1 00:00:01,667 --> 00:00:03,710 - That's so cute! - Bum, bum, bum! 2 00:00:03,794 --> 00:00:05,045 Birthday Eve Cocktail. 3 00:00:05,128 --> 00:00:08,006 Oh, my God. You're my favorite bartender. Thank you! 4 00:00:10,175 --> 00:00:13,095 Oh, my God. What is that? 5 00:00:13,178 --> 00:00:15,323 Oh, no, is it not good? I'm still learning how to make drinks. 6 00:00:15,347 --> 00:00:17,933 - I'm better at shots. Wanna birthday shot? - Oh, yeah. 7 00:00:18,016 --> 00:00:19,434 I think I'm good. 8 00:00:19,518 --> 00:00:21,270 So, any special birthday plans? 9 00:00:21,353 --> 00:00:23,814 No, she's just gonna go to the movies alone, as usual. 10 00:00:23,897 --> 00:00:26,024 No, I'm not, actually. Uh, this year… 11 00:00:26,358 --> 00:00:29,236 Nick asked me to spend the day with him. 12 00:00:29,319 --> 00:00:30,922 That's so sweet. I mean, what are you gonna do? 13 00:00:30,946 --> 00:00:32,072 Something special? 14 00:00:32,155 --> 00:00:34,157 Maybe. You know, whatever Nick wants to do. 15 00:00:34,241 --> 00:00:35,534 I'm not really a birthday person. 16 00:00:35,617 --> 00:00:38,870 - Please. - I have a lot of expectations for people. 17 00:00:38,954 --> 00:00:41,290 - Happy birthday. - Oh, my God. 18 00:00:45,419 --> 00:00:47,296 "Made in China"? 19 00:00:47,379 --> 00:00:49,548 Are you taking me to China? 20 00:00:50,549 --> 00:00:52,676 And that's why, a long time ago, 21 00:00:52,759 --> 00:00:55,762 I decided that I would spend my birthday alone at the movies. 22 00:00:55,846 --> 00:00:57,973 It's just… safer, you know? 23 00:00:58,056 --> 00:01:00,934 No getting your hopes up, no getting let down. 24 00:01:01,018 --> 00:01:02,769 Well, I know how you feel about movies. 25 00:01:02,853 --> 00:01:05,731 I mean, my parents took me to see Witness 26 00:01:05,814 --> 00:01:07,357 and then they never came back. 27 00:01:07,441 --> 00:01:09,359 - What? - I can really quote that movie though. 28 00:01:09,443 --> 00:01:12,070 "Be careful out among them English." 29 00:01:12,988 --> 00:01:14,239 But enough about me! 30 00:01:14,323 --> 00:01:16,033 I am talking your ear off, lady, 31 00:01:16,116 --> 00:01:17,284 and it's your birthday. 32 00:01:17,367 --> 00:01:19,161 This year's gonna be different. 33 00:01:19,244 --> 00:01:21,288 Maybe Nick has something big planned, maybe not. 34 00:01:21,371 --> 00:01:23,123 I'm gonna be chill. 35 00:01:23,206 --> 00:01:24,583 No expectations. 36 00:01:24,666 --> 00:01:26,585 Low maintenance. No maintenance. 37 00:01:26,668 --> 00:01:28,003 I'm just gonna be one of those 38 00:01:28,086 --> 00:01:29,588 cool girlfriends, like in the movies. 39 00:01:29,671 --> 00:01:31,715 She just, like, has bed head and she wears, 40 00:01:31,798 --> 00:01:34,384 like, men's shirts and she's just like, "Yeah, cool." 41 00:01:34,468 --> 00:01:37,012 "I'll wear, like, men's shirts and, like, sneakers and stuff. 42 00:01:37,095 --> 00:01:39,056 And, like, I don't care about how I look." 43 00:01:40,599 --> 00:01:42,935 Hey. Hey. 44 00:01:43,018 --> 00:01:45,771 She has no idea about the party. 45 00:01:48,106 --> 00:01:49,816 Uh, Winston's STD-free. 46 00:01:52,694 --> 00:01:55,197 - Whew! It was a close call. Yeah. - Yeah. 47 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,157 Yeah. Yeah. 48 00:01:57,241 --> 00:01:59,618 Close call, y'all. 49 00:01:59,701 --> 00:02:01,787 Who's that girl? 50 00:02:01,870 --> 00:02:04,331 Who's that girl? It's Jess. 51 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:10,021 Do you guys know how hard it's been 52 00:02:10,045 --> 00:02:12,047 for me to keep this party a secret? 53 00:02:12,130 --> 00:02:14,170 Nick, it's been an inspiration, and that's why we're 54 00:02:14,216 --> 00:02:16,051 gonna help you cross that finish line, okay? 55 00:02:16,134 --> 00:02:17,219 This is our Rudy. 56 00:02:17,302 --> 00:02:18,488 Very condescending but thank you. 57 00:02:18,512 --> 00:02:20,347 - Right on. - All right, team check-in. 58 00:02:20,430 --> 00:02:21,848 Coach, where we at with decorations? 59 00:02:21,932 --> 00:02:23,267 - I forgot. - Wait, what? 60 00:02:23,350 --> 00:02:25,602 Psych! I'm the best at stuff. 61 00:02:25,686 --> 00:02:29,064 I don't forget stuff. First place! 62 00:02:29,147 --> 00:02:30,983 Wait. Why are you first place? 63 00:02:31,066 --> 00:02:32,651 I dominated on cake patrol. 64 00:02:32,734 --> 00:02:34,194 And thank you for getting that cake. 65 00:02:34,278 --> 00:02:35,505 You don't have to add the "patrol." 66 00:02:35,529 --> 00:02:37,197 Decorations beats cake. 67 00:02:37,281 --> 00:02:40,075 Uh, no. Cake definitely beats decorations. 68 00:02:40,158 --> 00:02:41,719 Oh, really? Let's do a word association game, okay? 69 00:02:41,743 --> 00:02:42,995 Yeah. I'm in, I'm in. 70 00:02:43,078 --> 00:02:45,581 - Birthday. - Decorations. Wait, what'd I say? 71 00:02:45,664 --> 00:02:47,642 Okay, Schmidt, are you ready to transport all electronics 72 00:02:47,666 --> 00:02:49,251 to the party venue? 73 00:02:49,334 --> 00:02:51,461 By "electronics," you mean this itty-bitty flash drive 74 00:02:51,545 --> 00:02:54,298 that I can fit in my pocket and that is light as air? 75 00:02:54,381 --> 00:02:55,591 I need a verbal confirmation. 76 00:02:55,674 --> 00:02:57,676 You insult me. Yes. 77 00:02:57,759 --> 00:02:59,654 Cece, you ready to cover my shift tomorrow with Mike? 78 00:02:59,678 --> 00:03:01,263 Born ready. Yes. 79 00:03:01,346 --> 00:03:03,599 Oh. You're giving your Saturday to Cece? 80 00:03:03,682 --> 00:03:06,810 That's cool. That's really wonderful. 81 00:03:06,894 --> 00:03:09,062 - Can you tell I'm being sarcastic? - Absolutely. 82 00:03:09,146 --> 00:03:10,666 - Yeah, it's pretty clear. - I'm ready. 83 00:03:10,731 --> 00:03:12,065 You set fire to soda water. 84 00:03:12,149 --> 00:03:13,233 Who does that? 85 00:03:13,317 --> 00:03:14,544 How do you even possibly do that? 86 00:03:14,568 --> 00:03:16,069 It's not a flammable thing. 87 00:03:16,153 --> 00:03:17,821 It's not even… Are you a witch? 88 00:03:17,905 --> 00:03:19,072 Mike… 89 00:03:19,364 --> 00:03:21,825 I hate all of you hipsters so much… 90 00:03:21,909 --> 00:03:23,344 Okay, and I'm gonna be on Jess Watch. 91 00:03:23,368 --> 00:03:24,971 I'm gonna make sure she doesn't see anything 92 00:03:24,995 --> 00:03:26,622 that will ruin the surprise of this party 93 00:03:26,705 --> 00:03:29,333 that has taken everything from me, 94 00:03:29,416 --> 00:03:31,335 emotionally and physically and financially. 95 00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:32,770 So what do you have planned for the day? 96 00:03:32,794 --> 00:03:35,297 A big surprise party. 97 00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:36,840 Next. 98 00:03:36,924 --> 00:03:38,508 Right, but before then. 99 00:03:38,592 --> 00:03:42,721 The party's at 7:00. What do you have planned b-before that? 100 00:03:42,804 --> 00:03:45,140 - Wait… - Nick, you need a plan, okay? 101 00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:48,477 I don't care what Jess says. She's going to expect something. 102 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,687 I have to plan a birthday before the birthday? 103 00:03:50,771 --> 00:03:52,373 - The whole day is the birthday. - This is a very big deal. 104 00:03:52,397 --> 00:03:54,483 This is your first birthday together as a couple. 105 00:03:54,566 --> 00:03:57,527 All right, you know what? It's gonna be okay. 106 00:03:57,611 --> 00:04:01,156 It's her birthday. That girl's gonna want to sleep in. 107 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,742 My day is not starting till noon. 108 00:04:07,788 --> 00:04:10,541 This is the time I was born. 109 00:04:10,624 --> 00:04:13,335 I'm wide awake. 110 00:04:13,418 --> 00:04:17,422 It's my birthday. 111 00:04:23,053 --> 00:04:24,763 My day started earlier than I thought. 112 00:04:24,846 --> 00:04:27,474 I got to slow down breakfast. 113 00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:30,185 What's going on with you guys? Nick, first of all, blessings. 114 00:04:30,269 --> 00:04:32,396 Um, second of all, there may have been 115 00:04:32,479 --> 00:04:34,147 a possible mix-up with the cake. 116 00:04:34,231 --> 00:04:35,274 Possibly. 117 00:04:35,357 --> 00:04:38,110 "See You in Hell, Boomer"? Oh, my God! 118 00:04:38,193 --> 00:04:40,571 What part of you thought this was Jess's cake? 119 00:04:40,654 --> 00:04:42,322 I thought it was an inside joke. 120 00:04:42,406 --> 00:04:44,366 - I'll do the cake. - No, I am the cake patrol. 121 00:04:44,449 --> 00:04:46,118 Both of you do the cake. 122 00:04:46,201 --> 00:04:47,619 I'm considering this problem solved. 123 00:04:47,703 --> 00:04:49,639 Hey, speaking of problems, do you want me to go check up 124 00:04:49,663 --> 00:04:51,432 - on Cece at the bar today? - I don't think that's necessary. 125 00:04:51,456 --> 00:04:54,001 All right, I'll do it. But you owe me one, bro. 126 00:04:54,084 --> 00:04:56,378 I need to make a 90-minute omelet. 127 00:04:57,588 --> 00:05:00,716 I love my birthday breakfast. 128 00:05:00,799 --> 00:05:02,443 I can't believe you were gonna make this all yourself. 129 00:05:02,467 --> 00:05:03,886 It would've taken you hours. 130 00:05:03,969 --> 00:05:05,849 I know. And with your help, it took six minutes. 131 00:05:05,971 --> 00:05:07,806 I know. I'm so fast. 132 00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,017 What do you say we go into my bedroom 133 00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,185 and, uh, slow things down? 134 00:05:12,269 --> 00:05:14,021 Ooh. 135 00:05:14,104 --> 00:05:15,814 Wow. 136 00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:18,400 That's the fastest it's ever taken. 137 00:05:18,483 --> 00:05:20,736 I know. You just look very pretty. 138 00:05:22,529 --> 00:05:24,364 So, you want to take a long nap? 139 00:05:24,448 --> 00:05:26,783 Oh. Um… 140 00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:29,244 If that's what you have planned, then, yes, 141 00:05:29,328 --> 00:05:30,621 let's take a long nap. 142 00:05:30,704 --> 00:05:34,333 Perfect. Maybe for, like, six, seven hours? 143 00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:38,462 It's just such a nice day outside… 144 00:05:38,545 --> 00:05:40,464 Yeah. Um, so let's take, uh 145 00:05:40,547 --> 00:05:43,050 let's take this party outside. 146 00:05:43,133 --> 00:05:46,053 Sure. Next up on the agenda is 147 00:05:46,136 --> 00:05:47,387 it's lunch. 148 00:05:47,471 --> 00:05:49,056 It's 8:30 in the morning. 149 00:05:49,139 --> 00:05:51,350 Oh, my God, it's so early. 150 00:05:55,479 --> 00:05:56,980 What are you doing here, Schmidt? 151 00:05:57,064 --> 00:05:58,815 Nick thought you might need some help. 152 00:05:58,899 --> 00:06:00,275 Yeah, well, I don't, okay? 153 00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:01,652 So… you can go. 154 00:06:01,735 --> 00:06:03,046 Maybe I'll just stay for a little bit. 155 00:06:03,070 --> 00:06:04,655 Double-tap some Insta-G's. 156 00:06:04,738 --> 00:06:07,199 Okay. 157 00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:08,867 Oh, hey, Mike. 158 00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:10,827 I cleaned the glasses. 159 00:06:10,911 --> 00:06:13,497 Oh, wow, a bunch of broken glass in the ice tub. 160 00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:16,083 - That'll be fun for me to clean up. - I'm sorry. Um… 161 00:06:16,166 --> 00:06:17,727 I'm not gonna cover for you like Nick does, okay? 162 00:06:17,751 --> 00:06:19,836 I promise you that. And don't make eyes at me 163 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,880 because it's not gonna work because I'm super gay. 164 00:06:21,922 --> 00:06:23,549 When I look at you, I just see… 165 00:06:23,632 --> 00:06:24,800 You know, it's fine, 166 00:06:24,883 --> 00:06:26,218 but it's bumpy, it's creepy. 167 00:06:26,301 --> 00:06:28,095 Eh. 168 00:06:28,178 --> 00:06:29,471 Doesn't do anything. It's like 169 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:31,014 looking at this, it's like a 170 00:06:31,098 --> 00:06:33,475 it's, it's, it's, it's, it's… it's not o… 171 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:35,644 It's not a good… it's not good. 172 00:06:35,727 --> 00:06:39,982 - Okay. - This, all this, everything you got, eh. 173 00:06:40,065 --> 00:06:42,943 Three out of… six. 174 00:06:44,111 --> 00:06:46,488 Damn shame about that cake, Winston. 175 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:49,658 Looks like someone dominated their party task. 176 00:06:49,741 --> 00:06:51,660 "Coach, where are all the kazoos?" 177 00:06:51,743 --> 00:06:53,912 All over your face. 178 00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:55,706 I'll pick those up. 179 00:06:55,789 --> 00:06:58,083 Or maybe in my spare time… 180 00:06:58,166 --> 00:06:59,877 I'll make a cake. 181 00:07:02,337 --> 00:07:04,464 Just back off, Coach. 182 00:07:04,548 --> 00:07:05,883 What's up, Nick? 183 00:07:05,966 --> 00:07:07,277 - How's the cake situation? - Cake's good. 184 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:09,028 Can I just see the phone? Can I see the phone really quick? 185 00:07:09,052 --> 00:07:11,114 - Got it. Dude, get… - Hey. Cake's good, man. I'm on top of it. 186 00:07:11,138 --> 00:07:12,848 So, how's your plan working out? 187 00:07:12,931 --> 00:07:14,892 Okay, I have no plan. I'm just winging it, okay? 188 00:07:14,975 --> 00:07:16,685 I panicked and took her to a drugstore. 189 00:07:16,768 --> 00:07:18,562 She's getting a free diabetes test. 190 00:07:18,645 --> 00:07:20,206 I don't know where to take her. Is it safe to bring her home? 191 00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:23,150 - Hey. - Oh! The birthday girl! 192 00:07:23,233 --> 00:07:25,694 I got the test. My blood sugar is normal. 193 00:07:25,777 --> 00:07:27,571 Already? You did that… all that already? 194 00:07:27,654 --> 00:07:30,490 - Yeah. - Birthday girl gets all your favorite… 195 00:07:30,574 --> 00:07:32,743 Next activity. 196 00:07:32,826 --> 00:07:34,426 I see what you're trying to do here, man. 197 00:07:34,453 --> 00:07:37,372 - You're trying to show me up. - What are you talking about, Bish? 198 00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:38,874 I'm referring to basketball. 199 00:07:38,957 --> 00:07:41,460 When we used to play back in the day, no matter how open I was, 200 00:07:41,543 --> 00:07:43,712 you never passed me the ball, you never let me shoot. 201 00:07:43,795 --> 00:07:45,547 You just couldn't stand to let me shine. 202 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:48,717 Your nostrils are flaring so much right now, 203 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,969 it's distracting. 204 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:52,763 I'm done letting you run the court. 205 00:07:52,846 --> 00:07:54,556 I'm building my own court. 206 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:58,727 And it's gonna be bigger and yummier than yours. 207 00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:01,188 Are you challenging me to a bake-off, Bish? 208 00:08:01,271 --> 00:08:03,523 Yes, I am challenging you to a bake-off. 209 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:06,902 Okay. Well, then, I'll… do the countdown. 210 00:08:06,985 --> 00:08:08,737 You know what? I'll do the countdown then. 211 00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:10,906 The countdown begins 212 00:08:10,989 --> 00:08:13,033 when this timer goes off. 213 00:08:18,455 --> 00:08:20,749 You set the timer for 20 minutes. 214 00:08:23,877 --> 00:08:27,005 I'm gonna make a cake so moist, 215 00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:29,967 girls are gonna be, like, "Ew. Why do you say moist? 216 00:08:30,050 --> 00:08:31,802 I hate that word." 217 00:08:31,885 --> 00:08:33,971 I'm gonna be, like, "Just taste the cake." 218 00:08:34,054 --> 00:08:36,223 And they're gonna be, like, "Damn, it's moist!" 219 00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:38,517 And… 220 00:08:38,642 --> 00:08:40,227 Bake! Okay, bake! 221 00:08:40,310 --> 00:08:41,371 - I said it first. - I said it first. 222 00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:42,455 - I said it first. - I said it first. 223 00:08:42,479 --> 00:08:45,232 A customer ordered an old-fashioned, 224 00:08:45,315 --> 00:08:48,944 and she got gin in a mug with a peanut in it. 225 00:08:49,027 --> 00:08:51,572 - I'll fix it. - Make me an old-fashioned right now, 226 00:08:51,655 --> 00:08:52,840 or I'm gonna call the manager. 227 00:08:52,864 --> 00:08:54,616 And I want to talk to him anyway, 228 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:55,826 because he's just gorgeous. 229 00:08:55,909 --> 00:08:58,787 I want to be a barnacle on his ship. 230 00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:00,789 Just hanging on by my mouth, 231 00:09:00,872 --> 00:09:03,625 getting all the nutrients I need. 232 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:05,478 Okay, an old-fashioned, an old-fashioned, an old-fashioned. 233 00:09:05,502 --> 00:09:07,480 If it's old-fashioned, it probably has something like 234 00:09:07,504 --> 00:09:09,464 - absinthe… - Oh, the old-fashioned. 235 00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:12,467 One of my favorite drinks, a classic cocktail. 236 00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,889 Just a half ounce of simple syrup. 237 00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:23,228 Splash of water, two dashes of bitters. 238 00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:24,771 Mix that up with some ice. 239 00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:28,191 And then, you know my personal favorite. 240 00:09:28,275 --> 00:09:30,402 You know, and just, far be it from me, 241 00:09:30,485 --> 00:09:31,778 but the bourbon whiskey. 242 00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:34,239 - Bourbon. - Two ounces of bourbon whiskey. 243 00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,491 No. Hmm. 244 00:09:36,575 --> 00:09:38,827 It's not the Scotch whiskey. It's… 245 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,138 No, it's certainly not the vermouth. 246 00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:41,496 Vermouth would be insane. 247 00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:42,873 Yes, the bourbon whiskey. 248 00:09:42,956 --> 00:09:45,584 My favorite. Wonderful. 249 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:49,087 Look at that. Old-fashioned. 250 00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:52,841 Hmm. Old-fashioned? 251 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:56,053 Oh, my stars and garters, you made a drink. 252 00:09:56,136 --> 00:09:58,597 Holy crud. 253 00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,728 Yes, Nick! 254 00:10:04,811 --> 00:10:06,521 I have the electronics! 255 00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:08,232 Do you know any, like, time-consuming 256 00:10:08,315 --> 00:10:10,651 and free activities in Griffith Park? 257 00:10:10,734 --> 00:10:13,070 Gross! Suicide? 258 00:10:13,153 --> 00:10:14,738 Schmidt, please. I need some a… 259 00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:18,075 Well, just figure it out, dude! 260 00:10:18,158 --> 00:10:20,535 - Oh, it's my mom. - Okay, um, 261 00:10:20,619 --> 00:10:22,079 found the biggest rock I could carry. 262 00:10:22,162 --> 00:10:24,122 It was this one. Um… 263 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,726 - It's heavy. - It's huge. Yeah, heavy. 264 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,251 Oh, my God. Um… 265 00:10:27,334 --> 00:10:28,919 What are we doing here? 266 00:10:29,002 --> 00:10:32,548 It's not that I'm not having fun, 'cause I am. 267 00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:35,133 It's okay if you didn't plan anything for my birthday. 268 00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:36,885 - Are you kidding? - Really, Nick. 269 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:38,303 Not only did I plan something, 270 00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,347 but my plan's about to blow your mind. 271 00:10:40,430 --> 00:10:42,849 - Honestly. - You need to trust me a little bit. 272 00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,686 'Cause everything is about to be made very clear 273 00:10:45,769 --> 00:10:47,729 - very soon. - Oh, my God! 274 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,856 - What? - Nick! 275 00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:53,110 - You're the best. - I'm amazing. 276 00:10:53,193 --> 00:10:54,903 - I'm so surprised! - I'm so surprised. 277 00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,155 - This is amazing! - It's amazing! 278 00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:59,449 - This is amazing! Yay! - Oh, son of a bitch! 279 00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:00,951 - Oh! - Don't touch anything! 280 00:11:01,034 --> 00:11:03,370 - It'll ruin the surprise! Yeah. - Yay! 281 00:11:03,453 --> 00:11:04,913 - Yes. - Yeah… 282 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:07,165 - Yay! - Hey, Jess, let's get out of here 283 00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:08,977 - before anything ruins a perfect moment. - Ooh! 284 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,321 I wouldn't… Wait because we've got a whole, uh, ceremony. 285 00:11:11,378 --> 00:11:12,880 No! 286 00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:15,924 That lady took my birthday! 287 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,760 What is happening? 288 00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:28,145 - Jess! Look, look, I'm sorry, Jess. - No, no, no, Nick, 289 00:11:28,228 --> 00:11:30,731 I just… I don't know why I get so crazy about birthdays. 290 00:11:30,814 --> 00:11:33,358 You know, it's crazy, 'cause you had a very 291 00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:34,776 fun day put together 292 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,987 of eggs and sex and, 293 00:11:37,070 --> 00:11:39,615 and a really long uphill walk. 294 00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,950 And, um… Look, um, 295 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,161 that's amazing for you, you know? 296 00:11:44,244 --> 00:11:45,621 For me? 297 00:11:45,704 --> 00:11:47,623 You're not a guy who plans things. 298 00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:50,959 Maybe I am. Look 299 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,003 every day, you show me, in your own way, 300 00:11:53,086 --> 00:11:54,838 how you care about me. 301 00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:57,007 Like when you pick up rubber bands on the sidewalk. 302 00:11:57,090 --> 00:11:59,551 - For your ponytail. - I could not be more fine. 303 00:11:59,635 --> 00:12:02,429 I'm super chill. 304 00:12:02,512 --> 00:12:04,431 I'm just gonna go home for a second. 305 00:12:04,514 --> 00:12:05,974 - Bye. - Jess, let's keep… Jess! 306 00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,310 Don't follow me. 307 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:12,439 - Sure you know how to tap a keg? - How hard could it be? 308 00:12:12,522 --> 00:12:14,775 It's beer, for crying out loud. It's the drink of idiots. 309 00:12:14,858 --> 00:12:17,420 - Wait. Nick told me something about… - Cece, look, I got… I got it. 310 00:12:17,444 --> 00:12:19,821 - Ooh, there's a knob back here. - I got it in. 311 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:20,948 He told me if I turn this, 312 00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:22,091 - I should be able to… - What are you doing? 313 00:12:22,115 --> 00:12:24,660 - Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, no! - Turn it off! 314 00:12:24,743 --> 00:12:26,303 - Oh, sorry! It's just… - Turn it off! 315 00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,789 Oh. 316 00:12:28,872 --> 00:12:30,958 You butt hole. 317 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,460 You can't do anything right, can you? 318 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,837 I'm so sorry. 319 00:12:40,884 --> 00:12:42,636 He's right, though. 320 00:12:42,719 --> 00:12:44,054 I can't do anything. 321 00:12:44,137 --> 00:12:45,639 No skills. 322 00:12:45,722 --> 00:12:48,850 Never told you this, but I didn't even graduate high school. 323 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,395 A lot of people never graduated high school. 324 00:12:51,478 --> 00:12:53,689 Okay… Einstein, Bill Gates, 325 00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:55,899 Anne Frank. 326 00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:57,901 I'm gonna take back that last one. 327 00:12:57,985 --> 00:12:59,778 Why did I think that I could bartend? 328 00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:02,614 Because you can. 329 00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,992 You are strong, and you are confident. 330 00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:06,827 Those are skills. Use them. 331 00:13:06,910 --> 00:13:09,037 And be a little bit meaner to the people here. 332 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,832 It should be easy for you. Just pretend that they're me. 333 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,877 You're right. That is easy. 334 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,670 And pull your shirt down a little bit. 335 00:13:16,753 --> 00:13:17,880 This isn't a monastery. 336 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,148 Do not push your luck with me. 337 00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:21,508 - I'll look away. - Thank you. 338 00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:23,510 You're wearing paper towels. Behind! 339 00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:25,053 No it's an environmental-friendly, 340 00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:26,513 recyclable apron. 341 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:29,057 - Behind! Behind! - Okay, real… really? Okay. 342 00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:30,309 - Okay. - Behind. 343 00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:31,643 Behind! Behind! Behind. 344 00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,103 Whoa! Behind! 345 00:13:33,186 --> 00:13:35,063 Behind! Behind! Behind you! Behind! 346 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:36,857 - Oh, so you… - Behind! 347 00:13:36,940 --> 00:13:38,442 Behind! Whoa! 348 00:13:38,525 --> 00:13:39,943 Behind. In front. 349 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:42,070 Behind. What's this? 350 00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:47,284 It's Jess! 351 00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:48,720 - Oh, my God. - I mean, it's Jess! Hey! 352 00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:50,245 What's up, girl? What you 353 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:51,769 - doing home? - I'm great. I'm great. 354 00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,540 Hide the cake. Hide the… 355 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:54,958 - I'm great. - Behind. 356 00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,711 How's your day going? 357 00:13:57,794 --> 00:13:58,921 Going good? 358 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:02,090 You're crying? 359 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,092 I'm taking… 360 00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:05,552 - Um… - I got mine off first. 361 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,116 - No, you didn't. - Rest up over here. 362 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,097 What a day, guys. 363 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:10,724 Really long, huh? Yeah. 364 00:14:10,807 --> 00:14:11,934 Bet you had a long day, huh? 365 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,101 I'm really fine. 366 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,020 I had a real day, you know. 367 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,690 I'm disappointed in Nick. 368 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:20,901 Yeah, you got to let that out, you know, 'cause… 369 00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:24,154 But I'm disappointed in myself because I'm disappointed in Nick, you know. 370 00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:26,549 - Oh, I feel you. Yeah, you're right. - Yeah, that's messed up. 371 00:14:26,573 --> 00:14:28,909 - Yeah, let it out. Let it out. - I'm getting up. 372 00:14:28,992 --> 00:14:30,192 - Oh… - No, no, no… Jess… 373 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:33,789 Hey. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. 374 00:14:33,872 --> 00:14:35,916 Want you to close your eyes, breathe deep, 375 00:14:35,999 --> 00:14:38,794 and go to the most magical place on earth… 376 00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:40,379 Your imagination. 377 00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:42,589 Have you guys been baking? 378 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:44,174 Ah, nah. Bakery downtown exploded. 379 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:46,018 Don't look into it. It's not on the Internet. 380 00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:49,972 Yeah. She is here. What happened? 381 00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,808 She doesn't think I can do anything or plan anything, 382 00:14:52,891 --> 00:14:54,810 and it feels like crap. 383 00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,186 Maybe she's right. 384 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,980 Why did I think I could pull this off? 385 00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:00,148 I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart attack. 386 00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:01,733 And I haven't arranged 387 00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:04,152 for anybody to clear my Internet history. 388 00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,821 I wasn't building a bomb! 389 00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:07,614 I was just curious. 390 00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:10,009 Nick, you got a whole team of friends pulling for you, okay? 391 00:15:10,033 --> 00:15:12,244 Just get yourself home. You can still pull this off. 392 00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:14,746 Hey, Mike. 393 00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,748 - What? - So I cleaned out the beer trap, 394 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,333 I polished all these wine glasses, 395 00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,270 and I turned that penis graffiti in the bathroom 396 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,004 into a whimsical hat. 397 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:25,424 Now my friend and I have to go to a party. 398 00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:27,759 All right, Schmidt, let's go. 399 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:30,721 - You called me your friend. - Did I? 400 00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:34,182 And now, look, no matter what we see in here, I just want you to know that 401 00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,059 it's been an honor working with you. 402 00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:38,145 You, too, man. 403 00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:45,777 Oh… 404 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:48,155 Wow, look at that. 405 00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,410 Oh, my God. 406 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,830 Oh, man. 407 00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:58,206 Our, uh… 408 00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:00,167 Our cakes merged. 409 00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:01,919 - Looks as if they have. - Yeah. 410 00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:06,882 Well… 411 00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:08,175 - Hey! - Aah! 412 00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:09,551 - Ah. - Ah. 413 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:12,596 - Team check-in. Where we at? - Our cake became double cake. 414 00:16:12,679 --> 00:16:13,680 Yeah. Two cakes. 415 00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,682 Yeah. 416 00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,100 Two cakes became one? 417 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:18,286 Two cakes, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 418 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,020 - Fantastic, I'll go get Jess. - Cool. 419 00:16:20,103 --> 00:16:22,189 Hey, Jess. 420 00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:24,942 Hey, guys! 421 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,654 What's up, man? 422 00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,030 She's at the movies. 423 00:16:30,113 --> 00:16:31,782 This might actually work. 424 00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:33,450 - At the what? - Come on! 425 00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:37,621 More, more. 426 00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:40,082 More. 427 00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:41,291 Uh, 428 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:42,501 and, okay. 429 00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:43,835 I think we're good. 430 00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,212 Same to the second one. 431 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,680 Hey, Jess, it's, uh, Nick. 432 00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,723 You obviously knew that. 433 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,643 Um, I know this is where you always go on your birthday 434 00:16:59,726 --> 00:17:01,144 to be by yourself, 435 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:03,939 but I thought this year you might want a little company. 436 00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:05,274 Mind if I sit? 437 00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:07,609 Look under the seat. 438 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,114 Now please read the card, I'll wait. 439 00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:13,633 How did you know I was gonna be sitting here? 440 00:17:13,657 --> 00:17:14,741 I put one under every seat, 441 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,743 but you got to go fast, 'cause of the timing. 442 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:18,954 Okay. "My name is Jess, I like to wear tights. 443 00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:21,540 It's dark in this room, so let's turn on the lights." 444 00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:24,126 Surprise! 445 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,335 Whoo! 446 00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:28,297 That's enough. Timing, guys, timing. Down. 447 00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,138 In the beginning, there was nothing, 448 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,681 and then there was light and dark 449 00:17:37,764 --> 00:17:39,099 and oceans and birds and stuff, 450 00:17:39,182 --> 00:17:41,560 and then there was Jess! 451 00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:44,438 Nick? This was the plan all along? 452 00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:50,360 What do I think of when I think of Jess? 453 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,196 When I think of Jess. Okay… 454 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,115 When I think about Jess… 455 00:17:55,198 --> 00:17:58,327 I think of how sweet she is and how smart she is. 456 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:01,788 Uh, is glasses and the hair thing. 457 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:04,208 Think of dance parties and sleepovers… 458 00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:06,376 Jess does not like being tackled. 459 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:09,213 The eyes, two eyes. 460 00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:11,215 Happy birthday, Ms. Day. 461 00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:15,385 Your youthful exuberance… 462 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,137 Exhausts me. 463 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,556 May it fade with each passing year. 464 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,016 Well, she made me try papayas. 465 00:18:21,099 --> 00:18:22,351 That was cool. 466 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,019 They're super soft inside. 467 00:18:24,102 --> 00:18:26,396 Jess is the upstairs lady. 468 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,190 There is a… there is a ma… 469 00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,234 I feel like I'm not doing this right. 470 00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:33,570 You make mistakes. 471 00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:36,573 Happy birthday to my best work friend. 472 00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,408 Tina, if you see this, I'm sorry. 473 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,244 I just feel like we drifted apart 474 00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:42,204 after Jeremy's cocaine thing. 475 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,248 It was awkward. 476 00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:47,251 "When the stirrups of life start to feel like the speculum 477 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:48,974 of old age…" Nick, I'm not reading this. 478 00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:50,254 This is terrible. 479 00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:51,421 Happy birthday, Jess. 480 00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,257 Your boyfriend is sweet and simple 481 00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,300 and will not get out of my waiting room. 482 00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:56,969 I saw a squirrel once. 483 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,428 It looked like Jess. 484 00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,430 Then it attacked my sister, 485 00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:02,641 so I had to beat it with a stick, 486 00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:05,394 and then it didn't look like Jess any more. 487 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,229 Happy birthday. It's Bearclaw. 488 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,231 Birthday. 489 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:10,941 Winston is about to do some… 490 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:16,071 He said a bunch, but it was really weird and racist. 491 00:19:16,154 --> 00:19:18,115 Happy birthday, Ms. Day. 492 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:19,992 Yay! 493 00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:22,244 What I remember 494 00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:23,787 most of all is the pain. 495 00:19:23,870 --> 00:19:26,874 Honestly, it was 36 hours… 496 00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:29,835 More than that… Of just searing, ripping, 497 00:19:29,918 --> 00:19:31,461 and then… 498 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:38,218 Out you came, the most beautiful, 499 00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:41,680 beautiful little baby I ever saw in my life. 500 00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:43,098 And I forgot all the pain. 501 00:19:43,181 --> 00:19:45,017 When you were born, I got a deli sandwich 502 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:46,685 at the hospital cafeteria. 503 00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:49,897 And then there was a baby. 504 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:53,317 Happy birthday to my oldest and my best friend. 505 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,651 Happy birthday, Ms. Day. 506 00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:56,820 - Happy birthday. - Birthday. 507 00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,030 Happy birthday, Jess. 508 00:19:58,113 --> 00:19:59,239 Happy birthday, Jess. 509 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,491 Happy birthday… from Bearclaw. 510 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:03,493 I love you. Happy birthday. 511 00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,454 Happy, happy birthday. 512 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:07,915 You have a cool boyfriend. 513 00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:10,250 This is the coin I had in my pocket 514 00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:11,376 the first night we kissed. 515 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:13,712 And I always have it. 516 00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:16,006 Happy birthday, Jess. 517 00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:20,344 Happy birthday to you. 518 00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:21,511 Cha, cha, cha. 519 00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:26,016 Happy birthday to you. 520 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,517 Ooh, ooh. 521 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:30,729 Happy birthday, dear Jess… 522 00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:32,648 Um… hmm, 523 00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,733 where'd… Where'd she… 524 00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:36,860 Where'd… 525 00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:41,365 Hey, Jess, I'm so sorry. 526 00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:44,159 That was cheesy, embarrassing. 527 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,911 I didn't have great talent to work with. 528 00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:47,454 Winston was terrible. 529 00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:58,465 It's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. 530 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,054 And I'm sorry. 531 00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:10,352 Shh, shh. It's starting. 532 00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:18,318 Happy birthday, Jess. 533 00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:21,947 - That was so stupid, dude. - Oh, what is wrong with you? 534 00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:23,240 Ashamed of yourself. 535 00:21:23,323 --> 00:21:25,701 Come on, Schmidt. Quit it. 536 00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:32,583 - Boo. - No! 537 00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:37,504 What the hell, man? 538 00:21:37,588 --> 00:21:38,988 This is an important vehicle for me!