1 00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:04,379 - Good night, Sam. - You got any place I can put this change? 2 00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:06,131 Fahboh heh-mah. 3 00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:08,175 All right, sorry. 4 00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:09,885 I thought we had, uh, wrapped up 5 00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,279 the talking portion of the evening. 6 00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:12,387 Uh, football helmet. 7 00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:13,764 You're a Bears fan? 8 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:17,684 Oh, you know, sometimes in life we collect things. Trinkets. 9 00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:20,812 Some sentimental, some not. 10 00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,814 Nick gave it to me. Is that, is that weird? 11 00:00:22,898 --> 00:00:24,691 N-n-no, that's fine. I, uh, 12 00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:27,069 can't really believe I'm saying this, 'cause 13 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,821 Nick being in your life has definitely been hard for me, 14 00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:31,448 but I'm getting used to it. 15 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,116 That makes me so happy. 16 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,286 Hey, this is gonna sound crazy, 17 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:40,082 but my parents are in town tomorrow, 18 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,000 and I thought maybe you could come meet them. 19 00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:43,252 Yes, I'd love that. 20 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,587 Good. You know, family's real important to me, 21 00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:47,172 and before I introduce you, 22 00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:49,842 I just wanted to make sure that we were solid. 23 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,093 We are so solid. 24 00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:02,729 Cece. 25 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,816 - I had a sex dream. - So? 26 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,610 It was about Nick. 27 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,320 No! 28 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:11,947 I know! 29 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,245 Where are my leftovers? 30 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,705 What? Who cares? 31 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,290 I care. I brought it up. 32 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,173 I left perfectly nice leftovers in the fridge, 33 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,394 and I expect them to be there. 34 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,419 Well, now they're not. 35 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:26,587 - End of discussion. - No. 36 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:29,256 Middle of discussion. 37 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:31,702 You're not even gonna look at me? 38 00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,094 When you throw away my stuff, 39 00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,363 - you're throwing me away. - Mm-hmm. 40 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,931 I wanted to have cold scallop pizza for breakfast, 41 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,308 and you took that from me. 42 00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:40,642 You took that from me. 43 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:41,911 I hope you can live with yourself. 44 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,437 You're disgusting. 45 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,039 I'm actually really happy that you're eating breakfast, Nick. 46 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,332 It's nice to know that you're taking care of yourself. 47 00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:47,482 Thank you. 48 00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:49,943 Well, I'm on my way to meet Aly 49 00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:51,570 and her boyfriend for brunch. 50 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,281 And I am super excited to meet him. 51 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:56,074 Yeah, that was sarcasm. 52 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:57,492 And this is shark-casm: 53 00:01:57,576 --> 00:02:00,287 I just hate eating people. 54 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,348 Dear Lord, do you mean to tell me that you're going to brunch 55 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:04,291 with the woman that you love and her boyfriend? 56 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,001 That's the worst thing I've ever heard. 57 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:08,396 No, it's not that bad. I mean, I'm in a prank marriage, anyway. 58 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:09,713 And I'm over Aly, so… 59 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,357 - Don't you lie to me, Winston. - I'm not lying. 60 00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:15,260 You and both know that you are not even a little bit over Aly. 61 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:17,095 I'm coming with you. 62 00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,616 All right, fine, Schmidt, you can come. But please, do me a favor? 63 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,560 Don't be weird and start smelling people's bread. 64 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,353 Either you eat bread, or you don't eat bread. 65 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,313 There's nothing in between, man. 66 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,023 So in the dream, what was Nick… 67 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,608 He was wearing this. 68 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,252 He was wearing a frickin' football helmet. 69 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,487 - Ah, damn. - What happened next was primal. 70 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,821 Man versus woman. 71 00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:36,698 The ancient battle of the flesh. 72 00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,342 Calm down. It's probably just happening 73 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,369 because you're getting more serious with Sam. 74 00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:41,828 Yes. 75 00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:45,415 And Sam is finally, just a little bit, sort of, starting to trust me. 76 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,334 And he wants me to meet his parents. 77 00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:49,336 You can't meet a man's parents if your ex 78 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:50,838 is making love to you in your head. 79 00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:54,216 I need my mind Nick-free by tonight. 80 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,679 On this bed is everything Nick gave me while we were together. 81 00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:01,139 I'm going to get rid of it to clear my subconscious. 82 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:03,183 - All right. - Goodbye, sex helmet. 83 00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:06,436 Goodbye, uh, lacquered bagel with my name on it. 84 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,565 - Goodbye, world's tiniest hedgehog. - That was a gift? 85 00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:11,233 Goodbye almost done Rubik's Cube. 86 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:15,195 Literally, it was one turn from the end 87 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:18,198 - and he would not finish it. - That makes sense with Nick, though. 88 00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:19,884 People try to pretend like the brain is so complicated, 89 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,869 but I feel better already. 90 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:26,456 Well, the two most important men in my life are finally meeting. 91 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:30,586 - For some reason this other guy's here. - Yo. 92 00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,147 Hey, brunch is on me today, guys, okay? 93 00:03:32,171 --> 00:03:33,931 So, feel free to add blue cheese to anything. 94 00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,757 I'm an agent for animal actors. 95 00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:37,759 He's doing pretty good. 96 00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,654 He recently signed the crow from Game of Thrones. 97 00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:41,739 - Darnell. You know his name. - Darnell. That's right. 98 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,849 I didn't realize an animal agent was a real job. 99 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,393 Let me put it to you this way, so the next Avatar movie 100 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,270 takes place on a cat planet, 101 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:50,564 - and I was the first one they called. - Shut up. 102 00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:52,250 - I know. I knew you were gonna like that. - A cat planet? 103 00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:54,484 I know. He swore me to secrecy. I was gonna tell you. 104 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,613 My good… you know, I always thought Furguson should be in the movies. 105 00:03:57,696 --> 00:04:01,200 Would you interested in, uh, I don't know, taking a meeting with him? 106 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,510 He's got no representation, so he's… 107 00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,286 Let me guess. Wait. He has an adorable yawn? 108 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:07,289 - Yeah. - Of course he does. He's a cat. 109 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,833 But can he show up every day to work? 110 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,710 I run a business. Pass. 111 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,587 Yeah, never mind. Dumb idea. 112 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,173 Tripp, you have got to sit down with Furguson. 113 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,442 He's literally one of the most beautiful creatures 114 00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:18,592 I've ever laid eyes on. 115 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,177 Really? I thought you hated him. 116 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,137 I thought you hated cats in general, actually. 117 00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:24,389 I love Furguson, are you kidding me? It's Furguson. 118 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:27,643 He's got that, uh… he's got the little, uh, his, uh… 119 00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:30,437 - You know, his front? - Does he have a headshot? 120 00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:34,066 No, but W-Winston, actually does have a lot 121 00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,235 of 8x10 photos of the cat's face. 122 00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,237 All right, fine. Bring him by my office. 123 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,739 Can't miss it. It's the tallest building in Beverly Hills. 124 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,785 Hey, hey, hey. Where'd you get that? 125 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:48,080 I got this from the shoulder-less Dutch boy you live with. 126 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,791 - Jess? - Possibly. 127 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:53,001 That's mine. Why are they throwing away my stuff? 128 00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:55,212 They're throwing away me. Give it back. 129 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,005 All right, but my babies come with it. 130 00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,465 I don't want your rock babies. 131 00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:01,426 - Well, I'll just keep 'em. - Okay. 132 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,556 Sorry, Leviticus. 133 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,099 He's tough. 134 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:14,439 Why is everyone throwing away my stuff? 135 00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:16,984 First of all, that is not your helmet. You gave that to me. 136 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,819 And second of all, I need a clean house. 137 00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:21,029 I need a clean room. A clean mind. 138 00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,406 Yeah, dirty room, dirty dreams. 139 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,283 No dirty dreams. No one had dirty dreams. 140 00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,201 What are you talking about? No dirty dreams. 141 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,579 So there have been dirty dreams? 142 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,582 - No. - What'd you have a dream about? 143 00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:34,269 It's interesting, Jessica. What was it about? 144 00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:35,711 There was no dream, dude. 145 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,272 Well, which one of you is gonna crack 146 00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:39,256 and tell me what the dream was about? Jess? 147 00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:41,341 Or Cece? 148 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,148 You looked at the helmet. 149 00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:57,482 - Cece! - I did not. I did not. 150 00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,443 You had a sex dream about a Bear's helmet? 151 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,611 Who was wearing it? Ditka? 152 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,279 Vic Fangio? John Fox? 153 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,031 Our GM, Ryan Pace? 154 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,491 He's cute, but come on. 155 00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:08,219 She doesn't know any of those people, Nick. 156 00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,494 - Cece! - So… 157 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,829 She doesn't know those people. 158 00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:12,456 So it was somebody you know. 159 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:15,501 There wasn't… No. Absolutely not. No. 160 00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,961 Oh, my God. 161 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:22,299 You had a sex dream about me. 162 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,885 No. It was… no… there was no… 163 00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:27,721 Well, well, well, well, well. 164 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,741 - Thanks a lot, Cece. - That was my bad. I'm sorry. 165 00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:32,518 Pancakes and syrup, girls. 166 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,520 Let's eat. 167 00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:39,650 Nick, I have to meet Sam's parents tonight. 168 00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:41,235 I don't have time for this. 169 00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:42,653 What will it take for you 170 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,214 to just forget about this and get rid of the helmet? 171 00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:45,989 Oh, just every single detail 172 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,950 - about the dream. - Damn. 173 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,660 Now, and this one is a biggie, 174 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,537 - was I 100% percent human? - What? 175 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,515 - Obviously. - Okay, I'm just trying to figure out 176 00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:54,623 the reality of the dream. 177 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:57,751 Well, we were having sex, so in that sense, 178 00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,378 it was not reality-based at all, 179 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,061 because that's never gonna happen again. 180 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:04,108 You sound like the beginning of a Salt-N-Pepa song, 181 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:05,860 and I just wish we could just, like, act like adults. 182 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,886 Definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely. 183 00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:10,389 Were you just recreating our best encounter? 184 00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:11,598 Was it Glove City again? 185 00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:14,226 - Our best was not Glove City. - Oh, it wasn't? 186 00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,562 It was for you, but not for me. 187 00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:18,039 So what was our best, in your opinion? 188 00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,232 Ooh, you just walked right into that one. 189 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:23,318 Okay, it wasn't something that actually happened. 190 00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:25,195 It was historical. 191 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:28,323 Oh, historical, so was there a dragon? 192 00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:31,243 No, it was historical. 193 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,078 You think dragons are real? 194 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,472 I think there's a lot of debate about it. 195 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:35,849 And there's a lot of blogs about it. 196 00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:37,141 And I know that as a fact, 'cause I've written one. 197 00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,560 Do you think dinosaurs are dragons? 198 00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:39,936 There's debate about dragons, Jess, 199 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,062 and we're not doing this right now. 200 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,422 Wow, this office is nice. 201 00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,426 M… look, this is so nice of you, man. 202 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:48,749 You didn't really have to come. 203 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,262 Of course I came. 204 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,723 I believe in yo… I believe in Furguson. 205 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,517 Is that offer a joke? Huh? 206 00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:59,438 Because I will feed you to my eagle. 207 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,148 'Sup. Let's talk puss. 208 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,500 Ready to show me your hairy little guy? 209 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:03,525 - What? - Ugh. 210 00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:05,485 Oh. Yes, uh… 211 00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,279 Introducing… 212 00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:10,616 The mouse murderin', the heart burglarin', 213 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,409 the king of the kennel, 214 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:16,455 Furguson Michael Jordan Bishop. 215 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,336 He's lickin' his no-no. 216 00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,504 America's sweetheart. 217 00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:26,507 All right. This is catnip oil. 218 00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,910 The professional cats don't need it to come out of the box. 219 00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:35,516 Who's a good cat? 220 00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,851 Who's a good cat? 221 00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:39,686 Who's a good cat? 222 00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:41,313 Not you. This cat doesn't have it. 223 00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:42,582 - What? - Let me show you something. 224 00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,650 This is a star. 225 00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,778 This is Patches. 226 00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:50,864 If you find yourselfat the intersection 227 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:53,408 of Grace and Courage, look up. 228 00:08:53,492 --> 00:08:55,494 The street sign says, "Patches." 229 00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:59,331 She is "bang, marry, kill" in one furry little package. 230 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,083 You want to own her. 231 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,085 Run to her. Run from her. 232 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,423 - Wow. - Most of all, you want to watch her. 233 00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:10,217 Patches is a trash cat. 234 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,220 This is who you take to the Avatar audition. 235 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:14,680 This is sexy. 236 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:17,307 And this? This is normal. 237 00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:18,743 And normal doesn't pay for the cruise 238 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,269 in the Arctic that I'm taking Aly on. 239 00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:22,938 Unless I sign a baby walrus, 240 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,457 and then the whole thing's a write-off. 241 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,607 That was humiliating. 242 00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:28,026 Yeah, for Tripp. 243 00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:30,571 Because Furguson is gonna book Avatar. 244 00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:32,573 I stole the script off of his desk. 245 00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:35,117 We're going to crash that audition today. 246 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,451 Oh. 247 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,997 - Hi. - Hey. 248 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,957 - Oh, uh, two, please. - You got it. 249 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,547 What's his name? 250 00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:49,923 Josh. 251 00:09:50,007 --> 00:09:52,050 So your football helmet was caked in soot. 252 00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:53,594 Why was I a chimney sweep? 253 00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,530 Well, a chimney is hollow and you're just like jamming 254 00:09:55,554 --> 00:09:57,240 - something into it. - What does that have to do with sex? 255 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,584 - Get a hold of yourself. - Sorry. 256 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,350 So you took me to a dark, Victorian alley. 257 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:01,810 It was filthy. I was on top. 258 00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:04,271 - Okay, I'm okay with that. - Our passion drowns out 259 00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:06,190 the coughs from the orphans inside. 260 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,625 And then Winston brings us scones. 261 00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:09,776 And that's it. Really sweet of him. 262 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,420 I'm starving after sex, especially when I have to lay on my back. 263 00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:13,947 You're starving all the time. 264 00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,466 - Who invited you in this room? - All right? 265 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,576 Are we good? Can we get rid of the helmet? 266 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:22,414 I'm concerned, as a friend, that Sam isn't satisfying you sexually. 267 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:26,084 I can confidently say that's not what this is about. 268 00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:28,021 Maybe he's just not rotating your tires enough, Jess. 269 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,147 - What? - You know you need that 270 00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:30,589 - at least once a month. - Nick. 271 00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,508 For sex, that's not enough. 272 00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:36,094 And for literal tire rotation, that's way too frequent. 273 00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:37,554 Not when you drive like I do. 274 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,766 Not… when you drive like I do. 275 00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,285 I have to get ready to meet Sam's parents. 276 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,769 Will you please get out of here? 277 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,395 Yes. I'm leaving, 278 00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:47,189 but I will not throw away this helmet. 279 00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:49,542 Why? You didn't care about that helmet when you gave it to me! 280 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,527 Yes, I did. It was a Christmas gift. 281 00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,278 I gave you a Christmas present, 282 00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:56,615 and you said, "Christmas? What? Hold up." 283 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:57,967 And then you went and got that helmet. 284 00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,493 Unwrapped. 285 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:00,637 What was I supposed to do with it? 286 00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,496 - Wear it? - I wouldn't do… 287 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,998 Oh, the perfect ensemble for a night at the theater. 288 00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:06,682 Throw whatever you want at me, Blue Men. 289 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,627 I'm ready. 290 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:11,630 Oh, crap. That's Sam. Ugh. 291 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,132 Okay, why won't this come off? 292 00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,426 Probably because it's a child-size medium. 293 00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:19,096 What? Why would you give me a child's helmet? 294 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,281 I didn't think you were gonna put it on. 295 00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,807 Cece, help me, help me. 296 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,910 - Yeah, I got you. - I can't meet Sam's parents like this. 297 00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:25,686 Okay, ready? 298 00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,229 It's not going to help. 299 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:28,665 Okay, no, it's-it's really stuck, babe. 300 00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:31,483 - Suck your head in. - I can't suck my head in. 301 00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:32,901 Then throw a jersey on and pants, 302 00:11:32,985 --> 00:11:34,087 and just pretend you're a little football player. 303 00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:35,904 I can't go out with a helmet. 304 00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:37,239 You look ridiculous. 305 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:39,908 I'm aware. 306 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:45,765 Cece, can you go out there and stall Sam? 307 00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:47,058 He knows that Nick gave me this helmet, 308 00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:48,667 and he can't see me in it. 309 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,002 Okay, what's my lie? Chlamydia? 310 00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,880 No! No! Anything else. Literally, anything else. 311 00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,131 Okay, anything else, okay. 312 00:11:56,717 --> 00:12:00,762 Hey, hey, Legs. What's up? 313 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:03,640 You and I have never really clicked, huh? 314 00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,771 Oh, boy. 315 00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:12,024 Wow. 316 00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:14,610 Oh, my God. 317 00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,612 Patches is walking like a person. 318 00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:20,616 This was a enormous mistake. 319 00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:30,542 Is it, um, hard being a doctor? 320 00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:32,586 - Yeah. - Oh. 321 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,171 What's taking Jess so long? 322 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,089 Get! Off! 323 00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,650 - Stop, you're gonna break it. - My! Head! 324 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:40,511 Whatever. I'll buy you a new one. 325 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,138 You can't. 326 00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:44,932 My dad gave it to me. 327 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:51,438 You gave me something that your dad gave you? 328 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:58,320 Well… I just used it to put dirty change in. 329 00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,696 Why didn't you tell me? 330 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,615 I don't like talking about emotional stuff, 331 00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,283 especially about my dead father. 332 00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:06,787 No, I… yeah. 333 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:10,165 I get it. I get… I get it as much as someone 334 00:13:10,249 --> 00:13:13,627 who has two, living, healthy parents can. 335 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:14,837 Easy. 336 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,171 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 337 00:13:16,255 --> 00:13:17,589 That was… was that too harsh? 338 00:13:17,673 --> 00:13:20,759 I just… I'm messing everything up. 339 00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:22,052 You know what? I'm just gonna 340 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,930 tell Sam everything, and I'll see what happens. 341 00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,223 No. 342 00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,851 I think I know how to get it off. 343 00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:31,812 Okay, run backwards. 344 00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:33,655 - Yeah, it's not working. - It's not working. 345 00:13:33,689 --> 00:13:35,482 You run backwards. 346 00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:44,074 - It's moving. Rock with me. - Okay. 347 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,451 All right. Well, don't stop. 348 00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:48,662 You got to keep going. Do it harder. 349 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:51,307 If it slips out, tell me. I don't want to accidentally put it back in. 350 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,268 - Don't stop, Whatever you do, don't stop. - Just relax. 351 00:13:53,292 --> 00:13:54,793 Don't stop. 352 00:13:56,295 --> 00:13:58,505 - Jess? - Oh. 353 00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:01,442 - Oh. - No, no. There was a scallop pizza… 354 00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:02,801 No, I was mad at Nick, 355 00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:04,529 - and it was in the fridge. - So I put the helmet on. 356 00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,638 - Schmidt threw it away. - What is going on here? 357 00:14:06,722 --> 00:14:08,307 Okay, um… 358 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:14,062 I had a sex dream about Nick. Let me back up. 359 00:14:14,146 --> 00:14:15,826 Last night, you asked me about this helmet. 360 00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:17,858 Sorry. Let me fast forward. 361 00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,818 The helmet's stuck on my head. 362 00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:22,529 Look, I know this is a lot to ask, 363 00:14:22,613 --> 00:14:25,866 but is there any way, you could just trust me 364 00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:30,204 when I tell you that it was just a stupid sex dream. 365 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,541 Okay, yes. Yeah, no. I trust you. 366 00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,793 Thank you. 367 00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:39,630 But right now, my parents are expecting us. 368 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,882 So, you know, a lot of kids come into the hospital 369 00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:43,151 with stuff stuck on their head. 370 00:14:43,175 --> 00:14:45,093 Do you guys have a screwdriver or a hammer? 371 00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:51,725 Oh, um, we can't break it 'cause… 372 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,770 Nick's dad gave it to him. 373 00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,317 Right. Uh, well… 374 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,821 I have to go meet my parents, so I'll call you tomorrow. 375 00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:12,663 Hey. What are you doing out here, man? 376 00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,749 I'm sorry I got us into this, Winston. 377 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:18,126 - That frickin' cat's a genius. - Yeah. 378 00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:19,562 I don't want to humiliate your cat. 379 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,338 I care about Furguson. I don't want… 380 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,774 I don't want that poor thing to be humiliated. 381 00:15:22,798 --> 00:15:24,299 Hey, hey, hey. 382 00:15:24,383 --> 00:15:25,985 I can't imagine his self-esteem level already. 383 00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,261 It's got to be very low. 384 00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:29,596 Through the frickin' roof, the self-esteem. 385 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,306 Don't worry about Furguson, okay? 386 00:15:31,390 --> 00:15:33,141 Okay, I can't do this anymore. 387 00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:35,561 Are we talking about Furguson, or are we talking about you? 388 00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,330 - We're talking about me, okay? - I knew it. 389 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,040 Furguson is me. Patches is Tripp, all right? 390 00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:40,250 I knew… we've been dancing around that all day. 391 00:15:40,274 --> 00:15:42,734 Can we please go? I haven't eaten anything in six hours. 392 00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:43,944 You know what? No. 393 00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,529 Patches may know a lot of tricks, 394 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,406 but you know how Furguson's gonna get Aly? 395 00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:49,551 I think you're getting lost, Winston, but keep going. 396 00:15:49,575 --> 00:15:51,952 He's gonna keep trying, okay? 397 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,537 He's never gonna give up. 398 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,788 That's his trick. 399 00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:56,915 Now come on, man. Let's get back in there. 400 00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:58,959 Come on. 401 00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:00,752 - Come on. - All right. 402 00:16:00,836 --> 00:16:02,337 - Let's go. - Yeah, no. Let's do this. 403 00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:03,714 Let's go. 404 00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,850 What are you guys doing here? Wait a second. 405 00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:16,369 You're not auditioning that housecat, are you? 406 00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:18,812 Oh, that is exactly what I'm doing. 407 00:16:18,896 --> 00:16:20,981 Tripp, can I borrow that catnip oil just for a sec? 408 00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:23,442 Sure, but I think you know very well 409 00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:25,027 it's not going to help you in there. 410 00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,945 We'll see about that. 411 00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,530 Oh, my God. 412 00:16:28,614 --> 00:16:30,908 That stuff is so concentrated. What are you doing? 413 00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,785 A-ha! 414 00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:35,597 It looks like Patches is gonna have a little trouble 415 00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:36,955 concentrating on her audition. 416 00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:43,212 God save me. 417 00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:46,423 Furguson, avenge me! 418 00:16:46,507 --> 00:16:47,758 Avenge me! 419 00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:59,811 I need a straw. Ugh, I should be charming the pants off. 420 00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:01,271 Sam's parents right now. 421 00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,066 Jess. We're gonna break it. 422 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,026 But what about your dad? 423 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,861 Look, it sucks to admit, 424 00:17:07,945 --> 00:17:11,240 but Sam's a really good guy with above average handsomeness. 425 00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:14,701 And he's above six feet tall, which I know means a lot to you. 426 00:17:14,785 --> 00:17:16,995 And he makes you happy, and so. 427 00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,665 I think it's time for me to 428 00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:22,334 stop coming in between you guys. 429 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,965 Let's do this. Let's have a little bit of fun, huh? 430 00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:33,929 I will be going on the count of three. 431 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,013 Okay. 432 00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:37,641 One, two, three, four, fi… 433 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:38,809 What are you doing? 434 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,060 You never go on three. 435 00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:41,538 You want to catch the patient off guard. 436 00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:42,980 It's less scary that way. 437 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,274 Everybody knows it. It's just a doctor trick. 438 00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:47,818 - Nick. - So this time I am going on three. 439 00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:52,197 - One, two, three, four… - Do it! 440 00:17:55,576 --> 00:18:00,038 So this is the famous Patches. 441 00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:02,040 No. I am… 442 00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:05,085 Winston L'andre Bishop 443 00:18:05,169 --> 00:18:07,004 and this is: 444 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,006 The king of cats. 445 00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,340 Lover of mats. 446 00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:12,426 No friend of rats. 447 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:15,888 The kitty from Angel City, 448 00:18:15,971 --> 00:18:19,016 Furguson Michael Jordan… 449 00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,851 Bishop. 450 00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:31,361 He just, poof… 451 00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:33,605 - I'm gonna try to settle him down. - And disappeared. 452 00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:38,869 What would you do if your son was at home. 453 00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,079 Crying all alone. 454 00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:42,915 - On the bedroom floor - Oh, my God, 455 00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:44,750 he's singing to the cat. 456 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,144 - Come on. - He's singing to the cat. 457 00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:47,753 Let's get out of here. 458 00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:49,063 It's okay. We're here. We're here. 459 00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:50,255 Okay, Patches is here. 460 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,969 I was four steps away from freedom, 461 00:18:56,053 --> 00:18:57,888 and I fell. 462 00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,973 Oh, they were on me, and they traversed me. 463 00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:01,266 It was like I was their city, 464 00:19:01,350 --> 00:19:02,726 and they were all rushing to work. 465 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,569 May I just please take a moment with Patches? 466 00:19:04,645 --> 00:19:06,080 She needs a, a moment to center herself. 467 00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:07,731 She almost OD'd on catnip. 468 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:08,982 Forget about Patches. 469 00:19:09,066 --> 00:19:10,943 You should represent more cats like Furguson. 470 00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:12,819 - What? - What? You were laughing at him. 471 00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:14,112 He's an original. 472 00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:15,836 Makes Patches look like a Culkin brother. 473 00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:16,907 What? 474 00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:20,035 It's hard to celebrate this moment 475 00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:23,205 with so much cat hair in my mouth. 476 00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:24,540 You did it, buddy. 477 00:19:24,623 --> 00:19:26,059 Really? Really? Now you're gloating? 478 00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:27,543 - Huh? Winston? - Ah. 479 00:19:27,626 --> 00:19:29,628 Do you have to be such a dick? 480 00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:31,630 I mean, you're already so intimidating. 481 00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:34,049 Do you have to go out of your way to actually get at me? 482 00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:35,509 Intimidating? 483 00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:37,278 Aly talks about you all the time, obviously. 484 00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:39,179 You're a cop. You're a hero. 485 00:19:39,263 --> 00:19:41,974 Last weekend, I went to a turtle's birthday party. 486 00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:43,308 This is oddly emotional. 487 00:19:43,392 --> 00:19:45,811 - You're intimidated by me? - Yes. 488 00:19:45,894 --> 00:19:47,497 It's funny how life works, man. It's ironic. 489 00:19:47,521 --> 00:19:49,231 This is amazing. 490 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,085 You know what, Tripp? You don't have to worry about. 491 00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:54,152 Furguson competing with Patches. 492 00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,320 Yeah. 493 00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:57,030 I'm taking him out of the game. 494 00:19:57,114 --> 00:19:58,574 I don't like this life for him. 495 00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:01,743 Oh, yeah! 496 00:20:01,827 --> 00:20:03,203 You blew it, son. 497 00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:05,998 Oh, God, am I unhappy. 498 00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:09,042 I'm casting cats. 499 00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:12,588 Hi. So sorry I'm late. 500 00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:14,631 It's a long story. 501 00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:17,050 - I'm really glad you made it. - Me, too. 502 00:20:17,134 --> 00:20:20,804 - Uh, Dad, Dad, this is Jess. - Hi. 503 00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:22,528 - So nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 504 00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,058 - Oh. - Huh. A little piece of helmet. 505 00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:30,272 What did you think of Tripp? 506 00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:31,857 I know he's a little intense. 507 00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:34,818 Well, look, I mean, if he makes you happy, 508 00:20:34,902 --> 00:20:38,405 then, uh… then I like him, so… 509 00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:40,073 Thanks. 510 00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:42,409 You know, for a guy who eats his raisins hot, 511 00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:44,369 your opinion means a lot to me. 512 00:20:44,453 --> 00:20:46,079 Thank you. 513 00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:48,624 What's up with Schmidt? 514 00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:52,211 Oh, he's haunted. 515 00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:53,378 - Hey. - Hey. 516 00:20:53,462 --> 00:20:56,131 - Did you have a dream last night? - Yeah, just the usual. 517 00:20:56,215 --> 00:20:58,675 You know, the one where I'm in a muffin test kitchen, 518 00:20:58,759 --> 00:21:01,470 and Hillary Clinton tells me my muffins suck. 519 00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:02,930 So that's the regular one. 520 00:21:03,013 --> 00:21:04,723 Got you a present. 521 00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:06,600 - Can I open it right now? - Yes. 522 00:21:08,060 --> 00:21:09,978 Oh. 523 00:21:12,231 --> 00:21:14,149 I thought you could hang it on the wall here. 524 00:21:15,067 --> 00:21:18,153 I love that. It's like your dad's looking over the bar. 525 00:21:18,237 --> 00:21:19,446 Wow, thank you, Jess. 526 00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:20,822 It's really nice. 527 00:21:23,033 --> 00:21:24,284 All right. 528 00:21:24,368 --> 00:21:26,471 Now to be fair, I've had some sex dreams about you, too. 529 00:21:26,495 --> 00:21:28,956 First, there was the one where I was a spider 530 00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:30,457 and instead of legs it was penises. 531 00:21:30,541 --> 00:21:32,101 - No, I'm out. - It was eight penises… 532 00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:33,293 - Yeah, I know. - Oh. 533 00:21:33,377 --> 00:21:34,837 You were there, too. 534 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,255 I'm out. 535 00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:37,881 - Was I there? - And I'm out. 536 00:21:37,965 --> 00:21:39,925 Oh, that would've beenso cool.