1 00:00:18,565 --> 00:00:22,110 Gingy, who did you harm? 2 00:00:22,194 --> 00:00:25,656 Gingy, who ate your arm? 3 00:00:25,739 --> 00:00:27,449 It was… 4 00:00:27,532 --> 00:00:29,785 Santa! 5 00:00:31,119 --> 00:00:33,247 - No! - This is pretty dark. 6 00:00:33,330 --> 00:00:34,581 We will rescue you, Gingy! 7 00:00:34,665 --> 00:00:36,250 Wait till they get to the North Pole 8 00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:39,336 to avenge his death and take it way too far. 9 00:00:39,419 --> 00:00:41,505 Santa's been a bad boy, and that's not right. 10 00:00:41,588 --> 00:00:44,341 The white-bearded devil's gonna die tonight! 11 00:00:44,424 --> 00:00:46,510 But I'm proud of them. They worked really hard on it. 12 00:00:48,345 --> 00:00:50,264 Do you want to visit the prop closet? 13 00:00:59,314 --> 00:01:01,233 Okay, just two more hours, 14 00:01:01,316 --> 00:01:04,152 and then it's ten days down a wine bottle. 15 00:01:07,030 --> 00:01:08,448 Oh, my gosh. 16 00:01:08,532 --> 00:01:11,326 All this sneaking around, I feel like gay guys in the '50s. 17 00:01:11,410 --> 00:01:13,954 I can't believe you're going to London tonight. 18 00:01:14,037 --> 00:01:15,747 I'm gonna miss you so much. 19 00:01:15,831 --> 00:01:17,207 - Come with me. - What? 20 00:01:17,291 --> 00:01:18,685 Spend Christmas with my family in London. 21 00:01:18,709 --> 00:01:21,920 That's, like, skipping seven relationship steps. 22 00:01:22,004 --> 00:01:24,274 - What do you mean? - Do you really want your whole family 23 00:01:24,298 --> 00:01:27,384 to meet the weird American girl that you're making out with 24 00:01:27,467 --> 00:01:29,428 in a prop closet who's also your boss? 25 00:01:29,511 --> 00:01:30,846 Yeah. 26 00:01:30,929 --> 00:01:32,282 Everything's been going really, really well. 27 00:01:32,306 --> 00:01:33,515 What if I use the wrong fork? 28 00:01:33,599 --> 00:01:35,225 You won't use the wrong fork, 29 00:01:35,309 --> 00:01:37,352 'cause I'll make sure that you-you don't. 30 00:01:37,436 --> 00:01:38,604 No, it'll be very casual. 31 00:01:38,687 --> 00:01:40,188 And I don't care what they think, 32 00:01:40,272 --> 00:01:41,374 'cause I like you, and I want 33 00:01:41,398 --> 00:01:43,191 to spend Christmas with you in London. 34 00:01:43,275 --> 00:01:45,193 I've never been to Europe. I… 35 00:01:45,277 --> 00:01:46,528 We'll stroll through Hyde Park, 36 00:01:46,612 --> 00:01:48,452 empty townhouses owned by Russian billionaires. 37 00:01:48,488 --> 00:01:50,073 We're gonna go to Big Ben. 38 00:01:50,157 --> 00:01:51,677 I'll take you on-on the wheel, the Eye. 39 00:01:51,742 --> 00:01:53,303 We'll eat cheese on the wheel and-and make out. 40 00:01:53,327 --> 00:01:55,787 Uh, we're gonna ride black taxicabs, even to places 41 00:01:55,871 --> 00:01:57,473 where we don't need to go and we're not invited. 42 00:01:57,497 --> 00:02:00,250 - Yes! Yes! Yes! - Yes! 43 00:02:03,629 --> 00:02:06,173 Okay, Alan. 44 00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:08,842 You did your best. 45 00:02:15,182 --> 00:02:17,601 Why did I agree to ride to the airport with everyone? 46 00:02:17,684 --> 00:02:19,394 I'm an aspiring millionaire. 47 00:02:19,478 --> 00:02:20,854 I should be taking a Town Car, 48 00:02:20,938 --> 00:02:23,440 not packed six-deep like a Hasidic family 49 00:02:23,523 --> 00:02:24,816 going to the bulk foods store. 50 00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:27,277 Relax, Schmidt. We're all riding together 51 00:02:27,361 --> 00:02:28,695 so that we can hang out 52 00:02:28,779 --> 00:02:30,906 before we all go to our magical destinations. 53 00:02:30,989 --> 00:02:32,824 Magical? I'm going back home to Long Island, 54 00:02:32,908 --> 00:02:34,618 the birthplace of the female crew cut. 55 00:02:34,701 --> 00:02:36,512 Yeah, and I'm going all the way to New York because my mom 56 00:02:36,536 --> 00:02:39,039 wants to hand-deliver a Christmas card to Matt Lauer. 57 00:02:39,122 --> 00:02:40,707 But you, Jess, 58 00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:41,875 you're going… 59 00:02:41,959 --> 00:02:43,252 To London! 60 00:02:43,335 --> 00:02:44,670 'Ello, guvnor. 61 00:02:44,753 --> 00:02:46,421 You got to stop it with that accent. 62 00:02:46,505 --> 00:02:48,590 - Fancy a tickle? - Borderline racist. 63 00:02:48,674 --> 00:02:50,443 Check it out. I'm coming in hot with gifts for the family. 64 00:02:50,467 --> 00:02:52,594 - I'm ready for anything. - Is that a wallet necklace? 65 00:02:52,678 --> 00:02:54,304 Yeah, so I don't get pickpocketed. 66 00:02:54,388 --> 00:02:56,473 Smart. Keep that money away from them Gypsies. 67 00:02:56,556 --> 00:02:58,225 Are you nervous about meeting his family? 68 00:02:58,308 --> 00:02:59,601 No, no. Yes. 69 00:02:59,685 --> 00:03:01,019 All right, here's the plan. 70 00:03:01,103 --> 00:03:02,271 We're at O'Hare at 8:00, 71 00:03:02,354 --> 00:03:04,898 O'Leary's at 9:00, we're drunk by 6:00. 72 00:03:04,982 --> 00:03:06,876 See what I did there? We're dinking on the plane. 73 00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:09,111 Man, I love Christmas Eve Eve at O'Leary's. 74 00:03:09,194 --> 00:03:11,154 I always get laid. See, here, 75 00:03:11,238 --> 00:03:12,239 I'm a six, sixish. 76 00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:13,532 Uh, but I'm a Chicago ten. 77 00:03:13,615 --> 00:03:15,492 Yeah. I'm a six, man? Maybe a little higher. 78 00:03:15,576 --> 00:03:16,970 - Seven. - But I'm… I'm a seven, thank you. 79 00:03:16,994 --> 00:03:18,620 Plus Nick is dating Kai now, 80 00:03:18,704 --> 00:03:20,330 which means I'm getting the butt. 81 00:03:20,414 --> 00:03:22,082 I'm getting all the butt. 82 00:03:22,165 --> 00:03:23,834 I made you guys some snack bags. 83 00:03:23,917 --> 00:03:25,502 - Oh, thank you. - Oh. 84 00:03:25,586 --> 00:03:27,506 You're like my mom, but in ways I can appreciate. 85 00:03:27,588 --> 00:03:30,173 Hey, Coach, what's taking you so long? 86 00:03:30,257 --> 00:03:33,343 There he is. 87 00:03:33,427 --> 00:03:34,696 I know what you're all thinking. 88 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:36,471 You think I'm selfish for going on vacation 89 00:03:36,555 --> 00:03:38,515 instead of going to Detroit to see my family. 90 00:03:38,599 --> 00:03:39,919 Not thinking that, very defensive. 91 00:03:39,975 --> 00:03:42,477 - I live with a million people. - Four people. 92 00:03:42,561 --> 00:03:44,789 There are going to be a million people at my mother's house. 93 00:03:44,813 --> 00:03:46,982 I need some me time. And yes, I will be sad to miss 94 00:03:47,065 --> 00:03:49,484 my baby niece and all of her Christmas joy, 95 00:03:49,568 --> 00:03:51,361 but I've made a decision that I'm happy with, 96 00:03:51,445 --> 00:03:54,197 and it hasn't been giving me stomach pains. 97 00:03:54,281 --> 00:03:55,521 - You seem really great. - Yeah. 98 00:03:55,574 --> 00:03:57,326 - I feel good. - Can we please go? 99 00:03:57,409 --> 00:03:58,994 - Yeah! - Let's go to the airport! 100 00:03:59,077 --> 00:04:00,203 Christmas! 101 00:04:07,586 --> 00:04:08,855 - I'm getting in. - No, no, no, no. 102 00:04:08,879 --> 00:04:10,923 - Too late. - Okay. 103 00:04:11,006 --> 00:04:13,175 Oh, yeah. 104 00:04:13,258 --> 00:04:14,384 Loving the new Ford Fusion! 105 00:04:14,468 --> 00:04:16,428 - You don't stink at all, man. - Nice. 106 00:04:16,511 --> 00:04:19,348 - Are you wet? - Just my bottom. 107 00:04:19,431 --> 00:04:22,351 Check out how roomy this is. You could open a hat store in here. 108 00:04:22,434 --> 00:04:24,037 - Why would I do that? - That tree's cool. 109 00:04:24,061 --> 00:04:26,772 - What's it doing? - It coaches you to drive more efficiently. 110 00:04:26,855 --> 00:04:28,458 Oh, look at that. Your name is Coach. That's fun. 111 00:04:28,482 --> 00:04:30,400 I don't know why that's fun to me, but it is. 112 00:04:30,484 --> 00:04:31,735 Pretty funny, I… 113 00:04:31,818 --> 00:04:34,238 Hey, Outside Dave, will you take a holiday picture? 114 00:04:34,321 --> 00:04:35,572 Well, I'd prefer to paint you, 115 00:04:35,656 --> 00:04:37,783 but it appears time is pressed against us. 116 00:04:39,868 --> 00:04:43,121 All right. Let me get a good filter. 117 00:04:43,205 --> 00:04:44,206 Okay, now pretend 118 00:04:44,289 --> 00:04:45,499 you're really thirsty, 119 00:04:45,582 --> 00:04:47,542 but the only thing that can quench your thirst 120 00:04:47,626 --> 00:04:50,170 is the tears from a golden retriever. Go. 121 00:04:50,254 --> 00:04:52,005 Oh, that's good. 122 00:04:52,089 --> 00:04:54,841 And… Got it. 123 00:04:54,925 --> 00:04:57,427 Welcome to Los Angeles International Airport. 124 00:04:59,471 --> 00:05:01,765 I don't know where Santa goes 125 00:05:01,848 --> 00:05:04,810 11 months of the year 126 00:05:04,893 --> 00:05:07,396 I just know I love you so. 127 00:05:07,479 --> 00:05:09,856 And Christmastime is here. 128 00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:12,609 - It's cold outside… - Excuse me, what's going on? 129 00:05:12,693 --> 00:05:14,570 Midwest storm! Everything's delayed! 130 00:05:14,653 --> 00:05:16,405 God have mercy on us all. 131 00:05:17,114 --> 00:05:18,156 Ow! Ow! 132 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,075 Move, white bitch! 133 00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,250 Ryan, hi. 134 00:05:28,333 --> 00:05:29,668 My flight's delayed. 135 00:05:29,751 --> 00:05:32,588 Please tell your parents this is not like me. 136 00:05:32,671 --> 00:05:33,672 I am never late. 137 00:05:33,755 --> 00:05:35,632 On time or naked is what I always say. 138 00:05:35,716 --> 00:05:37,301 I've never said that. 139 00:05:37,384 --> 00:05:39,595 I'll be fully clothed, but late. 140 00:05:39,678 --> 00:05:40,887 I'll talk to you later. 141 00:05:40,971 --> 00:05:43,265 Okay, I got this. Coach, your flight's okay. 142 00:05:43,348 --> 00:05:44,766 Thanks, Jess. I'm going to go find 143 00:05:44,850 --> 00:05:47,644 a charging station so I can, uh, call my niece before Hawaii. 144 00:05:47,728 --> 00:05:50,647 Everyone stop looking at me! 145 00:05:50,731 --> 00:05:52,649 Cece and Schmidt, you're on the red-eye. 146 00:05:52,733 --> 00:05:54,651 The red-eye? What do I look like, a 24-year-old 147 00:05:54,735 --> 00:05:56,754 who's too afraid to break up with his college girlfriend? 148 00:05:56,778 --> 00:05:58,780 I mean, thank you for this. 149 00:05:58,864 --> 00:06:01,199 Nick and Winston, I got you guys. 150 00:06:01,283 --> 00:06:02,326 Next. 151 00:06:02,409 --> 00:06:04,411 - Hi. - Hi. 152 00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:07,539 First and foremost, I'd like to wish you a very merry Christmas. 153 00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:09,499 Next. 154 00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:11,001 Uh, right. 155 00:06:11,084 --> 00:06:13,503 Um, my friends are trying to get on the Chicago flight. 156 00:06:13,587 --> 00:06:15,130 Uh, Winston Bishop and Nick Miller. 157 00:06:15,213 --> 00:06:17,299 Yeah, standby, tenth and 11th on the list. 158 00:06:17,382 --> 00:06:19,801 I really appreciate that, but 159 00:06:19,885 --> 00:06:21,929 is there any way you could get… 160 00:06:22,012 --> 00:06:24,139 Nope. And now they're 12th and 13th. 161 00:06:24,222 --> 00:06:26,224 I'm sorry. I was… 162 00:06:26,308 --> 00:06:28,352 Don't apologize. 14, 15. 163 00:06:28,435 --> 00:06:30,020 I didn't apologize. I was 164 00:06:30,103 --> 00:06:32,648 - 16, 17. - Sir. 165 00:06:32,731 --> 00:06:34,233 You seem like a reasonable person. 166 00:06:34,316 --> 00:06:35,543 I'm not and you're at 18 and 19. 167 00:06:35,567 --> 00:06:36,818 Okay… You know what? 168 00:06:36,902 --> 00:06:38,570 You want mean, I'll give you mean. 169 00:06:38,654 --> 00:06:40,572 I hope your mom falls down the stairs 170 00:06:40,656 --> 00:06:41,949 and she hurts parts of herself. 171 00:06:42,032 --> 00:06:44,660 I hate my mom. Back to 16 and 17. 172 00:06:44,743 --> 00:06:46,954 - Thank you. - Don't thank me. 18, 19. 173 00:06:47,037 --> 00:06:48,288 It's Christmas. 174 00:06:48,372 --> 00:06:50,040 Oh, I didn't know that. 175 00:06:50,123 --> 00:06:52,227 I thought they just did a black version of Annie for no reason. 176 00:06:52,251 --> 00:06:53,335 20, 21. 177 00:06:53,418 --> 00:06:54,586 - You… - 22, 23. 178 00:06:54,670 --> 00:06:55,754 - But… - 24, 25. 179 00:06:55,837 --> 00:06:57,381 - Sir. - They're on the wing, dear. 180 00:06:57,464 --> 00:07:00,050 Next. 181 00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:02,469 No. Next. 182 00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:04,221 Stop pushing. 183 00:07:05,681 --> 00:07:07,474 Flight 202 to Dallas-Fort Worth cancelled. 184 00:07:09,017 --> 00:07:10,686 Hey, let's wait in the first-class lounge, 185 00:07:10,769 --> 00:07:12,145 like the other HBO GO subscribers. 186 00:07:12,229 --> 00:07:14,374 - You're a member? - Cece, I grew up on the mean streets 187 00:07:14,398 --> 00:07:17,943 of Long Island, just gazing up at the Manhattan city skyline, 188 00:07:18,026 --> 00:07:20,046 thinking, "You know what, one day, I'm gonna get there." 189 00:07:20,070 --> 00:07:22,864 That first-class lounge is my Manhattan. 190 00:07:22,948 --> 00:07:24,700 "Greatest discovery of all time" 191 00:07:24,783 --> 00:07:27,411 "is that a person can change his future" 192 00:07:27,494 --> 00:07:30,581 "by merely changing his attitude." 193 00:07:30,664 --> 00:07:32,541 Oprah Winfrey. 194 00:07:34,835 --> 00:07:36,753 Sir, may I help you? Are you a member? 195 00:07:36,837 --> 00:07:38,505 I just had an incredible layover. 196 00:07:38,589 --> 00:07:40,692 Flew in from Istanbul. I just need to lay down for a while. 197 00:07:40,716 --> 00:07:42,801 - I'm a little… Okay? - Certainly. Uh, do you have 198 00:07:42,884 --> 00:07:44,720 a first-class ticket or a membership card? 199 00:07:44,803 --> 00:07:45,989 Do I have a… A membership card? 200 00:07:46,013 --> 00:07:47,448 Let me ask you something. I tend to, uh… 201 00:07:47,472 --> 00:07:48,682 Tend to deal with, uh, 202 00:07:48,765 --> 00:07:49,993 - Sarah Beth. - I'm not aware of a Sarah Beth, sir. 203 00:07:50,017 --> 00:07:51,518 The last time I talked to her, 204 00:07:51,602 --> 00:07:52,787 she was suffering from the diabetes. 205 00:07:52,811 --> 00:07:54,354 Is she still on the inhaler? 206 00:07:54,438 --> 00:07:55,731 - Uh… - Did she pass? 207 00:07:55,814 --> 00:07:57,149 She passed, didn't she? 208 00:07:57,232 --> 00:07:58,835 - I'm afraid I… - I'm gonna need a minute. 209 00:07:58,859 --> 00:08:00,503 I'm just gonna go inside, sit down, just kind of take… 210 00:08:00,527 --> 00:08:02,613 - Are you a member, sir? - Am I a mem… 211 00:08:02,696 --> 00:08:04,448 Can we just get two guest passes, please? 212 00:08:04,531 --> 00:08:05,699 - Of course. - Thank you. 213 00:08:05,782 --> 00:08:08,577 - That's a real thing, guest passes? - Yes, sir. 214 00:08:08,660 --> 00:08:10,787 Okay. It's a debit card. 215 00:08:10,871 --> 00:08:12,331 Is Ro-Ro done yet? Damn. 216 00:08:12,414 --> 00:08:15,167 Okay, uh, have her call me, but m-my phone's about to d… 217 00:08:16,460 --> 00:08:18,211 My ph… Hello? 218 00:08:18,295 --> 00:08:19,671 Damn it. 219 00:08:19,755 --> 00:08:21,715 Really? Phone and a laptop? 220 00:08:21,798 --> 00:08:23,050 You're playing solitaire? 221 00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:24,676 Is that a keyboard? 222 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:26,595 Dude, come on! 223 00:08:26,678 --> 00:08:28,805 Why we should've taken trains. 224 00:08:28,889 --> 00:08:31,725 The sky's too fickle. It's the play place for butterflies. 225 00:08:31,808 --> 00:08:33,352 "Can't wait to see you. 226 00:08:33,435 --> 00:08:34,662 "House at the end of the lane"? 227 00:08:34,686 --> 00:08:36,688 Oh, no, no, no, no. 228 00:08:37,898 --> 00:08:40,359 - Oh, no, no, no, no. - What? 229 00:08:40,442 --> 00:08:42,152 This is where Ryan lives. 230 00:08:42,236 --> 00:08:43,737 - Whoa! - What? 231 00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:46,657 - It's a gorgeous mansion. - He said it was casual. 232 00:08:46,740 --> 00:08:49,785 Does "casual" mean something very different in England? 233 00:08:49,868 --> 00:08:52,663 Like… Like "we own England"? 234 00:08:52,746 --> 00:08:53,956 That's some McDuck money! 235 00:08:54,039 --> 00:08:56,583 - That's "do whatever I want" money. - Exactly. 236 00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:58,669 You better learn how to ride a polo horse. 237 00:08:58,752 --> 00:09:00,671 It's actually a polio horse. 238 00:09:00,754 --> 00:09:02,523 Uh, originally they were bred as helper horses 239 00:09:02,547 --> 00:09:04,841 for people with polio, but I don't think anything 240 00:09:04,925 --> 00:09:06,802 of what I just said was correct, so… 241 00:09:06,885 --> 00:09:09,429 What is… Are you all right? 242 00:09:09,513 --> 00:09:10,722 Hey. My flight's delayed. 243 00:09:10,806 --> 00:09:12,075 Might not even meet his very rich family. 244 00:09:12,099 --> 00:09:14,685 Anyway, you guys should go to your-your gate. 245 00:09:14,768 --> 00:09:18,313 Get out of here, you Christmas… Packages. 246 00:09:18,397 --> 00:09:20,792 - All right. Merry Christmas. - Okay. All right, let's… Yeah. 247 00:09:20,816 --> 00:09:22,336 - Okay. Yeah. - All of that good stuff. 248 00:09:22,401 --> 00:09:24,236 - See you later. - Safe travels. 249 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,412 Is that a falcon wearing a necklace? 250 00:09:38,834 --> 00:09:40,043 Can I help you? 251 00:09:40,127 --> 00:09:41,128 Sir… 252 00:09:41,211 --> 00:09:43,088 I'd like the strongest drink you have, 253 00:09:43,171 --> 00:09:45,507 and also a wine spritzer on the side 254 00:09:45,591 --> 00:09:47,718 in case I don't like it. 255 00:09:47,801 --> 00:09:49,136 Thank you. 256 00:09:49,219 --> 00:09:51,972 Looks like somebody's not so merry. 257 00:09:54,141 --> 00:09:55,559 Come on. 258 00:09:55,642 --> 00:09:56,852 Are you… 259 00:09:58,937 --> 00:10:00,731 Okay, um… That's silly. 260 00:10:00,814 --> 00:10:02,482 I really want this to be true. 261 00:10:02,566 --> 00:10:04,109 What seems to be troubling you? 262 00:10:04,192 --> 00:10:06,379 I just found out that my boyfriend is… Is really rich, 263 00:10:06,403 --> 00:10:08,739 and there's no way his parents are gonna like me, 264 00:10:08,822 --> 00:10:10,240 and he's… Well, have you ever 265 00:10:10,324 --> 00:10:12,124 thought that the world is just full of sloths, 266 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,161 and then one day this beautiful lion walks in? 267 00:10:14,244 --> 00:10:16,347 Actually, you've probably never thought that way, Santa. 268 00:10:16,371 --> 00:10:18,582 Can I just go ahead and call you Santa? 269 00:10:18,665 --> 00:10:21,251 Anyway, should I just bail on this trip? 270 00:10:21,335 --> 00:10:22,920 Hmm, sounds complicated. 271 00:10:23,003 --> 00:10:24,546 - Yeah. - Why don't you 272 00:10:24,630 --> 00:10:26,048 come with me to the family bathroom, 273 00:10:26,131 --> 00:10:28,675 sit on my lap, and I'll give you 274 00:10:28,759 --> 00:10:30,969 the sleigh ride you'll never forget? 275 00:10:31,053 --> 00:10:32,387 What? Santa! 276 00:10:32,471 --> 00:10:33,722 North Pole. 277 00:10:33,805 --> 00:10:35,140 Player for life. 278 00:10:35,223 --> 00:10:36,308 Get out of here! 279 00:10:36,391 --> 00:10:39,478 Pervert Santa! No cookies for you here, 280 00:10:39,561 --> 00:10:40,687 you white-bearded freak! 281 00:10:40,771 --> 00:10:42,731 Well, well, well. 282 00:10:42,814 --> 00:10:44,566 If it isn't ol' Bangs LaRue. 283 00:10:44,650 --> 00:10:47,402 Don't test me, sweetie. I'll put your head in a trash can. 284 00:10:47,486 --> 00:10:48,612 Wow. 285 00:10:49,988 --> 00:10:52,783 You and I are gonna drink. 286 00:10:52,866 --> 00:10:55,827 Wow, this place is just so amazing. 287 00:10:55,911 --> 00:10:57,013 You got to feel this pillow. 288 00:10:57,037 --> 00:10:58,580 Look at this thing. This is the pillow 289 00:10:58,664 --> 00:11:01,291 that all the other pillows want to have sex with. 290 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,419 Nice. Look at that guy. 291 00:11:04,503 --> 00:11:06,922 Bet he's the kind of guy who takes one bite of lobster 292 00:11:07,005 --> 00:11:09,007 and just throws the rest of it in the trash. 293 00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:10,801 I'd love to do that, just once. 294 00:11:10,884 --> 00:11:12,511 Stupid trash lobster. 295 00:11:13,595 --> 00:11:16,598 He's coming over. Hello, sir. 296 00:11:16,682 --> 00:11:17,933 First time in the lounge? 297 00:11:18,016 --> 00:11:19,393 Uh… 298 00:11:19,476 --> 00:11:20,852 What's that, now? 299 00:11:20,936 --> 00:11:22,938 Come on. Why would you say that? 300 00:11:23,021 --> 00:11:24,565 Because of all the pillow squeezing. 301 00:11:24,648 --> 00:11:27,317 I get it. I get it. I was like you once. 302 00:11:27,901 --> 00:11:28,902 Where are you from? 303 00:11:28,986 --> 00:11:30,112 I'm from New York. 304 00:11:30,195 --> 00:11:31,321 Uh, Manhattan, of course. 305 00:11:31,405 --> 00:11:33,865 Mainly the money and museum district. 306 00:11:33,949 --> 00:11:35,009 I can see the Central Park horses 307 00:11:35,033 --> 00:11:36,743 defecating from my window. 308 00:11:36,827 --> 00:11:38,870 That's funny. So can I. 309 00:11:39,830 --> 00:11:41,456 - Robert Goodwin. - All right. 310 00:11:41,540 --> 00:11:42,624 - Schmidt. - Mind if I sit? 311 00:11:42,708 --> 00:11:44,960 Please, go ahead. 312 00:11:45,043 --> 00:11:46,128 Due to increased security, 313 00:11:46,211 --> 00:11:48,005 please have your picture I.D. ready. 314 00:11:48,088 --> 00:11:49,488 All right, here's what we got to do. 315 00:11:49,548 --> 00:11:52,009 We got to convince a bunch of people not to fly, 316 00:11:52,092 --> 00:11:54,011 and then we're at the top of the list. 317 00:11:54,094 --> 00:11:55,694 It's foolproof… Unless it doesn't work. 318 00:11:55,762 --> 00:11:58,223 Then it didn't work, so I think we got 319 00:11:58,307 --> 00:12:01,351 a 50-50 chance to do it, so let's do it. 320 00:12:03,437 --> 00:12:04,896 Wait. 321 00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:06,064 Ah, yeah, yeah. 322 00:12:06,148 --> 00:12:07,900 - Yeah, let's go. - Yeah. 323 00:12:07,983 --> 00:12:09,943 What's up, boys? Those are the guys 324 00:12:10,027 --> 00:12:11,820 I was just drinking with at the bar. 325 00:12:11,904 --> 00:12:13,697 Are you sure you guys 326 00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:14,907 can fly a plane? 327 00:12:14,990 --> 00:12:16,366 I'm sure it's not a big deal. 328 00:12:16,450 --> 00:12:18,785 I bet the weed will offset the booze. 329 00:12:18,869 --> 00:12:20,704 Ah, hey there, precious. 330 00:12:20,787 --> 00:12:21,997 Yeah, you're quiet now, 331 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,498 but when that air pressure hits you, 332 00:12:23,582 --> 00:12:24,625 you're gonna be screaming 333 00:12:24,708 --> 00:12:26,001 like a cat in the dishwasher. 334 00:12:26,084 --> 00:12:27,461 And I won't stop you. 335 00:12:27,544 --> 00:12:29,046 This could be it, so… 336 00:12:29,129 --> 00:12:31,256 If we all die on this plane, was it worth it? 337 00:12:31,340 --> 00:12:32,883 I say yeah, let's get to Chicago. 338 00:12:32,966 --> 00:12:35,886 Who cares? It's snowing there. 339 00:12:35,969 --> 00:12:37,262 You gonna bite me? 340 00:12:37,346 --> 00:12:39,681 When we get on the plane, I'm gonna bite you back. 341 00:12:39,765 --> 00:12:43,810 Breast-feeding is a… Very sensitive subject for me. 342 00:12:43,894 --> 00:12:45,270 I can help who's next. Sir? 343 00:12:45,354 --> 00:12:47,274 - Uh, sir, he doesn't work here. - Oh, yes, I do. 344 00:12:47,356 --> 00:12:48,440 Uh, no, you… 345 00:12:48,523 --> 00:12:49,709 Oh, I'm sorry. Your flight's been canceled. 346 00:12:49,733 --> 00:12:51,026 The flight has not been canceled. 347 00:12:51,109 --> 00:12:52,295 - Flight's been canceled. - Security! 348 00:12:52,319 --> 00:12:53,922 Security! Please get this woman out of here! 349 00:12:53,946 --> 00:12:55,965 - Please get this man… - She's wearing a fake outfit. 350 00:12:55,989 --> 00:12:57,532 You know what? I don't know… 351 00:12:57,616 --> 00:12:58,760 Debbie, don't start with me. You're in a mood. 352 00:12:58,784 --> 00:12:59,826 Oh… 353 00:12:59,910 --> 00:13:01,620 And then he sent me this text. 354 00:13:01,703 --> 00:13:04,248 Oh, my God. Where's Anna and Mr. Bates? 355 00:13:04,331 --> 00:13:05,958 - Do you watch Downton? - Yeah. 356 00:13:06,041 --> 00:13:07,352 I know it's a soap opera, but I like it. 357 00:13:07,376 --> 00:13:09,086 It's not even about the money. 358 00:13:09,169 --> 00:13:10,879 - That's big. - It's like every new piece 359 00:13:10,963 --> 00:13:12,148 of information I get about him 360 00:13:12,172 --> 00:13:13,733 just makes him more and more out of my league. 361 00:13:13,757 --> 00:13:15,050 - Mm. - He'll be nice about it, 362 00:13:15,133 --> 00:13:16,468 but the moment I get there, 363 00:13:16,551 --> 00:13:18,887 everybody will know I don't belong there. 364 00:13:18,971 --> 00:13:20,472 - Am I being dumb? - No. 365 00:13:20,555 --> 00:13:22,140 Did I ever tell you about that time 366 00:13:22,224 --> 00:13:24,144 I met my ex-boyfriend's family over the holidays? 367 00:13:24,184 --> 00:13:25,560 I've known you for 20 minutes. 368 00:13:25,644 --> 00:13:27,896 Well, it was worse than the last season of Scrubs. 369 00:13:27,980 --> 00:13:29,481 A teaching hospital? Come on! 370 00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:32,901 People think Christmas is gonna be like Love Actually 371 00:13:32,985 --> 00:13:35,320 and "God Only Knows" is gonna play 372 00:13:35,404 --> 00:13:39,074 over their happy ending, but it won't. 373 00:13:39,157 --> 00:13:42,035 Do what I do. Hide out with a pizza 374 00:13:42,119 --> 00:13:44,162 and save the big issues for the New Year. 375 00:13:44,246 --> 00:13:47,124 - Oh, God. - Don't judge me for eating pizza! 376 00:13:47,207 --> 00:13:48,292 No. My presents are gone. 377 00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:50,586 - What? - Santa stole my presents. 378 00:13:50,669 --> 00:13:52,588 He was a reverse Santa. 379 00:13:52,671 --> 00:13:53,880 "Reverse Santa"? 380 00:13:53,964 --> 00:13:55,340 What am I gonna do now? 381 00:13:55,424 --> 00:13:57,175 You can't go now. 382 00:13:58,343 --> 00:13:59,928 You're right. 383 00:14:00,012 --> 00:14:01,930 I can't. 384 00:14:07,185 --> 00:14:09,104 God, I'm drunk at work. 385 00:14:09,187 --> 00:14:10,898 - Sis? - Hello. 386 00:14:10,981 --> 00:14:12,482 Hey. Let me talk to Ro-Ro. 387 00:14:12,566 --> 00:14:14,693 Mm-mm. I'm not trying to make you feel better 388 00:14:14,776 --> 00:14:16,111 about lying naked on the beach 389 00:14:16,194 --> 00:14:18,405 sipping some nonsense instead of seeing your family. 390 00:14:18,488 --> 00:14:20,049 Are you using the cuteness of your daughter 391 00:14:20,073 --> 00:14:21,217 to blackmail me to come to Christmas? 392 00:14:21,241 --> 00:14:23,702 Am I? Yeah, I am, actually. 393 00:14:23,785 --> 00:14:24,953 Ro-Ro, it's your Uncle Ernie! 394 00:14:25,037 --> 00:14:26,681 If you can hear me, get your mom's hair wet, 395 00:14:26,705 --> 00:14:28,391 then get on the phone while she's freaking out! 396 00:14:28,415 --> 00:14:31,501 You want to speak to your niece, you know where she is. 397 00:14:34,087 --> 00:14:36,173 Diversification. That's what it's all about. 398 00:14:36,256 --> 00:14:38,800 You know, I keep telling Nick that, but he won't listen to me. 399 00:14:38,884 --> 00:14:41,094 - Hey, man to man. - Anything. What? 400 00:14:41,178 --> 00:14:44,556 I'd love to take a run at your girl. 401 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:45,974 Excuse me? 402 00:14:46,058 --> 00:14:48,435 Now, don't tell me you're exclusive. 403 00:14:48,518 --> 00:14:49,978 Successful men like us, 404 00:14:50,062 --> 00:14:52,940 we don't order just one item off the menu. 405 00:14:53,023 --> 00:14:54,608 I'll tell you what. 406 00:14:54,691 --> 00:14:58,153 You do this for me, 407 00:14:58,237 --> 00:15:00,614 and I'll do this for you. 408 00:15:00,697 --> 00:15:01,823 Gold Select. 409 00:15:01,907 --> 00:15:05,786 Gets you into any airport club in the world… 410 00:15:05,869 --> 00:15:07,621 Minus New Zealand. 411 00:15:07,704 --> 00:15:10,040 What's going on guys? Closing some deals? 412 00:15:10,123 --> 00:15:11,458 Well, actually… 413 00:15:11,541 --> 00:15:13,752 No… We are not. 414 00:15:14,753 --> 00:15:17,089 You know what they call you where I'm from? 415 00:15:17,172 --> 00:15:18,590 A dirty old bitch. 416 00:15:18,674 --> 00:15:20,008 Dirty old "biatch." 417 00:15:20,092 --> 00:15:21,426 "Biatch," just in general. 418 00:15:21,510 --> 00:15:23,220 'Cause I ain't from Manhattan, sir. 419 00:15:23,303 --> 00:15:25,681 I'm from Long Island. 420 00:15:25,764 --> 00:15:28,350 5-1-6, up in your lounge, sucka. 421 00:15:28,433 --> 00:15:31,019 You better calm down, or you're gonna be kicked out of the… 422 00:15:31,103 --> 00:15:32,538 Good, I don't want to be in this lounge. 423 00:15:32,562 --> 00:15:34,082 I don't want to be in any club that you're a part of. 424 00:15:34,106 --> 00:15:35,250 Okay, am I missing something? 425 00:15:35,274 --> 00:15:37,859 I don't want to be in any lounge or club 426 00:15:37,943 --> 00:15:39,194 that you're a part of, sir! 427 00:15:39,278 --> 00:15:41,154 You dirty old bitch, for good measure! 428 00:15:41,238 --> 00:15:45,242 'Cause I'm from Long Island, I'll take the railroad… LIRR! 429 00:15:45,325 --> 00:15:47,786 - You're embarrassing yourself. - New York, Long Island. 430 00:15:47,869 --> 00:15:49,580 Billy Joel. 431 00:15:49,663 --> 00:15:50,914 Cece, let's roll. 432 00:15:50,998 --> 00:15:52,165 Okay. 433 00:15:54,668 --> 00:15:56,295 Nassau County! 434 00:15:56,378 --> 00:15:58,422 Billy Joel, one more time. 435 00:15:58,505 --> 00:16:00,090 "Piano Man." 436 00:16:00,173 --> 00:16:01,717 "Goodnight Saigon." 437 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,093 That's a sad one. 438 00:16:03,176 --> 00:16:05,178 Cry about that, you dirty old bitch. 439 00:16:05,262 --> 00:16:08,432 So they go to this bar in Chicago to get Winston laid… 440 00:16:08,515 --> 00:16:11,059 - And one of these guys is your ex? - Yeah, Nick. 441 00:16:11,143 --> 00:16:13,061 Mm, the nicest thing I ever did for an ex 442 00:16:13,145 --> 00:16:14,289 is give him a ride to the airport. 443 00:16:14,313 --> 00:16:15,898 And for me, that's just going to work, 444 00:16:15,981 --> 00:16:17,107 and I still barely did it. 445 00:16:18,567 --> 00:16:21,236 Okay, please don't take this as a Christmas miracle. 446 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,238 But what can I do to help? 447 00:16:23,322 --> 00:16:26,074 Do you want to fly first-class somewhere, like Pittsburgh, 448 00:16:26,158 --> 00:16:28,035 and then tell everyone you're a Latin pop star? 449 00:16:28,118 --> 00:16:31,705 I did that once, and it's kind of the perfect Christmas. 450 00:16:31,788 --> 00:16:33,498 You can pass as Latin. 451 00:16:35,375 --> 00:16:37,127 Actually, you know what I'd love? 452 00:16:37,210 --> 00:16:38,921 Hope first class is okay. 453 00:16:39,004 --> 00:16:41,274 And don't freak out, but I think Paul Dano's on your flight. 454 00:16:41,298 --> 00:16:42,716 And don't thank me, thank her. 455 00:16:42,799 --> 00:16:44,402 But thank me also, because I'm the one that did it. 456 00:16:44,426 --> 00:16:46,678 Wow, this is really amazing. Thank you, guys. 457 00:16:46,762 --> 00:16:48,347 Don't thank us, go. 458 00:16:48,430 --> 00:16:50,432 Call me if you want to hang out this week. 459 00:16:50,515 --> 00:16:52,309 I was thinking about going to the mountains 460 00:16:52,392 --> 00:16:54,037 and crying at some point, but that's flexible. 461 00:16:54,061 --> 00:16:55,312 All right, I got to bounce 462 00:16:55,395 --> 00:16:56,998 before these people I bumped come after me. 463 00:16:57,022 --> 00:16:58,690 Don't worry, they deserve it. 464 00:16:58,774 --> 00:17:00,108 I'm being bumped? 465 00:17:00,192 --> 00:17:02,611 You're an idiot. I'm Gold Select! 466 00:17:03,654 --> 00:17:05,030 Check it out. 467 00:17:13,288 --> 00:17:14,915 Come on, just tell me what he said. 468 00:17:14,998 --> 00:17:16,291 Without going into specifics, 469 00:17:16,375 --> 00:17:17,810 he disrespected something more important to me 470 00:17:17,834 --> 00:17:18,877 than any stupid lounge. 471 00:17:18,961 --> 00:17:20,295 Daniel Craig's tailoring? 472 00:17:20,379 --> 00:17:22,214 No. 473 00:17:22,297 --> 00:17:23,757 Something priceless. 474 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,218 - Hey. - What? 475 00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:27,386 I stole you something. 476 00:17:27,469 --> 00:17:28,887 Bam! 477 00:17:28,971 --> 00:17:31,807 You sneaky Indian mouse. 478 00:17:33,308 --> 00:17:34,351 I'm in my own lounge now. 479 00:17:37,437 --> 00:17:39,731 Look, I know this is kind of dumb to say, 480 00:17:39,815 --> 00:17:42,359 but I really like being your friend. 481 00:17:48,115 --> 00:17:50,284 My friend. 482 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:54,538 I like being your friend, too. 483 00:17:54,621 --> 00:17:56,915 Yeah. 484 00:17:57,499 --> 00:17:59,334 Merry Christmas, Schmidt. 485 00:17:59,418 --> 00:18:01,837 Merry Christmas, Cecilia. 486 00:18:05,424 --> 00:18:07,277 Is it crazy that I'm considering going to Detroit 487 00:18:07,301 --> 00:18:08,552 instead of Hawaii? 488 00:18:08,635 --> 00:18:09,636 - Yes. - Mm-hmm. 489 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:10,846 Yeah, I thought that. 490 00:18:10,929 --> 00:18:12,389 Ooh, this is a fancy seat. 491 00:18:12,472 --> 00:18:14,112 Reminds me of the seat my grandmother used 492 00:18:14,141 --> 00:18:15,368 to ride up and down the stairs in. 493 00:18:15,392 --> 00:18:17,185 - Hey, Jess. - Damn thing was comfortable. 494 00:18:17,269 --> 00:18:19,229 Thank you. First class is amazing. 495 00:18:19,313 --> 00:18:21,940 Smells like rich people. 496 00:18:22,024 --> 00:18:23,358 I'm so glad. 497 00:18:23,442 --> 00:18:25,461 - These are nice. - Hey, where are you? Did you board? 498 00:18:25,485 --> 00:18:27,485 Um, yeah, I'm on the plane. I'm sitting in my seat. 499 00:18:27,529 --> 00:18:30,157 Welcome to Los Angeles International Airport. 500 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,367 Wait, w… Jess, what was that? 501 00:18:32,451 --> 00:18:34,328 Uh, they're telling me to turn off my phone. 502 00:18:34,411 --> 00:18:35,621 Uh, we're taking off now. 503 00:18:35,704 --> 00:18:37,247 Jess, hold on, hold on, hold on, J… 504 00:18:37,331 --> 00:18:39,791 How do you change this… How do you change this thing? 505 00:18:39,875 --> 00:18:42,002 To the hits? I don't know, like top 40? 506 00:18:42,085 --> 00:18:43,629 Jess, what's going on? 507 00:18:43,712 --> 00:18:45,881 I'm not going. 508 00:18:45,964 --> 00:18:47,257 Are you kidding me? 509 00:18:47,341 --> 00:18:49,343 You saw the house. It's too much pressure. 510 00:18:49,426 --> 00:18:51,428 - Je… - And Santa stole my gifts. 511 00:18:51,511 --> 00:18:52,679 Wait, Santa did what? 512 00:18:52,763 --> 00:18:54,890 What if I do something wrong and… 513 00:18:54,973 --> 00:18:57,184 And I lose Ryan? 514 00:18:57,267 --> 00:18:58,393 So, what are you gonna do? 515 00:18:58,477 --> 00:18:59,662 You're gonna spend Christmas alone? 516 00:18:59,686 --> 00:19:01,229 - Sir? We're about to take off. - Yeah. 517 00:19:01,313 --> 00:19:02,832 - We need you to turn off your phone. - I understand. 518 00:19:02,856 --> 00:19:05,567 - I just need one minute. - It's gonna be fine, don't worry. 519 00:19:05,651 --> 00:19:07,319 - I mean, that's cra… - Sir? 520 00:19:07,402 --> 00:19:08,755 - Now, sir. - I'm trying to figure something out. 521 00:19:08,779 --> 00:19:10,864 - She's not getting on a plane… - Hey, Nick! 522 00:19:10,948 --> 00:19:12,199 This is first class! 523 00:19:12,282 --> 00:19:13,992 Act like you've been somewhere before! 524 00:19:14,076 --> 00:19:15,327 Merry Christmas, Nick. 525 00:19:15,410 --> 00:19:16,954 - Jess, hey! - Sir. 526 00:19:25,796 --> 00:19:27,589 Jess. 527 00:19:27,673 --> 00:19:29,716 You're not spending Christmas alone. 528 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,343 Oh, no. 529 00:19:31,426 --> 00:19:32,844 You're going to England. 530 00:19:32,928 --> 00:19:34,137 What are you guys doing? 531 00:19:34,221 --> 00:19:35,531 Okay, you think you're gonna lose Ryan 532 00:19:35,555 --> 00:19:37,200 'cause you're not good enough for his stupid family? 533 00:19:37,224 --> 00:19:38,350 Has he ever had 534 00:19:38,433 --> 00:19:40,477 five people get off planes for him? 535 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,521 I-I hadn't gotten on mine yet. 536 00:19:42,604 --> 00:19:44,314 T-To be fair, we were in the food court, 537 00:19:44,398 --> 00:19:46,125 - but it's beautiful. Keep going, Nick. - Look, Jess, 538 00:19:46,149 --> 00:19:48,402 we're not getting on our flights unless you get on yours. 539 00:19:48,485 --> 00:19:50,529 Airport chicken, that's right. 540 00:19:50,612 --> 00:19:52,340 You want to take down everyone's Christmases? 541 00:19:52,364 --> 00:19:54,157 Don't be that person. 542 00:19:54,241 --> 00:19:57,619 You got to go to England, and you have to just try. 543 00:19:58,495 --> 00:20:00,247 Go to England, Jess, it's worth it. 544 00:20:00,330 --> 00:20:04,459 But my flight's boarding, and I don't have any gifts, 545 00:20:04,543 --> 00:20:06,378 and there's no way I'm gonna make it. 546 00:20:06,461 --> 00:20:07,605 Oh, no, you are gonna make it. Come on! 547 00:20:07,629 --> 00:20:09,131 - Yeah. - All right, let's go! 548 00:20:10,757 --> 00:20:12,342 This doesn't seem great. 549 00:20:12,426 --> 00:20:14,052 Okay, you know what, let's go, let's go. 550 00:20:14,136 --> 00:20:15,296 Let's just… Let's just run. 551 00:20:15,345 --> 00:20:17,097 Come on, let's go! 552 00:20:18,557 --> 00:20:19,850 Let's go! 553 00:20:22,269 --> 00:20:24,479 So, I guess this is good-bye. 554 00:20:29,401 --> 00:20:31,194 I don't care if there's no time. 555 00:20:31,278 --> 00:20:32,362 I love you guys. 556 00:20:32,446 --> 00:20:34,364 Ah, come on. 557 00:20:34,448 --> 00:20:36,992 - Get out of here! - Love doesn't matter! 558 00:20:37,075 --> 00:20:39,328 Merry Christmas. 559 00:20:39,411 --> 00:20:41,038 Bye. 560 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:46,209 God only knows what I'd be without you. 561 00:20:50,255 --> 00:20:52,382 If you should ever leave me… 562 00:20:52,466 --> 00:20:54,551 Give me a little space. 563 00:20:54,635 --> 00:20:57,471 Though life would still go on, believe me. 564 00:20:57,554 --> 00:21:00,182 The world would show nothing to me… 565 00:21:00,265 --> 00:21:01,558 Ugh! 566 00:21:01,642 --> 00:21:03,393 Light a match. 567 00:21:03,477 --> 00:21:05,354 Cece, watch this. 568 00:21:05,437 --> 00:21:07,564 Oh, my God. 569 00:21:07,648 --> 00:21:10,317 Got him. 570 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,527 Hi, Ro-Ro. 571 00:21:12,611 --> 00:21:14,446 Uncle Ernie! 572 00:21:14,529 --> 00:21:17,491 God only knows what I'd be without you. 573 00:21:17,574 --> 00:21:20,369 God only knows what I'd be without you. 574 00:21:20,452 --> 00:21:22,496 God only knows. 575 00:21:22,579 --> 00:21:26,541 God only knows what I'd be without you. 576 00:21:26,625 --> 00:21:28,585 God only knows what I'd be without you. 577 00:21:28,669 --> 00:21:30,545 God only knows. 578 00:21:30,629 --> 00:21:34,383 God only knows what I'd be without you. 579 00:21:34,466 --> 00:21:36,510 God only knows what I'd be without you. 580 00:21:36,593 --> 00:21:38,595 God only knows. 581 00:21:38,679 --> 00:21:40,430 Hey, I'm here. Are you here? 582 00:21:40,514 --> 00:21:42,391 I'm here. 583 00:21:42,474 --> 00:21:44,643 I got your text, so I came back to surprise you. 584 00:21:45,686 --> 00:21:47,813 I'm outside your loft. Where are you? 585 00:21:47,896 --> 00:21:50,941 Oh, no. No! 586 00:21:51,024 --> 00:21:52,776 I'm in London. 587 00:21:52,859 --> 00:21:55,779 Stay where you are. I'll be there in 17 hours.