1 00:00:02,773 --> 00:00:04,316 - Here we go. - Peter. 2 00:00:04,399 --> 00:00:05,734 That's Sam's favorite male nurse. 3 00:00:05,817 --> 00:00:07,194 He's gotten him two years in a row 4 00:00:07,277 --> 00:00:10,364 for secret Santa, and last year, he got him $500, 5 00:00:10,447 --> 00:00:11,865 and this year, he got him crayons. 6 00:00:12,241 --> 00:00:13,617 All over the map, that Peter. 7 00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:15,536 So, when you get to Sam's birthday party, 8 00:00:15,619 --> 00:00:19,122 is the goal to impress his friends with how much you know about them 9 00:00:19,206 --> 00:00:20,207 or to terrify them? 10 00:00:20,290 --> 00:00:21,667 I just want them to like me. 11 00:00:21,750 --> 00:00:25,754 Finally, I feel like I'm in an adult relationship. He's a grown-up. 12 00:00:25,837 --> 00:00:27,482 Hey, Jess, heads up, I borrowed your towel. 13 00:00:27,506 --> 00:00:28,816 Use your own towel if you're gonna shower. 14 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:30,634 No, I didn't shower, I just sponged off. 15 00:00:30,717 --> 00:00:33,512 - Ew. - Ugh! That's even worse. 16 00:00:33,595 --> 00:00:35,635 You didn't even get clean before you used the towel. 17 00:00:35,681 --> 00:00:37,266 It's called a French whore's bath. 18 00:00:37,349 --> 00:00:38,993 You wouldn't make a dime as a French whore. 19 00:00:39,017 --> 00:00:40,137 You would make zero dollars. 20 00:00:40,185 --> 00:00:42,229 I'd make millions, millions. 21 00:00:42,312 --> 00:00:44,648 Bonjour. Croissant. Millions. 22 00:00:44,731 --> 00:00:46,400 - Definitely not. - No. 23 00:00:46,483 --> 00:00:47,563 That's disrespectful. Here. 24 00:00:48,694 --> 00:00:51,071 Happy Bird Day, Dr. Sam. 25 00:00:51,196 --> 00:00:53,073 Wow, you didn't have to do that. 26 00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:54,992 Did you say, "Bird Day"? 27 00:00:55,075 --> 00:00:56,595 You heard me. Well, you know, I figured 28 00:00:56,660 --> 00:00:58,537 Jess likes you, so I like you, too, man. 29 00:00:58,620 --> 00:00:59,913 Welcome to the family. 30 00:00:59,997 --> 00:01:01,415 Hey, look at that. 31 00:01:01,498 --> 00:01:04,126 It's a shirt with a whole lot of birds on it. 32 00:01:04,209 --> 00:01:05,711 - That's a bird shirt. - Bird shirt. 33 00:01:05,794 --> 00:01:07,546 What? Why? What's the… 34 00:01:07,629 --> 00:01:09,131 Ah, you know why. 35 00:01:09,631 --> 00:01:10,716 Cool shirt, dude. 36 00:01:15,596 --> 00:01:17,139 We're bird bros now. 37 00:01:17,222 --> 00:01:19,141 And check it out, you can wear it to the party. 38 00:01:19,224 --> 00:01:21,935 You know, nothing says, "This dude is dope," 39 00:01:22,019 --> 00:01:25,022 like a motherflippin' finch, am I right? 40 00:01:25,105 --> 00:01:28,066 Sam, I'm so sorry I won't be able to attend your party. 41 00:01:28,150 --> 00:01:29,193 I have wedding stuff. 42 00:01:29,276 --> 00:01:30,485 "Stuff"? 43 00:01:30,569 --> 00:01:31,570 Define "stuff." 44 00:01:31,653 --> 00:01:32,654 Things. 45 00:01:33,155 --> 00:01:34,156 Thank you. 46 00:01:34,781 --> 00:01:39,453 I'm so excited to meet your friends, including Dr. Garfinkel… 47 00:01:40,787 --> 00:01:42,456 Sam, I love the way you laugh. 48 00:01:42,539 --> 00:01:43,832 You never open your mouth. 49 00:01:43,916 --> 00:01:46,460 You're always like… 50 00:01:46,543 --> 00:01:47,878 I don't sound like that. 51 00:01:47,961 --> 00:01:49,880 No, you do. You just did it. 52 00:01:50,589 --> 00:01:53,258 Hey, you got to add a flash card. 53 00:01:53,342 --> 00:01:56,386 My friend Diane's coming. She's in town for a podiatry conference. 54 00:01:56,470 --> 00:01:57,930 She's a friend from med school. 55 00:01:58,013 --> 00:01:59,514 Oh, I've never heard you mention her. 56 00:01:59,598 --> 00:02:00,807 You guys close? 57 00:02:00,891 --> 00:02:02,517 - Diane! - Hi. 58 00:02:04,102 --> 00:02:05,854 They look close. 59 00:02:05,938 --> 00:02:08,273 - Hi! - It's so good to see you. 60 00:02:08,357 --> 00:02:09,816 So good to see you. 61 00:02:09,900 --> 00:02:11,860 Way too close. 62 00:02:20,786 --> 00:02:22,746 Hey, Schmidt, how many robots are too many robots? 63 00:02:22,788 --> 00:02:23,789 Hi, Nick. 64 00:02:24,373 --> 00:02:25,374 Gavin. 65 00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:28,978 What are you doing here? I thought you'd be at Sam's party. 66 00:02:29,002 --> 00:02:30,003 What's he doing here? 67 00:02:30,170 --> 00:02:32,965 Well, after the incident where my dad kissed… 68 00:02:33,048 --> 00:02:35,568 If you're gonna barf, just barf. It's not healthy to hold it in. 69 00:02:35,676 --> 00:02:38,053 Where my dad kissed Jess, 70 00:02:38,136 --> 00:02:41,390 there was an accidental pocket dial that actually went pretty well. 71 00:02:41,473 --> 00:02:44,017 He suggested some wine tasting for the wedding, 72 00:02:44,101 --> 00:02:45,644 and I said, "Why not?" 73 00:02:45,727 --> 00:02:47,771 You're just gonna drink alone with your dad? 74 00:02:47,855 --> 00:02:49,898 Join us, Nick, the Pinot from my vineyard 75 00:02:49,982 --> 00:02:51,108 is dynamite this year. 76 00:02:51,191 --> 00:02:54,194 It's gonna taste fantastic at my son's wedding in a factory. 77 00:02:54,278 --> 00:02:56,697 Gavin, it's actually a slaughterhouse, 78 00:02:56,780 --> 00:02:59,074 and you would know that if you were around more. 79 00:02:59,157 --> 00:03:01,451 Can I see you in my room for a second, please? 80 00:03:02,744 --> 00:03:05,455 Look, I know you don't trust my dad, but I'm happy that he's here. 81 00:03:05,539 --> 00:03:06,665 We're working through stuff. 82 00:03:06,748 --> 00:03:09,269 Wait, Schmidt, I want you to have a relationship with your father. 83 00:03:09,293 --> 00:03:13,297 I really do, but I've been down this road so many times. 84 00:03:14,214 --> 00:03:17,426 He just shows up out of the boo, and then all of a sudden expects… 85 00:03:17,509 --> 00:03:18,594 It's "blue," it's "blue." 86 00:03:18,677 --> 00:03:20,220 Well, thanks, Eye-stein. 87 00:03:20,846 --> 00:03:24,558 He shows you a great time, you get sucked in, 88 00:03:24,641 --> 00:03:26,935 then he disappears and breaks your heart, 89 00:03:27,019 --> 00:03:28,979 and I'm left to pick up the pieces. 90 00:03:29,062 --> 00:03:30,647 My dad's taking me to… 91 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,442 Miss Saigon tonight! 92 00:03:34,401 --> 00:03:35,485 And I'm not gonna get hurt. 93 00:03:35,652 --> 00:03:37,237 My dad never showed up. 94 00:03:37,321 --> 00:03:38,322 He didn't? 95 00:03:38,447 --> 00:03:39,865 It hurts so bad! 96 00:03:39,948 --> 00:03:41,366 You want a milkshake, cowboy? 97 00:03:43,118 --> 00:03:44,203 It's different now. 98 00:03:44,286 --> 00:03:45,495 I've heard that before. 99 00:03:45,579 --> 00:03:46,997 We're seeing Jersey Boys! 100 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:48,760 Wait, this is your dad we're talking about! 101 00:03:48,832 --> 00:03:50,167 And he's different now, Nick. 102 00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:52,836 He's the same! 103 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,320 I didn't have ice cream, so I just really shook up some milk. 104 00:03:55,672 --> 00:03:59,051 I'm older and I'm wiser, and I'm not gonna get sucked in. 105 00:03:59,134 --> 00:04:00,254 We're gonna taste some wine, 106 00:04:00,302 --> 00:04:01,613 and then I'm gonna send him on his way. 107 00:04:01,637 --> 00:04:03,513 But, Nick, I'm plead… I'm asking you… 108 00:04:04,389 --> 00:04:05,641 Just be nice to him. 109 00:04:07,643 --> 00:04:10,270 All right, man. I will. 110 00:04:10,354 --> 00:04:12,898 If it means that much to you, of course, I'll do it. 111 00:04:12,981 --> 00:04:14,816 - Thank you. - But if it goes poorly, 112 00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:17,069 I'm not putting Humpty Dumpty back together again. 113 00:04:17,152 --> 00:04:18,153 Am I Humpty Dumpty? 114 00:04:18,237 --> 00:04:21,365 - Yeah. I'm just not doing it again. - You won't have to. 115 00:04:21,448 --> 00:04:24,117 Also, nowhere in that rhyme does it say he's an egg. 116 00:04:24,201 --> 00:04:25,994 He's most definitely an egg, Nick. 117 00:04:26,078 --> 00:04:29,790 So, what kind of king uses all those resources 118 00:04:29,873 --> 00:04:32,292 to put together one egg? 119 00:04:32,376 --> 00:04:33,418 It's a parable. 120 00:04:33,502 --> 00:04:34,753 Humpty Dumpty is the king. 121 00:04:39,550 --> 00:04:40,717 Who told you that? 122 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,180 I've never seen him laugh like that. 123 00:04:45,264 --> 00:04:46,473 What do I do? 124 00:04:46,557 --> 00:04:48,183 Think of it this way, you're a dog, 125 00:04:48,267 --> 00:04:50,811 he's a fire hydrant, you pee on him, girl. 126 00:04:50,894 --> 00:04:52,312 - Yeah. - There you go. 127 00:04:52,396 --> 00:04:53,814 I'm gonna go lift a leg on him. 128 00:04:53,897 --> 00:04:54,982 There you go! 129 00:04:56,233 --> 00:04:57,359 - Hey. - Oh, hey. 130 00:04:57,442 --> 00:04:59,361 So, Sam said he spilled on the bird shirt 131 00:04:59,444 --> 00:05:00,487 and he had to take it off. 132 00:05:00,571 --> 00:05:02,197 He's putting on a brave face, 133 00:05:02,281 --> 00:05:05,367 but, poor thing, I know he is just crushed. 134 00:05:05,450 --> 00:05:06,451 - Babe. - What, babe? 135 00:05:06,535 --> 00:05:07,575 He doesn't like the shirt. 136 00:05:07,619 --> 00:05:08,745 - No, babe. - Yeah, babe. 137 00:05:08,829 --> 00:05:09,913 - No, babe. - Yeah, babe. 138 00:05:09,997 --> 00:05:11,915 No, babe. 139 00:05:11,999 --> 00:05:13,000 Yeah, babe. 140 00:05:13,083 --> 00:05:14,084 - No, babe. - Yeah, babe. 141 00:05:14,167 --> 00:05:15,502 No, babe. 142 00:05:15,586 --> 00:05:17,045 Yeah, babe. 143 00:05:17,129 --> 00:05:18,380 No. 144 00:05:18,463 --> 00:05:19,548 Yeah. 145 00:05:19,631 --> 00:05:20,632 Babe. 146 00:05:21,341 --> 00:05:22,485 Sam, do you remember in med school 147 00:05:22,509 --> 00:05:24,469 when we got drunk and sewed fins on that dead guy? 148 00:05:25,679 --> 00:05:26,680 We made a merman! 149 00:05:27,848 --> 00:05:29,349 Hey, Sam, remember the other night 150 00:05:29,433 --> 00:05:32,728 when you ate all that bad crab and, uh, you said, 151 00:05:32,811 --> 00:05:35,397 "Not tonight," and I said, "Yeah, tonight," 152 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,566 and then you said, "No, not tonight," 153 00:05:37,649 --> 00:05:40,277 and then the next night, when you were feeling better, 154 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,154 remember what we did? 155 00:05:42,905 --> 00:05:44,573 We… We had sex? 156 00:05:44,656 --> 00:05:45,699 Had sex! 157 00:05:46,950 --> 00:05:48,577 The kind where you need a snack after. 158 00:05:48,660 --> 00:05:49,661 Hey-o! 159 00:05:57,461 --> 00:05:58,462 Whoa. 160 00:06:01,381 --> 00:06:02,716 So, Jess, 161 00:06:02,799 --> 00:06:04,360 you're from Portland. Do you, do you miss it? 162 00:06:04,384 --> 00:06:05,844 Do you miss Portland? 163 00:06:05,928 --> 00:06:07,448 I mean, I feel like you never really… 164 00:06:08,347 --> 00:06:09,824 - You… are you okay? - Oh, my God, are you choking? 165 00:06:09,848 --> 00:06:11,284 - Is that what this is? - Oh, my God, stand up! 166 00:06:11,308 --> 00:06:13,560 - Stand up, stand up! - Get up, come here. 167 00:06:15,896 --> 00:06:17,272 Here, sit down. 168 00:06:20,442 --> 00:06:21,860 Thank you, Diane. 169 00:06:21,944 --> 00:06:22,945 You saved me. 170 00:06:23,028 --> 00:06:24,404 Any time. 171 00:06:26,740 --> 00:06:28,325 Um, hey, Diane, 172 00:06:28,408 --> 00:06:32,287 um, would you like to go to the ladies' room and freshen up? 173 00:06:34,289 --> 00:06:36,667 Yes, Jess, I would love to. 174 00:06:39,628 --> 00:06:40,712 I am so sorry. 175 00:06:40,796 --> 00:06:43,006 I'm really… I'm embarrassed. 176 00:06:43,090 --> 00:06:44,341 - Please, for what? - No, I am. 177 00:06:44,424 --> 00:06:45,860 For marking your territory? Look, I get it. 178 00:06:45,884 --> 00:06:49,596 But I was acting childish and dumb and jealous, and I… 179 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,473 I see why Sam likes you. 180 00:06:51,557 --> 00:06:52,917 Well, I see why he likes you, too. 181 00:06:52,975 --> 00:06:54,184 Will you forgive me? 182 00:06:54,268 --> 00:06:56,895 I have guy friends, and I don't know why 183 00:06:56,979 --> 00:07:00,357 I would just assume that you're wildly in love with him. 184 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:01,692 Oh, no, I am. 185 00:07:03,861 --> 00:07:05,028 No, really, I am. 186 00:07:07,281 --> 00:07:08,282 Seriously, I am. 187 00:07:10,325 --> 00:07:12,244 Jess, I'm-I'm in love with Sam. 188 00:07:13,871 --> 00:07:15,289 Oh, balls. 189 00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:22,880 Now this varietal gained prominence in the '30s as an Italian driving wine. 190 00:07:23,881 --> 00:07:26,800 Now they call it a picnic wine, but we know what they're up to. 191 00:07:27,259 --> 00:07:31,430 But as they say, "Wine is fine, but bourbon is schwervin'." 192 00:07:33,849 --> 00:07:35,183 I think I got a buzz. 193 00:07:35,267 --> 00:07:36,268 Yeah, me too. 194 00:07:36,852 --> 00:07:39,605 Hang on. Uh, you're gonna like this. 195 00:07:44,443 --> 00:07:47,196 How much hooch do you have stored in this place, 196 00:07:47,279 --> 00:07:48,447 you mountain person? 197 00:07:48,530 --> 00:07:49,740 Prohibition happened once. 198 00:07:49,823 --> 00:07:51,909 - It can happen again. - Yeah. 199 00:07:53,410 --> 00:07:55,138 It was pretty easy to see where you were going with that. 200 00:07:55,162 --> 00:07:56,496 Look at the two of you. 201 00:07:56,580 --> 00:07:59,416 Bonding over the thing that numbs you. 202 00:08:01,627 --> 00:08:03,128 Smell this. Smell this. 203 00:08:03,212 --> 00:08:04,504 - Oh! - Let me get a whiff. 204 00:08:04,588 --> 00:08:06,298 - Let me get a whiff. - Oh! 205 00:08:06,381 --> 00:08:07,549 Hurts so good. 206 00:08:11,053 --> 00:08:13,931 Sam. Guess who the luckiest boy in the world is? 207 00:08:14,014 --> 00:08:15,098 It's you. 208 00:08:16,058 --> 00:08:18,310 It's an extra bird shirt, huh? 209 00:08:18,393 --> 00:08:19,895 I keep an extra one in my car, 210 00:08:19,978 --> 00:08:22,022 just in case I get interviewed on television. 211 00:08:22,147 --> 00:08:23,649 Oh. Thank you. 212 00:08:30,155 --> 00:08:31,823 Put on the bird shirt, Sam. 213 00:08:32,616 --> 00:08:34,284 - I will. - When? 214 00:08:35,118 --> 00:08:37,579 When I don't have to take my other shirt off 215 00:08:37,663 --> 00:08:39,248 in a bar full of people. 216 00:09:03,146 --> 00:09:04,565 - Ten years? - Yeah. 217 00:09:04,648 --> 00:09:06,066 You didn't tell him for ten years? 218 00:09:06,149 --> 00:09:08,026 I did. Well, I tried to. 219 00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:10,237 Um, our second year of med school, 220 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,080 he went to work with Doctors Without Borders. 221 00:09:12,114 --> 00:09:14,008 Well, so I didn't… I didn't know when I was gonna 222 00:09:14,032 --> 00:09:16,118 see him again, and, um, one night, I… 223 00:09:16,201 --> 00:09:17,744 I just sat down and wrote him a letter. 224 00:09:17,828 --> 00:09:19,288 And everything came out, you know, 225 00:09:19,371 --> 00:09:22,171 everything that I was feeling, everything that I had been holding back. 226 00:09:22,249 --> 00:09:24,001 Yeah. I love letters. 227 00:09:24,084 --> 00:09:26,169 - I know, me too. - We have so much in common. 228 00:09:26,253 --> 00:09:28,046 Arguably too much. 229 00:09:28,130 --> 00:09:29,339 - Mm. - But keep going. 230 00:09:29,423 --> 00:09:32,175 Well… Sam never responded. 231 00:09:34,803 --> 00:09:37,139 I just figured he didn't want to embarrass me, you know? 232 00:09:37,222 --> 00:09:39,725 I mean, it's hard when you're friends with a guy first. 233 00:09:39,808 --> 00:09:40,851 So… 234 00:09:40,934 --> 00:09:42,227 He came home, and we just 235 00:09:42,311 --> 00:09:44,980 kept on like normal, and it was really painful, 236 00:09:45,063 --> 00:09:47,149 but I couldn't lose him as a friend. 237 00:09:47,733 --> 00:09:49,151 Of course you couldn't. 238 00:09:49,651 --> 00:09:53,322 Then last week, this came in the mail. 239 00:09:53,989 --> 00:09:57,326 "Return to sender." 240 00:09:58,869 --> 00:10:00,120 He never got it. 241 00:10:01,079 --> 00:10:02,915 - Oh, my God. - Yeah. 242 00:10:02,998 --> 00:10:04,750 He never knew how you felt. 243 00:10:04,833 --> 00:10:08,253 No, and I came here tonight to give him this letter and then… 244 00:10:10,005 --> 00:10:11,006 What happened? 245 00:10:11,089 --> 00:10:13,133 - I met you. - Oh, right. 246 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:14,843 - Me. - Mm. 247 00:10:15,469 --> 00:10:16,637 Here. 248 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,431 I can't throw it away, but I can't give it to him. 249 00:10:20,182 --> 00:10:23,227 Don't worry, Jess, you… You didn't do anything wrong. 250 00:10:24,186 --> 00:10:26,647 I'm not the one for Sam. You are. 251 00:10:27,981 --> 00:10:29,816 I'm gonna be really honest. 252 00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:36,073 Um, I'm having a very hard time rooting for myself right now. 253 00:10:39,284 --> 00:10:40,744 Ugh! 254 00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:42,955 Ugh! 255 00:10:43,664 --> 00:10:46,750 That was the most romantic story I've ever heard. 256 00:10:46,833 --> 00:10:48,313 And I don't want to get between them. 257 00:10:49,211 --> 00:10:50,671 Or do I? I love Sam, 258 00:10:50,754 --> 00:10:52,232 and I don't want to throw it all away 259 00:10:52,256 --> 00:10:56,510 because she couldn't figure out how to buy a Forever stamp. 260 00:10:56,593 --> 00:10:58,762 Just because you give Sam this letter, it does not mean 261 00:10:58,845 --> 00:11:00,847 that he's automatically gonna choose Diane. 262 00:11:00,931 --> 00:11:02,599 - Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. 263 00:11:03,433 --> 00:11:05,727 Damn it. 264 00:11:06,478 --> 00:11:07,479 Look at them. 265 00:11:08,772 --> 00:11:12,693 Moon river. 266 00:11:12,776 --> 00:11:15,195 Wider than a mile 267 00:11:15,279 --> 00:11:17,739 I'm crossing you in style… 268 00:11:17,823 --> 00:11:20,117 This song isn't even on our jukebox. 269 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,201 You know what, that's it. 270 00:11:21,285 --> 00:11:25,414 I'm… I'm not losing Sam because I'm some dumb romantic. 271 00:11:25,664 --> 00:11:27,833 Cece, get rid of this letter. 272 00:11:27,916 --> 00:11:28,959 Lett'r done. 273 00:11:29,042 --> 00:11:30,335 Good-bye, Diane. 274 00:11:30,419 --> 00:11:33,964 Go back to fixing feet, you sweet saint of a woman. 275 00:11:34,047 --> 00:11:35,132 You must be so proud of me. 276 00:11:35,215 --> 00:11:38,343 I'm finally being practical and realistic, 277 00:11:38,427 --> 00:11:40,762 and not some moony-eyed freak 278 00:11:40,846 --> 00:11:42,556 who's seen too many romantic comedies. 279 00:11:42,639 --> 00:11:43,724 I'm basically being you. 280 00:11:43,807 --> 00:11:45,392 Not anymore, pal. 281 00:11:45,934 --> 00:11:48,478 Schmidt's made me weak in my stupid knees. 282 00:11:49,396 --> 00:11:52,900 I don't know. This past year with Schmidt's changed me. 283 00:11:52,983 --> 00:11:55,152 It's made me believe in love stories. 284 00:11:55,235 --> 00:11:57,446 Is that why you were crying during the bank commercial 285 00:11:57,529 --> 00:11:59,215 where the two old people were texting each other? 286 00:11:59,239 --> 00:12:00,616 - Jessica… - I know. 287 00:12:00,699 --> 00:12:02,910 They now have the money that they need… 288 00:12:02,993 --> 00:12:05,287 - No, I know. - To be buried together. 289 00:12:07,206 --> 00:12:09,374 We both know that you're not gonna be able 290 00:12:09,458 --> 00:12:12,002 to live with yourself if you don't give this letter to Sam. 291 00:12:12,711 --> 00:12:13,712 Yeah. 292 00:12:16,256 --> 00:12:17,257 What if I lose him? 293 00:12:17,341 --> 00:12:19,468 Well, then you'll at least know, babe. 294 00:12:19,551 --> 00:12:20,969 It's not your love story. 295 00:12:23,096 --> 00:12:24,097 Oh. 296 00:12:24,181 --> 00:12:26,266 I have something to tell you. 297 00:12:26,350 --> 00:12:31,563 The old man in the bank commercial, um, played a Nazi in Schindler's List. 298 00:12:32,189 --> 00:12:33,440 Does that change anything? 299 00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:38,320 I made a model of our wedding venue. 300 00:12:38,403 --> 00:12:39,655 Wow. 301 00:12:39,738 --> 00:12:42,199 Your wine is so good, I really want to showcase it 302 00:12:42,282 --> 00:12:43,825 and put the bar here. 303 00:12:44,493 --> 00:12:46,620 It's where they store the drums of wild chemicals, 304 00:12:46,703 --> 00:12:48,497 but I'm pretty sure they're empty now. 305 00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:50,767 Yeah, it's empty except for the big puddle that never dries. 306 00:12:50,791 --> 00:12:54,711 Oh, it'll be fine. With your mother there, that puddle will get drunk. 307 00:12:54,795 --> 00:12:56,421 How about we grab some dinner? 308 00:12:56,505 --> 00:12:58,674 Together? 309 00:12:58,757 --> 00:12:59,758 You… 310 00:13:00,842 --> 00:13:02,261 Yeah, no, I'd like that very much. 311 00:13:02,344 --> 00:13:03,345 I'm gonna run home. 312 00:13:03,428 --> 00:13:05,430 Obviously, I can't wear these shoes to dinner. 313 00:13:05,514 --> 00:13:06,723 Can you imagine? 314 00:13:07,432 --> 00:13:08,433 I'll see you. 315 00:13:12,729 --> 00:13:14,773 I'm going to dinner with my dad. 316 00:13:14,857 --> 00:13:16,459 - This is so great, man. - Yeah, it's great. 317 00:13:16,483 --> 00:13:18,068 You guys are finally getting along. 318 00:13:18,151 --> 00:13:19,831 You were like, "We've been down this road." 319 00:13:19,862 --> 00:13:21,989 It's great. I just want to check in. 320 00:13:22,072 --> 00:13:23,508 You said you weren't gonna get sucked in, 321 00:13:23,532 --> 00:13:24,968 and it seems like you're getting sucked in. 322 00:13:24,992 --> 00:13:26,052 Sucked in? I'm not getting sucked in. 323 00:13:26,076 --> 00:13:28,620 If anybody's getting sucked, it's just me sucking myself in. 324 00:13:30,038 --> 00:13:31,474 - No, I know how that sounded. - Yeah. 325 00:13:31,498 --> 00:13:32,559 - But you… I mean you… - You good? 326 00:13:32,583 --> 00:13:33,584 - Yeah. - Yeah. 327 00:13:37,504 --> 00:13:39,923 Hey, uh, Gavin, hold up. Um… 328 00:13:41,174 --> 00:13:43,719 I feel like I can say this to you because, well, 329 00:13:43,802 --> 00:13:45,262 you know, we shared a cup. 330 00:13:46,513 --> 00:13:48,390 You really live by a specific code. 331 00:13:48,473 --> 00:13:50,684 Look, we both know how this is gonna go down, Gavin. 332 00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:52,561 You're gonna get Schmidt's expectations up, 333 00:13:52,644 --> 00:13:54,188 and then you're gonna bail. 334 00:13:57,733 --> 00:13:59,651 - I know. - Just be better. 335 00:14:00,694 --> 00:14:02,029 Be his dad. 336 00:14:03,322 --> 00:14:05,657 Just be there for him, even when it's not fun, 337 00:14:05,741 --> 00:14:07,910 and sometimes it's really not fun. 338 00:14:07,993 --> 00:14:08,994 I know. 339 00:14:09,620 --> 00:14:12,873 I've been doing it for 15 years. 340 00:14:12,956 --> 00:14:14,791 - Thank you. - Don't thank me. 341 00:14:14,875 --> 00:14:17,502 Just promise me if you show up for dinner tonight, 342 00:14:17,586 --> 00:14:20,714 you'll show up tomorrow and the day after and the week after, 343 00:14:20,797 --> 00:14:22,549 and basically forever. 344 00:14:24,134 --> 00:14:25,385 I will be there. 345 00:14:25,469 --> 00:14:26,637 Will you, Gavin? 346 00:14:27,346 --> 00:14:28,347 Will you? 347 00:14:29,097 --> 00:14:30,098 Will you, Gavin? 348 00:14:31,099 --> 00:14:32,184 I will. 349 00:14:32,643 --> 00:14:33,644 Will you? 350 00:14:35,771 --> 00:14:37,064 Will you, Gavin? 351 00:14:37,147 --> 00:14:38,732 You're really dragging this out. 352 00:14:38,815 --> 00:14:40,752 No, I've already gone through everything I had rehearsed. 353 00:14:40,776 --> 00:14:42,712 I really thought the elevator would be here by now. 354 00:14:42,736 --> 00:14:44,363 We could talk about other stuff. 355 00:14:45,906 --> 00:14:47,324 Can we, Gavin? 356 00:14:47,407 --> 00:14:48,408 Can we? 357 00:14:49,284 --> 00:14:50,869 - Yeah. - Can we, Gavin? 358 00:14:50,953 --> 00:14:52,704 Oh, thank God. 359 00:14:55,874 --> 00:14:58,293 I'm getting my birthday present at an airport hotel? 360 00:14:59,461 --> 00:15:03,215 Oh, my God, are you taking me on a trip to meet my birth mother? 361 00:15:03,298 --> 00:15:05,050 Oh. No, wait. 362 00:15:05,133 --> 00:15:06,510 Um, no. 363 00:15:06,593 --> 00:15:09,429 Uh, it's, uh… I have a surprise for you, 364 00:15:09,513 --> 00:15:11,515 but it's not exactly a present. 365 00:15:11,598 --> 00:15:13,225 Um, just wait here. 366 00:15:13,308 --> 00:15:14,518 Okay. 367 00:15:14,601 --> 00:15:17,646 Look, I want you to know that no matter what happens, 368 00:15:17,729 --> 00:15:19,481 no matter how this turns out, 369 00:15:20,232 --> 00:15:23,026 and by "this," you'll see what I'm talking about… 370 00:15:24,111 --> 00:15:25,779 I want you to be happy. 371 00:15:27,364 --> 00:15:29,116 And I want you to be happy. 372 00:15:29,908 --> 00:15:32,911 But what did you want me to be before this moment? 373 00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:35,080 Don't let me get a ticket, okay? 374 00:15:41,003 --> 00:15:42,004 Jess? 375 00:15:43,130 --> 00:15:44,131 Tell Sam. 376 00:15:46,550 --> 00:15:48,802 He deserves to know how you feel. 377 00:15:51,221 --> 00:15:55,309 Wow, you are either really cool or really cocky. 378 00:15:55,392 --> 00:15:58,562 You are either really cool or really cocky. 379 00:15:58,645 --> 00:16:00,022 Thank you. 380 00:16:12,868 --> 00:16:15,370 I should've been more clear. He's downstairs. 381 00:16:19,541 --> 00:16:21,376 I just want to let you know, my shift is up, 382 00:16:21,460 --> 00:16:24,671 so Jason will be getting bummed out by you for the rest of the night. 383 00:16:29,092 --> 00:16:31,011 Somebody order a milkshake, cowboy? 384 00:16:33,096 --> 00:16:36,016 Well, Nick, you were right. I got sucked in. 385 00:16:36,892 --> 00:16:40,395 He was a car wash vacuum, and I was just a stray pistachio. 386 00:16:41,104 --> 00:16:42,940 Listen, Schmidt, it's my fault. 387 00:16:43,899 --> 00:16:46,193 I got real with him and he split. 388 00:16:46,318 --> 00:16:48,278 It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. 389 00:16:49,196 --> 00:16:50,405 - And, Nick? - Yeah? 390 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,660 Thank you. 391 00:16:54,743 --> 00:16:55,911 Thanks for what? 392 00:16:55,994 --> 00:16:57,329 For being there. 393 00:17:00,916 --> 00:17:02,501 What are you doing right now? 394 00:17:05,212 --> 00:17:06,797 Yeah, man. 395 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,757 - I like red meat. - Yeah, yeah, no, beef. 396 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,175 - Sexy ladies. - Boobs. 397 00:17:10,259 --> 00:17:11,468 - Moobs. - Boobs. 398 00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:13,095 - Big boobs. - Yeah. 399 00:17:13,178 --> 00:17:14,531 - Let's get out of here. - Let's get out of here. 400 00:17:14,555 --> 00:17:16,848 Oh, don't, don't, don't! 401 00:17:16,932 --> 00:17:18,475 Wait! Wait, guys, wait. 402 00:17:19,393 --> 00:17:20,870 I know I should have been here an hour ago, 403 00:17:20,894 --> 00:17:23,564 but I was at the warehouse getting your security deposit back. 404 00:17:23,647 --> 00:17:25,440 - Why would you… - Let me finish, trust me. 405 00:17:25,524 --> 00:17:27,818 That slumlord wouldn't give it to me 406 00:17:27,901 --> 00:17:30,571 unless I cleaned the place, and once I started… 407 00:17:31,446 --> 00:17:33,407 I don't know if you know, but I'm a little OCD. 408 00:17:33,490 --> 00:17:35,090 - Me, too. - Yeah, it runs in the family. 409 00:17:35,117 --> 00:17:37,578 Your grandfather had to touch every lamppost he passed. 410 00:17:37,661 --> 00:17:38,829 He couldn't hold a job. 411 00:17:38,912 --> 00:17:40,873 Until he got a job as a lamppost repair man. 412 00:17:40,956 --> 00:17:42,016 Why wouldn't you just call? 413 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:43,625 Oh, I got kicked in the back of the head 414 00:17:43,709 --> 00:17:45,589 by some kids who were using that dump as a place 415 00:17:45,627 --> 00:17:46,962 to practice their urban dancing. 416 00:17:47,045 --> 00:17:48,922 They were honestly pretty good, 417 00:17:49,006 --> 00:17:51,258 until they beat me and took my phone. 418 00:17:51,967 --> 00:17:54,177 And my wallet and my watch. 419 00:17:55,053 --> 00:17:57,180 I had to run over here… Well, actually, it was… 420 00:17:57,264 --> 00:18:00,893 It was more of a walk-jog. I threw up once. 421 00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:08,233 I'm not very good at doing the right thing when it comes to you. 422 00:18:10,986 --> 00:18:12,821 But I wanted to start tonight. 423 00:18:15,157 --> 00:18:18,076 You are not getting married at that slaughterhouse. 424 00:18:19,161 --> 00:18:20,881 Okay, well, then where am I getting married? 425 00:18:20,954 --> 00:18:21,997 At my vineyard. 426 00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:25,500 If you want. 427 00:18:27,294 --> 00:18:28,545 It'll be beautiful. 428 00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:29,922 I talked to Cece. 429 00:18:30,005 --> 00:18:31,256 She said it's up to you. 430 00:18:31,340 --> 00:18:33,550 I just want you to know, either way, 431 00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:36,386 I'm all in from here on out. 432 00:18:44,978 --> 00:18:46,605 We're getting married at a vineyard. 433 00:18:46,688 --> 00:18:49,566 Yes! Yes. 434 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,443 - Getting married at a vineyard. - Yes. 435 00:18:51,527 --> 00:18:53,487 Yes, yes. 436 00:18:55,405 --> 00:18:56,990 So, you just left him there to talk? 437 00:18:57,699 --> 00:19:00,494 Yep, I abandoned my own car, 438 00:19:00,577 --> 00:19:04,331 and now, for all I know, Sam and Diane are tearing apart 439 00:19:04,414 --> 00:19:06,291 a business-friendly hotel room together. 440 00:19:06,375 --> 00:19:07,793 Well, I'm really proud of you. 441 00:19:07,876 --> 00:19:09,753 I know that it was hard, but it's the only way 442 00:19:09,836 --> 00:19:11,556 you're gonna find out what you need to know. 443 00:19:12,798 --> 00:19:13,882 Thanks. 444 00:19:14,841 --> 00:19:17,469 This might sound like a cry for help, but I promise you it's not. 445 00:19:17,553 --> 00:19:19,888 Um, I'm gonna go to my room and I'm gonna watch videos 446 00:19:19,972 --> 00:19:22,349 of dogs waiting for their dead owners to come back. 447 00:19:23,433 --> 00:19:25,143 Mm-hmm. 448 00:19:26,103 --> 00:19:27,543 Cece, you want to know what I think? 449 00:19:27,604 --> 00:19:28,605 Mm, not really. 450 00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:30,482 I think there are people who get bird shirts, 451 00:19:30,566 --> 00:19:32,025 and there are people who don't. 452 00:19:32,985 --> 00:19:36,238 Jessica Day needs to be with a bird shirt person. 453 00:19:37,656 --> 00:19:39,199 Am I a bird shirt person? 454 00:19:39,283 --> 00:19:42,452 Oh, Cece, why do you always have to make things about you? 455 00:19:48,375 --> 00:19:50,460 Sam, hello. 456 00:19:55,257 --> 00:19:56,592 I forgive you. 457 00:19:57,467 --> 00:19:59,011 Okay. Okay. 458 00:19:59,094 --> 00:20:00,095 Is Jess here? 459 00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:02,723 She is. 460 00:20:13,859 --> 00:20:14,860 Hey. 461 00:20:14,943 --> 00:20:16,320 - Hey. - Hey. 462 00:20:17,321 --> 00:20:18,405 I'm just, uh… 463 00:20:19,489 --> 00:20:21,450 Yeah, I'm really nervous, 464 00:20:21,533 --> 00:20:23,869 so I'm just gonna ask you an innocuous question. 465 00:20:23,952 --> 00:20:26,455 Um… Did you bring my car back? 466 00:20:26,538 --> 00:20:29,333 Yes, I have got your keys right here. 467 00:20:29,917 --> 00:20:30,918 Thanks. 468 00:20:32,836 --> 00:20:34,838 Look, what you did for me today was 469 00:20:36,298 --> 00:20:40,302 the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me. 470 00:20:43,472 --> 00:20:44,681 Whatever… 471 00:20:45,557 --> 00:20:49,978 If there was ever a time for me and Diane, it's passed. 472 00:20:50,062 --> 00:20:52,564 And when I read the letter, it just reminded me 473 00:20:52,648 --> 00:20:54,233 how much that's true. 474 00:21:03,784 --> 00:21:06,245 Now that I know you like letters, watch out. 475 00:21:06,328 --> 00:21:09,289 I have to say, that was the strangest birthday surprise 476 00:21:09,373 --> 00:21:10,707 I have ever been given. 477 00:21:10,791 --> 00:21:12,876 Well, Winston took my bird shirt idea, so… 478 00:21:14,378 --> 00:21:15,563 You know what, one of these days, 479 00:21:15,587 --> 00:21:17,232 I'm gonna get you to laugh with your mouth open. 480 00:21:17,256 --> 00:21:18,896 - I know you will. - That's what she said. 481 00:21:18,966 --> 00:21:20,217 No, that's not gonna do it. 482 00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:22,445 - That's what she said. - You just said the same thing. 483 00:21:22,469 --> 00:21:24,054 Now that's what she said. 484 00:21:24,137 --> 00:21:25,198 That's… What accent is that? 485 00:21:25,222 --> 00:21:26,473 - It's Italian. - Oh, really? 486 00:21:26,557 --> 00:21:28,838 - That's what she said! - Nope, that didn't do it, either. 487 00:21:28,892 --> 00:21:29,893 That's what she said. 488 00:21:29,977 --> 00:21:31,287 Now you're just changing the stress. 489 00:21:31,311 --> 00:21:32,646 That's what she said? 490 00:21:32,729 --> 00:21:34,606 Maybe you should stop. 491 00:21:36,066 --> 00:21:38,986 - That's what she said. Ooh. - Ooh. That was closer.