1 00:00:19,547 --> 00:00:20,279 Hello? 2 00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:22,548 Hello, "dog," it's Principal Foster. 3 00:00:22,550 --> 00:00:24,717 Oh, hey. Did you just call me "dog"? 4 00:00:24,719 --> 00:00:26,719 You're vice principal now. We're peers. 5 00:00:26,721 --> 00:00:28,121 Oh. Good news— I have 6 00:00:28,123 --> 00:00:30,223 a replacement for your science class. 7 00:00:30,225 --> 00:00:32,225 It's about time, you old son of a bitch. 8 00:00:32,227 --> 00:00:33,626 What? 9 00:00:33,628 --> 00:00:35,395 Too casual? Uh, what? 10 00:00:35,397 --> 00:00:36,896 Hello? Sorry, what? You're breaking up. 11 00:00:36,898 --> 00:00:37,997 Hello? Dog? 12 00:00:37,999 --> 00:00:39,065 Hello? I can't... 13 00:00:39,067 --> 00:00:40,133 hear you. Sorry, hello? 14 00:00:40,135 --> 00:00:41,167 Bad reception, sorry. 15 00:00:41,169 --> 00:00:43,002 Hold on. breaking up... 16 00:00:43,004 --> 00:00:44,904 I'm so sorry. They're building a new building next door 17 00:00:44,906 --> 00:00:46,839 and I have terrible reception. 18 00:00:46,841 --> 00:00:49,142 Hey, no more phone calls! Get out of my room! 19 00:00:49,144 --> 00:00:51,511 It's the only place I can get a signal, dude— you know that. Out! 20 00:00:51,513 --> 00:00:52,979 Look at the stick— is it red or blue? Uh, yeah... 21 00:00:52,981 --> 00:00:54,580 Well, sir, I... Get out of my room. 22 00:00:54,582 --> 00:00:56,349 Hello? Hello? Hello? - Hello? Hello... stop. 23 00:00:56,351 --> 00:00:58,918 Is it red or blue? Hey, ow, Schmidt! 24 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:00,586 The scarf has been backordered a month. Wait, hello? 25 00:01:00,588 --> 00:01:01,988 Meanwhile the hat is just sitting here. Yeah, hello. 26 00:01:01,990 --> 00:01:03,322 This is not a business center. Hello? 27 00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:04,424 Get out of my room. - Hello? - Hello? 28 00:01:04,426 --> 00:01:05,892 It's my man time. Mama? 29 00:01:05,894 --> 00:01:07,894 Mama, unplug it, okay? Hello? Hello. 30 00:01:07,896 --> 00:01:10,563 If you unplug it, it cannot electrocute you. Hello? Hello. 31 00:01:10,565 --> 00:01:11,998 It's blue? Oh, yes! Mr. Foster... 32 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,066 No, I don't want blue. Hello, dog. Dog? 33 00:01:13,068 --> 00:01:14,233 With a bisque hat? 34 00:01:14,235 --> 00:01:15,268 I'll look insane! 35 00:01:15,270 --> 00:01:17,170 Why do you have an electric guitar? 36 00:01:17,172 --> 00:01:19,572 Aah! - Hello? 37 00:01:19,574 --> 00:01:21,741 This phone situation has me really jazzed up! 38 00:01:21,743 --> 00:01:23,109 Excuse my language. 39 00:01:23,111 --> 00:01:24,610 Now, I'm gonna propose something. 40 00:01:24,612 --> 00:01:26,612 Something insane. 41 00:01:26,614 --> 00:01:28,448 Now you just all have to stay calm 42 00:01:28,450 --> 00:01:30,249 and trust me. 43 00:01:31,618 --> 00:01:32,785 Fascinating. 44 00:01:32,787 --> 00:01:33,853 Where do you put your music? 45 00:01:33,855 --> 00:01:35,288 Why is there a rope? 46 00:01:35,290 --> 00:01:36,956 It's ringing. 47 00:01:36,958 --> 00:01:38,925 Whoa, that's cool. Just like the movies. 48 00:01:38,927 --> 00:01:40,760 We should answer it with, like, really funny voices. 49 00:01:40,762 --> 00:01:42,962 Yeah. We don't know who it is. 50 00:01:42,964 --> 00:01:45,198 It could be anybody. Could be Tanya from sixth grade. 51 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,133 Yeah. 52 00:01:47,135 --> 00:01:48,935 Oh... - Oh. 53 00:01:48,937 --> 00:01:50,903 Next time it rings, we should answer it. 54 00:01:59,279 --> 00:02:00,813 Just can't stop looking at this thing. 55 00:02:00,815 --> 00:02:02,982 Man, I used to be so great at talking on the phone, man. 56 00:02:02,984 --> 00:02:04,417 You know, something about the cord 57 00:02:04,419 --> 00:02:07,487 and the handset that just really set me at ease. 58 00:02:07,489 --> 00:02:08,921 You were weirdly smooth. 59 00:02:08,923 --> 00:02:10,323 If you slow dance with Nick, 60 00:02:10,325 --> 00:02:11,757 I'll hold hands with Amy. 61 00:02:11,759 --> 00:02:13,926 Just make sure she cut her fingernails, though. 62 00:02:13,928 --> 00:02:15,261 Tell her I'll make her a mix tape. 63 00:02:15,263 --> 00:02:16,729 I'm just being stupid. 64 00:02:16,731 --> 00:02:18,264 Tell her I'll make her a mix tape. 65 00:02:18,266 --> 00:02:19,932 It was going great, by the way. 66 00:02:19,934 --> 00:02:21,100 If this isn't sexy, 67 00:02:21,102 --> 00:02:22,335 I don't know what the heck is. 68 00:02:22,337 --> 00:02:24,103 Something just came over him. 69 00:02:24,105 --> 00:02:25,338 He was amazing. 70 00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:26,839 I'm just excited to add a third number: 71 00:02:26,841 --> 00:02:28,975 Home, work and cell. 72 00:02:28,977 --> 00:02:30,743 Damn, I'm reachable. I'm definitely gonna 73 00:02:30,745 --> 00:02:33,246 mention that in my profile in Business, Man! magazine. 74 00:02:33,248 --> 00:02:36,082 Businessman magazine? No, no, no. Check that out: Business, Man! magazine. 75 00:02:36,084 --> 00:02:37,416 I've gotten a lot of heat 76 00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:39,085 from working on the sponge account. 77 00:02:39,087 --> 00:02:41,921 I'm telling you, this is the first step in my quest 78 00:02:41,923 --> 00:02:43,923 to becoming a millionaire. Well, I think that's a weird plan, 79 00:02:43,925 --> 00:02:45,424 but let's drink to it— who's in? 80 00:02:45,426 --> 00:02:46,926 No, come on, I got to study for my interview. 81 00:02:46,928 --> 00:02:49,929 Oh, I would, man, but I got a lot of police stuff to study. 82 00:02:49,931 --> 00:02:50,930 You know, like, roads, 83 00:02:50,932 --> 00:02:52,765 laws, bullets... 84 00:02:52,767 --> 00:02:54,267 Be really nice if you guys spent some time 85 00:02:54,269 --> 00:02:57,270 and studied your friend Nick. Pop quiz, hotshots. 86 00:02:57,272 --> 00:02:59,272 I miss you guys. I don't understand 87 00:02:59,274 --> 00:03:01,440 what you're saying, man. Are you asking me a question? 88 00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:04,110 For real, though, I miss you. So we would just sit around and drink all day? 89 00:03:04,112 --> 00:03:05,945 Aw, forget it, man! I'm storming off. 90 00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:09,315 Oh! 91 00:03:09,317 --> 00:03:12,218 Good morning, Vice Principal Day speaking. 92 00:03:12,220 --> 00:03:14,053 What...? Calm down! 93 00:03:14,055 --> 00:03:16,055 What? Coach? 94 00:03:16,057 --> 00:03:17,557 Coach... 95 00:03:17,559 --> 00:03:19,559 are you sleeping with the school nurse? 96 00:03:19,561 --> 00:03:20,893 Jess, are you crazy? 97 00:03:20,895 --> 00:03:22,061 Of course I'm sleeping with the school nurse. 98 00:03:22,063 --> 00:03:23,729 What? - Mazel tov. 99 00:03:23,731 --> 00:03:25,998 My man. Much respect. Look at you getting up in there. 100 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,000 Yeah. Living the dream. Great. 101 00:03:28,002 --> 00:03:29,902 That's really hot, dude. That's really great. For me. 102 00:03:29,904 --> 00:03:33,506 We have to fill out a form declaring our relationship? 103 00:03:33,508 --> 00:03:35,408 Yes, it's a legal thing. 104 00:03:35,410 --> 00:03:37,910 We're just covering our asses. 105 00:03:37,912 --> 00:03:39,645 While you uncover yours. 106 00:03:41,848 --> 00:03:42,982 Sorry, that was an unfortunate joke. 107 00:03:44,085 --> 00:03:46,686 Um, anyway, uh, how did this start? 108 00:03:46,688 --> 00:03:48,588 Uh, fine. A couple of weeks ago I got a cut. 109 00:03:48,590 --> 00:03:49,922 Mm-hmm. - And I went to the nurse. 110 00:03:49,924 --> 00:03:52,858 Okay. - And when I saw her, I was like, "damn." 111 00:03:52,860 --> 00:03:55,828 And I was, like, "You frickin' got a cut." 112 00:03:55,830 --> 00:03:57,897 And I was like, "You frickin' better fix it." 113 00:03:57,899 --> 00:03:59,832 And she was like, "No. Cuts are gross." 114 00:03:59,834 --> 00:04:01,834 Yeah. - And then we had sex. 115 00:04:01,836 --> 00:04:03,002 Yeah. 116 00:04:03,004 --> 00:04:04,003 That's disturbing 117 00:04:04,005 --> 00:04:05,404 On so many levels. 118 00:04:05,406 --> 00:04:06,939 Um, I'm sorry, but your outfit 119 00:04:06,941 --> 00:04:08,908 looks like you got it at a Halloween store. 120 00:04:08,910 --> 00:04:11,277 Thank you. Coach got it for me. 121 00:04:11,279 --> 00:04:13,946 It's a child's medium. 122 00:04:13,948 --> 00:04:15,848 What'd you put for "nature of relationship"-- "girlfriend"? 123 00:04:15,850 --> 00:04:17,617 Well, that's what I actually wanted to talk to you about. 124 00:04:17,619 --> 00:04:19,518 'Cause, uh, we hadn't... - Question mark? 125 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,420 Um, it didn't feel like a question mark when 126 00:04:21,422 --> 00:04:24,457 you put a calamari on my finger like an engagement ring. 127 00:04:24,459 --> 00:04:25,958 That didn't seem like a question mark to you? 128 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,194 It's squid. Jess, someone's in my parking spot again. 129 00:04:28,196 --> 00:04:29,195 Not now, Rose. 130 00:04:29,197 --> 00:04:30,429 Hey, Ernie. 131 00:04:30,431 --> 00:04:31,964 Hey. - Last night was really fun. 132 00:04:31,966 --> 00:04:34,100 I found your swim trunks. 133 00:04:34,102 --> 00:04:36,936 They're ruined. Really fun. - Ah, come on. Yeah? 134 00:04:36,938 --> 00:04:37,937 I thought you 135 00:04:37,939 --> 00:04:39,639 ditched this bitch. 136 00:04:39,641 --> 00:04:41,607 I will send your weave right back to the loom! 137 00:04:41,609 --> 00:04:42,908 Oh, no, no. - Guys... 138 00:04:42,910 --> 00:04:44,443 Excuse me? - Oh, yeah! - Ladies, stop. 139 00:04:44,445 --> 00:04:45,811 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 140 00:04:45,813 --> 00:04:46,946 See what you did? 141 00:04:46,948 --> 00:04:49,382 This is a different form. 142 00:04:57,991 --> 00:04:58,991 All right. 143 00:04:58,993 --> 00:05:00,893 Settle down, I'm coming. 144 00:05:02,929 --> 00:05:04,330 Hello? 145 00:05:04,332 --> 00:05:06,432 No, Schmidt's not here. 146 00:05:06,434 --> 00:05:08,267 No one's here. I'm here by myself. 147 00:05:08,269 --> 00:05:10,836 Because I work at night, which means I'm probably 148 00:05:10,838 --> 00:05:12,938 the one who should answer the phone during the day. 149 00:05:12,940 --> 00:05:15,007 Great, yeah, I'll tell him. 150 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,762 What? I'm busy. 151 00:05:36,764 --> 00:05:38,831 Winston's not here. 152 00:05:40,767 --> 00:05:42,301 Really? 153 00:05:42,303 --> 00:05:44,103 Uh-huh. Okay, I'll pass it on. 154 00:05:44,105 --> 00:05:45,104 Okay, you too. 155 00:05:45,106 --> 00:05:46,772 My gentlemen, I'm glad 156 00:05:46,774 --> 00:05:47,773 you're home. 157 00:05:47,775 --> 00:05:49,008 I got your messages. 158 00:05:50,477 --> 00:05:53,479 All right, here you go. 159 00:05:53,481 --> 00:05:55,948 Wow. Are these alphabetized? Yeah, you're welcome. 160 00:05:55,950 --> 00:05:58,284 I felt like a secretary. It was pretty awesome. 161 00:05:58,286 --> 00:06:00,119 Some auto body shop called, Schmidt— 162 00:06:00,121 --> 00:06:01,887 apparently you're getting a spoiler? 163 00:06:01,889 --> 00:06:03,055 I'm not getting a sp... 164 00:06:03,057 --> 00:06:04,890 I just wanted a quote. Yeah, I get a quote 165 00:06:04,892 --> 00:06:06,559 just in case I do want to actually buy one. 166 00:06:06,561 --> 00:06:08,728 And it's nice to have a price before 167 00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:11,897 you get emotionally invested. It's called predicting desires. 168 00:06:11,899 --> 00:06:14,066 What I wish I would have said is when I first said it— 169 00:06:14,068 --> 00:06:16,736 "Spoiler alert." 170 00:06:16,738 --> 00:06:19,839 I wish it... When I... I wish I would have said, um, 171 00:06:19,841 --> 00:06:21,073 "You're getting a spoiler— spoiler alert." 172 00:06:21,075 --> 00:06:22,842 I don't think that would have helped. 173 00:06:22,844 --> 00:06:23,909 I just... I'm just getting a quote, okay? 174 00:06:23,911 --> 00:06:24,977 It's really none of your business. 175 00:06:24,979 --> 00:06:26,579 Definitely noted. Thanks, my man. 176 00:06:26,581 --> 00:06:28,848 For the... Winston, uh... 177 00:06:28,850 --> 00:06:30,349 who's this gal Judy? 178 00:06:30,351 --> 00:06:32,017 I've never heard of her. She called twice. 179 00:06:32,019 --> 00:06:33,919 Who is this woman? She's nobody. 180 00:06:33,921 --> 00:06:36,689 Doesn't sound like nobody. Where'd you guys meet? 181 00:06:36,691 --> 00:06:37,923 At the driving range. The driving range? 182 00:06:37,925 --> 00:06:40,693 But you don't golf. Uh, I like to watch? 183 00:06:40,695 --> 00:06:43,896 Winston, you go to the driving range just to watch? 184 00:06:43,898 --> 00:06:45,164 Yeah. - Very strange, very strange. 185 00:06:45,166 --> 00:06:46,732 Let's get back to this Judy character, 186 00:06:46,734 --> 00:06:49,068 because I am interested. 187 00:06:49,070 --> 00:06:51,070 You made love to her yet? I don't know. 188 00:06:51,072 --> 00:06:53,272 Leave me alone, dude. Honestly, stop. 189 00:06:53,274 --> 00:06:55,775 That's not even a big d— I don't even like her that much, all right? 190 00:06:55,777 --> 00:06:57,943 Just, ugh. I'm probably gonna dump her. Do you want to talk about it? 191 00:06:57,945 --> 00:07:00,613 Just kidding. I'm messing with you. 192 00:07:00,615 --> 00:07:02,948 Are you guys having as much fun as I'm having right now? 193 00:07:02,950 --> 00:07:06,285 This landline has really brought us together in a great way. 194 00:07:06,287 --> 00:07:07,953 I miss this. Hey, if I cooked up 195 00:07:07,955 --> 00:07:10,022 a whole chicken, would you guys have some? 196 00:07:12,025 --> 00:07:14,093 Those look like two hungry faces— 197 00:07:16,763 --> 00:07:18,864 Wow. That was intrusive. 198 00:07:18,866 --> 00:07:22,201 Winston, how do you not know if you'd made love to someone? 199 00:07:22,203 --> 00:07:23,469 I'm mad at you, Jess. 200 00:07:23,471 --> 00:07:24,970 Why'd you put me on blast like that? 201 00:07:24,972 --> 00:07:28,307 Because you shouldn't be sleeping with other teachers, Coach, 202 00:07:28,309 --> 00:07:29,642 let alone two. 203 00:07:29,644 --> 00:07:31,811 Who are you, Blanche from Golden Girls? 204 00:07:31,813 --> 00:07:33,579 Honestly, it took me a while to figure out 205 00:07:33,581 --> 00:07:35,414 who I was in that school, but I finally did. 206 00:07:35,416 --> 00:07:37,917 Who? - I'm the guy who has sex with everyone. 207 00:07:37,919 --> 00:07:39,919 Why can't you be the guy who loves recycling? 208 00:07:39,921 --> 00:07:43,656 Everyone loves that guy. This is a school. It's a sexy place, Jess. 209 00:07:43,658 --> 00:07:46,091 Look at that CPR poster. It's hot as crap. - What the...? 210 00:07:46,093 --> 00:07:49,929 Why aren't they wearing shirts? Are they drinking wine? 211 00:07:49,931 --> 00:07:51,096 Mm... - That's it! 212 00:07:51,098 --> 00:07:53,933 I'm gonna need to talk to all these teachers. 213 00:07:53,935 --> 00:07:56,268 You're just jealous because you're not gettin' any. 214 00:07:56,270 --> 00:07:58,671 When's the last time someone gave you CPR? 215 00:07:58,673 --> 00:08:00,506 Well, I give it to myself at least once a month... 216 00:08:00,508 --> 00:08:01,607 Oh! - to refresh. 217 00:08:01,609 --> 00:08:03,943 I'm talking about real CPR! 218 00:08:03,945 --> 00:08:06,011 Oh. - Look, you work in a school. 219 00:08:06,013 --> 00:08:08,247 You need to have boundaries. 220 00:08:08,249 --> 00:08:10,583 You have to be a professional. 221 00:08:10,585 --> 00:08:11,917 Ah, Miss Day. - Oh. 222 00:08:11,919 --> 00:08:13,586 There's someone here I'd like you to meet. 223 00:08:13,588 --> 00:08:14,820 Oh! - This is Ryan. 224 00:08:14,822 --> 00:08:17,089 He's gonna be taking over the science class. 225 00:08:17,091 --> 00:08:18,958 Now, don't be alarmed, 226 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,926 but his voice is gonna sound kind of funny. 227 00:08:20,928 --> 00:08:23,429 It's because he's British. 228 00:08:23,431 --> 00:08:25,931 Say something to her. 229 00:08:25,933 --> 00:08:28,267 Hello. Pleased to meet you. 230 00:08:28,269 --> 00:08:31,103 Ah. Oh, charming. Hi. 231 00:08:31,105 --> 00:08:33,138 It's a... How do you do? 232 00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:35,674 You must be, um... Mister... 233 00:08:38,778 --> 00:08:41,113 "Gos... Gosin-yure." 234 00:08:41,115 --> 00:08:42,615 It's pronounced "Goes-in-you." 235 00:08:42,617 --> 00:08:44,116 Goes-in-who? 236 00:08:44,118 --> 00:08:45,117 It "goes in you," Jess. 237 00:08:45,119 --> 00:08:48,120 Goes in me. Goes in... Jess. What! 238 00:08:48,122 --> 00:08:51,056 I'm sorry, I'm gonna make a note of how to pronounce it. 239 00:08:51,058 --> 00:08:53,225 It's really nice to meet you, Mr. Goes-in... 240 00:08:53,227 --> 00:08:55,227 Ryan. 241 00:08:55,229 --> 00:08:56,896 Hey, Jess, where you going? 242 00:08:56,898 --> 00:09:00,065 You forgot to tell him about boundaries! 243 00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:02,067 It's great having you here, Mr. Goes-in-you. 244 00:09:02,069 --> 00:09:03,903 Geauxinue. Yeah. Goes-in-you, Goes-in-you. 245 00:09:03,905 --> 00:09:05,638 No... Goes in all of us. 246 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,139 Yeah. - Sooner or later. 247 00:09:10,577 --> 00:09:12,011 This is Schmidt. 248 00:09:12,013 --> 00:09:14,813 Hey, it's Nick. Let me get Winston. 249 00:09:16,750 --> 00:09:18,017 Winnie the Bish, you on? 250 00:09:18,019 --> 00:09:19,852 What is happening right now? 251 00:09:19,854 --> 00:09:22,021 I'm just giving you guys your midday update. 252 00:09:22,023 --> 00:09:23,989 Schmidt, dry-cleaner company called. 253 00:09:23,991 --> 00:09:26,025 Your socks are ready. Oh, great. 254 00:09:26,027 --> 00:09:28,160 Not quite sure why we need to be on a conference call for this. 255 00:09:28,162 --> 00:09:30,029 Not quite sure why you need to dry-clean your socks, 256 00:09:30,031 --> 00:09:32,998 you weirdo, but we'll get back to that. 257 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,833 Winston, Judy called again. 258 00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:37,069 And so, I told her you weren't feeling it. 259 00:09:37,071 --> 00:09:39,905 Now why would you do that? 260 00:09:39,907 --> 00:09:41,407 You said you were gonna dump her. 261 00:09:41,409 --> 00:09:43,776 It was a very difficult conversation for you. 262 00:09:43,778 --> 00:09:46,845 We all know how you are, so I just handled it. You're welcome. 263 00:09:46,847 --> 00:09:49,014 Hey, Nick, do I need to be on for this? Can I get off? Great, great, great. 264 00:09:49,016 --> 00:09:50,182 You know what? Now she's gonna do something crazy. 265 00:09:50,184 --> 00:09:51,784 You know, this is a very emotional woman 266 00:09:51,786 --> 00:09:53,118 we're dealing with, all right? 267 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,954 That bitch a Leo! Can I go now? 268 00:09:54,956 --> 00:09:56,622 You should have thought of that before you dumped her. 269 00:09:56,624 --> 00:09:57,623 I didn't! You did! 270 00:09:57,625 --> 00:09:58,624 Because that's what you wanted. 271 00:09:58,626 --> 00:09:59,959 I don't know what I want! 272 00:09:59,961 --> 00:10:01,927 Judy didn't know what you wanted, either! 273 00:10:01,929 --> 00:10:03,963 Oh, and Schmidt, the magazine called. 274 00:10:03,965 --> 00:10:06,432 Oh. And they need a picture. But don't worry. I handled it. 275 00:10:06,434 --> 00:10:07,967 What do you mean, you handled it? 276 00:10:07,969 --> 00:10:09,134 I know you have a lot on your plate, 277 00:10:09,136 --> 00:10:10,869 so don't worry... 278 00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,771 I sent them the most recent picture I had. 279 00:10:12,773 --> 00:10:13,973 The most recent one? Did Judy sound...? 280 00:10:13,975 --> 00:10:15,941 Winston, enough! Nick, what, what do you mean by 281 00:10:15,943 --> 00:10:17,977 "the most recent"? I don't... I don't understand what that... 282 00:10:17,979 --> 00:10:19,945 The latest picture. It's the most accurate. 283 00:10:19,947 --> 00:10:20,946 It's just good marketing. 284 00:10:20,948 --> 00:10:22,414 You know that. Check your e-mail. 285 00:10:22,416 --> 00:10:23,415 You'll be happy. 286 00:10:23,417 --> 00:10:24,917 Did you check it? 287 00:10:24,919 --> 00:10:27,586 Is it loaded? 288 00:10:27,588 --> 00:10:30,155 Oh, no, no, no! 289 00:10:30,157 --> 00:10:32,091 And that's all I got. You guys good? 290 00:10:33,661 --> 00:10:35,094 Okay, I'll check back in five. 291 00:10:35,096 --> 00:10:37,830 What? Five... five what? Nick? Five minutes? 292 00:10:42,168 --> 00:10:45,004 Hello. 293 00:10:45,006 --> 00:10:46,338 Yeah. Hello. 294 00:10:48,609 --> 00:10:50,275 Yo! Hello. 295 00:10:50,277 --> 00:10:53,012 Yo... Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. 296 00:10:53,014 --> 00:10:55,114 Yo! What up? What up? What up? 297 00:10:55,116 --> 00:10:56,115 Winston! Hello. 298 00:10:56,117 --> 00:10:57,316 I said... Winston I said "Yo." 299 00:10:57,318 --> 00:10:59,318 Wait. Who's this? 300 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:01,754 It's Schmidt! We got to do something about Nick. 301 00:11:01,756 --> 00:11:03,989 We're here to address the school policies 302 00:11:03,991 --> 00:11:06,091 on interfaculty relations. 303 00:11:06,093 --> 00:11:08,927 Some forms of touching, say, 304 00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:10,929 a... a friendly handshake, 305 00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:13,932 or a spirited pat, are completely appropriate. 306 00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:15,768 What if you spill coffee 307 00:11:15,770 --> 00:11:17,269 on your pants, and you're very burnt, 308 00:11:17,271 --> 00:11:19,271 and upon getting your pants cut off by paramedics, 309 00:11:19,273 --> 00:11:21,106 you become aroused? 310 00:11:21,108 --> 00:11:22,808 I'm truly hoping that didn't happen. 311 00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:24,943 What if you're in a situation where you either have to Um... 312 00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:26,945 grab a teacher's crotch, 313 00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:29,948 or give narcotics to a student? 314 00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,817 That's a great question, man. Thanks, friend. 315 00:11:31,819 --> 00:11:33,485 Not a great question. And what if you...? 316 00:11:33,487 --> 00:11:35,788 I'm done with you. If you feel things getting 317 00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:37,956 sexual... 318 00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:40,292 just say, "Shut it down!" 319 00:11:40,294 --> 00:11:44,897 Followed by a sweeping gesture with your hands, like such. 320 00:11:44,899 --> 00:11:47,900 Everyone do it with me. Shut it down! 321 00:11:47,902 --> 00:11:50,302 No, thanks. - It's kind of fun. Shut it down. 322 00:11:50,304 --> 00:11:52,738 Shut it... down. 323 00:11:52,740 --> 00:11:55,040 Thank... thank you, new guy. 324 00:11:57,510 --> 00:11:59,912 Yes, Coach. - See, I'm more of a visual learner. 325 00:11:59,914 --> 00:12:01,313 Oh, yeah, you are. Do you think you could 326 00:12:01,315 --> 00:12:03,415 maybe demonstrate that move in context? 327 00:12:03,417 --> 00:12:06,318 Really, Coach? I think we'd all like that. It's kind of like a... 328 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:07,319 like a skit. - What? 329 00:12:07,321 --> 00:12:08,854 No idea. Visual learning. 330 00:12:08,856 --> 00:12:09,855 Like a skit. Visual learning. 331 00:12:09,857 --> 00:12:11,857 Visual learning. 332 00:12:11,859 --> 00:12:14,093 Show us! Do it! Visual learning! 333 00:12:14,095 --> 00:12:15,260 Okay, Coach, do you want to come up and help me? 334 00:12:15,262 --> 00:12:17,262 How about the new guy? 335 00:12:17,264 --> 00:12:19,498 British people love doing stuff, right? 336 00:12:21,901 --> 00:12:24,002 No, I don't think... 337 00:12:25,906 --> 00:12:27,106 British guy doing stuff! 338 00:12:27,108 --> 00:12:29,074 I'm telling you they don't like to do things. 339 00:12:29,076 --> 00:12:32,511 Doing stuff! The British are coming! 340 00:12:32,513 --> 00:12:35,080 Okay, okay. - Happy to help. 341 00:12:40,186 --> 00:12:44,456 Mr... "Guzinya" and I will now act out a sexual scenario. 342 00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:46,091 It's "Goes-in-you." 343 00:12:46,093 --> 00:12:47,526 Yeah. I know. 344 00:12:52,031 --> 00:12:54,933 Okay, let's try it again. All right, all right. 345 00:12:57,438 --> 00:12:59,104 What? - Too sexy! 346 00:12:59,106 --> 00:13:00,973 Sounds good to me. 347 00:13:00,975 --> 00:13:02,541 Are you out of your mind? I'm on fire right now. 348 00:13:02,543 --> 00:13:04,109 This is a home. We're not selling lubricant. 349 00:13:04,111 --> 00:13:05,911 Why aren't one of you doing this? 350 00:13:05,913 --> 00:13:07,079 Because we couldn't decide which of us 351 00:13:07,081 --> 00:13:08,413 to do it, and this way, it's fair. 352 00:13:08,415 --> 00:13:10,082 Put nothing on it. Flat as can be. 353 00:13:10,084 --> 00:13:11,917 All right, here we go. Flat as can be. 354 00:13:11,919 --> 00:13:14,820 Just say the words. 355 00:13:14,822 --> 00:13:16,255 Hello. You've reached the loft. 356 00:13:16,257 --> 00:13:17,823 Oh, my God! 357 00:13:17,825 --> 00:13:20,826 Will you not stop until the whole world is aroused? 358 00:13:20,828 --> 00:13:22,161 Okay. - Hey. 359 00:13:22,163 --> 00:13:24,663 Nick, my man, looking good. There he is. 360 00:13:24,665 --> 00:13:26,265 New set of PJs? I know what you're doing. 361 00:13:26,267 --> 00:13:29,501 You're blowing hot air up in between my butt cheeks. 362 00:13:29,503 --> 00:13:33,172 And I'm no idiot. I know I was let go 'cause of 363 00:13:33,174 --> 00:13:36,108 the dang old machine. Story as old as time. 364 00:13:36,110 --> 00:13:38,010 A new piece of technology comes around, 365 00:13:38,012 --> 00:13:40,112 and all the peasants freak out. 366 00:13:40,114 --> 00:13:42,447 But one prince knows what's going on, 367 00:13:42,449 --> 00:13:45,517 and he says, "Don't trust the technology!" 368 00:13:45,519 --> 00:13:47,486 And all you peasants trust it, 369 00:13:47,488 --> 00:13:50,088 and then the machine becomes self-aware 370 00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:52,257 and destroys you all. 371 00:13:52,259 --> 00:13:55,093 And then, I become the loneliest prince of all, 372 00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:57,429 laughing in my golden tower. 373 00:13:57,431 --> 00:13:59,965 Isn't that a movie? 374 00:13:59,967 --> 00:14:02,267 Maybe I stole that from War Games, yeah. Short Circuit. 375 00:14:02,269 --> 00:14:05,270 No, it isn't. - Man, you know what's a good movie? Splash. 376 00:14:05,272 --> 00:14:06,939 I don't know what is happening. 377 00:14:06,941 --> 00:14:08,307 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 378 00:14:08,309 --> 00:14:09,975 Let's see what she can do. 379 00:14:09,977 --> 00:14:12,110 Hello. You've reached the loft. 380 00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:14,980 Oh, my God. Will you not stop until the whole world is aro...? 381 00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:17,950 Hey, this message is for Nick. 382 00:14:17,952 --> 00:14:20,953 You responded to my ad about a custom secretary headset. 383 00:14:20,955 --> 00:14:23,455 Please give me a call back. 384 00:14:23,457 --> 00:14:26,191 How do they know my name? It's a stinking old prank. 385 00:14:27,994 --> 00:14:28,961 I don't even care. 386 00:14:28,963 --> 00:14:31,563 I got a lot going on today, so... 387 00:14:31,565 --> 00:14:33,065 Are you just eating a bowl of jelly? 388 00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:34,967 What does it look like? - It looks like a bowl of jelly. 389 00:14:34,969 --> 00:14:36,969 It's a bowl of jelly, yeah. 390 00:14:36,971 --> 00:14:38,503 Okay, so say I'm in the library 391 00:14:38,505 --> 00:14:41,573 and I feel Mr. G.'s hands on my shoulders. 392 00:14:41,575 --> 00:14:43,075 I'm not interested. 393 00:14:43,077 --> 00:14:44,243 So what do I do? 394 00:14:44,245 --> 00:14:47,079 I say, "Shut it down." 395 00:14:47,081 --> 00:14:49,581 Does that make things more clear for you? 396 00:14:49,583 --> 00:14:51,683 I feel like it needs to be a little more real, you know what I mean? 397 00:14:51,685 --> 00:14:54,586 I feel like if he were to touch her, that would help, am I right? 398 00:14:54,588 --> 00:14:57,256 Am I crazy for thinking that? No, right? Yeah. Just... 399 00:14:57,258 --> 00:15:00,859 It'll be more helpful if he were to touch her. Just touch her, man. 400 00:15:00,861 --> 00:15:02,027 Yeah, he should touch her. Touch her! 401 00:15:02,029 --> 00:15:03,862 Get in there! Touch her. 402 00:15:03,864 --> 00:15:06,031 Okay, fine. Um... 403 00:15:06,033 --> 00:15:10,502 So I'm in the library and, uh, Ryan approaches... 404 00:15:10,504 --> 00:15:13,105 Hello. You look tense. 405 00:15:13,107 --> 00:15:15,073 With that accent. 406 00:15:15,075 --> 00:15:15,908 Oh! 407 00:15:17,344 --> 00:15:18,744 Mmm... 408 00:15:18,746 --> 00:15:19,945 Sha, na, na. 409 00:15:19,947 --> 00:15:23,582 Mmm... Day-O. 410 00:15:24,584 --> 00:15:25,584 A little lower. 411 00:15:25,586 --> 00:15:26,952 Right in the wolf patch. 412 00:15:26,954 --> 00:15:28,120 Huh? What? 413 00:15:28,122 --> 00:15:29,588 Should I shut it down? 414 00:15:29,590 --> 00:15:32,090 What? Yes. Yes! 415 00:15:32,092 --> 00:15:33,091 Shut it down! 416 00:15:34,295 --> 00:15:35,427 I touched your... I... That was... 417 00:15:35,429 --> 00:15:36,628 That's fine. It's-it's cool. 418 00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,864 Nice to meet you, too. 419 00:15:38,866 --> 00:15:41,366 That was an accident. And when an accident happens, 420 00:15:41,368 --> 00:15:42,601 shut it down. 421 00:15:43,637 --> 00:15:46,104 I did it again. 422 00:15:46,106 --> 00:15:47,372 That's what I'm talking about! 423 00:15:49,776 --> 00:15:53,345 I think we need to fill out some forms. 424 00:15:55,315 --> 00:15:57,149 Why won't these messages play, Winston? 425 00:15:57,151 --> 00:15:59,418 The machine's on the fritz. Just don't tell Nick. 426 00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:00,652 The magazine was supposed to call today 427 00:16:00,654 --> 00:16:02,087 and set up my interview. 428 00:16:02,089 --> 00:16:03,655 I'm as mad as a dad in traffic! 429 00:16:03,657 --> 00:16:05,490 You probably burnt it out. I mean, you listened 430 00:16:05,492 --> 00:16:07,159 to Cece's message 100 times. 431 00:16:07,161 --> 00:16:08,894 I know. Then I touched my peen. 432 00:16:11,832 --> 00:16:12,998 There he is. 433 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,500 All right, Nick, hey, uh, you were home today. 434 00:16:15,502 --> 00:16:17,836 Did anybody leave any messages about my interview for tomorrow? I don't know. 435 00:16:17,838 --> 00:16:20,339 Why don't you ask the machine? Isn't that what you wanted? 436 00:16:20,341 --> 00:16:22,107 Uh, the machine's not working. 437 00:16:22,109 --> 00:16:24,676 Isn't that funny? I feel like I'm working perfectly. 438 00:16:24,678 --> 00:16:28,747 I'm gonna go take this machine back to 1993 and exchange it. 439 00:16:31,117 --> 00:16:32,451 Knock, knock. 440 00:16:32,453 --> 00:16:35,587 Who's there? The magazine. They called. 441 00:16:35,589 --> 00:16:36,588 They left a message. 442 00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:38,090 They want to do the interview today. 443 00:16:38,092 --> 00:16:39,257 Why didn't you say anything? 444 00:16:39,259 --> 00:16:41,093 That thing is super important to him. 445 00:16:41,095 --> 00:16:43,428 You know how much this interview meant to him. Yeah, I know. I know. Yeah. 446 00:16:43,430 --> 00:16:46,264 First you break up with Judy and now this? 447 00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:48,266 Why are you so obsessed with answering the phone? 448 00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:50,102 Man. 449 00:16:50,104 --> 00:16:51,636 We're just peeling the onion 450 00:16:51,638 --> 00:16:53,105 all the way to the middle, aren't we? 451 00:16:53,107 --> 00:16:54,272 What's going on? 452 00:16:54,274 --> 00:16:55,807 Just because I miss you guys. 453 00:16:55,809 --> 00:16:58,443 And I didn't know what was going on with your lives 454 00:16:58,445 --> 00:17:02,147 and now I do, and it-it made me feel connected to you. 455 00:17:02,149 --> 00:17:04,950 I'm not gonna lie to you, man, that got me. 456 00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:08,954 Hello? This is Nick. 457 00:17:08,956 --> 00:17:12,491 No, I'm sorry. Schmidt isn't here. 458 00:17:12,493 --> 00:17:16,695 No, he didn't... Pl... H... Can you hold on one second? 459 00:17:16,697 --> 00:17:18,230 It's the magazine. 460 00:17:18,232 --> 00:17:19,564 They want to cancel the interview. 461 00:17:19,566 --> 00:17:21,833 What? They want to do it right now or not at all. 462 00:17:21,835 --> 00:17:24,469 Yeah, this is Nick again. No, he-he did... He might... 463 00:17:24,471 --> 00:17:25,637 Hold on one second. I hear something. 464 00:17:25,639 --> 00:17:27,305 That might be him. Please hold. 465 00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:29,808 You've got to talk to 'em. Why do I have to talk? 466 00:17:29,810 --> 00:17:31,243 Because even though you're the most awkward person I've ever met, 467 00:17:31,245 --> 00:17:32,844 you're magic on the phone and you know it. 468 00:17:32,846 --> 00:17:34,179 You know, I put those days behind me... 469 00:17:34,181 --> 00:17:36,515 Schmidt's right here. Hold one sec. 470 00:17:36,517 --> 00:17:37,516 You have to do it. 471 00:17:37,518 --> 00:17:39,051 For Schmidt. 472 00:17:40,420 --> 00:17:42,254 I need a soda, I need a straw 473 00:17:42,256 --> 00:17:44,389 and I need to get horizontal, so get out of my way. 474 00:17:51,765 --> 00:17:54,766 Yeah, this is Schmidt. What up? 475 00:17:59,005 --> 00:18:01,273 Mmm, let's see, the last book I read. The last book I read. 476 00:18:01,275 --> 00:18:04,276 Good question, good question. Uh, some biography with, uh, Carson Daly. 477 00:18:04,278 --> 00:18:05,777 The one with the red cover. - Oh. 478 00:18:05,779 --> 00:18:08,246 Yes, that Carson Daly joint. 479 00:18:08,248 --> 00:18:10,115 You know, I respect that dude. 480 00:18:10,117 --> 00:18:12,017 Yeah, he's just like me. He's always on. 481 00:18:12,019 --> 00:18:13,785 There's not a lot of good white role models out there, 482 00:18:13,787 --> 00:18:16,421 and I say that as a white man. 483 00:18:16,423 --> 00:18:19,925 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you got it, Business, Man! 484 00:18:19,927 --> 00:18:21,860 Is that the magazine? What are you boobs do... Yes. 485 00:18:21,862 --> 00:18:23,428 What are you... Winston, get off the phone. Stop, stop, stop. Stop. 486 00:18:23,430 --> 00:18:24,463 Shh! 487 00:18:24,465 --> 00:18:26,131 Trust us. 488 00:18:26,133 --> 00:18:28,800 What does marketing mean to Schmidt? 489 00:18:28,802 --> 00:18:31,203 This was the spoiler. What did it say? Uh... 490 00:18:31,205 --> 00:18:33,205 Predicting desires. Predicting desires. 491 00:18:33,207 --> 00:18:36,308 Well, to me, it's all about predicting desires 492 00:18:36,310 --> 00:18:40,712 and finding buyers, you feel me? 493 00:18:40,714 --> 00:18:41,880 He's really good on the phone. 494 00:18:41,882 --> 00:18:43,115 Did you know that my name was an acronym? 495 00:18:43,117 --> 00:18:45,150 Uh-huh. 496 00:18:45,152 --> 00:18:46,585 Some Can Have Money, 497 00:18:46,587 --> 00:18:48,587 I Desire Thoughtfulness. 498 00:18:50,991 --> 00:18:52,991 Schmidt don't quit! 499 00:18:52,993 --> 00:18:54,926 Hey, Coach. 500 00:18:54,928 --> 00:18:57,762 Hey. - I just came in here to say I'm sorry. 501 00:18:57,764 --> 00:18:59,264 Sometimes it's... 502 00:18:59,266 --> 00:19:01,099 hard to control your feelings. 503 00:19:01,101 --> 00:19:03,502 Which I demonstrated by... 504 00:19:03,504 --> 00:19:06,671 grabbing a man's "dujeels" in front of the entire faculty. 505 00:19:06,673 --> 00:19:09,107 Well, I'm sorry for putting you in a position 506 00:19:09,109 --> 00:19:12,010 to grab that man's "dujeels." 507 00:19:12,012 --> 00:19:14,112 I don't like saying "dujeels." It's weird. 508 00:19:14,114 --> 00:19:17,949 I call mine my Sam Jackson 'cause he's in everything. 509 00:19:17,951 --> 00:19:19,951 I just don't know how to face Ryan again. 510 00:19:19,953 --> 00:19:22,287 I was so unprofessional. 511 00:19:22,289 --> 00:19:23,788 Jess, you're the vice principal, 512 00:19:23,790 --> 00:19:25,257 and you're a great vice principal. 513 00:19:25,259 --> 00:19:26,925 Doesn't mean you're not a human being. 514 00:19:26,927 --> 00:19:28,160 Thanks. 515 00:19:28,928 --> 00:19:30,929 Oh... and you'll be happy to know 516 00:19:30,931 --> 00:19:32,264 I've repealed the policy. 517 00:19:32,266 --> 00:19:34,766 Oh. - You have? 518 00:19:34,768 --> 00:19:36,935 That's frickin' awesome. 519 00:19:36,937 --> 00:19:38,603 Ruth. 520 00:19:38,605 --> 00:19:40,605 Hi. It's hot under there. 521 00:19:40,607 --> 00:19:43,608 Happy to know you two have patched things up. 522 00:19:43,610 --> 00:19:45,110 Yeah, we have. Oh, they've been patched. 523 00:19:46,113 --> 00:19:47,479 Two times. 524 00:19:47,481 --> 00:19:48,980 I see your hand moving, and I... 525 00:19:48,982 --> 00:19:50,982 wish you'd wait till I left the room. 526 00:19:50,984 --> 00:19:53,051 My bad. 527 00:19:53,986 --> 00:19:55,787 Hey. 528 00:19:55,789 --> 00:19:56,955 Hi. 529 00:19:56,957 --> 00:19:58,957 Hi. Sorry. Um, my hands are... 530 00:19:58,959 --> 00:20:00,859 staying behind my back, don't worry. 531 00:20:01,794 --> 00:20:03,495 I won't even look at it. 532 00:20:03,497 --> 00:20:06,298 I mean, I-I looked at it just 'cause I said it, but I... 533 00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:09,568 - Uh... hmm, yeah. I was gonna ask you... 534 00:20:09,570 --> 00:20:10,902 Vice Principal? 535 00:20:10,904 --> 00:20:12,003 A moment, please? 536 00:20:12,005 --> 00:20:13,004 I'm so sorry. Don't be sorry. 537 00:20:13,006 --> 00:20:14,406 Um, my boss. Good seeing you. 538 00:20:14,408 --> 00:20:16,641 I'll, uh, see you around. I hope so. 539 00:20:18,311 --> 00:20:19,744 Principal Foster, I am 540 00:20:19,746 --> 00:20:21,313 so sorry. I went overboard. 541 00:20:21,315 --> 00:20:24,149 First off, it's "dog." Dog. 542 00:20:24,151 --> 00:20:25,984 Secondly, do not apologize. 543 00:20:25,986 --> 00:20:29,421 I have tried to corral these animals myself. 544 00:20:29,423 --> 00:20:31,656 It's impossible. - Word. 545 00:20:31,658 --> 00:20:34,826 These teachers are straight-up ho's, dog. 546 00:20:34,828 --> 00:20:37,829 Sometimes you just got to let people follow their urges. 547 00:20:39,932 --> 00:20:41,600 Yes. 548 00:20:41,602 --> 00:20:43,435 I completely agree. 549 00:20:43,437 --> 00:20:44,836 It's too bad we can't. 550 00:20:44,838 --> 00:20:46,037 We can't? 551 00:20:46,039 --> 00:20:48,707 Absolutely not. We're administrators, B. 552 00:20:48,709 --> 00:20:51,243 This is a lawsuit waiting to happen. 553 00:20:51,245 --> 00:20:53,778 Two administrators? Perfectly fine. 554 00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:57,182 But, unfortunately, as I've repeatedly told you, 555 00:20:57,184 --> 00:20:59,017 I'm not attracted to you. 556 00:20:59,019 --> 00:21:01,519 Right. You like Asians. So... Exactly. 557 00:21:01,521 --> 00:21:03,955 So that's off the table. - Yeah. 558 00:21:03,957 --> 00:21:05,624 So, do us both a favor... 559 00:21:05,626 --> 00:21:08,026 lock up that lobster. 560 00:21:15,534 --> 00:21:17,135 I still can't believe it. 561 00:21:17,137 --> 00:21:18,637 Look at that. "Bringing Nasty Back." 562 00:21:18,639 --> 00:21:20,038 "The bad boy of marketing." 563 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,940 That is cool. So great for my brand. 564 00:21:21,942 --> 00:21:23,942 I mean, I always knew I was a bad boy, but now it's in print 565 00:21:23,944 --> 00:21:25,877 and it's official. Don't call yourself a bad boy. 566 00:21:25,879 --> 00:21:27,879 Am I a bad boy? You're not a bad boy. 567 00:21:29,883 --> 00:21:31,149 Winston! 568 00:21:32,085 --> 00:21:34,586 Damn it, Nick. 569 00:21:34,588 --> 00:21:36,755 Winston! 570 00:21:36,757 --> 00:21:38,923 Winston! 571 00:21:38,925 --> 00:21:40,992 Yep. 572 00:21:40,994 --> 00:21:42,494 It's Judy. 573 00:21:42,496 --> 00:21:44,929 Hey, it's Nick! We talked on the phone! 574 00:21:44,931 --> 00:21:46,097 'Sup? 575 00:21:46,099 --> 00:21:48,433 Thanks, Nick. 576 00:21:52,838 --> 00:21:55,173 Winston!