1 00:00:01,233 --> 00:00:03,033 Just make up an excuse 2 00:00:03,068 --> 00:00:04,818 and get out of jury duty, Jess. 3 00:00:04,842 --> 00:00:07,209 - Please, I need you. - No, Nick. 4 00:00:07,233 --> 00:00:08,724 It's a right and a privilege. 5 00:00:08,740 --> 00:00:10,707 In South Africa, they don't even have juries. 6 00:00:10,742 --> 00:00:12,489 They have a-a judge and two assessors. 7 00:00:12,514 --> 00:00:14,180 God, I would have bullied you as a kid. 8 00:00:14,216 --> 00:00:16,249 Jury duty is supposed to be a sacrifice. 9 00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:17,851 Would I like to be at work right now, 10 00:00:17,886 --> 00:00:20,309 participating in the Spirit Week assembly? 11 00:00:20,334 --> 00:00:21,357 Yeah, I would. 12 00:00:21,382 --> 00:00:23,904 I've turned in some memorable performances in the past. 13 00:00:29,898 --> 00:00:31,865 But it's just one day... you'll be fine without me. 14 00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:33,833 Now that Cece and Schmidt are engaged, 15 00:00:33,869 --> 00:00:37,326 she's here all the time, and her stuff is everywhere. 16 00:00:37,351 --> 00:00:38,810 Okay, yes, she's a hot slob. 17 00:00:38,835 --> 00:00:41,518 Ever since she got boobs, people stopped making her do stuff. 18 00:00:41,543 --> 00:00:43,777 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that is not an excuse. 19 00:00:43,812 --> 00:00:46,199 When I first grew boobs, people started handing me stuff, 20 00:00:46,224 --> 00:00:48,148 and I got messy, but then you got to grow up. 21 00:00:48,183 --> 00:00:50,150 - Not the same thing. - They're just boobs. 22 00:00:50,185 --> 00:00:52,152 I promise you, tonight when I get back from jury duty, 23 00:00:52,187 --> 00:00:55,045 I will explain it to her in a way that she'll listen to, 24 00:00:55,070 --> 00:00:57,557 unlike your way, where she'll rip your dingle off 25 00:00:57,592 --> 00:00:59,793 and sew it back on your head like a unicorn horn. 26 00:00:59,828 --> 00:01:00,960 She doesn't even live here. 27 00:01:00,996 --> 00:01:02,490 She never signed our loft agreement. 28 00:01:02,515 --> 00:01:04,277 She doesn't even know all the rules. 29 00:01:04,302 --> 00:01:06,066 Hi. Look at you. 30 00:01:06,101 --> 00:01:07,634 You look so cute. 31 00:01:07,669 --> 00:01:09,803 Thank you. 32 00:01:09,838 --> 00:01:11,482 Love this top. 33 00:01:12,256 --> 00:01:14,691 Jess, Nick needs to stop telling that wet pants story, okay? 34 00:01:14,716 --> 00:01:16,743 - I know. - I've heard it four times this week. 35 00:01:16,778 --> 00:01:19,012 So I take a hot glass out of the dishwasher, 36 00:01:19,047 --> 00:01:21,160 I pour cold water into it, 37 00:01:21,185 --> 00:01:22,849 then the customer picks up the glass, 38 00:01:22,884 --> 00:01:24,250 and the bottom falls off. 39 00:01:24,286 --> 00:01:25,585 - Oh, that's crazy. - For real? 40 00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:26,986 He looks down, and he goes, like, 41 00:01:27,022 --> 00:01:28,688 "Oh, my pants are wet." 42 00:01:30,592 --> 00:01:33,493 I know, he-he needs to shape that story. 43 00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:34,894 I don't know how you live with him. 44 00:01:34,930 --> 00:01:36,496 He is the most obnoxious... 45 00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:37,764 Knock it off. 46 00:01:37,799 --> 00:01:38,932 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 47 00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:40,201 Stop. Stop it. Knock it off. 48 00:01:40,226 --> 00:01:41,334 Jess, are you cool with me hanging 49 00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:43,169 this groundbreaking poster 50 00:01:43,205 --> 00:01:44,934 of dogs playing poker on the wall? 51 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:46,506 Jess, please tell him that he cannot hang 52 00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:48,408 - this horrible painting. - I really have to go. 53 00:01:48,443 --> 00:01:49,876 I think it's hilarious... they're playing poker. 54 00:01:49,911 --> 00:01:51,021 Rather see a painting 55 00:01:51,046 --> 00:01:52,745 of Arnold Schwarzenegger, mid-coitus. 56 00:01:53,782 --> 00:01:55,281 Just straight up doing it. 57 00:01:55,317 --> 00:01:56,749 Let's talk about the painting tonight. 58 00:01:56,785 --> 00:01:58,145 Uh, do nothing till I get home. 59 00:01:58,170 --> 00:01:59,085 Do nothing till I get home. 60 00:01:59,121 --> 00:02:00,707 Do nothing till I get home. 61 00:02:00,732 --> 00:02:01,421 Bye-bye. 62 00:02:01,456 --> 00:02:02,922 - Bye. - Okay. - Yeah. 63 00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:04,290 That's my guy. 64 00:02:04,326 --> 00:02:05,918 Is it me, or is Cece really... 65 00:02:05,943 --> 00:02:06,738 Messy. 66 00:02:06,763 --> 00:02:07,746 Yes. 67 00:02:07,771 --> 00:02:08,895 Dude. 68 00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:10,652 I love it when we say things at... 69 00:02:10,677 --> 00:02:12,298 - Same time. - ... the same time. 70 00:02:12,334 --> 00:02:13,733 Just... just... we're right there s... 71 00:02:13,768 --> 00:02:15,568 R-Right there s... 72 00:02:15,604 --> 00:02:16,970 - Wait. - When we say things at the... 73 00:02:17,005 --> 00:02:18,805 - same... time. - Same... time. 74 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,240 Okay, now you're getting in your head again. 75 00:02:20,275 --> 00:02:21,162 Just relax. 76 00:02:21,451 --> 00:02:23,476 Remember the thing about Cece being really... 77 00:02:23,512 --> 00:02:25,078 Messy. 78 00:02:25,113 --> 00:02:26,913 - And we say things at the same... - The same... 79 00:02:26,948 --> 00:02:28,314 See, you're getting in your head because you're going quieter. 80 00:02:28,350 --> 00:02:29,916 Just go with your gut. 81 00:02:29,951 --> 00:02:31,912 - Isn't Cece really... messy? - This is fun. Messy. 82 00:02:31,937 --> 00:02:33,653 - 'Cause we say things at the same... time. - Time. 83 00:02:33,688 --> 00:02:35,318 - I'm done with you. - I had it. 84 00:02:44,866 --> 00:02:46,799 - Trying to get out of jury duty? - Excuse me? 85 00:02:46,835 --> 00:02:48,060 The way you're dressed, 86 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,517 like you're in a school play about old people. 87 00:02:49,542 --> 00:02:51,160 You want the judge to think you're crazy. 88 00:02:51,482 --> 00:02:53,039 These are my real clothes, 89 00:02:53,074 --> 00:02:55,475 and I would never try to get out of jury duty. 90 00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:58,310 It's not just a right; it's also a privilege. 91 00:02:58,490 --> 00:03:00,793 And who are you to talk about clothes? 92 00:03:00,818 --> 00:03:02,209 You're just wearing a blue suit. 93 00:03:02,234 --> 00:03:03,740 Oh, call Milan. 94 00:03:04,029 --> 00:03:06,162 Notice I'm not calling Milan. 95 00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:07,264 Wow. 96 00:03:08,190 --> 00:03:09,123 I'm sorry. 97 00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:11,145 I actually agree with you. 98 00:03:11,170 --> 00:03:12,392 Can we start over? 99 00:03:12,427 --> 00:03:13,893 Can I buy your coffee for you? 100 00:03:13,929 --> 00:03:16,496 - Herbal tea, and make it a big one. - You got it. 101 00:03:16,531 --> 00:03:17,864 Oh, excuse me. 102 00:03:17,899 --> 00:03:18,936 Yeah. 103 00:03:20,677 --> 00:03:21,734 Oh, hey, Nick. 104 00:03:21,770 --> 00:03:23,904 I just met the other only person in America 105 00:03:23,929 --> 00:03:27,073 who cares about jury duty, and he's a gosh-damn dreamboat. 106 00:03:27,108 --> 00:03:28,508 Jess, we have an emergency. 107 00:03:28,543 --> 00:03:30,143 Cece's washing her clothes, 108 00:03:30,178 --> 00:03:31,844 and I can't even get down the hall. 109 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,490 She's built a laundry dam. 110 00:03:33,515 --> 00:03:35,848 - Well, can't you just step over it? - No time. 111 00:03:35,884 --> 00:03:37,717 You know I need to go straight from the bathroom 112 00:03:37,752 --> 00:03:39,352 to the kitchen. It's a blood sugar thing. 113 00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:41,554 Hey, Jess, it's your roommate Winston Bishop. 114 00:03:41,590 --> 00:03:44,991 Isn't it amazing how a frame can elevate already great art? 115 00:03:45,026 --> 00:03:47,060 Winston, don't hang that picture till I get home. 116 00:03:47,095 --> 00:03:48,828 And I would talk to Schmidt about it, 117 00:03:48,863 --> 00:03:50,396 but it's like he can't even see the mess. 118 00:03:50,432 --> 00:03:52,232 It's like he's love-blind or something. 119 00:03:52,267 --> 00:03:54,513 Oh, man, I've never been this happy in my entire life. 120 00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:55,668 I got to tell you, you guys, 121 00:03:55,704 --> 00:03:57,670 Cece and I just had shower sex. 122 00:03:58,584 --> 00:03:59,272 Don't. 123 00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:00,185 Did he just kiss you? 124 00:04:00,210 --> 00:04:02,060 Why does he act like the Pope when he's happy? 125 00:04:02,085 --> 00:04:03,810 I guess I'll just talk to Cece myself, 126 00:04:03,845 --> 00:04:06,199 and I'll tell her she's a disgusting beast, 127 00:04:06,224 --> 00:04:07,947 and she'll have to listen to me 'cause I'm the man of the house. 128 00:04:07,983 --> 00:04:09,782 What? No, no, no! 129 00:04:09,807 --> 00:04:11,459 Do not talk to Cece. 130 00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:14,887 Also... everything you just said was offensive. Everything. 131 00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:16,889 Do not talk to Cece. 132 00:04:16,925 --> 00:04:19,359 Ignore every natural instinct you have. 133 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,761 What's up, dude? 134 00:04:21,796 --> 00:04:24,130 Hey, you mind if I steal Jess for a second? 135 00:04:24,165 --> 00:04:25,598 Be careful. The screen's cracked. 136 00:04:25,623 --> 00:04:26,965 - You might cut your face off. - Yeah. 137 00:04:26,990 --> 00:04:29,316 Hey, Jess, I'm gonna give you to... to Winston. 138 00:04:29,341 --> 00:04:30,236 Uh... 139 00:04:30,272 --> 00:04:31,935 I just have to step over the... 140 00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,641 I'm not sure how I'm gonna get over the... Here. 141 00:04:34,676 --> 00:04:35,675 Just... 142 00:04:37,679 --> 00:04:39,828 Uh, just... here, come on. 143 00:04:41,950 --> 00:04:44,183 Tell her I got over. Tell her I'm okay. 144 00:04:44,435 --> 00:04:45,785 Nick says he's fine. 145 00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:47,335 Hey, uh, Jess? 146 00:04:47,656 --> 00:04:50,871 If one were to put a hammer through a wall, 147 00:04:50,896 --> 00:04:52,292 what would one do? 148 00:04:52,327 --> 00:04:53,326 I actually have to get going. 149 00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:54,961 - Hello? Je... - Uh, I got to go. Bye. 150 00:04:54,996 --> 00:04:56,006 It was really nice to meet you. 151 00:04:56,031 --> 00:04:57,630 Oh, nice meeting you, too. 152 00:04:57,666 --> 00:04:59,065 Um, I'm Jess. 153 00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:00,166 And you are? 154 00:05:00,201 --> 00:05:01,167 It's on the cup. 155 00:05:01,202 --> 00:05:03,169 Oh. 156 00:05:03,204 --> 00:05:04,771 "Daniel." 157 00:05:04,806 --> 00:05:06,606 And your phone number. That's a cool move. 158 00:05:06,641 --> 00:05:08,741 Yeah, it was a cool move, huh? 159 00:05:11,613 --> 00:05:13,713 You disgusting beast. 160 00:05:16,310 --> 00:05:17,316 Hey, Nick. 161 00:05:17,341 --> 00:05:19,113 Did you leave your cereal out? 162 00:05:19,138 --> 00:05:20,486 You need to clean up after yourself. 163 00:05:21,085 --> 00:05:22,724 Shared living space, bro. 164 00:05:24,135 --> 00:05:25,301 I can't do it. 165 00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:26,269 Schmidt, I can't do it. 166 00:05:26,294 --> 00:05:28,286 You can clean up the cereal. Just go put it away. 167 00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:31,840 There's no cereal here; it's in the kitchen. Go clean it up. 168 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,013 Open your eyes, open your eyes to what's happening. 169 00:05:34,038 --> 00:05:37,003 You already sleep in a mud dungeon. Please... 170 00:05:37,038 --> 00:05:38,438 Cece's a hot slob. 171 00:05:38,473 --> 00:05:40,473 Cece, you're a hot slob. 172 00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:42,809 - What? - I'm sorry, what? 173 00:05:42,844 --> 00:05:44,977 Look around, her stuff is everywhere. 174 00:05:45,013 --> 00:05:46,379 It's disgusting. 175 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,684 Hey, Cece, you know what's fly? 176 00:05:48,709 --> 00:05:50,981 - Love that hat. - Cleaning's fly. 177 00:05:51,006 --> 00:05:52,770 Cleaning's cool, dude. 178 00:05:52,795 --> 00:05:54,887 Hey, everybody, I'm Cece Parekh. 179 00:05:54,923 --> 00:05:57,724 I got a bunch of hats, but I never wear them, 180 00:05:57,759 --> 00:06:00,727 'cause I'm so busy throwing them around, being fly. 181 00:06:01,006 --> 00:06:02,161 Clean up after...! 182 00:06:02,197 --> 00:06:03,302 Let's get her, Winston. 183 00:06:03,327 --> 00:06:04,997 - Am I right? - Uh, you know... 184 00:06:05,033 --> 00:06:06,399 I think we should just remember 185 00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:09,235 that we all make... mistakes, um... 186 00:06:09,270 --> 00:06:10,670 Don't get soft on me right now. 187 00:06:10,705 --> 00:06:11,904 So keep-keep that in mind 188 00:06:11,940 --> 00:06:13,373 as we go forward with our day. 189 00:06:13,408 --> 00:06:14,807 - I'm hard to live with? - Yeah. 190 00:06:14,843 --> 00:06:16,209 Because I got news for you... 191 00:06:16,234 --> 00:06:19,613 you are so much harder to live with. 192 00:06:19,638 --> 00:06:21,701 Hey, uh, guys, I-I feel like we're headed 193 00:06:21,726 --> 00:06:23,483 down a really unproductive path. 194 00:06:23,518 --> 00:06:25,084 I made tabbouleh. Who wants some? 195 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:25,990 Yes. Love some. 196 00:06:26,015 --> 00:06:30,066 You tell the same story over and over. 197 00:06:30,091 --> 00:06:32,225 "I've got wet pants." We get it. 198 00:06:32,260 --> 00:06:33,777 Bottom of the glass fell clean off. 199 00:06:33,802 --> 00:06:34,888 It was a science miracle. 200 00:06:34,913 --> 00:06:36,996 No, the glass was hot, and the ice made the glass contract, 201 00:06:37,031 --> 00:06:39,154 and that is why it broke; not funny the first six times, 202 00:06:39,179 --> 00:06:41,590 and not funny now, 'cause, guess what, Nick Miller... 203 00:06:41,615 --> 00:06:44,003 - not always funny. - No... 204 00:06:44,038 --> 00:06:44,896 Whoa. 205 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:48,066 He's... so funny. You're so funny. 206 00:06:48,091 --> 00:06:49,575 I'm... You don't have to hold me back. There's not a problem. 207 00:06:49,611 --> 00:06:51,223 Say what you got to say. 208 00:06:51,248 --> 00:06:52,578 You want to say anything else, say it. 209 00:06:52,614 --> 00:06:54,113 - Not always funny. - Say it to my face. 210 00:06:54,149 --> 00:06:55,936 - Not always funny. - Say it again. 211 00:06:55,961 --> 00:06:58,084 - Not always funny. - Say it again. 212 00:06:58,119 --> 00:06:59,419 - Not always funny. - Say it again. 213 00:06:59,454 --> 00:07:00,486 - Not always funny. - Say it again. 214 00:07:00,522 --> 00:07:01,952 - Not always funny. - Say it again. 215 00:07:01,977 --> 00:07:03,856 So why don't we just sit down and... 216 00:07:03,892 --> 00:07:05,625 and talk this out like adults? 217 00:07:05,660 --> 00:07:07,860 I would love to, Schmidty, but where will we sit? 218 00:07:07,896 --> 00:07:09,633 - Okay. - Oh, perhaps we'll sit 219 00:07:09,658 --> 00:07:12,764 on this pile of uneaten carrots. 220 00:07:12,789 --> 00:07:14,467 It's like I'm living with Secretariat, 221 00:07:14,492 --> 00:07:15,405 the horse! 222 00:07:15,430 --> 00:07:17,236 He's hilarious. 223 00:07:17,272 --> 00:07:20,170 - On the plus side, I'm being very witty during this fight! - You know what, Nick? 224 00:07:20,195 --> 00:07:21,908 Number 24. 225 00:07:21,943 --> 00:07:23,609 Number 16. 226 00:07:23,645 --> 00:07:25,378 Yes! Sorry. 227 00:07:25,413 --> 00:07:26,813 I never win anything. 228 00:07:26,848 --> 00:07:29,282 Sorry. Uh, uh... oh. 229 00:07:29,317 --> 00:07:30,983 Dr. Foster, is everything okay? 230 00:07:31,019 --> 00:07:32,078 J.D.? 231 00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:33,203 It ain't. 232 00:07:33,254 --> 00:07:34,487 I decided I was gonna be 233 00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,556 Marcus the Meerkat, because, you know, 234 00:07:36,591 --> 00:07:39,798 you and I have remarkably similar body shapes. 235 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:41,022 Okay. 236 00:07:41,047 --> 00:07:42,128 Um, what's the problem? 237 00:07:42,163 --> 00:07:44,522 I fell and shattered my hip. 238 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,741 Oh, God! I'm so sorry. 239 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:47,788 How bad is it? 240 00:07:47,813 --> 00:07:50,336 The, uh, paramedic described my left leg 241 00:07:50,371 --> 00:07:53,306 as a skin bag full of 242 00:07:53,341 --> 00:07:54,841 hip shards? 243 00:07:54,876 --> 00:07:56,809 A skin... a skin bag full of hip shards. 244 00:07:56,845 --> 00:07:58,778 You're gonna have to take over my duties. 245 00:07:58,813 --> 00:08:02,100 We are talking about the big job: 246 00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:03,889 acting principal. 247 00:08:03,914 --> 00:08:04,350 Yes! 248 00:08:04,385 --> 00:08:05,700 I'd love to! 249 00:08:06,391 --> 00:08:09,522 Oh... but my number just got called. 250 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,957 Well, that means 251 00:08:10,992 --> 00:08:12,358 the district's gonna be 252 00:08:12,393 --> 00:08:15,127 - bringing in Becky Cavatappi. - Ugh! 253 00:08:15,163 --> 00:08:17,163 They've been pushing her for my job. 254 00:08:17,188 --> 00:08:18,297 She has fake zoomers. 255 00:08:18,322 --> 00:08:19,999 What kind of message does that send 256 00:08:20,024 --> 00:08:21,945 to girls with growing zoomers? 257 00:08:21,970 --> 00:08:24,203 I think she had her butt done, too. 258 00:08:24,239 --> 00:08:25,484 Every time she runs, 259 00:08:25,509 --> 00:08:28,233 that thing sounds like an Indian rain stick. 260 00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:30,499 I really want to be principal, so, um... 261 00:08:30,524 --> 00:08:31,334 I'll be there. 262 00:08:31,359 --> 00:08:33,078 Uh, I'll just have to, uh... 263 00:08:34,234 --> 00:08:36,561 get out of jury duty. 264 00:08:36,586 --> 00:08:37,884 I'll talk to you soon! 265 00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:43,988 Sorry. It's a tense situation. 266 00:08:46,724 --> 00:08:49,426 So who should I call next to tell my story? 267 00:08:49,451 --> 00:08:51,794 - I'm not cleaning till you get off the phone, Nicole. - How about Patty's Pizza? 268 00:08:51,819 --> 00:08:54,531 Smooth it out, smooth it out. 269 00:08:54,556 --> 00:08:57,138 Oh, boy. 270 00:08:57,310 --> 00:08:58,605 You are angry. 271 00:09:02,286 --> 00:09:03,933 Winston, I need your help... 272 00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,621 getting out of jury duty 273 00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:06,785 Jessica damn Day! 274 00:09:06,810 --> 00:09:08,988 - I know, I'm a terrible person. - Put Nick on the phone. 275 00:09:09,013 --> 00:09:09,755 No can do, J. 276 00:09:09,771 --> 00:09:11,418 He and Cece are in it. 277 00:09:12,507 --> 00:09:14,574 What? I told him not to talk to her. 278 00:09:14,599 --> 00:09:16,566 How bad is it? Is Nick standing really wide-legged? 279 00:09:16,601 --> 00:09:17,863 Is Cece calling him 280 00:09:17,888 --> 00:09:18,935 mean girl names? 281 00:09:18,970 --> 00:09:20,099 Don't call me Nicole! 282 00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:22,269 Okay, Nick-hole! 283 00:09:22,294 --> 00:09:23,773 Yeah. That's happening. 284 00:09:23,808 --> 00:09:25,041 - Kids, huh? - Yeah. 285 00:09:25,944 --> 00:09:27,724 Is that Jess? Jess. 286 00:09:27,749 --> 00:09:28,575 It's awful. 287 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,271 I don't know what to do. I'm sure Cece 288 00:09:30,296 --> 00:09:31,881 has her flaws, but I just can't see them. 289 00:09:31,917 --> 00:09:33,646 And even if I could, what would I do? 290 00:09:33,670 --> 00:09:35,537 How does a man stand up to the sunset? 291 00:09:35,572 --> 00:09:37,972 Cece and Nick are basically the same person. 292 00:09:38,008 --> 00:09:39,574 Both stubborn, hotheaded 293 00:09:39,609 --> 00:09:40,646 and brutally honest. 294 00:09:40,671 --> 00:09:42,084 Oh, dear Lord. 295 00:09:42,579 --> 00:09:44,479 - I'm marrying Nick. - Duh. 296 00:09:44,514 --> 00:09:46,147 Aw. I kind of love that. 297 00:09:46,183 --> 00:09:47,582 All right, what should we do? 298 00:09:47,617 --> 00:09:48,850 Can't go to Cece's apartment. 299 00:09:48,885 --> 00:09:50,485 Nadia's baby is teething. 300 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,187 Have you ever heard a Russian child scream? 301 00:09:52,222 --> 00:09:54,022 All the time, in my Putin nightmare. 302 00:09:54,057 --> 00:09:56,524 Look, get Cece to sign the loft agreement. 303 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:58,360 Nick wrote it, so he'll like that. 304 00:09:58,395 --> 00:10:00,495 They'll both play hardball till they get bored, 305 00:10:00,530 --> 00:10:01,863 which will be immediately. 306 00:10:01,898 --> 00:10:02,943 That's good. 307 00:10:03,255 --> 00:10:05,700 - You've impressed me today. - Oh, wait, wait. Is that Jess? 308 00:10:05,736 --> 00:10:07,669 - Hey, hey. Give me the phone. - All right. 309 00:10:07,704 --> 00:10:09,771 - Hey, Jess, Nick-hole here... - What? 310 00:10:09,806 --> 00:10:11,673 Stop calling me Nicole! I'm a boy! 311 00:10:11,708 --> 00:10:12,622 Nick is calling everyone he knows 312 00:10:12,647 --> 00:10:13,693 to tell them this dumb story. 313 00:10:13,709 --> 00:10:16,316 Hello, your friend is a pig person. 314 00:10:16,341 --> 00:10:17,306 Guys, stop. 315 00:10:17,342 --> 00:10:18,271 Hey, Chaz, I'm on the other line. 316 00:10:18,296 --> 00:10:20,129 You're not gonna believe what happens to this glass. 317 00:10:20,154 --> 00:10:22,145 - It's an incredible story; you're gonna freak out. - Please stop. 318 00:10:22,170 --> 00:10:23,536 - I'll talk to you soon. - Put me on speaker. 319 00:10:23,571 --> 00:10:24,804 Hold on. 320 00:10:24,839 --> 00:10:25,872 Button's right there. 321 00:10:25,907 --> 00:10:27,340 I know which button it is. 322 00:10:31,012 --> 00:10:32,153 Now, what I'm about to say 323 00:10:32,178 --> 00:10:33,450 might shock you, 324 00:10:33,475 --> 00:10:35,957 but I need help getting out of jury duty. 325 00:10:35,982 --> 00:10:37,419 - Oh-ho-ho! - Well, well, well... 326 00:10:37,444 --> 00:10:39,513 Look, I have the chance to be acting principal. 327 00:10:39,538 --> 00:10:42,074 You don't know Becky Cavatappi, but she's a murderer. 328 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,099 What? 329 00:10:43,497 --> 00:10:44,886 She-she's not a murderer, 330 00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:47,093 but I... I really don't like her. 331 00:10:47,129 --> 00:10:49,162 You can't just be going around throwing "murderer" on people. 332 00:10:49,197 --> 00:10:50,997 Guys, I need to go in right now. What do I do? 333 00:10:51,032 --> 00:10:53,660 Whatever the trial's about, I say I don't believe in it. 334 00:10:53,685 --> 00:10:55,269 Just tell them that your parents are Pakistani militants. 335 00:10:55,294 --> 00:10:56,369 - That's what I do; works every time. - Yeah. 336 00:10:56,404 --> 00:10:58,004 Why'd you have an accent when you said "Pakistani"? 337 00:10:58,039 --> 00:10:59,772 Because that's actually how you pronounce it. "Pakazani"? 338 00:10:59,808 --> 00:11:01,441 It's great seeing you guys work together. 339 00:11:01,476 --> 00:11:02,375 You said it stupid. 340 00:11:02,410 --> 00:11:03,776 I don't really want to lie. 341 00:11:03,812 --> 00:11:05,111 It's kind of not really my brand. 342 00:11:05,147 --> 00:11:06,546 You'll never see any of these people again. 343 00:11:06,581 --> 00:11:08,781 There are no consequences. Okay. Uh, I gotta go. 344 00:11:08,817 --> 00:11:11,160 Just remember you're a garbage person 345 00:11:11,185 --> 00:11:12,619 and you hate America. 346 00:11:12,654 --> 00:11:15,355 I'm a garbage person who hates America. 347 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,511 Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, 348 00:11:20,536 --> 00:11:21,828 the whole truth 349 00:11:21,863 --> 00:11:24,531 and nothing but the truth, so help me God? 350 00:11:24,566 --> 00:11:26,466 The whole truth and nothing but the truth, 351 00:11:26,501 --> 00:11:27,985 so help me Gob. 352 00:11:30,205 --> 00:11:32,238 Did... did you just say "Gob"? 353 00:11:36,536 --> 00:11:38,011 Did you say "Gob"? 354 00:11:38,046 --> 00:11:39,730 - What? - Yeah, she said "Gob." 355 00:11:39,755 --> 00:11:41,080 Whose side are you on? 356 00:11:41,116 --> 00:11:42,263 Justice. 357 00:11:47,181 --> 00:11:50,453 This question is for potential juror number 16. 358 00:11:51,931 --> 00:11:53,695 This case involves marriage. 359 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,906 I don't believe in marriage. 360 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,111 Excuse me, you don't believe in marriage? 361 00:12:00,516 --> 00:12:01,892 As a concept? 362 00:12:01,917 --> 00:12:05,786 Well, you know, you gotta keep the freeway open. 363 00:12:06,021 --> 00:12:07,482 Uh, 'cause... 364 00:12:08,090 --> 00:12:09,923 sooner or later, you're gonna get tired 365 00:12:09,958 --> 00:12:13,160 of the same cars driving down it. 366 00:12:13,439 --> 00:12:14,446 Capiche? 367 00:12:15,087 --> 00:12:16,025 Yes, capiche. 368 00:12:16,050 --> 00:12:18,426 The two things that are ruining this country 369 00:12:18,451 --> 00:12:20,084 are marriage and democracy. 370 00:12:20,119 --> 00:12:21,361 How refreshing. 371 00:12:21,986 --> 00:12:24,750 Another person who wants to get out of jury duty. 372 00:12:24,775 --> 00:12:27,136 I thought some people took this seriously, 373 00:12:27,161 --> 00:12:28,294 but apparently not. 374 00:12:28,423 --> 00:12:29,827 Trial by jury 375 00:12:29,862 --> 00:12:32,029 is a pillar of our democracy, 376 00:12:32,064 --> 00:12:34,431 and yes, it is inconvenient. 377 00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:36,834 But sometimes, sacrifice 378 00:12:36,869 --> 00:12:39,164 and civic duty are. 379 00:12:39,189 --> 00:12:41,953 You don't deserve the honor of serving your country. 380 00:12:41,978 --> 00:12:43,484 Maybe you should live in South Africa, 381 00:12:43,509 --> 00:12:44,415 where they don't have juries. 382 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:45,236 I know, I know! 383 00:12:45,267 --> 00:12:46,800 They have a judge and two assessors. 384 00:12:46,835 --> 00:12:48,875 Look, I'm-I'm so sorry. 385 00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,109 I didn't mean all that other stuff. 386 00:12:50,134 --> 00:12:51,313 I'd be a great juror. 387 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:52,837 If you put me on this jury, 388 00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:54,405 you will not regret it. 389 00:12:58,009 --> 00:12:59,844 That was an emotional moment, 390 00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:03,121 and I feel it would be best punctuated with a... 391 00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,026 crash of that thing. 392 00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:06,850 Nah. 393 00:13:09,595 --> 00:13:10,922 The roommate loft agreement 394 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,484 was formed in the year of our Lord 2005. 395 00:13:13,509 --> 00:13:14,392 Hurricane Katrina 396 00:13:14,417 --> 00:13:16,079 had just decimated the American South, 397 00:13:16,104 --> 00:13:19,130 but we here, in Loft 4D, 398 00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:22,453 had gone through, well, perhaps in many ways 399 00:13:22,478 --> 00:13:23,801 a more horrifying Katrina. 400 00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:25,336 - You can't say that. - Can't say that. 401 00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:28,843 A kitchen condom disposal clause? 402 00:13:28,868 --> 00:13:30,675 That is not a relevant clause. 403 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,310 Not relevant? I almost died. 404 00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:34,587 Ugh. 405 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,181 - Winston! - Yeah? 406 00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:39,484 Stop having sex in the sink! 407 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:40,666 Okay. 408 00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:43,181 First clause: "If a roommate has 409 00:13:43,206 --> 00:13:44,989 "five or more grooming products in the bathroom, 410 00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:46,368 "they must use a shower caddy 411 00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:48,593 "or pay an additional ten dollars in rent, 412 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,995 adjusted every two years for inflation." 413 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:54,499 I currently pay an additional $11.97 in rent. 414 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,467 Okay, yeah, well, I'm not using a shower caddy, 415 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,070 because I'm an adult woman and I don't live in a dorm. 416 00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:00,405 Have you been to a dorm recently? 417 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,353 It's like a spa. 418 00:14:01,378 --> 00:14:03,173 Those horny texters live like kings. 419 00:14:03,198 --> 00:14:05,343 Nick is really damaging this negotiation. 420 00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,109 Hey, speaking of damages, 421 00:14:07,134 --> 00:14:09,023 you know, what if we all pitched in 422 00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:10,937 to fix loft damages? 423 00:14:10,962 --> 00:14:12,790 I don't know, let's say... 424 00:14:12,806 --> 00:14:14,704 Nick broke something, like a wall. 425 00:14:14,713 --> 00:14:16,179 I'll fix it. I can fix anything. 426 00:14:16,215 --> 00:14:17,353 Yeah, not according to 427 00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:19,711 the "Nick can't do electrical work" clause. 428 00:14:19,736 --> 00:14:21,385 No, no, don't touch him! He's electric, he's electric! 429 00:14:23,517 --> 00:14:24,431 Hot! 430 00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:29,032 Cece, you're the love of my life, 431 00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:30,867 but I-I kindly ask that you don't read ahead. 432 00:14:30,892 --> 00:14:31,665 Okay, fine. 433 00:14:31,690 --> 00:14:33,669 I'll use a shower caddy, okay? 434 00:14:33,704 --> 00:14:35,462 And now that I've agreed to my thing, 435 00:14:35,487 --> 00:14:37,986 can we just agree that Nick can limit his stories? 436 00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:38,892 You trying to take away 437 00:14:38,917 --> 00:14:40,618 my constitutional right to be hilarious? 438 00:14:40,643 --> 00:14:41,942 Fine. I won't use a shower caddy. 439 00:14:43,347 --> 00:14:45,448 Use the caddy, I'll be less chatty. 440 00:14:46,484 --> 00:14:47,579 It's hilarious. 441 00:14:47,604 --> 00:14:49,796 It's undeniably hilarious that I just said that. 442 00:14:49,821 --> 00:14:51,687 - Do you hear yourself? - Great, we're in agreement. 443 00:14:51,722 --> 00:14:53,611 Now just sign here, and we'll give you a key. 444 00:14:53,636 --> 00:14:55,634 Give her a key? 445 00:14:55,842 --> 00:14:56,974 I'm a little confused. 446 00:14:56,986 --> 00:14:58,419 Is that really necessary? 447 00:14:58,455 --> 00:15:01,155 It's like giving a squirrel a key to the park. 448 00:15:01,478 --> 00:15:03,091 The park is always open, and the squirrel 449 00:15:03,126 --> 00:15:04,725 is there with rabbit, 450 00:15:04,761 --> 00:15:07,203 and squirrel and rabbit are there all the time. 451 00:15:07,228 --> 00:15:09,797 So does squirrel need key? 452 00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:11,732 What is happening? You're dropping all your articles. 453 00:15:11,768 --> 00:15:13,668 - I not! - Now you're losing verbs! 454 00:15:13,703 --> 00:15:15,403 So, are the squirrel and the rabbit... they're friends? 455 00:15:15,438 --> 00:15:16,771 Hey, babe, do not get concerned. 456 00:15:16,806 --> 00:15:18,406 He's probably just tired or hungry, 457 00:15:18,441 --> 00:15:19,907 or getting jealous that I'm spending 458 00:15:19,943 --> 00:15:22,243 so much time with his best friend. 459 00:15:22,712 --> 00:15:25,246 As a matter of fact, I am tired, and I am hungry, 460 00:15:25,281 --> 00:15:28,057 but the third thing is way off base. 461 00:15:28,351 --> 00:15:30,818 - If you weren't a girl, - Uh-huh? 462 00:15:30,854 --> 00:15:32,987 - I'd karate chop you in the mouth. - You would get winded 463 00:15:33,022 --> 00:15:35,823 just trying to ball your fist up, dough-boy. 464 00:15:35,859 --> 00:15:37,425 Well, good thing you don't need a fist for a karate chop, 465 00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:39,660 - you stupid idiot. - You are such a door knob. 466 00:15:39,696 --> 00:15:41,429 And if I wanted to karate chop you, you'd be dead! 467 00:15:41,464 --> 00:15:42,463 Look at her flinch. 468 00:15:42,499 --> 00:15:43,598 - This is good. - So scared. 469 00:15:43,633 --> 00:15:44,699 Shakey-shakey. 470 00:15:44,734 --> 00:15:45,867 I literally have not moved. 471 00:15:45,902 --> 00:15:48,035 I'm so not worried about you. 472 00:15:52,798 --> 00:15:54,008 You want to go take a nap now? 473 00:15:54,043 --> 00:15:56,304 Stop! I can't listen to the two people 474 00:15:56,329 --> 00:15:58,631 I love most in this world fight like this. 475 00:15:59,582 --> 00:16:00,648 Sorry, Winston. 476 00:16:00,683 --> 00:16:02,851 Huh? What'd he say? 477 00:16:09,993 --> 00:16:12,026 Oh, no. 478 00:16:15,220 --> 00:16:18,332 Schmidt, what did you do? 479 00:16:19,602 --> 00:16:20,701 So, you are all 480 00:16:20,737 --> 00:16:22,236 serving on this jury. 481 00:16:24,321 --> 00:16:25,907 This is a capital case 482 00:16:25,942 --> 00:16:27,885 and will last upwards of a month, 483 00:16:27,910 --> 00:16:29,510 and due to media exposure, 484 00:16:29,546 --> 00:16:31,879 you will have to be sequestered. 485 00:16:31,915 --> 00:16:34,711 So go home, pack a bag, 486 00:16:34,736 --> 00:16:35,901 do not e-mail me. 487 00:16:35,926 --> 00:16:37,502 The answer is yes. 488 00:16:37,820 --> 00:16:40,172 Your hotel does have a pool, 489 00:16:40,590 --> 00:16:44,826 but is otherwise aggressively mediocre. 490 00:16:46,963 --> 00:16:48,396 There, I banged the thing. 491 00:16:53,433 --> 00:16:54,620 Okay. 492 00:16:55,988 --> 00:16:57,120 I need a stapler. 493 00:16:57,612 --> 00:16:58,792 You stay. 494 00:17:01,417 --> 00:17:02,220 Hey. 495 00:17:02,245 --> 00:17:03,460 Hey. 496 00:17:03,496 --> 00:17:04,995 So here we are. 497 00:17:07,558 --> 00:17:08,918 All right, Nick, I'll sign it. 498 00:17:09,163 --> 00:17:10,627 I don't want to hurt Schmidt, 499 00:17:10,652 --> 00:17:11,884 and right now, he's probably just 500 00:17:11,909 --> 00:17:13,720 crying his eyes out at the... 501 00:17:13,745 --> 00:17:14,589 Denim bar. 502 00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:18,793 I really appreciate you keeping 503 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,425 the store open for me late, Maurice. 504 00:17:21,364 --> 00:17:23,031 That denim bar is like his temple. 505 00:17:23,066 --> 00:17:25,533 He legitimately wants us to get married there. 506 00:17:25,569 --> 00:17:26,935 - At a denim bar? - Yeah. 507 00:17:26,970 --> 00:17:28,737 Look, Schmidt and I are not gonna work 508 00:17:28,772 --> 00:17:30,305 if you and I can't get along. 509 00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:31,439 Because... 510 00:17:31,745 --> 00:17:33,475 you're Schmidt's family. 511 00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:34,642 In a way, 512 00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:36,010 it's like we're engaged. 513 00:17:36,046 --> 00:17:37,045 You're not my type. 514 00:17:37,628 --> 00:17:39,564 I like them crazier and... 515 00:17:39,589 --> 00:17:41,289 and sexually very prude. 516 00:17:41,683 --> 00:17:43,351 - Oh. - You just don't fit the bill. 517 00:17:43,534 --> 00:17:45,286 Look, you don't have to sign this thing. 518 00:17:45,902 --> 00:17:47,355 It's stupid. 519 00:17:47,390 --> 00:17:48,823 The last page is just 520 00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,277 obscene drawings of cartoon princesses. 521 00:17:51,302 --> 00:17:52,878 I saw them; you're very talented. 522 00:17:52,894 --> 00:17:54,393 Thanks. What they're doing is disgusting, 523 00:17:54,429 --> 00:17:55,895 but I think the drawings are nice. 524 00:17:55,930 --> 00:17:57,292 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 525 00:17:58,253 --> 00:17:59,750 Look, if I'm being honest, 526 00:18:00,995 --> 00:18:03,936 yeah, I feel a little jealous. 527 00:18:04,745 --> 00:18:06,138 You know, Schmidt and I used to hang out 528 00:18:06,174 --> 00:18:08,074 all the time, and now we don't, 529 00:18:08,777 --> 00:18:09,847 and it's weird. 530 00:18:10,066 --> 00:18:12,311 I mean, to be honest, I think I was a little... 531 00:18:12,347 --> 00:18:13,479 jealous, too. 532 00:18:13,515 --> 00:18:15,381 - Of me? - In a way, 533 00:18:15,808 --> 00:18:18,017 you're always gonna know him a little bit better than me. 534 00:18:20,136 --> 00:18:22,288 - Except physically. - You'd be surprised. 535 00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:26,112 Hey. 536 00:18:26,191 --> 00:18:28,252 Schmidt, relax. 537 00:18:28,277 --> 00:18:29,283 - We're good. - Yeah. 538 00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:31,397 - We talked, and everything's okay. - Yeah. 539 00:18:32,667 --> 00:18:33,916 - Thank God. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 540 00:18:33,941 --> 00:18:35,434 - Hey, easy, all right. Okay. - Okay, there he is. 541 00:18:36,394 --> 00:18:37,240 Everybody's... 542 00:18:37,265 --> 00:18:38,998 Whoa, mother, I'm right here. 543 00:18:40,402 --> 00:18:41,439 Hey. 544 00:18:42,324 --> 00:18:43,357 Are you hugging them 545 00:18:43,392 --> 00:18:44,425 while they're making out? 546 00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:45,793 Yes, uh, that is weird. 547 00:18:45,828 --> 00:18:47,594 Thank you for saying that. Please let go of me. 548 00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:49,329 I'm not interested in this. Let go of me. 549 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,328 Did that wall fall down? 550 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:52,730 Just please don't leave again. 551 00:18:53,183 --> 00:18:55,299 Yeah, about that. 552 00:18:56,777 --> 00:18:59,548 Well... this is it. 553 00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:00,438 Since you won't be able 554 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,572 to contact me for a month, 555 00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:03,236 I've left a complementary bowl 556 00:19:03,261 --> 00:19:05,689 of advice. For instance, um, 557 00:19:05,987 --> 00:19:07,578 "Nick, stop doing that." 558 00:19:07,941 --> 00:19:10,014 Just applies to everything. 559 00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:11,415 That's what's up. That's what's up. 560 00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:12,616 E'r'day, e'r'day. 561 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,107 Nick, stop doing that. 562 00:19:14,132 --> 00:19:15,298 That's what's up. 563 00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:19,191 It's gonna be a long month. I'm gonna pace myself. 564 00:19:19,216 --> 00:19:20,491 I'm gonna miss you. 565 00:19:22,636 --> 00:19:23,761 Don't worry. 566 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,162 I'm gonna keep them in line for you. 567 00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,386 No, you can't hit them. 568 00:19:26,411 --> 00:19:28,099 Even if it's for their benefit? 569 00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,511 - Yeah. - Okay. 570 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:30,842 I got you a little something. 571 00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:32,844 It's just to trade with. 572 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,939 It's currency in there. I don't know. 573 00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:37,080 Oh, that's so sweet, Nick. 574 00:19:37,105 --> 00:19:39,877 Um, but you know I'm not going to prison, right? 575 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,712 As long as you're free right here, you're never in prison. 576 00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:43,013 I bought you this burner 577 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,939 from an unmarked storefront in Koreatown. 578 00:19:44,964 --> 00:19:45,983 I believe it's small enough 579 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,384 to conceal in the waistband of your underpants. 580 00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:48,652 Oh, thank you, but... 581 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,478 It's four walls. They can't hold you, though. 582 00:19:50,503 --> 00:19:51,655 Make friends with big ladies. 583 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:52,690 Keep your head up. 584 00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:54,191 Okay. 585 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:56,193 Make sure to put, uh, toilet tissue down on the toilet seat. 586 00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:57,347 - Never sleep. - Thanks. 587 00:19:57,372 --> 00:19:59,640 Make your toothbrush into a shiv. Everything's a weapon. 588 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:02,633 See, hate put you in there, but love gonna bust you out. 589 00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:04,602 Don't be afraid to put two layers of toilet tissue down. 590 00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:18,582 Let's do it. 591 00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:20,718 Let's get into this and see what sage wisdom 592 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,186 Jess has for us. 593 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,254 "No biting." 594 00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:24,288 That's a reminder for me. 595 00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:25,289 - Mm-hmm. - Wow. 596 00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,089 Ew, "No more poop pranks"? 597 00:20:27,114 --> 00:20:28,737 Oh, yeah, those get out of hand quickly. 598 00:20:28,746 --> 00:20:30,312 That was a disgusting February. 599 00:20:30,347 --> 00:20:33,877 "If the shish kebob falls before I come back, Nick wins. 600 00:20:33,902 --> 00:20:35,822 If it falls after, Schmidt wins"? 601 00:20:35,847 --> 00:20:37,447 - Hi-ya! - Is that... Oh. 602 00:20:38,948 --> 00:20:41,150 Check it out, shish kebob. Check it out, yeah. 603 00:20:41,175 --> 00:20:42,066 That's super gross. 604 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,712 "Schmidt's allowed to request that you do his back 605 00:20:44,737 --> 00:20:47,017 with sunscreen once a week." 606 00:20:47,042 --> 00:20:48,545 Actually, can someone do that now? 607 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,620 It's nighttime. 608 00:20:49,645 --> 00:20:50,917 "Boys' shorts should at most 609 00:20:50,942 --> 00:20:54,080 rise six inches above the knee." 610 00:20:54,105 --> 00:20:56,127 - Yeah, but where does the knee begin? - Right... here. 611 00:20:56,152 --> 00:20:58,267 You know, she never specifies where the knee should begin. 612 00:20:58,292 --> 00:20:59,298 That's your knee, okay? 613 00:20:59,323 --> 00:21:00,424 - This is the knee? - Yes. - Yes. 614 00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,559 - "Stop harassing Beck." - Absolutely not. 615 00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:03,760 He cut you off on the freeway. 616 00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:04,995 - That's for you? - Yeah. 617 00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:06,797 Yeah, makes sense. 618 00:21:06,822 --> 00:21:09,191 "Tell Schmidt not to sing 'Rent' in the shower. 619 00:21:09,216 --> 00:21:10,423 We're in a drought." 620 00:21:14,534 --> 00:21:16,173 - Okay. - Those aren't the words. 621 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:17,507 "Stop reading this 622 00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:20,408 within the first three hours of my absence." 623 00:21:20,433 --> 00:21:22,117 - Whoa. - Holy mackerel. 624 00:21:22,142 --> 00:21:23,508 How did she know? 625 00:21:24,606 --> 00:21:27,370 "Because I know everything." 626 00:21:27,909 --> 00:21:30,004 - That's super scary, right? - Is she still here? 627 00:21:30,029 --> 00:21:31,462 I'm just messing with you. 628 00:21:31,497 --> 00:21:32,845 It says "Smile more." 629 00:21:32,869 --> 00:21:33,792 Oh, that's... 630 00:21:33,817 --> 00:21:35,034 - Oh - Yes! 631 00:21:35,058 --> 00:21:36,214 - Damn it. - Yes! 632 00:21:37,331 --> 00:21:39,331 You're my slave for 17 days.