --> 00:09:50,848 Hi, I'd like to unpay some parking tickets. 223 00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:52,550 - Excuse me? - Well, I sent in a payment 224 00:09:52,584 --> 00:09:54,252 earlier for some tickets 225 00:09:54,286 --> 00:09:56,754 and I decided I don't want to pay them. 226 00:09:56,788 --> 00:09:58,089 Well, just cancel the checks. 227 00:09:58,123 --> 00:09:59,790 Can't do that 'cause I paid cash 228 00:09:59,825 --> 00:10:01,726 'cause my boyfriend doesn't believe in banks. 229 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,527 It's early in the relationship. 230 00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:05,796 Still shaving above the knee if you know what I mean. 231 00:10:05,831 --> 00:10:07,398 Mm-hmm. 232 00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:09,901 Let me get this straight... You want me to watch the mail 233 00:10:09,935 --> 00:10:12,370 and let you know if I see anything from your boyfriend. 234 00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:15,072 - Exactly. - Fantastic. Should I call you or...? 235 00:10:15,107 --> 00:10:16,540 - Text, text would be great. - Perfect. 236 00:10:16,575 --> 00:10:20,244 Let me put your number into my phone. 237 00:10:20,279 --> 00:10:23,147 - I didn't give you my number yet. - Oh, I think you did. 238 00:10:24,483 --> 00:10:25,716 It's your lucky day, old friend. 239 00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:26,717 I had an interesting talk with Schmidt, 240 00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,653 and I've decided to give away my fortune. 241 00:10:28,687 --> 00:10:30,221 So, what do I owe you? 242 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,990 - How much money d...? Uh... - Hey, guys, what's going on? 243 00:10:33,025 --> 00:10:34,592 Hey, Jess, um... 244 00:10:34,626 --> 00:10:35,726 It's tzatziki is what it's called. 245 00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:38,462 It's a Jewish charity. 246 00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:43,668 Nick was just about to pay me the money that he owes me. 247 00:10:43,702 --> 00:10:45,870 Wait! 248 00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:54,512 Come on, what are you doing? 249 00:10:54,546 --> 00:10:57,782 I'm, uh, I'm lubing up, Sally... 250 00:10:57,816 --> 00:10:58,983 From ankles to ears? 251 00:10:59,017 --> 00:11:00,952 The door's locked... You want me to bust in? 252 00:11:00,986 --> 00:11:03,854 Son of a... 253 00:11:03,889 --> 00:11:05,122 It opened! 254 00:11:05,157 --> 00:11:07,491 Where are you? 255 00:11:07,526 --> 00:11:11,295 Um, I just was hot, I wanted some shade. 256 00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:12,964 Oh, done that. 257 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,434 He take my money? 258 00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:17,802 Winston! 259 00:11:17,836 --> 00:11:19,303 It was me, it was me, it was me. 260 00:11:19,338 --> 00:11:21,672 I'm so sorry, I went through your box... 261 00:11:21,707 --> 00:11:23,307 I just couldn't help it... and I paid some 262 00:11:23,342 --> 00:11:25,943 of your bills, and I'm so sorry I... 263 00:11:25,978 --> 00:11:28,713 Hey, Nick... 264 00:11:28,747 --> 00:11:30,614 You gonna leave me here? 265 00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:33,196 Nick... That's fair. 266 00:11:36,127 --> 00:11:38,481 There he is, alive and well. 267 00:11:38,516 --> 00:11:39,067 Yeah. 268 00:11:39,102 --> 00:11:40,068 Mazel. 269 00:11:40,103 --> 00:11:41,103 I br-brought you these. 270 00:11:42,305 --> 00:11:44,406 How's my brave little soldier doing, huh? 271 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,341 Not great. 272 00:11:46,376 --> 00:11:48,844 They said that I'm never gonna be able to ride a bike again, 273 00:11:48,878 --> 00:11:50,912 - so there goes my job. - Sure, sure. 274 00:11:50,947 --> 00:11:52,581 Do you think that I'm a good person? 275 00:11:52,615 --> 00:11:56,351 I... I don't really know you. 276 00:11:56,386 --> 00:11:57,886 Well, what more do you need to know? 277 00:11:57,920 --> 00:11:59,788 If not for me, you probably would have died today. 278 00:11:59,822 --> 00:12:01,623 Well, somebody probably would have come along. 279 00:12:01,657 --> 00:12:03,291 Just say that I'm a good person. 280 00:12:03,326 --> 00:12:05,327 - Well, I mean... - Why is that so hard for you to say? 281 00:12:05,361 --> 00:12:07,662 - Ow! - I'm sorry. I am so sorry. 282 00:12:07,697 --> 00:12:09,631 - You're, you're a good person. - I am? You really think so? 283 00:12:09,665 --> 00:12:10,966 Very good. 284 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:11,967 Thank you for saying that. 285 00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:13,268 - Yeah. - That really means... 286 00:12:13,302 --> 00:12:14,836 It means a lot. 287 00:12:14,871 --> 00:12:17,105 I finally feel like I can breathe again. 288 00:12:17,140 --> 00:12:18,940 Good. 289 00:12:18,975 --> 00:12:20,675 What happ... What happened to him? 290 00:12:20,710 --> 00:12:23,111 Well, he got smoked by a bus while he was having a bake sale 291 00:12:23,146 --> 00:12:24,679 for cancer kids. 292 00:12:24,714 --> 00:12:26,615 For, for canc... for cancer kids? 293 00:12:26,649 --> 00:12:29,217 - Yeah. - But he-he's, he's a great person. 294 00:12:29,252 --> 00:12:31,486 Bad things happen to good people all the time. 295 00:12:32,522 --> 00:12:34,790 Of course they do. 296 00:12:34,824 --> 00:12:36,858 What am I even chasing here? 297 00:12:36,893 --> 00:12:39,161 What is the point of being a good person? 298 00:12:39,195 --> 00:12:42,464 Some say moral integrity is the cornerstone to humanity. 299 00:12:42,498 --> 00:12:44,966 What do you know, you idiot? You choked on a piece of gum today. 300 00:12:45,001 --> 00:12:47,135 Hey, man, don't shoot the bike messenger. 301 00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:49,571 That is a terrible joke! 302 00:12:49,605 --> 00:12:51,606 And none of this makes any sense! 303 00:13:03,586 --> 00:13:05,520 Hey, Nick. 304 00:13:05,555 --> 00:13:07,522 Look, 305 00:13:07,557 --> 00:13:10,092 I know you're really angry and you have a right to be. 306 00:13:10,126 --> 00:13:11,593 I have the right to be? 307 00:13:11,627 --> 00:13:13,995 I mean, why do you feel like you need to fix me? 308 00:13:14,030 --> 00:13:15,664 It's like you think you know better. 309 00:13:15,698 --> 00:13:18,667 Well, I m... I might know better than you. 310 00:13:18,701 --> 00:13:20,869 Did you start a corporation? 311 00:13:22,538 --> 00:13:24,906 - Was it Fat Face? - I think so. 312 00:13:24,941 --> 00:13:26,374 Yeah. 313 00:13:26,409 --> 00:13:28,009 Well, you're getting taxed like crazy. 314 00:13:28,044 --> 00:13:29,544 Well, that's because I thought I was filing a patent. 315 00:13:29,579 --> 00:13:31,179 Fat Face is an invention? 316 00:13:31,214 --> 00:13:34,583 Kind of... in its intention It was suppo... it... 317 00:13:34,617 --> 00:13:37,752 - Are you a lifeguard? - No, that is a false certificate. 318 00:13:37,787 --> 00:13:39,454 Just a classic beach prank. 319 00:13:39,489 --> 00:13:40,589 That seems dangerous. 320 00:13:40,623 --> 00:13:42,791 It's funny, 'cause I... I can't swim. 321 00:13:42,825 --> 00:13:45,437 Everyone was watching me, and I'm like, "I don't know..." 322 00:13:45,595 --> 00:13:46,962 I was 13! 323 00:13:46,996 --> 00:13:48,330 I was 26. 324 00:13:48,364 --> 00:13:50,799 This is the problem with the box. It's my private stuff. 325 00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:53,802 You've never once done jury duty or paid your taxes. 326 00:13:53,836 --> 00:13:55,704 Not until gay marriage is legal everywhere. 327 00:13:56,506 --> 00:13:58,807 I stand by that. 328 00:13:58,841 --> 00:14:01,576 And I don't want to do jury duty or pay taxes. 329 00:14:01,611 --> 00:14:03,912 Nick, you're in so much debt, it's crazy. 330 00:14:03,946 --> 00:14:07,983 - You have to deal with this stuff. - No, I don't, Jess, it's in my box. 331 00:14:08,017 --> 00:14:09,050 That's not true, though. 332 00:14:09,085 --> 00:14:11,820 It's not a perfect system, Jess, 333 00:14:11,854 --> 00:14:14,356 but it's mine, okay? And it's private. 334 00:14:14,390 --> 00:14:16,057 Well, I'm sorry I went through your damn box, 335 00:14:16,092 --> 00:14:17,592 but I was just trying to help you, Nick. 336 00:14:17,627 --> 00:14:18,927 So maybe I'll try to help you. 337 00:14:18,961 --> 00:14:20,562 What if I went into your box? 338 00:14:20,596 --> 00:14:21,930 Not that. 339 00:14:21,964 --> 00:14:24,799 - Stop it! - I like that box, but I'm mad at you...! 340 00:14:26,135 --> 00:14:28,236 I'm back to "You disrespected me." 341 00:14:28,271 --> 00:14:30,157 - I was just trying to help. - Well, then, how about this... 342 00:14:30,192 --> 00:14:32,301 Two can help. Okay? 343 00:14:32,336 --> 00:14:34,442 And if two are going to help, then I'll be one of them 344 00:14:34,477 --> 00:14:36,778 'cause two can tango on this dance, okay? 345 00:14:36,812 --> 00:14:40,048 So, you want to waltz? Well, you picked the wrong dance partner. 346 00:14:40,082 --> 00:14:41,383 Two can play. 347 00:14:41,417 --> 00:14:42,951 What? It's not a... 348 00:14:42,985 --> 00:14:45,754 Who needs changing, huh, who needs fixing? 349 00:14:45,788 --> 00:14:48,089 I'm gonna go through your personal drawers 350 00:14:48,124 --> 00:14:50,425 and see what needs changing. 351 00:14:53,829 --> 00:14:55,163 What are you, a zoo elephant? 352 00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:56,264 Those are my night peanuts. 353 00:14:56,299 --> 00:14:58,400 There shouldn't be day peanuts and night peanuts! 354 00:14:58,434 --> 00:14:59,734 They're just peanuts! 355 00:14:59,769 --> 00:15:01,436 I'm sorry, why is that weird? 356 00:15:01,470 --> 00:15:03,838 You just have a bunch of boxes? I would change that. 357 00:15:03,873 --> 00:15:07,442 - Oh, you have a bunch of metal toothpicks. - They're bobby pins. 358 00:15:07,476 --> 00:15:09,411 - What's a bobby pin? - It keeps your hair back. 359 00:15:09,445 --> 00:15:11,146 You need Bobby's pins to put your hair up? 360 00:15:11,180 --> 00:15:13,949 It's bobby pins, not Bobby's pins. 361 00:15:13,983 --> 00:15:15,951 - What is this? - Yarn. 362 00:15:15,985 --> 00:15:17,619 What are you knitting, a mansion? 363 00:15:17,653 --> 00:15:19,854 Oh, look at this. What do we have here? 364 00:15:19,889 --> 00:15:21,756 A bunch of beat-up old sacks. 365 00:15:21,791 --> 00:15:23,925 - My vintage purses. - Well, you know what? 366 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:27,429 - They could be sexier. - You want my purses to be sexier? 367 00:15:27,463 --> 00:15:29,331 Would it kill you to get something sleek, 368 00:15:29,365 --> 00:15:30,865 covered in gems for once? 369 00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:33,868 You want my purses to be covered in gemstones? 370 00:15:33,903 --> 00:15:36,037 All guys do! That's what we think is sexy! 371 00:15:36,072 --> 00:15:38,106 We want to be playing a saxophone in an alley 372 00:15:38,140 --> 00:15:41,443 and have you walk by in a miniskirt with a purse with gems. 373 00:15:41,477 --> 00:15:43,812 - But you girls don't listen! - What? 374 00:15:43,846 --> 00:15:46,114 - Changing! - No! Nick, no! 375 00:15:46,148 --> 00:15:48,683 - This all is changing. - No, no, stop! That's disrespectful! 376 00:15:48,718 --> 00:15:50,151 - Gone! - Nick, stop it! 377 00:15:50,186 --> 00:15:52,854 No! This is the grossest thing I've ever seen in my life! 378 00:15:52,888 --> 00:15:54,856 - I got that for a nickel. - It's disgusting. 379 00:15:54,890 --> 00:15:56,458 You're just trying to get a rise out of me. 380 00:15:56,492 --> 00:15:58,360 Oh, my God! 381 00:15:58,394 --> 00:16:00,428 I've gotten a lot of compliments on that one. 382 00:16:00,463 --> 00:16:01,429 - Gone! - Nick! 383 00:16:01,464 --> 00:16:02,897 What? 384 00:16:02,932 --> 00:16:05,533 Stop it! Look, I like you the way you are. 385 00:16:05,568 --> 00:16:07,702 I'm just asking you to grow a little. 386 00:16:07,737 --> 00:16:11,339 Are we ever gonna get to a point where you stop working on me? 387 00:16:11,374 --> 00:16:14,342 Instead of changing me, 388 00:16:14,377 --> 00:16:17,912 maybe once, Jess, see it my way. 389 00:16:17,947 --> 00:16:20,622 Well, your way's crazy and illegal. 390 00:16:20,657 --> 00:16:23,080 This is me, take it or leave it. 391 00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:25,856 I'm not changing for anyone. 392 00:16:29,058 --> 00:16:31,192 Hey, where are you going? 393 00:16:31,227 --> 00:16:32,694 If you have something to say, just say it. 394 00:16:32,728 --> 00:16:34,095 Don't write me a note or... 395 00:16:37,133 --> 00:16:39,434 That's the money I spent. 396 00:16:39,468 --> 00:16:42,270 Do what you want with it. 397 00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:44,439 Thank you. 398 00:16:47,076 --> 00:16:49,344 Couple of best friend horses. That's neat. 399 00:16:49,378 --> 00:16:51,379 What else can you get on...? 400 00:17:01,984 --> 00:17:03,318 It doesn't make any sense. 401 00:17:03,353 --> 00:17:05,988 Can you not see I'm in the middle of a bar mitzvah class here? 402 00:17:06,022 --> 00:17:07,389 Yeah, well, they should hear this. 403 00:17:07,423 --> 00:17:10,525 A man helping cancer kids got creamed by a bus today. 404 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,028 Everything happens for a reason. 405 00:17:13,062 --> 00:17:14,696 But what if it doesn't happen for a reason? 406 00:17:14,731 --> 00:17:17,032 Maybe... Maybe there aren't any good guys and bad guys. 407 00:17:17,066 --> 00:17:19,067 Maybe there are just winners and losers. 408 00:17:19,102 --> 00:17:21,236 I was beating myself up, but maybe I should... 409 00:17:21,270 --> 00:17:23,205 Maybe I should have been celebrating. 410 00:17:23,239 --> 00:17:26,174 - Have you ever dated two women at once? - What are you talking about? 411 00:17:26,209 --> 00:17:28,477 I went to camp... They used to call me the Octopus. 412 00:17:28,511 --> 00:17:30,723 - Clearly, you have not, sir. - That's enough. 413 00:17:30,762 --> 00:17:32,184 You get out of here right now! 414 00:17:32,215 --> 00:17:33,849 - Out. - Don't you "out" me. 415 00:17:33,883 --> 00:17:35,517 - Get out, get... - Getting a little handsy there, Rabbi. 416 00:17:35,551 --> 00:17:37,019 - Get out! - You know what I realize? 417 00:17:37,053 --> 00:17:38,720 Nothing matters, and that's great. You know why? 418 00:17:38,755 --> 00:17:41,521 Because if nothing matters, we can do whatever we want, Rabbi. 419 00:17:41,556 --> 00:17:44,092 - Avram! Julio! 420 00:17:44,127 --> 00:17:45,260 Get away from me, man. 421 00:17:45,294 --> 00:17:46,561 Kick his ass! 422 00:17:46,596 --> 00:17:48,597 All right, okay. 423 00:17:48,631 --> 00:17:50,599 YOLO! YOLO! 424 00:17:50,633 --> 00:17:52,467 Nick's right. 425 00:17:52,502 --> 00:17:54,403 I have too many purses. 426 00:17:54,437 --> 00:17:55,837 You're addicted to purses. 427 00:17:55,872 --> 00:17:59,441 I'm addicted to development fluid. I get it. 428 00:17:59,475 --> 00:18:01,843 This one's for meat, and this one's for shells. 429 00:18:01,878 --> 00:18:03,445 You know what? 430 00:18:03,479 --> 00:18:06,915 - Keep them. They're yours. - Okay, thanks. 431 00:18:06,949 --> 00:18:08,750 Also, heads up... The ass of your pants is missing. 432 00:18:08,785 --> 00:18:10,419 It's for the kitty cats. 433 00:18:12,555 --> 00:18:14,356 - My phone's ringing. - Sure. 434 00:18:14,390 --> 00:18:15,791 - Hello? 435 00:18:15,825 --> 00:18:18,326 I'm like a pretty lady. 436 00:18:18,361 --> 00:18:20,695 What's happening? 437 00:18:20,730 --> 00:18:22,197 I'm sorry to bother you, Miss Day, 438 00:18:22,231 --> 00:18:24,166 but this man was trying to open an account 439 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,135 with a check in your name and a paper bag full of money. 440 00:18:27,170 --> 00:18:29,638 Would you please stop hovering? I'm being cooperative. 441 00:18:29,672 --> 00:18:30,839 It's fine. He's okay. 442 00:18:30,873 --> 00:18:32,107 Thank you, though. 443 00:18:35,011 --> 00:18:37,345 Opening a bank account, huh? 444 00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:39,281 Yeah, I, uh... 445 00:18:39,315 --> 00:18:41,416 - I realized something. - What? 446 00:18:41,451 --> 00:18:45,287 I'd do anything for you, Jess. 447 00:18:45,321 --> 00:18:47,722 Hey. 448 00:18:49,492 --> 00:18:52,427 Thank you. 449 00:18:52,462 --> 00:18:56,198 All right, Mr. Miller, your checking account is good to go. 450 00:18:56,232 --> 00:18:58,567 Oh, there's just an eight dollar processing fee. 451 00:18:58,601 --> 00:18:59,334 Eight dollars? 452 00:18:59,368 --> 00:19:02,436 That's a very specific amount. 453 00:19:06,476 --> 00:19:08,844 That's fine... It's your world, your rules, so... 454 00:19:08,878 --> 00:19:09,911 Excellent. 455 00:19:09,946 --> 00:19:12,280 You go to the castle, you got to pay the king. 456 00:19:15,318 --> 00:19:18,186 What is processing? What does that mean? 457 00:19:18,221 --> 00:19:21,690 It's just a word you use to make more money off of us. 458 00:19:21,724 --> 00:19:23,825 - That makes me mad! - Me, too, yeah. 459 00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:25,994 Hey, how about this? What's a bank? 460 00:19:26,028 --> 00:19:27,362 - Yeah. - It's just a paper bag... 461 00:19:27,396 --> 00:19:29,064 - That's right. Yes! - ... with walls. 462 00:19:29,098 --> 00:19:32,067 You're making some really, really, really good points, ma'am. 463 00:19:32,101 --> 00:19:34,669 You are the puppeteers that puppet the world. 464 00:19:34,704 --> 00:19:35,871 No more banks! 465 00:19:35,905 --> 00:19:37,205 Or some banks... I don't care! 466 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:38,874 But I want my money on a boat! 467 00:19:38,908 --> 00:19:40,308 I understood at least 30% 468 00:19:40,343 --> 00:19:41,710 of the financial crisis, 469 00:19:41,744 --> 00:19:43,145 and guess what I got from that? 470 00:19:43,179 --> 00:19:45,447 - You... suck! - Yeah. 471 00:19:45,481 --> 00:19:47,816 You suck so hard. 472 00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:50,218 And now, I'm gonna process this man's face, 473 00:19:50,253 --> 00:19:52,354 'cause I think he's great. 474 00:19:52,388 --> 00:19:55,357 And I'm crazy about him. 475 00:19:56,859 --> 00:19:58,727 Fine, I'll waive the fee. 476 00:19:58,761 --> 00:20:00,395 Yeah! 477 00:20:00,429 --> 00:20:02,330 We won eight dollars! 478 00:20:02,365 --> 00:20:03,798 Just wait till you have children. 479 00:20:03,833 --> 00:20:06,101 You'll never touch each other again. 480 00:20:06,135 --> 00:20:09,204 Banks suck! Banks suck! 481 00:20:12,908 --> 00:20:14,442 What the hell happened to you? 482 00:20:14,476 --> 00:20:16,778 Got beat up by some rabbis. 483 00:20:16,812 --> 00:20:19,447 Well, Winston, we're all alone. 484 00:20:19,481 --> 00:20:21,716 Nothing matters. 485 00:20:21,750 --> 00:20:23,584 But you know what? Look Schmidt, stop, all right? 486 00:20:23,619 --> 00:20:25,353 You're a good man. 487 00:20:25,387 --> 00:20:27,855 You did a bad thing... doesn't make you bad. 488 00:20:27,890 --> 00:20:31,392 We just have to try to be better, you know? 489 00:20:31,427 --> 00:20:34,429 Been waiting all day for somebody to tell me that. 490 00:20:34,463 --> 00:20:37,398 I... I really appreciate it. Thank you. 491 00:20:37,433 --> 00:20:39,000 I want you to have something. 492 00:20:39,034 --> 00:20:41,369 Winston, literally, a gift is the last thing I des... 493 00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:45,440 - This is... - There you go. 494 00:20:45,474 --> 00:20:47,709 This is a candelabra. 495 00:20:47,743 --> 00:20:49,177 Yeah. 496 00:20:49,211 --> 00:20:51,245 I bought it with the money that Nick owed me. 497 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,514 - This is what you spent it on? - And now it's yours. 498 00:20:53,549 --> 00:20:56,784 Uh-huh. May it illuminate your path 499 00:20:56,819 --> 00:20:59,554 and lead you... out of the darkness. 500 00:20:59,588 --> 00:21:02,256 That's what it says on the bottom. 501 00:21:02,291 --> 00:21:04,726 May it illuminate your path, lead you out of darkness. 502 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,595 Uh, uh, thank you for this... really. 503 00:21:07,629 --> 00:21:10,264 Look at it every single day and tell yourself... 504 00:21:10,299 --> 00:21:12,934 "I'm a good person," 'cause you are. 505 00:21:12,968 --> 00:21:14,235 You know what I might do, though? 506 00:21:14,269 --> 00:21:15,903 And it might seem like the opposite, but... 507 00:21:15,938 --> 00:21:17,038 what I'm actually thinking is, 508 00:21:17,072 --> 00:21:18,606 maybe I'll just put it away somewhere, like in... 509 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,475 I don't know... in the back of my closet... 510 00:21:20,509 --> 00:21:21,876 so to keep it away from thieves. 511 00:21:21,910 --> 00:21:23,444 - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. 512 00:21:23,479 --> 00:21:24,879 - Can you be honest with me real quick? - Mm-hmm. 513 00:21:24,913 --> 00:21:27,281 How many times did you rub this thing and think a genie was gonna come out? 514 00:21:27,316 --> 00:21:28,750 I ain't gonna lie to you man. 515 00:21:28,784 --> 00:21:30,518 - I rubbed it, like, three times. - Yeah. 516 00:21:30,552 --> 00:21:32,173 - I thought so. - You know, I'm not... 517 00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:34,728 If a genie did come out, what would you wish for? 518 00:21:35,131 --> 00:21:37,683 - More candelabras. - Yeah, I bet. 519 00:21:38,084 --> 00:21:42,660 Sync and corrected by ScreamingPanda www.addic7ed.com