1 00:00:01,325 --> 00:00:04,369 Schmidt? Schmidt. 2 00:00:04,453 --> 00:00:06,163 Nah, it's me. 3 00:00:06,246 --> 00:00:08,332 Easier to clean myself off this way. 4 00:00:08,415 --> 00:00:10,083 Aly told me she loved me last night. 5 00:00:10,167 --> 00:00:11,668 Then she yakked on my pants, 6 00:00:11,752 --> 00:00:13,462 and then I yakked on my pants. 7 00:00:13,545 --> 00:00:16,048 I picked the wrong day to start cuffing my pants. 8 00:00:17,633 --> 00:00:19,676 Yeah, she ain't going to make it to the wedding. 9 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,262 Have you seen Schmidt? This is very important. 10 00:00:22,346 --> 00:00:24,848 What? The best man has lost the groom, or something? 11 00:00:24,932 --> 00:00:27,142 In what world would that happen in? 12 00:00:27,226 --> 00:00:28,644 In what world? 13 00:00:28,727 --> 00:00:31,188 In what world would that happen in? 14 00:00:31,271 --> 00:00:33,482 It's one thing for Sam to dump me on your wedding day, 15 00:00:33,565 --> 00:00:34,900 but then to be like, 16 00:00:34,983 --> 00:00:36,777 "You have feelings for Nick." 17 00:00:36,860 --> 00:00:39,196 Yeah, nice diagnosis, Dr. Dick. 18 00:00:39,279 --> 00:00:41,698 - Is he that off-base? - Yes. 19 00:00:41,782 --> 00:00:43,051 Now, we're not devoting any more 20 00:00:43,075 --> 00:00:44,515 of your wedding day to this subject. 21 00:00:44,576 --> 00:00:46,203 Nick for Jess. Incoming knocking. 22 00:00:46,286 --> 00:00:47,496 Jess, have you seen 23 00:00:48,747 --> 00:00:51,041 uh, uh, cherries? 24 00:00:51,124 --> 00:00:53,627 I'm so confused by your question, 25 00:00:53,710 --> 00:00:55,671 that I'm just going to answer it, uh, directly. 26 00:00:55,754 --> 00:00:57,172 Yes, I've seen them. 27 00:00:57,256 --> 00:00:59,216 Hmm, 28 00:00:59,299 --> 00:01:01,718 but have you seen the cherry that I'm talking about? 29 00:01:01,802 --> 00:01:03,011 What do you mean? 30 00:01:03,095 --> 00:01:05,222 I… the… I was with it, 31 00:01:05,305 --> 00:01:07,057 and then the cherry's gone. 32 00:01:09,726 --> 00:01:11,812 This is cherries. This is cherries. 33 00:01:11,895 --> 00:01:13,146 Yes! 34 00:01:13,230 --> 00:01:14,815 Yeah, I'm counting down the minutes 35 00:01:14,898 --> 00:01:16,483 till I can get in that guy's pants. 36 00:01:17,901 --> 00:01:21,071 Ah. Thank God, Schmidt. Where are you? 37 00:01:21,154 --> 00:01:23,282 I'm flying to Portland to try to get Cece's mom 38 00:01:23,365 --> 00:01:24,658 to come to the wedding. 39 00:01:24,741 --> 00:01:25,951 Hold on, one second, okay? 40 00:01:26,034 --> 00:01:27,202 No! 41 00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:28,704 It was my job! 42 00:01:28,787 --> 00:01:30,831 You still there? 43 00:01:34,418 --> 00:01:35,478 I-I don't know if you remember this, 44 00:01:35,502 --> 00:01:37,087 but w-we have plans today. 45 00:01:37,171 --> 00:01:38,851 It'll be fine, okay? I have return tickets 46 00:01:38,922 --> 00:01:40,340 for 1:00, 2:00 and 3:00 p.m. 47 00:01:40,424 --> 00:01:44,094 on this ultra low cost, no-frills, disgusting airline. 48 00:01:44,178 --> 00:01:47,139 - Tray tables, $12. - Cece is crushed 49 00:01:47,222 --> 00:01:48,908 that her mom is not coming, and I can't take a vow 50 00:01:48,932 --> 00:01:50,642 that all I care about is her happiness 51 00:01:50,726 --> 00:01:52,162 and not try to do something about it. 52 00:01:52,186 --> 00:01:53,478 I know you're a terrible liar, 53 00:01:53,562 --> 00:01:55,272 but I need you to lie to Cece. 54 00:01:55,355 --> 00:01:56,982 You can handle this, Nick. 55 00:01:57,065 --> 00:01:59,169 - Schmidt's on a plane? - You said you weren't going to yell. 56 00:01:59,193 --> 00:02:02,070 You said, and I quote, "It's no biggie." 57 00:02:02,154 --> 00:02:03,447 Hey, um, I think 58 00:02:03,530 --> 00:02:04,970 I did something wrong with my bangs. 59 00:02:05,032 --> 00:02:06,200 I'll be right there. 60 00:02:06,325 --> 00:02:07,427 - So will Schmidt. - Oh, my God. 61 00:02:07,451 --> 00:02:08,911 - What? - Uh, no, he won't. 62 00:02:08,994 --> 00:02:10,746 It's bad luck for the bride to see the groom 63 00:02:10,829 --> 00:02:12,182 - on the wedding day, Nick. - Uh, that's just dumb superstition. 64 00:02:12,206 --> 00:02:13,332 He'll be right in. 65 00:02:13,415 --> 00:02:15,209 Cece. Two minutes. 66 00:02:15,292 --> 00:02:16,710 Okay, I'm timing you. 67 00:02:16,793 --> 00:02:19,338 I need you to pull it together, and just say something simple. 68 00:02:19,421 --> 00:02:20,589 Schmidt's asleep. 69 00:02:20,672 --> 00:02:22,466 Schmidt is asleep. That's… 70 00:02:22,549 --> 00:02:24,389 Schmidt's asl… What-what rhythm are we doing? 71 00:02:24,468 --> 00:02:25,928 The normal human rhythm. 72 00:02:26,011 --> 00:02:27,137 Okay. Schmidt is asleep. 73 00:02:27,221 --> 00:02:28,514 Schmidt is asleep. 74 00:02:28,597 --> 00:02:30,557 Nick. Did I say it, or no? 75 00:02:30,641 --> 00:02:31,743 - You said it… - But it wasn't right. 76 00:02:31,767 --> 00:02:32,827 But it sounded very weird. 77 00:02:32,851 --> 00:02:35,163 - But it wasn't right. - Just say it like all one. In all one. 78 00:02:35,187 --> 00:02:37,105 Yeah, Schmidt is asleep. 79 00:02:37,189 --> 00:02:38,374 - You could just say, Schmidt's asleep. - Got it. 80 00:02:38,398 --> 00:02:39,733 Schmidt's asleep. Got it. 81 00:02:39,816 --> 00:02:41,151 No, you're putting weird emphasis 82 00:02:41,235 --> 00:02:42,569 on weird syllables. 83 00:02:42,653 --> 00:02:43,987 - You do it. - Schmidt's asleep. 84 00:02:44,071 --> 00:02:45,511 Hey, Cece, Schmidt's sleeping, slip. 85 00:02:47,074 --> 00:02:48,384 I'm so nervous, I'm going to screw this up. 86 00:02:48,408 --> 00:02:49,451 You're always 87 00:02:49,535 --> 00:02:51,829 so ready to believe the worst in yourself, 88 00:02:51,912 --> 00:02:54,039 and right now, I need you to believe the best, okay? 89 00:02:54,122 --> 00:02:56,416 I just need you to tell one lie. 90 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,627 - Okay. - I believe in you. 91 00:02:58,710 --> 00:03:01,630 - Here comes Schmidt! - What? 92 00:03:06,385 --> 00:03:07,761 Yo, Winnie. 93 00:03:07,845 --> 00:03:09,263 Hey. 94 00:03:09,346 --> 00:03:10,946 How you going to prank the wedding, bro? 95 00:03:11,014 --> 00:03:13,517 You always prank weddings, that's what you do. 96 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,495 You've never gone along with one of my pranks before. 97 00:03:15,519 --> 00:03:17,354 This is exciting. 98 00:03:23,902 --> 00:03:27,155 Coach, I've lived many lives. 99 00:03:27,239 --> 00:03:28,508 The Winston that you used to know 100 00:03:28,532 --> 00:03:29,950 is gone. 101 00:03:30,033 --> 00:03:31,743 A few hours ago, Aly told me she loves me, 102 00:03:31,827 --> 00:03:33,787 and that made me a serious man, 103 00:03:33,871 --> 00:03:35,622 in a serious relationship. 104 00:03:35,706 --> 00:03:36,999 The Winston Bishop 105 00:03:37,082 --> 00:03:38,417 that you see here today 106 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:41,086 is about one thing and one thing only: 107 00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:43,380 And that is organizational excellence. 108 00:03:43,463 --> 00:03:44,583 You forgot to make an aisle. 109 00:03:45,924 --> 00:03:48,677 Aw, shoot. This is a full redo. 110 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:51,555 Incoming knocking. Incoming kn… 111 00:03:52,723 --> 00:03:55,017 Oh, hello, Cece. 112 00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,477 Schmidt is asleep. 113 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,480 Oh, my God. I'm so proud of you. 114 00:04:00,564 --> 00:04:01,815 I know, I'm an incredible liar. 115 00:04:01,899 --> 00:04:03,775 Yeah, pace yourself, 'cause that was one lie. 116 00:04:03,859 --> 00:04:05,652 We're going to need about 40 more. 117 00:04:05,736 --> 00:04:06,820 Or one big one. 118 00:04:06,904 --> 00:04:08,989 Okay, we tell Cece we're giving her 119 00:04:09,072 --> 00:04:10,616 a bridal vitamin, 120 00:04:10,699 --> 00:04:13,035 but secretly we give her a sleeping pill 121 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:14,953 that we take from Dr. Sam. 122 00:04:17,289 --> 00:04:20,083 Dr. Sam dumped me. Last night. 123 00:04:20,751 --> 00:04:22,878 He was in love with his best friend, so. 124 00:04:22,961 --> 00:04:24,880 Predictable. 125 00:04:24,963 --> 00:04:26,215 He's out of his mind. 126 00:04:26,298 --> 00:04:28,425 - Thanks. - You okay? 127 00:04:29,301 --> 00:04:30,802 - Yeah. - Yeah. 128 00:04:30,886 --> 00:04:33,222 Ah, so we're both going solo to the wedding. 129 00:04:33,305 --> 00:04:35,641 - Yeah. - We're both going drag. 130 00:04:36,391 --> 00:04:38,060 I think it's stag. 131 00:04:38,727 --> 00:04:39,895 - Hmm? - Never mind. 132 00:04:39,978 --> 00:04:41,855 Let's go together. For old times' sake. 133 00:04:41,939 --> 00:04:43,249 Let's go together. Have some fun. 134 00:04:43,273 --> 00:04:44,334 You're going to need someone to dance with. 135 00:04:44,358 --> 00:04:46,544 - You know I'm a good dancer. - Okay, but I'm not dancing 136 00:04:46,568 --> 00:04:47,712 - to "Single Ladies." - All right. 137 00:04:47,736 --> 00:04:49,112 We won't dance to "Single Ladies." 138 00:04:49,196 --> 00:04:51,907 - Okay. - I might dance to "Single Ladies." 139 00:04:53,325 --> 00:04:54,701 Hey, guys. 140 00:04:54,785 --> 00:04:56,245 Ferguson is on the elevator. 141 00:04:56,328 --> 00:04:58,872 - Is that okay? - Reagan's here. 142 00:04:58,956 --> 00:05:00,040 - Hi. - Hi. 143 00:05:00,123 --> 00:05:02,084 Jess, Reagan's here. 144 00:05:02,167 --> 00:05:04,127 My Reagan's here. Our Reagan's here. 145 00:05:04,211 --> 00:05:05,712 Your Reagan. 146 00:05:05,796 --> 00:05:07,047 - Our Reagan. - Your Reagan. 147 00:05:07,130 --> 00:05:08,257 - The Reagan. - Jess. 148 00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:09,925 - Reagan's here. - Hi. 149 00:05:10,008 --> 00:05:11,927 You asked me to be your date to the wedding, 150 00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:13,071 and I had to be in town anyway, 151 00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:14,096 so here I am. 152 00:05:14,179 --> 00:05:15,389 Excuse me one second, Reagan. 153 00:05:15,472 --> 00:05:16,552 It's cherries on the phone. 154 00:05:16,598 --> 00:05:17,909 Wedding stuff. Kitchen's still the kitchen, 155 00:05:17,933 --> 00:05:19,077 bathroom's still the bathroom, 156 00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:20,102 and Winston's married. 157 00:05:20,185 --> 00:05:22,062 Oh, I know. He texts me every day. 158 00:05:22,145 --> 00:05:24,064 Schmidt, are you calling me from the sky? 159 00:05:24,147 --> 00:05:25,232 This Chinatown bus 160 00:05:25,315 --> 00:05:26,650 doesn't have a sky-phone, 161 00:05:26,733 --> 00:05:28,902 or working landing gear, apparently. 162 00:05:28,986 --> 00:05:31,280 They said we're going to be stuck on the tarmac for hours. 163 00:05:31,363 --> 00:05:32,549 - You're screaming in my ear. - That's motherhood, lady. 164 00:05:32,573 --> 00:05:33,866 Get used to it. 165 00:05:33,949 --> 00:05:36,285 Schmidt, you are getting off that plane 166 00:05:36,368 --> 00:05:37,494 in time for your wedding. 167 00:05:37,578 --> 00:05:38,620 Schmidt's on an airplane? 168 00:05:38,704 --> 00:05:39,746 - Cece? - Oh, my God. 169 00:05:39,830 --> 00:05:41,498 Are you sitting on your walkie? 170 00:05:41,582 --> 00:05:42,749 Oh, no. 171 00:05:44,501 --> 00:05:46,545 Cece. 172 00:05:46,628 --> 00:05:48,213 Schmidt's asleep? 173 00:05:51,925 --> 00:05:55,679 This is by far the most romantic thing that anyone has ever done for me. 174 00:05:55,762 --> 00:05:58,432 - I love you so much. - This is why I'm marrying you. 175 00:05:58,515 --> 00:05:59,784 This is the happiest day of my life. 176 00:05:59,808 --> 00:06:01,810 - It's also so dumb. - So dumb. 177 00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:03,037 - Like, so dumb. - Just the dumbest. 178 00:06:03,061 --> 00:06:06,190 I want to take all your clothes off and kiss every single part of your body. 179 00:06:06,273 --> 00:06:07,584 I want to do stuff that makes us feel ashamed 180 00:06:07,608 --> 00:06:09,401 about what we've done, but we won't have to 181 00:06:09,484 --> 00:06:11,421 - because now we'll be married. - Babe. Hey, babe. Babe. 182 00:06:11,445 --> 00:06:13,339 - I want to fall asleep making love… - You're on speaker. 183 00:06:13,363 --> 00:06:15,049 - Dream of making love… - You're on speaker… 184 00:06:15,073 --> 00:06:16,342 - Hey. - Hey, Schmidt. I'm also here. 185 00:06:16,366 --> 00:06:17,409 Cece. 186 00:06:17,493 --> 00:06:19,995 Listen to me. I'm not going to miss this wedding. 187 00:06:20,078 --> 00:06:21,918 I'm going to get off this plane no matter what. 188 00:06:21,955 --> 00:06:23,248 You just need to buy me an hour. 189 00:06:23,332 --> 00:06:24,374 We got this. 190 00:06:24,458 --> 00:06:27,002 There's been a minor delay. 191 00:06:27,085 --> 00:06:29,838 The vineyard dog is giving birth. 192 00:06:29,922 --> 00:06:32,174 Get them drinky so they don't get thinky, over. 193 00:06:36,136 --> 00:06:37,763 So do you know the bride or the groom? 194 00:06:37,846 --> 00:06:39,264 The bride destroyed my heart. 195 00:06:40,349 --> 00:06:42,851 I destroyed groom's Jew penis. 196 00:06:42,976 --> 00:06:45,479 Mm. I hope you guys are giving a toast. 197 00:06:45,562 --> 00:06:47,064 Ladies and gentleman, 198 00:06:47,147 --> 00:06:49,191 I'm afraid it's goingto be another hour, 199 00:06:49,274 --> 00:06:50,359 and we are out of snacks. 200 00:06:50,442 --> 00:06:51,985 Damn it! 201 00:06:52,069 --> 00:06:53,278 I'm getting married today! 202 00:06:53,362 --> 00:06:54,464 Somebody get me off of this plane! 203 00:06:54,488 --> 00:06:55,848 People are getting hammered, over. 204 00:06:58,575 --> 00:06:59,701 Look at this goddess. 205 00:06:59,785 --> 00:07:00,869 Don't do this to her. 206 00:07:00,953 --> 00:07:03,038 I swear to God, I will scream sing 207 00:07:03,121 --> 00:07:04,581 every last word to Les Mis. 208 00:07:04,665 --> 00:07:07,042 Sir, if you don't sit down, I'll have you removed. 209 00:07:07,125 --> 00:07:09,336 - Perfect! - And placed in FBI custody. 210 00:07:16,134 --> 00:07:18,595 I suppose I'll just have a tomato juice. 211 00:07:18,679 --> 00:07:19,805 Hi. 212 00:07:19,888 --> 00:07:21,473 - Hi. - How are you? 213 00:07:21,557 --> 00:07:23,475 - I'm good. How are you? - Good, yeah. 214 00:07:23,559 --> 00:07:26,937 Great, look at this. What is that, a towel? 215 00:07:27,020 --> 00:07:28,373 - I think it's a pashmina. - "Pashomina"? 216 00:07:28,397 --> 00:07:29,481 Pashmina. 217 00:07:29,565 --> 00:07:31,358 I'm sorry, I just can't believe you came. 218 00:07:31,441 --> 00:07:33,819 - I did. - Things I'm feeling: 219 00:07:33,902 --> 00:07:35,404 Excited. 220 00:07:35,487 --> 00:07:37,489 Number two: Scared. 221 00:07:37,573 --> 00:07:39,092 I mean, are we gonna do this? You and me? 222 00:07:39,116 --> 00:07:41,034 Take it home. Take it to the mat. 223 00:07:41,118 --> 00:07:44,371 - I don't know what that means. - You know, like, the big "R." 224 00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:48,167 Oh, a relationship? 225 00:07:51,420 --> 00:07:52,462 No. 226 00:07:52,546 --> 00:07:54,131 No, no. 227 00:07:54,214 --> 00:07:56,466 No. See when I say, The big "R," 228 00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:58,510 I'm, of course, talking about, uh, 229 00:07:59,595 --> 00:08:00,762 rasslin'. 230 00:08:00,846 --> 00:08:02,639 Yeah, I think that's a "W,"W-R." 231 00:08:02,723 --> 00:08:06,476 Do you ever feel, deep down, that you know at some point 232 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,979 you're gonna have a stroke, and it's gonna be really bad? 233 00:08:09,062 --> 00:08:10,355 Jess… 234 00:08:10,439 --> 00:08:12,566 I have some Honduran matrimony beads for my son. 235 00:08:12,649 --> 00:08:14,484 Where's Schmidt? 236 00:08:14,568 --> 00:08:17,154 Winston. Winston. 237 00:08:17,237 --> 00:08:20,032 I cannot believe I'm asking this, 238 00:08:20,115 --> 00:08:22,451 but I need you to prank this wedding. 239 00:08:22,534 --> 00:08:23,577 Please. 240 00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:26,079 Please, we need to distract people. 241 00:08:26,163 --> 00:08:28,165 He's a serious man now. He doesn't prank anymore. 242 00:08:28,248 --> 00:08:29,374 Just look at his eyes. 243 00:08:29,458 --> 00:08:30,792 All the mischief's gone. 244 00:08:30,876 --> 00:08:33,462 If this were another time, another day, 245 00:08:33,545 --> 00:08:35,088 hell, even six hours ago… 246 00:08:35,172 --> 00:08:37,925 Listen to me, you bird-shirted, puzzle baby. 247 00:08:38,008 --> 00:08:39,468 You get out there 248 00:08:39,551 --> 00:08:42,387 and you do something totally idiotic right now! 249 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,351 Funston, we have a pranklem. 250 00:08:47,434 --> 00:08:49,353 - I'm not good at these. - That was a weird one. 251 00:08:49,436 --> 00:08:51,772 Okay… update. 252 00:08:51,855 --> 00:08:53,106 The vibe's getting ugly. 253 00:08:53,190 --> 00:08:54,816 People are getting dangerously drunk. 254 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:57,045 I found a loose EpiPen on the floor, which can't be good. 255 00:08:57,069 --> 00:09:00,364 I think we're gonna have to start telling people that Schmidt's… on a plane. 256 00:09:01,281 --> 00:09:02,783 Or not. Don't freak out. 257 00:09:02,866 --> 00:09:04,535 Mom? 258 00:09:04,618 --> 00:09:06,453 Schmidt's on a plane? 259 00:09:10,833 --> 00:09:12,000 Mom, what are you doing here? 260 00:09:12,125 --> 00:09:14,002 If you've come to object to this wedding… 261 00:09:14,086 --> 00:09:15,379 You are too late. 262 00:09:15,462 --> 00:09:16,547 And in another sense, 263 00:09:16,630 --> 00:09:18,257 because it's delayed, 264 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:20,717 you're too early. 265 00:09:20,801 --> 00:09:22,719 That's not at all why I'm here. 266 00:09:22,803 --> 00:09:24,596 Mama P.Schmidt with the latest, 267 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,390 "Why I Love Cece." Today's episode: 268 00:09:26,473 --> 00:09:29,685 - Honesty with a Capital Ouch. - He called you? 269 00:09:29,768 --> 00:09:32,020 Every Monday for the past year. 270 00:09:34,648 --> 00:09:36,775 Your daughter is the best thing… 271 00:09:36,859 --> 00:09:38,944 I just lost a fight in the desert, but… 272 00:09:39,027 --> 00:09:40,505 And I want her to be the last thing I see 273 00:09:40,529 --> 00:09:41,530 when she pulls the plug. 274 00:09:41,613 --> 00:09:44,825 But it's not an A-plus unless we both finish. 275 00:09:44,908 --> 00:09:46,201 She's so beautiful. 276 00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:47,512 The odds are really stacked against our children. 277 00:09:47,536 --> 00:09:49,037 They're not all winners. 278 00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:50,640 I just know that if you miss your daughter's wedding, 279 00:09:50,664 --> 00:09:53,584 you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. 280 00:09:53,667 --> 00:09:56,920 I am delighted for you to marry this man. 281 00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:01,175 For those keeping score with row five, 282 00:10:01,258 --> 00:10:03,218 Cece's mom is at the wedding! 283 00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:13,604 Just get here when you can, okay? We'll wait until you do. 284 00:10:15,647 --> 00:10:18,775 You know what? Have the party without me. 285 00:10:18,859 --> 00:10:20,444 Babe. No. Okay, no. 286 00:10:20,527 --> 00:10:22,029 Have the party. We'll… 287 00:10:22,112 --> 00:10:24,656 We'll get married at City Hall with all the immigrants 288 00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:26,450 and liberals and first cousins. 289 00:10:26,533 --> 00:10:29,036 Your whole life has been about this party. 290 00:10:29,119 --> 00:10:30,829 My whole life is you. 291 00:10:30,913 --> 00:10:33,457 Plus, my cousin Nathan is just dying for something to go wrong. 292 00:10:33,540 --> 00:10:35,626 I'm so happy. 293 00:10:35,709 --> 00:10:37,628 I have an idea. 294 00:10:37,711 --> 00:10:39,254 Conga! 295 00:10:45,427 --> 00:10:47,054 Everybody! 296 00:10:49,014 --> 00:10:52,601 Whoa, whoa, running out of room here. Let's back it up. 297 00:10:56,104 --> 00:10:57,689 Let's see a kiss! 298 00:11:00,984 --> 00:11:02,653 Shut up. 299 00:11:02,736 --> 00:11:05,030 Winston, you don't have to prank the wedding anymore. 300 00:11:05,113 --> 00:11:06,824 Okay, cool, cool, cool. 301 00:11:06,907 --> 00:11:10,244 You know, FYI, I was gonna go with a simple, classic streak. 302 00:11:10,327 --> 00:11:11,930 Cece's mom showed up. Come out to the party. 303 00:11:11,954 --> 00:11:14,498 - So you don't have to prank the wedding. - Oh! No! Oh! Oh! 304 00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:21,922 Oh! Oh, no! 305 00:11:22,005 --> 00:11:23,465 No! No! 306 00:11:23,549 --> 00:11:24,716 Sounds like I'm under water. 307 00:11:27,010 --> 00:11:29,388 Oh. 308 00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:45,946 As we all know, marriage is about sex and property. 309 00:11:46,029 --> 00:11:47,948 Everybody say that with me once. 310 00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:50,576 Marriage is about s… 311 00:11:54,204 --> 00:11:55,497 I imagined that differently. 312 00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:57,142 You're okay. You're okay. Pull it together. 313 00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:58,876 Just let the index cards go. 314 00:11:58,959 --> 00:12:00,002 Speak from the heart. 315 00:12:00,085 --> 00:12:01,712 You know who I'm talking to when I say 316 00:12:01,795 --> 00:12:03,355 you were rude to me earlier at the bar. 317 00:12:03,380 --> 00:12:05,591 And now who's in control? I could point to you 318 00:12:05,674 --> 00:12:07,176 and call you out, but I won't. 319 00:12:08,051 --> 00:12:10,179 When I first met this guy, 320 00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:15,517 Schmidt, I thought, "I'm not gonna be friends with him." 321 00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:17,811 "I don't like his personality." 322 00:12:19,813 --> 00:12:21,106 Magic's fake. 323 00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:24,693 Believe what you want, 324 00:12:24,776 --> 00:12:26,695 but I want you guys to think about something, 325 00:12:26,778 --> 00:12:28,739 and now this is off the jack. 326 00:12:28,822 --> 00:12:30,324 In a couple generations, 327 00:12:30,407 --> 00:12:31,742 we're all gonna be dead, 328 00:12:31,825 --> 00:12:33,094 and no one's gonna remember any of us. 329 00:12:33,118 --> 00:12:34,286 I mean, think about it. 330 00:12:34,369 --> 00:12:36,747 Do you remember your great-great grandparents? 331 00:12:36,830 --> 00:12:38,600 Or their parents, or what they did day-to-day? 332 00:12:38,624 --> 00:12:40,375 The point is it doesn't matter. 333 00:12:41,043 --> 00:12:43,545 Everyone you know will be dead. 334 00:12:44,922 --> 00:12:46,215 That's right. 335 00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:47,525 Congratulations, man. I love you. 336 00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:48,592 Best friends. 337 00:12:48,675 --> 00:12:50,552 That's my time, everybody. Thank you. 338 00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:52,638 Look, if it made sense, it wouldn't be my wedding. 339 00:12:52,721 --> 00:12:55,849 Your speech wasn't that bad. 340 00:12:55,933 --> 00:12:57,434 My speech was fantastic. 341 00:12:57,518 --> 00:12:58,870 It's the best 17 minutes of my life. 342 00:12:58,894 --> 00:13:01,688 - I really opened up my heart. - I was gonna say. 343 00:13:01,772 --> 00:13:03,607 Nah, I'm just feeling bad about Reagan. 344 00:13:03,690 --> 00:13:06,151 I think I came on too strong, or-or… 345 00:13:06,235 --> 00:13:08,820 I don't know. She told me she's leaving tonight on a train. 346 00:13:08,904 --> 00:13:10,739 On a train? Where's she going, Hogwarts? 347 00:13:10,822 --> 00:13:12,199 No, San Diego. 348 00:13:12,282 --> 00:13:14,159 I don't know if "Hog-warts" is near San Diego. 349 00:13:14,243 --> 00:13:16,286 - I've never heard of it. - Never mind. 350 00:13:16,370 --> 00:13:18,651 But, I mean, it's okay. I just, I feel like I, you know… 351 00:13:18,705 --> 00:13:20,040 I just got excited for a second. 352 00:13:20,123 --> 00:13:23,627 Nick, she came here to see you. 353 00:13:23,710 --> 00:13:26,046 I bet you're reading into it. What if I go talk to her? 354 00:13:26,129 --> 00:13:27,631 Talk me up a little bit? 355 00:13:27,714 --> 00:13:30,592 - Woman to woman? - That's implied. 356 00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:31,969 Winston. 357 00:13:32,052 --> 00:13:34,930 No hay Weenstons. It's ocupados. 358 00:13:35,013 --> 00:13:36,723 Winston, I know you're in there 359 00:13:36,807 --> 00:13:39,160 because I'm looking at a picture of your butt cheeks right now. 360 00:13:39,184 --> 00:13:41,311 Oh, that's a working class butt. 361 00:13:41,395 --> 00:13:42,771 - Nothing wrong with that! - Mm. 362 00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,022 Give me… 363 00:13:44,106 --> 00:13:46,042 - Give me those. - That's a fatty. You got a fatty. 364 00:13:46,066 --> 00:13:47,484 This is not Winnie's day. 365 00:13:47,568 --> 00:13:48,688 Ernie, give him your jacket. 366 00:13:48,735 --> 00:13:50,195 - What? - Give me the damn jacket. 367 00:13:50,279 --> 00:13:51,363 All right, here, dude. 368 00:13:53,824 --> 00:13:56,910 - Jabbed my giblets in the breast pocket. - Tie it around your waist. 369 00:13:56,994 --> 00:13:59,079 Then that leaves the front porch open or the back. 370 00:13:59,163 --> 00:14:00,390 I don't think this is gonna work. 371 00:14:00,414 --> 00:14:04,710 I'll just sit here cold and naked while my best friend gets married. 372 00:14:04,793 --> 00:14:05,919 Look, you were right, Coach. 373 00:14:06,003 --> 00:14:11,717 I'm not a serious man. I'm a nude, apple bottom, long-fronted dumb-ass. 374 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,511 Ooh, look. At least you can change the background. Look. 375 00:14:14,595 --> 00:14:15,989 Now I'm in the Oval Office. That's crazy. 376 00:14:16,013 --> 00:14:18,682 Winston, you're a groomsman and a bridesman. 377 00:14:18,765 --> 00:14:20,559 It doesn't get more serious than that. 378 00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:22,728 You can't miss this wedding. 379 00:14:22,811 --> 00:14:24,104 But what am I supposed to wear? 380 00:14:25,272 --> 00:14:27,774 I am looking for the groom. 381 00:14:31,195 --> 00:14:32,696 Schmidt. What's up, man? 382 00:14:32,779 --> 00:14:35,365 I know I'm wearing a photo booth curtain right now. 383 00:14:35,449 --> 00:14:37,910 That does not take away from how incredibly happy I am 384 00:14:37,993 --> 00:14:39,369 for the both of you. 385 00:14:39,453 --> 00:14:43,123 Thank you. Winston, I'm going to get off this plane soon. 386 00:14:43,207 --> 00:14:44,750 Oh, dear Lord! Winston! 387 00:14:44,833 --> 00:14:46,335 Pick it up! 388 00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:48,337 Don't squat! 389 00:14:51,006 --> 00:14:53,550 So, I mean, I feel like I really put myself out there, right? 390 00:14:53,634 --> 00:14:57,763 I got on a plane, and I flew across the country to see him. 391 00:14:57,846 --> 00:15:00,807 I-I couldn't get him out of my head, you know? 392 00:15:00,891 --> 00:15:02,893 Yeah. Yeah. 393 00:15:02,976 --> 00:15:05,562 And then he says the word "relationship," 394 00:15:05,646 --> 00:15:09,441 and I freaked out, because… 395 00:15:09,525 --> 00:15:11,818 Am I crazy to want a relationship with Nick? 396 00:15:11,902 --> 00:15:13,737 I mean, you guys were together. What happened? 397 00:15:13,820 --> 00:15:15,864 We were kind of a mess. 398 00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:18,158 I wanted him to have a plan for his life 399 00:15:18,242 --> 00:15:20,744 and not keep his money in a box in his closet. 400 00:15:20,828 --> 00:15:25,916 And… he wanted me to not care about those things. 401 00:15:25,999 --> 00:15:27,918 That's not so bad. I mean, 402 00:15:28,001 --> 00:15:29,753 who really has a plan for their life? 403 00:15:29,837 --> 00:15:31,755 Who does that? 404 00:15:31,839 --> 00:15:33,715 Me. 405 00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:35,717 Me. I d… I did it. 406 00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:37,970 - I do it. - I'm sure there are plenty of guys 407 00:15:38,053 --> 00:15:41,306 out there who keep a very traditional banking account. 408 00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:43,517 Yeah. There are. And I just dated one of 'em. 409 00:15:44,893 --> 00:15:46,770 And I… 410 00:15:46,854 --> 00:15:50,190 I don't think any of that stuff matters. 411 00:15:51,316 --> 00:15:54,111 Thank you. You are awesome. 412 00:15:54,194 --> 00:15:56,280 Thanks. 413 00:15:58,282 --> 00:15:59,783 I'm gonna go do this. 414 00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:23,932 - Hey. - Hey. 415 00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:27,060 I… 416 00:16:27,144 --> 00:16:29,062 Yeah, honey, I know. 417 00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:32,024 You don't have to say it. 418 00:16:38,155 --> 00:16:40,032 Cece, Schmidt wants to talk to you. 419 00:16:40,115 --> 00:16:41,825 - Babe, the plane's moving. - Oh, okay. 420 00:16:41,909 --> 00:16:44,828 Maybe I can get there before they release the monarch butterflies. 421 00:16:44,912 --> 00:16:47,414 Oh, my God, that is so great, babe! 422 00:16:47,498 --> 00:16:50,876 Ladies and gentlemen, we are finally bound for Portland. 423 00:16:50,959 --> 00:16:54,046 Aah! No! 424 00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:07,043 What are you guys doing here? It's the middle of the night. 425 00:17:08,769 --> 00:17:09,895 Ow! Winston! 426 00:17:09,978 --> 00:17:12,022 The hell is wrong with you? 427 00:17:12,105 --> 00:17:13,917 We use that stuff to revive passed-out derelicts. 428 00:17:13,941 --> 00:17:15,460 Come on, buddy. We got to get you ready. 429 00:17:15,484 --> 00:17:16,693 What? 430 00:17:27,204 --> 00:17:28,497 You already sprayed that. 431 00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:31,834 - Yes… - You don't have to spray it again. 432 00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:35,087 Honestly, dude, you're ruining it. Relax, relax. 433 00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:48,892 You want to get married? 434 00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:52,062 I don't think that I can wait another second. 435 00:18:22,885 --> 00:18:24,678 May this couple be blessed 436 00:18:24,761 --> 00:18:27,347 and be helpful to one another in all ways. 437 00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:31,185 Just when I thought youcouldn't make me any happier, 438 00:18:31,268 --> 00:18:34,021 look what you did today. 439 00:18:34,104 --> 00:18:35,939 You're amazing. 440 00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:39,568 I hope for as longas we stay together, 441 00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:44,281 that I always remain someone that you want to hollah at. 442 00:18:44,364 --> 00:18:47,993 I look forward to a lifetimeof joy, growth 443 00:18:48,076 --> 00:18:52,623 and constant mispronunciation of common words. 444 00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:56,084 For the first time, 445 00:18:56,793 --> 00:18:59,171 I see what the rest of my life looks like. 446 00:19:02,090 --> 00:19:06,011 I now pronounce you husband and… 447 00:19:06,094 --> 00:19:08,388 Oh, wait, uh, we need the glass. 448 00:19:08,472 --> 00:19:10,015 What…? 449 00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,430 Hey. 450 00:19:50,514 --> 00:19:53,475 I'm just getting Cece some leggings for the hora. 451 00:19:53,559 --> 00:19:55,644 Can't have everybody seeing the bridal bouquet. 452 00:19:55,727 --> 00:19:58,856 I don't know what you said to Reagan, but I want to say thank you, 453 00:19:58,939 --> 00:20:02,025 because she wants to go for it with me. 454 00:20:02,109 --> 00:20:03,151 She wants to do this. 455 00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:05,028 Well, that's awesome. Congratulations. 456 00:20:05,112 --> 00:20:07,030 Yeah, I'm freaking out. I can't believe it. 457 00:20:07,114 --> 00:20:09,032 I mean, why does she want to be with me? 458 00:20:09,116 --> 00:20:10,367 It doesn't make any sense. 459 00:20:10,450 --> 00:20:12,161 You of all people 460 00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:15,038 know that I'm just the weird detour you take 461 00:20:15,122 --> 00:20:17,374 before you find the guy you want to be with. 462 00:20:17,457 --> 00:20:19,710 I basically just help women realize 463 00:20:19,793 --> 00:20:21,461 that they could do a lot better… 464 00:20:21,545 --> 00:20:23,130 Stop it, Nick! 465 00:20:24,548 --> 00:20:29,803 I'm tired of you being the only person who doesn't see how incredible you are. 466 00:20:37,311 --> 00:20:38,937 Okay. 467 00:20:39,021 --> 00:20:43,108 - I'm, uh, I'm incredible. - Yes, you're incredible. 468 00:20:43,192 --> 00:20:44,985 All right, thanks. 469 00:20:46,111 --> 00:20:48,739 All right, I'm booking a ticket. 470 00:20:48,822 --> 00:20:50,157 A ticket…? 471 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,911 Yeah, Reagan is going to New Orleans for work for three months 472 00:20:53,994 --> 00:20:58,081 and she asked me to go with her, and… I'm gonna do it. 473 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,419 Hava nagila. 474 00:21:02,503 --> 00:21:03,629 Don't make this about you! 475 00:21:03,712 --> 00:21:04,838 Get in line and hora! 476 00:21:04,922 --> 00:21:06,715 All right, let's do it. 477 00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:09,343 Hava. 478 00:21:12,179 --> 00:21:16,225 Hava neranena venis'mecha. 479 00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:19,228 Uru, uru achim. 480 00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:21,146 Uru achim belev same'ach. 481 00:21:21,230 --> 00:21:24,107 Uru achim belev same'ach Uru achim belev same'ach. 482 00:21:24,191 --> 00:21:27,110 Uru achim belev same'achUru achim. 483 00:21:27,194 --> 00:21:29,488 Uru achim… 484 00:21:29,571 --> 00:21:34,159 Uru achim belev same'ach… 485 00:21:42,209 --> 00:21:44,253 So nice of your mom to get us this trip. 486 00:21:44,336 --> 00:21:47,297 Much better than my dad's gift of weed gummy bears. 487 00:21:52,386 --> 00:21:53,929 - Aah! - What the hell is happening? 488 00:21:54,012 --> 00:21:55,764 - What? What is happening? - No! No! 489 00:21:55,848 --> 00:21:58,517 Ha-ha! Happy honeymoon! 490 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,894 Winston! 491 00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:04,314 How long has he been in there? 492 00:22:04,398 --> 00:22:06,000 It's gonna ruin the whole freaking vacation! 493 00:22:06,024 --> 00:22:08,986 Honeymoon prank! What are y'all drinking?