1 00:00:17,925 --> 00:00:20,719 - Your hair looks so different. - Well, get used to it, boys. 2 00:00:20,844 --> 00:00:23,055 'Cause we're single, we're sophisticated. 3 00:00:23,138 --> 00:00:25,641 And we just went to a place to get blow-outs. 4 00:00:25,724 --> 00:00:26,809 What's a blow-out? 5 00:00:26,892 --> 00:00:29,645 You know how it's impossible to make your own hair look amazing? 6 00:00:29,728 --> 00:00:31,706 - Uh, I do not. - Yeah, you know whose hair I admire? 7 00:00:31,730 --> 00:00:35,734 Jesus. Man, dude's hair get overlooked because of all the miracles and stuff. 8 00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:38,320 So, there's a place that just blows out your hair? 9 00:00:38,403 --> 00:00:39,822 Well, they wash it first. 10 00:00:39,905 --> 00:00:43,325 So, essentially they create a problem, and then charge you to fix it. 11 00:00:43,659 --> 00:00:45,494 Here's a business idea I just thought of. 12 00:00:45,577 --> 00:00:47,180 Why don't I break the heels off your shoe, 13 00:00:47,204 --> 00:00:49,164 and then charge you to glue them back on? 14 00:00:49,248 --> 00:00:51,416 Or, uh, take your sore back and adjust it. 15 00:00:51,959 --> 00:00:54,336 Which would, uh, just make me a chiropractor. 16 00:00:54,419 --> 00:00:55,819 You ladies need to be very careful. 17 00:00:56,171 --> 00:00:58,132 Blow-out can give a woman too much confidence. 18 00:00:58,215 --> 00:00:59,692 Make them take on things that they can't handle. 19 00:00:59,716 --> 00:01:01,385 - Hillary Clinton. - Oh, hey, Ken. 20 00:01:01,468 --> 00:01:02,987 You can just put the beer behind the bar. 21 00:01:03,011 --> 00:01:05,931 Oh, actually I was coming over here to talk to the pretty ladies. 22 00:01:07,641 --> 00:01:08,725 Nice hair. 23 00:01:09,935 --> 00:01:12,354 Hey, Jess. Hey, Cece. 24 00:01:12,855 --> 00:01:14,356 Bearclaw, hello. 25 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,483 I'd offer you my hand, but it's quite wet. 26 00:01:16,567 --> 00:01:17,985 Still standing close to people. 27 00:01:18,068 --> 00:01:20,696 My building has cable Internet now. Did you get even prettier? 28 00:01:20,779 --> 00:01:21,780 What? 29 00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:23,866 No. What? No. 30 00:01:24,283 --> 00:01:26,076 What… No. 31 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:28,454 You and Cece should come to a party at our place tonight. 32 00:01:28,787 --> 00:01:31,081 I live with Ken. Ken played football in college. 33 00:01:31,165 --> 00:01:34,001 Do a football thing, Ken! I'm kidding, Ken. 34 00:01:34,084 --> 00:01:35,752 Nobody wants to see that garbage. 35 00:01:35,836 --> 00:01:37,963 Anyway, gonna be some cool people there. 36 00:01:38,046 --> 00:01:40,674 - We know twin architects. - Yeah, they're brothers. 37 00:01:40,758 --> 00:01:42,468 Ken, what did we talk about? Huh? 38 00:01:42,551 --> 00:01:45,095 Some people understand things that don't come 39 00:01:45,179 --> 00:01:48,140 quite naturally to your brain! Stupid dum-dum. 40 00:01:48,223 --> 00:01:49,823 Stay out of this. You guys want to come? 41 00:01:50,184 --> 00:01:52,478 - Um, could you excuse us for a second? - Yeah. 42 00:01:53,604 --> 00:01:55,481 You played that all wrong, you stupid idiot. 43 00:01:55,773 --> 00:01:57,691 Cece, I know these guys are weird, 44 00:01:57,775 --> 00:01:59,651 but parties have cute guys who aren't Schmidt. 45 00:02:00,819 --> 00:02:02,946 What did Charisma say while he was washing our hair? 46 00:02:03,030 --> 00:02:06,158 He said he was worried about Taylor Swift living in New York all alone. 47 00:02:06,241 --> 00:02:09,953 Well, yeah, we all are, but he also said that we need to embrace our freedom. 48 00:02:10,037 --> 00:02:12,372 We're single. We can do whatever we want! 49 00:02:12,456 --> 00:02:14,374 The only thing stopping us is us. 50 00:02:14,458 --> 00:02:17,836 And Charisma made us promise not to waste these blow-outs. 51 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,422 Our hair does look so good right now. 52 00:02:20,506 --> 00:02:22,174 Let's do this! Let's go to this party! 53 00:02:22,257 --> 00:02:24,134 Let's see where this journey takes us! 54 00:02:28,889 --> 00:02:30,099 Good morning. 55 00:02:32,226 --> 00:02:33,352 Hi. 56 00:02:33,435 --> 00:02:34,812 Do you want to hear a funny story? 57 00:02:35,771 --> 00:02:37,564 This green pillow over here, 58 00:02:38,190 --> 00:02:40,275 I always use it in between my legs 59 00:02:41,235 --> 00:02:43,320 like a… Like a second person. 60 00:02:44,613 --> 00:02:47,783 But it found its proper home underneath your head today. 61 00:03:03,006 --> 00:03:05,926 Hey, hey… Mamma mia! 62 00:03:06,009 --> 00:03:07,849 - He slipped in the sauce. - Bookmark this one. 63 00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:09,304 Coach, get in here! 64 00:03:09,388 --> 00:03:11,348 We're watching videos of Italians falling down. 65 00:03:11,890 --> 00:03:13,225 Oh, he's on a jog with May. 66 00:03:13,308 --> 00:03:15,286 You know, I think he might've met his match with that one. 67 00:03:15,310 --> 00:03:16,913 Rumor has it they haven't even kissed yet. 68 00:03:16,937 --> 00:03:17,997 What was all that noise in their room 69 00:03:18,021 --> 00:03:19,648 if they haven't kissed yet? That's weird. 70 00:03:20,232 --> 00:03:22,568 Stop listening by everybody's rooms 71 00:03:22,651 --> 00:03:24,236 for sex sounds, Winston. 72 00:03:24,319 --> 00:03:26,196 - Listen, if I'm not getting it… - Hey! Hey! 73 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:27,924 I want to make sure everybody else is getting it. 74 00:03:27,948 --> 00:03:29,116 Winston, I mean it, man. 75 00:03:29,658 --> 00:03:30,784 Good morning! 76 00:03:31,410 --> 00:03:33,203 I, uh, I believe you all know May. 77 00:03:33,287 --> 00:03:34,889 - Hi. - If you'd like to exchange pleasantries, 78 00:03:34,913 --> 00:03:36,832 please do so now, as she is on her way out. 79 00:03:36,915 --> 00:03:40,002 Why are you talking like you're high and I'm your dad? 80 00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:42,188 Sorry I can't stay. I'm performing at a benefit today. 81 00:03:42,212 --> 00:03:45,174 - Oh. - I'm playing Bach's "Cello Suite No. 1," 82 00:03:45,591 --> 00:03:48,635 and all I have left to learn is the cadenza movement, so it's… 83 00:03:49,178 --> 00:03:50,655 Well, at least it's not the sarabande. 84 00:03:50,679 --> 00:03:54,308 - Oh! Oh, my God! - Right? I get this. 85 00:03:54,933 --> 00:03:56,477 That's crazy. 86 00:03:56,935 --> 00:03:58,479 Hey, you guys should come. 87 00:03:58,562 --> 00:04:00,314 Yeah, it's at an art gallery. 88 00:04:00,564 --> 00:04:02,816 Yeah, yeah. I… I think I speak for everyone 89 00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:04,818 when I say absolutmont. 90 00:04:07,488 --> 00:04:10,532 Something about Italians on their asses, man. 91 00:04:15,245 --> 00:04:16,663 Oh, my God! 92 00:04:16,955 --> 00:04:19,750 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 93 00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:23,045 You have stickers on your neck. 94 00:04:24,046 --> 00:04:27,633 Ow! "The man, the legend"? Wouldn't that mean he has no penis at all? 95 00:04:27,841 --> 00:04:29,986 Look, I had no choice, okay? He's sleeping on my shirt. 96 00:04:30,010 --> 00:04:33,180 We need to go! Walk of shame! Let's make a move. 97 00:04:33,263 --> 00:04:36,558 Wait a minute. Why do women have to have a label 98 00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:40,437 for going home in the morning when for men it's just going home? 99 00:04:40,646 --> 00:04:42,406 Why don't we just call ourselves what we are? 100 00:04:42,481 --> 00:04:44,316 Two respectable women 101 00:04:44,399 --> 00:04:46,610 - rushing to their car. - Great. 102 00:04:48,779 --> 00:04:52,157 Oh! The sun! Hellfire! 103 00:04:53,242 --> 00:04:54,993 Where's the car? Where's my car? 104 00:04:55,327 --> 00:04:59,873 - No, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no… - No! No! No, no, no, no… 105 00:04:59,957 --> 00:05:02,417 - What are we gonna do? - My phone's dead. 106 00:05:03,210 --> 00:05:04,336 My phone is dead, too. 107 00:05:04,586 --> 00:05:06,356 - I have no cash. - Now, what are we gonna do? 108 00:05:06,380 --> 00:05:09,133 - Are we gonna walk? - My feet are wrecked, okay? 109 00:05:09,216 --> 00:05:12,428 And carrying shoes? That's legit walk of shame. 110 00:05:12,636 --> 00:05:15,472 Please stop saying "walk of shame." Also "legit." 111 00:05:15,556 --> 00:05:17,182 Not crazy about that word, either. 112 00:05:17,599 --> 00:05:20,686 If that South African runner who killed his girlfriend 113 00:05:20,769 --> 00:05:23,730 can run with no legs, we can walk in heels. 114 00:05:25,441 --> 00:05:28,610 Excuse you! Those little bitches throwing us shade? Hey! 115 00:05:28,777 --> 00:05:30,195 Keep it moving! 116 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:34,700 This is a middle school vice principal and can give both of you detention. 117 00:05:35,033 --> 00:05:38,370 Hey, would one of you let us use your phone in exchange for… 118 00:05:38,745 --> 00:05:39,872 - Cece? - What? 119 00:05:40,330 --> 00:05:42,583 - Cheese and a condom? - It's for emergencies. 120 00:05:45,043 --> 00:05:47,188 Do you think Nick and Winston should come to May's thing? 121 00:05:47,212 --> 00:05:49,006 - No. - I mean, I'm so freaked out 122 00:05:49,089 --> 00:05:50,424 that they're gonna embarrass me. 123 00:05:50,507 --> 00:05:52,627 I'm barely holding my own with May's friends as it is. 124 00:05:52,843 --> 00:05:55,304 It's always neo-romanticism with that guy… 125 00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:57,681 Like Rihm, Rochberg, Zwilich. 126 00:05:57,765 --> 00:05:59,391 You know what song I find neo-romantic? 127 00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,231 It's Monday Night Football? 128 00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:08,984 Uh… 129 00:06:09,860 --> 00:06:11,236 Why is it, like, weird right now? 130 00:06:11,737 --> 00:06:13,417 It's a good thing that I'm coming with you. 131 00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:15,306 I know a ton about classical music. 132 00:06:15,991 --> 00:06:17,177 I played the ghost of Rachmaninoff 133 00:06:17,201 --> 00:06:19,411 in a loosely based high school production of Shine. 134 00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:22,289 Now, do you think I'm crazy for, like, thinking like that? 135 00:06:22,539 --> 00:06:24,017 Like, what do you think about Nick and Winston coming? 136 00:06:24,041 --> 00:06:25,881 You know, I brought Nick to a work dinner once. 137 00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:29,129 That was fun! Now, that place was fancy. 138 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,302 Vest without a shirt? I mean, it's a clean look. 139 00:06:35,511 --> 00:06:36,804 It's just not for that occasion. 140 00:06:36,887 --> 00:06:39,199 You don't think we should tell them not to come, though, right? 141 00:06:39,223 --> 00:06:40,492 I think we can tell them whatever we want. 142 00:06:40,516 --> 00:06:43,977 Oh, hey, hey. And then… So, that's, it's his side. 143 00:06:44,061 --> 00:06:45,896 Hey, Nick! 144 00:06:47,648 --> 00:06:48,899 What's up, man? 145 00:07:01,245 --> 00:07:03,413 Nick, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up! 146 00:07:03,622 --> 00:07:06,166 - The voice mailbox for… - Penis Wilson. 147 00:07:06,250 --> 00:07:08,293 Is full. Good-bye. 148 00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:09,795 And there it is. 149 00:07:11,004 --> 00:07:13,424 - All the numbers I know by heart. - That's more than me. 150 00:07:14,091 --> 00:07:15,175 Learn from us. 151 00:07:15,259 --> 00:07:17,553 Also, never open a line of credit 152 00:07:17,636 --> 00:07:20,681 for your boyfriend no matter how talented of an artist he is. 153 00:07:21,348 --> 00:07:22,933 Uh, we are walking. 154 00:07:23,725 --> 00:07:24,935 We're walking. 155 00:07:25,018 --> 00:07:26,103 All right. 156 00:07:28,313 --> 00:07:31,400 - This is a legit walk of shame. - Oh, yeah. 157 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,360 Rough start, ladies! 158 00:07:33,444 --> 00:07:34,570 It was the blow-out. 159 00:07:36,071 --> 00:07:39,366 - It was the blow-out. - It's gonna be okay. Come on, let's go. 160 00:07:42,411 --> 00:07:44,455 Oh, my God, they look so comfy. 161 00:07:44,872 --> 00:07:48,292 Okay, you got it, okay? You got it. Just give it a good… 162 00:07:48,917 --> 00:07:50,836 Oh, God, I need those sneakers. 163 00:07:51,044 --> 00:07:53,380 Ooh! So close, so close. 164 00:07:53,464 --> 00:07:55,108 You got it on this one, you got it, you got it. 165 00:07:55,132 --> 00:07:56,925 Yeah. 166 00:07:57,301 --> 00:07:59,595 No! No! 167 00:08:02,973 --> 00:08:04,266 Let's follow that train. 168 00:08:05,768 --> 00:08:09,021 Look at it, just sitting there, so full and so watery. 169 00:08:09,646 --> 00:08:11,774 If we steal that water, are we criminals? 170 00:08:11,857 --> 00:08:12,983 If we cross this fence, 171 00:08:13,066 --> 00:08:14,419 are we crossing a line that we can never… 172 00:08:14,443 --> 00:08:15,861 Shut up, we are going in. 173 00:08:18,739 --> 00:08:19,865 Makes sense. 174 00:08:19,948 --> 00:08:23,327 Ugh, I can't believe we have to go to that stupid music thing. 175 00:08:23,744 --> 00:08:25,996 I just found these two-for-one coupons to the water park. 176 00:08:26,413 --> 00:08:27,956 - Wow. - They reopened the wave pool 177 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,059 because it's been two years to the day since that guy died. 178 00:08:30,083 --> 00:08:31,895 - R.I.P., Mike Beakman. - All right, you know what? 179 00:08:31,919 --> 00:08:33,545 I'll… I'll take one for the team. 180 00:08:34,129 --> 00:08:35,315 You guys go to the water park, 181 00:08:35,339 --> 00:08:36,524 - and I'll go with Coach. - Really? 182 00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:39,426 My eyes react poorly to children's urine anyway. 183 00:08:39,802 --> 00:08:41,595 - Don't ask me how I know that. - Sweet. 184 00:08:41,678 --> 00:08:43,281 You guys are gonna have so much fun without us, man. 185 00:08:43,305 --> 00:08:44,306 Yeah, come on, Coach. 186 00:08:44,389 --> 00:08:46,389 Let's go put on our most scrotum-crushing trousers. 187 00:08:46,683 --> 00:08:49,186 Thanks a lot, guys. 188 00:08:49,770 --> 00:08:52,648 Those lousy serpents. They don't want us to come. 189 00:08:52,731 --> 00:08:54,399 Damn lousy serpents. 190 00:08:56,235 --> 00:08:57,337 They must think we're stupid. 191 00:08:57,361 --> 00:08:58,737 - I don't want to go… - Mmm-hmm. 192 00:08:58,821 --> 00:09:02,449 But I don't like the idea of not going because they don't want us to go, 193 00:09:02,533 --> 00:09:04,576 rather than not going because we don't want to go. 194 00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:06,346 That's right, 'cause if we don't go, then who gonna go 195 00:09:06,370 --> 00:09:08,539 when we don't want to, 'cause we go. 196 00:09:08,622 --> 00:09:09,790 Right? Rewind. 197 00:09:09,873 --> 00:09:12,352 - Come on, I'm being very clear here. - Where are we going and why? 198 00:09:12,376 --> 00:09:14,378 We're going everywhere for both reasons. 199 00:09:16,547 --> 00:09:18,465 - How do you do it so smooth? - Just 200 00:09:18,549 --> 00:09:19,716 exhale. 201 00:09:24,596 --> 00:09:26,436 I just can't do it. I don't even care about it. 202 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,016 Just gonna… 203 00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:29,518 Oh, that's heavy. 204 00:09:29,601 --> 00:09:30,811 - Yeah. - Okay. 205 00:09:30,894 --> 00:09:32,814 - Let's just knock it over. - Push it… Push it. 206 00:09:32,980 --> 00:09:34,440 - Push, push… - Go. 207 00:09:34,523 --> 00:09:36,984 Oh! Fall back, fall back, fall back, fall back. 208 00:09:39,695 --> 00:09:40,737 We're trapped. 209 00:09:40,821 --> 00:09:43,365 Now what? Wait until the kid's party's over? 210 00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:46,535 Kids unwrap presents so slowly. 211 00:09:46,618 --> 00:09:48,245 I know. Kids are so slow. 212 00:09:48,662 --> 00:09:50,747 - I think this is rock bottom. - Cece… 213 00:09:51,331 --> 00:09:54,334 I have to tell you something embarrassing. 214 00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:58,005 - What? - I didn't sleep with Bearclaw last night. 215 00:09:59,548 --> 00:10:01,383 I did something even worse. 216 00:10:02,634 --> 00:10:05,095 We made up a musical about woodland creatures. 217 00:10:05,262 --> 00:10:07,306 Owls and squirrels and deer. 218 00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:09,391 - Raccoon and caribou. - And otters. 219 00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:11,935 Get out of here, you're not welcome. 220 00:10:12,019 --> 00:10:13,455 - Get out of here. - Get out of here. 221 00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:15,063 Caribou, caribou… 222 00:10:15,439 --> 00:10:16,732 It's true. 223 00:10:17,983 --> 00:10:19,651 Why did you make it seem like… 224 00:10:19,735 --> 00:10:22,696 Because I didn't have a one-night stand like a normal woman. 225 00:10:22,946 --> 00:10:25,449 I stayed up all night pretending to be a singing tree. 226 00:10:25,866 --> 00:10:28,202 I'm just a dumb old tree. 227 00:10:28,285 --> 00:10:30,537 No, you're not, take it back. 228 00:10:30,621 --> 00:10:34,583 - Nobody ever pets me-e-e-e. - 'Cause you're just a tree. 229 00:10:34,666 --> 00:10:36,835 They just eat my nuts. 230 00:10:36,919 --> 00:10:42,674 Eat my nuts, eat my nuts. 231 00:10:45,886 --> 00:10:49,014 You're right. That is way more shameful. 232 00:10:49,098 --> 00:10:51,058 All right. Confession. 233 00:10:51,225 --> 00:10:54,144 I did not sleep with Ken, either. 234 00:10:54,561 --> 00:10:57,314 Yeah, we started hooking up and then I called him… Schmidt. 235 00:10:57,439 --> 00:10:58,524 That's okay. It happens. 236 00:10:58,607 --> 00:10:59,733 - Twice. - Whatever. 237 00:10:59,817 --> 00:11:01,193 - Four times. - Okay, that's bad. 238 00:11:01,610 --> 00:11:04,905 I know, I felt so bad afterwards, I straightened up his room. 239 00:11:05,447 --> 00:11:09,284 I am a grown woman that is in love with her ex-boyfriend 240 00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:11,328 that has a girlfriend. 241 00:11:12,329 --> 00:11:14,039 And I've been stealing my neighbor's Wi-Fi. 242 00:11:14,873 --> 00:11:16,458 I mean, what have I become? 243 00:11:17,334 --> 00:11:19,211 This day is about to turn around. 244 00:11:27,511 --> 00:11:28,637 Wait. 245 00:11:33,934 --> 00:11:35,561 - Coach. - What? 246 00:11:35,769 --> 00:11:38,772 - Just… Just put it in your pocket. - No, dude. It had pork belly on it. 247 00:11:38,856 --> 00:11:40,315 Just put it in your pocket. Do it. 248 00:11:40,941 --> 00:11:42,317 I used to play the violin. 249 00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:44,361 Then I became a real musician. 250 00:11:46,321 --> 00:11:48,574 Because your instrument's bigger, right? 251 00:11:48,657 --> 00:11:49,867 Cello knowledge. 252 00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:51,410 Yeah. 253 00:11:52,077 --> 00:11:53,662 The cello is bigger. Nice. 254 00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:58,917 - The hell are they doing here? - I don't know. 255 00:11:59,001 --> 00:12:00,794 They're drinking at a normal pace. 256 00:12:01,545 --> 00:12:02,796 There's nothing stuck to them. 257 00:12:03,297 --> 00:12:05,591 Exactly. The hell are they up to? 258 00:12:08,385 --> 00:12:10,220 You are a genius. 259 00:12:10,304 --> 00:12:12,097 Sweet, sweet city water. 260 00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:16,059 Okay. You know how today's been kind of like a crappy day? 261 00:12:16,143 --> 00:12:17,895 - Mmm-hmm. - Well, how would you feel 262 00:12:17,978 --> 00:12:20,272 if that hose belonged to your ex-boyfriend? 263 00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:23,650 Jess? 264 00:12:26,695 --> 00:12:28,864 Genzlinger! 265 00:12:29,156 --> 00:12:31,241 Hey! Uh… 266 00:12:31,575 --> 00:12:34,036 Blast from the past! How's that ass? 267 00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,121 That ass is good. 268 00:12:36,914 --> 00:12:38,141 I don't know if that's an expression, but… 269 00:12:38,165 --> 00:12:39,458 How the heck are you? 270 00:12:39,875 --> 00:12:40,918 Good. How… Oop… 271 00:12:42,377 --> 00:12:43,962 Don't know why I did that. 272 00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,048 Did it again. I don't know why. 273 00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:51,887 Why you guys dressed up all nice? Huh? 274 00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:54,424 Talking all polite and stuff. What… What's going on? 275 00:12:54,473 --> 00:12:56,433 Oh, we're just here for the culture 276 00:12:56,517 --> 00:12:58,477 - and, uh, the spectacle of it all. - Really? 277 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,813 And to make you look like a stupid piece of crap 278 00:13:01,230 --> 00:13:03,273 for thinking we'd be an embarrassment to you. 279 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:04,483 I'm patting you down. 280 00:13:04,566 --> 00:13:05,668 - Hey. - I'm an American citizen. 281 00:13:05,692 --> 00:13:07,372 I request a female if you're gonna do that. 282 00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:08,946 Stop it. Stop. 283 00:13:09,029 --> 00:13:10,280 - Hey. Hey, hey, hey. - Ah, ah. 284 00:13:10,364 --> 00:13:11,549 - Get your paws off of me. - I feel something! 285 00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:13,259 - I feel something! - Show some class, Coach. 286 00:13:13,283 --> 00:13:15,410 - Get your paws off of me! - Ow! 287 00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:18,247 Toothpick in my leg! 288 00:13:18,455 --> 00:13:20,040 Oh, dip. 289 00:13:20,958 --> 00:13:22,000 Ernie! 290 00:13:23,752 --> 00:13:25,295 Please apologize to Frondi. 291 00:13:27,172 --> 00:13:28,215 The flautist. 292 00:13:29,007 --> 00:13:30,717 - Uh… - The flute player. 293 00:13:30,968 --> 00:13:32,177 Oh. 294 00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:34,805 Sorry, Frondi. 295 00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:37,683 I should go. 296 00:13:41,437 --> 00:13:43,206 We'll take care of the charges and the damages. 297 00:13:43,230 --> 00:13:45,375 - We'll spare no expense. - No, we will not. No, we will not. 298 00:13:45,399 --> 00:13:47,317 - We will spare no expense. - No, we will not. 299 00:13:47,484 --> 00:13:49,611 So, yeah, I got promoted to vice principal. 300 00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:50,946 - VP. - Great. 301 00:13:51,029 --> 00:13:54,199 I have a bottle of soy sauce on my desk, so no more packets for me. 302 00:13:54,283 --> 00:13:56,163 Hey, you got a little roly poly bug on you? 303 00:13:57,286 --> 00:13:59,955 - Oh… I get it. - What? 304 00:14:00,038 --> 00:14:03,041 I wasn't born yesterday! You think we're on a walk of shame. 305 00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:06,420 - I didn't, but… - Congratulations. 306 00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:09,298 You spend your Sundays having cupcake parties 307 00:14:09,381 --> 00:14:11,175 at your beautiful house with your cute little 308 00:14:11,258 --> 00:14:13,302 half-Asian kid and your daddy diaper bag… 309 00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:15,405 I think someone might need a visit from the "rest police." 310 00:14:15,429 --> 00:14:18,223 Just because I don't have a husband or a baby or a house 311 00:14:18,307 --> 00:14:19,808 doesn't mean I'm not living right. 312 00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:21,643 - We're still growing and changing. - Yeah. 313 00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:23,937 And that's a good thing. Look at this hair. 314 00:14:24,813 --> 00:14:28,233 This is single-girl hair. This is adventure hair. 315 00:14:28,317 --> 00:14:31,779 This isn't boring, married, settled hair. 316 00:14:31,987 --> 00:14:34,948 This is… This is fun. We're fun. 317 00:14:35,032 --> 00:14:38,952 You know what I did last night? I got totally obliterated, 318 00:14:39,036 --> 00:14:42,498 and I made up a musical fable with a guy named Bearclaw, 319 00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:44,416 and it was better than sex. 320 00:14:44,833 --> 00:14:47,377 I'm a little fox, but I'm not that sly. 321 00:14:47,461 --> 00:14:50,047 What can I say? I'm an honest little guy. 322 00:14:51,131 --> 00:14:53,050 Well, I'm glad things are good… 323 00:14:53,133 --> 00:14:54,259 You know what, Genzlinger? 324 00:14:54,343 --> 00:14:56,743 I don't care what you think of me. 'Cause this is my journey. 325 00:14:57,137 --> 00:14:59,389 Welcome to my freaking journey. 326 00:14:59,473 --> 00:15:00,974 Great, I wish you luck… 327 00:15:01,058 --> 00:15:02,935 - You ready? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 328 00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:07,439 That's not Jenn. 329 00:15:09,066 --> 00:15:10,776 Nope. 330 00:15:11,819 --> 00:15:13,362 This is not my house, okay? 331 00:15:13,654 --> 00:15:17,491 This is not a daddy diaper bag. This is a bag of sadness. 332 00:15:18,075 --> 00:15:20,953 Because I am a party clown. 333 00:15:21,036 --> 00:15:22,955 I'm actually a musical party clown, okay? 334 00:15:23,038 --> 00:15:26,959 So no one's had a more shameful walk this morning than me. 335 00:15:32,297 --> 00:15:34,457 - What happened to Jenn? - Thanks for bringing that up. 336 00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:36,635 Salt in the wound. She left me. 337 00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:38,571 You know what I did last night? I'm gonna tell you. 338 00:15:38,595 --> 00:15:40,764 I masturbated to pornography 339 00:15:40,848 --> 00:15:42,975 that I had to draw on the back of an envelope. 340 00:15:44,309 --> 00:15:45,352 Mmm. 341 00:15:45,436 --> 00:15:47,604 - He's great with kids. - Who are you? 342 00:15:47,688 --> 00:15:49,565 I'm a Liza Minnelli impersonator. 343 00:15:50,399 --> 00:15:51,567 Ah… 344 00:15:51,692 --> 00:15:52,860 So… 345 00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:59,783 Ah, guys, look, I don't see much of the toothpick coming out. 346 00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:01,618 So, best move… 347 00:16:02,035 --> 00:16:04,180 Push it all the way in, and get it from the other side. 348 00:16:04,204 --> 00:16:06,474 - Am I right? You guys agree? - How could you guys do this to me? 349 00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:08,500 We didn't do anything. You embarrassed yourself. 350 00:16:08,584 --> 00:16:13,130 Actually, you embarrassed us. And you do it all the time, Coach. 351 00:16:13,213 --> 00:16:17,092 Like how you sit on the hood of your car when you pump gas into it. 352 00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:19,154 I mean, what, are you in Dukes of Hazzard, you idiot? 353 00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:21,889 I saw Isaiah Thomas do it on a poster once, and it was cool. 354 00:16:22,347 --> 00:16:23,700 And what are you laughing at, all right? 355 00:16:23,724 --> 00:16:25,410 - What? - You put ChapStick on like a little girl 356 00:16:25,434 --> 00:16:27,060 putting on lipstick for the first time. 357 00:16:27,144 --> 00:16:28,979 It's way too much puckering. 358 00:16:29,813 --> 00:16:31,893 - Winston, you know what, you shut up. - Cold busted. 359 00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:33,209 You're the most embarrassing one of our friends by far. 360 00:16:33,233 --> 00:16:34,461 - With your singing. - Your outfits. 361 00:16:34,485 --> 00:16:35,545 - And the crystals. - Your mural. 362 00:16:35,569 --> 00:16:36,755 - The mustache. - Your fauxhawk. 363 00:16:36,779 --> 00:16:37,839 - With your bell. - Puzzles. 364 00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:41,074 - Your cat. - FYI… You guys live with the cat, too. 365 00:16:41,742 --> 00:16:43,535 But at least I get to reap the benefits. 366 00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:46,205 That. 367 00:16:48,582 --> 00:16:50,125 - Ah. - Oh, Oh. 368 00:16:50,292 --> 00:16:52,211 Look, it's not what it looks like, my man. 369 00:16:52,294 --> 00:16:54,230 Um, we're just trying to squeeze something out of my buddy. 370 00:16:54,254 --> 00:16:55,631 We'll be done when it comes out. 371 00:16:58,884 --> 00:17:00,484 Well, maybe it's not gonna work with May. 372 00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:02,262 She's too good for me. 373 00:17:02,346 --> 00:17:04,264 I should just go back to having soulless sex 374 00:17:04,348 --> 00:17:06,326 with beautiful women I share no emotional connection… 375 00:17:07,851 --> 00:17:08,936 All my hard work. 376 00:17:09,019 --> 00:17:12,022 May didn't start liking you because you play some dumb instrument. 377 00:17:12,397 --> 00:17:14,525 She started liking you because you're cocky. 378 00:17:14,608 --> 00:17:16,735 And you're funny. What, you're afraid of her 379 00:17:16,819 --> 00:17:19,154 because she plays the standing-up guitar? 380 00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:21,424 He's right, Coach, I don't know why we're trying so hard 381 00:17:21,448 --> 00:17:22,533 to make you fit in here. 382 00:17:22,616 --> 00:17:25,369 - You're Coach, sex in a sweat suit. - Yeah. 383 00:17:25,452 --> 00:17:27,812 If I've taught you one thing, it's lead out with confidence. 384 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:29,957 Follow up with comedy. 385 00:17:30,666 --> 00:17:32,960 And number trey, your home run, your triple… 386 00:17:33,460 --> 00:17:34,670 Have great looks. 387 00:17:35,212 --> 00:17:37,297 I got 'em, and I passed them on to you. 388 00:17:37,673 --> 00:17:40,008 So get out there, you beautiful peacock. 389 00:17:40,551 --> 00:17:42,177 Shake your tail feathers. 390 00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:44,531 I mean, I'd rather not get these compliments with my pants down, 391 00:17:44,555 --> 00:17:45,931 but appreciate it. 392 00:17:46,473 --> 00:17:49,184 Paul, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. 393 00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:50,978 You don't have to clown for these people. 394 00:17:51,061 --> 00:17:52,062 Yes, you do. 395 00:17:52,438 --> 00:17:54,773 - She said… - Open yourself up to the journey. 396 00:17:54,857 --> 00:17:57,234 Look, if Taylor Swift can live alone in New York, 397 00:17:57,317 --> 00:17:58,694 just think what you can do. 398 00:18:00,237 --> 00:18:01,989 The only thing stopping you is you. 399 00:18:03,866 --> 00:18:05,117 Yeah. 400 00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:08,245 Ma'am, I will not clown for you today. 401 00:18:08,328 --> 00:18:09,746 Or any day thereafter. 402 00:18:11,665 --> 00:18:12,666 What are you doing? 403 00:18:12,749 --> 00:18:15,210 I am going on a journey. 404 00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:17,212 This is my freaking journey. 405 00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:21,341 We're taking back the morning. 406 00:18:21,759 --> 00:18:23,119 Happy birthday to your little one. 407 00:18:30,851 --> 00:18:33,771 May, we run in different circles. 408 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,023 My circle's not even really a circle. 409 00:18:36,106 --> 00:18:38,817 It's more of a swirling mass of idiots. 410 00:18:39,276 --> 00:18:40,819 But, uh, that's me. 411 00:18:40,903 --> 00:18:43,465 Yeah, you didn't have to come back in here to tell me you were an idiot. 412 00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:47,367 No. What I need to tell you is I like you. 413 00:18:48,285 --> 00:18:49,620 And that, um… 414 00:18:50,579 --> 00:18:52,080 And that I hate classical music. 415 00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:54,041 I'm sorry, I do… I hate it. 416 00:18:54,124 --> 00:18:56,227 I mean, there's so many better kinds of music now, it's… 417 00:18:56,251 --> 00:18:57,711 - Okay. - You know? 418 00:18:57,878 --> 00:18:59,558 But if you're playing it, I want to listen. 419 00:19:00,547 --> 00:19:02,299 - 'Cause you mean a lot to me. - All right. 420 00:19:07,179 --> 00:19:09,681 I'm gonna play you a song, and if you can name it 421 00:19:09,765 --> 00:19:11,642 then we can give this another shot. 422 00:19:11,725 --> 00:19:13,894 If you don't want to do this, just… It's… I'm fine. 423 00:19:29,743 --> 00:19:30,953 That's Monday Night Football! 424 00:19:31,328 --> 00:19:32,663 Yeah, I learned it for you. 425 00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:39,419 - All right. Oh. - Oh, sorry. 426 00:19:39,503 --> 00:19:40,712 That poked me. 427 00:19:42,422 --> 00:19:43,983 Okay. No, just don't touch it, don't touch it. 428 00:19:44,007 --> 00:19:45,008 Okay, okay, okay. 429 00:19:45,092 --> 00:19:46,135 - But okay. - Okay. 430 00:19:57,229 --> 00:19:58,939 Los Angeles! 431 00:19:59,022 --> 00:20:03,068 We are sluts and we are clowns! But we are not losers! 432 00:20:03,152 --> 00:20:04,361 - We are not losers! - Yes! 433 00:20:04,528 --> 00:20:05,737 No, we're adventurers! 434 00:20:05,946 --> 00:20:08,073 Shame, shame, I know your name. 435 00:20:08,157 --> 00:20:10,117 Ah… Yo, Nicholas! 436 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,704 Hey, Genzlinger! I miss you, man! Great shoes! 437 00:20:13,787 --> 00:20:15,205 Guess what, guys, I'm still here. 438 00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:16,748 Take that, Lyme's disease! 439 00:20:16,832 --> 00:20:19,376 Cecilia, what is that shirt? "The man, the legend"? 440 00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:21,044 Oh, I think you've met the legend. 441 00:20:21,670 --> 00:20:22,754 Hey, you guys want a ride? 442 00:20:22,838 --> 00:20:23,839 - Yeah! - Nah! 443 00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:24,965 No. 444 00:20:25,549 --> 00:20:27,259 No, we've made it this far. 445 00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:28,886 We're just gonna carry on through. 446 00:20:28,969 --> 00:20:30,488 - Yeah, that's right, that's right. - Yeah. 447 00:20:30,512 --> 00:20:31,847 Take that, City of Angels! 448 00:20:32,473 --> 00:20:34,016 For the true angels are we! 449 00:20:34,099 --> 00:20:35,100 Yes! 450 00:20:35,184 --> 00:20:37,060 Charisma, we didn't waste your blow-out! 451 00:20:37,144 --> 00:20:40,439 I know we are having a moment here. Just take it down a notch, Jess. 452 00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:42,941 Oh, thank God we made it. 453 00:20:43,025 --> 00:20:44,109 Uh, Jess. 454 00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:47,029 You forgot your purse. I didn't look inside. 455 00:20:47,279 --> 00:20:48,864 But I did feel around. 456 00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:50,073 Thanks, Bearclaw. 457 00:20:53,660 --> 00:20:55,412 The forest is very lonely. 458 00:20:55,496 --> 00:20:57,456 For a thing like he 459 00:20:57,539 --> 00:20:59,583 I'm a gay wolf. 460 00:20:59,666 --> 00:21:01,376 He's a gay wolf. 461 00:21:02,169 --> 00:21:03,504 The creatures of the forest… 462 00:21:03,587 --> 00:21:04,731 No, don't go out there, don't. 463 00:21:04,755 --> 00:21:05,756 Are set in their ways. 464 00:21:05,839 --> 00:21:06,840 Oh. 465 00:21:06,924 --> 00:21:10,177 It's very hard to be an animal gay. 466 00:21:10,260 --> 00:21:11,261 Today. 467 00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:14,473 - This is super embarrassing. - Yeah. 468 00:21:14,556 --> 00:21:15,557 Today. 469 00:21:17,518 --> 00:21:19,078 It's why I didn't want to come out here. 470 00:21:20,395 --> 00:21:22,940 We should go to a minor next to really feel the sadness 471 00:21:23,023 --> 00:21:24,066 - and isolation. - No. 472 00:21:24,149 --> 00:21:25,418 Yeah, he just wants to be accepted, May. 473 00:21:25,442 --> 00:21:26,860 Yeah, got it, love that. 474 00:21:27,528 --> 00:21:29,321 He runs with the pack. 475 00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:31,323 All day long. 476 00:21:31,406 --> 00:21:32,699 Ah, this is too much. 477 00:21:32,783 --> 00:21:35,410 Inside of him is a sad, sad song. 478 00:21:35,494 --> 00:21:39,414 He's a gay wolf all alone. 479 00:21:40,124 --> 00:21:41,375 But wait 480 00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:44,002 I'm a gay wolf, too. 481 00:21:44,419 --> 00:21:47,965 Would you like to eat some wolf Chinese food? 482 00:21:48,465 --> 00:21:50,592 Only if it's gay. 483 00:21:51,385 --> 00:21:55,222 Clap now. Clap now. Thank you.