1 00:00:17,715 --> 00:00:20,009 Ugh! Can you believe this guy? 2 00:00:20,426 --> 00:00:23,012 Pete is over an hour late for our brunch date. 3 00:00:23,096 --> 00:00:25,973 - Pete? Who's Pete? - Oh, it's this dude who goes to my gym. 4 00:00:26,349 --> 00:00:27,475 Thought Jess could use a man 5 00:00:27,558 --> 00:00:29,685 with a little muscle for a change, so I set 'em up. 6 00:00:29,769 --> 00:00:33,439 Not gonna marry him, but I'm having fun. Knock, knock. Who's there? 7 00:00:33,523 --> 00:00:35,316 Orange. Hang on a second, Orange. 8 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,944 I'm gonna send a sext to Pete, which I did. 9 00:00:38,027 --> 00:00:39,671 My first one ever. Want to see? It's super hot. 10 00:00:39,695 --> 00:00:40,863 I don't want to, uh… 11 00:00:41,531 --> 00:00:44,534 Okay, that's just a picture of you in a bra over a T-shirt. 12 00:00:44,617 --> 00:00:46,702 Holding a sign that says "Property of Pete." 13 00:00:46,786 --> 00:00:48,413 - Not a sext. - I'm wearing a bra! 14 00:00:48,496 --> 00:00:50,557 - No, that's like a glorified selfie. - You can see the bra. 15 00:00:50,581 --> 00:00:52,500 - Nope. - I bet he saw this, 16 00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:53,793 and he was like, 17 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,170 "Oh, delicious." 18 00:00:56,254 --> 00:00:58,297 - You want him to say that? - I have to agree, 19 00:00:58,381 --> 00:01:00,216 because the true nature 20 00:01:00,299 --> 00:01:03,344 of eroticism is what is not shown. 21 00:01:03,428 --> 00:01:04,721 I never get sexts. 22 00:01:09,642 --> 00:01:10,727 What are you taking? 23 00:01:10,810 --> 00:01:14,272 Just some, uh… motion sickness pill. It's a mild sedative. 24 00:01:14,355 --> 00:01:17,108 My mom just landed. That's unrelated. 25 00:01:17,191 --> 00:01:18,526 Oh, my God, your mom's here? 26 00:01:18,776 --> 00:01:21,863 - I'm so excited to meet her. - You probably won't. She's busy. 27 00:01:22,321 --> 00:01:25,050 - But maybe, hopefully, I doubt it. - I can't believe I've never met her. 28 00:01:25,074 --> 00:01:27,076 You know, we get together and we laugh and… 29 00:01:27,410 --> 00:01:29,871 She tells me all the ways that I could be better at things, 30 00:01:29,954 --> 00:01:32,331 and then I do them, but not right. 31 00:01:32,415 --> 00:01:35,543 Oh, it's fun. We have… We have fun. 32 00:01:35,626 --> 00:01:37,378 You know, I wish I had fun with my partner. 33 00:01:37,462 --> 00:01:38,981 Wow, every time I ask Aly to hang out, 34 00:01:39,005 --> 00:01:41,382 - she's always like, "Nah." - Hey, Schmidty, vamos. 35 00:01:41,466 --> 00:01:43,485 I want to show you a surprise investment opportunity. 36 00:01:43,509 --> 00:01:45,636 Surprise, Nick? I'm telling you right now, 37 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,930 if it is a boat, I'm gonna be so psyched! 38 00:01:48,014 --> 00:01:50,099 I literally just got new boat shoes. 39 00:01:50,183 --> 00:01:52,685 Standing here like a damn jabroni. 40 00:01:52,769 --> 00:01:54,437 He hasn't even answered any of my texts. 41 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:55,748 - He hasn't? - You don't think he's… 42 00:01:55,772 --> 00:01:59,025 He is blowing you off! 43 00:01:59,108 --> 00:02:01,360 - He best not be! - Hell no! 44 00:02:01,444 --> 00:02:04,381 - You guys are getting riled up, huh? - We are gonna march right over there, 45 00:02:04,405 --> 00:02:05,841 and we all right gonna find out what's happening! 46 00:02:05,865 --> 00:02:06,949 Let's go. 47 00:02:12,371 --> 00:02:16,918 Turns out that Pete had a very good excuse for not showing up. 48 00:02:21,589 --> 00:02:22,757 He died. 49 00:02:23,674 --> 00:02:24,675 What? 50 00:02:24,759 --> 00:02:25,839 Just got out of the shower. 51 00:02:27,470 --> 00:02:30,807 Guess who cleaned everything? Guess who got in deep? 52 00:02:32,183 --> 00:02:33,226 What? 53 00:02:40,691 --> 00:02:42,544 A motorcycle accident? I didn't even know Pete rode one. 54 00:02:42,568 --> 00:02:46,072 He didn't. Apparently, he was thinking about getting one, 55 00:02:46,155 --> 00:02:48,741 and he slipped and fell on the showroom floor. 56 00:02:48,825 --> 00:02:49,826 Oh… 57 00:02:51,119 --> 00:02:54,288 Buffed floors… Beautiful, but at what cost? 58 00:02:54,372 --> 00:02:56,707 The first guy I sext dies. 59 00:02:57,583 --> 00:02:58,983 I should go to the memorial, right? 60 00:02:59,043 --> 00:03:00,521 Jess, don't make this about yourself, all right? 61 00:03:00,545 --> 00:03:04,257 - You went on two dates with the guy. - I was one of the last people to text him. 62 00:03:04,340 --> 00:03:05,383 On Earth. 63 00:03:05,466 --> 00:03:07,152 Look, you didn't even have sex with him, okay? You're fine. 64 00:03:07,176 --> 00:03:08,720 So if I'd slept with him, I'd go. 65 00:03:08,803 --> 00:03:11,013 - Or if you'd gone skiing together. - Mmm-hmm, yeah. 66 00:03:11,097 --> 00:03:12,765 - What are these rules? - Just don't go. 67 00:03:12,849 --> 00:03:14,201 'Cause if you go, then I'm gonna feel weird 68 00:03:14,225 --> 00:03:15,411 about not going, and I ain't going. 69 00:03:15,435 --> 00:03:17,121 Yeah, just come and have a mani-pedi with me. 70 00:03:17,145 --> 00:03:19,564 I'm going. It's the right thing to do. 71 00:03:19,897 --> 00:03:21,941 Oh, so if I don't go, I'm a bad person now? 72 00:03:22,442 --> 00:03:23,651 - Cece. - Mmm-hmm. 73 00:03:23,735 --> 00:03:26,070 I'm surprised. I thought you, of all people, 74 00:03:26,154 --> 00:03:28,614 would want to accompany your best friend 75 00:03:28,698 --> 00:03:32,285 to the funeral of a guy she texted, but… 76 00:03:33,578 --> 00:03:34,996 I guess not. 77 00:03:39,876 --> 00:03:40,918 Ta-da! 78 00:03:42,044 --> 00:03:44,464 What do you mean? What is ta-da? We drove here together 79 00:03:44,547 --> 00:03:47,568 and parked before you covered my eyes. What is the surprise investment, Nick? 80 00:03:47,592 --> 00:03:48,843 The bar. 81 00:03:49,177 --> 00:03:50,553 Mike's selling us 10%. 82 00:03:50,636 --> 00:03:52,096 I really need the cash. 83 00:03:52,346 --> 00:03:54,724 I got swindled by a young gay roller skater. 84 00:03:54,807 --> 00:03:55,850 A rink twink. 85 00:03:56,017 --> 00:03:57,202 I know what a rink twink is, Mike. 86 00:03:57,226 --> 00:04:01,689 Hey, 20 thou and we are part owners, okay? I've done my research. 87 00:04:02,231 --> 00:04:04,525 There's a consistent revenue and no startup costs. 88 00:04:04,609 --> 00:04:07,361 - You're really serious about this, huh? - I really want this, man. 89 00:04:07,445 --> 00:04:09,197 - Good. I want this, too. - Good. 90 00:04:09,489 --> 00:04:10,966 Where are we gonna get 20 grand from? 91 00:04:10,990 --> 00:04:12,870 Well, we got the ten grand we made on the Swuit. 92 00:04:12,909 --> 00:04:15,220 Maybe do we have any rich friends we can borrow money from? 93 00:04:15,244 --> 00:04:16,680 Well, let's think about it. There's the middle school 94 00:04:16,704 --> 00:04:19,207 vice principal, there's the cop, the gym teacher. 95 00:04:19,290 --> 00:04:21,370 Let's not forget about the community college student. 96 00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:23,503 - Whew, lot of options. - Yeah. 97 00:04:23,586 --> 00:04:26,547 - It's tough, it's frustrating. - Yeah, huh… Damn it. 98 00:04:27,215 --> 00:04:28,817 Schimdty just had an idea. I know that face. 99 00:04:28,841 --> 00:04:30,093 Give it to me, give it to me. 100 00:04:30,176 --> 00:04:32,029 What are you thinking, big cat? What are you thinking, big cat? 101 00:04:32,053 --> 00:04:33,054 I just… 102 00:04:35,348 --> 00:04:38,142 Just keep thinking… now, if we own it, don't be kicking it. 103 00:04:38,476 --> 00:04:39,602 Just… Yeah, oh. 104 00:04:41,020 --> 00:04:42,146 Aah! 105 00:04:42,230 --> 00:04:43,523 - Ouch. - Okay. 106 00:04:44,524 --> 00:04:47,318 Hey, pal, uh, what's happening? 107 00:04:47,652 --> 00:04:49,904 My mom still owes me my bar mitzvah money. 108 00:04:49,987 --> 00:04:52,407 I mean, we can ask her, but, you know, she's… 109 00:04:52,490 --> 00:04:56,619 - Pushy, overbearing, controlling. - So, what? Oh, she's a typical Jewish mom? 110 00:04:57,161 --> 00:04:58,639 It's anti-Semitic when you say it like that. 111 00:04:58,663 --> 00:05:01,016 So… So what, she likes to get involved? That's great, you know. 112 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,684 I don't feel very comfortable when I'm around her. 113 00:05:02,708 --> 00:05:04,908 Well, boo-hoo, she thinks you want to have sex with her. 114 00:05:05,253 --> 00:05:07,064 Try learning about the birds and the bees from her 115 00:05:07,088 --> 00:05:08,923 using a doughnut and a banana. 116 00:05:09,090 --> 00:05:11,235 By the way, neither one of which are used for what you think they are. 117 00:05:11,259 --> 00:05:12,468 How could that be? 118 00:05:13,594 --> 00:05:14,834 Hey, want to grab a bite later? 119 00:05:14,887 --> 00:05:16,264 You know it, partner. 120 00:05:18,933 --> 00:05:21,185 Hey, Aly, uh, want to grab a beer after work? 121 00:05:21,352 --> 00:05:22,520 Ooh… 122 00:05:23,521 --> 00:05:25,022 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. 123 00:05:28,651 --> 00:05:29,819 Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. 124 00:05:29,902 --> 00:05:31,279 Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya. 125 00:05:31,362 --> 00:05:32,530 Ooh. 126 00:05:42,039 --> 00:05:44,041 Uh, ooh. 127 00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:48,963 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh… 128 00:05:49,046 --> 00:05:50,798 - No. - Oh, come on. 129 00:05:50,882 --> 00:05:53,593 Not work related, not interested, Bishop. 130 00:05:54,052 --> 00:05:56,387 We're professionals, not friends. 131 00:05:58,014 --> 00:06:00,141 Oh, God. Here we go. Showtime. 132 00:06:00,975 --> 00:06:02,477 - Mama! - No! 133 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,396 I was meeting my little boy, not this handsome movie star. 134 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,274 What are you doing with these? Why would you hide your hazels? 135 00:06:08,983 --> 00:06:12,028 Hi, sweetheart. Oh! 136 00:06:12,111 --> 00:06:13,505 Hey, Louise, it's really good to see you. 137 00:06:13,529 --> 00:06:15,073 I bet it is. Tape it down, Miller. 138 00:06:15,156 --> 00:06:17,075 - Tape it? - Here, look at your baby brother. 139 00:06:17,742 --> 00:06:20,453 How handsome is Reggie? Give him a kiss. 140 00:06:20,536 --> 00:06:22,163 Kiss your brother. Give him a kiss. 141 00:06:22,455 --> 00:06:24,457 Give him a kiss. He loves it. Kiss him, kiss him. 142 00:06:24,665 --> 00:06:27,001 Okay, give him a scratch. He loves a scratch. 143 00:06:27,085 --> 00:06:28,211 He loves a scratch. 144 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,046 Can I get an alcohol? 145 00:06:36,386 --> 00:06:37,553 So, how's Susan? 146 00:06:37,887 --> 00:06:40,348 Susan's my-my mom's work friend who she lives with. 147 00:06:40,431 --> 00:06:41,682 Susan cuts her own firewood. 148 00:06:41,766 --> 00:06:44,286 - Susan's my girlfriend. - That's what I said, your work friend. 149 00:06:44,310 --> 00:06:46,062 She's good. We just got a new mattress. 150 00:06:46,270 --> 00:06:48,022 So work's been more comfortable. 151 00:06:51,067 --> 00:06:52,527 What? What… What now? 152 00:06:53,111 --> 00:06:55,321 - Is it my sweater? Is it too dark? - It might be. Here. 153 00:06:56,697 --> 00:06:59,617 - You got… You got me a sweater? - Mmm-hmm. Now that's nice. 154 00:06:59,867 --> 00:07:01,160 That's nice. Try it on. 155 00:07:01,244 --> 00:07:03,263 - I'm trying. I'm putting it on right now. - It goes over your head. 156 00:07:03,287 --> 00:07:04,681 He's putting a sweater on a sweater? 157 00:07:04,705 --> 00:07:05,998 - Get over it. - Get over it. 158 00:07:06,332 --> 00:07:07,959 That's nice, very nice. 159 00:07:08,167 --> 00:07:09,727 Thank you so much. I love this so much. 160 00:07:10,294 --> 00:07:12,854 Schmidt, isn't there something you want to ask your mother about? 161 00:07:12,922 --> 00:07:15,842 Well, I did… I did want to ask you about… 162 00:07:15,925 --> 00:07:18,678 Your voice is wavering. Here, have some chocolate. 163 00:07:18,761 --> 00:07:20,239 - No, Mom, I'm okay. Thank you. - Have it. 164 00:07:20,263 --> 00:07:21,597 Here, have it, have it, have it. 165 00:07:21,681 --> 00:07:24,001 - I'll just have one. - Have it, have it. Have it, have it. 166 00:07:24,767 --> 00:07:26,769 - There you go. - I do love it. Hmm! 167 00:07:27,019 --> 00:07:29,188 So, I… What I was thinking about was… 168 00:07:29,731 --> 00:07:30,732 Uh… 169 00:07:30,815 --> 00:07:32,150 My bar mitzvah money. 170 00:07:34,193 --> 00:07:37,280 - Can I have it? - Oh, my God! Of course you can! Yes. 171 00:07:38,114 --> 00:07:39,574 Oh, that was… Yeah, so easy. 172 00:07:39,657 --> 00:07:41,337 As soon as you write your thank-you notes. 173 00:07:41,743 --> 00:07:44,162 You didn't forget, did you? He never did his thank-you cards. 174 00:07:44,245 --> 00:07:46,539 Mom, I just thought that you know, that was so long ago… 175 00:07:46,622 --> 00:07:47,808 - Well, you know. - If I just gave you the money, 176 00:07:47,832 --> 00:07:49,143 what kind of lesson would that be? 177 00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:51,687 You finish your cards, you get the money. That's fair, isn't it? 178 00:07:51,753 --> 00:07:53,546 You didn't finish your thank-you cards? 179 00:07:53,629 --> 00:07:55,229 There's a hat in the bag, too. Try it on. 180 00:07:57,842 --> 00:07:59,010 Put it on. 181 00:07:59,802 --> 00:08:01,922 That's very nice. Take it off, you're in a restaurant. 182 00:08:04,348 --> 00:08:06,267 Sure about this? It's not too late to bail. 183 00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:08,895 We're going. It's the right thing to do. 184 00:08:09,145 --> 00:08:11,355 Look, we'll be in and out of there in five minutes. 185 00:08:11,814 --> 00:08:13,566 It'll be so packed, no one will notice. 186 00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:20,698 The right thing to do. 187 00:08:20,782 --> 00:08:21,783 Is it? 188 00:08:25,995 --> 00:08:30,750 And, uh, Pete said, "If you gotta puke, Duffy, just puke." 189 00:08:30,875 --> 00:08:33,836 Almost time to tell the story about your close friend Pete. 190 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,756 I'm just gonna tell the truth. We went on a few dates. That's it. 191 00:08:36,839 --> 00:08:38,966 I'm Val, Pete's girlfriend. 192 00:08:41,469 --> 00:08:43,304 I'm sorry. 193 00:08:43,805 --> 00:08:46,057 Would you mind going? How did you know Pete? 194 00:08:50,728 --> 00:08:53,564 Um, from work. We worked together. 195 00:08:53,648 --> 00:08:54,816 You're a sports agent, too? 196 00:08:55,108 --> 00:08:56,651 - Wow… - Yep. 197 00:08:57,860 --> 00:09:01,739 Okay, we got a lot of thank-you cards to write and not a lot of time. 198 00:09:01,823 --> 00:09:04,742 Let's get into it. I'll start, okay? Let's go, here we go. 199 00:09:05,034 --> 00:09:06,786 "To whom it may" 200 00:09:07,829 --> 00:09:08,830 "concern…" 201 00:09:08,913 --> 00:09:11,499 - To… To whom it may concern? - I'm on a vibe. 202 00:09:11,582 --> 00:09:13,936 Nick, these need to have personal details. My mom is gonna check them. 203 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,229 All right, then get me the guest list. 204 00:09:15,253 --> 00:09:16,397 Where have you imagined that I've been holding 205 00:09:16,421 --> 00:09:17,606 onto the guest list for all these years? 206 00:09:17,630 --> 00:09:19,775 Just carrying it around in my wallet? This is impossible. 207 00:09:19,799 --> 00:09:22,301 This is gonna take some serious detective work. 208 00:09:23,678 --> 00:09:25,118 It's a good thing I can call backup. 209 00:09:27,140 --> 00:09:29,434 - Hey. - You said this was a work thing. 210 00:09:29,517 --> 00:09:32,437 It is a work thing. It's a work-style thing. 211 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:36,065 You see, we need your skills to solve a cold case. 212 00:09:44,490 --> 00:09:46,701 Hey, you want your bar mitzvah money? Tell me her name. 213 00:09:47,076 --> 00:09:48,911 - I don't remember. - I don't believe you! 214 00:09:49,328 --> 00:09:52,623 Just relax. Relax. Here, Schmidt. Sip that. 215 00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:55,126 Want to hear the music again? 216 00:09:57,211 --> 00:09:58,421 All right, there we go. 217 00:09:58,504 --> 00:09:59,922 Uh-huh. 218 00:10:00,006 --> 00:10:03,551 Yeah, you're 13-years-old, everybody's feeling it… 219 00:10:04,385 --> 00:10:06,345 Motown Philly's back again… 220 00:10:06,429 --> 00:10:09,223 - Enough. What was her name? - Sharon Rosenberg! 221 00:10:11,059 --> 00:10:14,228 Okay. 257 Sea Cove Drive, 11021. 222 00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:19,984 Okay. "Dear Mrs. Rosenberg… Thank you for the check." 223 00:10:20,068 --> 00:10:21,795 - I need a personal detail! - Personal detail! 224 00:10:21,819 --> 00:10:24,072 - She had a pool. - "Cannonball!" 225 00:10:24,739 --> 00:10:27,408 - "Love, Schmidt." - Cannonball! 226 00:10:27,492 --> 00:10:29,285 Okay, Schmidt. All right, Schmidt. 227 00:10:29,702 --> 00:10:31,096 - Who's this guy? - I don't know, Winston. 228 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,347 It's too far away, I can't tell. 229 00:10:32,371 --> 00:10:34,999 Uh… Enhance, enhance, enhance… Okay, too far, too far. 230 00:10:35,083 --> 00:10:36,250 Dehance, dehance. 231 00:10:36,959 --> 00:10:38,503 - Scott Rubenstein! - Scott Rubenstein. 232 00:10:38,628 --> 00:10:39,712 My mom's CPA. 233 00:10:39,796 --> 00:10:41,297 Scott Rubenstein… 234 00:10:42,673 --> 00:10:43,925 Deceased. 235 00:10:46,386 --> 00:10:47,929 - Yes! - Yes! 236 00:10:48,012 --> 00:10:49,347 Love the dead ones. 237 00:10:49,889 --> 00:10:54,435 You know, Pete wasn't just a sports agent. He understood sports. 238 00:10:54,519 --> 00:10:56,687 Like, he knew the rules, all of them. 239 00:10:57,063 --> 00:11:00,566 Offsides, unnecessary bumping. 240 00:11:00,817 --> 00:11:04,445 What happens if you hit a bird with the ball you throw… 241 00:11:04,529 --> 00:11:06,340 Excuse… Excuse me. Can I, uh, borrow her for a second? 242 00:11:06,364 --> 00:11:07,448 Thank you. 243 00:11:07,949 --> 00:11:09,843 - What's up? - Uh… What the hell are you doing? 244 00:11:09,867 --> 00:11:11,953 I'm trying to save that poor girl's feelings. 245 00:11:12,036 --> 00:11:13,639 If she knew the truth, it would shatter her. 246 00:11:13,663 --> 00:11:15,873 - I am going to the nail salon, okay? Bye. - Cece… 247 00:11:15,957 --> 00:11:17,750 - I'm out. - Hey, wait! Guys, wait. 248 00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:19,252 No, stop… Guys. 249 00:11:19,919 --> 00:11:22,088 The only sport I know is Ricky Ball, 250 00:11:22,171 --> 00:11:23,857 and I'm pretty sure my friend Ricky made that up. 251 00:11:23,881 --> 00:11:26,259 No. Lying about who you are is not the right thing to do. 252 00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:28,511 - I am going. - Coach… 253 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,513 Is this, uh… 254 00:11:30,596 --> 00:11:32,116 Is this Pete's thing? He was my agent. 255 00:11:32,390 --> 00:11:33,683 Of course he was. 256 00:11:33,975 --> 00:11:36,394 Who else would represent NFL star JJ Watt? 257 00:11:37,186 --> 00:11:39,814 Uh, Pete was my best friend and, uh… 258 00:11:40,773 --> 00:11:42,108 God, it's good to see you. 259 00:11:44,026 --> 00:11:46,571 Wouldn't the couch be better over there? All that light? 260 00:11:46,654 --> 00:11:48,698 Or do you like to live like a radish, underground? 261 00:11:49,115 --> 00:11:51,242 So we worked really hard on the… On the cards. 262 00:11:52,702 --> 00:11:53,995 Let's see what we got. 263 00:11:55,747 --> 00:11:57,165 Okay. 264 00:11:57,415 --> 00:11:58,833 But you know what would be better? 265 00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:01,337 Connie's into gardening. You should mention that. 266 00:12:01,586 --> 00:12:03,296 And if you really want your card to pop, 267 00:12:03,504 --> 00:12:06,215 you can use a nice fountain pen on silver stationery. 268 00:12:06,299 --> 00:12:08,509 And you should sign your full name, not just Schmidt. 269 00:12:08,593 --> 00:12:09,945 I mean, you have a lovely first name. 270 00:12:09,969 --> 00:12:11,971 Great! I'll just make all those changes, Mom! 271 00:12:15,808 --> 00:12:17,643 Okay. 272 00:12:18,519 --> 00:12:20,914 You're not getting me into your pants, you little jackhammer. 273 00:12:20,938 --> 00:12:22,690 Oh, I don't want you in my pants, Louise. 274 00:12:22,774 --> 00:12:23,858 - Okay. - Okay. 275 00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:25,318 Okay. 276 00:12:28,362 --> 00:12:30,823 - So then Pete says to… - Allen Iverson. 277 00:12:30,907 --> 00:12:32,384 "You want to keep sportsing on the…" 278 00:12:32,408 --> 00:12:33,409 "Grizzlies." 279 00:12:33,493 --> 00:12:36,079 "But if you want me to show you the money, then…" 280 00:12:36,162 --> 00:12:38,956 "You gotta finish your career off with the '76ers!" 281 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,959 And it was classic Pete. 282 00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:44,962 It's so nice to remember work as more than just a thing 283 00:12:45,088 --> 00:12:46,728 that kept Pete on the phone all the time. 284 00:12:46,798 --> 00:12:47,924 You're very welcome. 285 00:12:48,007 --> 00:12:49,592 Oh, Val, you should have Pete's phone. 286 00:12:49,842 --> 00:12:51,803 All those memories and photos… 287 00:12:52,345 --> 00:12:53,572 It's in the garage with all his stuff. 288 00:12:53,596 --> 00:12:55,014 I'll give it to you before you go. 289 00:12:55,098 --> 00:12:56,099 - Thank you. - Mmm-hmm. 290 00:13:00,186 --> 00:13:02,897 Okay, we gotta find that phone before Val sees the sext. 291 00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:04,315 Yes, it is the right thing to do. 292 00:13:04,399 --> 00:13:06,442 Like I've said all along. I got a good thing going 293 00:13:06,526 --> 00:13:07,711 with JJ and I'm not gonna let you ruin it. 294 00:13:07,735 --> 00:13:09,320 That's the funeral spirit. 295 00:13:12,824 --> 00:13:14,104 What are you guys doing in here? 296 00:13:14,492 --> 00:13:16,595 - What are you doing here? - I'm looking for Pete's phone. 297 00:13:16,619 --> 00:13:18,538 So are we! Did you sext him, too? 298 00:13:18,621 --> 00:13:20,498 No. I fired Pete over text, 299 00:13:20,581 --> 00:13:23,793 so I didn't want to crush his family. That's why I'm at the memorial. 300 00:13:23,876 --> 00:13:25,516 Not because it was the right thing to do? 301 00:13:25,545 --> 00:13:27,185 No. No. I mean, we never even went skiing. 302 00:13:27,255 --> 00:13:28,589 Who makes up these rules? 303 00:13:28,673 --> 00:13:29,716 Now… 304 00:13:30,425 --> 00:13:31,527 What are you guys doing out here? 305 00:13:31,551 --> 00:13:32,677 - Um… - Singing. 306 00:13:33,928 --> 00:13:35,054 What? 307 00:13:36,389 --> 00:13:37,807 We like to sing. 308 00:13:38,307 --> 00:13:39,684 Together. About… 309 00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:40,768 - Sports. - Food. 310 00:13:40,852 --> 00:13:41,936 Sports foods. 311 00:13:42,395 --> 00:13:44,564 That's fun. It's… 312 00:13:45,773 --> 00:13:47,066 Would you guys… 313 00:13:47,525 --> 00:13:49,110 Would it be putting you on the spot 314 00:13:49,193 --> 00:13:50,838 - if I asked you to do one? - I think that wouldn't be appropriate. 315 00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:52,047 Actually, yes. I feel like it's a little… 316 00:13:52,071 --> 00:13:54,073 Hot dogs. 317 00:13:55,074 --> 00:13:56,492 Hot dogs… 318 00:13:58,953 --> 00:14:02,749 Everybody loves hot dogs. 319 00:14:02,832 --> 00:14:05,084 Hot dogs -Dogs. 320 00:14:05,168 --> 00:14:07,837 Everybody's favorite treat is hot dogs. 321 00:14:07,962 --> 00:14:09,380 Hot dogs. 322 00:14:09,464 --> 00:14:12,341 Pretzels! 323 00:14:15,386 --> 00:14:17,597 Whoa, partner! Wait up! 324 00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:21,851 That work-style thing was pretty fun. Let's parlay that into a beer. 325 00:14:22,018 --> 00:14:24,312 My buddy has a bar he works at, down the street. 326 00:14:24,395 --> 00:14:26,481 It's carpeted, so… 327 00:14:26,814 --> 00:14:28,524 Bishop, what don't you get? 328 00:14:28,941 --> 00:14:30,068 No. 329 00:14:36,032 --> 00:14:37,075 Are you okay? 330 00:14:37,158 --> 00:14:38,910 Oh, hey, man. Thanks. 331 00:14:39,118 --> 00:14:40,995 Yeah, I don't know, man. It's just… 332 00:14:41,079 --> 00:14:42,288 I'm talking to a ladybug. 333 00:14:43,039 --> 00:14:44,290 Squeeze my hand! 334 00:14:44,707 --> 00:14:48,669 Just one more push! You're almost there! The first child is always the hardest! 335 00:14:50,379 --> 00:14:51,506 Hey, bud. 336 00:14:51,589 --> 00:14:53,383 - Hard candy? - Is it butterscotch? 337 00:14:53,466 --> 00:14:54,926 No, 'cause we're friggin' strangers. 338 00:14:56,302 --> 00:14:58,304 "Is it butterscotch?" 339 00:14:58,888 --> 00:15:01,599 So, you freaked out a little back there, didn't you? 340 00:15:02,308 --> 00:15:04,519 Not to use some Popsicle psychology… 341 00:15:04,602 --> 00:15:05,645 "Popsicle psychology"? 342 00:15:05,728 --> 00:15:07,939 Yeah, it's pop psychology for short. 343 00:15:08,314 --> 00:15:09,399 'Cause, you know, 344 00:15:09,482 --> 00:15:11,202 you eat the Popsicle and you love it so much 345 00:15:11,234 --> 00:15:13,444 and then you're stuck holding the-the stick? 346 00:15:13,820 --> 00:15:15,738 You get it. You get it. 347 00:15:15,822 --> 00:15:17,342 - Not really, but… - I think you have 348 00:15:17,407 --> 00:15:19,659 some pent-up resentment towards your mom. 349 00:15:20,660 --> 00:15:21,786 She's trying to control you! 350 00:15:22,245 --> 00:15:25,581 She treats you like a little baby who can't do anything for himself. 351 00:15:25,665 --> 00:15:27,184 That's why I never wrote the cards in the first place. 352 00:15:27,208 --> 00:15:29,127 Go tell that to your mom! 353 00:15:29,544 --> 00:15:30,670 She'll understand. 354 00:15:30,795 --> 00:15:32,255 I don't understand. 355 00:15:33,339 --> 00:15:34,900 The couch looks good here though, doesn't it? 356 00:15:34,924 --> 00:15:36,175 It opens up the whole room. 357 00:15:36,259 --> 00:15:38,428 Louise, I think what your boy is trying to say is… 358 00:15:38,511 --> 00:15:39,637 Shut it, Nick. 359 00:15:40,805 --> 00:15:42,245 Honey, why do you hang out with him? 360 00:15:42,682 --> 00:15:45,768 You know Nancy Borkow? Her son just moved to L.A. 361 00:15:46,269 --> 00:15:48,229 He wrote a movie script for the movies. 362 00:15:48,312 --> 00:15:50,064 I can connect you. You need better friends! 363 00:15:50,148 --> 00:15:51,315 Enough, Mom! 364 00:15:52,191 --> 00:15:55,236 You don't get to choose my friends! You don't get to choose anything! 365 00:15:55,653 --> 00:15:57,196 Because this is my life! 366 00:15:57,655 --> 00:16:00,616 It's my dream and nothing's gonna stop me now! 367 00:16:02,285 --> 00:16:03,929 It feels like that's from something. It feels like, it feels like… 368 00:16:03,953 --> 00:16:04,996 My life. 369 00:16:05,079 --> 00:16:06,140 It's from a movie or something. 370 00:16:06,164 --> 00:16:08,142 - Yeah, I think it's a song. It's a song. - Like some sort of song, right? 371 00:16:08,166 --> 00:16:10,966 - It's the Perfect Stranger theme. - Well, you know, it doesn't matter! 372 00:16:11,043 --> 00:16:12,938 You know, we did a good job with those cards, Mom. 373 00:16:12,962 --> 00:16:14,402 And we don't need any of your money. 374 00:16:14,464 --> 00:16:18,009 Whoa, we're all being very emotional. Let's just slow everything… 375 00:16:18,092 --> 00:16:19,385 I'm moving the couch back! 376 00:16:22,889 --> 00:16:24,140 Gosh! 377 00:16:25,558 --> 00:16:27,060 Did you nail that thing down? 378 00:16:27,935 --> 00:16:30,813 That's… You move that all by yourself? I'm an adult man, Mom. 379 00:16:30,897 --> 00:16:32,897 And Nick is my best friend in the whole wide world. 380 00:16:33,107 --> 00:16:36,736 And we're gonna buy a small portion of that bar without any of your help. 381 00:16:42,617 --> 00:16:45,345 And also, there's some leftover chili in the fridge if you get hungry, 382 00:16:45,369 --> 00:16:46,412 and, please, make sure 383 00:16:46,496 --> 00:16:48,182 to put a plate over it before you put it in the microwave. 384 00:16:48,206 --> 00:16:49,791 I don't want it to splatter everywhere! 385 00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:54,629 And that's why they call it. 386 00:16:54,712 --> 00:16:57,590 The out-of-peanuts. 387 00:16:58,091 --> 00:16:59,926 Blues… 388 00:17:00,009 --> 00:17:04,097 Stadium taco. 389 00:17:07,225 --> 00:17:09,852 Thank you guys for being a bright spot on my sad day. 390 00:17:10,770 --> 00:17:12,105 Aah! 391 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,608 - Shucks! - Sorry! I thought I saw Pete's ghost! 392 00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:17,360 It was a paint can. 393 00:17:17,735 --> 00:17:18,861 Are you sure about… 394 00:17:20,446 --> 00:17:21,864 Ugh! We gotta find this phone. 395 00:17:21,948 --> 00:17:24,242 - And get the hell out of here. - Okay, it's ringing. 396 00:17:25,159 --> 00:17:26,244 Can anybody hear it? 397 00:17:26,828 --> 00:17:30,540 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 398 00:17:30,623 --> 00:17:32,667 There's another box. 399 00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:34,961 What the hell… "Property of Pete"? 400 00:17:35,420 --> 00:17:37,839 He made my sext his caller I.D.? 401 00:17:37,922 --> 00:17:39,090 This is a sext? 402 00:17:42,176 --> 00:17:43,803 JJ fired him over text! 403 00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:51,203 After the day I had, I needed this. 404 00:17:51,227 --> 00:17:52,478 Me, too. 405 00:17:53,354 --> 00:17:54,564 What happened? 406 00:17:54,647 --> 00:17:56,041 I know you were talking to yourself. 407 00:17:56,065 --> 00:17:58,609 Now you're talking to a stranger. Get over it. 408 00:17:58,693 --> 00:18:00,903 Is that a crime in California? What happened? 409 00:18:00,987 --> 00:18:03,322 I got dragged to a random dude's funeral. 410 00:18:03,406 --> 00:18:05,175 - Who dragged you? - My friend. She always thinks 411 00:18:05,199 --> 00:18:06,325 she knows what's best. 412 00:18:06,409 --> 00:18:08,578 Who's your friend… Me? 413 00:18:10,288 --> 00:18:11,372 No. 414 00:18:11,831 --> 00:18:13,833 I got accused of that today by my son. 415 00:18:14,167 --> 00:18:15,585 He's tired of me babying him. 416 00:18:15,668 --> 00:18:18,212 But he's my baby, so what am I supposed to do? 417 00:18:18,296 --> 00:18:19,797 Maybe you have to let go a little. 418 00:18:20,673 --> 00:18:25,261 This is why strangers talk. You're a genius. 419 00:18:25,344 --> 00:18:27,156 Want to see a picture of my son? He's handsome. 420 00:18:27,180 --> 00:18:29,849 Nah. I'm kind of in love with my ex, so… 421 00:18:30,099 --> 00:18:32,185 All right, you can't date him anyway. 422 00:18:32,268 --> 00:18:35,063 You're not Jewish, so over my dead body and all that. 423 00:18:38,191 --> 00:18:39,692 Today was not a win for me. 424 00:18:39,776 --> 00:18:41,360 It's the right thing to do. 425 00:18:41,694 --> 00:18:43,112 I don't even know what that means. 426 00:18:43,196 --> 00:18:45,531 - Well, you made today about yourself. - Mmm. 427 00:18:45,615 --> 00:18:48,034 Not to use popcorn psychology, but it's human nature. 428 00:18:48,117 --> 00:18:50,161 You know? Soon as I saw JJ walk in, I was, like, 429 00:18:50,244 --> 00:18:51,788 "JJ WATT, BE MY BEST FRIEND." 430 00:18:54,707 --> 00:18:57,835 I got to do something. Should I tell Aly off? Uh… 431 00:18:58,419 --> 00:19:00,689 Put in for a new partner? What's the right thing to do here? 432 00:19:00,713 --> 00:19:04,300 I can say with 100% certainty I have no idea. 433 00:19:04,384 --> 00:19:06,469 Look at you. I'm proud of you. 434 00:19:06,552 --> 00:19:08,388 - I learned from the best. - That's awesome. 435 00:19:08,471 --> 00:19:10,640 What a wonderful moment we're having today! 436 00:19:10,723 --> 00:19:13,017 You know what? I'll figure it out myself. Thank you. 437 00:19:13,893 --> 00:19:15,603 This is from that sixth grader over there. 438 00:19:16,604 --> 00:19:17,730 What… 439 00:19:22,110 --> 00:19:24,070 Aly, what are you doing here? 440 00:19:24,153 --> 00:19:25,696 I just wanted to explain. Look… 441 00:19:26,614 --> 00:19:31,119 I hung out a lot with my last partner. And we got close and… 442 00:19:31,202 --> 00:19:32,245 - You shot him? - What? 443 00:19:32,328 --> 00:19:33,413 - He died? - No. 444 00:19:33,496 --> 00:19:35,415 Oh, my goodness… Is he… Did he survive? 445 00:19:35,498 --> 00:19:36,582 What are you talking about? 446 00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:37,792 How did you partner die? 447 00:19:37,875 --> 00:19:39,043 He didn't die! 448 00:19:39,127 --> 00:19:40,211 So, what's your point? 449 00:19:40,294 --> 00:19:41,629 He just fell in love with me! 450 00:19:41,712 --> 00:19:43,172 - Oh… Oh! Oh! - Yeah. 451 00:19:43,256 --> 00:19:44,650 - Ooh… - And it messed everything up. 452 00:19:44,674 --> 00:19:46,634 And I just don't want that to happen again. 453 00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:49,345 Damn, you're conceited! 454 00:19:50,388 --> 00:19:51,723 Don't nobody want your babies. 455 00:19:51,806 --> 00:19:53,141 I know that now! 456 00:19:53,224 --> 00:19:56,310 I mean, you brought me to your loft and showed me a bar mitzvah video. 457 00:19:56,519 --> 00:19:58,020 - Friends? - Cool, cool. 458 00:19:58,104 --> 00:20:00,815 Just, uh… Don't go falling in love with me. 459 00:20:01,190 --> 00:20:04,026 - 'Cause I'm lovable as hell. - Okay. I think I'll be okay. 460 00:20:04,110 --> 00:20:05,278 All right. 461 00:20:14,954 --> 00:20:16,038 Another! 462 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,292 Oh, my. 463 00:20:20,042 --> 00:20:21,043 Michael… 464 00:20:21,127 --> 00:20:22,795 We'd like to buy your share of the bar. 465 00:20:22,879 --> 00:20:25,923 And although we don't have the full $20,000 at the present… 466 00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:28,676 - You don't have the money? No. - But we're the right guys. 467 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,237 No, the right guys would have the money. 468 00:20:30,261 --> 00:20:31,554 Or Kieran Culkin's mouth. 469 00:20:31,637 --> 00:20:32,847 How about Owen Wilson's nose? 470 00:20:34,098 --> 00:20:36,184 Mom? 471 00:20:38,394 --> 00:20:40,688 Oh, my God! Schmidt, is this your mom? 472 00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:43,316 Hi. I've heard so much about you. How's Long Island? 473 00:20:43,399 --> 00:20:46,027 - Any cute Schmidt stories? - I need less from you. 474 00:20:46,110 --> 00:20:47,195 Okay. 475 00:20:48,571 --> 00:20:52,575 I met a Mexican woman at the nail salon who made me realize 476 00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:54,243 I need to let go. 477 00:20:54,827 --> 00:20:56,079 You're a man. 478 00:20:56,788 --> 00:20:58,664 And you deserve your bar mitzvah money. 479 00:20:59,123 --> 00:21:00,500 Thanks, Mom. 480 00:21:01,959 --> 00:21:04,587 Mike, we want to buy your 10% of the bar. 481 00:21:04,670 --> 00:21:05,963 This bar? 482 00:21:06,422 --> 00:21:08,925 There's a dying catfish laying on the sidewalk out front! 483 00:21:09,008 --> 00:21:11,048 This would be a hilarious time for me to back out… 484 00:21:12,011 --> 00:21:14,430 - But okay. - Yes! We're part owners! 485 00:21:14,514 --> 00:21:17,433 We're part owners! 486 00:21:20,186 --> 00:21:21,437 How great is this moment? 487 00:21:21,521 --> 00:21:26,484 I just think you'd be more of a success socially if you let people come to you. 488 00:21:26,567 --> 00:21:27,735 You know what's fun? 489 00:21:28,319 --> 00:21:30,696 I'm not gonna be able to sleep until we're best friends. 490 00:21:34,033 --> 00:21:36,869 Nick, can you believe it? You're a bar owner. I'm so proud of you. 491 00:21:36,994 --> 00:21:38,788 None of this would've happened 492 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,750 - without Schmidt standing up to his mom. - It was so scary. 493 00:21:42,834 --> 00:21:44,502 I can't believe I missed her. 494 00:21:44,585 --> 00:21:47,714 We still can use the other 90% of the bar, right? 495 00:21:47,797 --> 00:21:49,233 - Yes. - You know that's not how it works, right? 496 00:21:49,257 --> 00:21:50,317 This is just my favorite section. 497 00:21:50,341 --> 00:21:51,981 - I wanted to… - It's a financial share. 498 00:21:52,093 --> 00:21:53,862 To Schmidt's mom, who I do want to have sex with! 499 00:21:53,886 --> 00:21:54,887 Nick!