1 00:00:01,226 --> 00:00:03,270 I need your advice on these wedding invites. 2 00:00:03,354 --> 00:00:04,980 I like calligraphy option number two. 3 00:00:05,064 --> 00:00:06,333 It looks like a Bone Thugs album. 4 00:00:06,357 --> 00:00:09,151 This looks like an ad for a bong company. 5 00:00:09,234 --> 00:00:10,235 I like option one better. 6 00:00:10,319 --> 00:00:11,379 You know what would be nice? 7 00:00:11,403 --> 00:00:14,114 A wedding invitation engraved on a plate. 8 00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,554 - What a magical wedding that would be. - You two are imbeciles. 9 00:00:19,578 --> 00:00:21,330 Anybody with taste and sophistication 10 00:00:21,413 --> 00:00:24,208 would always choose option number two. 11 00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,377 Are you okay? You look gray. 12 00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:27,461 I didn't sleep. 13 00:00:27,544 --> 00:00:29,564 I was up preparing for an epic day of wedding decisions. 14 00:00:29,588 --> 00:00:31,566 I'm calling it D-Day. Of course, in this situation, 15 00:00:31,590 --> 00:00:33,675 the "D" stands for "decisions," 16 00:00:33,759 --> 00:00:35,344 and unlike the other D-Day, 17 00:00:35,427 --> 00:00:37,388 it will not be a walk on the beach. 18 00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:39,139 - That's incredibly offensive. - I know. 19 00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:43,102 Do you guys remember that audition I had for gas station TV? 20 00:00:43,435 --> 00:00:46,480 Well, the girl they hired went missing 21 00:00:46,563 --> 00:00:49,525 - and they need me to fill in! - Yeah! 22 00:00:49,608 --> 00:00:50,960 - Oh! - Oh, my God, we're gonna be friends 23 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,403 with a gas celebrity! 24 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,947 That's right! But it is today, 25 00:00:55,030 --> 00:00:57,408 and I know you need my help with the wedding stuff… 26 00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:58,551 Cece, what are you talking about? 27 00:00:58,575 --> 00:01:00,053 Are you crazy? You have to go to this. 28 00:01:00,077 --> 00:01:02,162 I can do it all by my… by myself. 29 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,167 Are you okay? 30 00:01:08,919 --> 00:01:11,213 Wow, your mouth has been open forever. 31 00:01:12,548 --> 00:01:14,633 Okay, this is crazy. I'm just gonna stay home. 32 00:01:14,717 --> 00:01:16,444 - No, Cece, you have to go, please. - It's… it's… 33 00:01:16,468 --> 00:01:17,654 - I'll be fine. I'll be fine. - Okay. 34 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:18,887 I can help with wedding stuff. 35 00:01:18,971 --> 00:01:20,371 Just lighten the load a little bit. 36 00:01:20,973 --> 00:01:23,642 Sometimes I think I was bred in a lab to help people. 37 00:01:23,726 --> 00:01:25,203 You know what else they bred in the lab? 38 00:01:25,227 --> 00:01:26,562 Pugs. 39 00:01:27,563 --> 00:01:29,231 Thank you, Jess. That would be great. 40 00:01:29,314 --> 00:01:30,357 Uh, no, Cece. 41 00:01:30,441 --> 00:01:31,876 I don't have time to bring her up to speed. 42 00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:33,318 Throwing her into the fray now 43 00:01:33,402 --> 00:01:34,921 would be like putting a baby on a treadmill. 44 00:01:34,945 --> 00:01:36,405 She would… just shoot off. 45 00:01:36,488 --> 00:01:38,383 Baby, you're just being protective of the wedding, okay? 46 00:01:38,407 --> 00:01:39,742 Jess is just gonna help. 47 00:01:39,825 --> 00:01:41,285 She's not gonna take over. 48 00:01:42,244 --> 00:01:44,580 - Mmm… - Jess… 49 00:01:44,663 --> 00:01:46,957 Mmm… 50 00:01:47,041 --> 00:01:48,959 Mmm… mmm… mmm. 51 00:01:49,084 --> 00:01:50,961 - What's happening here? - Fine. 52 00:01:51,045 --> 00:01:52,713 - Who's excited? - There we go. 53 00:01:52,796 --> 00:01:54,465 Ooh, FYI, you may have to wrestle 54 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,383 a rectal nutrient into him. 55 00:01:56,467 --> 00:01:58,147 - Wait, what? - You're right. Not your job. 56 00:01:58,218 --> 00:01:59,636 I've done it before. 57 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,388 I mean, I didn't like it, but… 58 00:02:01,472 --> 00:02:02,473 I did it. 59 00:02:03,682 --> 00:02:04,808 Am I proud of it? No. 60 00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:05,893 Did I do it? Yes. 61 00:02:05,976 --> 00:02:07,770 Have I done it again since? No. 62 00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:14,485 There's tons to do today, so we're going to have to split up. 63 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,236 I have to be here for a tux fitting 64 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,447 and a meeting with a napkin ring genius. 65 00:02:18,530 --> 00:02:21,241 - Gonna be fine. - There's chairs to be picked and 66 00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:25,829 cakes to be tasted. 67 00:02:27,998 --> 00:02:29,458 Schmidt? Are you asleep? 68 00:02:29,541 --> 00:02:31,043 What? 69 00:02:31,126 --> 00:02:33,253 No, I'm not sleeping, of course I'm not sleeping! 70 00:02:33,337 --> 00:02:36,298 Just tons… too much to do today to sleep. 71 00:02:36,382 --> 00:02:37,508 Jess… 72 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,968 This is the most important thing that I own. 73 00:02:40,052 --> 00:02:41,470 It is the wedding flash drive. 74 00:02:41,553 --> 00:02:43,114 Everything that you need to know is on this. 75 00:02:43,138 --> 00:02:45,057 - It's color-coded. - Ooh, color-coded. Gimme. 76 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,102 Please do not reach for it 77 00:02:48,185 --> 00:02:50,145 like you're Winston reaching for someone's breast. 78 00:02:50,354 --> 00:02:51,605 Treat it with respect. 79 00:02:51,689 --> 00:02:53,482 I will, and I just want to say 80 00:02:53,565 --> 00:02:55,150 I'm honored you're trusting me. 81 00:02:55,234 --> 00:02:56,235 Oh, I'm not. 82 00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:59,405 Everything I see is terrible. Pan left. 83 00:03:00,322 --> 00:03:01,657 This one's nice. 84 00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:03,409 Comfortable, but not too comfortable. 85 00:03:03,492 --> 00:03:05,411 - We want people to dance. - Folding chairs? 86 00:03:05,494 --> 00:03:08,288 Jess, if I wanted my wedding to be an AA meeting, 87 00:03:08,372 --> 00:03:09,707 I would've called my Aunt Terry. 88 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,709 I don't think you want to marry this guy. 89 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,210 Who is that? 90 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,342 Oh, finally. 91 00:03:20,426 --> 00:03:22,052 Winston, where have you been? 92 00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:23,178 I've been waiting an hour. 93 00:03:23,262 --> 00:03:25,055 Work was crazy, okay? 94 00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:26,640 I busted a poker room, 95 00:03:26,724 --> 00:03:28,726 which was a front for a crack house, 96 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,811 which was a front for a brothel. 97 00:03:30,894 --> 00:03:32,312 It was a crime turducken. 98 00:03:32,396 --> 00:03:34,481 This is the third time you've stood me up. 99 00:03:34,565 --> 00:03:36,942 Meat lunch is our oldest and proudest tradition. 100 00:03:37,026 --> 00:03:39,278 Let's do this every year for the rest of our lives. 101 00:03:39,361 --> 00:03:41,113 I'm gonna be a lawyer. 102 00:03:41,363 --> 00:03:42,406 Let's eat. 103 00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,369 I can't. I had an hour, I gotta go back to work. 104 00:03:44,950 --> 00:03:46,076 I mean… 105 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,453 You know, it's a… it's a bar 106 00:03:47,536 --> 00:03:49,663 in the middle of the day. Like, who's there? 107 00:03:49,747 --> 00:03:51,391 Why are they there? Why do you need to be there? 108 00:03:51,415 --> 00:03:52,958 'Cause it's my job. 109 00:03:53,042 --> 00:03:55,044 It runs itself. It's basically a big-ass fridge. 110 00:03:55,127 --> 00:03:56,545 I'm a bartender and owner. 111 00:03:56,628 --> 00:03:58,388 You know how many balls I have to juggle now? 112 00:03:58,464 --> 00:03:59,965 Man, those are baby balls. 113 00:04:00,049 --> 00:04:01,300 - Hmm. - I'm a cop. 114 00:04:01,383 --> 00:04:03,927 I spend my day working the city's balls. 115 00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,731 - Listen to yourself. - Those balls are big. 116 00:04:05,763 --> 00:04:06,930 Listen to yourself. 117 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,474 I'm listening to myself, Nick. 118 00:04:08,557 --> 00:04:10,309 Your balls, in comparison to my balls, 119 00:04:10,392 --> 00:04:12,162 that you have to deal with, that I have to handle… 120 00:04:12,186 --> 00:04:15,272 If you think your job is so much harder than my job, 121 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,733 then why don't you come see for yourself? 122 00:04:17,816 --> 00:04:19,360 Unless, of course, you're scared. 123 00:04:19,443 --> 00:04:20,444 - Scared? - Scared. 124 00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:23,072 - I'm a cop. - I run a bar. 125 00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:26,950 Welcome to the nerve center. 126 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,119 Over here, you've got accounts payable… 127 00:04:29,203 --> 00:04:30,704 Bills, to the layperson… 128 00:04:30,788 --> 00:04:33,082 And over here is the schedule. 129 00:04:33,165 --> 00:04:34,541 It's a numbers game, really. 130 00:04:34,625 --> 00:04:36,335 Who works when and why, 131 00:04:36,418 --> 00:04:38,170 square pegs, round holes, 132 00:04:38,253 --> 00:04:39,338 every man is a mystery… 133 00:04:39,421 --> 00:04:40,506 That's great, Nick. 134 00:04:40,589 --> 00:04:41,882 Um, I'm a cop. 135 00:04:43,258 --> 00:04:44,927 Come in! 136 00:04:45,010 --> 00:04:47,346 Hey, Nick, what's the schedule for the weekend? 137 00:04:47,429 --> 00:04:48,555 Oh, great, everybody's here. 138 00:04:48,639 --> 00:04:50,182 Why don't you ask my friend Winston? 139 00:04:50,265 --> 00:04:51,892 He'll be handling all questions. 140 00:04:51,975 --> 00:04:52,976 Yeah, that's easy. 141 00:04:54,978 --> 00:04:56,063 All right. 142 00:04:56,146 --> 00:04:57,147 I'm ready to taste cakes. 143 00:04:57,272 --> 00:04:58,273 Okay, great. 144 00:04:58,357 --> 00:05:00,067 - This is gonna be fun. - I'm sorry, fun? 145 00:05:00,150 --> 00:05:02,027 Baking scones with Winston is fun. 146 00:05:02,111 --> 00:05:03,112 This is serious, Jess. 147 00:05:03,654 --> 00:05:04,738 Mmm! 148 00:05:04,988 --> 00:05:06,031 Soft and sweet. 149 00:05:06,115 --> 00:05:08,033 What a relief it's not hard and salty. 150 00:05:08,117 --> 00:05:09,118 How is the nose? 151 00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:10,953 Does it have a clean finish, 152 00:05:11,036 --> 00:05:12,222 or would you say it's a long cake? 153 00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:14,790 Describe the cake's legs in terms of mouth feel. 154 00:05:14,873 --> 00:05:16,434 Bro, I spent two hours at the chair place. 155 00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:17,835 You picked nothing. 156 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,378 You negotiated with the florist 157 00:05:19,461 --> 00:05:21,004 until all three of us were crying. 158 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:24,341 Let's start again and put the camera close to the frosting. 159 00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,759 And for God's sakes, please, 160 00:05:25,843 --> 00:05:27,803 be mindful of your friggin' shadow. 161 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:30,097 No. I'm stopping this. 162 00:05:30,305 --> 00:05:31,449 You're stop… you're stopping what? 163 00:05:31,473 --> 00:05:32,558 Jess? 164 00:05:32,641 --> 00:05:33,892 What are… what are you doing? 165 00:05:33,976 --> 00:05:35,394 Why am I looking at a fountain now? 166 00:05:35,477 --> 00:05:36,478 What… 167 00:05:36,562 --> 00:05:38,772 What a relaxing water feature. 168 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:41,567 Oh-oh, whoa-oh, whoa. 169 00:05:41,650 --> 00:05:43,235 My body's saying let's go. 170 00:05:43,318 --> 00:05:45,863 Oh-oh, whoa-oh, whoa. 171 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,698 Are they playing Christina there? 172 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:48,782 But my heart's saying no. 173 00:05:48,866 --> 00:05:51,035 If you want to be me with me. 174 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:54,163 Baby, there's a price to pay 175 00:05:54,538 --> 00:05:58,292 I'm a genie in a bottle. 176 00:05:58,375 --> 00:06:01,211 You gotta rub me the right way. 177 00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:03,964 If you want to be with me… 178 00:06:06,550 --> 00:06:08,343 Hey, gal pal, how's it going? 179 00:06:08,427 --> 00:06:10,262 Great! It's exactly like modeling, 180 00:06:10,345 --> 00:06:12,431 except for it's less cold and I get to talk. 181 00:06:12,514 --> 00:06:13,515 How's Schmidt? 182 00:06:13,599 --> 00:06:15,368 He's not stress-eating paper towels again, is he? 183 00:06:15,392 --> 00:06:16,435 No, everything's fine. 184 00:06:16,518 --> 00:06:18,395 I'm supposed to see a beverage guy, 185 00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:19,730 but I can't find his address. 186 00:06:19,855 --> 00:06:21,774 Seriously? I can come back and help. 187 00:06:21,857 --> 00:06:22,858 - No! - It's fine. 188 00:06:22,941 --> 00:06:25,027 It's just… Schmidt has this color-coded system, 189 00:06:25,110 --> 00:06:26,612 and I can't figure out which one. 190 00:06:26,695 --> 00:06:27,964 Do you know which one beverages would be? 191 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,865 I don't know. Blue? 192 00:06:30,783 --> 00:06:32,117 You're a genius. I found it. 193 00:06:32,201 --> 00:06:33,345 Okay, I gotta go learn Spanish. 194 00:06:33,369 --> 00:06:35,245 I told him that I know it. 195 00:06:35,412 --> 00:06:36,413 Oh. 196 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,165 Good luck. 197 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,918 Gavin, wine sales, Calabasas. 198 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,384 I didn't do it! 199 00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:51,261 I'm lying. I obviously did it. 200 00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:52,638 Don't worry. 201 00:06:52,721 --> 00:06:54,890 We just put those there for people to break. 202 00:06:55,599 --> 00:06:57,935 - Really? - No, they were very expensive. 203 00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,353 But I own the place, 204 00:06:59,436 --> 00:07:01,036 so why don't we say this one broke, too? 205 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,190 I'm Gavin. 206 00:07:03,399 --> 00:07:04,608 Let's try this one. 207 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:06,336 Tempting, but my friends are getting married. 208 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,903 I'm kind of on a deadline. 209 00:07:07,986 --> 00:07:11,073 And also I prefer my wine sparkling, pink and under $11. 210 00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:16,704 Just taste it. 211 00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:18,872 Okay, one glass. 212 00:07:19,331 --> 00:07:21,875 Javier, you take the early shift 213 00:07:21,959 --> 00:07:23,877 on… Saturday. 214 00:07:23,961 --> 00:07:24,962 - Ugh. - Come on, listen, 215 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,880 I got to do what I got to do, you know? 216 00:07:26,964 --> 00:07:28,882 Uh, Gina, wait to induce 217 00:07:28,966 --> 00:07:31,677 until Sunday… afternoon. 218 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,400 Gina, don't you have something on Sunday? 219 00:07:33,470 --> 00:07:35,180 My husband has his fantasy baseball league. 220 00:07:35,264 --> 00:07:37,104 He won't attend the birth if it doesn't happen. 221 00:07:37,182 --> 00:07:38,910 That's not the man you should be with, I'm sorry. 222 00:07:38,934 --> 00:07:41,413 - All right, where do you want these? - Winston, where do we want these? 223 00:07:41,437 --> 00:07:42,747 Where do we want… Winston? No, dude. 224 00:07:42,771 --> 00:07:44,040 I don't know you like that, man. 225 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,125 Put 'em where the beer goes. 226 00:07:45,149 --> 00:07:46,459 Come on, man, I got eight more deliveries. 227 00:07:46,483 --> 00:07:47,794 Look, I don't like the early shift. 228 00:07:47,818 --> 00:07:50,320 Mercy? 229 00:07:50,404 --> 00:07:53,323 - Yes! Yes, yes, man. - That's what I thought. 230 00:07:53,407 --> 00:07:54,551 Cheese, the keg's gonna go where it always goes, 231 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:55,743 right behind the bar. 232 00:07:55,826 --> 00:07:56,869 Guys, the schedule. 233 00:07:56,952 --> 00:07:58,513 - Oh, that's perfect. Thanks. - That works? 234 00:07:58,537 --> 00:07:59,977 Back to work, everybody. Good stuff. 235 00:08:00,122 --> 00:08:01,123 Listen, I get it. 236 00:08:01,206 --> 00:08:02,875 This is confusing and everything, 237 00:08:02,958 --> 00:08:04,877 and I can't just walk in off the street 238 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,087 and do your job instantaneously. 239 00:08:07,171 --> 00:08:08,964 But come on. Let's be real. 240 00:08:09,048 --> 00:08:11,383 It's still not harder than being a cop. 241 00:08:11,467 --> 00:08:13,427 - Then prove it. - Oh, I'll prove it. 242 00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:16,930 Look, I know I told you to prove it, 243 00:08:17,014 --> 00:08:18,348 but I got to get back to the bar. 244 00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:19,993 I just got a text from Javier that said, 245 00:08:20,017 --> 00:08:22,227 "fire extinguisher" question mark. 246 00:08:22,311 --> 00:08:24,355 Well, all I got to say is, buckle up, Miller. 247 00:08:24,438 --> 00:08:26,357 It's about to be a bumpy ride. 248 00:08:29,026 --> 00:08:30,527 Uh, where… where are my sunglasses? 249 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:31,945 How the hell should I know? 250 00:08:32,029 --> 00:08:34,007 I specifically asked you to keep track of my sunglasses. 251 00:08:34,031 --> 00:08:35,949 And I told you I'm not your freaking mother. 252 00:08:36,033 --> 00:08:38,786 Okay, you know what, calm down, I'll just squint then. 253 00:08:38,869 --> 00:08:40,079 Do what you got to do, man. 254 00:08:40,162 --> 00:08:42,081 Is this how all partners talk to each other? 255 00:08:42,164 --> 00:08:44,083 Welcome to hell, Miller. 256 00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:46,919 I'm no good at normal life, 257 00:08:47,002 --> 00:08:50,089 but when I'm in the ocean and drinking wine, 258 00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:53,310 or spending time with a beautiful stranger 259 00:08:55,052 --> 00:08:56,654 that's when I, uh, truly feel like myself. 260 00:08:56,678 --> 00:08:58,472 Mmm. Mm-hmm. 261 00:09:00,516 --> 00:09:02,101 How do you feel about a little manchego? 262 00:09:03,519 --> 00:09:05,813 I feel very good about it. 263 00:09:05,896 --> 00:09:07,439 We're not animals. 264 00:09:07,564 --> 00:09:09,233 Or maybe we are. 265 00:09:12,778 --> 00:09:13,779 Have you ever… 266 00:09:16,740 --> 00:09:18,534 I have too much manchego. 267 00:09:18,617 --> 00:09:19,743 Happens to the best of us. 268 00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:23,580 Have you ever had your eyebrows combed 269 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:25,749 by a woman you just met? 270 00:09:29,712 --> 00:09:31,046 Yes. 271 00:09:38,095 --> 00:09:39,096 Ah. 272 00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:42,057 Jess, thank you. 273 00:09:42,141 --> 00:09:44,476 You know, I haven't had two hours of uninterrupted sleep 274 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:47,604 since a month ago when Cece made me watch An Inconvenient Truth. 275 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,666 Everything's under control. The bakery's sending over 276 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:52,067 - three cakes for you to try. - Okay. 277 00:09:52,151 --> 00:09:55,279 And Gavin from the winery in Calabasas gave me a great deal. 278 00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:00,367 Uh, you met Gavin in Calabasas? 279 00:10:00,451 --> 00:10:02,494 I didn't just meet him, we kissed a little. 280 00:10:04,496 --> 00:10:05,497 No! 281 00:10:06,290 --> 00:10:07,499 Ugh! 282 00:10:07,666 --> 00:10:09,106 Schmidt, what happened? What's wrong? 283 00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:13,547 You just made out with my dad. 284 00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:31,106 Schmidt. 285 00:10:34,026 --> 00:10:35,944 Can I just say one thing? 286 00:10:38,113 --> 00:10:40,908 Hey, guys. 287 00:10:40,991 --> 00:10:42,826 So, how did it go today? 288 00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:44,828 Good. 289 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:47,414 We got a lot accomplished. 290 00:10:48,791 --> 00:10:50,084 But, um… 291 00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:51,919 How do I say this? Um… 292 00:10:52,378 --> 00:10:54,421 I made out with Schmidt's dad. 293 00:10:57,341 --> 00:10:58,509 You did what? 294 00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:03,305 She lulled me to sleep and then went rogue. 295 00:11:03,389 --> 00:11:05,533 - You did what? - If your files had been clearly marked, 296 00:11:05,557 --> 00:11:06,785 none of this would be happening. 297 00:11:06,809 --> 00:11:08,060 You need better labels. 298 00:11:08,143 --> 00:11:09,812 Everything is perfectly clear. 299 00:11:09,895 --> 00:11:11,855 Chairs are color-coded under chartreuse, 300 00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:14,274 because it sounds like "chair truths." 301 00:11:14,817 --> 00:11:16,527 Salmon mongers are filed under fuchsia, 302 00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,946 because I "re-fuchsia" to serve salmon at this wedding. 303 00:11:19,029 --> 00:11:21,532 The groomsmen tuxes are under magenta, 304 00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:25,160 because "ma-gentlemen" will be wearing the dope tuxes. 305 00:11:25,244 --> 00:11:26,721 - Is he a good kisser? - Don't ask that, plea… 306 00:11:26,745 --> 00:11:27,746 And don't you answer it. 307 00:11:27,830 --> 00:11:30,582 It's withdrawn. I'm just freaking out right now. 308 00:11:30,666 --> 00:11:32,960 Okay, why don't we take this horrible, 309 00:11:33,043 --> 00:11:35,879 horrible, gross mistake into something positive? 310 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:37,548 What if this is a sign 311 00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:40,551 that maybe you should reach out and talk to your dad again? 312 00:11:40,676 --> 00:11:43,178 Why? Why would I talk to my dad? 313 00:11:43,262 --> 00:11:45,764 He left my mom and basically missed my entire childhood. 314 00:11:45,848 --> 00:11:47,242 And every time I did invite him to something, 315 00:11:47,266 --> 00:11:49,435 he never showed up. Middle school graduation, 316 00:11:49,518 --> 00:11:51,145 high school graduation, 317 00:11:51,228 --> 00:11:52,730 when I played the titular role 318 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,690 in a stage adaptation of Uncle Buck. 319 00:11:54,773 --> 00:11:55,959 Well, he's taken up surfing now. 320 00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:57,735 Oh, he's taken up surfing? How nice. 321 00:11:57,818 --> 00:12:00,404 A middle-aged man who surfs and French-kisses his customers. 322 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:01,488 What a hero. 323 00:12:01,572 --> 00:12:03,772 Why did you have his number in the wedding drive at all? 324 00:12:05,784 --> 00:12:09,121 Because I was maybe… 325 00:12:09,204 --> 00:12:11,540 Warming up to the idea of inviting him, 326 00:12:11,623 --> 00:12:13,125 but now that the nightmare 327 00:12:13,208 --> 00:12:15,544 called "this afternoon" has happened, 328 00:12:15,627 --> 00:12:18,714 I can very well see that I'm not ready. 329 00:12:18,797 --> 00:12:22,134 So I'm sorry, Jess, but there will be no papa nah-nah 330 00:12:22,217 --> 00:12:23,761 at the wedding for you. 331 00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,929 I'm sorry! He was feeding me cheese, and I… 332 00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:27,264 - I… Ugh. - Please stop. 333 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,932 - Please. So many details. - Please. 334 00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:30,559 - And God for… if you… - Just… 335 00:12:30,642 --> 00:12:33,145 If the words "he unbuttoned my" comes out of your mouth, 336 00:12:33,228 --> 00:12:34,605 I'm gonna freak out! 337 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,399 Oh, thank God, Winston. 338 00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:40,361 You're saving the city from a palm frond. 339 00:12:40,444 --> 00:12:43,113 Los Angeles can sleep soundly tonight, everybody. 340 00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:44,782 All right, it was a slow-ass day. 341 00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:46,301 Aly, will you tell him it's a slow-ass day? 342 00:12:46,325 --> 00:12:48,535 No, I'm not getting involved in this. 343 00:12:49,244 --> 00:12:52,039 I'm not gonna be the yardstick in a penis-measuring contest. 344 00:12:52,122 --> 00:12:54,002 - Did you say "yard"? - Wow, who are you dating? 345 00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:55,250 Tape measure, fine. 346 00:12:55,334 --> 00:12:56,710 Okay, look, this has been great, 347 00:12:56,794 --> 00:12:58,274 uh, but I got to get back to the bar. 348 00:12:58,337 --> 00:12:59,671 7-8-6-3. 349 00:12:59,755 --> 00:13:02,925 Possible 4-5-9 at 2-7-3 Elm Cross and Fairbanks. 350 00:13:03,008 --> 00:13:04,009 Hell yes. 351 00:13:04,093 --> 00:13:05,803 4-2-4 responding. Over. 352 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,012 Bar boy, get in. 353 00:13:07,096 --> 00:13:08,639 Aly, let's lock and load. 354 00:13:08,722 --> 00:13:10,474 Is your gun not loaded? 355 00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:12,810 You have to load your gun, Winston. 356 00:13:33,455 --> 00:13:35,207 Oh, no. 357 00:13:35,624 --> 00:13:38,544 Schmidt, um, that's your dad. 358 00:13:38,669 --> 00:13:39,837 What? 359 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,005 What is my dad doing at our front door? 360 00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:43,716 He thinks we're going on a date. 361 00:13:43,799 --> 00:13:45,008 Why would he think that, Jess? 362 00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:47,094 Because I said, "Let's go on a date." 363 00:13:47,177 --> 00:13:48,822 I'll get rid of him. Go to your room and close the door. 364 00:13:48,846 --> 00:13:50,764 Do not tell me what to do, you are not my mom. 365 00:13:50,848 --> 00:13:52,307 Oh, that's disgusting. 366 00:13:52,391 --> 00:13:53,517 Just go. Go. 367 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:54,893 Wait. Wait, wait. 368 00:13:54,977 --> 00:13:56,103 I don't trust you. 369 00:13:57,980 --> 00:14:00,149 Hey, Gavin! 370 00:14:06,363 --> 00:14:07,364 I know what this is. 371 00:14:07,448 --> 00:14:08,866 I'm not falling for it. 372 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,535 You don't have to stage a crime to make your job look hard. 373 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,778 Stay here. Make yourself as small a target as possible. 374 00:14:13,871 --> 00:14:16,915 I'll just be here napping out of boredom. 375 00:14:17,207 --> 00:14:18,542 I see signs of forced entry. 376 00:14:19,209 --> 00:14:21,128 Wait, wait, wait, wait! I got movement! 377 00:14:21,211 --> 00:14:23,172 I'm shaking in my boots! 378 00:14:23,255 --> 00:14:24,506 Oh, yeah, right, he's running… 379 00:14:24,590 --> 00:14:25,591 - Halt! Police! - No! 380 00:14:30,763 --> 00:14:31,847 Aah! 381 00:14:32,514 --> 00:14:34,892 No! Get away! Get out! 382 00:14:36,226 --> 00:14:37,728 Okay, I get it! 383 00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:39,355 Your job is way harder than mine! 384 00:14:39,438 --> 00:14:41,273 Just make the bad man go away! 385 00:14:41,357 --> 00:14:42,941 - What? - Put the gun down! 386 00:14:43,025 --> 00:14:45,152 Yeah, my job is much harder! 387 00:14:45,235 --> 00:14:47,488 We're gonna make him go away! 388 00:14:48,364 --> 00:14:50,324 Can't stand to see Nick like this, you know. 389 00:14:50,407 --> 00:14:52,493 At least now, he understands being a cop 390 00:14:52,576 --> 00:14:54,495 is much harder than being a bartender. 391 00:14:54,870 --> 00:14:56,663 We all got to learn that lesson sometime. 392 00:14:56,747 --> 00:14:58,791 Idiot, he doesn't think his job is harder. 393 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,543 He just wants you to see that he's grown and changed 394 00:15:01,627 --> 00:15:03,587 and whatever else stupid stuff people care about. 395 00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,924 Oh. 396 00:15:09,093 --> 00:15:10,362 Why are you looking at me like that? 397 00:15:10,386 --> 00:15:11,762 No, no, I… 398 00:15:11,845 --> 00:15:13,555 That's why I need my damn sunglasses, man! 399 00:15:13,639 --> 00:15:14,932 You shouldn't have them 400 00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:16,975 if you can't keep track of them, Winston. 401 00:15:17,309 --> 00:15:18,602 Come on, yeah. 402 00:15:18,686 --> 00:15:20,270 - No! No! - Hey, scoot over. 403 00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:21,581 No, not in here! Not in here, no! No! 404 00:15:21,605 --> 00:15:23,485 - You have the right to remain silent. - No! No! 405 00:15:24,358 --> 00:15:26,398 What are you doing with a video camera on your head? 406 00:15:26,485 --> 00:15:27,611 He is handsome. 407 00:15:27,695 --> 00:15:28,755 - That's a good question. - Oh, hey, look. 408 00:15:28,779 --> 00:15:30,364 That's… that's good news for you, okay. 409 00:15:30,447 --> 00:15:31,841 - It's for work. - I still hate him. 410 00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:34,118 They want to make sure that we don't teach evolution. 411 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,036 - I'm an educator, so… - Oh, you told me. 412 00:15:36,245 --> 00:15:37,305 I believe you had me pressed up 413 00:15:37,329 --> 00:15:38,807 against a cask of Merlot at the time. 414 00:15:38,831 --> 00:15:41,291 He's a bottom? 415 00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:42,960 You want to give me the tour? 416 00:15:43,919 --> 00:15:45,796 Or should we just crack this open and make out? 417 00:15:46,964 --> 00:15:49,425 What a line. Who is this clown? 418 00:15:49,758 --> 00:15:52,052 - Bottle opener in here? - Well… Oh. 419 00:15:53,262 --> 00:15:54,388 Oh, actually, 420 00:15:54,847 --> 00:15:57,391 um, change of plans. I can't go on a date tonight, 421 00:15:57,474 --> 00:15:59,935 because I have to have dinner with one of my friends' fathers, 422 00:16:00,019 --> 00:16:01,186 coincidentally. 423 00:16:01,270 --> 00:16:02,980 No pressure. 424 00:16:03,939 --> 00:16:05,607 It's just that I had a lot of fun today. 425 00:16:06,150 --> 00:16:09,319 And, uh, I'd like to see you again. 426 00:16:14,283 --> 00:16:15,367 - What was that? - Oh. 427 00:16:15,451 --> 00:16:17,703 Gunshots. The neighborhood's in a real slide. 428 00:16:21,331 --> 00:16:23,250 - This is my son's name. - Seven billion people. 429 00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:24,668 There's got to be some overlap. 430 00:16:24,752 --> 00:16:26,670 We'd better get you back to Calabasas, mister. 431 00:16:27,129 --> 00:16:28,839 - Wait a minute. This is my son! - 'Cause… 432 00:16:29,381 --> 00:16:30,758 Oh, my God, do you know my son? 433 00:16:31,050 --> 00:16:32,259 Kind of. 434 00:16:32,342 --> 00:16:34,219 - Does he live here? - Uh… 435 00:16:35,345 --> 00:16:36,346 Is he here right now? 436 00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,766 I didn't know you were Schmidt's dad when we kissed. 437 00:16:38,849 --> 00:16:40,684 And you didn't know I was his roommate. 438 00:16:40,768 --> 00:16:43,270 And those are facts that will haunt us forever. 439 00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:46,499 But I can't let you go in there. 440 00:16:46,523 --> 00:16:49,026 Because… he's not ready to see you. 441 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:51,528 - And for once today, I… - Okay. 442 00:16:51,612 --> 00:16:53,197 I want to respect his wishes. 443 00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:54,531 I get it. 444 00:16:55,366 --> 00:16:57,201 Um, wait, wait, wait, wait. 445 00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:58,410 - No, I'll go. - Wait, wait. 446 00:16:58,786 --> 00:16:59,870 What? 447 00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:01,288 He's in there. 448 00:17:04,249 --> 00:17:05,751 Shh. 449 00:17:06,085 --> 00:17:07,169 She told him. 450 00:17:11,924 --> 00:17:12,925 Son? 451 00:17:13,008 --> 00:17:14,569 - Babe, I think you should watch. - I don't… 452 00:17:14,593 --> 00:17:15,886 - Son. - You should watch. 453 00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:17,596 I know you're mad. I get it. 454 00:17:17,679 --> 00:17:18,865 Do you want me to take this off? 455 00:17:18,889 --> 00:17:20,599 I didn't do a good job being your father. 456 00:17:20,682 --> 00:17:22,118 You're in a zone. I'm just gonna sit tight. 457 00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,644 And now you're getting married. 458 00:17:23,727 --> 00:17:24,728 I get it. 459 00:17:24,812 --> 00:17:26,355 I wouldn't have invited me, either. 460 00:17:26,438 --> 00:17:27,773 I've missed a lot. 461 00:17:28,023 --> 00:17:29,358 I'm sorry. 462 00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:33,278 In my defense, I was stoned for most of the '90s. 463 00:17:33,362 --> 00:17:34,697 And the 2000s. 464 00:17:34,822 --> 00:17:36,949 Full disclosure, I was stoned this morning. 465 00:17:37,741 --> 00:17:38,992 I like weed. 466 00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:41,120 But the point is, 467 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,873 if you can forgive me even a little, 468 00:17:44,957 --> 00:17:47,376 I'd love to have a drink with you. 469 00:17:47,459 --> 00:17:49,962 And meet the man that you've become. 470 00:17:54,591 --> 00:17:55,926 Come on. 471 00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:05,519 Gavin. 472 00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:07,813 That's okay. Gavin, not Dad. 473 00:18:07,896 --> 00:18:09,874 - That's just where I'm at right now. - Understood. 474 00:18:09,898 --> 00:18:12,484 I'm grateful you're calling me anything at all. 475 00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:14,820 I wanted to say I'm sorry. 476 00:18:16,447 --> 00:18:18,282 And I know that it might not seem genuine, 477 00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:20,117 because the only reason I came here today 478 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,077 was to do stuff with your roommate. 479 00:18:22,870 --> 00:18:24,371 But in the past 10 years, 480 00:18:24,455 --> 00:18:28,000 I must've picked up that phone to call you and apologize 481 00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:29,710 a hundred times. 482 00:18:31,712 --> 00:18:33,213 I really am sorry. 483 00:18:35,174 --> 00:18:39,428 Gavin, this is my fiancée Cece. 484 00:18:39,511 --> 00:18:42,431 She is the reason that I am the man that I am today. 485 00:18:42,681 --> 00:18:44,433 It's wonderful to meet you, Cece. 486 00:18:44,516 --> 00:18:45,893 I'm the terrible father. 487 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:47,561 Thank you. 488 00:18:47,770 --> 00:18:50,147 Because whatever you did or didn't do, 489 00:18:51,190 --> 00:18:52,983 Schmidt turned out amazing. 490 00:18:58,655 --> 00:18:59,656 All right. 491 00:18:59,740 --> 00:19:00,824 I'm gonna head out. 492 00:19:01,909 --> 00:19:04,953 I'm sure it will be a beautiful wedding. 493 00:19:06,747 --> 00:19:09,208 I wasn't very good at being married. 494 00:19:09,291 --> 00:19:11,543 But thankfully you seem like you're nothing like me. 495 00:19:15,381 --> 00:19:17,007 For what it's worth, 496 00:19:19,885 --> 00:19:22,429 I like the second option. 497 00:19:22,513 --> 00:19:23,639 Timeless. 498 00:19:24,932 --> 00:19:26,100 I agree. 499 00:19:30,771 --> 00:19:32,022 Good-bye. 500 00:19:35,776 --> 00:19:37,986 Okay, wait… Uh… 501 00:19:38,070 --> 00:19:40,072 Wait, uh… 502 00:19:41,407 --> 00:19:42,866 Here, that's for you. 503 00:19:46,203 --> 00:19:48,038 Let's see if you can show up this time. 504 00:19:48,580 --> 00:19:50,040 I hope that you do. 505 00:19:52,084 --> 00:19:53,293 Thank you. 506 00:19:54,795 --> 00:19:56,755 There's no plus one, so don't even ask. 507 00:19:57,172 --> 00:19:58,173 I'll be there. 508 00:20:03,095 --> 00:20:05,723 Back to square one on the seating chart. 509 00:20:08,976 --> 00:20:10,728 Sorry, I'm a little bit jumpy. 510 00:20:10,978 --> 00:20:12,104 God, they should really make 511 00:20:12,187 --> 00:20:14,648 a TV show based off what you guys do. 512 00:20:14,732 --> 00:20:16,984 You know, I've been telling that to Aly since forever! 513 00:20:17,067 --> 00:20:18,110 It'd be a great idea. 514 00:20:18,193 --> 00:20:20,237 - Hello, Hollywood! - It's a big show! 515 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,321 Yeah, it's a hit. 516 00:20:21,864 --> 00:20:23,699 I want to apologize. 517 00:20:23,782 --> 00:20:26,493 I'm sorry that I thought my job was harder than yours. 518 00:20:26,577 --> 00:20:29,872 It's not. I'm just making schedules and buying beer. 519 00:20:29,955 --> 00:20:31,206 Look, man. 520 00:20:31,290 --> 00:20:33,500 The whole thing has been pretty idiotic. 521 00:20:33,584 --> 00:20:36,045 You know, uh, my job is harder than yours. 522 00:20:36,128 --> 00:20:37,755 Yes, that's a fact. We all know it. 523 00:20:37,838 --> 00:20:39,715 But I got to say, man, this is the first time 524 00:20:39,798 --> 00:20:41,884 I've seen you really care about your job. 525 00:20:42,926 --> 00:20:44,636 You're killing it. 526 00:20:44,803 --> 00:20:46,930 It means a lot to me that you said that. 527 00:20:47,014 --> 00:20:48,766 - So thank you. - Yeah, yeah. 528 00:20:48,849 --> 00:20:51,310 So, look, I got… I got us burgers. 529 00:20:51,393 --> 00:20:52,561 - Oh! - You know, 530 00:20:52,644 --> 00:20:54,480 I figured we're both too busy for steak. 531 00:20:54,563 --> 00:20:56,398 The tradition! 532 00:20:58,150 --> 00:20:59,943 Nick, I need a drink. 533 00:21:00,027 --> 00:21:02,529 It'd better be green, sweet and in a fun glass. 534 00:21:02,613 --> 00:21:03,655 Schmidt, are you okay? 535 00:21:03,739 --> 00:21:05,199 I mean, you look a little freaked… 536 00:21:06,867 --> 00:21:08,202 Oh… Oh-oh, Cece! Cece's pregnant! 537 00:21:08,285 --> 00:21:09,328 - No. - Ow. 538 00:21:09,411 --> 00:21:11,080 Jess made out with Schmidt's dad. 539 00:21:11,163 --> 00:21:12,456 Oh, my God! 540 00:21:12,706 --> 00:21:15,084 So many emotions. 541 00:21:16,752 --> 00:21:18,045 Got an old hound dog. 542 00:21:18,128 --> 00:21:20,839 Bobby Joe is his name. 543 00:21:22,925 --> 00:21:24,134 Got an old hound dog… 544 00:21:24,593 --> 00:21:25,793 Well, I mean, did you like it? 545 00:21:25,844 --> 00:21:28,138 - Don't answer that. - Ew, it was Schmidt's dad. 546 00:21:28,222 --> 00:21:30,742 - You're not answering the question. - No, she's not answering the question. 547 00:21:30,766 --> 00:21:32,393 Sweetie, you don't have to say anything. 548 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:35,813 I liked it a little bit. 549 00:21:36,313 --> 00:21:38,649 Dude.