1 00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,029 How do I look? What do you guys think? 2 00:00:20,112 --> 00:00:21,673 Not bad, Winston. I'll tell you what, man. 3 00:00:21,697 --> 00:00:23,091 You look like the funny guy from Police Academy 4 00:00:23,115 --> 00:00:24,915 who does the-the voices, and different sounds. 5 00:00:26,577 --> 00:00:28,287 God, I wish marketers had a uniform. 6 00:00:28,370 --> 00:00:29,580 To Winston Bishop, 7 00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:32,750 owner of cats, taker of baths, graduate of the LAPD. 8 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,460 We are so… 9 00:00:36,128 --> 00:00:38,297 I'm so proud of you! 10 00:00:38,380 --> 00:00:40,049 - What? - I'm so proud of you. 11 00:00:40,132 --> 00:00:41,467 - You're proud of me? - Oh! 12 00:00:41,550 --> 00:00:44,386 When is this night construction gonna stop? 13 00:00:44,470 --> 00:00:45,471 I actually don't mind it. 14 00:00:45,554 --> 00:00:46,907 Gets me ready for all the loud action 15 00:00:46,931 --> 00:00:48,116 on the job, you know what I mean? 16 00:00:48,140 --> 00:00:49,808 Something has got to change. 17 00:01:05,991 --> 00:01:08,202 Well, don't worry, 'cause I have called the city's 18 00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:10,663 automated help desk and I've also sent out an e-mail 19 00:01:10,746 --> 00:01:13,874 to information@losangeles.gov, so action has been taken. 20 00:01:13,958 --> 00:01:15,668 Jess, don't you know how democracy works? 21 00:01:15,751 --> 00:01:17,979 We need to get out there and grease palms, blackmail people. 22 00:01:18,003 --> 00:01:20,422 We need to send them an envelope filled with fake blood 23 00:01:20,506 --> 00:01:22,633 and-and a note that says… 24 00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:23,968 - "I know." - What? 25 00:01:25,344 --> 00:01:27,721 As if… As if we know what's really going on. 26 00:01:27,805 --> 00:01:29,866 Schmidt, you do realize you're saying this in front of a police officer. 27 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,250 - I'm so sorry. - A little respect. 28 00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,476 Can I try on your uniform? 29 00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:33,602 No. This uniform is 30 00:01:33,686 --> 00:01:36,397 for official police business. 31 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,235 - Looking good, man. - Yeah. 32 00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:42,820 We got a code Jewish, code Jewish. 33 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,488 You're under "ch'arrest." 34 00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:46,532 I can't believe Winston's gonna be a cop. 35 00:01:46,615 --> 00:01:49,034 I mean, he's the gentlest person I know. 36 00:01:49,118 --> 00:01:50,512 He once broke his arm wrapping presents. 37 00:01:50,536 --> 00:01:52,580 Remember when he made this? 38 00:01:52,663 --> 00:01:54,015 He's the sweetest guy in the world, man. 39 00:01:54,039 --> 00:01:57,751 He's just so nice and… Vulnerable. 40 00:01:57,835 --> 00:02:00,671 - Yeah. - Although… 41 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,506 Don't know what this is for. 42 00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:04,383 Hey. What are you guys doing? 43 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,552 Uh, n-nothing, man. 44 00:02:06,635 --> 00:02:09,054 Look, I'm a little worried about you, okay? 45 00:02:09,138 --> 00:02:10,514 And so is Coach. 46 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:13,559 Kind of worried about you, man. Guys, calm down. I understand, 47 00:02:13,642 --> 00:02:15,644 I get it, and I'm… And I'm flattered that you're 48 00:02:15,728 --> 00:02:17,706 concerned about me, but I signed up for this, remember? 49 00:02:17,730 --> 00:02:19,690 Also, my training officer is gonna be with me 50 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:20,983 the entire time. 51 00:02:21,066 --> 00:02:22,526 He's got a partner. 52 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:23,795 - I forgot about the partner. - That's huge. 53 00:02:23,819 --> 00:02:25,195 - We're silly. Yeah. - Yeah. 54 00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,573 It's supposed to be a real bad-ass, too. 55 00:02:27,656 --> 00:02:30,159 Was in a biker gang for three years, undercover. 56 00:02:30,242 --> 00:02:32,369 Can't go back to Arizona no more. 57 00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,848 - Is that True Detective? - Apparently eats bullets as a party trick. 58 00:02:34,872 --> 00:02:37,058 - Great, that's really good. - That makes sense, what are you, uh… 59 00:02:37,082 --> 00:02:39,501 - Yeah, yeah, definitely. - What's that? 60 00:02:39,585 --> 00:02:41,337 - What the… - Uh… 61 00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:42,713 Which… Oh, that? 62 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:46,008 It's a, uh… It's a project. 63 00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:48,552 I've had a report of people 64 00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,012 acting lame back here. 65 00:02:50,095 --> 00:02:51,221 Ow, Jess! 66 00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:53,098 Also, I tazed Schmidt. 67 00:02:53,182 --> 00:02:54,892 All right, seriously, 68 00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,769 no more playing with the uniform. 69 00:02:56,852 --> 00:02:59,688 Officer Leslie Biggins. 70 00:02:59,772 --> 00:03:01,833 Okay, Biggins. So Bishop's gonna be next, okay? Come on. 71 00:03:01,857 --> 00:03:04,318 - All right, here we go. - Officer Hank Bishop. 72 00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:05,819 - Eh… - Oh, that one. 73 00:03:07,613 --> 00:03:09,448 Officer Win 74 00:03:09,531 --> 00:03:11,242 - field Bishop. - Ooh. 75 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:14,036 Well that's gonna cause a lot of mix-ups over at the station. 76 00:03:14,119 --> 00:03:15,829 Officer Winston Bishop. 77 00:03:20,793 --> 00:03:23,462 - Winston! - Winston! Winston! 78 00:03:23,545 --> 00:03:25,589 Winston! Winston! Winston! 79 00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,591 - Winston! Winston! - Yes! 80 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,468 Winnie! 81 00:03:31,095 --> 00:03:32,638 Sorry. 82 00:03:38,769 --> 00:03:40,813 Wow, a lot of city officials around here. 83 00:03:40,896 --> 00:03:43,023 Maybe somebody can help us with our noise problem. 84 00:03:43,107 --> 00:03:44,251 Okay, enough of this by-the-book nonsense. 85 00:03:44,275 --> 00:03:45,568 It's time to play hardball. 86 00:03:45,651 --> 00:03:47,444 - Be a shark, Jess. Not a dolphin. - Right. 87 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,130 So I shouldn't be the smartest and friendliest 88 00:03:49,154 --> 00:03:51,615 creature in the ocean? That makes sense, bro. 89 00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:53,510 Sharks eat whatever they want. Dolphins… They jump 90 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,220 through hoops, so, yeah, I think it does make sense. 91 00:03:55,244 --> 00:03:56,370 No, it's awesome, bro. 92 00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:58,080 Okay, stop mockingly saying "bro." 93 00:03:58,163 --> 00:03:59,933 My uncle was arrested for having sex with a dolphin. 94 00:03:59,957 --> 00:04:01,166 - What? - What? 95 00:04:02,918 --> 00:04:04,670 Carry on. 96 00:04:04,753 --> 00:04:06,731 I'm having a lot of difficulty nailing you down, Ryan. 97 00:04:06,755 --> 00:04:10,634 Oh, there's councilwoman Fawn Moscato. 98 00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:11,760 She's from our district. 99 00:04:11,844 --> 00:04:13,762 Yummo. 100 00:04:13,846 --> 00:04:15,865 - Where do I place my ballot? - She better get ready, 101 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,726 'cause she's about to have a very friendly conversation 102 00:04:18,809 --> 00:04:21,478 with a concerned citizen… Bro. 103 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,731 Okay, Jess, it's not gonna do anything. 104 00:04:23,814 --> 00:04:25,458 Won't make a difference. Like what I did there 105 00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:27,252 with the ballot thing? It was a good joke, right? 106 00:04:27,276 --> 00:04:28,819 Didn't get the reaction I thought 107 00:04:28,903 --> 00:04:30,380 - it was gonna get from you guys. - No, we got it. 108 00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:32,114 - We got it, bro. - Oh, I get it. 109 00:04:32,197 --> 00:04:33,967 You know what, I've seen the Bollywood movies, 110 00:04:33,991 --> 00:04:35,326 I've seen the UK Office. 111 00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:37,286 Not a fan, not a fan. 112 00:04:37,369 --> 00:04:38,805 Congratulations. These are from all of us, 113 00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:40,265 but I'm the one that got them for you. 114 00:04:40,289 --> 00:04:41,832 - Wow, they're big. - So, Winnie, 115 00:04:41,916 --> 00:04:43,310 where's your bad-ass training officer? 116 00:04:43,334 --> 00:04:45,669 Oh, guys, I would like for you to meet the person 117 00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,922 who will be training me as I brave the mean 118 00:04:48,005 --> 00:04:50,299 streets of L.A., Officer Aly Nelson. 119 00:04:50,382 --> 00:04:51,717 She's so small. 120 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,427 - What? - Excuse me? 121 00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:54,678 You're so small, you're… 122 00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:55,989 - What is happening, Bishop? - I think what he was 123 00:04:56,013 --> 00:04:57,932 - trying to say was that, um… - Yeah? 124 00:04:58,015 --> 00:04:59,725 We were expecting someone who looks 125 00:04:59,808 --> 00:05:01,745 a little more like a cop in the traditional sense. 126 00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,169 - That's what I meant. - No, no, no. 127 00:05:03,228 --> 00:05:04,730 - Wow. - I'm not trying to 128 00:05:04,813 --> 00:05:06,690 offend you, we were just expecting, like, uh, 129 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:09,419 either a really strong man or kind of like a guy with, like, a mustache. 130 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,694 Got it. And flowers are a… 131 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:13,155 That's a normal thing to give to a grown man? 132 00:05:13,239 --> 00:05:14,865 Or are they trees? 133 00:05:14,949 --> 00:05:17,034 I can't tell, I'm so small. 134 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,245 - Cool friends, Bishop. - No, wait. 135 00:05:19,328 --> 00:05:20,704 Officer Nelson, just… 136 00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:23,290 Thank you. Thank you very much, you guys. 137 00:05:23,374 --> 00:05:25,918 Oh, also, thank you for the flowers. 138 00:05:26,001 --> 00:05:29,129 And just so we're clear, the first thank you was sarcastic, 139 00:05:29,213 --> 00:05:32,549 because you embarrassed me, but the second thank you 140 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:35,928 was sincere as hell, because these flowers are glorious! 141 00:05:36,011 --> 00:05:37,763 You're welcome. 142 00:05:37,846 --> 00:05:38,990 I'm sorry about the construction noise. 143 00:05:39,014 --> 00:05:40,200 It's an issue close to my heart. 144 00:05:40,224 --> 00:05:42,768 I do charity work with deaf children. 145 00:05:42,851 --> 00:05:44,162 Of course, they would welcome the noise, 146 00:05:44,186 --> 00:05:45,938 because it would mean they could hear. 147 00:05:46,021 --> 00:05:48,524 Let me let you in on a little secret. 148 00:05:48,607 --> 00:05:51,068 Just go to the public works Web site 149 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,946 and download this form. 150 00:05:54,029 --> 00:05:56,198 You're a dear, Fawn. 151 00:05:56,282 --> 00:05:58,826 I made a pun and I didn't know it. 152 00:05:58,909 --> 00:05:59,910 You're too much. 153 00:05:59,994 --> 00:06:01,412 - Oh. - Hi. 154 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:02,788 Schmidt, 155 00:06:02,871 --> 00:06:04,206 this is Fawn Moscato. 156 00:06:04,290 --> 00:06:06,125 She was just giving me a shortcut to file 157 00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:08,794 some complaints about the noise. 158 00:06:08,877 --> 00:06:10,212 Looks like someone brought a shark 159 00:06:10,296 --> 00:06:11,964 to the dolphin show. 160 00:06:14,592 --> 00:06:16,093 That's a dolphin noise. 161 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,803 Ah. Very good. 162 00:06:17,886 --> 00:06:19,805 Councilwoman Moscato, excuse my trembling, 163 00:06:19,888 --> 00:06:20,931 but it's an honor. 164 00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:23,434 - Your head is enormous. - Why, thank you. 165 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,768 So you're taking her 166 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,812 out to dinner? That's your plan? 167 00:06:26,895 --> 00:06:28,981 I'm intoxicating a single, overworked public official 168 00:06:29,064 --> 00:06:30,733 with the pleasure of my company. 169 00:06:30,816 --> 00:06:31,942 Which I will then parlay 170 00:06:32,026 --> 00:06:34,028 into getting her to fix our problem. 171 00:06:34,111 --> 00:06:36,030 Are my sleeves even? This is ridiculous. 172 00:06:36,113 --> 00:06:38,157 You know, my new tailor sews like an army medic. 173 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,385 I'm not being overdramatic when I say that I would rather 174 00:06:40,409 --> 00:06:42,119 sit naked on a hot grill 175 00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:43,787 than wear something off the rack. 176 00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:45,456 Schmidt, just don't screw this up. 177 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,041 She's a decent woman. 178 00:06:47,124 --> 00:06:48,792 Oh, excuse me. 179 00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:50,878 At some point in the evening, can you let me know 180 00:06:50,961 --> 00:06:52,963 that I have a call from Karl Lagerfeld? 181 00:06:53,047 --> 00:06:54,465 Schmidt. 182 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:55,841 Bob, how are you? 183 00:06:55,925 --> 00:06:57,843 Tony, love you in a chino. 184 00:06:57,927 --> 00:06:59,887 Guillermo, fire up that grill. Fawn's hungry. 185 00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:03,974 - Sí, senora. - I'm Fawn Moscato. 186 00:07:04,058 --> 00:07:05,893 And I approve this scotch. 187 00:07:05,976 --> 00:07:07,937 Oh, goodness. 188 00:07:10,648 --> 00:07:13,817 Okay, so I'm almost finished with form 7D42, 189 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,946 but I'm not sure what to put down for landlord's birth city. 190 00:07:17,947 --> 00:07:19,073 Hey. 191 00:07:19,156 --> 00:07:20,908 Ooh. What you doing, hot shot? 192 00:07:20,991 --> 00:07:23,994 I was feeling saucy. I've had a glass of red wine. 193 00:07:24,078 --> 00:07:25,913 Red wine makes you bonkers horny. 194 00:07:25,996 --> 00:07:28,624 I'll make you a deal. When I finish a form, 195 00:07:28,707 --> 00:07:31,043 you can take off an article of clothing, and that way, 196 00:07:31,126 --> 00:07:33,629 when I'm done, then we can just go nuts on each other. 197 00:07:33,712 --> 00:07:35,881 - Deal. - Hey, I'm not finished yet. 198 00:07:38,342 --> 00:07:40,636 - This is America! Wear pants! - Red wine. Sorry! 199 00:07:40,719 --> 00:07:43,389 - Sorry. Sorry. Very sorry. - Sorry. Sorry. Geez. Yeah. 200 00:07:43,472 --> 00:07:44,974 So, tomorrow's your first shift, huh? 201 00:07:45,057 --> 00:07:46,934 You gonna play the name game, 202 00:07:47,017 --> 00:07:49,061 do something fun and safe like that? 203 00:07:49,144 --> 00:07:51,730 Dude, I'm gonna be in a patrol car the entire time. 204 00:07:53,357 --> 00:07:55,609 I just got a text from my buddy Reynolds. 205 00:07:55,693 --> 00:07:56,860 Working his first shift, 206 00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:59,238 he got stabbed in the leg by a little girl. 207 00:08:00,739 --> 00:08:02,950 I love Reynolds, man. He makes me laugh. 208 00:08:03,033 --> 00:08:04,594 - That's funny. - You think that's funny? 209 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,954 - To be stabbed by a little kid, yeah. - On the job. 210 00:08:07,037 --> 00:08:09,015 - Right. 'Cause you get paid. - That you're about to do. 211 00:08:09,039 --> 00:08:11,125 Right, 'cause it's a child, and it's hilarious. 212 00:08:11,208 --> 00:08:12,501 You don't like getting cut. 213 00:08:12,585 --> 00:08:13,919 You're very physically sensitive. 214 00:08:14,003 --> 00:08:16,297 I am. Paper cuts give me headaches. 215 00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:17,740 - I can't wait to meet him. - Yeah. 216 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:18,984 - Maybe he'll stab me. - Guys, chill out, okay? 217 00:08:19,008 --> 00:08:20,926 I told you, I got my partner 218 00:08:21,010 --> 00:08:22,730 - to protect me, remember? - The little one? 219 00:08:22,761 --> 00:08:24,561 The one would could take a nap in a match box? 220 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,958 Which reminds me… I'm gonna make her a sandwich tomorrow. 221 00:08:27,016 --> 00:08:28,892 I might even throw in a crossword puzzle 222 00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,477 with Winston-related clues 223 00:08:30,561 --> 00:08:31,895 so she can get to know me better. 224 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:34,356 "Who likes cats?" Winston, across. 225 00:08:37,151 --> 00:08:39,862 - I don't like this. - Mm-mm. 226 00:08:39,945 --> 00:08:42,173 - His training officer can't protect him! - She's too tiny. 227 00:08:42,197 --> 00:08:43,550 She looks like she won the silver medal 228 00:08:43,574 --> 00:08:44,909 in Athens for the balance beam. 229 00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,452 Girl could drown in a raindrop. 230 00:08:46,535 --> 00:08:47,995 I mean, that's girl's… 231 00:08:48,078 --> 00:08:50,080 I mean, she… 232 00:08:50,164 --> 00:08:52,142 I can't think of one 'cause I'm so worried about Winston! 233 00:08:52,166 --> 00:08:54,227 I'm worried about him, too, but I can still think of 'em. 234 00:08:54,251 --> 00:08:57,087 Uh, girl's so, uh… Ugh! 235 00:08:57,171 --> 00:08:58,464 She looks like a Persian Webster. 236 00:08:58,547 --> 00:09:00,049 Ah… 237 00:09:00,132 --> 00:09:02,968 Girl's like a pepperoni. 238 00:09:03,594 --> 00:09:06,180 - Why are you here? - We brought you a gift. 239 00:09:06,263 --> 00:09:08,474 Assorted candies. Please enjoy. 240 00:09:08,557 --> 00:09:10,100 They are delicious. 241 00:09:10,184 --> 00:09:12,162 Now, I'm sure you have friends and family of officers 242 00:09:12,186 --> 00:09:14,355 coming in here all the time to check on them. 243 00:09:14,438 --> 00:09:16,065 No. No, this would be a first. 244 00:09:16,148 --> 00:09:17,876 - Really? This is the first? - What do you guys need? 245 00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:19,318 Well, we are here because, uh, 246 00:09:19,401 --> 00:09:21,612 Winston is our best friend, as you know, and, um… 247 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,280 - We're worried about him. - Yeah. 248 00:09:23,364 --> 00:09:24,698 And I'm not saying that you're bad 249 00:09:24,782 --> 00:09:26,200 at your job as a training officer. 250 00:09:26,283 --> 00:09:28,369 But I'm not saying you're good at your job. 251 00:09:28,452 --> 00:09:31,413 And that's why we're here… To kind of see where you're at, 252 00:09:31,497 --> 00:09:32,790 to see if you're ready 253 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,625 to protect our asset, our dear friend. 254 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,168 Let's-let's be diplomatic. 255 00:09:36,252 --> 00:09:38,629 Did Bishop put you up to this? Does he have some sort of 256 00:09:38,754 --> 00:09:39,940 problem with me being his training officer? 257 00:09:39,964 --> 00:09:41,090 Not at all. 258 00:09:41,173 --> 00:09:43,193 Oh, he is going to pay for this. He is going to pay. 259 00:09:43,217 --> 00:09:44,486 He shouldn't pay for this. This has nothing to do with him. 260 00:09:44,510 --> 00:09:46,053 - This is about us. - Okay. 261 00:09:46,136 --> 00:09:47,280 First of all, you shouldn't get mad at him. Get mad at us. 262 00:09:47,304 --> 00:09:48,973 - Get out! - It's good to see you. 263 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:52,142 - Get out. - Okay. 264 00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:59,149 Yo. Ry-guy. 265 00:09:59,233 --> 00:10:00,460 I finished printing out the forms. 266 00:10:00,484 --> 00:10:02,152 - Let's get goofy. - Mm. 267 00:10:02,236 --> 00:10:04,238 - Come on! - Aah. Mm-mm. 268 00:10:04,321 --> 00:10:05,739 You got a real Dudley Moore thing 269 00:10:05,823 --> 00:10:08,367 going on right now, and I like it. 270 00:10:08,450 --> 00:10:11,120 Jessica Day, I think I'm in love. 271 00:10:11,203 --> 00:10:13,038 Sorry. Did you just say you were in love? 272 00:10:13,122 --> 00:10:14,665 That woman is a dynamo. 273 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:17,167 So let's talk about the whole construction noise thing. 274 00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:21,338 Has anyone ever told you you look like a Jewish Kennedy? 275 00:10:21,422 --> 00:10:24,216 I hope not, because that would be offensive. 276 00:10:27,970 --> 00:10:29,739 What? I thought you were supposed to be some kind 277 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,283 of big shark, and you were playing her. 278 00:10:31,348 --> 00:10:33,267 About the noise. 279 00:10:33,350 --> 00:10:35,287 Given the many considerations… Traffic, budget… 280 00:10:35,311 --> 00:10:37,062 Okay, what is happening? 281 00:10:37,146 --> 00:10:38,772 What are you doing with your thumb? 282 00:10:38,856 --> 00:10:41,275 We feel it best to proceed with the given strategy. 283 00:10:41,358 --> 00:10:43,235 She played you! 284 00:10:43,319 --> 00:10:44,862 I know, and it was wildly arousing! 285 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,697 But let me tell you something, Jess. 286 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,115 She played you, too. 287 00:10:48,198 --> 00:10:49,718 - No, she didn't. No, she didn't. - Mm-hmm. 288 00:10:49,742 --> 00:10:51,368 I filled out the form, I submitted it. 289 00:10:51,452 --> 00:10:53,120 Here's the confirmation, right here. 290 00:10:53,203 --> 00:10:54,663 "Thank you for your inquiry. 291 00:10:54,747 --> 00:10:58,292 - "We will respond in 360 to 500 days"! - Isn't she great? 292 00:10:58,375 --> 00:11:00,419 She can't just walk all over the people of the city 293 00:11:00,502 --> 00:11:01,837 like the Jolly Green Giant. 294 00:11:01,921 --> 00:11:03,297 Jolly Green Giant… 295 00:11:03,380 --> 00:11:05,007 He doesn't stomp on people. 296 00:11:05,090 --> 00:11:06,926 He encourages them to eat their vegetables. 297 00:11:07,009 --> 00:11:09,470 You can't let her do this! We have to keep fighting! 298 00:11:09,553 --> 00:11:11,305 She's taking me to a ribbon-cutting ceremony 299 00:11:11,388 --> 00:11:12,806 at a carniceria tomorrow. 300 00:11:12,890 --> 00:11:14,308 You know, Jess, I really think 301 00:11:14,391 --> 00:11:17,102 that she may be grooming me to be her arm candy. 302 00:11:17,186 --> 00:11:19,146 This could be a real Bill and Hillary situation. 303 00:11:19,229 --> 00:11:21,523 You, sir, are no Bill Clinton. 304 00:11:21,607 --> 00:11:23,025 I know. I'm Hillary. 305 00:11:23,108 --> 00:11:24,485 Well, you're not Hillary, either! 306 00:11:24,568 --> 00:11:26,070 I am, too, Hillary! 307 00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:28,697 Hey, man, can you be the one to walk away? 308 00:11:28,781 --> 00:11:30,324 'Cause I just, like… 309 00:11:30,407 --> 00:11:32,868 My little sleeping British bulldog here is gonna wake up, 310 00:11:32,952 --> 00:11:34,870 and he's gonna get scared if I'm not there. 311 00:11:34,954 --> 00:11:36,580 - Yeah, I got you. - Yeah. 312 00:11:39,917 --> 00:11:41,561 A bunch of neighbors have joined the fight. 313 00:11:41,585 --> 00:11:43,879 See, if you put out an honest message, 314 00:11:43,963 --> 00:11:45,798 you get good, honest people to help you. 315 00:11:45,881 --> 00:11:47,633 Per municipal code 2B, 316 00:11:47,716 --> 00:11:49,885 construction is prohibited at night. 317 00:11:49,969 --> 00:11:52,513 However, this project's been issued a waiver 318 00:11:52,596 --> 00:11:54,223 that we are trying to revoke. 319 00:11:54,306 --> 00:11:56,146 Now, I'm going to mash a muffin into the phone. 320 00:11:56,225 --> 00:11:59,645 You tell me if it makes its way through. 321 00:11:59,728 --> 00:12:01,480 You're doing a great job, Dave. 322 00:12:01,563 --> 00:12:03,691 It's important to keep it positive. 323 00:12:03,774 --> 00:12:06,711 - So, what happened to Schmidt? - I don't need him. I got this on lockdown. 324 00:12:06,735 --> 00:12:08,737 Yes, it is banana-walnut. 325 00:12:08,821 --> 00:12:10,656 Now I'm gonna tell you the story 326 00:12:10,739 --> 00:12:12,783 of how my daddy spawned with a pony 327 00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:15,661 and made the mud boy… That's me. 328 00:12:15,744 --> 00:12:18,205 "Chapter One… Mama's House." 329 00:12:19,081 --> 00:12:20,958 Make sure they're sharp. 330 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,481 It's political suicide to not cut the ribbon on the first try. 331 00:12:23,961 --> 00:12:25,588 Of course. Look, if there's anyone 332 00:12:25,671 --> 00:12:27,190 who understands the importance of a sharp knife, 333 00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:28,882 it's a Jewish man. 334 00:12:29,008 --> 00:12:30,151 Hey, listen, about the construction issue… 335 00:12:30,175 --> 00:12:31,302 We've discussed that. 336 00:12:31,385 --> 00:12:33,721 Look, changing that schedule's a logistical nightmare, 337 00:12:33,804 --> 00:12:35,556 not to mention the people it'll piss off. 338 00:12:35,639 --> 00:12:38,142 The sewage lobby's involved in that project, and trust me, 339 00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:39,768 you don't want to cross them. 340 00:12:39,852 --> 00:12:41,478 Did they shoot poopy everywhere? 341 00:12:41,562 --> 00:12:44,690 How old are you? No. No, they just… 342 00:12:44,773 --> 00:12:46,126 They contribute money to my opponent. 343 00:12:46,150 --> 00:12:47,735 Of course. No, I-I knew that. 344 00:12:47,818 --> 00:12:49,588 They… Why would they shoot poopy everywhere? 345 00:12:49,612 --> 00:12:50,738 Got it. 346 00:12:50,821 --> 00:12:52,323 Hey, listen, I wanted to warn you. 347 00:12:52,406 --> 00:12:54,246 My roommates have recruited a gang of derelicts 348 00:12:54,283 --> 00:12:57,328 to-to protest the council meeting. 349 00:12:57,411 --> 00:13:01,081 If only there was someone who could oppose them. 350 00:13:01,165 --> 00:13:04,710 Of course, I can't, because it's technically a citizens' forum. 351 00:13:04,793 --> 00:13:07,922 - Are you saying that I should? - I'm not saying anything. 352 00:13:08,005 --> 00:13:09,757 Okay. 353 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,425 You're trying to manipulate me again. 354 00:13:11,508 --> 00:13:14,553 You must think that I'm a real shmendrick. 355 00:13:14,637 --> 00:13:16,156 - Well, I love it. - When we're in public… 356 00:13:16,180 --> 00:13:17,264 Yeah. 357 00:13:17,348 --> 00:13:18,491 Let's just tone down the Jewish thing, okay? 358 00:13:18,515 --> 00:13:19,826 - Let's tone down the Jewish thing. - Yeah. 359 00:13:19,850 --> 00:13:21,810 I can do that. 100%. Let's tone down the Jewish… 360 00:13:21,852 --> 00:13:23,312 Hey, by the way, sir, 361 00:13:23,395 --> 00:13:25,564 thank you so much for keeping the councilwoman safe. 362 00:13:25,648 --> 00:13:27,775 - Five stars for Arman! - He's an Uber driver. 363 00:13:27,858 --> 00:13:30,527 - I'm a councilwoman, not a senator. - Okay, I felt like that… 364 00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,868 First day on the job. Is this where 365 00:13:37,952 --> 00:13:39,971 you tell me to forget everything I learned in training? 366 00:13:39,995 --> 00:13:41,330 N-No! 367 00:13:41,413 --> 00:13:43,040 Remember everything. 368 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,416 Bishop, if you have a problem 369 00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:46,001 with me being your training officer, 370 00:13:46,085 --> 00:13:47,378 put down your ice cream cone, 371 00:13:47,461 --> 00:13:49,022 take your frickin' thumbs out of your mouth, 372 00:13:49,046 --> 00:13:50,464 and say it to my face! 373 00:13:50,547 --> 00:13:51,858 What? I don't have a problem with you. 374 00:13:51,882 --> 00:13:53,342 Did you or did you not 375 00:13:53,425 --> 00:13:54,945 tell your roommates to come check up on me? 376 00:13:54,969 --> 00:13:57,179 - What? They did that? - Yeah. 377 00:13:57,263 --> 00:14:00,432 Oh, my goodness, I am so "furiated" right now! 378 00:14:00,516 --> 00:14:03,435 I am very lucky to have you as my training officer. 379 00:14:03,519 --> 00:14:04,937 My roommates don't speak for me. 380 00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:08,148 I promise you will never have to see them again. 381 00:14:08,232 --> 00:14:10,232 They're right there. They're literally right there. 382 00:14:13,362 --> 00:14:15,614 - Oh, yeah, yeah, they see. - They got us. 383 00:14:15,698 --> 00:14:17,199 - Hey. - Yeah. Hey. 384 00:14:18,909 --> 00:14:22,496 When you step to the badge, the badge step back. 385 00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:26,250 Don't ever say that in my car again. 386 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,002 What the hell are you two doing here? 387 00:14:28,085 --> 00:14:29,646 And why are you talking to Aly behind my back? 388 00:14:29,670 --> 00:14:32,506 She said that you guys gave her weird unwrapped candy 389 00:14:32,590 --> 00:14:35,050 and then you stole toilet paper from the station bathroom. 390 00:14:35,134 --> 00:14:36,302 We need that toilet paper. 391 00:14:36,385 --> 00:14:37,571 Because we're worried about you! 392 00:14:37,595 --> 00:14:39,263 We're trying to protect you. 393 00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,640 - What? - She's so small, Winston. 394 00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:43,267 You guys should have faith in me. 395 00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:45,603 I got a badge, I got a diploma, and I got a special 396 00:14:45,686 --> 00:14:47,247 plastic thing that goes over my hat for when it rains. 397 00:14:47,271 --> 00:14:49,148 We got a 339 in progress at 62 Sage Brush. 398 00:14:49,273 --> 00:14:50,417 That sounds dangerous. Stop him! 399 00:14:50,441 --> 00:14:51,585 Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? 400 00:14:51,609 --> 00:14:53,503 - We can't let you do this! - We're trying to protect you! 401 00:14:53,527 --> 00:14:55,755 - What the hell is your problem? - We're not letting you go on the street! 402 00:14:55,779 --> 00:14:57,239 This an obstruction of justice. 403 00:14:57,323 --> 00:14:58,884 - You won't die on my watch! - That is an obstruction of… 404 00:14:58,908 --> 00:15:00,451 Hey! Hey, Nick. Nick. 405 00:15:00,534 --> 00:15:02,178 Oh! I can't give you these 'cause I care about you. 406 00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:04,014 - Nick, give me the keys. - Don't give 'em back! 407 00:15:04,038 --> 00:15:05,414 We love you, man! We love you! 408 00:15:05,497 --> 00:15:06,933 Coach, you know I can't jump that high! 409 00:15:06,957 --> 00:15:08,226 - Don't test me. - We're protecting you. 410 00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:09,877 Give me those damn keys right… 411 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,212 Ooh, no, no, no, no! 412 00:15:13,255 --> 00:15:15,716 That's what you get! 413 00:15:15,799 --> 00:15:17,885 - Ow! - I can't go to jail. 414 00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:19,446 I'm too sarcastic for the white gangs. 415 00:15:19,470 --> 00:15:21,239 Yeah, man, I'll get passed around in there like a bong. 416 00:15:21,263 --> 00:15:22,264 - Shut up. - Ow! 417 00:15:22,348 --> 00:15:24,808 You're not going to prison. 418 00:15:24,892 --> 00:15:27,645 The dangers of noise pollution are real. 419 00:15:27,728 --> 00:15:29,480 According to the World Wide Web, 420 00:15:29,563 --> 00:15:32,816 it can cause lack of concentration, nervousness, 421 00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:34,401 and misunderstandings. 422 00:15:36,195 --> 00:15:39,073 Sir! Sir… 423 00:15:39,156 --> 00:15:40,991 Clearly, manual labor has sculpted 424 00:15:41,075 --> 00:15:44,078 your body perfectly, but could you please be quiet? 425 00:15:44,161 --> 00:15:46,247 Sorry, lady, I gotta work all night. 426 00:15:46,330 --> 00:15:48,916 But, sir, people live and work here. 427 00:15:48,999 --> 00:15:52,127 Babies sleep, dogs nap by the window. 428 00:15:52,211 --> 00:15:53,462 Immigrants share noodles 429 00:15:53,545 --> 00:15:55,714 and dance to records with abandon. 430 00:15:55,798 --> 00:15:58,884 You're right! We should be looking out for each other. 431 00:15:58,968 --> 00:16:00,552 You said it, handsome guy. 432 00:16:00,636 --> 00:16:02,680 But you know who else should be looking out for us? 433 00:16:02,763 --> 00:16:05,015 The city. 434 00:16:11,355 --> 00:16:14,566 Would you stop clapping? This is an abomination. 435 00:16:14,650 --> 00:16:16,419 By the way, he… The only reason he got that role 436 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:17,763 is because he's sleeping with her. 437 00:16:17,820 --> 00:16:19,572 You want to get a cheeseburger sandwich? 438 00:16:19,655 --> 00:16:21,115 My nights just freed up. 439 00:16:21,198 --> 00:16:22,741 Of course. 440 00:16:22,825 --> 00:16:25,494 That sounds great now that I can hear you. 441 00:16:25,578 --> 00:16:27,663 - Mm. Nothing. - What? What are you doing? 442 00:16:27,746 --> 00:16:29,748 The cuffs on your jacket just look a little short. 443 00:16:29,832 --> 00:16:31,959 - What? - They just look a little short. 444 00:16:32,042 --> 00:16:34,712 Why are you telling me this now? I got a new tailor. 445 00:16:34,795 --> 00:16:35,939 I'm really insecure about it. 446 00:16:35,963 --> 00:16:37,756 - My God. - I'm Jessica Day. 447 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,758 Thank you for listening. 448 00:16:42,761 --> 00:16:45,055 Tone it down! Stop the noise! 449 00:16:49,059 --> 00:16:51,478 Ah. N-Noise. 450 00:16:51,562 --> 00:16:52,771 N… Noise. 451 00:16:52,855 --> 00:16:54,898 Where would… Where would we be without you? 452 00:16:54,982 --> 00:16:56,734 - I don't know. - A tree falls, 453 00:16:56,817 --> 00:17:00,821 a cabin is made, uh… 454 00:17:05,159 --> 00:17:06,410 It just… 455 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:08,203 This doesn't-doesn't look right. 456 00:17:09,163 --> 00:17:10,581 A woman screams, 457 00:17:10,664 --> 00:17:13,292 a b… A baby is b… A baby is born. 458 00:17:13,375 --> 00:17:15,753 Maybe if the speaker would stop fiddling with his jacket… 459 00:17:15,836 --> 00:17:17,546 It just doesn't feel like these are… 460 00:17:17,630 --> 00:17:19,548 He's saying all the right things. 461 00:17:19,632 --> 00:17:21,151 That son-of-a-bitch tailor ruined my jacket. 462 00:17:21,175 --> 00:17:22,551 That-that baby 463 00:17:22,635 --> 00:17:24,637 that screamed becomes a man 464 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,514 and that-that was the story of Abra-Abraham Lincoln. 465 00:17:27,598 --> 00:17:29,016 How dare you evoke Lincoln! 466 00:17:29,099 --> 00:17:30,976 He was our quietest president! 467 00:17:32,978 --> 00:17:34,772 I feel… I'm just so… 468 00:17:34,855 --> 00:17:36,875 I'm so uncomfortable right now, because of my sleeves. 469 00:17:36,899 --> 00:17:38,619 I feel like an idiot up here in this jacket! 470 00:17:38,651 --> 00:17:39,944 Nobody's telling me my-my… 471 00:17:40,027 --> 00:17:41,528 The tailoring is off! I'm going… 472 00:17:41,612 --> 00:17:42,839 I'm seeing… I'm seeing a new tailor, everyone. 473 00:17:42,863 --> 00:17:43,906 Sir? 474 00:17:43,989 --> 00:17:45,032 My tailor's great. 475 00:17:45,115 --> 00:17:46,825 I'll give you his number, eight. 476 00:17:46,909 --> 00:17:49,161 I look like a freaking matador in this thing! 477 00:17:49,245 --> 00:17:50,746 Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! 478 00:17:50,829 --> 00:17:51,830 Sir, we've heard enough. 479 00:17:51,914 --> 00:17:53,832 Stand down! You look weak! 480 00:17:53,916 --> 00:17:59,004 Considering the incoherent and, frankly, disturbing argument 481 00:17:59,088 --> 00:18:01,882 from the pro-noise lobby, I have no choice 482 00:18:01,966 --> 00:18:04,009 but to recommend a switch to the day schedule, 483 00:18:04,093 --> 00:18:05,219 effective immediately. 484 00:18:06,887 --> 00:18:09,348 - New York! - What? 485 00:18:09,431 --> 00:18:12,851 I'm Fawn Moscato, the people's warrior. 486 00:18:12,935 --> 00:18:14,186 You're welcome, Los Angeles! 487 00:18:14,270 --> 00:18:16,814 Tomorrow is a new America! Good night! 488 00:18:19,108 --> 00:18:21,110 Hello again. 489 00:18:22,278 --> 00:18:24,488 I would like to once more revisit 490 00:18:24,572 --> 00:18:27,950 the bottomless clause of the public nudity ordinance. 491 00:18:28,033 --> 00:18:31,120 Oh, my God, I almost hired that guy as a sub. 492 00:18:34,832 --> 00:18:37,501 So that was a huge failure. I feel like a Democrat. 493 00:18:37,585 --> 00:18:39,378 Why'd you have to say that about my jacket? 494 00:18:39,461 --> 00:18:41,589 All right. Okay, look, Jess told me to. 495 00:18:41,672 --> 00:18:43,882 I mean, I thought your sleeves were fine. And by "fine," 496 00:18:43,966 --> 00:18:46,468 I mean I could not care less. 497 00:18:47,803 --> 00:18:49,805 Oh, hello, shark. 498 00:18:49,888 --> 00:18:51,432 I am woman, 499 00:18:51,515 --> 00:18:54,685 the smartest species of them all. 500 00:18:57,271 --> 00:18:59,648 I didn't realize I'd finished that. 501 00:18:59,732 --> 00:19:01,817 I've been waiting here a while. 502 00:19:01,901 --> 00:19:03,611 You underhanded pig woman. 503 00:19:03,694 --> 00:19:06,447 You know, there are certain things that you don't do, 504 00:19:06,530 --> 00:19:08,824 and exploiting a man's love of tailoring is one of them. 505 00:19:08,908 --> 00:19:13,203 Which makes what you did all the more impressive. 506 00:19:13,287 --> 00:19:14,747 Well, I felt dirty. 507 00:19:14,830 --> 00:19:16,081 I felt like Evil Winston. 508 00:19:16,165 --> 00:19:18,542 Remember when Winston was evil for that week? 509 00:19:18,626 --> 00:19:19,978 I can't believe I blew it with Fawn. 510 00:19:20,002 --> 00:19:21,563 You know, she said that we could have sex 511 00:19:21,587 --> 00:19:23,255 in the room where O.J. tried on the glove. 512 00:19:23,339 --> 00:19:25,108 Schmidt, it doesn't matter what happened at the meeting. 513 00:19:25,132 --> 00:19:26,842 She doesn't care about you. 514 00:19:26,926 --> 00:19:28,677 She's a power-hungry, 515 00:19:28,761 --> 00:19:31,305 self-obsessed woman who just wants a man to shut up 516 00:19:31,388 --> 00:19:33,557 and look pretty. That's not what you want, 517 00:19:33,641 --> 00:19:35,726 is it? 518 00:19:35,809 --> 00:19:37,102 Please take me back. 519 00:19:37,186 --> 00:19:38,812 Look, I was duped by a doe-eyed pixie 520 00:19:38,896 --> 00:19:41,774 - and her Indian henchwoman. Forgive me. - It's fine. 521 00:19:41,857 --> 00:19:44,026 It actually worked out. You were such a jackass 522 00:19:44,109 --> 00:19:46,320 up there that no one who supported the construction 523 00:19:46,403 --> 00:19:47,947 will be able to hold it against me. 524 00:19:48,030 --> 00:19:49,865 Plus, I picked up a ton of votes. 525 00:19:49,949 --> 00:19:52,534 Or as I like to call them… 526 00:19:52,618 --> 00:19:54,495 Tiny orgasms. 527 00:19:54,578 --> 00:19:55,913 So let me get this straight. 528 00:19:55,996 --> 00:19:57,665 You let me humiliate myself, 529 00:19:57,748 --> 00:20:00,292 in public, for your own political gain? 530 00:20:04,213 --> 00:20:05,798 Yes. 531 00:20:05,881 --> 00:20:07,317 You're the sexiest woman that I've ever met. 532 00:20:07,341 --> 00:20:08,818 - Ah… - Ms. Moscato, wherever you're going, 533 00:20:08,842 --> 00:20:11,095 - take me with you. - Please. 534 00:20:11,178 --> 00:20:14,056 It's "Councilwoman." 535 00:20:18,686 --> 00:20:20,854 And I'll call you when I need you. 536 00:20:20,938 --> 00:20:22,856 That is gonna be… 537 00:20:22,940 --> 00:20:24,775 So frustrating. 538 00:20:24,858 --> 00:20:26,527 But I love it. 539 00:20:26,610 --> 00:20:28,338 - Why are we in a church? - I once saw a priest 540 00:20:28,362 --> 00:20:30,739 drop his keys and bend over and pick it up, 541 00:20:30,823 --> 00:20:33,492 and it was just so human that it ruined religion for me. 542 00:20:33,576 --> 00:20:35,953 It's a support group for families. 543 00:20:36,036 --> 00:20:38,080 Pack it down. And you pack it down. 544 00:20:38,163 --> 00:20:39,582 And now weird friends. 545 00:20:39,665 --> 00:20:41,792 Until one day, what happens? 546 00:20:41,875 --> 00:20:45,796 And I know that his training officer is scary strong. 547 00:20:45,879 --> 00:20:49,216 But, um, he's still my friend, 548 00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:50,968 and the bad guys are still bad, 549 00:20:51,051 --> 00:20:54,430 and I just wish I could put him in a giant envelope and just… 550 00:20:54,513 --> 00:20:57,933 Just mail him away from all the bad guys… 551 00:20:58,017 --> 00:20:59,101 There's no shame in this. 552 00:20:59,184 --> 00:21:00,394 Do not judge this man. 553 00:21:00,477 --> 00:21:02,730 We won't. This is a support group. 554 00:21:02,813 --> 00:21:04,958 I know what you're thinking, he looks like a little punk. 555 00:21:04,982 --> 00:21:06,400 He looks like a little boy. 556 00:21:06,483 --> 00:21:08,986 We-we try not to call names here. 557 00:21:09,069 --> 00:21:11,047 - Everybody look down. Don't look! - Good first day, Bishop. 558 00:21:11,071 --> 00:21:13,824 - Never look at a man when he cries! - Thanks. 559 00:21:13,908 --> 00:21:15,367 Back me up, man. 560 00:21:15,451 --> 00:21:17,012 You ever let your friends try on your uniform? 561 00:21:17,036 --> 00:21:18,954 - What? No. - Oh, yeah. Me either. 562 00:21:19,038 --> 00:21:20,664 Don't do it. I'm serious. 563 00:21:20,748 --> 00:21:22,750 - Don't do that. - I won't. I won't. 564 00:21:22,833 --> 00:21:23,959 I'm telling you, 565 00:21:24,043 --> 00:21:26,045 - you gotta keep clear! - What? 566 00:21:26,128 --> 00:21:28,839 I'm-I'm not driving you to the E.R. this time! 567 00:21:28,923 --> 00:21:30,591 - It's your problem! - Get out of the way! 568 00:21:30,674 --> 00:21:31,926 Don't look at me like that! 569 00:21:32,009 --> 00:21:33,260 All right, all right! 570 00:21:33,344 --> 00:21:34,386 Morning, Jerry! 571 00:21:34,470 --> 00:21:36,680 - Hey, how you doing? - How are you doing? 572 00:21:36,764 --> 00:21:39,266 Eh, different day, same bucket, right? 573 00:21:39,350 --> 00:21:41,018 Is that today's Times? 574 00:21:41,101 --> 00:21:42,853 Kristof's got a piece on net neutrality. 575 00:21:42,937 --> 00:21:44,271 It's very complex. 576 00:21:44,355 --> 00:21:46,398 - I don't know where I stand. - What kind of bagel 577 00:21:46,482 --> 00:21:48,001 you want this morning… Uh, poppy seed or sesame? 578 00:21:48,025 --> 00:21:49,485 I'm going sesame today. 579 00:21:49,568 --> 00:21:52,238 - All right. - Get me a little schmear, would you?