1 00:00:19,781 --> 00:00:21,781 All right, clockwise, honey. 2 00:00:21,783 --> 00:00:22,982 Don't fight it. 3 00:00:22,984 --> 00:00:24,517 Let me make you. 4 00:00:24,519 --> 00:00:26,786 What... is that? 5 00:00:26,788 --> 00:00:29,155 This is the only thing us Miller men know how to make. 6 00:00:29,157 --> 00:00:31,024 And we call it The Sauce. 7 00:00:31,026 --> 00:00:32,625 It stinks. - It doesn't stink. 8 00:00:32,627 --> 00:00:34,460 Fawn is coming over for a midnight fondue supper. 9 00:00:34,462 --> 00:00:36,462 There's no chocolate or cheese on this earth 10 00:00:36,464 --> 00:00:39,132 that makes a cube of bread pop like The Sauce. 11 00:00:39,134 --> 00:00:41,034 Your girlfriend's coming over for the first time, 12 00:00:41,036 --> 00:00:43,369 and you asked Nick to cook? 13 00:00:43,371 --> 00:00:45,471 True, normally food à la Nick would be less appealing to me 14 00:00:45,473 --> 00:00:47,373 than licking the floor of a beach bathroom. 15 00:00:47,375 --> 00:00:49,342 But I want Fawn to have the best, 16 00:00:49,344 --> 00:00:51,711 and The Sauce is the best. 17 00:00:51,713 --> 00:00:54,313 Good for you— when you said "Fawn" and then "fondue," 18 00:00:54,315 --> 00:00:56,149 I definitely thought you were headed in the direction of— 19 00:00:56,151 --> 00:00:58,017 Step one: fondue. 20 00:00:58,019 --> 00:01:00,486 Step two: do Fawn. That's not bad. 21 00:01:00,488 --> 00:01:02,355 Yeah, and I was like, "Fondue is Fawn done." 22 00:01:02,357 --> 00:01:04,223 Th-These are all good. 23 00:01:04,225 --> 00:01:05,691 Hey, has anybody heard from Cece? 24 00:01:05,693 --> 00:01:07,560 'Cause she hasn't answered any of my texts, 25 00:01:07,562 --> 00:01:09,162 and I'm starting to get worried. 26 00:01:09,164 --> 00:01:11,164 Jess is starting to find your behavior... 27 00:01:11,166 --> 00:01:12,865 "suspicious." 28 00:01:12,867 --> 00:01:14,167 That's a police word. 29 00:01:14,169 --> 00:01:15,401 It's not a police word, Winston. 30 00:01:15,403 --> 00:01:16,736 It's a very common word. 31 00:01:16,738 --> 00:01:19,405 And you know why I'm keeping my distance. 32 00:01:19,407 --> 00:01:20,540 I like Schmidt. 33 00:01:20,542 --> 00:01:21,707 For the second time! 34 00:01:21,709 --> 00:01:23,543 I know how many times. 35 00:01:23,545 --> 00:01:24,710 Ah. Ah. 36 00:01:24,712 --> 00:01:26,012 If you could see my face right now, 37 00:01:26,014 --> 00:01:27,847 I'm smiling, and I'm saying, "Ah." 38 00:01:27,849 --> 00:01:29,582 And if Jess finds out, she's gonna want to get involved, 39 00:01:29,584 --> 00:01:31,017 and I don't want her involved 40 00:01:31,019 --> 00:01:32,552 because there's nothing that she can do. 41 00:01:32,554 --> 00:01:34,520 Look, if you act suspicious, 42 00:01:34,522 --> 00:01:35,922 then she's gonna be suspicious, all right? 43 00:01:35,924 --> 00:01:37,423 Look, don't slink your head in the dumps. 44 00:01:37,425 --> 00:01:38,758 You got to raise your hand with the sunshine 45 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,693 wh-where people walk, you know? 46 00:01:40,695 --> 00:01:42,361 Because that's what the whole point of the... 47 00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:44,363 when the... if you can lead 'em to water, 48 00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:46,232 but you can't make a sound, right? 49 00:01:46,234 --> 00:01:47,400 Look, just call her. 50 00:01:47,402 --> 00:01:48,701 Fine, okay, I'll call her. 51 00:01:48,703 --> 00:01:51,237 But... and listen to me, 52 00:01:51,239 --> 00:01:54,240 she cannot find out. 53 00:01:54,242 --> 00:01:55,408 Under no circumstance. 54 00:01:55,410 --> 00:01:56,609 Okay, baby. 55 00:01:56,611 --> 00:01:58,711 Look, your secret is safe with me. 56 00:01:58,713 --> 00:02:00,379 That being said, 57 00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:02,782 I am not a smooth man. Yeah, I get that. 58 00:02:02,784 --> 00:02:05,418 Did I do something to piss Cece off? 59 00:02:05,420 --> 00:02:07,720 Oh, Schmidt, you have something on your pants. 60 00:02:07,722 --> 00:02:08,921 Ah! It's a spider! 61 00:02:08,923 --> 00:02:10,957 Jess, why did you do that? 62 00:02:10,959 --> 00:02:13,059 You know how he gets— he turns into 63 00:02:13,061 --> 00:02:14,894 a cartoon elephant of yesteryear 64 00:02:14,896 --> 00:02:16,095 who just saw a mouse. 65 00:02:16,097 --> 00:02:17,430 Which is offensive in present day 66 00:02:17,432 --> 00:02:18,764 'cause it seems like a gay stereotype 67 00:02:18,766 --> 00:02:19,966 they tried to sneak by us. 68 00:02:21,302 --> 00:02:22,902 "Where's my balance ball? 69 00:02:22,904 --> 00:02:25,738 There's a mouse loose in the house." 70 00:02:25,740 --> 00:02:27,640 Where is it? We've got to hunt it down. 71 00:02:27,642 --> 00:02:29,442 We got to have a spiderhunt. We're not having one of those. 72 00:02:29,444 --> 00:02:31,277 No, dude, no more spiderhunts. Guys, they're all over me! 73 00:02:31,279 --> 00:02:33,746 This is childish, and you need to get over it. 74 00:02:33,748 --> 00:02:35,414 Jess, would you please? You know this fear comes 75 00:02:35,416 --> 00:02:37,116 from a very real place— 1999. 76 00:02:37,118 --> 00:02:39,118 American Pie was sweeping the nation. 77 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,920 And everybody was doing it with pies. 78 00:02:40,922 --> 00:02:43,489 I just happened to accidentally fall asleep right afterwards. 79 00:02:43,491 --> 00:02:45,458 And when I awoke, 80 00:02:45,460 --> 00:02:47,927 the dried apple filling was... 81 00:02:47,929 --> 00:02:49,495 it just had attracted so many spiders, 82 00:02:49,497 --> 00:02:51,097 and they were all over it, and I... 83 00:02:51,099 --> 00:02:53,266 Okay, everyone was doing it with pies? 84 00:02:53,268 --> 00:02:55,134 Well, Y2K was an uncertain time. 85 00:02:55,136 --> 00:02:57,603 I don't know "everyone," Jess. I might have dabbled. 86 00:02:57,605 --> 00:02:59,639 Fawn can't see me like this. - Fawn won't care. 87 00:02:59,641 --> 00:03:02,175 Jess, I'm embarrassed... for her to see me in this state. You're fine... 88 00:03:02,177 --> 00:03:03,943 It's embarrassing— just a little spider! - You're fine. 89 00:03:03,945 --> 00:03:05,645 And there it is! I just saw it! 90 00:03:05,647 --> 00:03:07,346 Get off the table. We'll do the spiderhunt. 91 00:03:07,348 --> 00:03:09,615 Fawn can't see you like this. - There it is! 92 00:03:09,617 --> 00:03:11,684 It's right there— it's licking it's lips. 93 00:03:19,127 --> 00:03:20,693 So I'm finally e-mailing that girl, May. - Nice. 94 00:03:20,695 --> 00:03:22,495 Here's what I got so far. - Mm-hmm. 95 00:03:22,497 --> 00:03:24,163 "Dear May. 96 00:03:24,165 --> 00:03:25,798 Lay down on me." 97 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,166 Well, th-then what? 98 00:03:27,168 --> 00:03:28,634 You met this woman weeks ago— I can't believe 99 00:03:28,636 --> 00:03:30,203 you haven't e-mailed her. Just text her. 100 00:03:30,205 --> 00:03:32,138 If I had her number, I would text her. 101 00:03:32,140 --> 00:03:33,472 She gave me her e-mail. 102 00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:35,007 And now I have to write how I feel. 103 00:03:35,009 --> 00:03:37,310 Which is weird, it's like... 104 00:03:37,312 --> 00:03:39,478 I-I like her. Much. 105 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:40,546 You like her much? 106 00:03:40,548 --> 00:03:41,981 All right. 107 00:03:41,983 --> 00:03:44,050 "Girl, it's warm today. 108 00:03:44,052 --> 00:03:45,685 "Yesterday was warm, too. 109 00:03:45,687 --> 00:03:47,653 Yeah." 110 00:03:47,655 --> 00:03:49,155 Yeah, I'm gonna write, "Yeah." 111 00:03:49,157 --> 00:03:50,356 You're happy about this? 112 00:03:50,358 --> 00:03:51,824 Damn it, no, it doesn't feel right. 113 00:03:51,826 --> 00:03:53,326 Yeah, just hold it down, hold it down. 114 00:03:53,328 --> 00:03:54,727 Okay, you guys know the drill. 115 00:03:54,729 --> 00:03:57,496 We split up into teams, and we hunt this spider. 116 00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:59,832 Why can't we just call an exterminator? - Yes. 117 00:03:59,834 --> 00:04:01,000 They've all blocked Schmidt's calls 118 00:04:01,002 --> 00:04:02,168 since the dandelion incident. 119 00:04:02,170 --> 00:04:04,170 It moved like a spider, Nick! 120 00:04:07,242 --> 00:04:08,708 I don't know a Cece. 121 00:04:08,710 --> 00:04:11,244 Yeah, I do. How the hell are you? 122 00:04:11,246 --> 00:04:13,846 Jess, please, hurry up, we're on a hunt! 123 00:04:13,848 --> 00:04:15,681 It could be right above our heads right now. 124 00:04:15,683 --> 00:04:18,251 Hanging from its butt-rope. 125 00:04:18,253 --> 00:04:19,852 Come over. 126 00:04:19,854 --> 00:04:21,754 I can't. Why not? 127 00:04:21,756 --> 00:04:23,389 Did I do something? 128 00:04:23,391 --> 00:04:25,391 Are we in another purse thing that I don't know about? 129 00:04:25,393 --> 00:04:27,860 No, no, Jess, of course it's not you. 130 00:04:27,862 --> 00:04:29,428 It would just be... 131 00:04:32,367 --> 00:04:34,267 an honor. 132 00:04:34,269 --> 00:04:36,068 I'll be right there. 133 00:04:36,070 --> 00:04:38,938 Great, wear shoes that you don't mind getting spider guts on. 134 00:04:38,940 --> 00:04:40,406 Bye. 135 00:04:40,408 --> 00:04:42,375 So... 136 00:04:42,377 --> 00:04:43,542 what's going on with Cece? 137 00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:44,910 Well, I had to beg her like a nerd, 138 00:04:44,912 --> 00:04:46,412 but she's finally coming over. 139 00:04:46,414 --> 00:04:47,713 Oh, she's coming over? - Yeah. 140 00:04:47,715 --> 00:04:49,548 Good, man. Took a lot of cajoling. 141 00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,417 That's cool. Normally, it's like, she'll come over all the time. 142 00:04:51,419 --> 00:04:52,752 But now it's diff... I don't know why 143 00:04:52,754 --> 00:04:54,587 that would be the case at all, 144 00:04:54,589 --> 00:04:56,589 but that's cool— I respect the decision for her to come over. 145 00:04:56,591 --> 00:04:58,557 Why are you acting weird? 146 00:04:58,559 --> 00:05:00,693 I'm acting weird? 147 00:05:01,596 --> 00:05:03,562 Mm. - Do you know something? 148 00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:04,764 Do...? 149 00:05:04,766 --> 00:05:06,732 You... I'm not a smooth man. 150 00:05:06,734 --> 00:05:07,733 Is she mad at someone? 151 00:05:07,735 --> 00:05:09,302 Ah... no. 152 00:05:09,304 --> 00:05:10,469 No. 153 00:05:10,471 --> 00:05:12,238 No, she's not mad at anyone. 154 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:13,406 It's the opposite. 155 00:05:13,408 --> 00:05:14,740 Mm. 156 00:05:14,742 --> 00:05:16,742 It's the opposite? - That's not what I said. 157 00:05:16,744 --> 00:05:19,745 You said, "No, no, she's not mad at anyone. 158 00:05:19,747 --> 00:05:21,280 It's the opposite." 159 00:05:21,282 --> 00:05:23,649 I said, "Whoa, whoa. 160 00:05:23,651 --> 00:05:25,284 "Cheese is bad e'ryone. 161 00:05:25,286 --> 00:05:27,253 Let's stop and spit." 162 00:05:27,255 --> 00:05:29,922 The opposite of mad is... 163 00:05:29,924 --> 00:05:31,624 Does she like someone? 164 00:05:31,626 --> 00:05:33,326 What would make you assume that would be...? 165 00:05:34,462 --> 00:05:35,761 I can hear it. 166 00:05:35,763 --> 00:05:37,496 I can hear it building its house. 167 00:05:37,498 --> 00:05:39,265 Building its sticky, deadly house 168 00:05:39,267 --> 00:05:40,633 that you can never leave. 169 00:05:40,635 --> 00:05:42,468 Building it. 170 00:05:42,470 --> 00:05:44,704 With its ass. 171 00:05:52,146 --> 00:05:53,946 We're breaking up into two-person teams. Cece. 172 00:05:53,948 --> 00:05:56,449 Each team has one Smusher and one Jar-Man. 173 00:05:56,451 --> 00:05:58,451 Nick, I'm gonna make you a Smusher since you have to stir. 174 00:05:58,453 --> 00:05:59,952 Hey, am I stirring right now? 175 00:05:59,954 --> 00:06:02,688 Or is my arm still and the world is stirring? 176 00:06:02,690 --> 00:06:04,523 Coach, you're a Jar-Man. 177 00:06:04,525 --> 00:06:06,625 Mm. - You're with Schmidt. 178 00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:09,962 Cece, with your delicate little hands, you're a born Jar-Man. 179 00:06:09,964 --> 00:06:12,498 Okay. Which means I need to pair you up with a Smusher. 180 00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:13,966 I smush. That'd be me. 181 00:06:13,968 --> 00:06:15,968 Smusher for life. - You're such a Jar-Man. 182 00:06:15,970 --> 00:06:18,537 You don't even know you're a Jar-Man, Jar-Man. 183 00:06:18,539 --> 00:06:20,373 Yeah, you are. You're a born J-man. Come on, Winston. 184 00:06:20,375 --> 00:06:22,308 Uh, Cece. - Yeah. 185 00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:24,510 Before we get started, you want to have a quick 186 00:06:24,512 --> 00:06:25,878 Jar-Man strategy session? 187 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,980 A little Jar-Jar strat sesh? 188 00:06:27,982 --> 00:06:29,548 Are you winking or farting? 189 00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:32,017 The only strategy is: find the spider, kill the spider, 190 00:06:32,019 --> 00:06:33,819 mount the spider's head on top of the roof 191 00:06:33,821 --> 00:06:35,354 so all the other spiders know. 192 00:06:35,356 --> 00:06:37,490 All right. And spiderhunt! 193 00:06:37,492 --> 00:06:38,557 Spiderhunt! - Spiderhunt! 194 00:06:38,559 --> 00:06:39,759 You find that thing... 195 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,232 Okay. 196 00:06:49,036 --> 00:06:51,537 Hey, what do you think Jess and Cece are talking about? 197 00:06:51,539 --> 00:06:55,007 Uh, probably that stupid movie theater popcorn machine 198 00:06:55,009 --> 00:06:57,009 that Cece wants me to get for the bar. 199 00:06:57,011 --> 00:06:58,411 She keeps haranguing me about it. 200 00:06:58,413 --> 00:07:00,546 "Popcorn machine, popcorn machine." 201 00:07:00,548 --> 00:07:01,914 Look, I don't know what void 202 00:07:01,916 --> 00:07:03,516 Cece's trying to fill in her life... 203 00:07:03,518 --> 00:07:05,050 I don't know, either. Why would I know? 204 00:07:05,052 --> 00:07:06,419 I don't know what void she's trying to fill. 205 00:07:06,421 --> 00:07:08,554 It's all she wants to talk about. - Oh. 206 00:07:08,556 --> 00:07:10,356 Stupid movie theater popcorn machine. 207 00:07:10,358 --> 00:07:12,691 I'm like, "Shut up, dude." 208 00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:14,427 You put bologna in your Bolognese? 209 00:07:14,429 --> 00:07:15,928 Where else would it get its name? 210 00:07:15,930 --> 00:07:18,764 Trick question— it gets it from the mayonnaise. 211 00:07:21,936 --> 00:07:24,170 Yeah, yeah. 212 00:07:26,207 --> 00:07:28,374 You got it. 213 00:07:28,376 --> 00:07:31,911 Do you think a good subject line is "The Inside of You"? 214 00:07:31,913 --> 00:07:33,379 Hey, you know, I bet I could spot this spider 215 00:07:33,381 --> 00:07:34,447 a lot better if I was on your shoulders. 216 00:07:34,449 --> 00:07:35,548 Do not ask me again 217 00:07:35,550 --> 00:07:36,582 to get on my shoulders. 218 00:07:36,584 --> 00:07:37,883 That's a once-a-year thing, 219 00:07:37,885 --> 00:07:39,285 and you already used it on Halloween, 220 00:07:39,287 --> 00:07:41,053 when we were ten-foot-tall Ralph Macchio. 221 00:07:45,059 --> 00:07:48,060 Ow! Damn it! 222 00:07:48,062 --> 00:07:49,728 That was cool. 223 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,263 I didn't like that. I could feel 224 00:07:51,265 --> 00:07:52,565 your genitals on the back of my neck 225 00:07:52,567 --> 00:07:53,899 like an airplane pillow. 226 00:07:53,901 --> 00:07:54,967 Okay, you know what? How about this? 227 00:07:54,969 --> 00:07:56,302 I'm not sure why he did it 228 00:07:56,304 --> 00:07:57,603 but I sure am glad that God rearranged 229 00:07:57,605 --> 00:07:59,238 the letters in "yam" to... 230 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,407 create something even sweeter. 231 00:08:01,409 --> 00:08:03,275 What? May. 232 00:08:03,277 --> 00:08:05,811 Oh, May, yeah. Yeah, all right. 233 00:08:05,813 --> 00:08:08,247 Keep going, keep going. 234 00:08:08,249 --> 00:08:10,483 Oh, dear God. 235 00:08:10,485 --> 00:08:12,251 It's left the web to feed. 236 00:08:12,253 --> 00:08:13,786 All right, I'll put that. 237 00:08:13,788 --> 00:08:15,421 Seems like a weird thing to say. 238 00:08:15,423 --> 00:08:17,423 Lots of bars have popcorn machines. 239 00:08:17,425 --> 00:08:19,091 I really think that people would dig it. 240 00:08:19,093 --> 00:08:20,326 They're not that expensive, 241 00:08:20,328 --> 00:08:22,294 and everybody loves fresh popcorn. 242 00:08:22,296 --> 00:08:24,029 Do you like somebody in the loft? 243 00:08:24,932 --> 00:08:26,599 Winston. 244 00:08:26,601 --> 00:08:29,268 Okay, what did he tell you? 245 00:08:29,270 --> 00:08:30,769 He told me you like someone but he won't name names. 246 00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:32,271 Is it Schmidt? Do you like Schmidt again? 247 00:08:32,273 --> 00:08:33,472 No. No, no, no, no, no, no, 248 00:08:33,474 --> 00:08:34,473 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 249 00:08:34,475 --> 00:08:36,475 Absolutely not. No. 250 00:08:36,477 --> 00:08:37,943 Who is it then? Who? 251 00:08:37,945 --> 00:08:40,112 I want to tell you. I want to tell you so, 252 00:08:40,114 --> 00:08:41,614 like, so badly— you know me— 253 00:08:41,616 --> 00:08:43,282 I want to tell you so bad, I just, um, 254 00:08:43,284 --> 00:08:44,850 I'm very sorry, but I can't. 255 00:08:44,852 --> 00:08:46,619 Right, right, right, right, you can't tell anybody, 256 00:08:46,621 --> 00:08:48,654 except freaking Winston! 257 00:08:48,656 --> 00:08:50,356 That slow puzzler! 258 00:08:50,358 --> 00:08:52,458 I know. I'm lower down on the food chain 259 00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:53,826 than Officer Cat Fancy? No! 260 00:08:53,828 --> 00:08:55,794 No. No, no, no, no. It's just I know 261 00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:57,830 that you would do anything to help me, 262 00:08:57,832 --> 00:08:59,665 and in this situation, 263 00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:01,834 you know, there's just nothing to be done. 264 00:09:01,836 --> 00:09:03,302 And we both know that 265 00:09:03,304 --> 00:09:04,803 you would just want to get involved. 266 00:09:04,805 --> 00:09:06,805 Well, I can stay uninvolved. 267 00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:09,408 I want to tell you, but I can't. I just can't. 268 00:09:11,345 --> 00:09:13,812 Okay. That's fine. - Okay. 269 00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:16,615 That's cool, that's cool. New teams! 270 00:09:21,322 --> 00:09:23,222 You have to tell me who she likes. 271 00:09:23,224 --> 00:09:24,990 There are no secrets between Jar-Man and Smusher. 272 00:09:24,992 --> 00:09:26,325 Please. 273 00:09:26,327 --> 00:09:28,561 She's my best friend. You have to tell me. 274 00:09:28,563 --> 00:09:29,995 Okay. 275 00:09:29,997 --> 00:09:32,398 Look, Jess... 276 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,533 she likes me. 277 00:09:34,535 --> 00:09:36,936 It's me she wants. 278 00:09:44,245 --> 00:09:45,544 Not even for a second. 279 00:09:45,546 --> 00:09:47,012 I thought I was convincing. - Yeah. 280 00:09:47,014 --> 00:09:49,348 I need you to close your eyes and taste it. 281 00:09:49,350 --> 00:09:51,083 Okay. 282 00:09:53,421 --> 00:09:55,521 Oh... 283 00:09:55,523 --> 00:09:57,423 Oh, Nick. 284 00:09:57,425 --> 00:09:59,191 It's legit terrible. 285 00:09:59,193 --> 00:10:02,528 Well, you taste for texture not taste, you big old... 286 00:10:02,530 --> 00:10:04,263 Not really what I was looking for at this stage. 287 00:10:04,265 --> 00:10:06,632 Definitely affects my confidence. 288 00:10:12,106 --> 00:10:14,206 Wait. Wait! 289 00:10:14,208 --> 00:10:16,909 The only person that Cece could like that she wouldn't 290 00:10:16,911 --> 00:10:18,410 want to tell me about... 291 00:10:18,412 --> 00:10:20,346 is Nick. 292 00:10:21,382 --> 00:10:23,048 Uh... 293 00:10:23,050 --> 00:10:25,884 Does Cece like Nick? 294 00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:26,885 Does Cece like...? 295 00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:28,187 Oh, my... 296 00:10:29,256 --> 00:10:31,457 No... 297 00:10:31,459 --> 00:10:33,592 you guessed it. 298 00:10:33,594 --> 00:10:35,995 How you did that? 299 00:10:40,101 --> 00:10:43,068 Oh, my God. My ex-boyfriend and my best friend? 300 00:10:44,071 --> 00:10:45,771 I feel like Brenda 301 00:10:45,773 --> 00:10:47,640 when Kelly dated Dylan! 302 00:10:47,642 --> 00:10:49,475 Or the other way around. 303 00:10:49,477 --> 00:10:51,243 Now, I know those are the characters 304 00:10:51,245 --> 00:10:52,778 from the original 90210. 305 00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:54,913 But that's about my ceiling. Dylan— was his nickname 306 00:10:54,915 --> 00:10:56,448 the Peach Pit? 'Cause I remember... 307 00:10:56,450 --> 00:10:58,083 I remember that being a whole thing. 308 00:10:58,085 --> 00:10:59,752 I'm sorry, I'm a little wound up. 309 00:10:59,754 --> 00:11:01,420 You should be wound up because the Peach Pit used 310 00:11:01,422 --> 00:11:03,756 to be yours, but now Brenda want a slice. 311 00:11:03,758 --> 00:11:05,257 Everybody trying to get a slice of that Peach Pit. 312 00:11:05,259 --> 00:11:06,425 You have every right to be mad, 313 00:11:06,427 --> 00:11:08,093 Jess, but just do it quietly. 314 00:11:08,095 --> 00:11:10,329 You know, just do it on the low, do it in here. 315 00:11:10,331 --> 00:11:13,265 30 seconds, and you haven't brought up the popcorn machine. 316 00:11:13,267 --> 00:11:15,768 Yeah, well, I guess I'm just gonna have to drop it. 317 00:11:15,770 --> 00:11:17,836 You know, even Jess didn't want to hear about it, 318 00:11:17,838 --> 00:11:20,305 and she'll listen to Schmidt discussing Andy Cohen 319 00:11:20,307 --> 00:11:22,508 discussing Bethenny discussing NeNe. 320 00:11:22,510 --> 00:11:24,610 Well, great, I'm glad that's behind us. 321 00:11:24,612 --> 00:11:26,145 Yeah. 322 00:11:26,147 --> 00:11:28,614 Now let's never speak of popcorn machines again. 323 00:11:28,616 --> 00:11:30,449 Cece and Nick? 324 00:11:30,451 --> 00:11:32,217 Cece likes Nick? 325 00:11:33,287 --> 00:11:35,120 Cece likes Nick? 326 00:11:35,122 --> 00:11:36,622 I mean, I guess I understand it 327 00:11:36,624 --> 00:11:38,624 'cause they're at the bar together, 328 00:11:38,626 --> 00:11:40,125 and once you start sharing tips, 329 00:11:40,127 --> 00:11:41,627 where does the sharing end? Look... 330 00:11:41,629 --> 00:11:43,462 Jess, it's not that big of a deal. 331 00:11:43,464 --> 00:11:45,964 Because we all just cats and dogs at the end of the day. 332 00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:48,300 What about Schmidt? Schmidt's Nick's best friend, 333 00:11:48,302 --> 00:11:50,636 and Schmidt and Cece have a history. 334 00:11:50,638 --> 00:11:52,471 Look at the memory on you. 335 00:11:52,473 --> 00:11:54,339 I'm gonna have to help Schmidt through this. No, no, no, no, no. 336 00:11:54,341 --> 00:11:56,341 Look, Jess, you can't talk to Schmidt about Cece liking Nick. 337 00:11:56,343 --> 00:11:58,477 Come on. - No, you're right. I have to talk to Cece first. 338 00:11:58,479 --> 00:12:00,646 Right, you got to talk to Ce... No, wait, no. No, no, no, no, 339 00:12:00,648 --> 00:12:03,148 no, no, no. Jess, you can't talk to Cece 340 00:12:03,150 --> 00:12:06,151 because Cece, you know, and Nick, 341 00:12:06,153 --> 00:12:08,821 they just won't work. 'Cause I was talking to Nick. 342 00:12:08,823 --> 00:12:11,657 He said, "Winston." I was like, "What's up, Nick?" He said... 343 00:12:11,659 --> 00:12:13,525 What? 344 00:12:13,527 --> 00:12:14,860 He said she ugly. 345 00:12:14,862 --> 00:12:17,162 He said what? 346 00:12:17,164 --> 00:12:19,665 He said she look like a dang ol' meatball with hair. 347 00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:20,833 New teams! 348 00:12:20,835 --> 00:12:22,000 You know who's great? 349 00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:23,902 Cece. - One of our finest. 350 00:12:23,904 --> 00:12:25,304 Lovely woman. 351 00:12:27,575 --> 00:12:29,908 And she has so much to offer. 352 00:12:31,579 --> 00:12:33,212 Is that what this is about? 353 00:12:33,214 --> 00:12:35,180 She sends you to sell me on it? 354 00:12:35,182 --> 00:12:38,517 No, Nick. She doesn't know I'm talking to you at all. Wait. 355 00:12:38,519 --> 00:12:40,519 You guys have talked about it? 356 00:12:40,521 --> 00:12:41,854 All the time. 357 00:12:41,856 --> 00:12:42,921 But I thought 358 00:12:42,923 --> 00:12:44,890 she and I had come to a decision. 359 00:12:44,892 --> 00:12:47,426 Which is? It's not happening. 360 00:12:47,428 --> 00:12:50,195 Well, why not? 'Cause I'm not interested. 361 00:12:50,197 --> 00:12:51,597 And I know it's not cool to say, but... 362 00:12:51,599 --> 00:12:54,867 I don't like the way it would look. 363 00:12:54,869 --> 00:12:56,535 People are gonna say what they're gonna say. 364 00:12:56,537 --> 00:12:59,238 They're not reasons not to go through with it. 365 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,373 Fine. You want to know my biggest concern? 366 00:13:01,375 --> 00:13:03,842 My biggest concern is the smell. 367 00:13:04,945 --> 00:13:07,045 The smell? 368 00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:08,213 The smell of it. 369 00:13:08,215 --> 00:13:09,915 Yeah, and it's not Cece's fault. 370 00:13:09,917 --> 00:13:13,552 I mean, they all smell. I've told her that. 371 00:13:13,554 --> 00:13:15,220 You told Cece you think all women... 372 00:13:15,222 --> 00:13:17,256 Don't make this a feminist thing... 373 00:13:17,258 --> 00:13:19,057 It... I'm not making it a feminist thing. 374 00:13:19,059 --> 00:13:21,727 How? They smell terrible. It's common knowledge. 375 00:13:21,729 --> 00:13:23,061 I thought your biggest concern would be 376 00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:24,730 how it affected the people around you. 377 00:13:24,732 --> 00:13:26,765 I mean, sure, a bunch of old drunks will grab at it... 378 00:13:26,767 --> 00:13:28,901 But if your biggest concern is the smell, 379 00:13:28,903 --> 00:13:30,903 I'm sure that's highly manageable. 380 00:13:30,905 --> 00:13:33,472 Yeah, I guess there's, like, special solvents and soaps. 381 00:13:33,474 --> 00:13:36,441 I-I haven't read up on it that much. 382 00:13:36,443 --> 00:13:40,078 You know, but you got to really get in there and scrub it out. 383 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,247 It's disgusting. 384 00:13:42,249 --> 00:13:46,585 You know, 'cause of the daily wear and tear and... oil 385 00:13:46,587 --> 00:13:49,421 and grease just cooking in there. 386 00:13:49,423 --> 00:13:53,091 It's enough to make a man barf thinking about it. 387 00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:55,127 I mean, they get really hot. 388 00:13:55,129 --> 00:13:56,795 I know what temperature it gets. 389 00:13:56,797 --> 00:13:58,430 But if I'm being honest, you know— 390 00:13:58,432 --> 00:14:00,632 and I haven't talked to her about this— but... 391 00:14:00,634 --> 00:14:03,101 I do have good memories associated with the smell. 392 00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:06,939 Ball games, the circus, hanging with my dad. 393 00:14:06,941 --> 00:14:09,141 Listen here, you idiot. I've known Cece 394 00:14:09,143 --> 00:14:10,943 a very long time, and I can promise you 395 00:14:10,945 --> 00:14:12,978 the smell will not be a problem. That's really easy 396 00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:14,780 for you to say 'cause you're not the one who's gonna have 397 00:14:14,782 --> 00:14:16,114 to remind her to clean it all the time. 398 00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:18,016 I promise you, 399 00:14:18,018 --> 00:14:19,952 if it becomes a problem, 400 00:14:19,954 --> 00:14:22,788 I will remind her. - Well, 401 00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:25,991 if you remind her and she doesn't do it, 402 00:14:25,993 --> 00:14:29,628 I don't want you sneaking around and cleaning it yourself. 403 00:14:29,630 --> 00:14:31,330 Nick. 404 00:14:31,332 --> 00:14:34,299 I'm a good friend, but I am not that good of a friend. 405 00:14:34,301 --> 00:14:35,667 "... that a dream house is a house, 406 00:14:35,669 --> 00:14:37,135 but a dreamboat is a person." 407 00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:39,338 I mean, it does speak to the soul. 408 00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:42,641 Hey, what are these? I've always wondered. 409 00:14:42,643 --> 00:14:44,977 Those are grapes. - Uh, they're our glass grapes, bro. 410 00:14:44,979 --> 00:14:46,979 Grapes? - Brings the whole, like, room together. 411 00:14:46,981 --> 00:14:48,814 What the hell they doing in the loft? 412 00:14:48,816 --> 00:14:51,817 Cece, um, do ladies have loins? 413 00:14:51,819 --> 00:14:54,553 You know, it's like I've never looked around this house before. 414 00:14:54,555 --> 00:14:56,989 Skimboards, a boxing glove. 415 00:14:56,991 --> 00:14:59,024 Who in this loft has been to a single Coachella, 416 00:14:59,026 --> 00:15:00,525 let alone six of them? 417 00:15:00,527 --> 00:15:02,527 Don't tell Cece that we talked. 418 00:15:02,529 --> 00:15:04,396 She doesn't want me getting involved. 419 00:15:04,398 --> 00:15:06,031 Of course she does, she just didn't think 420 00:15:06,033 --> 00:15:07,666 you were into the idea, okay? 421 00:15:07,668 --> 00:15:09,268 She really values your opinion. 422 00:15:13,007 --> 00:15:14,706 What if you guys had a r... 423 00:15:14,708 --> 00:15:16,675 a r-real talk? 424 00:15:16,677 --> 00:15:19,177 You know, outside of the bar. 425 00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:20,679 All right. 426 00:15:20,681 --> 00:15:23,181 We'll talk, just the two of us, outside the bar. 427 00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:24,249 I'm proud of you, Nick. 428 00:15:24,251 --> 00:15:26,351 Just make sure she makes her case 429 00:15:26,353 --> 00:15:28,253 about facts and figures. 430 00:15:28,255 --> 00:15:29,922 And no more of this, "Come on, Nick, 431 00:15:29,924 --> 00:15:31,423 it tastes so yummy" crap. 432 00:15:31,425 --> 00:15:32,991 New teams! 433 00:15:41,435 --> 00:15:43,535 my "Get Frisky" playlist, guys. 434 00:15:43,537 --> 00:15:45,938 Just give in. 435 00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:46,905 Give in. 436 00:15:46,907 --> 00:15:48,206 I support it. 437 00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:51,376 "To whom it may concern." 438 00:15:51,378 --> 00:15:53,078 That's good. I like that. 439 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,881 Wait a minute, is your e-mail address owwMeSoErnie@coolidge? 440 00:15:55,883 --> 00:15:57,716 Still? Yeah, man. Picked it in college. 441 00:15:57,718 --> 00:16:00,786 It's just gonna follow me from job to job, ISP to ISP. 442 00:16:00,788 --> 00:16:02,788 We've been everywhere together, brotha. 443 00:16:02,790 --> 00:16:04,623 Never done.org or a.gov. - Oh. 444 00:16:04,625 --> 00:16:06,224 I would never do that. - Right. 445 00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:07,292 But every other damn domain. 446 00:16:07,294 --> 00:16:09,094 You can't e-mail a girl like May 447 00:16:09,096 --> 00:16:11,964 from an e-mail address like owwMeSoErnie. 448 00:16:11,966 --> 00:16:14,900 Although, you did got a job at a school, so what do I know? 449 00:16:14,902 --> 00:16:18,303 I must really like this girl, huh? 450 00:16:18,305 --> 00:16:20,305 Okay, it says here, 451 00:16:20,307 --> 00:16:22,941 we need "a murder of peppercorn," and a... 452 00:16:22,943 --> 00:16:25,310 and "some of that flat Jew bread"? 453 00:16:25,312 --> 00:16:28,747 Miller family! 454 00:16:28,749 --> 00:16:30,315 Murder is over there. 455 00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:38,590 and you-you won't know unless you try. 456 00:16:38,592 --> 00:16:40,592 Okay! Jess! 457 00:16:40,594 --> 00:16:42,661 You don't have to trap me in your room. 458 00:16:42,663 --> 00:16:46,765 We will, on a trial basis, rent a popcorn machine. 459 00:16:46,767 --> 00:16:48,800 Okay? 460 00:16:51,105 --> 00:16:53,505 Something's wrong with my Sauce. 461 00:16:53,507 --> 00:16:54,773 My Sauce! 462 00:16:54,775 --> 00:16:56,975 Hey. 463 00:16:56,977 --> 00:16:58,010 Hey. 464 00:16:58,012 --> 00:17:00,445 You...? - I... 465 00:17:00,447 --> 00:17:01,346 With him? 466 00:17:03,450 --> 00:17:05,450 Winston. 467 00:17:05,452 --> 00:17:07,519 Wh-Where'd it go? 468 00:17:08,455 --> 00:17:09,788 How long has this been unstirred? 469 00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:11,456 40 seconds. 45 tops. 470 00:17:11,458 --> 00:17:12,758 Is it 40 or 45? 471 00:17:16,964 --> 00:17:18,196 Spider! 472 00:17:18,198 --> 00:17:20,799 Schmidt! Schmidt! - Whoa! 473 00:17:20,801 --> 00:17:22,467 Come on, man! - No! Aah! 474 00:17:22,469 --> 00:17:23,802 - Hey! Hey! 475 00:17:23,804 --> 00:17:25,370 Hey, it's gone. - Get him! 476 00:17:25,372 --> 00:17:26,972 It's gone. It's gone. It's gone. It can't hurt you. 477 00:17:26,974 --> 00:17:28,306 It can't hurt you. Where is... where is the body? 478 00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:30,142 He was headed straight for The Sauce! 479 00:17:30,144 --> 00:17:31,977 Can you imagine how powerful that spider would've become 480 00:17:31,979 --> 00:17:33,578 had he entered my Sauce? 481 00:17:34,982 --> 00:17:36,882 Did I break it? You sent all 15 drafts 482 00:17:36,884 --> 00:17:38,650 of my e-mail to May. 483 00:17:38,652 --> 00:17:40,719 She's gonna think I'm crazy. 484 00:17:40,721 --> 00:17:41,987 Way I see it, 485 00:17:41,989 --> 00:17:43,655 we got two options. 486 00:17:43,657 --> 00:17:45,490 All right, well, what are the two options, man? 487 00:17:45,492 --> 00:17:47,359 I mean, you know, just, you got to just dive in, you know? 488 00:17:47,361 --> 00:17:49,728 No, you don't have any options. I don't have any options. 489 00:17:49,730 --> 00:17:51,730 Sometimes you don't have to talk. I'm really sorry, Coach. 490 00:17:51,732 --> 00:17:53,398 I-I'll make it up to you. 491 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,334 But the good news is, is we got that spider, huh? 492 00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:58,737 Don't have to worry about that thing anymore. 493 00:18:00,707 --> 00:18:03,842 What? What are you guys trying to tell me? 494 00:18:03,844 --> 00:18:05,710 So, it is Schmidt? 495 00:18:05,712 --> 00:18:08,747 Yeah. 496 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,721 I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but... No, it's okay. It's okay. 497 00:18:16,723 --> 00:18:18,356 Look, I promise I won't tell him. 498 00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:19,758 Nobody's gonna tell him. - Okay. 499 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,259 Hey, somebody tell him. 500 00:18:21,261 --> 00:18:23,195 You tell him, but easy. 501 00:18:23,197 --> 00:18:24,863 Tell him. I don't want to tell him, dude. You tell him. 502 00:18:24,865 --> 00:18:26,198 We're all his best friends. Tell him. 503 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:27,432 I think I'm pretty good with it now. 504 00:18:27,434 --> 00:18:28,733 Hey, Schmidt, I... 505 00:18:28,735 --> 00:18:29,935 I mean, spiders and all. Tell him! 506 00:18:29,937 --> 00:18:31,203 I don't want to tell him. 507 00:18:31,205 --> 00:18:32,104 Somebody just tell him! 508 00:18:32,106 --> 00:18:34,106 Guys, just tell me. 509 00:18:34,108 --> 00:18:36,074 You're being so dramatic right now. You have a spider on your face. 510 00:18:36,076 --> 00:18:37,609 What are you talking about? 511 00:18:47,721 --> 00:18:49,421 I touched it! 512 00:18:49,423 --> 00:18:50,889 Get it off! - Okay. Oh! 513 00:18:50,891 --> 00:18:52,257 Don't touch me! 514 00:18:52,259 --> 00:18:54,226 Don't touch me! Get it off! Get it off of me! 515 00:18:54,228 --> 00:18:56,561 Get it away from me! Get it off! 516 00:18:56,563 --> 00:18:57,929 Get it off! - Hey, hey, the spider. 517 00:18:57,931 --> 00:18:59,131 Get it off! Don't touch! 518 00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:01,399 Hello. Don't touch! Get it off of me! 519 00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:02,901 Get it...! 520 00:19:02,903 --> 00:19:03,802 Schmidt. 521 00:19:03,804 --> 00:19:05,237 Hold still. Aah! 522 00:19:05,239 --> 00:19:07,439 Oh! Oh! Oh... 523 00:19:07,441 --> 00:19:08,807 Ah! 524 00:19:09,576 --> 00:19:12,110 What's up now, spider? 525 00:19:12,112 --> 00:19:13,578 Vote Moscato! 526 00:19:13,580 --> 00:19:15,947 Well, it can't hear you. 527 00:19:15,949 --> 00:19:17,749 But, seriously, vote Moscato. 528 00:19:17,751 --> 00:19:19,584 So, that guy, huh? 529 00:19:19,586 --> 00:19:20,952 Yeah. Can you blame me? 530 00:19:20,954 --> 00:19:22,787 He's perfect. 531 00:19:22,789 --> 00:19:24,256 And when is dinner? Is it, um...? 532 00:19:24,258 --> 00:19:26,091 The Sauce! Sauce. The Sauce. 533 00:19:26,093 --> 00:19:27,959 Yeah. 'Cause Fawn's hungry. My e-mails. 534 00:19:27,961 --> 00:19:29,761 I'm about to pick you up with a tissue like you wouldn't believe! 535 00:19:29,763 --> 00:19:31,096 So, what's the plan? 536 00:19:31,098 --> 00:19:32,464 Jess. - I'm gonna pick you up 537 00:19:32,466 --> 00:19:33,598 with a tissue so hard! 538 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:34,933 He's happy. He has a girlfriend. 539 00:19:34,935 --> 00:19:36,334 Yeah, spi-spider! 540 00:19:36,336 --> 00:19:38,170 I know, but it's you, 541 00:19:38,172 --> 00:19:40,272 and Fawn kind of scares me. 542 00:19:40,274 --> 00:19:42,941 Let this be a warning to all your other little, uh, 543 00:19:42,943 --> 00:19:45,277 spider friends hiding out, too. 544 00:19:45,279 --> 00:19:47,345 I know that would do anything for anybody, 545 00:19:47,347 --> 00:19:49,814 but right now, I just need you to... 546 00:19:49,816 --> 00:19:53,118 be there for me and hold my hand, okay? 547 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:54,452 That's all. 548 00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:56,288 Little half-insects, half-lobsters. 549 00:19:56,290 --> 00:19:58,190 Ah... 550 00:19:58,192 --> 00:20:00,525 I really want to do something. 551 00:20:00,527 --> 00:20:03,461 Don't go up the spout if you can't handle the rain, s-spider! 552 00:20:03,463 --> 00:20:04,996 Okay, well, you've done it. 553 00:20:04,998 --> 00:20:06,631 The perfect burn of the dead bug. 554 00:20:06,633 --> 00:20:08,033 Yeah, that's right. - Now stop. 555 00:20:08,035 --> 00:20:09,534 Okay. 556 00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:12,804 The Sauce is shockingly great. 557 00:20:12,806 --> 00:20:14,139 This tastes 558 00:20:14,141 --> 00:20:17,976 like the inside of a bear, 559 00:20:17,978 --> 00:20:20,545 and that is a compliment, my friend. 560 00:20:20,547 --> 00:20:21,880 All right. 561 00:20:21,882 --> 00:20:23,415 I... Oh. 562 00:20:24,318 --> 00:20:26,785 Oh. May responded to my e-mails. 563 00:20:28,188 --> 00:20:31,056 "I appreciate how much effort you put into these. 564 00:20:31,058 --> 00:20:32,991 I'd love to go out." 565 00:20:32,993 --> 00:20:34,025 Hey. - Great. 566 00:20:34,027 --> 00:20:34,993 All right. 567 00:20:34,995 --> 00:20:36,561 There you go. - Yeah! 568 00:20:36,563 --> 00:20:37,562 Uh, you're welcome. 569 00:20:37,564 --> 00:20:39,431 This is great guys, right? 570 00:20:40,234 --> 00:20:42,000 To Fawn. - Oh. 571 00:20:42,002 --> 00:20:43,335 A woman who likes me 572 00:20:43,337 --> 00:20:44,836 not in spite, 573 00:20:44,838 --> 00:20:47,339 but because of my flaws. 574 00:20:47,341 --> 00:20:48,406 I do like you. 575 00:20:49,176 --> 00:20:50,976 But I hate your flaws. 576 00:20:51,712 --> 00:20:53,245 And to all my friends. 577 00:20:53,247 --> 00:20:56,414 In the spiderhunt of life... 578 00:21:00,087 --> 00:21:02,053 I sure am glad that we're a team of six. 579 00:21:02,055 --> 00:21:03,421 Cheers! - Hey! Hey! 580 00:21:03,423 --> 00:21:04,389 To those who... 581 00:21:04,391 --> 00:21:05,724 Okay. No, that's good. 582 00:21:05,726 --> 00:21:07,792 And thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 583 00:21:21,775 --> 00:21:22,874 All right, here we go. 584 00:21:22,876 --> 00:21:24,776 Ow. Oh. 585 00:21:35,222 --> 00:21:37,622 Yeah, sweep the leg, Johnny. 586 00:21:41,395 --> 00:21:43,061 Ow. Ah... 587 00:21:43,063 --> 00:21:46,131 Okay. Okay. 588 00:21:47,634 --> 00:21:49,601 All right. Get off of me! 589 00:21:49,603 --> 00:21:52,971 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org