1 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:20,055 The guys and I are about to leave for the airport, 2 00:00:20,139 --> 00:00:21,849 and I'm so excited to see you. 3 00:00:22,141 --> 00:00:24,894 - Is that Ryan? - I can't wait for you to see my hometown. 4 00:00:24,977 --> 00:00:26,897 It's going to be just like An Affair to Remember, 5 00:00:26,937 --> 00:00:29,523 only instead of the Empire State Building on New Year's Eve, 6 00:00:29,607 --> 00:00:32,109 it's going to be a winery near the Portland airport 7 00:00:32,193 --> 00:00:33,486 at my dad's wedding. 8 00:00:33,569 --> 00:00:36,655 Anyway, I love you, I miss you. 9 00:00:36,739 --> 00:00:39,325 Hello? Hello? 10 00:00:39,408 --> 00:00:41,911 Sounds like I lost you for a minute! 11 00:00:41,994 --> 00:00:43,329 Are you there? 12 00:00:43,412 --> 00:00:45,873 Where's my widdle Eng-wish man? 13 00:00:45,956 --> 00:00:48,626 And with that, Ryan walked into the River Thames 14 00:00:48,709 --> 00:00:50,127 and accepted death. 15 00:00:50,211 --> 00:00:52,630 The joke's on you, 'cause I wasn't even talking to him. 16 00:00:52,713 --> 00:00:54,673 I was leaving a voice mail. 17 00:00:54,757 --> 00:00:56,091 Haven't talked to him for a week. 18 00:00:56,175 --> 00:00:58,385 Are you guys making a group face? 19 00:00:58,469 --> 00:00:59,553 - No, we're not… - No. 20 00:00:59,637 --> 00:01:01,847 - Nah. - Guys, look, Ryan and I are great. 21 00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:03,366 Really? 'Cause he doesn't call enough. 22 00:01:03,390 --> 00:01:05,350 And when he does, it's in the middle of the night. 23 00:01:05,392 --> 00:01:06,578 Ryan didn't want to move to England, 24 00:01:06,602 --> 00:01:07,853 he had to move to England. 25 00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:11,607 For the last couple of weeks, you've been keeping Nick hours, and… and it's ugly. 26 00:01:12,775 --> 00:01:14,443 Hey. Sorry. 27 00:01:14,527 --> 00:01:16,278 I was talking to Ryan before he went to work 28 00:01:16,403 --> 00:01:17,696 and I must have fallen asleep. 29 00:01:17,780 --> 00:01:20,574 Friend to friend, am I wearing pants? 30 00:01:20,699 --> 00:01:22,368 The situation isn't ideal, 31 00:01:22,451 --> 00:01:25,704 however, long distance is super romantic. 32 00:01:25,788 --> 00:01:28,624 Plus I don't have to shave my legs every day which is a real plus. 33 00:01:28,707 --> 00:01:29,768 You know, Fawn shaves herself 34 00:01:29,792 --> 00:01:31,085 from toe to chin. 35 00:01:31,168 --> 00:01:32,753 Every single day. 36 00:01:32,837 --> 00:01:34,755 God, I love my girlfriend. 37 00:01:34,839 --> 00:01:36,173 - Hey. - Oh, Cece. 38 00:01:36,257 --> 00:01:37,675 - Yeah, what? - Huge news. 39 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,302 Jake Apex is coming to the wedding. 40 00:01:40,386 --> 00:01:41,846 Jake Apex? 41 00:01:41,929 --> 00:01:43,431 Who is Jake Apex? 42 00:01:43,514 --> 00:01:45,266 Jake Apex is Cece's high school crush. 43 00:01:45,349 --> 00:01:48,686 Never did anything for me, but turned Cece to soup. 44 00:01:48,769 --> 00:01:50,062 - Thanks. - Mm. Yeah. 45 00:01:50,146 --> 00:01:51,689 Is he one of them Portland hippies? 46 00:01:51,772 --> 00:01:53,166 'Cause I hate them Portland hippies. 47 00:01:53,190 --> 00:01:54,442 He is a legend. 48 00:01:54,525 --> 00:01:57,945 Every time I spoke to him, I'd have a full-blown tiny kid stroke. 49 00:01:58,028 --> 00:01:59,738 Hey, killer. 50 00:01:59,822 --> 00:02:01,740 I… d… uh… mm… 51 00:02:03,409 --> 00:02:05,828 Yeah, well, I got a bad feeling about this guy. 52 00:02:05,911 --> 00:02:07,955 Why, because he's bomb and Cece wants some? 53 00:02:08,038 --> 00:02:09,790 No. Other reasons. 54 00:02:09,874 --> 00:02:13,502 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go water my succulents. 55 00:02:18,090 --> 00:02:19,276 How do you know Apex is so cute? 56 00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:22,428 - I just assumed. - Winston, stop with the look, okay? 57 00:02:22,511 --> 00:02:23,929 Otherwise I will murder you 58 00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:25,556 and clean up your blood with your cat. 59 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:29,518 All right? For the 50th time, I do not like Schmidt. 60 00:02:29,602 --> 00:02:31,187 Good luck finding my cat. 61 00:02:31,270 --> 00:02:33,355 You know, I haven't seen him in weeks. 62 00:02:33,439 --> 00:02:35,357 My best man suit. 63 00:02:35,441 --> 00:02:36,734 Oh. 64 00:02:36,817 --> 00:02:38,402 I'm my dad's best man. 65 00:02:38,486 --> 00:02:40,696 He wanted a boy. My middle name's Christopher. 66 00:02:45,826 --> 00:02:47,161 Yeah. 67 00:02:54,710 --> 00:02:57,588 You're scheming on a thing, that's sabotage 68 00:02:57,671 --> 00:03:01,550 I can't stand it, I know you planned it 69 00:03:01,634 --> 00:03:03,636 I'm-a set it straight, this Watergate… 70 00:03:03,719 --> 00:03:05,054 The Co-Pays are awesome. 71 00:03:05,137 --> 00:03:07,264 I can't believe they're also pharmacists. 72 00:03:07,348 --> 00:03:09,767 I'm-a Buddy Rich when I fly off the handle. 73 00:03:09,850 --> 00:03:12,645 What could it be? It's a mirage. 74 00:03:12,728 --> 00:03:15,272 You're scheming on a thing, that's sabotage. 75 00:03:15,356 --> 00:03:16,690 That's really good. 76 00:03:17,858 --> 00:03:20,111 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 77 00:03:20,194 --> 00:03:21,529 This is a nice place. 78 00:03:21,612 --> 00:03:23,381 I mean, it's not the best vineyard in Portland. 79 00:03:23,405 --> 00:03:25,658 Here we go. That's Bartleby Cellars, of course. 80 00:03:25,741 --> 00:03:27,159 How do you even know that? 81 00:03:27,243 --> 00:03:29,161 Whenever Coach goes to a new city, 82 00:03:29,245 --> 00:03:31,330 he learns all about it, like a real weirdo. 83 00:03:31,413 --> 00:03:32,832 I was an army brat, all right? 84 00:03:32,915 --> 00:03:35,209 I moved a lot. Assimilating was key. 85 00:03:35,292 --> 00:03:37,354 Oh, and by the way, calling somebody weird in Portland 86 00:03:37,378 --> 00:03:39,421 is actually a compliment, so thank you, Nick. 87 00:03:39,505 --> 00:03:40,589 Hey, oh. 88 00:03:40,673 --> 00:03:42,133 It's just… Oh. 89 00:03:42,216 --> 00:03:43,693 Sorry, I thought I heard my phone ringing. 90 00:03:43,717 --> 00:03:45,928 Ryan's supposed to call me before he gets on the plane. 91 00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:48,639 - Oh! Sorry. - Jess, just take your phone out. 92 00:03:48,722 --> 00:03:50,283 No, Nick, I want to be here with you guys. 93 00:03:50,307 --> 00:03:52,143 I want to… Sorry. 94 00:03:52,226 --> 00:03:54,228 I just want to… Sorry. 95 00:03:54,311 --> 00:03:55,688 Does anybody else hear buzzing? 96 00:03:55,771 --> 00:03:57,356 - No. - No, 'cause it's not buzzing. 97 00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,543 No, honey, but, you know, he's going to be here soon, okay? 98 00:03:59,567 --> 00:04:02,528 - Yeah. - Are you guys still touring the city? 99 00:04:02,611 --> 00:04:04,738 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 100 00:04:04,822 --> 00:04:07,241 I made about 12 drafts of this map. 101 00:04:07,324 --> 00:04:08,593 Couldn't figure out where to go. 102 00:04:08,617 --> 00:04:11,245 Had to fit 18 years into one morning. 103 00:04:11,328 --> 00:04:12,580 So, here it is. 104 00:04:12,663 --> 00:04:14,540 Aw. I'm so excited to show him Portland, 105 00:04:14,623 --> 00:04:16,500 and my mom is so excited to meet him. 106 00:04:16,584 --> 00:04:18,711 And I'm going to show him… 107 00:04:18,794 --> 00:04:20,355 - Jess, it's not buzzing. - It's not buzzing. 108 00:04:20,379 --> 00:04:21,982 - I promise you it's not. - It's not buzzing. 109 00:04:22,006 --> 00:04:23,757 - Oh, there's my dad. - Hey, guys. 110 00:04:23,841 --> 00:04:25,301 Sounded great. You sounded great. 111 00:04:25,384 --> 00:04:27,511 - You look terrific, too. - Thank you. 112 00:04:27,595 --> 00:04:28,679 Hey! 113 00:04:28,763 --> 00:04:31,098 - Oh, there's my daughter. - Oh… 114 00:04:31,182 --> 00:04:34,185 I thought we talked about you not calling me that. 115 00:04:34,268 --> 00:04:35,895 - Yeah, yeah. - Hi, sweetie. 116 00:04:35,978 --> 00:04:37,313 Hey, how's the food? 117 00:04:37,396 --> 00:04:38,773 I haven't eaten in three weeks. 118 00:04:38,856 --> 00:04:41,567 Trying to fit into my wedding dress. 119 00:04:41,650 --> 00:04:44,570 Had a dream about a crouton last night. And, um… 120 00:04:45,696 --> 00:04:47,698 And that was the whole dream. 121 00:04:47,782 --> 00:04:50,701 Ooh, before I forget, best man. 122 00:04:50,785 --> 00:04:52,953 - Aw. - The wedding rings. 123 00:04:53,037 --> 00:04:55,664 Hey, I want you to meet a bunch of relatives 124 00:04:55,748 --> 00:04:57,476 that are all going to be dead in a couple of years. 125 00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:58,709 - Oh, good idea. - Oh. 126 00:04:58,793 --> 00:05:00,228 Hey, what happened to the British guy? 127 00:05:00,252 --> 00:05:01,545 - He's coming tomorrow. - Oh. 128 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,215 Hey, Jake. 129 00:05:04,298 --> 00:05:06,759 Jake Apex. That's him. That's him right there. 130 00:05:06,842 --> 00:05:08,552 I will say one thing about that man 131 00:05:08,636 --> 00:05:11,639 that I've only said about Ryan Gosling… hot damn! 132 00:05:11,722 --> 00:05:13,641 - What's up, Winston? - I'm gonna just go… 133 00:05:13,724 --> 00:05:14,826 I'm gonna go talk to him, yeah. 134 00:05:14,850 --> 00:05:16,435 You're good. Yup. 135 00:05:16,519 --> 00:05:17,937 - You're okay. - Gonna… 136 00:05:18,020 --> 00:05:19,814 I didn't know that was a thing. You… 137 00:05:19,897 --> 00:05:21,690 Okay. 138 00:05:26,862 --> 00:05:28,697 Oh, this is very hard to watch. 139 00:05:28,781 --> 00:05:30,199 It's like when Bob Costas 140 00:05:30,282 --> 00:05:31,510 had that eye infection at the O-Lympics. 141 00:05:31,534 --> 00:05:32,993 You mean the Olympics. 142 00:05:39,542 --> 00:05:41,669 Okay. Oh, God. 143 00:05:41,752 --> 00:05:42,795 Okay, what happened? 144 00:05:42,878 --> 00:05:44,171 Did I look cool? 145 00:05:44,255 --> 00:05:46,173 Uh… Define "cool." 146 00:05:46,257 --> 00:05:48,110 What happened? I don't know what hap… I blacked out. 147 00:05:48,134 --> 00:05:49,218 Okay, look, Cece… 148 00:05:49,301 --> 00:05:51,345 I'm gonna help you. 149 00:05:51,429 --> 00:05:53,347 I'm Usher, you're Bieber. 150 00:05:53,431 --> 00:05:55,766 And Jake Apex is all the hot tracks 151 00:05:55,850 --> 00:05:57,170 that we're going to make together. 152 00:05:57,476 --> 00:05:59,562 - Hey. - Hey. 153 00:05:59,645 --> 00:06:03,816 So, um… Ryan's not coming. 154 00:06:03,899 --> 00:06:06,026 Oh, boy. 155 00:06:06,110 --> 00:06:07,403 He has to work on Monday 156 00:06:07,486 --> 00:06:08,654 and he thought, ultimately, 157 00:06:08,737 --> 00:06:10,215 it didn't make sense, which makes sense. 158 00:06:10,239 --> 00:06:11,657 It's not a big deal. 159 00:06:11,740 --> 00:06:13,993 But the tour's canceled. 160 00:06:14,076 --> 00:06:17,538 Hey, Randy, the tour's canceled. 161 00:06:18,747 --> 00:06:21,083 I don't know why I did that. 162 00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:22,585 Anyway, go ahead, Nick. Go ahead. 163 00:06:22,668 --> 00:06:24,503 Talk about how much this sucks. 164 00:06:24,587 --> 00:06:26,172 Tell me that Ryan's not coming 165 00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:28,048 'cause he's a blank who's a blank. 166 00:06:28,132 --> 00:06:29,925 I do have one thing to say. 167 00:06:31,927 --> 00:06:33,888 While you were away, we were all talking 168 00:06:33,971 --> 00:06:36,599 about how much we wanted to go on the tour. 169 00:06:36,682 --> 00:06:39,518 So don't cancel it. We'll do it with you! 170 00:06:39,602 --> 00:06:41,020 - Really? - Yeah! 171 00:06:41,145 --> 00:06:42,188 - Yeah! - Yes! 172 00:06:42,271 --> 00:06:43,397 Really? 173 00:06:43,481 --> 00:06:44,690 - Yes! - Fired up. Fired up. 174 00:06:44,774 --> 00:06:46,817 - We haven't stopped talking about… - Yeah, man. 175 00:06:46,901 --> 00:06:48,694 - Couldn't be more excited. - All 18 places! 176 00:06:48,778 --> 00:06:50,654 - There's 18? - Wow. 177 00:06:50,738 --> 00:06:52,656 I'm going to add a few more stops, then. 178 00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:54,760 I definitely know you'd enjoy the Shakespeare Garden. 179 00:06:54,784 --> 00:06:56,076 Ha-ha, great. 180 00:06:59,079 --> 00:07:01,582 Guys, Jess says she's fine, but I know she's not. 181 00:07:01,874 --> 00:07:03,626 - Okay? - She needs cheering up. 182 00:07:03,709 --> 00:07:06,003 - We're in her hometown. - I can't believe Ryan bailed. 183 00:07:06,086 --> 00:07:07,272 I'm not happy with what Ryan's doing. 184 00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:08,589 It's, it's not cool. 185 00:07:08,672 --> 00:07:11,926 But today, it's all sunshine and smiles. 186 00:07:12,009 --> 00:07:13,737 Hey, hey, hey, hey… Let me, let me get sunshine. 187 00:07:13,761 --> 00:07:14,887 Let me get sunshine. 188 00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:17,723 - Okay, yeah, you can be sunshine. - Yes! 189 00:07:17,807 --> 00:07:19,308 Here she is… Sunshine and smiles! 190 00:07:21,519 --> 00:07:22,812 - Jess! - Sending the sun in! 191 00:07:22,895 --> 00:07:23,938 Hi. 192 00:07:24,021 --> 00:07:25,564 So… I'm sorry this is so small. 193 00:07:25,648 --> 00:07:27,483 It was just meant for Ryan and me. 194 00:07:27,566 --> 00:07:28,835 - No worries. - No problem. It's great. 195 00:07:28,859 --> 00:07:31,570 - Your shoes look super cute. - You look great. You look great. 196 00:07:31,654 --> 00:07:33,423 - Let's see if… Ryan… - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 197 00:07:33,447 --> 00:07:36,200 Give me that purse! No more checking in with Ryan. 198 00:07:36,283 --> 00:07:37,618 The tour starts now. 199 00:07:41,455 --> 00:07:42,748 And there's the Italian soda shop 200 00:07:42,832 --> 00:07:45,584 where I first learned what a "not" joke was. 201 00:07:45,668 --> 00:07:46,710 Not! 202 00:07:46,794 --> 00:07:48,129 I… I learned it, actually, 203 00:07:48,212 --> 00:07:49,880 in the candle shop next door. 204 00:07:49,964 --> 00:07:51,924 People don't really do "not" jokes any more. 205 00:07:53,217 --> 00:07:55,469 Not! They'll be in forever! 206 00:07:55,553 --> 00:07:56,887 - Right, guys? - Not! 207 00:07:58,222 --> 00:07:59,557 And there's the dance studio 208 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:00,975 where I had my first kiss 209 00:08:01,058 --> 00:08:03,686 with the cutest/only boy in my jazz troupe. 210 00:08:03,936 --> 00:08:06,480 Then he came out of the closet… super gay. 211 00:08:06,564 --> 00:08:07,898 Then we kissed some more. 212 00:08:07,982 --> 00:08:09,400 Then he went to Oberlin. 213 00:08:09,483 --> 00:08:11,652 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop in that store! 214 00:08:12,069 --> 00:08:13,863 I'm going full Portland, people. 215 00:08:15,656 --> 00:08:18,325 I'm so Portland right now, they all staring at me 216 00:08:18,409 --> 00:08:20,286 like, "Is that the president of Portland?" 217 00:08:21,495 --> 00:08:22,955 I'm like, "No." 218 00:08:23,038 --> 00:08:26,417 This is the very pizza place where we'd dab our pizzas 219 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:28,544 with our napkins, to get the grease off, 220 00:08:28,627 --> 00:08:31,630 and then we'd make this kid named Joey 221 00:08:31,714 --> 00:08:32,923 eat the napkins. 222 00:08:35,301 --> 00:08:36,802 I'm not gonna lie… 223 00:08:36,886 --> 00:08:38,846 I'm Joey. 224 00:08:41,474 --> 00:08:42,558 Oh, my God. 225 00:08:42,641 --> 00:08:44,935 Oh, no, he's here. 226 00:08:45,019 --> 00:08:46,830 - He's here. He just walked in. - Oh, my God. It's Jake Apex! 227 00:08:46,854 --> 00:08:48,189 Oh, is he a firefighter? 228 00:08:48,272 --> 00:08:49,774 Seems pretty easy in Portland, huh? 229 00:08:49,857 --> 00:08:51,358 Rain just does the work for you. 230 00:08:51,442 --> 00:08:53,360 Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. 231 00:08:53,444 --> 00:08:55,946 No! Do… do not go and talk to him. 232 00:08:56,030 --> 00:08:57,531 Do not go and talk to him. 233 00:08:57,615 --> 00:09:00,576 Cece, not everything's about you, you narcissist. 234 00:09:00,659 --> 00:09:02,745 All right, just… go to the bathroom, 235 00:09:02,828 --> 00:09:03,996 like you said you'd… 236 00:09:05,289 --> 00:09:07,124 And… he's talking to him. 237 00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:08,977 - Just don't look. Just don't look. - Oh, well, he's looking at you. 238 00:09:09,001 --> 00:09:10,002 - What? - What? Really? 239 00:09:10,085 --> 00:09:11,605 No, like, right now, he's staring at you. 240 00:09:11,629 --> 00:09:12,939 Don't, don't, don't, don't look, don't look. 241 00:09:12,963 --> 00:09:14,858 - Don't look. - The cutest one's looking right at me. 242 00:09:14,882 --> 00:09:17,468 I don't see a "cute" or "not cute" one, Coach. 243 00:09:17,551 --> 00:09:19,845 If you had to choose, which one's the cutest? 244 00:09:19,929 --> 00:09:20,971 Way to the left. 245 00:09:23,307 --> 00:09:24,600 I'm super nervous. 246 00:09:24,683 --> 00:09:26,852 - Now my hands are sweating. - Then wipe 'em off. 247 00:09:26,936 --> 00:09:28,246 If he comes over and shakes your hand, 248 00:09:28,270 --> 00:09:29,414 - you don't want sweaty hands. - Oh, my God! 249 00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:31,107 He said he thinks you're cute. 250 00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:32,751 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 251 00:09:32,775 --> 00:09:34,235 Hey, Nick, can I have my phone? 252 00:09:34,318 --> 00:09:35,878 You know what? Never mind. I don't care. 253 00:09:37,279 --> 00:09:39,448 So this is my childhood home, 254 00:09:39,532 --> 00:09:41,033 the place of my birth. 255 00:09:41,117 --> 00:09:42,910 Thank you guys so much for doing this, 256 00:09:42,993 --> 00:09:44,370 and coming on this tour with me. 257 00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,705 I forgot all about… 258 00:09:46,789 --> 00:09:49,834 Hello, hello, hello, darling! 259 00:09:52,545 --> 00:09:55,548 Where's the famous Mr. Geauxinue? 260 00:09:56,006 --> 00:09:57,466 Um… well 261 00:09:57,550 --> 00:09:59,301 actually, um, Ryan 262 00:09:59,385 --> 00:10:01,595 had to cancel last-minute, so he's not coming. 263 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:03,597 I'm so sorry. 264 00:10:03,681 --> 00:10:06,058 Oh, honey 265 00:10:06,142 --> 00:10:07,435 that's just awful. 266 00:10:07,518 --> 00:10:09,061 Aw… 267 00:10:09,145 --> 00:10:11,063 Damn men. 268 00:10:11,147 --> 00:10:13,441 Oh, I feel so bad for you. 269 00:10:13,524 --> 00:10:15,443 - Hey, Mom… Mom… - Oh, honey… 270 00:10:15,526 --> 00:10:16,902 Um. 271 00:10:16,986 --> 00:10:19,905 - Don't get emotional, okay? - Yeah. 272 00:10:19,989 --> 00:10:22,450 'Cause if you get emotional, I'll get emotional. 273 00:10:22,533 --> 00:10:23,742 Let's talk about happy stuff. 274 00:10:23,826 --> 00:10:25,035 Did you guys see the video of 275 00:10:25,119 --> 00:10:27,079 the panda farting and falling of a branch? 276 00:10:27,163 --> 00:10:28,330 Yeah. 277 00:10:28,414 --> 00:10:29,975 - Pretty crazy, man. - It was funny. It was funny. 278 00:10:29,999 --> 00:10:31,041 It made me laugh. 279 00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:33,335 Who wants scramblies? 280 00:10:33,419 --> 00:10:34,545 You know I do, Mom. 281 00:10:34,628 --> 00:10:35,921 Good. 282 00:10:45,806 --> 00:10:47,159 Look, this might not be the right time 283 00:10:47,183 --> 00:10:48,976 to say this, you guys, but, uh, 284 00:10:49,059 --> 00:10:50,829 should we take a straw poll on this whole Cosby thing? 285 00:10:50,853 --> 00:10:52,480 I just want to clarify 286 00:10:52,563 --> 00:10:55,274 to everyone here that I am fine. 287 00:10:55,357 --> 00:10:56,734 - Which is why I'm fine. - Great! 288 00:10:56,817 --> 00:10:57,902 Yeah. 289 00:10:58,068 --> 00:10:59,361 - Finer than fine. - Mm-hmm. 290 00:10:59,445 --> 00:11:01,113 - Which is why I'm fine. - Fantastic! 291 00:11:01,197 --> 00:11:02,549 - I'm fine, too. Everybody's great. - Perfect. 292 00:11:02,573 --> 00:11:03,908 Great, all of us. 293 00:11:03,991 --> 00:11:05,743 I'm not fine! 294 00:11:05,826 --> 00:11:07,203 I can't do this any more. 295 00:11:07,286 --> 00:11:09,246 It's not all smiles and sunshine. 296 00:11:09,330 --> 00:11:10,915 It's not! 297 00:11:10,998 --> 00:11:13,542 Look, Ryan bailed and that's a dick move. 298 00:11:13,626 --> 00:11:15,002 And that's the truth. 299 00:11:15,085 --> 00:11:18,088 I'm fine, I'm just gonna go to my room. 300 00:11:18,172 --> 00:11:20,758 I made scones. 301 00:11:21,967 --> 00:11:23,844 Was that sunshine or smiles? Hmm? 302 00:11:26,055 --> 00:11:28,099 Oh… 303 00:11:28,182 --> 00:11:29,767 Joanie… 304 00:11:29,850 --> 00:11:32,394 I don't want to lie to you, so I'm not… 305 00:11:32,478 --> 00:11:34,647 There's shells all in these eggs. 306 00:11:37,066 --> 00:11:39,985 So, Joan, how do you, uh, feel about Bob getting remarried? 307 00:11:40,069 --> 00:11:41,695 Mm! Oh, I'm fine. 308 00:11:41,779 --> 00:11:43,114 I just feel bad for Ashley. 309 00:11:43,197 --> 00:11:44,573 I mean, let's just say 310 00:11:44,657 --> 00:11:46,158 he's a man with a healthy appetite, 311 00:11:46,242 --> 00:11:48,619 except one thing. 312 00:11:50,162 --> 00:11:51,539 Well, that's a visual. 313 00:11:51,622 --> 00:11:53,124 I don't really have a burning desire 314 00:11:53,207 --> 00:11:54,792 to stick around for the wedding, 315 00:11:54,875 --> 00:11:56,418 so I'm going on a trip 316 00:11:56,502 --> 00:11:58,504 - with some friends. - Hmm! 317 00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:01,298 A trip I've never taken before. 318 00:12:01,632 --> 00:12:02,883 Hmm! 319 00:12:06,262 --> 00:12:08,973 How can you want me. 320 00:12:09,056 --> 00:12:10,558 When I don't know how. 321 00:12:10,641 --> 00:12:12,768 Hey! You mind if I turn this down? 322 00:12:12,852 --> 00:12:14,353 To let you get that close to me? 323 00:12:15,938 --> 00:12:17,523 "AP Stat Jams." 324 00:12:17,606 --> 00:12:18,983 Advanced Placement. 325 00:12:20,151 --> 00:12:21,360 Very smart. 326 00:12:21,444 --> 00:12:24,029 How many Lilith Fairs did you go to? 327 00:12:24,113 --> 00:12:26,449 Oh, Method Man performed at that one? 328 00:12:26,532 --> 00:12:28,075 It's Liliths Fair. 329 00:12:28,159 --> 00:12:30,411 Like "passersby…" 330 00:12:30,494 --> 00:12:31,996 Or "attorneys general." 331 00:12:32,079 --> 00:12:35,040 Well, look, I came to, uh… give you this. 332 00:12:35,124 --> 00:12:38,002 Text Ryan as much as you want, it's none of my business. 333 00:12:38,085 --> 00:12:40,546 I just think long-distance relationships suck. 334 00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:43,841 I once broke up with a woman who lived in Irvine, 335 00:12:43,924 --> 00:12:45,384 and that's only 30 minutes away. 336 00:12:45,468 --> 00:12:47,845 Mind you, I had hornets living in my car at the time, 337 00:12:47,928 --> 00:12:49,138 which was a factor, 338 00:12:49,221 --> 00:12:51,015 but the commute was also a big part of it. 339 00:12:51,098 --> 00:12:52,516 Well, look, Nick, we're different, 340 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:53,952 and just because it's difficult with Ryan, 341 00:12:53,976 --> 00:12:55,060 doesn't mean we're doomed. 342 00:12:55,144 --> 00:12:56,854 We're star-crossed lovers. 343 00:12:56,937 --> 00:12:59,023 We're like Kate and Leo 344 00:12:59,106 --> 00:13:02,151 or… Claire and Leo, or 345 00:13:02,234 --> 00:13:05,029 whatever blonde Leo is taking on boats. 346 00:13:05,112 --> 00:13:06,363 They're all doomed. 347 00:13:06,447 --> 00:13:08,216 Leo ain't gonna settle down… He ain't ready. 348 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:12,077 I'm a hopeless romantic, and I always have been. 349 00:13:12,161 --> 00:13:13,913 Which is why… 350 00:13:13,996 --> 00:13:16,373 I mean, it's a nice notion, it's just… 351 00:13:16,457 --> 00:13:19,168 From 1994 to 2001, 352 00:13:19,251 --> 00:13:21,462 I believed that Jordan Catalano 353 00:13:21,545 --> 00:13:23,214 was gonna show up in my driveway 354 00:13:23,297 --> 00:13:24,590 after a dirt bike accident, 355 00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:28,010 all scruffy and… beautiful, 356 00:13:28,094 --> 00:13:31,055 and he would need a bath and some 357 00:13:31,138 --> 00:13:32,598 medical attention. 358 00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,534 You think that little boy is driving a dirt bike? 359 00:13:34,558 --> 00:13:36,852 He looks a lot like you. 360 00:13:36,936 --> 00:13:38,854 That's me, that's Jordan Catalano. 361 00:13:38,938 --> 00:13:40,248 I honestly couldn't tell the difference. 362 00:13:40,272 --> 00:13:41,912 I swear to God. I'm not trying to be mean. 363 00:13:41,941 --> 00:13:43,943 You know what the problem with Jordan Catalano is? 364 00:13:44,026 --> 00:13:46,278 Yeah… an undiagnosed learning disability. 365 00:13:46,362 --> 00:13:48,215 Oh, I didn't know the boy had mental problems… 366 00:13:48,239 --> 00:13:49,382 I wouldn't be teasing him, but… 367 00:13:49,406 --> 00:13:52,118 No, it's that he's fake. 368 00:13:52,493 --> 00:13:54,411 The only thing that matters 369 00:13:54,495 --> 00:13:57,832 is if the guy is there for you when you need him. 370 00:13:58,958 --> 00:14:02,294 Otherwise, you're dating a wall. 371 00:14:02,837 --> 00:14:05,047 - I have to get to my dad's wedding. - I didn't… 372 00:14:05,131 --> 00:14:07,109 I didn't come in here trying to be harsh, I'm ju… 373 00:14:07,133 --> 00:14:09,135 I was trying to be helpful and it's not working 374 00:14:09,218 --> 00:14:10,302 and I apologize. 375 00:14:10,386 --> 00:14:12,847 I was coming in as a friend, Je… 376 00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,727 I'm sure that's just her. 377 00:14:21,230 --> 00:14:23,482 Well, the dream's dead. 378 00:14:23,566 --> 00:14:25,192 Apparently, Jake Apex has to work, 379 00:14:25,276 --> 00:14:27,069 so he's not gonna come to the wedding. 380 00:14:27,153 --> 00:14:29,655 I'm wearing the craziest underwear for nothing. 381 00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:31,991 Okay, look, Cece, you know what we do? We regroup. 382 00:14:32,074 --> 00:14:33,474 No, it's fine, Schmidt. I'm over it. 383 00:14:33,534 --> 00:14:35,953 It is not fine. 384 00:14:36,036 --> 00:14:38,205 Look, Cece, you're the most amazing woman I ever met. 385 00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:41,375 If you want Jake Apex, 386 00:14:41,459 --> 00:14:44,503 I'm gonna help you get Jake Apex. 387 00:14:44,587 --> 00:14:47,131 I'm never gonna stop trying to make you happy, Cece. 388 00:14:49,425 --> 00:14:51,135 I promise you, for the rest of my… 389 00:14:52,428 --> 00:14:54,013 Oh, look at that, it's Fawn. 390 00:14:54,096 --> 00:14:55,306 Hello, Councilwoman Moscato. 391 00:14:55,389 --> 00:14:57,349 Oh, yeah. 392 00:14:57,433 --> 00:14:59,101 Guys! 393 00:14:59,185 --> 00:15:00,811 I forgot the rings at the house. 394 00:15:00,895 --> 00:15:02,605 They're in my purse in my room. 395 00:15:02,688 --> 00:15:04,124 And now I have to go get my dad ready. 396 00:15:04,148 --> 00:15:06,692 Apparently, he's wearing some kind of a male corset. 397 00:15:06,776 --> 00:15:08,527 All right, Coach and I will get the rings… 398 00:15:08,611 --> 00:15:09,820 You don't have a car. 399 00:15:10,112 --> 00:15:12,198 - All right. - Okay. 400 00:15:12,281 --> 00:15:13,824 Wait! 401 00:15:13,908 --> 00:15:15,367 All right. 402 00:15:15,451 --> 00:15:16,911 Let's do this. 403 00:15:16,994 --> 00:15:18,412 Yeah. 404 00:15:18,496 --> 00:15:19,538 Okay. Okay. 405 00:15:19,622 --> 00:15:21,457 - Okay, ready? - Yep, yep. 406 00:15:22,374 --> 00:15:23,959 Go easy. I'm not on! 407 00:15:24,043 --> 00:15:27,213 - You're not? - I'm not on! I'm not on! 408 00:15:27,296 --> 00:15:28,714 You don't have the rings? 409 00:15:28,798 --> 00:15:30,317 - Well, Dad, hold on… - You don't have the rings? 410 00:15:30,341 --> 00:15:31,842 Oh! Damn it, no! That's… 411 00:15:31,926 --> 00:15:33,219 No, this is bad. 412 00:15:33,302 --> 00:15:34,720 We're doomed! 413 00:15:34,804 --> 00:15:36,284 You look beautiful, but we are doomed. 414 00:15:37,431 --> 00:15:39,225 Oh, yeah. 415 00:15:41,268 --> 00:15:43,062 I wish these were filled with ground beef. 416 00:15:44,313 --> 00:15:46,065 Oh, wait, this is Nick! Nick's calling! 417 00:15:46,148 --> 00:15:47,817 Probably walking in the door. Here. 418 00:15:47,942 --> 00:15:49,151 Hey. 419 00:15:49,276 --> 00:15:51,612 I found the purse, but your mom has the rings. 420 00:15:51,695 --> 00:15:53,072 What? 421 00:15:53,155 --> 00:15:54,406 Can you ask her for them? 422 00:15:54,490 --> 00:15:56,325 Yeah, it's a little hard right now. 423 00:15:56,408 --> 00:15:58,744 Remember she said she was going on a trip? 424 00:16:08,295 --> 00:16:09,755 It's gonna be a hair longer. 425 00:16:10,381 --> 00:16:12,299 It's acid, isn't it? 426 00:16:16,387 --> 00:16:18,431 What is taking them so long? 427 00:16:18,514 --> 00:16:21,100 Hi! 428 00:16:21,183 --> 00:16:24,270 Um… so the wedding will begin shortly. 429 00:16:24,353 --> 00:16:26,230 But first, 430 00:16:26,313 --> 00:16:29,400 I'm gonna start you off with a crowd-pleasing, 431 00:16:29,483 --> 00:16:31,610 nondenominational… 432 00:16:31,694 --> 00:16:33,779 Something in it for everyone… 433 00:16:33,863 --> 00:16:35,364 "Ave Maria." 434 00:16:36,782 --> 00:16:41,537 Ah… 435 00:16:47,793 --> 00:16:49,128 Ve… 436 00:16:52,798 --> 00:16:53,924 Joan, I need you to focus. 437 00:16:54,008 --> 00:16:57,011 I need you to help me find those rings. 438 00:16:57,094 --> 00:16:58,345 We have the rings. 439 00:16:58,429 --> 00:16:59,614 They all… all of you… We all have the rings. 440 00:16:59,638 --> 00:17:01,324 - Everyone's got the ring. - Come into the womb. 441 00:17:01,348 --> 00:17:03,577 - Come into the womb. - I don't want to come in the womb. 442 00:17:03,601 --> 00:17:06,312 - Come into the womb. - I'm not a womb guy! I'm not a womb guy! 443 00:17:06,395 --> 00:17:09,023 Mari… 444 00:17:11,525 --> 00:17:12,860 - Show me the rings! - The womb. 445 00:17:12,943 --> 00:17:14,111 Reverse. Birth. 446 00:17:14,195 --> 00:17:15,696 Can I just see that? 447 00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:17,323 Reverse. Birth. 448 00:17:17,406 --> 00:17:18,491 That's not it. 449 00:17:18,574 --> 00:17:22,411 Ah… 450 00:17:24,497 --> 00:17:26,123 Ah… 451 00:17:26,207 --> 00:17:27,458 Reverse. Birth. Here we go! 452 00:17:27,541 --> 00:17:29,436 - This is a real Portland experience! - Reverse. Birth. 453 00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:30,812 - Reverse. Birth. - Ah, hippie hair in my mouth! 454 00:17:30,836 --> 00:17:32,046 Hippie hair in my mouth! 455 00:17:33,964 --> 00:17:36,425 And with that message from Beaker, 456 00:17:36,509 --> 00:17:39,637 all of the Muppets have wished Bob and Ashley 457 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,722 a very happy wedding. 458 00:17:41,806 --> 00:17:43,390 Except for me. 459 00:17:43,474 --> 00:17:45,643 Cookie Monster, is that you? 460 00:17:45,726 --> 00:17:47,686 Now, I understand, Cookie Monster, 461 00:17:47,770 --> 00:17:51,649 you've got a very special song to sing for us. 462 00:17:51,732 --> 00:17:54,902 Yes, I do! 463 00:17:54,985 --> 00:17:57,696 Ah… 464 00:17:57,780 --> 00:18:01,325 Ve… 465 00:18:01,408 --> 00:18:02,785 Mari… 466 00:18:05,287 --> 00:18:07,331 There are a lot of ways to stall a wedding, okay? 467 00:18:07,414 --> 00:18:08,541 And you just happened to… 468 00:18:08,624 --> 00:18:10,376 Go talk to him. 469 00:18:10,459 --> 00:18:13,087 Yeah. Talk to the guy you like. 470 00:18:15,881 --> 00:18:17,341 Oh. 471 00:18:17,424 --> 00:18:18,884 Hey, killer. 472 00:18:18,968 --> 00:18:21,053 Hey, so, uh… 473 00:18:21,178 --> 00:18:22,781 I'd love to see you again before you leave. 474 00:18:22,805 --> 00:18:24,348 To be honest with you, Cece, 475 00:18:24,432 --> 00:18:26,934 I've always had a crush on you. 476 00:18:27,017 --> 00:18:29,895 Oh, God. 477 00:18:29,979 --> 00:18:32,189 Okay, so I've never said this out loud before, but… 478 00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:37,403 I'm… 479 00:18:37,486 --> 00:18:39,363 In love with someone else. 480 00:18:39,447 --> 00:18:41,527 It's kind of complicated because he has a girlfriend, 481 00:18:41,574 --> 00:18:43,367 so I can't tell anybody. 482 00:18:43,451 --> 00:18:45,703 I mean, Winston knows, but you, you don't know Winston. 483 00:18:45,786 --> 00:18:47,955 I got to get back to the truck soon. 484 00:18:48,038 --> 00:18:49,582 Power steering's out again. 485 00:18:49,665 --> 00:18:51,417 I'm the only one strong enough to drive it. 486 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:52,585 - Of course. - But, uh, 487 00:18:52,668 --> 00:18:54,336 I guess I'll see you around. 488 00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:55,671 Yeah, I guess. 489 00:18:58,591 --> 00:19:00,843 Okay, okay. Got it. 490 00:19:00,926 --> 00:19:02,511 Oh, my God! Thank God you guys are here! 491 00:19:02,595 --> 00:19:03,846 Is my mom okay? 492 00:19:03,929 --> 00:19:05,556 It's actually really hard 493 00:19:05,639 --> 00:19:07,325 riding one of these bikes, it's super tiring. 494 00:19:07,349 --> 00:19:08,809 I don't have a watch on. 495 00:19:08,893 --> 00:19:10,728 I don't know why I'm doing that. 496 00:19:11,812 --> 00:19:13,731 Dad, I… 497 00:19:25,284 --> 00:19:27,536 Aren't they cute? 498 00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:29,163 Cute as a mute. 499 00:19:30,331 --> 00:19:31,540 That's a thing. 500 00:19:31,624 --> 00:19:33,793 People-people say that. 501 00:19:35,503 --> 00:19:37,630 Love is never what you think it's gonna be, is it? 502 00:19:37,713 --> 00:19:40,758 No, it isn't. 503 00:19:40,841 --> 00:19:44,011 Hey, Nick… 504 00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:46,514 You were right. 505 00:19:46,597 --> 00:19:49,600 He should've been here. 506 00:19:49,683 --> 00:19:52,436 I need a guy who shows up. 507 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:55,898 'Cause anything else just isn't real. 508 00:19:57,942 --> 00:20:00,111 Jess, you should, uh, know something, too. 509 00:20:00,194 --> 00:20:02,530 I touched both your mother's breasts 510 00:20:02,613 --> 00:20:06,242 in a communal womb earlier today. 511 00:20:06,325 --> 00:20:08,786 I didn't do it on purpose, but there it is. 512 00:20:08,869 --> 00:20:10,454 Thanks for telling me. I appreciate it. 513 00:20:10,538 --> 00:20:12,623 It's a relief to get it off my shoulders. 514 00:20:12,706 --> 00:20:14,786 Thanks for being cool about it. I'll leave you alone. 515 00:20:16,752 --> 00:20:18,462 Wait, what? 516 00:20:20,756 --> 00:20:22,675 I didn't read about this place. 517 00:20:22,758 --> 00:20:25,678 That's because it's not in any guidebook, Tagliaboo. 518 00:20:25,761 --> 00:20:27,888 It is called Crush Pond. 519 00:20:27,972 --> 00:20:29,616 At least that's what Jess and I used to call it. 520 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,159 We used to come down here when she liked somebody. 521 00:20:31,183 --> 00:20:32,643 We'd throw a rock in the pond, 522 00:20:32,726 --> 00:20:34,121 and we'd wish that they liked her back. 523 00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:35,604 - Huh. - I'd sit over there 524 00:20:35,688 --> 00:20:37,189 and smoke cloves while she did that. 525 00:20:41,569 --> 00:20:44,113 I broke up with Ryan. 526 00:20:44,196 --> 00:20:45,698 - Wow. - Oh, babe, I'm sorry. 527 00:20:45,781 --> 00:20:47,950 How'd he take it? 528 00:20:48,033 --> 00:20:50,161 Actually, pretty good. 529 00:20:50,244 --> 00:20:51,954 - So you got his voice mail. - Yeah. 530 00:20:52,037 --> 00:20:53,164 Sounds about right. 531 00:20:54,582 --> 00:20:57,126 Last stop on the tour. 532 00:20:57,209 --> 00:21:00,171 Um… it's Crush Pond. 533 00:21:00,254 --> 00:21:03,174 So… say a name in your head 534 00:21:03,257 --> 00:21:06,552 and throw the rock in the pond, 535 00:21:06,635 --> 00:21:08,929 and they'll love you forever. 536 00:21:09,805 --> 00:21:12,141 Um, and for the record, that's actually never worked. 537 00:21:14,143 --> 00:21:15,644 So we're gonna do it anyways? 538 00:21:15,728 --> 00:21:17,271 Yeah. 539 00:21:17,354 --> 00:21:19,732 We're really gonna do this? 540 00:21:19,815 --> 00:21:21,275 I got a big one. 541 00:21:21,358 --> 00:21:23,068 I know who your rock is for. 542 00:21:23,152 --> 00:21:24,487 Winston, you better shut up 543 00:21:24,570 --> 00:21:26,330 before I knock that fade right off your head. 544 00:21:26,405 --> 00:21:28,049 You don't know me like that, Cece. I swear… 545 00:21:28,073 --> 00:21:29,926 Oh, I know you like that, trust me. Swear to God… 546 00:21:29,950 --> 00:21:32,203 Uh, I'm gonna say Detroit Pistons. 547 00:21:32,286 --> 00:21:33,412 You're not getting it, man. 548 00:21:33,496 --> 00:21:34,663 What, what is it? 549 00:21:34,747 --> 00:21:36,707 You got to say, like, a lady's name. 550 00:21:36,791 --> 00:21:39,668 Oh. 551 00:21:39,752 --> 00:21:40,920 Gladys. 552 00:21:41,003 --> 00:21:42,588 - A lady you know. - Oh. 553 00:21:42,671 --> 00:21:46,383 To whoever you are, can't wait to meet you. 554 00:21:46,467 --> 00:21:48,719 And I hope you live close by. 555 00:21:48,803 --> 00:21:54,391 Three, two, one.