1
00:00:04,005 --> 00:00:06,305
Why are you putting spoons
in the laundry hamper?

2
00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:07,806
I'm hiding our nice stuff.

3
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:09,842
See, my cousin Bobby and Carol
are coming in town,

4
00:00:09,844 --> 00:00:11,710
and they're gonna ask me
for money, so I'm...

5
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,345
I'm trying my hardest
to look poor.

6
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,346
You are poor.

7
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,614
Technically, yes, but I'm also

8
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,983
the richest Miller
in the history of our family.

9
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,486
I mean, I own part of a bar,
I have a savings account.

10
00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:23,022
I don't fully understand
how to use it, but I do have it.

11
00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:24,390
Nick, you're doing great;
you really been

12
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:25,624
stepping it up lately.
Calm down.

13
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,192
Thanks. The other day...

14
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,328
The other day, I was
at a restaurant, and they asked

15
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,130
if I wanted avocado, and...
and I said, "Yeah."

16
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,298
And they said, "It's extra,"
and I go, "Shh.

17
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:36,035
I know it's extra,
but... but I want it."

18
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,137
Uh, Winston,
you ready to go?

19
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:39,304
Born ready!

20
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:41,407
You know, believe it
or not, you guys,

21
00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:43,675
I have never been
wedding dress shopping before,

22
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,577
so I didn't really
know what to pack.

23
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,980
Are those whistles?
Yeah. These are whistles.

24
00:00:47,982 --> 00:00:50,883
Oh, I even got a pocket fan
so I can blow wind in your face,

25
00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:52,384
and your hair could be
all like this.

26
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:53,752
Pocket fan.

27
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,521
Cece, I'm begging you,
just cancel the appointment

28
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:57,256
and reschedule it
for when Jess comes back.

29
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:59,191
There is a six-month
waiting list.

30
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,693
Do you not want us
to get married in June?

31
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,095
Oh, no, I want
to get married in August,

32
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:04,663
so I can walk down the aisle
covered in flies.

33
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,165
You're so concerned
about these flies.

34
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,333
Please, go to the appointment.
Look, relax.

35
00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:10,002
All right?
Nick is the best man,

36
00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:12,037
Jess is the maid of honor,
and myself personally,

37
00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:13,572
this is where I cut loose.

38
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,507
This is where you unleash
the beast, all right?

39
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,043
Speaking of which, uh, Cece, did
you bring your strapless bra,

40
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:20,546
or should I get the booby tape?
Booby tape.

41
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,014
Uh, no, Winston,
this is just a ride.

42
00:01:22,016 --> 00:01:23,382
It is just a ride, okay?

43
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,384
Hey, guys, C-Cece,
my cousins are almost coming!

44
00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:27,219
Cece, hide your jewelry!
Winston, hide your jewelry!

45
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:28,454
All the jewelry!

46
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,355
Nick, this is insane.

47
00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:32,224
Just tell your family that
you can't give them any money.

48
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,358
Set some boundaries.

49
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,627
You're right.

50
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,362
Time for me to
put my foot down.

51
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:38,797
Put it down.
I'm gonna say no.

52
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,065
Yes.
I'm gonna set boundaries.

53
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:41,600
No money for them.

54
00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:45,471
Hey!
Hey! Hey!

55
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:47,139
Hey, how you doing?
I thought I smelled fish!

56
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,807
Oh, yeah, you smelled fish.
Look at you, huh?

57
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,042
Yeah. Yeah. What, are you
working out now, huh?

58
00:01:50,044 --> 00:01:52,044
Yeah. Tough guy. Ow!

59
00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:54,246
You doing yoga?
You doing yoga, huh?

60
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:56,415
Yeah, I do... I've done, yeah.
I don't do yoga.

61
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:57,416
Oh! Look at this.

62
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,251
Exposed brick, dude? Really?
Oh, come on.

63
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,719
Yeah. Yeah, I didn't
build this.

64
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,554
You don't want to throw some
carpet down over the hardwood?

65
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:03,922
Yeah, what's wrong
with wallpaper?

66
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,390
I love wallpaper. I'd use...
Don't forget about

67
00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:07,392
who you are, man. Look,
he's getting weird. Yeah.

68
00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:08,597
Welcome to Los Angeles.

69
00:02:08,623 --> 00:02:11,230
Maybe we take a...
a-a-a, you know, a "cah"

70
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:13,098
down to the "hahbah"
and check out The "Mahtian"

71
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:16,001
on the big... on the big screen
with Matt Damon in "Mahs."

72
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:19,338
Whose "cah" we taking?

73
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,606
Stop, Schmidt.

74
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,678
Hey, we got you a
little gift, yeah?

75
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,113
You didn't have to do that.
Yeah.

76
00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:29,414
Oh, I left it
outside in the hall.

77
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,616
Well, go get it,
you moron.

78
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:31,917
You're a moron, you moron.

79
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,652
I'm not the one who
left it in the hallway.

80
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,287
Why didn't you bring it in
if you saw it?

81
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:36,788
Because I didn't
see it until now.

82
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,190
Yeah, 'cause you're a maniac,
and you're controlling me

83
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,191
all the time.
Oh, my God,

84
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,192
I love you so much!

85
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,426
I love you,
too, Peaches.

86
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:42,694
You're the best!

87
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,930
Regular Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan,
these two.

88
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,698
This is how it starts.
There's three stages

89
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,433
to a Miller asking for money:
okay, it's compliments,

90
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,435
it's ply with food, and then
it's go in for the kill.

91
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:51,703
Be strong.
I'm trying to be strong.

92
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:52,704
Seems like there's

93
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,973
a space theme.
You guys like space?

94
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,275
Outer space? Yes.

95
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,277
Yeah. Ah, you didn't
have to do this.

96
00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,545
I got it at the airport.
Yeah. Hey.

97
00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:00,879
There it is.
It's popcorn.

98
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,282
Oh! Yeah. Comes all fancy-like
in its own trash can.

99
00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:04,550
That's too much.
That's too nice.

100
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:05,951
No, come on. I love
this kind of popcorn.

101
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,152
You're totally
hooked up, brother.

102
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:08,620
'Cause you can
mix and match.

103
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:09,955
That's right.
Easy. Nick's not hungry.

104
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,557
Oh, that's right.
Is he your life coach?

105
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:14,293
Thank you for the offer, but...
Nick, eat the popcorn.

106
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:16,128
He just ate. I just ate.
Just one piece.

107
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:18,130
Nick, it's popcorn. Do it.
Do it. I don't want it.

108
00:03:18,132 --> 00:03:19,565
It's good for you.
It's corn!

109
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,633
You're trying to give me popcorn
so that I give you money!

110
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,402
It's not gonna happen!
I'm not giving you money!

111
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,536
I'm setting boundaries!

112
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,873
Oh, Nicky, we don't
want your money.

113
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,142
You don't?
No!

114
00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:32,211
No, no.

115
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:35,981
We want your sperm.

116
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,916
What?

117
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,251
Yeah, we're trying
to start a family,

118
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,419
and Bob's army's down.

119
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,821
I need your troops
to storm my beaches.

120
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,257
S-So no money?

121
00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:47,025
No.
Just sperm?

122
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,894
Yep. Don't tell
anybody, all right?

123
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,430
Guys, this is excellent.
I got a lot of that.

124
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:52,931
If I had a dollar
for every sperm,

125
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,499
my room would be covered
in dollar bills.

126
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,034
Nick, a word, please. A word.
Right? Right?

127
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:57,002
Yeah. Yeah.
A word.

128
00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,036
Yeah. Thanks for
the popcorn, too.

129
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,037
One minute.

130
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,173
What's that guy,
like, his manager?

131
00:04:01,175 --> 00:04:03,508
Doesn't quite feel like the one,

132
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:05,177
and it doesn't really
feel like it's me.

133
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,945
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it is you.

134
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:08,847
It is beautiful.

135
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,349
It has an attachment
for a leash.

136
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,183
No judgments.

137
00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:12,918
Wink, wink, right?

138
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,686
But it does.

139
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:17,022
Do you mind if I just take
one minute to think about it?

140
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,024
Pass.

141
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:22,094
Pass. Pass. Pass.

142
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,629
Winston, I just

143
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,397
asked you to
drop me off.

144
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,065
Sir, what is your role here?
I am her friend.

145
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:31,236
My job is to protect her,
so, please, cut the caca,

146
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:33,538
and bring us some dresses
with an A-line cut.

147
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,540
I may or may not
have done an extensive amount

148
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,542
of research on
wedding dresses.

149
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:39,411
I never thought that
I would say this,

150
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,380
but I am really glad
that you're here.

151
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,048
So you're gonna take
his word over my word?

152
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,222
Show me some clavicle!

153
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:56,261
I love it.
I hate it.

154
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:57,229
I love it.

155
00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:58,263
I hate it.
It's perfect.

156
00:04:58,265 --> 00:04:59,431
It's imperfect.

157
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,005
Am I crazy to want a hat?

158
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,109
Forget the hat. Forget the hat.

159
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:14,646
No!

160
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:29,094
That's the one!

161
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,862
That's the one! We got dibs!

162
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,265
Schmidt, this is great.
They just want my sperm.

163
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:34,766
What about setting boundaries?

164
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,269
They're not just reaching into
your wallet this time, Nick.

165
00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:39,271
They're reaching into
your skin wallet.

166
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:42,207
That's your scrotum.
I got it.

167
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,608
I'm sorry, but I'm gonna
have to veto this.

168
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,477
Yeah, well,
you have no standing to veto.

169
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:46,778
It's my sperm.

170
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,947
You're my best friend in
the whole entire world.

171
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,615
We've been through
a lot together,

172
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:53,952
so I just do
feel like...

173
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:57,189
your sperm are
partly my sperm.

174
00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:00,125
Mi leche es su leche.

175
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,626
No! No!

176
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,462
Nick, you've been
doing so well lately.

177
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,163
Thank you. Right on
track with the plan.

178
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,232
My... What plan?
What are you talking about?

179
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:13,505
I-I may have your entire life
planned out on my computer.

180
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,973
I made a spreadsheet
and everything.

181
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,208
I worked on it
this morning.

182
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,309
You-You've got to be
kidding me.

183
00:06:17,311 --> 00:06:18,810
I don't...
It's not...

184
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,879
"Nick's Life Plan"?

185
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,314
What is that?

186
00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:24,249
I'm just trying to keep
you on track, Nick.

187
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,585
Look, we've always done
everything together,

188
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,487
and I'm just worried that
we're gonna drift apart.

189
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,422
You know, I'm gonna get
married and have kids,

190
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:32,657
and you're gonna be wandering
around the grocery store,

191
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,993
holding a bottle of Scotch
and an ear of corn.

192
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,261
Okay, you know what?

193
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:38,764
You know what I have to say
to you, Schmidt? Boundaries.

194
00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:40,165
You know, you and me.

195
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:41,666
Boundaries.

196
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:46,004
All right, let's do this.

197
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,106
We're having a baby! Yes. Yeah.

198
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,374
Oh, my God,
my boobs are

199
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:50,575
gonna get huge!
Unbelievable!

200
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,244
They're gonna be like,
"Get out of my way.

201
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,678
Here come my boobs."

202
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,848
Yankees suck!
Yankees suck! Yankees suck!

203
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:02,587
This really means
a lot to me, man.

204
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:03,622
I'm sorry I couldn't
do it myself.

205
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:04,689
Yeah, you know what
I think it was?

206
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:06,124
One time, I got stung
in the penis

207
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,393
five different times
by five different bees

208
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:09,861
five days in a row.

209
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,563
What were you doing

210
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:15,967
that your naked penis
was exposed to bumblebees?

211
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,235
Why is he here?

212
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:18,804
You know, even though
I don't approve of this,

213
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,806
I would never, ever leave you
in your time of need.

214
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,207
Schmidt, I don't
want you here.

215
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,575
I told him I didn't
want him here.

216
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,110
I can't be any more
clear on that.

217
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,280
I botched it!

218
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,815
Botched it good! Three
strikes, and you're out!

219
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:31,817
How do you botch it?

220
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,051
You do not have my blessing.

221
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,119
I don't need
your blessing.

222
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,487
I don't want it.
I don't care.

223
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:36,721
I don't even
want you here.

224
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,123
Mr. Miller,
we're ready for you.

225
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,225
Thank you so much.

226
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:41,493
Here I go.

227
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:42,727
Nicky, give 'em hell, huh?
Yeah.

228
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:44,095
Get me a winner. All right?
You got it.

229
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:45,797
All right. All right.
Go get 'em, Nicky.

230
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,066
We believe in you.
Come on, make a smart one.

231
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,135
Here we go!
Yeah!

232
00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:57,309
Hey, Schmidt, can I have a...
So you do need my blessing!

233
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,277
I don't need you! Just please
come back in here with me.

234
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,445
Thank you.

235
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:03,315
Never seen two guys
so close like that, you know.

236
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,816
My dad and his...

237
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,352
and his friend Joe
were close like that.

238
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:08,920
Oh, yeah?
Mm-hmm.

239
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,255
Well, you got in my head.

240
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:11,857
You got in my head.

241
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,692
Why'd you have to tell me
about the plan, Schmidt?

242
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,360
Now I need to know
what happens.

243
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,929
Why am I not supposed
to have a baby this way?

244
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:21,266
As I saw it, your first
child was to be born

245
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:24,102
between you and a
small Italian woman.

246
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,104
Like a Maria?

247
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,172
Yes, like a Maria.
Okay.

248
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,540
She makes meatballs and soup,

249
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:29,774
and does laundry
in a wooden bucket.

250
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,877
Yeah, she does.
You guys have a child.

251
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,445
It's a boy.
I'm incredibly involved.

252
00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:35,947
I give him the other half of
a walkie-talkie just in case

253
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,616
he ever has a question in
the middle of the night.

254
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:38,950
Yes, I'm here.

255
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,785
He hides his broccoli in
a planter during dinner.

256
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,954
I wink. I look the other way.

257
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,289
You mean e-broccoli.
What?

258
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,957
'Cause it's the future.

259
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,126
How far in the future are you
planning on having a child?

260
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,461
Well, if we're talking
about me meeting a woman,

261
00:08:49,463 --> 00:08:50,896
falling in love
and having a kid?

262
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:53,298
A very, very, very,
very long time.

263
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:54,566
So many "verys."

264
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:55,800
And let's face the facts.

265
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:58,036
My love life is a disaster.

266
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,739
Schmidt, this might be
my only chance of having a kid.

267
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,641
Don't say that.
I'm saying it.

268
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,476
And if I can't have a kid
with a woman,

269
00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:05,977
then maybe I'll have one
with my cousin.

270
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,480
Horrifying wording

271
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:11,550
for what actually is, well,
a beautiful sentiment.

272
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,585
I-I want to do this.

273
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:15,587
I want to experience this.

274
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,722
You know, and I know
I won't be able to raise him,

275
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:21,059
and... and that's
disappointing, but...

276
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,828
I'll still see the little guy
at parties and such.

277
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:25,664
Say hi. He'll say hi.

278
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,166
Give him some fireworks
to pop off, or...

279
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,734
or e-fireworks.

280
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,169
Man, I'm just...

281
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,171
I'm getting excited just
thinking about this.

282
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,739
Look, it's not how
I originally planned it,

283
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,841
but it's still another
Nick Miller in the world,

284
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:39,411
and I'll take that
any way I can get it.

285
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:40,845
You have my blessing.

286
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,113
Well, it's embarrassing
to admit, but...

287
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,615
thanks, man,
I kind of needed it.

288
00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:45,183
Yeah, absolutely.

289
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,054
You should get out of here, man.
I'm gonna go masturbate.

290
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,021
Okay.

291
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,023
We...

292
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,859
really got after it there.

293
00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:56,695
I am so happy I could help.

294
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:58,296
Like, I don't want to be...

295
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,465
greedy about it, 'cause I know
I've already put on

296
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:03,268
the most perfect dress once
today, and I should wait...

297
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,470
You thinking what I'm thinking? I
really want to put it on again.

298
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:06,871
You should put it on again.
I know!

299
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:08,106
Okay, I'm going to go try it on.

300
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,140
Okay, try it on again.
Okay.

301
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,575
Oh, no!

302
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:13,311
Oh, no.

303
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,714
What did we do?

304
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:16,915
What is this?

305
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,149
Oh, my God!

306
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,551
How drunk were we?

307
00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:20,719
No.
No. Okay.

308
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,153
You know what,
no, no, no, no.

309
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,489
This is, you know what,
this is, this is good.

310
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:25,991
Everything's all right.

311
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,459
I mean, look,
you got mirrors.

312
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:28,827
You know,
no one's ever done that before.

313
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,395
I like it, you know.
I like the...

314
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,597
Again, I can't talk enough
about the mirrors.

315
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,766
Why is there a spot
for batteries?

316
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,835
So the glass can light up.

317
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,637
We were really excited
about that feature.

318
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,741
Yeah. You look like
a prostitute for wizards.

319
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:44,809
I look like a
bullfighter in space.

320
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,978
I cannot get married
in this dress.

321
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,346
Okay, so what do you
need me to do?

322
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,849
Nothing. I don't
need your help.

323
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,517
Okay. 'Cause I'm just...

324
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,486
I'm gonna do it by myself.

325
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,924
Well...

326
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:01,259
Yeah, well, no, I...
You washed?

327
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,527
Yeah, of course
I washed.

328
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:04,262
Hey, why the...

329
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:05,697
why the long faces?

330
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:07,332
Shouldn't we be
celebrating here, guys?

331
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,468
Listen, we, uh, we talked
to the doctor and, uh,

332
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,704
turns out we can't afford
the procedure.

333
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,773
Are you kidding me?

334
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:17,008
So I just masturbated
for nothing?

335
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:17,976
You-you guys flew

336
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:19,277
across the country.

337
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:20,845
You didn't think about
any of this beforehand?

338
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,480
We did little
to no research.

339
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:23,615
But we still want to have

340
00:11:23,617 --> 00:11:25,483
a family, you know.
Yeah.

341
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:28,019
We already fell in love
with the little bastard.

342
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,621
Anyway, there is
one other option

343
00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:30,922
we could explore.

344
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:33,625
What is it? Anything.

345
00:11:33,627 --> 00:11:35,026
Nick...

346
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,462
I want you to have sex
with my wife.

347
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,397
What? Yeah,
we don't just

348
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,132
need your reindeer,
we need Santa.

349
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,134
What? What?
Yeah, come down the chimney.

350
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,536
Feet first.
White Christmas.

351
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:46,104
Bring a sackful of gifts.

352
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,577
This is nuts.
I can't do this.

353
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:54,512
This might be your only chance
to have a kid.

354
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:56,181
Yeah, but then I have to
have sex with my cousin.

355
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:57,515
I don't want to have... I don't
want to have sex with my cousin.

356
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,917
It's not your cousin.
It's your cousin's wife.

357
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,486
That's like letting a dog
drink water out of your mouth.

358
00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:03,321
You know, it's not great,
but it's legal.

359
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:04,989
The point I'm trying
to make is,

360
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,225
is I think I'd like another
Nick Miller in the world.

361
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,993
All right.
Can you imagine?

362
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,731
Come on, man, what do you say?

363
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:16,267
I think the best thing

364
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,836
to do here
is to just look at this

365
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,337
like a medical procedure.

366
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,673
Why is this guy in
this conversation here?

367
00:12:21,675 --> 00:12:23,408
Bobby, it's a losing battle.
Just move past it.

368
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,744
And, Carol, look, I
don't want this to feel,

369
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,011
I-I don't know, romantic.

370
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:28,947
I don't want you
getting confused.

371
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,782
There's a zero percent chance
of that happening. Yeah.

372
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:32,183
If you're suggesting that
I can't be romantic,

373
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,685
then you're out
of your mind.

374
00:12:33,687 --> 00:12:34,686
Yeah, excuse me,

375
00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:36,020
Nick is very romantic, okay?

376
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:37,956
He does romantic things for me
all the time.

377
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:39,924
Schmidt, what are
you talking about?

378
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,626
Just the other week,
you were very romantic to me.

379
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:44,195
When I fell down in the parking
lot and you picked me up?

380
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,733
Get up, dude!

381
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,201
How was that romantic?

382
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,870
It was beautiful
and it was kind.

383
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,538
You know, romance doesn't
always have to be sexual,

384
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,540
you idiot.
You're the idiot!

385
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:56,808
Don't. Don't.

386
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,877
Honestly, you want
to do this right now?

387
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,945
Give me one shot
at that big head,

388
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,214
I'm gonna knock you out.

389
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,450
Dominated you physically.
Admit it. Yeah, defense.

390
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,119
Can we put something
over the windows?

391
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,655
I want it to be pitch black
in here, so I can't see...

392
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,924
I don't like the way you look at
my body when you say that, Carol.

393
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,092
Well... Okay, we
got to keep it positive.

394
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,960
I agree. I think what
Nick is trying to say

395
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,996
Uh-huh. Is that he'd like
to be completely naked.

396
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:20,899
Where are you getting this from?
Objection, Your Honor! Strongly!

397
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,667
'Cause I will be
wearing clothes!

398
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:24,135
Overruled. Yeah.
Overruled.

399
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,937
Yeah, stand down.
But I'll-I'll tell ya,

400
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:28,740
I'm not wearing a condom!
End of discussion.

401
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,243
Guys...

402
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,345
such a clearly
great joke.

403
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,580
Because obviously
I can't wear,

404
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,515
you know...
Oh.

405
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,584
We got to loosen
the vibe a little.

406
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,419
Can we do something about this smell?
Oh, yeah.

407
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:42,520
It is a
little rank, yeah.

408
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,688
There is an odor.
Yeah.

409
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:44,856
Well, I lost a
glass of milk.

410
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,424
You lost a glass of milk?
Was it full?

411
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,592
Yeah, it was
to the top.

412
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:48,760
I could barely
carry it.

413
00:13:48,762 --> 00:13:50,028
Oh, that's outrageous!

414
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:51,763
Oh, God.
Now, if you don't mind,

415
00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:54,165
I'd just like to bring things
down for a second here.

416
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,434
Bob, Carol, um, I originally
bought this for Nick,

417
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,704
but since he may never have
someone to give it to,

418
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:02,106
I'd like for you guys
to have it.

419
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:03,374
Mm-mm.
No, dude, no.

420
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,109
We're Pats fan.
We hate the Bears.

421
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:07,045
You don't like the onesie?
Pats are number onesie.

422
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,613
Where did we land
on me being in the room?

423
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,114
Get out, Schmidt!
Get the hell out of here!

424
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:12,283
Look, I-I know that you
have a "no return" policy,

425
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,118
but you have to take
this dress back, okay?

426
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,120
I look like a rich person
in The Hunger Games.

427
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:17,555
Yeah, I know.

428
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,324
I was gonna stop you
from buying it,

429
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,192
but I didn't,
so we're done here.

430
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:25,063
Wrong!

431
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,798
See, you may be done
with her, but you're not

432
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,633
done with the law.

433
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,802
Winston Bishop, LAPD.

434
00:14:30,804 --> 00:14:32,303
You're a cop?
The guy who was spinning around

435
00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:34,472
singing Patti LaBelle songs
yesterday?

436
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:42,247
And you must be the one
who was serving champagne

437
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,182
without a liquor license.

438
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,516
We don't charge
for it.

439
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,051
It's legal.

440
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:53,558
Uh, not if it's being served
to a-a minor.

441
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,659
Oh.

442
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,194
Yeah. Oh, that's right.

443
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:59,197
I'm 17 years old.
I'm a kid.

444
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:00,999
You're a 17-year-old
police officer?

445
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,166
I'm a cop prodigy.

446
00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:03,935
You see,
my school is the streets.

447
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:06,337
But my other school
is school.

448
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:08,106
'Cause-'cause I go to school.

449
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,174
Like a school-school,
for learning.

450
00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:11,009
You are so stupid.

451
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,343
No return policy

452
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:13,578
is more important
than the love

453
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,247
that brings us here today, so...

454
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,484
This means a lot to her,
so please help her out.

455
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,622
Well, that didn't work.

456
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:27,692
Look, Cece,
I'm-I'm no good at this.

457
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,694
I'm no help.
I'm just gonna...

458
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,696
I'm just gonna take
a backseat to the wedding.

459
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:32,964
No. Look...

460
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:35,700
what you did in there
made me realize how much

461
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,937
you... really care about me.

462
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,476
I know that you're already
one of Schmidt's groomsmen,

463
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:50,048
um, but I was hoping
you would maybe also consider

464
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,617
being one of my bridesmaids.

465
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:56,554
You want me to be a bridesmaid?

466
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,056
If you don't want to, I...

467
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:00,058
Do you know who you're talking to?
Yes?

468
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,726
You're talking to Winnie the Bish!
Yeah.

469
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,795
I would love
to be your bridesmaid!

470
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,163
Yes?
Yes!

471
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,564
Yes?
Yes!

472
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,665
Oh...
Girl, you are

473
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,734
under arrest
for taking my breath away!

474
00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:12,804
What's with this
parachute top?

475
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,305
It's good for movement,
hard to stain.

476
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,907
I thought
it was appropriate.

477
00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:17,842
Okay. I don't know
what you think

478
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:20,411
we're about to do, but I'm
keeping this very simple.

479
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,847
I want to keep it simple.
Uh-huh. Great.

480
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:24,949
Should we... should we just
make love now, then?

481
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,284
"Make love"?

482
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:28,419
What, are we riding horses
around on a beach topless?

483
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,787
No, thank you.

484
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,689
Just tip me over
and pour me out!

485
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,925
Tip you over and pour you out?

486
00:16:33,927 --> 00:16:36,861
Yeah. It's that children's rhyme
that's also very sexual.

487
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:38,830
It is not sexual at all.

488
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,431
It is in this case.

489
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,766
Carol, I'm g...
I'm gonna need you

490
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,334
to be a little bit nicer
to me, please.

491
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,103
Oh, my God, are you serious?
I can't p...

492
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,538
Listen, I can't perform sexually
if I don't feel

493
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:50,008
a-at least a little desired.

494
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:52,010
Okay. Could you give me any
sort of a compliment? Anything.

495
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,212
We'll go and then we'll just...
That will get me started.

496
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:56,280
I'll say something nice about
you then and we can get into it.

497
00:16:58,218 --> 00:16:59,784
Just one compliment.

498
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:01,853
Nothing on the front.
Can you turn around?

499
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,389
No. Keep turning.

500
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:05,723
No.

501
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,191
Stop. Ah!

502
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,860
Okay, I won't... Okay.
Please.

503
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,128
Um...

504
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,796
First thing
that pops in your head.

505
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,467
Oh, Nicky,
you're such a sexy boy.

506
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,971
It felt crazy
coming out of my mouth. Right?

507
00:17:19,973 --> 00:17:21,139
Just some... just something simple.
Oh, my God.

508
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:23,007
Just take your pants off
and get in bed.

509
00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:24,175
Okay, yeah. All right!

510
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:26,210
Okay?

511
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,881
Come on!

512
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:38,356
Any plans to go to the beach
while you're in Los Angeles?

513
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,358
Bob!
He's freaking out!

514
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,693
Oh.
Nick?

515
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,595
I'm not freaking out. I'm fine.
Just my heart's beating really fast.

516
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,264
I feel a bit dizzy.
Are you freaking kidding me?

517
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,565
Just need one sec.
This is ridiculous!

518
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,100
All I did was take my shoes off.

519
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:50,334
Stand up and deliver!
What happened? What happened?

520
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:51,936
Is it over? Did you like it?
No! Look at him.

521
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:53,938
I just need one minute.
I just need one minute.

522
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,007
Everything's cool! Deal's on.
I just need one minute.

523
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:57,842
Get ahold of yourself, man!
Hey, I'm ovulating

524
00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:00,211
for two more hours.
I need to get plowed!

525
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,345
You're dressed like
you're gonna run a marathon!

526
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:02,447
Take off your windbreaker!

527
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:03,948
Schmidt, tell them
to stop yelling at me!

528
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,950
No! You compose yourself
and you make a miracle,

529
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:08,786
or I will squeeze one out of you
like a bottle of mustard!

530
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,354
What?
Take your pants off!

531
00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:11,589
There's not even
a belt or a button!

532
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,924
Just pull 'em down!

533
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:15,226
Yeah, let's go with the miracle already!
Come on, man!

534
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,395
No! Stop! Stop!

535
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:18,863
Just take your pants off!
Five minutes, and it's done.

536
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,398
I don't like this!
I don't like this!

537
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,066
Take your pants off!
Do it! Do it, Nick!

538
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,034
Come on, man! Do it!

539
00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:24,535
Take it out and do it!

540
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,104
Boundaries!
I said I need boundaries!

541
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,371
Get out of my way!

542
00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:28,639
I need boundaries!

543
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,475
Unbelievable.

544
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:31,642
Wow. So typical.

545
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,713
Oh, look at that.

546
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,281
There's the glass of milk.

547
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,283
Really is filled to the brim.
It's like an infinity pool.

548
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,385
Wow, how the hell
did he carry that thing?

549
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,091
Bobby, I'm sorry.
I feel terrible.

550
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:48,726
No, no, no, no.
It was a bad call.

551
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,928
Yeah, I guess it's weird to have
sex with your cousin's wife.

552
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,164
No. I...

553
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,765
I just can't
stomach my kid

554
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,167
coming from a Bears fan,
that's all.

555
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:57,735
There's nothing wrong
with being a Bears fan.

556
00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,237
That's all I'm gonna say to that.
There kind of is.

557
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,172
No, it's weird to have sex
with your cousin's wife.

558
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,740
That's what's weird.
We're gonna ask Cousin Terry.

559
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,308
He's got no arm past his elbow,

560
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,410
but it was an accident;
it's not genetic.

561
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:07,812
It's a good call.
He's very good-looking.

562
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,515
Uh, excuse me.
So we're not having a baby?

563
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:11,649
Well, this is...

564
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,084
this is just great.

565
00:19:13,086 --> 00:19:14,152
If you can't tell,

566
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:17,421
I am being sarcastic.

567
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,924
What's with that guy?

568
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:22,426
He was really fat as a kid.

569
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:24,262
Now I get it.
Ah, that makes sense.

570
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:25,396
Yeah.

571
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:30,835
We need to have a
talk about today.

572
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,937
I know. Boundaries.
No.

573
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,839
It's...

574
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,008
I want you to
have something.

575
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,219
What's this for?

576
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:50,221
I want you to save that
and give it back to me

577
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:51,689
when I have my own kid.

578
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,692
What do you mean,
you're gonna have your own kid?

579
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,794
When I have my own kid.
Don't make a big deal of it.

580
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:59,197
I just... I don't...
I don't hate your plan.

581
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,398
I kind of like it.

582
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,899
Things have been
going pretty good

583
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:04,902
for me lately, and I-I would
like to meet my own Maria.

584
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,304
With-a the meatballs.

585
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:07,572
With-a the red sauce.

586
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:09,340
With-a the red sauce.

587
00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:11,142
I want to see that
plan you got for me.

588
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:12,343
Well, come on, man.

589
00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:13,978
It's a rough draft,
but you should check it out.

590
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,413
What do we got
here, chief?

591
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:17,715
"Nick has a boy.
He calls him Gio."

592
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:21,719
We die on the same day in 2098?

593
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,554
You murder me
and then kill yourself.

594
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,923
There's not a chance
I make it to 2098.

595
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,158
Not a chance.

596
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,860
I don't want to
see the 2050s.

597
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:31,996
Oddly enough, you won't.

598
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:36,601
See? I freeze you
from 2050 to 2064.

599
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:39,003
That's why you're the genius.
That's why you're the genius.

600
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,004
Thank you.

601
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:42,006
Can you see her?
Jess?

602
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,608
Hey. Hey, guys.
I pulled some strings.

603
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,176
I got her a note
that says we're here.

604
00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:47,278
You are amazing. I don't
know why every wedding

605
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,679
doesn't have
a bridesman.

606
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,681
Ooh, I'm-a get so naked
at that bachelorette party!

607
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,116
That's one reason.

608
00:20:53,186 --> 00:20:54,852
Jess!

609
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:56,721
Okay, Nick, the bag, the bag,
the bag, the bag. Okay. Okay.

610
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:58,189
I got it, I got it. I got the bag.
What do you mean, the bag?

611
00:20:58,191 --> 00:20:59,790
Oh, come on! Just one peek!
No!

612
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,359
No, no, no,
no, no, no.

613
00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:02,693
Okay. We good?

614
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:04,195
Yeah, we're good.
Okay.

615
00:21:06,132 --> 00:21:08,366
Hey. Hey, hey, guys.
She's writing something.

616
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:11,135
Wait for it. Oh...

617
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,704
What? What's happening?
Don't worry. Nothing.

618
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:15,406
I think she's writing
something else.

619
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,541
Okay. All right.
That's something.

620
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:18,943
What's going on?
Nice.

621
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,878
We miss you, too!
Aw, we miss you, too!

622
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,713
All right, I can't take it anymore!
No!

623
00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:24,482
No, no, no. No, no, no.
No, Jess can fix it.

624
00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:25,783
Jess can fix it.
Schmidt? Schmidt?

625
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,385
Just... No, no.

626
00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:29,253
Cover up. It's not
gonna look like this.

627
00:21:29,255 --> 00:21:30,821
I got him. I got him.

628
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:33,457
You got him? Okay.
Winston, I got him. It's fine.

629
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,993
See? Everything's fine!
This isn't romantic?

630
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:37,995
Come back soon!
I love you!

631
00:21:37,997 --> 00:21:40,998
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH