1 00:00:03,354 --> 00:00:04,897 - Road trip! - See you guys. 2 00:00:04,980 --> 00:00:06,899 - Have a good time. - Let's go. 3 00:00:06,982 --> 00:00:08,043 We're just gonna have a chill day in. 4 00:00:08,067 --> 00:00:10,069 - Road trip! - Yeah! 5 00:00:10,152 --> 00:00:11,945 I said, "Chill day in", 6 00:00:12,988 --> 00:00:15,699 but did I mean it? 7 00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,344 Wait, I thought we were having a chill day. 8 00:00:17,368 --> 00:00:18,869 Oh… we are… 9 00:00:18,994 --> 00:00:21,705 - Oh, good. - Not. Welcome to 10 00:00:21,830 --> 00:00:23,916 your bachelorette party 2.0. 11 00:00:23,999 --> 00:00:26,460 - I got… the nail polish. - Mm. 12 00:00:26,543 --> 00:00:28,504 - I got comfy socks. - Okay. 13 00:00:28,587 --> 00:00:32,424 I have Canadian Broadcast Television's 1985 masterpiece, 14 00:00:32,508 --> 00:00:34,426 Anne of Green Gables. 15 00:00:34,510 --> 00:00:36,428 - Good ol' A.G.G. - But, oh, wait 16 00:00:36,512 --> 00:00:40,307 who invited this little green chimney? 17 00:00:41,225 --> 00:00:43,018 - I-it's a bong. - Yeah. 18 00:00:43,102 --> 00:00:46,855 Oh, scoot, once every 10 years, Jessica Day likes to partake 19 00:00:46,939 --> 00:00:50,109 in what the Native Americans call cannabis. 20 00:00:50,192 --> 00:00:52,236 - That's Latin. - I like to call it Giggle Dirt. 21 00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:54,029 You know, we really don't have to do this, 22 00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,323 because every time you smoke weed you almost die. 23 00:00:56,448 --> 00:00:59,034 I'm gonna Jackass into these melons! 24 00:00:59,118 --> 00:01:00,244 Ah… 25 00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:01,870 Ah… 26 00:01:01,954 --> 00:01:03,872 Return of the mack. 27 00:01:03,956 --> 00:01:06,333 Oh, my God -Return of high Jess. 28 00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:08,460 Here I am -Return of high Jess. 29 00:01:08,544 --> 00:01:09,545 Once again. 30 00:01:09,628 --> 00:01:11,672 Return of the mack. 31 00:01:11,755 --> 00:01:13,048 Top of the world. 32 00:01:13,132 --> 00:01:14,526 Return of the mack, watch my flow… 33 00:01:14,550 --> 00:01:15,926 Anne Shirley 34 00:01:17,970 --> 00:01:19,346 what in heck are you doing? 35 00:01:20,973 --> 00:01:22,474 Fishing for lake trout. 36 00:01:22,558 --> 00:01:23,892 - Hey. - Hmm? 37 00:01:23,976 --> 00:01:25,853 - For lake trout? - Remember Coach? 38 00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:29,023 Oh, yeah. 39 00:01:29,106 --> 00:01:30,441 Where is he? 40 00:01:34,778 --> 00:01:36,947 Anne, wait, wait a minute. 41 00:01:37,031 --> 00:01:38,391 I was just down at the post office 42 00:01:38,449 --> 00:01:39,676 - to see if the Queens results… - Like, why 43 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:40,993 like, why 44 00:01:41,076 --> 00:01:43,120 like why are Gilbert's lips so sexual? 45 00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:46,623 Wait a minute, you ninny, we tied for first place, 46 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:47,958 - you and I. - Man, I… 47 00:01:48,042 --> 00:01:50,294 I-I love Schmidt, you know I love Schmidt, 48 00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:52,713 but I would throw it all away for Gilbert. 49 00:01:52,796 --> 00:01:55,132 I would just ruin my life to that boy. 50 00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:56,925 I'm just sorry you had to share it with me. 51 00:01:57,009 --> 00:01:58,927 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 52 00:01:59,011 --> 00:02:00,012 Wait a minute. 53 00:02:00,095 --> 00:02:04,183 The very fact that socks exist is proof that shoes don't work. 54 00:02:04,266 --> 00:02:07,811 Oh, my God, I… my hearing is, like, so good without my glasses on. 55 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,146 I'm, like 56 00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:11,732 a super hear-o. 57 00:02:11,815 --> 00:02:14,943 Just… eating up sounds with my ear mouths. 58 00:02:15,027 --> 00:02:16,528 Oh, my God, oh, my God, 59 00:02:16,612 --> 00:02:18,113 oh, my God, oh, my God. 60 00:02:18,197 --> 00:02:21,450 Oh, my God, wait till you try that. 61 00:02:21,533 --> 00:02:23,410 - Okay. - Put them on. 62 00:02:23,494 --> 00:02:26,538 It's like my hearing is, like, what a dog hears. 63 00:02:26,622 --> 00:02:28,248 And I was calmlywaiting for it. 64 00:02:28,332 --> 00:02:30,542 I can hear the TV. 65 00:02:30,626 --> 00:02:32,252 I can hear the TV. 66 00:02:32,336 --> 00:02:33,337 I can hear the TV. 67 00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:34,963 Man. 68 00:02:35,047 --> 00:02:36,173 Oh, my God. 69 00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:37,484 Okay, this stuff is really strong. 70 00:02:37,508 --> 00:02:41,261 - Where did you get it? - I know people 71 00:02:41,345 --> 00:02:43,055 through you. 72 00:02:43,138 --> 00:02:46,684 So, it's just gonna be me and Cece, uh, but I want to, 73 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,560 you know, throw a little 74 00:02:48,644 --> 00:02:50,444 gasoline on the fire, if you know what I mean. 75 00:02:50,521 --> 00:02:55,067 I have Russian nesting doll. Uh-oh. 76 00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:56,985 It's grenade. 77 00:02:57,069 --> 00:02:59,905 Just looking for a little weed, Nadia. 78 00:02:59,988 --> 00:03:02,228 And what the heck, throw in that bag of kettle corn, too. 79 00:03:10,374 --> 00:03:13,001 Oh, scoot! You got me a stripper? 80 00:03:13,085 --> 00:03:14,270 So, uh, you want me to sign my package, or… 81 00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:17,131 Wait, I think he's just a… A man 82 00:03:17,214 --> 00:03:20,092 trying to do my job for the U.S. Postal Service, not a stripper. 83 00:03:20,175 --> 00:03:21,301 Yes, I dance. 84 00:03:21,385 --> 00:03:23,220 Yes, I'm sexy, 85 00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:24,364 but I don't do it professionally. 86 00:03:24,388 --> 00:03:25,865 Now, could you please just sign here? 87 00:03:25,889 --> 00:03:27,307 Your calves look like a snake 88 00:03:27,391 --> 00:03:28,952 swallowed a bag of ropes. You know that, right? 89 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,395 I'm sorry for my friend objectifying you, 90 00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:34,815 but in her defense, you are fine as hell. 91 00:03:34,898 --> 00:03:36,233 Fine as hell! 92 00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:38,253 I know you're not a stripper, but is there any way you could 93 00:03:38,277 --> 00:03:39,337 just take your short pants off? 94 00:03:39,361 --> 00:03:41,405 - Mm-hmm. - Have a nice day. 95 00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,728 - Om, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. - Nom, nom, nom. 96 00:03:43,782 --> 00:03:45,200 - Sorry. - Very sorry. 97 00:03:45,284 --> 00:03:46,803 - Sorry, sorry. - But we are not sorry about that. 98 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,627 - Keep walking away there! - Oh, keep… slow 99 00:03:48,704 --> 00:03:50,289 it down there for a second. 100 00:03:50,372 --> 00:03:52,499 - Ay-ay-ay. - Ooh… 101 00:03:53,792 --> 00:03:55,544 - Smack that! Sorry. - Ooh. 102 00:03:57,921 --> 00:04:00,758 I think this is a gift from our registry. 103 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,259 Wait, don't open it! 104 00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:05,929 What if I-inside of it is us, but we're older? 105 00:04:06,055 --> 00:04:07,848 I've no clue what this is. 106 00:04:07,931 --> 00:04:10,142 You know, Schmidt handled everything from the registry. 107 00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:12,519 Crockpot! 108 00:04:12,603 --> 00:04:13,771 Kettle, kettle! 109 00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,731 Espresso maker! Trivet! 110 00:04:15,814 --> 00:04:17,316 Melon baller! 111 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:21,070 It's a bread maker? 112 00:04:21,153 --> 00:04:23,655 From… oh, from Schmidt's mom. 113 00:04:23,739 --> 00:04:27,451 "Cece, this bread maker couldn't be easier to use." 114 00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,078 "It has one button." 115 00:04:29,161 --> 00:04:31,330 "Even you can do it with a few tries." 116 00:04:31,413 --> 00:04:34,291 "Ha, ha, Louise." 117 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,460 What does that mean? 118 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,254 - Oh, no. - She… 119 00:04:39,338 --> 00:04:41,090 Oh, no! 120 00:04:41,173 --> 00:04:44,843 I mean, is she trying to say that I can't even push one button? 121 00:04:44,968 --> 00:04:48,972 She doesn't think that I can take care of her precious, little boy. 122 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,200 She doesn't like that Schmidt does 123 00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:51,326 - all the cooking… - Hold up, 124 00:04:51,350 --> 00:04:53,894 hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. 125 00:04:53,977 --> 00:04:57,356 This simple bitch wants you to be some kind of 126 00:04:57,439 --> 00:05:00,275 June Cleaver, Betty Draper, Carol Brady wifey? 127 00:05:00,359 --> 00:05:02,403 - Mm-mm. Uh-huh. - It is the 21st century! 128 00:05:02,486 --> 00:05:03,821 Fifth generation feminism! 129 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,406 - Keep going. - Work-life balance! 130 00:05:05,489 --> 00:05:06,865 - We need to rise up. - Yeah! 131 00:05:06,949 --> 00:05:09,493 22% less pay for the same job? 132 00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:10,703 Don't tell me what to wax! 133 00:05:10,786 --> 00:05:12,287 Sideburn where my thigh turn. 134 00:05:12,371 --> 00:05:13,890 You know what we need to do to this thing? 135 00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:16,709 Bake bread in it! Wait, wait, wait! 136 00:05:16,792 --> 00:05:17,793 What, what? 137 00:05:20,212 --> 00:05:23,257 - You'll do a lot more damage with this. - This is why I love you. 138 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:27,344 Homemade bread's for Europeans! 139 00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:29,179 - That's right! - Yeah! U.S.A.! 140 00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:32,057 U.S.A.! U.S.A.! 141 00:05:32,141 --> 00:05:35,227 Oh, my God, I just realized some day I'm gonna have 142 00:05:35,310 --> 00:05:38,022 to speak at my mother's funeral. 143 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:39,398 Wow. 144 00:05:39,481 --> 00:05:41,859 - U.S.A.! - U.S.A.! 145 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,027 U.S.A.! U.S.A.! 146 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,361 Oh, wait… hey! 147 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,214 We're coming up on the rental place right now. 148 00:05:46,238 --> 00:05:49,616 I just got an e-mail notification that our first wedding gift has arrived. 149 00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:51,035 Oh, y-you did? 150 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:52,369 Spoiler alert, 151 00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,621 - it's a bread maker. - Bread maker. 152 00:05:54,705 --> 00:05:57,308 Cece, do me a favor and bring it inside. It's in the hallway right now. 153 00:05:57,332 --> 00:05:59,626 Yeah, I'll-I'll go… I'll go get the… the bread maker 154 00:05:59,710 --> 00:06:02,629 and bring it inside, in one piece, safe and sound. 155 00:06:02,713 --> 00:06:03,815 I love you so much, I got to go. 156 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:05,382 Bread maker! 157 00:06:07,259 --> 00:06:11,013 This was shipped like this so we are gonna need a new one. 158 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,723 You obviously broke this yourself. 159 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,475 Uh. 160 00:06:14,558 --> 00:06:16,977 - You obviously broke it yourself. - Yup. 161 00:06:17,061 --> 00:06:18,187 No. 162 00:06:18,270 --> 00:06:19,456 You crushed it with your mind. 163 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,874 - Okay, you're calling me a witch? - No, no, no, 164 00:06:20,898 --> 00:06:23,317 a sorceress, a sorceress. 165 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,611 You just have magical powers, you don't like… 166 00:06:25,694 --> 00:06:27,279 I don't know how I can help you today. 167 00:06:27,363 --> 00:06:29,341 It's like that episode of… remember that episode? 168 00:06:29,365 --> 00:06:31,450 - Yeah. - Of that… yeah. 169 00:06:38,415 --> 00:06:41,293 - So… - Okay, so, like, um 170 00:06:41,377 --> 00:06:43,545 how-how much would it… would it be to replace it? 171 00:06:44,588 --> 00:06:46,507 It's $1,200. 172 00:06:49,385 --> 00:06:56,183 Is there a store in the mall that sells $1,200 for, like, $50? 173 00:06:59,603 --> 00:07:02,147 How is this thing so expensive? 174 00:07:02,231 --> 00:07:04,483 Aly! 175 00:07:04,566 --> 00:07:06,318 What are you doing here? 176 00:07:06,402 --> 00:07:08,070 Seriously? 177 00:07:08,153 --> 00:07:09,589 We just had this conversation outside the mall. 178 00:07:09,613 --> 00:07:10,698 - Hey. - Aly! 179 00:07:10,781 --> 00:07:12,324 What are you doing here? 180 00:07:12,408 --> 00:07:13,742 You don't… remember that? 181 00:07:13,826 --> 00:07:15,536 No, no, I do, I do. 182 00:07:15,619 --> 00:07:17,329 - You don't, do you? - I don't. 183 00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:19,665 - I don't. - I do. 184 00:07:19,790 --> 00:07:21,041 - Really? - No. 185 00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:23,335 - Okay. - It's Cece's bachelorette party. 186 00:07:23,419 --> 00:07:25,295 Yeah… 187 00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:27,256 It's Cece's bachelorette party. 188 00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:28,465 Oh, yeah. 189 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:29,675 - You do remember it? - No. 190 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,719 - Don't remember it? Anyway… - Mm-mm. 191 00:07:31,802 --> 00:07:34,972 This is my super present boyfriend, Tripp. 192 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:38,142 I'm sorry, he's dealing with a very important work crisis right now, 193 00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:41,770 since he's an agent for animal actors. 194 00:07:41,854 --> 00:07:44,773 Fine, fine! Hire Colonel Fantastic instead of Maurice. 195 00:07:44,857 --> 00:07:48,318 You want to walk onto Alfonso Cuarón's set and tell him that he lost his lead otter, 196 00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:49,737 be my-be my guest, okay. 197 00:07:49,820 --> 00:07:51,464 Who's gonna get her in the water with Naomi Watts? 198 00:07:51,488 --> 00:07:52,781 Colonel Fantastic? 199 00:07:52,865 --> 00:07:54,491 Yeah, right. 200 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,335 It's my fifth year anniversary of being a cop 201 00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,537 and he's supposed to make me dinner 202 00:07:58,620 --> 00:08:00,080 if he ever gets off the phone. 203 00:08:00,205 --> 00:08:03,208 Hey, babe, I need a left-handed spatula, okay? 204 00:08:03,292 --> 00:08:05,052 Don't tell me it's not a thing, it's a thing. 205 00:08:05,878 --> 00:08:07,796 Soul mates do exist. 206 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,798 What a wang. 207 00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:13,218 - You know what? - Hmm? 208 00:08:13,302 --> 00:08:15,971 I'm gonna tell Aly that Winston's in love with her! 209 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,598 No, Winston would kill you. 210 00:08:17,681 --> 00:08:20,809 Okay, I'll just text Winston and I'll get him up to speed 211 00:08:20,893 --> 00:08:22,019 on Aly and Tripp. 212 00:08:24,688 --> 00:08:27,191 Nailed it. 213 00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,360 Excuse me, are you actually gonna buy something? 214 00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:32,029 Yeah, we need to buy another bread maker, 215 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,406 'cause you claim we "destroyed" this one "with a stick." 216 00:08:34,490 --> 00:08:36,170 I never said stick and we're out of stock. 217 00:08:36,241 --> 00:08:37,826 Well, maybe that's what you said. 218 00:08:37,910 --> 00:08:39,620 You destroyed this thing with the stock. 219 00:08:39,703 --> 00:08:41,623 Is that what you did? You beat this with a stick? 220 00:08:41,705 --> 00:08:43,832 No, I didn't, I said you said 221 00:08:43,916 --> 00:08:45,626 - you said stick. - But I didn't say stick. 222 00:08:45,709 --> 00:08:47,479 I never said stick. I don't even have a stick. 223 00:08:47,503 --> 00:08:48,921 I live downtown. 224 00:08:49,004 --> 00:08:50,756 Well, we're-we're out of stock, so… 225 00:08:50,839 --> 00:08:51,900 But you-you have one right there. 226 00:08:51,924 --> 00:08:54,259 Oh… that's the floor model. 227 00:08:54,343 --> 00:08:55,487 - Can't sell the floor model. - Yes, you 228 00:08:55,511 --> 00:08:57,221 - it's right there. - It's right there. 229 00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:58,448 We need it to sell other bread makers. 230 00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:01,392 You just said you don't have other bread makers. 231 00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:03,394 - I don't make the rules. - Who makes the rules? 232 00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:05,229 Derek. 233 00:09:06,689 --> 00:09:07,916 - Definitely too high… - No, I cannot deal 234 00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:10,401 - to talk to Derek. - With Derek right now. 235 00:09:11,902 --> 00:09:13,862 Okay, I have a really good plan, all right? 236 00:09:13,946 --> 00:09:16,198 We just leave this here 237 00:09:16,281 --> 00:09:17,866 and then we go do something different. 238 00:09:17,950 --> 00:09:19,868 Jessica, that is the first thing 239 00:09:19,952 --> 00:09:22,204 that Schmidt and I own together and I ruined it. 240 00:09:22,287 --> 00:09:23,539 I have to do something. 241 00:09:23,622 --> 00:09:25,499 I have to replace it. 242 00:09:25,582 --> 00:09:28,544 Okay. 243 00:09:37,094 --> 00:09:39,096 Feel like baking love. 244 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,766 Feel like baking love. 245 00:09:45,978 --> 00:09:50,024 - What? - How does it know we're here? 246 00:09:50,107 --> 00:09:52,568 Feel like baking love… 247 00:09:52,651 --> 00:09:53,902 - What's happening? - Feel like. 248 00:09:53,986 --> 00:09:55,487 F-feel like baking. 249 00:09:55,571 --> 00:09:58,115 Feel like baking love. 250 00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,450 Psst! Hey… 251 00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:02,119 Feel like baking love Feel like-feel like. 252 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,996 Snap out of it, snap out of it. 253 00:10:04,079 --> 00:10:05,789 Feel like baking love, feel like. 254 00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:08,459 - Get down. Snap out of it. - Feel like… feel like baking love. 255 00:10:12,796 --> 00:10:15,215 Get this puppy… 256 00:10:27,811 --> 00:10:29,146 Feel like baking love. 257 00:10:31,357 --> 00:10:33,150 Should we get snacks? 258 00:10:34,943 --> 00:10:37,654 Feel like baking love. 259 00:10:39,198 --> 00:10:41,492 Feel like baking love. 260 00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:42,743 Feel like baking love. 261 00:10:42,826 --> 00:10:44,411 Go, go! 262 00:10:45,621 --> 00:10:47,873 No, he won't wear glasses. 263 00:10:47,956 --> 00:10:51,085 Uh, because he's not a library owl, he's a horror movie owl. 264 00:10:51,168 --> 00:10:52,586 Look, 265 00:10:52,669 --> 00:10:54,546 we're gonna do your cop dinner thing tomorrow. 266 00:10:56,048 --> 00:10:57,817 Yeah, this is just how I wanted to celebrate a major milestone. 267 00:10:57,841 --> 00:10:59,676 What's happening there? 268 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:00,928 Forget it, okay? Just go. 269 00:11:01,011 --> 00:11:02,054 And I hope your owl 270 00:11:02,137 --> 00:11:03,722 chokes on a mouse. 271 00:11:03,806 --> 00:11:06,183 That is so mean. 272 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,351 I've seen that happen. 273 00:11:08,686 --> 00:11:10,187 Did they just break up? 274 00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:11,522 This is huge for Winston. 275 00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,941 What are you… what… Hey, Jess, move. 276 00:11:14,024 --> 00:11:15,359 Jess, move, come on. Keep moving. 277 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,361 Keep moving, keep moving, keep moving. 278 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,589 Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. 279 00:11:19,613 --> 00:11:20,698 Almost there, almost there. 280 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,783 - Ugh. Tripp just took off. - Oh! 281 00:11:22,866 --> 00:11:25,786 What, uh… are… what are you guys doing? 282 00:11:25,869 --> 00:11:27,472 - Nothing. - Do you need help with that box? 283 00:11:27,496 --> 00:11:28,539 - Nope. - No, we're good. 284 00:11:28,622 --> 00:11:30,767 - It looks heavy, I can help you. - No, you don't want to get involved, 285 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:31,976 - trust me. - Please, don't make me say it. 286 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,752 Fine, I'll say it. 287 00:11:33,836 --> 00:11:36,630 I don't really want to be alone right now, and so 288 00:11:36,714 --> 00:11:39,216 can I please just… like, come help you guys 289 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:40,384 make bread or whatever? 290 00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:41,802 Aw, of course, yeah. Let's go. 291 00:11:41,885 --> 00:11:43,029 Got to go quickly, got to go quickly. 292 00:11:43,053 --> 00:11:45,764 - Yeah, yeah, let's go, let's go. - Did you trash the display? 293 00:11:45,848 --> 00:11:49,435 - Is that a stolen floor model? - Back off! 294 00:11:49,518 --> 00:11:51,729 Do these ladies look like shoplifters to you? 295 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,816 Oh, no. 296 00:11:55,899 --> 00:11:57,151 What are you doing? 297 00:11:57,234 --> 00:11:58,628 This isn't how you handcuff people. 298 00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:00,654 It's mall jail. I only have two handcuffs. 299 00:12:00,738 --> 00:12:02,614 - I'm an actual cop. - Yeah, right. 300 00:12:02,698 --> 00:12:03,824 I'm a cop! 301 00:12:03,907 --> 00:12:05,367 For the love of mack daddy, 302 00:12:05,451 --> 00:12:08,078 - why can't you be cool? - Shut it! You're in my house now. 303 00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:11,040 Calm down, sir, your house is clearly a lost and found. 304 00:12:11,123 --> 00:12:14,668 And it's all just baby shoes… and babies don't even need shoes. 305 00:12:14,752 --> 00:12:16,795 Why not put that money towards something worthwhile 306 00:12:16,879 --> 00:12:18,797 like a cute hat or a raincoat? 307 00:12:18,881 --> 00:12:22,843 A baby in a raincoat. It's like… just like a 308 00:12:22,926 --> 00:12:26,013 a little baby meteorologist. 309 00:12:26,096 --> 00:12:27,639 Hey, so, it's this simple, okay. 310 00:12:27,723 --> 00:12:28,867 We wanted to pay for the bread maker, 311 00:12:28,891 --> 00:12:31,643 but they wouldn't let us pay for it because it was a floor model, 312 00:12:31,727 --> 00:12:33,354 - so we had a plan… - I don't care. 313 00:12:37,733 --> 00:12:40,486 Baby in a raincoat. 314 00:12:44,615 --> 00:12:47,076 This is bad, you guys. This is really bad! 315 00:12:47,159 --> 00:12:49,596 He's gonna call the real cops and I'm gonna be in so much trouble. 316 00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:51,288 I could lose my job, 317 00:12:51,372 --> 00:12:52,623 or worse 318 00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:55,250 they put me on train duty. 319 00:12:55,334 --> 00:12:57,294 I'm so sorry we got you in this situation, okay. 320 00:12:57,378 --> 00:12:59,004 I am so sorry, too. 321 00:12:59,088 --> 00:13:00,506 Okay, how do we get out of here? 322 00:13:00,589 --> 00:13:03,258 - How, how? Before the cops come. - Oh! 323 00:13:03,342 --> 00:13:06,637 Yes, okay, guys, here's how we get out of here. 324 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,847 We dress up in the clothes from the lost and found, 325 00:13:08,931 --> 00:13:10,849 and we start crying, 326 00:13:10,933 --> 00:13:13,686 and then he comes back in and he's like, "Where are the girls?" 327 00:13:13,769 --> 00:13:16,313 "This is just babies in here." 328 00:13:16,397 --> 00:13:17,815 You're incredibly high. 329 00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,733 No. 330 00:13:19,817 --> 00:13:21,276 - Yeah. - No. 331 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:22,903 - Mm-hmm. - No. No. 332 00:13:22,986 --> 00:13:24,321 - Yeah. - Who? 333 00:13:24,405 --> 00:13:25,406 - You. - You, babe. 334 00:13:25,531 --> 00:13:26,657 How did you know? 335 00:13:26,824 --> 00:13:28,504 Oh, I knew from the first second I saw you. 336 00:13:28,534 --> 00:13:29,868 Like, literally the first second. 337 00:13:29,952 --> 00:13:31,704 Okay, ideas, you, go. 338 00:13:31,787 --> 00:13:34,081 Oh, no, no, no, I am not giving you any ideas 339 00:13:34,164 --> 00:13:36,875 because it was my idea that got us into this mess 340 00:13:36,959 --> 00:13:38,127 in the first place. 341 00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:39,712 First… 342 00:13:39,795 --> 00:13:42,881 I bashed Schmidt's $1,200 bread maker. 343 00:13:42,965 --> 00:13:44,258 - $1,200? - Yeah. 344 00:13:44,341 --> 00:13:45,843 - For a bread maker? - I know. 345 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:48,220 That's a lot of dough. 346 00:13:50,431 --> 00:13:52,725 I'm trying to wink. Am I winking? 347 00:13:53,434 --> 00:13:56,770 Then I got my best friend here to commit a crime, 348 00:13:56,854 --> 00:13:59,690 and now you might have… train duty? 349 00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:02,276 It's like marathon duty but without the hot guys 350 00:14:02,359 --> 00:14:03,569 pooping their pants. 351 00:14:03,652 --> 00:14:04,945 What does that say about me 352 00:14:05,029 --> 00:14:08,532 if I can't even take care of a bread maker? 353 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:09,908 What if Louise was right? 354 00:14:09,992 --> 00:14:12,077 What if I can't take care of Schmidt? 355 00:14:12,161 --> 00:14:14,955 How can you say you don't take care of people? 356 00:14:15,039 --> 00:14:17,750 You've been taking care of me my entire life. 357 00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:19,585 You're fierce and you are strong, 358 00:14:19,668 --> 00:14:23,338 and you would stand up for anyone that you love. 359 00:14:23,422 --> 00:14:25,799 You're like a big, scary mama bear. 360 00:14:25,883 --> 00:14:28,177 I'm gonna Jackass into these melons! 361 00:14:29,595 --> 00:14:30,763 Ah… 362 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,978 I'm okay. 363 00:14:39,855 --> 00:14:42,191 You're my mama bear, girl. 364 00:14:42,274 --> 00:14:43,776 Oh… 365 00:14:44,777 --> 00:14:47,613 I wish I had someone in my life who cared about me the way 366 00:14:47,696 --> 00:14:48,882 you guys care about each other. 367 00:14:48,906 --> 00:14:51,700 Oh, don't. 368 00:14:51,784 --> 00:14:53,410 - You do. - I just… I've been a cop 369 00:14:53,494 --> 00:14:55,371 - for five years and… - You do. 370 00:14:55,454 --> 00:14:56,497 Jessica! 371 00:14:56,580 --> 00:14:57,640 I just wanted to celebrate it. 372 00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,625 But then Tripp had to leave 373 00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:01,210 to meet an owl for sushi. 374 00:15:01,919 --> 00:15:05,839 An owl he sent a basket of mice to at Christmas, who 375 00:15:05,923 --> 00:15:07,841 I'm pretty sure has a nicer house than me. 376 00:15:07,925 --> 00:15:09,551 Let me tell her… please! 377 00:15:09,635 --> 00:15:10,835 I'll blame it on being stoned. 378 00:15:10,886 --> 00:15:13,639 Stoned? You're stoned? 379 00:15:13,722 --> 00:15:14,973 That makes this a drug case. 380 00:15:15,057 --> 00:15:17,217 Okay, yeah, you have no idea what you're talking about. 381 00:15:17,309 --> 00:15:18,828 - Wait, no, I made a mistake. - You better get 382 00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:21,939 comfortable, you're gonna be here for a long time, lady! 383 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:25,609 - A long time! - Oh, you little 384 00:15:25,693 --> 00:15:26,985 power trip 385 00:15:27,069 --> 00:15:28,362 trash guard! 386 00:15:28,445 --> 00:15:29,446 You know what? 387 00:15:29,530 --> 00:15:31,240 This is over! 388 00:15:31,323 --> 00:15:33,992 The only way you are gonna get to her 389 00:15:34,076 --> 00:15:35,869 is if you go through me, 390 00:15:35,953 --> 00:15:40,332 and you are not getting through me. 391 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:45,671 Mama bear. 392 00:15:45,754 --> 00:15:47,965 Oh… 393 00:15:50,259 --> 00:15:52,469 Oh, don't do that. No… 394 00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:57,850 Hey, no! No, no, no! 395 00:15:57,933 --> 00:16:00,477 I have a system. 396 00:16:04,481 --> 00:16:06,233 No, please. 397 00:16:06,316 --> 00:16:08,068 The shoes. 398 00:16:08,152 --> 00:16:10,279 I had those all paired off. 399 00:16:11,363 --> 00:16:12,865 Run! 400 00:16:14,491 --> 00:16:15,826 No! 401 00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:17,161 What? 402 00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:19,830 Hey, no, wait! No! 403 00:16:25,335 --> 00:16:26,712 Mama bear! 404 00:16:26,795 --> 00:16:28,714 That was freaking awesome! 405 00:16:28,797 --> 00:16:30,299 Aly, Winston has a crush on you! 406 00:16:30,382 --> 00:16:32,217 What? 407 00:16:32,301 --> 00:16:33,903 - Return of the mack - Bishop has a crush on me? 408 00:16:33,927 --> 00:16:34,970 - Up and down… - Run! 409 00:16:39,475 --> 00:16:41,977 Bishop has a crush on me? 410 00:16:42,061 --> 00:16:43,854 - Bishop? - Mm-hmm. 411 00:16:43,937 --> 00:16:45,314 No, I can't date my partner. 412 00:16:45,397 --> 00:16:46,899 Why not? He's the best guy! 413 00:16:46,982 --> 00:16:49,735 - And you broke up with what's-his-name. - What? No, I didn't. 414 00:16:49,818 --> 00:16:53,197 - Hmm? - No, Tripp and I are just in a fight. 415 00:16:55,407 --> 00:16:56,909 Ah. 416 00:16:56,992 --> 00:16:59,328 Interesting information. 417 00:16:59,411 --> 00:17:01,497 I… 418 00:17:01,580 --> 00:17:03,957 texted Winston and told him you were single. 419 00:17:04,041 --> 00:17:05,918 - What? - Oh… it's fine. 420 00:17:06,001 --> 00:17:07,336 They're in Las Vegas. 421 00:17:07,419 --> 00:17:08,754 They're 422 00:17:08,879 --> 00:17:12,841 stuffing coins into the underpanties of women. 423 00:17:16,387 --> 00:17:18,138 - Oh, my God! - What happened to you? 424 00:17:18,222 --> 00:17:19,932 We can't talk 425 00:17:20,015 --> 00:17:21,493 about it right now. We're here to help Winston with… 426 00:17:21,517 --> 00:17:23,036 Who did that to you? Where are they? I will kill them. 427 00:17:23,060 --> 00:17:24,269 Oh, uh 428 00:17:24,353 --> 00:17:26,355 truth be told, it was a child. 429 00:17:26,438 --> 00:17:27,564 - Uh, Aly. - Child? 430 00:17:27,648 --> 00:17:28,982 You're… you're here. 431 00:17:30,442 --> 00:17:34,279 - Uh, guys, you… you ready? - Winston. 432 00:17:34,363 --> 00:17:36,007 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait. - No… no. 433 00:17:36,031 --> 00:17:37,116 - Mm-mm, no. - Trust me. 434 00:17:37,199 --> 00:17:38,742 - Mm-mm, mm-mm. - Don't. Mm-mm. 435 00:17:38,826 --> 00:17:42,162 Alison. 436 00:17:42,246 --> 00:17:44,957 Aly, um, look, I really like you, 437 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:46,959 and, um 438 00:17:47,042 --> 00:17:49,042 look, I know you just broke up with your boyfriend, 439 00:17:49,086 --> 00:17:50,587 but… whenever you're ready, 440 00:17:50,671 --> 00:17:52,756 I'd like to take you on a date. 441 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,008 A real date, you know, with food, and music… 442 00:17:55,092 --> 00:17:56,385 Bishop, I didn't… 443 00:17:56,468 --> 00:17:58,846 I didn't break up with him. 444 00:17:58,971 --> 00:18:01,098 Oh, you've got a husband now. 445 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:03,726 We didn't break up. 446 00:18:03,809 --> 00:18:05,686 I'm sorry, uh… 447 00:18:06,812 --> 00:18:09,606 - Jess said… - There was a miscommunication. 448 00:18:10,649 --> 00:18:12,526 It wasn't really me. 449 00:18:12,609 --> 00:18:14,111 It was high Jess. 450 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:15,571 I missed high Jess? 451 00:18:15,654 --> 00:18:17,114 Now I have to wait another 10 years? 452 00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:18,800 I can't take it anymore. I just have to say something. 453 00:18:18,824 --> 00:18:21,952 Cece, I'm still in love with you, all right? Don't marry Schmidt. 454 00:18:22,036 --> 00:18:23,847 That's a big mistake, all right? You run away with me… 455 00:18:23,871 --> 00:18:25,223 - Not now, Robby. - Honestly, stop. 456 00:18:25,247 --> 00:18:27,058 - Now's not the time, Robby. - Okay, it makes sense, I… 457 00:18:27,082 --> 00:18:28,893 I've been in this apartment before, I'm certain of it. 458 00:18:28,917 --> 00:18:30,169 It was 1972. 459 00:18:30,252 --> 00:18:33,130 Gore Vidal, Linda Lavin, and I were all drunk 460 00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,007 on white port and cough syrup… 461 00:18:35,090 --> 00:18:37,217 Guys, quiet, please, I just… 462 00:18:37,301 --> 00:18:39,219 I need to talk to Bishop for a second. 463 00:18:39,303 --> 00:18:41,722 I'm so sorry about this. 464 00:18:43,140 --> 00:18:45,809 That song was nice. 465 00:18:45,893 --> 00:18:49,396 Um… Aly is actually not short for Alison 466 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:50,647 but 467 00:18:50,731 --> 00:18:53,817 - it was really good effort. - Okay, cool, yeah, that's… 468 00:18:53,901 --> 00:18:55,694 I'm-I'm good. I'm good, um… 469 00:18:55,819 --> 00:18:58,030 Tripp, you know, he's a very lucky guy, 470 00:18:58,113 --> 00:19:00,113 very lucky guy, but I'm fine. Don't worry about me. 471 00:19:00,157 --> 00:19:01,367 I'm just gonna go to my room 472 00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:03,452 and try to shove my face through a heating grate. 473 00:19:04,870 --> 00:19:07,206 Yeah, Jess, I will deal with you in the morning. 474 00:19:07,289 --> 00:19:09,458 You know what my Grammy always said, 475 00:19:09,541 --> 00:19:15,297 "Why put off for tomorrow-day, what you could say, nnn… today-day?" 476 00:19:17,299 --> 00:19:18,425 Yeah. 477 00:19:18,509 --> 00:19:20,010 Oh, Aly, um… 478 00:19:20,094 --> 00:19:21,804 Happy Copiversary. 479 00:19:22,763 --> 00:19:26,016 You've been a cop five years today, and I know how much that means to you, 480 00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:27,893 so. 481 00:19:28,018 --> 00:19:31,313 Congratulations, I am very proud of you. 482 00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:33,982 Oh, my… Wait, Winston. 483 00:19:34,066 --> 00:19:37,111 Uh, something told me not to go with copiversary. 484 00:19:37,194 --> 00:19:39,905 My first choice, though, was Police Navidad. 485 00:19:39,988 --> 00:19:41,740 No, I just… 486 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,284 You remembered. 487 00:19:45,703 --> 00:19:47,287 Well, of course, I remembered. 488 00:19:47,371 --> 00:19:50,124 I mean, I'm your partner, why wouldn't I re… I mean, I… 489 00:20:04,096 --> 00:20:05,222 Thank you. 490 00:20:09,226 --> 00:20:11,145 You! 491 00:20:22,156 --> 00:20:25,075 Welcome to Russian bachelorette party! 492 00:20:25,159 --> 00:20:26,719 - Oh, Nadia! - Nadia, you look stunning! 493 00:20:26,744 --> 00:20:28,954 - Praise Jesus! - Now, dance, now! 494 00:20:32,374 --> 00:20:34,168 Whoa. 495 00:20:39,548 --> 00:20:41,800 Dance! You dance now! 496 00:20:43,385 --> 00:20:45,387 All of you, you dance! 497 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:49,767 I think I'm over Cece. 498 00:20:49,850 --> 00:20:50,976 Who is that? 499 00:20:55,939 --> 00:20:58,901 I spank you, dirty Nick bastard! 500 00:20:58,984 --> 00:21:01,195 Shut up, monster! 501 00:21:01,278 --> 00:21:02,780 You hear me? 502 00:21:06,241 --> 00:21:07,576 Yeah! 503 00:21:10,245 --> 00:21:11,455 Yeah! 504 00:21:14,291 --> 00:21:16,335 This is the happiest I've been in my entire life. 505 00:21:16,418 --> 00:21:18,438 I mean, look at my feet. Can't you see how happy I am? 506 00:21:18,462 --> 00:21:21,006 Okay, you know I still technically have a boyfriend, right? 507 00:21:21,090 --> 00:21:22,174 Oh, it's cool, I'm married. 508 00:21:22,257 --> 00:21:23,300 What? 509 00:21:23,384 --> 00:21:24,718 Oh, don't worry, it was a prank. 510 00:21:24,802 --> 00:21:26,261 What? 511 00:21:26,887 --> 00:21:29,264 - Best man. - Maid of honor. 512 00:21:30,265 --> 00:21:32,976 Who gets first tattoo? 513 00:21:33,060 --> 00:21:34,186 No, thank you. 514 00:21:34,269 --> 00:21:35,979 I'll take a shamrock on my knuckle.