1 00:00:17,444 --> 00:00:20,380 Friends, ex-girlfriend, Winston, 2 00:00:20,382 --> 00:00:22,615 months ago I warned you that winter was coming. 3 00:00:22,617 --> 00:00:24,183 And for the cold and wretched days ahead, 4 00:00:24,185 --> 00:00:25,952 I stressed our need to take lovers 5 00:00:25,954 --> 00:00:27,954 and take them quickly. Your head is huge. 6 00:00:27,956 --> 00:00:29,355 Your hat's 7 00:00:29,357 --> 00:00:30,823 the size of a garbage can. 8 00:00:30,825 --> 00:00:33,026 You look great in that hat, man. What a hunk. 9 00:00:33,028 --> 00:00:34,727 You look like Jewish Pharrell. 10 00:00:34,729 --> 00:00:36,396 Th-Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Okay. 11 00:00:36,398 --> 00:00:37,997 Now, winter is now here. 12 00:00:37,999 --> 00:00:40,400 And I vow that we will not miss 13 00:00:40,402 --> 00:00:44,070 our final opportunity for sexual realization in 2014. Did you steal 14 00:00:44,072 --> 00:00:45,538 my belt buckle, you Silly Billy? 15 00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:46,572 Enough out of you, Winston! 16 00:00:46,574 --> 00:00:48,307 Silly Billy? Dude. 17 00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,643 If you unzipped your face and an old white woman popped out, 18 00:00:50,645 --> 00:00:52,011 I would not be shocked. 19 00:00:52,013 --> 00:00:53,513 Really? - No. 20 00:00:53,515 --> 00:00:55,048 I would. - I would be very surprised. 21 00:00:55,050 --> 00:00:56,816 That is why this year we will not 22 00:00:56,818 --> 00:00:58,484 be celebrating Thanksgiving. 23 00:00:58,486 --> 00:01:00,720 Instead, we will be celebrating... 24 00:01:00,722 --> 00:01:02,755 Remember last Thanksgiving when I almost died? 25 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,760 Bangsgiving! We'll be celebrating Bangsgiving! 26 00:01:07,762 --> 00:01:10,763 Why can't you let me just have this, you guys? Please. 27 00:01:10,765 --> 00:01:13,499 Okay. You've been talking about this for, like, a week, Schmidt. 28 00:01:13,501 --> 00:01:15,368 We get it. Let's just pick names already. - Jess, 29 00:01:15,370 --> 00:01:17,737 I can't believe that you are into Bangsgiving. 30 00:01:17,739 --> 00:01:20,006 I just want to meet a guy so I can forget about Ryan. 31 00:01:20,008 --> 00:01:21,574 Just date him, Jess. 'Cause I'm his boss, 32 00:01:21,576 --> 00:01:23,242 and it's against the rules for me to date him. 33 00:01:23,244 --> 00:01:24,777 Just date him. It's a dumb rule. 34 00:01:24,779 --> 00:01:26,579 It's against the rules. Take the hat. 35 00:01:26,581 --> 00:01:29,215 Oh. - Now, whosever name you pick, that's who 36 00:01:29,217 --> 00:01:30,583 you'll be bringing a date for. 37 00:01:30,585 --> 00:01:32,852 And no date leaves until everyone is laid. 38 00:01:32,854 --> 00:01:34,253 I just want to meet a nice fella. 39 00:01:34,255 --> 00:01:35,721 Can I have permission to send them home 40 00:01:35,723 --> 00:01:37,090 without sex? No, you do not. 41 00:01:37,092 --> 00:01:38,458 I think everybody's date should be able to leave. 42 00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:39,459 Yeah, your plan 43 00:01:39,461 --> 00:01:40,860 sounds a little kidnappy. 44 00:01:40,862 --> 00:01:42,061 What's the rule on that, Winston? 45 00:01:42,063 --> 00:01:43,529 Eh, gray area. We're good. 46 00:01:43,531 --> 00:01:45,965 Winston is in. My man. And, okay, nobody say 47 00:01:45,967 --> 00:01:48,367 who you picked. It'll ruin the surprise. 48 00:01:50,971 --> 00:01:52,872 Oh, crap. You picked me. 49 00:01:52,874 --> 00:01:55,141 No! How'd you know? - And now 50 00:01:55,143 --> 00:01:56,742 you're gonna set me up with you, aren't you? 51 00:01:56,744 --> 00:01:58,077 Cece, I-I know that this holiday 52 00:01:58,079 --> 00:01:59,946 is a bittersweet memory for your people, 53 00:01:59,948 --> 00:02:01,614 but, please, do not take that out on me. Wrong kind of Indian. 54 00:02:01,616 --> 00:02:03,282 Okay, well, I picked you, too, so I want to re-pick. 55 00:02:03,284 --> 00:02:04,584 No re-picking. And no more telling. 56 00:02:04,586 --> 00:02:07,553 So, listen up, uh, for whoever picked me, 57 00:02:07,555 --> 00:02:10,289 I just want you to know that I have really gotten into feet lately, 58 00:02:10,291 --> 00:02:13,226 so do with that what you will. No one do anything with that. 59 00:02:13,228 --> 00:02:15,962 Can I just say no mustaches? I'd like someone tall. 60 00:02:15,964 --> 00:02:17,797 She's got to have an ass. Can I just reiterate the whole feet thing? 61 00:02:17,799 --> 00:02:19,765 I want to say who I picked so bad. 62 00:02:19,767 --> 00:02:21,567 I'm looking for a fake redhead. With a medium-sized neck. 63 00:02:21,569 --> 00:02:25,238 I just want to be slapped around. 64 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,082 So, Pearl, I told Winston that you work at my school. 65 00:02:36,084 --> 00:02:38,317 And, um, Winston is about to become a cop, 66 00:02:38,319 --> 00:02:40,853 which you've probably already gathered from the fact 67 00:02:40,855 --> 00:02:43,156 that he pinned his badge to his sport coat. 68 00:02:43,158 --> 00:02:44,824 What? 69 00:02:44,826 --> 00:02:46,626 How did that get there? 70 00:02:46,628 --> 00:02:47,960 Let me freshen your drink. 71 00:02:47,962 --> 00:02:49,762 Excuse me a second. 72 00:02:49,764 --> 00:02:51,964 Hey, Coach. Coach. 73 00:02:51,966 --> 00:02:53,466 Look at what Jess brought me. 74 00:02:53,468 --> 00:02:54,867 Oh, Pearl? Yeah, she's great, man. 75 00:02:54,869 --> 00:02:56,369 Hey, come here. You got something on your face. 76 00:02:56,371 --> 00:02:58,104 Really? What is it? Ow. It's, like, right... 77 00:02:58,106 --> 00:02:59,105 What were you thinking, bringing me that girl 78 00:02:59,107 --> 00:03:00,139 from the police academy? 79 00:03:00,141 --> 00:03:01,140 What's wrong with Pepper? 80 00:03:01,142 --> 00:03:02,508 Allow me... 81 00:03:02,510 --> 00:03:04,310 Arms! 82 00:03:04,312 --> 00:03:06,479 She's jacked, dude. You should've warned me 83 00:03:06,481 --> 00:03:08,514 you were setting me up with one of the Guardians of the Galaxy. 84 00:03:08,516 --> 00:03:10,316 I'm sure she's not that bad. 85 00:03:10,318 --> 00:03:12,151 Whoa. 86 00:03:12,153 --> 00:03:13,819 Where was she when I was cracking walnuts 87 00:03:13,821 --> 00:03:15,121 for the stuffing? - Look, 88 00:03:15,123 --> 00:03:16,122 she's fantastic. She's beautiful. 89 00:03:16,124 --> 00:03:17,023 You're gonna love her. 90 00:03:17,025 --> 00:03:18,157 Now, if you jerks 91 00:03:18,159 --> 00:03:19,559 will excuse me, this Bishop's 92 00:03:19,561 --> 00:03:21,294 got to capture himself a queen. 93 00:03:21,296 --> 00:03:22,628 She's doing push-ups. 94 00:03:22,630 --> 00:03:24,797 For your lady. 95 00:03:24,799 --> 00:03:26,032 Thank you. Thank you very much, Jess. 96 00:03:26,034 --> 00:03:28,401 Pearl, she's... Yeah, she's great. 97 00:03:28,403 --> 00:03:31,103 What grade does she teach? Oh, she doesn't teach. She's the lunch lady. 98 00:03:33,407 --> 00:03:36,409 You said the lunch lady? Yeah. 99 00:03:36,411 --> 00:03:39,845 So where exactly is this "date" of mine? 100 00:03:39,847 --> 00:03:42,515 All right, I invited Lucy, like you asked. 101 00:03:42,517 --> 00:03:43,983 Your date's name is Geoff 102 00:03:43,985 --> 00:03:45,551 and he will be here. By the way, 103 00:03:45,553 --> 00:03:48,087 he spells Geoff with a "G," so you know he comes from money. 104 00:03:48,089 --> 00:03:49,555 Well, I think the real difference is 105 00:03:49,557 --> 00:03:51,023 crocodiles are man-eaters 106 00:03:51,025 --> 00:03:54,227 and alligators... What in the bloody hell? 107 00:03:54,229 --> 00:03:58,164 Uh, hey, Nick. What is Tran doing here? 108 00:03:58,166 --> 00:04:00,433 Oh, well, I picked my own name. 109 00:04:00,435 --> 00:04:02,602 So you said to bring somebody. So I thought it'd be weird 110 00:04:02,604 --> 00:04:04,170 if I didn't bring someone. So I just brought Tran. 111 00:04:04,172 --> 00:04:05,738 You brought an old Asian man to my sex party 112 00:04:05,740 --> 00:04:07,173 so it wouldn't be weird? 113 00:04:07,175 --> 00:04:09,508 Relax. He didn't come empty-handed. 114 00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:13,079 He brought a game. It's like Thailand Monopoly. 115 00:04:13,081 --> 00:04:16,182 Yeah, all the squares are jail except for one piece of property 116 00:04:16,184 --> 00:04:18,084 which we all have to fight each other for. 117 00:04:18,086 --> 00:04:20,219 But don't get caught in the Red Light District. 118 00:04:20,221 --> 00:04:22,555 This isn't a freaking game night, Nick. Okay, chill out. 119 00:04:22,557 --> 00:04:25,224 You... You're making a mockery of this holiday and you know it. 120 00:04:25,226 --> 00:04:26,626 I didn't mean to make fun of Thailand, 121 00:04:26,628 --> 00:04:28,294 if that's where you're from even. 122 00:04:29,363 --> 00:04:31,197 Hey. - Lucy. 123 00:04:31,199 --> 00:04:33,199 It's so good to see you. How are you? 124 00:04:33,201 --> 00:04:36,469 Oh, I'm great. - Lucy? Lucy's here with Schmidt? 125 00:04:36,471 --> 00:04:38,804 Where's my set-up, already? I'm looking at the menu, 126 00:04:38,806 --> 00:04:40,740 and I see a lot of skirt but no steak. 127 00:04:40,742 --> 00:04:42,608 I think that Coach picked you, so watch out. 128 00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:44,777 'Cause I'm sure he's gonna bring one of his clients 129 00:04:44,779 --> 00:04:46,746 or weird, like, gym buddies. 130 00:04:46,748 --> 00:04:48,614 Ryan. 131 00:04:48,616 --> 00:04:50,383 What? Ryan. Ryan. 132 00:04:50,385 --> 00:04:52,885 Ryan-Ryan? He brought Ryan. Oh, God. 133 00:04:52,887 --> 00:04:54,220 I don't think I can even look at him, 134 00:04:54,222 --> 00:04:55,888 like, without getting pregnant. 135 00:04:55,890 --> 00:04:57,957 He just oozes sex. 136 00:04:57,959 --> 00:05:00,593 Good holiday to you! I've come with biscuits! 137 00:05:04,731 --> 00:05:07,733 Hey, hey, hey, Schmidt, Lucy? I-I used to date Lucy. 138 00:05:07,735 --> 00:05:10,303 Oh, I know, bro. I met her that day you gave me the pass to your gym. 139 00:05:11,271 --> 00:05:13,205 Hey, do you have any snacks? 140 00:05:14,975 --> 00:05:16,776 Yeah, you blew her off. I didn't think it would be a problem. 141 00:05:16,778 --> 00:05:18,177 Oh, it's a problem. I'm telling you it's a problem. 142 00:05:18,179 --> 00:05:19,278 And I forbid you from dating her, 143 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,080 so... cut it off. 144 00:05:21,082 --> 00:05:24,750 Grounds? The statute of limitation hasn't expired. 145 00:05:24,752 --> 00:05:26,152 You dated her three years ago 146 00:05:26,154 --> 00:05:27,653 for, like, two and a half months. 147 00:05:27,655 --> 00:05:29,989 The statute is very specific. 1,000 showers. 148 00:05:29,991 --> 00:05:31,757 After that, no claim. And if you think 149 00:05:31,759 --> 00:05:34,527 I've showered 1,000 times in the past three years, 150 00:05:34,529 --> 00:05:36,262 then you're out of your mind. 151 00:05:36,264 --> 00:05:38,664 Did you ever spend more than $65 on her, not including tip? 152 00:05:38,666 --> 00:05:40,766 It's tough. There were a lot of coupons involved. Did you ever watch her dog? 153 00:05:40,768 --> 00:05:42,601 Trick question: she had fish and I killed them. 154 00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:43,469 You ever get her a gift? 155 00:05:43,471 --> 00:05:45,137 Every time we had sex. 156 00:05:45,139 --> 00:05:47,773 No claim. - No claim? 157 00:05:47,775 --> 00:05:49,342 Hi, Nick. It's been a long time. 158 00:05:49,344 --> 00:05:51,977 Lucille. Great to see you. 159 00:05:51,979 --> 00:05:55,281 Do you still like to eat, uh... popcorn? 160 00:05:55,283 --> 00:05:58,217 I guess so. Oh, you see that? I know her foods. 161 00:05:58,219 --> 00:06:00,486 You must have spoiled her, huh? 162 00:06:00,488 --> 00:06:02,855 You know, if you'll excuse us, I'm gonna give Lucy the tour. 163 00:06:02,857 --> 00:06:04,190 Come on, Lucy. 164 00:06:05,492 --> 00:06:08,694 I'm calling my penis "the tour." 165 00:06:08,696 --> 00:06:11,130 My tour's more satisfying. 166 00:06:11,132 --> 00:06:14,500 His is all about him. Mine's about you sometimes. 167 00:06:14,502 --> 00:06:15,835 Hi. 168 00:06:15,837 --> 00:06:17,737 Hi. Uh, thanks for inviting me tonight. 169 00:06:17,739 --> 00:06:20,172 I-I didn't realize this was a singles party. 170 00:06:20,174 --> 00:06:22,007 Oh. No. Uh, s-sorry. 171 00:06:22,009 --> 00:06:24,410 Did Coach say that with a Sean Connery accent? 172 00:06:24,412 --> 00:06:26,579 Did he say "shingles"? 'Cause he was... 173 00:06:26,581 --> 00:06:29,749 He actually meant shingles. Like the... like... 174 00:06:29,751 --> 00:06:32,485 Everybody here is a-a roofer. 175 00:06:37,090 --> 00:06:40,860 Look, the last time I saw you, I kissed you. 176 00:06:40,862 --> 00:06:43,429 I know that. We both know that. 177 00:06:43,431 --> 00:06:45,064 Mm. But this can't happen. 178 00:06:45,066 --> 00:06:46,665 Are we attracted to each other? 179 00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,501 Yes. Do I sing Oasis songs to myself and pretend 180 00:06:48,503 --> 00:06:51,437 that they were inspired by your love for me? I do. 181 00:06:51,439 --> 00:06:53,572 But my job is to enforce the rules. 182 00:06:53,574 --> 00:06:55,908 And I love my job. And I worked hard to get it. 183 00:06:55,910 --> 00:06:57,410 So this cannot happen. 184 00:06:57,412 --> 00:06:58,844 Is that why you've locked me in your bedroom 185 00:06:58,846 --> 00:07:00,513 and undone the top button on your dress? 186 00:07:00,515 --> 00:07:02,581 I didn't undo the t... 187 00:07:04,451 --> 00:07:06,786 Well, I did. 188 00:07:06,788 --> 00:07:10,456 But that was an accident. That wasn't for you. 189 00:07:11,358 --> 00:07:13,426 It was for me. 190 00:07:15,195 --> 00:07:17,630 I just need to know that you will respect the rules 191 00:07:17,632 --> 00:07:19,965 and that this will go no further. 192 00:07:19,967 --> 00:07:21,500 I'll do my best. 193 00:07:22,402 --> 00:07:24,537 Looks like you missed a few. 194 00:07:24,539 --> 00:07:26,672 What? 195 00:07:30,076 --> 00:07:31,210 Okay, I summoned everyone to the roof 196 00:07:31,212 --> 00:07:32,411 because Bangsgiving is in peril. 197 00:07:32,413 --> 00:07:33,779 All of you are focusing on things 198 00:07:33,781 --> 00:07:35,247 that have nothing to do with getting laid. 199 00:07:35,249 --> 00:07:37,416 Let us please not repeat the mistakes that we made 200 00:07:37,418 --> 00:07:39,151 at my Eight Nights of Hump-akah party. 201 00:07:39,153 --> 00:07:41,654 Now, what is the freakin' problem? 202 00:07:41,656 --> 00:07:43,589 Coach did the opposite of what I asked. 203 00:07:43,591 --> 00:07:45,391 Come on, Jess, you guys would be great together. 204 00:07:45,393 --> 00:07:47,493 It's a dumb rule, all right? - Dumb rule. 205 00:07:47,495 --> 00:07:48,928 At least he turns you on. Pepper makes my ding-dong 206 00:07:48,930 --> 00:07:50,663 and my ping-pongs go into my body. 207 00:07:50,665 --> 00:07:52,398 Can somebody help me with this keg? 208 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,633 Yeah, sure. Pepper's got it. 209 00:07:58,339 --> 00:08:00,473 What if she doesn't know her own strength down there, and 210 00:08:00,475 --> 00:08:02,608 Be a nightmare. - she mushes it, or, like, rips it off 211 00:08:02,610 --> 00:08:04,176 and throws it across the room like a hot dog? 212 00:08:04,178 --> 00:08:06,345 That's nothing. Jess brought me a hot lunch lady. 213 00:08:06,347 --> 00:08:08,347 What am I supposed to do with that? 214 00:08:08,349 --> 00:08:10,449 Do sex with the lunch lady. 215 00:08:10,451 --> 00:08:11,851 Wait. - That's obvious. I have a real... 216 00:08:11,853 --> 00:08:13,686 I know how it sounds. I know how it sounds, 217 00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:17,656 A woman that's willing, ready and able... That's not an issue. 218 00:08:17,658 --> 00:08:19,592 After she has sex with you, she can put food in your mouth. 219 00:08:19,594 --> 00:08:21,193 That's not a problem at all. I do have a real problem. 220 00:08:21,195 --> 00:08:23,762 Schmidt is trying to sleep with a woman I've already slept with. 221 00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:27,266 Well, at least he has a date, because mine never showed up. 222 00:08:27,268 --> 00:08:29,168 Geoff is coming! Apparently, a wild peacock got loose 223 00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:30,836 on the freeway, and is holding up traffic. 224 00:08:30,838 --> 00:08:33,472 Now, you guys, we have guests downstairs. 225 00:08:33,474 --> 00:08:37,176 And if we don't get back to them soon, they're gonna get spooked. 226 00:08:39,513 --> 00:08:42,781 Um, so, have you always been from England? 227 00:08:44,618 --> 00:08:46,018 I'm not going downstairs 228 00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:47,453 until Schmidt agrees to not sleep with Lucy. 229 00:08:47,455 --> 00:08:48,954 Okay, yeah, sure. Never! 230 00:08:48,956 --> 00:08:50,656 According to the statute, 231 00:08:50,658 --> 00:08:53,058 if you two can't agree, we take it to a vote. 232 00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:55,127 The winner gets the girl, the loser 233 00:08:55,129 --> 00:08:56,795 gets five grilled cheese sandwiches. 234 00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:57,963 I'll agree to that. Let's do it. 235 00:08:57,965 --> 00:08:59,798 All right, all those in favor 236 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,701 of Schmidt not sleeping with Lucy, raise your hand now. 237 00:09:02,703 --> 00:09:03,636 I don't care. Couldn't care less. 238 00:09:03,638 --> 00:09:04,570 Raise 'em up. 239 00:09:04,572 --> 00:09:06,872 Put 'em up. 240 00:09:06,874 --> 00:09:08,707 Huzzah! tonight things will get loud with Lucy. 241 00:09:08,709 --> 00:09:11,076 But don't worry. I'll have her jam a sock in my mouth 242 00:09:11,078 --> 00:09:12,578 right before I see angels. 243 00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:15,314 Okay, guys, what about me? - Get your own sock. 244 00:09:15,316 --> 00:09:17,316 No. What am I gonna do about Ryan? 245 00:09:17,318 --> 00:09:18,984 Just have sex with him. 246 00:09:18,986 --> 00:09:20,853 Look, bang one out, get it out of your system. 247 00:09:20,855 --> 00:09:22,655 I don't do that. You should do that. 248 00:09:22,657 --> 00:09:24,156 You should bang one out. Yeah, makes the most sense. 249 00:09:24,158 --> 00:09:25,858 What? - Nothing else has worked, okay, and the best way 250 00:09:25,860 --> 00:09:28,494 to get over a crush is just to do something about it. 251 00:09:28,496 --> 00:09:31,997 I don't know. Plus, he's British, so you know the sex will be weirdly polite. 252 00:09:31,999 --> 00:09:34,567 Do you mind if I finish now? 253 00:09:34,569 --> 00:09:36,335 He doesn't sound like Oliver Twist. 254 00:09:36,337 --> 00:09:38,270 Do you like that? Is that good, eh? 255 00:09:38,272 --> 00:09:41,173 All right. Here we go. 256 00:09:41,175 --> 00:09:43,576 One— really? Two— what? 257 00:09:45,346 --> 00:09:47,613 Hey, you like it when I do it like that, eh? 258 00:09:47,615 --> 00:09:48,781 That was spot-on. 259 00:09:48,783 --> 00:09:50,215 All those in favor 260 00:09:50,217 --> 00:09:52,184 of Jess doing Ryan, raise your hand. 261 00:10:00,027 --> 00:10:01,727 Oh, he's trying to mess with me? 262 00:10:01,729 --> 00:10:04,096 Here I go. 263 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,867 Cecilia. 264 00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,536 No, you cannot have my beer. 265 00:10:11,939 --> 00:10:13,305 You think I'm going after the beer. 266 00:10:13,307 --> 00:10:14,740 You okay? - Mm. 267 00:10:14,742 --> 00:10:16,809 Okay, great. 268 00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:30,823 Happy Bangsgiving. 269 00:10:30,825 --> 00:10:32,691 Close the door. 270 00:10:33,893 --> 00:10:36,495 Oh, my God. 271 00:10:36,497 --> 00:10:38,964 Is there nothing underneath that apron? 272 00:10:38,966 --> 00:10:42,601 Just a little white meat looking for some gravy. 273 00:10:42,603 --> 00:10:45,804 That probably wasn't very sexy. I shouldn't have said that! 274 00:10:45,806 --> 00:10:47,906 No, it was very becoming. 275 00:10:47,908 --> 00:10:50,843 I'm totally confused about these oven mitts. 276 00:10:50,845 --> 00:10:53,846 How else am I supposed to take a hot dish out of the oven? 277 00:10:53,848 --> 00:10:55,981 These mitts were a bad idea. 278 00:10:55,983 --> 00:11:01,020 What, uh, got you in the-the, uh, holiday, uh, sp-spirit? 279 00:11:01,022 --> 00:11:03,689 Well, I like you, you like me. 280 00:11:03,691 --> 00:11:07,259 Why don't we just... bang one out of our system? 281 00:11:07,261 --> 00:11:09,595 Bang one out of our system? 282 00:11:09,597 --> 00:11:12,598 It sounds really bad. I get that. 283 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,133 And I hear it now, it sounds awful. 284 00:11:14,135 --> 00:11:17,770 But we just bang one out of our system, and then, 285 00:11:17,772 --> 00:11:20,439 we can go back to our strictly professional relationship, 286 00:11:20,441 --> 00:11:23,108 and I can stop thinking about you all the time, which I do. 287 00:11:23,110 --> 00:11:24,943 I didn't come here to bang one out. 288 00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:26,545 Well, you know what I mean. 289 00:11:26,547 --> 00:11:27,813 Look... - I care about you. 290 00:11:27,815 --> 00:11:29,348 Well... - Jess, I'm crazy about you. 291 00:11:29,350 --> 00:11:31,717 Ryan, look. Oh, God, it's so complicated. 292 00:11:31,719 --> 00:11:33,819 Can I just put some pants on when we talk about this? 293 00:11:33,821 --> 00:11:35,320 It is complicated. 294 00:11:35,322 --> 00:11:37,890 This would have been worth it. 295 00:11:37,892 --> 00:11:39,725 Oh, God. Ryan. Ryan! 296 00:11:39,727 --> 00:11:41,160 Oh, God! 297 00:11:41,162 --> 00:11:42,561 Oh! Yeah! 298 00:11:44,699 --> 00:11:47,399 Oh, no! 299 00:11:47,401 --> 00:11:50,035 Freaking Bangsgiving. 300 00:11:53,573 --> 00:11:56,108 No, I actually put those in there myself. 301 00:11:57,711 --> 00:11:59,311 I'll tell you, I wouldn't eat asparagus though. 302 00:11:59,313 --> 00:12:00,512 It makes your pee smell. 303 00:12:00,514 --> 00:12:01,447 - Mmm. 304 00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:06,719 Hey, Cece, I got that $20 I owe you. 305 00:12:06,721 --> 00:12:09,088 It's, uh... it's in my bedroom. 306 00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:11,523 Okay. 307 00:12:11,525 --> 00:12:13,592 Yeah, it's right this way. 308 00:12:17,864 --> 00:12:21,233 You're really sexy for a Jew. 309 00:12:21,235 --> 00:12:23,669 Not now, woman! 310 00:12:23,671 --> 00:12:25,671 Wait. What? 311 00:12:25,673 --> 00:12:28,006 Who needs men? You don't need a man. 312 00:12:28,008 --> 00:12:30,242 You can lift your own furniture. - Hey, Pepper. 313 00:12:30,244 --> 00:12:33,112 Oh, God. - Oh, my God, are you okay? 314 00:12:33,114 --> 00:12:36,682 I am so sorry. You approached my blind spot. 315 00:12:36,684 --> 00:12:39,051 Your money's in here somewhere. Let me just find it, okay? Oh, great. 316 00:12:39,053 --> 00:12:40,953 Oh! 317 00:12:40,955 --> 00:12:42,421 What's wrong? You hurt yourself? 318 00:12:42,423 --> 00:12:44,289 No. It's just not there. Uh, let me. 319 00:12:44,291 --> 00:12:45,791 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! 320 00:12:45,793 --> 00:12:47,392 Ooh. Ooh, that feels so good! 321 00:12:47,394 --> 00:12:49,728 When I'm looking for your money, it feels so good. 322 00:12:49,730 --> 00:12:52,431 Oh! I love that! 323 00:12:52,433 --> 00:12:54,199 You're a nasty woman! 324 00:12:54,201 --> 00:12:55,934 'Cause you're making me give the money to you. 325 00:12:55,936 --> 00:12:57,369 Nick... 326 00:12:57,371 --> 00:12:59,538 Oh, Cece, you love this! Getting your money. 327 00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:03,442 You're definitely not getting my money. 328 00:13:03,444 --> 00:13:04,943 In no world do you have my money. 329 00:13:04,945 --> 00:13:06,578 I was flirting with you 330 00:13:06,580 --> 00:13:08,647 to give Schmidt a taste of his own medicine. 331 00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:10,282 Okay? And it's a huge mistake, 332 00:13:10,284 --> 00:13:11,917 and insulting to everyone involved, and I'm sorry. 333 00:13:11,919 --> 00:13:13,418 Yeah, and also, he would never 334 00:13:13,420 --> 00:13:15,220 fall for that at all, okay? 335 00:13:15,222 --> 00:13:16,989 You're a dead man, Miller! 336 00:13:16,991 --> 00:13:18,290 Don't. Don't. 337 00:13:18,292 --> 00:13:19,424 I'll choke you to death. 338 00:13:19,426 --> 00:13:20,726 I'll choke you to death. 339 00:13:20,728 --> 00:13:22,261 Barely fighting. 340 00:13:22,263 --> 00:13:23,562 Schmidt, nothing was going on! 341 00:13:23,564 --> 00:13:24,797 He was just trying to make you jealous. 342 00:13:24,799 --> 00:13:26,431 Please. I know that! 343 00:13:26,433 --> 00:13:28,734 He would never hit on you. You're on my Never List. 344 00:13:28,736 --> 00:13:32,171 I know she's on your Never... Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing? 345 00:13:32,173 --> 00:13:34,506 You're pissed at me for bringing Lucy, and you bring Tran 346 00:13:34,508 --> 00:13:36,642 as a date? Hey, leave Tran out of this. He fought in Korea! 347 00:13:36,644 --> 00:13:38,811 I don't know which side, but I know he's a war hero. 348 00:13:38,813 --> 00:13:40,245 You couldn't find one of those drunk girls at the bar? 349 00:13:40,247 --> 00:13:41,446 The ones with no family or friends? 350 00:13:41,448 --> 00:13:43,015 That's your sweet spot, man. 351 00:13:43,017 --> 00:13:45,484 I know I could have. I didn't want to. - Why not? 352 00:13:46,686 --> 00:13:48,287 What kind of woman have you been sleeping with 353 00:13:48,289 --> 00:13:49,721 since you and Jess broke up? 354 00:13:50,690 --> 00:13:52,925 Terrible ones. 355 00:13:52,927 --> 00:13:54,693 And how does that make you feel? 356 00:13:54,695 --> 00:13:56,595 Terrible. 357 00:13:56,597 --> 00:13:58,297 Then really good. 358 00:13:58,299 --> 00:14:00,265 Expected. Expected. 359 00:14:00,267 --> 00:14:02,100 There you go. - But then, immediately after, terrible. 360 00:14:02,102 --> 00:14:03,936 I'm just gonna put this out there, but I think 361 00:14:03,938 --> 00:14:05,437 you'd probably rather like to sleep with someone 362 00:14:05,439 --> 00:14:07,139 who doesn't make you feel terrible, 363 00:14:07,141 --> 00:14:10,242 but you're just a little afraid of getting hurt again. 364 00:14:11,377 --> 00:14:13,579 No, that doesn't sound right. 365 00:14:15,281 --> 00:14:17,216 You know, growing up, 366 00:14:17,218 --> 00:14:19,351 we had this lunch lady named Ms. Witten. 367 00:14:19,353 --> 00:14:22,387 One day, I cut in line so I can get extra Tater Tots, 368 00:14:22,389 --> 00:14:25,157 and as punishment, she made me eat the entire tray 369 00:14:25,159 --> 00:14:27,059 in front of her... 370 00:14:27,061 --> 00:14:30,062 while she stared at me for a long period of time. 371 00:14:30,064 --> 00:14:33,131 I'm not sure if you know how hard that is for a growing boy. 372 00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:35,400 How old were you? - I was 18. 373 00:14:37,571 --> 00:14:40,739 If it helps, we're called lunch monitors now. 374 00:14:40,741 --> 00:14:42,841 No one says "lunch lady" anymore. 375 00:14:42,843 --> 00:14:47,846 Oh. Kind of like how we can't call little people "shrinkies." 376 00:14:47,848 --> 00:14:50,616 Oh. Lunch Monitor Pearl. I like it. 377 00:14:56,055 --> 00:14:58,724 Excellent form. 378 00:14:58,726 --> 00:15:01,093 You don't have a hard job. 379 00:15:03,029 --> 00:15:04,596 So, I saw your butt earlier. 380 00:15:04,598 --> 00:15:06,365 It's been holding up nicely. 381 00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:08,834 It does the trick. 382 00:15:10,837 --> 00:15:12,838 And I noticed, uh, Ryan left. 383 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:16,575 Yeah. Ugh! It's so embarrassing. 384 00:15:16,577 --> 00:15:18,277 I kind of came onto him, 385 00:15:18,279 --> 00:15:22,447 and he told me he wanted more than just sex. 386 00:15:22,449 --> 00:15:25,550 He wanted more than sex and that's a bad thing? How? 387 00:15:25,552 --> 00:15:27,252 Well, look, I'm his boss. 388 00:15:27,254 --> 00:15:29,688 We could get sued, and I could get fired. 389 00:15:29,690 --> 00:15:31,723 There's a reason it's against the rules. 390 00:15:31,725 --> 00:15:33,258 You gotta br... okay. 391 00:15:33,260 --> 00:15:34,960 Remember when we tried to watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off? 392 00:15:34,962 --> 00:15:37,863 Okay, I stick by that— that kid is not a hero. 393 00:15:37,865 --> 00:15:40,132 All he does is break rules. What's so great about that? 394 00:15:40,134 --> 00:15:42,868 You're taking Rooney's side. No one takes Rooney's side. 395 00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:44,469 I'm a vice principal— Rooney is my people. 396 00:15:44,471 --> 00:15:47,072 Ferris hijacks a parade. 397 00:15:47,074 --> 00:15:48,573 That is an act of terror. 398 00:15:48,575 --> 00:15:50,309 You want to know what I think, 'cause you're not going 399 00:15:50,311 --> 00:15:51,810 to like it. - What? 400 00:15:51,812 --> 00:15:53,779 I don't think this is about breaking rules. 401 00:15:53,781 --> 00:15:55,280 I think Ryan scares you. 402 00:15:55,282 --> 00:15:57,816 You like him, and you're going to have to put yourself 403 00:15:57,818 --> 00:16:00,252 out there again, and that scares you. 404 00:16:00,254 --> 00:16:02,821 But look, 405 00:16:02,823 --> 00:16:05,891 life moves really fast. 406 00:16:05,893 --> 00:16:10,929 And if you don't stop and look around once in a while, 407 00:16:10,931 --> 00:16:13,565 you just might miss it. 408 00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:15,834 Is that from Ferris Bueller? 409 00:16:15,836 --> 00:16:17,102 Yes, it is. - Okay. 410 00:16:17,104 --> 00:16:18,570 It's a terrific movie. - All right. 411 00:16:18,572 --> 00:16:20,305 And I delivered it perfectly. 412 00:16:20,307 --> 00:16:22,140 It was pretty good. 413 00:16:25,845 --> 00:16:27,446 What are you doing here? 414 00:16:27,448 --> 00:16:29,214 You're fired. 415 00:16:30,183 --> 00:16:32,184 Just kidding. 416 00:16:32,186 --> 00:16:34,152 Oh, God. 417 00:16:36,923 --> 00:16:39,091 You left without eating so I thought, um... 418 00:16:39,093 --> 00:16:41,259 I'd bring you a pie. Well, most of a pie. 419 00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,295 The guys ate some of it. That's a lie. 420 00:16:43,297 --> 00:16:45,998 I ate-I ate-I ate a piece on the way over. 421 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,299 I-I ate two pieces. 422 00:16:47,301 --> 00:16:48,600 Three pieces. 423 00:16:48,602 --> 00:16:50,135 Thank you. 424 00:16:50,137 --> 00:16:51,503 You're welcome. 425 00:16:51,505 --> 00:16:53,705 Would you like to come inside? 426 00:16:53,707 --> 00:16:54,873 No, um, I came here to say something 427 00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:57,275 and that is... 428 00:16:57,277 --> 00:16:59,344 I want more, too. 429 00:17:02,949 --> 00:17:04,182 This dish is empty. 430 00:17:04,184 --> 00:17:06,952 Okay. I ate the whole pie. 431 00:17:06,954 --> 00:17:08,820 Look, I don't know what I'm doing 432 00:17:08,822 --> 00:17:10,155 or where this is going 433 00:17:10,157 --> 00:17:13,225 and I'm scared, but... 434 00:17:13,227 --> 00:17:16,395 it's worth it 'cause it feels big. 435 00:17:16,397 --> 00:17:19,398 And that's why I'm going to leave right now, 436 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,400 and we're going to take it slow. 437 00:17:29,075 --> 00:17:30,675 Wow. 438 00:17:30,677 --> 00:17:33,879 Well, tonight is Bangsgiving, 439 00:17:33,881 --> 00:17:35,881 and I have to honor my American traditions. 440 00:17:35,883 --> 00:17:38,717 And it's my duty as an American... 441 00:17:41,187 --> 00:17:44,523 I think I'm going to stop being afraid and start dating. 442 00:17:44,525 --> 00:17:47,592 You probably knew all along, didn't you? 443 00:17:47,594 --> 00:17:50,762 If only I could meet a girl like you, Tran. 444 00:17:50,764 --> 00:17:52,998 Your face, your brain— throw it in a dress. 445 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,734 Oh, daddy, I'd be with her forever. 446 00:17:55,736 --> 00:17:57,202 I'm getting off topic. 447 00:17:57,204 --> 00:18:00,005 Thanks for the talk. I feel a lot better. 448 00:18:01,174 --> 00:18:02,774 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 449 00:18:03,943 --> 00:18:05,877 Tran, are these all yours? 450 00:18:05,879 --> 00:18:07,412 Come on, man. 451 00:18:07,414 --> 00:18:09,081 I thought you were switching to white wine. 452 00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:11,083 How do you think you're going to get home now? 453 00:18:11,085 --> 00:18:13,752 You're not driving, so how are you going to get home? 454 00:18:15,923 --> 00:18:17,689 Hey. 455 00:18:17,691 --> 00:18:20,025 Are you Nick? 456 00:18:20,027 --> 00:18:24,029 You the guy who's obsessed with my grandfather? 457 00:18:25,264 --> 00:18:27,699 Grandpaps, you ready to go? 458 00:18:33,372 --> 00:18:35,774 Hey. 459 00:18:35,776 --> 00:18:38,977 Ah, ah, ha... hey. 460 00:18:38,979 --> 00:18:40,879 I'm taking off. Um... 461 00:18:40,881 --> 00:18:42,547 sorry I body-slammed you 462 00:18:42,549 --> 00:18:44,749 but this doesn't feel like it's working out 463 00:18:44,751 --> 00:18:46,251 so I don't really want to waste our time. 464 00:18:46,253 --> 00:18:48,887 Look, Pepper, um... 465 00:18:48,889 --> 00:18:50,155 I think you're beautiful, 466 00:18:50,157 --> 00:18:52,257 and very nice. 467 00:18:52,259 --> 00:18:53,892 I just, uh... 468 00:18:53,894 --> 00:18:56,394 You know, I'm not used to... 469 00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:58,964 dating women that are stronger than me. 470 00:18:58,966 --> 00:19:01,166 How do you know that I'm stronger than you? 471 00:19:01,168 --> 00:19:02,934 Do you want to arm wrestle? 472 00:19:02,936 --> 00:19:04,503 Yeah, like I'm that insecure that I have to prove 473 00:19:04,505 --> 00:19:06,938 my masculinity by arm wrestling a girl. 474 00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:09,307 Come on. 475 00:19:09,309 --> 00:19:10,842 Ready? - Yeah. 476 00:19:10,844 --> 00:19:12,344 One, two, three. 477 00:19:17,951 --> 00:19:20,018 Yes! That's how you do it! 478 00:19:20,020 --> 00:19:23,088 That's how it's uh-uh-uh done! 479 00:19:26,692 --> 00:19:28,093 Thank you for letting me win. 480 00:19:28,095 --> 00:19:29,828 Sure. Anytime. 481 00:19:35,968 --> 00:19:37,302 Well, Lucy left. 482 00:19:37,304 --> 00:19:39,471 Turns out she's a bit of an anti-Semite. 483 00:19:39,473 --> 00:19:41,940 Hmm. - Yeah, looks like we both struck out. 484 00:19:41,942 --> 00:19:43,508 Okay, Schmidt, there is no Geoff. 485 00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:46,511 Come on. But to honest, I'm kind of glad there isn't. 486 00:19:46,513 --> 00:19:47,812 You know, Thanksgiving should be spent 487 00:19:47,814 --> 00:19:49,881 with the people that you care about. 488 00:19:51,217 --> 00:19:52,851 Let me get you a beer. 489 00:19:52,853 --> 00:19:54,219 By the way... 490 00:19:54,221 --> 00:19:56,188 you're on my Never List, too. 491 00:20:03,296 --> 00:20:05,564 Hi. 492 00:20:05,566 --> 00:20:07,132 Are you Cece? 493 00:20:07,134 --> 00:20:08,900 I'm Geoff. 494 00:20:08,902 --> 00:20:10,168 Um, I'm Schmidt's friend. 495 00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:11,369 I'm sorry I'm late. 496 00:20:11,371 --> 00:20:13,471 I hit a peacock on my way here 497 00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:16,508 and then I held it in my arms until it died. 498 00:20:16,510 --> 00:20:19,678 It was horrible, but also kind of uplifting. 499 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,280 Um, anyway, I brought creamed spinach. 500 00:20:52,679 --> 00:20:54,012 There's my number. - Gr... 501 00:20:54,014 --> 00:20:56,047 Tran! Hey, would you hit that. Maybe... 502 00:20:56,049 --> 00:20:57,682 Yeah. 503 00:21:24,278 --> 00:21:25,810 Ed Rooney. 504 00:21:25,812 --> 00:21:27,812 Hi. This is George Peterson. 505 00:21:27,814 --> 00:21:29,614 How are you today, sir? 506 00:21:29,616 --> 00:21:32,117 It's not him, Rooney. 507 00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:37,989 This movie should be called The Day Rooney Tried to Do His Job. 508 00:21:37,991 --> 00:21:41,059 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org