1
00:00:01,261 --> 00:00:05,195
Well, that one diner has the best bacon.
So I don't know. Great bacon.

2
00:00:05,197 --> 00:00:06,630
Ugh, come on, guys. Please, God,
we're entering minute 20

3
00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:07,831
of the great brunch debate.
The other diner

4
00:00:07,833 --> 00:00:10,767
does have that
special fruit cup.

5
00:00:10,769 --> 00:00:12,302
Other diner. Fruit cup.
Let's go. However,

6
00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:13,937
when I think about
it, huge crowd

7
00:00:13,939 --> 00:00:15,839
looking for that special fruit cup.
Smart.

8
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:18,175
So now we got to think line versus bacon.
Please, I am starving.

9
00:00:18,177 --> 00:00:20,444
Make a decision. Oh, hi.

10
00:00:20,446 --> 00:00:21,712
Do you guys want to
join us? We are going

11
00:00:21,714 --> 00:00:23,213
for brunch in seven days.

12
00:00:23,215 --> 00:00:24,648
Hybrid meals are
for people who are too lazy

13
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:26,149
to wake up
for a proper breakfast.

14
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:29,453
Besides, we're looking
for a wedding venue today.

15
00:00:29,455 --> 00:00:31,321
Good luck with these two,
because if they get

16
00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:33,824
really hungry, then all bets are off.
Curveball—

17
00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:37,327
maybe we roast a turkey.
Have either of you ever made

18
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,695
a decision in your lives?

19
00:00:38,697 --> 00:00:40,330
I make decisions all the time.
Disrespectful.

20
00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:42,065
What's the last decision that you made?
First of all,

21
00:00:42,067 --> 00:00:43,667
you got to make a decision
if you gonna make a decision.

22
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:46,136
You know what I mean?

23
00:00:46,138 --> 00:00:47,571
Of course we make decisions.
How do you think

24
00:00:47,573 --> 00:00:49,039
I'm wearing clothes
right now?

25
00:00:49,041 --> 00:00:50,173
I laid those out
for you, Nick.

26
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:51,675
But I decided to let you.
This is

27
00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,477
your whole problem. Imagine
how much better your life

28
00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:56,346
would be if you could just make a decision.
She's just mad

29
00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:58,715
because she had a bunch
of dumb brunch ideas,

30
00:00:58,717 --> 00:01:01,551
you damn fool.

31
00:01:01,553 --> 00:01:03,987
Okay. Uh, well, what about this?
I will sleep

32
00:01:03,989 --> 00:01:06,656
with one of you tonight
if you can just decide who.

33
00:01:16,402 --> 00:01:19,102
Are you... are you serious?
I mean,

34
00:01:19,104 --> 00:01:20,737
we're talking about
a one-time thing and you can't

35
00:01:20,739 --> 00:01:22,572
get weird afterwards,
but, yeah, I'm...

36
00:01:22,574 --> 00:01:24,708
down for, like,
a fun half hour.

37
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,610
And you would be there? Yes.

38
00:01:26,612 --> 00:01:28,545
You would
physically be there?

39
00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:29,446
Yes.

40
00:01:32,785 --> 00:01:36,052
Can it... be nice?

41
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:38,288
Well, that's on you.
Let me know by 9:00.

42
00:01:38,290 --> 00:01:40,424
What if we die before then? There's
not much I can do about that.

43
00:01:40,426 --> 00:01:42,259
Okay, you know what, you know
what, we'll discuss this

44
00:01:42,261 --> 00:01:44,261
amongst ourselves.
I mean, uh,

45
00:01:44,263 --> 00:01:46,263
nobody wants to see
how the sausage is made,

46
00:01:46,265 --> 00:01:48,698
am I right? No, they don't.
To the sausage factory.

47
00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:50,400
What?
That's not what I meant.

48
00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:52,469
Yeah. Let's go.
All right.

49
00:01:52,471 --> 00:01:53,870
Thank you for the opportunity.
Good luck

50
00:01:53,872 --> 00:01:56,306
with your decision.

51
00:01:56,308 --> 00:01:58,375
At what cost?

52
00:01:58,377 --> 00:02:00,377
One sexual barracuda
to another,

53
00:02:00,379 --> 00:02:02,212
I see what you're doing.

54
00:02:02,214 --> 00:02:03,547
You're doing it
for the story.

55
00:02:03,549 --> 00:02:05,749
You want to see
how deep the abyss goes.

56
00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,717
You want to look that monster
straight into the eye.

57
00:02:07,719 --> 00:02:10,554
Maybe it's so bad
that it's good.

58
00:02:10,556 --> 00:02:12,956
But it's not good.
It's b... it's bad.

59
00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:14,224
Okay, honey, calm down.

60
00:02:14,226 --> 00:02:16,960
She's not actually gonna do it.
No,

61
00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:18,495
I'm trying to teach them
a lesson.

62
00:02:18,497 --> 00:02:20,096
This isn't an '80s
summer camp movie.

63
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,132
I'm not gonna sleep
with somebody based on a bet.

64
00:02:22,134 --> 00:02:24,134
I'm just... I was
just kind of playing along

65
00:02:24,136 --> 00:02:26,770
with the whole thing just in case
they were listening at the door.

66
00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:28,738
Something
about "summer camp moogie."

67
00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:29,673
"Summer camp moogie."

68
00:02:29,675 --> 00:02:31,141
No, no, no. I got nothing.

69
00:02:31,143 --> 00:02:32,242
This isn't real, right?

70
00:02:32,244 --> 00:02:33,477
It can't be.

71
00:02:33,479 --> 00:02:35,345
I mean...
I mean, it can't be.

72
00:02:35,347 --> 00:02:37,347
Why would it be? But on
the off chance that it is,

73
00:02:37,349 --> 00:02:40,183
we need to take this
extremely seriously.

74
00:02:40,185 --> 00:02:42,586
You're absolutely right. Okay,
okay. Well, what do you suggest?

75
00:02:42,588 --> 00:02:44,488
We do a gentlemen's debate.

76
00:02:44,490 --> 00:02:47,491
A gentlemen's debate. We calmly
discuss who merits this opportunity

77
00:02:47,493 --> 00:02:50,026
and we come to a decision based
off respect and politeness.

78
00:02:50,028 --> 00:02:51,528
I agree. So...

79
00:02:51,530 --> 00:02:53,497
please proceed, sir.

80
00:02:53,499 --> 00:02:54,431
Thank you, sir.

81
00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:55,932
You're welcome, sir.

82
00:02:57,836 --> 00:02:59,369
Okay.

83
00:02:59,371 --> 00:03:02,372
The gentleman knows that I have
a monster crush on Reagan.

84
00:03:02,374 --> 00:03:04,674
But because this is such
a powerful argument

85
00:03:04,676 --> 00:03:07,444
in my favor, I politely take it
off the table.

86
00:03:07,446 --> 00:03:10,280
In that case,
the gentleman politely...

87
00:03:10,282 --> 00:03:11,781
thanks you.

88
00:03:14,219 --> 00:03:18,655
Hmm. The gentleman was sure
that the other gentleman

89
00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:20,323
would not be such a jerk

90
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:23,159
and let his friend's
dreams come true.

91
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,729
Perhaps I'm not dealing
with a gentleman at all.

92
00:03:25,731 --> 00:03:27,998
Perhaps I'm dealing
with a dingus.

93
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,033
Did you call me a dingus?
You're acting like a dingus.

94
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:31,401
How can I be a dingus when
you're the damn dingus?

95
00:03:31,403 --> 00:03:33,236
You're the dingus. You're the
d... you're-you're... you are...

96
00:03:33,238 --> 00:03:35,338
Oh. Hey. Hey. Looking forward

97
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:37,307
to sex later. Well,
that makes three of...

98
00:03:37,309 --> 00:03:39,309
That makes two of us.
Well, get ready

99
00:03:39,311 --> 00:03:43,813
for the skin circus,
you little peanut.

100
00:03:43,815 --> 00:03:45,849
Okay.
Whoa.

101
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,250
I was put
in an awkward situation,

102
00:03:47,252 --> 00:03:48,718
and I reacted poorly.
Oh, whoa.

103
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,320
Everything rides
on this decision.

104
00:03:50,322 --> 00:03:53,189
You know, the venue is the axle
of the wedding chariot.

105
00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:54,858
I know that you have
dreamed about this day

106
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,760
since you were a little boy,
but we are paying for this out

107
00:03:56,762 --> 00:03:59,596
of our own pocket, okay?
So we cannot get carried away.

108
00:03:59,598 --> 00:04:01,164
Okay.

109
00:04:01,166 --> 00:04:02,866
Yeah.

110
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,668
Oh, I see...
Okay, this could work.

111
00:04:06,672 --> 00:04:08,171
Yeah... Huh?

112
00:04:09,675 --> 00:04:11,207
Oh, my God. No.
Oh!

113
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,009
Some tea lights

114
00:04:13,011 --> 00:04:15,045
and flowers and this place
could be nice.

115
00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:17,047
It's like a Mumford & Sons
music video, yeah?

116
00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,915
Is there hay in here?

117
00:04:19,885 --> 00:04:21,084
We're looking for

118
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:23,553
the vacant warehouse
for the wedding venue?

119
00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:24,888
Vacant warehouse?
They're closing us down.

120
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,723
We're all getting fired.

121
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,625
Grab what you can! Hey, you
guys, kind of not cool.

122
00:04:28,627 --> 00:04:30,360
You were supposed to text me
before you got here. Okay.

123
00:04:30,362 --> 00:04:32,062
Can everyone just
take a seat, please?

124
00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:34,598
Can you just stop? Take...

125
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,199
Hey, you...

126
00:04:36,201 --> 00:04:38,101
Me owe you?
You ditched me

127
00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:39,869
when we were supposed
to run away from home together.

128
00:04:39,871 --> 00:04:41,905
I built that raft for nothing!

129
00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:44,874
We could do this all day, but
I have actual feelings for her.

130
00:04:44,876 --> 00:04:46,215
I thought you said feelings
were off the table.

131
00:04:46,241 --> 00:04:47,243
Well, I'm putting 'em back

132
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,412
on the table. I'm gonna settle
this right here, right now.

133
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,614
Do it.
Cindy...

134
00:04:50,616 --> 00:04:52,816
No.

135
00:04:52,818 --> 00:04:53,650
De La Garza.

136
00:04:53,652 --> 00:04:55,752
Oh.
Huh, so look at me.

137
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:58,488
Look at me.
Let it affect you.

138
00:04:58,490 --> 00:05:01,925
You knew I had a crush
on Cindy De La Garza,

139
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,294
and you Frenched her anyway.

140
00:05:04,296 --> 00:05:06,296
Frenching! They're Frenching!
They're Fren...

141
00:05:06,298 --> 00:05:08,498
Hey, chaperone!

142
00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,734
They're Frenching!
Aah!

143
00:05:10,736 --> 00:05:12,902
I had dibs on her
since the fifth grade, dude!

144
00:05:12,904 --> 00:05:15,138
If I could un-French her, I would.
You owe me this.

145
00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,607
I knew that French
was gonna haunt me.

146
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:20,343
You called dibs...
and I screwed up.

147
00:05:20,345 --> 00:05:22,012
What you gonna say? What you gonna say?
It's you.

148
00:05:22,014 --> 00:05:24,014
Oh, yes. Man, that girl
better get ready

149
00:05:24,016 --> 00:05:28,118
for some kind,
attentive lovemaking. Oh.

150
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,487
Hey, uh, have you guys seen
my purple sweater?

151
00:05:30,489 --> 00:05:34,090
Uh, no. And, by the way,
we've made our decision.

152
00:05:34,092 --> 00:05:35,992
Wow. That was fast.
You have until 9:00.

153
00:05:35,994 --> 00:05:36,993
We don't need it.

154
00:05:36,995 --> 00:05:38,328
You'll be having Winston.

155
00:05:38,330 --> 00:05:40,597
That's me. I'm Winston.
Great. Don't eat

156
00:05:40,599 --> 00:05:41,965
for two hours before. I'm
really looking forward to it.

157
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:45,035
Bring your A-game, okay?
Any previous injuries

158
00:05:45,037 --> 00:05:46,936
that I need to know about?
Bring something

159
00:05:46,938 --> 00:05:48,004
to numb your mouth.

160
00:05:49,775 --> 00:05:52,008
Oh. Look.

161
00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:54,577
The sweater was in my hand
the whole time.

162
00:06:00,452 --> 00:06:01,967
You know, this woman requested my A-game.
My A-game.

163
00:06:01,993 --> 00:06:03,253
Maybe it's hopeless
that I could even

164
00:06:03,255 --> 00:06:05,655
please this woman sexually.
What am I thinking, Winston?

165
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:08,491
Just focus on yourself. Concentrate
on yourself sexually, Winston.

166
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:11,294
No, Winston, that is not your way.
I just want

167
00:06:11,296 --> 00:06:14,464
to head off any discussion
of what your way is.

168
00:06:14,466 --> 00:06:17,667
I'm so sorry. I'm just feeling
a little insecure about my body

169
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:21,237
and the way it is connected
to my face.

170
00:06:21,239 --> 00:06:23,673
Bishop...

171
00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:26,743
you have nothing to worry about.

172
00:06:26,745 --> 00:06:28,878
Really?

173
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,580
Yeah.

174
00:06:30,582 --> 00:06:32,816
Okay. What's my best feature?

175
00:06:32,818 --> 00:06:34,818
Instant regret. Instant.

176
00:06:34,820 --> 00:06:37,153
The second I said it,
I was like...

177
00:06:37,155 --> 00:06:38,388
If you had to pick.
Fine.

178
00:06:38,390 --> 00:06:40,657
You have very nice...

179
00:06:40,659 --> 00:06:42,592
That's our suspect. He's taking off!
What?

180
00:06:42,594 --> 00:06:44,160
Okay.

181
00:06:44,162 --> 00:06:45,762
Okay, I'll let you take point
on this one,

182
00:06:45,764 --> 00:06:47,597
because I got to protect my duke
for later.

183
00:06:47,599 --> 00:06:49,199
Oh, you suck so much.

184
00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:51,101
Has that park always
been a pet cemetery

185
00:06:51,103 --> 00:06:53,436
or were just crazy people
burying a dog there?

186
00:06:53,438 --> 00:06:55,271
Well, I'm not even close
to giving up.

187
00:06:55,273 --> 00:06:57,540
Why don't we just pop in here?

188
00:06:57,542 --> 00:07:01,911
Oh, really? We just "happened"
upon The Lisbon, Schmidt?

189
00:07:01,913 --> 00:07:05,248
Purely a coincidence that
we... made it just on time

190
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,016
for the appointment
that I made a month ago.

191
00:07:07,018 --> 00:07:08,518
Why are you doing this
to yourself?

192
00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:12,422
Ah. Mr. Schmidt.

193
00:07:12,424 --> 00:07:14,090
May I offer you a beverage?

194
00:07:14,092 --> 00:07:16,926
Perhaps an organic cucumber
vodka spritzer? Yes.

195
00:07:16,928 --> 00:07:20,630
It is so beautiful. I feel
like I'm inside Cate Blanchett.

196
00:07:20,632 --> 00:07:22,031
We get that a lot.

197
00:07:22,033 --> 00:07:23,566
I've got to say,
I'm pretty impressed

198
00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:26,302
with how quickly you guys
came to that decision.

199
00:07:26,304 --> 00:07:28,471
Well, that's 'cause you
don't know how mature we are.

200
00:07:28,473 --> 00:07:31,741
You see, Winston had dibs on Cindy
De La Garza since the fifth grade,

201
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,710
I Frenched her in the
eighth grade, so...

202
00:07:33,712 --> 00:07:37,280
So about 20 years ago Winston
had a three-year-old dib,

203
00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:40,383
he never acted on it,
and now you're the bad guy?

204
00:07:40,385 --> 00:07:42,886
Oh, Reagan.

205
00:07:42,888 --> 00:07:45,388
First of all, dibs
can't be singular...

206
00:07:45,390 --> 00:07:47,123
I mean, if anything,
it's kind of a story

207
00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:48,892
about how indecisive
Winston can be.

208
00:07:48,894 --> 00:07:50,727
Well, no, it's a story about...
But you guys

209
00:07:50,729 --> 00:07:52,228
came to a decision—
I'm proud of you.

210
00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:56,132
Uh, can I... can I practice
my presentation on you?

211
00:07:56,134 --> 00:07:58,168
Sure. But I'm bored already.
Okay.

212
00:07:58,170 --> 00:08:00,170
This stuff's really
boring for me.

213
00:08:00,172 --> 00:08:02,438
For everybody, I guess.
Hmm.

214
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,775
Hepatitis C can be a long...

215
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,510
arduous experience.

216
00:08:07,512 --> 00:08:08,945
But now

217
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:11,681
discover Zilpoza
from Wudai Pharmaceuticals.

218
00:08:11,683 --> 00:08:13,249
FDA approval...

219
00:08:13,251 --> 00:08:15,752
pending double-blind study.

220
00:08:15,754 --> 00:08:17,587
If you've had cirrhosis

221
00:08:17,589 --> 00:08:19,489
or kidney disease,

222
00:08:19,491 --> 00:08:21,024
Zilpoza...

223
00:08:21,026 --> 00:08:22,859
may not...

224
00:08:22,861 --> 00:08:24,627
be right...

225
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,863
for... you.

226
00:08:30,101 --> 00:08:32,702
You think I'm a
13-year-old boy?

227
00:08:32,704 --> 00:08:34,537
I know what you're doing.

228
00:08:34,539 --> 00:08:35,872
What am... what am I doing?
You're trying

229
00:08:35,874 --> 00:08:37,640
to lead me on, and
I won't have it.

230
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,175
Case closed!
You're having Winston!

231
00:08:39,177 --> 00:08:40,376
Great, I'm having Winston.

232
00:08:40,378 --> 00:08:42,445
Uh...

233
00:08:44,783 --> 00:08:46,850
Mm.

234
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,557
It's so juvenile,
what you're doing.

235
00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:57,627
A dib is a dib.

236
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,998
Oh, God, if I keep looking at
the ceiling, I'm gonna cry.

237
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,133
Damn it, we are getting sucked
in— we have to leave immediately.

238
00:09:04,135 --> 00:09:05,902
It's probably not
even available.

239
00:09:05,904 --> 00:09:07,670
There's no way, right? I mean...
You're right.

240
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:08,905
Philip.

241
00:09:08,907 --> 00:09:10,373
Hmm?
Quick question.

242
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,308
Look, we realize
that you guys book up

243
00:09:12,310 --> 00:09:14,377
decades in advance,
so please just let us know

244
00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:16,246
that you don't have any
slots available. Actually,

245
00:09:16,248 --> 00:09:18,248
you're in luck—
Shia LaBeouf had to cancel

246
00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:19,816
his solitaire tournament,

247
00:09:19,818 --> 00:09:22,418
and we have one open slot,
in April.

248
00:09:22,420 --> 00:09:24,220
In April?

249
00:09:24,222 --> 00:09:26,155
Mm-hmm. All right, babe, no.
No, no, no,

250
00:09:26,157 --> 00:09:27,523
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

251
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:28,992
You need to breathe.
We're just gonna enact

252
00:09:28,994 --> 00:09:31,160
the plan that we set up
for when you see an ankle boot

253
00:09:31,162 --> 00:09:32,262
you really, really,
really like, right?

254
00:09:32,264 --> 00:09:33,563
What do we do?
We walk away...

255
00:09:33,565 --> 00:09:34,831
And if I dream about it
in the middle

256
00:09:34,833 --> 00:09:35,899
of the night,
then it's meant to be.

257
00:09:35,901 --> 00:09:36,900
We're gonna walk away, Philip.

258
00:09:36,902 --> 00:09:38,167
Thank you so much
for all your help.

259
00:09:38,169 --> 00:09:39,168
I should let
you know,

260
00:09:39,170 --> 00:09:40,403
however, there is

261
00:09:40,405 --> 00:09:42,171
another interested party.

262
00:09:42,173 --> 00:09:46,276
What? Schmittyballs?

263
00:09:46,278 --> 00:09:48,544
B... B-Benjamin.

264
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:49,746
Okay.

265
00:09:49,748 --> 00:09:51,080
You're engaged? Hmm.

266
00:09:51,082 --> 00:09:52,782
Mazel to you, sir.
Hey, Meems,

267
00:09:52,784 --> 00:09:54,417
this is the, uh,
fat guy from school

268
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:55,885
we used to make dance
for chocolate.

269
00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:56,953
Oh.
In all fairness,

270
00:09:56,955 --> 00:09:58,254
uh, Benjamin would

271
00:09:58,256 --> 00:09:59,856
peg chocolate at my head

272
00:09:59,858 --> 00:10:01,424
while I was already dancing.

273
00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:02,525
He what?
Benny-boo,

274
00:10:02,527 --> 00:10:03,760
I don't want to lose

275
00:10:03,762 --> 00:10:04,794
The Lisbon to
these fat people.

276
00:10:04,796 --> 00:10:06,429
The hell?
Don't worry,

277
00:10:06,431 --> 00:10:07,897
Schmidtstain can't afford
The Lisbon.

278
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,299
Oh. Unless, of
course, they accept

279
00:10:09,301 --> 00:10:10,733
gift certificates from fat camp.

280
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,902
Benjamin, I still...
I mean... I can...

281
00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:15,138
Do they do that?
I'm a different...

282
00:10:15,140 --> 00:10:16,205
We'll have to ask somebody
about that.

283
00:10:16,207 --> 00:10:17,640
Okay, that is it!

284
00:10:17,642 --> 00:10:20,576
We... are booking The Lisbon.
We are?

285
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:21,644
Go!
No.

286
00:10:21,646 --> 00:10:23,112
I've never loved you more, Cece!

287
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,786
What were you gonna say?

288
00:10:29,788 --> 00:10:32,088
What is that
in reference to?

289
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,257
It's been silent
for 30 minutes.

290
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,159
Earlier, you were gonna tell me
what my best feature was,

291
00:10:36,161 --> 00:10:37,460
and then we got distracted.

292
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:39,429
Right. By crime.
I could tell you

293
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,997
what yours is.
Oh, my God, please don't.

294
00:10:40,999 --> 00:10:43,066
You have a lovely neck.
Really?

295
00:10:43,068 --> 00:10:46,502
Mm-hmm. Not my knuckles or,
like, the skin behind my ears?

296
00:10:46,504 --> 00:10:48,071
Okay, do me.
It's my turn.

297
00:10:48,073 --> 00:10:49,639
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, I need this. Fine.

298
00:10:49,641 --> 00:10:51,140
I will tell you,

299
00:10:51,142 --> 00:10:53,609
but then we drop it
immediately and forever.

300
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:54,844
Drop.

301
00:10:54,846 --> 00:10:56,579
You have kind eyes.

302
00:10:56,581 --> 00:10:57,780
Really?

303
00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,048
Mm-hmm.

304
00:11:00,251 --> 00:11:02,318
I have kind eyes.

305
00:11:03,655 --> 00:11:05,655
I'll take that.

306
00:11:05,657 --> 00:11:08,958
You know, I always thought
I had snail eyes.

307
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,626
"Immediately and forever,"
remember?

308
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:11,995
I'll turn around.

309
00:11:11,997 --> 00:11:13,363
Turn around.

310
00:11:13,365 --> 00:11:14,998
I-I'll save my
kind eyes for last.

311
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,432
Okay.

312
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:21,637
Hello?

313
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:22,839
I'm reopening
the Reagan decision.

314
00:11:22,841 --> 00:11:24,173
Wait, what?

315
00:11:24,175 --> 00:11:25,675
I already took my supplements.

316
00:11:25,677 --> 00:11:26,976
I know. I'm sorry.
I'm telling her

317
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,311
we've decided, and it was me.

318
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,346
Oh, no, you are not!
I hear shaving.

319
00:11:30,348 --> 00:11:31,447
Are you shaving?
No!

320
00:11:31,449 --> 00:11:33,116
I know what that means.

321
00:11:33,118 --> 00:11:35,051
Hello? Hello, Nick?

322
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,987
Damn.

323
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:40,323
Just go.

324
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,692
You mean it?

325
00:11:42,694 --> 00:11:45,028
Thank you very
much, Aly.

326
00:11:45,030 --> 00:11:48,765
I am going to win
this sex bet!

327
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,010
We want to get married
at The Lisbon.

328
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,745
We want to book
The Lisbon right now!

329
00:12:02,747 --> 00:12:04,747
Uh, start by filling
these forms out.

330
00:12:04,749 --> 00:12:05,882
It'll be pleasure.
Yeah, no problem.

331
00:12:05,884 --> 00:12:07,150
What's our routing number?

332
00:12:07,152 --> 00:12:08,985
69364278.
Just gonna give Benjamin

333
00:12:08,987 --> 00:12:11,487
a little coffee— oh, I'm so sorry.
Hey, come on,

334
00:12:11,489 --> 00:12:13,589
she can't do that. No, no, she did that.
I'm so sorry.

335
00:12:13,591 --> 00:12:15,024
Yeah.
Oh, wow.

336
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:16,592
The service is so gorgeous.

337
00:12:16,594 --> 00:12:18,194
Really great.
You do realize

338
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,329
we're not gonna decide this
on who writes the fastest.

339
00:12:20,331 --> 00:12:21,330
You know,

340
00:12:21,332 --> 00:12:22,932
here at The Lisbon,

341
00:12:22,934 --> 00:12:24,534
we celebrate grandeur, and romance.
Oh, you are

342
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,169
Schmidt out of
luck, Schmidt.

343
00:12:26,171 --> 00:12:28,037
Our wedding's gonna be
sick romantic.

344
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:29,839
Our wedding's gonna be
way romantic, bro.

345
00:12:29,841 --> 00:12:31,908
Quiches so small you got
to wear glasses. Bitch,

346
00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:33,109
we're gonna have
more white linen

347
00:12:33,111 --> 00:12:34,444
than a hospital
in the Great War.

348
00:12:34,446 --> 00:12:35,378
Yeah, we're gonna
have so many

349
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,046
fresh cut flowers

350
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:38,948
that you're gonna have
a real bee problem

351
00:12:38,950 --> 00:12:40,683
up in this bitch.
We're gonna have

352
00:12:40,685 --> 00:12:42,552
spanakopita so flaky,
you're gonna get crumbs

353
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,687
all over your mouth, like, what?
Our tables

354
00:12:44,689 --> 00:12:47,123
are gonna be names of cities
that we've been to, like, what?

355
00:12:47,125 --> 00:12:50,560
our wedding is gonna
be so... big...

356
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:53,062
that the Giants
will come to town

357
00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:56,365
and everyone gets
a big spoon.

358
00:12:58,203 --> 00:12:59,702
Philip, you-you want romance?

359
00:12:59,704 --> 00:13:00,870
Let me tell you
the story about

360
00:13:00,872 --> 00:13:03,039
how I knew that Mimi
was the one for me.

361
00:13:03,041 --> 00:13:05,608
The story is called "Lovestruck."
There's a title?

362
00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:08,211
It was our fourth date,
and we had just seen Toy Story 3

363
00:13:08,213 --> 00:13:11,881
for the second time. Maybe it's
just us, but we love Pixar.

364
00:13:11,883 --> 00:13:13,149
We're nerds.

365
00:13:13,151 --> 00:13:14,217
I reach

366
00:13:14,219 --> 00:13:15,284
for Mimi's hand,

367
00:13:15,286 --> 00:13:16,953
and I was struck by lightning.

368
00:13:16,955 --> 00:13:18,754
I mean, literally,

369
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,390
Yeah. Zap. I was struck by a
bolt of lightning, Philip,

370
00:13:21,392 --> 00:13:22,925
and I...
I would've been killed

371
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:24,727
if Mimi hadn't grounded me.

372
00:13:24,729 --> 00:13:26,629
We met... crying

373
00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:27,763
over the same name

374
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,565
at the Vietnam Memorial.

375
00:13:29,567 --> 00:13:30,833
George...

376
00:13:30,835 --> 00:13:32,735
Harrison...

377
00:13:32,737 --> 00:13:34,103
Ford.

378
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,471
Wha...?

379
00:13:35,473 --> 00:13:37,807
Who was our grandfather.

380
00:13:37,809 --> 00:13:39,075
What? Making us cousins?

381
00:13:39,077 --> 00:13:42,178
Making us cousins,
because there is

382
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:43,779
nothing more romantic

383
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,515
than forbidden love.

384
00:13:45,517 --> 00:13:47,250
Between family members?
I mean, that's...

385
00:13:47,252 --> 00:13:49,085
You're gonna double down
with that?

386
00:13:49,087 --> 00:13:51,154
Yes, I am.
He's writing "cousins" down.

387
00:13:51,156 --> 00:13:52,855
That's a
positive thing.

388
00:13:52,857 --> 00:13:54,090
No, it's not.

389
00:13:54,092 --> 00:13:55,358
Hey. What are
you doing, man?

390
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:56,926
We had a decision.
The decision

391
00:13:56,928 --> 00:13:58,928
wasn't valid—
your dib on Cindy

392
00:13:58,930 --> 00:14:00,596
was expired.
Okay, first of all

393
00:14:00,598 --> 00:14:01,931
dibs don't expire.

394
00:14:01,933 --> 00:14:03,866
Also, dibs— not singular.

395
00:14:03,868 --> 00:14:05,801
And how are you
still shaving?

396
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,136
I'm doing
full body, Winston.

397
00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,138
I started from the bottom,
now I'm here.

398
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,040
That's gross. I've been
doing sex prep all day.

399
00:14:11,042 --> 00:14:12,942
I did a hundred
girl push-ups.

400
00:14:12,944 --> 00:14:15,511
I washed my feet
until the water ran clear.

401
00:14:15,513 --> 00:14:18,047
You can clean your feet all
damn day— it don't matter,

402
00:14:18,049 --> 00:14:19,849
because I'm having sex
with Reagan tonight.

403
00:14:19,851 --> 00:14:21,617
The decision's been made.
Well, the decision's

404
00:14:21,619 --> 00:14:23,186
been changed— I'm
having sex with Reagan.

405
00:14:23,188 --> 00:14:24,353
That's not gonna happen.
It is gonna happen.

406
00:14:24,355 --> 00:14:25,154
Now, if you'll
excuse me...

407
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:26,489
No, don't...
Got it!

408
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,124
What were you going for?
The cologne.

409
00:14:28,126 --> 00:14:30,159
I smell so pretty! Give me...
give me my col...

410
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,228
No. No, no, no. No.

411
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:35,464
Oh, God! Aah!

412
00:14:35,466 --> 00:14:38,501
What are you doing!
Aah! I don't know, man!

413
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,835
You got frickin' cologne
all over me.

414
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:41,404
I smell fantastic!

415
00:14:41,406 --> 00:14:43,806
Oh, my God. We got to
turn the tables on Reagan,

416
00:14:43,808 --> 00:14:45,208
make her decide.
I don't see her

417
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:47,076
going for it, man—
the entire point

418
00:14:47,078 --> 00:14:49,011
was that we had
to make a decision.

419
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,379
Well, then I guess
we're gonna have

420
00:14:50,381 --> 00:14:52,815
to trick her, and I know how.

421
00:14:52,817 --> 00:14:54,050
We'll up your fee
by $10,000.

422
00:14:54,052 --> 00:14:55,751
Ten thousand
and one dollar!

423
00:14:55,753 --> 00:14:58,254
Uh, Cece, we don't have $10,000.
We barely have the one.

424
00:14:58,256 --> 00:15:01,257
Ten thousand and two dollars!
It's not your turn to bid.

425
00:15:01,259 --> 00:15:02,925
$15,000!
$15,000...

426
00:15:02,927 --> 00:15:04,393
It's not... it's not...
it's not worth it.

427
00:15:04,395 --> 00:15:05,928
It's not worth it.
Yeah, but it's your dream.

428
00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:09,332
I... I know.

429
00:15:09,334 --> 00:15:11,200
But I already have my dream.

430
00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:12,902
It's marrying you.

431
00:15:16,407 --> 00:15:19,008
It's all yours, Benjamin.

432
00:15:19,010 --> 00:15:20,910
Yes!

433
00:15:20,912 --> 00:15:22,411
"I have my dream."

434
00:15:22,413 --> 00:15:23,412
Dumb!

435
00:15:23,414 --> 00:15:24,914
They remind me of my

436
00:15:24,916 --> 00:15:27,383
stupid grandparents on
their 60th anniversary.

437
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,185
Old.

438
00:15:31,089 --> 00:15:33,356
Reagan. Let me guess. You
guys made a final decision?

439
00:15:33,358 --> 00:15:35,891
Please. Sit.

440
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,627
That's probably the first time
you've been right all day,

441
00:15:37,629 --> 00:15:39,629
but yes, we have
made a decision.

442
00:15:39,631 --> 00:15:41,364
Great.Here's
the deal, Reagan.

443
00:15:41,366 --> 00:15:42,765
It's 2016, you're a lady.

444
00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:44,967
Your decision
is important to us.

445
00:15:44,969 --> 00:15:46,636
Yes, we want you to decide

446
00:15:46,638 --> 00:15:49,238
which one of us
is most attractive to you,

447
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,474
and if that person
is the same name

448
00:15:51,476 --> 00:15:54,110
that's on the piece of paper
in this envelope,

449
00:15:54,112 --> 00:15:56,245
then sexual relations
can commence.

450
00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:57,880
Okay, well, the
logic is bulletproof.

451
00:15:57,882 --> 00:15:59,882
I just feel like if I'm gonna
be making this decision,

452
00:15:59,884 --> 00:16:01,717
I need you guys
to pitch yourselves.

453
00:16:01,719 --> 00:16:03,753
For starters,
I'm completely hairless,

454
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:06,389
Okay. Except for a straggler
near one of my nipples,

455
00:16:06,391 --> 00:16:07,790
because I got scared
while shaving.

456
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,825
In my fantasies,
I'm a wild lover.

457
00:16:09,827 --> 00:16:12,395
In real life, my sexual prowess
has been described

458
00:16:12,397 --> 00:16:14,297
as "fine,"adequate."

459
00:16:14,299 --> 00:16:16,098
"It'll get the job done."

460
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,767
That is both a
lot and a little,

461
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:19,435
but either way,
a tough act to follow.

462
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,504
Winston, you're up.
Well, that's easy.

463
00:16:21,506 --> 00:16:24,106
I've got kind eyes.
You don't

464
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,175
have kind eyes. You have snail
eyes. Everybody knows that.

465
00:16:26,177 --> 00:16:28,744
I've got kind eyes. Aly told me so.
Who's Aly?

466
00:16:28,746 --> 00:16:30,780
Yeah, she's my partner at work.
I complimented her first,

467
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:33,149
told her she had a very nice
neck, which she does.

468
00:16:33,151 --> 00:16:34,984
But what I should have said was,

469
00:16:34,986 --> 00:16:37,953
"You got a really cool chin," or
"You got some dope earlobes."

470
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,955
Honestly,
everything about her is great.

471
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:44,093
And when I'm with her,
I never really notice time.

472
00:16:44,095 --> 00:16:46,529
It's probably because
she is the best part of my day.

473
00:16:46,531 --> 00:16:49,031
I should... I should have
told her one of those things,

474
00:16:49,033 --> 00:16:50,933
as opposed to the neck thing,
you know.

475
00:16:50,935 --> 00:16:52,335
Then she told me
I had kind eyes.

476
00:16:52,337 --> 00:16:54,470
You like Aly.
Yes.

477
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:56,605
She's my partner.
Winston!

478
00:16:56,607 --> 00:16:58,407
Come on, it's obvious.
You like Aly.

479
00:17:01,279 --> 00:17:03,713
I-I like her.
I-I like Aly.

480
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,716
Oh, my goodness!

481
00:17:06,718 --> 00:17:08,517
Why did I never
think of that before?

482
00:17:08,519 --> 00:17:09,952
Wow, my mouth is dry.

483
00:17:09,954 --> 00:17:11,320
Anybody else's mouth dry?

484
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,489
What should I do?
I don't know what to do.

485
00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:14,824
I don't know what to do.
What should I do? Winston,

486
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,859
this is Cindy De La Garza
all over again.

487
00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:18,661
You need to make a decision.

488
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,030
I got to ask her out.

489
00:17:21,032 --> 00:17:22,398
Good! Go! Go ahead!
Go! Good luck!

490
00:17:24,135 --> 00:17:26,202
Yes.

491
00:17:26,204 --> 00:17:29,138
Listen, Reagan,
I am so sorry,

492
00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:32,675
but obviously, we will not
be making love tonight.

493
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:35,177
No. It's not fair.
I'm sorry.

494
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,479
I got to go.

495
00:17:36,481 --> 00:17:38,147
Well, I guess that leaves

496
00:17:38,149 --> 00:17:40,182
just old Nick Miller.

497
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:43,352
Mm. Your room or my room?

498
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,653
Hmm?

499
00:17:48,726 --> 00:17:51,660
Well, both rooms have a lot
of interesting possibilities.

500
00:17:51,662 --> 00:17:53,496
Mm-hmm.

501
00:17:53,498 --> 00:17:56,065
That's a heck
of a question.

502
00:17:56,067 --> 00:17:58,000
Your, um...

503
00:17:58,002 --> 00:18:00,236
Give me 15 minutes,
and I'm gonna come back

504
00:18:00,238 --> 00:18:02,505
and tell you which room
and why from my opinion,

505
00:18:02,507 --> 00:18:05,040
and then, you can give me yours,
and we can discuss.

506
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:07,343
Just give me one second,
and, uh, I'll be good to go.

507
00:18:07,345 --> 00:18:10,179
I just need...
two minutes tops.

508
00:18:10,181 --> 00:18:12,415
You stay there.

509
00:18:23,194 --> 00:18:26,595
Oh.
Oh! Aw, no!

510
00:18:26,597 --> 00:18:28,564
Oh, that's a
lot of blood.

511
00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,566
Oh.

512
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:32,401
Damn.

513
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:38,908
Well, you're back, and you have
an insane look in your eyes,

514
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,043
so... congratulations?
No, I didn't do it.

515
00:18:41,045 --> 00:18:43,546
I was, uh... You know,
I thought about it.

516
00:18:43,548 --> 00:18:45,481
Oh, I don't need to know.

517
00:18:45,483 --> 00:18:47,249
Uh, yeah.

518
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:49,318
Yeah...

519
00:18:56,961 --> 00:19:00,262
Would you like to go out after
work, grab a drink with me?

520
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,465
Sure.

521
00:19:02,467 --> 00:19:05,100
Sure.

522
00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:07,369
All right then.

523
00:19:10,508 --> 00:19:13,008
Oh. Uh, can my boyfriend come?

524
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,112
Your boyfriend? Yeah.

525
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,848
Yeah, sure!

526
00:19:18,850 --> 00:19:20,416
How long have you guys been...?
Yeah, it's new.

527
00:19:20,418 --> 00:19:21,917
It's new. It's new. It's...

528
00:19:21,919 --> 00:19:26,689
He's an agent, actually,
for... animal actors?

529
00:19:26,691 --> 00:19:28,424
What am I gonna say? No.

530
00:19:28,426 --> 00:19:32,628
He should stay at home
and not exist, please.

531
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,163
No, I won't say that.

532
00:19:34,165 --> 00:19:37,399
Officer down... to
meet your boyfriend.

533
00:19:38,169 --> 00:19:39,535
I realize those were

534
00:19:39,537 --> 00:19:42,304
a poor choice of words
for a station.

535
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,305
Nick!

536
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,306
It's almost 9:00.

537
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:45,708
Are we doing this or what?

538
00:19:47,512 --> 00:19:49,278
What is that?

539
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,281
You look like you're in
a Boca Raton street gang.

540
00:19:52,283 --> 00:19:54,683
I didn't think you were actually
gonna go through with it,

541
00:19:54,685 --> 00:19:56,819
and even if you were...

542
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:59,221
I made a decision.

543
00:19:59,223 --> 00:20:01,991
I wouldn't want it like this.

544
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:03,826
So I decided

545
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:06,962
to put on my I'm-not-having-sex
tonight outfit,

546
00:20:06,964 --> 00:20:10,332
'cause no one's gonna have sex
with me in this outfit.

547
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:11,700
And now I'm
gonna go out

548
00:20:11,702 --> 00:20:13,168
and have a drink.

549
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,803
Would you like to come?

550
00:20:14,805 --> 00:20:18,374
Wow. Deciding Nick.

551
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:22,244
Let me change.

552
00:20:24,482 --> 00:20:26,181
FYI— your

553
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,883
I'm-not-having-sex-tonight
outfit

554
00:20:27,885 --> 00:20:30,252
is leopard print and tight.

555
00:20:30,254 --> 00:20:32,721
I don't know if you know that. It's
animal print, but it's not tight.

556
00:20:32,723 --> 00:20:35,925
These are baggy, fuzzy PJs
with a flap on the butt.

557
00:20:35,927 --> 00:20:38,928
Exactly my point. You want
to see what's in the envelope?

558
00:20:38,930 --> 00:20:41,697
It's a blank piece of paper.
You're so wrong.

559
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:45,234
Does that look
like a blank sheet of paper?

560
00:20:45,236 --> 00:20:47,536
Very clever. Thanks, yeah.
I thought of it

561
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,038
when I was getting tickets
to the World Series of Chili

562
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,439
and had to prove
that I was human.

563
00:20:50,441 --> 00:20:52,374
Ooh... hoo.

564
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:53,742
We've got big news,
you guys.

565
00:20:53,744 --> 00:20:55,177
Champagne all around.

566
00:20:55,179 --> 00:20:56,946
We're getting
married in a...

567
00:20:56,948 --> 00:20:58,747
soon-to-be-abandoned warehouse!

568
00:20:58,749 --> 00:21:00,950
Yeah. Champagne.

569
00:21:00,952 --> 00:21:03,252
Oh, thank you. And
I'll even give you one.

570
00:21:03,254 --> 00:21:06,055
Hey, guys, Aly is
on her way to the bar.

571
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:08,123
With her boyfriend.

572
00:21:08,125 --> 00:21:10,392
Oh, that's the worst. Well, you know,
everyone dies. Maybe he'll die.

573
00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:11,560
I'm sorry, Winston.

574
00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:12,962
Is there anything we can do
to cheer you up?

575
00:21:12,964 --> 00:21:14,897
Uh, no. Anything that would
make you feel better?

576
00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:16,098
Anything?
Anything?

577
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:18,133
Well, if you insist, then.

578
00:21:18,135 --> 00:21:20,235
You asked me what I wanted.
This is all want.

579
00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:21,403
All right, let's do it,
let's do it. Let's just do it.

580
00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:22,404
Let's do it.
Okay, let's go.

581
00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:29,311
Now slower.

582
00:21:34,552 --> 00:21:36,318
Slower.

583
00:21:39,323 --> 00:21:41,357
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH