1 00:00:01,613 --> 00:00:05,284 Guys, we're going on a cruise and you guys are coming with us. 2 00:00:05,367 --> 00:00:07,286 And none of you have a choice. 3 00:00:07,369 --> 00:00:09,121 A cruise? If I wanted to watch 4 00:00:09,204 --> 00:00:11,016 a heavy-set guy in sandals eating with his hands, 5 00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:12,600 I would've just posted up and watched Nick in the kitchen. 6 00:00:12,624 --> 00:00:15,336 When we were together, we booked a cruise. 7 00:00:15,419 --> 00:00:17,755 We tried to get our money back, but it's… 8 00:00:17,838 --> 00:00:19,298 Nonrefundable. 9 00:00:19,381 --> 00:00:21,550 - Yeah. - They made that very clear. 10 00:00:21,633 --> 00:00:23,427 Seemed like a safe bet at the time. 11 00:00:23,510 --> 00:00:28,223 I don't want a refund on my cruises and I don't want a refund on you. 12 00:00:28,307 --> 00:00:29,975 We're never gonna die! 13 00:00:30,059 --> 00:00:32,186 - Yeah! - Y'all nasty. 14 00:00:32,269 --> 00:00:34,563 Ah-ha-ha, yeah! 15 00:00:34,646 --> 00:00:35,689 Where you going? 16 00:00:35,773 --> 00:00:37,483 - Yes! Aah! - What are you doing now? 17 00:00:37,566 --> 00:00:38,942 Oh, there she goes… 18 00:00:39,026 --> 00:00:41,028 Turns out, I do want a refund… 19 00:00:41,111 --> 00:00:43,697 On you. Give me my money back! 20 00:00:44,615 --> 00:00:48,035 Anyway, they let us downgrade our "lovers' suite" 21 00:00:48,118 --> 00:00:50,287 to include four more people. And that's you guys. 22 00:00:50,371 --> 00:00:51,973 I have some concerns about going on a cruise 23 00:00:51,997 --> 00:00:53,975 - with two people that just broke up. - Absolutely. Me, too. 24 00:00:53,999 --> 00:00:55,310 Yeah, I have the exact same concern as Winnie. 25 00:00:55,334 --> 00:00:57,354 - Like, I don't want to go. - I have strong qualms as well. 26 00:00:57,378 --> 00:00:59,380 - He got qualms. - Put those qualms away. 27 00:00:59,463 --> 00:01:00,690 - Yeah. - It's gonna be fine, okay? 28 00:01:00,714 --> 00:01:02,692 - Totally. - We are killing this breakup, honestly. 29 00:01:02,716 --> 00:01:05,678 But we're gonna be on a ship in the middle of the ocean with no escape. 30 00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:08,281 What if you guys get in a big fight and we're stuck out there with you? 31 00:01:08,305 --> 00:01:10,641 It'll be like a floating, all-you-can-eat prison. 32 00:01:10,724 --> 00:01:13,769 I promise you no weirdness. 33 00:01:13,852 --> 00:01:16,313 Guess that's an excuse to go out and buy a new bikini. 34 00:01:16,397 --> 00:01:17,690 - Which could be good. - I'm in. 35 00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:19,900 Full steam ahead! We have two on board! 36 00:01:19,983 --> 00:01:20,984 Nope! 37 00:01:22,361 --> 00:01:24,446 Let's not do, uh, nautical puns, please. 38 00:01:24,530 --> 00:01:26,967 If we're gonna do nautical puns, we shouldn't… We shouldn't go. 39 00:01:26,991 --> 00:01:28,283 That's fair, and I won't. 40 00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:29,702 I'm in, too. 41 00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,221 Uh, I have an idea. Just throwing this out there. 42 00:01:31,245 --> 00:01:33,831 What if we do the cruise 43 00:01:33,914 --> 00:01:35,332 on the ground? 44 00:01:35,416 --> 00:01:37,084 - Like, on land. - That's silly. 45 00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:38,645 What, are you scared of boats or something? 46 00:01:38,669 --> 00:01:40,087 Afraid… Me, afraid of boats? 47 00:01:40,170 --> 00:01:42,023 - You're afraid of boats, dude. - Ha! He's scared of boats? 48 00:01:42,047 --> 00:01:43,215 Hold on, hold on. 49 00:01:43,298 --> 00:01:44,693 Oh, my God, you're scared of boats. 50 00:01:44,717 --> 00:01:46,236 Dude! Is it the boats or the water? Can you swim? 51 00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:48,095 - Yeah. I'm not… - You feel safe now? 52 00:01:48,178 --> 00:01:49,972 I don't need to be safe, man. I'm brave! 53 00:01:50,055 --> 00:01:52,766 I take dumps standing up! I'm a man! 54 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,270 Who's that girl? 55 00:01:56,353 --> 00:01:57,354 Who's that girl? 56 00:01:57,438 --> 00:01:58,605 It's Jess! 57 00:02:04,069 --> 00:02:07,239 Schmidt, do you got any fisherman's pants I can borrow? 58 00:02:07,323 --> 00:02:08,365 What's that? 59 00:02:09,325 --> 00:02:10,868 It's a class ring for Cece. 60 00:02:10,951 --> 00:02:13,620 She got her GED and I've been tutoring her, so… 61 00:02:13,704 --> 00:02:14,830 I had this made. 62 00:02:17,624 --> 00:02:19,460 - What? - Shame, shame, 63 00:02:19,543 --> 00:02:21,587 I know your name… 64 00:02:21,670 --> 00:02:23,589 Please don't "shame, shame" me, Winston. 65 00:02:23,672 --> 00:02:25,466 You're still in love with her. 66 00:02:25,549 --> 00:02:27,134 I am not still in love with her, okay? 67 00:02:27,217 --> 00:02:28,886 You're alone on a boat with Cece, 68 00:02:28,969 --> 00:02:33,265 romantic cruise, and you give her jewelry. Then what? 69 00:02:33,349 --> 00:02:35,201 I tell her that I'm still in love with her and that I want her back, 70 00:02:35,225 --> 00:02:36,369 and then we have sex until the boat sinks. 71 00:02:36,393 --> 00:02:37,603 I knew it, I knew it! 72 00:02:37,686 --> 00:02:39,664 - To the bottom of the ocean. - To the bottom of the ocean. 73 00:02:39,688 --> 00:02:41,273 - Oh, man… - The sand and the mackerel 74 00:02:41,357 --> 00:02:42,625 and the chum and whatever the hell else is down there. 75 00:02:42,649 --> 00:02:43,776 - And crabs. - Not the crabs. 76 00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:45,402 - Yeah. - Don't tell anyone. 77 00:02:46,612 --> 00:02:48,739 I'm serious, Winston. Do not tell anyone. 78 00:02:49,657 --> 00:02:50,866 What are you doing? 79 00:02:54,411 --> 00:02:55,621 You are so weird. 80 00:02:55,704 --> 00:02:58,791 Can you ever just leave the room like a normal person? 81 00:02:58,874 --> 00:03:00,584 Cruise! Cruise! Cruise! Cruise! 82 00:03:00,668 --> 00:03:03,003 Cruise! Cruise! Yeah! 83 00:03:05,547 --> 00:03:06,924 A little tight. 84 00:03:07,007 --> 00:03:08,652 With the amount of stuff we're gonna be doing, 85 00:03:08,676 --> 00:03:10,028 we're barely gonna be in the room. 86 00:03:10,052 --> 00:03:11,553 Cruise! Cruise! 87 00:03:11,637 --> 00:03:14,181 Cruise! Cruise. Cruise… 88 00:03:14,264 --> 00:03:19,144 Welcome aboard the Wave Dancer, your home for the next five days. 89 00:03:19,228 --> 00:03:21,814 I am your captain, Jan Nortis, 90 00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:25,109 and I invite you to dance on the waves with me. 91 00:03:25,192 --> 00:03:27,695 Cruise! Cruise! 92 00:03:27,778 --> 00:03:29,405 Cruise! Cruise! Cruise! Cru… 93 00:03:29,488 --> 00:03:32,199 I'm gonna get drunk! Sorry. 94 00:03:32,282 --> 00:03:34,785 Enthusiasm! I like these people. 95 00:03:34,868 --> 00:03:38,247 Friendship is the most crucial ingredient to any sea adventure. 96 00:03:38,330 --> 00:03:39,999 Second only to buoyancy. 97 00:03:43,168 --> 00:03:44,586 Because a ship has to float. 98 00:03:44,670 --> 00:03:46,005 - Ah! - Oh, okay. 99 00:03:47,172 --> 00:03:48,525 I didn't know where you was going with it. 100 00:03:48,549 --> 00:03:50,175 We love you, Captain! Whoo-hoo! 101 00:03:50,259 --> 00:03:51,385 Everybody, my name is Doug. 102 00:03:51,468 --> 00:03:52,469 - Hi, Doug. - Hi, Doug. 103 00:03:52,553 --> 00:03:53,804 - Hey, Doug. - I'm Winston. 104 00:03:53,887 --> 00:03:56,056 Does anyone know what to do in case of an emergency? 105 00:03:57,016 --> 00:03:59,977 Uh-oh. It looks like we're all in the same boat. 106 00:04:00,060 --> 00:04:02,021 Excuse me. 107 00:04:02,104 --> 00:04:05,144 If we could just continue on without any more nautical puns, that'd be great. 108 00:04:05,190 --> 00:04:06,835 Feels like that's just the lowest form of humor. 109 00:04:06,859 --> 00:04:09,194 Looks like I found a Grumpy Gus! 110 00:04:09,278 --> 00:04:10,446 - I'm sorry, a what? - Boo! 111 00:04:10,529 --> 00:04:11,530 Boo… 112 00:04:11,613 --> 00:04:12,614 - Boo and hiss! - Boo. 113 00:04:12,698 --> 00:04:15,367 Folks, if you see Gus frowning around, 114 00:04:15,451 --> 00:04:17,453 brighten up his day by giving him a tickle. 115 00:04:17,536 --> 00:04:18,704 - A what? - Tickle. 116 00:04:18,787 --> 00:04:20,265 - Quit it! Enough! - Tickle. Tickles… 117 00:04:20,289 --> 00:04:21,725 I don't like to be tickled, you guys. 118 00:04:21,749 --> 00:04:23,143 - Tickle, tickle… - All right! Enough! 119 00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:26,295 We have fun! But the ocean does not. 120 00:04:26,378 --> 00:04:27,379 What? 121 00:04:27,463 --> 00:04:30,049 Listen to what I have to say if you don't want to die. 122 00:04:30,132 --> 00:04:33,052 Don't worry, Coach. Everyone who works on a cruise ship is a performer. 123 00:04:33,135 --> 00:04:34,678 They're just doing a show. 124 00:04:34,762 --> 00:04:36,156 So what? What are you talking to me about it for? 125 00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:37,490 - I'm not scared. - I just thought you should know. 126 00:04:37,514 --> 00:04:38,658 - You're definitely scared. - Sure. 127 00:04:38,682 --> 00:04:39,993 I'm not scared, dude. What are you talking about? 128 00:04:40,017 --> 00:04:41,077 - Yeah, no, of course. - I'm not scared. 129 00:04:41,101 --> 00:04:42,141 - You'll live. - It's okay. 130 00:04:42,186 --> 00:04:43,913 Okay, now I need a volunteer to help me with some emergency procedures. 131 00:04:43,937 --> 00:04:46,523 I'll do it. I don't care. 'Cause I'm not scared. 132 00:04:46,607 --> 00:04:48,067 I'll volunteer my ass off. 133 00:04:51,737 --> 00:04:53,322 I ain't afraid of you! 134 00:04:54,823 --> 00:04:56,700 - Let's say it's 3:00 a.m. - 3:00 a.m. 135 00:04:56,784 --> 00:04:58,619 - There's alarms going off… - What? 136 00:04:58,702 --> 00:05:00,829 Freezing seawater up to your ankles. 137 00:05:00,913 --> 00:05:04,792 Adults are screaming, babies are crying! Go, go, go, go, go! You're up on deck! 138 00:05:04,875 --> 00:05:06,770 There's an Italian guy strapping chains together! 139 00:05:06,794 --> 00:05:08,271 - You don't know what's going on! - I know! 140 00:05:08,295 --> 00:05:09,773 - What do you do? - I don't know! What do I do? 141 00:05:09,797 --> 00:05:11,191 - What do you do? What do you do? - I-I get, I get in the boat? 142 00:05:11,215 --> 00:05:12,400 - You get in the boat! - I get in the boat! 143 00:05:12,424 --> 00:05:13,777 - You're getting in the boat! - I get in the boat! 144 00:05:13,801 --> 00:05:14,843 Wrong! Wrong! No! 145 00:05:14,927 --> 00:05:16,321 - What? - The first thing you do is you 146 00:05:16,345 --> 00:05:18,889 make sure your life preserver is strapped on correctly. 147 00:05:18,972 --> 00:05:20,825 No, no, screw that, man! I'm gettin' in the boat! 148 00:05:20,849 --> 00:05:21,934 Get out of my way! 149 00:05:22,017 --> 00:05:23,453 - I'm getting in the boat! - Where you going, Coach? 150 00:05:23,477 --> 00:05:24,687 He's paddling to Heaven, 151 00:05:24,770 --> 00:05:26,563 - 'cause he's already dead. - Don't say that! 152 00:05:26,647 --> 00:05:28,190 Spread your wings, little angel. 153 00:05:28,273 --> 00:05:30,752 - Douglas… that's a little too much. - Oh, my God! Stroke! Stroke! 154 00:05:30,776 --> 00:05:32,736 - Ah, there's two of these! - Okay… All righty. 155 00:05:32,820 --> 00:05:34,340 - How do you do two of these? - Okay… 156 00:05:34,405 --> 00:05:37,408 - You're safe. You're okay. - Stroke! Stroke! 157 00:05:37,491 --> 00:05:39,386 You're okay! You're okay, you're okay, you're okay. 158 00:05:42,496 --> 00:05:45,708 Amazing grace 159 00:05:45,791 --> 00:05:47,251 I'm not afraid of boats. 160 00:05:47,334 --> 00:05:48,585 How sweet… 161 00:05:48,669 --> 00:05:50,170 No one's afraid. 162 00:05:50,254 --> 00:05:51,839 The sound… 163 00:05:51,922 --> 00:05:53,842 - Okay, I'm good. I'm good, I'm good. - You okay? 164 00:05:57,011 --> 00:05:58,220 Thank you. 165 00:05:58,303 --> 00:06:01,890 Thank you all for coming to the… To the seminar. 166 00:06:01,974 --> 00:06:04,435 Remember to sign up for the volleyball tournament. 167 00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:08,063 Hey, Coach? 168 00:06:08,147 --> 00:06:09,374 - You okay, buddy? - You okay, pal? 169 00:06:09,398 --> 00:06:11,078 Nah, you guys, I'm fine. I'm just gonna… 170 00:06:11,150 --> 00:06:12,961 I'm gonna hang out in the room for a little bit, okay? 171 00:06:12,985 --> 00:06:14,903 - See you later. - Later. 172 00:06:14,987 --> 00:06:17,239 Cruise! Cruise. Cruise… 173 00:06:17,323 --> 00:06:18,782 What should we do first? 174 00:06:18,866 --> 00:06:20,266 - Cheer up, Grumpy Gus! - All right! 175 00:06:20,326 --> 00:06:22,036 - Cut your fingernails, man! - Ha ha! 176 00:06:22,119 --> 00:06:23,239 - Nice! - With this tickling. 177 00:06:24,288 --> 00:06:25,932 Hey, hey, hey, guys. The captain's coming. 178 00:06:25,956 --> 00:06:28,751 - It's the captain. - What's up, Captain? 179 00:06:28,834 --> 00:06:29,918 Hello, again. 180 00:06:30,002 --> 00:06:33,339 I'm Captain Jan Nortis, as I previously stated. 181 00:06:33,422 --> 00:06:36,508 I would just like to say that I am a fan of your enthusiasm. 182 00:06:37,926 --> 00:06:39,803 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Please don't do that. 183 00:06:39,887 --> 00:06:41,013 Sorry. 184 00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:44,016 I may be a captain, but first and foremost, 185 00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,142 I am a woman. 186 00:06:45,976 --> 00:06:46,977 Absolutely. 187 00:06:49,938 --> 00:06:51,065 Come on! 188 00:06:51,523 --> 00:06:55,569 Did anyone just see that she was flirting like crazy with Nick? 189 00:06:55,652 --> 00:06:58,572 That was, like, the most shameless flirting I've ever seen. 190 00:06:58,656 --> 00:07:00,157 "Keep it in your pants" 191 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,159 is all I have to say to Captain Jan Nortis. 192 00:07:02,242 --> 00:07:03,470 - You're being really weird. - You're being weird. 193 00:07:03,494 --> 00:07:04,804 - Super weird right now. - Here we go. 194 00:07:04,828 --> 00:07:05,972 This is starting now already. 195 00:07:05,996 --> 00:07:06,997 I am not being weird. 196 00:07:07,081 --> 00:07:08,975 You're creating an awkward situation for no reason. 197 00:07:08,999 --> 00:07:10,042 Don't do this, Jess. 198 00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:13,003 If this ship moves as fast as that captain, 199 00:07:13,087 --> 00:07:14,713 we'll be in Ensenada by 6:00. 200 00:07:14,797 --> 00:07:16,799 Well, she was flirting with you. 201 00:07:16,882 --> 00:07:19,593 Which I'm okay with, because she is a handsome woman. 202 00:07:19,677 --> 00:07:21,762 Jess, stop. You're being weird. 203 00:07:21,845 --> 00:07:24,848 No, I'm not being weird. I'm not being weird! 204 00:07:25,683 --> 00:07:27,226 I am, I am being weird. 205 00:07:27,309 --> 00:07:28,560 Okay, focus up for a second. 206 00:07:28,644 --> 00:07:30,562 Okay, they say this is an all-inclusive trip, 207 00:07:30,646 --> 00:07:31,806 but you know what that means. 208 00:07:31,855 --> 00:07:33,816 But from their eyes, you have a couple of drinks, 209 00:07:33,899 --> 00:07:35,919 and then you're done. And then what have you paid for? 210 00:07:35,943 --> 00:07:37,420 - We're smarter than that, okay? - We are. 211 00:07:37,444 --> 00:07:39,589 We're gonna take every class, we're gonna do every activity. 212 00:07:39,613 --> 00:07:41,257 - We're gonna get our money's worth. - Okay. 213 00:07:41,281 --> 00:07:42,324 - Got it? - Yeah. 214 00:07:42,408 --> 00:07:43,742 Uh, Jessica Day and Nick Miller. 215 00:07:43,826 --> 00:07:46,078 All right, Day-Miller party. 216 00:07:46,745 --> 00:07:49,957 Here is your itinerary for the Grand Romance package. 217 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:51,792 No! No! 218 00:07:51,875 --> 00:07:55,087 Yeah, we're looking for something more like PG-13. 219 00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:57,650 What do you have? Do you have, like, a friendship package or… 220 00:07:57,715 --> 00:08:01,010 What package would you recommend for two brothers looking for trouble? 221 00:08:01,093 --> 00:08:03,387 The Grand Romance package is nonrefundable. 222 00:08:03,470 --> 00:08:05,764 Well, we're not doing that, so we're good. 223 00:08:05,848 --> 00:08:08,767 Are you sure? This includes over $600 of activities and… 224 00:08:08,851 --> 00:08:11,061 - We're gonna do it. - We're not doing it. 225 00:08:11,145 --> 00:08:15,524 $600? That is 600 one-dollar bills. That's the only way I can imagine it. 226 00:08:15,607 --> 00:08:17,359 - We can do this. - Okay. Yeah. 227 00:08:17,443 --> 00:08:20,195 We're gonna get our money's worth. We are the best ex-couple 228 00:08:20,279 --> 00:08:22,406 - in the whole world. - Yeah, we are. 229 00:08:22,489 --> 00:08:23,490 Yes. Okay? 230 00:08:24,033 --> 00:08:25,242 You guys are exes? 231 00:08:25,326 --> 00:08:27,161 Yeah, you're not gonna want to do this. 232 00:08:27,244 --> 00:08:28,787 - We're doing it. - Give us the folder. 233 00:08:40,758 --> 00:08:42,110 - I just wanted to say… - Grumpy Gus! 234 00:08:42,134 --> 00:08:44,428 No! No! No! 235 00:08:44,511 --> 00:08:46,722 - Grumpy Gus. - Sweet mother of sea dragon! 236 00:08:46,805 --> 00:08:48,265 What? What happened? 237 00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:54,396 I just witnessed a dolphin being cut straight in half by our keel. 238 00:08:54,897 --> 00:08:57,316 - It's a ghastly sight. - What? 239 00:08:57,399 --> 00:08:59,068 That's horrible! 240 00:08:59,151 --> 00:09:00,152 Terrible. 241 00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:02,821 It's a shame about the dolphin, man. Really is. 242 00:09:02,905 --> 00:09:03,989 What? 243 00:09:04,073 --> 00:09:06,867 As your bodies become one, 244 00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:11,413 follow your breath through your spine to the soles of your feet 245 00:09:11,497 --> 00:09:13,415 and into your genitals. 246 00:09:13,499 --> 00:09:15,417 What? 247 00:09:15,501 --> 00:09:17,169 Into my genitals? 248 00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:19,046 Yeah. 249 00:09:19,129 --> 00:09:20,673 Breathe into your genitals… 250 00:09:20,756 --> 00:09:22,424 I'm not breathing into my genitals, lady. 251 00:09:22,508 --> 00:09:23,884 All right, lovers, let's get sexy. 252 00:09:23,967 --> 00:09:25,803 Give me your sexiest pose right here. 253 00:09:25,886 --> 00:09:27,888 - This is it. This is it. - Sexiest pose. 254 00:09:27,971 --> 00:09:29,890 That's not… It's not romantic in any way. 255 00:09:29,973 --> 00:09:32,309 Think about the first time you kissed. How was it? 256 00:09:32,393 --> 00:09:33,394 If you can move in. 257 00:09:34,603 --> 00:09:37,106 Come back in. Come back in. 258 00:09:37,606 --> 00:09:40,401 Wow, I've never done a couples massage on exes before. 259 00:09:40,484 --> 00:09:43,237 In case you're wondering what that scar on his back is, 260 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:45,364 it's from falling on a fence when he was six. 261 00:09:45,447 --> 00:09:47,658 I was legally dead for ten minutes. 262 00:09:47,741 --> 00:09:49,381 We're going to make all the towel animals 263 00:09:49,451 --> 00:09:51,996 you guys find in your rooms every single night! 264 00:09:52,329 --> 00:09:54,331 - We made laundry. - Nice. 265 00:09:54,415 --> 00:09:55,791 We're always happy. 266 00:09:55,874 --> 00:09:58,711 Life's for living Yeah, that's our philosophy… 267 00:09:59,795 --> 00:10:01,672 We're just totally different people. 268 00:10:01,755 --> 00:10:03,465 Yeah, we just don't belong together. 269 00:10:06,176 --> 00:10:07,803 You're really bumming me out. 270 00:10:07,886 --> 00:10:10,264 Hey, Jess, is this doing weird stuff to your eyes? 271 00:10:10,347 --> 00:10:11,348 Definitely. 272 00:10:11,432 --> 00:10:13,684 Give me five, man! Leaving me hanging! 273 00:10:13,767 --> 00:10:16,854 You know what? You were right. 274 00:10:16,937 --> 00:10:18,230 This isn't weird at all. 275 00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:19,523 No, it isn't. 276 00:10:20,482 --> 00:10:21,775 Are they out of rosé? 277 00:10:21,859 --> 00:10:22,901 You know what? 278 00:10:23,485 --> 00:10:26,071 This is an old bartending trick, Jess. 279 00:10:26,155 --> 00:10:28,657 Put your glass out. You go like this… 280 00:10:28,741 --> 00:10:29,783 No way. 281 00:10:29,867 --> 00:10:32,119 - Look at that. You got some rosé. - You're a genius. 282 00:10:32,202 --> 00:10:34,455 I think I'm smarter at sea. 283 00:10:39,043 --> 00:10:40,085 You look… 284 00:10:41,086 --> 00:10:42,504 You look like you belong here. 285 00:10:42,588 --> 00:10:43,839 What's that, on a ship? 286 00:10:44,798 --> 00:10:46,008 Yeah, you, too. 287 00:10:58,729 --> 00:11:00,606 Oh, yo! Yo! 288 00:11:00,689 --> 00:11:03,650 Yo-yo-yo! Yo, pal. 289 00:11:04,068 --> 00:11:05,110 Yo. 290 00:11:06,028 --> 00:11:08,530 - Well, that was a mistake. - Yes, it was! 291 00:11:08,614 --> 00:11:09,615 That was not on purpose. 292 00:11:09,698 --> 00:11:11,450 - My fault, too. Yep. - Yeah, it was… 293 00:11:11,533 --> 00:11:13,333 We can't do the Grand Romance package anymore. 294 00:11:13,410 --> 00:11:15,180 - I agree. We should… No. - It's too much. It's too intense. 295 00:11:15,204 --> 00:11:17,057 - They whip you into this sexual frenzy. - I know. 296 00:11:17,081 --> 00:11:18,666 It's weird. I just feel like… 297 00:11:18,749 --> 00:11:20,477 - Yeah, 'cause everything's fine. - You know, I feel like a cruise tonight. 298 00:11:20,501 --> 00:11:21,561 It's not, like, a really big deal. I feel like… 299 00:11:21,585 --> 00:11:23,438 We're good. Everything's good. Yeah, no problem, no problem. 300 00:11:23,462 --> 00:11:24,838 - All right, bye, dude. - Bye. 301 00:11:29,134 --> 00:11:31,428 Jess, I've been looking all over for you. 302 00:11:31,512 --> 00:11:34,723 I was hoping that as a group, we could do a little night fishing 303 00:11:34,807 --> 00:11:37,976 that I already put a deposit down on, so we're going. 304 00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:39,645 And if we don't catch anything, 305 00:11:39,728 --> 00:11:42,648 they'll let us shoot a machine gun directly into the water. 306 00:11:42,731 --> 00:11:44,334 That is international waters for you, baby. 307 00:11:44,358 --> 00:11:47,236 I would really love nothing more than to go out there and shoot 308 00:11:47,319 --> 00:11:48,755 a bunch of fish in the face with you, 309 00:11:48,779 --> 00:11:50,698 but I think that's more of a Nick thing. 310 00:11:50,781 --> 00:11:53,492 And yesterday, we decided it would be better for everyone 311 00:11:53,575 --> 00:11:56,328 if we just spent the rest of the time apart. 312 00:11:56,412 --> 00:11:57,538 What? 313 00:11:57,621 --> 00:12:00,582 I'm really sorry. I wanted this to be a great vacation for you guys. 314 00:12:00,666 --> 00:12:02,251 But look, we split up the ship. 315 00:12:02,334 --> 00:12:04,461 I took starboard, he took the other one. 316 00:12:04,545 --> 00:12:07,423 I got the starboard and she got the other side. 317 00:12:08,257 --> 00:12:10,610 What are you doing, man? You're hanging out by an exhaust vent. 318 00:12:10,634 --> 00:12:13,387 It keeps the left side of my face warm and it sounds like the ocean. 319 00:12:13,470 --> 00:12:15,681 More than the ocean sounds like the ocean? 320 00:12:15,764 --> 00:12:18,350 Come on, Nick. You guys can't be separate the whole trip. 321 00:12:18,434 --> 00:12:20,811 The trip just made it clear. The breakup's too hard. 322 00:12:20,894 --> 00:12:22,614 I don't think we can be friends for a while. 323 00:12:22,646 --> 00:12:25,899 What? You're not gonna be friends with Jess? 324 00:12:25,983 --> 00:12:28,527 And even you guys said it. It's just too weird. 325 00:12:28,610 --> 00:12:30,988 Nick, man, that's like the president and the vice president 326 00:12:31,071 --> 00:12:32,072 not being best friends. 327 00:12:32,156 --> 00:12:33,425 - They're not best friends. - Come on. 328 00:12:33,449 --> 00:12:34,843 Everybody knows they're best friends. 329 00:12:34,867 --> 00:12:36,344 They work together, but they're not best friends. 330 00:12:36,368 --> 00:12:37,971 Dude, they're the president and the vice president. 331 00:12:37,995 --> 00:12:38,996 Okay. 332 00:12:39,079 --> 00:12:40,557 I mean, is this something you're okay with? 333 00:12:40,581 --> 00:12:42,458 No, I'm not okay, but what am I gonna do? 334 00:12:42,541 --> 00:12:47,212 Well, I mean, look, man, we all have to be together on this trip. 335 00:12:47,296 --> 00:12:48,547 That's why we came here. 336 00:12:49,214 --> 00:12:51,717 Nick, there's gotta be something I can do. 337 00:12:52,426 --> 00:12:54,803 - Yeah, you know what you can do? - Yeah, anything, come on. 338 00:12:54,887 --> 00:12:57,490 You can cash in my skee ball tickets on the other side of the boat. 339 00:12:57,514 --> 00:13:00,809 Get me one of those toy spiders that I was talking to you about before. 340 00:13:00,893 --> 00:13:02,579 - And if they're out… - All right, man, all right. 341 00:13:02,603 --> 00:13:04,772 Then grab me a bunch of erasers? 342 00:13:06,273 --> 00:13:07,900 The opportunity has not presented itself 343 00:13:07,983 --> 00:13:10,986 as I'd hoped it would, so I'm creating it now. 344 00:13:11,403 --> 00:13:16,283 When I say, "May our progeny bathe in the infinite glow," that's your cue. 345 00:13:16,367 --> 00:13:17,951 Now, what… What did I just say? 346 00:13:18,035 --> 00:13:19,679 You repeat it so I know that you know the cue. 347 00:13:19,703 --> 00:13:21,205 May our pro… What? 348 00:13:22,581 --> 00:13:26,627 - What's wrong with you? Unbelievable. - I don't know what you're saying. 349 00:13:26,710 --> 00:13:29,880 I'll just say, "Go," okay? When I say, "Go," you start to play. 350 00:13:29,963 --> 00:13:32,925 And before she sees, just get behind… Get behind the vent. 351 00:13:33,008 --> 00:13:34,134 Get behind the vent. 352 00:13:41,433 --> 00:13:42,434 Cece… 353 00:13:42,518 --> 00:13:44,019 Hmm? Hey. 354 00:13:44,103 --> 00:13:48,399 Um, your hair in the moonlight… It looks so shiny. 355 00:13:48,482 --> 00:13:51,276 You know, I'm trying to get a signal so I can talk to Buster, 356 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,278 but it's just impossible out here. 357 00:13:53,362 --> 00:13:57,199 In the moonlight, your eyes, they sparkle like, like fish eyes. 358 00:13:57,282 --> 00:14:00,619 I got one. Now, like, what, do I have to hold it at this angle the whole time? 359 00:14:00,703 --> 00:14:03,789 Why is it so important for you to get in touch with Buster? 360 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:08,794 Look, you know better than anyone 361 00:14:08,877 --> 00:14:11,839 that I don't have the best of luck with relationships. 362 00:14:14,591 --> 00:14:16,552 And I know you think he's young for me. 363 00:14:18,554 --> 00:14:19,680 I don't. 364 00:14:22,766 --> 00:14:24,435 I just want you to be happy. 365 00:14:27,646 --> 00:14:28,689 Thank you. 366 00:14:30,524 --> 00:14:33,569 Guys, guys! You got to come with me right now. 367 00:14:34,111 --> 00:14:35,279 Be warned, though. 368 00:14:35,362 --> 00:14:37,406 There is a weird guy with a violin 369 00:14:37,489 --> 00:14:39,241 - hiding behind this vent. - A what? 370 00:14:40,075 --> 00:14:42,077 Dude! 371 00:14:42,161 --> 00:14:44,121 - What's going on? - Come on… Right. 372 00:14:48,709 --> 00:14:51,462 I will… I will knock you out where you stand, sir. 373 00:14:51,545 --> 00:14:52,671 Get back there. 374 00:14:56,133 --> 00:14:58,403 They're gonna take a break from being friends for a while? 375 00:14:58,427 --> 00:15:00,238 - What does that even mean? - Guys, this is on us. 376 00:15:00,262 --> 00:15:02,806 We're the ones who put the pressure on them to not be weird. 377 00:15:02,890 --> 00:15:04,090 I know. What were we thinking? 378 00:15:04,141 --> 00:15:06,352 Of course they're gonna be weird. They just broke up. 379 00:15:06,435 --> 00:15:08,288 Hey, that's on y'all. I-I have nothing to do with that. 380 00:15:08,312 --> 00:15:11,106 I've just been chilling in the room. Hanging out, singing songs. 381 00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:13,776 You are safe in the room. 382 00:15:13,859 --> 00:15:15,736 You are safe, you will live… 383 00:15:15,819 --> 00:15:18,739 I've been trying to get them to talk to each other all morning, okay? 384 00:15:19,907 --> 00:15:22,284 I passed up on breakfast pizza and singles bingo. 385 00:15:22,368 --> 00:15:25,788 And those bingo chicks? Oh, they put out. Bingo! 386 00:15:25,871 --> 00:15:27,498 They're not gonna listen to us. 387 00:15:27,581 --> 00:15:29,208 Don't-don't ever do that again. 388 00:15:29,291 --> 00:15:30,560 The bingo thing? That's what they… 389 00:15:30,584 --> 00:15:31,853 It's funny, that's what they say when I… 390 00:15:31,877 --> 00:15:33,587 You know who they will listen to, though? 391 00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:35,065 - A doctor. The president! - The ca… 392 00:15:35,089 --> 00:15:36,173 What were you… 393 00:15:36,256 --> 00:15:37,525 - What were you gonna say? - The captain. 394 00:15:37,549 --> 00:15:38,550 The captain. 395 00:15:38,842 --> 00:15:41,261 Attention, this is your captain. 396 00:15:41,345 --> 00:15:45,099 Would Nick Miller and Jessica Day please return to their stateroom 397 00:15:45,182 --> 00:15:49,561 for a non-life-threatening but necessary official maritime reason. 398 00:15:50,145 --> 00:15:51,772 This is not an emergency. 399 00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:53,565 It is definitely not. 400 00:15:54,566 --> 00:15:55,567 Hey! 401 00:15:55,651 --> 00:15:57,027 - Did you hear the captain? - Yes! 402 00:15:57,111 --> 00:15:59,363 Go, go, go! 403 00:15:59,446 --> 00:16:01,657 Everybody inside! This is not a drill! 404 00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:02,741 Okay! 405 00:16:05,494 --> 00:16:06,996 Okay, the door is locked. 406 00:16:07,079 --> 00:16:10,124 The "do not disturb" sign has been employed. 407 00:16:10,207 --> 00:16:13,377 We are not leaving here until you guys are friends again. 408 00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:16,088 We just wanted to spend our vacation alone. 409 00:16:16,171 --> 00:16:19,091 - Yes. - On separate strange parts of this ship. 410 00:16:19,174 --> 00:16:20,568 - Yeah, it's… - I really wanted to see 411 00:16:20,592 --> 00:16:22,112 how the ship worked. I think it's interesting. 412 00:16:22,136 --> 00:16:24,572 And I really wanted to see how the other side of the ship worked. 413 00:16:24,596 --> 00:16:25,639 - Yeah. - It's interesting. 414 00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:27,099 We should've never asked you guys 415 00:16:27,182 --> 00:16:28,493 - not to be weird around us. - Mm-hmm. 416 00:16:28,517 --> 00:16:29,995 We-we want you to be weird around us. 417 00:16:30,019 --> 00:16:31,103 - Yeah. - Just let us in. 418 00:16:31,186 --> 00:16:34,606 Open your cellar doors, and let us taste your jams. 419 00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:37,317 - You want to "taste our jams"? - Again, you have lost me. 420 00:16:37,401 --> 00:16:39,041 Listen to yourself for once in your life. 421 00:16:39,111 --> 00:16:40,571 It's my jam and you can't have it. 422 00:16:40,654 --> 00:16:42,031 First of all, that's my 423 00:16:42,114 --> 00:16:43,591 - ex-girlfriend's jam, dude. - I put a ban on jam. 424 00:16:43,615 --> 00:16:45,909 Okay, you know what? All of us are weird. 425 00:16:45,993 --> 00:16:48,871 But we're all still friends. So, let's talk about it. 426 00:16:48,954 --> 00:16:50,039 I'll go first. 427 00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:53,292 I've made out with half of the guys in this room. 428 00:16:53,375 --> 00:16:54,918 - Okay. That's a start. - All right. 429 00:16:55,002 --> 00:16:57,880 That's a start. And I have had nightmares 430 00:16:57,963 --> 00:17:00,674 about making out with the other two guys in this room. 431 00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,301 - So, yourself? - And me. 432 00:17:02,384 --> 00:17:04,053 - Nick and Winston. - Okay. Okay. 433 00:17:04,136 --> 00:17:06,496 - It's good for you to finally admit that. - I respect that. 434 00:17:06,555 --> 00:17:07,556 Yeah, thanks for sharing. 435 00:17:07,639 --> 00:17:11,477 Um, it really bums me out that I'll never know the infinite joy 436 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,271 of what it feels like to carry a child inside of me. 437 00:17:15,022 --> 00:17:16,774 - Wow. - Okay, Coach! 438 00:17:16,857 --> 00:17:17,941 That's honesty. 439 00:17:18,025 --> 00:17:19,502 - That's real honest. - That's how it's done. 440 00:17:19,526 --> 00:17:22,071 - Okay, um… - Here we go, up we go. 441 00:17:22,154 --> 00:17:24,573 I feel like it is really weird that… 442 00:17:25,866 --> 00:17:27,743 I live with my ex-boyfriend. 443 00:17:27,826 --> 00:17:29,453 - See? There you go! - Nice! 444 00:17:29,536 --> 00:17:30,621 Just turn on the tap. 445 00:17:30,704 --> 00:17:32,247 - You know, let it out. - Really nice. 446 00:17:32,331 --> 00:17:34,208 That was cool that you admitted that. 447 00:17:34,416 --> 00:17:36,794 I feel weird about living with my ex-girlfriend. 448 00:17:36,877 --> 00:17:37,917 - Yeah. - You know, I think 449 00:17:37,961 --> 00:17:39,171 it's a landmine for trouble. 450 00:17:39,254 --> 00:17:41,066 What's gonna happen when other hunks come around? 451 00:17:41,090 --> 00:17:43,360 What's gonna happen when you bring some ho-bag in the house? 452 00:17:43,384 --> 00:17:45,153 Exactly! Like, that… It's scary stuff, and I feel like 453 00:17:45,177 --> 00:17:46,929 when a breakup happens, you mostly get away. 454 00:17:47,012 --> 00:17:48,555 'Cause I'm gonna beat her ass. 455 00:17:49,139 --> 00:17:50,891 What if she's bigger than you? 456 00:17:50,974 --> 00:17:52,184 She probably will be. 457 00:17:52,267 --> 00:17:54,395 Oh, snap! That was good. 458 00:17:54,478 --> 00:17:55,938 Good for you! 459 00:17:56,021 --> 00:17:57,314 - Yeah! - I saw that, man. 460 00:17:57,398 --> 00:17:58,792 That's how it all starts. This is how it starts. 461 00:17:58,816 --> 00:17:59,856 - Good. - That's good, man, 462 00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:00,960 - that's really good. - Yeah. 463 00:18:00,984 --> 00:18:02,253 Well, it's nice to talk to you about this. 464 00:18:02,277 --> 00:18:03,821 Yeah, it was really weird when you 465 00:18:03,904 --> 00:18:05,030 tried to kiss me last night. 466 00:18:05,114 --> 00:18:06,448 And you licked my ear. 467 00:18:06,532 --> 00:18:07,533 - What? - What? 468 00:18:07,616 --> 00:18:09,886 - You guys kissed last night? What? - This is so confusing! 469 00:18:09,910 --> 00:18:11,304 - It was just a lapse. - We were drunk. 470 00:18:11,328 --> 00:18:13,598 - You guys are getting back together? - We're not getting back together. 471 00:18:13,622 --> 00:18:14,999 You're confusing everybody! 472 00:18:15,082 --> 00:18:17,668 - No, it was the Grand Romance package. - My God! 473 00:18:17,751 --> 00:18:20,254 They were, like, folding these towels. It was so sexy. 474 00:18:20,337 --> 00:18:23,215 You try folding towels like that and see if you don't get turned on. 475 00:18:23,298 --> 00:18:25,300 Yeah, because they fold the towels like vaginas. 476 00:18:25,384 --> 00:18:26,760 They're swans, dude. 477 00:18:26,844 --> 00:18:30,222 And the yoga instructor was, like, breathing into our genitals, and, like… 478 00:18:30,305 --> 00:18:32,558 - It opened everyone up. - Yeah. 479 00:18:32,641 --> 00:18:34,977 - In a real true way. - Absolutely. 480 00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:37,021 This thing was ready to talk to that thing again. 481 00:18:37,104 --> 00:18:38,856 - Emotionally and sexually. - Yeah. 482 00:18:38,939 --> 00:18:40,208 - What? - What's wrong with you, man? 483 00:18:40,232 --> 00:18:41,316 - What? - Are you crazy? 484 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,401 Just pick one. 485 00:18:42,484 --> 00:18:44,194 Either you're together or you're not! 486 00:18:44,278 --> 00:18:45,654 Gonna punch you in the face, bro! 487 00:18:45,738 --> 00:18:47,031 Things are really weird. 488 00:18:47,114 --> 00:18:48,157 Agreed. 489 00:18:49,783 --> 00:18:51,035 But I'm okay with it. 490 00:18:51,702 --> 00:18:54,288 - Me, too. - Hey, there. 491 00:18:54,371 --> 00:18:56,915 - Aw! What? - All right, okay. 492 00:18:56,999 --> 00:18:58,584 - Good enough, good start. - Wonderful. 493 00:18:58,667 --> 00:19:00,437 Thank you for doing this weird intervention thing. 494 00:19:00,461 --> 00:19:02,272 - This was pretty great. - Yeah, it worked out. 495 00:19:02,296 --> 00:19:03,464 I think everybody's good now. 496 00:19:03,547 --> 00:19:04,983 Let's go eat our weight in fake crab. 497 00:19:05,007 --> 00:19:06,109 - There you go. - Absolutely. 498 00:19:06,133 --> 00:19:07,193 - There we go. - Great idea. 499 00:19:07,217 --> 00:19:08,260 I'm gonna get drunk. 500 00:19:08,344 --> 00:19:09,970 I gotta get psyched up. 501 00:19:10,054 --> 00:19:11,513 Gotta get psyched up. 502 00:19:11,597 --> 00:19:13,891 The door's stuck. Is that part of your thing? 503 00:19:13,974 --> 00:19:15,684 - No. - Well, call security. 504 00:19:15,768 --> 00:19:17,245 - I got rid of the room phone. - Got rid of the phone? 505 00:19:17,269 --> 00:19:18,621 I-I thought it was gonna be more intense than this. 506 00:19:18,645 --> 00:19:19,748 - You murdered us! - I-I'm sorry! 507 00:19:19,772 --> 00:19:21,231 - Open up! Open up! - What? No. 508 00:19:21,315 --> 00:19:22,375 - Watch out. - You know what? 509 00:19:22,399 --> 00:19:23,793 It's just, it's usually the handle. 510 00:19:23,817 --> 00:19:25,670 - Just, like, get the handle… - I'll do it, I'll do it! 511 00:19:25,694 --> 00:19:27,005 - I got it. - All right, move. I got it. 512 00:19:27,029 --> 00:19:28,340 - Guys, guys, guys! - Okay, here we go. 513 00:19:28,364 --> 00:19:29,698 Calm down. 514 00:19:29,782 --> 00:19:32,284 How long could it take for someone to hear us? 515 00:19:37,790 --> 00:19:39,958 Oh. 516 00:19:43,003 --> 00:19:45,047 We did bad things to the tub. 517 00:19:47,007 --> 00:19:48,550 I got the sugars. 518 00:19:48,634 --> 00:19:51,053 I'm the sugar man. 519 00:19:51,136 --> 00:19:53,430 Silence! I have the talking soap! 520 00:19:55,349 --> 00:19:57,101 I'm the queen of Wednesday! 521 00:19:59,311 --> 00:20:01,313 It's so nice to have a family portrait. 522 00:20:02,356 --> 00:20:05,484 We should shower less. I think we look really great. 523 00:20:05,567 --> 00:20:08,904 I'm really glad we framed this. I mean, what a proud moment. 524 00:20:08,988 --> 00:20:10,906 It is cool being in the paper, though. 525 00:20:10,990 --> 00:20:13,075 Part of me died on that boat. 526 00:20:13,158 --> 00:20:16,286 - Oh. - I will never be the same again. 527 00:20:16,370 --> 00:20:18,455 All right, man. Take a nap. Sleep it off, man. 528 00:20:18,539 --> 00:20:21,125 I'm sorry. Is Cece checking out Schmidt? 529 00:20:21,375 --> 00:20:22,376 What? 530 00:20:23,085 --> 00:20:24,253 Let me see that. 531 00:20:24,336 --> 00:20:25,337 Huh? 532 00:20:27,339 --> 00:20:29,174 What are you talking about, Winston? 533 00:20:29,258 --> 00:20:33,012 Shame, shame, I know your name. 534 00:20:33,303 --> 00:20:36,015 You do not know my name, Winston. 535 00:20:36,598 --> 00:20:39,601 Cece got a boyfriend who used to be Betty! 536 00:20:39,685 --> 00:20:41,186 Yeah, you better run, bitch. 537 00:20:41,270 --> 00:20:43,814 Ow! Ow! Ow! That's my mustache! 538 00:20:45,566 --> 00:20:48,152 You know, I've been thinking a lot 539 00:20:48,235 --> 00:20:50,654 - about your sleeping arrangements and… - Weird. 540 00:20:50,738 --> 00:20:54,074 I might have an idea on how to make things a little bit less weird. 541 00:20:55,701 --> 00:20:57,619 - Really? What is it? - Two words. 542 00:20:58,287 --> 00:20:59,580 - Bunk beds. - No. 543 00:20:59,663 --> 00:21:01,558 No, I'm not putting bunk beds in my room, Schmidt. 544 00:21:01,582 --> 00:21:03,917 Not in your room. In my room. 545 00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:06,962 It'll be just like college, my man. Only with way more sex. 546 00:21:07,046 --> 00:21:09,006 - What? - That came out wrong. 547 00:21:09,089 --> 00:21:12,760 I'm not bunking with you, Schmidt. 548 00:21:13,552 --> 00:21:16,263 - Yeah, he is. - Yeah, he is. 549 00:21:16,347 --> 00:21:18,182 Yeah, he is. 550 00:21:18,766 --> 00:21:20,392 There's gonna be a lot of rules, 551 00:21:20,476 --> 00:21:22,954 - and I'm gonna make most of them. - You can make them all, man! 552 00:21:22,978 --> 00:21:25,689 Except for the ones that I make! 553 00:21:25,773 --> 00:21:27,524 First one in gets dibs!