1
00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:04,238
Oh, hey. I was wondering

2
00:00:04,321 --> 00:00:05,447
about date night tonight.

3
00:00:05,531 --> 00:00:07,074
Um, do you want to just stay in?

4
00:00:07,157 --> 00:00:08,575
'Cause you know what that means.

5
00:00:08,659 --> 00:00:10,637
- Romantic dinner and Homeland?
- Sex on the couch.

6
00:00:10,661 --> 00:00:12,871
- Or your thing.
- Actually, Homeland sounds great.

7
00:00:12,955 --> 00:00:15,165
- Or your thing.
- Hey, Nick, um…

8
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:17,292
Last night when Furguson
and I were in the shower,

9
00:00:17,376 --> 00:00:18,585
I had an epiphany.

10
00:00:18,669 --> 00:00:19,979
It's time to get
back in the game.

11
00:00:20,003 --> 00:00:22,089
You know, meet some women.

12
00:00:22,172 --> 00:00:23,215
Human women.

13
00:00:23,298 --> 00:00:24,938
- Human? Is there any other kind?
- Human.

14
00:00:25,008 --> 00:00:27,070
Anyway, I was wondering if
you'd watch Furguson tonight

15
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,072
while I go out for some drinks
with some work buddies.

16
00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:31,199
Just for a little while.
You just gotta give him a pill at 6:00.

17
00:00:31,223 --> 00:00:32,659
- We're having date night tonight.
- Jess…

18
00:00:32,683 --> 00:00:37,104
Winston wants to go out
to meet human women.

19
00:00:37,187 --> 00:00:40,149
- Without the cat.
- Oh, yep, yep.

20
00:00:40,232 --> 00:00:42,359
Yep, yep.
Nick will watch the cat.

21
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:45,320
Are those
mouth pills or butt pills?

22
00:00:45,404 --> 00:00:46,613
Just one pill.

23
00:00:46,697 --> 00:00:48,741
Just one butt pill.

24
00:00:48,824 --> 00:00:50,176
- Here you are.
- Nah, I'm not touching that thing.

25
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,952
No? Okay.

26
00:00:52,035 --> 00:00:53,954
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah. You got it.

27
00:00:54,037 --> 00:00:55,914
Hey, guys. Just hanging
at home tonight?

28
00:00:55,998 --> 00:00:59,001
No, actually, we have a date tonight.
'Cause I just made some cobbler.

29
00:00:59,084 --> 00:01:00,294
Some peach cobbler

30
00:01:00,377 --> 00:01:02,045
and slow-churned
vanilla bean ice cream,

31
00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,023
and Coach is asking Cece
out on a date tonight, and…

32
00:01:04,047 --> 00:01:05,966
Does anybody want a bite
of this, 'cause it's…

33
00:01:06,049 --> 00:01:08,343
Ho! Ho!

34
00:01:08,427 --> 00:01:10,929
It's fresh out of the oven.

35
00:01:11,013 --> 00:01:12,723
It's piping hot!

36
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,516
Ha! Ha!

37
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,560
Who's that girl?

38
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,353
Who's that girl?

39
00:01:18,437 --> 00:01:20,606
It's Jess!

40
00:01:23,609 --> 00:01:25,736
Well, I hope Coach
at least ran this by you first.

41
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,738
Coach came over,
he followed the bro code.

42
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,448
Actually went really well.

43
00:01:29,531 --> 00:01:32,159
- Yeah.
- Just the man I wanted to see.

44
00:01:32,242 --> 00:01:33,744
- You found me.
- Yeah, I did.

45
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:35,096
I got a question for you, playa.

46
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,039
Drop the bomb, man!

47
00:01:37,122 --> 00:01:38,791
Can I ask Cece out on a date?

48
00:01:38,874 --> 00:01:41,168
Yeah! Wait, what?

49
00:01:41,251 --> 00:01:44,421
Wait, that's so great for Cece.
Coach is super hot.

50
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,424
Wrong crowd.

51
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:48,801
I see that now.

52
00:01:48,884 --> 00:01:50,552
Be that as it may,
you blew it with Cece,

53
00:01:50,636 --> 00:01:52,221
so you have to be
fine with this.

54
00:01:52,304 --> 00:01:53,847
- I am.
- You are?

55
00:01:53,931 --> 00:01:55,766
- I promise I am.
- You are?

56
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:57,601
- 100% fine.
- You're fine?

57
00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:59,603
- Yeah, I'm absolutely fine.
- Really?

58
00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:01,748
It's good for Cece, it's good for Coach,
it's good for America.

59
00:02:01,772 --> 00:02:04,250
Who knows? We might even get
another Tiger Woods out of this situation.

60
00:02:04,274 --> 00:02:05,901
Wouldn't that be nice?

61
00:02:05,984 --> 00:02:07,295
I'm probably getting
ahead of myself.

62
00:02:07,319 --> 00:02:09,071
Who knows if Cece
will even say yes?

63
00:02:09,154 --> 00:02:10,406
She said yes!

64
00:02:10,489 --> 00:02:12,866
We're going to the Staples Center
to watch a game tonight.

65
00:02:15,327 --> 00:02:17,079
Are you still…
Are you cool with this?

66
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,725
I mean, 'cause all you have
to do is say the word, man,

67
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:23,293
- and I'll back off, for real.
- N… No, man.

68
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,671
Come on. Date that thing.

69
00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:28,215
- Yeah! All right!
- Yeah! And then date it again.

70
00:02:28,298 --> 00:02:31,051
- It's not gonna date itself.
- Yeah, date it all night long.

71
00:02:31,135 --> 00:02:34,680
I'm kind of nervous!
Yeah, I'm nervous.

72
00:02:34,763 --> 00:02:36,723
Yeah, I'm really nervous. Um…

73
00:02:36,807 --> 00:02:38,493
I mean, she's beautiful
and she's super cool.

74
00:02:38,517 --> 00:02:40,245
And it's just, like…
Like, you don't even know.

75
00:02:40,269 --> 00:02:42,521
- I 100% know.
- Yes, you kno… You know.

76
00:02:42,604 --> 00:02:44,457
She stopped the wedding because
of me, so I'm just saying.

77
00:02:44,481 --> 00:02:46,483
And then I ruined it
'cause I had my own thing.

78
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,670
Malia broke up with me and that kind of,
like, threw my head for a loop,

79
00:02:48,694 --> 00:02:50,463
so I'm super vulnerable right now.
Oh, wait. Don't-don't worry.

80
00:02:50,487 --> 00:02:51,655
It's like… I don't know.

81
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:54,408
- Think I'm feeling kind of insecure.
- Come on. You're Coach.

82
00:02:54,491 --> 00:02:56,076
You're the Coach. Yeah.

83
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:59,455
You're the prize.
Remember, you're the prize.

84
00:02:59,538 --> 00:03:00,956
You're the prize.

85
00:03:01,039 --> 00:03:02,124
I'm Coach!

86
00:03:02,207 --> 00:03:04,251
Yeah, you're Coach.

87
00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:06,187
- She doesn't stand a chance!
- Oh, yeah, well…

88
00:03:06,211 --> 00:03:07,296
She's gonna get it good!

89
00:03:07,379 --> 00:03:09,131
Yeah! Or you could take it slow!

90
00:03:09,214 --> 00:03:11,359
- Nah, I'm gunning it!
- Oh, oh! Y-You're gonna gun it.

91
00:03:11,383 --> 00:03:12,694
- I am gunning it. Yes.
- You're gonna gun it for real?

92
00:03:12,718 --> 00:03:14,678
That first-class ass
is sitting in Coach tonight.

93
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:17,473
And best believe,
my seat will be in an upright

94
00:03:17,556 --> 00:03:19,099
and locked position.

95
00:03:19,183 --> 00:03:21,351
Thanks, Schmidt.

96
00:03:23,979 --> 00:03:25,522
Oh… Boy.

97
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:27,065
He's gonna gun it.

98
00:03:27,149 --> 00:03:28,334
I don't know if you heard that,

99
00:03:28,358 --> 00:03:31,528
but he said
he's going to gun it.

100
00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:36,116
- He's really not fine.
- When he says,

101
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,244
"I'm fine,"
he's about to get un-fine.

102
00:03:39,328 --> 00:03:41,080
Aw, Schmidters.

103
00:03:41,163 --> 00:03:43,499
There's gonna be
other open mics.

104
00:03:43,582 --> 00:03:45,667
With sturdier stools.

105
00:03:45,751 --> 00:03:47,294
I'm fine.

106
00:03:47,377 --> 00:03:48,879
I know you're fine.

107
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:51,006
Then they'll see your rap skills. Then…

108
00:03:51,090 --> 00:03:53,759
Hey. Stop! You just
said you were fine!

109
00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:55,385
You just said you were fine!

110
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,887
Let me die!

111
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,514
I know Schmidt.

112
00:03:58,597 --> 00:04:01,100
He's gonna try and stop
that date from happening.

113
00:04:01,183 --> 00:04:03,727
- Okay.
- So the strategy is containment.

114
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:04,996
- Okay.
- Okay? We got to lock him up.

115
00:04:05,020 --> 00:04:06,355
Distract him like a baby.

116
00:04:06,438 --> 00:04:08,732
If he gets out of line,
we got to get physical.

117
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,210
We're gonna get physical
with a baby?

118
00:04:10,234 --> 00:04:12,111
Please don't question me.
I'm a pro.

119
00:04:12,194 --> 00:04:13,737
Or we could help him move on.

120
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:16,198
Take him out, get him drunk,
maybe meet someone new?

121
00:04:16,281 --> 00:04:17,384
No. We just got to keep him
in a safe place.

122
00:04:17,408 --> 00:04:19,201
I wish I had that dog cage.

123
00:04:19,284 --> 00:04:20,327
What?

124
00:04:20,411 --> 00:04:22,913
When you see a dog cage for sale,
you buy it.

125
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,308
- Hey, Jess, about tonight, I'm so sorry.
- Yeah. No, it's okay.

126
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:26,893
We'll have date night
when we're marrie…

127
00:04:26,917 --> 00:04:29,753
- Da, burp a durp a durp.
- What did you just…

128
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:31,505
Merry. When we're
very merry Christmas.

129
00:04:31,588 --> 00:04:33,507
All right, moving on.

130
00:04:34,425 --> 00:04:36,385
Hey, uh…

131
00:04:36,468 --> 00:04:38,512
I'm having second thoughts
about Coach and Cece.

132
00:04:38,595 --> 00:04:40,347
Maybe I should stop their date.

133
00:04:40,431 --> 00:04:41,432
Smarten up!

134
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,767
Thank you. Um…

135
00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:46,854
Did you get a chance to get
that, uh… The dog cage?

136
00:04:46,937 --> 00:04:49,231
- No. I feel bad.
- You didn't?

137
00:04:49,314 --> 00:04:51,275
- That was the solution.
- I know it was.

138
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:53,736
Yeah, Jess, so I j… I just…
I just buzzed him up.

139
00:04:53,819 --> 00:04:56,238
I… He asked me out on a date,
and I said yes.

140
00:04:56,321 --> 00:04:58,081
We're both going through
a breakup right now,

141
00:04:58,157 --> 00:05:00,242
- which is good, right?
- Totally.

142
00:05:00,325 --> 00:05:01,785
Gun it. Gun it!

143
00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:03,412
He's here.

144
00:05:03,495 --> 00:05:04,580
Don't go past second base.

145
00:05:04,663 --> 00:05:06,248
Okay. Bye.

146
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,626
- Hey.
- Hey.

147
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,796
Wow. Uh, y-you look… amazing.

148
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,173
Aw.

149
00:05:14,256 --> 00:05:16,383
You look…

150
00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:17,885
This.

151
00:05:17,968 --> 00:05:20,429
I give you this 'cause you look…

152
00:05:20,512 --> 00:05:23,640
This, this and this.

153
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:27,102
- I'll give you all these. No. Not… Uh…
- Thank…

154
00:05:27,186 --> 00:05:28,913
I'm, uh… I'm really excited
about the game.

155
00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:30,022
Yeah!

156
00:05:30,105 --> 00:05:32,024
Yeah. Yeah.

157
00:05:32,107 --> 00:05:34,109
- I'm gonna go get my purse. Okay.
- Okay, cool.

158
00:05:34,193 --> 00:05:35,694
What is wrong with you?

159
00:05:35,778 --> 00:05:37,404
You're the prize!
You're the prize!

160
00:05:37,488 --> 00:05:39,239
Get it together.

161
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,993
- Hey. What's up, man?
- Hey.

162
00:05:44,995 --> 00:05:48,373
That's what's up, that's
what's up, that's what's up.

163
00:05:49,374 --> 00:05:50,834
Really appreciate this, guys.

164
00:05:53,879 --> 00:05:56,048
- Are you guys hungry?
- Always. Yeah.

165
00:05:56,131 --> 00:05:58,151
Great. I'm gonna go get some
food from the Staples Center.

166
00:05:58,175 --> 00:06:00,344
- Hey, easy. Chill out.
- Okay. All right.

167
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:01,738
You're right, you're right.
Great call.

168
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,138
Hey, Winston.

169
00:06:03,222 --> 00:06:04,598
Hey. What happened to you?

170
00:06:04,681 --> 00:06:05,950
I thought you were supposed
to go to a party.

171
00:06:05,974 --> 00:06:07,434
Yeah, it's been so long

172
00:06:07,518 --> 00:06:09,436
that I think I forgot
how to talk to women.

173
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,481
You ever wonder if someone
in here has killed someone?

174
00:06:14,566 --> 00:06:16,443
Furguson is his name.
Yeah, he's my cat.

175
00:06:16,527 --> 00:06:17,653
Here's him in a cowboy hat.

176
00:06:17,736 --> 00:06:19,905
Good Lord, darling,
how big are your feet?

177
00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:21,949
You know what? It's fine.

178
00:06:22,032 --> 00:06:23,617
I'll be alone my whole life.

179
00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:25,804
You know, Hank Aaron was alone
for every home run he hit.

180
00:06:25,828 --> 00:06:27,162
As long as I got Furguson.

181
00:06:27,246 --> 00:06:28,914
Speaking of which,
where is that cat?

182
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:31,458
Furguson!

183
00:06:31,542 --> 00:06:33,710
That's strange. He usually
comes when I call him.

184
00:06:35,254 --> 00:06:36,922
Nick, you left the window open?

185
00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:38,048
Oh, my God, no.

186
00:06:38,132 --> 00:06:39,716
- Nick!
- What?

187
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,111
You know he always trying
to kick it with those pigeons.

188
00:06:41,135 --> 00:06:42,511
Nick, you let him out.

189
00:06:42,594 --> 00:06:43,905
I did… I didn't mean to.
I just opened the window.

190
00:06:43,929 --> 00:06:45,514
Man, I asked you
to do one thing!

191
00:06:45,597 --> 00:06:47,534
- Winston, I'm really sorry.
- This is your fault, man!

192
00:06:47,558 --> 00:06:49,828
- I feel terrible, Winston.
- You're gonna help me find him!

193
00:06:49,852 --> 00:06:51,728
Winston, don't leave…
Winston…

194
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:53,790
Okay, I'm coming, buddy. Jess,
I'm sorry, but you're gonna

195
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,166
have to stay here and
keep an eye on Schmidt.

196
00:06:55,190 --> 00:06:56,358
No. No! No, no, no.

197
00:06:56,442 --> 00:06:58,318
You can't leave me here
with him.

198
00:06:58,402 --> 00:06:59,403
No, she's right.

199
00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:01,321
You can't do that.
What if it gets rough?

200
00:07:01,405 --> 00:07:02,632
Nick, he is in pain.
I can feel it.

201
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:03,741
- Don't you go!
- Stay!

202
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:04,867
I am so scared, man!

203
00:07:04,950 --> 00:07:06,410
What do you want me to do, Jess?

204
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:07,573
- Stay.
- Don't you dare go.

205
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,848
Everybody settle! Look, this is my fault.
Winston, I'm coming with you.

206
00:07:09,872 --> 00:07:11,432
- Okay.
- Schmidt, just get it together.

207
00:07:11,457 --> 00:07:13,542
Jess, I'm sorry.
Just keep him here

208
00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:15,586
and keep his mind off
the date. I have to go.

209
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,671
- I'm sorry.
- We got to go.

210
00:07:17,755 --> 00:07:19,339
Let's find that damn cat!

211
00:07:21,049 --> 00:07:23,027
What do you think Coach and Cece
are doing right now?

212
00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:24,851
- I don't know.
- They probably just sat down.

213
00:07:24,887 --> 00:07:26,247
Touching thighs
for the first time.

214
00:07:26,305 --> 00:07:28,390
- I'm gonna go stop that date!
- No!

215
00:07:34,605 --> 00:07:36,982
Is that literally all you have?

216
00:07:38,609 --> 00:07:40,152
Oh, my God, we're screwed.

217
00:07:40,235 --> 00:07:42,488
- Nick!
- Nick!

218
00:07:46,283 --> 00:07:48,410
Uh, think.

219
00:07:48,494 --> 00:07:49,912
Coach gave me an out.

220
00:07:49,995 --> 00:07:51,598
He said, "Just say the word
and it's off."

221
00:07:51,622 --> 00:07:53,540
And you know what?
I'm just gonna say the word.

222
00:07:53,624 --> 00:07:54,750
No! No!

223
00:07:54,833 --> 00:07:55,894
You call, you say the word.

224
00:07:55,918 --> 00:07:57,586
No, Schmidt!

225
00:07:57,669 --> 00:07:59,046
God, you can't do that to Cece.

226
00:07:59,129 --> 00:08:01,131
She's just starting to move on.

227
00:08:01,215 --> 00:08:02,358
All we have to do
is get through the night.

228
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:03,462
Just get through the night.

229
00:08:03,509 --> 00:08:06,512
- Just have to get your mind off her.
- What do you want to start with?

230
00:08:06,595 --> 00:08:07,721
Play it now.

231
00:08:07,805 --> 00:08:10,599
Play it now, my baby.

232
00:08:10,682 --> 00:08:12,976
Cracklin' Rosie, get on by.

233
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,561
What's-what's happening?

234
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:20,275
Maybe just go no shoes.
I don't know.

235
00:08:20,359 --> 00:08:22,403
Okay, and this one's
tenth grade, so…

236
00:08:22,486 --> 00:08:23,946
This one's from Evan G.

237
00:08:24,029 --> 00:08:26,490
Evan G. Was the captain
of the water polo team.

238
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,575
"Hey, Jess, we both like lunch."

239
00:08:28,659 --> 00:08:30,202
That's true.

240
00:08:30,285 --> 00:08:31,787
Oh, Lands End… Aw, dude…

241
00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:34,832
Play it now, play it now.

242
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,166
My baby.

243
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,627
Cracklin' Rosie, get on board

244
00:08:38,710 --> 00:08:40,105
Camryn Manheim represents
a woman who was heckled

245
00:08:40,129 --> 00:08:42,589
by a carnival clown,
and Dylan McDermott says…

246
00:08:42,673 --> 00:08:44,591
- I can't stop thinking about Cece!
- Okay!

247
00:08:44,675 --> 00:08:45,944
Nick said this would work.
Sit down.

248
00:08:45,968 --> 00:08:47,445
- Stop thinking about Cece.
- I'm gonna sit down.

249
00:08:47,469 --> 00:08:49,513
Wow.

250
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:54,435
This leather is
so smooth, brown.

251
00:08:54,518 --> 00:08:56,270
It's just like Cece.

252
00:08:56,353 --> 00:08:57,688
That's weird.

253
00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,982
You're right. I'm just gonna
lay down for a little bit.

254
00:09:00,065 --> 00:09:01,483
Okay.

255
00:09:03,485 --> 00:09:05,446
Oh, yeah, this feels good.

256
00:09:13,537 --> 00:09:14,997
Okay.

257
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,623
What are you doing, Schmidt?

258
00:09:16,707 --> 00:09:18,542
- Nothing, just go.
- No, no, no, no.

259
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:19,793
- Just go away.
- Okay…

260
00:09:19,877 --> 00:09:20,878
Schmidt, hey.

261
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:22,504
No! We're getting
you out of here,

262
00:09:22,588 --> 00:09:24,548
and we're gonna get you
a new woman, okay?

263
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:26,091
Nick said to stay at home.

264
00:09:26,175 --> 00:09:28,093
Well, Nick doesn't know
everything, Schmidt.

265
00:09:28,177 --> 00:09:29,529
And please stop this.
This is so disgusting.

266
00:09:29,553 --> 00:09:31,138
I can't even look at you.

267
00:09:31,221 --> 00:09:32,657
Come on, this is gross.
This is getting really weird.

268
00:09:32,681 --> 00:09:34,099
Please! Just one more kiss!

269
00:09:34,183 --> 00:09:36,477
No, you're kissing
a sectional, you dummy!

270
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:37,728
All right.

271
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,898
That was the right move.
You did good.

272
00:09:41,690 --> 00:09:43,692
- Furguson!
- Furguson!

273
00:09:43,776 --> 00:09:45,736
- Furguson!
- Come here, buddy!

274
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,571
Come on, you little
son of a bitch!

275
00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:49,254
We should do another lap
around the park.

276
00:09:49,323 --> 00:09:51,426
I bet those mean-ass kids
playing Frisbee are gone by now.

277
00:09:51,450 --> 00:09:54,369
Winston…
We've looked everywhere.

278
00:09:54,453 --> 00:09:56,538
What are you do… Winston.

279
00:09:56,622 --> 00:09:58,499
Damn it!

280
00:09:58,582 --> 00:10:00,626
I should've never
gone to that party.

281
00:10:00,709 --> 00:10:02,169
Nah, the party was a good thing.

282
00:10:02,252 --> 00:10:04,129
- You should go to more parties.
- Really?

283
00:10:04,213 --> 00:10:05,964
I got shot down by,
I don't know,

284
00:10:06,048 --> 00:10:07,591
16 or so different women.

285
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:08,954
And then I come home to find out

286
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:11,595
that you have misplaced
my best friend.

287
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:13,680
- Furguson's your best friend now?
- Yes!

288
00:10:13,764 --> 00:10:15,604
Would you listen to yourself?
This is pathetic.

289
00:10:15,641 --> 00:10:16,892
- Whoa.
- "Pathetic" is harsh.

290
00:10:16,975 --> 00:10:18,268
I didn't mean…

291
00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:20,687
Friends don't call
friends pathetic.

292
00:10:20,771 --> 00:10:22,397
Well, what do friends do

293
00:10:22,481 --> 00:10:24,601
when their other friend is
taking a shower with a cat?

294
00:10:26,777 --> 00:10:27,903
Wait, wait, wait!

295
00:10:27,986 --> 00:10:29,405
I just got a text.

296
00:10:29,488 --> 00:10:30,489
Somebody found him.

297
00:10:30,572 --> 00:10:31,907
- No way! Furguson?
- Yes.

298
00:10:31,990 --> 00:10:33,575
Yes! Don't do that at all.

299
00:10:33,659 --> 00:10:35,285
If that cat's alive,
we're made up.

300
00:10:37,788 --> 00:10:39,706
How you liking that merch?

301
00:10:39,790 --> 00:10:42,668
Oh, it's… It's great, thanks.

302
00:10:42,751 --> 00:10:45,379
Yeah, yeah.

303
00:10:45,462 --> 00:10:47,631
- You want a pretzel?
- No, I'm-I'm fine, thanks.

304
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:48,983
It wasn't a question.
Hey, yo, Slice!

305
00:10:49,007 --> 00:10:52,761
Let me get about seven
of them hot things!

306
00:10:52,845 --> 00:10:54,138
You worried about the money?

307
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:56,181
It's cool, I got it, babe.

308
00:10:56,265 --> 00:10:58,767
Coach had a good year today.

309
00:11:00,269 --> 00:11:01,830
Yeah, when I-I agreed
to go out with you,

310
00:11:01,854 --> 00:11:03,730
this isn't exactly
what I expected.

311
00:11:03,814 --> 00:11:05,983
I know, I hear that a lot,
I hear that a lot.

312
00:11:08,193 --> 00:11:10,654
Uh-oh!

313
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:13,449
Ha-ha! Look at that.
Coach is blowing up.

314
00:11:13,532 --> 00:11:15,534
Oh.

315
00:11:15,617 --> 00:11:17,703
I'll just… Thanks.

316
00:11:17,786 --> 00:11:19,455
Damn it.

317
00:11:19,538 --> 00:11:21,623
I can't mingle with this trash.

318
00:11:21,707 --> 00:11:22,916
I've been to the mountaintop.

319
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,668
Okay, look. Look at me.

320
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,670
You are moving on.
Now, where's the old Schmidt?

321
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:29,715
When I moved into the loft,
you used to pull so many ladies.

322
00:11:29,798 --> 00:11:31,258
You were legendary.

323
00:11:31,341 --> 00:11:34,803
That year, uh, Hurricane Schmidt
did-did demolish

324
00:11:34,887 --> 00:11:36,597
- a number of beach communities.
- Right.

325
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,932
All right, we're gonna go talk
to this girl over here.

326
00:11:39,016 --> 00:11:40,642
She's on a flip phone, Jess.

327
00:11:40,726 --> 00:11:43,604
I mean, she's either poor
or a time traveler.

328
00:11:43,687 --> 00:11:44,873
Hi! This is my friend Schmidt.

329
00:11:44,897 --> 00:11:47,357
And he's sweet and he's smart.

330
00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:49,443
And he has a job that I
don't really understand,

331
00:11:49,526 --> 00:11:50,652
but seems to pay him well.

332
00:11:50,736 --> 00:11:51,945
- Schmidt, sit down.
- Okay.

333
00:11:52,029 --> 00:11:54,948
I'm gonna give you two a moment.

334
00:11:57,534 --> 00:11:59,703
Look, you're a beautiful woman.

335
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:02,164
In another life, we certainly
would've been lovers, but…

336
00:12:02,247 --> 00:12:05,084
My soul mate is at a Sparks game
right now with another man.

337
00:12:05,167 --> 00:12:07,002
I need to go get her.

338
00:12:07,086 --> 00:12:08,897
- Oh, you poor thing…
- Please don't interrupt me.

339
00:12:08,921 --> 00:12:12,424
Now, do you see that
bug-eyed woman over there?

340
00:12:12,508 --> 00:12:14,593
I need to ditch her

341
00:12:14,676 --> 00:12:16,428
so that I can go
fulfill my destiny.

342
00:12:16,512 --> 00:12:17,697
Now, tell me when
she looks away.

343
00:12:17,721 --> 00:12:19,598
Not now.

344
00:12:19,681 --> 00:12:21,683
Not now. Wait.

345
00:12:21,767 --> 00:12:22,768
Now.

346
00:12:24,686 --> 00:12:27,648
What might've been.

347
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,902
Hey, Schmidt! No!

348
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,866
What do you think he's gonna
look like when we get him back?

349
00:12:37,950 --> 00:12:41,036
Found him under the steps
eating a dead raccoon's eyeball.

350
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:44,331
Your cat's a psycho.

351
00:12:44,415 --> 00:12:46,667
Oh, did my baby have
a tasty treat?

352
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:49,753
Furguson, I missed you
so much, little buddy.

353
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,064
They're very connected,
those two.

354
00:12:51,088 --> 00:12:52,881
I can relate.
Got a beast of my own.

355
00:12:52,965 --> 00:12:54,258
Hodgkiss, wake up.

356
00:12:55,759 --> 00:12:58,303
- We got company.
- Aw.

357
00:12:58,387 --> 00:13:00,889
- Is that a squirrel?
- Squirrel? It's a hamster.

358
00:13:00,973 --> 00:13:02,409
Nick, you know
what a squirrel looks like.

359
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:03,684
Okay, you've been outside, man.

360
00:13:03,767 --> 00:13:05,644
Trying to just figure out
the smell, I guess.

361
00:13:05,727 --> 00:13:07,729
This guy's the best.
I'd rather stay home

362
00:13:07,813 --> 00:13:09,857
and watch Grey's with him
than go out to some bar,

363
00:13:09,940 --> 00:13:13,026
try to impress some douche bag
dressed like a lumberjack.

364
00:13:13,819 --> 00:13:14,903
I am done chasing men.

365
00:13:14,987 --> 00:13:16,029
I hear that.

366
00:13:16,113 --> 00:13:18,532
I am so done chasing women.

367
00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:21,160
That's too bad.

368
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:27,791
Yeah, it's too bad.

369
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:30,127
You guys hungry?

370
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,479
Oh, no,
but thank you very much for the offer.

371
00:13:31,503 --> 00:13:32,671
I could eat.

372
00:13:32,755 --> 00:13:34,131
Winston, do you like bologna?

373
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:36,467
It's the kind you have
to peel the wrapper off

374
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:37,926
just to get to the meat.

375
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:41,263
And do you have
pudding in a cup?

376
00:13:41,346 --> 00:13:42,546
I never have pudding in a cup.

377
00:13:42,598 --> 00:13:44,308
No.

378
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,035
Is that a good thing
or a bad thing that she doesn't?

379
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,728
That's a good thing.

380
00:13:49,146 --> 00:13:51,148
You know, I don't know
what's going on here.

381
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:52,775
Find Staples Center!

382
00:13:52,858 --> 00:13:54,044
Finding Starples Medical Supply.

383
00:13:54,068 --> 00:13:55,778
No, you dumb pocket robot!

384
00:13:55,861 --> 00:13:57,196
Dan Plummer Rubber Stumpers.

385
00:13:57,279 --> 00:13:58,947
Aah! Now you're
just making up words!

386
00:13:59,031 --> 00:14:00,949
That's not even a place!
Damn you!

387
00:14:01,116 --> 00:14:02,218
Maiden Worcestershire Sauce.

388
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,328
Huh. Chocolate.

389
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,163
Hi, there.

390
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,999
I'm ruining a date, and I don't
want to show up empty-handed.

391
00:14:09,083 --> 00:14:12,503
I will take three of the,
ooh, the dulce de leches.

392
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:13,712
Um…

393
00:14:15,005 --> 00:14:16,715
How about some caramels?

394
00:14:16,799 --> 00:14:19,027
Do you have anything that says
"I'm sorry for cheating on you.

395
00:14:19,051 --> 00:14:20,969
"Please don't sleep
with my friend"?

396
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:23,931
Of course you don't. Wonderful.

397
00:14:24,014 --> 00:14:25,724
Ooh, look at that… Samples.

398
00:14:29,061 --> 00:14:30,938
Wha… Who are you
texting right now?

399
00:14:31,021 --> 00:14:32,981
Uh, wh-what are you
talking about?

400
00:14:33,065 --> 00:14:34,608
I'm not texting.
I was just, uh…

401
00:14:34,691 --> 00:14:35,984
You're texting right now.

402
00:14:36,068 --> 00:14:37,236
Nah, I'm just, uh…

403
00:14:37,319 --> 00:14:39,005
Okay, you know what?
Whoever you are texting,

404
00:14:39,029 --> 00:14:40,239
if you want to be with them,

405
00:14:40,322 --> 00:14:41,508
you should just go off
and be with them.

406
00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:43,826
You're so jealous.

407
00:14:43,909 --> 00:14:46,120
Okay, yeah, you know what? That's it!

408
00:14:46,203 --> 00:14:48,122
That is the last straw!

409
00:14:48,205 --> 00:14:50,624
I'm out of here.

410
00:14:50,707 --> 00:14:52,876
Cece…

411
00:15:01,927 --> 00:15:04,179
So, Bertie, have you always
been a bus driver?

412
00:15:04,263 --> 00:15:05,764
I used to manage a shoe store.

413
00:15:05,848 --> 00:15:07,015
Then I, uh, quit,

414
00:15:07,099 --> 00:15:08,809
had a few dark years.

415
00:15:08,892 --> 00:15:11,395
- Sold Christian T-shirts for a while.
- Okay.

416
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,981
Got my tubes tied. Not cheap.

417
00:15:14,064 --> 00:15:17,151
- This is a real honest conversation.
- Shut up, Nick.

418
00:15:17,234 --> 00:15:19,903
Pulled myself out of that
personal hell, and… Voila.

419
00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:21,363
- Wow.
- You know,

420
00:15:21,447 --> 00:15:22,823
I like driving bus.

421
00:15:22,906 --> 00:15:25,033
Get to put whatever I want
on the dash.

422
00:15:25,117 --> 00:15:27,703
Keeps the darkness away.
You know?

423
00:15:27,786 --> 00:15:29,163
I also, uh…

424
00:15:29,246 --> 00:15:30,956
I paint.

425
00:15:31,039 --> 00:15:33,375
You paint?

426
00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:37,838
It's a boat.

427
00:15:37,921 --> 00:15:40,007
Oh, I can see it's a boat.

428
00:15:41,133 --> 00:15:43,177
All right, well, uh…

429
00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:44,928
I better take
my stomach medicine.

430
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:47,473
I got to get up at 3:30.

431
00:15:47,556 --> 00:15:49,183
- Is that a.m.?
- I drive a bus.

432
00:15:49,266 --> 00:15:51,894
Will you eat
your damn sandwich, Nick.

433
00:15:51,977 --> 00:15:53,687
I don't like it.

434
00:15:53,771 --> 00:15:55,647
What about you, Winston?
Do you like it?

435
00:15:55,731 --> 00:15:57,274
I'm not gonna lie to you,
Bertie.

436
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,234
Sometimes it was
a little hard to chew.

437
00:15:59,318 --> 00:16:02,237
Well… You can suck on it
to make it soft.

438
00:16:07,993 --> 00:16:10,537
Wow. Is something happening
between you two?

439
00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:14,083
- Dude, she is so real.
- Okay, good.

440
00:16:14,166 --> 00:16:15,727
Would you do me a favor?
Now, you owe me.

441
00:16:15,751 --> 00:16:18,045
Winston, I would love to. Anything.

442
00:16:18,128 --> 00:16:19,838
I mean it. Anything.

443
00:16:19,922 --> 00:16:21,215
- Okay.
- I owe you.

444
00:16:21,298 --> 00:16:22,925
I need you

445
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:25,928
to take Furguson home
tonight for me

446
00:16:26,011 --> 00:16:29,098
while I just stay here and,
you know, see where this goes.

447
00:16:29,181 --> 00:16:31,350
Yes. This is a big moment.

448
00:16:31,433 --> 00:16:32,893
- Yeah.
- I'm proud of you.

449
00:16:32,976 --> 00:16:35,979
Listen, Furguson,
I'm about to do what adults do.

450
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,290
- Hey, wish me luck.
- I think that's enough.

451
00:16:37,314 --> 00:16:39,525
- Wish me luck.
- Oh, this is a fat cat.

452
00:16:39,608 --> 00:16:41,044
It's a tough decision.
Do I… I'll just leave…

453
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,295
- Stay here, stay here.
- Okay. Yeah!

454
00:16:42,319 --> 00:16:44,947
Cece, wait! Please wait!

455
00:16:45,030 --> 00:16:46,532
I was texting my mom!

456
00:16:46,615 --> 00:16:48,617
- Dork.
- Shut up!

457
00:16:50,411 --> 00:16:52,162
Oh, come on!

458
00:16:52,246 --> 00:16:54,957
Do you really expect me
to believe that?

459
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,126
No. I-I promise…
I… My mom…

460
00:16:57,209 --> 00:17:00,003
She was texting me because
I was… I was super nervous

461
00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,672
about this date.

462
00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:03,674
- Your mom?
- Look.

463
00:17:03,757 --> 00:17:04,967
"Go get 'em, Booboo"?

464
00:17:05,050 --> 00:17:07,469
That's me. I'm Booboo.

465
00:17:07,553 --> 00:17:09,555
Why do you need
inspirational quotes

466
00:17:09,638 --> 00:17:11,932
from your mom
just to talk to me?

467
00:17:12,015 --> 00:17:13,767
I'm sorry. I…

468
00:17:13,851 --> 00:17:16,145
I'm just… I'm coming
out of this relationship,

469
00:17:16,228 --> 00:17:18,272
and, like… I just…

470
00:17:18,355 --> 00:17:21,024
I don't know.
I feel I don't know how to…

471
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:23,777
I don't know
how to do this anymore.

472
00:17:23,861 --> 00:17:26,155
I know how you feel.

473
00:17:26,238 --> 00:17:28,031
You do?

474
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,992
Yeah.

475
00:17:30,075 --> 00:17:32,536
Wow. Uh…

476
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:36,123
I just want to put on some Drake
and get up on you, girl.

477
00:17:36,206 --> 00:17:37,446
You see, you're doing it again.

478
00:17:37,499 --> 00:17:39,168
Damn it! I know.

479
00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:40,502
Sorry.

480
00:17:40,586 --> 00:17:42,087
Hey! Schmidt!

481
00:17:42,171 --> 00:17:43,922
Schmidt, what are you doing?

482
00:17:44,006 --> 00:17:46,049
Why do you have
all that chocolate?

483
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:47,301
I'm going to go win her back!

484
00:17:47,384 --> 00:17:49,219
Do you know where
I can get a pretty candle?

485
00:17:49,303 --> 00:17:51,180
No. Come on, Schmidt,
get in the car.

486
00:17:53,891 --> 00:17:55,726
Get in the car.

487
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:57,186
I love her, Jess.

488
00:17:58,395 --> 00:18:00,647
I have to tell her.

489
00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:02,191
Well, you can't.

490
00:18:02,274 --> 00:18:04,068
You have to let her go.

491
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:05,235
I know.

492
00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:07,362
Look, you're right. I know.

493
00:18:07,446 --> 00:18:09,823
Okay, good.
Come on, get back in the car.

494
00:18:09,907 --> 00:18:11,092
I also know
that in about 30 seconds,

495
00:18:11,116 --> 00:18:12,743
I'm gonna run away
from you again,

496
00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:14,203
and this time, I will lose you.

497
00:18:14,286 --> 00:18:16,580
I'll go down alleys,
I'll cut across parks.

498
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,666
I will live in the shadows,
just slithering, lurking,

499
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:21,418
trolling the darkness.

500
00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:25,672
Jess, there's only one way
for you to stop me.

501
00:18:25,756 --> 00:18:27,216
Well, I'll do it,
whatever it is.

502
00:18:27,299 --> 00:18:29,051
Hit me with your car.

503
00:18:29,134 --> 00:18:32,221
What? No! No!

504
00:18:32,304 --> 00:18:34,098
It's the only way
for you to stop me!

505
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,682
No! That's crazy, Schmidt!

506
00:18:35,766 --> 00:18:38,143
Come on, Jess. Now, do it!
I deserve it.

507
00:18:38,227 --> 00:18:40,896
I cheated on your best friend,
I tried to break up you and Nick.

508
00:18:40,979 --> 00:18:42,981
- Hit the gas.
- No! No!

509
00:18:43,065 --> 00:18:45,359
Jess, you do this,
or I'm gonna run.

510
00:18:45,442 --> 00:18:48,070
- I don't want to!
- I'm gonna give you to the count of three.

511
00:18:48,153 --> 00:18:49,905
- No, I don't want to! Schmidt!
- Three.

512
00:18:49,988 --> 00:18:51,073
Two. Do it for Cece.

513
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,161
Oh, my God!

514
00:18:56,245 --> 00:18:59,248
What the hell was that?

515
00:18:59,331 --> 00:19:01,083
You told me to hit you
with the car!

516
00:19:01,166 --> 00:19:02,644
You friggin' just hit me
with your vehicle!

517
00:19:02,668 --> 00:19:04,086
You asked me to.

518
00:19:04,169 --> 00:19:05,688
I didn't think you were
really gonna do it.

519
00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:07,131
I barely tapped you.

520
00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:08,799
This is my favorite
utility khaki!

521
00:19:08,882 --> 00:19:10,568
Well, then don't tell me
to hit you with my car

522
00:19:10,592 --> 00:19:12,278
if you don't want me
to hit you with my car!

523
00:19:12,302 --> 00:19:13,846
- You're out of control!
- What?

524
00:19:13,929 --> 00:19:15,431
Ma'am, please pull over.

525
00:19:15,514 --> 00:19:18,225
Jess!

526
00:19:18,308 --> 00:19:21,270
Oh, my God! Schmidt!

527
00:19:21,353 --> 00:19:22,980
Son of a bitch!

528
00:19:26,024 --> 00:19:28,294
- I know how this looks.
- Like you hit a man with your car?

529
00:19:28,318 --> 00:19:29,528
Twice.

530
00:19:29,611 --> 00:19:31,280
I only meant to hit you once.

531
00:19:31,363 --> 00:19:32,656
Well, you hit me twice.

532
00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:34,116
Also, he asked me to hit him.

533
00:19:34,199 --> 00:19:36,034
I'm in a really weird place.

534
00:19:36,118 --> 00:19:37,178
I just need to write a report.

535
00:19:37,202 --> 00:19:39,037
She's not a criminal. She…

536
00:19:39,121 --> 00:19:40,205
She was being a friend.

537
00:19:40,289 --> 00:19:43,208
I hit him
because I care about him.

538
00:19:45,043 --> 00:19:47,212
You guys are
into some weird stuff.

539
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:55,763
Well, congratulations.

540
00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:58,182
You made it.

541
00:19:59,725 --> 00:20:01,059
I did, didn't I?

542
00:20:01,143 --> 00:20:02,770
Yeah.

543
00:20:02,853 --> 00:20:05,063
And, hey, you know, don't worry
about the hospital bill.

544
00:20:05,147 --> 00:20:06,690
I'll pay it.

545
00:20:06,774 --> 00:20:09,276
Wait a minute. Did you think
that I was gonna pay your…

546
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:10,545
Well, you hit me with your car,
and I thought

547
00:20:10,569 --> 00:20:12,696
- you would at least offer.
- You told me…

548
00:20:12,780 --> 00:20:16,158
- I thought it would be a nice…
- to hit you with the car.

549
00:20:21,413 --> 00:20:23,916
Schmidt, don't pretend you're fine.

550
00:20:23,999 --> 00:20:25,501
I know you're not.

551
00:20:25,584 --> 00:20:29,296
I'm not fine.

552
00:20:29,379 --> 00:20:32,007
But I will be.

553
00:20:32,091 --> 00:20:33,801
Uh…

554
00:20:33,884 --> 00:20:35,385
Let's just wait it out.

555
00:20:35,469 --> 00:20:37,346
Okay.

556
00:20:40,808 --> 00:20:42,726
- God, it's been a half an hour.

557
00:20:42,810 --> 00:20:45,145
Come up for air, you weirdoes.

558
00:20:45,229 --> 00:20:46,814
Mm, mm, mm.

559
00:20:46,897 --> 00:20:49,191
I'm getting kind of revved up.

560
00:20:49,274 --> 00:20:50,567
Nick has some work to do.

561
00:20:50,651 --> 00:20:52,236
Oh, God.

562
00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:54,321
Give me a chocolate.

563
00:20:58,367 --> 00:21:01,120
Mm.

564
00:21:03,789 --> 00:21:05,582
- Hey, there.
- Hey.

565
00:21:07,292 --> 00:21:08,877
Can I get some of that?

566
00:21:21,890 --> 00:21:23,559
Mm-hmm.

567
00:21:23,642 --> 00:21:25,727
You spending the night, or what?

568
00:21:25,811 --> 00:21:27,354
Oh, hell, yeah.

569
00:21:27,438 --> 00:21:31,775
Play it now, play it now,
Play it now, my baby…