1 00:00:01,333 --> 00:00:03,251 How's the planning of the bachelor party coming? 2 00:00:03,335 --> 00:00:06,463 Well, Tokyo is not happening. Turns out Nick booked the trip 3 00:00:06,546 --> 00:00:09,341 on a website called Pricelive. cob. 4 00:00:10,342 --> 00:00:11,343 - Right. - That's a scam. 5 00:00:11,426 --> 00:00:12,928 - Yeah. - I'm sure. I'm sure of it. 6 00:00:13,011 --> 00:00:15,096 I'm still pulling for a Tokyo theme. 7 00:00:15,180 --> 00:00:17,057 You know, we could do a spa day. 8 00:00:17,349 --> 00:00:18,975 There could be hot springs, 9 00:00:19,059 --> 00:00:20,435 cherry blossoms. 10 00:00:25,941 --> 00:00:27,025 Imbecile! 11 00:00:30,904 --> 00:00:32,697 Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. 12 00:00:32,781 --> 00:00:34,133 Oh, oh, oh. He's getting out of the car. 13 00:00:34,157 --> 00:00:35,384 Why is he getting out of the car? 14 00:00:35,408 --> 00:00:36,728 I don't know, babe, I don't know. 15 00:00:36,868 --> 00:00:37,994 Toby! 16 00:00:39,287 --> 00:00:40,497 I'm Toby! 17 00:00:40,580 --> 00:00:42,582 What you gonna say now? 18 00:00:42,666 --> 00:00:43,708 I'm… I'm sorry? 19 00:00:43,792 --> 00:00:45,460 Toby! Toby! 20 00:00:45,544 --> 00:00:47,462 - Okay. Okay. - Toby. Toby. 21 00:00:47,546 --> 00:00:49,172 - Okay! Okay! - Toby! 22 00:00:49,256 --> 00:00:50,423 "Okay" is not working. 23 00:00:50,507 --> 00:00:52,026 I don't understand. Is Toby your name? 24 00:00:52,050 --> 00:00:53,927 That's right. Toby, bitch. 25 00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:55,637 - Got it. - Bitch. 26 00:00:59,891 --> 00:01:01,393 That was Toby. 27 00:01:03,770 --> 00:01:05,772 The froofy Japan bachelor party is off. 28 00:01:06,898 --> 00:01:09,442 We're going to Vegas on a road trip. 29 00:01:09,526 --> 00:01:10,527 Like men. 30 00:01:10,610 --> 00:01:11,778 Vegas, yeah! 31 00:01:11,862 --> 00:01:12,863 - Vegas! - Like men. 32 00:01:12,946 --> 00:01:13,989 - Like men! - Like men. 33 00:01:14,072 --> 00:01:15,824 Vegas! 34 00:01:15,991 --> 00:01:18,118 Is this change of plans an overreaction to something? 35 00:01:18,201 --> 00:01:19,703 - No, it's not. - Yes, it is. 36 00:01:24,082 --> 00:01:25,083 Road trip. 37 00:01:25,167 --> 00:01:27,627 Oh, I called the car rental place, reservation's all good. 38 00:01:27,711 --> 00:01:29,147 Did you get us the toughest convertible? 39 00:01:29,171 --> 00:01:30,172 I did. 40 00:01:30,255 --> 00:01:31,816 Anything you want, you get. I'm your best man. 41 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,509 - Well, what if I want a hug? - Peel it open. 42 00:01:34,593 --> 00:01:36,887 All right. You failed the test. Hugs are not tough. 43 00:01:37,429 --> 00:01:40,515 - Bro fail. Big-time bro fail, Nick. - What is going on with you? 44 00:01:40,599 --> 00:01:42,142 Yeah, babe. Just because a scary man 45 00:01:42,225 --> 00:01:43,327 yelled his name in your face 46 00:01:43,351 --> 00:01:44,829 doesn't mean you can't like sake baths. 47 00:01:44,853 --> 00:01:47,022 This has nothing to do with me being yelled at. 48 00:01:47,147 --> 00:01:48,857 - Yeah, okay. - This has everything to do 49 00:01:48,940 --> 00:01:49,941 with a road trip. 50 00:01:50,025 --> 00:01:51,234 Road tri… 51 00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:54,196 Are we… Are we not cheering on that one? 52 00:01:54,279 --> 00:01:56,323 Cece, as your bridesman I am so sorry 53 00:01:56,406 --> 00:01:57,800 I have to miss your bachelorette party. 54 00:01:57,824 --> 00:02:00,660 I know you girls are just having a ladies' day in, 55 00:02:00,744 --> 00:02:02,537 but please keep Winnie up to date 56 00:02:02,621 --> 00:02:03,955 with anything that's noteworthy. 57 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,540 Noteworthy! 58 00:02:05,624 --> 00:02:06,666 "Noteworthy" gets one? 59 00:02:08,251 --> 00:02:10,754 Well, we have one convertible left. 60 00:02:11,338 --> 00:02:13,256 No. That's not tough. 61 00:02:13,340 --> 00:02:15,592 Yellow convertibles are for horny beach trash. 62 00:02:15,675 --> 00:02:16,819 I drive a yellow convertible. 63 00:02:16,843 --> 00:02:17,904 It's my boy's bachelor party. 64 00:02:17,928 --> 00:02:19,638 If he says you're horny beach trash, 65 00:02:19,721 --> 00:02:20,907 then you're horny beach trash. 66 00:02:20,931 --> 00:02:22,057 I'm a good person. 67 00:02:24,518 --> 00:02:26,186 Hey, hey, hey, huh? 68 00:02:26,311 --> 00:02:28,313 Welcome fellow groomsmen. 69 00:02:28,396 --> 00:02:30,398 Big Schmidt, your minivan is sweet as hell, dude. 70 00:02:30,690 --> 00:02:32,984 Yeah. Well, you know, I got it for the kids, 71 00:02:33,068 --> 00:02:34,903 but, uh, it's not quite the chick magnet 72 00:02:34,986 --> 00:02:36,506 - I was hoping for. - Yeah, of course not. 73 00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,031 I mean, I am straight hounding 74 00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:39,514 for some Sin City strange, you know. 75 00:02:39,574 --> 00:02:41,093 I don't care if it's a man, woman, or child. 76 00:02:41,117 --> 00:02:42,911 You really should care if it's a child. 77 00:02:43,036 --> 00:02:44,597 - Yeah, them kids, man. - Yeah, no children. 78 00:02:44,621 --> 00:02:45,997 No. God, God, of course not. 79 00:02:46,081 --> 00:02:48,059 You know, that's not what I'm saying. I was just listing… 80 00:02:48,083 --> 00:02:49,334 Ah, Vegas. 81 00:02:49,417 --> 00:02:52,170 Truly a town in which to devour and be devoured. 82 00:02:52,254 --> 00:02:54,172 Whoo-whoo. Whoo, whoo, Vegas. 83 00:02:54,256 --> 00:02:55,590 I'm gonna click in, eventually. 84 00:02:55,674 --> 00:02:57,843 I just… This morning I realized I still have some 85 00:02:57,926 --> 00:02:59,344 unresolved feelings towards Cece, 86 00:02:59,427 --> 00:03:01,513 and now I'm out here celebrating with her fiancé. 87 00:03:01,596 --> 00:03:04,057 So, you know… If I didn't wake up tomorrow, 88 00:03:04,683 --> 00:03:06,434 you know, that would be fine with me. 89 00:03:06,518 --> 00:03:08,728 But we're gonna have a good time in Las Vegas. Whoo. 90 00:03:08,812 --> 00:03:09,855 Yeah, that's dark, man. 91 00:03:09,938 --> 00:03:11,648 That's dark, bro. 92 00:03:11,731 --> 00:03:14,234 Ooh, I got a text from Jess. 93 00:03:14,359 --> 00:03:16,444 Hot bachelorette party goss. 94 00:03:16,528 --> 00:03:19,281 "With Aly, Tripp. On the squirts!" 95 00:03:19,364 --> 00:03:20,657 That's weird. 96 00:03:20,740 --> 00:03:23,451 Uh, why would she be with Aly and her boyfriend? 97 00:03:23,827 --> 00:03:25,453 Why does she need to tell me? 98 00:03:25,537 --> 00:03:27,080 Maybe they're having problems. 99 00:03:27,247 --> 00:03:30,625 She's, uh, with my partner, Aly, who I'm in love with, 100 00:03:30,709 --> 00:03:32,085 but she has a boyfriend, you know. 101 00:03:32,169 --> 00:03:33,879 And I'm married to Rhonda, 102 00:03:33,962 --> 00:03:36,107 but it's a prank. It's a whole story, I'm Prank Sinatra… 103 00:03:36,131 --> 00:03:38,467 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Too many lady problems, all right? 104 00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:40,486 - This is a bachelor party. - You know what? You're right. 105 00:03:40,510 --> 00:03:41,696 You're right. I'm gonna put the phone away. 106 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,138 My focus is here with you guys. 107 00:03:43,221 --> 00:03:44,781 Fabulous. Anybody want to split a pill? 108 00:03:44,848 --> 00:03:45,849 - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. 109 00:03:45,932 --> 00:03:46,972 Change of plans, you guys. 110 00:03:47,017 --> 00:03:48,643 - Boys. - Hey. 111 00:03:48,727 --> 00:03:50,061 We're doing motorcycles. 112 00:03:50,145 --> 00:03:51,980 - Yeah! - Let's do this. 113 00:03:52,147 --> 00:03:53,690 Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. 114 00:03:53,773 --> 00:03:54,774 Thunder. 115 00:03:54,858 --> 00:03:57,152 Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. 116 00:03:57,235 --> 00:03:58,236 Thunder. 117 00:03:58,570 --> 00:03:59,988 Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah… 118 00:04:01,281 --> 00:04:02,866 You look cool, man. You look cool. 119 00:04:02,991 --> 00:04:05,702 Hey, why don't you check your right pocket, buddy? 120 00:04:05,785 --> 00:04:07,579 - What? - What? 121 00:04:07,662 --> 00:04:09,414 What? I said "What?" 122 00:04:09,498 --> 00:04:11,017 I thought you said something different. 123 00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:12,125 Different from what? 124 00:04:12,209 --> 00:04:13,519 I thought you said something different. 125 00:04:13,543 --> 00:04:14,711 I can't hear you. What? 126 00:04:14,795 --> 00:04:16,713 Check your pocket on the right side, buddy. 127 00:04:16,797 --> 00:04:19,049 My pock… Yeah! 128 00:04:19,132 --> 00:04:21,927 This is exactly what I'm talking about. 129 00:04:22,093 --> 00:04:23,094 What? 130 00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:31,102 All right. 131 00:04:31,269 --> 00:04:32,646 We are going to party so hard. 132 00:04:32,729 --> 00:04:34,189 We're gonna go buck wild. 133 00:04:34,397 --> 00:04:36,107 - Buck wild. - On fleek. 134 00:04:36,191 --> 00:04:38,169 Yeah, that's right, that's right, that's right, that's right. 135 00:04:38,193 --> 00:04:40,379 I'm telling you guys, this couldn't come at a better time. 136 00:04:40,403 --> 00:04:41,905 I really need this. 137 00:04:42,197 --> 00:04:43,532 I mean, between my divorce 138 00:04:43,615 --> 00:04:45,575 and my mom getting put in hospice care, you know? 139 00:04:45,659 --> 00:04:47,702 Yeah, we gonna tap that ass! 140 00:04:47,786 --> 00:04:50,038 Bend it over and do it again. 141 00:04:50,121 --> 00:04:51,331 Are you on your phone, man? 142 00:04:51,414 --> 00:04:52,749 Huh? What are you… 143 00:04:52,833 --> 00:04:54,769 - Huh? No, no, I am… Nah. - Enough with the phone. 144 00:04:54,793 --> 00:04:56,020 - I was, uh… What are you doing? 145 00:04:56,044 --> 00:04:57,522 I was looking at this… this children's book. 146 00:04:57,546 --> 00:05:00,590 Yeah, this ugly duckling about to be fine as hell at the end. 147 00:05:00,674 --> 00:05:01,675 Sexy ass swan. 148 00:05:01,758 --> 00:05:04,010 Got me picking feathers out of my teeth for days. 149 00:05:04,094 --> 00:05:06,012 It's not the feathers you have to worry about. 150 00:05:06,096 --> 00:05:07,556 It's the eggshells. 151 00:05:13,728 --> 00:05:14,855 Ow! Damn it. 152 00:05:15,397 --> 00:05:16,565 Oh, shoot. 153 00:05:17,899 --> 00:05:19,484 - Hey, hey! - No, no… 154 00:05:20,235 --> 00:05:21,570 No. 155 00:05:22,571 --> 00:05:24,197 Aah! Aah! 156 00:05:30,245 --> 00:05:32,664 Whoa. I didn't know you could fall off those things. 157 00:05:32,747 --> 00:05:34,708 Well, you can't, but I did it anyway. 158 00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:36,436 'Cause I'm not friggin' tough enough 159 00:05:36,460 --> 00:05:39,004 to ride a mechanical tricycle. 160 00:05:39,087 --> 00:05:40,648 Hey, it could have happened to anybody, Schmidt. 161 00:05:40,672 --> 00:05:42,442 No, it couldn't have. It could only happen to me. 162 00:05:42,466 --> 00:05:44,634 You crashed. You chunked. You beefed. 163 00:05:44,718 --> 00:05:46,052 You came off your bike. 164 00:05:46,136 --> 00:05:48,305 That's cool as hell. You got injured. 165 00:05:48,388 --> 00:05:49,574 Yeah, you know, my neck does feel a little… 166 00:05:49,598 --> 00:05:50,849 I don't know… off. 167 00:05:50,932 --> 00:05:52,058 Well, yeah, your neck's off. 168 00:05:52,142 --> 00:05:53,435 It's… it's hurt. 169 00:05:53,518 --> 00:05:55,645 You got hurt on a hog, man. 170 00:05:56,563 --> 00:05:57,957 And what are you gonna do with that pain? 171 00:05:57,981 --> 00:05:59,333 What does a man do about that pain? 172 00:05:59,357 --> 00:06:01,067 - He takes a bubble bath. - No. 173 00:06:01,151 --> 00:06:02,652 He drinks the pain away. 174 00:06:02,736 --> 00:06:04,029 Here's what we're gonna do. 175 00:06:04,112 --> 00:06:05,280 You see that biker bar? 176 00:06:05,614 --> 00:06:06,698 We're gonna walk inside. 177 00:06:06,781 --> 00:06:07,967 You're gonna take your helmet off. 178 00:06:07,991 --> 00:06:09,493 You're gonna slam it down. 179 00:06:09,576 --> 00:06:10,761 You're gonna tell somebody to watch it. 180 00:06:10,785 --> 00:06:12,454 You're gonna put Seger on the jukebox. 181 00:06:12,537 --> 00:06:13,681 And you're gonna drink some whiskey. 182 00:06:13,705 --> 00:06:15,749 Some clear-cut accomplishables. 183 00:06:15,832 --> 00:06:17,083 That sounds pretty manly. 184 00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,647 All right, my man. Give me some skin. 185 00:06:18,752 --> 00:06:20,337 Ah, Schmidt. 186 00:06:20,420 --> 00:06:21,505 Come on, that didn't hurt. 187 00:06:21,588 --> 00:06:22,881 It's too hard. It hurt. 188 00:06:22,964 --> 00:06:24,025 It honestly hurt. You're strong. 189 00:06:24,049 --> 00:06:25,342 Look, man, I do… You know. 190 00:06:25,425 --> 00:06:26,468 Feel good? 191 00:06:26,551 --> 00:06:28,512 - I am, I'm feeling better. - You back? 192 00:06:28,595 --> 00:06:31,097 Who's the butchest guy on this roadside? 193 00:06:31,598 --> 00:06:32,891 Me. 194 00:06:32,974 --> 00:06:34,534 What are we doing? Stopping for coffee? 195 00:06:34,601 --> 00:06:35,727 Let me get a scone. 196 00:06:35,811 --> 00:06:37,205 Unless it's raspberry, in which case 197 00:06:37,229 --> 00:06:38,772 I'll take a chocolate chip cookie. 198 00:06:38,855 --> 00:06:40,583 - That's it. Give me the phone. - Whoa, no, no, no, no. 199 00:06:40,607 --> 00:06:41,858 Look, I just texted Jess 200 00:06:41,942 --> 00:06:43,652 to see if Aly and Tripp broke up, okay? 201 00:06:43,735 --> 00:06:45,779 And she's replying, man, the dots are up. 202 00:06:45,862 --> 00:06:47,782 All right? Look, I need to know if Aly is single. 203 00:06:47,823 --> 00:06:49,663 - Oh, all right, let me see real quick. - Yeah. 204 00:06:49,825 --> 00:06:51,177 - Give me that thing. - Hey, hey, hey. 205 00:06:51,201 --> 00:06:52,744 Oh! That ding. That ding. 206 00:06:52,828 --> 00:06:54,931 That's for me. That's for me. You got to let me check. 207 00:06:54,955 --> 00:06:56,540 Hell no. Uh-uh. 208 00:06:56,623 --> 00:06:59,126 This phone is on lockdown in pocket town. 209 00:07:00,836 --> 00:07:01,938 Did you hear what I just said? 210 00:07:01,962 --> 00:07:03,463 - It's good. - Hey, guys! 211 00:07:03,547 --> 00:07:06,091 Eagle eyes has found the roadhouse. 212 00:07:06,258 --> 00:07:08,301 So let's… 213 00:07:09,594 --> 00:07:11,805 I don't why I led out with "let's" like that. 214 00:07:11,888 --> 00:07:12,990 I feel like I have nowhere to… 215 00:07:13,014 --> 00:07:15,225 Let's rodeo. 216 00:07:19,104 --> 00:07:21,273 I'm ready to get mine. 217 00:07:21,356 --> 00:07:24,109 Then I'll leave this town… 218 00:07:24,192 --> 00:07:26,319 Oh, these people are real desert-y. 219 00:07:26,403 --> 00:07:29,043 I don't think this is the kind of place where you're gonna want to… 220 00:07:30,824 --> 00:07:33,201 Somebody watch that. 221 00:07:35,203 --> 00:07:38,540 I must say, this is not my favorite sort of white people in here. 222 00:07:38,623 --> 00:07:39,725 Me neither. My favorite kind 223 00:07:39,749 --> 00:07:41,835 of white people are redheads with high socks. 224 00:07:41,918 --> 00:07:43,295 Male or female. 225 00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:45,130 Hey, hey. 226 00:07:45,213 --> 00:07:47,674 Um, remember earlier, when you took my phone 227 00:07:47,757 --> 00:07:48,884 and it went "ding"? 228 00:07:49,551 --> 00:07:50,677 Wait a minute. 229 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:51,821 There's a desert flower over there 230 00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:53,096 who needs a little watering. 231 00:07:56,224 --> 00:07:57,225 What's Schmidt doing? 232 00:07:59,936 --> 00:08:02,230 Oh, he's not even looking at the buttons. 233 00:08:02,314 --> 00:08:03,440 I used to bite my tongue. 234 00:08:03,523 --> 00:08:04,733 And hold my breath. 235 00:08:04,858 --> 00:08:06,568 - Hey, what's going on? - Come here. 236 00:08:06,693 --> 00:08:07,837 Unplug the thing. Unplug the whole thing. 237 00:08:07,861 --> 00:08:08,862 So I sit quiet… 238 00:08:08,945 --> 00:08:10,780 Whoa. 239 00:08:10,864 --> 00:08:13,450 Good thing that's over. 240 00:08:13,658 --> 00:08:15,939 We can come back from this. Buy everybody in here a drink. 241 00:08:16,286 --> 00:08:18,788 That's a cool move. That's a Rat Pack move. 242 00:08:18,914 --> 00:08:20,624 Can I buy you a drink? 243 00:08:20,707 --> 00:08:22,250 Um, uh, a beer? A bock, maybe? 244 00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:24,586 You've got some amber in your necklace. 245 00:08:24,669 --> 00:08:26,004 Uh, maybe an amber bock. 246 00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:29,508 Nick? 247 00:08:32,677 --> 00:08:33,678 Nick? 248 00:08:35,972 --> 00:08:38,892 I got to tell you, I love that vest. 249 00:08:38,975 --> 00:08:41,228 Desert fashion has a certain 250 00:08:41,311 --> 00:08:43,647 functional sensuality that I really respond to. 251 00:08:43,772 --> 00:08:45,690 I made it out of my dead Rottweiler. 252 00:08:45,774 --> 00:08:47,234 You dirty little rattlesnake. 253 00:08:47,484 --> 00:08:48,753 You know, I've got a picnic blanket 254 00:08:48,777 --> 00:08:50,445 in my minivan, we could go… 255 00:08:50,570 --> 00:08:52,507 You know what? If you're gonna be traveling in my minivan, 256 00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:53,591 you're gonna live by my rules. 257 00:08:53,615 --> 00:08:55,450 Now go over there and sit down. 258 00:08:55,992 --> 00:08:58,787 You know, I'm willing to bet you got a big spider in your hair. 259 00:08:58,954 --> 00:09:00,038 When I come back, 260 00:09:00,121 --> 00:09:01,915 I intend to find it. 261 00:09:03,583 --> 00:09:04,584 I'm not mad. 262 00:09:04,668 --> 00:09:06,670 I'm just incredibly disappointed in you. 263 00:09:06,753 --> 00:09:08,713 - Five whiskeys, please. - Coming up. 264 00:09:08,797 --> 00:09:11,383 - You're doing them all. - That's too much whiskey for my frame. 265 00:09:11,466 --> 00:09:13,260 No, no, I know it seems like a lot, 266 00:09:13,343 --> 00:09:15,095 but binge drinking can be a fun 267 00:09:15,178 --> 00:09:17,681 and safe way to engage with life. 268 00:09:18,223 --> 00:09:19,543 This is one of your dear friend's 269 00:09:19,599 --> 00:09:20,684 bachelor parties, you know? 270 00:09:20,934 --> 00:09:22,394 If you miss out on it now, 271 00:09:22,477 --> 00:09:24,521 you miss out on the memories forever, Wally. 272 00:09:24,729 --> 00:09:28,358 My name's Winston, but you're absolutely correct, man. 273 00:09:28,441 --> 00:09:30,361 I should not be sitting here, thinking about Aly. 274 00:09:30,443 --> 00:09:32,571 She's never going to go for a guy like me. 275 00:09:32,654 --> 00:09:34,531 Clearly living in a fantasy world. 276 00:09:34,614 --> 00:09:37,075 I should be getting drunk with you guys 277 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,952 in this disgusting bar. 278 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:41,454 - Hear, hear. - Cheers to that. 279 00:09:42,622 --> 00:09:44,875 - Oh, that is low quality whiskey. - Yeah. 280 00:09:44,958 --> 00:09:45,959 Hey, barkeep. 281 00:09:46,084 --> 00:09:47,878 Let me get a whiskey on ice. 282 00:09:51,965 --> 00:09:52,966 What? What'd I say? 283 00:09:53,049 --> 00:09:54,634 Did he say something about ice? 284 00:09:55,552 --> 00:09:56,636 Where are you boys from? 285 00:09:57,679 --> 00:09:59,097 I'm from Los Angeles. 286 00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:00,265 East side. 287 00:10:00,348 --> 00:10:02,100 The… more… uh… East… East downtown. 288 00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:04,269 Big city boys trying to come to our desert 289 00:10:04,352 --> 00:10:06,062 and freeze the little water we got left. 290 00:10:06,146 --> 00:10:08,315 'Cause you're too soft for a hot whiskey. 291 00:10:08,398 --> 00:10:10,692 No… no one's bad mouthing hot whiskey. 292 00:10:10,775 --> 00:10:12,903 Hot Whiskey was my first chat room name. 293 00:10:12,986 --> 00:10:14,112 Who wants a drink? 294 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:15,739 I'll take a nice warm glass 295 00:10:15,822 --> 00:10:18,533 of how about you stop coming over here and using our water 296 00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:20,410 to hydrate your daisies over in LA? 297 00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:24,498 Okay, first of all, let me just say, I think we're all concerned 298 00:10:24,581 --> 00:10:26,291 about the drought in California. 299 00:10:26,374 --> 00:10:27,435 I haven't showered in six days. 300 00:10:27,459 --> 00:10:29,019 Oh, so you're saying you want to fight. 301 00:10:29,419 --> 00:10:31,546 That's a huge leap in logic. 302 00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:32,964 - You want to fight? - Yeah. 303 00:10:33,048 --> 00:10:34,567 I'll fight you and then I'll take a hot shower, 304 00:10:34,591 --> 00:10:36,218 you sandy lizard man. 305 00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:38,196 - Let's do this. - Totally, totally, totally, totally. 306 00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,822 - Yeah, let's fight these guys, Nick. - Yeah, totally. 307 00:10:39,846 --> 00:10:40,990 We're gonna fight these guys. 308 00:10:41,014 --> 00:10:43,475 Uh, but not indoors. 309 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,519 Because real men fight outside. 310 00:10:45,602 --> 00:10:47,854 Yeah, just like real chili doesn't have beans. 311 00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:49,564 What the hell you just say about beans? 312 00:10:49,648 --> 00:10:52,317 Beans are nothing but soggy nuts. 313 00:10:52,442 --> 00:10:54,042 What the hell are you saying about nuts? 314 00:10:54,069 --> 00:10:56,005 Nothing, it's a totally weird digression. It's not what we're about. 315 00:10:56,029 --> 00:10:57,739 We'll see you outside. 316 00:10:57,823 --> 00:11:00,534 But first, we got to go to the little boys' room together. 317 00:11:00,617 --> 00:11:02,828 Yeah, we're gonna urinate and then we're gonna do this. 318 00:11:02,911 --> 00:11:04,162 Yeah. 319 00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:06,286 Uh, is there a key? Do I need a key to the restroom? 320 00:11:11,711 --> 00:11:14,131 Ooh, God, I hope I get to kick somebody in the head. 321 00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,234 What are you doing with that window? 322 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,884 You letting a bee out? That's dope, man. 323 00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:20,154 No, no, no. We're escaping. We're not fighting those guys. 324 00:11:20,178 --> 00:11:22,281 What? I thought you said that we're going to meet them outside? 325 00:11:22,305 --> 00:11:24,033 Uh, yeah. And they believed it. It's a great trick. 326 00:11:24,057 --> 00:11:25,910 It's how the Millers have never had to pay for a ham. 327 00:11:25,934 --> 00:11:27,694 We're escaping? How… how is that butch, Nick? 328 00:11:27,769 --> 00:11:29,563 Enough with the butch stuff, Schmidt. 329 00:11:29,646 --> 00:11:31,064 You got to let this Toby thing go. 330 00:11:31,148 --> 00:11:33,608 If I freaked out every time somebody yelled at me, I… 331 00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:35,152 It's not because I got yelled at. 332 00:11:35,235 --> 00:11:37,362 It's because I got yelled at in front of Cece. 333 00:11:38,613 --> 00:11:40,407 You know, I know she can handle herself, 334 00:11:40,490 --> 00:11:43,326 but I need to prove to myself that I can defend her 335 00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:45,245 from the lunatic pagans of the world. 336 00:11:45,328 --> 00:11:46,496 Because if I can't, 337 00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,498 what kind of husband am I going to be? 338 00:11:49,958 --> 00:11:52,377 I understand if you don't want any part of this, 339 00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,171 but this is something I have to do. 340 00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:56,673 For me. 341 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:04,055 Okay. I'm in. 342 00:12:04,139 --> 00:12:06,224 If you got to do it, then I got your back. 343 00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:07,868 There's two of them, there's two of us. 344 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:08,894 We can do this. 345 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,898 They got a lot of rings, Schmidty. 346 00:12:25,994 --> 00:12:27,221 - We are so outnumbered. - So outnumbered. 347 00:12:27,245 --> 00:12:28,605 We're not going to win this fight. 348 00:12:30,707 --> 00:12:32,083 That's a little boy over there. 349 00:12:32,167 --> 00:12:33,311 Where'd that little boy come from? 350 00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,045 He just does that sometimes. 351 00:12:36,296 --> 00:12:37,648 All right, I'll take the little boy. 352 00:12:37,672 --> 00:12:39,066 - I'm gonna take the little boy. - I got the little boy. 353 00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:40,318 - You take everybody else. - I got the boy. 354 00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:41,402 I'm gonna go for the little boy. 355 00:12:41,426 --> 00:12:42,570 You're not touching Dirt Boy. 356 00:12:42,594 --> 00:12:43,762 Don't touch Dirt Boy. 357 00:12:43,845 --> 00:12:44,846 Dirt Boy touches you. 358 00:12:47,015 --> 00:12:49,055 Why did you not more forcefully talk me out of this? 359 00:12:49,184 --> 00:12:51,144 Why is that little boy not in a day care? 360 00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:52,229 Are we fighting or not? 361 00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:57,567 What are we gonna do? 362 00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:03,604 We gotta do something, Schmidt. 363 00:13:05,617 --> 00:13:07,828 Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt! 364 00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:10,080 What are you doing? 365 00:13:10,205 --> 00:13:12,165 I'm being a man. I'm Schmidt! 366 00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:13,333 Schmidt! 367 00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:16,670 Yeah, I'm Schmidt! Schmidt! 368 00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:18,356 - Why does he keep saying his name? - I'm Schmidt. 369 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,607 In case you're wondering what my 370 00:13:19,631 --> 00:13:20,817 what my name is, it's Schmidt. 371 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:21,883 Schmidt! 372 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,552 This is Nick! Nick! Schmidt! 373 00:13:25,178 --> 00:13:26,972 You know what would be a good plan? 374 00:13:27,055 --> 00:13:29,683 You get a job at a Raisin Bran factory, right? 375 00:13:29,808 --> 00:13:33,145 You start stealing all of the raisins, okay? You follow? 376 00:13:33,228 --> 00:13:34,479 Then you hydrate those raisins 377 00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,439 to make them turn back into grapes, 378 00:13:36,523 --> 00:13:38,108 and you sell the grapes. 379 00:13:38,191 --> 00:13:40,902 There's no overhead, and you make you a very rich man. 380 00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:42,529 That's right, Wilson. 381 00:13:42,612 --> 00:13:44,114 You have surrendered to the night. 382 00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:45,991 I'm Wilson. 383 00:13:46,074 --> 00:13:47,993 Schmidt! Yeah, I'm Schmidt! 384 00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:50,203 My babies. 385 00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:51,830 Ain't nobody gonna touch my babies. 386 00:13:53,456 --> 00:13:54,791 Knuckle up! 387 00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,352 - Yeah, I'm feeling dangerous! - No, no, no. 388 00:13:56,376 --> 00:13:58,003 - Winston. Winston. No. - Uh-huh! 389 00:13:58,086 --> 00:13:59,439 I ain't got no phone. I ain't got no Aly. 390 00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:00,606 No, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no. 391 00:14:00,630 --> 00:14:03,091 Dirt bike push. 392 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:04,509 Winston. 393 00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:06,553 Mirror kick. 394 00:14:06,636 --> 00:14:08,805 - Hey, hey, that's my car! - Okay, get him! 395 00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:10,324 That's his car? You ain't say that was his car. 396 00:14:10,348 --> 00:14:12,410 - We got this. We got this. - We got this. We got this. 397 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,602 Come on! 398 00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,775 I used to bite my tongue. 399 00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:22,152 And hold my breath. 400 00:14:22,235 --> 00:14:23,570 Scared to rock the boat. 401 00:14:23,653 --> 00:14:24,738 And make a mess. 402 00:14:24,821 --> 00:14:27,574 So I sit quietly. 403 00:14:27,657 --> 00:14:29,784 Agree politely 404 00:14:29,868 --> 00:14:32,412 I guess that I forgot I had a choice 405 00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:35,165 I let you push me past the breaking point 406 00:14:35,248 --> 00:14:37,083 I stood for nothing. 407 00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:40,253 So I fell for everything. 408 00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:42,380 You had me down, but I got up. 409 00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:45,425 - Hey. - Already brushing off the dust. 410 00:14:45,509 --> 00:14:47,010 You hear my voice. 411 00:14:47,093 --> 00:14:48,220 You hear that sound. 412 00:14:48,303 --> 00:14:50,555 Like thunder gonna shake your ground. 413 00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:53,975 Oh, no, it's the little boy! 414 00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:56,353 Little boy, go away! 415 00:14:56,436 --> 00:14:59,022 I see it all, I see it now 416 00:14:59,105 --> 00:15:02,442 I got the eye of the tiger. 417 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,069 A fighter -Ha! 418 00:15:04,152 --> 00:15:06,363 Dancing through the fire 419 00:15:06,446 --> 00:15:09,074 'Cause I am a champion. 420 00:15:09,157 --> 00:15:11,034 - Oh, no. - And you're gonna hear me 421 00:15:11,117 --> 00:15:12,828 - I didn't… I didn't mean… - Roar. 422 00:15:12,911 --> 00:15:14,454 Louder. 423 00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:17,290 Louder than a lion 424 00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:20,210 'Cause I am a champion. 425 00:15:20,293 --> 00:15:24,256 And you're gonna hear me roar. 426 00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:25,674 Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. 427 00:15:25,757 --> 00:15:28,051 Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. 428 00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,846 Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. 429 00:15:30,929 --> 00:15:33,765 And you're gonna hear me roar. 430 00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:36,351 Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. 431 00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:38,436 Hey, where the hell is Big Schmidt? 432 00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:40,647 You're gonna hear me roar. 433 00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:42,732 Keep the vest on. 434 00:15:48,321 --> 00:15:50,448 Here. For your cheek. 435 00:15:55,078 --> 00:15:56,955 I think some turquoise got stuck in there. 436 00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:59,291 - Here. That hurt? - Ow. 437 00:15:59,499 --> 00:16:00,500 Yes, a little. 438 00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:01,793 All right. Let's do this. 439 00:16:02,085 --> 00:16:03,253 Doggies or trucks? 440 00:16:03,336 --> 00:16:05,505 I don't deserve trucks. 441 00:16:06,506 --> 00:16:08,467 I'll be the judge of that. 442 00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:09,926 You deserve trucks. 443 00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:14,639 Damn. Anybody else get hit with a geode? 444 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:15,849 I got hit with a geode. 445 00:16:15,932 --> 00:16:17,726 Some dude stuck his fingers in my mouth. 446 00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:20,312 What is that? Is that like a desert power thing? 447 00:16:20,395 --> 00:16:22,081 When things started escalating, I just rolled up 448 00:16:22,105 --> 00:16:23,773 into a little ball like an armadillo. 449 00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:26,485 Fellas, can I get real for a second? 450 00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:30,530 I was thinking about Aly the entire time. 451 00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:34,659 This is one of her barrettes. 452 00:16:36,703 --> 00:16:38,371 You know, women use barrettes 453 00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:40,916 - to keep their hairs in different styles. - Yeah. 454 00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:43,543 And Aly uses this to pin her hair up when she's on duty. 455 00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:45,295 And I kept it. 456 00:16:45,378 --> 00:16:47,380 That's how pathetic I am. 457 00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:48,507 That's not pathetic. 458 00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:50,467 It's lovely. 459 00:16:51,092 --> 00:16:54,054 It reminds me of all my old lost loves. 460 00:16:54,679 --> 00:16:56,765 Yeah. Cece. 461 00:16:58,350 --> 00:16:59,476 Or my ex. 462 00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:01,645 She was a pill, 463 00:17:01,728 --> 00:17:04,064 but when she used to go to second base on me, 464 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:06,650 she was like Joe Morgan. 465 00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:11,071 You know, a lot of people don't know this, 466 00:17:11,154 --> 00:17:15,033 but, uh, Aly's full name is Alison. 467 00:17:16,743 --> 00:17:19,371 I like to imagine that she was named after the song. 468 00:17:19,454 --> 00:17:21,331 Alison. 469 00:17:22,582 --> 00:17:24,960 I know this world. 470 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,587 Is killing you. 471 00:17:27,754 --> 00:17:30,882 Alison. 472 00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:32,509 Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. 473 00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:36,346 My aim is true. 474 00:17:36,471 --> 00:17:38,265 Sorry I got us into this, Nick. 475 00:17:38,473 --> 00:17:39,724 I was useless out there. 476 00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:41,101 I didn't even get one punch in. 477 00:17:41,184 --> 00:17:42,824 That's not true. You hit me a little bit. 478 00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:44,479 I got my ass whomped out there. 479 00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:46,940 Got whomped up and down the road. 480 00:17:47,023 --> 00:17:48,942 - What's whomp? - Like a whomp-down. 481 00:17:49,192 --> 00:17:50,735 - Oh, whooped? - Whomped. 482 00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:51,963 Are you talking about getting beat up? 483 00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:53,405 - Yes. - Whooped. 484 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:54,739 I got this calendar bod, 485 00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,366 but it doesn't hold up in battle. 486 00:17:56,491 --> 00:17:57,868 Look, it's 2016. 487 00:17:57,951 --> 00:17:59,828 She's not looking for a strong husband. 488 00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:02,038 That… No, that's not what I was gonna… 489 00:18:02,122 --> 00:18:03,642 That's not where I was going with this. 490 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:06,418 I'm getting married, Nick. 491 00:18:06,501 --> 00:18:08,170 How am I going to defend Cece? 492 00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:10,213 She deserves the best husband in the world, 493 00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:13,008 and what if I don't have what it takes? 494 00:18:13,091 --> 00:18:17,095 Of course you have what it takes to be a modern husband. 495 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:20,199 Do you have what it takes to be a husband of the old world? 496 00:18:20,223 --> 00:18:21,391 God, no. 497 00:18:21,933 --> 00:18:23,935 They would use you as a pelt. 498 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,897 Today, you fought, kinda. 499 00:18:27,814 --> 00:18:29,250 You're gonna make a great husband to Cece. 500 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:30,817 - How do you know? - Because I know. 501 00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,652 - Because why? - Because. 502 00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:34,571 Look what happened here today. Because why? 503 00:18:34,654 --> 00:18:36,948 Because… Ever since I've known you, you've been there. 504 00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,366 Okay, you're always there. 505 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,911 Even when I don't want you there, you're there. 506 00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:43,038 That's what a husband does. 507 00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:45,499 You fight for me. That's what a husband does. 508 00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:46,833 You care about what I eat. 509 00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:48,418 That's what a husband does. 510 00:18:48,835 --> 00:18:50,438 You've cooked for me, even when I don't ask. 511 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:51,963 That's what a husband does. 512 00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:54,407 When I pass out, you comb my hair so there's no knots in it. 513 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:55,592 That's what a husband does. 514 00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:56,760 So, guess what. 515 00:18:56,843 --> 00:18:58,970 You're gonna be a great husband to Cece because 516 00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:01,348 you're a great husband to me. 517 00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:03,016 So that's how I know. 518 00:19:03,099 --> 00:19:04,285 You're, you're like my husband. 519 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:05,685 You're like my wife, but… 520 00:19:05,769 --> 00:19:07,646 Yeah, so that's how I know. 521 00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:12,150 Thanks for saying that, man. 522 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,443 Yeah, man. 523 00:19:33,588 --> 00:19:35,423 I need this to be done, okay? 524 00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:38,301 Well, you can't take it back. I heard you say it, Nick. 525 00:19:38,593 --> 00:19:40,679 Hey, hey, hey. What you guys up to? 526 00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:42,639 We're pouring out one for our lost loves. 527 00:19:42,806 --> 00:19:45,225 Good-bye, unrequited love for Aly. 528 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:48,645 May I now heal and… and move forward. 529 00:19:48,728 --> 00:19:50,230 I'm proud of you, man. 530 00:19:50,313 --> 00:19:52,983 And as a gift, I'm gonna give you your own property back. 531 00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:55,318 You don't have to do that. I mean, it's not… 532 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:56,820 I don't really need it, but… 533 00:19:57,445 --> 00:19:58,697 Whoa. 534 00:20:01,032 --> 00:20:02,409 Aly is single. 535 00:20:03,743 --> 00:20:05,370 - Aly is single! - Nice! 536 00:20:05,453 --> 00:20:06,663 - Hey. - Hey. 537 00:20:06,746 --> 00:20:08,182 Okay, so are you gonna tell her how you feel? 538 00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:09,446 I don't know. I don't know, uh, 539 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:11,310 I don't know, I mean, what if she doesn't like me back? 540 00:20:11,334 --> 00:20:12,395 What if I'm not good enough for her? 541 00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:13,712 What if I can't bear her sons? 542 00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:15,022 You have to try. Look, I didn't think 543 00:20:15,046 --> 00:20:16,607 - I was good enough for Cece. - You aren't. 544 00:20:16,631 --> 00:20:18,443 Winston, I don't know how this is going to work out, 545 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,427 but you need to know that you're good enough. 546 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,304 You got a heart of gold. 547 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:23,847 You got a smile that… 548 00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,660 He's been having some really nice moments today 549 00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:28,744 and then kind of freaking out. 550 00:20:28,768 --> 00:20:29,769 You son of a bitch! 551 00:20:29,936 --> 00:20:31,706 So, what, you guys think I should tell her how I feel? 552 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,232 Yes. You absolutely should. Let's go now. 553 00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:35,418 What about your bachelor party? 554 00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:36,562 Who could want anything more 555 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,171 from a bachelor party than their best friend 556 00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:40,822 - telling him that they love him. - No. For real? You said that? 557 00:20:40,947 --> 00:20:42,550 I didn't tell him that I love him. Let's be clear about that. 558 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:43,867 - I missed that? - You know what? 559 00:20:43,950 --> 00:20:46,536 I'm gonna tell Cece how I feel about her. I'm gonna get her back. 560 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,663 - You do that, bud… wait, wait. - What? 561 00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:50,933 You guys go on ahead without me. I'm gonna hang back here 562 00:20:50,957 --> 00:20:52,876 for another round with my desert queen. 563 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,630 Besides, there's nothing for me in the city. 564 00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:58,315 Wait a second. Don't you have two kids? 565 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,592 Yeah. I'll be back Sunday. 566 00:21:00,675 --> 00:21:01,944 I got to pick them up from swim camp. 567 00:21:01,968 --> 00:21:03,136 Good luck, fellas. 568 00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:15,565 We should go now. Let's do it. 569 00:21:16,399 --> 00:21:17,943 - We're men. - Men! 570 00:21:18,026 --> 00:21:19,319 - Let's ride. - Let's ride. 571 00:21:19,402 --> 00:21:20,695 - Let's ride. - Let's ride. 572 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,050 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. I'm good. 573 00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:26,159 - Men. We're men. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit, sit, sit. 574 00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:28,453 I've got the eye of the tiger. 575 00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:29,746 A fighter. 576 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:31,248 Best bachelor party ever, Nick! 577 00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:32,332 What's that, man? 578 00:21:32,415 --> 00:21:33,583 - What? - What? 579 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:34,835 - What? - I didn't hear you. 580 00:21:34,918 --> 00:21:36,198 - All right. - I didn't hear you. 581 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,921 Yeah. Yeah, man. 582 00:21:38,004 --> 00:21:39,256 Yeah, man. Yeah, man.