1 00:00:01,874 --> 00:00:04,918 Thank you so much for having us over for brunch, guys. 2 00:00:05,002 --> 00:00:07,272 It's the least that we could do to celebrate the one-week anniversary 3 00:00:07,296 --> 00:00:09,965 of your sister moving in with me and becoming my live-in lover. 4 00:00:10,049 --> 00:00:11,175 Was a little fast. 5 00:00:11,383 --> 00:00:12,718 Babe, you have syrup on your face. 6 00:00:12,801 --> 00:00:14,636 - Oh, you can get it. - Mmm. 7 00:00:15,971 --> 00:00:17,473 Babe, you have some powdered sugar… 8 00:00:17,556 --> 00:00:18,849 Back off! I'm starving! 9 00:00:18,932 --> 00:00:20,660 Come on. Just let me get it off. It's so much. 10 00:00:20,684 --> 00:00:22,478 Get your own French toast, Jess! 11 00:00:22,561 --> 00:00:24,855 I got these slices, so they're for me to eat. 12 00:00:24,938 --> 00:00:27,441 If you want the slices, get your own slices. 13 00:00:27,524 --> 00:00:29,651 Um, that's your fourth plate, Winston. 14 00:00:29,735 --> 00:00:31,945 I'm trying to bulk up for the LAPD fitness exam. 15 00:00:32,029 --> 00:00:34,573 I am going to ace this obstacle course. 16 00:00:34,656 --> 00:00:36,617 Schmidt, you got something crazy around your neck. 17 00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:38,994 Abby made this. Look. Ow. Look at that. 18 00:00:39,078 --> 00:00:40,412 - Not a fan. - I forgot how much 19 00:00:40,496 --> 00:00:41,914 I love making jewelry. 20 00:00:41,997 --> 00:00:43,757 Schmidt's been lending me money for supplies. 21 00:00:43,832 --> 00:00:46,043 - Yeah. - Schmidt, are you bleeding? 22 00:00:46,126 --> 00:00:48,879 Oh, look at that. I most certainly am. Wow. 23 00:00:48,962 --> 00:00:51,173 What makes Abby's jewelry so interesting 24 00:00:51,256 --> 00:00:53,425 is that it's actually dangerous and can cut you. 25 00:00:53,509 --> 00:00:55,320 - Oh. - Abby will open up her own store one day. 26 00:00:55,344 --> 00:00:56,571 - Mark my words. - She shouldn't do that. 27 00:00:56,595 --> 00:00:58,847 - Nope. - I'm gonna open up a store in your mouth. 28 00:00:58,931 --> 00:01:00,742 But now that you're living here, I can have my old room back. 29 00:01:00,766 --> 00:01:02,893 Jess, I'm gonna need you gone by 5:00. 30 00:01:02,976 --> 00:01:06,021 Done. I need a break from Snore-a Ephron over here. 31 00:01:06,105 --> 00:01:07,106 Okay. 32 00:01:07,189 --> 00:01:09,501 Oh, Schmidt and I don't need any space. We have no boundaries. 33 00:01:09,525 --> 00:01:12,319 But I guess not everybody can have what Schmidt and I have. 34 00:01:12,403 --> 00:01:14,321 You guys will probably get there. Don't worry. 35 00:01:14,405 --> 00:01:15,757 Remember how long it took you to get boobs? 36 00:01:15,781 --> 00:01:18,492 Yeah, but I started shaving my legs at nine. 37 00:01:18,575 --> 00:01:21,453 So joke's on you. 38 00:01:21,537 --> 00:01:23,747 Mmm. 39 00:01:26,542 --> 00:01:28,961 Wait. We have so much sex. 40 00:01:29,044 --> 00:01:33,090 Don't try to eat the other slice. I'm gonna get to it. 41 00:01:33,173 --> 00:01:35,050 Who's that girl? 42 00:01:35,134 --> 00:01:37,761 Who's that girl? It's Jess. 43 00:01:38,178 --> 00:01:40,806 - Can you believe Abby and Schmidt? - Yeah, 44 00:01:40,889 --> 00:01:44,101 tell me about it. Making love at their own brunch? No class. 45 00:01:44,184 --> 00:01:46,162 They're a fake couple. They're not real. We're a real couple. 46 00:01:46,186 --> 00:01:47,271 Right. Right. 47 00:01:47,354 --> 00:01:48,999 If anyone should be moving in together, it's us. 48 00:01:49,023 --> 00:01:50,834 Well, you know, we already live in the same apartment. 49 00:01:50,858 --> 00:01:52,776 Right. So why not take the extra step? 50 00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:54,987 We basically sleep in each other's rooms every night, 51 00:01:55,070 --> 00:01:56,613 so what is the difference? 52 00:01:56,697 --> 00:01:58,032 It's a really big difference. 53 00:01:58,115 --> 00:01:59,950 Because right now we're roommates 54 00:02:00,034 --> 00:02:02,369 but we're not living together. Not "living together." 55 00:02:02,453 --> 00:02:04,413 - You know? - Right. No. 56 00:02:04,496 --> 00:02:06,999 Living together is a step. It's official. 57 00:02:07,082 --> 00:02:08,601 It's an official step in a relationship. 58 00:02:08,625 --> 00:02:10,127 So the word "official" is the key. 59 00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,046 Abby and Schmidt did it after one week. 60 00:02:12,379 --> 00:02:15,257 Come on. We have so much left to learn about each other, 61 00:02:15,341 --> 00:02:17,426 stuff you can only learn if you're crammed together 62 00:02:17,509 --> 00:02:19,595 in a small space and you can't get out. 63 00:02:19,678 --> 00:02:21,430 Just you and me. Four walls. 64 00:02:21,513 --> 00:02:23,140 No boundaries, no escape. 65 00:02:23,223 --> 00:02:25,142 When you put it like that, it sounds amazing. 66 00:02:25,476 --> 00:02:27,436 - And like prison. - Well, I feel like 67 00:02:27,519 --> 00:02:30,147 if we get tired of each other, I can always run across the hall 68 00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:33,359 to my room. It's so close. Just pop over there. 69 00:02:33,442 --> 00:02:34,568 Mm. 70 00:02:34,651 --> 00:02:36,445 - Do you not want to? - Whoa. 71 00:02:37,905 --> 00:02:39,865 I did not… 72 00:02:40,449 --> 00:02:42,618 - That did not… - So you're saying 73 00:02:42,701 --> 00:02:44,078 you do want to? 74 00:02:45,454 --> 00:02:47,122 Oh, my God, 75 00:02:47,206 --> 00:02:49,208 Nick, we're moving in together! 76 00:02:49,291 --> 00:02:50,959 - Officially? We just agreed on it? - Yes! 77 00:02:51,043 --> 00:02:53,671 Yes! I cannot think of a reason why not to. 78 00:02:53,754 --> 00:02:57,174 Reason 13: I like my stuff and I hate her stuff. 79 00:02:57,257 --> 00:02:59,968 Reason number 14: How am I ever gonna change my clothes? 80 00:03:00,052 --> 00:03:01,780 You don't change in front of your girlfriend? 81 00:03:01,804 --> 00:03:03,004 You get naked in front of her. 82 00:03:03,055 --> 00:03:05,116 Yes, but those are different things. When you're naked, 83 00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:07,017 you're powerful and it's glorious. 84 00:03:07,101 --> 00:03:09,019 When you're changing, you're hunched over 85 00:03:09,103 --> 00:03:10,396 and cowering, like an animal. 86 00:03:10,479 --> 00:03:11,814 Animals don't wear clothes, Nick. 87 00:03:11,897 --> 00:03:13,357 All I'm saying is I need my space. 88 00:03:13,607 --> 00:03:15,526 True intimacy. Embrace that. 89 00:03:15,609 --> 00:03:18,904 Abby and I, we have one sponge. 90 00:03:18,987 --> 00:03:22,199 And we use it for everything. 91 00:03:22,449 --> 00:03:25,369 - I don't like that, but you seem happy. - Don't hold back, 92 00:03:25,452 --> 00:03:28,706 Nick. Expose your cracks and love will fill them. 93 00:03:28,789 --> 00:03:30,749 - That's nice. - Thank you. 94 00:03:30,833 --> 00:03:32,560 Do you know how hard it's been for me to take 95 00:03:32,584 --> 00:03:34,464 this conversation seriously while you're wearing 96 00:03:34,503 --> 00:03:37,131 - that thing around your neck? - It's an Iroquois throat band. 97 00:03:37,423 --> 00:03:39,526 - That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen. - Yeah, you're jealous. 98 00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:41,927 - No, I'm not. - It's not just a choker… it's a story. 99 00:03:42,011 --> 00:03:44,805 What's the story? She didn't have enough supplies? 100 00:03:44,888 --> 00:03:46,157 Well… I'm not through the whole thing yet. 101 00:03:46,181 --> 00:03:48,934 I got to tell you, looking at that thing, the sex must be awesome. 102 00:03:49,018 --> 00:03:51,603 Cece and I have beenhanging out a lot more lately. 103 00:03:51,687 --> 00:03:53,707 She sort of treats me like I'm one of her girl friends, and… 104 00:03:53,731 --> 00:03:55,607 You don't like it? 105 00:03:55,691 --> 00:03:57,109 I love it. I mean, 106 00:03:57,192 --> 00:03:58,962 usually, when I'm friends with a girl, I'm either trying 107 00:03:58,986 --> 00:04:00,630 to get that butt or she's trying to get this butt. 108 00:04:00,654 --> 00:04:02,531 But with Cece, it's not about the butt. 109 00:04:02,614 --> 00:04:05,075 It's not about the butt, man. 110 00:04:05,159 --> 00:04:07,870 It's cool. It's like… We're like… sisters. 111 00:04:07,953 --> 00:04:10,622 - What? - Coach. Hey, do you have, 112 00:04:10,706 --> 00:04:13,042 uh, Schmidt's keys? Kind of got a weird favor to ask. 113 00:04:13,125 --> 00:04:15,127 It's only weird if you don't ask, girl. 114 00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:18,088 - What? - That's what I'm talking about. 115 00:04:19,757 --> 00:04:22,051 You know I'm doing this for you, right? 116 00:04:22,134 --> 00:04:23,552 Somewhere… 117 00:04:23,635 --> 00:04:25,554 This is great. What are we doing? 118 00:04:25,637 --> 00:04:27,473 We are snooping on Abby. 119 00:04:27,556 --> 00:04:29,975 - Oh, love it. - I do not trust that girl. 120 00:04:30,059 --> 00:04:32,519 She's always working an angle. Now she's got Schmidt all 121 00:04:32,603 --> 00:04:34,605 wrapped up, giving her money for "jewelry." 122 00:04:34,688 --> 00:04:37,358 Treachery! 123 00:04:37,566 --> 00:04:40,027 First, they came for my silverware and I said nothing. 124 00:04:40,110 --> 00:04:42,488 - What's up, dawg? - What are you guys doing here? 125 00:04:42,571 --> 00:04:45,157 Schmidt, I know that Abby is fun and she is charming, 126 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,368 but I'm telling you, she's bad news. 127 00:04:47,659 --> 00:04:49,429 Is that why you guys are sorting through my garbage? 128 00:04:49,453 --> 00:04:52,331 I appreciate the concern, you guys, but Abby has changed. 129 00:04:52,414 --> 00:04:55,084 Then how do you explain this? 130 00:04:55,167 --> 00:04:56,919 I put my coffee grounds in a plastic bag 131 00:04:57,002 --> 00:04:58,271 so it doesn't get the rest of my trash dirty. 132 00:04:58,295 --> 00:04:59,356 - Really? - Yeah, he does that. 133 00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:00,673 You got clean-ass trash, man. 134 00:05:00,756 --> 00:05:03,092 I don't even need gloves for this. 135 00:05:03,175 --> 00:05:05,655 Quit sorting through my trash, Coach. You're messing it all up. 136 00:05:05,719 --> 00:05:07,554 - Sorry… - Schmidt, you've known this girl 137 00:05:07,638 --> 00:05:08,972 for a couple weeks, okay? 138 00:05:09,139 --> 00:05:11,684 I've known her for 20 years, and, I am telling you, 139 00:05:11,767 --> 00:05:13,602 she's not to be trusted. 140 00:05:14,687 --> 00:05:17,106 Your words are changing his opinions about things. 141 00:05:17,189 --> 00:05:18,399 Up top. 142 00:05:18,482 --> 00:05:19,900 Mm. 143 00:05:21,235 --> 00:05:22,986 You two as friends is a real bummer. 144 00:05:23,070 --> 00:05:24,405 I'm not into it. 145 00:05:24,488 --> 00:05:26,907 Our first night living together. 146 00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:28,158 I'm just excited. 147 00:05:28,242 --> 00:05:29,993 Expose your cracks 148 00:05:30,077 --> 00:05:32,913 and love will fill them. 149 00:05:34,915 --> 00:05:36,333 I'm changing. 150 00:05:36,417 --> 00:05:38,210 Great. I'm reading. 151 00:05:38,293 --> 00:05:40,421 Okay. 152 00:05:40,504 --> 00:05:43,048 Yeah, I'm just gonna take my pants off. 153 00:05:43,132 --> 00:05:44,216 Okay. 154 00:05:45,801 --> 00:05:47,720 You know, I've seen you naked before, right? 155 00:05:48,887 --> 00:05:49,972 What's going on there? 156 00:05:50,055 --> 00:05:52,433 Oh! Never changed in front of a woman. 157 00:05:52,516 --> 00:05:55,060 You know, mostly you just hook up and… 158 00:05:55,144 --> 00:05:56,186 Really? Are you serious? 159 00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:02,317 All right, I'm gonna read. 160 00:06:06,030 --> 00:06:07,948 Okay. Here we go. 161 00:06:11,994 --> 00:06:14,580 Yeah, it's… Just gonna put this on here. 162 00:06:14,663 --> 00:06:15,789 What is that? 163 00:06:15,873 --> 00:06:17,249 Oh, this is my long shirt. 164 00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,251 Yeah. Oh. 165 00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:22,046 That's why you're laughing. I had it on the wrong way. 166 00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:26,091 That must have been funny-looking the way it was. 167 00:06:26,550 --> 00:06:28,844 I've never broken it out before you because, you know, 168 00:06:28,927 --> 00:06:30,387 we didn't live together, but… 169 00:06:30,471 --> 00:06:33,891 It keeps the top really warm and lets my bottom breathe. 170 00:06:34,516 --> 00:06:37,728 - And so… yeah. - Why does your bottom need to breathe? 171 00:06:37,811 --> 00:06:39,646 Well, it's like a plant. 172 00:06:39,855 --> 00:06:41,482 Needs sun and air to survive. 173 00:06:41,565 --> 00:06:43,609 Never mind. Um… I like it. 174 00:06:43,692 --> 00:06:45,444 Um… yeah. 175 00:06:45,527 --> 00:06:46,820 - Great. - I like it. 176 00:06:48,572 --> 00:06:51,408 Okay. 177 00:06:51,492 --> 00:06:53,243 - This is great. - This is great. 178 00:06:53,327 --> 00:06:54,620 I'm excited. 179 00:06:54,703 --> 00:06:56,246 Me, too. 180 00:07:02,461 --> 00:07:04,481 - What are you doing to the pillow? - I'm trying to get comfortable. 181 00:07:04,505 --> 00:07:06,131 Oh, okay. 182 00:07:06,215 --> 00:07:08,092 Got it. 183 00:07:08,175 --> 00:07:09,927 Got it. 184 00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:11,387 I can't… 185 00:07:11,470 --> 00:07:12,805 I'm gonna go to sleep. 186 00:07:12,888 --> 00:07:14,890 - I'll turn off the light. - Great. 187 00:07:14,973 --> 00:07:17,142 Mm. 188 00:07:18,102 --> 00:07:19,603 Ow! 189 00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:22,147 What? So-Sorry. Sorry. 190 00:07:22,231 --> 00:07:24,525 - What the hell is that nightmare? - I just… have to… 191 00:07:24,608 --> 00:07:26,276 Sorry. 192 00:07:28,737 --> 00:07:30,590 - Just reading. - Yeah. You know what I'm gonna do? 193 00:07:30,614 --> 00:07:32,425 - I'm gonna sleep with my head over there. - Okay. 194 00:07:32,449 --> 00:07:34,034 Thanks. 195 00:07:34,118 --> 00:07:36,412 Yeah, that's… That's gonna be better for me. 196 00:07:45,295 --> 00:07:47,297 You know what, I'm gonna get some water. 197 00:07:52,970 --> 00:07:55,097 - Oh, hey. - My room looks totally different. 198 00:07:55,180 --> 00:07:56,640 Turned it into a workout space. 199 00:07:56,724 --> 00:07:58,392 I am so glad it opened up. 200 00:07:58,475 --> 00:08:01,395 Oh, why didn't we do this sooner? 201 00:08:03,063 --> 00:08:05,274 Crab walk. 202 00:08:07,609 --> 00:08:09,319 You don't know where a crab's gonna go. 203 00:08:09,403 --> 00:08:10,696 - And you know what? - Mm-mm. 204 00:08:10,779 --> 00:08:12,364 Where does the crab go? Oh! 205 00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:14,366 Oh, ahh! 206 00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:16,076 Owie. 207 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:24,335 Hi. Just enjoying the peace and quiet. 208 00:08:25,377 --> 00:08:27,129 Whoa, hold up. 209 00:08:27,212 --> 00:08:29,089 Hey, Jess, what are you doing? 210 00:08:29,173 --> 00:08:31,675 Oh, I just, you know, sometimes I work in the elevator now. 211 00:08:31,759 --> 00:08:32,819 You know, helping some of the… 212 00:08:32,843 --> 00:08:34,094 Oder residents. 213 00:08:37,222 --> 00:08:39,058 This is your floor, ma'am. 214 00:08:42,895 --> 00:08:45,081 So, how are things going with you and Schmidt living together? 215 00:08:45,105 --> 00:08:48,025 I have never felt so clean while being so dirty. 216 00:08:48,108 --> 00:08:50,944 - Awesome. - Last night, Schmidt wanted 217 00:08:51,028 --> 00:08:52,881 to take me to a hotel, but we could not even get out 218 00:08:52,905 --> 00:08:55,032 of the loft without ripping each other's clothes off. 219 00:08:55,115 --> 00:08:56,950 Oh, that's our thing, too. 220 00:08:57,034 --> 00:08:58,803 We have the hotel until tomorrow night and it's all paid up. 221 00:08:58,827 --> 00:09:00,907 You guys might as well use it. Take it off our hands. 222 00:09:03,582 --> 00:09:04,958 Lobby, please. 223 00:09:10,422 --> 00:09:13,300 Wait, I forgot Bernie. 224 00:09:13,384 --> 00:09:14,968 Hold the elevator. 225 00:09:15,052 --> 00:09:19,014 Bernie, Bernie, where are you, you idiot? 226 00:09:19,098 --> 00:09:20,599 I'll just be here, waiting. 227 00:09:20,683 --> 00:09:22,226 So, Nick, the police academy training 228 00:09:22,309 --> 00:09:23,769 is going well, but 229 00:09:23,852 --> 00:09:26,730 I'm a little worried about the rings, because of the… 230 00:09:26,814 --> 00:09:29,191 You know… The incident. 231 00:09:30,609 --> 00:09:32,444 Shut up, you guys, I can do this. 232 00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:34,863 No, Miller, no, Miller, no! 233 00:09:42,496 --> 00:09:44,808 I'm sor… I got big laughs. You got to give the people what they want. 234 00:09:44,832 --> 00:09:48,210 Everybody saw my ding-a-ling, Nick. My ding-a-ling. 235 00:09:48,293 --> 00:09:50,253 I've got an issue that's more important than this. 236 00:09:50,295 --> 00:09:53,590 Ever since Jess moved in, I haven't had a second to myself. 237 00:09:53,674 --> 00:09:55,634 You see what she's done to my writer's desk? 238 00:09:55,718 --> 00:09:57,678 It's now her arts and crafts area now, man. 239 00:09:57,761 --> 00:09:59,013 - Hey, guys. - Hey. 240 00:09:59,096 --> 00:10:01,223 I'm staying at a hotel tonight. 241 00:10:01,306 --> 00:10:02,766 Not alone. With other people. 242 00:10:02,850 --> 00:10:05,561 I have to chaperone a field trip to Sacramento, so… 243 00:10:05,644 --> 00:10:07,497 You know what, you seem too busy to talk about it. Go, go. 244 00:10:07,521 --> 00:10:09,773 I'm gonna miss you. I'm gonna miss you. 245 00:10:09,857 --> 00:10:11,376 Wait, weren't you just saying how you… 246 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,193 Whoa, dude! 247 00:10:13,277 --> 00:10:15,404 - Good one, Nick. Bye. - Bye, yeah. 248 00:10:15,487 --> 00:10:17,906 That, uh, I'm, uh, I'm sorry. 249 00:10:17,990 --> 00:10:19,742 I can't believe I let you guys 250 00:10:19,825 --> 00:10:21,410 talk me into tailing my own girlfriend. 251 00:10:21,493 --> 00:10:23,871 Look at this neighborhood, Schmidt, she is up to no good. 252 00:10:23,954 --> 00:10:26,707 I feel very uncomfortable being here, I trust Abby, 253 00:10:26,790 --> 00:10:28,393 I don't want to spy on her any more, okay? 254 00:10:28,417 --> 00:10:30,878 We're not spying… We're just carefully watching. 255 00:10:30,961 --> 00:10:32,504 Girlfriend is going down. 256 00:10:32,588 --> 00:10:35,132 - Yeah, she is. - Let us bust her, buster. 257 00:10:35,215 --> 00:10:36,467 That was a good one. 258 00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:38,344 - That was. - Yeah. Okay. 259 00:10:40,763 --> 00:10:43,116 This dynamic between the two of you… It's very annoying to me. 260 00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:44,868 - I'm sure I'm not alone on this. - Hi, hater. 261 00:10:44,892 --> 00:10:46,435 - Bye, hater. - Okay, enough is enough. 262 00:10:46,518 --> 00:10:48,371 - I'm getting out of here. - Hey, it's my car… 263 00:10:48,395 --> 00:10:50,540 - Guys, guys. - I don't care whose car it is, I'm going. 264 00:10:50,564 --> 00:10:52,358 - I don't care who… - No… It's my car. 265 00:10:52,441 --> 00:10:53,942 - Oh. - Ahh! 266 00:10:54,026 --> 00:10:56,612 Great. 267 00:10:56,695 --> 00:10:58,322 Hit a parked car in the same neighborhood 268 00:10:58,405 --> 00:11:00,115 they shot friggin' Children of Men. 269 00:11:08,749 --> 00:11:10,459 Yeah! 270 00:11:10,542 --> 00:11:13,879 I'm alone! 271 00:11:16,006 --> 00:11:17,341 Yeah. 272 00:11:17,758 --> 00:11:19,635 I made my reservation 273 00:11:19,718 --> 00:11:21,428 I'm leaving town tomorrow 274 00:11:21,512 --> 00:11:23,430 I'll find somebody new… 275 00:11:23,514 --> 00:11:27,518 I'm alone and I love it. 276 00:11:28,143 --> 00:11:31,522 Coffee for one, a sundae for one, 277 00:11:31,605 --> 00:11:35,484 and the most tasteful, story-driven 278 00:11:35,567 --> 00:11:37,152 adult film. 279 00:11:37,236 --> 00:11:39,113 Preferably a period piece. 280 00:11:39,196 --> 00:11:40,739 The farther in the past, the better. 281 00:11:40,823 --> 00:11:42,303 You know what I'm talking about, girl. 282 00:11:46,704 --> 00:11:50,624 Do you have anything in the Byzantine Era? 283 00:11:50,708 --> 00:11:54,670 No? All right, just a shot in the dark. 284 00:11:54,753 --> 00:11:56,880 Clang, clang, clang, went the trolley… 285 00:11:56,964 --> 00:11:59,633 It's so little. 286 00:11:59,717 --> 00:12:01,301 It's so little. 287 00:12:01,385 --> 00:12:03,637 Bump, bump, bump went my heartstrings. 288 00:12:03,721 --> 00:12:06,348 When he smiled, I could feel the car shake… 289 00:12:06,432 --> 00:12:08,100 - I'm trying to sleep! - Okay! 290 00:12:08,183 --> 00:12:11,103 - Which ding is ours? - Which ding is ours? 291 00:12:11,186 --> 00:12:12,855 Coach, there are knife holes in the door. 292 00:12:12,938 --> 00:12:14,374 What does it matter? Let's get out of here. 293 00:12:14,398 --> 00:12:16,626 At least write "sorry" and put it under the windshield wiper… 294 00:12:16,650 --> 00:12:17,735 There are none. 295 00:12:17,818 --> 00:12:20,070 Uh… Maybe put it under 296 00:12:20,154 --> 00:12:21,363 the dead bird's leg? 297 00:12:21,447 --> 00:12:22,990 Hobo! 298 00:12:23,073 --> 00:12:24,509 - Ahh, there's a dude! - Ho-ho-hobo, for real! 299 00:12:24,533 --> 00:12:25,951 - Hobo! - Son of a bitch. 300 00:12:26,035 --> 00:12:27,286 Hobo. 301 00:12:27,411 --> 00:12:28,454 Thank you, Jingles. 302 00:12:28,537 --> 00:12:29,580 You got it, girl. 303 00:12:29,663 --> 00:12:32,750 Hey. What are you guys doing here? Tailing me? 304 00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:35,169 - No. Um… - Yes, we're tailing you. 305 00:12:35,252 --> 00:12:37,338 I know how you work. 306 00:12:37,421 --> 00:12:40,007 You glom onto guys and then you just bleed them dry. 307 00:12:40,090 --> 00:12:42,051 Well, you are not gonna do it to Schmidt. 308 00:12:44,678 --> 00:12:46,430 What's in the box? 309 00:12:49,016 --> 00:12:50,809 Tell us what's in the box. 310 00:12:54,313 --> 00:12:55,814 Zippers. 311 00:12:55,898 --> 00:12:57,066 What? 312 00:12:57,149 --> 00:13:00,194 Z… Zippers, you guys. 313 00:13:00,277 --> 00:13:01,713 Guy up there'll give you a great deal. 314 00:13:01,737 --> 00:13:03,155 He also loves crack. 315 00:13:03,238 --> 00:13:05,157 Can we go now? 316 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:06,742 Thank you, Abby, let's go. 317 00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:10,996 My car is gone. 318 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,666 Well, that's not surprising. 319 00:13:16,502 --> 00:13:18,837 Oh, you can do this. You can do this, Winnie. 320 00:13:24,968 --> 00:13:27,471 What are you doing here? 321 00:13:27,805 --> 00:13:29,014 On a school day? 322 00:13:29,098 --> 00:13:31,016 I see this means you're the cutting type. 323 00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:33,852 Which means you're the pantsing type. 324 00:13:33,936 --> 00:13:35,813 Well, I got news for you, buddy. 325 00:13:35,896 --> 00:13:37,731 You ain't getting 'em! Not today. 326 00:13:37,815 --> 00:13:39,858 How 'bout I take your pants, huh? 327 00:13:39,942 --> 00:13:41,527 Not like that, everybody! 328 00:13:41,610 --> 00:13:43,445 I'm not trying to take the little kid's pants. 329 00:13:43,529 --> 00:13:45,030 He's trying to take my pants. 330 00:13:45,114 --> 00:13:46,865 You see how he's eyeing my pants? 331 00:13:46,949 --> 00:13:48,409 So I eyed his pants… 332 00:13:48,492 --> 00:13:50,077 You know what? 333 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,412 You win. 334 00:13:51,495 --> 00:13:54,540 You win, you little son of a bitch. You win! 335 00:13:54,623 --> 00:13:56,875 I don't want to tell you how to police your beach, 336 00:13:56,959 --> 00:13:58,711 but right now there are truants 337 00:13:58,794 --> 00:14:01,046 outside of this hotel, stirring up trouble. 338 00:14:01,130 --> 00:14:02,673 Hey, yo, lookin' good, Charlie! 339 00:14:02,756 --> 00:14:05,759 Debbie, see you at 1:00 on the massage table. 340 00:14:06,969 --> 00:14:08,512 Winston. 341 00:14:15,019 --> 00:14:16,437 Mm. 342 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,522 We are gonna sneak into Schmidt's 343 00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:20,524 and see what's really inside those boxes. 344 00:14:20,607 --> 00:14:22,067 - Cece, darling… - Hmm? 345 00:14:22,151 --> 00:14:24,236 - What? - How long have we been friends? 346 00:14:24,319 --> 00:14:25,863 A week or so? 347 00:14:25,946 --> 00:14:27,882 - And have I ever steered you wrong? - Well, no… 348 00:14:27,906 --> 00:14:29,283 Exactly. Because I know you 349 00:14:29,366 --> 00:14:30,659 better than anyone, girl. 350 00:14:30,743 --> 00:14:31,970 And you're acting like a lunatic. 351 00:14:31,994 --> 00:14:33,074 I mean, the kind of lunatic 352 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,329 other lunatics look at and go, 353 00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:35,598 "Oh, my God, that bitch a lunatic." 354 00:14:35,622 --> 00:14:36,874 So I'm gonna need you 355 00:14:36,957 --> 00:14:39,752 to figure out why you're really doing all this for Schmidt… 356 00:14:41,962 --> 00:14:45,090 And then sort it out. 357 00:14:45,174 --> 00:14:47,384 You did not just say that to me. 358 00:14:47,468 --> 00:14:49,178 Think about it, girl. Shoot… 359 00:14:49,261 --> 00:14:51,239 Just to be clear, I did not ask you to act like this, okay? 360 00:14:51,263 --> 00:14:54,099 - It's just kind of fun to do… - Mm-hmm. 361 00:14:54,183 --> 00:14:55,559 Slow down, girl. 362 00:14:55,642 --> 00:14:57,519 You gonna eat that scone? 363 00:14:57,603 --> 00:14:58,771 - Damn it. - Slow down. 364 00:14:58,854 --> 00:15:00,522 Are you, are you gonna have this scone? 365 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,900 - Hey, man. - Hey, man. 366 00:15:02,983 --> 00:15:05,152 Just looking at my Garbage Pail Kids. 367 00:15:05,235 --> 00:15:07,571 Jess makes me put 'em in a box. 368 00:15:07,654 --> 00:15:10,157 How are you gonna put art like this in a box? 369 00:15:11,575 --> 00:15:14,078 - What's going on with you? - Nothing… 370 00:15:14,161 --> 00:15:16,080 You will not tell Nick 371 00:15:16,163 --> 00:15:17,724 that you saw me here because then he'll get upset 372 00:15:17,748 --> 00:15:19,792 and I'm gonna have to move into my old room, 373 00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:22,503 and that means that we suck as a couple and that Abby was right 374 00:15:22,586 --> 00:15:24,213 and I cannot let that happen. 375 00:15:24,296 --> 00:15:26,590 Jess went to a hotel because sharing a room with you 376 00:15:26,674 --> 00:15:28,092 is driving her crazy. 377 00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,763 Dude, that really was a tough one to keep in, 378 00:15:32,846 --> 00:15:34,848 but, honestly, I held my own and I did my best. 379 00:15:34,932 --> 00:15:35,933 Are you kidding me? 380 00:15:36,016 --> 00:15:38,852 I can't believe it! I changed in front of her! 381 00:15:38,936 --> 00:15:40,562 Sharing a room is driving you crazy, too. 382 00:15:40,646 --> 00:15:42,606 But I didn't lie about it. 383 00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:45,984 I never get to win these things. 384 00:15:46,068 --> 00:15:47,778 So, anyway, I just want to apologize. 385 00:15:47,986 --> 00:15:50,114 It was wrong of me to get involved. 386 00:15:50,197 --> 00:15:53,117 Are you sure you don't want to tap Abby's phone? Run a DNA sample? 387 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,577 I don't want to be coarse, but the bedroom is covered in it. 388 00:15:55,661 --> 00:15:57,329 I was worried about you, okay? 389 00:15:57,413 --> 00:15:59,248 I didn't want her to take advantage of you 390 00:15:59,331 --> 00:16:00,916 'cause I know that you will do… 391 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,836 Anything for the people that you care about. 392 00:16:05,462 --> 00:16:09,008 Well, I guess I could say the same thing about you. 393 00:16:11,010 --> 00:16:13,345 And, you know what, maybe Abby has changed. 394 00:16:13,429 --> 00:16:16,765 I'm thinking about helping Abby lease a, a storefront 395 00:16:16,849 --> 00:16:18,559 for her jewelry. Is that crazy? 396 00:16:18,642 --> 00:16:21,395 It's… 397 00:16:21,478 --> 00:16:23,230 It's amazing. Don't hold back. 398 00:16:23,313 --> 00:16:25,941 Here. Here, I want you to have this. 399 00:16:26,025 --> 00:16:27,943 Oh. Abby made it. 400 00:16:28,027 --> 00:16:29,236 Oh… 401 00:16:29,319 --> 00:16:30,404 Mm… 402 00:16:30,487 --> 00:16:32,823 It's a cough drop and… 403 00:16:32,906 --> 00:16:35,034 These are hard candies. I see that. 404 00:16:35,117 --> 00:16:38,620 I… truly hate it. 405 00:16:38,704 --> 00:16:40,205 You're welcome. 406 00:16:42,291 --> 00:16:44,168 - Oh. - Oh, hey. 407 00:16:44,251 --> 00:16:46,587 - How was Sacramento? - It was great. The kids cried 408 00:16:46,670 --> 00:16:48,881 - when they saw the capital. - Oh, did they? How many 409 00:16:48,964 --> 00:16:50,507 - students showed up? - 30. 410 00:16:50,591 --> 00:16:52,634 - What hotel did you stay at? - Old Sacramento Inn. 411 00:16:52,718 --> 00:16:54,070 - What room did you stay in? - 523. 412 00:16:54,094 --> 00:16:55,804 - What floor was that on? - Five. 413 00:16:55,888 --> 00:16:57,598 Was there an elevator to the fourth floor? 414 00:16:57,681 --> 00:16:59,034 - Smoking or non-smoking? - Fifth floor. Smoking. 415 00:16:59,058 --> 00:17:01,185 - You don't smoke. - In Sacramento, I do. 416 00:17:01,268 --> 00:17:02,579 - What'd you have for breakfast? - Continental. 417 00:17:02,603 --> 00:17:04,396 How are you this good at lying? I know 418 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,482 you're making this all up! I know you didn't go 419 00:17:06,565 --> 00:17:09,360 to Sacramento. I know you went to a hotel to be by yourself. 420 00:17:09,443 --> 00:17:12,696 - Damn it, Winston! - Nick loved being alone, too! 421 00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:15,532 - Damn it, Winston! - That's for my ding-a-ling! 422 00:17:15,616 --> 00:17:18,535 - You didn't like living together either? - No, 423 00:17:18,619 --> 00:17:21,455 but it was your idea, and it seemed like the thing to do. 424 00:17:21,538 --> 00:17:23,707 But at least I didn't lie about it, Jess. 425 00:17:23,791 --> 00:17:26,085 - Okay, I did! - But you were driving me crazy. 426 00:17:26,168 --> 00:17:27,753 You wear a nightgown. 427 00:17:27,836 --> 00:17:29,022 Are you talking about my long shirt? 428 00:17:29,046 --> 00:17:31,882 You look like the Little Match Girl, 429 00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:34,051 wandering around Victorian England 430 00:17:34,134 --> 00:17:36,553 selling matches for a penny. 431 00:17:36,637 --> 00:17:38,430 I look like George Washington. 432 00:17:38,514 --> 00:17:40,391 I was just trying to be a good couple. 433 00:17:40,474 --> 00:17:42,226 Schmidt and Abby are doing it. 434 00:17:42,309 --> 00:17:45,062 Well, Schmidt and Abby are crazy. They're doing a lot of things. 435 00:17:45,145 --> 00:17:47,106 Why can't we do this? 436 00:17:47,189 --> 00:17:49,358 I don't know. 437 00:17:53,070 --> 00:17:55,280 - Hey. Uh-oh. - Hey. 438 00:17:55,364 --> 00:17:56,865 Last time I saw you day-drinking 439 00:17:56,949 --> 00:17:58,992 was when you got kicked out of jazz ensemble. 440 00:17:59,076 --> 00:18:01,578 I'm still pissed off about that. 441 00:18:01,662 --> 00:18:04,873 What does that mean, "too enthusiastic"? 442 00:18:04,957 --> 00:18:07,227 How come you're not at the hotel? Did you and Nick break the bed? 443 00:18:07,251 --> 00:18:09,461 Because, legally, they cannot make you pay for that. 444 00:18:09,545 --> 00:18:10,713 No. I was by myself. 445 00:18:10,796 --> 00:18:13,507 Oh, I've broken the bed by myself. 446 00:18:13,590 --> 00:18:14,967 Big-time. 447 00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:18,262 No, I went to the hotel to get away from Nick. 448 00:18:18,345 --> 00:18:21,390 And I wore a robe and I watched a documentary about Ethel Kennedy 449 00:18:21,473 --> 00:18:24,101 and it was one of the best nights of my life. 450 00:18:24,184 --> 00:18:25,769 So you win. Your relationship's 451 00:18:25,853 --> 00:18:28,856 better than mine. And I can't even share a room with Nick. 452 00:18:28,939 --> 00:18:30,524 I don't win. Come on. 453 00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:33,235 I swing from guy to guy. 454 00:18:33,318 --> 00:18:36,113 I don't think I have ever paid my own rent. 455 00:18:36,196 --> 00:18:38,323 You travel the world, collecting lovers. 456 00:18:38,407 --> 00:18:41,076 All my lovers could fit in one SUV. 457 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:44,163 And, yes, maybe somebody would have to sit on someone's lap, 458 00:18:44,246 --> 00:18:46,165 but they would fit. 459 00:18:46,248 --> 00:18:48,000 And you're just… Brave. 460 00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:49,710 You and Nick are brave. 461 00:18:49,793 --> 00:18:52,129 You guys know each other, you get under each other's skin. 462 00:18:52,212 --> 00:18:53,964 He has the feet of a hippy cult leader. 463 00:18:54,048 --> 00:18:56,800 But that's the difference. I just throw myself 464 00:18:56,884 --> 00:18:59,178 into whatever comes along because… 465 00:18:59,970 --> 00:19:01,805 I really don't want to be alone. 466 00:19:02,431 --> 00:19:04,683 Why not? Being alone's great. 467 00:19:04,767 --> 00:19:05,934 You should try it sometime. 468 00:19:06,018 --> 00:19:08,312 Seriously. It might help you figure yourself out. 469 00:19:10,397 --> 00:19:12,107 You're Abby Freaking Day. 470 00:19:12,191 --> 00:19:14,401 You can do whatever you want. 471 00:19:16,028 --> 00:19:17,112 Except vote. 472 00:19:17,196 --> 00:19:19,114 But, seriously, 473 00:19:19,198 --> 00:19:20,991 you should've seen Nick's feet. 474 00:19:21,075 --> 00:19:24,453 The bottoms are all black, except for one patch of yellow. 475 00:19:29,917 --> 00:19:32,044 - Hey. What are you doing? - Hey. Oh, 476 00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:34,046 just packing up your things and then I 477 00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:36,799 thought about what you would want and how you probably didn't 478 00:19:36,882 --> 00:19:39,885 want to move again, so I decided to do the right thing 479 00:19:39,968 --> 00:19:41,220 and just take your room. 480 00:19:41,303 --> 00:19:42,739 - My room's bigger. - Is it? I never… 481 00:19:42,763 --> 00:19:44,765 - Nice try. - All right. 482 00:19:44,848 --> 00:19:46,225 I got to move some stuff back then. 483 00:19:46,308 --> 00:19:47,643 Hey. 484 00:19:47,726 --> 00:19:50,145 I'm sorry that this didn't work out. 485 00:19:51,397 --> 00:19:53,982 - I'm sorry that we sucked. - Look, we don't suck. 486 00:19:54,066 --> 00:19:56,652 I'm crazy about you, but I don't have to spend every second 487 00:19:56,735 --> 00:19:59,780 with you in what amounts to a one-room log cabin. 488 00:19:59,863 --> 00:20:01,903 Cabins are what drove the Pilgrims crazy. That's why 489 00:20:01,949 --> 00:20:04,243 they killed each other at the Plymouth Rock Massacre. 490 00:20:04,326 --> 00:20:07,788 - That's not a real thing. - So how did the millions of Pilgrims die? 491 00:20:07,871 --> 00:20:10,040 There definitely weren't millions of Pilgrims. 492 00:20:10,124 --> 00:20:12,918 Then how do you explain my 37-page essay about it? 493 00:20:13,002 --> 00:20:15,188 - I think you made it up in your head. - This seems like one of those 494 00:20:15,212 --> 00:20:18,007 - "agree to disagree" moments… - No. It's not. 495 00:20:18,090 --> 00:20:19,800 - I'm also older than you. - Anyway, 496 00:20:19,883 --> 00:20:22,219 I love you and someday we'll make this work. 497 00:20:22,302 --> 00:20:24,096 I think so, too. Just, just not now. 498 00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:25,931 - Not like this. - Yeah. Yeah. 499 00:20:26,015 --> 00:20:28,392 But if you're not doing anything, want to come over? 500 00:20:28,475 --> 00:20:31,395 I am over. 501 00:20:31,478 --> 00:20:33,188 Oh! Hey, guys. Uh, 502 00:20:33,272 --> 00:20:35,607 just a little hot goss from apartment 4C. 503 00:20:35,691 --> 00:20:37,651 Abby's gone. 504 00:20:37,735 --> 00:20:39,111 - What? - She's gonna 505 00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:40,594 stay with your mom for a little bit. 506 00:20:41,613 --> 00:20:44,408 Something about saving up to be independent? 507 00:20:44,491 --> 00:20:45,826 Wow. 508 00:20:46,493 --> 00:20:48,162 Good for her. 509 00:20:48,245 --> 00:20:50,247 I'm sorry. It's okay. You know 510 00:20:50,331 --> 00:20:53,042 in hindsight, maybe we moved a little bit too fast. 511 00:20:53,334 --> 00:20:55,127 I just wish that I had realized that 512 00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:58,756 - before I rented her a storefront. - You rented her a storefront? 513 00:20:58,839 --> 00:21:00,775 It was a three-year lease in an undesirable neighborhood. 514 00:21:00,799 --> 00:21:03,135 It totally obliterated my bank account, 515 00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:05,512 so… I've decided to sublet my place, and… 516 00:21:05,596 --> 00:21:07,973 I'll be moving back here, under duress. 517 00:21:08,057 --> 00:21:09,600 Y-You're moving back in here? 518 00:21:09,683 --> 00:21:11,369 Well, it shouldn't be a problem, right? I mean, 519 00:21:11,393 --> 00:21:14,271 Coach is in my room, and you guys are now moving in together. 520 00:21:14,355 --> 00:21:16,166 - And, um… - I'll just move into Jess' room. Cool? 521 00:21:16,190 --> 00:21:18,501 - Yeah, but, like… - Asking was just kind of a formality. 522 00:21:18,525 --> 00:21:21,779 'Cause my name's on the lease, so… You guys are the best. 523 00:21:21,862 --> 00:21:24,156 Oh… 524 00:21:27,076 --> 00:21:30,704 - Yay! - Yay. 525 00:21:30,788 --> 00:21:32,748 - Cool. - Great. 526 00:21:32,831 --> 00:21:34,351 - Let's do this. - We can make it work. 527 00:21:34,375 --> 00:21:35,834 You have to start washing your feet.